#grandma's house exploding. every. night. and that it would be my fault. because we got those little doll thingies in kindergarten that we

[tenglows]

sweet aftertaste

summary: it’s late at night and student!ten and his friends are left with nowhere to go; ending up at the bar where lounge singer!reader is performing.

inspired by halsey’s song and video “finally // beautiful stranger”

if you want to see an edit based on this, click here!

“so what are we supposed to do now”

yangyang sighed and sat down on the sidewalk

being downtown at half past two am with nothing to do was definitely not in the boys’ plans.

but it was now, considering they had been kicked out of the house party for breaking an (apparently) very ancient porcelain vase

“it was totally sicheng’s fault though”

but no one really cared about who was at fault, there was no time for that.

what bothered them more was that no one wanted to go back to the dorms yet

but it wasn’t like they could just go and crash another party

they just know the people at their college

and well

the big party was that one, the one they surely didn’t dare to put a foot on again

ten kept looking around the deserted street no one was really familiar with while the others bickered in the back

he found it nice, even if it felt a little bit lonesome considering the hour and all the small houses showing no sign of corporality

there were no many shops in the block, and if they were, they were closed and dim

until ten caught sight of a small pub

a classic, old-fashioned with a wood design and a few hanging lights that were the only source of brightness in the view

he signaled his discovery to his friends and they all looked at each other for confirmation before excitedly nodding

they didn’t encounter themselves with a rousing ambience when they entered the bar. just a typical bored bartender and some grown men devouring peanuts and beer at the counter

ten’s eyes focused on a small stage, a guitar placed on the wood floor. some holes making it look like it was gonna collapse anytime soon

some of the others got themselves some beers and when they were in the middle of asking ten if he wanted something,

someone’s unknown steps made that floor crack. the slow screeches made ten’s gaze feel trapped in curiosity

it was you

a student who struggled to pay rent and had to resort to singing late at a local bar to generate any sort of income

it wasn’t always this late, though

but that day you also had to cover your coworker’s shift at your other job

and yeah, you could have just told the pub’s owner that you would just play the following night

but it wasn’t just about the money. the truth is that you loved singing. of course it wasn’t a lie that you would prefer to make more out of it,

but sometimes a heartfelt praise from a costumer was all you needed to get the energy to raise that guitar all over again

you were surprised at the sight of more people than you would have thought taking the hour and location of the place into account, but it also made a sigh of relief leave your mouth

after all, performing for an empty audience always left a bittersweet aftertaste in your stomach

you smiled at the expectating boys that looked around your same age

and one of them smiled back. you weren’t one to get nervous when performing, since you were more than very used to it

but somehow the way his face glowed when he smiled made you relax your fingers and grip, that you thought were already relaxed

you introduced yourself and started strumming the guitar

ten, meanwhile

had never seen a purer face

and each melody that left your mouth had him more lost, more captivated

he listened attentively at the lyrics you had mentioned you wrote yourself

you sang about your grandmother and the stories she'd tell you about living in germany. how her own grandfather would tell her that the freckles on her face resembled stars

you had such a way of talking about her that made ten's chest throb. in that moment, he believed that he knew her. how she seemingly always smelled like coconut and how she baked the most delicious cakes ever made. he imagined her living in germany and picking the same flowers every evening, her hair dancing with the wind even though in reality, he didn't even know which color it was.

the ballad ended with a final strum and at that point ten was convinced that the guitar was created solely with the purpose of being touched by your fingers.

of course he and the boys exploded in claps and cheering, the men he had noticed when they first entered joining them too

ten could swear he even saw johnny shedding a couple of tears

and it was understandable. you had something and ten wondered if you had the power to brush the strings of all their hearts at the same time you did so with the guitar.

ten eyed his friends and he pointed at you as he sat up from his chair

them smiling knowingly and telling him they would wait for him outside

"hey um" he started, his hands in his pockets as he went through posible ways of starting a conversation "my name is ten, and i really liked your performance"

he mentally shouted at himself for not being able to hold eye contact with you. he was not a shy person, he was actually very outgoing and had no trouble in meeting new people

it was funny, then. how for some reason you made him nervous and he oddly made you feel at ease

"thank you so much. i actually wrote that song not so long ago, my grandmother helped me"

and that's when it all started.

you talked to him a little bit more about your grandma and he told you he had a similar relationship with his aunt, sharing stories about each lovely woman

you found out he was a dance major and didn't hesitate to tell him that was admiring

he also guessed you were a music major, and commented that you were doing a great job if it was that easy to sense there was more than just natural talent in there. you apparented like you knew a lot about what inspires you

that made you feel content

and you also asked yourself how a stranger had successfully seen through you that much

but something about ten just felt right

and you weren't sure if it was your overflowing emotions, or the late hours of the night or the lack of sleep you had gotten lately

but before ten you had never seen a mouth that you would kill to kiss

after a bit more of chat, you and the beautiful stranger decided to exchange numbers since the bar was closing and ten had to go back to his friends

you had to come home to your roommates as well.

(the next day at work, your co-worker who you had covered was tripping over her words to apologize all over again. she knew that the change resulted in you performing at a later hour, and was scared that that might have been prejudicial for you.

you just hugged her with the biggest grin on your face. and thanked her. she had never seen you smile so wide)

for both of ten and you, it was good news that you kept in touch since then

you learned so much about ten in a short period of time.

he also sang (he had promised he would show you sometime. and once, as you were falling dozing off on the phone with him, he started singing a lullaby when he was convinced you were asleep. you totally weren't. and his voice was velvet through the line)

he loved to draw and he did it marvellously. he had showed you some of his artworks and you always begged for him to explain the meaning behind it. but in the majority of the cases, he himself didn't even know it

you also learned that he used way to many smiley faces when texting, that he drank iced tea as his life depended on it, and he always dreamt of the ocean.

you soon came to know that ten was the sort of person you learn new things about each day, and you never got tired of it

it was scary

you didn't have much experience feeling this things

this love things

you had had some crushes, of course. still, they were all innocent crushes who either faded into thin air or turned into short-lived flings

on top of that, you never were a scaredy-cat type of person

at least that was what you thought before ten,,

because now you had received a certain text from ten that made you drop in the trash the carrot you were peeling

"i want to see u tomorrow :("

"i have my two shifts ://" (you were never really one to use emoticons, but i guess that's one thing you inhabited from ten)

"i can go watch you perform, if you like"

"i would really like it"

so now it was friday and you found yourself almost at midnight, at the bar you knew perfectly, but now you felt as if it was a completely different and new space you had never breathed in before.

you were tapping your foot in the stage so much the floor was actually breaking down even more. you decided to stop, you couldn't afford being nervous over ten's pretty face

you tried to distract yourself fixing some last things on your guitar, when you heard someone getting up on stage with you

"woah, it feels nice seeing everything through here"

"i know right? i never get tired of audiences. i like knowing that for a few minutes everyone is aware and probably thinking about the same thing"

ten looked at you with shiny eyes. you were truly the only source of brightness in the view

you obviously had to include the grandma song when performing (ten sang along and some giggles escaped your lips).

and then proceeded to present a new song you had just finished retouching the night before

ten raised his eyebrow and he looked even more concentrated than before, probably thinking about how you hadn't mentioned any new song you were working on

the song was about him

about the wish of ten letting himself fall in your arms

and although the lyrics could be a little more straightforward, you knew ten would get it anyways

he always did.

you had finished and now the following jazz singer was filling the room with a tranquil euphony

ten asked you to dance, it was a slow song and your hands found their way to his shoulders, his hands steadily on your waist.

"the song was beautiful" and there was something in the way that he said it with a shy but cheeky tone that indicated that you were right, you knew he had realized. and you were more than glad than he did.

"you know, you can join me singing anytime. you said you liked how it felt"

"i wouldn't mind taking up that offer"

in that moment you knew

you knew that it was finally safe for you to fall.

you had sung about wanting ten to feel secure enough to let himself drown in your embrace, but what you didn't know

is that he had already fell

he had made himself at home in your arms and was waiting for you to open the door too. and now you had

so it went on

after day that, ten went to every single one of your performances

and you also went to see him whenever he had a dancing show

you praised him so much every time he looked like he had red dye all over his face

he had sung with you at the bar multiple times already,

all his friends coming to see the growth of the young romance

"you should be thanking me for breaking that stupid vase!!!!!" yeah - you really liked sicheng.

you never experienced that bittersweet aftertaste of an empty audience ever again

because now ten was always the audience,

and you were his

and that's all you needed.

he's right here now,

and you think he'll stay.

(also, ten soon became your grandma's favorite person to bake cakes for.)

[english-with-avery]

the right choice is the hardest to make | self para

[ timestamp: august 18 ]

After having miraculously escaped Evren’s holdup, all thanks to Cyrek’s intervention, Avery drove straight home, trying her hardest to calm her young daughter who was sobbing and shaking with fear. Rhea was a sheltered child when it came to violence but she watched TV and she knew what a fucking gun looked like and she’d been aware of the danger when Evren had pointed the firearm in her daughter’s face. Never had Avery felt so scared and so helpless. After hours of Rhea crying, Avery had finally been able to calm her down and the young girl was now bathed and in fresh PJ’s, lying in her mother’s big queen bed, watching Moana. Placing a kiss on Rhea’s head, she said “I’ll be right back, baby.” Once she was downstairs and out of earshot, she dialed Noah’s number and just prayed he picked up. After three rings, she was beginning to panic but suddenly, his voice was on the other line, clearly worried, wondering why she was calling him so late. Trying to keep her voice steady, she said “Noah... We need to talk.”

It was clear that the young father initially thought this conversation was about them but she said “No, no, this is not about us. It’s about Rhea--she’s okay, she’s okay.” Traumatized but okay. “Listen, I... I need your help. I... I need you to take Rhea for a few months.” As he began to bombard her with questions, she felt the lump in her throat grow larger and larger. Fuck. “Noah, I... Noah, please just listen to me. Look, I... I got myself involved in some shady shit-- No, I can’t tell you, okay? I can’t tell you! And I’m sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, but... I fucked up and now Rhea’s in danger.” His voice practically exploded on the other end, which really didn’t surprise her--he’d shirked his responsibilities, sure, but he was still a good father and he’d do anything to keep Rhea safe. And that’s why she knew she could ask him to make such a big sacrifice, even after she’d insisted years ago that she could handle being a single mom. “No, it’s not drugs. Dammit, Noah, if I could tell you, I would! And when I finally can, I will, I promise. But right now, it’s not safe here. I need you to take her.... No, more like a few months.... Noah, listen, you can enroll her in school and in ballet classes, she’ll be just fine... I know that but you won’t be alone, okay? You have your mother and you have my parents, you know they’ll help you whenever you need it.”

He was still resisting, though she could hear the worry in his voice now--and she knew he could hear the brokenness in hers. A few tears escaped from her eyes and she let up her facade of strong armor, just for a moment. “Noah...” she said softly. “Please. I don’t know what else to do. I need you to do this. Please, I’ll never ask you for anything else. I need your help. I need to keep our daughter safe.” And Noah, knowing that stubborn Avery never asked for help, finally agreed to take Rhea in for the foreseeable future. Going back upstairs, she held Rhea tight all night long, afraid to let her out of her sight. In the morning, she excused the both of them from her classes. She needed to start packing Rhea’s things.

[ timestamp: august 22 ]

At first, Rhea was excited about seeing her father but her smile had faded when Avery had informed her that it would be for longer than just a visit. “But what about you, Mommy? I wanna’ be here with you.” Giving a sad smile, she nodded and said “I know, baby. But you need to spend some time with Daddy, okay? It won’t be for too long, I promise.” You can’t keep making all these fucking promises that you can’t keep. “Besides, it’ll be fun! You’ll get to do cool science experiments with Daddy and you’ll be able to see Grandma and Grandpa all the time--I bet Grandma will let you eat all the sweets you want when you come over. And I’ll visit, too. I’m sorry that this is all happening so fast but I know you. You’re strong and I know you can do this.” Stop putting all of this on her. Fuck. You’re such a bad mother. Avery would be traveling to Boston, but only long enough to see Noah and Rhea off. Avery couldn’t let her mother know about all of this just yet because she hadn’t been able to come up with a lie that would suffice.

Once they were at the airport, Rhea had run right to her father, excited to see him again. After their embrace, Avery gave him a genuine hug and whispered “Thank you so much for doing this. I know you’re angry at me but I will explain all of this when I can. The rest of her stuff will arrive in a truck in the next few days. Right now, what she’s got in her suitcase will last her about a week” He simply acknowledged her words with a nod, putting on a happy face for Rhea. Truly, he was furious that she’d put their child in danger and rightfully so. She’d thought she would’ve been able to handle being a single parent but it didn’t seem to be panning out that way. Holding back her tears, she gave Rhea a big kiss and a hug and said “You be good for Mommy, okay? I’ll FaceTime you every day. I love you so much, Rhea.” The girl had hugged her tight and said “I love you, too, Mommy.”

She’d waved to them as she walked back to her gate, turning right back around to get on a flight back to Vegas. Don’t cry, don’t cry, you can’t cry right now. So instead of crying, she got ridiculously drunk on the five-hour flight back home, well aware she was drowning herself in her sorrows but too full of self-loathing to care. This is all your fucking fault. By the time the Uber dropped her back off at her now empty house, she had a raging headache and an overwhelming sense of loneliness. This is what you deserve.

[nana-of-light]

First 3 Dungeons Completed

So, my grandma finally got her controller set up, along with my game settings files, (which she very much likes) but I screwed up a tiny bit and later realized I put her game audio in Japanese. LOL Damnit. It’s okay though. It’s an easy fix I can help her change. She didn’t complain about it, but i had to ask her. She moves much faster, and when she follows me, she’s always right behind me. I don’t have to pause after i turn corners to make sure i don’t run too far ahead and have her lose me. And she dodges in battle now!! Aaahhh! She says the controller is much easier on her though, which i’m very glad for. She was saying something about the touchpad on her laptop bothering her finger after awhile. I can imagine how uncomfortable playing like  that is.. She is using the chat function more too now that she doesn’t move with the keyboard.

The last time I did MSQ with her, we left off in Gridania, and she just never left. She’s told me she loves it several times already. With a few side quests she’s picked up, she ended up in Lavender Beds, looking around houses, and got lost. During the night when I couldn’t sleep, I peeked on her account to see where her MSQ was, and found her logged in front of someone’s carbuncle house. I didn’t want to touch anything and got off. When she picked it back up, I helped her get out of there and back to where we needed to be for the MSQ. She seems to wait for me to do those with her. When we met up finally, I was no longer my usual female raen au ra, but instead a male seeker miqote. I stood there and told her i got a haircut... she didn’t react though, so we moved on.

Fast forward a bit to us standing in front of Sastasha. I explained that this was a dungeon and we’d be getting a random player with us. As i’m typing, she’s running around the area, trying to find where to click on to progress next. When she started to run away, I typed faster, asking if she wanted me to go over a few things to make things smoother basically. With a yes, I went over briefly what the tank’s job was, which was to lead the party through the dungeon and keep the enemy’s focus off everyone, along with the mention that dps and healers shouldn’t run ahead of them, and that she and my boyfriend were to kill everything. And that was all! I didn’t bother with mechanics at all, so she could just experience them.

In Sastasha, we learned that she really liked Sleep.. Lol. I eventually told her that it didn’t do any damage and it was something that was rarely needed. During this run, we were seeing that transpose was still an issue because when MP was low, she’d stand and wait for it to refill, but she’s playing around with her spells and seeing how they work. The healer spent their time jumping around and running ahead to pull more things, so while I trying to see what she was doing and helping as i tanked, i had that to try to deal with that.. I felt like I couldn’t really say much though. x__x; When the coeurl boss came up, i’m not sure what happened, but she got locked out and tried to run around to figure out how to get through. D: After that, she made sure to be in front of the line to not get locked out again. For loot, she figured out how to roll on her own because I saw that she won something. And on the last boss, she just focused on that, so we ended up burning it. 

Overall, there was a lot of sleep use at the start, blizzard II seems to be her favorite way to deal with mobs, probably due to her mp trouble, and at one point, while she did stay behind me, she used her range to pull another mob before we were done with the current. I went over the last bit, explaining why this was bad, but also that it was my fault for not telling her about it. When I reminded her that fire was the better source of damage, she asked me what it turned into. So we went over transpose again, and then I introduced Fire II and mob fighting with her. She also commented about how many levels she got in that run, surprised.

So, onward to Tam tara! The healer wanted to run ahead and pull more and then stand there, watching us deal with it. Lol Ahh! Why does this keep happening! I saw Nana using Fire more, and when there were was a mob, she’d use fire II. *tears of joy* There was a few things of Sleep as well, but i think these were accidents. I didn’t really see Transpose, but she’d swap to Blizzard II to refil then resume her fire use. At the very least, I think she’s understanding that blizzard spells give mp. On the last boss, when it used that large aoe, I saw her run out of it and i yelled out loud, “HOLY SHIT, SHE DODGED! OMG SHE DID IT!!”. Before the controller, this was something I didn’t see her do, so I was ecstatic! 

Seeing the improvement in this run was a real treat, but once we stood outside Copperbell, the queue wasn’t popping, so we stood around. While we waited, I gave her a baby chocobo minion since she had previously asked me about the “things” that follow me around. After some time, I cancelled the queue and tried to see if I could grab someone more ..patient. xD; I tried a few people (some of you name dropped for me in various forms of private messages, but weren’t on at the time unfortunately) and I eventually asked my Balmung FC if anyone was free for some lowbie dungeon healing. I explained what Party Finder was to Nana and then pulled our FCmate in. I introduced them, we talked for a little bit about stuff, and then went in.

The run went pretty smoothly, and there was actual conversation during battles, which was pleasant. Our FCmate would ask how she was doing with loot rolls and things, which was pretty nice too. For the boss fight with the spriggans, I gave the heads up that a lot would be spawning, and we dove into that. However, halfway through, my eyes started to burn really bad, and while I tried to deal with that squinty and teary eyed, i couldn’t take it anymore and apologized, jumping out of my chair to go deal with it. In my stead, the boyfriend guy tanked and they killed the things, and then they went over using Limit Break with Nana. Since the FCmate used a PS4 controller too, she went over how to assign things to her crossbar. This was something that I was grateful for because I completely forgot about this. Nana was confused with it all though, but she told us she took a picture of the instructions to try it later. I think she didn’t want us to wait for her. 

After my eyes no longer felt like they were on fire, we continued on, but as we were grabbing up loot, I turned to my grandma and I finally asked, “Nana, did you notice I was a cat boy?” There was a pause and she replies, “no”. The FCmate chines in with “I noticed right away >.>”. The boyfriend laughs in the background. I chuckle with my deep mancat voice and continue on.

So, the slime boss.. Nana wanted it dead, so I just let her blow it up while the FCmate did the bomb thing for us. I said we needed the bomb to explode on the slime and not to kill it. With her focused on the slime, we watched the bomb come over and explode. *Insert me yelling at my screen as she dodges them*

On the last boss, we let her know she could ignore the koolaid men coming out of the walls. Aaand dungeon completed! Hooray!

I just want to apologize for the lack of screenshots. i know it never was something promised, but I always try to tell myself i need to get more for you guys, and I keep forgetting! By the time I remembered, I scrambled to get that unflattering one. Lmao .. I’ll try harder to get more.

Anyway! After that was all said and done, it was late and Nana wanted to get ready for bed. Our FCmate and her said their goodbyes and we split off. I think Nana afk’d or tabbed at this point because she stopped moving/responding, so I said I was logging, but would pm her on facebook.

Note: she uses speech to text on this when on her phone.

Me:  I wanted to ask.. did you like the dungeons? i was wondering if they were too hectic.

N:  Yes I'll get the the magic down better I took a picture of everything we wrote and your friend told me how to do that I didn't get it but I took a picture so I can do it tomorrow and level 27 now that's a good thing those dungeons do I had no idea where we went how we went there and where I'm at right now I'm just going to shut it down because right below it I have an old thing to do something to get that done N:  No punctuation marks you're going to have to figure it out

Me:  i am reading slowly, but i think i got it.

Me:  i didn't know how to do limit breaks for awhile, so i think it's normal.

N:  Yeah and you can't go back and correct it either

N:  I don't even know what limit breaks means

Me:  remember in the final fantasy games how there would be a gauge that would fill over time and it was a big attack you could use every now and then?

N:  Oh yeah

Me:  that's what it is, but a different name.  it's shared by the party.

N: *thumbs up emote*

N:  Okay I'm going to finish up here and go to bed your mom and I are going to run errands tomorrow

N:  That little duck looking thing is in my minion thing is that where it's supposed to go and what happens now

Me:  click on it in the minion guide.

N:  Okay

Me:  it's a chocobo. lol!

N: Lol nn

Me:  okay, good night !

N: *sticker of two sprawled out dogs, sleeping with Z’s*

So, that’s that! A little progress here and there. Good stuff. \o/ Phew!

Also.. Added bonus. Here’s an older screenshot while we were still stuck in the desert. This guy has no shame. I kinda want to draw this out..

[darkangeldesignstudio]

Need to talk....

Ok not to be a downer this morning but I really need to talk about what happened this morning. I need to get this stress off of my chest or I may just explode. I haven’t felt this depressed in a long damn time and I have court on Monday so I don’t need the added stress. So, here goes something....

Woke up this morning in a great fucking mood, which is a big deal for me when I’ve been nothing but stressed for the past few months. The stress of looming court dates with my ex had me in fits of nightmares and restless nights, but last night I actually got a pretty great night of sleep and was happy to be alive for once.

Then, I got a call from my mom. She let my oldest son (who is 4) spend the night with her and her fiancé last night. Her apartment is right behind my house so it’s not a big deal for me to come and get him in the morning. She had to be at work at 9 and got up a bit later than normal so I went to get my son instead of her having to bring him over by herself.

As soon as I walk in the door, I’m bombarded with nasty looks and passive aggressive comments about how she’s sick and my son will probably end up being sick because she HAD to keep him overnight. First of all she fucking offered to keep him, knowing that I had no problem with keeping him, but apparently him being sick is MY FAULT. I brushed off the comment because I didn’t wanna deal with her drama and got my boy up and took him to the house.

Got my clothes on because my mom needed someone to drive her to pick up her car from town. She didn’t ask me to take her, but I got ready anyway. She walks in the house and hands me some money to pay my lawyer when I went to my appointment. My grandmother (her mom) is in the living room and my mom walks by her and offhandedly says, “Don’t worry, you don’t have to pay anything to the lawyer. I got it.” Her tone was venemous as fuck and I just looked at my grandma like “wtf?”

I jokingly asked who pissed in her cornflakes and she just goes off. I’m like whatever and ignored her bullshit. At this point, I’m used to her being a raging bitch when she wakes up.

At this point, I’m sitting in my chair and waiting for her to finish getting ready so we can go. She’s standing in the kitchen talking her head off about something and then she yells at me to come on like she was waiting for me. And immediately I know that this fucking 10 minute car ride is going to be hell on wheels (literally).

I get in the car and she immediately wants to talk shit about my grandma (her mother) not giving her money to help cover the deposit for OUR lawyer. My mom just got over $9000 from her tax refund so why the hell should my grandma have to give her money? I told her that I didn’t wanna listen to her rant and deal with her drama, that’s something she needed to discuss with my grandma because ranting at me isn’t going to do anything.

So, like a perfectly sane human being, she cusses me out. Calling me a bitch and stupid and just expects me to take it. I pulled the fuck over and told her if she was going to talk to me like that then she could walk to her fucking car. This apparently pisses her off more so she starts telling me how hateful and useless I am.

I finally fucking lost it and yelled at her to shut the hell up. I’m in fucking tears by this time. She’s been yelling and raving at me like a fucking psychotic banshee and because I FINALLY stand up to her (which she punches me for doing btw), I’m the crazy one!

Like, what the actual fuck is wrong with this woman?!?! Who the fuck punches the person DRIVING the car?!?!? And I’m the crazy one?!?!

I’m just so fucking tired. I’ve never cried this hard in my damn life. I had to pull over the car on my way back home because I was gagging and almost puked my guts up from crying so hard.

I just don’t understand how my mom, the woman that birthed me, could treat me like trash and hate me so much. Then she wonders why I’m so depressed and would rather read stories than deal with the real world.

Well, here’s a news flash mom, it’s because you have made me hate the world I live in. It’s because you have taken away every bit of joy I have ever experienced in my damn life and crushed it under your feet. You, the woman that gave me life, has made me want to take it away. If it weren’t for my two children who give me so much to live for, I would have killed myself a long fucking time ago.

That’s all I have to say on the matter. If y’all have any advice for me or some words of encouragement, I could really use them right now. Because, gods know I’m not getting any support from my own family at this point.