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hail-dondus · 4 years ago

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How Bad is Sia’s “Music” really?

I watched it illegally (because there was no way I was paying for that bullshit) and found out. It’s not as bad as we thought... It’s worse.

TW for ableism, Sia, drugs, alcohol, just in general a terrible movie, meltdowns, blackface

Literally the first thing you hear while they’re showing the production companies is THOSE stereotypical noises. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll know what I mean.

And yes, she does this for the WHOLE fucking movie

What was the need to show her in her underwear? Maddie Ziegler was 14 when this was made, so what was the need??? And why did Sia prolong the scene by having her hitting herself?

Less than a minute in and my reaction was already “what the fuck is this shit?”

So the opening number not only had stereotypical exaggerated facial expression, it has Maddie in BLACKFACE?!? And with culturally appropriated hair?!?

The exaggerated facial expressions are literally constant and I took photos during the film to show it, more later, but I’ll keep mentioning it

ITS LITERALLY THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME SHE IS ON SCREEN

Even her way of walking is fucking offensive, Jesus Christ

The vocalisations just had me cringing so hard, I cannot describe how awful it made me feel

Why do all the neighbours need to be paid off and help her when she goes for a walk? I don’t-

Yes, by about the five minute mark I was already seriously debating all my life decisions. It was that bad.

Kate Hudson really didn’t give a fuck that her grandma died

I will keep saying it but WHY are the facial expressions/vocalisations CONSTANT?!! Literally they do not stop at all. I work with a child who is actually similar to this in that he’s nonverbal and he makes similar noises/faces, but the way they’re in this movie is so over-exaggerated?!? And even the kid I work with doesn’t do it 24/7?!?

Sia, calling your characters Zu and Music doesn’t make them interesting in the slightest. They’re still painfully terrible and one dimensional

Literally ONE minute after being left alone with her autistic sister, Zu calls the mental health service asking if they could “theoretically” “pick up” her sister?!? Like she wants to get rid of her already?!?

“A magical little girl” - autism isn’t a magical power?!? And Music is a young woman, not a little girl?!? Why are you infantilising her?!?

Okay I’m not being funny but this choreography is NOT hard. ANYONE can do it, so claiming that you needed to hire a dancer to be Music because of the numbers is literally bullshit (and even so, there are so many amazing autistic actors and dancers?!?)

20 minutes in and I wanted to give up

So she had her first meltdown because her hair didn’t get braided immediately and that’s... certainly interesting??

The fact that Leslie Odom’s character says “I’m going to crush you now”?!?

AND THEN HE FUCKING PICKS HER UP AND FULL-BODILY PINS HER DOWN ONTO THE FLOOR

“I’m crushing her with my love” - oh fuck you, just fuck you

So Sia lied, the restraint scenes were NOT removed and there was no warning. She’s a fucking POS liar

I have no idea why he’s called Ebo or why he has such a cliche African accent?!? I might have missed out on why because I was busy trying not to bang my head into the table while I watched this film but just... yikes

“He (his brother) liked to be held” - YEAH, HELD. NOT FUCKING CRUSHED

“He is dead now” - IM NOT FUCKING SURPRISED IF YOU CRUSHED HIM LIKE THAT

The constant babying and patronizing of the autistic character is so exhausting to watch. I’m so tired

“Planning on sending her to the people pound but I guess I’ll keep her a little longer” - SHE WAS JOKING BUT THAT WAS NOT EVEN REMOTELY A FUNNY JOKE. NOT EVEN IN AN AWKWARD WAY

STOP THE FACES IM-

^ YEAH, Sia, totally a fucking love letter to the autistic community here ^

So Zu finds this necklace she made as a kid that had a little dog on it, and she says to Music, “He had seizures too, just like you”... MELTDOWNS AND SEIZURES ARE NOT EVEN REMOTELY THE SAME FUCK THIS MOVIE-

It’s like Sia is trying to make the movie funny but it’s really not at all

Is Zu implying that Music is autistic because the mum was a junkie?!?

For real though, the dialogue in general is so fucking awful and cringey. Whoever wrote this should never be allowed to write again

Did she seriously leave her autistic sister alone to talk to who I’m presuming was her dealer or loan shark?!?

Also why is he - a white dude - wearing cornrows?!?

So who is the film really about? The autistic girl or the older sister saviour? I think we all know the answer to that one

WHY IS SHE WALKING AROUND WITH HER TEETH JUTTING OUT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME

The musical numbers are literally so painful to watch. The overly bright colours, the flashing... my eyes were hurting and so was my brain

Autism representation aside for a second, the musical numbers/choreography are all fucking atrocious. Ditto for the costumes

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WERE THE PINK OOMPA LOOMPA FRUIT THINGS?!? THEY LOOK LIKE THE PINK VERSIONS OF VIOLET BEAUREGARDE THE BLUEBERRY

I wanted to cry by this point, this movie is far more awful than I thought

“I’m not saying she doesn’t want to change, I’m saying she can’t” - FUCK YOU. Why is it okay for him to assume what she can or can’t do

Can I just say that autistic people aren’t constantly in a coked up wonderland state?!! We don’t see the world as a wonderland fantasy world 24/7?!!

“She can hear you from two rooms away” / *shows her listening through two brick walls to a conversation* — Also, we don’t have super fucking sonic hearing?? WE CANT HEAR THROUGH FUCKING BRICK WALLS?!?

“She can understand everything you’re saying to her” - she’s autistic not fucking deaf

Less than 45 minutes in, there’s another meltdown in the park

“I’m not climbing on top of a small screaming white girl in public” - yeah please fucking don’t

So Zu fucking pins her down with her weight 🤦‍♀️

“She doesn’t know who she’s hitting” - IM SORRY WHAT

EBO LITERALLY SAID “TREAT HER LIKE A BEAR” when talking her through the prone restraint, I fucking CANNOT

“Tell her she’s safe” - NOT IF YOU FUCKING RESTRAIN HER LIKE THAT SHE IS NOT

The fact that she gets up, smiling and happy after a meltdown and immediately is excited to get a snow cone... I can honestly say that after a meltdown, I am in no way happy or smiling. I am often not very verbal and I’m withdrawn/not myself for at least several hours, usually the rest of the day. Fuck this film

This film is literally just about Zu, and Music is there for a plot device to give her character development. That’s all she’s there for.

Love how Sia shoehorned Zu being suicidal in there. You know, just to try and make her more easy to sympathize with (it doesn’t work)

This film is literally just a 1 hour 47 minute Sia music video with ZERO plot

WHY WERE THEY WEARING PILLOW DIAPERS IN ONE NUMBER-

I really did not feel into the side plot with that guy who was fighting but it was still better than the actual movie so...

I am SO DONE with the NON STOP CONSTANT vocal shit. So tired.

LOJ’s only role in this film is to be the stereotypical wise black guy who assists a white woman’s story. There’s like hardly any other depth there

The Ebo/Zu romance is so fucking stupid and pointless and out of NOWHERE. I couldn’t even tell if they were into each other or not

I was already so bored of the musical numbers by this point. They added NOTHING to the plot but they pretended they did, and I was so over it. And it’s not because I’m not “creative enough” or anything to understand, I love musicals and I think it could have been cool if done right... but it wasn’t. They were a mess. It’s just bad.

Sia really tried to pretend her movie was deep but really it’s a shallow mess

So Zu is meeting rich drug clients and says to Music “try not to have one of your freak outs up there” and “if you could try to get it out now”... FUCKING YIKES. It’s not an on/off button, shut the fuck up

YEP THIS WAS THE SIA CAMEO FUCK THAT BITCH

The fact that she just calls “DRUG DEALER?!? DRUG DEALER IS THAT YOU”, fucking end this please-

I fucking hate this bitch I’m dead serious

“We’re gonna send them to Haiti cause there’s been an earthquake. All these buildings fell down, children’s bones were dislocated” - WHY WAS SHE SO CHEERFUL ABOUT IT

“Gonna buy a shit load of pain meds, gonna but them on my private plane” - FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU

“Pop stars without borders” - Sia thinks she’s so clever but I would give anything to punch her I swear-

ANOTHER MUSICAL NUMBER JUST STOP IM BEGGING YOU

There’s this awkward conversation/bit with Zu and her drug dealer/loanshark about his outfit that was clearly meant to be funny but was just flat and painful

Yep, Sia really showed Music eating chewing gum off the underside of a park bench. Of course.

Look, the kid I work with does similar stuff by putting literally anything and everything in his mouth but like... why would you put that in your movie?

And there’s no indication before this that Music puts everything and anything in her mouth, she just randomly decides to get on her knees, under the bench and eat chewing gum, like she calculates that it’s there and gets it???

She has a THIRD meltdown after an allergic reaction to a bee sting and her sister just yells at her before realizing... I’m not here for this movie, I feel like I drifted off and was not really there

So Zu got angry because she left the drugs at the park but she’s not that upset that her sister had an allergic reaction???

Zu gets absolutely drunk because a) she lost Sia’s drugs and b) she’s stressed out by her autistic sister... wow, great message, Sia!

She really fucked off and left her sister alone to go clubbing/on a bender

The less said about the musical number here the better

Sia’s movie also checks the box of having stereotypical Asian parents, specifically stereotypical Asian dad being harsh/angry and hitting his wife!

ALSO HE PUSHED AND KILLED HIS SON WTF IS HAPPENING

Less than 3 minutes after the last, there’s a musical number that I think was about this side character going to heaven... another shitty Sia-esque number

The patterns during the number made my brain hurt.

Also there are so many autistic actors who can also dance, and yet Sia chose the neurotypical one because ✨ N E P O T I S M ✨

I just want to know how it was deemed necessary to show the fact the autistic character peed/wet herself? I mean... ??? It’s just so undignified and not at all necessary to the plot. Nothing happens after that, it just moves onto the next scene and it didn’t do anything

“I have no one” - 1) YOUR FUCKING SISTER. 2) GEE I FUCKING WONDER WHY, couldn’t be that you’re a shitty human being?!?

There’s a scene where Music is walking and she does ALL the stereotypical behaviours at once... just YIKES

Zu somehow stopped another meltdown just by grabbing Music by the shoulders and sitting her down???

Aaand yep. Another shitty musical number

Zu really goes to put her sister in a fucking facility and claims it’ll be “better for her” - BULLSHIT. Better for Zu, maybe, not Music.

Ah yes - the girl who the characters have said has problems with routines being changed/change in general... you’re now going to fuck up her routine by dumping her in a facility. Perfect Plan.

The nonverbal autistic girl suddenly speaking to say “don’t go” - you can just predict it from the off, can’t you?

Love that as soon as Music starts talking, Zu is like “fuck it, I’ll keep her!”

Zu really went and crashed Ebo’s brothers wedding... in a fucking bralette... YIKES

“I almost gave Music away” - SHE IS NOT A DOG YOU DONT GIVE PEOPLE AWAY

“We should sing a song” - PLEASE DO FUCKING NOT

Also that kiss/romance montage between Zu and Ebo was the CRINGIEST fucking shit ever

This movie seems to be implying that Music has locked in syndrome or something, like she’s locked in her own head or whatever it’s called, and I just... *sigh*

Oh and now Music magically fucking sings in a room FULL of strangers... this is literally embarrassing, please let this end

I mean it, this movie was fucking painful to watch on ever level

She got a service dog puppy which... okay?

Oh look, it’s the only decent song on the soundtrack but with an absolutely shitty over-stimulatory music video with the credits!

I can only name 5 characters in this film. Maybe 7 at a push, but even then I would be guessing

AND YEP SHE THANKED AUTISM SPEAKS OVER THE CREDITS. FUCK YOU SIA 🖕🏻

Let me reiterate: this is a movie about a neurotypical former drug addict whose character development comes from the autistic character, from having an autistic sister she has to take care of. I’m so tired.

We are NOT plot devices or tools for character development. Not once does anyone in this film treat Music like a human being - she’s treated as a burden, a problem, and then like a pet that they decide to keep. Not once is the film focused on how she is feeling - it’s always about Zu or Ebo. The performance itself was so over exaggerated and it made me want to cry when I watched it because this is how the world sees us, and this movie will make it ten times worse. It’s stuff like this that made me think “I don’t want to be labelled as autistic because people will think I’m a certain way”, that made me wait so long before going to the GP to get a referral.

As I said, poor autistic representation aside, the movie is just so appallingly bad. It truly is one of the worst films I’ve watched. If you’re going to watch it, please don’t - or, if you want to because you want to see how bad it is/to raise awareness/critical posts, at least do it illegally. Do not give Sia your money.

#sia #music #music 2021 #music movie #autism #tw ableism #tw meltdown #tw blackface #anti sia #lol sia

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daisylincs · 5 years ago

Note

30, 48 + 75 for Staticquake

30 = Holiday AU, 48 = Fake Dating and 75 = Bed Sharing.

Well wow, this ask combines some of my favourite tropes ever! So I guess it's really not all that surprising that it got totally out of control, and instead of the nice, moderately long fic plan I had planned, I have an absolute beast of a bullet-point fic for you.

I’m not even kidding - this baby was eleven pages long in Microsoft Word. Eleven pages of pure fluff and smiles and fake-dating shenanigans under the Grecian sun.

Now, I would say sorry for letting it get so out of control, but I'm afraid I enjoyed myself far too much! #sorrynotsorry. Here's to stories that write themselves!

Daisy works as the chief programmer for Shield Incorporated - works so hard, in her friends' opinion, that she'll pass out on her desk before admitting she needs a break. (Daisy would argue, but… it's probably true.)

So when their boss, Coulson, announces that the company will be sponsoring a trip to Santorini, her friends are all over her that she HAS to go.

"Come on, Dais," everyone from Jemma to Mack cajoles. "Your next project can wait a week, and besides, this is the chance of a lifetime. You'll regret it if you don't go."

"Guys, thanks for caring, but I'd really rather finish this -" she tells her assembled friends, but trails off as she notices Ward making his way across the room to them, clipboard in hand and sneer firmly in place on his face.

Her friends’ mood instantly changes from oh-let’s-tease-Daisy to let’s-all-stand-in-front-of-Daisy-scowling. It gives Daisy a little warm glow to see that she has so many people who care about her, and are literally willing to jump into a fight for her, if the fierce look on Bobbi’s face is any indication.

In fact, if the air of hostility around them was any more obvious, Ward would literally drop down dead of it. But, somehow, he still manages to be oblivious.

“I’m here to write up who’ll be going to Santorini with us,” he says, smiling around the group.

Bobbi raises her hand, and Daisy has never seen the simple act look so threatening before. May, she thinks, would be proud.

In stony silence, the rest of the group raise their hands, too, and Ward shifts just a little uncomfortably as he notes it down.

He turns to Daisy, looking her up and down slowly, and she’s already itching to slap him. “Of course, Daisy won’t be going,” he says, as though it’s obvious.

Now, Daisy really had been planning on saying no - right until he said that, at least.

“Actually, Grant,” she says, emphasizing his first name because she knows he hates it (she did pick up a few things, at least, before she found the cheating bastard in bed with another woman.) “I am going on the trip.”

She pretends not to notice how her friends are exchanging gleeful glances, keeping her attention focused on Ward.

“Really,” he drawls.

“Yes, really,” she answers calmly. “Why is that so shocking?”

Ward is smirking, and she hates the way he seems to have one over her. “Well, because this trip is specifically for couples.”

Daisy’s jaw drops, and she catches Jemma’s eye over Ward’s shoulder. Why the hell didn’t you tell me this sooner??? she asks with her eyes.

I didn’t know you were going to do this!! is Jemma’s nonverbal reply.

Daisy huffs and tries not to fume, which fails miserably when she sees just how smug Ward looks. Little alarm bells start going off in the logical part of her brain, but the emotional part - the far bigger part - drowns them out.

“That’s no problem,” she says, keeping her voice light and casual. “I’ll just go with my boyfriend, then.”

Over Ward’s shoulder, she sees Jemma choke on her lemon water, and Bobbi reaches across to pound her on the back till she recovers. Once Jemma has stopped trying to swallow her own lungs, both girls give her WTF??? looks over Ward’s shoulder.

Daisy ignores them. “Yes,” she says as calmly as she can. “I’ll be going with my boyfriend, Lincoln.”

She just blurted out the first name that popped into her head, but when she sees the looks on her friends’ faces - a range of you’re kidding, right? to I fucking knew it - she knows, oh dear God she’s going to regret this.

But it’s too late to take anything back now.

At least she gets to enjoy the look on Ward’s face as he writes it up - like he’s simultaneously sucking on a lemon and stepping on a cactus.

Just as soon as he’s gone, her friends round on her.

"So," Mack says, his voice heavy with scepticism, “you and Lincoln are dating? Congratulations."

Daisy feels her cheeks flame, and tries not to notice how Hunter is unashamedly sniggering into Bobbi’s shoulder. "Shut up,” she grumbles. “I wasn’t thinking straight, okay? Ward just drives me so mad, and I…”

She trails off as it really hits her what she’s done - she told Ward she was dating Lincoln, which she most definitely wasn't, no matter how much her friends insisted they were perfect for each other. And that would be bad enough on its own, but to make things even worse, she also can’t let out the truth, otherwise Ward wins.

"Well, shit," she says succinctly.

Her friends are all shaking their heads at her, but most of them are hiding smiles. Daisy scowls, knowing full well this is only going to make the teasing about oh-you-and-Lincoln-should-totally-get-together ten times worse.

��So, do you want me to call Lincoln over?” Jemma asks, definite smugness in her grin. “I think he’s still working on that biomolecule project.”

“Thanks,” Daisy grumbles.

Her friends all smirk at her, and Hunter being Hunter can’t resist getting a dig in: "You know, when we said we wanted you to come along, this isn't quite what we meant.”

Bobbi punches him, but she’s smirking, too. “Good luck, Daisy,” she says. “Have fun explaining.”

Daisy scowls at her friends’ retreating backs. Oh, they’re a bunch of assholes. They’re enjoying this.

Lincoln’s voice snaps her from her thoughts. “Jemma said you wanted to see me?”

Oh, joy. How the hell does she explain this? She can't exactly say, oh, hey, Lincoln, I kinda told Ward we were dating, mind pretending to be my boyfriend for this trip I booked?

"You can't be serious," Lincoln says incredulously, and Daisy's cheeks simultaneously burn bright red and blanch ashy white as she realises that shit, she said that out loud.

"Um… Afraid I'm dead serious," she says, and winces.

Lincoln's expression shifts into the special Daisy-what-the-actual-hell look he's perfected over the years of being her friend. "Are you crazy?" he asks, politely.

She winces again. "Um, probably."

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “You know,” he says, and she prepares herself for the inevitable Daisy-this-is-a-terrible-idea-what-were-you-thinking speech, “as ideas go, this isn’t your worst one yet.”

Daisy starts to nod, putting on her best contrite expression, but stops mid-nod as she realises what he actually said.

Wait, what?

“Wait, it’s not?” she asks.

Lincoln shakes his head slowly. “Incredibly, no,” he says. “It actually kind of makes sense.”

Daisy narrows her eyes suspiciously as a thought hits her. “Hang on a second. You’re just saying that because you want me to go on a break.”

“Of course not!” he denies immediately. “Okay, well, fine, maybe. But it also makes sense Ward-wise, if you think about it.”

“Oh?” she asks, folding her arms.

“Well, this way he might finally stop creepily following you around, trying to get back together with you and persuading you that the breakup wasn’t his fault,” Lincoln lists.

Daisy can’t hold back a snort at that last one. It’s true, Ward does seem to think their breakup wasn’t on him - even though he had literally been sleeping with another woman for the entirety of their relationship!

Honestly, if dodgy relationship ethics were reason enough to fire someone, Daisy was certain Coulson would have kicked him out a long time ago.

“And anyway,” Lincoln continues, snapping her back to the present, “it’s not like we’ll even have to work all that hard to convince him. All we’ve got to do is hold hands and take a few cheesy selfies.” His eyes light up as an idea occurs to him. “Oh! And we can call each other really cringey couple names.”

She can feel the grin spreading across her face, because if you put it like that, this actually sounds really fun. “You can be snickerdoodle, and I’ll be honeypie.”

He snorts. “Snickerdoodle?”

She bats her eyelashes up at him, stepping right into his space and talking in a baby voice. “My one and only snickerdoodle, I wuv you so muchhhh!”

He rolls his eyes, shoving her playfully away. “Okay, so we’re going to be one of those really cringey, clingy couples, then?”

“We are going to be the clingiest, most cringey couple in the history of the world,” she says gleefully.

And oh my God, this is going to be the best thing ever. She can already see the look on Ward’s face.

She never thought she’d say it, but she’s counting down the days till the trip.

Now, the company arranged for them all to meet up an hour before their flight at the airport. Daisy and Lincoln, however, arranged for her to be late, so they can greet each other in the cringiest way possible.

Exactly as they planned, she makes it just-just in time for the meetup. She drops everything and runs into Lincoln’s arms, and he picks her up and literally swings her around.

“Oh, babe, I’m so glad I made it,” she says breathily when he puts her down, dramatically flinging her arms around his neck.

“I thought I was snickerdoodle,” he murmurs into her hair.

“I wanted to give Jemma a break,” she explains, resting her forehead against his so it looks like they’re Having A Moment.

“Fair enough,” he concedes, stepping away and going to pick up her bags.

“Oh, you didn’t have to!” she cries in her most girlish, ridiculous voice, rushing to his side and giving him the most sappy, stupid smile she can call up. Oh, hell yes, she’s going to milk this cringey girlfriend thing for all it’s worth.

Lincoln rolls his eyes, but plays along. “Of course I did, honeypie,” he says, reaching for her hand and returning the heart eyes.

Daisy has to muffle her laughter in his shoulder when she sees Ward flashing them an annoyed look.

But Ward hasn’t seen anything yet. Plan Cringe is only just in its starting phases.

They sit next to each other on the plane, and Daisy makes a big show of getting out her dual headphone adaptor so they can watch movies together. (She also makes sure they pick out the cringiest rom-com available, and coo over it together in the most obnoxious way imaginable.)

When they’ve finished three movies like that (Daisy can see Jemma wincing from the aisle in front of them, and honestly it just makes the whole thing better) she lifts the armrest between their seats and rests her head against his shoulder. He spreads his crappy plane blanket over them both, and Daisy falls asleep in seconds.

But before anyone gets any ideas - looking at you, Jemma, and you, Hunter - this doesn’t mean anything’s changed between them. It just means they’re good friends, and comfortable with each other, despite this crazy prank they’re pulling.

The next morning, they land in Greece - and oh my God, all her friends were right. Daisy has been stuck in front of a computer for too long, and she has been missing out. This place is absolutely breathtaking.

And absolutely perfect for cringey couples selfies.

Seriously, they couldn’t ask for a better backdrop - Albuquerque-style white buildings with bright blue roofs, bright pink bougainvillea flowers, and the teal-blue Aegean on the horizon.

They get a few really good ones - like that time when they climbed all the way to one of the buildings on the very top of the mountain. Hunter, who had a surprising eye for it, posed them, having Daisy wrap her arms around Lincoln’s neck and him pick her up and look adoringly up at her. The result is every bit as nauseatingly lovey-dovey as she could have hoped.

(Daisy’s pretty sure Ward excused himself to go throw up.)

So all in all, it’s been a great day.

Then they get to the hotel.

"Here's your key," the receptionist lady tells them pleasantly. Then, because she's some poor, misguided soul who just wants to be nice, she adds with a wink, "the honeymoon suite is the best, I'm sure you two will make good use of the bed."

Daisy almost chokes on her welcome lemonade. “Honeymoon suite?” she splutters.

"Of course!" the reception lady says, mistaking her horrified shock for the delighted kind. “Only the best for our guests from Shield.”

Daisy takes their key, feeling as though her cheeks have actually lit on fire. This was not the plan!

“Have fun!” the haplessly oblivious receptionist calls after them, obviously thinking they’re one of those new couples who are still adorably shy around each other. “I’m sure you’ll make some unforgettable memories here in Santorini.”

Lincoln follows her into the elevator, and neither of them can look each other in the eye.

That only gets worse when they see their room.

Oh, dear God, the receptionist lady wasn’t kidding. This is a honeymoon suite and a half! Rose petals, candles, soft mood music - you name it, this room has it.

“Okay, seriously?” Daisy asks, picking up a heart-shaped chocolate. It’s a bit of a desperate attempt to lessen the awkwardness of the situation, but Lincoln catches on gratefully.

“That’s taking it a bit too far,” he agrees, taking the chocolate from her and studying her.

Dear heavens, it actually says To your true love on it.

“So, um,” he asks, very deliberately looking at the chocolate and not at her, “how are we going to do this?”

“Well, I’d suggest just taking the wrapping paper off before you eat it,” she says.

Lincoln gives her an unimpressed look. “Not what I meant.”

“I know,” she says, scooping up some of the rose petals and scattering them on the floor. “Well, uh. So. Obviously, this is awkward.”

He mutters something that sounds like “yeah, no kidding.”

“But,” she soldiers on, “we’re both adults, right? And we’re both capable of basic maths?”

He nods slowly, clearly not sure where she's going with this.

“Well, then,” she explains. “You stay on the left half of the bed, I’ll stay on the right.”

Something indefinable - a mix of relief and regret, maybe - flits across his face, but it’s gone before she can be sure. “That sounds fine,” he says.

It’s a little awkward as they change, definitely definitely not looking at each other (okay, fine, it’s a lot awkward. But, seriously, what was she expecting?)

Then they have to turn the lights off.

There’s just no way this can not be awkward. They’re sharing a bed, for God’s sake! And no matter how much Daisy can go on about maths and being adults, she knows she’s a snuggler and she’s 99% sure they’re going to end up spooning at some point.

So she takes a deep breath, steels herself, and says it. “If I… come lie next to you, um, can we pretend it never happened in the morning?”

She feels rather than hears Lincoln exhale in the dark. “Okay,” he agrees quietly.

She shifts over to his side of the bed, settling until she’s found a comfortable spot (conveniently with her head pillowed on Lincoln’s shoulder.)

Now, Daisy has always had trouble falling asleep - the consequences of bouncing from foster home to foster home, where any night might be her last there.

But tonight, with Lincoln’s one arm thrown around her waist, she falls asleep in seconds.

The next day, when they go down to breakfast together, there’s a genuine fondness in the way Daisy laces her fingers with his. There aren’t many people who would pretend to date you and spend the night snuggled up with you without giving you any issues about it.

That fond feeling stays with her for the rest of the day, and she finds herself secretly quite enjoying all the cringey couple-y things they do together. Sharing ice-cream? Awesome. Bumping shoulders as they walk? Great. Pressing a kiss against his cheek in their latest Santorini-selfie? Sure, why not! They’re friends, and she really appreciates him, so it’s only natural that she wants to show it, right?

The next day passes in much the same way, and the next - sunshine and happiness, ice-cream and laughter, white beaches and blue waves and smiles that she doesn’t have to fake at all.

Then comes the double whammy: the Santorini Annual Summer Ball.

It’s only the most romantic night ever, and it’s pretty much tradition for couples to kiss after every dance.

Daisy tells herself she’ll talk to Lincoln about it as soon as they get to their room that night.

Only… she wasn’t expecting how different the room would feel, knowing what she’s supposed to talk to him about.

Kissing.

They’ve done a lot in this faux relationship, but never that. Sure, she’ll kiss his cheek, and he’ll kiss her forehead, but they’ve never actually, you know, made out.

And they’re going to have to tomorrow, otherwise there’s no way Ward’s going to believe they’re a couple. With how stupidly romantic and clingy they’ve been acting, they basically have to kiss at this dance.

Which brings her back to this damned room, with its rose petals and candles and bloody romantic atmosphere.

“Daisy, are you okay?” Lincoln asks when he comes out of the bathroom, snapping her out of her thoughts.

She swallows as she sees him - the soft blue of the sweatshirt he sleeps in really brings out the colour of his eyes, and the way his damp hair sticks up is oddly adorable.

“I’m fine,” she manages to say. “Just… we need to talk about the dance tomorrow.”

Lincoln freezes with his towel halfway up to his hair. “Ah.”

“We have to kiss,” she tells him, trying to make it as matter-of-fact as possible but finding herself irritatingly breathless about it.

“Daisy, no, I don’t want to pressure you into anything -” he says immediately, but trails off when she steps forward and presses a finger against his lips.

“Shut up,” she tells him firmly. “If anything, I pressured you into this. I started the fake relationship, and it was my idea to be so clingy.”

He gently shifts her hand away from his lips, keeping a hold of her wrist for a second longer than strictly necessary, and Daisy’s breath did not just catch. “I didn’t exactly complain,” he says wryly.

“Well, that’s because you’re a good friend,” she says, and he gets that strange expression on his face again, like he’s trying to tell her something but can’t quite find the words.

“Yeah,” he says at last, strangely reluctantly. “We’re friends. Good friends.”

She chooses to ignore the strange tone for now. “A good friend,” she says, “who I need to kiss right now.”

“Now?” he asks, and surprised is a good look on him. His eyes flick inadvertently down to her lips, and she tries not to be too pleased about that.

“Yes, now,” she says, and dammit, her voice has gone all breathless. She clears her throat, forcing herself to remember why she’s doing this. “So we can be sure we’ll look alright when we kiss in front of everyone else. We’re a couple, we’re supposed to have kissed many times before. It needs to look natural.”

“Good point,” Lincoln agrees, his eyes flicking down to her lips again.

Daisy shifts a step forward, just enough that she’s in his space. “So,” she says softly.

“So?” he repeats, looking slightly amused as he copies her, closing the distance between them even more.

Daisy’s breathing hitches again. This slow buildup, coupled with the romantic feel of their room, is doing really funny things to her heart.

Breathless, tingly kind of funny things.

She can’t take it anymore and closes the last step of distance between them, bracing her palm against his chest as she stretches up on her tiptoes to kiss him.

He kisses her back immediately, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her as she leans into him.

It’s soft and slow and romantic and really, really good.

After a minute, Daisy pulls away reluctantly, her lips tingling. “I can… work with that,” she manages, only she’s looking at his lips instead of at him. She clears her throat and steps away.

Lincoln looks about as wrecked as she feels. “Yeah,” he says softly, touching one hand lightly against his lips.

Daisy swallows as her own lips tingle slightly in response. She ducks her gaze away, sure she must be blushing like crazy.

“So, um,” she says, and her voice is a lot less steady than she’d like, “shall we go to bed?”

Lincoln’s gaze is far too soft as he looks at her - she thinks she might melt. After a second that seems to stretch out into eternity, he shakes himself and gives her a small smile. “Of course.”

That night, she struggles to fall asleep. Memories of their kiss keep playing in her mind, and it doesn’t help that she’s resting her head against Lincoln’s chest, surrounded by the comforting smell of him.

She keeps telling herself to stop thinking about it, that it didn’t mean anything, that it was just to keep up the charade.

But when morning rolls around and she still hasn’t slept any (but has managed to come up with more and more ridiculous theories for why she’s feeling this way, including, bizarrely, an invasion of blue-skinned aliens) she’s forced to conclude that she feels this way because she loves him.

Not even likes him - loves him. It’s the only explanation for the warm, glowing feeling she gets when he brings her her ridiculously complicated coffee order, or when he casually slings an arm around her shoulders when they’re joking with their friends.

She tried to tell herself that it was just fakery for Ward’s benefit - and while that might be true for him, it’s not true for her anymore.

Every cheesy couple thing they did together? She wants to keep doing it. Every time they bump shoulders or share ice-cream or splash each other with blue sea-water? She wants to keep doing it. Every time they kiss each other on the cheek? She wants to keep doing it!

And above all, she really, really wants to kiss him again, the way they kissed last night.

Shit.

Lincoln’s still asleep next to her, and Daisy panics as she looks down at him. Shit, shit, shit. Oh, this is so bad. How did it get so bad?

There are literally a thousand reasons why this would never work out, first and foremost being that he probably doesn’t feel the same way - he’s her friend! He confirmed that last night, right when he also confirmed that they were just doing this for the fakery.

Daisy doesn’t really know what she’s doing, just that she can’t be in the same room as him anymore. So she jumps out of bed and runs to find the person she knows will always be there for her in a crisis - Jemma.

“Daisy!” Jemma exclaims, surprised, when Daisy bursts into her room still in her nightclothes and with her hair wild. “Uh, what…”

“Jemma, I have a problem,” she announces, standing silhouetted in her friend’s door like she’s in some incredibly dramatic action shot in a movie (except for the fact that she looks like a mess.) “I’m in love with Lincoln.”

Fitz, sweet soul that he is, takes one look at Daisy and tactfully decides to make himself scarce. “I’m going to go… watch football… with Hunter,” he says, squeezing past her, and Daisy is too riled up to even bother herself about the lame excuse. Who watches football at seven in the morning, anyway?

“I think you need to come sit down,” Jemma tells her, pulling her firmly over to her and Fitz’s bed. “Tell me the whole story.”

Daisy hesitates, chewing her lip… and then it all comes spilling out. “Lincoln and I kissed last night,” she blurts. “We said it was just to make sure we’d look natural for the dance tomorrow - tonight - but it meant more than that for me. And, Jem -” she paused, hiding her head in her hands, “I’ve gotten myself into such a mess. I’ve fallen in love with my friend who’s only pretending to love me.”

Jemma is quiet for a few beats as she processes this information. Then, gently but firmly, she lifts Daisy’s head out of her hands.

“Daisy,” she says, quiet but firm, “you are not in a mess.”

Daisy makes a sound that’s half a laugh and half a sob. “Haven’t you been listening to me? I love Lincoln, who’s only pretending to love me back.”

“Pretending… because you asked him to,” Jemma reminds her. “Now, why do you think he did that?”

“Because he’s a good friend?” Daisy replies, not sure where Jemma is going with this.

Jemma rolls her eyes. “Well, yes, there’s certainly that. But, Daisy, d’you think he’d agree to be my fake boyfriend if I asked him?”

“Why would you ask him?” Daisy asked, more confused than ever now. “You have Fitz!”

Jemma throws up her hands. “You’re completely missing the point here! Daisy, you oblivious, wonderful idiot, the reason Lincoln agreed to this whole fake relationship thing is because he loves you too.”

Daisy shakes her head. “No, he doesn’t, he can’t, why would he -”

“Why wouldn’t he?!?” Jemma practically yells. “Have you even met yourself? You are literally one of the most amazing people on the planet.”

That shuts Daisy up. “Really?” she asks weakly.

Jemma shakes her head, disbelieving. “Really, Daisy,” she says firmly. “Are you kidding me? Who wouldn’t be in love with you?”

“I don’t know, Ward?” Daisy says, half-desperately gesturing with her hands.

Understanding dawns in Jemma’s eyes. “Oh. Oh.”

And then, “Daisy.”

“What?” Daisy asks, not liking the sympathetic expression on Jemma’s face one bit.

Jemma sighs. “Just because Ward was an absolute dick to you doesn’t mean Lincoln will be. You can let yourself trust that he loves you too, you know.”

Daisy’s surprise at the word dick coming out of Jemma’s mouth is seconded only by her surprise of what Jemma is actually saying. Of course she wasn’t being distrustful because of what Ward did to her… was she?

“Daisy, you are not unlovable or any such total rubbish,” Jemma says, and her British accent somehow makes the word rubbish sound so much better. “Ward not loving you right had absolutely nothing to do with you.”

And Daisy… believes her.

Jemma obviously sees the acceptance in Daisy’s eyes, because she presses on, “and while we’re at it - I don’t think either of you were pretending this last week.”

Daisy splutters - “what?? Of course we were pretending, don’t be…”

But then she trails off as she remembers thinking how she secretly enjoyed doing the couple-y nonsense, and how after just a day she wasn’t faking a single one of her smiles.

She snaps her mouth shut. “Well,” she says. And blinks. “You really think Lincoln loves me too?”

If looks could kill, Daisy would be stone dead - of pure and unadulterated exasperation. “Yes, Daisy,” Jemma says in that tone that implies that even the patience of saints can be tested. “He loves you too. There is literally no doubt. Ask anyone.”

Hunter chooses that moment to pipe up, “yeah, no, you two are definitely in love.”

Daisy’s jaw drops as she realises that her friends have all gathered in the doorway. “How long have you guys been there???”

“Just long enough to hear that last sentence,” Mack says reassuringly. He raises his eyebrows at her. “But it’s true, you know. You two are nauseatingly in love.”

If there had been any doubt in her mind, well, it’s gone now. Her friends are some of the most intelligent people in the world - they can’t all be wrong.

And they all think Lincoln loves her, so…

“What do I do?” she asks.

It’s Bobbi who replies. “Well, no offence,” she says, looking Daisy up and down, “but you look like shit.”

“Get some sleep,” Elena chimes in.

“We’ll make up some excuse for Lincoln,” Fitz promises.

“And tonight,” Jemma says, taking her hands, “you blow us all away.”

All their supportive wonderfulness (and the fact that she is functioning on zero sleep) is too much for her emotional state. “Thanks, guys,” she says, and to her total embarrassment, she starts to cry.

Jemma just hugs her, though, and within minutes Daisy is fast asleep. She really was exhausted.

The good thing is, her friends let her sleep as long as possible.

The bad thing is, her friends let her sleep as long as possible.

As in, she now has five minutes to get ready for the dance.

Luckily, Jemma, Bobbi and Elena are really good at splitting up tasks - Elena somehow manages to transform her hair into soft, silky curls that beautifully frame her face, Bobbi does her makeup like a pro, and Jemma helps her get changed into a floaty, summery blue dress that looks stunning on her, if she says so herself.

But even with all their best efforts, she’s fifteen minutes late to the dance.

It’s held on the beach, under the light of the moon and stars (and some fairy lights in the trees, but shhh.) It takes her a moment to spot Lincoln, but eventually she finds him, standing on the far side of the beach and looking worriedly through the crowd.

When he spots her, his face relaxes into a smile that’s so perfectly and effortlessly happy that Daisy can’t help but smile back.

And she thinks, you know, they were all right.

She walks slowly across the beach to him, and cliché as it is, she really does feel like Cinderella (minus the glass slippers, of course, because glass slippers plus sand? Can you imagine?)

When she reaches him, it feels like the most natural thing in the world to step right into his embrace. “Dance with me,” she says, offering him a dazzling smile.

He settles his hand at her waist, clasping the other one in hers, and oh, it’s so perfect she wants to explode into a cloud of rainbows and sparkles.

When the song ends, she doesn’t think twice about leaning up and kissing him.

It’s only when he tenses, just slightly, that she remembers. She hasn’t actually told him yet!

He pulls away from the kiss, looking conflicted. “I need you to know,” he begins, “those last few days… they weren’t fake for me. And I’m sorry if I’ve ruined our friendship, but not seeing you for the whole day today made me realise it would tear me apart if I lost you. Daisy, I,” he stops, swallows, and says it, “I love you.”

Daisy bites her lip, but she couldn’t stop the smile that spreads across her face even if she had tried. “I love you, too,” she tells him.

He’s smiling, laughing even, happy and disbelieving, “Really?”

And she’s laughing too, “yes, of course, yes!”

Then they’re kissing again, and there’s nothing fake about it for a second.

And as for Ward? Well, Ward can go fuck himself.

Even though they do, technically, have him to thank for this.

Daisy shudders. Ugh. Imagine being grateful to Ward!

She’d really rather not think about it.

So she kisses Lincoln again.

A song begins to play in the background, soft and slow and sweet, and Daisy smiles against his lips as she recognises it. Perfect, by Ed Sheeran.

Well, she thinks, isn’t that just perfect.

And that Grecian night on the beach, the soft glow of the moon turning the waves silver, and the scents of the bougainvillea flowers sweet on the breeze, really is the closest thing to perfect that Daisy has ever experienced.

The End.

#tropes mashup #holiday fic #fake dating #bed sharing #staticquake #bullet-point fic

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