#grateful af for jake okay okay

[hisdarlingabsurdity]

Frankenstein's Monster

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem! Human! Reader

Tags: slow af. Part two otw. Bitter, jaded reader. Stressed Neteyam. Slow burn. Reader is a reader.

You haven’t been yourself lately, and you think it might have something to do with how everything is just so blue. Ever since you were so disrespectfully given birth to, you’re almost always surrounded by blue. It wasn't annoying at first, except the color never seems to be out of sight, there's always something that's blue everywhere you look. Literal blue aliens talk to you. And nobody has any idea how vexed you are at how ridiculously blue the sky is. Now the sea. Everything is just so goddamned blue. 

But you say nothing. It would be unbecoming of you to complain (about something so silly too) after all, it was the Sullys who saved you, Jake had taken you under his wing and taught you almost all he knows about surviving here as a human, so it makes sense that they would take you with them in their self-imposed exile.

They saved you from Dionysus Red, Container 12 where you were known as Subject 003. Even your uniform as No. 3 back then was blue. No wonder you hate the color.

 You really do not know where you stand with all of this. You are grateful, yes. You now eat three times a day, and not those shitty slop they served you back in Dionysus. You had a room of your own and you were free to do as you like, study, learn, listen to music, read, and use the technologies so generously bestowed upon you at Hell's gate. But you didn't belong there, hell, you don't belong anywhere on this moon you were so kindly shoved into existence on.

But you were glad that there was another human there that was your age. His name was Spider and you think he's stupid, especially when he tries to hiss. You adore him, but he gets on your nerves sometimes.

"I wish I could breathe outside like you. It's so unfair," he said one day.

You were watching a video about earth when he strutted in, and stared at you for five minutes straight, before finally speaking. You peek over the screen in favor of looking him in the eyes when you respond. "Sorry we couldn't salvage any of the tech they used to experiment and torture me for an ability I did not ask for. Though it would've been better if you waited for them to make it to subject 14, maybe by then they'd be working on people like me but with tails so they can make tsaheylu."

He shook his head, unraveling his crossed arms. "Okay, sorry. But that wasn't what I meant. You know that."

You shrug. "I don't know what you need my lungs for when you can just stay here with me and just…not go outside, to a world where everything tries to kill ya." You see him giving you a pointed look.

"But you don't even stay here all the time like that, I also envy how Jake gets you himself and teaches you how to survive here. Like, are you kidding me? The Chief himself? And he's practically adopted you." He mumbles the last part.

 You wonder if he sees the arrangement as  special treatment. You don't see it as such but of course, leave it to Spider to overthink things. If he pursues this logic, as ridiculous as it is, he might even one day think that Jake sees you as part of his family. Fool.

"He tries, and I have no idea why. I'm just going with it because I respect him and I believe he's doing it because for some reason (you sigh) he sees me as his responsibility. He's got like what, six kids? Ain't that enough brats to handle?"

"He's teaching you all that stuff because it's all you need since you can breathe their air, all that's left is for you to learn skills and stuff. Y'know, stuff scientists can't inject on you." he says as he plops himself up on a table. "And he's got four."

You roll your eyes, before they flickered to his legs, freshly smeared with spartan fruit, dyed to mimic the Na'vi body stripes. He sees you looking and sighs once again. "You see what I do to try and feel like I belong with them?"

"You certainly belong with them more than I do, you grew up here, and you get along with his children too."

"More like they tolerate me." He rolls his eyes.

"Their mom tolerates you, the kids like you." You drop the datapad on the table to completely focus on him. "That's something, isn't it? At least the kids don't hate you. His eldest glares at me like I personally offended his ancestors."

"Oh, they don't hate you. You don't exactly make it easy to approach you."

"Yeah, well I'm not that interested in making friends, ok? I've got you already. In any case, I think you might as well be part of their family with the amount of time you spend around them."

"I still think being able to breathe the same air as them would help a lot," he replies. 

Sometimes you still miss him.

You do hope that he's still alive…unless he's in a situation where dying is much more preferable.

Naturally, since Jake Sully more or less became your guardian, you had to leave with them. You didn't mind really, and you felt a kind of loyalty towards him, loyalty that's bordering on obsequiousness, and it scares you because you know you would do anything he asks of you (so you've gotten good at hiding before he gets the chance).

And that same loyalty made you feel anger again for the first time in a long while. 

"Absolutely not." Ronal says, the moment her eyes landed on you, she's already decided. 

You feel blood rush to your ears, your fingers digging into your palms as you feel everyone's eyes on you. You knew what Jake's family was thinking. That Neyteri was right and that they shouldn't have taken you with them. Now, they were moments away from finally convincing the chief to let them stay, and your mere presence ruined it. You hated the fact that they would be rejected, and sent away because of you. You knew you'd cause an inconvenience, everyone did, yet they just had to drag you along.

You were seriously even considering friendship with them, since you don't have a Hell's Gate to hide in, no Spider. Now they're all you've got. And you thought that maybe they don't hate you that much. But now the inconvenience of your presence was palpable, you realize that you've got no right to even think about friendship.

"She's one of us…" 

You could hear Jake in the background, voice too muddled because you couldn't focus, you didn't want to focus, because if you did, you'd hear what they had to say, and when you do, you wouldn't be able to help but formulate a response, and then you'd never be able to keep your mouth shut like Jake practically begged you to. So you bit your lip, kept your eyes on the ground, and held your tongue.

⌛🌊⌛

You yawn as you stretch, popping a few joints here and there. You step out of your new home with the Sullys, which was what they called a marui. You look up at the blue sky, then down at the blue sea. Then you catch some of the reef folks giving you the stink eye. You glare back and they shuffle away with a grimace, all pride and indignation. You really wanted to give those blue, lanky-ass grumps a good throttling.

"Stop glaring at the locals, dad told us to behave." The eldest of the Sully kids say as he steps out, already geared up for the day. You look up at him. "He only meant it for you troublemakers. Also, it wouldn't matter if I behaved or not." 

It didn't matter because they would always find something to be displeased about when it came to you.

 

You knew that he knew exactly what you meant and you walked away. Then you went padding right back, then past him to grab the book you forgot from inside the marui. You feel his gaze at you as you leave until you rounded a corner, walking far away to go look for a hiding spot for the rest of the day. 

You plan on making the most of your freedom before Jake masters whatever water animal it is he's practicing on, because then he'll have time to spare on you. 

You hear someone call out your name.

You turn and watch as Kiri sprints her way towards you. You squint up at her, almost blinded at the bright smile she was sending down at you. What an angel. 

"Now, where are you skulking off to again?"

"Anywhere that's far enough."

She looks around comically. "I don't think dad would appreciate you migrating off to another island for your reading time."

"Haha, very funny." You say, trailing off awkwardly, not knowing how to further contribute to the small talk she was obviously initiating.

She giggles as she proceeds to walk ahead, slow enough to let you know that she wants to walk alongside you.

"Look, I just…" she starts, waving her hands a little as she looks for the words she wants to say. "I don't think separating yourself from us is a good idea."

You say nothing, so she continues.

To be honest, it wasn't surprising of her to approach you about this. Of course they might care a smidge about you, like one would normally feel for a stray cat they occasionally give food to.

"They might see that. That we aren't that close. They might realize the distance you're creating and use it to their advantage, to try and hurt you."

"Then you underestimate people, and their capacity for cruelty."

"I think they'd be too disgusted to even try and approach me."

"Oh, I'm well aware of cruelty, I never underestimate anyone's capability for it. But I know I can be just as cruel. You can count on me to not be a pussy and let them trample on me."

"I know. But I think it's better if you don't go looking for trouble…" she says.

"What do you mean?" 

"I think it's better if you stay close to us, don't give them the opportunity to approach you. Don't give them a chance to get a rise out of you and cause conflict."

Oh but of course. Of course she wasn't worried about you, she just doesn't want you to cause more trouble for them. Fair enough. It was presumptuous of you to think that you'd even be on the same level as a stray cat.

"But I don't think your siblings would appreciate my presence around them. Believe me, I also don't want to cause anything bad for your family. Why'd you think I keep my distance for? I stay far away from you, because I know that they'll attempt to provoke me, maybe possibly even try to hurt me, get rid of me, or kill me. I stay far so no one will get involved. The conflict would be contained. Just me. Get it? " 

You stop, and she turns to you with an even more worried look on her face as she scans your features. "That's a valid point," you say.

She stammers, struggling to reply as her cheeks darkened. What she was getting worked up for, you do not know. But you do hope that your genuine wish to not cause problems for them would set her mind at ease.

You walk off.

⌛🌊⌛

You think that perhaps they shouldn't worry too much about you causing trouble, when they can't keep away from it themselves.

You hear Jake's voice from inside the tent. He was seething, and you watch as Lo'ak, the second son, walks out of the marui, his face bruised. He huffs as he pushes past you. You decide against loitering around there like a nosy eavesdropper, not wanting to come face to face with anyone from the tent. Then Neteyam walks out of the Marui. He raises an eyebrow at you, then you turn your back, about to escape from the reaches of the flame, or at least tried to.

"And you," Jake calls out. 

You turn towards him, and you see Neteyam grab this opportunity to vanish.

"You're coming with me."

"...um, no. I don't think so."

From the corner of your eyes, you see Neteyam pause, then pivot towards you, probably with a 'the fuck?' look on his face, the usual one he sends towards you.

Jake narrows his eyes as he stares you down, and you gulp.

"What I meant was, I am not ready yet, sir. I would like to have more time to gather my  courage, please." 

You hear Neteyam scoff.

Jake's brows drew together, deep in thought. You knew you had at least a little bit of a chance that he might relent when he takes his time to decide. If you had no chance at all, then he wouldn't have to think about it. You knew he was too busy for you, and you were right.

"Fine. But prepare yourself. I won't be as lenient once your training starts. You have a lot to learn." 

You, in your relief, grinned up at him. He blinks, clearly taken aback, his stern gaze softening. How it baffled you even more, when he nodded and patted you on the head, before striding off.

You almost burst out laughing when you catch Neteyam gawking at you. You try to keep your lips from curling into a smug, shit-eating grin for his sake. You failed.

⌛🌊⌛

You hate how that exchange improved your mood so much. It was revolting, the way the world seemed so much brighter after receiving a pat on the head from your saviour. You must've been a lot more lonely than you let yourself realize.

Perhaps Jake knew, because he went ahead and dragged you with them to dinner. The dreaded communal gathering that you've been avoiding.

You should've attended these gatherings sooner.

You loved watching the reef folk squirm under your blank stare. And since Jake successfully mastered riding a skimwing, his reputation improved significantly. The reef folk are more careful not to offend him and his people now, at least in front of the chief. Now you can creep them out without having to worry about getting beat up (at least not right now).

The fun was cut off though, when Neteyam notices what you've been doing. He was onto you at once, smiling politely at the people he passed, then as he reaches you,  his smile falls into a scowl. He leans down to you and whispers "will you stop doing that." It was more of a hiss, really. His smile was back again as he pulls away.

For the rest of the night, you can feel his gaze on you. You don't see your life flashing before your eyes, so it probably wasn't a glare anymore. It was unnerving, still. Especially since he's also, quite obviously hovering around you. He wasn't even trying to hide it, like a reminder, a warning.

It was a pretty nice distraction though. At least it was a far cry from the kind of looks you always get from the reef people. Granted, you kind of deserve it for creeping them out with your perfectly practiced, blank eyes, but they wouldn't receive such disturbing stares if they weren't looking at you in the first place. Since the beginning, they look at you like you were a walking direhorse shit. Except for that one girl named Tsireya. You could practically feel her curious stares like laser beams. At least they hurt less than the usual repulsion. Ah. Hurt. Yes, of course it hurts. No amount of bitterness and pretense of indifference can protect you from your very human weaknesses. The desire to be a part of a community. How completely alone you are now, without Spider, without those agreeable middle-aged scientists back in Hell's Gate, who exerted so much effort into building rapport with you. Tsireya's curious gaze is refreshing.

And as if she was summoned with the mere thought of her, Tsireya taps you gently on the shoulders. You meet her squinting eyes, sparkling with mirth, with your dead ones.

"Hi," she says

"Hi," you answer.

She looks down, still smiling. Shouldn't you say something? But she's the one who approached you, if anyone's gotta say something it should be her. 

You watch as she purses her lips in thought. Then she meets your gaze again.

"I apologize. I've never met a human before, and don't really know how to say what I want to say exactly the way I mean them."

You feel a bit warm, right in the chest because she talks so gently and she's so nice and her voice doesn't bear any disgust or hostility…

"What I do want to say is that," she continues. "I would like to be your friend."

"No, thank you."

Observe, the way her eyebrows meet but with anger so nonexistent, its absence apparent in the way her lips form a pout, her eyes glistening in dismay. You know she feels guilty because of the way her villagers have been treating you. You start to feel a little guilty yourself, but her mortification at your unexpected rejection of her offer of friendship gives you that unhinged sense of satisfaction. It gives fuel to the tiny flames licking at the hollow feeling in your knees. It was exhilarating.

You knew Neteyam was watching, too stunned to try and save the day.

You also knew that her brother was watching, his body tensing at the sight of his upset sister. He was far enough away to give you time, and you wait as he pushes himself off the tree he was leaning against, his eyes burning holes at the side of your head.

"You wouldn't gain anything by becoming friends with me. If anything, it would probably upset your parents." You explain.

Tsireya shakes her head, and she grabs both of your hands. Your eyes widened at the contact. 

"I do not think you deserve the way you've been ostracized. You are different, yes. But you are not evil, not like the demons we've heard so much about. Let me be your friend, we can show them that you are not one of those demons."

You did not expect this reaction, and you look around, hoping that no one other than her brother and Neteyam was looking, fat chance because everyone in the village has been blatantly looking at the two of you the moment she took your hands in hers.

"How do you even know that I'm not one of them?" 

Aonung reached the two of you, his lips curling in disgust at the sight of your hand in his sister's.

"I have a feeling. And let us confirm this feeling of mine by spending more time together!" She gives you an earnest smile.

You wanted to shoot her down again and reject her, this time right in front of her brother, just out of spite. But with her round, bright eyes, her genuine smile and reassuring grasp, you couldn't do it.

"If you really want to, I guess." You shrug, trying to appear nonchalant, even as she squeals, shaking your hands as she gleefully bounces up and down. You wanted to smile too.

"Do you wish to be one of us or something?" Aonung asks, clearly giving his all to appear civilized.

"No." You answer simply, and as fast as you can before you could think of a rude answer.

You notice everyone losing interest in your conversation with the chief's children. The reef people are slowly getting back to mind their own businesses. You don't want to gain their scrutinizing gaze once again, and upsetting these two kids would. 

"Then why are you trying to associate yourself with my sister?"

"Aonung," Tsireya groans. "I was the one who asked her first. I'm the one who wants to be friends."

Aonung ignores her as he steps closer towards you, his eyes flickering over to Jake before down again at yours. You couldn't help but steal a glance at Jake too, only to find him too busy talking with Tonowari, the chief. You meet Aonung's gaze once again, this time he was wearing a predatory grin.

"A human, a demon, trying to worm its way into somewhere it doesn't belong. That's what you are. Do not forget."

You take a deep breath, feeling the cool night air stretch your lungs as you try to resist the urge to deck him, right in front of his own village.

"What's up?" Lo'ak saunters toward your friendly group, both his arms resting on top of his head in a lazy manner. His clueless gaze shifting from Tsireya, then to you, then at Aonung. "Am I interrupting something?"

Simultaneously, the metkayina siblings answer a negative and a positive.

"Great, what is this? The gathering of freaks?" Aonung laughs. Neteyam winces, his eyes burning a fiery glare that you've become familiar with.

Kiri follow behind Lo'ak, sheepishly looking at you through her eyelashes.

"It must be, since you're here too." You say before Neteyam could even open his mouth.

The other three, Lo'ak, Kiri, and Tsireya blanches at your answer, the two other 'freaks' not even given enough time to feel offended. Silence ensues and you could almost hear the gears in Aonung's brain as he processes your unexpected retort. It definitely wasn't one of your best, and you cringe.

Lo'ak all but explodes in raucous laughter, causing eyes and heads to turn in your direction once again.

Aonung's sharp eyes flicker once again towards the direction where his father and Jake were, before huffing as he slowly backs away.

"That's right. Enjoy yourself tonight. It is a party after all."

He was definitely going to have you killed.

You know you've contradicted yourself when you told Kiri that you do not want to cause them trouble, only to later start provoking reef people. You managed to not make a scene (you kinda did) and ruin the party (you nearly did) though. That's something.

"What was that?" Neteyam asked, eyebrows slanted downwards in disapproval. You shrug. "Some guy walked up on me and started spouting shit?"

He huffs, clearly irritated. "You've obviously been annoying people on purpose," he says in a low voice, so as to not gain more attention. 

"It was me who approached her!" Tsireya whispers, vehemently defending you.

"What happened?" Lo'ak asks, also whispering, his head bent and leaning towards you.

"We all know you've been making others feel uncomfortable on purpose." Neteyam says to you.

You scoff. "Story of my life in a nutshell."

"What?"

"I only treat people the way they treat me, Neteyam. They glare at me and it doesn't matter if I ignore them, they'll still see me as a monster and treat me like shit. I just decided to have fun with it."

Neteyam sighs. He looks around before meeting your gaze once again. "Just stop with the troublemaking, it's the least you can do."

You wanted to rip your hair off. 

"Well, I'm sorry then. Sorry for terrorizing the metkayina people by mirroring their stares!" You flip Neteyam off, mouthing a very aggressive 'fuck you'. He gapes at you, mortified. You shake your head, muttering a tiny "shit" as you leave, already regretting the way you handled things, but still leaving as fast as you can to escape.

…

"You kinda deserved that." Lo'ak states.

Neteyam gives him an offended look, before also shaking his head as he walks off to the opposite direction, his head filled with thoughts of you.

[garbagevanfleet]

Learn To Leave A Room (series)

PART ONE

Pairing: Jake & female!Reader Warnings: general sexiness, but nothing too risque yet Summary: Balancing relationships is hard work - God forbid someone throw a wrench into it. Notes:  This whole fic is long af because I have a lot to say about Jake Kiszka, but each chapter will be digestible in size. Bless @lantern-inthenight for beta-ing the first chapter for me. ;__;  We are all taking my descent into being a Jake Girl as best as we can. 

“I am not ashamed, the story goes. I swear I will learn to leave a room without touching every part of your face.” — Marcelo Hernandez Castillo, “How to Grow the Brightest Geranium,” published in Breakwater Review   

You are many things. You’re a good daughter, a loyal friend, and a mother to four houseplants. You are not, however, a morning person, which is why being ripped away from your warm bed at 6 am is less than ideal. You’ve never been able to say no to Lucy though (not that she’d give you any choice), which is why you’re sitting across from her in her favorite diner as the sun rises outside. 

Lucy has been your best friend since middle school, through thick and thin, and you love her to death. She can find the right words in any situation, and she always manages to look beautiful, even at this ungodly hour. 

Her curls are always soft and shiny and at first, you think she might be glowing but the closer you look, the more convinced you become that she’s wearing highlighter. You frown. You could barely manage to throw your hair up in a bun this morning, let alone think about makeup- 

“Hey, hello?” Lucy is leaning in, grinning expectantly. “Are you listening to me?” 

You shake your head apologetically. “Sorry, Lu. I’m still waking up.” 

“Want some more coffee?” she asks, but she doesn’t wait for your reply before waving the waitress over. You think most people couldn’t get away with something like that, but she’s so sweet and soft-spoken that everyone melts - even the busy waitress. Lucy kindly asks for a refill for you both so you take that moment to finish the rest of your cup. You’re not sure whether to be grateful or a bit embarrassed when the waitress takes a look at you and then decides to just leave the carafe.  

“Also, is now an okay time to tell you Josh is joining us in a couple of minutes?” Lucy asks sheepishly, cutting you off from your thoughts again. 

“I had expected nothing less,” you say, giving her an assuring smile, though it’s not entirely true. You’re not upset at all, it’s just that you can remember a time when it was just you and Lucy against the world. You used to eat lunch together every day and study every night in high school. When she met Josh, it had somehow seamlessly started to become Lucy, Josh, and you. Third Wheeling. 

Josh is impossible to dislike, you think, no matter how badly you wish you could. He’s simply too charming and handsome, despite being a bit too loud and a lot less funny than he thinks he is. 

“You can invite your guy,” Lucy suggests excitedly. You shake your head instantly, huffing a nervous laugh. 

“No way. It’s too new,” you explain, fiddling with the handle of your mug aimlessly. “It would be awkward.” 

You’re not facing the door, but you can tell the exact second that Josh steps through it, both because the little bell rings, and because Lucy’s face lights up like a Christmas tree. You lovingly shake your head and take a sip of the fresh coffee. 

“Oh, he brought Jake,” she says offhandedly. Your heart skips a beat, and despite telling yourself not to, you turn your head to look. Josh is oddly put together for this hour as well, and you silently wonder if he and Lucy are turning into the same person. You hear that can happen when you’ve been dating long enough. 

When your eyes catch on Jake behind him, you snap your head back around and groan under your breath. 

You had not been prepared to see Josh this morning. You had not even been well prepared to see Lucy this morning. You were absolutely not prepared for Jake. 

It’s not like you don't see him often enough. Lucy drags you along to the Kiszka house nearly every time you hang out, and you can’t say you really mind. Their house is always warm and cozy. It’s just that...

You shoot a glare at her, but she just laughs and shrugs her petite shoulders.

“I swear to god, I thought he was coming alone,” she assures. 

You’d never tell Lucy, but you’ve always thought Jake was the more attractive twin, even well before she had started dating Josh. He was just so effortlessly cool and collected in comparison. 

On a whim, you quickly stand and slide in next to Lucy, ignoring her questioning look. In a hushed tone, you turn your head to her and say, “If Josh sits next to you, then I have to sit with-” 

She cuts you off with a laugh and just as the boys reach your booth, she subtly reaches over and locks her fingers with yours under the table. The little squeeze she gives lets you know she understands.

“Hi, babe,” she greets, pulling her hand from yours. She leans across the table and strokes her fingers down Josh’s cheek. “Good morning.”

“Oh my god,” you whisper in slight disgust as Josh turns his face to place a kiss against Lucy’s palm, but they either don’t hear you or don’t care. You pull your cup of coffee up to your face to try and hide the unavoidable eye roll that follows PDA of that level. Over the rim of your mug, you catch Jake smirking across at you, seemingly reading your mind. He’s got his arms folded over his chest, instantly looking relaxed into the vinyl seat. 

“Jake,” you say in way of greeting, as you push the warm carafe across the table towards the boys. “Coffee?”

Josh is far too busy talking to Lucy to hear you. Well, that’s actually not quite right, you think. More like talking at Lucy, at the speed of a mile a minute. Lucy certainly doesn’t look like she’s suffering for it though - she’s got her elbows on the countertop, her chin resting in her delicate hands. She seems to be lapping it up, eyes a little dreamy. 

Jake seems to be even better at ignoring them than you are. You try not to stare at his fingers as he reaches forward and turns the unused mug in front of him right-side-up, but if your eyes linger, you can’t be blamed.  

The four of you fill the morning with small talk, consuming more coffee than you think could possibly be healthy. The diner only gets busier and the smell of warm maple syrup and bacon makes your stomach growl. 

When the sun rises completely, it shines in through the windows and warms your face pleasantly. It casts a comfortable, golden light across your table, and you don’t realize that you’re staring at the way it hits Jake’s face until he raises his eyebrows at you. 

You’ve tuned out completely again - who knows for how long this time, so you try not to look startled when Lucy takes your hand to get your attention. 

“Doesn’t that sound fun?” she prompts expectantly. You nod at her, although you’re sure she knows that you have no idea what she’s been saying. 

“A party sounds fun, right?” she reiterates sweetly. 

“Oh, yeah. Parties are always fun,” you agree. You go to take a sip of your coffee, but find that it’s gone cold. “When?”

Josh huffs a laugh at you, presumably because all of this has already been said. “Tonight. Our place.”

You smile sheepishly back at him. “Sorry, I’m really not used to existing outside of my bed at this hour.”

“You can invite your boyfriend,” Lucy suggests excitedly, causing the smile to drop right from your lips.

“Boyfriend?” Jake quips, eyebrows raised at you. You try not to look like a deer in the headlights. 

“You never mentioned that you have a boyfriend.” The tone of Josh’s voice is a little too coy for your liking. 

You can feel your face starting to warm, and you furiously try to will the blush from setting in. “It’s really recent. And it’s way too short notice to invite him for tonight.” You direct the last part at Lucy, trying to convey how much you don’t want to have to introduce your new man to your friends yet.

But Josh smells blood (or in this case, intense dread) in the water, and he’s on it like a shark. “We can move it to Friday night then.”

“Oh, no,” you quickly object. You wish you could figure out why your stomach is in such tight knots, but you’re drawing blanks. “Don’t reschedule on my account.”

No sooner are the words out of your mouth before he’s cutting in again, his lips turned up into a wicked-looking smile. “We insist. No trouble at all.” 

You know you must look like a cornered animal, because Lucy presses her shoulder against yours, and in the most comforting voice possible says, “Hey, it’ll be fun. I’ve been looking forward to getting to know him better anyway.” 

Neither of them gives you a chance to think of a reply before they continue on about the party. You think they’re talking about what kind of alcohol to get, but you’re already considering what disease you’re going to say you’ve contracted. You think there’s no way they’d let you attend a party if you had - say - leprosy. 

When you glance up, Jake is already looking at you from across the table. He’s wearing that smirk again, but this time it’s smaller, more subtle. You can’t tell if he’s just mirroring his brother’s energy, or if he can tell how badly you want to throttle Josh and he thinks it’s amusing. You hold his eyes for a beat longer than you should, but you manage to rip them away as Josh puts a twenty on the table. 

“Coffee’s on me this morning, ladies,” Josh says, but there’s not a single hit of devious energy in the smile he gives you and Lucy now. 

You scowl at him and huff annoyedly. “As long as you’re handing it out, I’m suing for emotional distress.”

You wish you could prevent it, but the way Josh tips his head back and laughs makes you crack a smile.

+++

You put it off for the next couple of days. You don’t want to think about the impending party, and you don’t want to think about your boyfriend. Picking up a couple of extra shifts at the cafe keeps it all out of your head, for the most part. You tell yourself it’s because you’re too busy - you’ve got lots of things to do. But secretly, although you would never admit it to anyone, you were hoping that if you waited until the very last second to invite him, he wouldn’t be able to come. His name is Mitch. You’ve only been seeing him for a month or so, and you had never made a conscious decision to move from “talking” to “going out” to “boyfriend”. It just kind of happened, the same way the seasons slip by without your permission.

He was just a fun guy that you met at work. He ordered a black coffee, and even though he had seemed like he was in a hurry when he walked in, he sat down at the counter and sipped on it as he talked to you. You had done next to nothing for him but pour him a cup, but when he left, there was a ten and a napkin with his number scrawled across it under his empty cup. 

He wasn’t particularly kind or handsome, but you gave him a chance - had a drink with him once and things just went from there. He never gave you any reason to stop seeing him, so you didn’t. One date had turned into two, and then three, and before you knew it, he was sending you emoji hearts and dick pics that weren’t unpleasant. 

It’s Friday morning, and you’re sitting on the edge of Lucy’s bed. Your feet are stuffed into a warm pair of slippers as they dangle just above the floor and you’ve been watching her go through her closet for at least half an hour. She keeps pulling out skirts, holding them in front of her form and assessing them in the mirror, only to decide that she doesn’t like the top she’d attempted to pair it with. 

You run your hand over her blankets, still messed up from where you’d both slept last night. You hadn’t been intending to stay over, but you had a pair of pajamas and a toothbrush there for this specific purpose. 

She turns to you, a dress on a hanger in front of her body and she looks distressed. “What do you think of this one? Is it too much for a house party?”

You shrug. “Maybe, but you always look perfect in everything, so I don’t think anyone would notice. Can we get coffee?”

She waves you off. “In a minute,” she agrees, turning around to hang the dress back onto the rack. “What are you wearing tonight?”

“Not sure,” you admit, laying back and staring up at the ceiling. You don’t see her expression, but you’re positive that her pretty face is scrunched up in a frown. 

“You haven’t thought about it? Do you want to borrow something of mine?” She doesn’t give you enough time to agree before she adds, “Maybe you should see what Mitch is wearing so you don’t clash.”

You can’t help but suck in a sharp breath as your stomach sinks, and you see her head whip around out of the corner of your eye.

“You did invite him, right?” she blurts, but her tone suggests that she already knows the answer. 

You groan at her. “I completely forgot.” It’s not actually a lie, but you don’t add that you had been trying to forget.  

“Oh my god, you should right now!” 

You nod, staring at the little glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. It’s silent for a beat before she speaks again, this time a lot quieter like she’s trying not to say the wrong thing. 

“Unless. Are things not going well?”

You sit up, shaking your head. “No, everything is fine,” you assure, forcing your voice to remain level. “I’m not like. One hundred percent invested in it, but everything is just fine. I think I’m just nervous to introduce him to everyone.”

“I get it. I’m sure everything will go smoothly though,” she assures. “We’ll go easy on him.”

You are positive that she’s not speaking for Josh, but you thank her anyway. She turns and dips her hand into the closet. You can hear her moving hangers around for a second before she pulls out the shortest dress you’ve ever seen. “Now how slutty do you want to look?”

+++

You had texted Mitch while you were in the shower, waiting for your conditioner to set in. You thought you were going to get lucky because at first, he had said he had plans, but he quickly texted that he would absolutely blow them off to party with you. You tried to tell him not to - that it was totally cool - but he insisted, and that’s why you’re sitting next to him on the Kiszka family couch. Lucy is on your other side, leg pressed against yours, and Josh is sitting on the ottoman in front of the three of you. Lucy was right; things seem to be going fine so far. It’s somewhere around 11 pm, and you’ve even felt comfortable enough to get a little loose on whatever pink shit she keeps giving you. 

Josh is leaned in, chatting easily with Mitch about...some kind of sport? You wish you could hear better, but the music is too loud. You briefly think that maybe letting Sam DJ was a mistake. You’re pretty sure that the eclectic playlist is not in the same tastes as most of the other attendees, but you completely understand how Sam ended up in charge of it. He was far too pretty to say no to.  

Lucy is significantly more drunk than you are. You can tell because she has adopted a hazy look, and her body is entirely more relaxed than usual. She leans in, speaking loud enough you can hear her. 

“You wanna dance? I’m bored,” she asks and her pout forces a laugh out of you. 

“Maybe a bit later. I need to be drunker for that, I think,” you reply, giving her shoulder a nudge with yours. Lucy frowns back at you, but it isn’t seconds later that she’s physically dragging Josh into a standing position and onto the dancefloor. He tries to object, but it’s weak and half-hearted, and you guess it’s only for the benefit of not offending Mitch. He gives your boyfriend an apologetic smile before taking Lucy by the waist and you watch with a slight pang of envy as they start to sway, hips pressed together tightly.

The song changes to something not quite as abrasive, and you give a little sigh of relief. It’s just quiet enough that you finally feel like you can have an actual conversation, so you turn to ask Mitch if he’s having a good time, but he’s not paying you any attention. He must be more intoxicated than you thought because he’s so melted into the couch that his drink is threatening to spill out of his cup. You go to reach for it, trying to avoid staining the cream-colored fabric below. When you slip it easily out of his hand without any objection, you realize why - his eyes are glued to a girl across the room. She’s beautiful, scantily clad, and dancing so low that you’re truly impressed with how strong her legs must be. 

Mitch realizes that you’ve caught him only a beat later and he flashes you a cocky smile. 

You aren’t angry - maybe closer to annoyed. You roll your eyes, but he doesn’t let you make any kind of comment. In one swift, abrupt motion he pulls you over him until you’re straddling his lap, and the shocked yelp you let out is luckily lost in the music. You are suddenly immensely grateful that you didn’t let Lucy talk you into that sinfully short dress, because if you had, your whole ass would be showing in this position.  

His attempt at doubling down is obvious, but that doesn’t stop you from sharply demanding, “What are you doing?”

You may not have been that upset before, but you are now that you’re looking at his stupid face. He laughs at you, hands on your hips and leans in to press his nose against your neck. You hear him talking to you, lips directly against your skin, but you’re so embarrassed that everything sounds like static. 

You go to push off of him, but over his shoulder, you catch Jake leaning against the door frame into the kitchen. He was chatting with a group of people, but when he looks over and sees you, his body tenses. You instantly feel your face run hot when you meet his eyes because you’re acutely aware of what it must look like you’re doing. 

You’d seen him earlier when you first arrived, but you didn’t realize how good he looked until right now. His long hair is pushed back, letting you take in his whole face at once. The chiseled features are even more sharpened by a light sheen coming off of the string of fairy lights that Lucy had been intent on hanging. 

His outfit isn’t complicated, just a dark pair of jeans and a black leather jacket, but he’s making the ensemble look exactly as it was meant to be. 

 He’s giving you a look that you can’t place, but it’s somewhere between smug and shocked. Whatever it is, it’s intense enough that it makes your breath catch in your chest.

Mitch picks that moment to press a hot kiss against your throat, sucking the skin and causing your lips to fall open. You whine as you feel his teeth scraping your skin because it stings. Any evidence of a smirk has vanished from Jake’s face; his eyes flick away like he can’t watch anymore. He shoves off the doorway and disappears into the kitchen, leaving his friends to shrug and continue their conversation without him.

The second he’s not there any longer, you push away from Mitch with admittedly too much force. You stand, but your legs are wobbly, both from the alcohol and from the odd sitting position you’d just been in. You try to head toward the kitchen, but Mitch’s hand is suddenly around your wrist.

“Where are you going?” he asks, and you almost feel bad because he looks truly confused, and you think maybe he’s too drunk to really figure out just how he’s fucked up. But the thread of guilt quickly unravels as your fingers find your neck, pressing into a tender spot that you can only guess is going to be an unwanted love bite. 

You rip your hand away from him, giving him the meanest look you can muster.

“What am I supposed to do? I don’t know anyone here,” he objects, frowning back at you with a look of shock.  

“Then get lost,” you suggest coldly. The hurt puppy look on his face tells you that you should regret being so harsh, but you just don’t. You leave him there on the couch as you start weaving your way through people. Lucy is giving you a concerned look from across the room, probably having just seen the whole display, but you offer her an assuring smile back. You hope she doesn’t worry too much, but you really can’t focus on anything other than making your way through the house. 

The kitchen is crowded with giggling girls and the overwhelmingly sweet smell of perfume and alcohol but is noticeably missing the one person you’re looking for. The people around you seem to get less and less sober the closer you get to the end of the kitchen, and you think the spread of booze and mixers across the kitchen counter might be to blame. 

The only other way out of the kitchen is through the back door, which is naturally blocked by a whole crowd of people. You try to politely signal that you’re trying to get past, but when that fails, you decide you’re not above shoving your way through. Everyone is gawking at you as you pass like you’re disrupting them, and you guess you are, but you’re too determined to care now. You wonder if Jake had to elbow his way through too, but no - you’re one hundred percent positive that they parted easily for him.

The autumn air hits your face as you open the door, and the not unpleasant smell of tobacco smoke on the wind tells you that you’re not alone. Your stomach lurches. Jake is standing a couple of feet from you, a cigarette between his lips. You’re not sure what you were expecting, but it certainly was not the humored look painting his face. It’s silent for a moment too long before you realize you’d been so intent on finding him that you hadn’t even remotely thought about what you’d say when you did. Lamely, you land on, “There you are.”

He exhales a cloud of smoke through tight lips. “Here I am,” he agrees. His eyes flick down to your neck, and your hand instantly reaches up to cover the spot you’re positive he’s looking at. 

He breathes a laugh. 

“I’m sorry.” You’re not sure exactly what you’re apologizing for but your voice sounds more pained that you’d let it if you were sober. It feels like an eternity as he takes another drag, leaving you anxious. 

“That’s my family couch. We watch movies there,” he says, but his teasing tone puts you just slightly more at ease. He cracks a smile at you and you exhale a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding. “We eat meals on that thing.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t appreciate it either,” you assure. Without allowing yourself to think twice, you reach out and pluck the cigarette from his fingers. A stunned look washes over his face as he watches you raise it to your lips. A warm feeling rises in you as you realize you’d never seen him look so earnestly shocked, and you’re the one that made it happen.

It’s fleeting though - he fixes his expression quickly and steals the cigarette back from you, giving you a faux-scolding look. “Didn’t you pay attention in health class? These are bad for you.” 

You can’t help but laugh, leaning back against the railing in front of him. You try to keep your tone light. “You saw everything then?”

“More than I was supposed to, I would imagine,” he agrees with a nod. “Where’d you dig that guy up from anyway? He seems like an asshole.” He takes one last drag and then drops the cigarette. It leaves behind a tiny char spot on the wood where he stamps it out with his boot. 

You give a quiet laugh and look away, but you can feel the intensity of his eyes on you. “He’s a nice enough guy.” You’re not positive why you still feel the need to defend him, but it makes Jake roll his eyes amusedly. 

“Please,” he starts through a smug smile. “If you really liked him, I can’t imagine you’d be out here right now. Did you just leave him in there?”

Your eyes widen, shocked by how forward he can be. Feeling rather small under his brazen judgments, the most you can muster is a nod in confirmation. 

He gives a low snigger, shaking his head. “You should get back in there before he leaves then. Since you’re so into him.” 

The wind picks up, which is good because now you have something to blame for the goosebumps rising all across your body. You’re staring at him silently, not sure what to say, and not sure about how you feel. Well, that’s a bit of a lie - you’ve never been less concerned about Mitch in your life, and you’ve never been so wracked with the need for someone’s approval.

“I’m not,” you admit quietly, leaning back against the wooden railing. 

When you look back at him, he’s wearing that smug smirk again - the one that’s almost signature to the Jake Kiszka brand. 

“I know. What are you going to do about it?” he challenges.

You shrug your bare shoulders, and it’s quiet for a beat before you try to speak again. “I blew up at him and told him to leave.” 

Jake gives you an impressed look. “Wow, good.”

You frown at him. “Why wow?” you ask, the suspicion in your tone making him laugh.

“I don’t know, you just seem too nice.”

Annoyance causes your frown to deepen, you go to say something, but he cuts you off.

“Don’t look at me like that. How long would you have let that relationship go on before you finally put it out of its misery?” Your lips purse in agitation at his patronizing tone.

Dodging his question, you scoff. “I’m not that nice. I do plenty of bad things.”

He looks all too pleased with himself, like the conversation ended up here by design.

“Like what?” His voice is lower now. Quiet. “Take a drag off of someone else’s cigarette?”

You’re close enough to him that you could lean in and kiss him with ease, but you’re fairly sure that’s what he wants you to do. If he expects it, it won’t be satisfying enough. The urge to truly impress him is stronger than you’d like to admit. 

You reach down to take his hand in yours, and he lets you.  

You aren’t normally one to misbehave - as much as you hate to admit he’s right - but he makes you want to.  

You pull his hand up to your face, and he cups your chin in his cool palm. He looks collected, but you can tell he’s waiting to see what you’re going to do next. You don’t want to disappoint him - you want to give him a good show. Before you lose your confidence, you wrap your fingers around his wrist, holding it there in front of your face. Infuriatingly slowly, you tilt your head down, parting your lips and taking his thumb into your mouth. It’s completely silent, save for the sound of the breeze and the muted music from the house, so you can hear the exact second that his breath catches in his throat. You feel electric, but you honestly can’t tell if it’s from how sexual the moment is, or how satisfying it is to see him struck silent. 

All the Kiszka boys are gorgeous, but the way his face looks as you run your tongue along his skin makes your muscles weak. You let your eyes flutter closed, so you’re not expecting it when his other hand finds your hip, holding you exactly where you are.

“Jesus,” he says on an exhale. You hum around his skin, and a moment later, you pull his hand away from your mouth. It leaves a light, smokey taste on your tongue. He looks like he can’t find a single thing to say for a few moments. You can feel him start to pull you in, but both of you jump as the door swings open. You manage to step far enough away from him to not look conspicuous just as Lucy pops her head out.

“Oh my god, I finally found you.” Her words are pretty sloppy, but you smile and nod. “What are you doing out here?”

Your heart is pounding, but you try to keep a relaxed pose.

“Just needed some air after all of that,” you reply, voice quavering, but Lucy is far too drunk to notice.

“Did you know that Mitch just left?” Her brows are tipped up in a look of utmost concern. 

You shake your head no but quickly change the subject. “It’s cold out here, Lu. You should head back inside.”

Her frown deepens, and you realize that she isn’t going away unless you go with her. 

“I’ll come inside in one second,” you assure, tone taking on a bargaining nature. “And I’ll take you up on that dance.”

She suddenly beams at you, nodding so quickly that you’re not sure how she doesn’t make herself dizzy. “I’ll make you a drink.”

You laugh and go to tell her to slow down, but she’s gone before you can utter another word. 

To your slight dismay, when you look back at Jake, he has completely collected himself. It feels like progress lost. If you didn’t notice the way his eyes linger on your lips as he pulls out another cigarette, you’d think everything was perfectly normal. There isn’t anywhere on Earth you’d rather be right now, but you acknowledge that Lucy will be back out to get you if you take too long.

You consider staying - trying to find all the ways you can convince him of your mischievous side further - but you settle instead for reaching down for his lighter, and he lets you take it from his hand. He’s staring directly into your eyes, which makes it hard for you to focus on lighting the cigarette in his mouth, especially as the flame illuminates the high points of his lovely face. When it’s ignited, he instantly takes a drag and breathes it out through his nostrils. You tuck the lighter into the front pocket of his jeans.

As you go to open the door and head inside, you catch him shaking his head with a smirk. 

The feeling in your stomach is strange and foreign as you make your way into the living room to find Lucy, but as you sway back and forth with her on the rug, you realize that it must be some form of relief. You know you should feel guilty, but you don’t, even in the slightest.

PART TWO

[katreal-fic]

Day 1 — for #fictober 10/01/19

Prompt: “it will be fun, trust me.”

Fandom: Homestuck

Warnings: None? Cursing I suppose. And 2nd Person POV

Characters: Dirk Strider & Davepetasprite

Spoilers for the end of the Comic

First | Previous | Next

x-x-x

“Well, well, looks like ARq was right. You ARE sulking.”

Dirk > Keep Your Cool

Even the slightest of flinch would have had you banging your head against the metal casing above you, but you don’t flinch. You freeze instead. Freeze, your brain rushing through a million thoughts during a calming count of five—who was that, how did they get in, this is your space—and then let it go. Place your palms against the floor and push yourself out from under the half-gutted chassis of your current project. The wheels of the jury-rigged creeper almost grating as they squeal in your ears. You need to oil them soon.

The source of the uninvited presence is obvious as soon as you clear the edge, floating crosslegged in the middle of your private workshop. You decide to push sprite-proofing your workshop up on your priorities list. ARquiusprite is the only one you’d thought would even bother, and you both have been mutually agreeable when it comes to forgetting the other even existed now that he’s not beholden to you in any way.

Clearly you were mistaken.

The flashing light is giving you a migraine. You stifle the urge to massage your temples, reaching for the shades you’d left near your toolkit instead, “You need to come with an epilepsy warning, bro.”

“It’s parrrrt of the charm,” You do notice that the light dims, however, even through the dark lenses, and the constant strobe light effect eases to a more subtly changing gradient. You could actually fucking look at them now without your brain trying to melt its way out of your ears.

You don’t. You work on cleaning up your tools instead.

“You missed a purretty cool shindig. It isn’t everyday someone survives getting tossed into a reality shattering black hole, only to get mission impawssible’d out the other side right as rain. Dave even dragged John along. The dude needs more dragging if you ask me; got himself trapped into a cupboard of depressed af and needs a helping hand to crack the drawer every now and then.”

You know the story. You’d heard it from Dave, in a glancing halting way, bonding over your mutual discomfort when it comes to your sprite alter-egos. Although at the time, Davesprite was thought dead. Not…

“I got caught up, sorry.” You can’t put it off. You look up. Taking in the green hair, shading towards orange where the color is beginning to change, opaque orange glasses hiding any expression other than a playful quirk of fangs. Wings are folded comfortably at the sprite’s side, although one is angled to allow the long flight feathers to be within range of absently preening claws. Dave was more expressive than he thought he was, you’ve noticed, and it all came down to his hands. That was something that seems to have not changed. You peer deeper, looking for Dave in the sprite before you, but find you only see the differences. The horns. The fanged grin. The wild hair. The wings. “I didn’t think I would be missed, all things considered. Shit starts getting heated when ARquius and I are in the same zipcode; vacillating in and out of quadrants, or so I’ve been told, and that’s a big ol’ do not want when you’re throwin’ someone a welcome back from the dead party. Thought I was doin’ my civic duty.”

When the news came, all the way from the Troll Kingdom, all you could think about were flashes. Another life. Of green fire and heat and barking dogs. One orange speck in the sky, limping away on a broken wing.

Bloodied fingers curl around a green and white disk, and then go limp.

“Your civic duty does not involve leaving us incomplete during an extended Strilonde family reunion, bro. Even Jasprose was there, and we got some love-uncomfortable af feefees hidden down that hopbeast hole. Look at me.” Oh, yeah you aren’t, are you. You’d let your eyes slide away, focusing on the blueprint you have hanging on your wall. You force them back, the sprite was closer. Too close. They’re hanging their arm over your shoulder, the humming energy present in all the game’s constructs feeling like it’s setting your hair standing on end. They are in your Bubble, and you don’t like it, but they’re Dave and yet they aren’t Dave and—the world is full of green fire and rivers of black oil—“I wanna know you, ‘kay? ARq’s waiting back at Jake’s, and we’re gonna take off for a whirlwind tour of the world tomorrow so—today I’d just like to spend some time and get to know my sideways Bro, okay?”

You have options. But there’s only one, in good conscience, that you could take. And you’re trying to not squash what slivers of decency you have left. Nurturing them like banked embers.

Those slivers are the only ones keeping those flashes, flashes, stopping them from creeping through the cracks.

“Okay. Just don’t expect much. The consort kingdom doesn’t exactly cater to the most…sophisticated clientele.”

“We’ll find something! Searching can be half the adventure. It’ll be fun, trust mew!”

They aren’t Dave. You aren’t their Bro.

You’ll just have to live with that.

First | Previous | Next

[ghost-town-story]

FebruarOC Day 13: Melody

I try the door yet again. Locked, just like the previous six times I’ve tried.

With a huff I whirl around to continue pacing the bedroom I’ve been locked in. This entire affair has gone wrong since the moment we stepped through that portal. First was getting captured, then when we were separated, and now my friends are—are—

I shake my head and turn abruptly, refusing to continue down that path. They’ll be fine. They have to be.

I pause by the window, staring out over the forest where we’d been dropped into this world. And in all this time, I haven’t found one trace of Jake. I’m starting to wonder if Jared was wrong, if Jake isn’t even here. If we’ve gone through all of this for nothing.

My train of thought is broken as I hear the lock click. I turn to face the door, but I’m too far away to make any attempt at slipping past whoever’s on the other side.

To my surprise and relief, the first two through the door are Finn and Will, Will stumbling a little like he was pushed. The relief is tempered as a man follows them, carrying an unconscious Jared in his arms. He sets Jared down on the bed, then turns and leaves without a word, the lock clicking just moments after the door is closed again.

Will immediately darts to Jared’s side. I rush for Finn, tackling him in a hug.

“What happened?” My voice is barely stronger than a breath. “I thought you three were—Why on earth are you wet?” I finally register the damp feeling soaking into my shirt.

With a little shake, I release Finn and properly look at the three of them. Both Finn and Will are still dripping water, but Jared is perfectly dry. So they must have gotten soaked before Jared passed out.

“Is Jared okay?” I ask, drying Finn with a touch.

He gives me a grateful look, but before either he or Will can answer, Jared stirs with a little groan.

“Jared!” Will gasps.

“’M alive,” Jared grumbles, rolling onto his side.

I join Will by the bed, drying him as well. “Welcome back to the land of the living,” I say, taking a seat at the foot of the bed. “Now will one of you three explain what the hell happened while we were separated?”

“Took a nice little swim off a waterfall,” Jared mumbles.

“You what?”

“Yeah, that’s… apparently the protocol for intruders?” Finn shrugs, as if it was no big deal. “Good thing we had an elemental with us though.”

“Except it nearly killed him,” Will retorts.

Jared reaches out and clumsily pats Will’s head. “’M fine,” he says, his words only slightly slurred now. “Just took more out of me than I expected.”

I wince in sympathy. “And then what?”

Finn answers me. “I figured after seeing Jared launch us out of a waterfall that secrecy was kinda bust, so I was gonna do my best to stop them from you know, trying that again. But they just kinda hovered about for a couple minutes whispering something about gods? And then they asked us to come with them. And…” He shrugs again. “Seemed like a not bad idea compared to getting thrown down a waterfall again.”

“No kidding.” I shudder.

“So,” Finn says, “what’s the plan now?”

I bite my lip. “We’re in way over our heads here. And… and I haven’t seen any sign of Jake—”

“He’s here Mel.” Jared bolts upright. “I saw him—aah.” He collapses back against the pillows with a little noise of pain.

“But I haven’t,” I reply. “And I want to find him, you know I do. But you three nearly died.”

Finn winces. Will’s face goes blank. Jared peers out from his pile of pillows.

“I think, once Jared’s up to it, we find a way out of here and go home. Jake will…” I let out a long breath. “I don’t know. I’ll figure out what to do about Jake later, when we’re not in probably imminent danger. Okay?”

Before any of the boys can respond, we’re interrupted by the door opening once again. A woman appears in the doorway, holding a bundle in her arms. She sets it down on a table near the door.

“Hurry and get changed,” she orders. “The king requests your presence at dinner.” With that, she turns and walks out again, door clicking shut behind her.

“Well,” Finn says after a moment. “Seems like our escape attempt will have to wait, huh.”

[leftmyurlinmyotherpants]

Newsies Favorite Music + Favorite Songs HCs!

im very aware no one asked for these but this is what happens when @ashbash72310 and i are on facetime for like eleven years 

Jack Kelly: he seems like a J. Cole/Jake Miller type of guy, not entirely sure why though. Favorite song: Dazed and Confused by Jake Miller

Davey Jacobs: he DEFINITELY listens to Mumford and Sons, The Cab and other indie music, don’t even fight it. Favorite song: Take My Hand by The Cab 

Les Jacobs: OKAY GUYS HEAR THIS OUT. SO ASH AND I WERE LIKE DAVEY IS PROBABLY SUPER PROTECTIVE OVER WHAT HE LISTENS TO SO LES PROBABLY LISTENS TO SUPER PURE STUFF so we decided on Little Mix and The Script. Favorite song: Word Up! by Little Mix

Spot Conlon: HERE ARE THE FACTS. spot is definitely an emo little shit. so hes an ATL/PTV/SWS/FOB type of guy. Favorite song: I’m Low On Gas and You Need A Jacket by PTV 

Race: OKAY YALL SO race definitely listens to Blink 182, Green Day, Hands Like Houses and literally only a Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die P!ATD. he probably also had a Seether moment. Favorite song: Far Too Young to Die by P!ATD

Specs: okay so our boy definitely joins Crutchie in his theatre binges but he has to be drunk to fully give into it. he probably also listens to music popular in other countries (like Polish and Russian music) AND WILL PARTY REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT HE KNOWS WHATS HAPPENING. Favorite song: Ona Lube Pomarańcze by After Party (what a good Polish song)

Crutchie: OKAY OUR BOY IS SUCH A THEATRE KID ITS INSANE. he also joins Romeo in his Beyonce moments. Favorite song: Facade from Jekyll and Hyde.

Romeo: AS MENTIONED BEFORE HE IS SUCH A BEYONCE FAN. HE WILL DEFEND TO THE DEATH. Favorite song: 7/11 by Beyonce

Finch: OKAY SO FINCH IS DEFINITELY THAT ONE FRIEND IN THE GROUP CHAT THAT’S ALWAYS LIKE “YOOOOO I FOUND THIS AWESOME COVER” AND EVERYONE ENDS UP LOVING IT. DONT @ US ON THIS. Favorite song/cover: I Lived cover by BYU Vocal Point 

Henry: okay so we kinda feel like he’s a bit all over but he probably really likes Avenged Sevenfold, The Bleachers and FUN. not much of an explanation to this one. Favorite song: Some Nights by FUN

Mike: OKAY SO MY BOY MIKE IS PROBABLY COUNTRY AF. HE PROBABLY RANGES FROM HUNTER HAYES TO DIERKS BENTLEY TO COLE SWINDELL AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHY. Favorite song: More Than I Should by Hunter Hayes

Ike: so our boy is DEFINITELY a Daughtry ho. this boy loves belting those early 2000s jams. Favorite song: Battleships by Daughtry

Sniper: so we were at a loss for trying to figure this one out but ED SHEERAN IS SNIPER’S SHIT. Favorite song: Nancy Mulligan by Ed Sheeran (as it should be)

Albert: OKAY SO THIS MIGHT BE HEAVILY BASED ON SKY FLAHERTY’S ALBERT BUT HE IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THOSE EDM/MUSICAL FESTIVAL TYPE GUYS. HE   L O V E S   LISTENING TO TECHNO/DANCE MUSIC. I DONT MAKE THE RULES. Favorite song: its actually a tie between Kanye by The Chainsmokers AND Can’t Go Back Home by Mika Zibanejad

Mush: this is heavily based on Nick Masson’s Mush but we feel as though Mush would love Conor Maynard and Austin Mahone. Favorite song: R U Crazy by Conor Maynard

Jojo: OKAY OUR BOY JOJO IS SUCH A SLUT FOR COLDPLAY. HE IS IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THE SOUNDS. Favorite song: Lost by Coldplay

Elmer: OKAY SO OUR BOY ELMER IS DEFINITELY ONE OF THOSE POP BITCHES. LIKE HE LOVES EVERYTHING ON THE RADIO. this is mainly based on a strange thought we had of Anthony Zas singing karaoke to Ariana Grande but we dont need to talk about that. Favorite Song: Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato

Buttons: okay so my boy Buttons is definitely one of those “i was born in the wrong generation” kids. i can totally picture this boy at tribute concerts for bands like Pink Floyd and the Grateful Dead. can also be found belting Santeria by Sublime in the shower. i   d o n t   m a k e    t h e   r u l e s. DEFINITELY has gotten high while listening to the Grateful Dead at least once. Favorite song: Estimated Prophet by the Grateful Dead

Kid Blink: he is DEFINITELY the alt pop guy. he listens to Halsey, Melanie Martinez, Twenty One Pilots and Lady Gaga. goes ALL OUT WITH THE MAKEUP FOR CONCERTS SORRY. Favorite song: a tie between Strange Love by Halsey and Empty Gold by Halsey

Tommy Boy: boyo listens to Eminem ON THE REGULAR. CAN BE FOUND COMPLETELY KILLING THE GAME WHEN ITS STUCK IN HIS HEAD. THE BOY CAN SPIT ‘EM LIKE THERES NO TOMORROW. Favorite song: Mercy by Kanye (and whoever the hell else is on that song)

Katherine: okay our girl Kath LIVES FOR MILEY CYRUS but only like late 2000s Miley. often found belting Fly on the Wall while cleaning. dont @ me. Favorite Song: Start All Over by Miley Cyrus

Hot Shot: THIS BOY IS SUCH AN AVRIL LAVIGNE STAN. BUT ONLY OLD AVRIL. he wouldnt be surprised if it was released that avril was replaced. Favorite song: Alice by Avril Lavigne

AND SOME BONUS DARCY BECAUSE WHY NOT

so Darcy is DEFINITELY AN ADELE AND P!NK TYPE GUY. DONT FIGHT IT. LET IT HAPPEN. his favorite song is Sober by P!nk

AND SOME BONUS SPRACE BECAUSE  

W H Y     T H E     H E L L     N O T 

okay so the two of them are super hardcore and emo and shit but they TOTALLY GO ALL FUCKIN HEART EYES FOR DISNEY. but only when they’re together. some of their favorite movies include Chicken Little, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Moana. THESE TWO ARE SUCH BIG FANS OF MOANA THERE IS NO STOPPING THEM. their favorite disney songs are You’re Welcome from Moana and One Little Slip by the Barenaked Ladies (which was in Chicken Little)

[the-suitelife-of-disneychannel]

okay it’s the next day, it’s almost noon as i write this, and i just watched the video where they react to cyrus looking back at jonah for like a dozenth time and i teared up again. and i just woke up. the looking back tells a story. and that story is, from my interpretation, that a boy likes another boy but he’s hurt because his best friend isn’t on good terms with that boy. he feels he’s drifting away from him. and to watch that video of everyone cheering, seeing asher and josh, like this is freakin happening people. to quote cyrus, i didn’t think this was possible. disney actually going there? cyrus is actually becoming the first queer character on disney channel? and i know i’m predictable because i’m gay but if you haven’t already realize it but i’m jyrus af. why? 

because the story of the lead girl/boy getting together with his/her straight crush has been done to death especially on disney channel. it happened with gordo and lizzie on lizzie mcguire. it happened with raven and devon on that’s so raven. it happened with phil and keely on phil of the future. it happened with miley and jake on hannah montana. it happened with cody and bailey on the suite life on deck. it happened with austin and ally. and all those stories are great. but it’s been done before. now andi and jonah? there’s gotta be something different. and cyrus is different. just imagine the boys cyrus’ age, they watch cyrus and think there’s this thing they have in common with him and this thing they can relate with him. maybe they have a crush on jonah as well and wish for a happy ending with the two of them. 

i’m just grateful that this show exists. i’m grateful this show doesn’t dumb down their storylines. i’m grateful there’s actual storytelling with continuation, for example the “next on andi mack”/”previously on andi mack”. i’m also grateful that disney channel is fully behind this. that the cast is fully behind this. whether or not cyrus and jonah will get together, at this point i’m not expecting it but it’ll be awesome if it happens no doubt. but at least we’ll have a character, who not only has character development like everyone else another thing i’m grateful of, but will have the story of someone finding his true self, eventually accepting who he is and out and proud like any other lgbt person. 

@persongoingfast oh and i’m also grateful for josh cuz like he’s the one that is portraying this amazing character. he rocked the finale with that iconic look. excellent job. and yeah. 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :(