#grem goes insane over a fictional dude in text form

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

idk if theres something wrong with me but I feel the deep seated urge to just study the bat family and their weird ass family dynamics/relationships with eachother and like make a huge chart with notes then work my way out from there to their friends and then their friends friends until I know the entire web of complex interlocking relationships and how different people interact with each other and their histories with each other and shit. like I want to dissect the dc charaters and I know the only reason my ass is here in the first place is bc I hyperfixated on nightwing then got invested (sobbing shittung dying nightwing is my lil dude I put into a hydraulic press so unfortunately he would take up so much brain realistate💀) I wanna write silly goofy lil stories featuring him but I also want to do other characters justice and have full context of events and stuff I will throw up if im ooc and or just fucking wrong about something. like theyre so funky I wanna do right by their charaters but ive also gripped dick by the throat and started projecting onto his guilt ridden ass.(eldest child moment yippeee disappointmenting my parents makes me explode :( also hes funky like that lol) but like genuinely want to be able to take existing relationships and just like idk go into it? like explore them I guess and how they interact, what makes a character tick and all that. theres just something about charaters that are so fun to pull apart and find who they are at their core, what makes them this charater, you know? and I feel like part of discovering that is understanding the connections and history of a character in relation to the setting and other charaters, how they react, how they think and feel when put into situations, shit like that I could rotate in my head for hours. im also an emo lil shit and my brain tends to fixate on the darker events and happenings, which can be a hindrance at times 💀. and like im also just one lil dude my Interpretation of those relationships and charaters could be comepletely different form someone else's due to my experiences or lack of experiences with certain stuff. and like I wanna do it justice I dont wanna should dumb or completely miss the point because that would suck ass, Especially if I ever did post it online it would be like being dragged through the city tied to a Honda civic or smth. or at least thats probably how it would feel lol. damn fear of failure and ridicule we meet again you assholes....anyway, I wanna write silly goofy lil stories for my own enjoyment but I want them to be good and accurate to the characters, maybe add small little head canons as a treat but. Domestic type shit or me projecting onto dick my fucking adhd and making him explode too lmao.(im very insane about that head canon ive thought about it a lot, shout out to middle school me for doing all that research instead of sleeping or doing homework your a real one lol). that and using dick as a vehicle to explore my own queerness in a sense because like, its fun, and probably less dangerous than walking around downtown by myself. like I really enjoy giving dick a funky gender that he cant quite label or name that just is, and it doesn't matter because he’s just rocking around kicking ass, he just happens to not be cishet in my heart and mind. that and I wanna draw him in fun outfits, my friends agree he dress like a lesbian(lesbian approved statement). and like yeah I just think its neat to heasdcanon him as queer, Especially the funky genders because hes just doing his own thing bhfdjknvl. this turned into me rambling about making dick gender queer in some fashion not to say that cis dudes cant wear traditionally seen as feminine clothing or anything ya’ll because fuck the notion of gendered clothing, I just mean like imagine like very loud outfits, patterns colors weird shapes and sizes. that and cursed thrift store shirts that say some shit like “oat sealed frog jar” with a picture of Freddy Mercury sitting on a bench wrong. with the like insane fonts. I guess I wanna throw dick in fits that you typically would associate with the chill queer alt people who have cool drip. idk man. anyway sorry to y’all reading this it kinda got outta hand there.