#godsdrabbles

[godsfavoritescientist]

you’ve heard of ford being in awe of bill now get ready for... bill being in awe of ford. It’s a very slow realization for him. The flattery is interspersed with him being genuinely impressed by Ford, and Bill doesn’t even acknowledge to himself that he’s genuinely impressed. But then, he starts spending more and more nights visiting Ford in his dreams, not even to help with the portal, just to play more chess and chat with the guy. He watches Ford going about his day, literally just so he can look at Ford. He finds himself more and more endeared with the most mundane little things, like the sound of Ford’s voice, the way he laughs, the way he wears his heart on his sleeve and his whole face lights up when he smiles, and the unabashed adoration he showers on Bill all the time. He starts feeling genuinely angry that the world hasn’t recognized just how incredible Ford is. He starts feeling a little bit emotional about it when Ford makes new works of art for him, even the small doodles. He starts collecting Ford Fun Facts in his mind, for no other reason than to know more things about his favorite human. And the moment that makes him realize just how much he cares about Ford is when his daydreams about causing Weirdmaggedon, which he’s been thinking about for thousands and thousands of years, start to include Ford in them. He has had a singular and unchanging goal for as long as our universe has existed. No one has Ever been a factor in those goals beyond their use as tools to get what he wants. Until Ford. He daydreams of granting Ford immortality once he has the power to do so. He dreams of having Ford by his side as he rules all of reality. It's alarming to him. It's alarming to suddenly care so much about someone who entered his life so recently. But now that Ford matters to him, he can't imagine ever letting go of the affection he has for the guy. He simply has to hope that Ford can look past the lies he's been told about the portal, whenever he realizes he's been lied to. Not even the one person in the multiverse Bill cares about is enough to make him second-guess his plans to take over reality, after all. (Not to mention, having that kind of power is the only way he could ever give Ford immortality and spend time with him for longer than the blink-of-an-eye of a human lifespan.)

[godsfavoritescientist]

Y'know, if Ford was getting his back blown out in the mindscape all the time for years, then there must have been a point where he felt so comfortable and loved and safe around Bill that he ended up hugging Bill tightly afterwards and sobbing for an inordinate amount of time while he spilled his guts to Bill about how much this relationship means to him. I don't have the energy to write a whole fic about this right now, but imagine him sobbing to Bill about how he's never felt this seen before, about how he's never felt like someone intimately knows and loves everything about him before, and thanking Bill for being the first person to ever make him feel this way and the first person to ever make him feel safe enough to fully be himself around him. Imagine Bill just kinda standing there awkwardly while being hugged at first, feeling wayyyy out of his depth and very ready for this moment to be over, but the longer Ford goes into detail about how impossible it's been for him to fully open up to anyone before, and how grateful he is that Bill has shown him what it's like to be fully loved and understood for the first time, the more feelings rise up inside Bill that he's been in denial about for a long time.

Things like Genuinely Caring About This Human, things like Being Touched By How Much The Human Loves Him. Even things like... jealousy? Bill tells himself that can't possibly be right. But there is still something unsettling about hearing Ford go on and on about how great it is to be completely open with someone and get to completely be himself with no fear of being rejected. There is still a voice in the back of Bill's mind that wants to respond with 'wow, must be nice! I bet that's a wonderful experience! Sure must be fucking nice to be able to do that, huh!'. Ford thinks he is getting to experience it for the first time, but Bill is too far down the road of lying until it doesn't sound like lying anymore for him to ever feel what Ford is describing so intimately to him. He knows it so acutely that it hurts. The way Ford talks about it makes Bill almost want to be able to be completely honest with Ford. It makes him almost want to give up his plans in exchange for the joys of being fully known by someone who loves him so much.

But he can't. So, after Ford talks about his experiences with not being able to be himself around other people, Bill shares only a tiny sliver of the truth about himself. In response to Ford's so sweetly asked question about if Bill thinks they'll spend an eternity together, Bill answers: "No. You are mortal, for one thing, and there is very little that can be done about that. What we have is not going to last very long, and I hope I can come to terms with that when the time comes that I lose you. Unless you come out of left field and do something that surprises me. We'll see."

Ford gives him a sympathetic look, buying into the misleading way Bill phrased it to sound like an immortality problem, rather than one of a clash of moralities. Ford tells Bill that he'll do his damnedest to surprise Bill. Ford tells Bill with a smile that he's full of surprises.

Bill smiles back at Ford. It's a sweet thought, but he doesn't believe it. Instead, he has to grapple with a newly-acknowledged ache in his chest. An ache that makes him almost dread the inevitable moment that Ford discovers Bill's real plans for the portal.

[godsfavoritescientist]

Remembered my ciphord drabbles from nearly a year ago, finished them, put them together into a fic, and called it done

[godsfavoritescientist]

Uploaded another ficlet to my ao3

[godsfavoritescientist]

Roadblocks (a very short fic where Bill has a moment of introspection)

He never looks at you with fear.

He yearns to hold you with his beautiful human hands.

He doesn’t understand how dangerous you are.

You are using him to your advantage.

All you ever do is take and take and take and take, and lie until it doesn't feel like lying, until you don't remember which ones are lies anymore:

"I like you"

"We're going to change the world together"

"I know everything"

"You're special"

”It's just a little help from a friend"

You've never been looked at with such pure adoration before. Humans look at you in terror. They cower and gape and ask stupid questions riddled with ulterior motives. It has always been a very simple exchange. Humans want power, you want power. Neither one of you trusts the other, but you're the one with the all-seeing eye. You always come out on top.

Except Ford doesn’t want to play that game with you. He doesn't want to cower. He doesn't want to fight. You're not sure if either option has even crossed his mind. He asks you personal questions, for no other reason than to hear you talk, and to get to know you better.

He carries reverence with him, which is a little more familiar to you, but it's intertwined with petty arguments and dorky jokes and casual smiles. Things humans reserve for interactions with those they can comprehend. But then again, he was never like any other human you've ever met before, let alone any of the ones he knew growing up. Maybe he really *is* special.

He makes you feel new (or long-forgotten?) things. Belonging. Camaraderie with no strings attached. Respect without mindless adoration, in spite of how deeply he's been caught in your little web.

Its not just that he isn't afraid of you. That's a marvel in itself, but that’s not the half of it. Its also that he seems to *see himself* in you. There's an understanding between you that goes beyond simply humoring his ego. The scariest part is that if you spend too much more time around him, you just might admit to yourself that you see yourself in him, too.

To not be feared, nor only worshiped, but looked at with *understanding* in those tiny mortal eyes? And to *still* be adored, even after every glimpse into your true nature he manages to see?

It's... nice.

No matter how many idly cruel thoughts you share, nor how many unfathomably grotesque forms you start showing him, there is only, only ever love.

You've always wanted to rule the world. You never thought the greatest roadblock would end up being your own pawn being the first person in the entire multiverse to ever want to be held by you.

[godsfavoritescientist]

A few new billford / billford-adjacent fics are on my ao3 :]

[godsfavoritescientist]

Bord Drabble

The physical body–flesh, blood, bone and sinew–is all just a vessel. Even accounting for things like chemical reactions and gut microbiota, the body is not the self. It’s merely machinery containing one’s so-called “soul.” it’s as interchangeable as a tupperware container. An outer shell that bears no holding on the identity of the pilot.

The last thought to cross Ford’s physical mind before he succumbs to possession is this: If Bill is a God, and is the dominant “soul” inside Ford’s body, then in a literal sense, Ford Becomes a God when Bill takes over.

It’s all he’s ever wanted.

[godsfavoritescientist]

Ever since a god/monster possessed him, Ford knows what it feels like to be a vast, dark, endless, all-knowing eldritch being crammed into a tiny human flesh vessel. He knows what it feels like so intimately that he sometimes forgets he is human, and is overcome with the sensation that he doesn’t fit in his own skin, that he needs to let out his many limbs and eyes and mouths and consciousnesses Out so he can Breathe and stop feeling like his eyes are bleeding again from how ill-fitting a simple human skin is and from how fragile and Strange it is to inhabit a human body. He can never do anything about the urge to peel off his own skin and let out a non-existent eldritch monster so it can Move and Breathe and just Think, but god does he feel it, the desperate desperate need for the monster inside of him to shed its human form so he can stop trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing to be human.

[godsfavoritescientist]

pspsps come get your fucked up religious themes content