#greta van fleet fan fic

[littlemisslipbalm]

August, honey, you were mine

Josh Kiszka x Fem!reader - Enemies to Lovers College!AU

When originally deciding to be a film and visual arts student, Y/N had thought her biggest issue would be getting a job after college. She hadn’t known that the other people in her major would actually be her greatest obstacle to completing her degree.

So this photo is insane and likely not accurate to the time that this would be set. However, IDC and he looks beautiful.

Separately, here is my College!AU Enemies to Lovers Josh fic... I started working on this over a year ago and really it's silly because I lost the feeling that I wanted him to be mean so maybe it loses steam, idk let me know what yall think pls and reblogs appreciated - lots of love xoxo etc. more to come.

Summary: Forced together by fate or maybe just scheduling, Josh and Y/N can't stand being in the same room together. Unfortunately, with classes and her shifts at the Lover's Inn, it seems that Josh is in her life more than ever. Can hate turn into love or has something been there since the beginning?

Word Count: 13 k | Warnings: swearing, drinking, enemies to lovers, nauseating fluff, SMUT 18+ (specifics below the cut)

oral (male receiving), fingering, unprotected penetrative sex, edging, mild? dirty talk, female masturbation, i think that's it!

-

When originally deciding to be a film and visual arts student, Y/N had thought her biggest issue would be getting a job after college. She hadn’t known that the other people in her major would actually be her greatest obstacle to completing her degree.

It wasn’t that everyone was annoying. Sure, film students could be a lot, especially for Y/N when she was planning on going into costuming and styling rather than other production aspects. There were just a few overzealous students who seemed to get under her skin more than others. 

Namely, Josh M. Kiszka. He was talented in many respects, begrudgingly she would admit that. However, his annoyances and shortcomings outweighed his talents tenfold. One spark of genius would cause ten pitfalls and plot holes, leaving a forest fire of destruction in his wake. 

His curly hair was disturbingly trimmed leaving a small rat tail at the nape of his neck for the majority of the time she had known him –at the beginning of this year he had finally cut it and seemed to be trying to grow it out but she didn’t care. He was absurd and even disturbing at times. His smile took up too much of his face when he grinned maniacally. And she could go on. 

Now, being in the same major as someone could be irritating at times, but in reality sharing one to two classes a semester shouldn’t be the end of the world. Sometimes it certainly felt like it with Josh since it seemed like he turned everything up to an 11 on purpose. A bursting zipper was a catastrophe, the wrong colored shirt was the work of the devil. But realistically, she only should’ve seen him at most eight hours out of her week – if she could avoid being paired with him for any group projects. She could do eight hours of him droning on about the intricacies of a film and chattering away about his new big idea. 

What she couldn’t do was essentially work for him. And she didn’t work for him. At all. But he certainly seemed to think so every Thursday night. 

The first time Josh Kiszka walked into the green room at Lover’s Inn, the college town's local venue made for serious music and serious drinking, while Y/N was working, she thought it was some sick joke. She chalked it up to the fact that her karma must be god awful and this was her cosmic punishment. 

She had worked there for two years before this, consistently doing backstage work happily for the experience of potentially helping musicians with costuming and styling if they ever took her up on her offer. Mostly, her job consisted of fulfilling riders and babysitting. 

On this fated Thursday, it was raining as the fading summer quickly turned into a blustery fall. The trees faded quickly, changing just as fast as they had blossomed. The biting cold of the rain had soaked her hair so when she burst through the stage right door, a spray of rain flew from her head as she gasped in the warm room temperature air. 

First rain made people drive terribly, making her later than she would’ve liked to set up the things requested by the band tonight. She was slightly bummed that because she was rushing, she might not have a chance to offer her assistance with styling of the new band, but she thought she’d just ask to help them out at a later date since her manager had told her that if they played well tonight they were going to get the recurring Thursday night spot. 

Greta Van Fleet was their name, which she thought was cool, but given their rider, she had a funny feeling that they were probably like most local Michigan bands, mediocre at best, creeps at worst. 

The two cases of beers as well as some strange hippie bullshit snacks gave her the inkling of what to expect. 

The moment she hears her name from a particular voice, a pit of dread opens up in her stomach. She didn’t know exactly why he was here but she knew instantly that tonight was going to be a long, long night. She finished straightening out the tea corner the band had requested and swiveled around to face the curly-haired bastard. The stupid smirk was already on his lips and his eyes were full of the tell-tale mischief that came with Josh. 

“You got a crush on me or something?” He quirks his head with a raise of his eyebrows. “What are you doing here?” 

Josh knew she didn’t have a crush on him. Quite the opposite of it, but he loved to see her get furious with him. It brought him insurmountable joy. 

“Never in your most self-serving, indulgent fantasies,” She seethes and juts a hip and folds her arms across her chest, taking on a defensive stance immediately. “I work here, Josh. What are you doing here?” 

He grins, taking a few more steps into the room before pausing and looking around for a moment. His eyes cast around the worn leather couches, the two rugs mismatched and covering one another, a circular coffee table that had clearly seen too much cocaine in its heyday, and the table filled with snacks and drinks perfectly placed for his band’s amusement, before returning to his classmate staring at him with an appalled but also concerned face. 

“Work, of sorts,” He shrugs, the smile never leaving his face. “Moreso play.” 

She rolls her eyes but feels her breath hitch as Josh crosses the room further, coming extremely close to her. Her eyes widen as he continues to smile at her with an innocence she knew was an act. It doesn’t leave his intensely sculpted face that was unseasonably tanned for Michigan, even if summer had just ended. His hand reaches out to the right of her frame and plucks a fruit snack pack from the basket she had placed them in five minutes prior. 

“Those are for–” 

“The band?” He asks, his head cocked to the side once more, after finishing tearing the bag open with nimble fingers. “Thanks, by the way, lover. You got my favorite brand.” 

The pure joy Josh had just found in seeing her face contort in disgust at the nickname he had just come up with meant it wasn’t going away anytime soon. He thought he was clever for calling her something inaccurate yet also fitting since her place of work was called Lover’s Inn. In his eyes, it was perfect. 

“You’re not…” She trails off seeing the delight in Josh’s features. 

He nods, not taking a step back from her personal space and popping an organic fruit snack into his smug mouth. “I am. The lead singer, actually.” 

She turns back around to remove herself from the close proximity of Josh. “You’re just bullshitting me,” She mutters, shaking her head, refusing to believe him despite her knowing realistically, it was likely true. 

“No –” His next thought, likely one to continue his aggravating crusade, was cut off by someone else’s voice. 

“Josh, y’know you could help with the drum kit, like you’re supposed to,” A younger man with long flowing locks complains as he carries in two bass cases. His hair was damp, but drying, signifying the rain was subsiding. Josh’s hair had given no indication of the weather due to the drying but jarringly yellow umbrella that lay abandoned by the door. 

Once the cases are carefully set down in a corner of the room, he realizes that Josh was not alone. He uses a hand to flip his long hair back from his face and regards the other person in the room, coming to Josh’s side. 

“Hey,” He sticks the same hand out and has a goofily familiar grin on his face. “I’m Sam.” 

She takes his hand, telling him her name while giving his hand a shake before letting go rather quickly, she was confused. 

“You’re in the band,” She confirms to Sam, who nods affirmatively. “And Josh is in it too?” She asks more skeptically. 

“Sure is,” Sam looks at Josh quickly before smiling again, like an all knowing fox. “He likes to act like we’re already famous and don’t have to load our own equipment, but we’ll be lucky to score this gig, Ja–” 

“Okay, Sammy,” Josh cuts the younger boy off. “I’ll come out and help, just, shut the hell up.” 

Y/N quirks her head as she watches them shuffle back out of the same door she had come through twenty minutes prior, watching the way they interact with one another. She goes back to finishing up the table. It looked fine, but she still felt the need to turn all of the fruit snacks so that they were facing forward and make sure the extras of things she had bought were clearly accessible. 

Another younger guy with curlier hair walked in while she was still fussing over the table, a part of a drum kit on his back and a drawstring backpack in his hand. 

“I’m Danny,” He introduces quickly after shuffling off the large equipment bag and placing it on the outside of the green room door that leads to the rest of the venue. “Drummer.” 

She nods and introduces herself once more, directing him to the table of the fulfilled rider items and that she was around to answer any questions that weren’t specifically technical. Her job, after fulfilling the rider, was handling the band before and after they performed, essentially. She attempted to make that more styling and costume related, but in reality she just was there to make sure no one got too hammered before going out on the stage and no one passed out in the green room afterwards. It was a small venue and therefore a small crew but thankfully, she didn’t have to worry about the instruments as well. Just the people. 

When Josh returned to the room through the side door, she was still waiting at the entrance. Her body leaned against the inner frame of the door. It was shut to keep the noise of the rest of the venue out of here, and vice versa. She didn’t want to be in the room any longer than she had to be, but she needed to check off with the entirety of the band. It was to ensure that all of them were here prior to their set and to check in with them about anything else they might need. Now that she knew Josh was in the band, she really wished she could just leave. She certainly was not going to ask about styling, she already had her allotment of fighting over clothing with Josh for the week in class on Tuesday. 

The surprising thing about Josh’s arrival is the second copy of him that appears behind him. Like the first stranger, he had long stringy brown hair and slopey dark brown eyes. Unlike Sam, however, he was literally identical to Josh. One realization came to her silently, Sam was Josh’s little brother, that’s why his grin had been so unnervingly familiar. 

This man, just two steps behind Josh, though, he was more than familiar. He was the spitting image of Josh except for his hair. 

She can’t stop this realization from being audible. As the two of them stand practically side by side as they converse with one another, seeming to almost mirror one another, she blurts out words before she can think twice. 

“Twins!” Her voice sounds overjoyed at the realization that they were identical. There was a hopeful glinting look in her eyes as her hands clasp in front of her and she smiles. The fact that Josh was a pain in her ass is forgotten for a moment because she finds it so interesting and unbelievable that identical twins were standing before her and that she had known one all along without knowing it. 

Josh stops speaking mid-sentence to regard her and he’s surprised by her reaction. The twin looks perplexed as well with a raised left eyebrow. She is wowed once more. 

Josh says her name and hands Danny the rest of his drum kit. “This is my other brother, Jake.” 

“And you’re twins? Identical?” She repeats after Jake waves. 

“I think you know the answer to that,” Josh throws his hands up in a theatric flourish adding to the condescending tone. 

Jake replies far more cordially. “What Josh means to say is, yes we are identical twins. Thanks for noticing.” 

“I’m sorry,” She back tracks, remembering the situation and laughing, still feeling off-kilter. “I’ve known Josh for two unbelievably long years and he’s never mentioned once that he has an identical twin brother that he’s in a band with – and he talks enough for it to have come up at least once.” 

Josh rolls his eyes with a huff of breath, deciding that he wants to continue helping with their equipment and belongings rather than listen to what he was sure was about to turn into a ‘shit on Josh’ situation. 

Jake’s laughter is loud and unadulterated as he crosses the room towards Y/N with the same smile his brothers had, except his didn’t make her want to wring his neck. “He’s always talked too much, I can asure you that. What makes you clearly an unwilling acquaintance of his?” 

The grin on her face feels like it’s taking up the entire room. Already, Josh’s twin was leaps and bounds ahead of him in terms of how much she wanted to be around this person. She also liked his hair, it was long and pretty, maybe it needed a good shampoo and condition but it didn’t have a rat tail, which was the biggest plus in her book. When Josh had returned this school year without it, she had rejoiced but also been slightly dismayed that she hadn’t had the satisfaction of snipping it off herself. On several occasions, she remembered waking up with a triumphant smile after cutting it off in some of her more vivid dreams. She wasn’t completely sure if she could be trusted with scissors around Josh so maybe it was better in the end. 

“We’re the same major, unfortunately.” 

“Oh,” Jake’s voice holds deep understanding. “I’m sure that can be a lot. I used to help out on his films when we were in high school, so I know he’s…passionate.” 

She snorts and shakes her head, acknowledging what he had said before once again remembering she was working. “Yeah, that’s one way of putting it.” She casts her eyes around the room and sees that the four guys are all in the room. Josh had returned and was trying and failing to look like he wasn’t eavesdropping on her and Jake’s conversation. “Anyways, now that I know you’re all here, I can leave you be. Just let me know if there’s anything you need before your set. The techs will come in around,” She pauses looking at her watch. “7:00 to have y’all go set up and go over that kind of stuff. You need to be out on that stage at 8, no if’s, and’s or but’s. Also, if you do get the recurring slot, I’d love to help y’all with styling if you’d be interested since that’s more my expertise.”

She hears Josh snort at her last sentence but she pointedly ignores it, only looking at the other three band members. 

“How do we find you if we need something?” Sam asks, settling into the darkest brown leather couch like a lanky puppy, all limbs and no idea how to control them gracefully.  

“I, uh,” She stops, realizing she normally handed out her phone number since she hated the radios they were supposed to use. For some reason, giving her number to Josh’s band made her uneasy and then she remembered with a sigh. “Josh has my number from previous group projects, assuming he knows how to use his phone he should be able to give it to you.” 

“What’s your number again?” 

“You don’t have me saved?” She’s exasperated to say the least and a little offended otherwise. They had quite literally been paired in a duo group project their first week of college, two years ago. If he hadn’t saved her number after all this time, she’s sure she would strangle him.

“I think I do,” He looks down at his phone, scrolling through something, “just double checking something.” 

“Give me your phone,” She rolls her eyes and places the palm of her hand out waiting for the weight of Josh’s phone to be felt. She types in her number into the search bar of his contacts. The names dwindle until only ‘August’ pops up. She finishes typing the entire number and the name ‘August’ is still staring back at her on the screen. She looks between the phone and Josh a few times before clicking the name and verifying that it was her phone number. 

“Why the fuck do you have me as ‘August’ in your phone?” 

Josh grins triumphant and satisfied. When she glares at him, he shrugs and plucks the phone back from her grasp. “We met in August, I didn’t remember your name from class and I didn’t bother to ask. By the time I knew it, I couldn’t be bothered to change it.”

“You can’t be serious?” 

“Is Lover better or worse than August? Because I’m willing to change it to that,” He continues looking at her with that wolfish look in his eye. 

“I fucking hate you.” She says with a shake of her head before addressing the rest of the room again. “Well, if any of you three need me, don’t hesitate to find me down the hall or get my number from the gremlin that fronts your band and shoot me a text. Josh, do not bother me.” 

“Only in my dreams, I know, lover.” Josh mimics being shot by an arrow in his heart and stumbles back before winking evilly at her. 

“Right,” She sighs heavily and tries to smile lightly at the other three who offer her sympathetic smiles back. “I’ll be back at 7:45 if no one needs me before then.” 

A chorus of thanks follows her out the door and she ignores Josh’s voice again as she goes. It’s pitched up and honeyed sweet and it makes her sick. 

That was the first night. They had been good. Josh’s voice was surprisingly amazing and the rest of them were talented with their instruments. Jake was especially good on the guitar. She tried to focus on the instruments rather than Josh’s voice but it was almost impossible to listen to just one piece of their music, they all complemented each other so well. Even Josh’s voice didn’t overpower but finished the rest of the music being made. 

They had also been clean and on time. Two things her manager liked even more than a good sounding band that amassed a crowd was a good sounding band that didn’t require a lot of assistance or cleaning up after. Greta Van Fleet secured the recurring Thursday night gig at Lover’s Inn. Which ensured that she got to endure more Josh Kiszka in her life than ever before. 

They would fight in class and bicker during group projects that they got paired for and then to end her week just perfectly, she’d have Josh at her place of work, continuing to push her buttons and attempting to boss her around. 

He delighted in calling her ‘Lover’ and being a nuisance when she was trying to help one of his bandmates. He always had issues with the vests and belts she found for him, despite them being exactly what he asked for, if not better. And he always, always had that stupid smug smirk on his face when he was around her. 

In the middle of the semester, the film and visual arts third years were assigned a very intensive project. It could be alone or in groups but you had to do it all if you did it alone. As luck would have it or maybe it was just a cruel joke being played on her by the rest of the department, she and Josh were the only two not paired up who didn’t want to work alone. She contemplated doing it all on her own, but she knew she wasn’t the strongest writer and with the rest of her classes and the Lover’s Inn gig keeping her busy, she had to swallow her pride. Bite the bullet that was Josh Kiszka now entering another part of her life: her life away from both school and work. 

They had looked at one another with dismay in their eyes. Even Josh couldn’t spin this as a way to torture her, this was genuinely not his ideal scenario for an important project either. They departed class on Wednesday with a sighing compromise that they would talk about it after the gig on Thursday. 

On Thursday, Josh arrived first out of his band mates to the green room. She was there, finishing up unloading the grocery bags and double checking the cleanliness of the room. Even if Josh was a pain in her ass, she didn’t let her negative feelings for him change how she did her job. 

“Well if it isn’t my number one fan, lover!” Josh greets, resting his backpack at the edge of the couch closest to the side stage door. 

She sighed. She rejoiced on the Thursdays when it was one of the others to stroll through the door first, so that she wouldn’t have to be alone with Josh anymore for the week. Bringing herself to face him was hard, she had already seen enough of him this week and after the big announcement in class yesterday, she really could do without hearing his voice. 

“I know you’ve probably heard this a lot before, so you should understand when I say ‘not in the mood’.” 

“Oh lover, you wound me,” He gives her moon eyes before he rolls his eyes and walks around the room, continuing to place his stuff where he liked. The band had been working here for two months now and each of them had gotten into a groove. They had their spots and corners that they liked to chill in until it was time to get to work. 

“Do you want your clothes or not?” She leans into her hip as she stares at him expectantly, waiting for him to stop messing around with the throw blanket’s tassels. 

“I’d certainly go out and perform naked, I’m sure lots of people would thank you for your brilliant idea. Me in my true glory.” 

She scoffs and crosses to her tote bag, dropped by the entrance. She shuffles through it for Josh’s new vest and the belt she found that matched it perfectly. The vest was tan with gold embellishments and looked like it would fit his small frame. The belt was also encrusted with gold broqaue and turquoise stones with a loud engraved buckle to finish it off. 

With the pieces in hand, she crossed to his seat on the couch. Josh had his legs spread in a way that required her to stand between them or else she would have to lean awkwardly forward to give the clothes to him. She hated even the way he sat, making her life harder. He reclined back on the couch with his arms over the back of it, the light blue ratty t-shirt he wore stretched and strained over his biceps the way he was sitting. Her eye flickered to it for a split second in mild surprise, obviously he showed them off in the vests, but they seemed to bulge in their current state. 

“Lay it on me, lover,” He grins lazily up at her, one hand flipping up right and motioning for her to give it to him. 

She shakes her head at him and drops them carelessly on his lap. The belt was heavy enough for him to make a groaning sound. Normally she would walk out of the room at this point, just to get a little bit of time away from Josh. The rest of the band was reliable and she knew they’d all have arrived in the next ten minutes. However, something about Josh’s demeanor made her pause. It was something in the way his eyes looked. 

Normally they were wide and bright with evil intentions. Today they still looked mischievous but a little more droopy, his movements a little less agile. She stares at his face, searching for the answer and noticing the way he just lets her. 

“Finally decided you want some of this action, lover?” Josh mumbles, eyes fluttering closed as he lays his head back against the couch. “Stopped denying your true feelings…” 

She crouches down to be on the same level as Josh, her face getting close to his as she inspects him closely. One of her hands goes to his eyelid, as she leans over him, opening his eye manually. 

“Are you fucking stoned, right now?” 

He swats her hand away from him and sits back up, pushing her back so that she’s still crouched between his legs. His face looms above hers, the lazy grin still visible on his face, as she stares up at him. Their faces are an inch apart and the space is hot in the already warm room. Her eyes widened expectantly. 

“Shh, don’t tell August, she’ll yell at me.” 

“I am…” She pauses, realizing Josh was still fucking with her. She puts a hand to his chest and pushes him back against the couch, causing laughter to bubble from his lips. “Fuck you, Josh.” She states, standing up again and stalking out of the room with a final. “Weed better not fuck up your singing, asshole.” 

“Thanks for the vest, lover!” 

Besides strutting around the stage a bit more sluttily and carrying notes just a tad bit longer than necessary, high Josh functioned about the same as regular Josh. After the show, the band loaded up their gear once more in the back of Danny’s van that they lovingly all called the Greta Van. Normally, Josh would hitch a ride home with him and Sam or hang around the front of house getting sloshed with his twin. Tonight, he begrudgingly sulked around the green room, informing his brothers that he ‘had a meeting with the bosslady.’ 

August had overheard it and rolled her eyes. “We’re unfortunately partnered for an extremely important project. I’m worried I made the wrong choice and should’ve just gone it alone.” 

She grimaced as Jake wished her luck while Sammy and Dan gave her sympathetic gazes, mumbling their condolences. 

“It can only be as bad as we make it, lover.” Josh huffed, resuming his seat from earlier on the larger of the leather couches. 

“Are you sober enough for us to begin planning now?” She glared and folded a leg behind her to take a seat on the far end of the same couch. 

Josh scoffed with a flip of his hand. “Oh c’mon it was just a couple bowls before going on to perform art.” Josh trailed off, mumbling as he stared around the room. 

“Repeat that?” She urged. 

“It’s not like it was the first time,” He repeated louder but still softly. 

She groaned. “God, Josh.” She pressed a hand to her forehead. “Y’know what? Fuck if I care. Let’s just get our plan laid out so we can go home.” 

Josh nodded curtly. Her eyes flickered to his face in surprise that he didn’t protest. 

“Okay,” She started, speaking cautiously. “I’ll obviously take the lead on costuming and you on writing, but we’ll need to collaborate on directing and creative direction. Do you have any ideas for stories you want to tell?” 

Josh hummed, head falling to the back of the couch in contemplation. “Cults, a modern Greek tragedy, a bar comedy –we could set it right here, erh star-crossed lovers? What about you or are you just gonna keep all your ideas to yourself?” 

“I was waiting to see if you had any worthwhile ideas.” She shrugged, scribbling something down on a notepad Josh hadn’t seen her produce. “The modern take on a Greek tragedy could be interesting…” 

“I also was thinking about something similar with a modern take on a classic film like ‘Singin’ in the Rain’ or something to that extent. I like the idea of a post-college existential crisis coming of age female lead type story but I doubt you’d care for that.” 

“No, no, no,” Josh sat up straight. “Don’t put your assumed misogyny on me! I’d love to do a female lead coming of age post-college existential crisis story! How dare you?” 

She smiled at her page and then up at Josh. “My mistake.” 

Their eyes met and the room felt eerily quiet with both of their mouths shut for once. The dingy yellow lights bathed the room in a homey glow. The worn leather was warm beneath their skin, inviting them to settle in. 

Then simultaneously, they said: “Modern take of a Greek tragedy that is a coming of age post-college female lead story!” 

“Fuck yes!” Y/N rose onto her knees in excitment as Josh’s entire face lit up, leaning forward in excitement.

“Let’s fucking go!” 

They laughed and high fived, feeling an unexpected and unknown emotion of shared understanding and initial accomplishment. They talked plot, characters and logline, the main bones of the project they needed to get started on and split up what each of them would flesh out for their next meeting. It was decided that it would be best to meet after class on Wednesdays rather than Thursdays after shows just so that they didn’t have to hang around Lover’s Inn when it was just the locals in the front of the house and so that Jake didn’t get too lonely when he wanted to drink himself under the bar. 

Josh felt a weird inclination to walk her to her car that night. He knew which car was hers, he always looked for it in the parking lot when he would pull up on Thursdays – a 90s classic black Volvo sedan with a dreamcatcher hanging on the rearview mirror. 

She had regarded Josh oddly when he insisted on walking her over to the car even though the parking lot was empty with plenty of light. Then she noticed again that the lot was empty beside her car and the bartender’s, who was still working. 

“Where’s your car?” 

Josh kicked at a pebble with his sneaker and shrugged his shoulders with his hands stuffed in his khakis pockets. 

She frowned remembering his high state earlier today. At least he was somewhat responsible, but with no foresight. “Did you want a ride?” 

“Nah.” He shook his head vehemently. “I walked in, I can walk out.” 

“Yeah,” She agreed. “But it’s dark out now.”

“It was dark out earlier.” He reasoned with his usual smirk trying to win his way out of this one. 

“Not this dark, not this cold,” She insisted, pushing his shoulder to move towards the passenger’s side door. “And not this late. Get in.” 

In the small interior of the Volvo, Josh took his hands out of his pockets and rubbed them together as she cranked the heat and shivered herself before getting her music playing. 

“Thanks,” Josh whispered, grateful. 

“Can’t have you dying on me,” She replied. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she was focused on backing up carefully, twisting around and switching gears, and she barely noticed when she finished her sentence under her breath. “For so many reasons.” 

In the dark of the car, lit only by the moon and streetlamps around, Josh watched her uninterrupted. She sang under the music she had chosen for the drive. A CD that had already been in the reader of Radiohead. 

Josh listened along to the dulcet melancholy voice of Thom Yorke. He likes how she knew all the words but paused every so often to look to Josh for directions.

“Nice house,” she said, turning down the stereo when they arrived. 

Josh shrugged, turning his head from her to the classic Michigan two-story with its basic driveway and porch. Dark wood everywhere and an old tree in the front yard. There were warm lights coming from a few windows in the house and it looked like a home.

“It’s fine. Jake, Sammy and I rent it from a family friend so it’s a good deal.”

“That’s nice.” She feels awkward, making small talk with Josh. 

It’s the antithesis of their usual relationship of bickering and jabbing and avoiding. It’s soft and casual. Warm and inviting in the familiar seats of her car, with her music. Josh kind of seemed at peace in her car. It was unusual, regarding him looking so quiet and calm. 

“Alright.” She breaks the silence.

Josh takes the cue, blinking out of whatever trance was keeping him from taking his leave from her car and getting into his house for the night. 

“Night,” he speaks softly. “Thanks for the ride…and, uh, see you Monday, I guess.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, watching him get out of the car, carefully taking his bag and his new vest and belt into his arms.

She waits for him to get inside before driving off. Still unsure of the feeling in her stomach, she blasts the Radiohead a little louder to drown out her speculations. 

-

By the end of November, they were almost through with the filming portion of their project. Yet it was time for a relatively complicated scene. Well, it shouldn’t have been complicated if the weather had been right but unfortunately they were venturing into true winter in Michigan. 

Josh and Y/N had settled on the tragedy of Hippolytus after attempting the tragedy of Medea but deciding it was too overdone — how many stories of a woman scorned by a man leaving her could we want? Instead, the twist of Hippolytus in the 21st century would allow for an interesting female lead whose story didn’t start because of a man. 

Instead, like Hippolytus, their lead had decided against sex and relationships during college. Josh and Y/N had worried about making it purity porn but decided that they would balance the true story with modernity enough that it would work. 

In the Greek tragedy, the woman interested in Hippolytus killed herself after being rejected by him, however that was another place they would depart. Instead, the counter to the lead would be hurt randomly and there would be a need for the lead to help them. This leads her to pursue psychology and therapy—medicine felt too cliche. But she knew she wanted to help people. Their bond eventually grows to love even though it’s not what she intended. However, both the therapy and the relationship help her find meaning to life, bringing her out of the existential crisis that started the story.

So they were filming the scene where the counter, James, was meant to get hurt. The short film was going to be narrated by a modern Aphrodite so some silliness was injected into it. She was interfering with the lead, Hyacinth, in hopes to persuade her to fall into bed with someone. 

James lived next door and was washing his car, shirtless, when Hyacinth walked out her front door, about to go to gym—another one of her ideas of how to find purpose in life, pushing her body until it had no energy to think. Jason was meant to have gotten soap all over him from leaning across the hood of the car, like a male fantasy but reversed, and then point the hose towards him and wash it all off sexily. Of course, the student they had cast, weirdly also named James, was attractive but he was an angel and an ex-theater kid, so he couldn’t quite get it right and he was beginning to shiver even though they had the water as warm as possible and were covering him up between every take.

Josh was attempting to hold back laughter but after the third bad take, Y/N yelled ‘cut’ and walked into the scene.

“James, here hand me the handle,” she said. 

Taking hold of the metal length at the end of hose that was turned off, she began to instruct James to do exactly what she was showing him. She turned it towards her and held it above her chest with her head tilted back, eyes closed. She sighed for a moment and then briefly moved up as if the water were hitting her face and then ran her free hand against her cheek, allowing her lips to open further and then ran the same hand down the front of her neck, down her chest and her stomach, brushing to the side just as she got to the top of her thighs.

James watched carefully, not phased by the directing. Josh gawked. His eyes almost bugged out of his head watching her and wondering if just maybe that’s what she looked like in a shower. Her soft hands would be running over her soft naked skin instead of her warm winter sweater and jeans, but still. He could imagine. The sudsy soap and bare skin touching the cool tiles and warm water. Fuck. He needed her to never do that again ever. 

The last month he had seen more of Y/N than he had ever thought possible. Except now, he looked forward to it without pretending it was because he wanted to bug her. Josh wanted to know what she was thinking about every aspect of their project and he wanted to hear about her weekend and he wanted to kiss her against the walls in the green room when his brothers weren’t there. He didn’t act on the third thing, but he wanted to.

“Josh?” She raised an eyebrow, still holding the hose above her chest. “Josh?” She repeated.

He blinked. “Huh?”

“I asked if you agreed? Does that fit with an Aphrodite induced sexy car wash scene you imagined?”

He smiled weakly and she tilted her head in silent worry. Hopefully Josh wasn’t getting sick.

Of course it is, doesn’t even need a Greek god to intervene and make it hotter, she just was. 

“Yeah, yep, fantastic,” Josh rushed. “James, you got it? We’re losing light.”

A cloud was rolling in from the east and Josh knew that if they didn’t finish soon they might get rained out.

James nodded and they ran the scene again. The actor nailed it and after Josh yelled cut, Y/N squealed in accomplishment. They high fived and Josh’s eyes linked on the side of her neck where her fingers had brushed as she had caressed herself minutes ago—professionally. 

After that, they wrapped for the day, Josh still concerned about the rain, sending the actors and helpers home. Y/N hung around to help Josh bring his equipment back into his house. They were using the front of it for the scene. On their last trip to grab things from the street, thankfully all non-electronic, the beginning of what would be a long rainstorm began in full force.

This time it was Josh to shriek and Y/N laughed as they ran under the awning of the porch after grabbing everything left as quickly and carefully as possible. It didn’t matter, they were pretty drenched.

She tried to catch her breath from running and laughing while Josh felt his hair with a look of dismay. 

“You know you’re stuck here,” Josh grumbled, looking out at the pouring rain. He hated the way she seemed to enjoy his displeasure at being wet. 

“As long as you’ve got a spare change of clothes, a hot shower and a gas stove in case the power goes out, I’m fine.” She shrugs, pushing the screen door open and putting her half of Josh’s stuff on the entryway bench. 

Josh followed behind with his binder and a few rain-ruined scripts.  

“Anyone else home?” She wanders through the hall to the living room, peeling off her sweater and leaving her boots by the wall. 

Josh shakes his head, “Probably not, it pisses Jake off when I film at the house and Sam usually goes to Danny’s on the weekend.”

She inspects her jeans and t-shirt before looking at Josh. “I want to shower now, can you find me clothes and put them in the bathroom before I get out?”

“Who made you queen?”

“This isn’t Lover’s Inn, I’m not on the clock and I’m your guest who’s trapped here…feel like you’re supposed to dote on me.” 

Josh rolled his eyes, feeling the memory of their feud flickering like an ember in the pit of his stomach. He wants to tease her, say something biting to turn the tables on her. But she was right, they weren’t in any of the situations they were usually in with one another. More uncharted territory. 

“You’re annoying,” he offered lamely. 

She chuckled and pushed at his shoulder lightly as he passed, assuredly showing her to the bathroom. “Try harder, lover.”

Josh scoffed without turning his head around, but the feeling in his stomach grew as he heard her feet padding behind him. The rain was loud on the tall roof, fast and foreboding. It might’ve been adding to Josh’s unease. 

At the end of this new hallway, there were three doors. One to a bedroom, Josh’s, a closet and the bathroom. He opened the closet to grab fresh towels he kept for when he didn’t want to do laundry that week and walked them into the bathroom.

It was surprisingly clean but Josh had his own bathroom, forcing Jake and Sam to share the other one, claiming he was the oldest so he got the most privacy. 

She smiled at the tub. “Should I have a soak instead? Do you have any good wine?”

“This is not a fucking hotel,” Josh laughed. He handed her the towels and she gave him a pointed look. “But I’ll open a bottle.”

“Good boy,” She continued to smirk. “Maybe I’ll leave a nice tip.” 

Josh pinkened slightly. She’d never been like this before. He felt like he was falling into some world where Aphrodite really was fucking with his life. 

15 minutes later, Josh returned to the bathroom where Y/N was showering and pushed the door open. She had music playing but he could hear the water still running. 

He walked in and placed the sweatshirt and clean boxers on the counter. Her wet clothes were in a puddle on the floor beside the shower mat and he swallowed. A pretty pink lace thong and a black lacy bra laid atop her top and jeans. He took a breath and went to head for the door, turning away from the clothes. But Y/N’s own breath caught his attention. 

Her grunge 90s music was playing from her phone but she was breathing hard and Josh stopped short. His eyes shot to the shower curtain. The place he had been avoiding with all his power. It was sheer. Her silhouette was hard to see but it looked like it was writhing. He saw one of her hands slipping around her chest and he bit his lip. She was certainly squeezing her tits and she was breathing hard and he couldn’t see her other hand.

He put his own hand to his mouth to stop any shocked sounds slipping out. She must have forgotten that he was coming back. When he saw her silhouette drop to the floor of the tub, Josh snapped out of his trance.

He grabbed the clothes and slipped out the door, closing it as quietly as possible just as he heard a breathy ‘fuck’ he would dream about for weeks. 

“Shit,” he whispered to himself. Letting his head fall against the now closed door, he took a deep centering breath before knocking loudly. “I’m leaving your clothes out here, kay? Gonna open that wine.”

Her voice was normal in response and Josh was wondering if he had just hallucinated. Had he accidentally taken a gummy and forgotten. Seemed unlikely since he usually wouldn’t when he was working on film stuff. 

“Sounds good! Thanks, Josh!” 

Josh tried to be normal when she came into his room in his clothes, rubbing his towel through her wet hair. He’d left the wine and two mismatched glasses on his bedside table. He mumbled that she could start without him as he passed her to jump in the shower himself.

On the fogged main mirror, she had written, “don’t work when it’s about to rain!” 

Josh smiled to himself and stripped down out of his clothes that were still uncomfortably wet. His shower was much quicker and much colder. He couldn’t allow himself to be in there for very long or else he would’ve started to fantasize about what he was certain had just happened in here. 

In his room, Y/N sat on his bed, taking large sips of the red wine Josh had found. She was nervous. Something about this storm was making her uneasy. The scene they had shot had done something to her. Everytime she looked at Josh, she swore he was eyefucking her and that made her feel strange. Extremely turned on. She had thought dealing with it in the shower would’ve solved it but the minute she walked out and saw Josh looking so sullen, still in his rain-soaked clothes sans his jacket, waiting for her to get out, she felt wet again. If anything, the quick wank had made it worse. Already slick and wanting, she wasn’t sure if she could handle being around just Josh for the night. 

Now that they were friends, she couldn’t deny how attractive he was. God, it made her roll her eyes. He was talented and attractive and she was sitting in his bed, drinking his wine in his comfy clothes all at her request. 

If it couldn’t get any worse, Josh walked into his room with his towel hanging around his hips and his chest speckled with droplets coming down from his hair. 

“Didn’t have time to dry off?” She tilted her head, trying to sound casual. Unbothered when she was fully, terribly, bothered. 

Josh shook his head, making more droplets fly around the room. “Forgot my own clothes.” He shuffled through his myriad of t-shirts and grabbed a gray one with a Buddhist symbol and black sweatpants. 

“You sound like you need a drink,” she tried. 

“Yes,” Josh sighed as if he was coming out of a desert with no water. He held his hand out and she quickly poured the second glass and placed it in his waiting hand.

Their fingers brushed and both of them pulled back as if they’d been burned. She met Josh’s widened, brown eyes looking dark in his navy room that was shadowed by the storm and his one yellow lamp. He clutched carefully to his towel and the clothes under his arm with the wine in his other hand, taking a long sip as he turned on his heel and returned to the bathroom. 

She let her head hit the headboard of Josh’s bed. What the fuck was going on? She took another sip of her wine and then refilled the glass up high. 

When Josh returned clothed, he sat on the foot of the bed and she silently refilled his glass when she saw it was already empty. 

“So…what do you want to do?” She tries while folding her legs up under her chin. 

Josh’s eyes flicker to the movement and get stuck on her legs for a moment before returning to her face. 

“Movie?”

She shrugs, looking around his room for a television. “I don’t want to sit in your living room, your couch looks uncomfortable.”

“That’s where you’re sleeping if you can’t get home tonight,” Josh scoffs. 

She arches an eyebrow and takes a sip of her wine. “I’ll sleep in Jake’s bed, he won’t mind.”

“No.” Josh stated flatly.

Her eyes turn back to him, cautiously. “Why not?” 

“It’s weird.”

“No it’s not.” She sounds annoyed, placing her wine down and picking up her phone. “I’ll just text him and ask.” 

The text sends and she smirks at Josh pointedly. Shortly after, a loud crash of thunder signals the power leaving for the rest of the storm and with it, the phone signals. 

Josh smirks triumphantly over his glass when Y/N throws her phone dejectedly on the side table too, while he flicks on his battery powered lamp he had grabbed earlier as a precaution. 

“Couch it is.”

She lays sideways along the top of Josh’s bed and hums, raising her hands above her head, allowing the bottom of the sweater to lift and expose her stomach. Feeling perfectly buzzed from the wine, she sighs, “I don’t know, this feels pretty comfy and I’m already settled. Maybe you should sleep on the couch since you love it so much.” 

Josh watched her body extending across his bed and simultaneously wanted her there forever and to throw her out. 

“Absolutely not. This is my house.”

“And I’m the guest,” she repeats. “C’mon lover, don’t be mean.” 

“You’ve never seen mean,” Josh rolls his eyes and finishes his wine, laying it with hers on the table.

She laughs, outrageously loud. “You’re a lot of things, Josh. But I don’t think you’ve got a truly mean bone in your body or however that cliche goes. Evil sure, but that’s different.” 

She hasn’t bothered to sit up and she’s enjoying the tone of voice Josh is slipping into and everything feels quite nice and warm. So warm. She shuts her eyes. 

“No, no,” Josh hurries, moving himself so that he is closer to her. He pats her cheek lightly. “No falling asleep in my bed. Not allowed.”

“But I’m so comfy and cozy,” She croons, blinking her eyes back open. The smirk on her face gives her away. 

“C’mon.” Josh takes her shoulders to push her upright. “Sit up.”

She laughs, but it dies out, recognizing the proximity of Josh’s face to hers. How his body is hovering over hers. How warm she is. “Fuck,” she whispers, staring at his lips, slightly stained from the wine.

“What?” Josh whispers back, realizing the same things as her. How soft the smallest bit of her skin is against his finger that’s on her shoulder, slipping along the collar of the sweater. 

“Your lips are red,” she states. 

Josh grins and lets his head fall between them with a laugh. “So are yours.”

He looks back at her and remembers the way she sounded in the bathroom. All the years he’d known her. All their fights. And how they weren’t really fighting anymore. How he teased her at Lover’s Inn and how good she’d been as his partner this last month and a half. 

“What are we going to do with no power, August,” Josh whispered, already inching his face closer to hers. 

She smiled and let her hands reach up to cup his face and neck. “Read the Bible by candlelight?” She whispered back as Josh’s nose nudged against hers.

He breathed a laugh across her lips and her breath caught in her throat when he finally attached his lips to hers. They kissed softly, just taking it in. Josh shifted them into a more comfortable position, one leg slotting between hers, while the other supported him so his torso wasn’t fully on her. 

She whimpered immediately at the pressure and Josh smirked. He pressed harder, licking into her mouth. 

She gasped when Josh began to kiss her neck and he spoke against her neck in between sucking against the skin. “I heard you.” 

“W-what?” She was staring at the ceiling while she ran one hand against his shoulder and the other through his hair. 

“I. Heard. You.” Josh repeated, allowing one of his hands to run under the sweater up towards her breast and she whimpered again. “Fuck,” he loved the way she sounded. “In the shower, lover.” 

Her eyes shot wider, the haze of Josh’s lavishing touch disappeared with shame. “You did?”

Josh pulled back with a lazy grin, still playing with one of her nipples under her shirt and pecks her lips quickly. 

“Yeah you fuckin’ told me to bring your clothes in because you’re a princess apparently and then you were in there getting off when I walked in.” 

She felt embarrassed but remembered what was likely about to happen so it didn’t really matter. “Oh…I tried to deal with it quietly. I was just really turned on for some reason.” 

Josh scoffed and retreated his hand from under her sweater. “C’mon,” he gestured to the sweater. 

They were still acting like film partners through this interaction. Or at least how they acted. Talking casually while in the beginning of a sexual encounter. 

She took it off and threw it to the ground while staring pointedly at Josh’s shirt. He followed suit before kissing her again. His chest looked so soft and warm, she wanted to be wrapped up in him.

“First, I almost had a heart attack at the sight of your thong and then I turned to leave and you’re in there playing with this thing.” He pauses his words, slipping his hand inside the boxers she was wearing, cupping her pussy. 

She whines, extending her neck to kiss Josh’s. Feeling the need to touch more of him. He grins down at her again and kisses the space between her tits. 

His hand rubbed ever so slightly over her mound without actually doing anything, but she felt the slightest friction and the pooling of her wetness. She grabbed at one of her tits. 

“The curtain’s not opaque, August,” he continues and she groans at the nickname at a time like this. His middle finger slipped lower, hovering over her slit. He looked her in the eyes again. “I saw you writhing around your own little fingers. What’s it gonna look like when it’s mine your pretty pussy is wrapped around?”

She moaned at his words, throwing her head back against the pillows. 

“Is it pretty? I bet it’s pretty.” Josh continued his special version of torture. She could feel his fingers but they weren’t doing anything she wanted them to. Every so often he planted a kiss on her torso. Of course he liked to tease by talking forever and ever. 

“Take off the boxers and find out,” She tries not to sound impatient. 

“Great idea!” Josh patronizes, slipping his hand out of the boxers completely and moving to take off the boxers.

She huffs. 

“Don’t act spoiled,” Josh admonishes, returning his hand back to where it was while his other cups her face, forcing her to look him in the eyes again. He looks like an angel like this but so sure of himself. She’s amazed and completely at his will. “I know she already got to cum once under this roof.” He tsked, tapping his middle finger against her entrance. It was the lightest pat but she was so wet that Josh’s finger got a little of her slick nonetheless.

She moaned at the change in sensation, her hips dipping down in some instinctual attempt at getting him to slip inside. 

“God, you are needy.” He removed his hands again and laughed when she huffed again. Both hands moved to her knees and pushed them to be bent and then apart, moving his body between them. His hands then went to her breasts, squeezing them and pinching tenderly at her nipples. Her hips bucked again and Josh kissed her again. “It’s gonna feel so good when I finally touch you where you want,” He offered, kissing her sweetly. 

Pulling away he began to suck on her chest, continuing his monologue. “You were holding this perfect tit in one hand and rubbing your wet pussy with the other, right?”

She nodded when he looked to her for a response. 

“I left when I saw you drop to your knees like some cock hungry whore…” Coming from someone else it would’ve sounded cruel, but from Josh’s lips it was the softest sweetest accusation in the world. His voice was honey and it only made her want him more. Maybe she was a cock hungry whore, for Josh. 

Josh’s right hand returns to her pussy, cupping it like before and she’s sure she’s about to leak onto his palm. 

“You’re leaking, princess,” Josh informs her, confirming her suspicion. “Do you like me talking mean to you? Why’d you drop to your knees in my bathroom, August? C’mon you can tell me.”

“I,” She starts. Josh chooses then to slip the tip of his finger inside of her. 

“Yes?”

“I was about to c-cum and you have that, fucking, detachable showerhead…”

Josh thrust his finger fully inside her and she moaned, relieved but not much better. Now she felt herself quickly working up to another orgasm. He thrust his finger carefully, thinking over his response while trying to hold himself together now that he’d felt how warm and tight she was inside. 

“Used my showerhead to get off in my shower. Touching these pretty tits, riding your own hand and now you’re laid out all perfect for me.” He added a finger and her hips began to move with his movements. “You are a little slut, aren’t you?”

She hums in agreement, one hand hanging onto Josh’s neck and another gripping her tit like her life depended on it. 

“And you’re gonna cum again already? Fuck,” Josh sounded amazed. In awe of how sexy Y/N was, how willing and lovely she was, how she was perfect for him. “Go on.”

She came immediately, having held off for so long, trying to hold it for Josh despite how much he’d teased her. 

After she rode it out, Josh removed his fingers and gave them a lick. Humming his satisfaction. She breathed heavily watching him, but wanting more. Seeing from the bulge in Josh’s sweatpants she knew he wanted more as well. 

“Fuck me, Josh.” She sat up on her elbows beckoning him closer. 

“Did you forget who’s in charge?” He laughed, but it was soft. They were still themselves. 

She widened her legs and pouted, dropping her hand to her pussy, carefully circling her puffy clit. 

“Need it, Josh.” She rocked her hips. “I think you need it too.” She hummed, looking pointedly at his straining cock.

Josh shook his head and crawled over her again, pushing her hand away from her clit. She took up the job of pushing down his sweatpants and boxers simultaneously. 

“Next time, I wanna see you dropping to your knees like the cockslut we now know you are.” Josh breaths, losing track of his train of thought with the feel of her soft hand gripping the base of him gently. 

“Next time could be later tonight…” She whispered back, connecting their lips again. “Or tomorrow.”

Josh groans, at her words and the feeling of her slipping the head of his cock through her slick. He resisted pressing in immediately, feeling her rubbing it back and forth from her entrance to her needy clit. He bit her lip and she moaned. 

“I would’ve fucked you months ago if I knew that getting you wet was all it took to make you all sweet and nice.” He grunted. 

His hips thrusting on their own accord caused his head to slip against her clit in a way that made her moan loudly. She tightened her grip on his cock and Josh’s hips moved back.

“I wouldn’t be rude to the girl who’s about to let you hit, lover.” 

She nudged Josh’s head into her entrance and they sighed in tandem. Her hands went up to his shoulders from under his arms. Josh dropped his face into her neck, overwhelmed by the warmth and softness. They began moving at a steady clip. Her legs wrapped around Josh until he started thrusting harder and faster. 

“Fuck,” she whined. “That feels so fucking good. Don’t stop.”

Josh had begun to sweat. He shifted one of her legs to balance one of his hands and then moved his other to the headboard and she moaned loudly adoring the stretch.

“‘M close,” He strained. His eyes were constantly shifting between her bouncing tits, his cock disappearing in her and her face and the expressions she was making. “You’re so wet.”

“Cum,” she breathed. Her fingers slipped down to her clit again, rubbing furiously. 

Her walls tightened at the added stimulation and Josh was cumming. Hot and sticky inside her. He panted hard, collapsing on her with a wet kiss against her mouth. His cock had made even more of a mess of her, leaking out of her full, throbbing cunt. 

Josh watched it. Entranced as he pulled out once more and twitched when Y/N moaned at the sensation, her eyes shut in pleasure. 

“I’ll clean you up,” Josh nodded to himself before disappearing. 

Less than 10 minutes later, the pair were cleaned up and wrapped up with water in Josh’s bed. Side by side. 

-

They saw each other in class on Monday and Wednesday after their shoot and impromptu sleepover on Saturday that had run into Sunday, but they acted like nothing had happened. Or like it was completely normal. Which they both liked. They had been cordial upon waking up wrapped around each other on Sunday morning, but Y/N had made a quick exit, citing a myriad of reasons why she needed to go home now that the storm had passed. She even declined coffee. 

It was Thursday, at Lover’s Inn, when the events of Saturday night became hard to ignore. 

Josh didn’t show up first which she was grateful for. Jake sauntered in with his guitar case, his small but impressive pedal board and a few wrapped up cords over his shoulder. She smiled and they exchanged pleasantries as she shuffled around their table. Everything was ready, but she couldn’t stop herself from reorganizing things. 

“Do you need a beer?” Jake asks after a tense 10 minutes of silence. 

She laughs and flips around from the table, slumping against it. “Honestly, yeah.” 

Jake lifts his mouth into a half-smile, nodding to the table. “You can have one of mine and I’ll steal one of my brothers.” 

“How chivalrous,” She smiles, disarmed by Jake’s nature. She grabs two beers and the bottle opener from the table before crossing to him and handing over one beer to him, followed by the opener. 

They click the necks together and take an appreciative sip. 

“What’s got you flustered?” Jake asks. 

“I don’t know,” She sighs, rubbing at her forehead, knowing exactly why. 

Sam, Danny and Josh file through the side door while Y/N attempts to come up with a reason for her to be stressed. Jake watches her carefully, but her eyes immediately shoot to the sound of the door opening and their voices. 

Josh scans the scene of Jake and Y/N on the two couches, sipping on beers, alone. His nose flares momentarily before setting down his piece of the drum kit and saunters to the couch, sitting beside Jake. 

“Your turn,” Josh says, nodding to the door so that Jake will go help with the rest of their stuff. 

Jake rolls his eyes and takes another swig of his beer before huffily standing up and walking outside. Josh eyes Y/N sitting silently across from him and takes a swif from his brother’s beer. 

“I’m assuming he offered his share and then is planning to drink an extra of one of ours.” 

She chuckles nervously, eyes shifting away from Josh and around the room. “You guys know each other well.” 

“Brothers. Twins.” He shrugs, still watching her intently. 

She discards her half-empty beer and stands, bee-lining for her bag. “I’ve got new stuff for you guys.” 

Josh rolls his eyes, but feels a little bug of worry squirming in. The insecurity he had felt on Sunday had vanished with how normal they had been in class, but this made him feel like something was certainly off. 

“Here,” She places the vest and medallion necklace she’d found for Josh beside his head on the back of the couch. “And here’s this for you, Danny.” She turned from Josh before he could even thank her, handing Danny a tank style shirt she thought he’d like. Sam received a flowy floral button down while Jake got a fringe leather jacket that she had been searching for all semester for him. 

Jake beamed, his eyes shiny and his smile taking over his entire face. She smiled back at him, trying to fully feel the gratitude he was giving her. She watched as he tried it on and spread his arms in the mirror, admiring the movement. 

“This is going to be so fuckin’ sick,” He laughed, slightly in disbelief, touching over the jacket constantly. “I can’t thank you enough, Y/N.” 

She blushed a bit, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, especially Josh’s from his place on the couch. He was holding his vest in his lap, sullen that he had never thanked her so profusely for the things she found him. 

“It’s my dream job–and if you guys ever get famous, I’ll make you real stage outfits. However you want.” Jake’s giddy energy was overpowering her nerves. It felt great. 

The green room was a fun atmosphere for the rest of the hour leading up to their set. Josh pushed himself out of his pining and focused on the revelry. But before the band was about to go on, Josh hung back, leaving him alone with Y/N. 

She saw him stall at the door, his hand catching the frame. His vest was tan suede tonight, with silver pieces swirling into pockets on the front and creating a pattern across his back. He turned around and she paused, once more at the table, beginning to clean up wrappers. 

“I wanted to say thank you for all the vests and stuff you’ve found me this semester, August.” 

She watched Josh cross the room to her. “It’s nothing. Like I said, dream job.” 

Josh pressed closer and threaded his hand through her hair. His breath was warm against her skin. She finally met his eyes. 

“I miss you.” 

“You’ve seen me all week.” 

Josh’s forehead drops against hers, his free hand coming to her waist. It’s hot and firm and she feels the breath leave her lungs. Her body presses closer to him. 

“Not what I meant.” 

“Josh…” She wants to kiss him so bad. Wants him to kiss her. Her hands are grasping at his forearms in a way she hopes isn’t too desparate. “You’ve got a show to play.” 

His hand moves slowly from her waist across her stomach to the center of her jean skirt. His fingers fiddle with the button, slipping them below the waistband, feeling more fabric. 

“It’s a shame.” His breathing was heavy. His nose kept nudging hers. 

She licked her lips and swallowed. 

“Really wish you weren’t wearing tights,” He murmurs before pressing a hot kiss to her lips. 

Before she can really feel him against her, he’s pulling away and snapping the black lycra that he had wiggled his finger into against her skin. A sharp gasp sounds and he’s walking out the door to the stage, looking far too much like a rockstar than she’d like. After a few moments of attempting to collect herself, she leaves the trash to be dealt with later and follows Josh to see the start of the show. 

This show was electric. Everyone was playing their best. Jake was rocking with his guitar so much that the fringe flew around, making the crowd of college-aged women the band had amassed go wild. Josh was strutting around the stage, raising his arms as he hit notes and dancing with Jake every so often. 

Jake tried to convince the manager to let Sam and Danny into the front of house. ‘It’s not like they don’t have IDs that say they’re old enough,’ he reasoned conspiratorially. He was over the moon and he wanted everyone to celebrate since winter break was coming up and their show would be taking a rest for a while. Her manager relented, but Josh almost crushed his twin’s soul when he said he needed to go home to work on editing. 

Sam and Danny’s exuberance at being able to drink at the bar overpowered Jake’s protestations to Josh, leaving Y/N and Josh alone in the green room once more. He smirked with great satisfaction as he shrugged the vest from his shoulders and began to pull his t-shirt back over his head. 

“Where were we?” He saunters back over and she’s happy to see regular Josh instead of the rockstar Josh who had ambushed her earlier. 

Yet, she remembered him. And she remembered his performance tonight. How low his pants were slung around his hips. A pair of tight black vinyl pants she had found him about a month ago. His happy trail had meandered down to disappear beneath the fabric she had chosen for him. Now, he was straining against those pants and she shut her eyes, coming to terms with what she was about to do. 

“It’s your turn, Josh.” She meets him in the middle of the room, backing him up against the arm of the bigger leather couch. She caged him in for a moment, looking him up and down. Josh’s eyes were wide in surprise. “Sit on the couch.” 

He is a bit confused, but doesn’t argue, shuffling to sit down as quickly as possible. 

“Eager, huh?” 

“Now who’s being mean?” 

She grins and walks to stand in front of Josh, dropping to her knees with quiet ease and practice. Josh immediately throws his head back, sinking lower into the chair. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Didn’t want to leave you hanging,” She smiled. Running her hands over the tops of Josh’s vinyl clad thighs. “I could see it while you were on stage. At least,” She paused to chuckle. “More than usual.”

Josh sighed, eyes fluttering open to stare at her between his legs again. She was so beautiful even when she smiled at him so wickedly. 

“Want your cock in my mouth, Josh?” 

“Fuck, Y/N,” Josh couldn’t take the teasing of her hands and her words. 

“Just say ‘please’.” She stared at Josh seriously. Her hands toying with the button and zipper of his pants now, brushing just over his hardening length. 

“Please, please, fucking please.” He rushed out. 

She laughed and shook her head. “God, fine. Relax.” 

Her hands expertly unhooked the button and slid the zipper down with practiced hands of a costumer. This was far more explicit than any of the other times she had undressed someone. Josh’s cock was hot and heavy in her hand and her core ached at the memory of where it had been almost a week ago. She ran her tongue against it and Josh groaned. 

She lavished his head with a few kisses and looked up at Josh, beginning to suck on the side of it. “So pretty,” She murmurs. 

Josh’s hips bucked in response, his hand going to rest in her hair, but careful not to guide her. He wanted to see what she did. She gathered a pool of spit to let fall onto his thick cock before languidly running her hand over the length, hoping to tease him a little more. She hadn’t forgotten the treatment he gave her on Saturday. Josh’s hips bucked again and he groaned her name. 

Taking his head fully in between her lips, she took pity on him. Beginning her descent, she attempted to get him all in her throat but had about a handful left when he hit the back of her throat. She hummed around him and he jerked in her throat, causing her to fall back. She massaged her lips around the place where his head met the shaft before trying again. One hand on his thigh and one beneath his shirt, she bobbed her head slowly, suctioning occasionally until Josh was hissing about being close again. 

She pulled off him and smiled at him from her position. Her lips were wet with saliva and precum. Josh’s eyes were half closed in pleasure but he couldn’t believe the look on her face. Breathing heavy, flushed from taking him down her throat. Her hand moved along his length faster. 

“Tell me when,” She murmured, eyes moving from Josh’s face to her movements around him. 

Josh nodded, trying to stay still. Overwhelmed. “Now.” 

Her lips reattached to his head, sucking a little harder, while her hand still worked near the base. Josh’s hips bucked in time with the spurts that hit the back of her throat and she clenched around nothing, wishing more than anything that she was brave enough to attempt penetrative sex in public. 

She pulled off and swallowed, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth with a tired sigh. Josh’s satisfied smile watched her in awe, tucking himself away after a few moments of heavy panting. 

“Jesus Christ,” Josh breathed, petting at her hair before bringing her to kiss his lips. “Thank you. Wow. Just… so talented.”

“Josh Kiszka not having the right words,” She smiled against his lips. She pulled away and ruffled his hair. “I must be good.” 

Josh sputtered, jumping to his feet and following her to the side of the door where she was grabbing her coat and extra stuff. 

“Do you need a ride home again?” 

Josh scratched at the back of his neck. “Uh, I guess. Can’t really go out there and tell ‘em I need their keys when I was supposed to have left 20 minutes ago. Plus they’re probably expecting me to come pick them up eventually so I need my car for that.” 

“Josh,” She stopped his rambling. Her hand pressed flat against his upper chest, bringing his eyes to hers. “Relax. My jaw’s too tired to give you another stress relieving head session.” 

Josh shut up and nodded. She smiled, pleased with herself. They grabbed their stuff and headed for her Volvo after she locked the green room door. 

“Driving you home like you’re my little bitch,” She stated half-way through the drive she now knew without directions. 

“Shut up.” Josh sounded annoyed but really he was smiling, staring out at the passing streets. 

When they pull up to his house, Josh pauses. “Do you wanna come in?” 

“Can’t tonight. See you soon though.” 

She kisses his lips tenderly, cupping his strong jaw in a way neither of them had ever expected. 

-

Mid December and the semester was over. Their short film was a success. It was the last Thursday Greta Van Fleet would be performing at Lover’s Inn until the new year. Josh and Y/N hadn’t had time to talk about them with the rush of finals and getting the film in in time for screening. There had been stolen kisses during late final cut editing nights and in the empty hallways of the film building, but nothing else. 

Josh had arrived with Y/N, helping her set up so that she could be done early and they could have alone time before the rest of the band started to arrive. They were so excited to be done with everything, so pleased with themselves, that they were hurriedly making out against the snack table, unable to keep their hands off of one another a moment longer. 

So wrapped up in one another, exchanging words of teasing and searing lips against soft skin, they don’t hear Danny and Jake walking in.

With Y/N pressed against the table, Jake and Danny get an eyeful of her hands on Josh, one on his waist pulling him closer and the other grabbing at his right jean-clad ass cheek.

Danny whistling loudly and Jake clapping his hands together leisurely cause them to spring apart. Josh spins around, flushed and out of breath while Y/N adjusts the top of her shirt that Josh had pushed to the side for more access to her skin. 

“About time,” Jake says with a happy smile, stalking to place down his guitar case. 

Danny laughs and Sam walks in shortly behind them, silent for a moment, appraising the situation before understanding and exclaiming: “To the happy couple!”

Josh groans at his brothers’ smug looks before smiling. She laughs, hiding her head behind Josh’s shoulder in mild embarrassment. Everyone cheers and it feels silly that they ever detested being in the same room as one another. 

During their final performance, Josh waxes eloquent about his wondrous time he’s spent on this very stage. He thanks everyone and then pauses, searching the audience for Y/N. 

“Now this next one goes out to my lover,” He says as he winks. “You know who you are!” 

The crowd goes wild and a softer than usual guitar riff comes in from Jake’s playing. 

“August, honey / Tasted sweeter with you / Sticky fingers / From your own residue,” He sang.

Jake got to kick up the guitar. The three guys even sang the little backing ‘ooh’s into their mics that were rarely used. 

“We don’t talk about it / We don’t have the time / We thought love was something / We weren’t meant to find.”

Josh’s voice is a perfect fit for the cover, she thinks it sounds even better than the original. 

“But don’t you remember / August, honey, you were mine!”

It hurts her heart to realize why her name was ‘August’ in Josh’s phone and not for the asshole-ish reason he had originally told her. Sure, they’d met in August three years ago, that was still true, but she’d also mentioned this song to him. When they’d first been paired up freshman year, he had asked her what the song was that was paused on her phone when he handed it back after typing in his number. Always being scatterbrained, especially at 18, he must have written it over her name…And it was ‘August’. 

-

[smoking-jakelane]

Str!ke

Greta Valentines

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x reader!insert

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: fluffy fluff, little makeout session, mentions of bad childhood/ bad relationship w parents | all in all really just heartwarming jake boyfriend

Summary: Jake has planned a Date for you since you completely forgot about Valentines Day.

I saw this post from @seenoversundown and I KNEW that I wanted to write a little blurb to the Valentine's Day theme. So I picked the Bowling Date idea

Soo here it is! I hope you enjoy. Please note: English is not my first language so ignore weird wording or idk anything that you think makes no sense. My dms are open for everyone in case you want to know anything or just to say hi <3

"Could you like, at least tell me where we are going?"

"Absolutely not my angel." Jake said as he mindlessly caressed your thigh with his hand.

"Uurgh." You pout and lean back against the headrest of the passenger seat.

You hear Jake laugh as he turned the music up.

You closed your eyes even though they were covered with Jake's bandana.You silently tapped your feet to the beat, thousand thoughts wandering through your brain; wondering where the hell you two would go this evening was the main one.

The last week has been very stressful to say the least, so you were more than thankful for Jake to make up for it. It did catch you by surprise when he came home today and told you to get ready. When you asked him more than one time what he had planned,he smiled to himself and kept quiet.

You felt the car making a turn and eventually coming to a stop. You turn your head to Jake in anticipation to finally get your vision back.

"Come here." Jake said in a soft voice and carefully turned your head away from him so he could untie the knot at the back of your head.

You grabbed the cloth from your eyes and pinched them together as they were adjusting to the light.

The neon red colored arrows pointing to the entry of the bowling alley catched your eyes. Your lips turned into a smile as you progressed and you turned back to Jake who was watching you.

"We're going bowling? Babe that's awesome!" You laughed as you leaned in and gave him a kiss.

He cupped your face with one of his hands and pulled you back in for another, more deep connection. You sighed into the kiss as you felt your heart beat faster and the warmth of his fingers spiraling from your cheek through your body.

You were at loss for words and even thoughts.

Jake was the first to break the kiss. You didn't even notice that you two were losing yourself in a whole makeout session in the middle of a public parking lot.

Jake brushed the strands of hair out of his face and smirked at you. "As much as I'd want to continue this, I also would like to not miss our reservation."

You giggled at his words. Even after more than two years of dating, it felt like you were still at the start with how much emotions he brought up in you with just the simplest of things he did.

Whether he brought you something from a shopping trip that made him think of you, or the little notes he left on the counter to let you know he loved you and couldn't wait to come home again.

He felt like home. He brought peace in your hectic life and thoughts. Sometimes he could silence the whole world around you and all what mattered stood right in front of you. With hair that reached his collarbones, eyes that had just that sparkle to them and a little mustache which made him look older than he was.

"Oh before I forget, I got something for you. Saw it in a window and immediately thought you would like these."

"Jake..." you tried to stop him but he silenced you with his hand. You softly swatted it away from your face.

"I just wanted to say that you didn't have to do all this. I mean it's a normal Friday evening. What is all this for?"

"Okay look." He stopped and took both of your hands in his. His thumbs slowly stroked the back of your hands.

"I know that you've been busy as hell the last couple of weeks. I feel it the way you are asleep almost every day when I come home. And how you have no motivation or energy on the weekends. So since today is Valentine's Day-"

Oh shit.

He was right. Today was Valentine's Day. You absolutely forgot! Your heart sank and so did your eyes. You were ashamed for the way you neglected him the past weeks and the way he put it in perspective for you now. The sting in your chest hurt and you didn't dare to look at him.

"No don't you dare my sweet angel." You felt his fingers at your chin, slightly tilting it upwards to make you look into his eyes.

"I love you and I want to do anything I can to help you take the load off of your shoulders. You shouldn't feel bad for having a stressful time. Remember me when we prepare for touring? I know how hard it is. And how you are always there for me. So let me do this for you. I swear I love seeing you smile about things that I did. It's an immense boost for my ego you know."

He ended his little monologue with a wink and a playful smile. All you could do was listen and feeling yourself so full of love for this man in front of you. You didn't know how on earth you deserved him.

He squeezed your hands briefly before releasing them. His hands grabbed something from inside his Jacket and handed it to you.

You looked at the item in your hands. It was a black square box with a small satin bow sitting on top. You couldn't wait to see what's inside but you wanted his approval to open in right here in the car. You looked back up at him and he gave you a slight nod.

With your pointer finger and thumb you pulled on one side of the bow and let it fall down in your lap. Slowly you opened the box and let out a silent gasp.

"Jakey..." you whispered and he laid his hand on your thigh.

Inside the box was a pair of beautiful silver earrings. They looked like little swords and had some kind of rhinestone in the middle of the handle.

You began to smile and looked back up at Jake. "They are beautiful, oh my god.." He smiled with you, glad that you liked them as much as he did.

"So.." he started as he began to put away strands of your hair so he could change your earrings. "I think you might know for what these stand."

Of course you knew.

"Starcatcher." You smiled and he nodded.

"Exactly. I thought that when you eventually join us on our next concert, you might as well want to match."

He finished changing your jewelry and looked you up and down.

"Stunning." He said and patted himself on the shoulder; proud that he found something so fitting for you.

You couldn't help but laugh. That was his way of showing you his love, but also playing it down like he was a shy school boy.

His eyes had a spark to them and they seemed  to enchant everybody within reach. But right now, right here, they were sparkling just for you. You held your arms out and he immediately leaned in, returning the hug.

"Thank you Jake. I love them. And I love you." You nestled your head into the crook of his neck, the cold silver of the little daggers on your ear sending shivers down your spine.

You breathed in his cologne, mixed with the smell of hair conditioner you both shared. The love you felt for him filled your head and heart.

When you ended the hug his hands were at your shoulders and he looked you in the eyes. "I think we should get going now." He quickly placed a kiss to your forehead before he turned to get out of the car.

You smiled to yourself and opened the passenger door.

——————

"Yes, I found you guys. Reservation for 8pm on the Name Kiszka right?" the Lady at the reception had a friendly smile and her hair was colored in a soft purple.

Jake nodded and gave her the number of your shoe sizes. She turned around and searched for them before returning to the desk. In the meantime you let your eyes wander over the many bowling alleys. The light was dimmed and the air kind of thick.

It wasn't too full, maybe three or four alleys still unused. You smiled to yourself. It has been a while since the last time you went bowling.

The lady returned to the desk and handed you the shoes. "Thank you and have fun you guys." She smiled polite as she let her eyes fall back to the monitor in front of her.

"I love your hair, it really suits you." You said and smiled at her. She immediately looked back up and raised her eyebrows in surprise. You caught her offguard by the way it took a moment for her to react to your words.

Her face began to visibly light up and her hand flew to the strand of hair that was hanging loose from the messy bun. "Oh my god thank you so much!"

You felt your heart grew big in your chest. That was exactly why you started to give other people compliments. It was your mission to make the people around you feel good about themselves.

Nowadays, those words slipped easily out of your mouth. But that wasn't the case right before you've met Jake.

From your childhood on, you were surrounded by nothing but egoism. Your parents, your siblings; everyone put themselves first without thinking about how others might feel. In the end all they did was hurt themselves and the people around.

Everything inside of your body was rebelling against this behaviour they showed you. So you wanted to change. It was a hard battle, especially when you still lived with them.

When you moved out of your parents house and in your own flat, that was the turning point for you and your life. Finally, after years, you've felt at peace. Not only with yourself but also with your parents. It was in your hands when you wanted to see them. And that was almost never the case.

While you were working in that little music shop in Nashville you've met Jake. He was there almost every weekend renting out a huge variety of guitars and basses. Jake always wanted to talk to you, even though he almost never had enough time to do so.

And when you weren't there, he let your coworkers give you little handwritten notes with questions or random stuff that were going through his brain.

He never failed to make you smile.

You felt Jake's hand in yours and he patiently smiled at you before he led you to your designated bowling alley.

„I love the way you're always in your head after giving away compliments to strangers." Jake said with a soft voice.

You looked at him while he smiled to himself. „Stalker!" you laughed and softly shoved him.

When you arrived at your Bowling Lane for the night, Jake typed in your names in the little computer. You sat down and looked at the drinks menu, deciding that a little alcohol would be the right perfect way to go.

Shortly after Jake was done, the waiter came and you ordered for the both of you, knowing exactly what he would want to drink.

"Ready to get destroyed?" Jake asked and wiggled his eyebrows with a devilish smile.

"Uuh cocky." You smiled and got up from your seat. "Let's hit it."

————————

„I absolutely destroyed you there you know that?" the satisfaction of winning against Jake made your cheeks hot and your heart pumping in your chest.

„I'm never going again! It's not fair how good you are!" he playfully whined and slowed down in his steps.

You didn't notice as you kept walking to your car. You felt so happy, this whole evening making up all the stress from the last couple of weeks.

Your slightly drunk mind was still singing that one song that the bowling center played in the background and you started dancing on the sidewalk. You hummed the melody of the song and let your arms sway from side to side. As you turned around while dancing you caught Jake standing still with his phone pointed at you.

He sheepishly smiled at you and stored it in his back pocket before making his way to you. As he came closer, you tilted your head up and put your hands on your hips.

„Did you just film me?" you said and squinted your eyes at him.

Jake came to a stop, just millimeters from your body and you could feel his breath on your skin.

„I wanted to keep this as a memory." he whispered and put his hands around your shoulders.

You smiled and layed your head on his chest, his heart producing a steady beat. „Oh Jakey... thank you so much for tonight" you sighed and closed your eyes.

„Not for this Angel." Jake smiled and softly kissed your head.

When you released yourself from the hug, he let one arm laying around your shoulder as you continued your way to the car.

„Oh did I tell you about how I absolutely ended your bowling career?" you started again and the vibrations of his laughter shook both of your bodies.

„You're going to hold that against me forever, aren't you?" he said while smiling down at you.

„Oh absolutely I will."

[starcatcher-gvf]

Back and Forth - Chapter 1

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Danny Wagner

Word Count: 2.2k

Hello, everyone! This is my very first attempt at writing with a set plot, so please forgive any grammar mistakes. This is only the first chapter, so more will come eventually! Also, this will become more smut-filled, so MINORS DNI. I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: Language, smoking, eventual smut (stay tuned!!), frottage if you squint, making out

______________________________________________________________

Finally, Jake could be alone. He briskly walked into his green room and slumped against the door just as it closed. He tipped his head back, closed his eyes, and sighed in relief. Finally.

After a hectic day of rehearsing for this next show in a city Jake can barely remember from exhaustion, his only thought was laser focused on his jacket pocket containing, not one, but two cigars. He needed to smoke the edge off. God, he needed at least one drag to get him through.

On a typical day before a show, Josh, Jake, Danny, and Sam would arrive at the venue sometime around noon, rehearse and jam for a couple hours, grab some food (or libations), and meet back at the venue for wardrobe, makeup, and sound check. But this day was completely thrown out of whack. Their regular sound techs they’ve been touring with got a flat tire on their bus, leaving them and half their equipment two states away, so now they have to compensate this loss of crew by making the crew they do have work twice as much to set everything up. This means all the boys had to arrive closer to 9am to work out the kinks in the sound systems with their instruments. And after the previous night of drinking too much and sleeping too little, Jake was feeling the effects of his bad habits catch up to him.

They just got off the stage after about 5 hours of sound check. Josh looked like he was close to tears and had to walk outside some to get some fresh air. Sam’s tousled hair looked way more tousled than usual due to his stressful tic of running his hands through it. Danny…where did Danny go? Jake wasn’t sure, even though he was sitting next to him on B-stage. But it didn’t matter now. All that matters is that Jake could now be alone with his thoughts…and his cigars.

He picked up smoking them before a show a couple years back when a venue in Europe brought them into his dressing room on a platter like hors d'oeuvres. Jet lag and that same creeping feeling of stress haunted him like it did now, and he lit that pretty little cigar and felt his brain fog melt away with every exhale of that thick smoke. And now he craved them before almost every show.

Lucky for him, this room had a window he could crack. He didn’t necessarily want to hotbox this room and set the sprinklers off just before makeup. He walked across the tiny room and lifted the window, but it would only crack a couple of inches. That should be enough, Jake thought.

The loud screech of a chair resounded in the room as Jake dragged one across the floor near the window. He sat down hurriedly, pulled out one of his precious cigars, and fished for his lighter in the opposite pocket.

Then there came a knock at the door. Jesus fucking Christ.

“Yeah?” Jake called to the unknown person outside his door.

“Jake?” The unmistakable voice of the band’s drummer rang out in response. Thank God, Jake thought with a breath of relief. I still have some time.

“What’s up, Danny?”

“Can I come in right quick?” It wasn’t unusual for Danny to hang out with Jake, and only Jake. Being the quietest in the band, Jake and Danny formed an unspoken relationship: if any one of the two needed to escape the hustle of band life for a few minutes, the other could be there to ensure some peace and quiet.

“Of course. Just close the door back,” Jake replied.

Danny’s tall form was now visible in the doorway. Jake noticed he was wearing one of those tight-fitting T-shirts he wore so much, this time in black, and he wore a pair of dark blue jeans with a pretty worn out pair of black Converse. Jake smiled to himself noticing this. He’s had those since, what, 2017? He seriously needs some new shoes.

The door closed back, and Danny put his hands in his jean pockets and huffed a sigh. “That sound check was NEVER gonna end, I fucking swear.”

“I know, right? If Josh’s microphone cut out one more time, I was gonna actually throw it across the stage.” Jake’s temper had gotten to the point where he was contemplating slamming his guitar down and taking a couple laps around the venue just to escape the large but foreboding arena.

Danny’s eyes traveled down to Jake’s hands, one holding the lighter in a loose grasp, the other twiddling his cigar between his middle and ring fingers. “Lighting up, are we?” Danny inquired in a playful tone.

Jake’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, as if he had forgotten what he was doing for the past five minutes. “Oh, yeah. My mind is everywhere right now, and having the occasional cigar kinda…I don’t know, ‘mellow’ isn’t the right word.”

“No, I get it,” Danny said nonchalantly. “When we first started touring, and I mean the big big tours, I would have Sam roll me a joint before we even got dressed to go to the venue, and we’d toke up at his house right before getting an Uber.”

Of course Sam got him on that one. As far as Jake was concerned, weed made him feel too loose and carefree during a show. Jake preferred the slight buzz of nicotine mingling with the already-strong vibrations surrounding him on stage, along with a couple drinks to pair it with.

“Did you want one? I packed an extra in case I needed a bit more, y’know?” Jake reached again in his pocket and pulled out an identical cigar, reaching towards Danny to take it.

“You don’t mind? I’ve been jittery to get something all day.” Jake could tell before Danny even said so. His prominent fidgets have been manifesting themselves all day, just like Sam’s: legs bouncing, wiping his hands on his jean legs, staring off into the void.

“Yeah, man. Go ahead.”

Danny took the cigar from Jake’s hand and felt his back pocket for a lighter, but his face scrunched in confusion. “Can you light me up right quick? Don’t have my lighter on me.”

Jake, already lighting his cigar and letting a small stream of blue smoke escape the tip, looked toward Danny. “Yeah.” He leaned over slightly in his chair to reach Danny’s tall figure with the lighter.

Instead of taking it, Danny just held the tip of his cigar to Jake. Embarrassed, Jake fumbled to rearrange the lighter to where he could flick it to life. After a couple tries, it caught, and the cigar came to life with smoke, but it didn’t burn like normal. Way too fast. Dammit, it’s stale.

How did he not realize this before bringing it? He would have felt how hard the cigar was in his hand before stuffing it in his pocket, would have felt the leaves of tobacco through the paper. He must have been in such a hurried state as to not notice, and he felt horrible for giving Danny the unsmokable one. “Shit, sorry, man. Don’t smoke that shit, it’ll give you a headache.”

“It’s okay, I could just share yours,” Danny suggested.

Jake stared up at Danny, mouth slightly parted in surprise at his suggestion. Sure, they’ve been close for years now but never that close. Both parties were too shy to suggest this so upfront, but it seems Danny’s need for some type of high broke that barrier. Jake swallowed the spit pooling in his mouth and handed him the cigar, offering Danny the first smoke.

Danny didn’t look away as he took it, didn’t even notice the ash from the tip fall onto one of Jake’s boots. He leaned against the window pane and looked out onto the cityscape and blew out blue smoke into the crack in the window. Then he coughed.

“Damn, Jake! What’s in this?”

“It’s just a Cuban blend. Give it here, you’re gonna let it burn all up!” Jake snickered as Danny basically hacked up a lung trying to recover. He leaned back in his chair and propped his feet up on the sill. Inhale, exhale. Simple as that. Jake could already feel the nicotine-induced wave of relaxation cover him like a thick wool blanket. The sky outside was already growing steadily dimmer as showtime came closer. Jake checked his phone screen, reading the time 6:27pm.

“Think we can finish this thing in thirty minutes? Makeup should be coming around sometime then.”

“Sure. If you’d pass it.” Danny reached over to snatch the cigar back, eager to give it another go.

“Uh uh, this is mine. I get to decide when you get another hit.” Jake reached his arm back as far as he could, just out of Danny’s reach from their standing-and-sitting positions. Danny’s face soured, and he went back to staring at the numerous skyscrapers and people walking by the building. Jake inhaled and exhaled again, letting the smoke drift in the room instead of blowing it out the window. Feeling generous, he gave Danny the cigar back.

Danny let out a triumphant “hmph” and inhaled. Though his face was slightly strained, he kept the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds and blew it out without a hitch.

Into Jake’s face.

Jake, caught off guard, just stared into his face again. His face felt hot but he wasn’t exactly sure why. He didn’t feel mad, nor did he feel embarrassed. There was something so…domineering about Danny at this moment. Him being able to be overtaken and put in his place so easily…it felt different. What’s going on?

Danny picked up on this shift in…whatever was happening. He cleared his throat and handed the cigar back to him while looking at his feet. “I should probably get back to-”

Jake stood up and stepped as close to Danny as he could without him colliding into his chest. Their faces were inches apart. Jake took a long, agonizing drag, one that hurt his lungs worse than the first time he ever smoked, and let the smoke fall out of his mouth. It lingered on Danny’s face a while before Jake’s mouth connected with Danny’s.

Danny stilled as Jake closed the distance off, but he eventually melted into the way Jake’s lips felt on his. Cracked, but not painful. Jake snaked his arms around Danny’s torso and lingering on his upper back, pulling him down closer to his level. Danny leaned down slightly and cupped Jake’s face with one hand while placing his other hand at his waist.

Jake’s mouth parted slightly, letting the remaining smoke in Danny’s mouth. Danny’s mouth tasted somehow like comfort: a faint tinge of mint mixed with cigar smoke and pure, unadulterated Danny. Jake felt like he could get a buzz just on the way Danny felt and tasted in his mouth. Their tongues mingled and tasted each other as Danny pushed Jake farther back until Jake’s back hit the wall.Danny placed the hand holding his waist against the wall behind Jake and pulled Jake’s head down by the hair with his other hand. A defeated whimper erupted from his throat as Danny started peppering sloppy kisses along his neck and behind his ear.

Danny wasn’t too sure what was happening but was letting his inhibitions fall away and giving into his primal desires. He noticed, as Jake was pressed against the wall, one of his hands pressed against Danny’s chest still had the cigar grasped between his fingers. At least Jake was still coherent enough to not let the burning end brand Danny’s chest like he was a steer. He plucked Jake’s cigar from his hand and inhaled the smoke while looking directly into Jake’s lust-blown eyes.

Danny placed both hands on the wall, trapping Jake as Danny met him with another kiss, this one full of smoke. Jake placed his hands on the waistband of Danny’s jeans and pulled his abdomen closer by his belt loops. Jake felt pressure on the front of his pants and moaned quietly into Danny’s mouth, a sweet sanguine sound of pure desire, lust, passion.

Danny pulled away abruptly. Jake opened his eyes and looked at the man opposite him with confusion and worry. What did I do? Is he okay?

“What the fuck are we doing, dude?” Danny completely disconnected himself from Jake, leaving him against the wall to contemplate everything that had led to this moment. Danny chuckled under his breath and itched his neck: another nervous tick that Jake knew very well. A sign that Danny wasn’t sure what to do next.

Jake swallowed and put his hands in his pockets while giving no attention to his hardness making itself known against his jeans. “We should probably get ready for makeup now, it’s about time.”

“Yeah, okay, sure,” Danny replied hurriedly. He made his way to the door again but stopped. “Hey, Jake?”

“Yeah?” Jake’s heart skipped for a second before Danny turned and held out the mostly-burnt cigar back to Jake.

“Forgot to give this back.” Danny then turned back to the door and walked out. He let it close softly.

Jake’s mind was ceaselessly reeling and turning, trying to figure out what exactly compelled him to start that. But as he smoked the last of his cigar, he smiled. Before Danny walked out, he noticed a matching hardness against Danny’s jeans.

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Just You and Me

Just You and Me

Pairing: Sam Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: Sam discovers the secret to making his infant daughter happy.

Warnings: Girl Dad Sam

Word Count: 2.7k

At around 4 AM you were woken up to the sounds of screaming and crying. It was a combination of the sound of distant cries coming from down the hall and the static sounds of it coming from the baby monitor next to you. 

Before you even opened your eyes, you felt the bed move and heard the sound of your bedroom door opening, followed by the sound of four paws hitting the floor and trotting out the room before the door shut again softly.

The crying continued through the speaker on the monitor but was soon mixed with the sound of Sam’s soft voice. You picked up the monitor and squinted as you looked at the bright light of the screen, giving you a look into your daughter’s nursery. The time on the monitor showed 4:27 AM. 

“Well good morning to you too,” Sam said sweetly to her in a tired voice as he scooped her up from her crib and into his arms. 

He bounced her around for a few minutes, thinking she just needed a little love and some cuddles to go back to sleep. Her crying continued for a bit but faded into whines as Sam comforted her.

“Shhh, come on, sh sh sh. Daddy’s gotcha,” he said softly.

He kissed the top of her head and continued bouncing her around gently in his arms. 

It was becoming clear to Sam that she needed more than just a little rocking back to sleep. 

This wasn’t something Sam was used to. He had only gotten her at night a few times before. And in his defense- he didn’t ever need to. She was a good at sleeping through the night in her own room. For the past few weeks, she had been waking up, however with a little love from either of you, she would fall back asleep quickly. But not this time.

He held her in his left arm, unzipped her sleep sack with his right hand, and gave her diaper a pat.

“Woah, that's a lot of piss,” he laughed. “Let’s get you all fresh. Maybe that’ll make you feel better, hmm? What do you think?” he continued as he walked over to her changing table.

You loved the way he talked to her. He talked to her as if she could understand everything and answer back. 

He laid her down to change her and as he put her down and out of his arms- instantly her crying started up again. He gave her a tube of diaper cream in an attempt to distract her and keep her occupied but she threw it to the ground. Rosie walked over to it and sniffed it out for a few moments before returning to her spot at Sam’s feet.

“I know, I know. I’ll pick you up again in a second,” he said as he held her still with his hand over her stomach as he reached for wipes and a fresh diaper. 

She cried through the entire diaper change and continued crying even when Sam was done changing her and held her again. He gave up on cradling her, figuring she wasn’t going back to sleep any time soon, so he let her sit up.

“We gotta get out of here or you’re gonna wake Mom up,” he groaned as he shifted her from one side of his body to the other and walked out of her bedroom with her. Little did he know, you were already very much awake.

He brought her downstairs into the living area and a second camera picked up his movements and showed the two of them on the screen. 

He took her into the kitchen and opened the freezer. He looked around, pulled out a teething ring, and handed it to her, hoping she’d bite down on it. 

She took it from him, looked at it for a second, let it fall to the ground as she smushed her face into his shoulder and rubbed her tired face on his shirt.

“Okay, we have to learn the phrase ‘No thank you, Dad,’” he said to himself in annoyance as he looked at the frozen toy on the floor and kicked it out of his path. 

Rosie followed the toy as Sam kicked it away and pushed it around on the floor a bit. 

He opened the fridge for another attempt at something that may please her. 

“You wanna eat, Baby? Hm? Are ya hungry?” 

Sam took out all the fixings for a bottle and got to work.

It took him twice as long as normal because he knew if he put her down, the crying would only get worse again. Plus, the baby had a grip on his hair which prevented him from moving his head all the way. He balanced the baby in his left arm while his right hand did everything else. 

Rosie stood at his feet and followed his every move, causing him to trip over her and have to gently nudge her away with his foot so he could get what he needed and move around the kitchen.

“Ugh, Rose, come on,” he groaned as he struggled to twist the cap of the bottle on while Rosie circled around him.

To say he was struggling would be an understatement.

It took everything in you to just watch and not get up and help him. If it was you, you’d scoop her up and feed her without having to make a bottle. Then she’d fall asleep while eating and you'd just place her back into her crib until morning.

But Sam figured you were asleep and he wouldn’t want to wake you up. Besides, you knew he felt bad about himself when you would swoop in with your “mom touch” and make everything okay instantly where it would take him a couple tries at anything before it worked.

It made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. Like he was a bad parent. Like this whole “dad” thing wasn’t for him and he wasn’t cut out for the next 18 years. Like everyone who told him that he wasn’t ready for this at his age was right. And like he was letting down the one little person who matters the most in this world to him, and he didn’t know what to do to fix it.

He wanted to be the one to bring her comfort and happiness for once. And even though it killed you to see her so upset and see him struggle and get frustrated, you figured whether he knew it or not, Sam may have needed to do this on his own more than he needed you to help him right now.

He sat down on the couch with your daughter and laid her in his arms. He held the bottle to her mouth. Instantly, she turned her head away, put her arms in front of her face, and wouldn’t take it. She fought him a few times, turning her head and closing her mouth so that he couldn't even get the bottle near her mouth. She continued crying but it was like a gargle. He didn’t want to force her but after a fresh diaper and a cold toy didn’t soothe her, this was his next best idea.

“I know I’m not Mom, I know. But come on, try for me please. I wish I was sucking on Mom’s tits too, trust me,” he joked, trying to make some fun during a stressful situation. 

She opened her mouth again to cry and Sam shoved the bottle in. Her head shook from the left to the right in an attempt to get it away but once she realized there was milk coming out of it, she took to it.

Now holding a quiet baby, Sam sat back with her in his arms and rested his head on the back of the couch. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the silence. You could see him starting to doze off. 

Any relaxation he felt was over the second she finished the bottle. The empty bottle fell out of her mouth and onto the floor and Sam snapped back awake when her cries started up again.

“Shit,” he said to himself, both surprised and a little mad at himself that he fell asleep with his own child in his arms. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes with his free hand before moving her over his shoulder to burp her. 

“Come on, be a good girl for me,” he said as he patted and rubbed her back gently.

You couldn’t hear it but she must have burped because Sam pulled her off his shoulder, looked at her, and said, “That was a big one!”

After a while, he wasn’t getting any more out of her and she started to rub her eyes with her hands and rub her face on his shoulder again.

“Are you finally tired, Little One? Yeah? You want to lay down in your swing?” he asked as he walked her over to the swing which was placed right next to an armchair. 

And of course, the second he let her go and put her in the swing to buckle her in, she started crying again. 

He clicked a few buttons on the top of the swing and instantly, it started moving back and forth and playing baby lullaby music. It was piano music that typically sounded nice. But the batteries were fading so the music came out sounding warped.

Sam sat on the floor next to the swing for a few minutes until he had had enough. 

Her cries on top of the terrible sounds of the music finally got to Sam. He slammed his hand on the speaker and hit the button to turn the music off. He had been at this for over an hour with no progress and no end in sight.

A golden hue began lighting up the house from the sunrise outside.

He leaned his back against the chair.

“I changed you, I gave you toys, I fed you, I burped you. I did everything,” he sighed, “What do you want?” he pleaded as he sat next to the swing with her crying and squirming as she glided back and forth in it. 

He put his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. Now he looked like he was going to cry.

He ran his hands down his face and pulled down on his cheeks so his eyes were now forced open. He kept his hands like that for a second, pulling the skin on his face down. 

The sunlight coming through the living room windows lit up the corner of the room where Sam had a single guitar propped up against the wall. 

It was as if a lightbulb went off in his head.

He got up off the floor, grabbed the guitar, and sat down in the chair next to the swing, resting the guitar in his lap. He pulled his hair up into a bun before picking up the guitar to play it.

“You know,” he began, “Grandma said that when I was a baby, I always fell asleep with your Great Grandpa Frank’s music. So maybe that’ll work for you. Let’s try, hmm?”

He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly before he began.

He started softly plucking at the strings, allowing the house to fill with a beautiful, light song. 

You recognized it right away.

Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles.

Sam played it soft and slowed it down. He started humming the melody as he played.

Little by little, as Sam played, the crying faded once again. But unlike every other time, it faded and didn’t come back. It faded into whines, which faded into sighs, which faded into deep breaths. For the first time since your daughter woke up, everything was at peace.

Sam kept playing, getting a little lost in the music, until he realized what happened. 

He stopped and looked down at the baby sleeping peacefully in the swing next to him. 

He smiled at her and then smiled to himself, looking down at the guitar. You could tell he was proud of himself but even more proud of where his idea came from. 

He placed the guitar on the floor and pressed a button on the swing to slow it down.

“Goodnight, My Angel,” he whispered.

He sat back down on the couch across from her and pulled his feet onto the cushion. He leaned his head on the pillows and pulled a blanket down from the back of the couch and closed his eyes. Rosie jumped up on the couch and rested her head on Sam’s legs. 

At that point, the time on the monitor read 6:15 AM.

You got out of bed and went downstairs to see Sam, Rosie, and your daughter all sound asleep.

Slowly and quietly, you pulled your daughter out of the swing, took her upstairs, and placed her in her crib to sleep safely without waking her up. When you set her down in her crib, as she laid down comfortably for the first time since she woke up, you watched the tiniest smile creep onto her face. It was Sam’s. She had Sam’s smile. 

You waited a few minutes in the room to make sure she was still asleep and then, you went back downstairs to see a snoring Sam curled up on the couch. 

You picked up the guitar, placed it back in the corner of the room, and sat on the couch next to Sam. You brushed your hand over his head and brushed the little hairs at his hairline back with the rest of his hair. 

He took a deep breath in and blinked a few times. He let out a breathy groan as he woke back up again. 

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion for a second and then sat up to look over at the swing. He gasped and his eyes opened fully when he saw that it was empty but relaxed when you brushed the top of your hand over his cheek and whispered to him.

“Relax,” you said, “She’s still sleeping. I put her upstairs.”

Sam looked at you with half open eyes. They were tired and just a bit swollen. He looked like he was still dreaming. 

“You wanna come back to bed, Daddy?” you asked softly.

He nodded and rubbed his face. 

“Come on,” you whispered.

You got up from the couch and Sam followed behind you. Rosie jumped off the couch and headed for her dog bed by the chair as the two of you lazily walked back upstairs and into bed.

Upon entering your bedroom, Sam threw himself down in bed and cuddled himself up next to you. He pulled you in close and rested his chin right next to your shoulder.

You could feel the warmth of his exhales from his nose and his scratchy beard on your skin.

You reached behind yourself, grabbed the back of his legs, and pushed them in closer to you so his body was completely pressed up against yours.

His hand reached for yours and he placed it in front of your stomach, rubbing little circles on the top of it with his thumb. The movements of his thumb slowed down as he fell into sleep again.

“You’re a good dad, Sam,” you whispered.

“Mm, you think so?” he mumbled into your shoulder.

“I know so,” you assured him. 

He was quiet for a second before he spoke again.

“You were watching on the monitor, weren’t you?” he asked.

“Maybe,” you giggled.

Sam didn’t reply but you felt his mouth form a smile on your shoulder before he gave it a gentle kiss. 

“Love you,” he whispered lazily.

You turned your head over at him to give him a kiss on the lips but when you did, he was already fast asleep. 

His eyes were closed, he was breathing deeply, and his mouth was slightly open. 

You kissed him anyway- just the tiniest, most gentle kiss. 

When you pulled back, you watched the outer corners of his lips tug to form a small smile. It was that same little smile you saw on your daughter when you put her back to sleep. Except, now you were looking at who it came from, her dad, who you both loved more than anyone in the world. 

Songs:

Matt Harke- London’s Song

Author’s Note: With all due respect, Samuel, babe, let me make you a daddy.

Also, the cover art I made from this is based off of edited pictures of Sam I saw on twitter a while ago. They edited the colors and the grain on the original Sam pics. I simply added the baby and the text. If you know who edited the pics of Sam, let me know so I can credit them! 

[writingcold]

Welcome to Chapter Nine and Ten of Best Laid Plans

A/N:  I know.  Just trust me.  I have said that it will have a happy ending.  Just not yet.    

This is a complete fiction - totally made up.  I do not, nor will I ever know Jake or any member of GVF.  That said, this story is mine.  Please respect that.

Are you starting to understand the barrage of bullets that @takenbythemadness has taken while proofreading this thing for me?  Yeah.  Send her all your positive vibes and forehead kisses, please and thank you.

Content warnings: Language.  Deep depression.  Poor view of self.  Poor mindset.  Talk of adultery.  Misogynic character.  Verbal arguing.  Divorce.  Be ready for a big reveal.  It hurts.  It’s not horrible, but it hurts.  Well... maybe a little horrible.

Word count: approx. 9500

Chapter 9: May, 1990: Jake POV

     Life was a sham.  My life was less than the frail mist that hung amongst the branches of the tree that I could see out my back window.  I had sat for hours, the bottle between my fingers steadily grew lighter while my spirit grew atrophied and heavy.  She was gone.  Amanda carried everything out with her like she did not realize what she had taken from me.  And I allowed it.  Just like always.

     I stirred against my better judgment.  My vision was blurred and my body was full of ache.  A familiar hum stuck my ear from the void beyond the couch that made me want to retreat into the bottle to hide my embarrassment.

     “Dear lord, it moved,”  Josh’s voice rumbled in my ears without humor, but it also lacked malice.

     I coughed as I leaned forward, my fingers reaching for a bottle that was no longer on the table before me.  I frowned as I realized that everything before me had been cleared away leaving only a tall glass of water.  “How long have you been here?”  I asked as I oozed back into the couch.

      “Couple days.  Henry called Ronnie…”

      I grimaced as Josh ran through the line.  I had forgotten my parents were in Hawaii for an extended vacation.  I could just picture Ronnie pounding on my door, to which according to Josh, she wanted to kick my ass for not answering.  

      “But then, she got scared, so she used the key to find your nearly naked ass passed out about where you are now,”  he explained with a shiver through his shoulders.  

      I scrunched up my face as the heat of embarrassment flooded my system.  “Fuck,”  I sighed as my innards started to jiggle in protest.

      “So, she called me and I happened to have some time,”  Josh remarked as he was swiping at the counter with a disgusted look.  “Jesus, Jake, when was the last time you cleaned this kitchen?”

      I could barely hold my head up as my mouth started to flood with spit.  

     “Anyway, I’ve been covering what I can at the shop.  Sam got here yesterday and has been covering as well.  He brought Danny with him, so between Danny and Henry, all your lessons are covered for a few more days.  Dan’s heading out on tour,  so we really need to get your ass back into your shop.”

      My brain felt like toasted marshmallow and my mouth felt like it was filled with paste.  Josh continued to clean, peeking into the oven to reveal the smell of food.  He said that Ms. Ada sent a casserole - well, actually had sent many over.  One for each day of this week.  My stomach soured with the smell and produced a round of nasty burps that sent me flying to the bathroom.  I retched everything out as if all the alcohol was fleeing my system by any means possible.   I could hear Josh’s ramblings as I thought for sure my internal organs were next to exit my mouth.  I was shit.  I was lower than shit and did not deserve any kind of help in the matter.

      “Let’s get you into a shower,”  he said softly, pushing me by the shoulders to rest against the wall.

      I had no fight left in me.  I watched as he turned on the spray, holding his hand under the water just like our mom used to, even did the little toe tap as he waited.  He ordered me to take off my rags and helped me over the ridge of the bathtub.  The water was like an acid spray as it struck my skin like hot sandpaper.  I sputtered and choked as I made a show of doing what he wanted me to do while he stood protectively at the edge of the tub.  I pushed my face under, allowing the sensation of heat and clean to consume my ravaged skin.  Josh, satisfied that I was not going to fall over like an idiot, walked away for a few minutes.

      “This is clearly not about Georgia,”  he said, returning with clothes to set on the vanity.  “You danced a fucking jig when you signed those papers.  What gives?  I thought everything was going good.”

     “I can’t talk about it,”  I whispered, allowing the water to pour down and beat upon my back.

     “Bull shit,”  Josh remarked loudly.  “The last time I saw you like this was with…  god dammit.  Please don’t tell me you did something stupid and Amanda is involved.”

     The stab in my chest was brutal.  I inhaled water and sputtered through a cough before regaining my senses.  “You’ve been at the shop.  Have you seen her next door?”

     Josh stayed silent for a long time, leaving my guts to twist.  “She stopped in yesterday afternoon with treats for us from the morning poetry reading.”

     I rolled my eyes shut, fighting myself from asking if she inquired about me; wondered if she noticed my absence.  Another strangled breath as I waited for more from him.

     “I guess it makes some sense, now that I look at it,”  Josh remarked coolly.

     His words toiled in my belly as I heard him leave the bathroom for a few minutes.  The sound of the closet door opening and drawers being forced to shut matched the cogs of my thoughts.  He could not hide, however, the exasperated sound that he ground out in my room.

     “You’re the reason that poor woman looks destroyed,”  he said, his voice full of a hard edge.  “Meg and Bugger thought it was because her husband was back in town...”

     I kept completely still.  I could feel it.  The pieces were falling into place slowly, each clicking with a metallic click that I could feel happen for my twin.

     “Fuck, no, Jake,”  Josh growled, incredulous.

     I shivered despite the heat of the water and steam all around me.  “Go make a pot of coffee.  I’ll tell you everything.”

     I waited for him to argue with me right away.  Instead, I realized that he actually listened to me.  Finishing up my shower, I found that he had left a set of clean clothes for me on the vanity along with a new razor and shave cream.  It did not take long to feel human again, though my innards begged to differ.  

     Josh had the hot dish waiting on the kitchen table and the coffee was just finished brewing.  Just the smell of real subsistence made my body beg for respite.  Josh gave me a double portion along with the biggest mug of coffee, smoking a cigarette while he waited as I ate.  The food felt good in my belly, I could not lie.  

     “Okay,”  Josh remarked as I pushed my near empty plate away.  “Spill it.  What the hell have you been up to and how are you going to fix it.”

      “There is no fixing it,”  I answered, feeling the exhaustion creep over me like a monster.

     It started with a word.  Her name.  Amanda.  Followed by another word, followed by another until it was all falling out of my mouth like a wave.  Josh asked no questions, gave me no interruptions.  Just sat and listened.  When I felt my breath escape me as my shame rose, he waited.  When my face turned red and my voice curled with anger, he leaned away, but did not stop me.  He let me spill all of it onto the table between us like a demon that needed to be exorcized.  When I finally collapsed back in my chair, a cigarette between my fingers and my mouth quiet, Josh let out a long, low whistle.

     “Damn, Jake,”  he whispered, his face full of emotions.  “That’s more than… a lot.”

     I rubbed a hand across my face.  It was not all of it.  I took a long, deep drag before stretching my neck.  “And all of it is because of a lie.”

     His brows furrowed as he picked up my dishes and moved to deposit them in the sink before refilling our cups.  “How’s that?”

     “Liam was not mine,”  I whispered.

     His face hardened.  “What the hell, Jake.  How is that true?”

     “Georgia lied.  She was already pregnant when we…”  I refused to be crass, even if it was Josh.  

     “How do you know?  Did she tell you?”

     I shook my head as my words tripped over a sob.  “She’d go off on these rants when she was really out of it.  But I got the gist of it - she pretty much said I was not his dad.”

     I felt the emotion swell and bubble until I couldn’t hold back the tears that pushed from the corners of my eyes.  I swiped at them as Josh sat back down before me.  His eyes were full of love and compassion as his hands reached for my shoulders.

     “You are that little boy’s dad.  Do you hear me?”  he said, voice full of tears, the same as my own.  “You loved him.  We all did.  We all wanted him to stay.  Jake, I’ve never seen you so full of life as I had when I saw you holding him.  Your boy.”

     I was nodding as we cried together.  My heart wept daily for Liam.  Just because he was not of me did not mean he was not mine.  I knew this.  It was a burden that was carried for so long already.  To be able to share the burden with Josh was a relief.  

     “Do you think Mandy will leave her husband?”  he asked after a long silence.

     I shrugged.  The beauty of my previous week lay as toxic sludge in my chest.  For her to walk out, I understood.  It took me a while to figure it out - she was leaving me so as not to allow Roger the satisfaction of throwing me into her face.  If she left him, she could have no mar to find that would allow him to have an advantage.  I got it.  I understood it.  But goddamn to have our brief time twisted into something wrong shoved me into a hole that I was struggling to climb out of.  

     Josh folded his arms with a troubled look.  “It won’t be an instant remedy, Jake.  If Mandy leaves her husband, their assets are more than what you and Georgia contended with.  Roger doesn’t seem like the kind of man that is going to be amicable no matter what situation he was caught in.  Mandy could lose her Sparrow.”

      I felt the line of my mouth harden as my teeth mashed together.  “Motherfucker,”  I grumbled.  “I didn’t think about it.  Fuck.”

      Josh’s expression told me he was already miles ahead of me.  He began to tap the table with thought.  “You’re going to have to keep your distance, Jake.  For her.  During all of this - you’re going to have to keep your distance.”

     I kept my mouth shut for I knew something stupid would fall out if I said anything.  All I could do was shake my head ‘no’.  My teeth buried themself into my lip as if I was an angry toddler ready to drop a fit.  

     “I mean it.  You keep your distance.”  

     I was back to the shop the next morning, my shell back in place despite it feeling like it was two sizes too big.  Bugger was on shift, his eyes watching me like I was going to either explode or evaporate into the fog.  I had closed myself into one of the practice rooms with one of the new acoustics that we had gotten in to give it a spin.  I heard movement on the other side of the shared wall.  I imagined that it was Mandy, setting up for the Tuesday brunch crew.  I smiled as I landed on “It Hurt Me Too” by Hound Dog Taylor, my fingers digging into the frets in hopes that she would hear me.  I added in all my loud flourishes and soft touches until drawing into “These Arms of Mine”.  I just needed her to know we were okay.  That we would survive.  

     I was in my office when I heard the buzz of the door chime and Bugger’s voice flowing through the shop.  I stood up when I realized it was not just a customer that he was talking to.  Stepping beyond my door to find Mandy handing him the leftover treats  from her group with a shy smile made my chest tighten.  Josh was right, she was not out in the world like everything was fine.  She had not noticed that I was there, so I took the time to collect myself and keep Josh’s sentiment of keeping my distance in my thoughts.

      “Glad to see you back, Jake,”  she said with a wave.  “Feeling better?”

      I nodded, playing along.  “Yeah.  Much better.”

     “Josh stopped in earlier on his way out to your parents,”  she replied as she watched Bugger make off with double brownies, chocolate chip cookies and Bailey bars.  “It was nice to get a chance to catch up with him.  Sounds like he’s got a huge project coming up.”

      She was keeping to safe talk, though her eyes kept traveling to mine with a threat of tears.  I wanted to reach out to her.  I wanted to tug her into my office and hold her until it was better for us both.  I could only hope that she could see the broken heart that was within me.  We continued to chat for moments only before I saw the quiver in her lip.  I sucked in a breath knowing that I was about to lose my composure.

      “I’ve got a call I need to get to,”  I said, glancing back to wherever Bugger had dragged the food away to.  “Are we up for coffee tomorrow?”

      She swallowed and nodded.  “See you before open?”

     “I’ll be there.”

      Routine was my saving grace in my life with Georgia.  It could be once again through whatever the hell it was that we had moved into between me and Mandy.  I could set a routine and keep to it if it meant that we could share a space.  If we could share a love.

Amanda POV

     When I left Jake’s house, I made it to the bottom stair of my building before I had to sit down.  It was like all my breath, all my blood, all my fight had been leached out of my skin.  I left my entire being with him in hopes that he would use it to keep himself strong.  I left nothing for myself.  My body was racked with sobs so painful I thought for sure I would disappear into the ground.  

      Instead, my cries softened.  My pain sunk deep within.  A single word stuck me - yet.  I could not be Jake’s - yet.  I could not openly love him - yet.  I could not show the strength that he imbibed into my flesh over the week - yet.  I tucked the three letter word into my spirit and branded it in my mind.  Something so small could be just the armor that I was going to need for the fight that was to come.

     Monday morning thankfully was quiet.  In the evening, over a lovely cup of tea, I started to put all of Roger's clothes, neatly folded, into a large shipping box.  His personal items, the bank and credit cards, all the important papers between us went into the singular box.  I took down all the pictures of him and us together and emptied out the frames, leaving the photos on the table.  I scoured the apartment, erasing any evidence of Jake’s presence from both the physical space and myself.  I hid away my feelings - both the hurt and the love.

      Though I was half of myself, I forced myself to move.  I forced myself to do what I expected of myself.  I was in the shop for each group and customer.  I presented my smile and professional self, all the while, my spirit was weeping.  I noticed that Jake was not next door.  My concern, however, had to be buried with everything else.

      Thursday rolled around.  The morning’s poetry reading thankfully went quietly.  I took the leftover danish into Martin’s, moreso as a way to see Jake, but to my surprise, Josh was manning the counter.  I caught sight of Mr. Henry in one of the practice rooms with a client.

      “Amanda,”  Josh said warmly as Bugger practically ran him over to grab the tray I held.  “It’s good to see you.”

      “I - I’m sorry, Josh.  I wasn’t expecting you to be here,”  I said, my eyes scanning for any sign of Jake.  

      “That’s okay.  Jake’s been sick,”  he said quickly, his hand coming down on my arm with a comforting pat.  

      I could not hide the urgency in my body as his words stuck my ears.  “He’s okay, right?  I mean, nothing serious?”

      “Just a bad bug.  I’ll have him back on his feet soon,”  he said with a flash of a smile.  “You doing all right there?”

      “Oh,”  I squeaked out.  “Yeah.  Just.  Rough day.  I better get back.”

      At that point, I notice that both Bugger and Meg are watching me from the counter.  I waved and headed out, hoping to god to regain my composure.  Jake.  Sick.  It had put a crack into my composure.  I needed to fill it with concrete.  I needed to shut off the worry and just…

      When I returned to the shop, I noticed that Mick was looking confused at the counter.  “You all right?”

     He nodded as he cleared his throat.  “Uh, Roger just told me that you are head upstairs.”

     “Mick,”  I said, moving directly in front of him, “what did he say exactly?”

     He grew even more uncomfortable, unable to meet my eyes.  “He told me to tell that bitch to get her fat ass upstairs.”

     Involuntarily, my lips rolled between my teeth.  The embarrassment on the man’s face was hurtful.  I reached out and touched his arm, just a brush of fingers.  “Thank you.  I’m sorry he did that.”

     “I don’t think you should go.  He was really angry,”  he said quietly.

     I nod before I place one pat on the counter between us.  “It’ll be fine.  Really.”

     I did not allow the blaze of my anger show as I smiled and headed for the back door.  I took a moment to notice that at least no one else was in the shop to hear what was to come.  I walked the steps, noticing that the door was ajar.  He had found what I had done.  I could hear movement, but could not discern what he was doing.  One more breath.  One more thought of…

     I pushed the door open to find that he was pulling everything out of the box that I had so neatly packed for him.  His eyes flashed at me with absolute fury.  I leaned against the doorframe with no intent of closing the door.

     “What the fuck is this, Amanda?”  he raged, digging out his clothes.

     “Your things.  I got them ready to go to your home.  Your home with Lydia,”  I said, keeping my tone level and calm.  

     He straightened.  His eyes darkened with threat.  “Get in here and close the damn door.”

    “No,”  I said, making sure to keep my body still.  “I should tell you that my employee downstairs will be contacting the sheriff’s office if this gets out of control.”

     It was not a lie.  The way I left Mick, I knew that he would be on alert.  I realized that I felt strong.  I felt strong in this man’s presence that had made me feel like I was only part of his shadow.  I folded my arms across my chest and decided to remain right where I was.

     “This is ridiculous.  Get in here and get my shit back to where it belongs,”  he said sharply.

     “No.  You will be removing your stuff and getting out of my apartment.  You are not welcomed here.”

     A flash of memory.  A flash of Jake and I laughing across the kitchen table that all of his stuff was cluttering up.  A warmth filled me like I was finally moving in the direction I was always supposed to be moving in.  I just needed to trudge through this maze, this obstacle course that was stretching out before me and Jake would be waiting for me on the other side.  The prize that I so dearly wanted.

     “If you think you can leave me -”

     “I’ve contacted a lawyer, Roger.  This - this bull shit of a marriage is over.  I’m done.”

     “You can’t be serious.  Mandy - that girl you talked to was lying.  I don’t know this - “

     “I’m not an idiot, Roger.  I will not be treated that way.  Not by you, not by anyone.  You have made it abundantly clear that you hate it here.  You don’t like my shop.  You don’t like my life being here.  This is where I am and where I need to be.  I’m done.  I’m done with you playing my husband for thirty days of the year.”

      His mouth twisted as he stared at me.  “So I’m right, then.  You’re already fucking someone else.”

      “No.  Not that it matters, Roger.  You have never been faithful.  Our entire marriage-”

      “I’m a man.  I’m on the road.  I have needs, Amanda.”

      “You had a wife at home to provide for those needs.  You chose to do otherwise.  You chose this path.  And I’m done walking it.”

      “Don’t think that I’m going to make this easy.”  

      I shrugged.  

     “Don’t think I won’t take this place from you, you bitch.  When I’m done, you’ll have nothing.”

      I shrugged.  It wasn’t my job to make him aware that it was not mine.  It was in a family trust that belonged to my family.  Protected.  I had scoffed when my father suggested this step, and then my lawyer backed it up.  I thought it was an unnecessary step.  And yet, I did it because a tiny voice said what would be the harm of taking that advice.  What wasn’t protected, I was quickly finding I did not care.  My lack of emotional response only infuriated him more.  I forced myself to keep cool.  I continued to keep my distance.  Little snippets of my interlude with Jake played behind my eyelids.  The loud laughter, the softest of touches.  It was like he refueled my skin, and recast my armor.  I could do this. I could survive this fire that the man before me would cause.

      But then I returned to the minutes before.  Jake was sick.  My heart constricted as I silently watched Roger shove the items removed back into the box carelessly.  I offered to ship the box wherever he needed me to, to which he just glared at me.  I was going to have to have a long conversation with my parents.  I was going to have to talk with my sisters.  My brain was making lists of what I needed to do, and yet, my heart wanted nothing more than to go to Jake.  

      Roger nearly threw the box over the railing as he huffed down the stairs.  I followed at a distance.  Before he could open the backdoor to the store, I stopped him.

     “The key.  I will be needing that key back,”  I said, keeping my voice void of feeling.

     I watched as he yanked the keys from his pocket and threw them at me with intent.  I let them fly past and he bumbled through the store.  Poor Mick was standing with a customer in the mystery section, his face blanching of color.  I caught his eye before I went behind the counter to fetch the yellow pages.  A quick call to Mr. Peterson, and I was on the schedule to have all the locks of the building changed before the end of store hours.  

      I was on my way.  I had finally been strong enough to take those steps that would allow me to grow my broken wings back.  I apologized to the two pairs of eyes that watched me before I excused myself with the promise to be back after lunch.  I grabbed the discarded keys on my way back into the apartment.  I closed the door behind me to just take a moment to digest what I had done.  Echoes of Jake continued to pull me through the minutes bobbing through the wake of Roger’s departure.  The memory of him shoving the couch to the side so we could dance stupidly and fall against each other in a moment of heat and passion made me calm. 

      I put the kettle on with a smile.  I breathed out an embarrassed laugh as the next thought struck: Jake setting us up with coffee and pancakes when I had been so thoroughly fucked into the matress that I couldn’t move without laughing hysterically.  Yeah, he had been proud of himself that morning.  He was humming Cheap Trick and the swagger was oh so real.  

      Friday arrived and life continued.  Jake was still not in his shop, but neither was Josh.  Mr. Henry waved and accepted the coffee that I had brought.  Sam waved from behind the counter as he was talking with Bugger.  Sparrow was busy that day and just when I thought it wouldn’t get busier, it did.  It was all right though - it made the day go that much quicker.  

      Saturday morning there was a tap on my door, well before it was time for the store to open.  I was surprised to find Josh on my stoop, waiting with a warmth plastered to his mouth and concern etched in his eyes.

     “I brought breakfast,”  he said, holding up a little pastry bag from Blaine’s.  “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

     “I happen to have coffee, come on in,”  I said after a few beats.  “You’ll have to excuse my mess…  Been a little crazy around here.”

     He barely glanced around as he took the seat at the table I pointed to.  “It’s quite lovely up here isn’t it?  It’s very calming.”  He paused, his eyes tracing over the shared wall of Martin’s Music.  His eyes rolled closed as he chuckled.  “Probably not so calming when there’s a band up here though, is it?”

     “Your brother is very strict about the schedule.  Of course, that didn’t happen until I threatened to kick his ass after the first time I was in here with some garage band with way too loud amps and way too late,”  I laughed as I sat down with him.  “Of course, he might have just been afraid of the Siouxsie Sioux  t-shirt and bed head.”

     I was graced by one of his infamous belly laughs that set the air between us to a comfortable level.  He set out fresh apple turnovers before me with a grin.  The fact that he remembered warmed me.  We had had breakfast way before I left for college and the three of us just about turned ourselves inside out on these down at the diner.  I believe we cleared the case and Cindy just obliged to keep them out of her own mouth.  He took the first bite, letting out a groan of delight.

      “Lord, I’d be like three hundred pounds if I still lived here,”  he complained through a mouthful of apple.  

     “Well, there is a reason why these are only available once a week now,”  I pointed out.  I took my own bite and breathed through the amazingness of the pastry.  I knew he was stalling.  Totally not a Josh move.  A sip of coffee, a bite into my lip and I sat back in my chair.  “Is he okay?”

     He shrugged.  “He’s not sick.  I’m sorry I lied, but it’s our cover story.”

     “I thought as much.”  But that was a lie.  I was scared.  Jake never missed a day.  “Well.  I had hoped, really.”

     He gave me a sideways stretch of a smile.  “I’m worried, that’s why I’m here.  There’s only two people that put my brother into this kind of tailspin - Liam and you.

     “I had to watch him fall apart with Liam.  He had made so many sacrifices for him, Mandy.  He had lost so much weight I was afraid that he was going to be ill in the worst way.  He was giving her everything and it didn’t make a difference.  But you -”

     He was shaking his head as he pushed himself back from the table.  “There are only two people that he would literally bend himself inside out to protect.  Do you understand that?  Two.  I’m worried that you are walking a road that is going to be torture for him to have to watch.  Do you understand me?”

      “What did he do?”  I whispered the words, knowing that Jake had tripped into a hole because of me.  Because of my words and actions.

      The hesitation returned.  I watched him swallow down a gulp of coffee.  “He will be fine, Mandy, that’s what is important.  I’m not going to lie though, he’s fragile.  He was finally beginning to stand on his own - truly on his own, just taking care of himself after the divorce.  It’s been good.”

     My heart tripped.  My spirit faltered.  I knew what he was asking of me before he got to the words.  I was going to have to get through this trial without Jake.  I released a burning breath as I hid behind an interested gaze.

     “I am worried.  You see where I’m going with this, Mandy?”

     I nodded.  “I was trying to figure out how…  I mean.  His friendship has been so very important.  I don’t think I can move through this without it.”

     “I am not saying to disregard him completely.  But he needs to heal more - on his own.  Just as you are going to need to, as well.  There may be a day where it is possible,”  he said with a nod.  “You two seem to always find each other.  It just may not be in the manner than you think.”

      My lips rolled into my mouth as I stifled a sob.  Josh was sure that we were wrong to be together.  He reached out and laid a hand on my arm.  A touch that was meant to be reassuring, comforting.  And it burned like hell.  I chewed the inside of my cheek as I fought again saying anything.  I knew he was right.  He was so damn right about it all.  I had had my chance.  Jake had…  

      “Accept it for what it can be, Amanda.”  Josh stood up, his touch still heavy on my arm.  “Friendship is about the only thing that is fine between you at this point.  Accept it.”

      I watched as he left, leaving my heart in shreds.  In less than thirty minutes, he had taken every stitch of strength that Jake had given me.  I breathed into my empty apartment.  I was going to have to do this without Jake.

Chapter 10: September, 1990: Jake POV

      My precious week with Mandy had been erased.  I would wake each morning haunted by the love that we had shared.  My heart would bleed out as I tried to stuff it back into my chest so that I could carry on without her as a normal human being.  I had survived the summer tourist season.  We had fallen back into our routine - I would meet her for morning coffee.  I would keep to safe talk, topics ranging from her book readings to my sponsoring the summer concerts in the park on Thursday nights.  With the Autumn Street Fair approaching, I worked on the committee to help plan and organize the event just like I had in years past.  This time, with the addition of Mandy, our time worn event got some fresh perspective.

     Josh pretty much ordered me to go out and date.  Jeanette, the sweet soul that she is, had called to invite me to dinner, but I just couldn’t.  I wasn’t shutting myself away.  My wounds were too deep to find anything but a false smile.  So, like when I was surviving my time in my marriage, and after the divorce, I fell into routine.  I woke, I worked, I slept.  It took three months just to be able to go out for beers with Bugger and Meg.  I pretended that my time that I had felt the most free never happened.  I pretended that Mandy did not reside under my skin and within my very being.  And it was killing me to have to watch her struggle.  

      I could hear the frustration she was living through.  Roger was making her life hell, fighting the divorce every step of the way.  She had grounds of infidelity.  She had grounds of neglect.  But apparently Roger was able to procure a better lawyer who was making every day a nightmare for her.  She admitted to feeling like her every move was being watched.  She was convinced that Roger’s lawyer had someone watching to record any interaction with friends, family - men, women, it did not matter.  

      By the first of October, I had begun to feel strong enough that I could stand in Mandy’s presence and still be okay.  I started to go out with Henry and Ada, Ronnie and her husband, David.  I was like the kid who was just learning how to roller skate - holding onto the wall for dear life because I was afraid to fall on my ass - again.  I started meeting for beers with a few of the soccer dads a couple of times a month.  Before I knew it, the holidays were storming through in the typical chaotic manner.  Josh and I were having a drink at Miller’s when Jeanette was walking in with a group of friends.  It was not lost on my twin that she had once again caught my attention.

      By the end of February we were dating fairly regularly - once again, not exclusive.  And it was enough.  I felt like I was returning to that person that I could be while I watched Mandy grow thin and weary of her situation.  I did all I could while remaining at my distance, to support her, to love her.

      Jeanette was kind.  Josh pointed out in our phone calls that I needed to ‘do right by that woman and make it serious’, but in truth, she was setting our boundaries.  I know.  I know, but it’s true.  She was on the same plane as my own, broken by experience and unsure if she really wanted to share that deeply with anyone.  So really, we were each other’s support system.  A way to have that human contact and interaction without the intense emotional tethers  that were required for a serious relationship.  And it was better than trying to shack up with Tessa again.  That woman… just no.

     We survived the rest of winter and the spring thaw without too much drama.  Jeanette and I were spending weekends away after discovering that we actually traveled together very well.  I felt healthy.  

      “I don’t think it’s a good idea to see you right now, Georgia,”  I had said, trying not to let my impatience show as I shuffled papers across my office desk as a way to keep my hands busy.

      Georgia had called out of the blue.  It had been years since I had heard her voice and I was fine with that.  I had moved on from what we had and healed, mostly, from our time together.  My hands came to a full stop when she fell silent and I found myself listening to her breathing across the receiver for a long moment before she continued.

     “I know you’ve heard this from me - many times, Jake,”  she said, her tone even and present.  “I’m trying.  Really trying.  I’ve been sober a full fifteen months this time.  I’ve been trying to…  I’m trying to really do it this time.”

     I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.  This was the same conversation that I had heard too many times before.  The only difference was that the hurt that once had been attached to her words was absent.  I blew out a long breath and was shaking my head like she could see my answer across the phone.

     “Jake, I need to make amends,”  she whispered.  “There are things that I need to say to you - for you to hear from me.  You owe me nothing, and I get that.  I do.  But I think if I allow myself to just-”

     “Allow yourself?  Do you hear yourself right now?  How absolutely selfish that sounds, Georgia?”  I let the words go before I thought them through.  I was once again buying into her game and I needed to just stop.

     “Sorry.  Sorry.  Really.  I don’t mean to sound selfish.”  I could hear the tears in her voice and I forced myself to soften.  “Please.  Just give me a half hour of your time.  It will be good for both of us, Jake.  Please?  I can meet you after your soccer practice at the park.  You still do that, right?”

       June first and I had my team running their asses off up and down that field starting at eight in the morning.  Each and every one of those kids loved it, too.  I had brought out the big box, booming music across the grass.  I let them pick the day’s band and I supplied the tunes.  I noticed Georgia waiting at the edge of the field.  She was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, looking too thin as her blonde hair fluttered in the wind.  I could have been kind and wrapped up practice on time, but the kids were having too much fun, so I let it run over by nearly twenty minutes.  The parents were joining in at the end, their smiles wide as they bounced around with their children.  

     To my surprise, she waited until after I had cleaned everything up and packed the car before she moved towards me.  Her dark eyes were clear and healthy.  Her smile was honest.

     “Thank you for seeing me, Jake,”  she started, her voice even and strong.

     I nodded once, my guard up and locked tight.

     “Do you want to walk, or sit, or…”  she laughed nervously.

     “Just say what you need to, please,”  I said as I folded my arms across my chest, wary of what was to come.

     “Right to it, then,”  she said, hands sliding into her pockets as she let out a nervous laugh.  “I wronged you from the start.  I know this is going to be hard to hear, but Liam…”

     I swallowed hard.  My eyes flattened as I looked at her.  “If you’re going to tell me that Liam was not my son, Georgia, I already know.”

     She flinched.  “When did you know?”

    “I don’t know - maybe I started believing it after one of the several dozen times you begged for his ‘real daddy to stay’, or if his ‘daddy was a better man he would’ve stayed’?”  I did not attempt to hide the heat of anger that was spiking in my brain.

     “If things would have been different…  If he was still here,”  she was struggling, faltering across her words like the only thing that could save her was a drink.  I knew it.  I knew that stammer and that look of need too well.  I slowed down, she did not need to be provoked.  “If he was still here, Jake, you would’ve been his daddy no matter what.  You would’ve loved him-”

     “I love him still, Georgia!”  I shouted, all my venom leaking through my mouth with bitter accuracy.  “I was there in the hospital.  I held him.  I touched him and sang to him every moment that he was with us.  He’s with me every day.  Every day!  Do you hear me?  I talk to him, sing with him.  My son.  No matter what.”

      She wiped at her face.  I wiped at mine.  The rage was not simmering down as it normally would.  It pulsed through my veins at a dangerous pace.  I needed to walk away.  I needed to just be rid of her presence.  

     “If that’s all you have to say, I’ve got to go,”  I said, digging in my pocket for my keys.

     “Jake, stay,”  she said through her jagged breaths.  “That's not all.”

     “The fuck,”  I growled, unable to hide my emotions.

     I watched as she shored herself up while I felt my whole foundation begin to crumble beneath my feet.  Her eyes turned to the ground for a long moment like she was gathering her words.  

      “I listened to you talk about your Amanda all that night,”  she said quietly.  Too stunned, I found my chin sliding forward so my ears could hear better.  “How in love you were.  How good of a man you were.  I knew I was pregnant.  What you all didn’t see was I was in full panic that whole night.  Clint had left me the day before once he knew about the baby.  I knew I couldn’t do this alone.”

      She paused.  I felt like all my air was being wrung from my lungs as I tried to keep my focus.

     “I knew you would be the kind of man to take responsibility, Jake,”  Georgia said, her voice warbling across each syllable.  “I watched you leave the party.  You had had too much to drink.  I made sure of it.  I helped you out of your clothes and got you into bed.  We never had sex, though.  You blacked out.  It was so easy to make you think otherwise.”

     Shock would not begin to explain what happened in my system in that moment.  My world gave way as my knees buckled beneath my weight.  A sound emitted from my gut that came close to the pain of losing Liam.  It was a sound that carried the loss of a life that should have been.  It carried every ounce of dreams and hopes and wishes for a life that was concrete and real and full of love and possibilities.  A life with Amanda.

     Georgia knelt down beside me and my broken frame.  She tucked her hands in her lap.  There was shame and remorse etched across her breath for what she had done.  We cried together, but for different reasons.

     “Jake, to say I’m sorry is not enough,”  she whispered, her back bending because of the pain she had caused.  “There is no excuse other than the fact it came from a place of absolute fear.  I was so desperate-”

      “You fucking took my life,”  I mumbled.  I stared at a blade of grass as my brain tried to clutch at the devastation that had been put upon me.  “You didn’t just do this to me.  You did this to her.  You did this to hurt her.  And I was faithful.  You made me believe that I hurt her.  That I fucking broke our relationship.  I…”

      The breeze against my flaming skin did little to cool me.  Georgia sat with me as I tried to put two words together that would make a lick of sense, to make what she did okay.  But it was so wrong.  All of it.  Quiet tears leaked from the corners of my eyes and I could hear her beside me stifling sniffles.  My eyes shifted to her, honing in on the guilt that bubbled from every pore of her.  There was no fix.  There was no repair that could ever return me to my path that should have been.

     “I don’t ever want to see you again,”  I whispered, my voice void of me.  “Do not call.  Do not come back here - at all.  If you were looking for forgiveness-”

     “I was not looking for forgiveness,”  she said, her voice quivering.  “I was only looking to give you a truth that has tortured me for all this time.  Maybe give you back a piece of you that you thought I had ruined.  This is the amends that I extend to you, Jake.  Somehow a way to forgive yourself.  To-”

     “You didn’t just ruin me.  You obliterated everything.  How is that giving me back anything?”

     She blew out a soft breath.  “I said that wrong.  What I mean was that you were always a good man, Jake.  You were always good.  I know what you thought you had done to Amanda, how you thought you had broken her trust…”  She let out a fractured sob as she shook her head.  “You were always hers.  Mine sometimes.  But you were always hers, Jacob.” 

     I watched as she stood.  My body fought against my wish to rise up with her but I did.  I held my arms out to her.  It was not forgiveness.  It was acceptance.  I hugged her for a moment before letting her go.  I moved my feet towards my car and did not look back at her.  That book was closed.  It will stay closed this time. 

Amanda POV     

     If I thought that I was lonely before, I was sorely wrong.  The absolute isolation was crippling as I began my filing for divorce.  My lawyer, Mr. Upton, was very good, very empathetic.  But Roger’s lawyer, Mr. Roburn, was more expensive with more resources at his disposal.  Sparrow, of course, became the first point of contention.  Roburn argued that it was my original plan to leave Roger, hence my reasons for placing my store into a trust.  Mr. Upton, utilizing all fiscal records and legal precedence, that regardless of reasoning, the shop did not belong to me, but to my family and was not a joint asset as Roger had assumed.  Of course, then it was argued that I had used my husband’s money for the down payment of the building… 

      Back and forth.  East and West.  Round the circle once more.  Roburn’s whole strategy was to wear me down.  Mr. Upton, on the other hand, stayed in step with the correct argument that kept me protected and Sparrow in my hands.  Then came the implications that I had been unfaithful.  Pictures were presented of me having coffee with Jake, along with Mick and Robin, Bugger and Meg.  It was totally innocent of course, but it led to other pictures where I was talking just with Jake.  That was an uncomfortable conversation with Mr. Upton - one where I was not truthful.

      Jake was called into a deposition by Mr. Roburn, to which it was suggested, as well as pictures shown, that I had an ongoing relationship with him.  Jake explained that we had had a relationship over the summer of 1981 and that we were merely close friends.  He then pointed out that the pictures that were showing just me and him talking were actually just a zoomed in photo of the previous ones, in his music shop with plenty of others present.

      He had become distant.  It was fine.  It was enough that I could still share a space with him as I struggled my way through my day to day.  The nights were hard.  Too often, I tried to manifest him to be with me.  Be in my bed holding onto me so that I might not fly apart.  But he never came to me.

      I retreated.  It was all I could do.  I kept my social circle to my family only.  My parents were beside themselves and were absolutely stunned as my dirty laundry was being dragged out for everyone to see.  They let me cry about it behind their closed doors, though.  I came to realize that it was not just me that was the topic of Frankenmuth’s hot gossip tongues, but my family as well.  It was gross and wrong, but I had to just keep my head up and live through it.  I had done nothing wrong to warrant such loose tongues.

      As the weeks passed, I watched from the sidelines how Jake healed and returned to his life.  It was nice to just be friends again, to talk and laugh.  It hurt when I was out at the farmer’s market with Jenni and her little boy and I saw him with Jeanette Williams.  He did not see me.  His whole attention was on her.  At first I was anxious, my skin feeling like it had been stomped on.  But then…  I stilled and watched as he smiled at her.  Really smiled.  His whole body was relaxed and at peace.  And it was not because of me or my presence.  Jeanette had been in Ronnie’s class in school.  She always had a reputation of just being kind.  I knew she had always been well liked.  Perhaps it was something that nurtured him in his time of need without me…

     What a selfish thought it was and I knew it the moment that it struck.  I tried to move away.  To allow my nephew to tug me towards the homemade candy, but I chanced a glance back to see what had been there a year before - happy.  Jake was happy.  There was no denying what I saw because it was so lovely to see.

      The months lingered on like the calendar refused to shed its days and weeks in a timely manner.  It hurt.  Everyday there would be a call regarding this or that from Mr. Upton.  I watched as those around me seemed to move with such life.  With such pleasure.  I was rooted to my spot.  Not allowed to drift amongst the stars or through the leaves that scattered across my path.  It was truly the first time that I had no idea what my tread would look like when I emerged from this blackened tunnel that I had found myself wandering through.

      My Sparrow was my salvation.  No matter what - she was there providing my steady company and sure footed companion that continued to grow and evolve and bear fruit under my care.  I could hide amongst her books and hold up new ideas that would take on a life of their own for those who entertained such fancy things as the offerings of a soon to be divorcee’s book shop.

      Yeah.  The opinion I entertained of myself was pretty low.  I was not coping well with all the punishing gut punches that the divorce was dishing to me.  It was not like I was asking for anything other than for my marriage to be over.  I did not want his money.  Roger was very, very comfortable.  He worked hard to be so comfortable.  I did not deny that.  I had worked excruciating hours at Franklin and done well, myself.  I did not care that a portion of my funds were still residing in our joint accounts.  I would have gladly given him it all just to walk away.  During mediations, I even blurted out the fact that I wanted nothing.  I questioned why he was dragging his feet on the matter.  He had another woman.  He had not one, but two kids with her.  In the wake of the silence that followed, I excused myself with the last bit of what he had done to my body against my own wishes.  Was that not enough to wish to escape that marriage?

      August of 1991 was hot.  It was the kind of hot where you would shower, towel off and be wet before you reached the bathroom door.  It was gross and sticky and smelly and I was wishing for the weather to break.  The thunderstorms were coming like crazy, but as soon as one would bring relief, another cycle would start up.  The a/c in Sparrow was down.  I sent Mick and Robin home and hung a sign that we were too hot to function.  I had to wait a few days before I could get anyone out to actually look at the unit.  I stayed in the hotel at the other end of the street as the apartment was like a twenty four hour sauna.  I watched as my precious books were beginning to buckle under the humidity.  I had to invest in a window unit just to keep the moisture from ruining my stock.

      It was one of those weeks where I had not heard from Mr. Upton.  I was not sure if that was a good thing or not.  Perhaps it was too hot in Detroit, too, and he decided to distance himself for a respite from my idiot case.  The 14th found me on the phone once again with my a/c man in hopes that he would be there before the end of the day.  I had just crossed my fingers when the chime on my door rang out admitting Mr. Upton.

      I watched quietly as he pulled a large manilla envelope from his briefcase and held it out for me.  “You asked for nothing but the dissolution of your marriage.  He has finally given it to you.”

      The relief that rushed across my body left me breathless.  Sparrow was safe in my care.  I asked for nothing and nothing was given.  I carefully opened the sheath of papers and took the extended pen from Mr. Upton.  His kind eyes met mine for the briefest of moments before he began to point to each spot that required my signature, explaining each passage with a patience that exuded a comfort.  On the last page, the moment swelled.  I stared at Roger’s huge, elaborate strokes across the heavy paper.  He had relented.  I licked at my lips before I leaned over once more and slowly scratched my name into the paper that would untie the chain that had kept me locked in place.  

     I shook the man’s hand and watched as he loosened his tie before leaving the shop.  I looked around and absorbed the stillness.  I may have wiped a tear or two away.  My gut told me to go next door and tell Jake.  But my spirit told me to stop.  Take in the stillness a little longer.  I sat down at one of the cafe tables and just breathed.  I allowed my chest to rise and fall uninhibited.  I was free.

      Instead of telling anyone in the family, I called Mick, followed by Robin.  They agreed to take care of the shop and make sure the a/c repair was finished and assure them the bill would be paid upon arrival.  I walked up the steps to my apartment and found my bag.  Within thirty minutes, I had packed a few outfits and everything that I would need.  I jumped in my car and I left Frankenmuth - alone.

      I drove.  I took breaks at rest stops.  I stayed in shitty motels.  I had called my parents from some town west of Toronto and assured them that I was fine.  I just needed out for a few days.  It was the most impulsive thing I’ve ever done, but I drove all the way to Maine, finding a little cottage motel that I stayed in for three days, right on the ocean.  It was like all the heat, all the damage, all the injury was relieved.  I walked the beach.  I drank the sea breeze and fed on the wildness of the landscape.  I landed in the bar and got picked up by a very attractive man who said he was on his way out to sea.  Didn’t matter if it was true or not.  He fucked me sideways and made me cum hard for two damn days.

      I celebrated myself for twelve days.  I took my time getting home, taking in the first hints of the autumn as I was passing through Pennsylvania.  When I got home, I relished it.  My parents welcomed me, my sisters laughed with me.  It was two days since my arrival back and I dared to walk into Martin’s to find Jake.  I knew he had heard the news the moment he looked at me.  His smile welcomed me into a hug that my body had been screaming for for months on end.  

     And he held on.  I was sure Bugger and Meg were drifting away from just being uncomfortable, but I didn’t care.  I breathed him in and let him hold me while my trials over the past year settled into my bones and across my flesh.  It was a victory.  It was a victory worth savoring.  As he let me go though, I knew I wasn’t ready.  I looked into his face and it was a whispered agreement.  A ‘maybe’, but not yet. 

I’ll see you next Wednesday.  💚  

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[ageofbarbarians]

Want You Back // J.M.K

AgeOfBarbarians

Summary: Y/N and Josh had broken up. Things have been hard for the both of them but are they able to make things work?

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI!!! Crying, Mentions of a breakup, Mentions of depression, Oral (f receiving), Name Calling, Unprotected Makeup Sex, Daddy Kink,

Word Count: 6.9k

M A S T E R L I S T

You lied in bed cuddled up next to your pillows, thinking about all of the memories you had shared with the curly-headed boy over the past year. You thought he was going to be your happily ever after, the one that was going to permanently change your world for the better, but you knew that with your streak of luck that it was too good to be true. He was your best friend and he genuinely was the one who got away. You would do anything to have him back again.

You had done nothing with yourself and every time you thought about what happened more hot tears would slide down your face and onto your pillow. Your phone buzzed and you checked it; a new Instagram post from Josh. 

You hadn’t spoken in months since the break-up and you didn't think words could describe how much you missed him. You missed everything about Josh. From the way, he spoke with his hands, the way his smile could so easily light up a room, his mannerisms, the simple 'I love yous', every little thing about him you missed. You craved his touch, you craved to hear his voice again, you craved him. Your hand came to your mouth to stifle the sobs coming from your mouth. Your hands shook and my eyes closed tightly. Is it tears or just the fucking rain?

You hadn't been this upset over Josh in a while. If anything you thought that you were finally starting to move on from him, but nothing you did could keep the thoughts of him away. He was your person, your soulmate, your best friend, your everything. Things had ended after being together for two years and you weren't taking it too lightly. It had been about four months and Josh had been on your mind almost every single day since then. Some days were easier than others, but some days like today, you wanted him more than ever.

You tried to calm yourself down by focusing on breathing and it seemed to work. You had worked up the courage to look at Josh's post even though you knew it was going to hurt you in the long run. You just wanted to be able to see his face again. Whether it was in person or a simple little photo over your phone, you missed him. 

The post was two simple pictures of Josh. The first picture was of him standing in front of the camera with his eyes wide and his mouth hung open dramatically. The second was him sitting in front of a soundboard, so focused on whatever he was creating. He wore his signature white long-sleeve shirt and his kakis that you couldn't miss even if you tried. You noticed that he had grown out his facial hair and it suited him so well. It made him look so much more grown up, but you had almost missed his clean-shaven face. It made him look so innocent but reminded you of the time you had with him. You read the caption and couldn’t help but smile a little.

Life in film.

Josh never failed to make you smile no matter what it was. But the pang in your chest hit you once again. There was just something there that kept you from moving on from him. You just had a feeling that things were never meant to end but that’s just your mind talking. Trying to convince yourself you'd be with him again one day and the pain would be done and over with.

You wondered if that picture was from today or if he had already taken it and just waited to upload it. It was a typical Josh move. 

You had blackout curtains and you hadn’t opened them in weeks due to the fact that you had zero energy for anything. You had lost some weight since you hadn’t been eating as much as you knew you should. You knew Josh would scold you for it if he knew. The post-break-up depression was really getting to you more than it had previously. 

You got up for the first time today and decided to open the curtains. You were a little dizzy from getting up so quickly but you just shuffled across the carpet to your windows. Quickly pulling open the curtains you stumbled back and covered your eyes. 

“Holy fucking hell,” You hissed. You didn’t remember it ever being so bright outside. You decided to do something with your life and went to the bathroom to shower. You stripped yourself from your clothes and stepped into the tub. The water was already set at a nice temperature so you didn’t have to wait for it to warm up anymore. You stood there for a good five minutes before having the motivation to wash your hair and body. You moved slowly, trying to think of anything other than Josh. Every time the slightest thought of him came to mind you could feel tears prick your eyes. 

As you were finishing your shower you heard the doorbell ring and you cursed to yourself at the timing. You turned off the water and wrapped a robe around yourself before wrapping your dripping hair with a towel. You made your way downstairs and quickly opened the door. Your heart dropped as you saw who was standing in front of you.

“Sam, w-what are you doing here?” You asked. You felt another pang in your chest since you hadn’t seen any of the boys since the breakup either.

“I haven’t heard from you in weeks. I missed you a lot so I thought I’d come over.” He smiled weakly as he held up a couple of grocery bags that had an assortment of snacks. You couldn't help the tear that rolled down your face and you hugged him quickly.

“I fucking hate this, Sammy,” You sobbed and Sam rested his chin on your head. You cried into his chest and he rubbed comforting circles on your back.

“That’s another reason I came over, we need to get your mind off of him. You haven’t posted anything in months and I’m just really worried about you. I miss my best friend.” He sighed. You pulled away from the hug and lead Sam inside. Both of you went to the kitchen and you made some tea while Sam sat on the counter and swung his legs back and forth like a child.

“I shouldn’t ask," You hesitated with your question, not even knowing yourself if you wanted to know the answer. "but how is he?” You asked quietly. You turned around and joined Sam on the counter. He looked at you with a sad expression before he looked at the ground and shook his head.

“He hasn’t been himself. He’s been drinking more and he cries himself to sleep almost every night. He doesn’t think I know but I can hear him from the next room over. He hasn't been eating as much, he's been quiet which we all know isn't like him. He’s a mess, Y/N.” Sam sighed and you just stared at him. Was there a chance we could get back together? There was no reason for both of you to be going through this pain if the feelings were still there. 

“If I’m being honest, I haven’t been eating much. I’ve slept like shit because I’m so used to waking up next to him and I still reach for him in the mornings. I miss his laugh and all of his stupid jokes and waking up to him playing the guitar and trying to write new music.” You admitted. You held back some tears and you sniffed. Sam laughed a little.

“Why are you laughing?” You asked with a bit more attitude than you meant.

“It's just crazy hearing it from you because I hear the same things from him constantly.“ Sam admitted. You directed your attention towards him, scanning his face to tell if he was joking or not. He finally looked into your eyes and you looked away after a moment, facing your attention back toward the ground.

“Do you think I should call him?” You asked. You hopped off the counter and grabbed your mug from the Keurig. You added some sweetener to your tea and sat next to Sam again.

“It’s whatever you want to do. I feel like even clearing things up will help you two. I’m just worried about you since you said you haven’t been eating. You look so much skinnier and it looks like you haven’t left the house. When was the last time you were outside?” He asked, concernment in his tone.

“Three weeks,” You whispered. It was barely audible but Sam still heard you.

“Y/N, that’s insane! Why don’t we go to the beach or something?” He suggested. You shrugged your shoulders and thought it would be a good idea. The beach did sound nice. Maybe some vitamin D would help you cheer up a little.

“Sure why not.” You smiled and Sam nodded.

“I’ll be back in about an hour. I’m gonna run back to my place.” Sam grabbed his keys and walked towards the door. He told you he would call you when he was on his way back over and left. You ran upstairs and slipped out of your clothes again. You put on a simple yellow push-up bathing suit, one of your favorites. The bottoms showed a little more than you would have liked but you still like the way you looked in them. You went into the bathroom and pulled out some of your makeup. You put on some waterproof mascara and a little bit of chapstick. You began braiding your hair and by the time you had finished, you heard Sam's voice downstairs.

“Sam, that was not an hour!” You laughed. You put on a black crop top and a pair of jean shorts along with your Vans and grabbed your longboard. You put on your sunglasses and walked downstairs and you were met face-to-face with Danny and you raised a brow.

“Danny, what are you doing here?” You asked. You weren't complaining but you were just confused about why he was here as well.

“I needed to get out of the house. Jake is out doing whatever Jake does and Josh isn’t home. I didn’t want to be alone.” He smiled and you nodded your head and hugged him. His large arms seemed as if they were going to crush you.

“Want me to take that?” Sam asked referring to your longboard. You had decided to bring it with you since you knew there were a decent amount of bike paths you could skate on if you were going to the beach you thought you were.

 You shrugged as he took it from you as you grabbed your crossbody wallet and the three of you left. You locked the front door and you got into the car. Danny insisted he sit up front even though you want to, so there was no winning with that. You climbed into the back seat and buckled yourself in and Sam drove. His Jeep had the doors and the top off since the weather was nice enough for it. You didn't mind the breeze but it was a good thing your hair was pulled back.

You didn’t say much of anything the entire car ride as the boys were lost in their conversations, occasionally asking for your input. You just weren’t in a huge talking mood currently since the only thing you could think about was Josh, like you had been for the past couple of months. Your phone buzzed and you picked it up, your eyes went wide and your chest started to hurt.

New Message From Josh I miss you… so much. Can we please talk?

The world seemed as if it had stopped, nothing around you had even mattered besides this one little text. You stared at your phone and your thumbs hovered over the keyboard. You wanted to talk to him but you didn’t know what to say.

To Josh: Can we meet tomorrow night?

From Josh: Of course

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and looked up. Both of the boys were looking at you with concern written all over your face. You bit your bottom lip and showed the two boys the simple message from Josh, not showing them that you had responded. They looked at you without saying anything and you just put your phone into your pocket before getting out of the car. You grabbed your longboard and walked with Sam and Danny to find a place to put our stuff before you made your way toward the trail. You set your board down and pushed yourself off. You could feel the slight breeze flowing around your body and you looked tried your hardest to observe the scenery around you but your mind was consumed by thoughts of Josh. You picked up speed the more you thought about him and tried your hardest to rid the thoughts but the message of his kept replaying in your head. The timing was so weird and it made you wonder if there was a chance the two boys could have said something to him or if it was purely a coincidence.

The break-up was mainly your fault and you continued to beat yourself up over it. We should never have gotten into that argument and it was just so stupid and you should’ve just let it go. You were the one who pushed him away. 

–

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” Josh sobbed over the phone. Your heartbeat quickened as you listened to Josh's heavy sobs. 

“Josh, what’s going on? Do I need to fly out to where you are?” You asked quickly. It was rare that you heard Josh cry, especially this hard, and that alone made your mind begin to race

“I love you so much. I don’t want to lose you, okay?” He sobbed even harder and your heart dropped.

“Josh, what did you do?” You asked calmly trying to prepare yourself for the worst.

“The boys and I went to a pub the other night, and there... there was this girl,” He paused for a moment and you could hear his sobs progressively get louder. Your heart seemed as if stopped. The world stopped spinning and suddenly you were numb. Josh's voice became muffled and you couldn't focus on anything he was saying.

 “Y/N, I’m so sorry please let me–” Josh's voice was cut off by you hanging up the call. You leaned against the wall before sinking to the ground and pulling your knees to my chest. You felt nothing. You felt completely numb. 

How? How could Josh possibly do something like that? He swore to you that being on tour would never affect your relationship. That nobody could come between the two of you. That you were his one and only. That you were his everything. A little over a year and a half down the drain. Tears began to fall from your eyes and you muffled your sobs with your hands as you began to fully process what had happened without him even needing to tell you. Josh promised he would never cheat, that you were the only one who was on his mind. You knew what you were signing yourself up for when you started dating. He was going to see other girls constantly, that was just a part of him being a rockstar and being on tour, and you couldn’t be with him all the time and now here you are sitting on the floor, crying because the day that you never thought would actually happen, finally came.

You shook the thought out of your mind and wiped the tears from your eyes. You hated crying in public. You didn’t want people to look at you like you were a freak or something of the sort even though it was a normal human reaction and emotion. Your phone buzzed pulling it from your pocket, a part of you hoped it was Josh again but you pulled it out seeing a text from Danny instead.

From Danny the Dog: Are you okay? You’ve been gone for almost an hour.

You looked at the time and you didn’t realize how long you had been skating. You groaned and slowed down so you could turn around and head back. The skate back seemed much longer since you weren't completely zoned out this time. Even though it wasn't that far, it seemed like forever to get back. 

“Are you alright?” Sam asked. You nodded your head and sighed. You sat down on one of the chairs Danny and Sam had brought with them and slid your board under it to keep it out of the way.

“I think we should tell you something,” Danny cleared his throat and Sam looked at him nervously almost as if to tell him not to say anything.

“Josh is here. I’m not sure if he left but he somehow found us. He knows you’re with us since he saw your stuff.” Sam chimed in. Any mention of Josh's name made your heart drop. You felt sick to your stomach knowing he was around. Was he close enough to be able to see you? Was he keeping his distance because he didn't want to make things worse? Was he even actually here?

“I’m meeting with him tomorrow,” You whispered. The two boys looked at you in shock. Nobody had believed you would talk to Josh again after what happened but you missed him too much to not see him again. 

“Y/N, are you sure?” Danny asked. You nodded your head and stood up. You took off your shirt and shorts, setting them on the chair you were sitting in, and began to walk towards the water since you had just realized how hot you were. You felt arms wrap around you and pick you up. You gasped as the person began to run and I noticed it was Danny. You couldn't help but that 

“Daniel Wagner put me the fuck down!” You yelled. you shouldn’t have sworn so loudly since there could have been kids around but that was the last thing you were worried about.

“Make me!” He yelled back. You felt droplets of water begin to hit your skin and it wasn’t long before the both of you were under the water. You came up and gasped and began to cough since you had swallowed some water. Danny did the same and you couldn’t help but laugh at his actions.

“Wow, thanks for that.” You rolled your eyes, hints of sarcasm in your voice. Danny just flashed a wide smile, showing off his pearly white teeth. You rolled your eyes and attempted to push him but all you did was make him stumble back a little bit and grab your arms, making you go under once more. 

“Okay, I surrender you twat.” You giggled. Danny shook his head like a wet dog and you scrunched up your face as the water flew around the both of you. 

–

“Bye boys!” You called. You waved to them and unlocked the doors to your house before you trudged upstairs to your room and set your stuff down. You made your way to the bathroom and stripped yourself of your clothes again so you could rid yourself of all the sand stuck on your body and the other places you didn’t exactly want it. You turned on the shower and let up warm up quickly before you stepped into the bathtub for the second time that day.

You had almost forgotten that your hair was in braids so you took them out quickly and began to wash your hair. This shower seemed to go by a lot faster than this morning since you weren't as upset as you were earlier. You could tell there was an obvious improvement in your mood and you hadn't realized until today how much you missed being out in the sun. As you got out of the shower your phone started vibrating on the counter. 

“Hello?” You answered picking up the electronic device and putting it close to your ear. You dried off your hands and sat your phone back on the counter as you put it on speaker and wrapped a towel around your body. You dried the ends of your hair and listened to the familiar voice.

“Hey, Y/N. I hope you’re feeling better.” Sam's voice came through the line. You smiled and nodded your head and remembered he couldn’t see you. 

“Actually, I’m feeling a lot better. Thanks for taking me out today.” You responded. You took your phone and sat it on your dresser as you rummaged through my drawers to look for a t-shirt and some shorts. You found an old Green Day shirt you had and a pair of black pajama shorts and put them on swiftly before hopping into bed.

“Hey, it’s no big deal. Anything to help a friend.” You could hear the smile in Sam's voice. He cleared his throat and there was an awkward silence. 

“Are you really going to see him tomorrow?” He asked. You gnawed on your bottom lip and sighed.

“As much as I hate to admit it, yeah. I miss him a lot. Maybe he and I can get over this. It was a drunken one-night stand.” You waved it off like it was no big deal even though it was. What the hell is happening to my mindset?

“Y/N, you two were together for two years, over a year and a half when this happened. I don’t understand how he can just do something like this. Even while intoxicated.” Sam groaned and you had nothing to say. You knew he was right but you didn't want to thank about it.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to bring it up again.” He said quietly. I sighed. “It’s fine Sammy. I’m just going to try and get some sleep, okay? Thank you again for checking up on me and getting me out of the house.” “It's not a big deal. That's what we're here for. We're always going to be here for you, okay? Get some sleep, goodnight.” The call ended and you put your phone on the charger and curled up with your body pillow, trying to think of it like Josh was there with you. 

—-

From Josh: Y/N?

From Josh: Are you awake?

From Josh: Y/N answer me, please

From Josh: Shit, you’re probably still asleep.

You groaned at the constant dinging of your phone. I looked at the messages from Josh and I couldn’t help but laugh at the last one.

To Josh: Jesus, can I not get some sleep around here? What the fuck do you want?!

You hit send before you had even realized who was texting you. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and read the messages over again before you sat up.

To Josh: I'm sorry.

From Josh: You never were a morning person... Lunch? (:

You sighed and looked at the time. It was almost noon.

To Josh: What time?

From Josh: 1?

To Josh: Sure. I’ll be ready.

From Josh:  I’ll come and get you.

To Josh: It’s fine I’ll just drive myself.

You decided it was best if you drove yourself just in case you ended up in tears or just needed a way to escape. Josh didn’t respond to your message so you got up and went to the bathroom to pee. You rubbed the sleep out of my eyes once more and finished your business. You knew your hair was going to be a mess so you grabbed your flat iron from under the sink and plugged it in. You brushed your hair and by the time you finished, the flat iron was heated up. 

It took a good twenty minutes to do your hair and you knew it would take another half hour to do your makeup. You didn’t want to go super heavy like you normally would when you went out so you just put on some highlighter, eyeshadow, mascara, and eyeliner. By the time you were done Josh told me he was on his way to Bill’s which was one of your favorite diners to go to when you were together. You would typically get breakfast after a drunken night out or just for random little lunch dates. The thought of the two of you going there made your heart skip. It was only a good ten-minute drive from your house so it was pretty convenient. You changed into a Nirvana t-shirt that you had cut so it was now a crop top and put on a pair of black shorts. 

You grabbed your wallet, phone, keys, and slipped on your Chuck Taylors, and left. You sat in the driver's seat and slightly winced at how hot they were. That was the downside of having leather seats in the summertime. It always felt like your skin was going to melt to the seat if it wasn't shaded, but it was something you were used to.

You drove to Bill’s and I saw Josh's car parked in the parking lot. You took a deep breath and sat there for a moment before turning off the engine and getting out. Was this a good idea?

You ignored the thoughts in your brain and got out of the car, locking your doors as you walked towards the entrance of the building. You walked into the building and the air conditioner hit your freshly shaved legs. You shivered a bit and looked around. You saw Josh sitting at a table, the one the two of you sat most of the time. You took another deep breath and walked over. He was on his phone but once you got closer, he stood up. He embraced you in a hug. It took you by surprise and I couldn’t help but inhale the familiar scent of his cologne and relax into his touch. The two of you stood there for a moment, just indulging in the comfort of your bodies.

"I’ve really missed you, Y/N.” He whispered into your hair. You didn’t say anything. You pulled away from the hug and sat down, not being able to bring yourself to look at him but when you did, you noticed the heavy bags and dark circles under his eyes. Honestly, he looked awful.

“No offense but you look like a mess, Josh.” You giggled a bit and he smiled. He shook his head and smiled down at the table.

“If I’m being honest, I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I keep beating myself up over what happened.” His smile disappeared and so did yours. You gnawed on my bottom lip, a nervous habit of yours. 

“I haven’t stopped crying, actually. Today is the only day I haven’t.” You sighed and you could see the sadness in Josh's eyes. You could tell he genuinely felt bad.

“Can we just go back to your place or something?” He asked nervously. You were hesitant at first but you agreed, wanting to be in a space more comfortable for the both of you. Nobody had served you yet so you both just stood up and left. You got into your car and Josh got into his. He followed you to your house and when you arrived he followed you to the front door. He was close to you and your breathing started to quicken. You unlocked the door as soon as you stepped in, Josh shut the door and pushed you against it.

“I haven't been able to sleep without you. I haven't been eating. I've missed waking up with you and making you feel good because I know how much you hate waking up in the morning. I miss your voice, your laugh, everything about you. I fucked up, Y/N, I know I did. There is nothing to excuse what I did. I just want my baby back,” His eyes began to get glossy and his lip trembled slightly. The contact of his body pressed against yours mixed with his hand resting on the side of your face ignited a fire throughout your body. It was crazy how much you missed his touch. Your eyes went to his lips, to his eyes and you couldn't help yourself as your lips connected. The feeling of Josh's lips against yours after these few months was like heaven. His lips were like silk and his breath smelled and tasted like mint, a familiar taste of him.

“Josh Kiszka, I have never stopped loving you nor will I ever stop.” You smiled and Josh wiped away a stray tear. He kissed you again but this time it was more heated. His hands trailed down to your thighs signaling for you to jump. You did so and were carried to your bedroom, the kiss never breaking. It was no surprise to you that Josh could still remember every detail about your house since he spent so much of his time here.

“I want you back. More than anything in the whole world. I can't lose you again.” He pulled away, continuing to walk up the stairs. You bit your lip and nodded your head. You weren’t sure what you were nodding to but you dared to speak up.

“I want to make this work more than anything. I miss you. I love you.” You smiled weakly and Josh had a huge boyish grin on his face. You were dropped down onto your mattress and Josh's lips came in contact with your sweet spot. You let out a soft moan and tilted your head to the side to allow more access. His hands tugged on the bottom of your shirt requesting to take it off. You sat up and threw the material somewhere in the room and shimmed out of your shorts to speed up the process. It was odd that you were wearing Josh's favorite bra and pantie set, something you hadn't even realized when you put it on this morning.

“Did you put this on just for me, princess?” Josh asked, the nickname sending a rush of heat to your core. You clenched your thighs together looking for some sort of release of the pressure.

“N-no.” You stuttered suddenly becoming nervous. You missed the dominant side of Josh. 

“How about we take these off, hm?” He suggested. You shook your head and reached up to attempt to try and grab Josh's shirt.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” You smirked but then blushed at what you had said, never one to make any type of comments like that. Josh quickly took off his shirt and tugged off his black skinny jeans. You could see the outline of his raging erection and it made your mouth water. Dear god I just wanted a taste of him again. 

“Eyes up here darling.” Josh tilted your chin up and you bit your lip. He hovered over you and pressed a chaste kiss to your lips before speaking again. 

“You look like you want daddy’s cock. Is that right, baby girl?” He asked and all you could do was nod your head. 

“Use your words.” He spoke again.

You nodded your head again and somehow managed to speak up. “Yes please, I’ve missed your cock so much.” You moaned slightly and you knew this was killing Josh. The both of you needed some sort of release. You sat up and laced your fingers on the top of Josh's boxers. You looked up at him through your eyelashes and slowly pulled his confinement down. His erection slapped against his stomach and you took his length into your hands. He hissed as you slowly moved your hand against him, so desperately wanting to taste him again.

“As much as I want this, this isn’t about me. I’m the one who fucked up. I should be treating you.” He said quietly. You took your hand away and Josh pushed you down onto the bed again. His hands moved up your thighs, purposely running over your covered folds, and to the elastic band of your panties. He pulled them down your long legs and moaned at the sight.

“Look at you. I have hardly done anything and you’re already so wet for me.” He smirked. You blushed at his words, almost forgetting how vocal he was in the bedroom. Before you could respond, Josh's face was between my legs, wrapping his mouth around your sensitive bud. You gasped as his tongue licked a long stripe up your soaked center and you let out a rather loud moan as he flicked your clit with his tongue, working every part of you so perfectly. 

“Fuck, Josh, please don’t stop,” You moaned. He did the complete opposite and your eyes went wide. “Daddy, I’m sorry!” You whined, almost forgetting to call him the name he so desperately loved to be called. He went back down on you and you moaned at his actions. Your fingers wrapped themselves in his curly brown tresses, pulling at the roots. From the way he moved his tongue, you could feel the familiar feeling rise in your stomach, like a bomb that was ready to explode. Your legs began to shake and you came undone around his tongue, not even bothering to ask permission like you always used to. The entirety of your orgasm rushed around you before you even had much of a chance to process the whole thing. Josh never failed to disappoint you with his skills. He messed with your sensitive bundle of nerves and you whimpered from being sensitive.

“Do you think you can come around daddy’s cock, princess? Be so good for me?” His once light brown eyes were now dark, almost black, and filled with lust. You nodded your head and Josh lined himself up with your entrance, teasing you by dragging his tip through your folds. You whined at his antics, wanting every part of him to fill you up.

"Josh, please," You groaned, wanting him to do something. Your hands were pinned down above your head and you couldn't help but watch the way his arms flexed, as well as his chest. His breathing was heavy and you could tell he wanted this more than anything but he didn't want to let the moment die. He wanted to hold onto you as long as he possibly could.

“Oh baby girl, you may look so innocent with those pretty pleading eyes of yours, but I know you’re not. You would always walk around my apartment with nothing on besides one of my shirts basically begging me to fuck you. The way you leave scratches down my back and leaving marks on my neck and chest for the other boys to see. You’re far from innocent if anything you’re daddy’s little slut. Aren't you? So desperate for me, huh?” Josh growled in your ear. Shivers went down your spine from his words but you couldn’t help but moan at his dirty words.

“Why don’t you fuck me like the little slut I am then?” You asked finally growing a little bit of confidence but also just being sick of his teasing. His eyes flashed and it was only a matter of seconds before Josh was pounding on you, giving you nearly no time to adjust to his length. He was usually so gentle but this time it was something different about his movements. It was a mixture of lust and love, but also the dominant side of him. 

“Shit,” You moaned as Josh hit that spot inside of you that he never failed to miss. You ran your nails down his back causing him to wince in pain, but he didn't say anything about it. You had a feeling there was a chance you had drawn some blood, but it wasn't the first time it had happened. You moaned his name a few times but he ignored it since he didn’t stop to correct you. I felt the familiar knot in my stomach grow tighter, it was almost pathetic how easily he was able to get you off.

"Close for me already, princess? Do I just fuck you so perfectly?" He asked, his voice unsteady for the way he was still fucking into you.

"So good, so fucking good," You looked into his eyes and he couldn't help himself as he came down and connected his lips with yours in a heated kiss.

Josh's thumb came in contact with your clit and your hips rose from the bed, trying to move away from his touch. You were going to come undone again and Josh knew since his thrusts sped up, if that was even possible. 

“Daddy, can I come, p-please?” You gasped as you pulled away from his lips and it was surprising you were able to admit words at all. 

“Be a good girl and cum for daddy.” His thrusts were sloppy and his thumb moved quicker. Your mouth gaped open and Josh's name along with some colorful words flew past your lips. Stars clouded your vision from your high, the sounds around you became muffled and the only thing you could focus on was the shock and pleasure exploding throughout your body. Josh didn’t take long to hit his high as he groaned and stilled his motions, filling up every inch of you. Beads of sweat had collected on his forehead and we were both panting messes. 

Josh's lips connected with yours and our tongues fought. He pulled away and he also pulled out of you and you couldn't help but moan at the loss of contact from him, not wanting the moment to end. Josh went into your bathroom to grab a warm rag to clean up the mess he had made of you. The material was rough against your skin, causing you to shift under his touch. He planted soft kisses along your stomach and trailed them up your chest. He took the rag into the bathroom and you curled up under your thick comforter. You left space for Josh when he came back and he happily got into the bed next to you. You had wrapped your body with his, leaning your head against his toned chest. Even from what you had just done, his chest was cold. You listened to his heartbeat, the silence between the two of you making the air grow thick. 

“Can we please forget this? Not what just happened, but what had happened?” He asked, breaking the silence. At first, you weren't sure what he meant but it clicked in my head. It was crazy how the intimate moment made you totally forget about what had actually happened between the two of you.

“Why did you ever do it, to begin with?” You asked quietly. It was something you still never found out. You understood he was drunk but I never knew why he had the idea to cheat on me. After asking the question, you weren't sure if it was something you had wanted to know the answer to, but a part of you was desperate to find out.

“I was lonely. Even being around the boys and stuff, I was lonely for some sort of touch. I was drinking so I could get the feeling of loneliness to go away but I didn’t work and I had no idea what I was doing. I missed you, and I couldn't have you. I'm sorry, Y/N, I don't know how I'll ever be able to make it up to you. I can't lose you again.” Josh sighed. His voice cracked slightly and you knew he was going to cry. His reasoning didn't make a whole lot of sense to you, but you loved him too much to care and you didn't want to lose him again. Josh Kiszka was your sun, your moon, all of the stars, your breath of fresh air, he was everything to you. Even though most people wouldn't let it slide, you were so utterly in love with him you wanted to let the entire thing slip away. From the way, he spoke you knew he was sincere about his apologies. You needed him more than you ever needed anybody. You moved so our heads were level and you kissed him again.

“I have loved you and only you since the day I met you. Even if it was three years ago, you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” He whispered. You blushed at his words and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

“I knew I couldn’t lose you, Kiszka. I haven't been able to get away from you since the day we met.” You smiled and so did he. 

You and Josh had talked for the rest of the night to try and figure out where you stood. You had just come to the agreement that you had taken each other back and we were going to be stuck together, and that you were going to work through your problems instead of just ignoring which was a bad habit the both of you carried. Joshua Michael Kiszka was the only man you were ever going to love, and hopefully, you were the only girl he was going to love. 

***

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Tag list: @sparrowofthedawnsworld @jordierama @greta-van-chaos @maddie-van-fleet @simple-pleasure-of-existence

[basiccortez]

Coming Home From Tour | The Baby Series

series masterlist | main masterlist

synopsis: The boys come home from tour :)

word count: 3.7k

warnings: babies, mentions of sickness, mostly fluff

note: surprise??? I've had this sitting in my drafts since the end of DiG and now that those pictures of Josh are floating around I thought 'heh why not'. This is terrifying, so lets see how it goes:)

JOSH: 

You knew that the moment Josh walked out the door, he was counting down the days until he could come home to you and Oliver. Josh was such a homebody before becoming a partner, now it was even worse. He always found it hard to leave home, spending months on the road, traveling around and playing show after show. He used to call Karen at least once a day, getting updates on things back in Michigan. Now, he was calling you at least twice a day, wanting updates, pictures and videos of his son. 

Oliver was now nine months old and sitting up by himself. You had sent the group chat a video the other day of him banging a toy tambourine on the ground and Josh had never felt so much pride in his life. As much as technology was a blessing, Josh still felt like he was missing out on so much. It was almost daily that Oliver seemed to change or have some new milestone checked off the list. The best thing Josh could do every night while on stage, a million miles away, was to make sure to sing for you and Oliver. And somehow, you both knew that Josh was singing for you. 

You were somewhat privy to what the boys were planning for their last show. Josh hadn’t given you too many details in your last facetime call, but you knew that they wanted to go out with a bang. You were fast asleep by the time they took the stage in California, after having put Oliver down and listened while you played a recording of Josh reading a bedtime story to him. You were doing your morning debrief, which consisted of scrolling through tiktok and twitter while feeding Oliver and drinking tea. 

“Oliver Kiszka, stop putting bananas in your hair,” You scolded the little boy, who just gave you a gummy smile and continued to smash bananas in his brown curls. He for sure had his father’s taste for mischief. You playfully rolled your eyes and placed a couple more pieces of bananas on his highchair tray, “It sounds like half your daddy’s fans are dead this morning. Can you believe that? Can you believe it!?” 

“Ah!” Oliver exclaimed and you laughed. 

“Yes, I know! Crazy man, I tell ya!” You kissed his cheek, “Let’s get you cleaned up, sticky boy,” You had put on a Jethro Tull album, which just so happened to be Oliver and Josh’s favorites. You believe it was more Josh’s favorite but Josh swore that Oliver told him it was his favorite too. You couldn’t help the giggle that arose from your throat as ‘Reasons for Waiting’ started playing. It always sent a delightful shiver down your body, remembering the first time you heard that song and the first time you and Oliver both saw Josh and the boys on stage. 

“What a sight for my eyes,” You sang softly as you wiped your son's cheeks with a damp rag, “To see you in sleep. . .” Oliver had the same big soft brown eyes as his father, and he watched your every move with such intent. You believed that the two were more similar than everyone thought. Everyday you watched Oliver grow, the more you saw the same personality as Josh. 

“Came a thousand miles-” You sang the last line of the verse, when another voice jumped in. 

“Just to catch you smiling.” 

You turned your head around, to see Josh standing in the doorway, his backpack on his shoulders and tired, soft brown eyes looking at you. Tears welled up in your eyes as you ran towards him, and threw your arms around his neck. He grunted as you crashed into him, but held you tightly, breathing in the scent of you. He felt his throat tighten up as he ran his hands soothingly down your back as you cried into his neck. This was the moment he had been waiting for for months. 

“Da!” Oliver’s voice broke them apart, and Josh’s smile beamed like a megawatt light. You stepped out of the way so he could go grab his son. 

“My sweet boy,” Josh held his hands out as the little boy reached for him. He undid the highchair tray and pulled him into his arms. You smiled as Josh placed kisses all over the little boy's face and Oliver giggled. Your two favorite sounds had become Josh’s voice and Oliver’s laughter. 

“My god, he’s gotten so big,” Josh shook his head, running his hand over Oliver’s soft hair. He pressed his lips to the little boy’s forehead, taking a sniff of his hair, “He still smells the same. Like baby powder and lavender. It’s addicting, I had to take one of his blank-” 

“So that’s where Hawky went! You had him!” You were going crazy thinking you left one of Oliver’s blankets at some venue across the country, but it was his father who had it the whole time. 

Josh just shrugged and went back to loving on his son, “I missed you. I missed you. I missed you. I never want to leave you again.” Josh walked to you, and put his free arm around you, pulling you into him. You placed a hand on his chest and looked up at him. Tears brimmed his brown eyes, and you gently cupped his cheek, brushing away a stray tear, “Ever. You’re both going to get so sick and tired of me, you’ll be calling Jake to haul me away.” 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” You smiled and Josh pecked your lips.

JAKE: 

He knew it was absolutely insane, but Jake couldn’t wait the next day to fly home with his brothers. Don’t get it wrong, Jake absolutely loved what he did. He thanked Josh nearly every day for deciding to embark on this crazy journey with him. Without Josh, there would be no Greta Van Fleet. Jake’s dream would’ve been just that. . . a dream. He would’ve been just another crazy kid who had true talent that never went anywhere. But Jake’s second dream had come true nearly ten months ago, the dream of becoming a father. 

Dylan Rose Kiszka had been the greatest gift Jake had gotten since he got his first Gibson SG. He was terrified of becoming a father, and he still had his fear. But everyday it evaporated a little bit more seeing Dylan grow. It had torn him to pieces to have to leave her and go out on the road, but you assured him that she wouldn’t want him to stay here and not go share his talent with the world. Every place that they had been, Jake made sure to buy a postcard (or send someone to go get one) so that he could start a scrapbook for her to look back on. You and Dylan had gone to a couple shows, and made sure to get the concert poster and hang it up in her room with the rest of her posters. 

“Are you sure you still want to take this flight?” Ben, their tour manager asked as he dropped Jake off out front of the airport. 

“I can not spend another night away from them,” Jake said, grabbing his backpack. Josh was sitting in the back seat and grabbed his brother’s shoulder, “The parental scolding can come late-” 

“Give her a big kiss from us,” Josh smiled, “I miss my Dyl Pickle.” 

Jake smiled and nodded at his twin, “Thank you.” 

“Now go! Or I'm gonna kick your ass for making us drop you off at 1AM,” Josh pointed towards the door, and Jake quickly scrambled out of the car and ran towards the ticketing counter. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he took a redeye flight, probably when Sam and Danny were still in high school and they had to be back from playing a show to get to monday morning classes. Jake pulled his sweater on and sunglasses, hoping that he could get through this flight without being noticed. Which, luckily he did, and sat down in his seat near the window. It was bittersweet leaving the tour so soon. He would’ve loved to stay and celebrate the end of what felt like the longest tour in history, with his brothers. But he also wanted nothing more to get home to you and his daughter. 

— — — 

Nearly four hours later, Jake had landed back in Nashville. The earth was still and quiet as he got into the car waiting to take him home. His heart started racing and his hands grew clammy. Why was he so nervous? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the fact he’s spent the last five months of his daughter’s life on the road? Would she even know who he is? Yes, they had facetimed and called, and you even spent a week with them on the road, but that was different than this moment. 

He was home. The tour had come to an end. There was no more packing up to wake up in a new city or country. There would be lazy moments just the three of you in the morning while you tended to Dylan and Jake made his famous blueberry pancakes and eggs. There would be sessions at the studio where he would try and get Dylan to walk or maybe even bang some keys on the piano. There would be nights where he’d help get her to bed so that you can relax from spending the day with her.  

The driver pulled up in front of the small craftsman that you inhabited, and Jake thanked him, giving him a tip. He stood there for a moment in front of the house, just taking in the sight of it. It felt like it had been years since he had been there. He looked to his left, at the mailbox that you insisted on painting for your first house. Your hand print, his, and Dylan’s were on it, like the house in UP. A smile broke out on his face as he fished his keys out from his bag and unlocked the door quietly. 

Jake did his best to avoid the creaky parts of the floorboards as he made his way upstairs to the nursery. The mobile above the crib was going, softly playing the melody to ‘Light My Love’, which made Jake’s heart pound in his chest. He walked over to the crib, which he noticed had been lowered and made him a bit sad to think about his little girl growing up. Dylan’s light brown eyes were looking up at the mobile as Jake leaned over the crib. 

“Look at you, wide awake,” Jake smiled and reached in to pick her up. Dylan didn’t stir, as if she knew who Jake was. He grabbed her baby blanket from the rocking chair, and sat down, laying her head on his chest and rocking gently, “You remember me? Remember who I am?” Dylan looked up at him, her quiet way of saying that she did, in fact, know who was holding her. You had told Jake during the last phone call that Dylan had started to become clingy and tearful around people she didn’t know. 

“Kinda expected you to yell at me, or something,” Jake smiled, playing with the curls at the base of her neck, “But you know me, don’t you, baby,” He placed a soft kiss on the top of her head, and she laid her head back against his chest. She sucked gently on her thumb as Jake rubbed her back, “I missed you like the sun misses the moon at night. But there’s no more needing to miss each other. Cause I’m home. We’re all together again.” Jake settled in the chair, letting out a deep breath, as he kicked his feet up on the footstool in front of him. 

He slowly rocked, not only himself, but Dylan back to bed. And a couple hours later, you arose to find both people you loved fast asleep. You walked over to the rocking chair and gently ran your hand over Jake’s hair, kissing his forehead. 

“Welcome home, rockstar,” You whispered.

SAM: 

Raising twins was hard. Raising twins on your own was even harder. You had found a much deeper appreciation for the people of the world who raised babies on their own. You knew that your single parenting life was only lasting for a short period of time, but you were so ready for Sam to be home to help with Harrison and Lennon. The three of you had stayed home the whole tour, you were too anxious about flying with two newborns by yourself to wherever Sam was. Even though you knew that you would have help with the babies, you just weren’t ready to go through all that yet. 

It had been harder than you thought having Sam away. The first month was fairly easy, since the twins were only about three months old. They slept most of the time, and you had Karen around to help you. Then they started getting older and sleep regression had hit. Then on top of sleep regression, came teething. And on top of teething, came sudden weaning (which had hurt more than you were willing to admit). Now Harrison was standing with support and Lennon was crawling, both of them getting into everything. 

The boys had played their last show the other night, and Sam was due to come home today. He told you to not make a big deal out of it, but he should’ve known better than to tell you that. Because you, in fact, were going to make a big deal out of it. You and the twins had survived your first tour. You had gotten through six months of being alone with two Kiszka twins. 

You planned on cleaning the house, picking up all the stray toys that were strewn everywhere. Finishing up the mountain of laundry that you had been ignoring for days. You were going to have Harrison and Lennon make a banner that said ‘Welcome Home’ on it. And cooking Sam’s favorite, breakfast for dinner. But that was all thrown out the window when a cry woke you up at 3AM. 

“Shh, Harrison,” You tried soothing your ten month old. Somehow both the twins woke up sick. Lennon had thrown up all over the second you picked her up, and Harrison had hardly stopped crying since he woke up. This was the one test that you hadn’t gone through while Sam was on tour: the first flu. Lennon was crying in her pack-in-play, having pulled herself up to stand as you ran around the kitchen trying to make a bottle for her. 

“I know, I know,” You sighed, opening up cabinets and looking for the motrin, “You’re just so sad and. . .” You grimaced as you heard the sound of a hiccup followed by a splash, “Your tummy hurts. Mama’s getting you medicine.” You set Harrison down in his high chair, which was hard since he was clinging to your shirt for dear life, “One second baby, gotta help your sister.” 

You pulled away from your son, to grab the bottle and syringe of motrin. You measured out the correct dosage of the liquid, before grabbing the now heated bottle and going to Lennon. Avoiding the vomit that was now on the plastic mat of the pack-in-play, you picked her up and placed her on your hip. She squirmed her head around as you tried to give her the medicine. 

“C’mon, Lenny, it’ll make you feel better,” You tried convincing her. But if there was one thing about these Kiszka twins, it was that they were smart, “It tastes so yummy, see momma tries,” You putthe syringe on your lip, “Now baby tries!” Lennon shook her head and wailed even louder, if that was possible, “Lennon May, it’s good for you!” She shook her head around again, and you could feel the frustration starting to settle in. You took a deep breath, ready to try and give it to her again when a voice came in from behind you. 

“Oh is the baby sad?” Sam’s voice was like a breath of fresh air as you sighed and closed your eyes. You turned to face him, near tears as he walked to you. You handed him Lennon, and he gently squashed her, taking the syringe of motrin from you, “My dear, sweet, girl, you’re so sad. Why? Why is my baby sad?” 

“Both of them have a cold,” You said and went to pick up Harrison, “I’m sorry. This isn’t the welcome home you deserve. I had a plan with a clean house, balloons, and a cooked meal cause I know you’ve been eating nothing but-” 

“As much as all that sounds great,” Sam said, as he finished giving Lennon her medicine, and set the syringe back down, “I would think something is even more wrong if I came home to a clean house and dinner on the table.” 

“But you-” 

“But I, nothing,” Sam smiled and looked at you, “If I wanted nice and quiet I would’ve gone to my parents. I want loud and chaos. I want to spend the day with my twins, sick or healthy.” 

“But Sam, you-” 

“Get to cuddle my babies back to health? Why yes, I do,” Sam said, and kissed Lennon’s cheek. He walked over to you and placed a kiss on your lips, “This is the best welcome home I could ever have.” 

“I’m covered in baby puke and haven’t washed my hair in four days,” You pouted. 

“And you look so beautiful. What is a better welcome home than my girl, and my babies? Nothing,” Sam said, and grabbed your hand, “Now come on, I want cuddles and Bluey.”

You giggled and followed him into the living room. You sat down on the couch, each of you holding a twin in your arms, as you grabbed the remote and went to all the recorded episodes of Bluey. You found one that seemed to be the twins favorites and settled in next to your baby daddy, as he sang along to the intro song.

DANNY: 

Danny sighed as he walked into the house, quietly kicking off his shoes. It was late when they had gotten in and unloaded equipment from the bus. He had sent you a text not to wait up, that he would probably be home late. He didn’t want to come home after you and Jude went to bed, wanting to spend his first night home from a long tour with you and him. But, he also didn’t want you staying up late past Jude’s bedtime either. 

Jude was almost one, and Danny felt like he had missed most of his life already. There were milestones that Danny had missed due to being on the road, or being at the studio. He hated it. You had told him over and over again that it was okay, that Jude wouldn’t even know the difference if Danny was there or not. It still didn’t help Danny feel any better. 

The house looked pretty much the same as he had left it a couple weeks ago, but there were a few more toys laying around which was curtesy of Jude Francis. Danny picked up a couple of them, putting them in the basket by the fireplace where you kept them. He found a sticky note on the mantle that said you left him dinner in the microwave. 

“Always one step ahead,” Danny whispered, and picked up the note, making sure to place it with the others he kept from you. 

He moved around the kitchen quietly as he warmed up the plate of food you had left for him. He smiled at the new picture on the fridge that looked like Jude had drawn at daycare. The front of their fridge had become covered in pictures of Jude and them, pictures Jude had scribbled at daycare, or projects they had him do. Danny cherished every single picture like it was a masterpiece. While Danny was away, you made sure to facetime him as you put the new picture on the fridge and cheered for Jude as you did so. 

When Danny was done eating, he walked up the stairs quietly, looking at the various family pictures that littered the walls as he walked to the bedroom. He smiled at your sleeping frame as he moved around in the half lit room, taking off his clothes and putting on something more comfortable. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, throwing his hair up into a bun. He walked over to you, and gently ran his hand over your hair, and leaned down and placed a kiss on your cheek. 

You moved slightly at the feeling of his body, and gave him a sleepy smile, “Mm, welcome home, baby.” 

“Glad to be home, honey,” Danny whispered and leaned back down to kiss your lips, “How was your day?” 

“Good. Jude drew a new picture at daycare.” 

“I saw. Might need him to draw my new base drum cover.” 

You let out a tired chuckle, “You eat?” 

“Yeah,” Danny nodded, “Go back to sleep, I’m gonna go check on our boy,” You nodded and Danny kissed your lips once more  before he walked down the hallway to his little boy’s room. 

His heart felt warm as he walked into the room, and could see his son’s sleeping face, with his thumb tucked into his mouth. Jude was fast asleep on his back, small little sighs leaving his mouth as he slept. Danny crept over to his crib, leaning over it as he watched the little boy sleep soundly. Danny watched his chest rise and fall, still scared that he was going to have a lapse in breathing. Jude had finally grown out of his sleep apnea, but it didn’t stop Danny from still being worried about it. 

Danny sighed and leaned his head on his arms, closing them for a second when he heard Jude stir. Danny picked his head up quickly and watched as the little boy moved around, readjusting to get more comfortable, and shifting the soft blanket that covered him. Once Jude was settled back into sleep, a deep sigh leaving his mouth, Danny fixed the baby blanket, slightly tucking him back in. Danny gently patted the back of his head, feeling his soft brown curls, and then leaned in to kiss his head. 

“Goodnight, baby,” Danny said, and left the room, to go lay down next to his wife.

taglist: @seventieswhore @zoelle16 @wildmoonchild906 @m1rkw00dpr1ncess @canyonmirrors @ohitselliana @gretavanfleas @callmebymym @thatcatbsong @gvfvanfleet @bigberkinbagholdfive @caprisunsister @strugglingtodoshit @idk-maddie @Age_of_Kristin @brokenbells11 @kirbishifts @fatefellshortthistime @myfriendtheghost @mylifeisjustafeverdream @shutupdevvie

[allieisacrybaby]

Any fresh smut i should be aware of that u read recently?

oooooooooooooo ok here’s a couple because I haven’t read much. I also am about to shamelessly plug all my fav authors lol

Recents reads have been:

Diamond and Come Over by @milkgemini

Maybe One More Day and its second part Just Ours, Tonight by @abeautylives

I binge-read Brightest Blue (series) by @garbagevanfleet

Anxiously anticipating @sinners-go-to-drink-the-wine Valentine's series. I am going to eat up every single one of the boy's parts!!

And @gardensgatedaisy is releasing a fic soon, and from the little snippet I have read, it's a little spicy, and I am so excited!!!!

I also just realized this ask said fresh and most of these aren't super new, but I read them recently lol sorry!

[littlemisslipbalm]

Karaoke Nights at the Hooded Crow

Jake Kiszka x fem!reader

Absolutely impossible decisions were made in regard to this cover photo wow...jake is just so beautiful anywayssss my return to posting fics is a piece I realized was good enough and complete enough to finish and I haven't worked on in months so enjoy! Maybe eventually I'll work up a part 2 and then wait months to post that...anyway theres a potential for a josh moment in this let me know what y'all think hmmm...

Word Count: 8.4k | Warnings: swearing, drinking, angst, and some smut 18+ (just fingering?)

-

Josh found himself alone at this dive karaoke bar for a multitude of reasons. And he could count on his hand all the ones that made this Jake’s fault. 

Jake had insisted that the band do another outing to a bar for photographs, he had hated the ones from when they went to billiards and Josh had missed those anyway. This was supposed to make up for it. But then Jake had come down with food poisoning a half hour ago and Josh was already there. Sam and Danny had bailed once they heard Jake wasn’t going to make it. 

Why hadn’t Josh been late like the rest of the band? He had to walk because his car was in the shop and had left early to give himself ample time. And why –? Because of Jake. He had borrowed Josh’s car to take a quick camping trip up in the mountains the other week and an engine light had popped up when he returned it to Josh. So since Josh was already there and had no car to drive him home easily, he decided he might as well stay for a drink before walking the 25 minutes back to his home. 

That’s how he ended up with a beer in his hand watching drunken strangers absolutely demolish beloved karaoke classics. And he meant demolish in the worst sense possible. That is, until, one girl bounced up to the stage, a blue mini bucket of alcohol in her hand. She wore a pair of purple plaid pants that buttoned in the front and a matching yellow tank top, with black platform boots that made her seem taller than she really was. Her hair was in braids that swung hypnotically as she walked onto the shitty scuffed up raised edge that the bar called a stage. 

She grinned at a table that had people that were presumably her friends. She and them were the youngest people there besides Josh it seemed. After another long sip from the blue bucket, she placed it on the patched up stool that adorned the stage for people to sit on if they wished. She grabbed the mic from its stand and switched it between her hands a few times before looking out at the measly crowd. 

“How’re we doin’ tonight?!” 

There was a surprisingly large roar of response for how little people were there. Josh looked around the room and saw that most of the bar had livened up at her presence on the stage. If he had to guess, she was a regular. 

“Beautiful, my darlin’s, really. It’s good to see all my friends after such a long week,” She beams as she truly smiles at the majority of the crowd. Her eyes must roam past Josh quickly because he barely feels her gaze on his, but she certainly notices him. He doesn’t exactly fit in. “And any new friends, welcome to the best night of singing you’ll hear in all of Nashville.” 

The crowd laughs boisterously, with some hollers of agreement and Josh swears she just winked at him.  

A guitar riff begins to play softly and then louder, an unfamiliar song to Josh, but the girl nods her head along and smiles to herself before turning on her heels and walking to the back of the stage. 

“I take my time,” She begins to sing, “to walk a straight and narrow line.” Her body follows a straight line as she walks back to the front. She grins, “My mind’s a haze and I am stuck in just one place.” 

She continues to act out the song, performing it with vigor as her melodic voice belts the lyrics loudly. “No I can barely move, no I can’t get away… Well my vanilla shoes, they won’t let me escape!” 

She belts the chorus almost at a level that Josh might and he’s blown away, jaw slightly slack as his eyes track her every movement. She winks again and this time it’s not to Josh and his head is quick to look for the recipient, before realizing he needed to chill. 

For the second verse, she drops to her knees and Josh is in awe that she wanted more than just her shoes to touch the gross floor. Before he knew it she was back to the chorus and then the song was finishing up with a run of ‘la da da da, da da da’ that the bar joined in on and she was grinning from ear to ear singing it right into the faces of the tables closest to the stage. 

The song finished and she applauded the crowd as they applauded her. She laughed and then scooped up her drink and took another sip before returning to her friends’ table. 

Josh wanted to go talk to her but he wasn’t sure what he’d say. For once, he was at a loss for words. He didn’t want to just approach her and compliment her singing ability, that felt weird for a karaoke bar, but it was true. She was incredible, much too good just to be singing a single song at a random bar on the outskirts of Nashville once a week. 

Before he could make up his mind on what to say to her without looking like an idiot or worse, an asshole, he looked back to the table he had seen her walk over to when the song finished and saw that she was nowhere to be seen. Gone. His first instinct was to look around the rest of the room, look down the rest of the bar top and see if she was waiting for another drink…No such luck. Josh waited for another hour of wretched singing in hopes that she would pop back up, but she had seemingly left without her friends who still sat there laughing and drinking the night away.

Josh managed to drag Jake back to the bar the next Friday. The same bar where he’d seen that girl perform flawlessly. He was still in awe of how good she was just to be doing karaoke, even in Nashville. She was an incredible singer and performer yet it didn’t seem like she was trying to make it in Nashville, she was just there having a good time with her friends. Maybe she was just visiting but Josh had a hard time believing that any tourist would end up there on purpose and the way the crowd responded to her gave away her loyalty to this haunt. So he was left to hope that she was a regular who came in like clockwork and she would be there again tonight. 

At around 10:30, Josh was starting to get nervous that he was wrong and she wasn’t a local or she didn’t come every week on the same day and Jake was starting to get antsy no matter how many Jack Daniels neat Josh supplied him. But at 10:35, Josh was no longer worried, nervous still…maybe. 

She trounced up to the stage once more in a similar fashion as last week. An easy smile on her face and slightly droopy eyes from alcohol mixed with something else. She cleared her throat before pointing at the two girls at the high top table she had just thrown her jacket at. Josh couldn’t remember whether they were the same people as last week or not. 

Josh wondered briefly if she’d sing a similar song or if it’d be completely different. 

He didn’t have to wonder for very long because she pointed her finger next to the dj, subtly and steadily cueing for him to play the song now that she was settled on the shoddy stage. 

A bluegrass song began to sound and after one strum of the recording of the guitar she began to sing. Another song Josh didn’t seem to know, which puzzled him, but also delighted him at her thought-provoking nature. 

“C’mon down to where them tracks cross High Street, we’re gonna watch the whole world go insane.” 

She sang along to the words without looking at the monitor again, clearly knowing the song. Last week she had belted the lyrics with strength, this week, she was still strong, but she let a bit of a twang enter her voice and Josh wondered if it was just part of her performing the song because it sounded so authentic.

“Laugh if you want, really is kind of funny,” She regards the crowd after singing the chorus once more, “’cause the world is a car and you're the crash test dummy!” She points her finger and since Jake and Josh were seated at a hightop this week, about centered with the stage, it felt like she was pointing right at them. 

When she caught Josh’s eye for the third time in a row, Jake also leaned forward at her performance, whispering, ‘is that?’and Josh nodded before he could finish. Her eyes shifted to Jake and they widened a little bit. The twins noticed since they were watching so intently but before Jake could widen his smile or even half-smirk, her eyes had moved on and he was left feeling a little perplexed. 

The song was longer than the last one she had sung, but her energy was a little different. Not less, but shifted. She hadn’t greeted the audience and maybe it was because she had seemed late, given that she had run in and thrown her jacket on the table as if this was always her time. She also seemed more intoxicated than last week, but so was Josh so he couldn’t be sure. 

Afterwards she goes to the table with her jacket and as much as Jake and Josh want to go talk to her, someone comes up to them and interrupts. They ask for a picture and talk with the twins for a while, since the guys were nice and didn’t want to be rude to a fan. But when they look back up, she’s gone. Again. Her jacket was no longer on the high top where the two girls sat and Josh shook his head in dismay. Jake still looked around hopefully, making them sit there for another half hour in hopes that she would return. But as Josh had learned last week, she wouldn’t return for another week. 

The third week, Josh and Jake convinced Sam and Danny to come as well, hoping to see her once more. Entranced by the mysterious singer who was performing for free here, they implored their bandmates that this performance was worth the seedy location. Plus, the ambiance was starting to grow on Josh now that it was his third time visiting the establishment. Jake was happy to return as well, even brushing his hair for the occasion. 

Jake and Danny started with beers while Sam ordered a Topo-Chico seltzer and Josh got a Salty Dog, feeling the need for something stronger than a beer tonight. By around everyone’s third drink, it strikes the 10 o’clock hour. Then like clockwork at 10:34 she stumbles in and walks to the stage throwing her jacket at the bar today and grins at the bartender and gives him a two handed thumbs up and then a salute to the dj. Once again, she didn’t have a drink in hand, but she was clearly intoxicated. 

“Hello friends,” She smiles at the crowd, “Did ya’ miss me?” 

The hollers follow and she does a little bow as if she lived to serve this dive crowd. 

A familiar tune begins to play shortly after, the salute to the dj seemed to have been an indicator to begin the music. The four men look at one another before looking back to the stage to find her staring straight at their table. She salutes them as well and begins to perform a song that Josh, as well as the rest of the band, was almost painfully familiar with. Mountain of the Sun by Greta Van Fleet.

“The sun shines brighter from above and you’re the one that I love,” She sings, almost mimicking the way Josh sings it on the recording, “Climb the mountain even higher, kiss the sun and fight the fire!” 

She grins and gets the crowd ready for the chorus, acting out the words like always. 

“I’ll make you mine, you’re my sunshine,” She belts it and lets her voice sound a bit whiny as she hits different dips in the words. 

During the guitar solo, she does an air guitar and plays it superbly. Afterwards, Jake raises his hands over his head and claps loudly, bringing her attention back to their table. He was a little drunk by then but appreciated her attention to actually trying to make the chords on the imaginary guitar. 

The song comes to a close with an uproar of applause and shouting, a lot of it came from Sam and Danny who were truly blown away by her ability to hit Josh’s notes. She bows once more and moves to leave the stage with a slight wobble to her feet, the same platform boots she had worn the past two weeks as well. She makes a bee line for the bar, but Josh is one step ahead, waiting by her jacket for her. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” He tilts his head with his inquiry. 

“I’d never say no to a free drink.” She laughs. 

Josh laughs as well and asks what she’s having, she tells him a beer is fine. The speed of her blinking up close shows she’s plenty liquered up. He insists about what kind she might want. She waves him off saying any IPA is fine. Josh suppressed his chuckle, thinking of a conversation – an argument – he’d had with his two brothers about how pretentious it was of them to only drink IPAs. 

“Want to come sit with me and my brothers?” Josh asks once they both have fresh drinks in their hands. 

She gestures for him to lead the way and he smiles. At the table, Jake, Sam and Danny busy themselves with a random conversation in an attempt to seem like they weren’t watching their entire interaction at the bar. The smile she gives them is knowing though and they drop the pretense. 

“Hello,” She starts.

“You’re very talented,” Danny blurts out. 

She falters at the flattery and blushes a little, looking away from the table of men she had been so sure she was going to keep on their toes. 

“Thanks,” She mumbles and takes a sip of her drink. “What do I owe the pleasure of your band stalking me?” 

“Stalking?” Jake questions with a little laugh, embarrassed almost, his own cheeks pinking. 

She arches her brow at him. “Maybe not all of you, but I’ve seen you,” She directs her eyes at Josh as she speaks, “For the last three weeks. It’s why I dedicated my song this week to y’all.” 

“We appreciate it,” Sam speaks up. “How’d you know we’d all be here?” 

“I didn’t,” She laughs, like it was just a joke for herself. “Hell, if none of you had been here, I still would have done it. I love that song.” 

“What are you doing at a bar like this just singing karaoke with a voice like that?” Josh asks, tilting his head again. His hand fiddled with the little straw in his drink. 

“It’s just for fun,” She swigs her beer again and shrugs. “I like to come out here and act like a rockstar but I’d hate to actually be one…No offense.” 

“None taken,” Jake responds for all of them and her eyes flash to him, holding his gaze longer than she had before. 

She was between Josh and Sam with Jake and Danny across from her. They didn’t need to introduce themselves, she clearly knew who they were, but they wanted to know her. 

“So do you have a name, Ms. Insanely Talented But It’s Just For Fun?” Sam inquires, since everyone was wondering.

She laughs and smiles sweetly at him, tearing her eyes away from Jake’s. It was interesting to her how they all (except Danny) practically had the same eyes since they were siblings yet they looked so different surrounded by their features and the way they held themselves. 

“That’s it, how’d you guess?” 

They all laugh and then look at her seriously and she gives them her name. 

“Lovely name for a lovely girl,” Josh muses. 

Her eyes flash to his face now, “I figured your twin would be the charmer, but it also makes sense that you’d use that on a girl.” 

The rest of the guys laughed and Josh’s jaw dropped a little as he sputtered an apology, trying to tell her that it wasn’t supposed to be a flirtation, just something he would say to anyone. She clapped him on the shoulder and shook it a little, “It’s alright, kid.” 

She talks the night away with them. For once not absconding out of the bar the second her song was over. They learn a lot about her and she tells them it was nice to meet them. Jake offers to give her a lift home but she declines. 

“I’m an avid pedestrian,” She insists when he tells her that he worries for her safety. “Plus, I live just around the corner.” 

“Then let me walk you just around the corner,” He supplies, a pleading look on his face. He had been entranced with her since last week and after tonight he desperately wanted to get her number. To see her again not inside this dingy bar. But he didn’t want to ask in front of the rest of the band, it felt immature and like they’d mock him for it. 

She rolled her eyes, but secretly found it sweet. Letting him walk her home wouldn’t hurt. 

She waves the rest of them a farewell as they get into their shared cars or rideshares home. Josh winks at Jake and Jake just shakes his head shyly. 

She really did live just around the corner, but Jake manages to ask her a few questions before they reach the entrance to her apartment complex. 

“The song you sang last week,” Jake starts and she looks at him with interest. “I’ve been listening to the Devil Makes Three since then. They’re fantastic.” 

“You really think so?” She responds excitedly. “They’re like my favorite band,” She pauses and adds a little sardonically, “After Greta Van Fleet, of course.”

“Ha ha,” Jake shakes his head at her and his hair falls from behind his ears in a way she wants to push it back behind them. She liked his little ears. “But seriously, they’re really fucking good, I can’t believe I’ve never heard of them before.” 

“Yeah, I heard you guys were real pretentious about music. Figures you wouldn’t have that good of taste,” She goads him again and Jake laughs a little.

“You’re a funny girl, honey,” He says and she quirks her head at the pet name, the alcohol from earlier had metabolized and she was mostly just tipsy from the few beers she had with them. 

“So I’ve been told.” 

She pauses and Jake feels it, stopping with her. They had arrived at her apartment. It was time. 

“Could I get your number? As much as I enjoy hearing you sing and that shitty bar you hide out in, I’d like to see you in the light of day, somewhere not so…charming.” 

She raises her brows at his request, a bit of a smirk twisting onto her face. It masked her trepidation in the same way she’d been handling all of tonight. Coolly, but a little unlike her usual self. She wasn’t sure how she was doing what she was doing, but she had managed to charm an entire famous rock band and apparently one of them specifically. She was in awe, but in the moment she was rolling with it by exuding complete confidence. Normally, she was skittish, like a small woodland creature. At the bar she was cool so she had met them in that persona, that setting, allowing her to play it cool, teasing men she thought were beyond talented. 

“Sure, but isn’t it just so much more fun that you only know me there? I’ve got this whole life outside of it and so do you, yet we convene there and it made you want to know me more. Are you sure you would notice me walking down the street?” 

The smile that graces Jake’s face is almost in disbelief and it was so big he felt his cheeks hurt a little but he didn’t care. 

“Of course that’s your response.” 

She smiles genuinely, the smirky flirtation falling away as her giddy shyness creeps up. The reality of the situation dawned on her with Jake’s strong cheekbones and brows, his big brown eyes, soft-looking hair, parted lips puffing out breath into the cold night air all staring back at her. 

After exchanging numbers, she tells him to let her know where he wants to convene with her outside of the bar and he promises he will. Holding to his word, he texts her when he gets back to his own home, letting her know he got home safe at her request as well as an implorment to go out with him tomorrow. 

She finds herself at coffee shops and record stores, small gigs of big bands, nice dinners, quiet walks and of course the dive bar every Friday with Jake and his bandmates. It shouldn’t have been that easy. It shouldn’t have been a rockstar finding a girl in the last place he might have found anyone of interest. She thought she shouldn’t have wowed him the way she did. After every date, every day, every night, she went home and asked herself what it was about her that Jake found so intriguing for the last month. He had stolen a few chaste kisses here and there, but he didn’t press for more and neither did she. She couldn’t understand it. She wasn’t used to easy. It almost felt like Jake just wanted a companion not a lover. A friend but nothing more, which she didn’t necessarily mind. She just wanted to know why. 

On the third week of them going to karaoke together, Jake took her hand in his and asked if she wanted to do a song together. She had laughed and agreed when she realized he was serious. 

“What do you want to sing?” Jake asked.

“We should probably do a duet, right?” 

“Only if that’s what you want.” 

Her head tilts and she smiles up at him. He returns it with a small one. His brothers watched on as they conversed quietly with one another. 

“What’s the verdict?” Josh asks when he sees them nod at one another, her smile more giddy than his. 

“Don’t go breaking my heart, Elton John and Kiki Dee,” She beams and then gives Jake a little wink who chuckles. 

“Well isn’t that sickeningly sweet?” Sam interjects and she rolls her eyes at him. 

She had gotten to know the rest of them relatively well since their first official meeting all those weeks ago. Sam was the younger brother she never had but always wanted. He had learned he could never best her after their first real conversation, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still attempt to goad her. 

The first conversation consisted of them talking about their homestates, something normal for people who’ve just met to talk about she guessed. 

“So you’re from California,” Sam stated when she and him had been left to their own devices one night when Danny was stuck at the bar waiting to be served and the twins were talking to the act who had just finished up at a more private, nicer club in the heart of Nashville. 

“Yeah.” 

“That’s pretty cool,” Sam continues. 

“Yeah,” She says again, her lips curling at the sides, and he rolls his eyes and huffs a slightly annoyed breath. In the beginning she had been wary of them all, not sure if Jake was going to keep her around for very long or what was going on. Not that the last part had changed, but she was less wary of them all now. 

“I’ve been a few times.” 

“Like Los Angeles?” She replies. 

Sam hums in affirmation, taking a swig of a glass beer bottle and swallowing, looking like he’s ready to launch into discussing Los Angeles now, finally finding a common ground they could discuss. 

“Oh, I’m not from there,” She stops him. “And honestly? You haven’t really been to California, if you’ve just been there.” 

He gives her a bit of a glare and she laughs, unfazed. She went on to school him on the brilliance of California outside of Los Angeles and outside of any city in the state actually. He was left with a bit of wonderment for her ability to describe the California coastline and the different national parks that littered the state. After that, he liked her a lot more. He didn’t just see her as some random talented chick that he was confused as to why his older brother kept bringing around. He understood. She was fascinating. 

She didn’t know that, but whatever that special charm was that she held was maybe the reason Jake kept her around. And why he took it slow with her. Because he couldn’t quite puzzle her out yet. As much as they hung out, he still felt like he barely knew her. He’d ask a question and while she’d answer it, he’d be left with a hundred more in its place. All begging to be asked. 

She puts their names down for Don’t Go Breaking My Heart with the DJ, Jason, who was a good friend of hers. He laughed at her when she blushed about Jake singing with her. Jake and Josh watched on, the conversation she and the DJ were having unknown to them.

“Any progress?” Josh inquires. 

Jake chuckles and ducks his head, gazing into his glass, “Not even a little.” 

“I told you, weeks ago. She’s an enigma. Did she ever explain why she always would tear into here at the last moment before her song and then run off?” 

Jake shrugged and swirled his glass, taking a sip while keeping his eyes on her talking with the DJ. “Just said she was committed to coming here every Friday so even if she has other stuff going on she’ll still figure out a way to get here in time for the 10:35 slot. We just happened to catch her on the nights where she was otherwise preoccupied.”

“That is…” Josh trails off, watching her turn towards them with a dazzling smile directed at Jake. “Confounding.” He sighs and Jake looks from her back to his brother, for the first time wondering if her voice wasn’t the only thing that had brought Josh back to the bar time and time again. 

She looked at Josh and gave him the same smile, but shortly turned her attention towards Jake once again. The way the light shown on Jake made her never want to take her eyes off of him. It wasn’t exactly radiant on him the way it was with Josh, it was quieter but just as, if not more, meaningful to her. The light brightened his soft brown hair that flowed over his shoulders and whispered around his neck. It darkened the circles around his eyes and gave them a serious somber look, but it bounced off his perfect smile that offset the brooding eyes, making it impossible not to wonder more about him. Even if Jake confused her, she loved the absolute mystery of him. 

At 10:35, hand in hand, the odd couple made their way up to the stage. There were extra hollers tonight when the regulars saw she was bringing a partner with her onto the stage. It didn’t help that Sam and Danny were yelling at the top of their lungs and Josh was whistling as well. Jake gave them the finger, but she just grinned. This stage felt like home. Every. Single. Time. 

“Hey y’all…This is Jake, be nice to him, it’s his first time up on the big stage.”

She winked at Jake when he laughed wholeheartedly. It bubbled out of his chest and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her cheek, she pushed at his chest in a playful way, loving the feeling of his soft lips on her. The poppy beat came in when she nodded at Jason. She wiggled her hips a little and Jake grinned down at her. 

“Don’t go breakin’ my heart,” Jake start, his voice strong and smooth but tinged with slight nerves.. 

“I couldn’t if I tried,” She smiles up at him, the pair staring into each other's eyes already. 

“Oh honey, if I get restless?” Jake smiles and widens his eyes, trying his best to play it up for her. 

“Baby,” She pushes his shoulder a little harder this time. “You’re not that kind.” She walks away from him and then flips around getting ready to sing the chorus. 

He twirls her around, deciding to bust out the dance moves he knew best. Her giggles sound through the mic and for once she gets lost in the feeling rather than the song. Jake’s hands in hers and the way he’s looking at her distracts her from singing all of the words. She falters on a few lyrics, but all she does is smile wider. 

He asks to kiss her when the song fades out and she blushes slightly but nods her head with a cheeky bite of her lip. The kiss is filled with more passion than she’d ever felt with Jake, more passion than she’d ever felt with anyone, to be honest. His hands clutched at the small of her waist, hugging her hips and legs as close to him as possible. She feels the tips of her boots bump his. His lips chasing hers and leaning her back ever so slightly as he pressed into her. She feels his lips move against hers and she feels hungry to kiss him back just as hard. Her hands slide from his shoulders and into his hair, toying with the ends for a few moments before the whistles of the crowd get so loud she remembers where they are and she pulls back. Breathless. 

“Where’ve you been keeping that?” 

“In my back pocket,” Jake winks and wraps an arm around her waist, this time leading her off the stage and back to their table where the boys had two drinks waiting for them. 

The kiss leaves her perplexed and wanting more. The rest of the night, Jake’s hand is hot on her hip, hugging her close to him. A physical reminder of his presence in her life. That kiss made her want more than just this limbo state that Jake was keeping her in. Was she his lover or his friend? Was she just a companion to keep around so he wasn’t lonely or did he actually want her, desire her? 

Jake couldn’t discern the look in her eyes for the rest of the night. They were bright and wide, but he could tell she wasn’t fully paying attention to any of the conversations, even the ones that she led. He’d see her eyes wandering around the room, behind the heads of his bandmates. Her mind was beyond the bar and he didn’t understand why. He’d squeeze his hand at her side to bring her back to him and she’d look at him for a moment with a soft smile on her lips before nodding at whoever was talking, pretending like she knew exactly what they were saying. 

Did she want to be with him or somewhere else? Someone else? Was what he gave her not enough to hold her attention? Was he her lover or her friend? Did she want a companion or did she desire him? 

In that kiss, Jake had given his all, begging with his lips for her to understand how much he wanted her. In that moment it felt like she wanted him too, but he couldn’t be sure because since then she’d been miles away. 

After saying their goodbyes to Josh, Sam and Danny, Jake walks her home like usual. But unlike usual, she insists that Jake come upstairs while he normally declines, citing various reasons for why he can’t stay. 

Once upstairs, she starts to make them tea and Jake wanders around her apartment, a mix of dark and light, of bright colors and deep browns. It could be classic but it holds a certain touch for the current style landscape that would never fit in the 60s or 70s. Jake’s fingers drift over the covers of the books that line the walls. Eyes over the prints and paintings. She tells him he can continue to snoop in her room if he wants when she walks out with a real tea set and two types of tea for him to choose from. She kneels on her rug, beside the coffee table and nods for him to sit. 

“Why do you always decline coming upstairs, Jake?” She asks. Simple enough. 

He begins setting up his tea and shakes his head with uncertainty. “I don’t know. I don’t want to rush anything.” 

“And look, you’re upstairs and I haven’t jumped you…The invitation wasn’t supposed to imply sex. I like hanging out with you. I always want to spend more time with you.” 

Jake nods, “Me too.” 

She takes a sip of her tea. The silence is deafening but she can’t bear to try and pick out a record right now. Her fingers were shaking just trying to make the tea. Jake still made her nervous. She was terrified that the truth might hurt her, but the uncertainty was eating away at her. She needed to know. 

“But,” She starts after a sigh. “Do you ever want to?” She trails off. “With me. Because I’m okay if you just want me as a companion, a bit of a friend but a little closer, that’s good and fine. I just want it to be clear…what we are.” 

Jake smiles down at his cup. “Do I want to?” He repeats. “Christ, honey, I fucking would love to, but I don’t understand you. We’ve been hanging out for, what, a month, but it feels like I still barely know you. And a companion? We’re dating, aren’t we?” 

“Dating?” 

“Yeah, at least that’s what I thought I was doing. Taking you out, introducing you to my friends. You know, the things couples do.” He messes with his lower lip and she knows it's a nervous habit of his. Her hands rest her mug on the table and reach for his hands, he relents. 

“You didn’t say they were dates so I didn’t want to assume anything,” She wraps her hands around his, looking up at him from her seat on the floor as he leans over his knees, sitting on the worn leather couch. “I didn’t think you actually would want to date me.” 

His deep brown eyes widen in surprise, his voice sounds hoarse. “Why would you say that?”

“Cause guys like you don’t date me. I’m nobody compared to the people you and the guys hang out with. We live in different social stratospheres. You’re in a famous band, your dream, and I’m still running errands for the position I want to have someday even though it’s not the career I actually want. We don’t make sense.” 

“Hey,” It’s Jake’s turn to grip her hands harder, tugging her body slightly closer to him. “Sure we make sense. As long as we both want this, it makes more sense than a lot of the fucked up shit in our world. Is that why you don’t want me to meet your friends or know more about you? Because you think it will put me off?” 

She nods and looks away, feeling on the verge of crying. 

“Don’t ever be ashamed of yourself, honey. I really like you, for all of you even if I haven’t seen it all yet. I want to know it all. You challenge me and I want to know it all.” He repeats his want to her and she looks back to him with a watery smile. 

“Jake…” 

“Yes.” 

“I was in a really bad place before I met you and this last month has been the best month I’ve had in awhile. So thank you, I’ll try to let you in more.” 

He grins down at her when she laughs at the tear that falls down her cheek. His hand leaves hers to have his thumb swipe it away. His caress gentle as ever. 

“C’mere,” He grabs her waist and pulls her onto the couch with him, cradling her in his lap. He pets at her hair with one hand while the other stays at her waist, giving it a soothing rub. He nuzzles his nose against her ear and whispers, “Never wonder if I want you, honey. I want it all.” 

She keens into his touch, feeling comforted by his warmth now. They sit in silence while her breathing evens out. Jake is patient with her as she presses closer to him, one of her hands resting on his chest and her other encircling around his shoulders, hugging him at a bit of an angle. Her face tucked into the soft but burning skin of his neck. He was so soft and smooth everywhere. She wanted to run her hands over every inch of him, mapping it into her memory. 

Jake speaks up after a reasonable amount of time, maybe it was 10 minutes, maybe it was 30, it didn’t matter. “You really thought I was just keeping you around for? Companionship?” 

He tilts his head to look at her and she lifts her face from its home against him. “Yeah?” 

“Oh honey,” He chuckles, and she raises her eyebrows at him. “I’ve literally got a built in life long companion already. Josh is by my side constantly, which I actually love. But what I want to do with you, what I hope to do with you, is something my twin brother can’t really provide.” 

She grins and feels her heart flutter slightly erratically. She felt an odd desire to consume Jake or maybe this moment. It was too soon to say he loved her but she felt loved in this moment. She felt so safe. She wanted to stay in his arms forever, feel his heart beating steadily in his chest. She wanted to grow into love with him because it seemed like it was possible with him. He was the first man she’d ever let herself imagine a future where things worked out. 

His eyes were steady on hers. He was no longer wondering what she was thinking or why she was miles away. He saw that she was present with him, her gaze matching his in adoration. His hair cascaded around his shoulders and she twisted her hands in it, breathing in the scent that was becoming recognizable as Jake to her. He winked at her when the staring got long and intense. She giggled at him, causing him to smile shyly. 

“You’re kind of like all I’ve ever wanted,” She mumbles as she presses herself further into him. Her nose bumping his before she placed a gentle kiss against his soft lips. 

When she pulls back, Jake hums, his hand on her waist pressing her back into him, not ready for the kiss to finish. After a more prolonged making out with one another, she pulls back breathless and laughs at Jake’s expression. Hungry. Needy. 

“Honey,” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair that had been significantly tossled by her insistent fingers, running and twisting through the tresses, entranced by the softness of it. “Please let me love on you just a little tonight?” 

“How could I say no to that?”

“Good,” Jake smiles again and she wants to make him smile for the rest of her life. He nuzzles his nose against her cheek and places a kiss to it and then her other cheek, her nose, eyelids, forehead and lips. She laughs with each one, wrapping her arms tighter around his back, bringing them closer and arching her back slightly as he leans her back. 

Her laughter soon turns to heavy breathing, a bit of yelping in surprise and finally a long unfiltered moan. Jake’s kisses had moved to her jaw and neck, suctioning and licking insistently at her skin. She held onto him harshly, fearful that if she let go she’d fall down with how he had her leaned back. 

She felt his smile against her skin when she moaned. He rasps against her skin, “C’mon let me hear you, honey. You make such pretty sounds on stage, I bet you sound even better like this.” 

She whimpers in response, pushing her hips against Jake’s lap, starting to feel the burning in between her legs. “Jake,” She sighs when he chuckles and sucks on her skin at the base of her neck and her collarbone. 

“Do you want more, honey? Just tell me, I’ll give you whatever you want. Just tell me and it’s yours.” His eyes are wild as he pulls back from her and stares into her face. His cheeks flushed as he took a deep breath, attempting to minimize how out of breath he was just from kissing her. 

“I want you to touch me…” She pets over his ruffled hair, adoring the way he looked at her with such intensity. 

He squeezes her shoulder and waist where he was holding her, “Was I not just touching you?” 

She rolls her eyes and wiggles her hips, “C’mon rockstar, you know what I mean.” 

If more lights were on, she would’ve seen the bright red that Jake’s blush turned at her words. “Yeah, okay,” He stutters a little. 

She smiles at his uncertainty, only slightly confused that he wasn’t super confident in this situation. He seemed like the kind of guy where sex would barely faze him, but it seemed that intimacy meant more to him than she might have thought. 

He shifts their positions on the couch, draping her over the cushions so that she could lie back. She fiddles with the buttons on Jake’s shirt as he moves them and he nods at her silent question. She tells him to do the same and he begins to work on the few buttons on her pink striped dress shirt as well. Shirtless, now, leaves both of them gaping at one another. She smiles shyly up at him and Jake dips down to give her a quick kiss. She giggles and runs her hands up his soft naked chest. His hair drapes over her shoulders when he lowers over her again. She reaches a hand up to touch his hair now, conflicted on where she wanted her hands to be on him. She wanted to touch everything. 

He sighed as her hand ran over his scalp and she felt him nudge against her clothed center. 

“Jake,” She sighs, “I want your fingers.” 

“Okay, honey,” He nods and trails them down her torso to the button on her pants. His lips follow the path, kissing as he goes. 

He looks up at her when he successfully undoes the pants and pulls them down, leaving her in a cornflower cotton thong and her black lace bra. One of his long slender fingers dances lightly over her clothed mound and her hips stutter as she tries to refrain from whimpering once more. It had been so long since someone else had touched her here and she was over the moon that it was Jake. 

He taps at her legs and she opens them wider for him. His hand trails down to travel down her slit, still teasing her over her panties. He presses his middle finger against her entrance and pulls back up to her clit that now felt like it was on fire. She was breathing heavily, her chest heaving with Jake’s watchful eyes going between her face, her chest and her pussy. 

“Fuck, honey,” He breaths. “You really need this, huh?” 

“Yes, Jake, please just take them off.” 

He nods with a bite of his lip and concentrates on his fingers curling around the blue fabric at her hips and pulling down. The cool air that floods the hot flesh that was just exposed is enough to offer some respite from this exquisite torture. For good measure, as if he knew, Jake leans down and blows more air on her pussy, spreading the lips to really make her squirm. 

“You look good enough to eat,” He mutters before swiping a finger through her folds, a noncommittal swirl around her clit before pulling away. It’s enough to make her whimper, she was so sensitive. 

“Your cunt is so fucking wet,” Jake sounds overcome with surprise and happiness. He runs his fingers along her slit once more and brings the fingers to his lips. “Like fuckin’ honey, I knew it.” 

She surpresses a smile and bucks her hips involuntarily. Jake continues to babble, in disbelief that she was this wet just from him kissing her and how sweet she tasted. 

When his fingers finally enter her, she cries out. A hand reaches out to grip Jake’s jaw, bringing his lips back to hers as he begins to pump into her cunt. His pink lips move against hers as he tries to keep his pace steady, but greedily he wants to see her fall apart around his fingers. He wants to see her face when he makes her cum so that he can memorize it. Conjure it up when he’s away from her and has his hand around his cock, imagine he’s fully inside her, bringing her this pleasure. 

His hand has sped up and she’s staring at him with a slack jawed expression. His fingers thrust into her with a wet sound as her juices soak his hand and her pussy. “Does it feel good, honey?” 

“So good, Jake. So fucking good. Keep going.” 

His thumb begins to circle her clit and she begins to moan louder. It slips against the nub, flooded with her slick. Her hips move with his hand and he grins down at her and she can’t take her eyes off his face, how happy he looks. 

“Will you cum for me, darling? I want to see you cum pretty with my hand in your cunt.” His fingers are massaging inside her walls and they both feel them tighten. His dirty words sent her over the edge. A mix of profanities fall from her mouth as her hips begin to shake and buck on their own volition. Her orgasm flows through her and Jake watches after giving her a hard kiss. Her chest rolling and her knees trying to close but his arms keep them open as he pumps her through it. 

After she comes down, Jake gently removes his hand from her and sticks his fingers in his mouth before wiping them on his jeans. She watches him with wide eyes and closes them when he runs his clean hand over her hair. “You are perfect,” He whispers. 

“So are you,” She replies with a slight laugh. “Can I?”

She nods at his bulge, but he shakes his head no. 

“Another time, honey. I wanted to do this without getting anything in return.”

“But, Jake, it must hurt a little? And I want to…” Her hand moves to flutter over it but he pushes it away and grabs her hand instead. 

“I promise I’m fine, but if you insist, I’m also not against getting off.” 

They laugh together before she languidly removes her hand from his, unzips his pants and pulls his cock out from beneath the boxers it was straining against. Her eyes flit between her movements and Jake’s face. He huffs out a breath of anticipation. Her light touch on him feeling like so much after getting so worked up over her noises and taste. 

His brows furrow as her hand begins to pump his length and he’s trying to contain himself, embarrassed by how quickly he’s ready to cum. She must sense his unease. 

“Just let go if you’re ready, Jake. I can imagine you’ve been wound up for a while. It’s hot that you’re already close.” 

“Yeah,” He huffed a laugh, his voice raspy. “I’ve imagined this for a month now and it’s just, fuck. It feels so good.” 

She smiles at him and leans over his tip before he can protest. Her lips envelop his head and suck it into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it gently, coaxing him to cum in her mouth while her hand continues to rub over his shaft. The wet soft suction of her mouth sends him over the edge he’d been trying to stay on top of, but he can’t stop himself from cumming down her throat. She hums in admiration as the warmth fills her throat and Jake throws his head back in exhaustion. His hair splays around him on the couch as his eyes tilt close for a moment as his chest heaves, attempting to calm himself. He couldn’t believe she’d just swallowed his load like that, no hesitation with no request. 

She tucks his softening cock back into his boxers delicately after cleaning him up and crawls up and cuddles into his side. He smiles with a sigh, his eyes peeking open slightly to look at her. Her hand runs up and down his chest, stroking the softness and cherishing his warmth. She smiles when he notices his gaze. 

“That was nice,” She suggests  in a whisper. 

“More than nice, honey. I think we’re going to continue doing that for a long, long time.” 

She giggles and tucks her head into the crook of his neck, placing a chaste kiss against the slightly clammy skin. 

“Okay, Jakey.” 

They settle into a soft silence. Content with one another. Jake strokes over her arm and hair while she remains hugged to his chest. Loving his warmth and firmness against her. 

-

should there be a part 2, lmk what you think inbox is open and reblogs (w comments and concerns, esp) are always welcome

[mamavanheat]

Evil Side

author's notes: first off i want to thank @arcaneblaine for introducing the idea of alt!josh into my brain, secondly @earthlysorrows for helping me write and edit. if you've never seen the movies mentioned, it might be confusing (i'm sorry!!). the playlists are from josh's pov. this is the longest fic i’ve ever written and i hope there’s not too many mistakes 😭😭

enjoy, besties

word count: 7.3K

WARNINGS: 18+ MINORS DNI, alcohol consumption, smoking, blood, SMUT, consensual non-consent (kinda?), unprotected sex, physical assult, ANGST, cursing, asshole!josh, let me know if i forgot any please!!

The music blasting through the speakers in the venue made it just a little bit harder for the server to hear your order. It's quite the busy weekend considering the weather was not favorable for most. The rain tends to drive people to stay home and cozy. However, you loved the rain. It was the perfect time for you to enjoy yourself in a not so wild environment. So, the amount of people that were crammed into the building tonight was a little overwhelming. "Hey! Can I please just get a Yuengling? Tap if you have it!" The server nodded at your order and turned to walk away. Your favorite table was always the one in the corner by the front door in case you end up leaving suddenly. Feeling invisible wasn’t your favorite thing, but it was comfortable.  

The server returned with your drink, setting it down with a small black cocktail napkin. You thanked her and twisted the salt shaker from the table, sprinkling pieces onto the thin coaster. A local band, some guys you’ve vaguely heard of, was set to play live in less than a half hour. You sat patiently scrolling on your phone while you waited for them to take stage. The owner of the bar had asked you a couple months ago to manage their social media page since you frequented every weekend. They were older and could barely figure out Instagram so taking on the task was no issue. However, you didn’t happen to be the best photographer around, just someone with basic photo editing skills and a great phone camera. Before the set starts, you people watch to find the next subject of a hopefully viral post for the sake of making the owners proud.  

The next band, assumably the local band that had been hyped up for a couple weeks, began to take their rightful places on the small stage. Four guys around your age grabbed their instruments as you stood to find a better spot for your pictures. One of them in particular caught your eye, the singer. He stepped onto the stage with great confidence and a smugness to him.  “Thank you guys for coming to see us tonight. I’m Josh and we’re Greta Van Fleet.” His hands gripped the mic as he nodded to the guitarist, signaling the beginning of the song. This band had to be the hardest for you to capture still photographs of as they all moved across the stage continuously, especially the singer. It was a miracle his low-rise skin tight pants managed to stay on the entire time. His voice definitely did not fit the body, taking you by surprise at the notes he hit. High and low. It was intriguing to say the least.  

The small audience space filled with screaming fan girls was not a shock as you watched the entire set. They had a charm and stage presence that draws you in to them. Josh interacted with them quite often causing them to absolutely lose their minds. As you tried to move your way through the crowd for a better chance at a shot stable enough to post, attention was drawn to you by the fans shoving back. Josh noticed you. His eyes lingered as he belted into the mic, not missing a single note. You became his target. He gave you the show you were looking for as he removed the mic from the stand and crouched on the stage directly before you. Looking directly into your camera as the words flowed from his lips. Once he hit a very exaggerated part, his head fell back as his eyes rolled behind his eyelids. Tongue exposed in his fully open mouth. The whole thing just seemed... orgasmic for him.  

The show came to an end and the floor became a hyped circle of chaos as everyone made their way from the stage. Some taking a seat and ordering drinks, some walking out toward the street and heading on their way. You take your original seat and start to scroll through the now project of narrowing down the good and the bad results of your attempt to capture the wild ride that just unfolded. A light tap of a finger on your shoulder made you jump as your focus flew from your screen. Josh was standing in front of you, a cigarette in his smile as he acknowledged your phone in your hand. He pulled the cigarette from his mouth with his index and middle finger, pointing it the screen. “D’ya get some good stuff?” You look back down to your phone and find a couple shots to show him. “They’re not the best, but I’m no expert. Just helping the owners with their social media a bit.”  

He takes the seat beside you at the table and grabs your phone, scrolling through the pictures for himself. The waitress from earlier approached the table again asking if you’d like another drink. Josh keeps his eyes on your phone as he orders some obscure drink and you order yourself another beer. “Huh, I like this one.” He turns the screen toward you to reveal a very provocative mirror selfie you’d recently taken in secret. A couple nights ago you'd gotten just a little wine drunk, or maybe a lot wine drunk, and threw on a hot outfit you’d been saving for your next rendezvous. The fishnets hugged your thighs, the tiny skirt sat on your hips revealing a little bit of your ass cheeks underneath, a very very small bra held your chest up, and your face... well you had been feeling yourself so your eyes read a very scandalous expression as your finger was held between your lips. You had definitely forgotten about it until this very moment.   

Your mouth hung open as you realized what was happening. Embarrassment filled your mind as you tried to come up with an excuse for it. But there was no excuse, you just felt hot as fuck. The fact that he even said anything sure was ballsy. And you liked it. “What’s your favorite film?” Josh’s eyes looked at you as if he was trying to test willingness to play along to a little game. He was trying to distract you now. He’s in control of this interaction and making it clear. Quietly you mumbled, “10 Things I Hate About You.” It feels like a trick to test his pretentiousness, but in all honesty, it was one of your top movies. He’d never know that truthfully though. “You’re fucking kidding me.” You can’t help but bust out laughing at his response. Not exactly what you expected but nonetheless, he did fall for your backfire to his game. “Nothing thought provoking?” You were ashamed to keep entertaining him but the fact that this specific man was giving you attention felt really good. “Fine, Donnie Darko.” Nodding his head with a fake impressed expression, he replies, “Okay, okay. Interesting.”  

You huffed at him with a look of disbelief. “What? Are you, like, reading me or something?” His eyebrows flew up his face at your attitude. He likes it.  “Actually, yes. You can learn a lot from someone’s favorite fantasy world. Who’s your favorite character?” You hesitate for a couple seconds before replying, “Honestly... Frank. He’s everywhere but not an actual physical being. Mysterious, in a kinda hot way. I feel like we’d get along. He could haunt me every day for the rest of my life and I'd never be scared. He’s... comforting? I dunno, I’m just rambling now.” A nervous giggle sneaks through your lips as you feel a hot blush falling across your cheeks.  

“Okay, Josh. What’s your favorite movie?” Without needing a second to think he replies, “The Shining. Really fucks with your head but it’s not real either. Seems we have something in common on that part.” The only thing in common if feels. A cunning smirk crept from his lips, immediately drawing your eyes in. He takes notice and swipes his tongue across his bottom lip and pulling it in for a light bite. At that point you don’t know how long you’ve been thirsting over his lips but you heart heavily beating through your chest pulled you back to reality. 

“So, I know you really don’t have that much experience in photography but I was thinking,” He seems to be genuine when asking the favor, “would you want to come take some pictures for our new album promotion? I kinda actually like the... rawness of your editing.” Now that actually felt like an insult, but you tell yourself he really didn’t mean it like that. “Give me your number, Frankie.” This name caught you by surprise. “Frankie?” He ignores the question and reaches his phone to you with the name already written into the contact. You typed your information in before handing it back to him. “Perfect! See ya soon, Frankie.” An effortless wink was your goodbye before he turned with his drink in hand to join his band mates at the bar.  

______________________________________________________________

Frankie’s Fishnets  

"Evil Side" - The Dirty Nil  

"Closer" - Nine Inch Nails  

“Tear You Apart” - She Wants Revenge 

"Want You Bad" - The Offspring  

"Animal" - Against Me! 

“MakeDamnSure” - Taking Back Sunday 

______________________________________________________________

That whole night and the couple following days were filled with thoughts of this man. He was so intimidating but calm about everything. It was hard to read him but you’d take your chances and trust him. After the picture fiasco, you weren’t quite sure what kind of relationship this was at this point. Josh had texted you earlier today about starting the shoot. You agreed and tried to set up a makeshift studio out of things you just had laying around. Your apartment was filled with whacky furniture and antique trinkets so it wasn’t hard to come up with the perfect space.  

“Here’s Joshy!” A loud enthusiastic voice announces his entrance as he walks into your front door after throwing it completely open. “Where’s the other guys?” Josh shrugs and heads directly to your fridge, scrounging around for something to drink. “They, uh, had other plans come up.” He pulls a beer from the shelf and cracks it open. A couple gulps and a sigh to follow fills the quiet air.  “Okay, so it’s just us?” He throws the beer back again before assuring, “Yep, just me and you. Alone.” Something about those words tells you he had a different idea in mind for your session tonight. “How am I supposed to get the whole band in the pictures if they’re not here?” He finishes the last couple drops of the beer and smashing the can in his hand. Your eyes stayed glued to the veins in his hand as he gripped the crushed aluminum. “Edit them in or something. I had another idea anyway. Interested?” Your eyebrows furrow to him in confusion.  

“Where’s your bathroom?” Nodding the direction to him, your mind instantly goes to horny thoughts you’d had over the days he stayed spiraling in and out of your mind. You fought with yourself over what kind of lover he’d be. Was he the type that always wanted to be in charge? But then maybe he was the one to switch roles. He liked it when you snapped his attitude back to him.  Maybe he likes to be told what to do every now and then. Either way, he just seemed like a tease. “Frankie!” Your new name was being called not from the bathroom, but from your bedroom at the end of the hall.  

You walk in to see Josh rummaging through your closet. You make your way to him fast and smoothly slide between him and the door. “What do you think you’re doing?!” He moves back from you and answers, “Well, I was looking for something for you to wear. It’s part of the new project.” Standing in complete shock with your hands still spread across the doorway, you can’t help but scoff, “What’s the project?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bottle of a red thick liquid. Before you could even ask another question, he pulls his shirt above his head and tosses it to the side of the room. He snaps open the bottle and begins pouring its contents over his tattoo covered skin. It drips around the gold chain resting against his collar bones. The shock on your face couldn’t be hidden while he holds the bottle out to you, “Kinda like spray it on the wall behind me so it looks like I just slashed someone to death.”  

“Josh, what the fuck is that?!” A laugh bellows from his chest as he swipes a finger across his chest gathering the glistening drops then sliding the finger into his mouth. “Relax, Frankie. Corn syrup and food dye. Like blood in the movies.” He grabs your hand and pours a couple droplets from the bottle onto your finger before bringing it to your mouth. His eyes catch yours and don’t let go as you pulled your lips apart slightly for him to give you a taste. It was sweet and sticky just like you imagined. “I already found it by the way.” He said as he let go of your wrist. Your eyebrows are again showing your confusion. “Found what?” He looks over your shoulder and tilts his head toward your bed. The outfit you had on in the picture he saw the night at the venue was laying neatly atop your bedding.  

“Listen, the idea is we’re a blood thirsty fucked up couple. We get off on the kill.” You couldn’t take your eyes off the very small amount of cloth laying in front of you. Outside you tried to make yourself seem offended that he would even assume you’d play a part in this. Inside, you know better. Your head was spinning with excitement. “And you want me to be a part of this? What does this have to do with your band?” His eyes studied you up and down. You felt like an innocent prey staring into the eyes of the predator. “This is for, uh, my personal works. Nothing to do with the band. Just art.” Just art. You repeated it in your head thinking it over.  

“Put it on.” He walked to the bed and held the outfit out to you still on the hanger. “Fuck off, Josh. I’m not going to model half naked for you.” That was a lie and you knew it. In fact, you had already day dreamed about it... multiple times.  “I said put it on, Y/N.” This time his voice wasn’t playful, he was demanding. He wasn’t using your nickname anymore. He left the room then you heard the front door open and close. You weren’t sure how long until he’d be back, if he was coming back, but this was something you wanted. All those day dreams and questions you’d asked yourself are minutes away from being answered. You slipped out of your clothes, laying them neatly on the bed to replace the outfit Josh had handed to you. Your reflection in the mirror this time didn’t look like you. A sinister woman was staring back.  

The top was barely tied to your chest when he returned, a camera and tripod in hand. He didn’t react to your pretty much naked body in front of him. This did make you a little insecure, so naturally you pulled some of your hair over your shoulder to hide at least a little bit. “I brought this so it’d be a little easier to use with both of us as the subjects. I’m gonna set a timer on it and it’s really just going to be easier to film and take stills from the video for editing.” You nod at him like you had any understanding what he was talking about. Really the only thing you could focus on was his hands wrapped around the camera while he changed the settings. The way his fingers flex with every button he pushed.  

“Let’s do this.” He slapped his hands together before walking toward the direction the camera pointed. For the first time since he walked into the room, he looked at you. Nodding to himself in approval with an evil grin. “I’m going to do a couple with just myself and then you can jump in when you’re ready, okay?” You return the nod to him in agreement. Something about him changed before your eyes. He became a character, somebody else. It was fascinating watching his posing and behaviors like you weren’t even there. It made sense why his favorite movie was about a man with some kind of separate personality. You weren’t in the room anymore, just him and whoever he was pretending to be. He was so good at it, you felt yourself trying to cower down and hide. Suddenly as you started to move back farther from him, his eyes fell your direction. Pupils fully dilated.  

He steps closer to you while admiring all of you again. His eyes this time told you he would devour you in a second if you just gave him the word. “Josh... we’re supposed to be working.” A hand fell onto your exposed waist, the other brushed your hair behind your shoulder. A little sting sends a chill down your body as his teeth took a soft bite of the flesh he just cleared for himself. His lips brushed across your neck before stopping at your ear lobe.  “All work and no play makes Josh a dull boy.” Your head fell backward while his nose pressed into your neck as he laid kiss after kiss on your skin. You couldn’t help but focus on the cold sensation of his septum ring against your hot skin. His hands snaked their way down your back to each grab a handful of your ass pulling you closer to him.  

His chest pressed against yours smothering you in the fake blood he’d poured onto himself. It was definitely making a mess that was going to be hard to clean. “Tell me what you want.” His voice between lips meeting against your skin just feels so right. You purr to him involuntarily as your worrying mind is no longer in the pilot’s seat. You didn’t even realize one of his hands had left their place to grip into your hair and pull back, eyes shooting open to see into his. “Tell me what you want.” He repeats himself again through clenched teeth. You smirk at him mockingly while looking through your eyelashes devilishly challenging him. He slips his fingers into the holes of your fishnet tights and rips them open, causing you to jump at the unwarranted action. “You really don’t listen, do you? That’s gonna get you into some trouble.”  

The hand holding onto your hair let go before he grabbed the strings of your top, releasing your breasts from the fabric as it fell between your bodies. His eyes glanced down to them while he pushed you back to the bed and sitting you down. “Give me your hands.” You held your arms out to him while he wrapped the strings around your wrists, tying them tight. The movements of his hands were ingrained into your memory. He stood at the edge of the bed and undid his pants, pulling himself free. Another image stored into your brain. “You look like an angel covered in that blood, Y/N. Too good for me.” He was teasing you but it was turning you on. You didn’t want to wait for his next instructions so you wrapped your bound hands around it and started rubbing it slowly, looking up to him for approval. He grabs your jaw and pulls your mouth closer. “Open.” You do as he says and open your lips, sliding your tongue out to him. You expected him to slide his cock in but instead he bends over you, looking directly into your eyes, and spits right into your mouth.  

“On your knees, ass up.” You did as he told while guided himself to the entrance between your legs. Sliding in just a little bit in and pulling completely out, forced a moan of frustration from your throat. “Now, tell me what you want.” You can’t ignore his demand this time. You were completely under him and willing to obey his every command. “I want you to...” He pushed himself a little more this time. “Fuck... I want you to destroy me.” It came out as a whisper but he heard you clear. Exactly what he wanted to hear. He went all the way in this time, making your mouth fly open and eyes squeeze shut. Your body adjusted to him the first couple of thrusts before he told you, “I love to see your ass bouncing against my cock, fuck!” He smacked his hand across it before grabbing your hips to pound himself deeper into you. 

 Your head flew back from the force every time his hips hit against your backside. You can’t manage to hide your moans anymore as they turned more into screams of satisfaction. His hand ran up your back pushing you further into the mattress until it snaked around your throat. He gripped tightly using it to pull you back against his chest. Hot breath hit against your neck as he dug his teeth into your shoulder. He was destroying your pussy and your mind. There’s no way you’d ever forget this man. He awakened something inside of you. The way he tightened and loosened his hold on your throat had you dizzy. Your body was filling with heat and ready to burst with him deep inside of you. That fucking sweet spot he hit over and over again was driving you to the release you needed. “God damn, Y/N. You’re fucking shaking with my cock buried in that soaking wet pussy.” His voice was quivering as he spoke in your ear. He was folding into you just as much as you were into him. Your hands still tied together fell between your thighs, massaging your clit to match his movement.  

You reached the point you couldn’t take anymore. Your eyes rolled back as your body stiffened. Everything around you was dissolving. A warm wet liquid coated both of your legs… and his. “Fuck yes.” He growled at you. Your pussy clenched around his cock over and over until he let you go to fall forward on the bed. He held himself over your ass and pumped until his cum was coating your back. A string of moans fell from his mouth while he finished draining himself. You lay on your stomach twitching in ecstasy as he laid onto his back next to you.  

“I’ve never done that before.” You admitted softly to him, moving your face from his direction. “It was so fucking hot, Frankie. You don’t even know.” He laughed off your embarrassment, pushing his hair back from his sweat and fake blood covered face. “Josh... Why me?” He was quiet for a couple minutes before letting out a heavy sigh, “Dunno. Something told me you’d be fun to play with.” He rolled to the side of the bed and stood to walk out of the room. The sound of the shower knob squeaking on let you know his time with you tonight was done. Time to wash the sheets.  

______________________________________________________________

Fear |—| Love 

"I Believe in a Thing Called Love" - The Darkness  

"Girl All the Bad Guys Want" - Bowling For Soup 

“Possum Kingdom” - Toadies 

“Hands Down” - Dashboard Confessional 

“Last Of The American Girls” - Green Day 

“Everlong” - Foo Fighters 

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The following weeks after the first hook up consisted of meet ups for pleasure and pain. It was hard to tell yourself to not catch feelings when he made you feel this way. He made you feel wanted but not at the same time. He was addicting. It was confusing but you were trapped under his spell. Every time he looked into your eyes with his dark caramel gaze you melted into him over and over again. You had memorized every tattoo he had and could trace them with your eyes closed. You knew everything that makes him tick and everything he dreamed of having. Well, sexually that is. He refused to open up to you, but his eyes always told you the truth even if his lips always lied.  

At first it did start out as some kind of kinky sex. Something he fantasized and wanted to play out. Over time it felt like he considered your needs more. He still played out his ideas but also started asking you what you wanted instead of only demands. ‘No kissing. No cuddling. No staying the night.’ Those were the rules. It was confusing in the beginning but that’s what he wanted. And you wanted him.  

Somehow between all the action, you’d managed to squeeze in time to actually get photos of the band all together. Josh had shown you some tricks to get the look he wanted for the promotional flyers. It wasn’t as hard as you thought it’d be but he always made it seem so easy. Everything was easy for him. When the other guys were around, you were just a fellow photographer. When it was just the two of you, you were his in every sense. Easy for him to pretend even if it wasn’t for you.  

Sometimes you couldn’t help yourself trying to keep his attention when his friends were around. You would stand as close to him as you could without him pushing you away, grazing the back of your hand across his when you walked next to him, catching his eyes for a second too long before he would look away. Today was the day to show them the final prints and edits. You spread them across the table as they looked through and commented on how much they loved them. Josh sent you a wink as you smiled proudly to him beside you.  

You wrapped your arm around his waist and pulled him to you for kiss on his cheek. “What do you think you’re doing?” His response sent your whole body stiff with confusion. “I- I thought you wanted me to.” He pulled you to the side of the room and looked back and forth between your eyes before whispering so nobody else could hear, “Look, I don’t know what you think this is, but it’s not it. We’re not a thing. I was just having fun.” There it was. Everything you felt was going on but denied yourself because it’s not what you wanted. “I don’t understand.” His eyes looked sad but yet he stood his ground. “I think you should leave. Now.” The other people in the room had caught onto the scene and awkwardly stood around the table. A fire of rage started to fill your body as you finally caught onto his game. This was the plan the whole time. He just wanted to use and dump you when he won.  

“What about the pictures? You don’t want them?” You throw the prints at him sending them flying around the room. “I don’t need your fucking help, Frankie. I’m used to handling things on my own.” he growled at you. He turned away leaving you to talk to the back of his head, his attention was no longer going to be for you. “Don’t fucking call me that, you fucking asshole!” Thumping in your chest took over your body the more you thought about it. Stomach in a tight knot as your mouth watered with sickness. Eyes filling with flooded waters waiting for the dam to break and set them free. Lungs heavy and collapsing with every releasing breath. Your heart ached. That was it. You were done.  

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SUCK A FUCK 

“Self Esteem” - The Offspring 

“Your Sword Versus My Dagger” - Silverstein 

“Change” - Deftones 

“Buried Myself Alive” - The Used 

“Inside Out” - Eve 6 

“You’re Cute When You Scream” - Senses Fail 

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A couple weeks had passed and there was an event your venue was holding at an employee’s house. You pulled up to the party not knowing exactly how to feel. In a way, it was good to get out and enjoy your friends again, but part of you just missed the rush he gave you. You didn’t know if he’d be here but the chances were high considering he’s now included into the local music scene. He can just walk around and live his normal life socializing and doing all the things he wants without a second thought. No regrets according to him. How was it so easy for him? So easy to just pretend like nothing happened. Like you didn’t mean anything to him. As much as you wanted to believe it wasn’t true, the reality of your different lives proves itself.  

The house was filled with conversation and loud music from the speakers. You made your way to the table with all the liquor set out and pour yourself a hefty glass of vodka, soda, and a few limes. After a couple gulps of the strong mix, you made a path around through the groups of people standing around. Once you got to the middle of the party, you heard a familiar voice followed by loud laughter. Your head whipped in his direction to see him surrounded by some music industry people and friends. It hurt to see how happy he was, or pretending to be.  

The liquor was starting to hit when you realized you had no idea how much time passed with you watching him. You needed a distraction and found your way to the area with people dancing around. There was a man there you thought you’d have no chance with. However, Josh had given you the courage you lacked in the past. You walked to him smiling before turning your back into him and grinding. His hand fell at your hip and your free hand found the back of his head, pulling him into you. The room was spinning as you downed the rest of your drink and stumbled around with the new man. You closed your eyes and leaned back into him before he spun you to face him. His lips were now pressed on yours, aggressively moving around them. “No thank you.” Your hands pushed against his chest to pull away but he wasn’t taking the hint.   

You tried to walk away but a hand on your wrist pulled you back to him. “C’mon, babe. You came to me.” His breath against your ear didn’t feel the same as Josh’s. He didn’t make you melt. He didn’t give you goosebumps from excitement. He was just some man. You shook your head at him as you stumbled away the second time. “Fuck you, cunt!” The only response you could give in your current drunken state was to look him in the eye and flip him the bird. “Don’t fucking talk to her like that!” No way. No way that was the voice of the man that ran through your head every single day. You faced the direction it was coming from to see Josh coming in inches from the man’s face. “Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” Not even a second could go by after he finished the question before Josh’s fist was planted into the nose of his challenger. He fell to the floor and held his face as blood began pouring from the wound.  

Josh turned and rushed toward you, reaching his arm over your shoulder to guide you out the front door. “Oh, now you want to show me affection in front of people? I bet you’re so turned on by the blood, huh?” Your words were barely coherent when he opened his passenger door to his car and basically laid you into the seat. He walked to the driver side and slammed his door shut, jamming the keys into the ignition. “Where are you taking me, Joshy? Taking me to use and toss to the side? Hidden away for when you need a quick nut?” You were spitting your insults to his face but he remained unphased, other than his jaw clenching shut to keep whatever he had to say behind his teeth.  

By the time he pulled into your drive way, you’d long been passed out. You were in and out of conscience while he picked you up from the seat and carried you to the front door. He reached in your bag, pulling out the bundle of keys, and fumbled around the find the right one. As soon as it was open, he headed straight for your bedroom and laid you on the mattress. Your shoes were tossed on the floor before he pulled back your comforter and tucked you underneath. His hand brushed your hair softly from your face before he disappeared.  

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when the world will end 

“The Reason” - Hoobastank 

“Have Faith In Me” - A Day to Remember 

“I Miss You” - blink-182 

“Iris” - The Goo Goo Dolls 

“How’s It Going to Be” - Third Eye Blind 

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Your head was pounded when you woke up. The rain falling against your window was unbearably loud and made you extremely nauseated. But not as nauseated as you felt sitting in the bottom of your shower, attempting to wash off the bad night, and remembering Josh coming to your rescue. You don’t remember all of it, in fact you only remember a few things. The guy, the blood, and you screaming in Josh’s face. Next thing you knew, you woke up in your bed feeling like your head and heart were going to explode out of your body.  

You picked up your phone and dialed his number expecting it to go straight to voicemail. The ringing stopped and before he could answer you asked him, “Why did you save me?” He sighed heavily into the phone. “Just because I’m the bad guy to you doesn’t mean I am a bad guy.” That was an answer you weren’t expecting. A long silence followed before another reply from him, “That guy isn't good for you. Shit Y/N, even I would be better for you and I’m the bad guy here.” You finally tried to move on and it failed. He was right, to you he was the bad guy. But you felt he wasn’t being completely honest with his feelings either. ‘I would be better for you’? What does he even mean by that? He’s the one that left you crushed and putting yourself back together with no answers.  

“Josh, he was just some random guy at a party. We weren’t there together.” Another long silence. You looked at your phone to make sure he was still on the call to see the timer still going. Minutes passed before he said anything. “Can I come see you?” You hesitated an answer but you wanted to hear what he had to say. Maybe he could explain what happened in detail for him to act like that. Or maybe he was just going to manipulate his way back into your life. At this point, who knows what goes on in that man’s mind? You surely didn’t.  

Most of the anxious thoughts in your mind were probably from the little bit of hangover left, but you did feel sick at the thought of seeing him face to face again. Before he’d gotten there you made yourself some food you probably wouldn’t keep down, taken more ibuprofen than you should have, and down as much water you could manage. The longer you waited, the sadder you felt. It was lonely sitting there in your thoughts. Hours passed until you heard a light knock on the front door. You stood there knowing he was on the other side but not knowing the outcome. A deep breath and you opened the door. He didn’t give you a chance to say anything before he started explaining everything.  

“All of this time I had myself convinced it was just me. I was supposed to be there for myself and never rely on anybody else. Nobody to help me see the small things around me and appreciate them, or make me think about how the way I act really affects the people I care about. I always said it’s not my problem how they react, that’s their problem. But that’s not true Y/N. You made me realize all of these things. I hurt you. I really hurt you. And I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that. You made me scared. I started having feelings that I couldn’t believe were real until I met you.” Seeing him standing in front of you was hard. You made yourself look into his eyes as tears finally started streaming from yours. They were empathetic and polite. Something you’d never seen from him before. He says he was scared of you but you felt he was the one to be scared of. As much as you wanted to hate him, you couldn’t. He just keeps you wrapped around his finger no matter how much you tried to let it go.  

He starts to take a step toward you but you flinch backwards. “Fuck!” He yells grabbing his head in frustration. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I just- I'm gonna go.” As much as you hated how he treated you, you knew it wasn’t really how he felt. Everything he just admitted to you was real. You felt it. You just needed him to say it himself. Without realizing the rain had started again, you started running after him barefoot through the wet mud and grass of the yard. He heard you coming after him and caught you in his arms. Your head fell against his shoulder and your legs wrapped around his waist. “Frankie, I’m so sorry I hurt you.” he mumbled into your shoulder. His arms held you tight as the rain fell harder. You didn’t care.  

______________________________________________________________

That was a compliment. 

“Fade Into You” - Mazzy Star 

“Tonight, Tonight” - The Smashing Pumpkins 

“Slide” - The Goo Goo Dolls 

“Got You (Where I Want You) - The Flies 

“Just Like Heaven” - The Cure 

______________________________________________________________

He had ended up carrying you through the front door again, this time you would remember the whole thing. Soaked clothes and skin sticking together as he let you down back onto your feet. He pushed the wet strands of hair from your cheek before sliding his hands around your jaw. You finally felt his kiss. Soft lips giving you the words he wasn’t able to speak. Everything he’d held back the entire time. He was scared you were the one going to leave, this time he wasn’t letting go. His mouth followed yours as you pulled back only to relieve yourself of your dripping wet shirt. It hit the floor with a splat when it fell from your fingertips. He watched closely as you reached for the hem of his to follow the same actions. You hadn’t bothered to put on a bra, as this whole interaction wasn’t expected for today’s agenda.  

You reached your hand for his. He smiled grabbing it softly and following you to your familiar bedroom. Your hands untied your pajama pants and slid them down your legs, tossing them to the side with a kick of your foot. “You’re so beautiful.” He took in your whole figure, appreciating every small detail. Every freckle and scar. Every crease and dip. It was hard to not smile at his admiration. You knelt down before him onto your knees and unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down his legs until he stepped out of them. You wrapped your hands around his dick and kissed the head softy. The way he looked at you was not the same. His eyes were soft and kind, full of love.  

You stood and led him to the bed, pushing him lightly to lay down. He slid back against the pillows and watched as you crawled to join him, throwing a leg over his side and straddling him. His hands fell onto your hips while you situated yourself. You cupped your hands around his face, leaning in to kiss him again. His fingertips laced up your back while he pulled you into him. Tasting him was now your favorite sensation. Every move he made was delicate and light. No rush to get things finished. He moved down to your nipple, licking a couple times before sucking it between his lips. His tongue swiped it causing your clit to start throbbing at the feeling. You hum to him, “That feels so good, Joshy.” He curls his lips into a small smile at the praise.  

His hand slips down your thigh and back up to your hip before moving down to your core. He swipes his thumb over your very sensitive clit while looking up to you for a reaction, mouth still latched onto your breast. Your hands wrap around his head holding him closer to your chest as he massages you. Warm fuzzy feelings rush through your veins as your first orgasm comes. You squeeze your eyes shut as your head falls back in pleasure, letting small gasps escape your lungs. Your hips rutted craving him inside. He lets your nipple free with a pop and reaches between the two of you, centering himself below you. You lean forward resting your forehead against his and staring into his eyes again. Sliding down inch by inch adjusting to him slowly. He places his hands on your ass helping you find your pace, grinding yourself down onto him.  

You find your lips back on his, tongue swiping them open and inviting him inside. Your hips start moving fast chasing the high you were so close to finding. Moans filled the air with the sound of the rain against the window. Nothing else mattered anymore. You and him were together and it was everything you thought it would be. He was finally inviting you into the real him, not just the act he put on to protect himself from the rest of the world. He was soft, caring, and considerate. Even if the ride was wild, the result was worth it in the end. You could see it.  

The feeling was building up inside of you again. The waves of electricity flowed through your body once more. “Look at me.” He could feel you pulsing around him as his own orgasm began to follow yours. You open your eyes to gaze into his, eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. “Please come for me, Y/N.” Shaking and grabbing onto his arms, you finished for the second time. He let go after you staring into your soul, it felt. Your body relaxed onto him as he held you tight. “I love you, Frankie.” he whispered to you. The words caught you by surprise as you tried to catch your breath, heart beating hard in your chest. You were scared to say it back but it felt so natural, no more thinking needed. “I love you, too.” Both of you stayed that way for a bit. Taking everything in, raw emotions hanging in the room. You didn’t need to say anything. He put a hand on your shoulder and push back, then sliding your hair from your face. “We should probably take a shower now, huh?” You nodded to him with a smile. 

[starcatcher-gvf]

Back and Forth - Chapter 4

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Danny Wagner

Word Count: 5.4k

I'm SO sorry for the late update! College has been a mess recently, and work is always horrible. But I FINALLY finished this chapter! There will be more after this, so stay tuned!

Warnings: Language, smut, sexual content, smoking, kissing, foreplay, touching, guitar face/drummer face (if you know you know ;)), male receiving oral, frottage (for real!), nipple play/stimulation, fluff

Let me know if I missed any warnings! Enjoy :)

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The car stopped abruptly outside a generic-looking hotel, some sort of inn that promised dreamless sleep in a strange bed and a full continental breakfast at 5 in the morning. Danny popped the door open on his right and let himself out, Jake scooting out behind. The men looked at the dingy place with confusion. The Garden Inn? Was this the right hotel?

Danny fished the hotel key card he was given from his back pocket. Before leaving for the bar, their tour manager handed it to him and told him where the hotel was. But Danny was in such a hurry that what he heard went in one ear and out the other.

They both looked at the key card. No name. Danny flipped it on the back. No name. Just stock photos of random city skylines and the room number. 635.

“Well, that’s not helpful.” Jake looked back to the hotel and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Hold on, I’ll call someone right quick.” Danny whipped out his phone and searched through his contacts. He clicked the number and held the phone to his ear, waiting for Sam to pick up.

Danny knew Sam would be more likely to pick up than Josh: the diva needed his beauty sleep, after all. And the younger brother had a notorious habit of staying up too late with his reeling brain. Come on, Sam, I know you’re up. Pick up the damn phone.

“Daniel?”

“Hey, Sam. What’s the hotel we’re staying at tonight?” Danny breathed out a sigh of relief and looked at Jake. He was wringing his hands around, and he still looked nervous and almost seasick.

“Aren’t you here?” Danny could hear Sam shifting around, presumably to look out the window.

He gulped. Danny completely forgot to tell anyone where he was going, to make up some sort of excuse for being absent. Josh and Sam got their own rides back to the hotel, so they most likely assumed Jake and him did the same. Danny rubbed the back of his neck and looked towards the front of the hotel again. “Um…no. I went out after the show.”

“You…went out. With who?” Sam’s prying tone made Danny wobbly. His heart was beating in his ears again.

“Just tell me what the hotel’s name is. We’re outside one, but I don’t know if it’s the right one. There’s no name on the key card.”

“You’re bringing someone?!” Sam blurted in Danny’s ear. He had to hold the phone back from his ear so it wouldn’t get ruptured.

I said “we”? I said “we”. Danny looked back at Jake and saw his eyes burning holes back into him. Jake mouthed “We?”. Danny’s stomach felt like it turned to jelly.

“No, no! I’m outside. Just me. What’s the name of the hotel, Samuel?!” He was at his wit’s end. Just tell me the FUCKING name.

“Oh, you’re so lucky my view is from the side, I would’ve busted you!” Sam, shuffling again, laughed with a slight hint of resentment in his voice. “We’re at the Garden Inn, on the corner of Southwest and…Green, I think? Either way, you can’t miss it. It’s got this big fucking sign at the front, and it flashes so bad I couldn’t look at it.”

Danny looked up at the sign again and, sure enough, Garden Inn was flashing so quickly he had to look away after a couple seconds. “Yeah, I see it. Thanks, Sam. G’night.”

“Night, Daniel. Don’t go too crazy. Make sure she can walk by tomorrow, we gotta pack up and get on the road by ten,” Sam replied with a laugh before hanging up abruptly.

Danny felt his ears get hot at Sam’s implications. Jake snickered beside him and brought out a matching key card for his room. “I assume this is the right place, then?”

Jake’s smile made Danny almost swoon. His entire face cracked open, revealing the smart, shy, talented boy Danny first met all those years ago, when they asked if he wanted to be in the band. His sick look was fading, revealing all his best features to Danny. The dimple on his left cheek. His eyes, slightly squinting from his smile. His teeth, shining beautifully underneath his lips. His lips, God, his lips. Danny was reminiscing on the way they felt pressed against his own, strong enough to crush coal into diamonds.

“Hey. You heard me?” Jake’s voice shot through the air and shook Danny out of his trance. He also heard Jake’s fingers snapping in front of his face.

“What?”

“I said I was gonna go to my room for a bit, if that’s alright,” Jake reiterated. “Maybe get a snack from a vending machine. And, uh…” Jake pointed to his mouth shyly.

“Oh! Yeah, take your time.” Danny ran up to the door and held it open for the guitarist, feeling dumb for not thinking of that earlier.

Jake walked past Danny, but he leaned in close to his ear and placed a small kiss behind it before walking into the lobby.

Jake let the door of the hotel room close behind him as he flopped onto the bed, careful not to crush the plastic container holding the turkey sandwich he got from the hi-tech vending machine down the hall. He groaned into the mattress, feeling his stomach churn with his anxiety and his hunger. His fingers reached his lips, still feeling Danny’s mouth on them. Feeling Danny’s neck on them. Jake sighed, letting a small smile through while his eyes surveyed the hotel room.

The room surrounding him looked like any other: off-white walls with a soft warm glow emanating from the lamp on the bedside table, pictures hung on the walls that matched the key cards, dark blue carpet that hid any trace of dirt or grime that might be lying there. But the bed, to Jake’s surprise, was soft and fluffy. It beckoned him to sleep. But he couldn’t sleep. Not yet.

Jake sat up and started eating, the feeling of food hitting his stomach keeping it quiet. The sandwich was harder than he thought it would be, but he didn’t mind that much. All that mattered was that he was keeping Danny waiting.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin he picked up from the room’s small kitchen area and tossed the trash into the small can at his feet. Jake looked across the room at his duffel bag, packed with the bare minimum of necessities, including his toothbrush and toothpaste.

The headache Jake felt was dull, but he could still feel it behind his eyes. The stress, the embarrassment of it all. He hoped Danny didn’t look down on him, didn’t see him as weak or fragile. Though he wanted, needed, to feel Danny overpower him, dominate him in some way, he still wanted some of his dark and mysterious personality to be intact. With a grumble he picked up his bag and shuffled into the bathroom.

He dumped the few items out he had packed onto the counter, and out rattled his small wooden cigar box. Jake stared at it for a second and opened it to see one last cigar placed in the middle of it. He put it in his pocket, just for good measure, and reached for his toothbrush and toothpaste.

Danny walked out of his bathroom over to the sliding glass window. There was a speck of mint toothpaste left on the corner of his mouth, but he saw it in the window’s reflection and quickly wiped it away with his thumb. He sighed and opened the glass door.

The wind whipped his hair around his face and raised the hair on his arms. Danny’s choice of pajamas didn’t exactly fit the weather, but he needed to get outside, clear his head, before Jake made his way to his room. The vintage band t-shirt billowed, but his gray sweatpants at least kept his legs warm.

He leaned on the railing of the balcony and looked around at the sky. The moon had completely disappeared at this point, leaving only the stars shining in the inky blackness. He also noticed the clouds moving faster to his left. Though Danny stared at the inclement weather, his head was still filled with Jake. He leaned his forehead on the railing now, staring past the sidewalk below.

What a fucking day.

He couldn’t believe it. Jake actually kissed him. A real kiss, with real feeling, real emotion. Danny remembered how slender Jake felt in his arms, how perfect his body fit in his hands. He shuddered, partly from the wind’s chill and from his memories repeating on loop. He wanted more, but did Jake? Those eyes on stage said one thing, but he might not have meant it in that way.

Danny felt his pulse quicken, a sign of his building arousal. But, he also felt something else: a tightness in his chest, like his heart was being squeezed. He felt like he could cry or hyperventilate. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Just foreign.

He then heard the pounding on the door.

He jolted out of his stupor and looked toward the door, making sure it wasn’t his imagination playing tricks on him, or some early-morning housekeeper. A pause ensued that felt like eternity. How long had he been zoned out?

“Dan?” Jake’s voice rang out through the sound of the wind. Dan. Danny quickly straightened up and walked back inside, neglecting the open glass door as his mind was laser-focused on Jake, Jake, Jake.

He unlocked the door and fumbled with the handle before throwing it open. Jake stood in the hallway, one fist ready to knock on the door again, the other in his pocket. His hair was pulled back in a messy bun, with the ends spilling around the back of his neck. Small strands of hair framed his face and made his eyes seem infinitely darker. Danny’s breath stalled in his throat. He opened the door wider, allowing room for Jake to walk through.

Jake walked past him but stopped in the middle of the room. As Danny closed and locked the door, Jake looked back and asked, “Getting some fresh air?”

Danny looked towards the open balcony door, the curtains billowing in the wind. “Shit, lemme get that.” He made his way to close the door, but Jake’s hand met with the middle of his chest.

“Actually,” Jake said as he pulled the cigar from his pocket. “I had another idea. We can’t get caught smoking on hotel property, so we gotta be careful” His mouth formed into a smirk as their eyes met again.

Danny was not expecting this to end like how it started. Jake’s hand lingered on his chest, spreading warmth through his body. Fuck. If he already had this much of an effect on him, he might as well just finish in his pants. Every single thing about Jake made his arousal more enhanced in this moment: his messy hair, the bare skin peeking out from his button-down, his musky smell. He suddenly felt that warmth radiate towards his cock and felt his pulse coarse through him harder.

“Jake.”

Jake’s hand trailed lower and lower, sliding over his abdominal muscles and his stomach. His thin t-shirt didn’t provide any sort of protection against the wind or Jake’s touch. He could feel every sensation like he was being struck by lightning with each inch he moved further down. But Danny wasn’t the only one whose composure was faltering. He could hear Jake’s breath picking up as his fingers landed on the waistband of Danny’s gray sweatpants. They felt too tight already. God, what is he doing to me?

“We gonna go smoke?” He tried to grab Jake’s attention again.

“Yeah,” Jake said after slipping his hand away from Danny. “Yeah.”

The smoke Jake exhaled blew away in the wind. He crossed his feet and leaned against the balcony as he passed the cigar to his left where Danny was. Danny plucked it from Jake’s fingers and brought it to his mouth for another drag.

They hadn’t said anything for fifteen minutes, but the inside of Jake’s head was loud. Really loud. The buzz from the cigar couldn’t quell his nerves like he wanted it to. He just stared out at the sky and waited for the man beside him to pass the half-burnt cigar.

His gaze lingered back to Danny from the side of his vision. Jake could see his tattoo now from this angle; the black ink contrasted with his tanned skin, but it looked so right, like it was destined to brand his skin. The moon may be Jake’s thing, but Danny wore it well too. Acting impulsively, Jake leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on the triangle, and he chuckled as he felt Danny jump slightly.

“What now?” Danny looked back at Jake with expectant eyes. Jake gulped.

“I’m not too sure.” A pause.

“Have you ever…?” Danny inquired.

“No. Have you?”

“No.” Jake’s pulse quickened. This was so new to both of them. Uncharted territory. All Jake knew was that he wanted to explore every inch of him. Somehow.

Danny passed the almost-finished cigar back to him. Jake took it and inhaled one last breath of smoke and held it in. He felt his lungs burning, screaming for air, but he wouldn’t let it out just yet. He quickly put the cigar out on the railing and dropped it in the street below before reaching for Danny’s face with both hands.

Danny’s arms automatically wrapped around Jake’s waist as their lips met for a passionate kiss, almost like they’ve done this so many times before. Like instinct. Smoke wrapped around them as Jake’s mouth opened and allowed Danny’s tongue to slip in.

Jake sighed at the sensation. The buzz in his head was growing again, more intense than he ever felt while performing. The feeling of Danny’s tongue, warm and exciting, against his own sent rushes of adrenaline and dopamine through his brain. He also felt Danny’s breath quicken as the kiss deepened, and his voice let out a small noise of strain. Oh God, oh God.

Jake pulled away abruptly as they both gasped for air. His gulps for air were interrupted by a small laugh from Danny. “You alright?”

Jake nodded with hooded eyes, staring longingly at his mouth, wanting more despite being oxygen-deprived. But Danny put a finger to his lips and pushed his head back slightly. “I have another idea.”

Danny led Jake back inside his room. The warmth in the hotel shocked Jake, a sudden contrast to the chill of the wind outside. Danny slid the glass door shut, which left a silence in the room punctuated by soft thuds from above, presumably somebody’s footsteps. His nervousness slammed back into him all of a sudden, and he sat down at the foot of the bed to steady himself. Another idea.

Danny stood over him and placed his hands on the bed, one on each side of Jake’s lap. Their mouths met again in a kiss, soft but sensual, as Danny lowered himself onto his knees. Jake pulled him closer by the back of his neck with one hand, the other placed on his shoulder. He had a faint idea of what was to come, but he just wanted Danny’s mouth as close to his as humanly possible.

Jake felt a calculated pressure on his cock, which made him squirm and moan into Danny’s mouth. He looked down slightly and found Danny’s hand pressed onto him. Fuck, his hand felt good. The warmth even through his jeans sent his body ablaze, and he started bucking up into his hand without even realizing it. “Dan…”

Danny separated themselves with a loud smack resonating through the room from their kiss. He leaned forward to his neck and placed sloppy wet kisses along Jake’s throat, paying special attention to the spot where his carotid artery made his skin pulsate. Jake sighed and ran both of his hands through Danny’s hair, feeling the curls and small tangles his textured hair left. A particularly rough bite on the side of his neck made Jake hiss through his teeth and pull Danny’s hair slightly.

“Ngh…you okay?” Danny breathed into Jake’s neck, testing the waters.

Jake nodded, finding his concern endearing and erotic at the same time. He reached behind his head and unraveled his bun, letting his hair fall onto Danny’s face and neck. He felt Danny lick a stripe up the side of his neck to his ear where he nipped at his earlobe, gently pulling on the small silver hoop Jake had adorning his ears.

“Can I…?” Danny asked, making sure to punctuate his words with a harder press of his hand on Jake’s jeans. Jake’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, both from his words and from his movements. He slowly nodded. He already knew. He would give anything to feel that, to see Danny defile him, to see himself defile Danny. He bit his bottom lip in anticipation.

Danny slowly lowered himself lower and lower, leveling eye-to-eye with Jake’s stomach. He placed his hands on Jake’s knees and spread them apart quickly. He heard Jake gasp and swallow, most likely in anticipation. Or was it his nerves? Danny looked up at Jake’s face, surprised to find his eyes staring intensely back at him.

“You tell me if it gets to be too much, okay? Do we need a safe word?” Danny thought this might be better than just “no”; that word could be taken in so many ways.

“How about ‘smoke’?” Jake proposed with a small smile. Smoke, Danny thought. How fitting.

“‘Smoke’ it is. And ‘fire’ for…” Danny trailed off as he slowly undid Jake’s jeans with one hand while keeping the other on his knee to keep them spread apart. Jake’s breath picked back up again, with his chest moving with his laborious breaths.

Danny pulled the elastic band of his boxers down to reveal a neat patch of hair settled at the base. Then slowly, slowly, Jake was freed. Danny’s mouth became dry as he stared. He never thought something like this could be so…pretty? That wasn’t the right word, but it was close. Jake’s member, pulsating with his arousal, wasn’t huge, but it was enough. The vein that ran along the underside led a trail towards his tip, swollen and pink and glistening with precome. A sight to see.

Danny looked up at Jake’s face again for one last moment of approval, but he was met with an impatient, lust-filled expression. His cheeks were flushed, and his hand was at his mouth, fingers pressed lightly on his lips. His doe eyes were fixated on Danny’s, pupils blown with lust, awaiting the next move. Come on come on come on, his face seemed to say.

He took Jake into his hand and started a slow rhythm of strokes, using Jake’s precome and some of his own spit to lubricate his movements. Jake’s voice rang out with a mhmm, fueling Danny to pick up the pace slightly. Fuck.

Jake let his head fall back, exposing his chest gleaming a little with sweat. The Atocha coins around his neck were clanging together with every inhale and exhale he took that matched the rhythm of Danny’s hand. With each pump of his fist, Danny’s own erection grew harder and harder in his pants, threatening to burst through if given the chance. He needed to calm down, focus on Jake first and foremost, before even thinking about himself. But damn, did Jake look good. His cover was slipping, leaving behind a shaking mess of a man.

Danny swallowed and placed his lips at the tip. He leaned in as close as he could and parted his lips, taking the first inch of Jake into his mouth. Jake’s head shot forward with a gasp, his knees closing on the sides of his head and applying faint pressure to his temples. Jake’s hair curtained his face and…holy shit. Danny looked up to the same face Jake usually makes when in a musical trance on stage: lips parted, eyes barely open, a sheen of sweat on his brow. “Shit…” Jake said through his breaths.

Danny felt his heart stutter at his expletive and decided to go farther, deeper. He lowered his head, taking in as much of Jake’s cock as he could without gagging. The rhythm Danny set made Jake’s legs shake, and he felt Jake’s hand burrow in his hair, pulling and pushing his head up and down unconsciously. Guiding him. Danny’s eyes watered, silently gagging but not caring.

Oh my fucking God. Jake couldn’t believe what was happening. Of course he’d had blowjobs in the past before, from various ex-girlfriends in high school and after, but this felt different. His cock was so sensitive to Danny’s touch he felt like he would come undone in seconds. And his chest felt tight, like he would cry. What the fuck was happening?

The hand Jake had in Danny’s hair kept bobbing his head up and down, up and down. The coil in his stomach threatened to burst all too soon, and Jake panicked. No, no, no, don’t. He didn’t want this to end yet, but he was too close. He haphazardly pulled Danny’s hair, hard, getting his mouth off of him with a pop.

Danny’s eyes widened in matching panic. Jake realized the implications of what he just did and tried to explain through ragged breaths. “I don’t…want it to end so soon. I was gonna…” Jake trailed off in embarrassment.

Danny reached a hand up to cup Jake’s cheek and gave him a smile. “It’s okay. It doesn’t have to end just there.”

Jake’s cheeks flushed under Danny’s touch. He thought after this they would go back to their separate rooms, their separate lives, and never speak of this again. Jake wanted to stay, wanted Danny to stay, wanted him to want to stay. The blur of thoughts and implications made Jake feel dizzy, and he leaned forward to press his forehead against Danny’s.

“I want you,” Jake broke the silence.

“I know. I do too.”

“There’s nothing here to, y’know, help with that though.” Jake chuckled. He had the least bit of experience with intimacy between two men, but he figured they would need a lot of lube.

Danny laughed through his nose, a quiet sound. “We can save that for another time, okay?”

“Okay,” Jake replied. Another time. Jake’s heart fluttered at the thought. “What do we do about this now?” He gestured between them. His own painfully hard cock twitched between them, and Danny’s sweatpants had a visible tent.

Danny’s eyes lit up. “Slide back.” Jake cocked his eyebrow but complied, sliding back onto the bed. His shirt started to slide off of his shoulders, so he slid both arms out of the sleeves, leaving the button-up on the covers of the bed.

Danny threw his shirt off as well and placed it on the floor near the bed. He crawled over to Jake and sat criss-cross. His chest, adorned with a patch of dark hair, tensed with every movement. Jake couldn’t help but stare; he was practically drooling.

Jake yelped as Danny grabbed his waist, digging his fingers into his sensitive muscles. He was lifted onto his lap, knees straddling the larger man’s legs. His tip brushed Danny’s clothed length, and he shuddered from the touch. Danny’s face was eye-level to Jake’s chest, bare and glistening with sweat. The coins on Jake’s neck were now cold and coated with sweat, but Danny’s lingering breath warmed them up slightly.

What sounded like a growl emanated from Danny’s throat as he shuffled the band of his sweatpants down just enough to uncover himself. Jake swallowed as they connected. Danny’s cock was warm against his own, throbbing painfully with blood flow. Jake couldn’t handle it anymore, Fuck what he said earlier. He needed this.

A string of saliva dripped down between them from Jake’s mouth and landed on Danny’s tip. He gasped lightly as Jake took both of their cocks in his right hand and slowly, agonizingly, started to pump them together. The wetness of Jake’s cock, both from his own precum and Danny’s remaining spit, made the friction more fluid.

Danny’s head tilted back and a small moan escaped his mouth. This fueled Jake Jake even more, coaxing him to set a faster pace.

“Fuuuuuuck,” Danny reacted. He placed a hand on Jake’s waist to pull themselves closer to each other. Their cocks were now pressed up against each other’s stomachs, but there was still enough room for Jake’s hand to continue the movement. The tip of Jake brushed up against Danny, which he found to be a heavenly sensation, and it seemed that Danny was feeling the same way. His bottom lip was tucked underneath his teeth, presumably to stifle a louder moan of pleasure.

Jake’s composure was faltering even more. Sweat was rolling down his face and body in large droplets and chilling in the room’s air. Still, he felt like he was melting, both from the heat of being so close to Danny and his building orgasm.

Jake let his mouth hang open as Danny added his hand to the mix. Jake’s right and Danny’s left were connected, fingers brushing against each other, as they touched each other. Danny pulled Jake even closer and licked a stripe between his pectorals, gathering a trail of sweat onto his tongue. His tongue lingered on Jake’s chest for a second, all the while managing a steady pace, and he suddenly licked one of Jake’s nipples.

Jake gasped as Danny kept swiping his tongue over the hard bud. Never could he in his wildest dreams imagine that this act could feel so…intoxicating. More moans escaped his mouth, not of his own accord, and he put his lips to the top of Danny’s head to stifle them.

“Smoke?” Danny asked. He slowed the pace down on their lengths but still kept the pressure.

Jake almost wanted to laugh, but his heart ached in his chest too. Throughout all this, Danny was still concerned about how Jake felt and wanted to make sure he was okay. This was the Danny he adored so much: his quiet gentle companion in the band. His quiet gentle lover? Jake’s head was spinning again. All he knew was that this moment was his and theirs. Danny was his.

“Fire,” Jake whispered.

The word rang between Danny’s ears. Fire. His legs were numb from the way they were sitting, but he could still feel the warmth spreading through his legs and up to his sacrum. His length was pulsating more intensely now. He could feel it moving slightly in his own hand, and he was damn sure Jake could feel it in his. Fuck.

Danny took this breathless word and ran with it. He tightened his grip on themselves and pumped faster, putting monumental pressure on both of their tips. Precum smeared all over his hand and on their cocks, becoming one in the same. The sight could make Danny come undone, but he wouldn’t get there without Jake. No way in hell.

Jake’s moans started again, and Danny could feel his voice reverberating through his head as he breathed against the top of his head. He could also hear the wetness of their movements between them as Jake moved his hips for more friction. Danny let out a hum of approval at the sight of Jake fucking into their hands, fucking against Danny’s own cock. Seeing Jake so lost in this moment was so beautiful and gratifying. A voice in his mind told him that he would never be able to forget this.

Jake’s movements with his hand and hips were getting sloppier, and his hips stuttered on occasion. Is he…? Danny couldn’t tell, but he wanted to ride that high with Jake. Needed to.

Danny tightened his grip on Jake’s waist with his right arm and kept him moving. Face against his chest again, Danny took the other neglected nipple in his mouth and rolled his tongue along it.

A cry sounded from Jake’s mouth, and a hand gripped at the back of Danny’s head, pulling his hair in a fist but not to pull Danny’s mouth away. To keep him there.

“Just like that…” Jake breathed out. Danny couldn’t look up from the angle he was in, but he could tell Jake was looking at him. Watching him. Getting off on this sight, this moment, this feeling.

That warmth spread through Danny again, but he didn’t try to quell it or reign it in. He ran his tongue up Jake’s pectoral to the base of his neck and asked, “Fire?”

“Please…fire.”

Danny’s hand moved at an unattainable pace, faster than Jake could manage. Jake leaned his forehead down on Danny’s, mouth open and breathing like he had almost drowned. A tingle ran along Danny’s spine and ran through his blood. Oh God. He gritted his teeth and seized up, hips moving sporadically as his orgasm painted Jake’s stomach. His voice came through in a groan between ragged breaths.

His hand still moved but only held Jake’s aching cock. Jake leaned back on both hands now, still straddling Danny. He looked into Danny’s eyes, eyes half-lidded and eyebrows furrowed, as Danny pumped him to finish. Jake’s eyes abruptly rolled into the back of his head and his expression completely changed.

Danny felt a pang of worry for a second, but it melted away when Jake whipped his head back and cried out in pleasure. His release coated Danny’s hand and chest and stomach. Jake’s cries were louder than he meant them to be, but Danny didn’t care at this point. Jake’s chest quivered and expanded with breath as his back arched, letting his orgasm punch through him.

He let his head come back forward, and he looked at Danny with a tilt of his head and a blissful smile. Danny smiled back with love in his heart.

BANG. BANG.

Both men jumped at the sudden thumps, and they looked towards the wall behind the headboard of the bed. They looked back at each other with wide eyes like deer in the night.

And they laughed. Jake leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Danny, still snickering. Danny could feel him breathing in his scent, and he hummed. He returned Jake’s embrace with a kiss to his temple and his fingers tracing the skin on his back. Jake pulled his head back and kissed him deeply. The lingering taste of cigar came back, though it felt like ages since they were outside.

Danny pulled back from the kiss, and a sticky sound resonated between them as their bodies separated. Their stomachs were pressed together, and the evidence of their climax was mixed together now. A mess, truly, but Danny thought it was a beautiful mess.

He looked over at the clock on the bedside table. 3:51 am. Shit. He didn’t think it was this late already, but time flies. “I guess we should shower, huh?” He offered.

“Hmm, I guess.” Jake scooted back on the bed and leaned against the headboard. Their orgasms were painted all over his abdomen and his torso was coated in sweat, but despite his words, he made no move to get up for a shower.

“Don’t get too comfortable, now.” Danny stood up and stretched his arms upward to get his blood flowing again to his legs. “I could shower first, or you could. It doesn’t really matter.”

“Or we could shower together,” Jake said with a smirk. His eyes were closed now and his arms were crossed behind his head. Danny’s heart thumped, but he couldn’t get distracted. Sam said they were hitting the road at ten in the morning. Six hours from now.

“As much as I’d love that,” Danny replied. “We can’t. We have to get up around eight thirty.” Danny leaned on the bed and reached over for a chaste kiss.

“Hmmmm, you go first then.” Jake opened his eyes to look into Danny’s. “Was I that loud?”

Danny chuckled. “I think they’re just mad they didn’t get any tonight.” He stood back up and made his way to the bathroom.

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Sun Still Shines

Sun Still Shines

Pairing: Josh Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: Josh is hurting and you search to find a way to bring his sunshine back. 

Warnings: Sickness, Ruptured Eardrum, Prescription Medicine, Lack of Eating, Negative Self Talk

Word Count: 3.8k

It had been a long day at work and as you turned the handle to the front door of your home, you closed your eyes and sighed, knowing the next few hours wouldn’t be easy either. 

The second you opened the door, a delicious smell wafted through the air. You kicked off your shoes, put your bag down, and followed the smell into the kitchen where you saw your boyfriend’s mom spraying and wiping down the countertops while a pot of soup simmered on the stove. 

“Hey, how’s he doing?” you asked quietly, giving her a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and surveying the kitchen. Your eyes wandered over to the bottles of prescription pills on the counter next to the sink. You noticed more bottles were there now than when you left this morning.

“Eh, not so good. It’s infected now,” she sighed. 

You felt your heart drop at her words. Infected.

“He’s been on antibiotics since this morning but they haven’t kicked in yet,” She explained, motioning her head to the bottles on the counter. “Soups still hot if you want some. He didn’t eat much. He can't really open his mouth. He’s miserable.” 

You gave her a sympathetic smile and sighed, “Thanks, smells really good. I’ll try again with him later.”

You peeked down the hall toward your bedroom where you saw an open door and soft flickering light of the TV casting on the shadows of the hallway walls. The sun was just about to set for the night, making your home just a bit darker than usual. This was normally your favorite part of the day. When Josh was home, you’d come home after work and be greeted the second  you walked in the door with kisses, dinner, a glass of wine, and a relaxing night. When Josh was away, you’d pick up a FaceTime call from him while he got ready for the show. You’d eat as he got ready and you’d tell each other about your days. Then you’d say your goodbyes, shower, and go to bed knowing he was having the time of his life onstage and that he’d talk to you the next day. But for the past few days, this time of night had been everything but that.

About a week ago, Josh ruptured his eardrum during a show. It happened away from home and he was far away. He held in the pain he was going through for the most part on the ride home but all that went away the second he walked through the front door and into the comfort of his own home. He was in the most pain you’d ever seen him in and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He could barely walk by himself because he got dizzy easily- Jake had to pass him off to you. Not to mention, the medication he was on made him nauseous. He couldn’t talk or eat because he could barely move his jaw without it hurting his ear. He had dark circles under his eyes from not being able to sleep from being uncomfortable or being in pain. The amount of stress he was feeling also didn’t help his sleeping. He felt guilty about having to postpone more shows. First it was Jake, then it was him with Covid, and now it’s him again. He hated letting people down and just when the tour was finally coming to its last few shows, it all fell apart again. Finally, he couldn’t hear well but he couldn’t risk damaging his hearing further so you had to be quiet around him, which made him frustrated beyond belief- especially when he knew everyone around him was talking about him or talking to him. 

In addition to that, the past week since he had arrived home had been filled with nothing but doctor’s visits, prescription pick ups, management phone calls, and stress- which made everything worse. You wanted to call out of work to stay home and take care of him but his mom insisted you continue with your life as normal. She came down to help him out during the day and handle all the medical stuff. She was the day shift, and you were the night shift. Once you got home, she’d head out to stay at Sam’s until the next morning. You were thankful for her. She knew all his medical history and had that mom expertise so she always knew the right thing to do. She also always made sure to leave the fridge stocked and the apartment clean. But on top of everything else, you loved her for her. She was a ray of sunshine just like him. You could count on her to bring light and positivity to this situation just as Josh would if he could. 

He loved having her there to bring him comfort in a different way than you could. Even though he was a grown man who had his own home, life, and girlfriend- he wanted his mom and you could understand why. But as the days went on, and he grew more and more frustrated, bored, and impatient, you could see him getting annoyed with her. During the day, he would text out all his frustrations to you, and it was a lot. 

Joshua, are you drinking enough water? 

Joshua you have to try to eat.

 Joshua you have to take your medication. 

That’s how it got infected, Joshua. 

Joshua, make sure you’re getting up and moving every few hours. 

Joshua you have to turn the volume down on that TV. 

Joshua you need to keep all this paperwork organized.

And the worst…

Joshua, are you even listening to me?

That one annoyed him the most. He took it a different way than she meant it. She meant it figuratively. He took it literally and he took it to heart.

Lucky for Josh, tomorrow was Saturday so you were able to stay home all day with him. He would never admit it to his mom, but he was happy to have some time away from her.

You turned your attention back to her to see her grabbing her stuff off the kitchen island and putting on her coat. 

“Let me know if anything changes, alright? He just took his meds about half an hour ago so he’ll probably sleep soon.”

“I will, love you,”

“Love you too, Sweetie,” she said, pulling you in for a tight hug. She wrapped her arms tight around you and rubbed your back up and down. 

Your eyes got watery at that point, knowing that is the exact way Josh would hug you when you walked through the door at the end of a long day. This was the exact type of hug you needed from him, and he couldn’t give it to you. You hadn’t hugged or kissed him in almost a week and it was breaking your heart. All you could do was try to feel him through her.

You sniffled just a bit and upon hearing that, she pulled back to look at your face and make sure you were alright.

“Aw, Honey,” she whispered as she wiped your tears and brushed the hair out of your face. “He’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna get through this. We all will. I know it's hard. Just a few more days, hmm?” 

You nodded and took a few deep breaths with her. She always had a way of making you feel better, no matter what. And so did Josh. He got it from her. 

After a few more hugs and deep breaths, you walked her out and made sure she left for Sam’s before it got dark. 

You walked back into the kitchen and peeked at the medicine log she had taken. She jotted down every medication Josh had taken and kept track of it by the minute along with when he slept and how bad his pain was.

You lifted the lid on the pot on the stove to see the warm orange color of curry lentil soup simmering gently. You smiled to yourself and allowed the scent of it to fill your  nose. It was Josh’s favorite and the smell of it reminded you of all the times he’d cooked it for the two of you. 

You looked around the apartment- spotless. 

You didn’t know how she did it. How everything seemed to get done and how it was always done perfectly. You on the other hand could barely pick up Josh’s medicine at the pharmacy without forgetting something or having a breakdown in the parking lot. Must be a mom thing. 

Sure, she was annoying Josh, but there’s no way you could have done any of this without her. She was truly heaven sent. 

You put the lid back on the pot and made your way down the hall and into the bedroom where you found Josh, laying on his right side, eyes closed tight, and the TV on, but muted- it was obvious that he was listening to your conversation with his mom. Or at least, trying to listen. He looked like he was in pain. He didn’t look like Josh.

You sat down next to him on the bed and ran your hand over the shaved part of his head and scratched it lightly with your nails.

“Hi, Baby,” you said softly to him, peeking over to try to see his face.

He opened his eyes slowly and breathed out.

“Mmm,” he hummed in response. He didn’t sound like Josh.

He picked up his head and started to move to face you. You could tell just lifting his head was a struggle. He winced and let out a small groan as he moved.

“Shhh,” you whispered, gently easing his head back down to where it was on his pillow. You ran your hands over his head again, stroking his hair and inching your fingers just a little closer to his ear with each stroke. You were scared to hurt him but that fear went away the second you saw his entire body and face relax at your touch. 

Gently, you eased your hand over his cartilage and rubbed it with your thumb. You leaned down and gave his cheek a gentle kiss and left a trail of feather light kisses to his ear. You sat up and continued stroking your fingertips on his head and scratching against his hair lightly. 

Your heart broke as the sight of a single tear leaked from his eye and rolled down sideways over the bridge of his nose and onto the pillow below him. 

“What do you need, Baby?” you whispered as you twirled your fingers into the curls at the top of his head.

“Can you just love me?” he whispered back. You could hear the exhaustion and desperation in his voice and it once again broke your heart into a million pieces. 

Without saying a word, you lifted the blanket that was covering him and snuck yourself under it. You grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, instantly causing the room to go a bit darker. You wrapped your arms around him and hugged him from behind. You squeezed your body up against his back and left little kisses on his neck and shoulders. You reached up to play with his hair once again and within just a few minutes, he was fast asleep. 

After a few minutes, you carefully snuck out from behind him and got out of bed. You leaned down to kiss his cheek gently and left the room, closing the door behind you.

You walked into the kitchen, poured yourself a bowl of soup, and peeked at the medicine log as you ate. Painkillers every four hours. Steroids and antibiotics every eight hours. He slept for about an hour after each dose of painkillers so you jotted down that he fell asleep a few minutes ago. 

You felt guilty as you ate. You should be eating with him. This was his favorite food and he can barely even open his mouth to eat right now. Why do you get the privilege of enjoying his mom’s food? You should be doing more to make him feel better. If you would just stay home, he wouldn’t be getting more stressed and irritated. You should be the one at home with him everyday making sure he gets what he needs.

After all, how many times has he stopped what he was doing to make you feel better when you were sick? Has he or has he not come home in between shows when he knew you missed him or weren’t feeling good? Does he not wait on your beck and call when you even mention you have a headache? You didn’t deserve him. 

The negative thoughts continued racing in your mind until you forced yourself to stop. You dropped the spoon into your bowl and covered your face with your hands in defeat. You rubbed your face roughly a few times and snapped yourself out of it, deciding that while Josh was asleep, you could take a shower to try to relax. 

You placed your bowl in the sink and snuck into the bathroom, being as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Josh up. You took your time in the shower, letting the hot water relax your body and ease all the stress and aches you’d been holding in for the past week. It made you feel just a tiny bit better.

Just then, an idea instantly came to you and quickly, you finished in the shower and got out. You put on comfy clothes, tied your hair up, and headed to the kitchen once more. 

You got to work. You pulled a small pot out of the cabinet and filled it with water. You heated the water just a bit and went into the linen closet to pull out a fresh washcloth. 

You let the water heat up just enough before dunking the washcloth slowly into the water. You let it sit in there for a bit, making sure it was fully soaked and warm. As it sat, you poured another bowl of soup. Carefully, you took out the soaked cloth, squeezed out the excess water into the pot, and placed the damp washcloth into a second bowl. 

You walked down the hallway with both bowls and quietly opened the door to your bedroom to see Josh in the same position you left him last. 

You walked around the bed to get on his other side, the side he could see you on. You placed the two bowls on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to him. He stirred just a bit as you did so. You reached your hand up to rub his head and stopped mid air when his eyes fluttered open and you heard the tiniest whisper.

“Mama,” 

You ran your hand over his cheek and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

“I have something for you, okay?” you whispered, pressing your lips to the side of his mouth. He closed his eyes as you kissed him, wishing he could kiss you back, and opened his eyes up as you sat back up.

“Kay,” he whispered again. 

You grabbed the warm washcloth from the bowl and brought it over to him. He watched as you did it. His eyes traveled from your face to your hands as you folded the towel and gently placed it on top of his ear. 

The second it made contact with him, he sighed, closed his eyes, and melted into the mattress below him. 

You held the warm towel on his ear, letting it work its magic as he laid there in bliss. After a few minutes, tiniest smile tugged at the corners of his lips. That plus the mixture of the painkillers kicking in seemed to do the trick.

Slowly, he started moving his jaw around. His movements started out small and timid but grew larger and with purpose as time went on. You watched his lips curve as he got more comfortable and didn’t feel much pain.

He opened his eyes and looked at you lovingly as a smile spread across his face, revealing just a little bit of his teeth. That was the first real smile you saw from him in a week. It wasn’t a full smile just yet, but it was progress. He looked like Josh.

“How do you feel?”

“Good. Thank you, Mama,” he said. This time, it wasn't in a whisper, and his voice wasn’t muffled due to the lack of ability to move his mouth. He sounded normal. He sounded like Josh.

“You hungry, Baby?”

“Starving,”

You leaned back to get the bowl of soup on the nightstand and held it out to him.

“You know your mom is just trying to help you,” you said.

“I know,” he sighed. “She’s just been a lot lately. We’re too much alike,” he said as he lifted himself off the mattress with his elbows and sat up, still holding the hot towel on his ear. You propped up pillows behind him, and he leaned back onto them. You put the towel back into the bowl and placed it on the nightstand.

He took the bowl of soup from you and his eyes lit up just a bit looking down at it. He rested it on his chest. He carefully took a spoonful, lifted the spoon to his face, opened his mouth, and wrapped his lips around it fully. The look of pure bliss on his face was something you hadn’t seen on him in a long time. He was in heaven right now. Within minutes, the entire bowl of soup was finished. 

After he ate, you two talked a little more about him being more understanding and patient with her, no matter how annoyed he was. He sent her a sweet text to thank her and put his phone back on the bed side table for the rest of the night.

You collected the empty bowl from him and took it back to the kitchen. You cleaned up the rest of the soup, put it in the refrigerator, and jotted down that he ate on his mom’s chart. It was the first complete meal he ate in days. 

You went back into your bedroom to find Josh still propped up just the way you left him. This time, his eyes were fluttering shut and he was fighting the urge to close them.

You removed the pillows from behind him and helped him lay down once again. 

You got under the covers and cuddled up against him. You held him close, running your hands up and down his back under his shirt.

Before fully falling asleep for the night, he whispered, “Thank you for everything. I love you,” 

You didn’t even have time to respond because before you knew it, after the week you’d had, you were exhausted and you were fast asleep too.

You woke up periodically throughout the night when your alarms went off to give him his medication. The two of you fell back asleep instantly after each dose. 

When you woke up the next morning, the sun was shining through the windows fully and you let out a sigh of relief when you looked over at the clock and saw it was 10:37 AM. Finally, you felt refreshed. You looked over at Josh, who was in a deep sleep. His mouth was slightly open and the entire right side of his face was smushed deep into his pillow. His legs spread all over his side of the bed, and yours. You crept out of bed and made your way out into the living area. 

You got out a pot and started heating up water in it once again. You washed your face and brushed your teeth as the water heated up. You returned to the kitchen and placed the washcloth in the pot. You let the washcloth fully emerge and let it sit in the water for a bit while you made Josh tea and brewed a pot of coffee. 

You were just about to pull the washcloth out of the pot of water when you felt hands around your waist and a set of lips on your neck. 

“Morning, Mama,” he whispered. 

His chest pressed into your back and he rocked you back and forth a little as he hugged you from behind. You felt his warmth instantly. He was the sun, after all.

You turned around in his arms and gave him a full hug, holding him tight. It was the first time you’d truly hugged him in a week. You missed this feeling more than anything. His body was warm, and comforting. It was everything you needed. 

Your vision got blurry as all the emotions you had been bottling up this week started pouring out of you uncontrollably. You had been holding them in the best you could for days, especially around him- and with his touch, they all finally released. 

Josh rubbed your back and kissed your cheek as you cried, letting you get it all out. 

“Get it out, I got you. You’re okay, Mama,” he said reassuringly. 

After some time, you broke away from him slightly. He held his hands around the small of your back and gave you the softest kiss on the lips. It felt like your first kiss with him all over again. His lips were soft and they wrapped around yours like two pieces of a puzzle. They were made for you and you missed them so much.

He pulled back and a full smile spread across his face.

Your heart melted as you looked at how good he looked. He was fresh out of bed and his hair was a mess but he looked well rested. That little ray of sunshine that had been hiding behind a cloud had come back out. 

He wiped the tears from under your eyes and kissed your cheeks. He rested his hands on your jaw and his thumbs rubbed against your cheekbones. He looked deep into your eyes as he spoke.

“Hey,” he said softly, “It’s okay. I’m okay,” he assured you. 

You sighed and brought your hand up to stroke his hair by his ear. Having him hold you, and kiss you, and hearing him say that after this past week lifted the biggest weight off your shoulder. You felt like you could finally breathe. 

“I just missed you,” you admitted. 

“I know, Mama, I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. But thank you for being there for me. You’re incredible, you know that?”

He wrapped his arms around your back and pulled you close to him. He rested his chin on your shoulder and held you there for a moment while he gave it little kisses.

He lifted his chin and leaned back. One hand pulled you into him by the waist.

“Now,” he began, “What do I need to do to make you feel better?”

“Can you just love me?” you asked sweetly. 

“Of course, Mama,” he replied.

“After you brush your teeth,” you giggled.

“Hah,” he breathed out, blowing his hot breath into your face before laughing and turning around to head to the bathroom. You grabbed a towel off the island and whipped his butt with it as he walked away, laughing.

Author’s Note: I originally was not going to publish this but after the recent Rhinestone Diary, I had to. Please note- I am not making any claims about what Josh went through with his ear, COVID, or any canceled/rescheduled shows. Also, Miss Karen is wonderful and amazing. This is fiction.

If you liked this, please tell me all your thoughts! I’m not Josh lane so I hope I did him justice!

[writingcold]

Welcome to Chapter Eleven and Twelve of Best Laid Plans

A/N:  We’re nearing the finish of this sad little story, and getting closer to that happy ending.  I appreciate everyone that has taken a bit of their time to read this one.  Amanda and Jake are important to me.  It’s been a story that came together so naturally and I hope that even though they experience so much heartbreak, that perhaps you can see the good bits that they’ve had as well.  Little pieces of happiness and strength and just life.

This is a complete fiction - totally made up.  I do not, nor will I ever know Jake or any member of GVF.  That said, this story is mine.  Please respect that.

@takenbythemaddness deserves all the love here.  She really did a lot of screaming at me, but those screams guided me.  Thank you my friend.

Content warnings: Language.  Alcohol.  Hints of sex, and sexual situations.  Adult relationships.  Talk of old trauma and old trauma caused by relationships.

Word count: approx. 7000

Chapter 11: August, 1992: Amanda POV        

     The swoon of The Black Crowes filled the air of Sparrow as I moved around, dusting, shifting books on the displays, adding new stock to the shelves.  It must’ve been close to midnight.  I was belting out “Seeing Things” like it was my entire life.  Funny how lyrics can match your spirit coming and going with whatever is happening in your life.  I had found strength.  I had found life without Roger was better than with him.  I had found my smile and the ability to stand on my own.  Sparrow was flourishing.  And in it all, I became my own woman.

     A tap at my door caught my attention, my cheeks blushing over the possibility of being caught singing so far off key, I might’ve found it again.  Jake stood, his body leaning down so as to see below the closed curtain.  

     “Having a party?”  he asked lightly as I let him in.

     “Naw, just doing chores,”  I said as I hurried to the stereo.  “You want a beer?”

     I held up my two down six pack from the open cooler.  He grinned and reached out in answer.  I opened my third and took a sip before pausing to listen to the new song roll out of the speakers.  Jake grinned.  Joe Cocker.  Of course.  “You are So Beautiful” leaked in the air between us.  He laughed as he took a long drink before setting the can aside.

     “Come here, beautiful,”  he whispered, holding his hand out and sweeping me into him.

     I was instantly overwhelmed by his warmth, his sounds, the way he hummed and murmured the lyrics.  I pressed my cheek to his chest when he brought his fingers up to stroke my hair.  Call it muscle memory.  Call it a siren call.  Call it whatever the fuck you want but I shuffled my feet in between his in perfect time, just like always.  My heart was swelling beyond the capacity of my chest.  My very soul was crying out for this man that held me for all of two minutes and forty some odd seconds.  

     We stopped moving as a stupid restaurant commercial started jingling from the speakers.  I felt my throat constrict as his fingers pressed into my back.  My brows pinched as I breathed in one more time before I moved away.

     “I have missed you,”  he said quietly.

     I was sniffling and running towards the counter to hide my emotions behind a tissue.  Instead of waffling, I plastered my best smile on and shook off the anxiousness of the moment.  When I turned back to him, the only thought that struck me was “I desperately want to be yours once more”, but I did not allow the words to dance across my tongue and be spoken into truth.  They could remain my dream for now.  

     “How is Jeanette?”  I asked instead, reaching for my can to take a drink.

     His mouth scrunched to the side, capturing the hint that ‘us’ was not a topic to discuss.  “She’s good.  We’ve gotta get-away coming up after Labor Day.  Heading up to Sault Saint Marie.  Should be pretty.”

     I grinned and nodded.  “It’ll be gorgeous this time of year.  Must be getting serious, surely.”

     I turned to grab my duster and to hide my eyes rolling closed.  I may not have wanted to broach the topic of ‘us’ but I sure as shit did not want to be talking about Jeanette either.  I knew they were dating.  I knew they might as well be dating exclusively from what the town gossip rags were raging about.  

     Jake shrugged.  “We are just enjoying each other’s company, I guess.  I don’t know.”     I shot him a questioning look.  “Are you serious?  Jake, you two have been ‘dating’ for what, at least 18 months?”

     He shrugged again.  “She likes how things are right now.  It’s comfortable.”

     I nodded as I started getting back to work.  He chatted about the pending meetings with the Fall Street Fair committee.  Of course, I had been approached to chair the group this year, although I am sure I didn’t quite agree to being said chair.  It was fine though.  I had some ideas to expand things and incorporate a dance to bring in more people to the evening events.

     We finished the six pack and Jake left with a wave.  Into my apartment, I was sure that I was going to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion.  Instead, my mind swirled, latching on how he called me ‘beautiful’.  How he had held me.  It wasn’t that I was not dating.  I had been out more than a few times with nice men.  They just weren't Jake.  I took what I could, selfishly at times.  And that was all right.  Whatever happened between us - falling back together or remaining friends, it would be enough to sustain me.  Probably.

Jake POV

     I woke up in her bed.  My dream had placed me squarely in Mandy’s arms, but instead, I smiled into the sleepy face of Jeanette.  I traced her cheek before planting a kiss to her forehead with a promise of making pancakes for breakfast.  

     “You’re too good, Jake,”  she moaned as she yanked the blankets up to her chin and snuggled in.

      She really was a lovely woman.  She cared for me in a way that satisfied me.  Was it love?  In a fashion it was.  But it was a shadow compared to what once had been mine.  What was still with Amanda.  I felt it the previous night.  That heat that echoed between us - acknowledged but unnoted.  Our steady return to friendship meant everything. I listened to Jeanette as she bumped around on her way to the shower.  She was about to be on shift at the hospital for the weekend.  I had promised her a good breakfast as well as dropping her off supper tonight.  I promised to stay away after that, a request she had to keep her focused as she entered her second fourteen hour shift.  She’d just laugh and say that the super bitch would emerge, so best to not see her in that condition.  

     I heard her calling me from the beyond and I put a pause on flipping pancakes.  I grinned as I was met with a mountain of steam and a sigh.  

     “You need something?”  I asked as my fingers wrapped around the shower curtain. 

     I will admit all I could see was how her fingers ghosted up the curve of her hips to the swell of her breasts, the bubbles of the soap leaving trails down her lush skin.  I don’t think I even bothered taking my clothes off before I jumped in with her.  But that was what we had.  That moment sums up our relationship quite well.  Spontaneous.  Fun.  

     “You’ll be busy with the festival committee, yeah?”  she was asking as she buttered up her pancakes.  

     I was nodding as I dragged a towel across my hair.  “Not looking forward to it, but it is what it is.  Should be good though.  We’re bringing back the dancefloor since that was such a hit last year.  But instead of a DJ this year, I’ve gotten the Jewel boys lined up to play.”

     “Ooo, sounds romantic,”  she said before taking a big bite.  

     “Should be,”  I agreed as I reached for my mug.

     She followed me out her front door and we parted with a warm kiss, lingering over the glow that we had given to each other.  It was easy with Jeanette.  

     I stopped in Martin’s to get Bugger and Meg set up to start the day before I headed out to the meeting at the hotel.  Mandy was already there, her smile wide and filled with energy.  She gave me a little wave as she was listening to a group talk at her at rapid speed.  I edged the perimeter, making sure I was seen without having to interact just yet.   Mrs. Button latched onto my arm and practically dragged me over to her business partner, Mrs. Olsen, with suggestions on flowers and plants that they just needed my opinion on.  Mandy had pointed out they just liked me in particular - young, single, and handsome.  I smiled as they bubbled over their pictures all spread out in an array of color.

     “I happen to like the stonecrops, petunias and hydrangeas, ladies,”  Mandy remarked, her eyes on me as she walked up to us.  “The bolder the better, eh?”

     The two ladies cackled like crows as they began to shuffle through the photos to bring together the suggested fauna.  She tucked in close to me, all the while nodding and agreeing - ferns? Sure.  Perhaps we need to feature local grown…  Coneflowers?  How lovely.  I stood and absorbed her presence.  For the first time in a very long while, I felt it.  The gentle tug starting at the very tips of my toes reaching out as her gravity beckoned me.

     I sat across from her during the actual meeting.  Everything from the grand opening at noon on Saturday to the dance Sunday evening was discussed.  The carnival rides would be making a return to the park, and main street would be turned into a walking only venue for two whole days.  I watched her as she presented costs and features and alternate plans in case of bad weather.  And yet.

     The thoughts that tumbled through my mind was the fact that I had been in love with the woman before me since I was seventeen.  She had given me direction, motivation, and purpose.  She gave me memories and solace when I thought times could not get worse.  We knew each other without a singular touch or word between us.  I could recall in a fraction of a second every smile, every hushed moan, every ounce of touch she had ever given me.  In her current state, she was healing.  Her wounds are still visible, but closing.  Nearly a year away from Roger had given her inklings of confidence that I had been privy to so long before.  Nearly a year, and she was visibly healing.

      Jeanette and I had stopped at Babcia’s for dinner when I saw Mandy in the corner booth with a guy I did not know.  That was back in April, close to my birthday.  I teased her about it the next day.  I was given a blush across her cheeks and an instant withdrawal by her, but I will not lie, I was a little hurt that I had not been her first date.  I had wondered at the time if she realized it.  When I saw her walking into the diner with Adam Walker the following week, I knew.  She was trying to find a path away from all of her hurt.  Seeking comfort with those she did not have such an extended history with.  And that was fine.  I could continue to live off our friendship.  I would survive on our walled off and restrained notions of love.

     Our trip up north had been amazing.  Jeanette was truly a partner for my curiosity.  We were a good match in our shared interests and we both had a desire to find adventure in the little daily pieces of life.  She brought me a smile that I could not deny in that manner.  She took me on the lock tour, while I wanted to walk the downtown for window shopping.  She dragged me out to hike the park, and I made us go to a few of the taverns.  We both enjoyed the music shop and the book store.  Not unlike our town, they happened to be side by side.  

      “I bet best friends do not own those,”  Jeanette said, her tone light as we were walking away, her eyes full of warmth.

      I had paused at her comment.  It was not the first time that she had brought up Mandy in such a fashion.  There was no intent there other than to acknowledge the closeness I had with Amanda.  There wasn't any suggestion that there was anything other than friendship.  I had glanced back at the two shops and smiled.  

      I had not shared anything of what Georgia had dropped upon me two years prior with anyone.  It took six months just to process the information that she had so totally duped me into believing I was horrible for betraying my girl.  Jeanette knew enough about Georgia, and the reason I could not stay in the marriage.  She had listened to me while I had expressed my doubts that Liam was my child, though in my heart he would always have a residence.  I listened to her and her heartbreak.  The loss of her husband, Gabriel, in a car accident that had left her hospitalized for three weeks and him in the ground.  I guess we were a pair.  Each finding solace in the other over the level of loss that had been tattooed on our spirits.  We certainly found a way to extend comfort and patience to the other across the many times of need.

      Once returned to Frankenmuth, we parted ways with a promise to see each other soon.  I was unsure if the committed non-committal thing was what kept me right with her.  Or maybe, we were just two similar souls that were in a holding pattern for the next big event that would pull us apart.  Regardless, once home, laundry done with a beer in my hand, I was ready to start the work week relaxed.

     Morning coffee had turned into Mandy’s coffee since her completion of the coffee bar and treat case.  The idea was a hit.  She had people waiting for shop opening at eight every morning and the morning pastries were gone within the first hour.  I would show up about nine, to which she would have my cup at the ready and a saved cafe table that was closer to the back door.  When I walked in the morning after the trip, her face was a mix of relief and question.  When I prodded her, she just shook her head and pointed out that she had a new round of biographies that I would be interested in.

      The cooler weather was kissing the air and tickling the town.  I invited Jeanette to supper at my place a few weeks after our trip away.  She brought the wine and I cooked way too much shrimp and pasta, but it did actually come out amazingly.  We sat on the deck to eat and drink and laugh.  I had put on an album inside so it could drift outside in the background.  She looked lovely that night.  Her smile was inviting.  Her mood was light.  So when the question came around, I was caught off guard.

      “So, am I just your placeholder for Mandy?  I mean, are you just waiting for her at this point?”  

      “Placeholder?”  I repeated the word.  The fact that she used it to describe herself struck a chord.  “No…?  I’m not sure where this is coming from.  I just thought we were…”

      She puffed out her cheeks before taking a sip of her wine.  “Relax, Jake.  Just a conversation that I think we’re overdue for.”

      “Why would you call yourself a placeholder?  What does that even mean?”  I asked, still not liking the direction.

      She stayed quiet for a few beats that chewed into my system.  “Don’t mind me.  I think I’m just off tonight.”

      I watched her confidence evaporate instantly, leaving her near silent in her rush to leave.  “Jeanette, wait.  Pardon me being dense here.  Why would you think you were a placeholder?  Like what we have doesn’t mean anything?”

      “Forget it. I gotta get going anyway.  I’m on at seven tomorrow morning,”  she started grabbing plates and standing up.  

      I reached out but couldn’t stop her.  I grabbed the rest of the dishes and caught her inside the kitchen.  “Just stop, please.  It hurts that you would think this whole time you thought I was just waiting things out for Mandy.  You’ve been very important to me.  I thought we…”

      Her eyes glistened as she was reaching for her purse and keys.  “Jake, now I’m just embarrassed.  Please.  I’m just going to go and we’ll forget I said anything.”

      I caught her around the wrist to stop her.  “Jean, hey, stop.  Just for a minute.  I don’t like seeing you like this.”

      “Really,”  she huffed, shaking her head.  “It’s fine.  Just let me go.”

      I watched as she left, pulling out of the driveway quickly to make her escape.  I called her place to make sure she got home, but she did not answer.  Fuck.  I left a quick message on her machine to call me.  Instead of losing the night in her skin, I lost the night in thoughts of me not making her feel special enough.  For not making her feel like she was important enough.  For that I was…. Fuck, I was an idiot.

Chapter 12: October, 1992: Amanda POV

      The first week of October had arrived.  The carnival trucks rolled into town on Tuesday and the park was being set up quickly for the launch on Saturday at noon.  Main Street was being cleaned up and prepped for all the fixings to be set out.  The tents had arrived.  Assignments and locations were marked and mapped.  This thing was ready to launch.  

     Jake seemed off for more than a few days.  Distracted seemed to be a good word for him.  I was too busy - words I felt guilty saying even to myself - to stop long enough to check in on him.  Instead, we continued our paths, side by side, just like always.  

     I blinked and Friday appeared.  The street was blocked off so shop owners could start setting up their tents along the wide sidewalks.  Saturday morning was a flurry of activity.  Mick and Robin were manning the shop while I brought on a few extra hands to be in the booth with me.  I noticed that Jake was all set, a wide collection of tables set out with old wooden beer case bins holding vintage albums.  I caught his eye and gave a wave as I was running down towards the park to make sure the stalls for the Farmer’s Market were in place.  It was enough to give me a little flutter.  He had his hair pulled back just at the crown of his head, allowing the length that now spilled over his shoulders to hang loose.  I might’ve looked a little too long and ran into the flower power girls and their carts of ferns.  

      Once I untangled from Mrs. Button and Mrs. Olsen, I marched down to the park to see the carnival rides and game row all in place, being given their final safety clearance.  The Farmer’s Market corner was lovely and filled with all sorts of cool stuff.  At noon, the wagons were sent out for those parked at a distance for free hayrides into the event.  The local 4H manned that helm and the kids were given an avenue to talk about their club and animals and whatever the hell else they wanted to.

      People were lined up for the late afternoon parade.  It seemed like nonstop activity.  The high school band led the festivities and the amount of candy thrown was shocking.  The evening was ushered in with the end of the parade.  The carnival would stay open until midnight, while the shops on main street closed up at seven.  In the midst of carrying coolers and pitchers, I caught sight of Jake dragging tables back towards Martin’s.  I started to smile until I saw Jeanette appear, stepping into his waiting touch, his waiting kiss.  My heart clenched at the sight of how lovely they looked.

      Whipping myself around before I was caught, I cleaned up quickly.  I could feel the yearning in my skin for his touch.  For his singular attention.  The way he would clench his jaw as he watched his fingers trace the line of my thigh haunted my dreams.  I was on the verge of rupture when I was blessed with Mick stepping out to start helping carry the heavy trays.  I retreated upstairs after lights out and put on a CD of something instrumental to fill the air with something other than my lingering thoughts of a man who I had no claim to.  Pouring out a cup of hot chamomile, I worked through my night routine - locking the door, washing up, jammies, book, tea and my bed covered with a million cute pillows.  

      My book landed next to me while my thoughts swirled around.  I had dated a grand total of four men - all of them nice.  I even slept with two of them.  I had nearly forgotten what it was to be desired.  Jake had been the first to remind me.   Adam had been the second.  Chris was just… strange and I’ll leave it at that.  No - really.  Not strange.  That’s the wrong word.  It just kind of happened and I was not hurt when I did not feel the need to return that man’s call.  But now…  My eyes closed as the heat of Jake’s touch crept through my memory.  He had a way of making me feel like I could fly.  Like I could set the world on fire and he would gladly supply the gasoline.  The way he would smile so softly as he explored my body, and how the corners of his eyes would crinkle when I pressed kisses to those places he couldn’t stop the moan from escaping from his lips.  Fuck.

      I rolled to my side and snapped the light off, discovering the dark only made things worse.  I slipped out from the bed with a strangled huff, latching on to my mug and retreating to my kitchen table.  My eyes caught sight of a long forgotten navy blue spine with little silver stars that had been carelessly tossed on top of the fridge.  In all the crazy of the summer, I had forgotten that Jenni had brought a box of stuff from our room.  She was helping Mom repaint and prepare the house for sale.  The folks were officially downsizing.  Odd to think that our home would be host to someone other than the Fischer family.  

      I reached and grabbed the journal that I had so brokenly discarded more than a decade before.  I chewed the corner of my mouth as I sat down, instantly spilling out a bunch of photographs.  I smiled as I pushed them together in a pile with careful hands.  My smile began to twist and curl as I looked upon the joy that was stretched across our youthful faces.  I looked upon fond memories of days down by the river, cuddle moments in his parent’s basement, a picture snapped of us being total idiots at Miller’s.  Each one I could tell you the day, the time, the occasion, the feel, the smell, the tenderness, the laughter that happened.  My eyes skated over my tumbled out thoughts and trilled secrets.  I re-read passages of hope and love and desires.  I giggled over sketchy ideas of what it would be like to have sex with Jake, followed by ‘holy shit’ revelations.  It was all there.  My eighteen year old self was so right when I said that “Jake was the joy of the sun, the soul of the moon, the river between my toes, the breath in my lungs, the love of my life.”

     I paused.  I knew what the last entry was.  I knew the words that I had scrawled; the tear marks that blotched the heavy paper.  I ran my finger over the edge, allowing myself to feel the stain of the memory.  To go from such a high of seeing him coming home to see me, to celebrate us, and then to fall to such waste and anger in seconds was enough to make me feel like I had snapped my spine and broke my spirit.

      Another moment of hesitation and I turned the page to find that picture of Jake in the red swim trunks, his mouth stretched wide in an open smile.  I dragged in a breath.  There were the splotches in the ink from my angry, leaked out tears.  There was the wrinkled corner from where I nearly shredded the page from the book.  I did not read the words that I had written in such a blind rage, but more so took in the heavy slant, the hard press into the paper, the sloppiness, the carelessness…  But then at the bottom, my eyes froze.  I did not remember writing the last sentences and my heart broke all the more for my young self.  “I do not believe with all that is of me that Jake betrayed me.  It is just not in him to be so reckless, so thoughtless of what we had as to be with another woman.  I don’t care if he was drunk.  I just cannot believe he could be so not loyal to us.”

      There it was again.  A stubbornness to not believe what was, and not heal from the wound that had buried itself so deep.  Breathing in, I knew there was still scar tissue, still marks from that first swipe of ‘forever’.  Roger had blazed across every nerve ending and exposed brain cells.  He had ruined my confidence and eroded my edges that made me - me.  I admit, I dwelled on how I had allowed that man to run me over and obliterate what I thought were the best parts of me.  I thought I would never heal.  I thought the damage done would be permanent.  It was not lost on me that this situation had been a repeated one.  While Jake’s trespass had been a mistake, Roger’s had been intentional.  Intentional harm.  Intentional destruction.  In order to get beyond Roger’s damage, I had to also recognize the older, persistent trauma that had been entombed in the recesses of myself behind a wall of doubt.  Had I allowed my perceived goodness in Jake to cover what had been done?  Maybe.  A little bit of me still wanted to believe that what Jake had done was not real.  

     I am totally not sure how I had finally wrestled myself to rest, but I did.  Day one of the Fall Festival was a success.  Now, just to live through day two.  I fixed myself a fast breakfast and was downstairs, setting up for the day within a half an hour.  The day was chilly but clear.  Mick dragged himself through the door, while Robin flitted in with a huge smile and a breakfast casserole to share.  Festivities for the day were more focused on the farmer’s market, carnival rides, and the ending with the dance and live music.  I had gotten the insulated pitchers of hot chocolate to the counter when Jake appeared.  

     “Good morning,”  I chirped as I plugged in the big coffee percolators to get to work.  “I have coffee inside…”

     He grinned and followed me in, a sleepy glance to his tent next door.  “We did really good yesterday, Mandy.  Everyone is saying that their foot traffic may have been near double of what it was last year.”

      I nodded as I poured him a cup.  “Taking Jeanette to the dance tonight?”

      I hid the internal groan that I chomped down in my throat.  Why would I ask that kind of a question other than to divert my thoughts that he would never know were going on in the first place.  Damn I am an idiot at times.

      “I guess.  She’s going with a group and I told her I’d meet her there,”  he answered before blowing across the heat of the coffee.  “You?  Are you taking anyone?”

      “Just myself.  No one wanted this hot little number today,”  I said, shimmying my hips like an idiot.  I mean really?  Who was this person, for surely it was not me.

      He frowned for a moment.  Thankfully, Mick and Robin were banging around as they struggled with filling coolers for the day.  Of course, Robin shoved a hunk of casserole under his nose to share with Bugger in particular, and Meg.  We fell into routine as if both of us just needed to retreat into the comfortable instead of my awkwardness.  The day rolled through with lots of visitors from out of town as well as residents.  The street music that Jake provided was a fun addition, setting a tone that was light and put people at an ease.  The day was feeling its Autumn self - mostly cloudy and a little breezy.  We had to rush to refill our hot chocolate and coffee more than a few times.  But it was fun.  It was fun to see our town awash in pumpkins and flannel and little clear twinkle lights and just everything.  It made me love the town all over again.  To know I had a hand in it… yeah.

     The evening brought our shops to close at five, even though our foot traffic was still heavy.  We moved our operation down the street to the park for the dance and ending with fireworks.  The Jewel Boys were a large farm family that were renowned for their musical talents.  The seven brothers came together to play a variety of music from bluegrass, to country, to hillbilly rock and of course old time ballads and standards.  They had been a local draw for years.  I smiled as I watched Jake helping them set up, eyes just twinkling as he looked over their gear and guitars.  The dark navy of his blazer set off the auburn that was in his hair as it fell across his shoulders and back.  I had not seen him smile like that in a very long time.  It was his realm.  Music.  He belonged to it in such a way that although we all saw it in Martin’s, but on the few occasions I had seen him on a gig - it made me wonder if he belonged in another life.  A life that he was born to be on the stage for all to see.

      He waved at me while I gathered up the mayor for their big thank you for coming speech.  Mayor Pauley smiled and waved as Jake tried to hand her a microphone, giving up and just grabbing hold of her hand to place it directly in her palm.  Everyone laughed as he backed away dramatically and she continued on with the task of introductions and welcomes and thank yous.  I took my bow when she mentioned me and the business committee that made the whole event possible.  Upon completion, she introduced the Jewel Boys to an uproar of applause.  People crowded the dancefloor and the surrounding area just to watch the spectacle.  I admit, I rode the edge.  It was enough to just watch everyone else have fun.

      I took note that Jeanette was dancing with friends, her face all lit with light as Jake stayed on stage, playing mandolin for the first few songs.  I wondered if she saw what I did when he played like this.  He was not just Jake.  He was the kind of beautiful that you could see the music was seeping out of his pores and absolute joy shone in his eyes.  He was effortlessly golden.  

      I chatted with those around me, just appreciating the music and the happy mood that clung to the air.  Jake took his bow and introduced the next song before taking off to be at Jeanette’s side.  I caught his gaze for a few moments.  His gravity was strong, yanking me across the distance.  I forced myself to move away and instead, I turned to find Mr. Henry, asking me to dance.  How could I say no to that handsome man?

      I found myself belly laughing as Henry serenaded me as we danced.  He was amazing.  Somehow, just before the song ended, though, I found myself face to face with Jake.  He had tapped on Henry’s shoulder to interrupt.  The band slipped into some bouncy pop song that we were completely silly to.  It just felt good to see my friend cut loose.  Just as I was about to bow out, the next song swooned across the masses.  The space on the floor suddenly widened as a slow melody took root to swish away the singles and welcome the couples.

     “The Nearness of You” was a soft spot for me, and Jake knew it.  He glanced over his shoulder for a moment before stepping in close to bring my body close to his.  We shuffled across the floor, our eyes upon each other as he hummed along the notes.  To be held to him so close made my heart feel sick.  My skin longed for his caress.  I let out a nervous laugh as he softly sang the first words…

     It’s not the pale moon that excites me

     That thrills or delights me

     Oh no

     It’s the nearness of you…

     He turned me gently.  He held me tenderly.  When I looked at his face, I could see our path stretch out, coming back together just as it was supposed to be.  His gravity wrapped around me and mingled with mine.  For a moment, I thought for sure we were the only ones dancing within that most perfect of memory.  I could feel his heart racing as my fingers came to rest on his chest.  I’m sure he knew my breath was coming way too fast.  I smiled as a soft hum rippled through him - familiar and warm and…  As the notes faded, he closed his eyes as a breath escaped from between his lips.  

     And then it was done.  That moment.  It was like one of those moments where you’re instantly questioning if it happened the second it is over.  Our bodies stopped and started to move away from each other.

     “Mandy, look at me,”  he whispered when I could not lift my chin to even smile a thank you.

      “I can’t,”  I said, my chest choking on so many words that wanted to pour out.  It was neither the time, nor the venue to do so.  “I have to go, Jake.”

      The last words of my little girl journal struck me as I walked away.  You would think that these words were full of venom and hate and betrayal and confusion.  Though the words were full of fire, they contained none of it.  It was lament.  Lament for what was in front of Jake at that time.  A sorrow.  A concern for only him in what he was facing.  Nothing of me.  Nothing of my hurt.  It was like the moment of cauterization of our relationship all over again.  We were both healthy.  We were both happy.  Was there just too much scar tissue to allow us a way back to each other?  It was undeniable that there was still love.  A deep love that flowed like an underground current through us both.  

     I drifted away feeling very much like I had left myself behind with him.  I had to focus on my next task to finish the night and leave the moment behind.  The chill in the air danced across my skin and realized that there was dampness on my face.  Wiping at my cheeks, I had no idea why there needed to be tears.  I caught sight of Jeanette as she and Jake were walking towards the staging for the fireworks.  She had a smile that seemed off.  I wondered if she had seen it.  Seen me being an absolute juvenile while dancing with a man she was obviously so right for, even if I did not want to admit it to myself.

      When the night was over, and I was sliding into my bed, I grabbed hold of my pillow and hugged it tight.  I was feeling those threads, that current strangling me in a way that was forcing me to see very clearly:  I needed to say goodbye.  It was time.  My relationship with Jake had shaped me for over twelve years.  Twelve years that we were not together.  It was foolhardy to hold a standard of what I had for a fleeting six months to anything that I could possibly treasure now.  Treasure that I could have as my own and grow away from Jake.  He needed to have what was right in front of him - a good woman who so loved him in a way that was nice to see him have.  I did not need to fuck with that.  Perhaps it was time to finally heal the last bit of wound that was there and move on.

Jake POV

     To watch Amanda walk away from me with tears in her eyes hurt.  Deeply.  I yanked myself together like a patchwork quilt and returned to my spot to watch the rest of the music set.  Jeanette seemed to sense a drift and stayed away until it was time for fireworks.  Her touch was warm as we walked side by side down into the park by the river.  We found my folks and Ronnie, Dave and the kids.  I was knee deep in my nephews and niece; a welcomed respite from the thoughts that troubled me.

     I had taken Jeanette home after the festivities, leaving her with a kiss at her door as she was supposed to be on shift at seven the next morning.  I took a moment, standing in my boxers in my kitchen, a glass of water between my fingers, to play back the moment that I had her next to me, against me.  I could feel her warmth still.  My heart was angry with it.  My breath was tainted with it.

     I pretended to be normal for a week.  Jeanette was on a week from hell, covering shifts while working her own.  Our contact was me dropping off plates of food and phone calls that lasted moments.  I could tell she was holding something back.  We had not taken the time to really get into her upset from a few weeks back.  We merely had fallen back in step of our comfort.  

      Saturday evening brought her around to my place for a dinner date.  I was going to take her to a little cafe that we had stumbled upon closer to Flint.  I figured getting out of town would be good.  Just a little space and a long evening would be good.  However, when she landed on my doorstep, I knew we were going nowhere.  Instead, I made a pot of coffee and sat with her in the living room.  I could feel her defenses were up, despite her smile and warmth that danced in her eyes.  

      After our pleasantries and catching up from a busy week, the silence beat for a bit too long.  She seemed to be mulling over her words.  I did not want to tread forward until she was ready because I truly did not know how to broach the subject that seemed to weigh on her and I did not want to force it.

      “You know, Jake,”  she started, the corner of her mouth pulling up into a half smile, “when I was young, I watched how my grandparents looked at each other.  My grandfather had the absolute audacity to look at my grandmother like she was the queen of his whole world.  I was brought up to think I deserved that kind of love.  And there are so many around here that have that.  You ever notice that?  Mr. Henry and Ada.  Lord, your folks have it in spades.  I’ve dreamt of being that for someone.  I know I had it with Gabe.  I don’t want to be selfish, but I would like to have that again.”

      I felt my stomach drop to my feet.  I knew what she was talking about.  It clicked.

      “You have to admit, these past few years have been amazing,”  she said quietly.  “I’ve hoped to have…  I’ve hoped that you could have been my person, Jake.  But truth is, that’s not going to happen.”

      “Jeanette,”  I managed, trying to reach for her hand.

      “I love you, Jake,”  she breathed out, the words tangling up in her throat.  “I know you care very much for me-”

      “Hey.”  I stopped her, my heart swelling as I reached for her hand.  “You can’t say I’ve not loved you.”

      She grinned sadly.  “Thank you.  You’re right.  You have.  But Sunday I realized something.  Amanda Fischer has been your person for so long.  You still want her.  And that’s okay.  I know that what we have has been so special to me.  I think we’ve been good to get over some pretty hard stuff, haven’t we?”

      I perked my eyebrow at her sentiment.  She was correct.  It had been years since I had felt as whole as I had in recent days and weeks.  It was like I was a clean slate with only hints of fissures and glued together cracks of what I was in the past that were just barely visible.  She had made that possible.

      “I better go,”  she said, her voice growing strong.  “Thank you for everything, Jacob.”

      I tugged on her hand to bring her close.  “Thank you, Jeannette.”

      I kissed her softly and pulled her into a hug.  It was not a mourning of parting that I felt.  Instead, it was the opposite.  I felt like we were celebrating.  Like we were graduating beyond our grief; our damage.  She felt it, too.  I watched as she left and absorbed the quietness that she left behind.  It was not a bad thing.  It was mine.

I’ll see you next Wednesday for the final chapter and epilogue.  💚  

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[ageofbarbarians]

Birthday Surprise // D.R.W & J.T.K

AgeOfBarbarians

A/N: not my best writing but it’s been a minute

Summary: title says it all hehe

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI!!! Choking, Foreplay, Alcohol Consumption, Unprotected Sex, Threesome, Blindfold, Whipping, Choking, Name Calling, Squirting, Slight Edging and Over Stimulation.

Word Count: 4.5K

M A S T E R L I S T

“Come on get ready.” Danny appeared in the bedroom and you looked up at him from the bed. He was in all black; suit pants, a buttoned shirt with the top three buttons undone, and some black leather shoes. You couldn’t help but stare at him for a moment. You had seen Danny dressed up on multiple occasions but this look of his was something that sent a fire through you. “Where are we going?” You asked. You couldn’t keep your eyes from his toned chest, and he knew.

“My eyes are up here doll,” He smirked before he continued on.

“We’re going out to dinner. There’s a dress on the back of the bathroom door and your shoes are set out already. I’ll be downstairs.” Danny went to go leave the bedroom but you whined.

“But it’s my birthday, I thought we were staying in?”

“I wanna treat my pretty girl,” Danny paused as he walked towards you. He gently placed his thumb under your chin and lifted your head before placing a tender kiss on your lips. Your eyes fluttered closed as you melted into his touch. You couldn’t help the butterflies that filled your stomach, but the heat that took over your core was a feeling you were so used to from anything Danny did.

“I have a surprise for you later. Can I make my baby feel good?” He pulled away only an inch as he stared into your eyes. You knew the question was innocent since he just wanted to make your birthday special, but you couldn’t help but think of it another way.

“Okay,” you nodded slightly before shuffling off the bed and making your way to the bathroom. Danny went downstairs and left you to get ready. You closed the bathroom door and there was a black satin dress that had a slit up the leg. It wasn’t too short, but it wasn’t super long either and it happened to match him perfectly, which you had assumed was his plan.

You quickly straightened your hair and did some light makeup so he wouldn’t be waiting on you downstairs for a long time. You stopped in front of the front door and slipped on your heels. Danny appeared behind you as he rested his hands on your hips. You stood up straight and smoothed your hands over the black material.

“I knew this dress was gonna make your ass look great. I can’t wait to take it off of you later.” His voice was low as he whispered in your ear. You could hear the smirk in his voice and it sent a chill through your body.

“Ready?” He smiled as if he wasn’t hinting at what was to come later as the words had never even left his lips.

“Yeah,” you let out a shaky breath and wrapped your arm around his. He lead you out to the car and being the gentleman he is, he opened the door. The two of you walked out to the car and Danny rushed in front of you to open the door. 

"After you, my love."

***

“Thank you for dinner baby,” you smiled up at Danny as he walked the two of you inside. You were a little unsteady on your feet from the few drinks that you had at dinner. Danny had told you to let loose since it was your birthday after all and you never really drank much anymore, but sometimes you wanted to have a good time with some alcohol in your system.

“Of course angel, anything for you.” Danny pressed a kiss to the top of your head as he unlocked the door. You heard the familiar click and he pushed it open, allowing you to step in first.

“God these heels are killing my feet,” you leaned against the wall to start to unbuckle the clasp in your shoes.

“Want a massage?” Danny dipped below you and started to undo the clasps for you. You nodded your head and held onto his shoulder for support as he helped you out of the tall shoes.

When he had finally slipped the other one off of your foot you didn’t even have time to fully touch the ground before he was throwing you over your shoulder. The swift movements and the mixture of your drinks sent you into a fit of giggles. You hadn’t even realized that Danny had carried you upstairs until your back was hitting the plush material of your bed. The room was spinning slightly so you closed your eyes and tried your best to relax.

Danny began rubbing your feet in the places he figured would hurt most from wearing those god-forsaken heels. He hummed quietly to himself and you could feel yourself sinking further into the bed, yet, you weren’t tired. If anything, you could feel the arousal pooling between your legs, wanting nothing more than just to have Danny between your thighs, lapping at every last drop of you.

“Feel that good?” Danny chuckled, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hm?” You sat up and looked up at him, your eyes feeling somewhat heavy. “You moaned. I’m assuming it feels good?” Danny raised a brow at you. You could feel your cheeks grow hot and you couldn’t help but nod.

“Are you lying to me?”

Yes. “No.” You shook your head but he could see right through you. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours?” Danny questioned. He continued to rub your feet but his movements ever so slowly moved up to your legs, just barely reaching the place you needed him most.

“You.” You let out a breathy sigh.

“Me?” You could hear the smirk in Danny’s voice without even needing to look at him.

“Danny, please,” you whined. You were so desperate for more of his touch. You were most days but the alcohol traveling through you made the want for him even stronger.

“Tell me what you want, pretty girl. Use your words, don’t make me guess.” Danny shook his head before he started pressing soft kisses along your thighs, looking up at you through his lashes.

“I need you to touch me,” You whimpered, shifting under his touch.

“I am touching you, darling. What else?” He continued to tease. You hated having to say it out loud when he knew exactly what you wanted.

“Fuck, Danny, I want your mouth, for you to fuck me, just something.” You looked down at him, annoyance coating your tone. He smirked at you and slowly nodded his head.

“So she does know what she wants.” Was all he said before had pulled at the lace panties that were pressed against your skin and ripped them without a second thought. Any other time you would’ve said something but there was something so nice about the sting against your skin.

Danny took no time throwing your legs over his shoulders and immediately started sucking on your clit. Your head fell back and your eyes fluttered closed as soft moans slipped past your lips. You could feel the familiar build in your lower stomach and you knew it would take you no time at all to come undone around him.

“M-more, please,” you rushed out. Danny obliged as he slid two of his fingers past your entrance, immediately curving them upwards. Your back arched off the bed as he moved in and out of your dripping core. The mixture of his fingers and his mouth were a feeling you wish you could have last a lifetime. You could feel yourself clenching around Danny and he knew you were close. He continued to devour every part of you with the pace of his fingers never changing. Your moans grew louder and your breaths quickened, your head becoming dizzy.

“Danny,” your brows knitted together as you looked down at the explicit scene below you.

“Cum for me baby,” Danny smiled down at you as he watched your face contort with pleasure, one of his favorite things to do. His thumb replaced his mouth against your clit, rubbing quick circles against your most sensitive place. You could feel your legs shake beneath his touch and you knew this wouldn’t be the first orgasm of the night. Vulgar words left your mouth as you convulsed under him, never wanting the high to go away.

Slowly, the euphoria died down and your breathing was labored as you started to come down. You felt Danny’s lips connected with your neck as his fingers continued to slowly work in and out of you.

“You’ve been so good for me, what else do you want baby?” Danny cooed. “This isn’t about you, it’s my birthday, but if you really want to know,” you paused breathlessly, trying to muster the courage to voice the thoughts that were going through your mind.

“I need you to fuck me until my hips are bruised,” you challenged. Danny stopped for a second and you swore you could hear a quiet whine from him. He removed his lips from your neck and gave you a serious look.

“Are you sure?” He asked cautiously. You nodded your head without a second thought, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you.

“Positive.” You assured him. Danny kissed you with more hunger than he ever had before and you whined against his lips. He shifted above you, never once breaking the kiss. You could hear the metal from his belt and the sound made your heart flutter.

“Can we use it?” You pulled away slightly breathless, eyeing him for an answer. He looked at you, his eyes going to a completely different shade. He didn’t give you an answer but the action of him flipping you over was enough. You looked him over your shoulder, biting your lip as you could feel the anticipation growing. Danny quickly slid off his dress pants and ripped his shirt, buttons flying in every which direction across the room. He slowly dragged the leather belt across your back and over the swell of your ass. Goosebumps rose across your skin as his movements were slow and taunting. The sound of the leather cracking against your skin processed a split second before the sting. You let out a moan and you could hear Danny let out a low laugh from behind you. He slid the leather down your thighs before pressing his clothes cock against your core. You could feel his length perfectly, making you want him more than you already did.

“Danny, just fuck me already,” You begged, not even caring how desperate you sounded. His free hand tangled in your hair and he pulled back on the roots.

“Ask nicely and maybe I’ll consider it.” He whispered in your ear before he bit your ear lobe.

“Danny-“

“What did I say?” He hummed, not letting you protest.

“Fuck me, please. Treat me like the whore I am,” Your words came out before you could even process what you were saying.

“If it’s too much, tell me.” He whispered in your ear before pressing a quick kiss to your temple. You didn’t have time to respond as he slowly slid into you. Your jaw went slack and your eyes fluttered closed again.

Danny pulled back slowly before sending a sharp thrust forward causing you to grip the sheets slightly. He repeated his movements before his thrusts quickened, pounding into you at a brutal pace. Your moans were loud as they echoed off the walls. You felt another hit from the leather hit your skin, the sting turning into a feeling of pleasure.

“Fuck, yes, harder,” You gasped. Danny hit you again just harder this time. You felt a sinister smile creep onto your lips as he hit you once more. You could feel the slight burn from the material and you knew there would be marks to be remembered in the morning, but something about it made it that much more arousing.

“So fucking good for me,” Danny grunted from behind you. He let go of the belt and you felt his fingertips dig into your sides. His grip was tight as he pulled you back against him, making the contact harder than it was previously. Your chest was pressed against the mattress while your hips were still in the air, face digging into the comforter below. You could feel tears brimming your eyes from the way he fucked into you, his pace never letting up.

“Who owns this pretty cunt? Hm?” Danny leaned down over you, pushing a kiss to your shoulder blade. You just let out a moan that turned into a whimper but that wasn’t enough for him.

“Answer me. Who owns. This cunt.” Danny’s voice was rough in your ear. His fingers tangled in your hair and he pulled your head back so it was next to his.

“You do, fuck,” you gasped as he sent a particularly sharp thrust into you. Danny captured your lips in a rough kiss, wasting no time slipping his tongue into your mouth. You could feel the heat in your stomach growing stronger for the angle he was hitting inside of you.

Danny’s pace slowed drastically. His thrusts were deep, bottoming out every time after he had pulled back. His grip on your hair loosened but moved to wrap it around your throat. A sinister smile appeared across your face. “My favorite necklace,” you hummed to yourself. You could hear a small whimper from Danny.

“Can I ride you? Please?” You sighed.

“Because you asked so nicely,” Danny squeezed your throat for a split second before removing his hand. He trailed a line of kisses down your spine and pulled out of you slowly. You whined from the loss of contact but eagerness filled your body, desperate to have every inch of him inside of you.

Danny adjusted himself against the headboard and you wasted no time lining him up with your entrance. You sank down onto him slowly, teasing him but in a way teasing yourself. You leaned your head back as you slowly started to move your hips against him, earning a small groan from the man below you.

"Fuck, you always feel so good around me," Danny's hands rested on your hips as your movements sped up. Your eyes rolled back and you let out small whimpers as your hand traveled down your chest, stomach, and to your clit. You rubbed quick circles as you rode him, not evening caring about your pace. Danny's hands tightened and he couldn't help himself before he started thrusting his hips upwards at a brutal pace. You fell forward slightly, your hands now resting on his chest to steady yourself as much as you could.

"Shit, Danny, I'm-"

"I know baby," Danny cut you off as he sped up his pace (as if it was even possible).

You let out a few whines before you came undone around him without any warning. Your vision was hazy and you could feel your body shake. Danny never slowed his movements as he rode you through your high. It didn't take long before his pace faltered.

"Be so good for me baby," You managed to get out as your hand cupped his face. Danny groaned before releasing inside of you, while loud moans fled his lips.

You collapsed on his chest and both of your breathing were heavy. The two of you lied there in silence while Danny rubbed slow soft circles on your back. Most of the time after the two of you had fucked you were exhausted and wanted to go to bed, but right now it was different.

You started planting lust-filled kisses on Danny's neck, immediately finding his sweet spot. You nibbled on the spot before soothing it with your tongue. Danny let out a deep breath before rolling the two of you over. 

"Mmm, what's this?" You could hear the smile in his voice and you shrugged before planting a quick kiss on his lips.

"I'm not done," You ground yourself against him and he let out a soft laugh. "Do you want to know your present?" Danny asked. You sat up and eyed him, unsure of what was to come.

"Is that even a question?" You could feel the smile creep onto your lips as Danny pulled you off of him. He went to the closet and grabbed one of his few ties before holding it up.

"I'm going to put this on, okay?" He raised his brows and you nodded without hesitation. Danny gently placed the silk material over your eyes and tied it around the back of your head. Your other senses took over as your vision went dark.

"I'll be right back," Danny rushed out of the room, leaving you completely alone. You picked at your cuticles, a nervous habit you had picked up. It was quiet for a moment before you heard footsteps coming up the stairs. 

"Open," Danny commanded. You opened your mouth and you were met with a bottle being pressed against your lips. You could feel the liquid being poured into your mouth and soon tasted the tequila coating your tongue. Your jaw was pushed up, closing your mouth, and you immediately swallowed the liquor.

"She's always taken her liquor so well," You heard a familiar but unfamiliar voice speak up and you felt your body tense.

"Danny," You said hesitantly.

"I overheard a conversation you had. Me, you, and Jake," The way Jake's name slid off his tongue so slowly caused you to let out a sigh and you could feel your arousal pooling between your legs.

"At any point, tell us to stop, and we will. No questions asked. Do you remember your colors?" Danny questioned. You nodded your head and shifted against the bed. You felt the bed dip and a set of hands come up behind you and grab your chest for a moment before one of them wrapped their hands around your throat. Your mouth fell open before a grin took over your face. Your face was turned to the side and you were met with a set of lips, ones that you weren't familiar with. You kissed Jake back and it took a moment before you got used to his movements. Danny's hands pushed your legs apart before his mouth wrapped itself around your clit, causing you to moan into Jake's mouth.

"I want the blindfold off," You pulled away slightly breathless, and a moan left your lips as Danny inserted two of his fingers into you. You could feel your breathing pick up as he curved his fingers upwards so expertly. You couldn't help but what Jake might feel like, considering he was a guitarist after all.

"Switch, please," You sighed, your head falling back. Danny pulled away from you and you felt the bed dip slightly as the two of them switched. Danny slipped the blindfold off of you before leaning the two of you back. You couldn't help but look at Jake who was kneeling below you. His mouth wrapped around your clit, working the sensitive bud gently. Your eyes grew heavy as you watched him.

"Will you be good?" Danny whispered in your ear. You turned your attention towards him before nodding.

"Words." He shook his head and you whined as Jake inserted one of his fingers.

"Yes, so fucking good," You tipped your head back, giving Danny full access to your neck. His lips attacked your sweet spot and you tried to focus on the beautiful men below you. Jake inserted another finger and you moaned as he curved them upwards as Danny had done previously. Jake's movements were slow before he sped them up slightly to get more of a reaction out of you. His mouth worked expertly against your clit and your back arched. You could feel the knot in your stomach growing quickly. It only took seconds before you were releasing around Jake's fingers. Your hearing was muffled as he continued to work his fingers in and out of you. The overstimulation from him was becoming unbearable and you just needed something more from one of them.

"God, just fuck me already, please" You whined, desperate to feel one of them inside of you. Danny hummed against your neck before pulling away.

"Eager, are we? You're not the one who makes commands around here." He raised a brow at you and you nodded.

"Please," 

"Only this one time. Don't think it'll work next time." Danny eyed you and you nodded but you couldn't help but think about the fact of a next time. Jake halted his movements before standing up. Danny crashed his lips to yours and your fingers tangled in his hair. You could feel Jake dragging his cock through your folds before he slid into you slowly. You could feel the slight sting of him stretching out and your back arched slightly as you moaned into Danny's mouth. Jake pulled out slightly before sending a harsh thrust into you. You let out a whimper as you tried to focus on kissing Danny but were unsuccessful.

"Can you be so good and take my cock?" Danny bit at your earlobe as he whispered in your ear. You nodded eagerly and you tried to keep your eyes open. 

As Danny adjust himself along the bed you looked at Jake and down to where the two of you met. His fingers were digging into your hips and you knew there would be bruises from the way he was grabbing you and the way Danny had earlier. You opened your mouth for Danny, taking him in with ease. Your tongue ran along the underside of his cock as he hit the back of your throat. His hips moved back, before moving forward again and he started fucking your mouth at a brutal pace. Tears brimmed your eyes, a few sliding down your cheek as you tried your hardest to not gag around him.

"Look at our pretty girl. You like being treated like a whore, don't you?" Jake hummed and you moaned causing Danny to shudder. Danny threw his head back and you could tell he was getting somewhat close from how labored his breathing was. 

"You like being used, hm? Letting us treat you however we want," Danny looked down at you and you moaned again. He pulled out of your mouth causing you to gasp for air.

"Wanna ride you," You barely managed to get out as you directed your attention towards Jake. He had a look of surprise on his face and he looked at Danny who just gave him a simple nod. Jake pulled out of you and you whined from the loss of contact. He adjusted himself and put one of the pillows behind his head as he rested against the headboard. You threw your legs over him and lined him up with your entrance. You sank down on him and you watched as he bit his lip. Danny wrapped his arms around you, trailing them down your chest down to your clit. You slowly moved against him and tilted your head back to look at Danny. You pressed sloppy kisses to his neck as you moved against Jake's cock. Your lips eventually connected with Danny's and you grabbed his cock and slowly moved your hand against him. You pulled away and focused on Jake as you sped up your movements. You watched his abdomen tightening as you could tell he was trying so hard not to make so much noise.

"Fuck, Jake," You groaned as you tried to get a rise out of him.

"Shit," He hissed as he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. You moaned as you could feel the heat in your stomach growing from the way Danny rubbed your clit and fast circles mixed with the feeling of Jake inside of you.

"Fuck, I'm close," You whined. Jake grabbed your hips and he began fucking up into you. You threw your head back against Danny's shoulder and your breathing sped up, your moans turning into whimpers and pathetic whines. 

"Do you wanna cum, pretty girl?" Jake teased. You whined as you nodded your head.

"P-please," Your mouth fell open and Danny groaned and you could feel him twitch in your hand. The feeling in your lower stomach was becoming almost painful as you were on the brink of your release, so desperately needing to release.

"Wait," Danny shook his head and you whimpered as you knew you wouldn't be able to hold on like he wanted you to. Your eyes squeezed shut and you bit on your bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood.

"Danny, please," You begged breathlessly.

"I said wait," Danny shook his head and groaned under your touch. His hand wrapped around your throat and he squeezed slightly. You could feel yourself clench around Jake and he hissed as you did so. Even with your eyes closed, small stars took over your vision and you could feel yourself growing dizzy. 

"Guys," You barely mustered to get out before you could feel your release taking over you. There was a rush of liquid and you let out a loud moan as you felt yourself growing weak. You could feel your weight fall forward before Danny hooked his arm around you to catch you.

"Fuck, Y/N," You heard Jake groan before you could feel him filling you up. Your hand continued to work against Danny and you knew he had to be close too. Danny bit down on your shoulder to contain his moans and you tried to steady your breathing.

"Y/N, knees. Now." Danny grunted. You lazily shook your head and you moved off of Jake. Danny moved and he stood with the backs of his legs against the bed. You dropped below him and Jake moved quickly as he pushed his chest against your back. You licked a stripe up the underside of Danny's cock and took him into your mouth without hesitation. Danny tipped his head back as you swirled your tongue around his tip and pushed him down the back of your throat. You sat there for a second, letting your throat close around him slightly. Jake inserted two of his fingers into you and began to move them quickly and his lips connected with your neck. You moaned and tried to focus on getting Danny off. You could feel him twitch and you knew he was close so you continued to moan around him as the vibrations triggered goosebumps to rise against his skin. You raked your fingers down his abdomen and it was enough to send him over the edge. You felt the hot sticky spurts of him fill your mouth and you whined as another orgasm took over without warning. You felt another rush of wetness between your legs and Jake groaned behind you.

"There you go, baby," He hummed against your neck, still leaving marks all over you. Your legs shook and you looked up at Danny through your lashes. He ran his thumb over your cheek as you swallowed every last part of him. You pulled him out of your mouth with a pop and he smiled down at you.

"I'm gonna run you a bath," Danny stepped away towards your shared bathroom and you hummed as you leaned against Jake's chest. You turned your head towards him. He smiled as he pressed a small kiss to your lips.

"Happy birthday, sweet girl." ******

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[basiccortez]

The Baby Series: Meeting the boys

synopsis: The Boys finally get to meet the babies word count: 3.4k warnings: none? lots of fluff:))) (surprise I know) A/N: I recently hit 1k followers (also a surprise I know) and decided to celebrate with probably the last part to both the Baby Series and my GVF fic writing. It's been a fucking wild ride this last year and I am happy for the the friends that I have created from it and the memories I have made. masterlist

JOSH: 

You and Josh had fallen into a routine. It had taken a couple days to really establish, but it was one that worked. Oliver slept in a bassinet by your bed, so it was easy for you to get to him in the middle of the night. Even though Oliver was only a couple weeks old, he had managed to take control of the house. You and Josh felt like zombies for the first week at home, trying to get used to being woken up at all hours of the night. Once things had calmed down and you felt somewhat more sane, you had agreed to letting the rest of the family meet Oliver. They were all really respectful about your decision to wait on letting them meet him. You and Josh were still trying to navigate your own relationship, living with each other and now had a brand new, fully dependent on you human to take care of. 

“You ready, Mr. Oliver?” Josh asked as he carried the car seat carrier up the front steps on the Kiszka house. You followed behind them, still walking a bit slow, as your body was still in recovery from birth, “Gotta wait for momma to catch up, she’s slower these days.” 

“How about you push out a child for an hour.” You rolled your eyes as you reached the front porch. 

“I told you, I got the next one, momma,” Josh smirked and you scoffed. 

“Yeah, sure,” You said as you went to knock on the door, but it was quickly opened, revealing the youngest Kiszka boy. 

“Baby!” Sam smiled, excitedly, “Mom! They’re here!” He walked away from the door leaving it wide open, as he went to go grab his parents. 

“Oh hello Samuel, nice to see you too, brother,” Josh said as he walked into the house. 

“Told you, you’re not the person everyone gathers to see anymore, Josh,” Jake said, coming over to greet you. He hugged you and then his brother, “There’s my godson. How has he been?” 

“He’s not too keen on the whole ‘sleeping through the night’ thing yet,” You sighed as Josh sat down the carrier and unbuckled Oliver. The baby immediately started crying as Josh woke him up, “Aw, did daddy wake you up? He’s so mean, isn’t he, Olly.” 

“I know, I’m just the worst,” Josh said, walking over to you, bouncing him slightly, “Do you want him?” 

“No, he’s okay,” You smiled and ran your knuckle gently over his cheek, “He’s just angry you woke him up.” You said, and grabbed a pacifier out of the baby bag. You gently pushed it into Oliver’s mouth and he took it, his cries ceasing. 

“Y/N!” Ronnie said coming from the kitchen, Jita behind her. Both girls hugged you, “You look amazing, oh my god.” 

“Oh shush, no I don’t. I’m pretty sure I’ve only showered once this week,” You joked. 

“Nonsense, you look great,” Karen said walking into the entryway, “Oh would you look at that! He looks bigger than the last time I saw him!” 

“Well that was a couple weeks ago, Mom,” Josh said, and walked into the living room. He sat down gently on the couch, next to Sam. Sam leaned over as Josh gently laid Oliver down on his lap. Sam smiled and reached his finger out to place in Oliver’s palm. Danny shyly came over and on the other side of Josh, smiling down at Oliver. Oliver’s big brown eyes looked around the room, taking in all the sounds from around him, “What do you hear, buddy? I know, there’s so much going on.” 

“Do you want to hold him, Sam?” You asked the youngest Kiszka, who’s eyes shot up to you. 

“Can, can I?” Sam asked shyly and you nodded. Josh explained to Sam how to hold him as he slowly placed Oliver in his uncle’s arms, “Oh, hi,” Sam said softly as Oliver stretched out and got comfortable in his uncle’s arms, “You’re kinda little.” 

“Don’t break him, Sam,” Danny joked, “Pretend it’s like holding your bass.” 

“Have you seen the way he treats that thing? Better off imagining he’s a bottle of tequila,” Jake said. 

“I know you are not comparing my nephew to a bottle of alcohol,” Ronnie added. 

Oliver was slowly and gently passed to each family member, so they could get their fair share of baby cuddles. Your heart fluttered seeing Kelly shed a tear while holding his grandson. Karen had the three of them, Kelly, Josh and Oliver take a picture saying it was ‘3 generations of Kiszka Men.’ Oliver seemed to take a liking to Danny the most, his little hands grabbing onto a strand on his long curly locks. You laughed as Danny had to detangle himself from the little baby’s fingers as he passed him to Jita. When Oliver got fussy, Jake handed him back to you, so you could soothe him. 

“Does he need to be fed?” Josh asked you, “It’s been like 3 hours since the last time.” 

“Yeah, I think so,” You said. 

“Okay, come on, we can go to my room, somewhere quiet.” Josh said, “We’ll be back.” 

“Where are you going?” Sam started to ask but Ronnie shoved him, “Ow! What the fuck Veronica?” 

“Shut up, Samuel,” Ronnie said, “You need anything?” She asked her older brother. 

“I don’t think so,” Josh said, as he gently placed a hand on your back as you stood up, holding Oliver in your arms. He grabbed the diaper bag and pointed up the stairs as he followed behind you. Once you guys were out of eyesight, Jake pinched Sam’s side. 

“Ow! What?!” Sam asked confused as to why his siblings were beating up on him. 

“She’s going to feed him, idiot,” Jake explained. 

“Why did they have to go upstairs?” Now it was Danny’s turn to pinch Sam, “OW!” 

“She’s breastfeeding,” Danny said. Realization hit Sam’s face as he mouth dropped open in a ‘oh’ and then a blush took over his face, now feeling embarrassed for asking. 

He led you into his childhood bedroom, and you sat down on the bed. Josh grabbed a pillow and placed it under your arms as you pulled your shirt up. You guys had gotten good at this, as Josh’s hands went to the back of your bra and undid the strap so you could pull it down to feed Oliver. Oliver’s fussing ceased as soon as he latched on and began to suckle from your breast. Josh sat down next to you, running his fingers over Oliver’s soft, fine hair. 

“You think Sam knows what we’re doing up here?” You asked Josh. 

“Oh, no clue.” Josh smiled, “And now that you’ve met everyone, Mr. Oliver, which one is your favorite? Let me guess. . . Uncle Danny? Yeah, he’s my favorite brother too.” 

----------------------

JAKE: 

Jake was worried about having his brothers meet Dylan. He had taken the role of the protective papa Bear over his little girl. Constantly watching everything that she did. Jake was often the first one up at the smallest sound that would leave her mouth. You knew Jake was always watching and observing, but it seemed to be heightened with Dylan. He was a bit leery about having his family over, knowing that the house was a hurricane but he also knew that it would be the most comfortable place for you and Dylan to be at.

Jake had spent much of the morning cleaning the house, making it somewhat reasonable for when his family would come home over. He wasn’t surprised that Danny was the first one over, coming at the time that Jake had texted out to them. Sam arrived next, then their parents. They were each bursting with excitement to finally meet their niece, but Jake was waiting for his dad to arrive. 

Karen got to hold Dylan first, tears coming to her eyes as Jake placed the small infant in her arms. She was already telling Dylan about all the things that they would do together from baking to going shopping to getting their nails done. Ronnie was next, and you snapped a picture of Dylan with the two Kiszka women. Karen commented on the similarities between Dylan and Ronnie’s appearance. Danny made Dylan look tiny as he held her in his arms, with Sam watching over his shoulder. You were surprised how gentle Danny was with her, almost as if he was scared to drop her. 

“You’re not going to break her,” You laughed and Danny gave you an apprehensive smile. The second she started crying though, he tensed up and looked terrified. You laughed as Danny very quickly handed off Dylan when Kelly reached out for her. 

“Honey, are you crying?” Karen asked her husband, and he shook his head. You smiled at Karen, knowing that Kelly and Jake both do the same thing when asked if they were crying, “Allergies, huh?” 

“Yeah,” Kelly said, and cleared his throat, as he looked down at the little girl in his arms. Kelly loved his sons, but there was something special about having a little girl. Ronnie was like his shadow when she was younger, always wanting to follow him around, being a daddy’s girl. Now, Kelly got to sit back and watch his son do the same thing, “She looks just like you, Jake.” 

“Blessing and a curse,” Jake smirked and you playfully shoved him. 

“Where’s Josh?” You asked, noticing the absence of his presence. 

“Fashionably late, like always,” Sam said as he took Dylan back from his dad. Sam, out of all of them so far, was enthralled with the newborn, wanting the most ‘uncle time’ he could get. Sam was already volunteering to babysit, but you and Jake knew the second she starts crying he’s going to retract that statement. 

“Hey! Sorry, I’m late,” Josh said as he walked through the door, taking off his jacket and kicking his shoes off, “I miss my chance?” 

“Never,” Jake said, and walked over to hug his twin. Josh smiled big as he looked over Jake’s shoulder, his eyes landing on his goddaughter in Sam’s arms, “Though she’ll probably start crying soon, she’s been quiet for a while.” 

“Oh she won’t cry with Uncle Joshy!” Josh said and walked over to where Sam was. He sat down next to Sam, and Sam handed him the newborn. The second she was in Josh’s arms, she let out a loud wail. Josh’s eyes widened as he tried to soothe her, while you and Jake stifled a laugh. 

“Won’t cry with Uncle Joshy?” Jake mocked his brother. 

“Shhh. . .” Josh said as placed Dylan on his shoulder, rubbing her back slightly. 

“Here, let Y/N feed her and then we’ll give her back,” Jake said, noticing you shift as you wanted to reach out to your crying infant. You were thankful that Jake had started to catch onto your body language as you were a mother now, it made it easier to communicate silently between you two. Josh handed Dylan to you. Sam and Josh moved, so you and Jake could take their spots on the couch. No one seemed to mind or care that you breastfed Dylan on the couch, Jake making sure that you were comfortable where you were, before handing you a blanket to give you some more privacy. 

You leaned against Jake’s side as the family fell into a conversation about how the Kiszka kids were as babies. You giggled at the stories that Karen told about how the twins were, explaining that Jake had been the more stubborn twin, which wasn’t surprising. When Dylan was done feeding, you gave her to Josh so he could get some cuddles with her. You walked Josh through the steps of how to burp her, placing her on his shoulder, with the spit up rag under her. 

“See, I got-” Josh started to say, and then paused as he felt something hot and wet hit his back, “Did she just spit breast milk down my back?” 

“Yep.” Jake said, looking at his twin brother’s back, “Hey! That means she likes you!” 

“Oh goody,” Josh deadpanned at his twin. And then looked at Dylan, “We are gonna cause so much trouble.” 

----------------------

SAMMY:

You knew life with twins was going to be hectic. You just had no idea how crazy things were going to be. It seemed like you and Sam were walking zombies, running on empty but the adrenaline boost you would get when you heard one of them start crying. Your body had somewhat healed from the c-section, your incision hurting less and giving you more freedom to move and be active. Sam was beyond helpful, doing the little things to help out while you were busy tending to the twins. 

As much as you loved Sam, and the babies, you were ready for some other adult interaction. You and Sam had agreed to having the family meet the babies. The only person that had met them was Karen, and she loved to boast about it. Karen loved the title of ‘grandma’ and lived up to the expectation of the perfect grandmother. She was a big help in the first couple weeks of being home with the twins, being an extra set of hands during the day while your body was healing. 

“When was the last time you changed your shirt?” Sam asked, walking into the kitchen with Harrison in his arms. 

“Why?” You asked, half asleep as you held a bottle for Lennon. 

“You have baby vomit on it.” 

You looked down seeing the stain, and groaned, “This one was in the clean pile too.” 

“We have a clean pile?” 

You rolled your eyes and stood up from the chair, setting the bottle down, “I thought we did. I’m losing track of what’s clean, what’s dirty, what day it is. At Least I’m not forgetting which twin is which, isn’t that right Harris- Lennon.” 

Sam tried his best to stifle a laugh, as you flipped him off. The doorbell rang, and you walked into the living room to open it. You spotted Josh’s jeep truck in the driveway. You froze for a second and turned back around, calling out Sam’s name. 

“What?” He asked you, walking into the living room. 

“Do I look presentable?” You asked him. He looked down at your outfit; one of his old Greta Van Fleet t-shirts which was baggy on you, a pair of sleep shorts, and your hair tied up in a messy bun. Sam shrugged knowing he didn’t look much better in basically the same attire. 

“I don’t really care about looking presentable when we are running on a combined 6 hours of sleep,” Sam said and you nodded, and turned back to open the door. 

“About time- is that vomit on your shirt?” Josh asked, and Jake swatted him, “What?!” 

“Don’t ask her that. She’s a brand new mom of twins,” Jake said. 

“Thank you Jacob,” You said and stepped back, letting the twins in. 

By the time everyone had arrived, you managed to find a clean shirt to wear and brushed your hair for the first time in what felt like days. It was also nice to sit back on the couch and relax, watching as your family got to meet your twins. Sam insisted that Danny and Mackenzi got to hold them first, stating that it was the godparents' right. Karen had Kelly recreate a picture with the twins where he was holding both of them, much like he did when Jake and Josh were first born. 

When Jake and Josh got to hold the twins, there was this silence that seemed to fall around the room. Karen couldn’t help the tears that fell down her cheeks as her twins got to hold your twins. You and Sam had discussed which twin looked like what twin, and it only seemed to seal the argument watching them. 

“I told you, Lennon looks like Josh and Harrison looks like Jake,” You pointed to each of them. Karen took tons of pictures of the two sets of twins. Jake was silently observing the small baby in his arms, letting his tiny fingers wrap around one of his own. While Josh was having a full conversation with Lennon about how John Lennon wasn’t the soul reason for while the Beatles broke up. 

“Yeah, but Lennon’s demeanor is like Jake’s.” Sam argued.

“Sam, she’s three weeks old.” 

“Yeah, but Harrison cries more than her, which is like Josh.” 

--------------------

DANNY: 

It had been a couple weeks since Jude had come home from the hospital. Jude was still tiny, slowly gaining weight with each day. You and Danny would just stare at him, seeing the changes from day to day in your little boy. You knew that the boys and the rest of the family were waiting for the moment to meet Jude. It wasn’t necessarily that you guys were worried about them meeting Jude, but you were worried about him getting sick. His lungs were still developing as he was growing, he wasn’t as weak as he was when he was first born, but there were still things to worry about. 

You and Danny had decided to stop by the Wagner house after one of Jude’s doctors appointments. Lori and Dan had met their grandson when he was still in the NICU but were dying to get more grandparent time. Danny had sent a text to the Kiszka boys telling them that they would be there. Josh was the first one to respond saying he was already on his way. 

Josie was the first one to notice your arrival, sprinting out of the house and out to the car. Danny was getting Jude out of his carseat while Josie engulfed you in a hug. You hadn’t seen her in weeks, the last time being around the baby shower. 

“I missed you!” She smiled, “Are you okay? In pain? Mom filled me in on what happened.” Josie pulled back to look you over. 

“I’m fine,” You said softly, “The staples came out last week, I have a little more mobility now,” 

“Let me see!” Josie said as Danny got the carseat out of the base. Josie’s eyes filled with love and tears when she laid eyes on her nephew, “Oh my god, Danny, he’s your twin.” 

“That’s what I said!” You smiled, “He doesn’t believe me, but that’s a Wagner boy, through and through.” 

“Come on,” Josie said, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, “Sam is driving us crazy. I think Jake is ready to inject him with an anesthetic.” 

You giggled, shaking your head. You and Danny had been sending pictures and snapchats to Sam since the day Jude was born. He was taking his job as godfather very seriously, and was even considering having Danny sneak him in so he could see Jude. As soon as the front door opened, Sam was up from his seat to greet you. 

“Jesus, he’s worse than a dog,” Jake said, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh Jake, he’s just excited. It’s exciting! Babies are a great thing! There are no two people more deserving of a child than Danny and Y/N,” Josh said. Jake looked at his brother, and Josh just shrugged, “It’s true!” 

Sam hugged you tight, and you reciprocated it. The first 48 hours after Jude’s birth, you and Danny had been radio silent. No one knew the condition of any of you guys. Sam had basically pulled his hair out and paced a line into the hardwood as he waited for any sort of update. The moment his phone went off and Danny had sent a picture of the tiny, tiny baby in the NICU, Sam was crying tears of joy. He had been waiting for this moment to meet his godson, the pictures and videos weren’t doing it justice. 

“Hey!” Sam said, kissing your cheek, “I missed you guys. Starting to think I’ll never see you two again. Is that him?” 

Danny nodded as he got Jude out of his carseat, and held his tiny body. Sam walked over to them, gently running his finger over the dark brown hair on Jude’s head. You stood back, watching as Sam looked over Danny’s shoulder at his godson. Lori and Karen came out of the kitchen both of them hugging you, showering you with love and affection. 

“Oh look at that!” Karen smiled, seeing Sam hold Jude’s tiny body against his chest. 

“Sam, you look like a natural,” Lori said. 

“Don’t get any ideas!” Josh said, “Can only handle one Greta baby at a time.”

-- -- --

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