#josh kiszka imagine

[ficthots]

Shotgun

A/N: Okay, another fic that has been 95% completed and I finally got around to wrapping up. PR relationship, drunken wedding, enemies to lovers, all the good stuff. As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Warnings: 18+ content only. DNI if under 18. Smut.

Word Count: 8k+

Strengths and weaknesses make us who we are. They are the foundation of our entire beings and personalities. Concocting in a fashion that swirls around us and presents us to the outside world. Special groups can become world class athletes while others thrive in the arts, presenting world altering pieces to the public. Niche groups of writers can put pen to paper in ways never imagined before, the opposite can be said of mathematicians. Some individuals are wonderful public speakers. 

Take your childhood best friend Jake for example. The man thrives on the attention when it settles to him. Putting his best self forward when in the presence of other people Yet, he still utterly despises ninety-nine percent of the general population. It’s why you two got along so well. 

Also why you and his twin did not. 

Your strengths? Well, they lie in solo activities. Anything that needs to be completed alone, you thrived in. Preferring not to work with others unless you absolutely had to. Even then, you weren’t going to be happy doing it. An intellectual, not an artistic bone in your body. Not understanding how he and his brothers can create literal magic in their minds and then go and perform for thousands of people. 

Not being a people person was one of the main key characteristics of your personality. You had your small inner circle and that was more than enough for you. Even better that they spent most of their time away from you touring. 

If you were together all the time, it would make the time spent together less exciting. Less meaningful. Sure, some people would say it was you being shy and to yourself, but you knew that wasn’t really it. 

Okay, maybe just a bit.

Who could blame you though? Being in the public eye like your closest friends sounded like a nightmare. Not being able to keep any information about your private life hidden because it seemed as though someone was always watching. It sounded like hell. It was hell.

That was the life of being a celebrity though. Which is also why you strayed as far away from it as possible. Even when you went out to lunch with Jake when he was in town, it was not a rare occurrence for him to be stopped on the street for a picture or something of the like. Keeping your distance and watching from over his shoulder some few yards away was where you were most comfortable in situations like that.

He would then come back to you, exasperated because of the constant stopping for fans. Jake wasn’t as annoyed with it as he let on to believe, secretly loving when he was approached by adoring fans showering him in praise. It always earned an eye roll from you. Such an attention whore.

Just not to the extent of his twin. Josh craved it. There was hardly ever a time when he wasn’t ecstatic to discuss the intense life he led on a daily basis of being adored by fans and the like. Not to mention the annoying personality trait of needing to be best friends with any individual he was an acquaintance with.

His pursuit of reaching that level with you had been nonstop since high school when you and Jake had hit it off. It was thoroughly exhausting fighting the man as often as you had to, but it was the only way to get him to leave you alone.

He loved it. Finding it hysterical how truly annoyed you were by his sheer presence. Honestly, he wasn’t entirely aware of the actual reason why you didn’t want to be around him. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t lost sleep over it more than once. 

Thinking it was just a silly game, not comprehending that you truly wanted nothing to do with him. It was frustrating. Dealing with this since high school and you truly believed he knew the main reason why, but opted to ignore it for the sake of not self reflecting. Jake on the other hand, similar to his familiar counterpart, could always guarantee a chuckle from your interactions.

Never getting into full arguments, but you had been known to raise your voice at him on a few occasions when he refused to leave your personal bubble. It was borderline anxiety inducing. Always having a few Xanax on hand for when you knew you would be having to spend more time than necessary with the boy.

Like on vacation. 

Jake had invited you as soon as they had decided where they were going to be taking a weekend trip to. Given you had never been to Las Vegas, you thought it was going to be an absolute blast. Staying at an incredible resort, relaxing by the pool, occasional gambling whilst enjoying the complimentary drinks. I mean, in what world would someone turn that down? 

You seriously considered it once you heard that Josh was going to be in attendance. Being trapped on a plane with him, having to do every vacation activity together, getting little to no break from the 24/7 Josh show. Way to ruin a trip.

Given how desperately you did need this getaway, biting your tongue and accepting the fact that the thorn in your side was going to be even closer than normal was what you were just going to have to deal with despite the bile burning the back of your throat at just the thought of it. 

Knowing that you would at least have the reprieve of the flight out to Nevada was adding a little bounce to your step. Until he plopped himself down in the seat directly next to yours with a loud sigh echoing in the shell of your ear. Without a moment of hesitation you placed your earphones in, not wanting to give him a chance to engage, or attempt to engage, in conversation with you. 

It didn’t last long. He grabbed the left one from your ear much to your dismay, giving a large grin. “Everyone got to pick one activity for the weekend. What’s yours?” Snatching the item from his fingertips and placing it back where it should’ve been the entire time, you sighed. 

“Pool morning.” His eyes lit up, going to speak again, but luckily the flight attendants began their aisle explanation of rules and regulations. Smirking at the interruption, you let your head recline back onto the ridiculously uncomfortable headrest, your eyes slipped shut. 

You couldn’t be one hundred percent certain of how long your eyes were closed, but it felt like two minutes later when he nudged you to gather your attention on him. A large exhale left your nose, still trying to ignore him. It only worked for so long until he began incessantly tapping your shoulder.

“What? What? What could you possibly want right now, Joshua?” You snapped, staring him dead in the eyes, but he wasn’t phased in the least by your outburst. Holding up a ziplock bag to you, he offered another large smirk. “Trail Mix?” 

Josh had set himself a personal goal for the trip. By the time the wheels were up on the way home, you two were going to be fast friends. Deciding on that after having a group dinner together one night and you did everything in your power to avoid him. Whilst he and Jake chatted in his kitchen he racked his brain at the possibilities.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jake hummed in response, eyes stuck to his screen. “Why does buzz not like me?” Jake’s eyes briefly glanced at his spitting image and sighed. “Because you’re you.” Josh let the words simmer for just a brief moment. 

Before giving a response, Jake continued. “It’s just a lot for her to handle. You’re on constantly and it drives her up the wall. You know how she is. More reserved than any of us and you're just elevated by ten.” Josh’s brow furrowed, leaning against the counter, shaking his head.

“Yeah no, I don’t think that’s it.” Jake’s hands shot up, deserting his task of trying to get Josh to understand why his best friend did not adore his twin like every other individual under the sun. He was going to get her to be friends, even if it was the last thing he did.

A blinding migraine is what woke you up. That and the feeling of someone's arm wrapped around your bare waist. 

Blinking your eyes open slowly, you could feel whoever was next to you, breathing deep and even into the crook of your neck. The disheveled hair was tickling your cheek and jaw, hand twitching every so often as he slept. 

When he began to feel you stirring, he himself was slow to get up as well. Having no clue if this person was a complete stranger or if you happened to know them pretty well, had you beyond nervous to turn around and look. 

Then it hit you. Patchouli. 

Eyes blowing wide open, you turned your head to see him in the same position as you. Wide eyed, shock, and confusion painted across his face. Entirely sure he was mirroring your expression as well.

Neither of you said a word to one another as you laid there. Eventually, you pulled your gaze away from him and chose to stare at the ceiling instead. “Buzz?” He finally broke the uncomfortable silence drenching the room. 

Making the wrong decision to shake your head, you groaned, stilling your skull and attempting to stop the room from spinning further than it already was. “No, no. Don’t say a word.” You seethed out between gritted teeth.

He took in a sharp breath, fingers laced soundly over his comforter covered torso. His phone vibrated on the nightstand and when he grabbed it, he only showed you the message from Sam. They were all downstairs waiting on you both to join them for breakfast. 

Silently getting dressed, you stepped out of the restroom to see Josh waiting patiently for you. “We do not speak a word of this. To anyone. You understand me?” His lips were pulled between his teeth, but he nodded at you. “Of course, absolutely.” 

As you two took your seats at the table, all eyes were glued to you both. Trying to play it off, you pointed to the pitcher of orange juice sitting on the other end of the table by Josh. He handed it off to you, but everyone's attention had yet to leave you both. 

Finally giving in, you stared down Jake. “What? What’s wrong?” His chin rested on the backs of his hands, a small knowing smirk gracing his lips, sunglasses blocking his hungover eyes. “Are we going to talk about what happened last night?” 

Shrugging, your brow furrowed at his words. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What happened?” Sam snorted, sipping his coffee before responding. “Josh invited us all to watch,” your head snapped to the boy next to you, shooting daggers at him.

“You fucking pervert,” Josh’s cheeks burned crimson red at the response bit out at him. Danny finally spoke up through a bite of toast. “Like we weren’t going to watch our best friends get married.” 

You perked up in his direction, looking at the paired off couples seated around the table. “Oh my god, who got married?” Josh was excited to hear the news himself. Jita’s confused gaze met your enthused one as she spoke. 

“Uh, you two?” Eyes falling down to the table, you and Josh gasped at the same time, the memory slamming into you. Your hands covered your mouth as it hung wide open, staring at the man in pure shock. Slowly shaking your head, you stuttered over your words. “No-no, ther-there’s no way.” 

Josh’s head fell back, swallowing thickly as his brothers erupted in laughter around the table. “How did they let that happen when we were so drunk?” You whispered out, staring at Jake for answers. He shrugged, “That’s the way most people get married, buzz.” 

Letting your head fall into your hands, Josh finally spoke. “It’s fine, we’ll get it annulled and it’ll be like nothing even happened.” Nodding at his words, you shoved his phone into his hands from the resting place it had been on the table. “Now. Do it now.”

Standing from the table, he excused himself as he dialed his lawyer's number. Deciding that it was probably best to check your own phone for any inkling as to what had gone on the previous night, you checked what was buried in your purse. The screen was continuously lighting up with notifications from Instagram, Twitter, any and all social media known to man. 

“Oh-oh my god,” you breathed out. Slowly lifting your head and looking at the youngest brother, you calmly asked him a question. “Samuel?” He huffed in response, spreading jam onto his toast. “Did you post the wedding on your Instagram last night?” Dropping his butter knife to the table with a loud clink echoing, everyone immediately took to Instagram. 

A chorus of  oh no’s, fuck’s, and holy shits were spoken by all of the table. Josh sat back in his seat and turned towards you. “There’s a problem,” you nodded, eyes never leaving Sam. “Oh, trust me, we’re well aware.” He breathed out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh great, I don’t have to be the one to tell you.” Sam bit into a piece of muffin, shooting you a wink. “Happy honeymoon!” His attempt to release the tension that hung heavy on the group did not work as he had hoped. 

The remainder of the trip you spent as much time away from Josh as possible, absolutely mortified about the circumstances and what had gone on. The only interaction you had with him was right after brunch when he told you his lawyer was working on it and he had made their manager aware of what was going on.

Otherwise, you had kept your distance like Josh was a plague. It hadn’t been too bad afterwards. You spent the rest of the time relaxing by the pool, enjoying great food, and before you knew it you were on the flight back home. 

To face reality. 

As you walked to your car, his voice echoed through the parking garage to gather your attention. Only stopping because you had to, you turned to face him and saw him jogging towards you. “So, uh, my lawyer wants to meet with us tomorrow morning. Manager will be there, too.” 

Nodding in agreement, you didn’t say anything else as you loaded your luggage into your car and then yourself. He didn’t try to speak more, knowing how truly furious you were with him for this.  

Knowing that this now being public information was going to make the situation that much worse to deal with. Not like it would have been if this was a normal person, no, you had to deal with the ramifications of being black out drunk and marrying a celebrity. 

Awesome. 

When you arrived at his home the next morning, you let yourself in, seeing a man dressed in a suit standing in his living room and the man you knew as their manager quietly chit chatting with Josh. He only offered a nervous, sheepish smile to you as you walked in and sat on his sofa.

“Alright, so what do we need to do? Sign some papers?” You spoke out first, grabbing a pen from your purse and looking at everyone expectantly. They were all nervous and you couldn’t figure out why.

The boy's manager cleared his throat and called you by your name, but you shook your head, offering your nickname instead. No one ever used your legal name, it was odd to even hear it spoken out. “Buzz, then. So, unfortunately, this is going to be a bit more,” he paused, trying to find the magic word, "more complicated than we originally assumed.”

Not responding, you only blinked slowly at him. Acknowledging the lawyer to step forward and speak, your head inclined towards him. “The annulment itself is not what complicates matters. It should only be a few months until everything is squared away based on the legal proceedings. What does make things sticky is the social aspect of this.” 

His hands waved to you both, but you refused to look at Josh. He could feel your energy humming with pure anger at what was being said to you. His manager spoke up once more. “Yes, so, Sam posting this definitely made it more difficult. In order for you both to get out of this as unscathed as possible, we all discussed the options.” 

Your face contorted in confusion. “Excuse me?” Everyone’s eyes settled on you. “I was not consulted for any of this. So when you say we all discussed the options, no we didn’t.” Josh’s wide eyed gaze looked at the two men standing, blankly staring at you. 

Jaw setting in annoyance, you spoke again. “I don’t understand how there can be options in the first place. We get it annulled and call it a day. Wipe our hands of it. That’s the option here.” Josh cleared his throat, turning to face you from his seat. 

“Buzz, listen. It affects our image. It’s one thing to actually be married, but for us to have gotten drunk in Vegas and then got married, and within seventy-two hours to get it annulled. That’s so bad,” you scoffed at him, but before you could speak they all chimed in. 

“It puts a very bad image on Josh. We’re just trying to get damage control done right now. All we’re suggesting is that for the next few months, until the annulment is officially granted, you two continue to put on a facade of sorts to the public that you two are actually together.” 

Unbelievable. 

“And what about me?” You breathed out, staring at these men like the fucking vultures they were. His manager shrugged with a laugh. “You get to date Josh Kiszka for a few months. This will boost your image too!” 

Standing up from your seat, you exploded on them. “Well, I’m not fucking dating Josh Kiszka! This is the problem with you, Josh! It’s all about you and your image. Doesn’t matter who else's life you screw up along the way as long as your image remains clean. Go fuck yourself. Let me know when I need to sign the papers.” 

Storming out of his house, when you got to your car, you sat there in silence, trying to catch your breath. A scream left your throat as you continuously hit your steering wheel over and over. Admittedly, you had done some incredibly stupid things in your time, but nothing to this magnitude. No, this was truly life altering stupidity that put you here.

And you did it with the worst human imaginable. You hated yourself for letting this happen. This wasn’t like you. Getting married on a bender in Vegas? Nope. Bets were always going to be on Sam to do something like this. You? Not in a million years. With Josh? Not even in the realm of possibilities. 

Yet, here you were. 

Sitting in your apartment, you drowned your sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, watching Bridgerton as you sobbed about the utter mess you were in. Josh had been blowing up your phone all day, honestly you were surprised he hadn’t shown up at your door.

Ah, spoke too soon, you thought as a rumbling of knuckles on your front door drew your attention. Sniffling, you wiped your face with a stray tissue, praying it wasn’t too dirty, before walking to the door. 

“I’m not in the mood right now, Josh.” Sighing as you took in the sight of who was at your door, you were overjoyed to see someone else standing there. “Well, damn good thing I’m not him then, huh?” You didn’t hesitate, throwing yourself into Jake’s embrace, continuously sobbing into his shirt. 

His hands rubbed your back with a sad sigh, leading you back in towards your sofa. Sniffling as he grabbed a tissue, he wiped your tear stained cheeks that were positively swollen from the day spent in absolute waterworks. “What’s up, buzz?”

Your hands hit your thighs in exasperation, shrugging as more tears welled up. “They told me I have to date Josh until the annulment is done. I don’t want to do that, Jake.” Chin wobbling, he wiped at your falling tears again, nodding in understandment. 

“I’m so stupid! How did this even happen?” He handed you the box of tissues before speaking. “First of all, you’re not stupid. You were drunk beyond belief, we all were. Second, who said you have to date Josh?” Eyes staring at the crumpled fabric in your hands, the sadness that sat on your shoulders sank further in. 

“Your manager. The lawyer. Josh. They said it was to protect his image. That a drunk Vegas wedding doesn’t look good as is and then getting it annulled or having the paperwork filed a few days after is even worse. Like, they didn’t even consider me!” Your body shook harder as more tears fell, sobs escaping your throat as you laid on Jake.

A deep sigh rumbled in his chest, hand smoothing your hair down. “You’re gonna hate my response then.” Pulling back from his embrace, you shot daggers at him. “You want me to do it, too? Seriously, Jake? You know why I don’t want to be associated with him. I’m not doing it!”

His hands went up in defeat, but raked through his hair as he watched you move to the kitchen then back to the room in a nervous pace. “Buzz, listen. It’s not just Josh that’s affected. Honestly, if it was I would 100% be on your side and let you do what you wanted to do. I’m worried about you,” your brow furrowed at his words. 

“Being associated with someone like us is not easy. You should see the toll it takes on Jita sometimes. It’s rough and brutal,” you cut him off, his words only aiding your reasoning. “Exactly! That’s one of the main reasons,” he didn’t let you continue, speaking over you and grabbing your hands to bring you back to sit with him.

His thumbs brushed over the skin on your wrist. “It’ll be so much worse if the annulment news gets out this quickly after what happened. Buzz, your life will be decimated. It will be horrible. It will affect your daily life, your work, everything. I want you to do this so that way it’s more sound when it does happen. Otherwise,” he shook his head as he trailed off.

With a groan, you flung yourself back onto the couch. You had never hated life more than you did right then. Grabbing your cell phone, you sent Josh a message only sending a Fine, as Jake patted your leg. “Good girl.” You kicked him in response. 

A carefully drawn plan was created by everyone. Keeping public appearances at a minimum, their manager stated that only a few were necessary in the amount of time needed for it to be legally done. However, what was necessary was social media posts. 

Since your…wedding, had been so publicly broadcasted, making an appearance on his social media whether by posts or stories was absolutely necessary according to them. The goal was to keep actual posts minimal, but stories more often. Which also meant that you and Josh were going to have to be spending more time together than you ever had before.

You were dreading it to put it lightly. In fact, you only wanted to crawl under your bed and hide for the rest of eternity. All you could think about was why this had to happen with him. Why not Danny? You loved Danny! Sweetest human being known to man. 

Instead, you were legally bound to the person you despise most. Why must the universe laugh in your face like this? You believed you were a fairly decent person, so why you? It was that question that was on an ever repeat in your mind as you sat at a restaurant you couldn’t even afford to look through the window at. 

The two of you were sitting in dreadfully uncomfortable silence. A fake engagement ring sitting on your left hand, a band on his. Waiter already having come and taken both of your orders, you didn’t know what else to do at the moment. Nibbling on a skinny breadstick, your eyes scanned the scenery around you. 

People that would never give you the time of day if they were to spot you on the street filled the tables around you both. Occasional glances from the younger crowd falling over you two made you shift in your seat. 

Taking notice of wandering eyes himself, he reached his hand out across the linen covered table, grabbing your hand with his. Speaking through a smile, your look of disgust made him laugh. “Can you at least try and make it look like we’re having fun? We’re married and people are looking, buzz.” 

Forcing a grin onto your face, you squeezed his fingers, a hiss escaping from his teeth as he pulled his hand back. “You’re right, I am having fun!” Rolling his eyes, he expelled air from his ballooned cheeks. 

“So what do you do for work, again?” He asked. You stared him down, opinion of him sinking further. “I’m an archivist. Do you know what that is?” Your smug tone had his face falling, mocking you. “Yes, I know what an archivist is. Asshole,” he mumbled, playing with the straw in his drink. 

Sighing, he leaned back in his seat, eyeing you from across the table. “What’s your deal with me? Why don’t you like me? Everyone likes me. I’m Josh!” Elbows landing on the table with a clatter of plates and glasses, you began listing the reasons on your fingers. 

“You’re selfish, snobby, too energetic, think you’re better than everyone else, an attention whore,” he cut you off, arms crossing over his chest. “Alright, alright, alright. I get it. But I’ll have you know I’m not any of those things.” 

Your eyebrows shot up your face. “Really?” He nodded, a smirk tugging at his full lips. “Of course! There’s so much more to me.” Snorting, you pointed at the table. “If you’re not a snob or selfish then why would you bring me here? I don’t even like fish! I’m allergic to shellfish. I literally ordered the only thing that didn’t contain any fish. A fucking salad, Josh. I don’t like salad.” 

Continuing with your rant, he listened to every word you said. “Not to mention that a place like this,” you waved your hands around, “is the last place I would ever want to come to. I’m more of a Chili’s girl,” his nose scrunched up in disgust. “You see! This isn’t going to work, Josh.” Catching your head in your hand, he tried to ease your spiraling mind. 

“Okay, okay. I promise that next time we will go somewhere you want. I just figured that this was a good spot to get noticed and that is working. Three different people have taken pictures which I am almost 100% certain are already circling Twitter.” Your face showed your confusion because you hadn’t noticed that at all. 

“I promise, next time, we will go somewhere or do something you want. Scouts honor,” he held his hand up in the salute, earning a tired laugh from you. “Ah, see! We’re already making progress. You laughed at my joke.” 

Smile falling, the waiter appeared with your food right then. “Actually, I was laughing at you. Not at your joke.” He shrugged, digging into the salmon on his plate. “Still counts.” 

Awkward small talk consumed the remainder of the evening. Walking to your own car that had been parked a few blocks away from the restaurant, Josh stood behind you, ensuring you got to your car safely. 

Not offering a parting word, you got in your car, but Josh tapped on your window, a smile on his lips. Rolling it down, but only a crack, you tilted your head towards it. “What?” He placed a sloppy kiss on the glass, much to your dismay, but laughed right after.

“I had a great time with you, buzz. Make sure you’re at my home this weekend to make an appearance in a social media story!” He called out as you reversed out of your spot, driving off with your middle finger extended in his direction.

You weren’t a firm believer in the idea about people changing. People are the way they are, especially once in adulthood. The way someone acts by the time they’re in their early twenties, in your experience anyways, was how the person was meant to be. Which is why you were entirely confused about why Josh was growing on you. 

After spending more than a few evenings at his home to appear in his stories or Instagram posts, even making it into a TikTok, you were growing more comfortable around him. Even opting to hang out without the need for posting purposes. You hadn’t even given a second thought to why you were okay with it.

It honestly started after your suggested publicity date. After having a night out at a fancy dinner, you decided to do something a tad more laid back for your date choice. However, when you realized that they wanted you to be seen out in public together, it dawned on you what to do.

The boys were still on tour, so like any normal “girlfriend” or “wife”, you flew out to spend some real good quality time with your partner. He even went the extra mile to pick you up from the airport. Your decision to keep him in the dark of what your planned outing entailed was driving him insane. 

It is also why he was standing in the happiest place on earth with the largest scowl on his face you had ever seen. With your Minnie Mouse ears adorned, Mickey Mouse t-shirt, and Nuimo sticking out of your cross body bag, you were beaming from ear to ear. Walking up to Josh, you stood directly in front of him, placing a pair of ears on the frowning boy. 

“No, no. Absolutely not.” Giggles fell from your parted lips as he took them off with a loud sigh. “Okay, Mr. Grumpy, what would you like to do first? Space Mountain or Autopia? I think we should do Autopia because it’s a car perfect for your frame and one you might actually be able to reach the pedals in.” 

He mocked a fake laugh, walking in the direction of Space Mountain. Josh could try all he wanted to feign irritation with where you two had landed for your date, but by mid-afternoon, he was smiling more often than not. 

Even indulging in a churro although it was against his dietary restrictions. You two were sitting in New Orleans Square, splitting a box of popcorn, giving your feet a rest after the incredibly long day, but your mood and spirits had never been so high around him before.

Laughter and smiles had been a regular throughout the course of the day, nearly riding every ride you could. Josh was grinning like a child after having indulged himself all day. “I can’t believe you actually bought the picture from Splash Mountain. It’s so dumb!” You spoke through laughs. 

Whipping the picture out, you were cowering over, blocking yourself from the water, face contorted in fear while Josh had both hands up, the biggest smile you’d ever seen as he yelled out in excitement. As he put more popcorn in his mouth, his eyes narrowed at you. 

“Why’d you pick here?” Smirking, you sipped from your novelty alien sipper cup. “For starters, I knew you’d be pissed when we walked in.” He shrugged in agreement, a light tint falling on his cheeks. “But I also knew that you would warm up after a few rides and snacks. Almost everyone does. And I picked somewhere where I knew we would be spotted.”

Sliding your phone across the tabletop, a photo of you and Josh on the teacups was circling the Twittersphere. “I think I’m starting to get the celebrity appearance thing.” Taking a bite of your salty treat, Josh eyed you in surprise.

“Well, look at you.” His gaze settles on you for just a beat too long, causing you to fidget in your seat. Looking back at your phone to get away from the uncomfortable feeling worming its way in your stomach, you spoke out. “C’mon, we have a lighting lane for Indiana Jones.”

Josh stared after you as you stood and began walking in the direction of the ride. His plan was working.

It was pissing you off to no end. You didn’t want to like Josh or be friends with him. Not since his fuck up in high school that was the root cause of all of this. So why was he growing on you? 

Refusing to fall for the sweet Josh act, which you were beginning to doubt was an act at all, after your Disney day, you decided to keep contact and visits extremely limited. Only showing up at his home to appear in a quick story and then immediately leaving. Josh wasn’t a fan of this sudden change either. 

Becoming downtrodden each time you rushed to leave his home after making brief appearances. Keeping conversations to a minimum. When you received a text from Josh saying one of your final dates was ready to take place, you were dreading spending an evening with him. Not excited about the confusing feelings that were happening.

Yet, here you were at a concert for the boys. Given you were as good of friends with Jake as you were, most people figured that you were constantly at concerts. Not really. Actually, you had only really seen them perform a handful of times. Now that you and Josh were married? 

Of course the perfect opportunity for a sighting was going to be at a concert, supporting your fake spouse. Okay, not entirely fake because the marriage itself was technically real, but whatever. Standing off to the side of the stage, you smiled warmly at them putting their best efforts into their show. 

It was hard not to notice the wandering eyes of fans falling to you and realization dawning on the crowd who you really were. Animosity towards you hadn’t been too much to deal with. Sure, there were people who truly didn’t comprehend how you and Josh were together. There had never been a mention of you before, Jake working overtime to ensure that through your friendship, and now all of a sudden this random woman is married to Josh?

Bonkers.

As their encore wrapped up, once Jake stepped off stage, you jumped in excitement, offering your happy praises of how well the show had gone tonight. Walking off with Jake, you halted as their manager’s wide eyes observed you, subtly nodding his head in the direction of who you should have been walking with.

Jake offered you a knowing smile, continuing towards his dressing room as you waited for Josh. As his curly hair bounced towards you, you offered a large smile. He knew what he was doing as an arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you towards him and connecting your lips.

You froze, not expecting him to do something like that. As he retreated, his arm never left you, a smile still adorned as he turned you around and walked you towards his own room. Skin positively on fire from the encounter, your stomach was a chaotic mess of nerves. 

Sitting in the general waiting area for Josh to finish getting ready to head to the hotel, you were literally sitting on the edge of your seat. You weren’t stupid, you knew why Josh kissed you right in the viewline of hundreds of fans. So, why was your mind running about the passion behind it? And why did you like it?

His curly due popped out of his door, a big grin greeting you as his wet hair dripped down his temples. “Ready to go?” Nodding with no verbal response, his hand linked with yours, escorting you down the tunnel. Your eyes were glued to the faux wedding rings adorning your hands.

Some fans waved you off in the private cars that headed in the direction of the hotel. Not muttering a word, Josh could sense the vibe was just ever so slightly different than normal. He knew you weren’t upset, but you weren’t exactly dripping with excitement either. Nervous? 

It remained silent in the elevator ride up to the floor of your rooms. When he walked to his door, he finally made eye contact with you for the first time all evening. “Do you want to come inside and talk for a bit?” 

Your wavering voice would give away your endless thoughts, so you just bob your head in agreement, stepping into the suite before him. Sitting on the overly large sofa for one person, Josh immediately knew something was different when you didn’t give a snide remark about that. 

Finally sitting next to you, he handed you a drink from the bar. “Alright, what the hell is wrong with you? This is the longest you’ve ever been silent around me.” Sighing, you battled how to word this, but Josh beat you to it. “Was it the kiss? I’m sorry I should’ve asked you beforehand, but so many people were around I thought it was what I should do.” 

Shaking your head, you felt heat creep up your neck. “No, no it’s fine. I agree, it was what should have been done. It’s just,” trailing off, his eyebrows furrowed. “It’s just what?” Deciding against telling him how you truly felt about it, you changed conversation tracks. 

“Just that it was a lot of fun seeing you guys perform. Makes me realize who I’m actually married to.” He bought it. Immediately smiling brightly at your words, he relaxed into the stiff couch. “I can’t get over that. We’re married.” You both chuckled, eyes going to the wedding rings you wore. 

“Do you remember the night at all?” He questioned, seeing if you had any recollection of how it came to be. Eyes going to the ceiling, you laughed as you tried to replay the fuzzy night. “I remember laughing. A lot. It was at one of those twenty-four hour chapels on the Strip. Jake was your best man, Jita was my maid of honor. Jake signed as our witness. Sam recorded the whole thing on Instagram.”

You two were erupting in laughter at the sheer stupidity of the situation. “You wanted to consummate the marriage right there in the chapel on the pew.” Josh laughed into his glass. Your jaw opened in shock, refuting the claim. “I did not!” Josh’s eyebrows raised as he recalled it. “Oh yes you did.”

Sitting there and staring into his eyes as his laughter died down, you gave a shrug. “Okay. So, what if I did? Would you have taken me right there?” He didn’t hesitate, not an inkling of nerves as his response came quickly. 

“I would’ve taken you right there if we had been alone.” Swallowing thickly, in the blink of an eye Josh had ended up on top of you. Teeth hitting in a messy, hurried encounter. His tongue trying to explore every inch he could.

It moved so quickly you weren’t sure how you had ended up entirely nude in his bedroom. On your knees and hands, Josh pounding into you from behind. Hitting so deep inside of you that you were certain you were going to split in two. 

Your moans were borderline murderous screams. Body being moved forward which each meet of his hips to your ass. The sounds ridiculously lude as your soaked bodies continued to join over and over. 

As his cum painted your back and ass, you felt like you had run a marathon. His fingers still lightly tracing circles over your throbbing clit, instead of stopping all at once, easing you out of the pleasure that wracked your body.

Limbs turning to immediate jelly, you weren’t sure how you ended up in the shower together, going for another round. Fairly certain your body would never be able to recover again. Yet here you were, accepting him again with pleads. Years of pent up aggression with one another colliding. 

Heavenly. 

Well, that complicated it a bit more. What the hell was the matter with you? It was Josh for god’s sake! All you needed to do was show up for the concert, hang out with him for a few minutes, then go to your own room, and fly home the next afternoon. You couldn’t even do that right.

Because you were currently entangled in bedsheets with the boy, limbs intertwined, and you didn’t want to move. He was just so warm and soft, comfortable beyond belief. The gentle rise and fall of his chest nearly eases you back to sleep. 

It was only a couple minutes later when he stirred awake, humming in content at you still being there. Arms tightening their grip on you. His deep, husky morning voice broke the gentle air, erupting your skin in goosebumps. “Morning,” his lips landed on the crown of your bedhead, trailing down to your cheek, then neck.

Easy was one way to describe it. The head of his cock breaching your entrance slowly and deeply. Lifting your leg as you remained on your side, Josh right behind you. His fingers danced on your clit, and in no time at all, you two fell apart. 

Wanting to return back to the safe slumber of your life, he refused. As your eyes slid shut, they shot back open as his tongue traced your leaking hole. It was going to be a long morning. Which you didn’t really mind. 

Letting Josh take you to brunch probably wasn’t the best move, but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to come up with a phony excuse as to why you couldn’t. You wanted to spend some time with him, it wasn’t a crime or anything. If anything, it only strengthened the PR relationship you were putting up! 

Oh, shut up.

Even when you got home, you found yourself looking forward to hearing from Josh. He didn’t understand what the change had been or when it had actually happened, but he wasn’t complaining. If anything, he was celebrating it. You were no longer doing everything in your power to avoid him, but instead were actually reaching out to see when you could see him again.

This was the literal best case scenario for him. His yearning for you over the years had only grown stronger through all of this and what had been a silly crush on his brother's best friend was blossoming into an actual romance.

Still, you were hiding your reasoning for seeing him behind the PR aspect of this arrangement, but the more you presented it and accepted when he did, the more hopeful he was becoming. It might be silly wishes, but after having harbored these feelings for you for as long as he had been, getting this close was playing with fire.

Did anyone have any idea about this infatuation? Not in the slightest. Josh knew he had done a wonderful job of keeping it at bay. Perhaps it came off as an elementary level crush where he teased you relentlessly, but he seriously had little to no game and that was how he knew to get your attention.

Some fine tuning was most definitely needed, he would admit that. 

Did the teasing that Josh relentlessly tormented you with sear into your memory and want you to second guess what you were doing? Absolutely. In fact, one night in particular would always stick out to you. A junior year pool party where Josh announced to the entire party during a truth or dare session that you had never slept with a boy let alone kissed a boy, mortified you. 

You could remember the shocked faces of your friends who had all recently gone on sexual journeys that school year and were no longer at your clumsy virgin level anymore. Only having told Jake in confidence, you were horrified to discover that Josh had obtained that information and that he thought it would gain some laughter and bump him up in popularity to divulge it.

He had regretted it immediately after it left his mouth. Your vision of him forever tainted. Of course, you would never admit that was the line he had crossed, instead picking other things about him that annoyed you. Josh knew the real reason. 

So, where did that leave you both? Sitting in Josh’s living room about to sign your annulment paperwork after four months of fake dating. He had called you that afternoon at work and said his lawyer had dropped them off and all that was needed was a signature from you both. 

Holding the pen to paper you signed your name, handing it over to Josh and seeing him do the same. Letting out a shaky laugh with a puff of air, you eyed him. “Okay, well that nightmare is now over.” He chuckled with you, hands rubbing nervously over the tops of his thighs. 

“I am sorry about all of this.” You finally broke the tension by saying. Josh knew what you meant. This had been your idea. The entire thing. Having made a bet with Jake that if you could win on a $200 bet in one go at a blackjack table, he owed you $5,000. Being as inebriated as he was, he hastily agreed. Yet, when he asked what would happen if you lost it left you fumbling for an answer. Something worth at least that monetary value, you reached your decision quickly. 

“I’ll marry Josh tonight.” Everyone hooted and hollered, watching you place your bet and of course, losing on the spot. Josh immediately invited everyone to come to the chapel with you both, saying he couldn’t imagine marrying you without his family there. One Instagram livestream and twenty some odd stories later, you two were hitched. 

He shrugged with a chuckle thinking back to it. “It’s a funny story we will always look back on and laugh about.” Agreeing with him and not sure what your next move was, you rose from his sofa, heading toward the front door when your name echoed in the large room.

Turning, you saw Josh cross to get to you. Colliding together, your purse fell to the floor, wrapping your arms around his neck as he crushed you to him. “Don’t go.” He spoke out. You nodded eagerly, bringing him back to you. 

“I like you. A lot.” He spoke out in between kisses. Only a muffled mhm and me too escaped your throat before Josh led you to his room. 

It was like answering a craving that your body was shaking to get its fill on. Like a drug you had never experienced before. Needing him in you more than the air you breathed. Filling the void that only Josh could fill.

Only Josh. That was all your mind could think of. Could handle. Even as he eyed you, laying nude in his sheets, he riddled every thought. 

“Can I take you out?” You laughed, seeing him eyeing you from above you. “I’m serious! I know we kind of did this backwards, but I really do like you. I want to take you out. For real.” Narrowing your eyes at him, you grabbed his chin in your fingertips. “Promise you won’t marry me this time?” He nodded, looking at you like you were crazy.

 “Absolutely. The plan is to knock you up this time.” 

[gretavanlace]

Poppins (part 9)

Josh Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, illusions to sex & oral sex, angst, language, brief discussion of suicide, dirty talk, deception, alcohol consumption, etc

The wine has loosened his tongue only slightly, while yours remains nearly untouched, and your tongue bitten quiet. The glass in your shaky grip having been reduced to something to merely occupy your hands - lest you grab him up to dramatically demand answers that, in truth, you really aren’t owed at all.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he chuckles softly, staring at the golden liquid he is now sipping on for courage.

How very unlike him. He is normally so well spoken. Even when touching upon subjects he knows little about, he is eloquent and honest, posing well thought out questions, eager to engage, hungry to banter, excited to learn.

His voice, always so soothing and pacifying; almost tranquilizing in its melodic cadence…now carries a small tremor. Does he fear your reaction to the truth? Or does he simply fear speaking the words aloud might solidify a truth he wishes wasn’t so?

Rather than ask, you remain hushed, and wait with painted on patience.

“The night I slept with her wasn’t the worst night of my life.” He finally sadly sighs, leaning back against the couch as though getting comfortable for the long haul. “In fact, I was so drunk I don’t even really remember it aside from bits and pieces. Doesn’t that make me sound like an asshole?”

You choose honesty, “Yes.”

He smiles over at you, thankful you refused to deny him, warts and all. “The next morning is what I really can’t stand to think about. Sometimes even now, it’ll all come back to me out of nowhere - how it felt when I opened my eyes against the pounding in my head to find her lying there beside me. When I realized what I had done to him. When I knew nothing was ever going to be the same. I have never, ever, considered taking my own life, but in that moment, if I had held a gun in my hand, I think I might have used it.”

The thought alone ruins what little appetite you might have had, and you know with certainty that the sushi rolls are doomed to spoil on the table.

“Probably on her first, and then on myself.” He shrugs, “I hated her almost as much as I hated myself for it. Hate myself for it. How could we fucking do that to him, you know? Monsters. Both of us.”

“‘He never has to know.’ She said, staring at the ceiling, refusing to look at me - which I was absolutely glad for. Her voice was innocent, like she was friends with woodland animals and dwarves. It made me sick that she could sound so sweet while we were still naked beneath my sheets. It made my stomach turn like I’d just stuffed myself full of a cake baked with too much sugar. I wanted to vomit. I wanted her to shut up.”

How differently they’ve spoken of her voice. Selfishly, you prefer Josh’s loathsome version over his brother’s wistful description.

“And I agreed, like a fucking coward, I agreed. I said, ‘Ok.’ That’s all. O-fucking-kay. Like she had just suggested a new diner for lunch or something equally mundane.”

You want to reach for him, to stroke his face, smooth his curls, to tell him everything will be alright. To somehow convince him it was all a bad dream, simply to erase the anguish that has vibrated to life in his eyes. Instead, you sit still and quiet, and let him go on.

“Betray my brother worse than I already have? Okay.” He scoffs, self disgust heavy on his tongue. “I said, okay.”

It’s silent for a few beats while he goes off somewhere alone in his head. Somewhere you don’t care to visit. Somewhere he wouldn’t allow you to follow even if you begged him to.

If you asked, he would shake his head and tell you you don’t belong in those memories, gritty with treachery and the ugliest of things. No one goes there with him, not even Jake. Jake visits a hell all his own when he thinks of the way his chest was ripped apart, and who was responsible for the wounds.

“Anyway, you know all that.” He taps your knee with a soft, sorrowful smile. “And while I don’t know exactly how much he told you about what went down, I do know that he told you that I eventually did confess my sins. I know this, because I know he could never stand to make me out to be the bad guy for very long…even though it’s what I deserve.”

You grab his hand up and offer it a squeeze. “We all make mistakes. He’s forgiven you…maybe you should forgive yourself.”

How strange. Last night you had been so furious with him for breaking Jake’s heart. It had seemed reprehensible, unforgivable, horrific…and it is still all those things, but now it has been rendered clear that it is all far from in your hands. There is nothing to be done. It is all just part of their history, which has nothing to do with you. They have navigated waters in which you will never swim, and that’s alright.

It’s okay to let go of what happened then, and consider who they are now, only.

“Yeah.” He nods slowly, “I have, mostly. Sometimes though, it's hard to look at myself in the mirror.”

The refrigerator kicks on, driving home the quiet, and how alone you truly are in the house…a rarity so foreign you aren’t sure how to handle the sudden, dawning realization.

“Anyway,” he sighs, at last, dragging his palms up and down his thighs - a gesture so like his brother’s you might be able to believe you’re sitting beside Jacob if you didn’t know better. “He waited it out. Lurked around in the grass like a fuckin’ snake until he found his moment. I earned the strike, though…and I deserved the venom, so…”

Soft as a whisper hushed in a theater, you find the will to pry “What happened, Josh…will you tell me?”

“Damn, sweetheart…” he grins, jutting in chin upwards in order to glare lovingly down the perfect bridge of his nose at you “You know how to get what you want, don’t you?”

“I don’t—“ your confusion scatters your thoughts for a breath “I don’t know what you mean.”

He leans forwards and drifts his lips across your cheekbone softly, tenderly, delicately, as if he worries over breaking you. “‘Will you’, you said. Like you want it…and I can’ t deny you. You want, you ask, I give…it’s just that simple.”

You can feel heat coaxing an embarrassing pink to life in your cheeks, “Okay, tell me then, don’t deny me.”

Should you use his devotion against him? Maybe not. Definitely not. But, this is why you’re both sat upon this couch, after all, isn’t it?

He grabs a sushi roll and shoves it in his mouth, likely to buy himself a little time. Finally, after a dramatic swallow, he shakes his head. “That fuck broke my heart right back. Eye for an eye was always kind of our motto, so I guess I should have seen it coming. I didn’t though, because what he thought was his revenge wasn’t the arrow in my heart he thought it would be.”

On you wait, as he gathers his thoughts, or plucks up his nerve. The grandfather wall clock that hangs in the hall, gifted to him after his grandpa passed, keeps time with its incessant tick, tick, ticking. He hates that clock, says it reminds him too much of his own mortality, the way it ticks the seconds and chimes the hours…but it would sadden his father to know this, so on his wall it will hang.

That is the Josh that makes sense to you. Selfless and fierce in his love for those lucky enough to bask in it. He is so much more familiar than the imagined Josh, lying in bed with his brother’s whole world beside him.

“I was in Flint for the weekend for a conference, and she stayed to keep an eye on the place for me. He showed up here, and I doubt she put up much resistance. Jake has this way about him, always has. He can just look at a woman and make her long for him. I’ve seen it a hundred times.” His gaze shifts to you with a gentle half-smile, “Some of those times have hurt worse than others, though.”

He’s speaking of you, and you feel ashamed. How many times has he watched you swoon over his twin, how many times has it made him angry? Worse, how many times has it made his heart ache?

“When we were younger, we used to do this dumb thing to mess with our mom,” he laughs softly and you feel yourself relax, “We’d sneak off into one room or another while she was busy with something else and we’d turn all the pictures on the wall upside down. It was stupid, and sometimes it would take her a day or two to notice, but it drove her crazy. We thought it was the funniest thing, watching her get so pissed off.”

“Idiots.” You laugh with him, picturing how pleased they must have been with themselves. “I don’t know how your poor mother put up with you two.”

“We did it with the furniture once, too.” He confesses, smiling wide at the memory. “Turned the couch and the end tables upside down. The coffee table, loveseat, the whole deal. Anyway…”

His sunny smile fades, “That’s how he let me know where he’d been. I came home Sunday night and noticed a single picture on the bedroom wall had been turned upside down.”

You’ve been in his room enough times to know that a picture still hangs that way, though you’ve never asked why.

He sees your gears turning and nods, “I left it like that not to remind myself of what he did to me, but of what I did to him.”

“I never brought it up to her, but I saw him a few days later - stopped by his place because I missed him more than I hated what we had done to each other. He looked like shit…almost as bad as when he’d learned that she maybe didn’t love him as much as he loved her.”

The memory of Jake describing the hole he had crawled into creeps into your head and you want to claw it out.

“What I said to him really isn’t important,” he shrugs, looking at you as if he’s pleading to be let off the hook. He doesn’t want to share, and you won’t ask him to.

“The long and the short of it was that he really did nothing that was too terrible. We’d always been that way with each other; an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But, I didn’t love her. He didn’t hurt me by sleeping with her. It stung a little, but that’s only because I’ve got an ego to coddle, that’s all.”

He swallows the last of his wine as his hand, warm and steady now, finds yours. “What hurt came later.”

“Lily?”

“Lily.”

“I hadn’t seen her mother in weeks when she called to tell me she was pregnant.” His eyes are distant and misted, but his thumb sweeps back and forth along your own to prove he’s still with you. “I couldn’t be certain the baby was his, but I was damn sure certain it wasn’t mine. Didn’t tell her that, though. And maybe I should have. Maybe I should have said something right away, but I just couldn’t. If she was going to lie and say the baby was mine, I was going to run with it. I wanted Lily from the second I knew she was on her way. Wanted her more than anything I had ever wanted anything before, even though I knew the truth.”

Your confusion spurs you on, and you can no longer stay mum “But how could you know? I mean, sure, she might have been Jake’s, or whoever’s, but she could've just as easily been yours, right? I mean,”

“No.” There’s a finality in his tone that quiets you instantly. “She isn’t mine, and I knew it from the start.”

“But…”

He talks over you, but he does so gently, “I hadn’t told anyone, mostly because I didn’t want it to be true…all I’d ever wanted was to be a dad, to have a little family to come home to every night. A boring, lovel, little life. Even now, Jake is the only one who knows. I should have told you, especially given how I want things to be for you and I, and I’m sorry for that.”

You think you know where he’s headed with this, but to misread anything in this moment is something you can’t risk, so you wait him out while he struggles to find the words.

When he finally finds them, they tumble out in a rush before he loses his nerve. “I knew she wasn’t mine because I can’t have kids. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry…I should have told you. You deserved to know that before things went as far as they have, but I just…I just couldn’t, and I don’t know why. I still can’t stand the thought of people knowing. For it to be fact. For it to be real.”

A million and one questions are racing through your head. Why can’t he? How does he know? How long has he known? Is he sure? Why he’s apologizing for something so devastating and completely out of his hands? Why he’s apologizing to you? Does he see you that way? As someone who he’d give his babies to if only he could? Does he love you that way? Do you love him that way?”

But the agonized shadows in his eyes tell you that this is hard enough for him. That he might fall apart if you unleash an interrogation upon him in his cozy little living room over wine and a neglected dinner.

“Say something.” He finally whispers, taking your hand in both of his now. “Please, say something.”

“I’m so sorry, Josh…” you squeeze your fingers tighter between his, lacing them further to ground him “I didn’t know. I’m so, so, sorry.”

You watch the terrorized tension drain out of his body. Had he expected you to be angry? To tell him that whatever this is between the two of you is over? You don’t know it, but yes, he did. He expected that, and worse.

“Sweetheart,” he blinks away tears as he calms and attempts to offer you a smile.

He’s trying to find a way to explain how much it means to him that you’re still sitting beside him, but you shake your head, silently promising that he doesn’t need to say anything at all.

“So now you see why I went along with it.” He continues, at last…words shaking and raspy with emotion. “I loved that little girl from the moment I knew she existed, and I wanted her. God, how I wanted her. I didn’t give a shit about biological this and that, she was mine from the word go.”

The love that undulates from every cell in his body when he speaks of her is maternal. The fierce, instinctual, protective devotion is palpable. He would ride straight into the fiery, miserable pits of hell to find her without a second of hesitation. He would die in her stead a thousand times over. He would do anything, anything, for her. It’s a love like you have never seen, and it is beautiful.

“So, like I said before, I moved her in straight away.” He shrugs, “She wanted to lie, and I wanted her to lie. Everyone was happy. The first ultrasound told me all I needed to know. Something about the way she moved, floating around in there, was so Jake. But, still, I didn’t say a word.”

“When did you finally tell him?” You hush, reaching up to stroke your fingers along the sharp curve of his jaw.

“At the hospital.” This memory in particular is a difficult one for him, you can read it clearly in his expression. “She looked exactly like us. She looked like him. Still, I hadn’t planned on telling a soul what I knew to be true until he showed up to meet her. Watching him hold her, the way he looked at her…”

He falters with a shuddering breath, “I just couldn’t keep that from him. He knew it was a possibility, he isn’t an idiot. But, she was his and he deserved to know. So I waited until we were alone, watching over her through the nursery window, and then I just told him. He looked at her for the longest time, so tiny and fragile, so real, and then pulled me into one of those crushing hugs of his - you know the ones - and he said,”

Now the words are so caught up in his tightened throat he has to fight to speak them, “He said, ‘congratulations, brother, you’re gonna be a fucking fantastic dad’.”

He laughs a little, “Then he knocked on the glass to get the attention of the nurse and demanded another visit with his niece. That was that.”

“He knew she was yours.” You whisper, in awe of their bond, of their tempestuous love for one another. “He knew where she belonged.”

“Or,” he argues just as softly. “He just couldn’t stand to take my only chance away.”

“Yes,” you agree, “maybe so.”

“He tried to stay away, I could tell. I could feel it from across town, the way he’d be holed up in his apartment fighting not to come over and see her…so I’d call him with excuse after excuse just so he could live with being here so often.”

The love in Josh’s heart, the empathy, never fails to floor you and make you weak for his strength.

“Then, after Lil’s mother left, he practically moved in. He helped with everything. We took turns waking up with her, not that it was that far of a stretch since she slept in either my arms or his. He gave her a bath every night in the kitchen sink, and I swear to god I’ve never seen him happier than when he was shampooing her little head. It all changed when she started to talk and directed one of her first little ‘da-da’s’ at him.”

He leans forward to refill your glasses, and you’re grateful for it, the haze of a tiny buzz might cushion the emotional blows being dealt.

After a long pull at his resiling, he goes on, “I argued with him when he told me he was going back out on the road. Told him everything would work itself out, but he fucking leveled me one night. She’d been sick, running a little fever, so we were both awake to keep an eye on her and he said ‘I can’t do this anymore, Josh. She’s yours, but every fucking day I wish that wasn’t true a little bit more. I need some distance, and I need it now.’ So, I let him go without a fight, how could I not?”

“She was lucky to have so much love, “ you offer, honestly. “She still is.”

“And you say I’m the eternal optimist.” He watches your mouth, but only for a blink. “No one knows, or even suspects. Honestly, I don’t think either one of us ever expected to tell another soul. And, you know, maybe I shouldn’t have laid this on your doorstep…but like I already said, he would have told you eventually. I don’t know how I know that, but I know that.”

“You’re right,” you lean in closer, pulled by the magnet force of all the truth he’s trusted you with, nose to nose, but there’s something innocent in the proximity. Something that says, this might lead somewhere tonight, this might lead nowhere tonight. “He told me he would have.”

His hand is wrapped loosely around the side of your neck now, holding you in place, “You asked him about it? What did he tell you?”

“Nothing.” Your lips are nearly touching, breathing one another’s air, words falling against each other's mouths. You savor him, he’s never tasted more like Josh than he does right now, with everything laid bare. “He told me nothing. He said it was your story to tell.”

“And so tell you the story, I did, sweetheart,” he’s crawling over you now, guiding you back on the couch, staring down at you as he moves with the strangest mixture of something gentle, and something inherently predatory. “And here you are.”

“Yes,” you nod, submitting below him with your hands reaching up to bury themselves in his curls, shivering at the velour drag of his closely clipped sides brushing over your palms. “Here I am.”

When he covers your body with his, pressing you into the couch cushions until you feel hidden and safe, he’s impossibly hard, rocking between your legs until he works a muted gasp from your lungs.

“So pretty, baby,” his praise sets you on fire, “I’m gonna make you sound like a song tonight. I’m going to make you fucking cry. Do you want that, love? Do you want me?”

“Yes,” you nod feverishly, forehead to forehead, “I want you, Josh. I want your fingers, I want your mouth, I want you. Want you inside me.”

“You want my mouth?” You feel his lips curve into a smile that is now flush against your throat. “That sounds perfect. You want me to taste you? To kiss you right here?” He snakes his hand between you and cups at your heat through your pants. “You want me to suck this beautiful pussy until you can’t stand it anymore? You want to cum right on my tongue, sweet girl?”

“I don’t care,” you’re writhing and squirming like a whore and you can’t find the will to worry about it, “just want you, baby…c’mon, Josh, please.”

“I like it when you beg,” his confession rides out on stuttering breaths, “But I can’t seem to deny you long enough to indulge in all that whining for very long. It’s a shame.”

His fingers are working at the button on your jeans as you pump your hips into nothing beneath him when the knock comes at the door.

“Who could…”

He cuts off your wide-eyed question, groaning out a name as he shakes his head in the crook of your neck, “Jake.”

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[obetrolncocktails]

Make Me Your Master | Josh Kiszka X Reader

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI semi-public sex, oral sex (f. Receiving), Male Sub, Fem. Dom, guided masturbation, dirty talk, graphic descriptions of sex, face sitting, pet names, orgasm denial. JOSH SUB. CHAIN HARNESS. Josh titty sucking :)

Word Count: 4.5K

A/N: Whew! It's been a while! This was super fun to write! I wanted this dynamic to seem real, and less like a typically overworked sub/dom relationship. I feel like Josh would express his submission most in his worship of his partner, doing whatever he needs to to please them.

Summary: Damn, damn damn his stylists to hell! Who in their right mind would dress Josh in a harness, let alone one made of chains. Hell, they barely dressed him at all. You couldn't take it. You had to do something about it. Now.

You felt like an exaggerated cartoon character staring at him like you were–like if you dared to look for much longer, everyone would see the drool slipping out from between your lips and down your chin. Coming back to your senses, you cleared your throat and straightened your stance, choosing to lean against the nearest wall as the band’s stylists worked on Josh’s newest outfit for their upcoming music video. They pulled on the already-taut chains that contoured his chest and back so beautifully, adjusting them even tighter so that they would sit securely against his skin. From where you stood, you could see the metal pushing into the softness of his chest, creating noticeable divots. The sight shot blood pumping through your lower body. As a result, heat exploded up your neck and into your cheeks. 

“Are you listening?” You heard someone say distantly, but the words didn’t instantly make sense to you. “Y/n. Babe. Hey.” It was Josh who spoke, stepping forward toward you. 

“Sorry, I just zoned out for a second,” you muttered while running your fingers through your hair, trying your best to casually play it off. 

“What do you think?” He asked, pulling his fingers up to his body, touching the chains and crystals that adorned his chest. “This shit is so tight.” He looked up at you waiting for your opinion. Fuck-It’s not tight enough, you thought. But I know how to fix that. “Is it too much?” He asked, turning to look in the closest mirror. Josh, you’re barely dressed, it’s not enough…you wanted to laugh. Your words were unusually sparse. “Yeah I think it’s too much,” he said, but you snapped out of your stupor to grab him back by his wrist. 

“No!” You said way too loudly. The stylists glanced up at you as they packed away their items. “I mean, it looks great on you,” you admitted, pulling him against you by his bare waist. You bit at your lip, grinning at him, hoping to God he’d read the room properly. “Possibly too good,” you added in a sultry tone, your fingers dancing upon the chains and gems that dangled just above his nipples. You let your gaze drop to your fingers, then raised it very slowly again, catching Josh watching your lips, his face relaxing, but his eyebrows raising with interest. He cleared his throat, looking around the room at the stylists and then back at you. Luckily, Danny had walked in before anything else had to be said. 

“Josh,” Danielle said, raising her chin as she addressed him. “We’re gonna work on Danny for a few minutes. We’ll call you to make final adjustments and then you can go home,” she said. “But don’t run too far away.” You silently slid your hand off of his chest and down to his hand, squeezing it firmly while she spoke. He squeezed your hand back in response, turning his chin just slightly to acknowledge that he understood your silent demand.

“I won’t, I promise,” he said, stepping closer to exit, but you took initiative and practically yanked him out of the dressing room, smiling at the stylists while they grinned back at you, knowing exactly what they had done to you. 

“They know,” Josh said as you pulled him into the hallway. 

“I don’t care,” you snipped, reaching up to his chest to loop your fingers craftily through the chains of his harness, pulling him in for a needy and lustful kiss. He reciprocated instantly, his hands resting softly on your hips as you took charge of what you wanted. 

“Not in the hallway,” He said, evading your lips momentarily to look further down the hall, watching as crew members drifted between rooms. You let him lead you to a new room, his fingers pawing at every doorknob, cursing when they were locked. He pulled another and it opened, the first successful attempt for privacy. Your eyes flitted behind you for a final moment before slipping into the room. Four walls enclosed around you, tighter than you had expected. As you flipped on the light, you realized that it was one of the stylist’s offices. 

“Fuck–” you cursed, reading name plaque on the desk. Jennifer Margera. “Well, Mrs. Margera, I’m so sorry.” You mumbled, turning to lock the door before pushing a layer of papers off of the table top. You turned Josh’s body so that he could sit on the edge of the desk. 

“Are you though?” Josh asked, getting comfortable in his assigned spot, a swath of flowy, cream-colored silk cloaked his scantily-clad body. You pulled at the softness of the fabric, using the tips of your fingers to delicately remove it. 

“Not in the slightest,” You admitted while you worked. “Arms up,” You commanded, tapping his bicep. He appeased you, lifting his arms above his head. Your eyes fell to the masculine crop of hair that grew under his arms, arousal growing between your legs. Josh had always turned you on. He could do it without uttering a single word, and the worst part was that he knew it. He could be masculine and dominant at times, telling you exactly what he wanted and showing you how he would get it–but at other times, his uniquely-feminine qualities would appear in the most intimate moments, the gentle curves of his body pairing with the strength of his muscles. The most sexually satisfying moments for you were ones when he would helplessly bend to your will, so desperate for your attention and touch that he’d do whatever he had to do to get it. 

“You like what they put me in, don’t you Mama?” He asked, the corners of his lips curling slightly upward. Normally you’d roll your eyes at his use of the nickname, but in the moment, you took it as a signal of submission. 

“You look incredible,” you said, tossing the material to the floor. Stepping in between his legs, your fingertips grazed slowly down his bare midriff. You lowered your eyes to watch his skin erupt all over with goosebumps. “What is it, Josh?” You asked, adding a sensuous quality to your voice. You lowered yourself slowly into a squat, placing your hands on his thighs. ���What’s on your mind, baby?” you asked him. 

“My cock,” he said frankly, grinning. He’s proud of himself. 

“Isn’t that unfortunate,” You said, standing up and backing away. “Guess you’ll have to fix that yourself.”

“Y/n come on,” he said, standing up off of the desk. You charged forward. 

“Don’t you dare.” You took him into your grasp by his chains once again, pulling your face just in front of his, your lips hovering just above his. “You want me to fix it? You do what I say, when I say it. Do you understand?” You asked, looking at him intently. “I said,” You repeated once more, reaching your free hand down to firmly grip his cock. “Do you understand me?” 

He nodded enthusiastically. “Yes.” He said, his voice strained. 

“Yes, what?” You asked, skillfully using your thumb to rub along what you could feel of his shaft. 

“Y-Yes ma’am,” he said finally. You released your grip once you were satisfied. 

“Sit back down, I want to look at you.” He moved wordlessly to his previous position, sitting on the edge of the desk. “Now…” You said, stepping forward, your eyes skimming over his body. “Let me help move things along.” You reached for the waistband of the flowy white pants they had dressed him in, peeling them from his body, grateful when they slipped off into a pile on the floor. “Now aren’t these pretty,” you said, pulling at his silken underwear. “Pretty little panties,” you added, gleefully watching crimson flush wash upon his neck and into his face. You let them roll down his thighs and off of his legs, dropping them to the floor. 

“Touch yourself for me, baby boy,” you told him. “You look so pretty.” 

“T- touch myself?” He asked, his eyebrows raising. You weren’t so sure why he was suddenly so tentative. Maybe because you were giving him the direct order. 

“Need something to look at, honey?” You asked, offering a syrupy-sweet tone. You pulled at the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head, and let it drop to the floor. “Tell me how you’d touch me, Josh. Tell me while you touch yourself.”

You watched as he took his semi-erect cock in his hand, beginning to stroke it slowly. His expression was beginning to relax as he watched you standing in front of him. He pressed his teeth down into his bottom lip for an extended moment before speaking. “I’d take your tits in my hands, and squeeze them, pinching your nipples between my fingers.” 

You took his cue, lifting your hands to remove your bra, dropping it into the heap on the floor. You wouldn’t tell him, but in this unfamiliar room, you felt more exposed than you usually would. It wouldn’t matter though, because the amount of arousal that flooded your system was far more potent than the distant worry that loomed about. You pulled your hands to your breasts, kneading them just as Josh would, pinching your nipples firmly between the knuckles of your fingers, letting him watch. “What next, baby boy?” You asked. He grinned at the name. You watched him fuck his hand, his thumb working against his rigid shaft, pressing in against his skin to add the right amount of friction. 

“I’d slip my hand down into your pants and finger your clit, just to get you going. Let me watch you do it this time, Mama.” He bit his bottom lip again, adjusting himself on the desk to rest on his inactive hand, his head tilting as he relaxed into pleasuring himself. 

“You want to watch me finger my clit?” You asked, echoing him. “I’d be happy to.” You brought four fingers to your lips, licking them before sliding them into your leggings and underwear, locating your clit easily. “And how would your fingers work, Josh?” You asked, taking a step or two forward closer to him. “How would you finger my pussy?” 

He raised an eyebrow, obviously enthused. “Usually it would be my tongue-fucking your clit, but since I can’t do that–”

You reached for his face, grabbing hold of his chin gruffly. “That’s not what I asked, pretty boy. Are you going to obey or are you going to be a smart ass?” You loved this act–of feeling in control, especially over Josh. At times he possessed such submissive qualities, that it was difficult to get through the day without daydreaming of instances exactly like this. 

“I’ll be good, I promise,” He said, grateful when you released your grip on him. He was still grinning, but that would change later when he’d beg to cum and you would do everything except appease him. 

“So, my little pet–answer the question. How would you finger my clit, hm?” You asked again. 

“I’d spin my fingers in slow circles around it.” He said, letting his mouth drop slightly open from the pleasure of touching himself. “I’d taste you, putting my fingers in my mouth.” You raised your eyebrows, your lips curling upward. You liked what he had to say. “You taste so good, Mama.” 

“What next?” you asked, doing as he had said, rolling spirals around your swelling clit. You pulled your fingertips out of your pants and inserted them into your mouth, tasting your own slick before bringing them back down. 

“Fuck–” he murmured under his breath, watching you with sagging eyelids. 

“You wish it were you, don’t you?” You asked him, chuckling softly. He nodded, licking his lips. 

“I can be nice,” You added, stepping forward and repeating the process again, pulling your fingers to his lips. “Open up.” You tapped his lips, stopping to slide your fingertips onto his tongue as he opened his mouth. “Suck on them.” He closed his lips around your fingers, his tongue working around them to taste you. His voice rumbled against your fingers as he hummed, immersing himself in the moment. You pulled them out of his mouth. 

“I want to see more. Please.” He said, his voice coming out in almost a whimper. 

“More? And how do you get more?” You asked, guiding him further. 

“Please take your pants off. And your panties. I need to see you. All of you.” His eyes sparkled with intensity, his voice pitching upward as he pleaded. 

“Mm, Good answer.” You reached for your leggings and underwear, pulling them down both at once, kicking them to the side with the other discarded clothing. “Let me help you see better.” Stepping around the desk, you pulled the chair out from underneath it and rolled it back around to rest in front of Josh. You lowered yourself upon it, spreading your legs wider for him to see. 

“But first, hands on your thighs.” 

“What?” He asked, confused. 

“Stop touching yourself. Put your hands on your thighs while you watch. If you slip up just once, we stop, get dressed and leave.”

“No, no, Mama. I’ll be a good boy, I swear.”  He gave in to submission, his hands releasing from his cock to rest flat on his thighs. You watched as his hardness throbbed and twitched almost involuntarily. It set you dripping.

“You’re such a good boy,” you said, returning your attention to yourself, smoothing your fingers over your belly and on down. “Speak to me baby. How would you like Mama to touch herself, hm? It’s all here for you.” 

“I would finger fuck you so well, Mama. I’d make sure you’d get whatever you want, especially with that beautiful clit of yours. I wish I was sucking on it right now.” You let your fingers slide back down in between your folds, feeling the increasing amount of slick coating your fingers. You pinched your middle fingers against your clit, squeezing your core muscles against the sensations that arose from the pressure.

“You know how to say exactly the right thing, my little prince. I’m practically dripping.” You spun slow spirals into your clit, biting your bottom lip as you scooched your lower body forward onto the chair, leaning backward so that he could see an unobstructed view of your pussy. 

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful, Mama. Let me touch you, please. I’ll do anything,” He said, his tone turning more insistent and whiny. 

“Anything?” You asked him, moving to insert a finger into your opening, curling upward. It was good, but not nearly as good as Josh would or could be. 

“Anything,” he swallowed. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob up and down. Your eyes traveled along the chains and crystals that adorned his bare chest, and you admired the way they pressed into his soft, supple, but strong physique. You let your gaze fall further until they landed between his legs, watching the tip of his cock drip, momentarily abandoned. 

“Tell me what you’d do.” You said, using your fingers to spread open your pussy, playfully inserting your fingers into your mouth, dripping wet saliva on them and returning them downward to please yourself. 

“I’d eat your pussy so good that I’d forget about my cock, Mama. I just want to make you feel good. I’d cum without touching myself, I just know it.” The way he spoke to you reminded you of a child begging for five extra minutes of playtime. You loved that he was trying to bargain with you in order to touch you. 

“Aw, poor thing,” you said. “You want to eat Mommy’s pussy so badly that you’d give up cumming just for a taste?” He nodded, eyeing you pleadingly, his eyes sparkling with hope that you’d give in. 

“On your knees.” You ordered, standing up, pushing the chair away from you, opening more space on the floor of the office. He moved from the desk quickly, getting in place on the carpet below you. He placed his hands back on his thighs for further instruction. The way he sat reminded you of an eager puppy dog, the way their eyes train on you, following your every move until you pay them the attention they’re owed. 

“I’ll give you a taste,” You told him. “Promise you’ll do a good job?” You asked, stepping forward to hover above him. The way he looked up at you spun your core in knots. 

“I’m only ever here to please you, to serve you,” he said, bringing his hands up to rest on your bare thighs. You let him touch you with no punishment—you’d be half-way conscious in a matter of moments anyway. You knew he’d leave you seizing against his face as he had so many times, and you would never get enough of it. 

“Then show me how well you serve your master,” you spoke, taking the final step forward, his face and neck inclining upward instantly to seamlessly connect with your body.

His tongue was strong but so gentle as he parted your folds for the first time, dragging it along your sensitive skin. You felt his facial hair scratching along the outer edges of your pussy, which only added to the ecstasy of having a man in between your legs—an extremely sexy man, who was submissively under your control, but effortlessly domineering when it came to fucking you. You could both pretend, and it would be fun in the moment, but you were foolish to believe that the man below you couldn’t make you cum in mere minutes. He held the power like a hidden ace, and you were very-well aware of it. He still let you play the game, enjoying the bratty names and power play. 

Josh pressed his face against you as you stood over him, and you grounded yourself, squatting lower so that gravity worked in your favor as he continued to eat your pussy. “Use your tongue,” you ordered. “So many girls watch you while you sing. They know you eat pussy well. Too bad they don’t have you between their legs.” You ground your pussy against his face, feeling his tongue working in wide loops against every surface. He took the risk of teasing your clit, avoiding contact for as long as he dared before flicking the strong tip of his tongue against it in fast spurts. In moments where it felt like you couldn’t take much more without cumming, he’d flee from your clit to lap up the juices that would collect at your entrance. You felt him humming against your skin as if you had prepared him a delicious meal to eat, his hot breath sweeping over your thighs when he’d come up gasping for air. 

“Fuck–” you moaned quietly, licking your lips as you processed the pleasure coursing though your body. “Fuck, that feels amazing.” He looked up at you with an almost innocent smile, his eyes sparkling with fervor as he licked his lips. 

“Am I doing a good job?” He asked you, rubbing his hands up your thighs and sides. You nodded quietly. 

“Keep going, baby. Do your job.” You said, trying your best to regain your authoritative demeanor. He was eager to please, his hands glued to your thighs as he spread them further apart, forcing you further down into the squat. 

“Don’t worry, Mama. Relax,” He told you. “I’ve got you.” He somehow read your mind, knowing that you’d feel self-conscious in this precarious, unbalanced position. Soon enough he’d have you teetering out of balance, the only thing keeping you upright being his strong arms. You breathed in deeply, letting him return to his pace. You felt him slip his tongue into your opening with no hesitation, fucking you with the tip as his fingers beared further into your skin. You let your back arch where you stood, squeezing your muscles against his face. He was an expert at this, and his confidence showed you that he knew it, too. You closed your eyes, reaching down to place your hands on his for a moment, showing him silent satisfaction. He removed one of his hands after a moment and brought it between your legs, inserting them into your opening, and moving his tongue back up to your swollen clit. 

“Jesus–fuck!” You hissed through your teeth, bringing your hands up to your tits, squeezing them in your hands, your nipples hard and erect against your palms. Josh had wrapped his free arm around your body, his hand splayed open against your ass and back as he pulled you firmly against his face. You felt his tongue and lips undulating wildly against your pussy, his fingers curling with abandon against your inner walls. Wet, sloppy noises filled the room, and you knew that they definitely could be heard in the hallway if someone were listening intently. “Oh my god!” You whimpered far too loudly, slamming your palm against your lips as you remembered where you were, the ecstasy flowing through your system far too immense for you to downplay any longer. 

Josh heaved a breath, coming up briefly for air. “Cum for me, Mama. Please cum all over my face. I want to taste you when you finish over my tongue.” His face was red with friction, his lips close to chafing. He didn’t care for an instant. His face would look completely fucked-out by the time he returned to the dressing room, but he didn’t care. He didn’t serve the stylists, only you. He wiped his lips casually before centering himself again underneath you, returning to your pulsing core. This time, he focused solely on your clit, using his agile tongue to flutter skillfully against the bud, sending your body climbing through a mountain-excursion, purposefully releasing his touch from you to pull you back down from the summit so that the very next time it would be even more intense. 

Your body quaked against your will, momentarily stealing with it most of your power over him. Josh was a submissive lover most of the time, but when it came to doing his job, he’d be sure to make you cum in ways you had never experienced with anyone else. He worked your pussy like it was a sacrament–something to be relished and celebrated, and you’d do nothing to stop him from doing exactly that. “Fuck-f–” you sputtered, feeling your hips beginning to buck instinctively, your body barreling toward the apex of climax. Your skin began to prickle with sweat from exertion and you felt your hair beginning to stick limply to your forehead and cheeks. “Josh! Josh–please–” You groaned in skittering gurgles that poured weakly from your throat. Your dominant tone had diminished to nothing, replaced with thin and pathetic whines that snatched away the demanding quality you had previously possessed. You knew that you’d regain power and composure, but you were too far gone in the moment to even consider it. 

Josh’s tongue moved faster and stronger than ever, his lips buzzing against your clit, his hands wrapped around your hips in a silent dare for you to move away from him. Your legs weakened above him, your thighs shuddering and squeezing tightly against his face. You collapsed forward on yourself, grateful for the strength of Josh’s grip on your body. You reached down, pulling and yanking at his hair, in a half hearted attempt for him to pull away from you, but he wouldn’t until he felt you finally cum–and even then, you knew he’d take his time lapping up the product of the orgasm, and you’d let him as a reward for a job well done. When he began to shake his head back and forth, his tongue contorting and flicking wildly, you knew you were done for. You finally let your eyes roll backward and you gave in to the torrent of sexual agony that roared through your entire body, leaving you to quiver pathetically above the one you had supposedly claimed was your subordinate. His tongue slowed, but he did not stop; instead, he moved lower to your entrance, lapping up and savoring the climax that leaked from you, diligent to not waste a single drop. 

“Holy fucking shit,” You said through a heaving sigh, pushing him away from you so that you could regain your breath. You had expected to see it, but you hadn’t prepared for the way he would look when he came up for air himself. The makeup that the stylists had applied was severely smudged–embarrassingly so. His face and lips were rubbed raw, and his hair had been pulled and yanked out of its styled appearance, making it impossible for anyone to not catch on to what had happened behind this closed door. 

“Oh my God, your face,” You chuckled, reaching for him as he rose from the floor. 

“I don’t care,” he said this time. “That was fucking worth it,” he grinned, pressing his lips together. “My lips are numb.” He said, pulling his thumb to swipe along his mouth. 

“Let me show you how much I appreciate you for your amazing work,” You said, walking him back to the desk. “Sit. Let me take care of you, Baby.” He wordlessly did as he was asked, sitting on the edge of the table, waiting for you. To your amazement, he was still hard between his legs. “You loved tasting me, didn’t you, hm?” You asked, reaching forward to hover your lips above his, surprising him by taking his cock in your hand. 

“I loved it so much,” He said lustfully, his gaze fixed on your lips as you increased the pressure of your hand against his cock. “Can I please kiss you?” He asked, his head tilting forward, drawn by some kind of magnetism. You appeased his request, letting him fall into your kiss easily, his head bobbing and tilting as you touched him. You parted from the kiss, lowering yourself in front of him. You were sure he was expecting a blow job, but you evaded that expectation by moving to his chest to suckle on his round, erect nipples. You made a show of flicking your eyes upward through your lashes as you fluttered the tip of your tongue against his hard nipple, eventually closing your mouth around it to suckle upon it. He groaned deeply, the sounds escaping his throat in deep, raspy strains. Josh let his head tip backward as he closed his eyes, his hands moving to rest upon your shoulders. 

“Josh! I know you’re in there,” someone almost shouted on the other side of the door as they knocked forcefully on it, sending you springing away from Josh. It was Danny. “They’ve been trying to call your phone for the last fifteen minutes. Finish up whatever you’re doing and come on.” 

“Fuck,” You whispered dejectedly, reaching for his clothing. 

“It’s okay, Mama. To be continued…” he said, hopping off of the desk. 

“If you act right,” you said, with a wink. “You’ll just have to wait a little longer.” You bit your bottom lip, scheming up ideas for how you’d tease him until you’d finally give him his well-earned reward. 

End of Part 1.

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[ashisill]

Your needs, my needs

Warnings: overstimulation, penetration, oral (f receiving), crying, fingering, mentions of pain during sex, sub/dom ( f and m are switches), and I believe that’s all. Enjoy.

~

As you eagerly waited for Josh’s arrival the phone rang. “Hey love” Josh sounded frustrated.

“Hey darling. Everything okay?” You asked.

“Bad news hun. I gotta stay till 10” he sighed.

“10! That’s 4 more hours Josh”

“Yes I know that” he let out another sigh. “Just don’t be upset with me okay. It’s not my fault. If I could be home with you I would”

“Okay Josh I just never see you anymore, and it’s really starting to get to me”

“I know okay I know. I miss being able to spend hours upon hours together. I miss doing everything little thing with you, but now we’ll be lucky if we wake up in the same bed. Speaking of “bed” it’s been over a month. A fucking month. I know it’s my fault but I am exhausted when I come home. I know I’ve been cranky recently, but I am just so tired. I am afraid I am losing you” his eyes teared up, but he blinked them aways.

“Take a breath. Your not losing me I just miss you. I don’t blame you I understand okay? I’ll see you when you come home. I’ll make some tea, and dinner. We’ll throw on a movie, and everything will be okay. We’re okay love” you assured him.

“That sounds so nice I could cry. Maybe I can talk to Jake and he can sweet talk my way home early” Danny stepped outside to hurry Josh along. “Fuck I gotta go I love you. Just wait till I get home”

Nearing 10 you put Josh’s favorite soup on the stove, warmed up your favorite tea, made the couch extra comfy, and started picking out a movie. You heard the front door open, and josh lazily walked into the house. He dropped his bag at the door, and went to find you. He walked into the living room that was attached to the kitchen. Soft music was playing as you finished up dinner. Josh took a big deep breath through his nose.

“Oh mama is that what I think it is?” Josh asked hugging you from behind.

“Indeed it is. Taste it for me?” He grabbed the spoon, dipped it into the soup, and put the spoon his mouth.

“Mhmmm. Amazing as always darling”

~

Josh grabbed his bowl and snuggled up on the couch with you. “That was delicious”. He turned on his side and threw his leg over yours. As the movie went on he moved closer and closer. Until he was basically on top of you. You adjusted yourself grabbing his hips, and pulling him in your lap.

“Hi ma’am” he whispered.

“Hi pretty boy” you whispered back. You gently thrusted your hips up making sure you two were on the same page. He squirmed above you, and slowly rocked himself against you. You grabbed his hips keeping his pace. You felt him harden as his thrust became more frantic. “Slow down” you gripped his hips “I don’t want you cumming to soon. Slow baby slow”

“Yes ma’am” he listened, and let you guide him.

“Does it feel good baby?” He let out a whimper. “Already can’t finish a sentence love?”

“It’s been s-s-so long” he threw his head back.

You started feeling an intense amount of pleasure as well. Every thrust sending you closer and closer. Your grip on his hips tightened, and he picked his pace up.

“Oh fuck this is embarrassing” Josh panicked as his orgasm built up. “I am so sorry”

“It’s okay darling let go if you need” you moved a hand to cup his face.

“Mama please” Josh whined.

“Please what Josh?” You asked sounding like a tease, but it wasn’t.

“I need it. I need it so bad. Fuck me please please” his eyes began to water as he tried to hold back. You bucked your hips upward meeting him. He pulled your shirt up, and placed both hands on your breast. “Please” it was a whimper, and it whispered out of him.

“Let go then baby. Give it to me. You’ve been a good boy”

“Yes” he said weakly. “Yes” it got louder. “Fuck yes. Fuck please” he shouted. Jake who was upstairs most definitely heard. Jake came in right after josh, and ran upstairs to relax. Both of them were fed up with today and went to their own space. You were Josh’s escape, and jakes was his guitar.

Josh was very vocal when it came to sex, but right now he might as well be screaming.

“Oh my fucking god. I love you. I love you. I love you” there it was. He came in his jeans he was wearing, and collapsed into you. You scratched his back softly as he caught his breath.

“That was beautiful” you whispered in his ear.

“I’d be more beautiful if it wasn’t in my fucking jeans, and maybe on you” he laughed softly a bit embarrassed.

“No no I think it was perfect, but your right I’d be better if they were off” josh sat back in the chair, and you dropped to your knees.

“You don’t have to do that. I’ve already finished let me give it to you” he grabbed your hand that was already placed on his belt.

“But I want to take care of you” you told him.

“Mama look at everything you’ve done for me tonight. Let me” he pulled you up, and placed you in the seat. He slid himself down, and placed kisses on your stomach. “Let me take control”.

It was mind blowing how fast Josh can switch. He can completely submissive, and listen to your ever obey. Then suddenly he’s got you in a chokehold, and making you cum on his demand.

“We don’t need these right pretty girl?” You shook your head urgently as he slowly slid them down your legs. “As much as I’d love to tease you I don’t think that’s fair”

He dove in immediately. Josh has always took things slow. Giving you kisses up your thighs, and soft kitten licks. . But not this time. His tongue crashed against your clit. You bucked your hips up instantly, and wrapped your hands in his hair. You legs squeezed around him. He gripped your thighs and shoved them down. “Let me in mama. Relax”

“Josh fuck”

He swirled his tongue around your clit, and moving to your entrance to lick up the mess you were making. He slipped a finger inside.

“More” you cried out.

Instantly he slipped another inside you. Never slowing his pace on your aching clit. You felt it build up quickly. A built up you’ve never quite felt before. “Josh I’m- I’m”

His voice vibrated against you “Do it baby”.

“Fuck Josh I’m gonna cum” you bucked forward. He moved with you as you moved frantically. He wrapped his arm around your thigh, and his fingers thrusted harder and harder. You let go, and it came bursting out of you.

He stopped and looked around. “Baby you-. Holy fuck. Sweetheart have you ever done that before?”

“Huh?” You asked confused.

“You- you squirted angel. Has that ever happened?” He asked completely in shock with you.

“I can’t do that” you said still clouded by your orgasm.

“But you did pretty girl. Look” he shifted so you could see the mess you made.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry- I- I didn’t know-I” you covered your mouth completely embarrassed.

“Stop that shit. That was beautiful. I am honored to be the one that made you do it. Don’t be embarrassed that was stunning. Your gorgeous baby”

“Come here”

He moved to lay beside you, and you sat between his legs, and stumbled with his belt. With shaky hands you attempted to undo it.

“Wow love slow down” he moved your hands, and undid his belt for you. You slid down his jeans along with his underwear. You moved upward straddling him. He lined himself up, and you slid down gently.

Josh was big. Bigger than you’ve ever seen or took. It shocked you the first time he showed you. You wrapped your fingers around, and they barely touched. It took a while for you two to be able to have sex. It took a while for him to fit. He warned you it wouldn’t work, but you insisted. Eventually he was able to get about half way. You winced in pain as it burned when he’d move. He pulled out immediately and promised to work with each others bodies. In that time you learned each others body’s. He learned exactly how to move his tongue to make you lose it. You learned how he likes to be jerked off. You knew all his weaknesses. You know how quickly he comes when you suck on the tip a little to much. Or when you slip a piece of ice in your mouth, and take him in. He knows your g spot, and how to hit it every time he fingers you. And now he knows how to make you squirt.

“I know it’s been a while. Does it feel okay?” He asked concerned. “Your really tight darling”

“Yes” you said softly. “It feels good” a slight burning from him stretching you only turned you on. You began moving back and forth. You picked up your pace quickly. He grabbed your hips and pushed you down deeper. Skin to skin. He was so deep inside of you.

“I can’t” you cried out from exhaustion. You wanted to collapse on him.

“Breath” he flipped the both of you so he was on top. “Let me do it sweet girl” he brushed the hair out of your face.

You whined out with soft “ah ah ah”.

He mocked it back to you. “Ah ah ah. Those are pretty noises mama. Feels too good doesn’t it?”

You nodded your head, and cried out for him.

“Shh I am right here. I’m right here” josh knows you have a tendency to get overstimulated during sex. You don’t always handle it well. Josh has learned to recognize when your overworking yourself. He knows when things need to slow down, and that’s what he was doing.

Tears fell from your eyes, and you began to whine rather than a moan.

“I know I know pretty girl” you tried to lift your head to watch, but you couldn’t. “You wanna watch baby?” He placed a hand on the back of your neck, and moved your head gently. A noise that sounded almost feral ripped out of you. “Oh you liked that didn’t you. Is that what my good girl needs?”

“Fuck Josh”

He cupped your face in his hands. You both watched as he slid in and out of you. Until you couldn’t take it anymore, and threw your head back. You wrapped your hands around his neck pulling him close. Without any warning your orgasm came screaming out of you. He wasn’t far behind, but instead he focused on talking you through it.

“Your doing amazing. Give it to me love. I am right there with you” his hands returned to your face. “Good girl”

“Josh please. I can’t” you cried.

“Yes you can. I promise I am right behind you darling” he picked up his pace.

“Josh” it seemed to be the only word you’ve ever known. “Josh baby”

He fell silent, and his jaw dropped. Soft little whimpers escaping him as he slammed mercilessly into you. Each thrust he pulled back slowly then fucked into with all his strength. He did that about four times before he fell over beside you.

“Are you okay sweet baby?” He wrapped you in his arms, and you laid against his chest.

“Yes” you sighed. He grabbed a blanket that was beside you on the couch. He threw it over the both of you. “Jakes home” you reminded him.

“Ain’t nothing he hasn’t seen … or heard” he laughed softly. You laid on his chest feeling the soft rise and fall, and listening to the beat of his heart. A reminder of home hit you as an arm snaked over waist, and the other tangled in your hair. Sleep invaded your peace, and you drifted away. He turned his attention back towards the tv as his lover slept gently in his arms.

[pr41sethemoon]

Let’s Be The Makers | Josh Kiszka x Reader ☾

//: Howdy! It’s been a minute lol. Firstly, thank you for the love on sneak peak 🤍😌. THIS FIC IS OLD, I wrote over a year ago. So it’s been collecting dust loool. But I think I’m a bit comfy posting smut a bit now. I’ll try and update my older finished stuff as well for the future. But here we are for now💀.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x fem! Reader

Word Count: 1.8k

Warning(s): Smut? (mostly just tease) 18+ minors DNI, and ofc fluff 🤍

Masterlist

|Sorry in advance if any errors|

“Please.” He faintly whispers in your ear.

A pillow softly collides to the side of his cheek playfully, knocking him over gently onto his side. A quiet giggled spills from between your lips from the grunt he makes. Clearly not expecting the blow. As you’re still giggling, he supports himself on his elbow. His face was filled with an unamusing look. His thick brows furrow, but a small desperate smile appears slowly to his lips. You cover your mouth to prevent anymore giggles from escaping. You reach over, fingers intertwining with his soft curls. His eyes flutter shut, leaning more into your hand.

“Got a bad case of baby fever I see.” You give him a playful pout as you gently ruffle his curls.

Oh, how eventful this week had suddenly become for you.

Not in a terrible way.

Things had just turned in a completely different direction for your relationship in an interesting way. Josh had been all over you all week long. Hot on your trail. Just lingering on you, always by you. Constantly buttering you up with kisses, cuddles, massages, doing nice things around the house for you and all. Since Josh was back home, due to tour being over, and you having a few days off from work, you both had free time. He’d been on this kick ever since the visit with your close friends a couple weeks ago. They’d invited the both of you over to finally see their 5-month-old baby girl.

You stood in front of Josh, swaying side to side, the baby sleeping peacefully in your arms. She makes little noises here and there. She’s bundled up, snuggling close to you. A smile spreads across your lips as you stare at her for a moment.

Josh sat on the couch; his arms were open. He tries to steady his breathing. He slightly tugs at the collar of his shirt, feeling that it was almost suffocating him. Rubbing his clammy hands together, he swallows hard, dark eyes looking up at you. He lets out a huff.

“Alright, I’m ready.” He says lowly before pursing his lips together.

Both your brows knit together with a half smirk, you pull your attention to him “Josh, she’s literally just a baby, relax.”

“Right, a fragile baby, y/n.” he says with furrowed brows. “Now, present me with the baby.” His arms still open, preparing himself.

The corner of your lip quarks, looking down at the baby, you pout. “Alright, your uncle Josh wants to hold you now.” You whisper.

You slowly bend over to Josh, giving him a reassuring look before gently placing the sleeping baby into his arms. You could see him instantly tense up, his eyes widening. His eyes moving from the baby, up to you, then back down to the baby. You giggled quietly, taking a seat next to him.

You give his shoulder a comforting rub, “Relax, look at her.” You whisper in his ear, nodding your chin down to the baby.

The baby squirms a bit from being transferred over to someone else. She then quickly becomes comfortable, snuggling herself more into Josh’s chest. As you peer over his shoulder, you could finally feel him relax. He wraps his arms around her more. Your eyes slowly look up at Josh. His lips form a small smile as he stared down at her.

“She’s so tiny.” He whispers softly.

You smile, “I know, look at her little hand.”

Josh moves his finger to nudge the baby’s little hand. The nudge makes her hand open, wrapping it around his finger. A small gasp escapes his lips, he gives you an excited look. All you could do was just giggle quietly at his reaction.

“Wow, look at you two.” Your friend Regina walks back into the living room holding another small blanket on her shoulder. A smirk was plastered on her face with an arched brow.

“Right, you’d think that’s their baby.” Your other friend Devon accompanies her, sliding his arms around her from behind. He presses a soft kiss to Regina’s cheek.

This makes you and Josh’s cheeks go red, a nervous chuckle slips out from you. You give Devon a playful wave, your brows furrowed but with a smirk.

“Stop it, she’s just really cute.” You say softly feeling the blush on your cheeks sting at this point.

The baby suddenly starts to yawn, stretching her body out. This slightly caught Josh off guard, you could see his eyes going big again.

“Oh, big yawn from the little mama.” He says softly, he chuckles quietly as he adjusts her blanket for her. She lets out one more yawn before snuggling back into Josh’s chest again. You could see the corner of his lips curl upward. He looked so sweet like this. Yes, he was a bit nervous, but he was also a natural when it came to babies.

Regina smirks, even a light chuckle escapes “Mhmm, well, I can’t wait to see how you both are with your own.”

If your faces could go even more red than they were before, then that was in this moment. You and Josh take a quick glance at each other. All you could do was muster out a few sounds, you were so tongue tied. It caught you completely off guard, but you could feel Josh ease himself beside you. He just stares back at you with a small smile.

“I think we would be great.” He says softly before peering down at the baby again. “One day.” He promptly reminds them.

For as long as the both of you been together, Josh made it known that he always wanted children in the future. You were fine with that. You wanted nothing more than to give that to him. You wanted children just as much. Both of you established that it would be better to get farther into your own careers and relationship first before making a big leap like that.

Then again, Josh would have his moments where baby fever would just overcome him.

Like this very moment.

“If bad case is the words for it, then yeah. Terribly.” His brows drop and his lips fall into a straight line, he was clearly not amused by your teasing.

You could only giggle, “Oh my poor baby.” Still rubbing softly at his scalp.

He ducks away from you, putting himself back into the position he was in before you hit him with the pillow. “Please, just think about it though.” He looks up at you with those big brown eyes. “We’ve been doing so well.” He gives your collarbone a soft kiss.

Your lips press together before giving him a sigh, “Mhmm, that’s true, but a baby would still cost us a pretty penny.” You try to reason.

He slightly smiles before his eyes flutter shut “Mm but we could manage.” He starts to move down your body.

His hands move down your sides, tracing the curves of your body, “Could you imagine it though?” he’s between your legs. “You carrying our baby?” he asks before pressing a sweet kiss to your lower belly.

You let out a soft huff, “Josh.” you say softly with knitted brows.

You could feel yourself growing hot across your skin. He pressed more firm kisses to your skin; you could feel your core aching already at the words spilling from between his sweet lips. You suck in a breath, bottom lip quivering.

His hand grips at your waist, your back arching instinctively. “You’re already so beautiful.” His lips dragging across your hip bone. “Thinking about you all full, your belly all swollen.” He nips at the soft skin.

Your teeth sinking into your plump bottom lip. Your hand falls back into his curls, giving a small scratch to his scalp. He hums, loving the feeling so much. He knew you were finally unwinding to his words. Your cheeks begin to sting with heat.

“Mm, you like the sound of that sweet girl?” his eyes open half lidded. You’re coming undone before him, which makes him bite down on his bottom lip.

One of his hands moves to glide across your clothed core, his thumb immediately finds your bud. He gives your thigh a tight squeeze, earning a light moan from you. Josh drags his plump lips over to your inner thigh, grazing his teeth on the sensitive skin. Another moan escapes.

“Look at you, you want me to fill your pussy up with my cum, don’t you?” he purrs before pressing his hot tongue over you core.

When you pull him closer to your core, his nose bumps your sensitive bud behind your panties. Your head falls back into the plush pillows with a soft cry out. Your hip involuntarily thrusting upward. He hums into you, tongue licking a stripe over your folds. He could taste you through the fabric.

His fingers reach up to loop around the band of your panties, “You’d be such a good mama to our baby.” He moans softly.

Your tongue swipes across your lips to wet them, your eyes tightly shut. Then suddenly, you begin to shut your thighs gently on him. It hurt you to do this. Not because of him, but because you felt yourself getting close. You weren’t going to let him win you over like this. Your eyes open, seeing him smooshed between your thighs with a confused look. You couldn’t help but laugh. He moved from between your thighs, his brow arching.

You click your tongue at him, “You’re naughty Josh.” You wag your finger at him.

“W-what?” he tries to play innocent but the blush creeping to his cheeks calling him out.

You press your hand to his chest, gently pushing him onto his back. You move to place yourself on top of him, thighs straddling his hips. You dip down, slowly pressing a soft kiss to his collar bone, his neck, then his jaw before looking at him. His hands find your hips in the moment, giving them a light squeeze.

“You thought you could seduce your way in having a baby huh?” you joke, earning a quiet laugh from him.

The sun from the window hitting the both of you perfectly. Lining your bodies with its light. You stare down at him for a moment. Just examining him. Examining all of his features, from his brows, eyes, nose, to his lips that were slightly parted. You couldn’t help but smile, he was just so beautiful.

“Like I said, think on it sweet pea.” He says looking up at you with soft eyes and a small smile.

He reaches up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear, then caressing your cheek. You lean into his palm, your eyes closing at the warmth he brings you.

You slowly nod, “I will.” Moving back down to press your lips to his.

Fin

|You made it, friend! Thank you for reading! ♡︎|

Taglist: @rhythm-of-space @sunfl0wer-power

[stardustcatcher]

Pretty Boy

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x Reader

Word Count: 1.8K

Warnings: SMUT (18+ minors DNI), swearing, needy subby-ish josh, dry humping, praise, fluff, josh being a lil sad (bc that indeed needs a warning), biting? like once, a lot of pet names cause i'm a slut for that, uhh i don't think there's anything else but let me know if i missed anything.

AN: babby posts writing?!? it's a christmas miracle! this has been in my drafts for literally ever but i kinda revised it and decided why the fuck not. idk if i'm really happy with it but i wanted to get something posted and i'm deep in josh land so this is what happened. heavily inspired by the need i have for josh to be in my lap. it's not my best and it's short but i hope you all enjoy it anyway :)

this is also my first time writing in second person and it wasn't as hard as i thought so maybe all my fics will be like that from now on, but with my inconsistency, who knows  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

taglist

You were sitting on the couch, glass of wine in hand reading your favorite book for the umpteenth time when you heard the front door slam. The jingling of keys were heard as they were set on the little hook by the door and you peeked over to where your beautiful lover stood, toeing off his shoes with a heavy sigh. Josh looked absolutely drained, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed, and shoulders tight with an unknown tension. Nevertheless, the sight of him made you smile. He’d been so busy recently, putting the finishing touches on the band’s newest album, and it felt like he hadn’t been home in ages. 

Josh trudged over to where you sat on the couch, his lips pursed in a slight pout as he bent down to kiss your forehead, then your nose, and then planted a chaste peck on your lips. “Hey, mama,” he said with a smile, though it didn’t reach his eyes and it seemed forced. 

“Hi, baby. How was work?” you asked, handing him the glass of wine knowing that he could probably use it. He sighed with a roll of his eyes and took a gulp of the red in the glass. 

“Don’t wanna talk about work,” he shook his head, running a hand down his tired face. You nodded, knowing that wasn’t true. Josh always said he didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him, but in fifteen minutes or less, he’d be venting. 

“Okay, we don’t have to talk. But come sit with me, I miss you,” you shut your book, laying it on the coffee table before patting the space beside you. Josh flopped down on the cushion, sinking into the softness before you cuddled up to his side, head on his chest and arm thrown around his waist. His hand made its way into your hair, smoothing it over and pressing his fingers lightly into your scalp. His lips left a kiss on your temple as you listened to the song of his heartbeat, his body heat warming you up. 

“How was your day? Hope it was better than mine,” he whispered, lips on your forehead. 

“Boring without you,” you answered. “I put those shelves up in the bedroom, did the laundry, and cleaned up the kitchen. Just stuff that needed to get done,” you shrugged and felt his chest rumble with a small laugh. 

“What a pretty little homemaker you are,” he chuckled.

“Shut up,” you laughed along with him, shoving his side playfully. “I’m happy you're home.”

“I’m happy to be home,” he replied with a hum. “Today was just not my day. Sam was extra late today and cranky, we found out that one of the takes for a song we recorded was almost completely unusable, Jake was being an ass, I didn’t get to eat lunch, and just to top it all off, I got a fucking flat tire on the way home,” Josh ranted, face becoming redder with each inconvenience he recalled. 

“I’m sorry, my love,” you pouted at him, genuinely upset that he had such a bad day. Josh was the sweetest, kindest man you’d ever met. He deserved nothing but the most wonderful days. “I can’t do much but would a cuddle help?” you asked hopefully, pushing yourself away from him and opening your arms welcomingly. Josh smiled, the first real one you’d seen, his pearly white perfect teeth on display, looking just a little bit happier at the suggestion. 

“A cuddle always helps,” he grinned. You readjusted yourself in your seat, lifting the blanket up with one hand and patting your lap with the other. 

Josh got up before plopping himself down in your lap, straddling you with a leg on the side of each hip. His head burrowed into your neck as you laid the blanket back over the both of you. Your left hand moved to his curls, raking your fingers through them while your right hand slid under the back of his shirt, nails training up and down his spine. He wrapped himself around you like a koala, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and body wash, taking slow deep breaths and calming himself. 

With his incessant need for constant physical touch, you’d found out early in your relationship that this was the ideal position for Josh to get what he needed to ground himself and calm down. Everyone needed to be held sometimes, and he was no exception. His arm tenderly wrapped around your waist as he gave you a squeeze, his breath warm and soothing against your neck. “Is there anything else on your mind, lover?” you asked, leaning your cheek against his head as you continued to rub his back. 

“Just miss you, I guess,” he mumbled into your skin. “Feels like forever since we’ve been like this. Miss holding you, being held by you. Miss your kisses, touching you, loving on you. Just miss you.”

“I miss you too, Josh,” you sighed, feeling tears well in your eyes at the thought of him feeling so starved for attention and affection and love. “But we’re here now, and you’re off for the next few days, aren’t you?”

He nodded, hair tickling your face. “Yeah, wanna spend them just like this,” he hummed, completely and utterly content. 

After a few moments he lifted his head, moving to rest his forehead against yours. His lips gently pressed into yours  and he melted against you even more, your hands moving to hold his hips. Your lips melded together as he poured all his love into you with a kiss that said I love you, I miss you, I need you. 

Josh deepened the kiss as his mouth parted, a tiny high pitched whine escaping his throat. His hands moved from behind you to tug at the bottom of your shirt. “Want it off,” he muttered against your lips. You smiled before pulling back, tugging your shirt off carelessly and tossing it behind you as he did the same with his own. He groaned at the sight of your naked chest and you could feel him grow hard in his pants from where he sat in your lap. “You’re so beautiful, mama,” Josh whispered before reconnecting your lips, his tongue immediately tangling with yours in a sloppy kiss. You swallowed the wanton moans and sighs that left him, gulping them down greedily as his hips began to move against you on their own accord. “Fuck,” he shuddered when his hips caught a particularly good spot.

“Feel good, sweet boy?” you asked, caressing his cheek with your thumb. His face was flushed and his eyes were clazed over with lust and love and pleasure. “It’s been so long, you must be real pent up, huh?”

“Yeah,” his breath hitched and eyes clenched shut as he ground his covered c ock against your lower stomach. “I had plans, y’know. Soon as I got home, was gonna make you cum on my tongue, then my fingers. Then I was going to fuck you, slow and sweet, just like you deserve.”

“We can still do all that, baby,” you kissed his neck, sucking and biting in all the places you knew drove him crazy. “But you deserve this, and you look so fucking pretty like this, Joshua.”

He keened high in his throat, the noise needy as his hands grappled at your sides, squeezing the soft flesh. “Say that again, please?”

“You like being called pretty, baby?” you whispered into his ear as his head dropped to your shoulder, his hips grinding faster against you now. “You wanna be my pretty good boy?”

“Yes,” he groaned, biting lightly at the junction of your neck and shoulder. “Gonna be so good for you, promise.”

“You already are, baby,” you said, and he was. Josh was the prettiest thing you’d ever seen, all the time. When he was on stage performing for thousands, when he was concentrating with his tongue poking between his lips, when he was sitting as still as he possibly could while getting his rhinestones applied, but he was especially pretty like this when he was sat on your lap, grinding his hips back and forth feverishly chasing that high that was building in the pit of his stomach. You kissed his bare shoulder, loving the feeling of his naked chest pressed against yours, how his hips rutted into you without care, how his neck and chest and ears were all blushed pretty pink. Your hands held his hips firmly, helping guide his movements, to grind him down on you just a little bit harder. “You’re always so good for me, Josh. So good to me. No one has ever loved me like you do, cared for me like you do, fucked me like to do, made me cum like you do. My best boy, the sweetest boy in the world, and you’re all mine. Aren’t you?”

“All yours, all fucking yours,” he gasped and lifted his head and threw it back, an expression of pure bliss etched onto his god-like face. 

“God, I’m the luckiest woman in the world. Do you know how many people would kill to see you like this and I get it all the time, anytime I want,” you mouthed at his collar bones and moved one hand from his hip to cup the bulge in his pants. “You’re so hard, pretty boy. This must hurt. You wanna cum?”

“So bad,” he nodded, his back arching while he ground into the palm of your hand. You could almost feel him throb through his pants. 

“Go ahead, cum for me,” you leaned up to capture his lips once more. “Just like this. I wanna see it.”

“But my pants,” he whined but didn’t stop or slow his movements. 

“I don’t care, and I don’t think you do either. Now c’mon, make a mess, pretty boy.”

A broken moan clawed from the deep within his chest as his hips stuttered against you and a warm wet spot blossomed on the front of his pants, darkening the fabric. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he cried before slowing the movement of his hips gradually, riding out his high. 

When it finally died down, he slumped forward and pressed a row of kisses across your shoulder, breaths coming out in heavy pants. “Feel better?” you asked, hand tangling in his hair once more. 

“So much,” he smiled with an airy, fucked out giggle. “Thank you, darling. I needed that so bad, you have no idea.”

“Anything for my pretty boy,” you ran a hand over his warm face before tapping his hip. “Now get up and I’ll run us a bath, then we can order-in dinner. How does that sound?”

“Like heaven.”

=

taglist: @peachpitpearls @alexxavicry @spark-my-nature

[milkgemini]

Tip Of The Iceberg

Pairing: Josh Kiszka X f!reader Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: josh in that beanie had a chokehold on me tonight.. so how could i not. shout out to my baby @babyhoneygvf for helping me come up with this. ily pookie. as always, plsssss let me know your thoughts! 🫶🏻

Part 2

Jake 4:59 pm

“Get up ya lazy shit. We’re going skating in an hour” 

You 5:05 pm

“Im up Im up. I’ll be over in 20.” 

The friendship you shared with Jake was something near and dear to your heart. He felt like a big brother to you. You both shared the same humor. He would tease you and call you names, but at the end of the day, you knew he would never let anything happen to you. 

His twin brother, Josh, was a different story. You didn’t dislike Josh. You didn’t know him well enough to even dislike him. There had never been a time where you hung out with Josh one on one. Jake or Sam had always been there to ease the awkward tension. You had tried to spark up a conversation with him before at parties the boys had thrown, but had always felt like a nuisance to him. Like he couldn’t be bothered to be included in the conversation. So you stopped trying. 

You were always civil towards him. It was in your nature. He was your best friend’s other half, literally. The least you could do was acknowledge his presence as he entered the room. 

It was just past 6 when you had shown up to the Airbnb they had rented. The 3 Kiszka boys had been staying with their parents for the holiday, but decided to rent this place so they could create their version of a Christmas break, which included a little more volume than their parents could handle. 

As you entered the rental, you couldn’t spot anyone right away, but were greeted with the volume of voices which seemed to be coming from the kitchen around the corner. Your presence was made known as you stepped into the frame of the room. 5 heads turning towards your direction, with only 4 them showing excitement that you came. 

“Hey hey! There she is!” Jake chimes in pulling you into a hug. One of the most important things in your friendship with Jake was the fact that his girlfriend Jita was respectful and understanding of the bond you two shared. They had been together for years and never once had she questioned you two, so to see the smile on her face as you reached your arms out to embrace her as well made your heart feel warm. 

Danny and Sam were leaning against the counter, sipping on whatever experimental concoction they had decided to whip up tonight. Sam's eyebrow rose over the rim of his drink, gulping down a sip while simultaneously throwing an arm around you to welcome you. “Hi you two. What’s the drink of choice tonight?” you hesitantly asked, fearful they would force you to try. “This right here is a secret family recipe.” Sam replies, smacking his lips acting as if he’s savoring the flavors of the cocktail. “I’d tell ya the ingredients, but like I said, it’s a secret so you’ll just have to try yourself.” He gives you a smirk while pushing the rim of the cup closer and closer to your lips. 

“He’s full of shit, don’t believe him. There’s no family recipe.” Danny warns you just as you’re about to fall for Sam's tricks. “Aw come on, Daniel. I almost had her!” With a wave of your hand, you roll your eyes to Sam, realizing there’s one person left in the kitchen you’ve not yet said hello to. 

Josh had also been leaning against the kitchen counter a little farther down from Sam and Danny. He had a red solo cup in his hand, silently sipping his drink perusing the scene of people in the room. His legs were crossed at the ankles, and he watched over the rim of his cup as you greeted the rest of the crew. Once you had realized it was rude of you not to at least say something, you faced his direction. “Hi Josh” you waved meekly towards him. His only response was to lift his cup giving you a tight grin. 

“Well, that was awkward.” you thought to yourself. And as if your best friend could read your mind, Jake saved you from any further embarrassment by interrupting. 

“Alright guys. Uber’s gonna be here in 10, so get your shit together.” 

As you all exited the kitchen, each of you began bundling yourselves with jackets, hats, scarves, and gloves in preparation of bracing the bitter Michigan winter air. With your hat, scarves and gloves secured, you patted the pockets of your winter coat making sure you had all of your belongings before leaving. 

“Think you left this” a flat voice called from behind you. 

Josh stood there, holding your wallet in his right hand, wiggling it towards you. 

“Right, thanks.” was all you could reply. 

Stuffing the wallet into your side pocket, you followed behind Sam as you all crammed into the van taking you to the ice rink. 

The place was packed. It was Christmas break so you didn’t expect any less. As you approached the booth to pay, you began to feel your nerves rise in your stomach. Here you were about to step onto the ice, with no clue in the world of how to skate. 

You followed Jake over to the stand where it was time to pick out your skates. You whispered to him, “I don’t know what I’m doing, so..” He huffed a laugh and turned to the employee before the desk. “She’s a size 7.” The man behind the counter had handed you a pair of white skates, heavier than you expected. 

The 6 of you had found a bench outside, and everyone started untying their shoes to put their skates on. Unsure of how to tie your own skates but unwilling to admit it, you peeked out of the corner of your eye to mimic Jake’s movements. 

“Is this right?” You pointed your feet in his direction, laces not tied properly. 

“Lift up for me.” He tapped his thigh signaling to lift your feet to him. 

Jake fixed your laces for you, tying them extra tight, resulting in you huffing out a breath to him. 

“You’ll thank me later” he shot a wink at you before grabbing Jitas hand, and walking towards the entrance to the rink. 

Sam and Danny had already gotten out there, Josh following in his twin brother's footsteps right behind him. Which left you by yourself to wobble up to the entrance, clinging on to anything in sight that would help stable your balance. 

As you stood in the entryway, you closed your eyes and said a quick affirmation to yourself before stepping on the ice. You clung to the side walls as you moved your skates centimeters apart. Jake and Jita skated by you with ease and you flashed them a fake smile, immediately rolling your eyes when they were no longer in sight. 

“Well, I paid for this so I might as well at least try..” you thought to yourself. You had no idea where this shot of courage came from, but before you could overthink it, you pushed yourself from the edge of the rink and tried skating on your own. 

“Slow and steady wins the race” you repeat to yourself, as other people whip by you showing off how well they could skate. A younger boy in a hockey jersey was skating incredibly fast with friends behind you. Their volume increased, giving you a warning they were approaching quickly. The boy was paying no attention to you, just trying to get past as fast as he could, unfortunately knocking your shoulder in the process. Nudging you a bit too hard, you had lost your balance, sticking your arms out into nothing, bracing yourself for the fall you knew was coming. 

Just before falling on your ass, you felt two sets of hands steady you by your elbows, straightening you up, saving you from the fall. 

With the hands still gripping your elbows, and you too terrified to move an inch, all you could do was turn your head to the side to catch a glimpse of who was behind you. 

“Josh?” you blurted out. “Oh um… thank you. I was about to bust my ass” you chuckled to yourself. 

“I saw. Here. Go slow, let’s just get to the edge.” With his back flush to your chest, his hands still gripping the back of your arms tight, he guided you to the edge of the rink. 

As best you could, you used your mittens to try to push your bangs out of your eyesight and readjusted the hat on your head. 

“I’m not very good at this.” You admitted to him with a half smile. 

“Takes practice. Jake and I started really young.” he responded flatly. 

“Yeah well, I’m over it. You guys go head. I'm gonna grab a hot chocolate.” Before giving him time to respond, you began to creep along the edge of the rink towards the entrance. 

“Wait!” 

You turned to Josh with wide eyes. You weren’t even expecting him to be there anymore after you told him you’re finished with skating. You figured he wouldn’t really care what you were doing actually. 

“I was thinking of getting a beer myself, so if you don’t mind…” he trails off 

“Sure, what do you want? I’ll bring it back over. Just meet me on the side and I’ll hand it to you.” you absentmindedly start reaching in your pocket for your wallet. 

“I meant… do you mind if I join?” he retorts back to you, looking directly in your eyes this time. 

His question shocked you. Not once has Josh put the energy into hanging out, just you two. If anything, sometimes it seemed like he went out of his way to avoid this exact circumstance from happening. 

“Oh umm. Yeah of course.” you tried your best to hide the surprised look on your face. 

Slowly but surely, you reached the exit gate to the rink, stepping down onto the rubbery ground. It was much easier to walk on the skates now, so you had no trouble finding a bench and plopping yourself down. Until you were faced with your next challenge. You look down at your skates to see the jumbled mess of laces Jake had tied for you earlier. You leaned over and tried to tackle the knots. Josh sitting next to you, had already untied his skates and laced up his boots. 

“Need some help?” He asked. 

“I think I got it. It’s just stuc-“ 

“Gimme it” he reaches down to grab your ankle, pulling your skate into his lap. Within seconds, he unties the mess his twin made earlier, and taps the skate to signal for you to bring your next foot up. 

You finished tying the laces to your own boots, skates in hand and stood up next to Josh. 

“Ready?” He asks, nodding towards the concession stand. 

You trail behind him, unsure of how this is going to go. You were so used to awkward situations when it came to Josh. Was this going to be filled with uncomfortable silence? 

As you reach the concession stand, you scan your eyes over the menu. Josh steps up to the counter first. 

“Hey how are you?” He greets the woman behind the cash register with a tight lipped grin. “Can I get a Dogfish Namaste and a hot chocolate?” He whips his head around back to you. “Anything else?” He asks. 

“Uhh, no just the hot chocolate. Thanks.” The thought of him buying your drink for you without questioning it made a smile creep up on your face. 

The woman at the counter handed over both of your drinks to which Josh thanked her and stuffed a few bills in their tip jar. He turned to you, extending his hand with your warm drink. 

“Thank you, Josh. You didn’t have to do that. I have my wallet, remember?” You reminded him. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He took a sip from his beer. 

You both started walking towards an empty table inside, needing the extra warmth right now. 

As you sat down, just the two of you at the table, you started to pick at the skin around your finger nails, worried about how awkward this might be. You decided to be the one to spark the conversation to ease the tension. 

“I like your beanie” you complimented him. 

The smallest smile shown on his face, as he reached up to feel the black knit hat on his head as if he forgot he was wearing it. 

“Oh, thanks. My mom got it for me for Christmas.” 

As you scanned Josh, you started to realize he looked different tonight. He looked good. The beanie was pulled tight onto his head, his curls stuffed inside. All you could see coming through were the shaved sides of his head. He kept his ears out of the beanie, which made the dainty golden hoops he wore even more noticeable to you. 

“You ever try this kind?” He lifted the beer up to you. 

Was he finally trying to carry on an actual conversation with you? 

“I’ve tried their other ones, but I’ve never had that kind before.” You replied to him, trying your best not to show your excitement from him continuing the conversation. 

“Try it. It’s good. It’s a wheat beer so if you like anything Belgian style, you’ll like this” he hands the beer across the table to you. As you wrap your fingers around the can, you also cover his fingers in the process before he has time to let go. Keeping your eyes on him, you watch his bashful reaction as he hands the can over and tries to find anything else to look at. 

You take a sip of the beer, swirling your tongue in your mouth to take in the flavor. Josh watches your mouth from across the table. 

“It’s good! I like it. I’ll have to pick this one up next time.” You hand the can back over to Josh. 

A familiar set of voices can be heard coming from behind you. 

“There you guys are!” Sam interjects, playfully slapping his brother’s shoulder. 

“We thought you guys ubered back and left us here.” Jake huffed a laugh and looked at both you and Josh. “You guys ready to go? We called the Uber before we even stepped off the ice. It’s fucking freezing out there.” 

The notification on Jake’s phone alerted you that the Uber was pulling into the parking lot. The 6 of you made your way out, tumbling into your seats and huffing out a breath as you all settled in. 

Sam sat in the front seat, Jake and Jita in the two separate seats in the middle of the van. Which left you, Josh, and Danny in the row in the back, with you sandwiched between them. It was a tight squeeze, and all you could think about was making sure your thigh wasn’t leaning on Josh’s side too much. 

He could tell you were tensing yourself, almost leaning into Danny to avoid your leg pressing up against his. As your Uber driver took a sharp turn rounding the block of the Airbnb, it caused your knee to brush against him, which you quickly retreated back. 

“No worries” Josh leaned over to whisper towards you, giving your thigh a soft pat. 

Thank god it was dark in that van, because the flush of your cheeks could be spotted from a mile away. 

As you exited the car and walked through the front door of the house, everyone gathered in the kitchen, cracking open a new beer or pouring a new glass. 

Remembering that you had been the last to show up to the function, and the only sober one left, you opted for a glass of wine to catch up to the others. You grabbed a red solo cup from the stack, and held the bottle of Pinot by the neck to pour into your cup. 

Once everyone’s drinks had been refilled, most of the group had walked over to the living room, leaving you and Josh in the kitchen. Screwing the cap back on the bottle of wine, Josh had resumed his position from earlier. Ankles crossed, sipping his drink, peering at you over the edge of his can. 

As you returned the bottle back to the wine rack, you could feel his eyes follow you around the kitchen. Before you could pick your cup up to follow the others to the living room, his voice stopped you. 

“Is there a reason you’re so hesitant towards me?” He finally breaks the silence. 

“What?” You look up at him with a questioning face. 

“In the van. It was almost as if you were trying to get away from me back there. You can only scooch so close to Danny before you’re in his lap.” He took another sip of his beer, looking at you over the can with raised eyebrows. 

“I…. Didn’t mean to it’s just-“ you continued

“Just what?” He stepped closer to you, placing his hand on the counter space between the two of you. 

“I don’t know. I’ve always felt like I annoyed you, so I didn’t want to press it any further.” You admitted to him shyly. 

He set his beer down on the counter, stepping even closer to you now, the smallest space separating your hips from touching. 

“Which part of tonight made you think I was annoyed by you” his back left the edge of the counter to stand directly in front of you now. Your eyes wide as you gazed back at him, mouth parted in shock that he was so close to you right now. 

With the toes of your boots touching, he stood in front of you, his eyes flicking back and forth between your wide stare and your lips. 

“Was it the way I gripped onto you tight, making sure you never hit the ground…” he lifts his hand to your face, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear while leaning closer before finishing his sentence. 

“Or was it the way I tried my best to get you alone earlier to share a drink?” His fingertips trailed from behind your ear to your jaw, tracing along the outline of it. As he got to your chin, he held it with his thumb, the knuckle of his pointer finger curled below it. 

He moved his face closer to yours now, noses close to touching. Your eyes fluttered at his movements. He tilted your face up to him while keeping his eyes on your lips, his mouth parted. 

As he moved closer to you, his lips came to your ear, just brushing up against it. 

As you felt his soft lips brush against the shell of your ear he whispered to you. 

“And what about now? Can you tell how bad I want you?” 

to be continued….

Taglist: @gretasimp @writingcold

[jakekiszkasleftnutsack]

Everything Is Fine - Part 1

Josh x f!reader x Jake

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Summary: While attending a New Year's Eve party with your boyfriend Jake, it becomes increasingly obvious that his older brother may have a thing for you. 

Warnings: +18 GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, scary pervy Josh, swearing, alcohol use, stalking, gaslighting, assault with a knife, mutual masturbation, masturbation with a foreign object, oral sex (f receiving), sexual coercion, teasing, kidnapping, slight dacryphilia, mentions of somnophilia, bondage/restraints, knife play, impact play, mentions of blood, allusions to non-consent, overall violence, please let me know if I missed anything!

W/c: 14.7k (yikes)

A/n: This is mostly Josh with a sprinkle of Jake. PLEASE carefully consider the warnings before diving into this one, it’s easily the most explicit thing I’ve ever written. I really didn’t hold back on this one and I use some kinks that could be very triggering to some so please please proceed with caution!! If the warnings don’t scare you though, have so much fun.

Vibes: Mx. Sinister - IDK HOW | Sugar - Sleep Token

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“Jake?! Have you seen my favorite panties?!” you call for your boyfriend as you search through your drawers for a hint of red lace. 

“Which ones?” Jake appears from around the corner, adjusting the cuffs of his neatly tailored suit, his dark hair tied in a low messy bun that allows a few tendrils to hang free. Leave it to Jake to dress down a new outfit with messy hair and an all-the-way-unbuttoned dress shirt, though you choose to put his questionable styling efforts lower on your list of priorities for the time being.

“The high-cut red lacy ones, with the matching bra. I wanna wear them to the party tonight.” 

He looks you up and down and bites his lip at the sight of you, wandering farther into the room to admire your half-dressed appearance. Having been stalled halfway through your dressing process, you’re rummaging through your wardrobe topless with only a black miniskirt and tall socks to cover your bottom half. 

“I thought those were just for special occasions?” He grips the round of your ass from behind while you continue to finger through the various fabrics.

“They are. That’s why I’m trying to find them.” You can’t help the tinge of annoyance present in your voice, but Jake is doing a wonderful job of distracting you from your wardrobe malfunction.  

“If you can’t find them, then what’s under here?” He lifts up the hem of your skirt to reveal an absence of underwear. He gasps excitedly and grins from ear to ear as if he’s just opened up a gorgeously wrapped present to find what he’s been asking for all year. Without a shred of hesitation, he grabs at your still frantic hands and tries to pull you away from the chest of drawers. “C’mere, baby. You can find them later.”

You groan in protest but giggle excitedly when you give up the reins and let him whip you around by the wrist, sending you hurdling into the bed. He climbs on top of you, leaving a sloppy trail of wet kisses down your neck, through the valley of your breasts, and down to the waistband of your skirt. 

He leaves a love bite at the joints of each of your thighs, gently pinching the sensitive skin between his teeth as he grazes you with the sharp edges. Tiny moans and mewls escape you, free of restraint. He transitions to focus on your clit, dipping his velvety tongue between your folds to flick it against the tiny bundle of nerves. The act itself begins excruciatingly slowly; he swipes quick, pointed flicks up the center every few seconds. He loves to drive you crazy - he knows how much harder you’ll cum if he teases you first, and watching your overstimulated body twitch under his touch is always worth the extra effort. 

He can tell you’re ready when your body starts to jolt every time he touches you with his tongue. He props himself up on his elbows so he can bring his hands in front of him and spread your lips, exposing more of your clit to the air for him to abuse. Your eyes have been glued to him, watching his beautiful mouth work over your most sensitive spots, making you feel like a goddess in the process. It’s no different when you watch him descend on your pussy with his tongue extended, and your body tenses under his touch in anticipation. 

He stops to look up at you and meet your gaze, which is desperate and pleading. “Relax.” 

You nod in response to his one word command, taking a deep breath before letting your back fall against the mattress. He then languidly circles your clit a few times and closes his lips around it, sucking it into his mouth to play with it how he knows you like it. You moan along with the wet lewd noises that occur as he drools all over you, coating you in a layer of wetness that you know will shine on his lips and chin when he’s finished. 

You let your hands fly to your breasts, twisting and pinching your nipples to add to the divine sensation. Your back arches and your thighs press against Jake's cheeks as you approach the bottom of the hill that leads to your eventual orgasm. You allow yourself to get lost in the feeling while gazing lazily at the shadows dancing across the ceiling in the golden late afternoon sunlight that pours into the room from the large picture window. 

The way he’s worshiping your body, switching between a pattern of long, soft strokes and suction, has all of your nerves on fire. Just as you think you’re approaching the peak, he flips the script, edging you so delicately that you’re not even sure you’d want him to finish you off just yet. You’d let him go on as long as he wants if it weren’t for the odd shadow that’s just materialized on your ceiling. It catches your eye, confusing you until you can pull yourself out of your daze long enough to realize that the new shadow is human-shaped. 

“Jake!” you gasp and bolt upright, your fight or flight response kicking in to help you pull your body out of its vulnerable position. Jake, caught completely off guard by your sudden upheaval, lets you go without much protest.

“What? What is it?” he asks, full of confusion and concern.

“I just saw someone,” you whisper. “Someone’s right outside the window, I saw a shadow.”

If he didn’t believe you, he didn’t show it. He’s probably internally rolling his eyes that his feast was disrupted by a shadow, but you are famously hard to spook. Jake holds up one finger, signaling for you to wait a moment, then brings the same finger to his lips to tell you to keep quiet while he checks it out. 

You grab one of the large fluffy pillows from the head of the bed and use it to cover yourself as Jake rises to his feet and approaches the window. He slinks up to it with his back to the curtains in a comically cartoonish way, he even clasps his hands in front of his chest like he’s holding a gun and narrows his eyes - like a silly little spy routine to try and calm your nerves. He looks at you and nods before peeking around the curtain. You know he expects there to be nothing, but you hold your breath despite his best efforts. 

After looking both ways and ducking to see past the foliage, Jake turns back around and shrugs his shoulders. “There’s nobody out here, babe. Coast is clear.”

“Are you sure?” You’re apprehensive to drop your protective pillow just yet. 

“You can come see for yourself if you want, but it looks like the sun’s just hitting the trees in a weird way.”

“I believe you, it just... scared me.” 

“Don’t worry, beautiful - everything’s fine. I’ll just close the curtains so I can keep making you feel good. How’s that sound?” 

“Okay, Jakey...” 

He returns to his place in front of you and pulls your safety pillow from your grip, tossing it to the floor before descending between your legs once again. 

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Sam throws a New Year’s Eve party every year. The tradition began when Kiszka siblings were young and they hosted all their friends at the family home. Since growing up and moving to separate houses, the baby of the family has taken on the role. Every party since they moved to Nashville has been a rager. All kinds of people in the music industry are in attendance, along with family, friends, and friends of friends. For all intents and purposes, the energy has never changed, and it’s felt like a college house party since its conception. 

This is your first year in attendance, and your first time visiting Sammy’s house at all. Granted, you did plan on making a good impression on all Jake’s friends, but being three margaritas deep by 10 pm does make that a bit of a challenge considering you’d lost sight of your intentions somewhere at the bottom of a red solo cup.

“Sammyyyyyy, could you make me another one pleeeeease?” You flash what you think is a dazzling smile at Sammy, but it probably reads as goofy.

“Sure, just after this game.” He shakes his head and smiles at your charmingly exaggerated expression when he sees it out of the corner of his eye. He’s lining up the ping pong ball held ever so lightly in his hand to toss at one of a few sparse cups, half-full of a randomly chosen liquor. At the end of the table opposite Sammy, stands Jake with his arms crossed and a cocky shit-eating grin plastered on his face. That look has been there for the last couple of rounds as the number of cups on Sam's end of the table has steadily dwindled - Sam has not had the same luck. 

Of course, they’re facing each other one-on-one; the second anyone offered to join a team they were likely swiftly shut down. Their overly competitive nature has made for an entertaining show, having gained them the attention of a handful of onlookers for about twenty minutes now. You stumble to join everyone on the couch, half-falling into the lap of a very high Danny, who allows your head to fall on his shoulder. Waiting patiently isn’t your forte, but since the room has started to spin you watch the rest of the game play out with a peeved, yet still slightly smitten, expression.

Sam’s toss misses, much to his dismay, though Jake looks to be happy about it, even though he shrugs and fakes a sympathetic ‘aww’. The small audience grips the edge of their seats as Jake assumes the position to make his next move. He tosses it effortlessly and sinks it, followed by a pump of his fist and a groan from Sammy, who reluctantly takes that cup from play and downs the contents. You’re thankful that your previous experience with beer pong has equipped you with at least a loose grasp on the rules, so it doesn't come as a surprise to you when Jake throws his final ball, spinning it around the rim of the last cup on Sam’s side. Sam blows on it furiously, but to no avail - it plops into the brown liquid despite his effort to stop it. 

“Fuck!” Sam shouts in frustration and nearly puts his fist through the table as Jake throws his hands up in triumph. Jake goes around high-fiving everyone and Sammy downs the remnants of bitter defeat.

“Who wants to challenge the king next?!” Jake's voice booms with the sense of pride he gained from besting his brother in a game that was probably invented by teenagers. You pout as Jake immediately gets pulled into another game, allowing you no time to intercept him before he starts reforming the pyramid of cups. 

“Come on, little sis.” Sam juts his hand out to you, offering you to take it so he can pull you both away from the scene. “Let’s get you another Sammy Special.” 

You give a half-hearted smile at his kind tone, which he returns when you take his hand and tease him lightheartedly. “Okay, but it better be a stiff one this time. No more of that watered down shit.”

“Oh, ouch. You wound me, I’m wounded!”

He leads you through the house to the kitchen, zig-zagging past a few dozen people you don’t recognize. You do your best to find your footing, but being a certified lightweight, paired with the fact that Sam had actually given each of your drinks a heavy pour, you struggle a little bit with maintaining your upright position. 

You almost make it to the kitchen unscathed, but as you turn the corner into the large kitchen and Sam lets go of your hand, having incorrectly assumed that you could navigate on your own, you fail to dodge a corner of the kitchen counter. Your hip and thigh take the brunt of it, and you’re surely be Jake will likely find an ugly purple blotch there when he lifts your skirt later. The shock and sharp pain disorient you enough to send you spiraling, and you feel yourself falling for a moment before being caught by a pair of firm hands. 

“Jesus, y/n!” Josh exclaims as he tries to steady you by the shoulders. You count yourself lucky that he was passing by at the exact same time - if he hadn’t been then you’d have a front row seat to Sam’s tile floor. 

“Hiya, Joshy.” You greet the blurry outline of Jake's twin with slurred enthusiasm.  

“You okay?” Josh takes on a stern tone. Paired with the scowl on his face, he’s exuding a protective quality that you can’t take seriously in your current state. 

“I’m a little wobbly.” Incessant giggles bubble up from your chest. 

He rolls his eyes at you, picks you up by the waist, and plops you onto the countertop. “Be more careful, or I’m gonna cut you off for the night.”

“It’s a special occasion, don’t be such a grandpa!” 

“Yeah, Josh. No one likes a buzzkill,” Sam adds - because there’s no way he would ever pass up an opportunity to be a little shit. 

You snort under your breath, trying to hold in a cackle and Sam laughs, turning to the cocktail ingredients he had begun assembling. Josh’s lips press into a hard line as his hands leave you so he can turn to open the fridge.

“Soooo, little sis..” Since you started dating Jake, Sammy took every opportunity to call you that. It was annoying at first but you’ve grown to like it. His youngest sibling syndrome is just part of his charm. “How’s domestic life treating ya?”

“Oh, just as normal and happy as two people can be while living in separate apartments.” 

“Jake won’t move you in?” His eyes stay trained on the task in front of him.

“He says he wants to get a house instead of trying to fit us both into a one bedroom, but every time I show him a listing he finds something wrong with it.” You harumph. 

”He’s not avoiding it, is he? Cause I’ll kick his ass if he’s not treating you right.”

You ponder the question for a moment. “No, I don’t think so - we just have polar opposite tastes. I’d pay good money to see that fight, though. My money’s on Jake.” 

“Pfft. Mine too.” His response makes you giggle. 

Josh turns around with a beer in his hand, shutting the door to the fridge and leaning against it to face you and Sam. “I’m not so sure - Sam’s pretty scrappy.”

Sam raises his eyebrows and waves a finger in Josh’s direction, agreeing with Josh’s sentiment. 

“True, but Jake likes to play dirty.” Your inflection drops unconsciously as an image of Jake sweaty and shirtless trying to wrestle you to the ground intrudes on your thoughts.

The boys look at each other in confusion for a moment before Sam adds, “No, he doesn’t?”

You bite your lip, making no effort to shove off the memory. What started out as play fighting had quickly developed into one of the roughest nights of passionate angry sex you’d ever experienced. Hardly a day goes by that it doesn’t make an appearance in your daydreams. You know that’s a completely different circumstance from a fist fight, but you reckon a few of his special skills might come in handy. “He does. Trust me.”

You don’t notice Josh clench his teeth, causing the muscles on his angular jaw to flex, but you do hear Sam exaggerate an audible gag. “Save it, sis. I don’t need you soaking my kitchen - people eat here.”

“Oh, Jake’s pretty good at that too.”

Sam opens his mouth to say something, but Josh ruins his opportunity for rebuttal by choking on the sip of beer he was in the process of swallowing. He sputters, causing spurts of beer to shoot out of his mouth and dribble down the hairs on his lower lip.

“Jesus, bro. You good?” Sam tries to hold in the laugh that accompanies the concern for his brother.

Josh just nods while he wipes his face on the back of his hand then turns to set down his bottle on the counter behind him and grab a few napkins. You’re not sure if he sets it down too hard or misses the counter entirely, but you watch in powerless astonishment as it tumbles past the edge of the counter to the ground. The bottle shatters on impact, sending bits of glass spinning across the tile in all directions. 

“Shit. Fuck, I’m sorry Sammy.” He sounds flustered, and quickly looks around for something to help the issue before bending down to pick up pieces of glass with his hands. 

“Wait, Josh! You’re gonna-“

“Ah! FUCK!” Before you can properly warn him, he mistakenly grabs a particularly sharp edge with a closed fist, cutting a gash in his hand in the process. 

“Josh! Oh my god!” you shriek when he jumps back up in shock.

He doesn’t look up from his hand - he just ignores your frantic instruction to apply pressure on the now dripping wound in favor of staring at it looking cross. His brow is creased and his lips curl up like he’s about to yell at it for misbehaving. 

“Sam, go get the first aid kit,” you instruct, pointing him off to a random direction since you don’t actually know where it is, if he has one. 

“Don’t, it’s fine.” Holding his bleeding hand out in front of him, he turns on his heel and storms out of the kitchen in a hurry. A few glass shards crunch under his shoes, leaving you and Sammy staring after him cluelessly. 

“What the hell was that?” he asks, completely baffled. He’s looking back and forth between you and where Josh once stood while holding a napkin and a plastic cup, like a sim who’s just had all his actions canceled. 

“Probably just an accident… I don’t know though, he was acting really weird.” You look down at the mess of glass and amber liquid as Sam pulls a couple towels from a drawer.

“Must’ve been drunker than he looked.” He shrugs, laughing it off, and you share a knowing glance.

“I really thought he could hold his liquor better than that.” 

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

As excited as you were to mingle with everyone at the party in theory, without Jake it’s proved to be incredibly boring. You were able to chat with Sam and Danny for a while after assisting with a bit of kitchen cleanup, but even they were eventually pulled away in different directions. Now, you’re stuck wandering about the house, being pulled into conversations left and right by strangers eager to ogle at Jake’s shiny new toy. It was one conversation after another about the most meaningless bullshit known to man.

You find yourself checking your phone every minute or so, until the time reads 11:42 - an acceptable enough time to find Jake and gather him for the obligatory New Year countdown. Your first instinct is to check back at the pong table where you saw him last, but it’s since been abandoned. There’s no sign of him on the main floor though, leaving you to march yourself up the stairs in search of your lost lover on the upper level. 

You will be forcing him into a New Year's kiss whether he likes it or not. 

A few people are scattered amongst the many rooms and halls of Sam’s second floor, but allegedly nobody has seen him. You call his name once or twice, only gaining you a few disgruntled looks from partygoers instead of a response.

You crack open a few doors to scan the space for occupants, but most seem to have flocked back downstairs - at least, you suspect so, since most rooms have been vacated or are dark entirely. The last room at the end of the corridor does have a soft light shining from the crack underneath the door. Based on deductive reasoning alone, you believe it’s probably the second floor powder room. In your slightly inebriated state, you forego a customary knock and give the handle a twist, leaning on the door with your shoulder to push it open. 

“Jakey?! Is that you in there?”

You’re not sure what you really expected to find. Perhaps your beautiful, godly boyfriend, disheveled on the floor or flung over the toilet bowl, spewing out the results of a lost game of beer pong. Maybe even a stranger in the midst of relieving themself. Pretty much anything except what you actually find inside. Standing rigidly with his shoulders hunched in front of the sink, peering intensely into the mirror, is Josh. His hand that was cut earlier in the night is holding a wad of red fabric to his face, covering his mouth and nose - his other hand pumping furiously over his angry, erect cock.

It takes him a moment to realize he’s no longer alone, giving you an unobstructed view until he notices you out of the corner of his eye. When he does see you standing on unstable legs, watching him with wide eyes as you try to register exactly what you’ve stumbled upon after practically falling into the bathroom, he doesn’t stop entirely. Instead, his fist twists around the shaft and slows to a steady pace, as if hitting the pause instead of putting an end to the show.

“Close the fucking door, y/n.” His voice is muffled slightly when he speaks into the cloth bunched between his fingers that he doesn’t bother to drop.

“I- Um. I- I’m so sorry,” you stammer awkwardly, trying to peel your eyes away from the alarming scene. Just as you’re about to turn away and pull the door shut behind you, you catch the glistening pink tip twitch after emerging from the squeeze of a downward pull.

Safely in the hallway, you roll your back onto the door frame and let your body slide until your ass hits the ground and your knees meet your chest. You take a deep breath and cover your face with your hands, reeling from the embarrassment and guilt you’ve thrust on yourself by being so careless. You’re sure your cheeks must be beet red and getting redder by the second as you recount the last thirty seconds in your head.

Why didn’t he cover himself?

Is he still going at it?

Was that a bloody rag he was holding?

Did he come up here to clean his cut and get off on the bloody smell?

Holy shit, Josh has a blood kink???

Suddenly, the bathroom door flies open once more and the hallway is flooded with yellow light. Peeking through the cracks of your fingers you can see that Josh comes sauntering out slowly, moves to the wall opposite where you’re sitting and leans against it. You can’t bring yourself to look at him, so you keep your face covered, holding onto the little comfort it brings you for dear life. 

Maybe, if I hold really still, he’ll just go away.

Unfortunately, no amount of wishful thinking would ever get Josh to leave you alone in a state like this.

“So, we’ve got a voyeur on our hands, hmm?” You can’t tell if the accusatory nip in his voice is completely serious or not. Surely he can’t be serious, obviously, there was no way for you to have known what was happening behind a closed door.

You allow your hands to drop to your lap and face him directly, deciding he needs to see the sincerity on your face, no matter how uncomfortable it ends up being. His eyebrow is raised at you suspiciously and his arms are crossed tightly against his chest. His other appendage is thankfully tucked back into his pants and hidden away.

“It’s not like that...It was an accident Josh, really. I'm sorry. I was just looking for Jake.”

“Ahh, Jacob - He’s probably outside with everybody else. It is almost midnight.” He raises one arm to mimic viewing the time on his watchless wrist.

As much as you’d like answers to your questions, you count yourself thankful that Josh seems eager to move on and instead ask, “Wait, why is everyone outside?”

“It’s tradition for everyone to jump in the pool at midnight.” One corner of his mouth turns up slightly as he likely recalls a fond memory or two. “Sam started it when we were kids - it sort of caught on.”

“Isn’t it fucking December right now? The pool’s probably freezing.”

“Yeahhhh, it used to be pretty bad but Sam’s pool is heated. Actually, I’m pretty sure he had the heater installed for that exact reason.”

You mouth a ‘wow’ but ultimately accept this knowledge with a nod. There’s a moment of silence between you that you want to fill, but you’re not quite sure where to begin. Being mildly drunk surely isn’t helping to clear your head either. 

This is just Josh we’re talking about here. You’ve known him and his brothers for years before you and Jake even started dating - it shouldn’t be this difficult to talk to him. He’s the kind one, the understanding one, the…

“Just say what’s on your mind. I won’t bite.”

…the intuitive one.

You chew on your lip and look away, trying to organize everything whizzing through your mind into at least one coherent thought - which his piercing expectant stare is doing nothing to help. Should you start with the fact that you just witnessed your boyfriend’s twin brother doing the salami slap in his younger brother’s bathroom on New Year’s Eve, or make something up and say literally anything else? You wish more than anything that it could be the latter, but you know that Josh won’t be letting you off on a lie. 

With a deep breath for strength, you look back up at his sweet eyes and do your best not to look like the whole situation is causing you pain. To avoid any further embarrassment, you resolve to scrape up the bare minimum that’ll get him off your back. “You’re not mad at me are you?”

“No, silly. You said it was an accident, I have no reason not to believe that.” He chuckles lightly under his breath, sounding surprised and a little relieved.

“Okay... Are you going to tell Jake?” You go back to staring at your hands as your stomach flips at the thought. 

“Why?”

“Even if you’re not mad, he might be.” 

“Then.. it depends.” He tips his head back a bit so he’s looking at you with hooded eyes, making it difficult for you to really read them. “Did you like it?”

You don’t make any effort to stop the look of incredulity that you know is there. “What? Of course not. Why would you ask me that?”

“No reason.” A nasty smirk crawls onto his lips as he starts walking away, “You were just staring for a really long time, that’s all. Thought I saw you drooling.” He throws his one last remark over his shoulder before turning the corner and leaving you alone on the floor, completely dumbfounded.

Was I drooling?

Whether or not you liked it hadn’t really crossed your mind. You want to say no - it was jarring and unexpected, and it made you feel wrong - but your gut reaction when being asked if you enjoyed seeing so much of Josh is not to say no, just that it looks so much like Jake’s.

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

Josh was right. The party has mostly shifted to the backyard, where everyone is scattered around the edge of Sam’s luxurious pool. They’re mingling and drinking to classic rock music, surrounded by steam from the warmth of the pool reacting to the crisp night air. You spot Jake talking to Sam, only half listening to whatever he’s saying while scanning the crowd to look around for you with a determined expression. You find it charming that he acts like a little lost puppy without you, and when he sees you walking towards him he lights up just like one would after not seeing their owner for too long. He politely excuses himself from his conversation and meets you halfway, interlocking his arm with yours and planting a sweet kiss on your cheek as soon as you’re within reach.

“Where were you?” he mumbles against your skin, holding you close to him for just barely longer than necessary, but his touch is extremely welcome at the moment.

“Oh…nowhere. I’ve just been trying to find you and got a little lost.”

“Lost, huh?” He lets his mouth hang for a moment after the last syllable like he were to chew on it, pondering the meaning of the words as they come out. 

“Yeahhh, but I ran into Josh and he pointed me out here.”

“Well…good thing - you barely made it.”

A handful of people start the countdown and gradually everyone joins in until the whole party is calling out the final seconds to midnight. Jake takes both your hands in his and smiles, giving them each a light squeeze. 

5, 4, 3, 2…

Beautifully overdressed people position themselves at the edge of the pool, playfully pushing others out of the way to keep themselves perfectly poised to jump. On the final count, there’s a roar of noises, cheering, popping, and drunken partygoers fall into the warm water like quarters in an arcade game. Amidst all the chaos, Jake delicately presses his lips to yours, and you enjoy a magical moment together until you’re unceremoniously thrown into the pool. 

The commotion and size of the pool have created what’s essentially a human soup. You’re underwater just briefly but somehow still manage to get kicked by at least two people. To your relief, when you extend your legs they’re met with concrete and you’re able to stand and make your way back to the edge. 

“Why’d you do that?! Fuck, now I’m soaked!” You pout through the streams of water rolling off your face.

”I thought you jumped!” 

You grab your shoes by the heels and yank them off to toss them onto the concrete before you reach for the hand Jake has bent down to offer. He clasps two hands around your one to help you clear the edge of the pool without risking a slip.

“Alright, somebody better fess up. Who thought it would be funny to push her?” He raises his voice as he turns to look around for the presumed perpetrator.

“Whatever, just leave it - it doesn’t matter.” Goosebumps pucker your skin, causing you to shiver in the crisp air. You fold your arms over your torso to conserve some of your body heat, but your hair and clothes cling to you in an uncomfortable way that you’re not at all fond of. “I wanted to go home anyway.”

“What? No, we can’t leave yet! You’ll be dry in no time babe, we’re not leaving.”

“Jake, my clothes are basically see through now and my hair is ruined. I want to leave.” You speak matter-of-factly, letting him know that you’ve put your foot down.

He sighs dramatically, making it obvious that he’s probably seeing this as an overreaction on your part. You roll your eyes and adjust your stance to jut your hip out and throw your arms up just enough for him to view your torso, showing him how your white shirt is essentially acting as a second skin. The tight satin top leaves little to the imagination on its own without the added help of being soaked all the way through - your red lace bra now fully on display.

“Alright, fine,” he finally caves with a huff, but you can tell he’s trying to conceal a smirk when he adds, “You’re too fucking hard-headed for your own good.” 

“But, you love me, right?” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s a blessing and a curse. Here, take the keys and start heating up the car. I’ll run inside and grab you some towels.”

You place a peck on his cheek and grab the keys from him in a hurry before parting ways. Your teeth start to chatter as you make your way down the neatly landscaped path to the garden gate that leads to the front of the house. 

It’s not a long walk to the side street where Jake had parked, but your overstimulated state is making it easy for you to become annoyed that he didn’t park in the driveway like he usually would. “We should keep the front of the house free for people that aren’t as familiar with the area as we are,'' he had said to you when you complained about walking a block and a half with heels on. You make a mental note to scold him for it later. 

As you approach the familiar black Jeep, your quickly numbing fingers fumble with the key fob to unlock it, and you slide yourself into the passenger seat as soon as you hear it click open. Once the vehicle breathes to life, you select the highest temperature option on the dash, immediately wincing away from the cold air that blasts from the vents. It only takes a moment before it starts to warm and your tight muscles relax.

Everything touching you is overwhelming, the damp clothing has started to irritate your skin in some places and you worry it might leave you with a rash. You do what you can to get comfortable by starting to remove your jewelry, placing it in one of the empty cup holders. Just as you’re unclasping your necklace, the cabin lights come on and the driver's side door opens for the familiar build of your boyfriend.

“Hey, where are the towels? Seriously? You had one job,” you whine at the lack of sweet fluffy relief in his hands until he actually enters the car, and you realize it isn’t Jake at all. “Josh? What are you doing?” 

“Well, hello to you too, missy. We’re gonna go for a little drive. Just sit back and relax.” Once he’s situated the seat to his liking and adjusted the mirrors accordingly, he turns to flash you his famous toothy smile. 

“Uhh, Jake’s just grabbing towels… he’s gonna be right back and then we’re going home.”

“What? You mean this isn’t my car?” He looks around in faux shock for a moment, then shakes his head and laughs at his own joke. His laugh sounds normal at first until it evolves slightly, becoming creepy and maniacal right there in the moment. You want to tell him to stop, but it ends with a sigh and a single clap of his hands.

“Quit fucking around, Josh.” He’s been known to play a prank every once in a while, but never one that makes your palms sweat and heart race quite as much as this. 

This is the third incident tonight... He must be coked out of his fucking mind or something...

“I’m afraid this isn’t a joke, babe.” He pulls a knife from somewhere in his khaki jacket, and flips it around in his hands to point it in your direction just a foot or so away. His eyes darken, becoming dead serious. “We’re gonna go for a drive, and you’re not gonna make a fuss, alright?” 

“Seriously, cut it out. This isn’t fucking funny. Jake is coming back any second.” Your senses are seconds away from overdrive. The sight of the glistening metal has you reflexively pulling away from him and your hand hovering near the door handle, ready to make a break for it if necessary. Your eyes flicker from the knife to his face, and his jump from your face to your hand and back.

“You know what, you’re right.” He turns his hand to point the knife away from you. “I’ve made a grave mistake. What was I thinking playing such a cruel prank on my brother’s beloved? I’m sorry y/n, I’ll just see myself out.” 

“…N-no it’s okay. I just thought-“

Before you can finish your sentence, or do anything to react at all, Josh clenches his fist around the handle, sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, and whips his arm around to your side of the car. The butt of the knife connects with your skull, and the force knocks you completely unconscious.

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

It’s not difficult to open your eyes when you come to, but it is difficult to see in the darkness. You’re sure you’re laying on your back, and you’re sure you’re in the backseat of a car, but you’re not sure of much else beyond that. You attempt to lift your head to look around but find it unexpectedly difficult to lift the weight, dropping it back down with a groan.

Fuck, how much did I drink? I haven’t blacked out like that in a while…

“Welcome back to the land of the living, sunshine.” The singsongy voice confuses you more than anything, as it’s not the one you expected to hear.

“Jakey?”

“I must’ve hit you pretty hard, huh? I’d appreciate it if you don’t make me do that again.” His voice is coming from somewhere by your legs, paired with the sound of smacking wet kisses.

“...Josh?” You try your hardest to shake the fog that’s clouding your mind. 

I think I remember hitting my head.

He doesn’t answer you, so you focus on what he said to hopefully gain enough clarity to piece it all together. Falling into the pool unexpectedly was pretty sobering, but it’s starting to come back to you how you came to be in this situation. 

He said he hit me, he knocked me out. He must have taken me somewhere.

You find enough strength to try and move again. At first, you can only wiggle a bit, so you attempt to move your arms to assist you in sitting up, only to find that they’re duct taped behind your back. 

“What’s happening?” Your heartbeat quickens until it’s beating so hard and fast that you can hear it in your ears.

“Try not to panic, princess. The more you struggle, the more I might not be able to control myself.” When he exhales, you can feel the heat feather across your skin. You force yourself to finally lift your head so you can scan down the length of your body. Your still-soaked bra has been pushed up to your neck and your shirt has been ripped open, or rather cut by the silver blade held in Josh’s hand near the waistband of your skirt. The skirt itself is still in its place, but the damp expanse of your stomach is being caressed over and over by continuous laps of Josh’s tongue.

“What are you doing?! Get the fuck off of me!”

“Awww, now I know you don’t mean that. You loved it in your sleep, you even moaned a few times,” he teases as you try to squirm away, yet he holds you still, even when you try to kick him away with your knees, your only available form of defense.

“I don’t care! Let me go, you fucking asshole!”

“Oh, but the night is so young! We’re just getting started!” No matter how hard you try to fight him, he’s obviously loving this, evidenced by a growing grin curling over his teeth.

“Getting started with what? What are you gonna do with me? Kill me?” You spit your words at him, stilling your fruitless thrashing in an effort to catch your breath.

“I didn’t plan on killing you, but we are gonna have some fun. I have to get you inside first though, then I can tell you.”

“I’ll scream.”

“Go ahead and scream all you want, nobody can hear you out here. Your screams are all mine tonight.” His goofy smile is something you’d grown to love, but now, in this darkness, there’s a perverse sinister quality - like something has possessed the kind man you used to consider one of your closest friends. 

“…Let me go, Josh. I won’t tell anyone.”

“No way in hell, princess. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.” He first replaces your bra, then flips the handle on the door and shoves it open, finding his footing outside the car before adjusting his grip on you and the knife pressed to your stomach.

“Stop fucking calling me that.” 

He smirks at your defiance as he stands up, pulling you with him and protecting your head from the top of the car with his hand. 

Now outside, you realize you’re in a wooded area dense with trees in every direction you can see. Directly ahead of you is a small, run-down cabin. The steps up to the front porch are slightly bowed and the paint is peeling off the side paneling. Though it seems like it should be abandoned, a gentle glow coming from the frosted windows makes it clear someone has recently been inside, if they aren’t currently. 

“Where are we?” 

You shiver as whips of cold from the breeze bite at the wet spots on your breasts and stomach where Josh had been enjoying himself. 

“You don’t really know how kidnappings work, do you?” You ignore the tinge of embarrassment that you feel when he laughs at you. “I own this place, so you don’t have to worry about anyone disturbing us.” He kicks the car door shut before guiding you towards the small building with a tight grip on your bicep, the tip of the knife he threatened you with slotted firmly against the small of your back. “Just be a good girl and I’ll worry about the rest, can you do that for me?” 

Now that you realize there’s no shred of hope that this is just some fucked up joke, your racing heart kicks into overdrive, forcing you into fight or flight mode. There’s no stopping the gradual frantic increase in your voice when you respond, “No, Josh. Please - Please let me go, someone, help me please!”

Josh groans and lets out a scream of his own, matching your volume. “Oh no, someone help! She’s been taken! I’m a madman! I told you, there’s nobody around to answer.”

The growing feeling of complete and utter helplessness causes your lower lip to quiver, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing all the hope drain out of you in real time. Once you’ve reached the front porch, he drags your thrashing body up the steps to the large, aged door. There, he twists the knob and in one swift motion, he pushes it open and shoves you inside. 

You stumble momentarily, but catch yourself in time to look around and get a handle on your bearings. It’s small inside - just one spacious room with one corner sectioned off to be a dedicated kitchenette, and an alcove on the far end of the room that’s taken up entirely by a king-size bed. Two doors sit against another wall, and one of them has been left ajar, allowing you just enough of a view inside to recognize it as a bathroom. Even though the small space is sparsely-lit by a soft, warm light, the decor itself prevents it from feeling cozy. The ceilings are vaulted, giving it a false sense of spaciousness, and all the furniture is clearly catered to Josh’s expensive taste. The bed is adorned with furs, the walls are decorated with visually pleasing but pretentious artwork, and in the middle of the open space is a table set with candles and fine china. Wine and strawberries had been set out on the dark wood ahead of time. The spread would be inviting if it weren’t for Josh’s menagerie of tools - zip ties, duct tape, rope, a handful of pills in an unlabelled bag, and a small array of weapons are all laid out next to the plates like they belong there. 

“What the hell is this?”

“I never got the chance to show you how much happier I could make you. So, now I’m gonna spend the night trying to prove it to you.” Even though he’s turned away from you to lock the door, you can hear the sick smile in his voice, and you suddenly realize he’s presented you with a golden opportunity. 

You know you’ve only got a split second; your brain is foggy from panic, weighed down by the last lingering effects of alcohol, but you try to push it all aside. Your eyes flick around frantically in search of a way out, but there's nothing that would offer you a quick enough escape from the cabin before Josh could stop you. Before you can really make up your mind, your feet are deciding for you - you sprint toward the bathroom as fast as you can manage in your battered state. You don’t dare look back when his heavy footfall hits the floor just a step behind you, but you’re able to slip through and shut the door with your shoulder. You try to choke back violent, terrified sobs as you brace your back against the door, but you can’t suppress the scream that spills out when he throws his body against it seconds later. The wood is old and you can hear it cracking under the pressure as you blindly fumble for the lock with your bound hands. 

Somehow, you manage to find and press it - even with the lock in place, adrenaline keeps your back glued to the door. The extremely heightened emotion, mixed with the sudden physical labor, puts the bitter taste of bile in your mouth as your tightened stomach threatens to spill its contents with each heaving breath. 

There’s no evidence of a light switch in the obvious places, so you let your knees buckle under you from pure exhaustion, and you slide down the worn lacquer into a puddle of tears on the floor. You squeeze your eyes closed tight and wish away the rattling of the door knob as Josh twists it frantically from the other side. Every few seconds, another determined slam against the door causes you to jump until it ceases abruptly. 

The absence of noise is somehow more disturbing than its counterpart, like a calm before the storm that’ll come whenever Josh decides to take an ax to the barrier standing between you and him. The silence carries on for just a tad longer than you’re comfortable with and your curiosity overcomes your nerves - you press your ear against the door to listen for movement. You attempt to quiet your sobs, reducing them to muted chokes for breath from your tired lungs and pray he won’t hear you.

Through the door comes a frustrated grunt and a single pound of his fist against the thin wood. “I knew you were feisty but damn… You’ve got some fucking nerve.”

“I’m not doing this! I’m not taking part in your sick role play!” you scream into the darkness, louder than necessary for such a tight space - you could whisper against the wood and he would probably be able to hear it.

“You’re already a part of it.” You could hear the goading grin in his tone, but he sounds like his patience is waning when he pointedly informs you, “And you can’t stay in there forever. Sooner or later, you’ll have to come out. This’ll all go much smoother if you just let yourself enjoy it.”

Somewhere in the folds of your panicked brain, you know he’s right, but you’re clutching to your naive optimism like it’s the only thing keeping you tethered down. You squeeze your eyes shut, swallow back the lump at the back of your throat, and whisper to yourself, “Jake will come - he’ll realize something is wrong and then he won’t stop until he finds me.”

Between the obstacle of the wooden door and the jagged, uncontrollable breaths you’re taking, you’re not sure how he hears you, but you know he has when he puts on an air of false pity to tell you, “Jake’s not coming, princess.” 

With your literal life on the line, it’s probably the last thing you should be worried about, but the way he says it feels demeaning. Your blood boils a little more every time, and now that you’ve reached your limit, you grit your teeth and scream, “I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING PRINCESS, JOSH!” 

A heavy silence haunts the pause he takes before speaking again.

“I find your temper charming, but you’d better watch how you speak to me.” He threatens through grit teeth, making him sound as though he’s barely restraining himself from tearing you limb from limb. “Just think about it. He was expecting to take you right home - so he must have come back to find you and his car missing. He could easily find out where you are from your phone’s location, which I have right here in my pocket. Don’t you think that if he was going to save you, he’d be here already?”

He has a point. Why hasn’t Jake shown up?

“Look,” he continues. “I know you’re scared, but I didn’t bring you all the way out here and set this shit up just to hurt you.”

“Then let me go.” A lump the size of a boulder settles in your throat, you try not to let it affect your voice. 

“I also didn’t go through all this trouble just to let you go as soon as I got you here.”

Okay, think. How do I get out of here as painlessly as possible?

I could wait in here but I don’t know if he’s crazy enough to break the door down. He could be lying, he could have disabled GPS on my phone or thrown it wherever and that’s why Jake hasn’t shown up with the cops yet. 

What if I do what he wants, will he let me go when he’s finished with me?  

“I’m not gonna wait around forever.” The anger dripping from his voice gives it an eerie quality, severe enough to raise the hair on the back of your neck. 

“Hold on. If I come out…will you promise not to hurt me?”

“I never planned on hurting you.” 

Part of you wants to believe him, but you know that’s a mistake you can’t afford to make. Never in a million years did you think you’d be stuck weighing whether or not this kind soul could be capable of murder. You’re not sure how much time you lost to unconsciousness, but just a few hours ago you would have trusted him with anything. Now, you don’t know what to think. What else has he lied about? Is he lying now? Probably. Either way, it’s a gamble, but which is the better bet? 

Light pangs of metal hitting wood come from where Josh is tapping the tip of his knife on the other side of the door. “Tick, tock…tick, tock. What’ll it be, baby?”

We’re the same size but he can still overpower me. Can’t use my hands so I can’t fight. No time to 

He has the home field advantage. I probably wouldn’t be able to hide if I made it outside, even if I did I might freeze. 

Not sure if I can outrun him…

“Times up.” The floor creaks once again as he moves away from the door. You hear his footsteps pace across the span of the room, pause, and then return in a matter of seconds. “So naive of you to assume I would have any one-way locks in this place.”

Every coherent thought, plan, and sense of security you had gained turns to TV static in your mind when the door handle starts rattling. Instinctively you dig your heels into the tile to push yourself farther into the bathroom, slinking back as far as the space will allow until your back hits the lip of the tub. 

White hot tears silently stain your cheeks as the rattling stops and the bathroom door swings open. 

Illuminated as only a knife-wielding silhouette in the doorway, Josh cocks his head to the side. He’s taking deep, dragging breaths like he just ran a marathon, and at some point in your separation he rid himself of his shirt and coat. “You didn’t even find something to cut the tape with? Not even an ambush, wow. I thought you were smarter than this, y/n.”

“You piece of shit, don’t fucking touch me!” You scream at him while he makes his way to you in three steps.

“Shut up.” He grabs the tape between your bound wrists and pulls, dragging you across the bathroom floor kicking and screaming. You thrash against him desperately, but he doesn’t let go until he throws you into the table. The wind is knocked right out of your lungs on impact, doubling you over on the floor while you try to catch your breath. There’s barely enough time to recover from the blow before he’s grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking you onto a dining chair. 

Even after he’s forced you into a sitting position and affixed the blade of his knife to your neck, he holds your head high by the roots. 

“How many times do I have to tell you that this would go easier if you just listened to me?” He lowers himself to your level and shouts in your face, laying the edge of the knife into your skin until it stings so badly that you have to grit your teeth to bear it. Small red beads pearl up to the surface under the foreign metal. A fresh pool of tears spills over your lower lashes, and you track his eyes as he follows their trail down your cheeks. 

“That was scary, huh?” You nod once. “I’m sorry, baby. Everything’s gonna be just fine if you listen from now on, can you do that for me, baby?” You nod again. 

“Good...good girl.” 

He kisses you softly on your temple as he stands, just like Jake always does when you’re upset. You sniff the remnants of tears away and try not to think about it too much. Without taking his eyes off you, he plucks a roll of duct tape off the table and holds it up for you to see. “I have to tape you to the chair, but you have to be still. If you can be still and let me do that, I'll give you your hands back, okay?” You don’t say anything, but you look at him in a way so he knows you understand. He searches your face for a moment before giving you a tight nod and going to work.

Finally, he releases his hold on your hair, and against your better judgment you stay still just like he’s asked you to. Your stares bore into each other so intensely that you should be able to see into his soul. His eyes give away that he’s noticed your conscious choice to cooperate - you think he might even be proud of your restraint. You used to think that his eyes gave everything away. You turned out to be wrong. 

He lowers himself, bending one leg to kneel in front of you, and the knife follows - trailing the sharp tip from where it had left a long, scarlet-red opening in your skin. and then trails down the ridge of your breast. He briefly pauses,  turning the knife in his hand so he can rest the chilled, flat side of the blade against your nipple - you’re not sure what kind of response he’s looking for, but you try not to give him one. The point scrapes against your abdomen with just enough pressure to etch another pronounced, red line into the delicate skin as he travels to your inner thigh. It finally stalls at your knee while Josh wraps the fingers of his free around your ankle so he can guide your leg into the position he wants. Then, as he pulls a corner of the tape free, the tip comes to rest on the meat of your calf.

With the smallest amount of force, he could drive the blade right through the muscle and out the other side, if he so desired. He’s doing a bang up job of keeping you guessing - letting the uncertainty of his next move keep you docile as he binds your ankles to the legs of the chair, one at a time. You put up no fight when he spreads your knees, or when he briefly gazes into the space he’s made between them and absently licks his lips.

“I told you, a little cooperation would make this easier for us both.” Audacity coats his words like a thick blanket as he steps behind you. He slices the tape binding your wrists down the middle and peels off each remaining piece, freeing your hands at last. 

Before he takes his place at the seat across the table, he grabs one of them and raises it slightly to inspect it. Your loose limbs are weak and tingly, the abnormal position kept you from noticing how swollen and red your wrists had become. Struggling against the tape left discolored indents where it had rolled up slightly, and ugly welts puckered your skin where the tape was ripped off. 

“I’m sorry about this.” He rotates your arm in his grasp, analyzing his handiwork like an artist analyzes a finished piece for imperfections.

“Sure you are,” you say flatly and snatch your hand away from him, eliciting a small chuckle from Josh as he turns to sit in his assigned seat. 

“None of this would have been necessary if you’d just learned how to play nice.” He wipes the blade of the knife on the corner of the tablecloth before setting it down with the others. The bottle of wine is already open, making it effortless for him to pop the cork and pour a small amount into two glasses. When he sets one of the glasses in front of your table setting, you make a point to ignore it - instead massaging the insides of your wrists as you rest them on the table. 

“There’s no ‘let’ in this equation, Josh.” Your eyes nearly scratch your brain from how far you roll them to the back of your skull. “I’m here against my will, remember?”

“Watch that tone of yours.” He narrows his eyes and speaks through a mouthful of half-chewed strawberry, “You didn’t give me much of a choice on that one, now did you?”

“You had no choice but to kidnap me?! Honestly, what did you think would happen? That I would just roll over and take it? You’re so fucking stupid sometimes Josh.”

“I said, watch your fucking tone with me.” He slams his hands on the table, rattling the flatware enough to make you flinch, and knocks his chair off its feet when he stands forcefully. “And yeah, you’re damn right I had no choice. I didn’t even know dating you was an option until you started fucking my brother, but I did know I was better for you than him. Especially after hearing about how you like him to fuck you, but you didn’t even consider me until you got lingering eyes.”

“Is that what this is about?” you scoff, gesturing to the room around you. “Walking in on you earlier was an accident, and I’m sorry about it but this is not-“

“Oh, I had this planned long before tonight, that was just the icing on the cake. I’m talking about everything else,” he cuts you off. 

“…I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s a lie, but you’re too scared to admit that you know exactly what he's referring to. 

“Really, y/n?! Fuck you, you flirted with me right in front of Jake more than once! You couldn’t have made it more obvious if you tried, then I had to get disciplined by my little brother for something I didn't even do and watch you turn around and be happy with him! How do you think that made me feel?!”

His honesty hits you like a freight train. Nothing about what he said is untrue, you did make moves on him when your inhibitions were obscured, and you chose to sweep it under the rug when you were sober. When Jake confronted you about it and you could’ve come clean, you lied. The possibility of it coming back to bite you in the ass was overshadowed by the fear of taking the blame and its consequences.

The sludge-like feeling of guilt you’d tried to avoid settles in the pit of your stomach, but you envelope it humbly and shove it down inside you to be dealt with later. You knew he had to have a reason - even if it wasn’t good enough to justify his actions, there had to be one.

“I thought we were friends, Josh. Why didn’t you just talk to me like a normal person?” 

“How could I with all the mixed signals you were giving me? Cold shoulder one day and full on flirting the next time you happened to get so wasted you probably don’t even remember doing it.”

Is this my fault?

“I'm sorry I made a few drunken mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you get to hold me hostage! Jake really isn’t gonna let you get away with it this time and you’ll crumble as soon as he gets his hands on you.” Your blood is starting to boil, and you can feel your temper begin to bubble just under your skin.

“Oh, so you’re threatening me now?” He snatches a switchblade from the table, flipping it open as he marches towards you.

You scramble for a knife on the table to defend yourself, but he left them just out of your reach. Desperate for any protection, you grab the fork just in front of you and brandish it in his direction. “Stay away from me with that thing, I’m serious!” 

“That’s so cute,” he chastises, pausing only for a moment before he lunges at you and grabs the wrist that wields your weapon of choice. You use your free hand to beat on his arm, but he squeezes so hard that you cry out in pain and the fork falls from your grip involuntarily. It crashes to the ground and you attempt to swing at him with your free hand, leaving you wide open for him to press his blade to the apple of your cheek. 

You freeze the moment you feel the steel against your skin, and he leans in until his face is barely a few inches from yours. “Jacob is the least of my worries, princess. I can hold my own. Besides, I know you don’t really want him interfering.”

“What are you talking about?” Usually Jake has him quaking in his boots when it comes to tests of dominance, so this sudden show of power confuses you.

“Earlier, you asked me if I was going to tell Jake about our encounter. Why was that?” He narrows his eyes again, waiting to see if your response will match the one he’s clearly looking for.

“I just… I didn’t want him getting upset.”

“Wrong. I think you didn’t want me to tell him that you didn’t close that door right away.” He grabs the back of your chair with the hand that was confining your wrist, and leans it on the back two legs so he’s looking down directly into your eyes. “I think you didn’t want me to tell him how much you liked it.”

“You don’t know that.” It comes out much softer than you intended.

“Don’t I?” He raises his eyebrows and speaks with a knowing tone that sounds way too confident for your taste.

You flinch when the knife moves, but it leaves your face and instead slips carefully under the straps of the clothing still clinging to your body, still barely dried at all. He cuts through them at both shoulders and straight down middle, pulling the pieces from your body in a hurry. Fighting him would just prove fruitless, so you stay silent and let him finish. 

Next he goes for the waistband of your skirt, effortlessly slicing through the fabric like it was made of paper. You hang your head when he removes it and try to close your legs as much as your restraints will allow. 

“No panties, I see. Were you expecting something?”

“It’s a matching set, I couldn’t find the bottoms.” You avoid eye contact, looking for any bit of relief you can get.

“You mean, these?” He fishes a small bundle of fabric from his pocket and tosses it onto the table. It unravels on impact, revealing to you the red lace panties that you were hoping would end up on Jake’s floor tonight. “Sorry I forgot to return them in time, but I can pay my late fee.”

You were so unprepared for this level of shock that he’s rendered you frozen, head spinning in search of an explanation for how he could have possibly gotten his hands on them - but nothing is making sense amongst your frenzied thoughts.

“Where did you get those?” You try to remain stone-faced so as to not let him feed off the fear coursing through you.

“I have my ways - it’s not important.” He smiles evilly, obviously enjoying this more than he should be.

“No, it is important. How did you get them?” Your eyes are glued to the lace as realization sets in - the realization that Josh’s delusion is much more dangerous than you originally thought. 

“Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” 

“Jesus fucking christ, Josh. Be fucking straight with me, right the fuck now. You owe me that at least.”

“Why? What are you scared of?” He grins like he already knows what you're thinking, and you think he just might. You’re not expecting it when he pinches one of your nipples between his fingers, making you twitch under the touch. It’s more surprising to you that he was able to restrain himself for as long as he did.

You’re connecting the dots in your head. It makes sense now. What you thought was a bloody cloth he was holding in the bathroom was actually a pair of your panties. You’d worn those panties just a few days prior for a Christmas party, and you intentionally washed them to be ready for tonight. They should have been in your drawer ready to go where you know you put them, but at some point in the last 48 hours, Josh took them from your home with the knowledge you’d be expecting to wear them again. Not only that, but he knows, to a degree of unknown certainty, that the image of him has been playing on a non-stop loop in your head.

“You were in my house?” you ask, already so sure of his crime that it sounds more like a statement than a question. 

“You really ought to start locking your bedroom window.” His grin grows wider as he watches light bulbs turn on in your head. 

“…And it wasn’t just one time.” You’re just processing your thoughts out loud now. For him to be so sure of himself that he feels confident enough to kidnap you, he had to have snuck in on more than one occasion.

He throws the knife behind him and it clunks loudly against the china as it lands somewhere on the table. He grabs your neck just under the jaw and forces you to look at him.

“What if I told you I've been in your house so much that I know your deepest darkest thoughts?” His voice is deep, desperate, and deranged. “I know what you talk about on facetime with your friends and I know what you ask Jake to do to you in the heat of a moment. I even know exactly when you’re about to cum based on the sound of your-“

“Stop.” He’s trying to break you - he’s showing all his cards trying to get you to bend to his will, and it’s working.

“Does it make your pretty cunt wet thinking about me watching your every move from inside the safety of your own home? What if I told you I snuck in and touched myself while I watched you sleep? Does it make you tingle?” He’s so close you can smell the crisp mint of his mouthwash, and see the pores dotting his golden skin.

“Stop it!” You curse the chills you get when his words reach your eardrums, tickling something primal in you that hasn’t been touched in much too long. 

“You’re just as fucked up as I am, princess. I've heard what you talk about on facetime with your friends and I know what you ask Jake to do to you. I know you’re a dirty little slut who wants to be forced to her knees.”

You’re filled with shame thinking about how much he’s been witness to. You’ve confided in your friends about things you wouldn’t dream of telling Jake. All your kinkiest fantasies, the things you’ve said while swooning over celebrities, everything you wish Jake would do that you’re too scared to ask for - Josh heard it all.

Not only had he heard it - he heard it and he liked it.

Then it hits you… Josh was so worked up thinking about all the depraved fantasies that could be swirling around your noggin that he was going to spill his load for you right then and there. There’s no way he could’ve possibly waited until he got home to fill his head with your scent. 

But why would he do that if he had plans to kidnap me later…

“You left the door unlocked on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” He smirks.

“You wanted me to see you because you thought I would like it.”

“And I bet you like it so much more now that you know what I was thinking about. You’ve been thinking about me since it happened, haven’t you?”

You want to say no. You want to refuse him and spit in his face, but something is stopping you. Maybe it’s the desire deep inside you, but it’s probably his hand that’s been creeping up your thigh. 

“Don’t think I can’t see how you’ve been squirming in that seat. Come on, baby. Kiss me.”

He leans in to kiss you and kneads your soft flesh in his hand for good measure. When his lips collide with yours, you don’t give in immediately. You feel yourself start to soften to him, the moderately chapped quality of his pillowy lips doesn’t offend you, and you feel yourself giving in. That’s when sirens sound off in your brain. 

Instinctively, you push him away. 

I shouldn’t be enjoying this…

“Dammit, y/n!” He winds his hand back as if he means to strike you, but when you wince away from him he spins around and punches the air. “You can’t hide from me! You can’t hide from who you are, so what are you running from?! Just give yourself to me!”

“I can’t!” you scream back at his sudden outburst. It looks as though he’s snapped, pacing the room back and forth with his head in his hands in his version of a tantrum. He pulls at his hair by the roots as he processes some sort of inner turmoil. You thought you’d seen the last of scary Josh, but yet again, you were wrong. 

He paces the room once more before turning back to the knives laid out on the table. He pursues them quickly, hovering his hand over each one before settling on the same one he started with - a mid-sized hunting knife with a smooth wooden handle. 

“You can, you’re just scared of what our dear mutual friend would have to say about it.” He stares down at the knife, adjusting his grip around it. 

Your lower lip begins to quiver at the thought of what he actually might say if he really knew how you felt. He might have an inkling of your lust for him since the incident, but as far as he was concerned you belonged to him - mind, body, and soul. Would he be angry? Broken? Would he ever speak to you again?

He takes your face in his hands, sandwiching the handle against your cheek so the blade glides into your hair. The sound of it scraping against the strands makes you shiver from your nose to your toes. “I know what you want, baby. Give it up.”

“I don’t think I can, Josh… but I want to.” There's a real apology in your voice. You can see on his face just how much restraint he’s harnessing, either to keep from hurting you or taking advantage of you - though you’re sure they’re not mutually exclusive in his mind. 

“He isn’t going to find out, princess. Don’t you think it’s about time you indulge a little?” He sprinkles a giggle over the end of his rhetorical question. You’d probably find his sentiment rather cute if it wasn’t followed by another drastic switch in his demeanor - he grabs the edge of the table and shoves it, toppling it over to the side, everything on it crashing to the floor. Glasses and plates shatter on impact, creating an ear splitting noise, and you curse him silently for nearly giving you whiplash with his two-faced tendencies. You’re about to yell at him when you see he’s made room to pull up his chair directly in front of yours, so close that when he sits he has to spread his legs wider than yours to keep your knees from touching. “I want you to touch yourself for me.”

“W-what?” You were not expecting those words to come out of his mouth. 

“Touch yourself… nice and slow. It’s only fair.” He leans his elbows on his knees and taps the knife against your bare thigh. Your hands begin to move toward your center before jerking back slightly in a breath of uneasiness. “Don’t get shy on me now, I’ve seen how you open up for him.” 

You already know that he’s being serious - this exact scenario is one you’d talked about with Jake once that ultimately got shot down, but you search his eyes anyway. All that’s there is raw, unbridled lust, whirring around in his eyes like hurricanes made of desperation. Not a flicker of apprehension, or pity - nothing that makes you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed as you usually would. 

Slowly, like you’re trying not to spook a feral animal, you lower one hand to your clit and rub tight circles over it. There’s already a great amount of wetness creeping up your slit, making all of your movements extra sweet on the sensitive bud. When you slide one finger farther down to meet your entrance, it squelches as it slips inside, evidencing to you both that you’re more turned on than you realized. His eyes widen and a hum comes from low in his throat. You’re too pleased with how much he’s enjoying you to suppress the smile that comes to your lips. 

You continue to tease yourself, sliding your one finger out far enough to circle your clit a few more times before returning to your warm embrace. The combination makes you moan, but you don’t stifle it in favor of watching the erection grow in Josh’s pants until he reaches for his belt. You reward him with another moan when he pulls out his cock and rolls his fist over it for the second time tonight. 

It really is very similar to Jake’s, more than you’d care to admit. Thick, smooth, and mushroom-tipped - it’s easier to appreciate at this distance how gorgeous it is. 

I wonder if they taste similar, too. 

The thought shocks you a bit, but you let it live. A variety of other intrusive thoughts make their presence known now that you’ve moved on to a place of acceptance. One in particular feels especially promising…

I wonder how worked up I can get him.

Eager to earn more reactions from him, you dial up the sultry factor. Your free hand comes up to cup your breast, kneading it between your fingers and squeezing it against its counterpart. Your back arches slightly, sending a roll through your body, and you bite your lower lip as a cherry on top. 

His jaw drops as he watches you make a fool out of him. It’s nice to be admired in this way you’ve never been admired before, but it does amuse you how easily he became putty in your hands with a bat of your eyelashes.

“You gonna stare all night?” You snicker as you tease him, and he falls to his knees in front of you at your thinly veiled invitation. Cock still in hand, he leaves a trail of kisses up your calf to your knee where he rests his head. You let him stay there gawking at the drawn out movements of your hand against your pussy. His hips rut into his fist, and you can tell he’s sped up his strokes based on the movement of his arm. Though his stamina does impress you, part of you worries he might be nearing his end - and another, more confusing part of you, wants to keep that from happening just yet. 

“Josh-“ you coo at him, begging with his name.

“Shh, don’t stop. Play with that pretty clit a little more for me.”

You roll your eyes but do as he says, focusing your attention on babying the bundle of nerves. Tension in your abdomen builds towards a steadily approaching orgasm, but it plateaus when he raises his first two fingers to his lips, and parts them. He wets the digits in his mouth, relinquishing them once he deems them ready to find their way to your entrance. You let him do so, happily - savoring the precious look on his face when he curls his fingers into your sweet spot and your walls tighten around him. He looks as though he could cum right there on the oak flooring. 

“Fuck, baby… it’s like you were made for me,” he says through bared teeth, clenched like it’s the only thing holding onto his composure. 

You let your head loll back slightly to enjoy the expert technique of his fingers paired with yours, until you hear shuffling around on the floor below. His knife had been set down, almost entirely forgotten by you, but now that it’s back in play it has your full attention. He withdraws his hand, replacing it with his toy of choice. 

You stop your movements and grab his hand, stopping him from advancing any farther. He glances up at you momentarily and, for the first time all night, he sounds like himself again when he softly says, “It’s okay.”

You loosen your grip so he can continue, but don’t let go entirely out of abundance of caution. Electricity buzzes in your tingling core, building anticipation for the horrifying yet thrilling sensations he’s about to put you through. He continues gliding the steel up your inner thigh before turning the knife in his hand and teasing the blunt end of the handle into the pool of your wetness. 

This fantasy is one he’d thought of all on his own, you’d never alluded to something like it, but it excites you more than anything you could’ve dreamt up alone. You love how he makes you feel, and you want to hate yourself for it, but how could you hate yourself for something that feels so good?

A map of goosebumps arises as he runs the butt of the knife closer to your opening, and a chill ripples across them when he finally pushes inside you. The stretch is delicious, causing your clit to twitch when your body instinctively tries to pull it farther in. His tongue flicks out of his mouth, rolling in the air miming the way he would run it over your skin if he weren’t so mesmerized by your pink lips swallowing up the handle of his beloved weapon. He can’t seem to look anywhere else as he pulls it all the way out before shoving it back in as far as it will go, and he repeats the motion. “Who makes you feel good, baby? Who fucks you like the dirty slut you are? Tell me.”

Your grip tightens on his arm again, this time digging your nails into his skin as your mouth falls open to moan his name. Your reactions happen of their own volition, coming naturally to you without much thought. “Oh, Fuck. Josh.. you do. ”

“You want me inside now, don’t you?” 

“I want-“

A bright light flashes through the window and pulls you out of the moment before you can fully finish the thought. 

“Fuck.” He bolts to his feet at the speed of light, forcing his still-hard cock back into his pants as well as he can, wincing at the pain of bending it while still rock-solid.  

Josh stands with his back to you facing the door in a defense position. You curl up in a ball behind him.

“What do we do?” Your elevated pitch indicates you’re panicking at the thought of being caught in such a compromising situation - hoping and praying that Josh doesn’t let whoever it is inside. Truly they won’t know just how easily you gave in to temptation, but they’ll see the look of guilt on your face and smell it hanging in the air. It’s practically painted across your skin in blood. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” He does his best to soothe you and reaches out for your hand to give it a quick reassuring squeeze “It’s probably nothing.”

The sound of a car door slamming and gravel crunching under boot fall comes a second later.

“Josh?! I know you’re here, open the fucking door.” Just one pair of boots and one voice - Jake came alone.

“I told you not to come here.” You hardly recognize Josh’s voice anymore, he sounds like a completely different person. A person who’s doing their best not to lose their shit. 

Jake says something else that you can’t quite make out through his mumbles, but it doesn’t matter because right then the lock clicks open and in he comes.

“What are you doing here?” 

“Took Sam’s car. I had a feeling something was wrong when you didn’t just take her home, looks like I was right.” Jake moves to step around Josh, but he moves with him to continue body-blocking.

“This isn’t what we agreed, Josh. You were supposed to be careful with her.”

What?

“I was careful!” Josh defends, fists clenched at his sides.

“Then what the fuck is this?!” Jake points to the suspicious looking tools still on the table with the spilled wine. “Are you fucking torturing her?!”

“Jake.. I’m okay-“ you try to interject, you hate it when they fight, even now. It’s unnatural. 

“No! Of course not... Well, nothing serious. I just had to keep her in line! I would never hurt her, Jake.” Josh hesitates for a moment, allowing Jake to peer around him at you before Josh takes a staggered breath and blurts out, “I love her.”

“Bullshit, you love her. You don’t kidnap and torture the people you love. Get a fucking grip.” Jake loses his patience at the admission and puts his hands on his brother, shoving him out of the way like a heavy curtain. Josh catches himself with his hands, but ends up on the floor while Jake drops to his knees in front of you. He immediately takes your face between his palms so he can assess what damage has been done, asking you almost absentmindedly if you’re in any pain while he does so. 

“Wait, don't take her.” Josh grabs his shoulder and attempts to pull him away from his task, but Jake shakes him off easily. “Jake, stop! Please, please don’t take her from me.”

“I gave you more than you deserved and you took advantage of her.” Jake sneers.

“You don’t get it, she likes it! She wanted me to! If you’d just listen to her -”

This is all starting to be too much for you, trying to process so much information at once. You worry a panic attack might be brewing, or you could shut down altogether. 

“You don’t get to tell me what she does and doesn't want. End of discussion.” He begins working on gently peeling off the tape still stuck to your wrists and ankles. 

“You did this?” you whisper, just loud enough for Jake to hear. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t know it was gonna go this far.” Jake mumbles and looks up at you with pained eyes so tender you don’t know whether to yell at him or cry to him. He snags a faux fur from the bed and drapes it over your shoulders. “We’ll talk about it later. I’m taking you home.”

You know him well enough to recognize when he’s telling the truth, so you allow him to wrap his arms under your knees and around your back so he can lift and cradle you out to the waiting car. 

“Y/n, please, you have to tell him!” Josh trails behind you, pleading with you over Jake’s shoulder.

“Fuck off, Josh,” Jake barks without so much as a backward glance.

He sets you carefully in the passenger seat and reaches across you to buckle your seatbelt for you before taking his place in the driver's seat. As Jake backs out of the gravel drive, Josh stands watching in the open doorway. Bright red streaks are visible on his arms, even from this distance you can tell where you scratched him. He looks so defeated standing there watching Jake whisk you away. You - the alleged love of his life. You’re not sure what it is inside of you that's making you feel almost sorry for him. Regardless of how conflicted you feel, you decide to raise your hand just high enough for him to see it, and wave goodbye. 

His head lifts when he sees your gesture, an indiscernible expression flickers across his face. In return, he blows a kiss in your direction just as Jake turns onto the main road and drives away.

۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵♡۵

thank you for reading

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[anthemofgvf]

Endless Summer: Josh Kiszka x Reader Fanfiction

Part Three

description: you and sammy have been best friends since you were kids, and being around his family was the norm your entire life. when invited to a trip to their family lake house during the summer, you find yourself spending more time with his brother than your best friend. and, one thing has been clear your entire friendship: brothers are off limits.

warnings for this series: alcohol and marijuana usage, explicit content (18+, minors dni), angst, swearing

word count: 7.5k

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

The next two days consisted of more physical activity than the prior week. One of the only things you all hadn't filled your time with was a hike, so slotting those into your guys' mornings every once in a while would ensure keeping boredom away.

The morning after the second day, your muscles were beyond sore, barely letting you move from your mattress. It was as if you had fully sunken into the sheets, enveloped in the silk cloth and held hostage willingly by your exhausted body. Your eyes flickered open only for a moment, until realizing that sleep was the only thing that kept you from the aching sensation that ran throughout your legs.

Once you flipped over to the best of your ability, you tapped your phone screen and read the time: 8:30 AM. You exhaled deeply while the back of your hand rubbed the sleep out of your eyes and figured a soak would do your body justice.

And your assumption of just that proved itself to be true once you worked up the strength to maneuver yourself to the bathroom and strip from your clothes. If you had to push yourself through one more day of hiking, you had to soothe your muscles to the best of your ability. Although a slight wince escaped your lips as your toes dipped into the icy hot water, you just continued to clench your jaw and fully submerge yourself in the tub and felt relaxation wash over your whole being.

Whether or not a cold bath would've been more fitting for the current state of your body, that wasn't on your mind. The heat that steamed off the water and created a spa-like aroma was soothing enough, so you just lolled your head back and let your eyes rest shut.

But relaxation can only last for so long, especially if you're trying to achieve it in a house full of boys. Whistling rang throughout the upstairs, along with small steps to accompany the melodic blowing. You were unsure of who was awake, but Sam usually woke up before his brothers, so you ditched another ten minutes of soaking and slipped on the first things you could find in your suitcase.

Your head poked out of your bedroom with your hand finding its way to undo the lazy up-do you had worn to keep your hair from getting wet. But looking down the hallway, left and right, no one had made their appearance known. Sam's bedroom door was shut, and there was no sight of the twins.

Stepping out of your room, you quietly made your way down the stairs and the whistling ran through your ears again. It was coming from outside, and your curiosity led you to open the back door and follow it without thought.

To your surprise, Josh had his hands pressed flat behind him on the ground, propping his body weight onto them and swaying his head from side to side as he continued the melody. The warm wind hugged your body but sang through yours and his hair, and you watched from afar as the curls he spent hours perfecting just defying the position they were supposed to stay in. Your calves did argue with your body to hold you up but propping yourself on the side of the lake house seemed to be beneficiary to the calls from your tense legs.

Josh's whistling faltered, and his head turned over his shoulder. With squinted eyes, his face lit into a content smile, and he returned to overlooking the mountains that contained the lake you all enjoyed.

"Thought I heard someone." He kept his focus in front of him as he spoke. "Surprised to see you up so early."

"Me? I'm surprised to see that you're the first one awake." You repositioned yourself on the exterior of the house, with your back pressed onto it instead of your shoulder and upper arm. "Figured it was Sam out here."

"Are you disappointed?" He let his words sink into sticky air before turning his head to find your expression, and through squinted eyes, he saw you roll your eyes and huff a laugh. Your reaction only let his infectious grin fully display itself and turn back to the scenery. "Glad to know you don't have favorites, y/n."

"Don't tell your brother." You joined Josh on the grass with your legs extended in front of you and resting on your elbows. The temperature of the grass alone allowed you to adjust to the heat that was quickly rising with the sun, but not at its full high.

With the same scrunched expression, you shielded your eyes with your hand and looked to Josh, who had mastered a relaxed face despite being almost directly blinded by the sun. "You excited for another day of hiking?"

Josh tilted his head down, which casted a shadow over your eyes and reduced your scrunched face into a normal state. "My legs tell me no, but I know the view will be worth the pain." His curls slightly shook with the movement of his head as he spoke - always animated. "What about you?"

"My legs are killing me, to be honest. Might stay here while you guys go."

"And do what? Nothing?"

"Possibly. Or go down to the lake on my own. Haven't figured it out yet." You gave him a shrug, removing your eyes from his and looking out into the mountains.

"Well, I'd like it if you went with us." His eyes lingered on you, which was a nonverbal cue for you to look back up to him. "Just think about it, alright? And, if you don't want to go, I don't mind staying back with you to keep you company - if you'll have me."

You gave him a singular nod, mouthing, "okay" before you looked off into the distance and tilted your chin down enough to examine the trees that lined the waters in the small canyon of mountains.

You and Josh basked in the silence, interrupted once or twice by the whistling wind or the birds singing their infamous tune, but it didn't bother either of you. There was something comforting about the silence held between you and Josh; feeling as if there is no need to speak because each other's company was just enough. But although the world was quiet, your mind wasn't.

You remembered that Sam would be awake soon, and you didn't want his morning to be started off with a view of you outside with Josh. Whether he relaxed his feelings about your friendship with Josh, or just learned not to show them as much, you knew it bothered him, nonetheless. So, you left Josh quietly and made your way up to Sammy's bedroom, clinging onto the railing to drag your legs up each step that seemed to be more painful than the one before.

You left a few soft knocks on the door, and with no response, you cracked the door slightly to see your best friend still sound asleep laying on his stomach.

Hushed snores rumbled against his pillows as you tiptoed around the bed and crawl into the other side. Even your movements didn't stir his sleep, which didn't surprise you, so you pressed your palm onto his bare back and spoke his name.

After you shook his body a few times, he sharply inhaled, pushing his body up and whipping his head towards you. When his eyes allowed him to make out the figure in front of him, he was satisfied to see it was you.

"I was sleeping, y'know?" He relaxed his head back onto the pillow and turned away from you.

"Shh, you've woken me up plenty of times. I get a turn, right?"

Sam hummed, rotating his body and letting his eyes flutter shut again. "What time is it?"

"9:30. Not too bad of a time to start your day." Your hands ran through his knotted hair and brushed the stray pieces back behind his ear.

"Guess it's nice of you to have woken me up." He leaned his head into your touch. "Anyone else awake?"

You had to make a quick decision of whether or not to tell Sam that you had just gotten back from hanging out with Josh, or to just say you were just leaving your bedroom for the day. But, without knowing if Josh would say something about this morning, you figured telling Sam the truth was the best decision.

"Yeah, uh, Josh is. Heard him outside when I was taking a bath. So, I joined him for a bit after I got changed and talked with him." Your face slightly squinted as if you were trying to reflect any puncture, but to your surprise, Sam just nodded.

"He's awake?"

"I know! I was surprised to see him, too." You continued to toy with his hair. "Think he's still out there."

"Well, then that means neither of you have eaten yet." He said with a grunt, pushing himself off the mattress and hopping out of the bed. If you and him hadn't been friends for so long, seeing him in his briefs would cause a lot of discomfort on your end. "Do you have any preferences on breakfast?" He slipped into a loose pair of joggers.

"Preferably not limited to vegan." You shrugged.

Sam rested his hands on his hips, tapping at the bones with his pointer fingers. "Well, I guess I'll need some help then if I'm making a grand meal, huh?"

"Sam, I'm not a cook. Can't you recruit your brother?" You said in reference to Jake, who you had known to love cooking since he was little.

Although Sam sighed in defiance, he rolled his head towards the door and his body followed, leaving you to follow him downstairs and into the kitchen.

Jake was already awake, sitting on the couch and absent-mindedly scrolling through his phone when Sam discussed the plan of the first meal of the day with him. He just nodded, waiting for Sam to fully leave the room before he stood up, passing you by with a light smile and tousling the hair on top of your head. While you flattened your hair out, Josh had entered the room quietly, and joined his brothers.

Josh barely helped with the meal, just handing them things they asked for or mixing whatever concoction Jake had whipped up. You just rested your chin on the back of the couch as you watched them all work together, noticing how their work dynamic never really changed from when they were kids. You figured their arguing would lessen, or their teamwork would improve, but they still had hints of their old ways. It was special to see them act as if time never passed, and they were still the same normal guys that you grew up with in Frankenmuth.

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Over breakfast, Jake had mentioned staying another week or two at the lake house, admitting he's missed the second home more than he's realized and doesn't want to let the feeling of serenity go just yet. They all agreed with hums, mouths stuffed full of food, and their eyes landed on you. You were the only one who didn't follow their course of plans, so your decision mattered. Jake had said there was no pressure staying, but you insisted that you were enjoying yourself and the time spent with them, to which they all smiled gratefully to you that you chose to stay longer. However, you did mention that after today, you wouldn't want to take another hike, and Jake hummed in agreement.

After breakfast, you helped the three of them clean up the multitude of dishes they compiled while making the grand meal. You stook to the sink and washed the dishes thoroughly, then handing them to Josh, who dried them. Although there was a dishwasher that could make the job easier, there was something sentimental about making the one-man job into a two or three-man job. Sam only stuck around for so long when helping put away the dishes, until he ran off to take a shower. Jake, who helped you wash the plates and bowls for a few, chose to clean the pans instead and then leaving to get ready for the day himself.

Then there was just you and Josh... again. You swore you promised yourself you wouldn't stick yourself in situations as such that would leave you and Josh alone. Sam seemed to have gotten his feelings about your friendship with his brother under control, and that didn't help. Sam was like a barrier that did annoy you at some points with his aggravation of the platonic relationship between Josh and you, but it helped to keep your feelings sunk into the back of your mind and hopefully forgotten about.

Sure, it didn't help either that Josh came into your bedroom nightly to spend time with you but talking helped keep your thoughts at bay. It's not like you minded hanging around Josh, since he exuded the closest feeling to euphoria you could get. But it was easier to be upset about Sam getting in the way than for him to fully step away and let yours and Josh's relationship take its course.

You didn't let the guilt override your positive mind, and just took a few glances at Josh every now and then when he was putting a dish away or drying them off. His focused face was quite adorable, and not a part of you felt ashamed for thinking that. You chose for at least today to let yourself think or say whatever you want to in your mind about him, since it was the only place that was trustworthy enough to hold such a secret.

His eyes flicked at you once, or at least to your knowledge, and quickly shot his eyes down to the white mug he was drying.

"Were you ever taught that staring was rude?" He teased you with a smile, earning him a bump into his shoulder from your elbow.

"Were you ever taught about sunscreen? Your cheeks are red."

Josh just simply shook his head with a grin that only raised at the right corner of his mouth, taking a few steps to open the wooden cabinets to place the cup into its original spot and returning to your side.

"They always get burnt, no matter how much sunscreen I put on. It's annoying, y'know? Have to walk around looking like a fucking tomato." His hands flew to motion to his face, returning back onto the counter and waiting for you to hand him the next dish. "With that being said, have you decided whether or not you'll be joining us today?"

You placed the small plate into Josh's hands, fiddling with the next bowl and running it under the hot sink water as you thought about the proposition. "Haven't really thought about it to be honest. I'll probably go for the sake of not having to explain myself."

"Well, today's trail is the shortest one. And it overlooks this beautiful forest. You'll enjoy it, I promise." His hand patted your back. "And, if your legs go numb, I'm sure one of us can carry you back down."

"I think one of you will need to carry me the whole way." You giggled, to which Josh returned a light chuckle.

Leaving Josh in the kitchen, you got yourself ready for the day and mentally prepared yourself for the hike. Although you enjoyed the activities and spending time with the boys, your legs were telling you that you should stay in and ditch them. But something interesting always comes out of the day when you're with them, so sucking it up was your best option.

Dressing yourself in a light tank top and a pair of denim shorts, you threw on your tennis shoes and stumbled your way down the stairs, gripping onto the railing with each step you took.

Two bottles of water were laid on the island, to which you chose to grab your own and assumed the boys had claimed those two as their own.

"All ready?" Sam popped into the kitchen, joining you at the fridge.

"Yeah, you?" You closed the fridge door, setting your water bottle on the counter and crossing your arms once you rested your back against it.

"Yeah. Think they're still getting ready, but I've been waiting about 10 minutes." His eyes flicked down at his watch. "Can't wait to do nothing tomorrow."

"Couldn't agree more. Maybe me and you can go out and do something. Just us."

His lips curled into a smile, nodding in agreement at your words. "I'd like that. What would we do?"

"Depends. There's not much to do here, but whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fun." You took your water bottle off the counter, bouncing it between your hands. "You don't think they'd be upset if we didn't invite them?"

"I'm sure they'll want to go do something on their own, so I doubt they'll feel left out." He opened the fridge, grabbing his own water and shutting the door swiftly. "We haven't had much time alone together. We've got some time to make up for it."

"It's hard when you're constantly on the road and I'm stuck here." You brought your inner cheek into your teeth as your lips turned into a frown. You didn't want him to feel guilty for traveling, or the fact that you and him rarely spent time together. It wasn't his fault that he had a career that called for constant travel. "Just wish you had more time home, that's all."

He rested against the counter across from you, folding his arms as he spoke. "As much as I like touring, I wish I got to stay here more. You don't realize how much you miss home until you come back. I mean, yeah, I get homesick, but it's worth it when I get to come home."

"You've got to have a favorite place you've been to, right? I mean, if I got to travel as much as you, I would be revisiting the places I liked the most."

"We try to hit the best spots that we come across on tour." Josh said from across the room, strutting into the kitchen and joining the conversation. "My personal favorite was probably France. Lovely language; French."

"Eavesdropping in on our conversation?" Sam pushed himself off the counter with a grin splattered on his face.

"Don't talk in a public room if you don't want me joining." Josh mimicked Sam's smile and gestured at his brother with his pointer finger.

Sam just gave him a weak shrug before leaving you two, saying he was checking on Jake after he gave you a pat on your shoulder.

Josh joined you at your side. "What's the best place you've been to, travel-wise?"

"I haven't been out of the country before, so I'd probably say California, which is a basic answer," you admitted, turning your head to him, "but Paris sounds nice. Oh, or London."

"Been to both." Josh gave you a cocky smirk, wiggling his head and straightening his posture. You pushed his shoulder and watched him laugh with a toothy expression. "Maybe I'll take you someday."

You shook your head with a puzzled expression. "Just you and me?"

"I meant when you come on tour with us, if you ever do, that is." His eyes averted to the cabinets in front of him before returning back to your eyes. "Or if you'd prefer an exclusive excursion with just me, I think I'd make the perfect tour guide."

You tilted your head back with a giggle. "I think you'd get us lost."

"Well, I think your expectations of me are too low. You're going to have to fix that if you want to travel with us one day." He positioned his body facing you, resting his hand on the counter beside him.

"You've got some time to prove yourself. Still time to change my mind, Josh." The corners of your lips fell into a downturned smile. And, with the muscles in your face moving so much into that joyful expression, you realized how much your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. It didn't help that the blood quickly rose to your cheeks and flushed them to a bubblegum pink.

"I'll take that challenge gratefully." He gave you a singular nod with a comical smile and wink before grabbing his water bottle and walking off to Jake's room.

You watched him leave and found Jake and Sam meeting him halfway, sharing a few words before they all announced that they were ready to go.

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True to Josh's words, the trail was quite short, so your muscles decided not to give out on you just yet. And, even better, the view was beautiful. The slightly cool breeze whistled through your hair and the leaves of the trees that rested below the hill you four stopped at.

Josh took the liberty to snap a few photos of everyone, a few of himself, and plenty of the view that stood before you four. You couldn't help but watch his eyes light up at the view, seeing him discuss with his brothers how nothing beats the atmosphere of home. His joy for life and everything that surrounded him was contagious, and you couldn't help but feel warm and comfort from the energy that radiated off of him. His wide smile that reached his eyes and created wrinkles at the sides, his animated movements when he spoke or how he deeply examined everything that stood below him and that rested above him. How he felt no shame in just sitting near the edge of the cliff, seemingly trying to meditate, but he was just taking everything in and trying to be one with the environment.

You considered joining him, but you chose not to when Sam pulled you into a conversation with Jake. Josh was just in his own world, appreciating life even if the activity of the day was a small one. You'd say it from time and time that you admired his outlook on life, and aspired to think the way he did. Appreciate things the way he did. See things the way he did. Loved things the way he did. He was always an inspiration to you in the way you should live your life everyday as if it were your last, and just live in the moment.

And that's all you thought about during the hike. You tried to respond to his brothers when they asked you a question, or the conversation grew quiet and you decided to add something or give them your input, but your mind was somewhere else. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing that you loved the way Josh loved the world, but it was a bad thing that you loved the way Josh loved. You had gotten yourself back to square one, and digging yourself out of that hole was going to take longer than you pictured. Because, no matter what he did, he always knew the right things to say or do. It's like he could read your mind, or just knew you more than you knew yourself. And that's another thing you loved about Josh.

And loving those things about Josh was one thing, but loving him, was another.

You four decided after an hour or so that it was best to head back for lunch, so you all made your way down the trail and headed back towards the lake house. While Jake offered to make lunch and started before anyone had any input, you decided on a quick shower to wash off the sweat that accumulated on your body from the hike. Stepping into the cool water felt nice on your sunburnt shoulders, so you let the water run off your back for a few moments as you faced the wall in front of you.

Once you were satisfied with scrubbing your body and your head of hair long enough, you stepped out of the shower and wrapped your towel around your bare body as you ran your brush through your wet hair.

A few knocks tapped at your door, and you peaked your head through the bathroom door.

"Who is it?" You questioned with your ears tuned to any sounds that came from behind the door. When waiting for a response and receiving none, you made your way to the door and opened it.

Josh stood at your door, eyes immediately shooting to your white towel before looking at you with his lips curled into a quizzical grin.

"Lunch outfit?"

"Ha, ha, very funny," you rolled your eyes, "just got out of the shower."

"Didn't quite get that from the towel. Thanks for clarifying, though." He shot you a wink. "Food's ready by the way."

"Thanks. I'll be down in a second." You nodded with a quick flash of a smile, then shutting the door on Josh and let your towel fall to the ground.

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After you all ate lunch and the rest of the day consisted of simple relaxation around the house, Jake came into your room and said that you all were going to watch the sun set around the fire. It had been a few days since you all sat around the firepit, so you gratefully walked with him outside of the cabin and noticed that Josh and Sam were already in their chairs with beers accompanied in their hands.

Sam stood from his chair and embraced you before letting you sit down, handing you a beer after you sat crisscross in the seat.

The routine was the same as it always was: Jake playing a few songs, Sam talking to you about whatever it is he had to say, and then you all splitting off into the cabin after the sun fully rested under the waters and the moon casted its glimmering light. You didn't mind the continuous formula that you all grew accustomed to doing, mainly because you enjoyed relaxation more than constantly being on your toes doing something. Especially since you were surrounded by the three of them, it made the activity that could be taken as boring into something interesting.

And you could say you enjoyed the ritual more because you knew Josh would be joining you for a bit afterwards. It didn't matter that you two talked about nonsensical topics, it was just his presence that made everything feel better. Even if you both smelled of smoke and amber and it would've been best to wash it off, you both didn't care. You had come to enjoy the familiar scent.

He entered your room without knocking, figuring you were decent and just waiting for him to arrive, and he shut the door behind him and locking it.

He hopped onto your bed with a huff, looking at you with a soft smile and eyes that told you that he was thinking of something.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Josh?"

"I have an idea of something we could do instead of staying in here, even though I don't mind it."

You huffed out a laugh, looking away for a moment. "And what's that?"

"You can say no, by the way. No hard feelings," he crossed his hands over each other, "we take my Jeep and go down to the beach." He shrugged with a confident smile, proud of his plan.

"And do what?"

"What we always do: talk. We could swim, too. What else do you do at a beach?" He pretended to insult you with his question but couldn't keep a straight face, so he reserved to a sly smirk.

"Well, I don't know. I never know when it comes to you," you shook your head, "did you want to go now?"

"We can. Or we can sit in here for a bit if that's what you prefer."

You nodded with a hum, glancing at the mirror and then reverting your eyes back to his. "I've always got to choose, huh?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, would you like me to be a bit more assertive?" He cocked his head, his curls following his motions.

You rubbed your lips together. "Would be more helpful. You're always letting people decide things for you. Gotta put yourself and your needs before others."

Maybe you should take your own advice.

"I'm a people pleaser, what can I say? I enjoy doing things others want to do. We don't have to go the-."

"Josh, I want to go." You cut him off with a laugh. "Let's just head out now, alright?"

He gave you a singular nod and a smile, helping himself out of the bed and walking over to the door, waiting for you.

As you joined his side, he reached for the lock, but quickly halted his movements when the doorknob shook. His eyes widened, looking over to you, and seeing you were wearing the same shocked face.

"Y/n? You awake?"

You both mouthed "shit", turning your bodies frantically to figure out what move would be the best to make next. It's not like you could just open up the door with Josh at your side. Although Sam seemed to have his annoyance with you and Josh's friendship at bay, the door being locked wouldn't help with how his mind works. Anyone could assume the worst in that situation.

"Y-yeah, I am. One second!" You stammered as your eyes flashed from the door to Josh. You could hear your heartbeat ringing in your ears, body flaming intensely as your fingertips began to shake.

"What do we do?" Josh mouthed to you, even though his voice was almost audible.

"I-I don't know." You whispered back, scanning your room and finding a solution. "The bathroom, go."

You pointed over to the door, and he looked at you with a puzzled expression.

"Wait, why can't he know I'm in here?" His voice raised into a whisper, and your heart rattled in your chest.

"Because my door is locked and you know how he feels about us hanging out, especially alone. Bathroom, go." You nodded over there, waiting for him to walk with quiet steps and shutting the door behind himself, taking a few moments to slow your breathing before opening the door with a smile.

"Why was your door locked? You never lock it." Sam pointed at your doorknob with furrowed brows.

"I was, uh, changing. And, knowing you, you never knock. Didn't want to risk it." You dragged the words out slowly, nodding and tapping at the doorframe.

"But you're wearing...never mind. I don't think I want to know," he chuckled, "just wanted to see if you wanted to go do something."

"Right now?" You turned your head to the window in your room. "What did you want to go do?"

"Dunno. I'm not tired just yet. Maybe go take a walk, or something." He gave you a shrug.

And here you were again having to choose between your best friend and Josh. You and Josh had made prior agreements to going out, but knowing that Sam wasn't tired, he was probably going to notice you were leaving. Your brain banged in your head as you tried to come up with a quick decision. Either way, you were going to feel guilty.

But you made a promise to yourself that Josh wouldn't get in the way of you and Sam's friendship. And Josh was also just your friend, so why would it matter?

"Yeah, sure. I'm going to finish changing. I'll be a second or two, alright?" You nodded quickly, shutting the door before Sam had the chance to speak.

You rested your back on the door, sprawling your hands onto the wood and exhaling deeply. Composing yourself quickly, you walked over to the bathroom and opened the door.

"Alright, he's gone." You nodded.

"You think we should wait it out, or?"

Your head fell to your feet as your stomach twisted with guilt. You had never seen Josh disappointed, and you didn't plan on seeing it. Not now, at least.

"I'm, uh, I'm actually going out with him for a bit."

"Oh," he pressed his lips together, "okay then. We'll just go on our little trip tomorrow."

"I'm really, really sorry, Josh. I feel terrible. I know you wanted to go and-."

"Why are you apologizing? I get it, it's okay." He gave you a reassuring smile and placed his hands on the sides of your arms. "Just gives me something to look forward to."

"Are you sure? Because I can just tell Sam I'm too tired or make up some lame excuse to get out of it."

"No, no. Go, I insist." He jerked your body forward, then back, and ran his hands up your arms before letting them fall to his sides.

Josh began to laugh, running his hands over his mouth to try and suppress the laughter.

"What's so funny?" You felt a smile creep onto your lips.

"Just thinking about if Sam saw me in here with you how ballistic he'd react. Think he'd kill me?" His laughter grew, and you tried shushing him, but he couldn't stop laughing.

So, your body reacted quickly, clapping your hand over his mouth and giving him a stern glare. His hand grasped onto your wrist in a swift reaction to your own actions. You peaked outside of the bathroom, then met his surprised eyes.

"It's not like we were doing anything, but you know how he is. Now, stop laughing before I kill you. I don't know how thin these walls are, but if he's out there, there's a good chance he can hear you." You whispered to him, slowly removing your hand from his face.

He was in a state of recollecting himself, but once finished, he let a smirk rest on his lips and ran his thumb over his bottom lip. "There are better ways to silence me than that, y/n."

"Well, you weren't keeping quiet, Josh. Now, shut up and wait a few to leave my room." You pointed at him with a stern face, then leaving him in the bathroom. You turned to him again. "And, shut the door. I'm changing."

He put his hands up in defense, closing the door and wiggling his fingers at you in a quiet goodbye.

You stripped off your clothing quickly, throwing on a pair of grey shorts and the first tank top you could find. You left your room after grabbing your phone, grateful that Sam wasn't waiting outside of you room for you, but in fact downstairs on the blue couch.

Sam's pupils shot up at you with a smile finding the corners of his eyes. He stood up and placed his hand on your back to guide you out through the back door.

As you two walked down the familiar trail that led to the lake below the lake house, silence echoed throughout the air. It had been a while since you two had genuinely spent time together without anyone's presence, and talking just wasn't on your mind. You just wanted to soak up the friendship you've held with Sam in the quiet atmosphere, although it was filled with an owl or two calling in the air and trees whispering in the wind.

You couldn't remember the last time you were with Sam in an area as such. You two sat near the lake, near enough to hear the waves trickle in a dance along the rocks at the shoreline. All you could do was just breathe in the same air as him and let your head fall back, eyes shut and giving yourself to the environment.

Your phone vibrated on the ground, and you unwrapped your arms from around your legs pressed against your chest to turn your device over.

Don't forget about our little secret trip to the beach tomorrow night. Goodnight, y/n. Hope Sam is keeping you good company.

You read the text from Josh with a smile, rereading it over twice before turning your phone off and looking over to Sam.

"Who was that?"

"Oh, just my mom saying goodnight." You nodded with your tongue pressed into your cheek. He pressed his lips together and looked off into the water, returning to his silent state. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Just...thinking, that's all." A deep exhale fell from his lips. His eyes lifted to the sky, admiring the night sky lit up by glistening stars.

You pressed your cheek into your knee. "Penny for your thoughts?"

He pulled his eyebrows together, bringing his hand from behind him to massage the bridge of his nose. "Dunno. Just missed this, y'know? I don't get to see you as much, and it sucks. I don't like getting all sappy with you, but I've just been thinking about how much fun I've been having with you and all that." He gave you a weak shrug and glanced over to see your reaction had fallen softly into an admirable one, and kept his eyes held into yours.

"Yeah, it's so weird of you to share your feelings." Your eyes widened for a moment with a light giggle. "No, really, I've missed this too. It's not the same when you're gone. Get a little bored sometimes."

He gave you a single nod. "We used to hang out every night. Remember that?"

"How could I forget? Sam, you were pretty much there for everything. Think we hung out until our parents told us to get home, and until we got older, we just slept over at one of each other's houses and drove to school together." You reminisced in the memories that flooded into your brain.

"Can't believe you never got sick of me. I mean, you get pretty annoying sometimes, but-."

"Do not!" You swatted his shoulder. He huffed a laugh, shaking his head and looking back up to the sky.

The silence filled the air once again, and you two just enjoyed the comfort of that noise in itself. The sound of nothing was comforting, and although it wasn't eventful, you didn't mind it.

It was something that you had in common with Josh. But, letting Josh run through your mind was not something you were going to let happen, at least, not tonight. This moment was about you and your best friend, not his brother.

"Thanks for coming on this trip with us. I don't think I thanked you before, so." He gestured with his hand, then reserving it back behind himself.

"Thanks for inviting me. I was a bit nervous that I was going to be a bit bored. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with you guys, but, I don't know. Was kind of worried you guys changed after a year."

"A year is a long time, but we're still the same," he shrugged, "maybe Josh is a bit more loud."

You laughed at his comment, letting your mind wander only just for a moment to Josh, although you promised yourself you wouldn't think of him. But this was an acceptable time, so you allowed your thoughts to take over for a moment.

"He's a bit more talkative this time round. I mean, we've always been good friends, but he's actually making an effort to talk to me more. It's nice."

All Sam did was nod and kept his eyes locked into the sky. Reading him normally came easy to you, but you couldn't quite pick out how he felt about your words. He had seemed to cool down after a few weeks and become comfortable with you and Josh's friendship, but you knew deep down it still bothered him.

You were hesitant to speak. You tried to come up with a new topic, something that didn't involve his brother.

"Do you think you'll be back for my graduation?"

Sam's eyes shot down to you with a confused expression. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Dunno. Maybe you'd be on tour in late May, or something." You pressed your chin in between your knees and let your gaze relax into the lake.

"No, we'll be back. Don't worry, I'm not going to miss your graduation."

He brought you into his arms, letting you relax into his body. You hummed with delight and rested your head into his chest.

"You know I would hate you forever if you missed my graduation?" You said, causing his chest to rise with a laugh.

"Shut up. You can't hate me. I'm going to be around for the rest of your life."

"Sounds miserable." Another laugh rose in his chest.

"As much as I hate to admit it," he spoke with sarcasm laced on his tongue, "I care about you a lot. Gotta be here for you when I can, and as much as I can. Making up the time we lost when I was gone."

"This trip definitely helped. It's nice that we all decided to stay a few more weeks. But we're going to have to find new stuff to do."

"Unfortunately, there's not much to do in this town. But we always come up with random shit to do to pass time. Comes in handy after being on the road with the same people for months on end." His hand ran delicately along your spine.

"Yeah. Maybe we can take a drive somewhere? Go to Chicago or something." You lifted your head up.

"That's not a bad idea, although Chicago is a bit far. Detroit might be a better shot." He gave you an assertive nod with a grin, and you let your head rest into his chest.

His heartbeat drummed into your ear, comforting and warm on the side of your head as you laid in his arms. You and Sam never found being this close to each other to be uncomfortable or weird. It was just a normality in your guys' friendship. And you never disapproved of the action itself. It was something you often missed when he was gone. Although he was difficult with showing his emotions, you were someone that could always bring everything out of him. And that made you feel a bit golden, to be honest.

"I'm just glad we stay in touch when you're gone." You mentioned to him, exhaling the vulnerability that your words held. Truthful words that sunk into your friend's heart and tugged at the strings. Ones that made his heart race just enough for you to feel the change of the beat of his heart.

"Me too. Don't want to lose you, you know that?"

You lifted your head up again and gave him a singular nod to show him you understood. "You won't, I promise. Just, don't do anything stupid."

"Same goes for you, y/n." He tousled the hair that rested on top of your scalp.

And you knew what he meant when he told you that. You knew who he was referring to when he said that. The journey of burying your feelings for Josh was a treacherous one, but you hadn't finished it just yet. Your mind would make you believe that in some circumstance you could get Sam on board with idea and be okay with it. Maybe, just maybe, you could convince him.

But you knew there was no way to do that. Even if you were someone that Sam couldn't stay mad at, someone that could convince Sam of anything, that was the one thing he'd never be in agreement with you on. And you hated to admit it, but your feelings for Josh grew on this trip.

You were just good at masking them more.

"Mind heading back? Getting a bit tired." You unraveled yourself from Sam's arms.

"Yeah, sure." He said and pushed himself off the ground before lending his hands to you and helping you up from the rocks.

On the walk back, he began a small talk about the stars, something he was always fond of. He told you about things he learned about the galaxy that lit up the sky since he's been gone, things he's seen and picked up on his travels. It was one of the only things you never understood about him - his fascination with the stars, that is. But admiration for the world ran in the family, and he chose the night over the day as his pleasurable hobby. It was an escape from his daily life as a musician.

He even mentioned to you that in some places you can barely see them, which you knew, but you didn't let him know that. You liked seeing his eyes light up talking about this kind of thing, and seeing himself feeling accomplished when telling you something you didn't know or chose not to tell him that you did know.

Sam followed you up the stairs into the lake house, pulling you into a tight embrace before saying goodnight to you and leaving you to enter his own room.

The night had turned to be a memorable one, despite your wishes to have gone to the beach with Josh. You realized that your friendship with Sam was irreplaceable. It couldn't be found in anyone else. It couldn't be created with anyone else. So, with that in mind, it was going to be a bit easier easing your feelings of Josh out of your head and heart and returning your thoughts of him to purely platonic.

You still had the beach trip with him, but that could be a possible test for how you could control your thoughts and just letting things be the way they are. And that reminder was enough to help you sleep that night, mind cleared of any thought that dared to enter.

⊱ ━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━ ⊰

taglist: @gvfleetwood @sacredjake @aureatopia @myeyehurtz @alexiagx @objectsinspvce @unhappycylinder @spinthehemmo @carbonwritingthroughtime @thecoldwind @ageofsophgvf @fakeplastiqtree @thepritchardscale @gvfpal @light-myluv @raviolilegs

-part four-

[pennylanefics]

Little Bird - Dad!Josh Kiszka

a/n: i haven't written in a while, so please excuse that. but i listened to the new jonas brothers album and this song instantly gave me dad!josh vibes and i ran with it

what was supposed to be a small blurb turned into a six page fic that i found myself tearing up writing :) enjoy <3

summary: josh finds himself getting insecure and emotional late at night with your daughter

word count: ~ 1.6k

warnings: mentions of c-section/birth, no details, mentions of scars

*edit is by @/voidedbxtch on instagram*

You were fast asleep in the comfort of your bed, the only noise being the sound of crashing waves playing from your TV, an ambience that you’ve found comforting. However, the absence of your boyfriend next to you was enough to wake you up.

Josh was nowhere to be seen. your hand runs over his spot on the bed, which was cold, meaning he had been gone for quite some time. Glancing over at your alarm clock, bright red letters tell you the time. 2:24 AM.

Carefully, you rise out of bed, still sore from birth, even though it’s been close to five weeks at this point, sliding your slippers on and grabbing a discarded t-shirt of Josh’s that laid on the end of the bed.

As you pad down the hall, you hear a faint voice coming from the nursery. Slowly, you approach the slightly cracked door and peer inside.

Josh sits in the rocking chair, gently rocking back and forth, having foregone a shirt, your daughter, Wren, laying against his bare chest, her hand perched in a fist against his collarbone. Josh’s hair was disheveled, unkempt as the journey of parenthood had overtaken him.

“My little bird,” he whispers to her, leaning in to place the softest and lightest kiss to her nose. She squirms in his arms and settles back down, a small smile on her face as she listens to her dad’s voice. “You are so beautiful, my angel.”

You had never heard him speak this low yet still be filled with so much love and adoration before. It melts your heart as you step just a bit closer, not wanting to tap the door to give your eavesdropping away.

“You have your mama’s kind eyes, don’t you?” He teases, bringing a finger up to trace around her features. Her big, brown eyes focused on the object in front of her, hypnotized in a way. You could tell, in the short few weeks that she has been here, that she’s a full blown daddy’s girl.

She’s got him wrapped around her finger, just as her tiny hand wraps around his. He grins and you could’ve sworn a tear fell from his eye just as she did that; even though she’s done it many times already, each time, it makes him swoon.

“Listen,” he starts, keeping his tone low still, “I know I may not be the best dad, but I am going to try my hardest. You are my world, next to your mama, of course. I know one day I won’t be here to care for you, and I have to accept that. But I know you’re going to find someone so special to take care of you.”

He pauses his little speech to wipe away a tear that had fallen down his cheek. He began to slowly rock again, wanting to soothe and calm her to try and get her to lay down for the night again.

“And I know you’re going to find that person, and I just hope that you know, when that day comes, and you spread your little wings and fly to someone else’s arms, that you know I loved you from the moment you came into this world, to the moment that I leave it. You hear me, little bird?”

Wren gurgles in response and Josh can’t help the watery chuckle that escapes him. He was beyond emotional, way too much for how late it was, but he couldn’t help it. He never expected to be in this position, caring for his daughter, a new light in his life, a new reason to live.

Softly, he starts to hum Annie’s Song to her, eliciting a yawn from her tiny mouth. His hand gently strokes along her back, your eyes finally adjusting enough to see that she was just in her diaper; Josh’s favorite thing ever was skin to skin, so it was no surprise that he had taken the bonding exercise up with her.

It reminded you of when you first came home from the hospital. Josh put everything away that was in your hospital bag, allowing you to rest, shower, and just come down from the emotions and roller coaster that was labor and childbirth.

You decided to take a shower as soon as you got home, being careful of the stitches you received during your c-section, but still taking the time to wash the feeling off and allowing your muscles to relax under the hot stream of water.

By the time you had gotten ready to crawl into bed, as it was nearing midnight at this point. As you step into your bedroom, you find Josh, laying flat on his back, shirtless, wearing a pair of sweats, with Wren laying on his chest, her onesie being set beside him.

Your heart soars at the sight and you quickly had to take a photo, Josh being asleep making it far too easy. However, you wake him up, needing to put her in her bassinet for the time being; you hated waking him, but you deserved some cuddle time too.

From that moment, skin to skin was his favorite pastime.

“I love you,” he whispers to her, having finally stilled and just about to fall completely asleep. Her eyes were droopy as he continued singing to her, leaning his head back and his own eyes falling closed for a moment.

That’s when you decide to make your presence known. What you didn’t know, though, was how you had your own tears in your eyes, listening to josh describe his love for her and talk about what it’ll be like when he’s no longer here for her.

“What are you doing up, honey?” He asks, instantly growing worried that something was wrong, especially with the tears clouding your eyes that he loves so much.

“I woke up and you weren’t there, so I came looking for you and…” you taper off, not knowing how to explain that you heard everything.

“How much did you hear?” He wonders, knowing that you were listening; he knows you far too well.

“Everything,” you mumble. He smiles and carefully stands up to place Wren in her crib, pausing for a moment to make sure she was okay, before gently, with help from you, slipping her onesie back on.

As soon as everything was secured and she was fast asleep, you pull Josh right into your arms, his face falling in the spot between your neck and shoulder. One of your hands plays with his messy hair while the other runs up and down his back.

“She’s five weeks old, Josh, we have a lifetime with her before she’s out in the world.”

“I know, darling. I just got to thinking how that day is going to come, where she’s not going to need us anymore and our little bird is going be on her own.”

“And that day won’t be for a while. We still have milestone birthdays, walking, starting school, going to daycare, everything.”

“But it’ll be here before we know it.” Sighing softly, you push away from Josh and grab his face in your hands.

“I know it’s tough to think about. I get it. But let’s not think about what the future holds, alright?” Josh takes a deep breath, more tears welling up in his brown eyes.

“W-what if I don’t show her how much I love her?” His voice cracks and in an instant, you are bringing him back into your arms as he cries into your shoulder. “I wanna be a good dad, but I fear that I don’t know how.”

“Hey, shh. It’s not going to be easy sometimes. And that’s okay. We can’t be perfect, but I know for a fact that she will know you love her with your entire heart. You’re already showing her and she can’t even comprehend anything right now. But she senses the love you have and the love you’ve given her so far. The way she smiles when she hears your voice, how she instantly calms down and goes to sleep when you sing John Denver to her. Josh, I have no doubt in my mind that she will forever know how much you love her.”

Silence hangs in the air as Josh takes in your words.

“Thank you,” he whispers, placing a kiss to your exposed neck. “You are incredible, and I don’t know what I’d do without you, love.”

“I love you, Josh. I always will.” There’s another pause before Josh takes your hand and guides you out of the nursery, quietly closing the door and turning back on the monitor he had brought in with him.

Bringing you back to your room, he helps you get settled into bed again, being mindful of your scars and everything. He holds you close and kisses your forehead.

“What do you think she’ll turn out to be like?” He asks, wanting to start another conversation but wanting it to be lighthearted.

“I think she’ll be talented, like you and your brothers. Maybe Jake can show her how to play guitar. No drums, though.” Josh laughs a real, hearty laugh, a sign that his mood was already improving.

“I’d love for her to continue the family tradition, it’d be nice to see.”

“I know she’ll be proud to do so if she decides to.”

Josh curls up into your side and sighs deeply, nuzzling his face into your neck.

“Get some rest, Josh,” you whisper, threading your fingers through his hair. His eyes flutter closed, the crashing waves consuming the both of you, as well as thoughts of your small family, your mind filled with all the facts that prove Josh is, and will continue to be, the best damn dad in the world.

taglist: @sacredthethread @ourlovegrows @doodle417 @digitalcalamity @rocknrolls-child @fan-girl-97 @writingcold @thecoldwind @allieisacrybaby @jordierama @streamingcolors-gvf @stardustcatcher @stardustchxrds @sacredthefran @gvfungi @joshkiszkastoe

[ficthots]

Uncharted Territory

A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait. I hope this makes up for it. Josh and his assistant, badish boy goodish girl, fluff, angst, dirtiness. As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Part II

Warnings: SMUT. DNI if you are under 18. 18+ only.

Word Count: 16.9k+

There are a few things in life that just outright suck no matter the spin you try to put on them. Running out of gas on the side of the highway during rush hour because you were running late for work this morning and were stupid enough to say I’ll just do it in the morning. Sucks. Dropping your phone down four flights of stairs because you decided it was time to stop being lazy by taking the elevator every morning and just climb the stairs. Sucks. You know what sucks most of all?

Job interviews.

They were never fun. You had seen many videos on the internet about how to present the very best of yourself in an interview, sell yourself to whoever was showing interest, make them realize they absolutely needed you in their work force. Of course you knew how to apply all of those little quips and tricks into the interview process. Did it make it suck any less?

Nope.

Interviews were still incredibly nerve wracking. Feeling like you were going to stumble over answers, blank on the simplest questions, not know how to apply all of your previous job history to what you were trying to get hired for. Despite how perfect you were for this job, it still sucked.

One of your closest friends had tipped it to you. Saying that one of their friends friends was going to be interviewing to be an assistant to some guy in a band. That there were four members of the band and they were getting so big so quickly that they were all going to be needing their own assistant to handle their daily work loads. 

She had nudged you at lunch one afternoon with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle, mentioning how she could get you an application and interview no problem. You had never heard of them before, immediately pulling them up on Spotify and seeing their monthly listener amount was significantly higher than you originally had assumed. 

It was exactly what you needed to get out of the hellhole you were trapped in now. Believe you me, you were well trained in being an executive assistant. It was what you were doing now, the only downside was your boss was a raging bitch. Your boss before her was not much better, but the experience you most definitely had. This could be your chance to break out of the corporate world of assistants and try something new.

What did you have to lose?

You submitted the application that evening with a resume and cover letter, not expecting anything to come of it. That’s why when you woke up the next morning and saw a message marked urgent from a name you were not familiar with, your stomach flipped. 

Opening the email and asking if you could make it to the first round of interviews the very next day, you were in a permanent state of shock. Agreeing, in a somewhat state of brain fog and letting your mind go to autopilot to handle the interview, it must have gone well.

So well, you were now sitting in round three of interviews after being informed that it had been narrowed down to two people per band member and you were the front runner for all of them. They would be the final interviewer and would be selecting their own assistant. 

Your hands were ice cold, but your mind was still nagging at you that they must somehow feel clammy, nerves wracking your body feeling like your bones were vibrating. Blood was rushing in your ears as you sat at a large conference style table, the view of Nashville quite breathtaking from the floor to ceiling wall of windows, but you were unable to truly take it in. There were five seats on one side of the table, one singular on the opposite side that you occupied.

It was like flipping a switch, putting all nerves at bay and standing as the door opened, offering a tight lipped smile, putting your hand out to give a firm and strong handshake to each of the gentlemen that entered the room. You only knew one, their manager, who had been at your other interviews.

The others were new. As you took them in, you made a mental note about one distinct feature of each to help you memorize their names as quickly as possible. “Mr. Frank, it’s a pleasure seeing you again. Thank you for seeing me through this far,” you took a seat as the others did as well.

He gave a beaming smile, tearing his gaze away from his notepad to catch your gaze. “Absolutely. Let me introduce you to these four. Directly next to me is Daniel Wagner,” he gave a small wave, noting his hair was going to be his distinct feature. “You can call me Danny.” You nodded politely at him, your smile never faltering. 

“Next to him is Sam Kiszka,” he was leaning far back in his chair, almost like he had been forced to be here and do this. He had a dog. “Nice to meet ya. Heard you are practically the best of the best so it’s gonna be a blood bath to claim you as an assistant,” you couldn’t hold in the laugh that bubbled from your throat at his nonchalant tone as he explained that to you. 

Your hands still resting on your lap, you nodded. “That’s very kind of you to say.” They all chuckled, Mr. Frank continuing down the line. “Next to Sam is twin two, Jake Kiszka.” Big hat. It was all you noticed about him honestly. Oh, and that he had a sort of pirate vibe to him. 

He offered nothing more than a slight hat tip and a small grin. You returned the same. Trying to match all of their energy that they were giving you and being a mirror to them was your strategy here. You didn’t care who you were assigned to as long as you were assigned to someone. Anything to get away from your devil of a manager now. 

“And all the way down there is the front man, Josh Kiszka. Twin one.” When your eyes locked with his, you noticed too many things at once to make a note of. You wouldn’t need to. You would remember him.

His eyes were bright and overly large as he peered at you. His cheeks were flushed with a light pink hue. His hands nervously played with each other as they rested on the table in front of him. His tongue continuously darting out to moisten his lips. His lips parted, a toothy smile appearing as he held a hand up in an awkward gesture. 

“Josh. It’s-uh, it’s nice to meet you. Aaron has said a lot about you, all good of course. We’re all very interested. Obviously, I mean in a professional way. Like we want you. As in for your work that is strictly professional. Jesus Christ,” he was speaking so fast and with each word his face grew more red in tint, his siblings stifling their laughter behind their hands as they watched him falter.

Mr. Frank’s hands came down onto the table, swiveling his chair from the direction of the boys back to you, eyes wide in amusement as he laughed. “Okay anyways. I want to first thank you for being so patient with the entire interview process. I know it can be draining and meticulous to do this and you have been outstanding, truly. This can be kind of a niche job and we wanted to make sure that we select the right candidates and that is most definitely you.”

Your smile grew as you thanked him, still remaining mostly silent to let him continue on. “Now, we want you to start as soon as possible. It’s my understanding that you’re currently employed elsewhere so you’ll be needing to put in a notice there, correct?” 

Falling into easy conversation about your notice for your current job, starting date for this position, and the mind boggling amount of travel that you would be doing over the course of their tour had your head spinning. Thrilled that they were so interested in you and that the shitty interviewing process was seemingly over had you trapezing on air.

As Mr. Frank set his pen down, he set his attention on the group, gesturing a hand towards you. “What have you decided?” They all spun around in their chairs, huddling together with their heads all bent in, whispering. The one with the hat- Sam? Damn it, that’s Jake, turned first giving a larger smile than before.

He had selected you. That was fine, you could deal with that. He seemed extremely lowkey and easy going. No problems there. Although, trying to get him to stay on task and get done what needs to be done could pose some issues. That’s what you were there for though, to ensure that he would get his shit together and done. What he wouldn’t complete you would do for him. It came with the terms and conditions. 

While your mind was reeling, already starting to go a mile a minute on what was going to be happening as Jake’s assistant, it came to a sudden halt. “You will be working with Josh. He needs the most structure and guidance to keep him on task and I feel like your personalities will really mesh well.” 

You subdued your surprised expression, keeping your face neutral. If there was anyone you thought you most definitely would not be getting assigned to, it was Josh. He could hardly look you in the eye and the boy was extremely jittery. 

When his beat red face met yours, you gave him a kind smile. It seemed like he needed it. You immediately reached into your bag, grabbing your card and handing it over to Josh and then proceeding to do the same with the others. 

“That’s fantastic. Mr. Kiszka, I look forward to working with you. On this card is my current contact information. I know I am Mr. Kiszka’s assistant, but please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. Mr. Frank informed me that I will be receiving a new phone with a new number so I will have that new information to you shortly, but in the meantime that is the current way to contact me if need be.” Mr. Frank’s smile grew as he watched how at the drop of a hat you switched into professional mode.

They all eyed you in shock, looking at the card in their hands like it was made of solid gold. Turning your attention fully to your new boss, you stuck your hand out, watching as he gingerly grabbed it, shaking your hand back. 

Cold. Nicotine use, you thought to yourself. It would explain why he constantly seemed flushed, but the circulation was poor in his extremities. You would get him on some vitamins to fix that, you made a mental note to start that immediately. 

Two weeks positively flew by. Packing up your office and hardly uttering any parting words to anyone, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders as you left the building. This next chapter of your life was going to be one you couldn’t wait to embark on. Subletting your apartment proved easier than you originally assumed. Where you would be staying on the few breaks that were scheduled, you would deal with later, but for the meantime, you were ready. 

Already having a copy of the key to his home, you sent him a fast text reminding him of your appointment with him that afternoon to start going over his schedule, so as not to frighten him when you let yourself into his home. When you pulled up to the curb, you noticed a white Jeep parked in his driveway. Only one car? Odd. Maybe there’s more in the garage. It is a three car garage. 

Walking up to the front door, you used the key, but noticed it was already unlocked. You sighed, shaking your head, but entered the home. It was beautiful at first glance. There was natural wood covering every square inch. The large living room was open concept to the kitchen and dining room. The back wall had large windows that showcased a woodland view. 

Continuing further inwards, your head inclined towards the hallway to see if you could catch sight of him anywhere. When he appeared from the oversized pantry, he jumped, hand landing on his chest. “Fuck! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”

He laughed, setting down the bag he had in his hand onto the counter, you chuckled and held up your phone and key. “Apologies. I did text you to let you know I was on my way. You did say text was the easiest way to reach you, right? By the way, you need to always lock your door. There are crazies out there and stalkers and if they find your front door is just unlocked, they will enter.” 

Setting down your belongings at the dining table you had noticed was set up for your meeting, you continued speaking, Josh approaching the table to join you. Opening your planner, checking your phone once more to silence it and place it face down on the table, your eyes met his as you took a seat. 

He didn’t sit, instead offering a large smile, motioning to the house. “Can I give you a tour?” You immediately agreed, standing from the chair as you leisurely began strolling around the home.

“And yes, text is the easiest way to reach me and I saw yours which is why the door was unlocked. I forgot you had a key,” you nodded as you eyed some artwork that he had hanging in one of the hallways. 

Walking around with him was like getting a front row seat to his entire being. How and why he decorated the way he did, his purpose behind it all. He was a fascinating man you were quickly learning. 

Getting back to the dining room, you sat with a large smile and undid the cap on your pen, taking in a deep breath and smiling at him. “Well, Mr. Kiszka, I appreciate you giving me a tour. Your home is breathtaking, really. We should get started. We have a lot of ground to cover in two hours,” his hands enveloped a cup of tea he had brought with him, taking in a large breath as you dove in.

It was thoroughly exhausting starting from scratch with a new boss. Having to learn about their daily habits and quirks. What foods they preferred and when they preferred them. Understanding how often they were on their devices. Memorizing their normal routines and schedules. Honestly, exhausting. 

As you checked over your notes, sipping the glass of water he had gotten for you, it was about time to wrap it up for the day. “Okay, I believe that is just about all I needed from you today. I will be sending over that boarding pass and itinerary. You know I should probably do it now while I’m thinking about it,” grabbing your laptop, you sent the email at lightning speed, Josh’s eyebrows shooting up in surprise. 

“Is there anything else you’ll be needing from me, Mr. Kiszka? Of course, you can always text me, call me, email me whenever, but while I’m here,” your eyes finally looked up from your screen to connect with his squinted ones. 

Leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest, he shrugged. “Actually, yes.” You perked, sitting up straight to give him your undivided attention. “We are going to be spending a lot of time together,” you nodded, listening intently to him, “so I would like to know more about you.”

Shrugging, you fought within yourself about how to word your response to him without offending him in any way. “With all due respect Mr. Kiszka-” he cut you off with a roll of his eyes and a laugh, “Please stop calling me that. No one calls me that. Really, even Joshua, my government name, would be better.” You tilted your head at him, a disapproving look on your face.

“Mr. Kiszka. I am your assistant, your employee, your go to gal for anything you need,” you took in a breath, trying to explain this to him in the most professional manner you could, “however; I am not your friend. I am not paid to be your friend. I think in order for this to work as smoothly as possible and to ensure I get my work done and you get your work done, we need to recognize this as a boss and subordinate setting.” A smirk was tugging at the corners of his mouth, nodding with a chuckle. 

His hands were folded on his lap, one leg crossed over the other, the dark green jumpsuit not long enough to cover his entire leg when he was sitting like this, your eyes narrowed at him. “No, I completely understand that. You don’t want to be my friend-” you held your hand up to him, one singular finger pointing up, “I never said I didn’t want to be your friend, but that this is only a professional relationship.”

Rolling his eyes again, an amused look took over his sharp features. “Mhm. Well, as your boss I would like you to tell me one fun fact about yourself. Can be anything. Just one fun fact,” setting your jaw at his words, you thought of the most surface level fact you could think of.

“I don’t have a favorite color.” His head fell back, a large laugh shaking his throat. “Bullshit! Everyone has a favorite color. Whether it’s one that you tend to gravitate towards or one that catches your eye more often than others. You most definitely favorite one color.” Shaking your head as you packed up your things, you didn’t look at him. 

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, your hands held onto the back of the chair you had just risen from. “No. I do not.” You offered a shrug, starting towards the front door, your boss following you on the way out. 

When you turned around as you reached the door, his smirk never left his lips. “I’ll find out what your favorite color is. I’ll be the one to discover it for you.” You sighed with a laugh, turning on your heel as you took your keys from your bag. “Have a good night, Mr. Kiszka!” You called over your shoulder, hearing the door shut behind you as you made your way to your car.

Seeing the small bag sitting on your passenger seat you cursed under your breath, grabbing it and heading back to the house. Trying the handle first, you groaned as you realized he hadn’t locked it. “Mr. Kiszka!” His head popped back out from where you two had just been, coming back to the entryway.

“This is for you. Take one a day, recommended with food.” His eyebrows furrowed as he pulled the bottle from the bag. “Vitamin B concentrate. What’s this for?” Your hands were clasped together in front of you, smiling as you explained. 

“Nicotine use, right?” He nodded, a sheepish grin on his face. “That’s what I thought. Your hands are always freezing, but you’re flush constantly. Poor circulation is tied to nicotine use. Vitamin B concentrate aids with many things, but circulation is one of them.” He looked floored that based on one previous meeting you had gathered that information about him. 

Looking at you dumbfounded, he laughed, shaking the pill bottle. “Okay. I will add this to my vitamins list.” You pointed at him at the mention of that. “Send me that list. When we’re on the road it’ll be my responsibility to ensure that you’re always stocked. Oh, and lock the door!”

Nodding at you, he held the front door as you walked to your car once again. When your name echoed out into the air around you, you turned to face him. “Next time, you park in the driveway, okay?” You shot him a thumbs up over your shoulder, thanking him as you entered your car, heading home to begin packing for a trip you were unsure how to pack for. 

Less is probably more, you thought as you searched through your closet. When your phone began ringing, issuing an alert for an incoming Facetime call, you sighed, grabbing it amongst the pile of clothes you had taken out to begin folding and packing away. 

“Hi, mom and siblings.” Their smiling faces met yours, your mom diving right in. “Okay, first day with the new boss. How’d it go?” You looked at the screen, setting the phone up on your dresser, facing you so you could use your hands while still talking to them. 

Placing one packing cube into the luggage, you shrugged. “Busy. It’s still the beginning stages so it’s just a lot of memorization and observation right now. Taking over their schedules, trying to notice every single thing about them. It’s taxing,” your mom hummed in response. 

When your sister's voice came through the speaker, your attention immediately focused on it. “What’s the guy's name again?” Your hands went to your hips, shaking your head with a big grin. “Nope.” Her and your brother's groans caused static to come through the speaker.

“That’s so unfair, birdie. Mom knows!” You laughed at them. “The only reason mom knows is because she’s my emergency contact in case something happens while I’m gone. Not only that, but she wouldn’t know them anyways.” Her face reappeared, glasses sitting low on the bridge of her nose, peering at you from over the frame. 

As your siblings continued arguing with you, your mom spoke up over them. “Where are you going first, birdie?” Explaining the travel plans to her and where you were scheduled to touch down first, your siblings would jump in every once in a while to ask that you bring them a souvenir from that country you had just mentioned. 

Family was important to you. The guilt never subsiding at you moving halfway across the country to start your own life and leave your mom and siblings back home. You missed it. Them. Everything. But this was good for you. 

You recalled being teased growing up for not breaking out of your shell. For being too serious. Memories of older family members asking why you didn’t want to go play with the other kids in the playroom, teachers being shocked at your education levels, coworkers not believing your true age. 

They called you an old soul. You called it having to be an adult as a child. Taking on more responsibility than a kid ever should, but that’s what happens when “dad” skips town on the family. Someone has to step up and help. That fell to you. It carried behind you as you molded and shaped into a young adult and then an adult. All of your professional positions were too similar to what you grew up with.

Dealing with it for years was far too much. Leaving for college nearly killed you, but it was what you wanted. Needed. Each time you spoke to your mom, your heart would ache and guilt would seep into the cracks of your soul about leaving them there alone. 

It would never get easier. 

Standing at the curb at the airport, waiting for their van to arrive, an older woman, a man in his forties, and another younger man appeared next to your side. “You’re Joshua’s assistant, right?” Your eyes peeled from your screen to fully take her in as she spoke to you. She must’ve been at least in her fifties, wearing clothes you had seen your grandmother in nearly ten years ago, gaudy glass jewelry decorating her.

The older man was dressed like a typical dad, in fact, he more than likely was someone's dad. He had a notepad tucked under one arm and paper tickets in his hand that had your eyes nearly bugging out. The younger gentleman was dressed incredibly well, but refused to make eye contact with you.

Nodding with your eyes slightly squinted, you held your hand out to her to offer a shake as she continued. “It’s nice to finally meet you! I’m Patty, Samuel’s assistant. That one is Bob, Jacob’s assistant. The one on the far end is Monty, he is with Daniel.” A smile took over your face at her, trying to bite back a laugh. It seems that they had all picked each other's assistants for shits and giggles.

Based on what you knew of them, Sam got the older woman because she was going to drive him crazy. He had little to no patience. Bob was for Jake, basically a parent to babysit him on the tour to make sure he wouldn’t die. Monty was standoffish and seemingly an asshole by the way he eyed you as you stood there. Totally offsetting the easy going nature of Danny. 

What was the joke with you and Josh?

You had no time to dwell on it any longer because the van pulled up, you staying off to the side as Patty and Monty rushed to the van to grab their people. As each boy exited the vehicle, you gave a smile to each, chuckling as Sam flipped Danny off as Patty handed him sticky notes with her thoughts for him. 

Danny awkwardly stood in front of Monty as Monty did not utter a word to him, counting the bags that got off for him before turning and handing him the luggage tag and asking him if he had received the itinerary information he had sent last night.

Jake gave a seemingly large smile to Bob, feeling happy that at least one of them got along well enough with their assistant. They fell into easy chatter about his baggage and flights today. When his curly head was the last to exit, you gave a small wave to him, seeing his large smile take over his face when he saw you.

“Good morning, Mr. Kiszka. I already took care of your luggage with the curbside attendants so when they remove it from the van it will be tagged and moved. Your boarding pass should be on your Apple Wallet. I did get the TSA precheck done for us so that is one thing we won’t have to worry about the entire tour. Oh, and we also have global entry for the international aspect. Your seat is 24A, I am 26A, within reasonable distance so if you need anything just give me a shout.” 

His smile never faltered as you shot out all of that information to him, giving a shit eating grin to Sam, who looked like steam was about to cascade from his ears. As you both approached TSA with the group, the confused looks of everyone else as you two made your way to the precheck line was gold. 

“Hey, how’d you do that?” Danny grumbled, reaching the end of the line as you and Josh kept moving forward, Josh’s loud cackle echoing through the area. You two reached the gate with a laughable amount of time before the others. Scanning the area, you knew coffee was going to be needed in order to get through the long travel day ahead. 

“Starbucks is down that way.” You smiled at Josh, pulling out your phone to reload your app. “Thank you. What can I get for you?” He stretched, shaking his head and moving in the direction he had just motioned towards. “Oh no, I’ll go with you. We have a five hour flight ahead of us, before a two hour layover, and then another three hour flight. I need to be moving,” you nodded, the two of you walking towards the coffee shop in silence. 

He finally cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable by the silence you were drenched in. “Have you ever been to Europe?” You shook your head, grabbing your wallet out of your bag as you two stood in line waiting for your turn, the app not working as your eyes remained locked to your screen. “Never traveled outside of California and Tennessee.” 

You thought you heard his jaw hit the floor at your admission. “You’re joking?” Fighting a smile, you shook your head again. “No. I never traveled with my previous bosses and if I did it was just inside state limits. I would take over their office responsibilities while they were gone wherever,” his hand rubbed at his jaw. 

“And nothing for personal travel?” Sighing and reading the menu, your head continued in the same motion. “Opportunity never presented itself.” You could tell he had a million questions, wanting to know all the details about it, but your saving grace was being called up next in line. 

He tried to start up again as you both stood to the side of the counter waiting for your orders to be called, but he was cut off by your personal phone ringing. You smiled seeing your mom’s photo take up your screen, turning your body away from him to quickly and quietly talk.

“Hey, I’m at the airport. Boarding starts in about twenty minutes. I’m waiting for coffee right now. Yes, I will text you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bye, you too.” Slipping your phone back in your pocket, he had a smirk playing on his face. Your order was yelled out into the busy shop and as you grabbed it, his order right next to yours, you knew you weren’t going to be getting away from conversation with him. 

Josh was practically rocking on his heels, itching to speak as he sipped his tea. “Was that your mom?” His lighthearted tone had an excited, but jokey manner to it as you fought the urge to roll your eyes at him. “Yes.” What you could have sworn was a giggle came from his mouth, a large smile still plastered on his face.

“What’s her name? Tell me all about your mama.” He nudged you, eyes eager and hopeful that he was about to delve into your past and learn about you, even just a bit. Luckily, as you approached the gate, the gang was just arriving, all frazzled as boarding was due to begin in just a few minutes. 

Biting back laughter and sipping your coffee, Sam and Danny quickly approached you, handing their phones over, you looked at them confused. “Whatever you did to get you and Josh through, please do for us.”

Josh had approached the counter and when he came back over to you, flashed his screen towards you. “26B. Seat buddies!” You bit back a laugh and smile you could feel forcing its way on your face. He was going to be too damn much to handle. 

Why were you excited about it?

The first few weeks were a blur on the road. It was a life you had never experienced before. Going to bed in one city, working in another for twelve hours, and then repeating it over and over. The days all faded from one into another. 

It was enthralling. 

This was something you had thought of, envied others for actually doing. Never knowing what steps needed to be taken to get the plans in motion. Staring at plane tickets sitting in your checkout cart, waiting, begging to be purchased. To go someplace new, try something new, meet someone new. 

Now, it was happening. 

It was exhausting. 

You had never been so sleep deprived in your life. Between learning how to sleep in a bunk bed in a constantly moving bus, insanely late hours after shows had concluded, and being up to watch the sunrise more days than not, you were still trying to adjust. 

How long does it take someone to embrace and thrive on a new schedule? You were still trying to answer that. Learning the ins and outs of your boss was proving easier than you originally thought. Josh was a simple, but still a somewhat complex person. Being glued to his side for three weeks meant diving into the nitty gritty of who he is. 

His food choices were quite limited, not offering many options due to the restrictions he was under for his job. You figured he would consume quite a few adult beverages, but not near as many as you had witnessed so far. He required much needed destress and alone time that he would typically meditate or reflect during. Josh called his mom nearly every single day, even if it was just for a few minutes to chat and check in. While he had a phone and used it, it was nowhere to the extent of most people his age. He appreciated a good coffee and would do his best to find a new place to try in every city you found yourself in. He always invited you. 

Every chance he could, your name was slipping from his tongue, offering a spot for you to go with them to the bar they were going to be visiting after they finished performing. If he was venturing out to explore a city and wanted to visit a coffee shop, his eyes would fall to you, asking to be his company because everyone else was too hungover to be out that early. 

He had wormed his way in with you in ways you hadn’t even noticed, but he did. Being up somewhat early to sit with you in the bus, basking in the silence as you peered out the window in awe of whatever you were whizzing by. Sometimes working, he would remain somewhat silent, but always finding a way to bring some chatter between you both. All he wanted to do was learn more about you, spend time with you. That’s why he always extended invitation offers for anything he was going to do to you. 

At first, you politely declined each invitation. However, after one too many late nights working, you decided a walk to the coffee shop he described in immaculate detail sounded quite nice. A change of scenery from the inside of a tour bus or the same walls of a hotel room that you couldn’t identify out of a line up if your life depended on it was needed to keep your sanity in check. Josh literally jumped for joy right in front of you.

It elicited a laugh, which was not unusual. He had quite the knack for humor, people around him constantly clutching their sides from his jokes and quips. What made you laugh the most though, was his natural personality. He wasn’t afraid to be himself, no matter how ridiculous he appeared to others.

Admirable. 

“A large mocha please. Thank you,” as you reached to pay, Josh’s card slapped onto the reader, instantly paying for your coffee. Shooting him an unamused look, you grabbed your phone, Apple Paying him for the exact amount with a smile. 

Rolling his eyes at you, he placed his own order before accompanying you at the table you had sat at. He gave a large smile as he plopped into a chair across from you. Tilting his head ever so slightly, he took in the side of your face as you peered out to the street outside. Trying to place what city you had arrived in without being awake and present for it.

“Your nose twitches when you think,” you were startled by the voice breaking the silence you had been sitting in. Your eyes fell to the boy and slightly narrowed at him, a smirk tugging at your lips. “Does not.”

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair, still clad in loungewear, hair a poofy mess displaying he had in fact just rolled out of bed fifteen minutes ago and eyes set deep littered with exhaustion. “Do too. Oh, thank you so much, Maria!” Without another moment to respond, your coffee order was placed in front of you and the muffin you had been eyeing was there as well. Right in the middle of the table.

Knowing you didn’t place the order for the muffin, your eyes fell to the indifferent boy seated across from you as he brought the scalding liquid to his pursed lips. “Did you know her or something?” His brow furrowed, shaking his head as he set the mug back down, subconsciously pushing the plate towards you a bit more.

“No, why?” Shaking your head, you brought your own cup to your lips, eyes falling back to the bustling street outside. “You knew her name.” Still seeming confused by your response, his pinky finger continued to push the plate in your direction. “Her name tag was pinned to her shirt.” Nodding at his words, you fought a smile.

Of course he would actually call people by their names, even if they didn’t want it, which you could tell took the young girl aback. That’s such a Josh thing, you thought to yourself. The more you thought about it the more you realized that Josh always called everyone by their first names. Any chance he could, he would. You couldn’t count the amount of times you had heard him asking people for their names. 

And he always remembered. 

Josh picked at the muffin, popping a piece in his mouth, making a motion with his hand to you with expectant eyes. “I won’t eat it all. I mean don’t get me wrong it’s delicious, but too much sugar.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes, taking a piece of the crumble topping and placing it in your mouth.

Playing off how amazing it truly was, Josh’s lips fought off a beaming smile, a small victory in his books. It had been weeks together, every single day, countless hours, but he wasn’t making personal hedgeway with you. Professional? It was unreal how quickly you had caught on to his schedule and attuned your work to his. Personal? Not a damn inch. 

You ordered your coffee quietly, too quiet for him to hear the full order which was excluding him from being able to order it for you just once. He had no idea what, if any, family or friends you had other than your mom because you had no social media presence anywhere. Not the slightest inkling to what food you enjoyed more than others because when you ate it was opposite hours of him. Josh didn’t even know if you liked their music because you hadn’t attended one of their shows. Pre-show prep was far too hectic for you to pay attention to anything other than your duties and you slept while they performed, but were present again for post-show to ensure anything he needed was taken care of. Worst of all, he hadn’t figured out your favorite color because all you wore were neutral tones and all of your personal belongings you kept packed away so he never saw them.

It was driving him mad. 

In order for Josh to get along with someone he needed a connection. Anything. You were offering nothing. Even Danny was making moves with his assistant who was a complete asswipe. The woman who was old enough to be Sam’s grandmother acted like that. A grandmother. Jake basically had their dad on tour with them. But Josh?

Nothing. 

Your goal on the other hand was working just fine. Productivity was at an all time high, it was a side of life you never thought you would be able to live in let alone enjoy, and you got along just fine with your boss. 

Because that’s what he is. Your boss.

Was it difficult to continue hiding aspects of yourself and personality to keep the relationship with him strictly professional? Yes and no. Obviously you were giving some signs because you were munching on a blueberry muffin that you had thought you gave no indication that you truly wanted it. So of course there was some leeway, but otherwise it was working fine. 

In order for this to continue on the successful path it was, you needed to play by the rules. Did you generate those rules? Yes, since there were absolutely none laid out for you when you started, but rules were there for a reason. To ensure everyone carried on with their work in the most efficient way possible. 

Honestly, it seemed like it was the only way you were going to survive nearly a year on the road with them. If you started getting personal, it would only make it much more complicated and difficult to get work done. Keep emotions out of it.

That’s the key to success right there. Josh despised it while you thrived on it. 

In fact, Josh never played by the rules. Bed times didn’t exist, alarms were never set, naughty things spoken without a second thought, he was the literal definition of fuck it. Which you discovered the more time you spent around him and his siblings that he was the one that needed the most structure in his life. That’s where you come in.

Was that the reason you were selected for Josh? That was what Jake had said in your interview, but given the jokey nature of the others and their assistants there had to be something more.

Providing a daily routine, schedule, something to keep him going at an acceptable pace. Executing it in a way that he didn’t tend to notice, making him think that he was still playing by his own rules. No rules. It took some time to get used to at first, but now it was a piece of cake. As easy as could be. 

However, Josh was working you a bit, too. That’s why you were eating a muffin top, laughing with him about the mishap on stage from the night before that you weren’t there to see, but had heard all about it. He was going to crack you, he just had to make sure you wouldn’t notice it. 

The alarm went off on your phone just as you finished the last swig of your coffee, eyes going slightly wide at the message on your screen. “Alright, we need to head back. You have an interview with a magazine in forty-seven minutes with Danny and then we need to get you to sound check for the show tomorrow night because the venue is closed tomorrow morning. There was an issue with the manager and he can only be here today so it needs to get done today.” 

Josh’s deadpanned expression on his face let you know that he was not excited for what the day held in store for him. Sighing and tilting his chair back ever so slightly, he looked out the window, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Let’s make a deal?” Shaking your head at his words, you placed your empty cup on top of the plate that now only held remnants of the muffin you had split with him. 

Did you split it? Or did you eat it all? No, you could’ve sworn he ate some, too. Are the dress pants you needed pressed on top of the black suitcase or tan suitcase? Josh’s jumpsuit should be back from the cleaners today, Jake’s suit should be, too. Make a note to call the cleaners and check on that. 

“Unless the deal is getting back to the hotel within the next ten minutes and making you look presentable for the interview, the answer is a resounding no. You need to wash your hair today, by the way.” He groaned like a teenager being asked to take the trash out, head thrown back, adam's apple bobbing as the noise escaped him, arms crossed over his chest. 

Grumbling as he finally stood from the table and following you out the entrance back in the direction you had come from. Never asking what the deal was, the afternoon went without a hitch. The interview was quick and efficient, sound check practically the same, you found yourself laying on the bed in your hotel room, eyes drifting shut as the air conditioner rumbled to life. 

You could feel yourself slowly falling into the warm embrace of sleep, teetering on the edge of a blissful nap until your next alarm would go off signaling it was time to get back to your responsibilities. The pounding at your door had your eyes flying open, your body sitting upright on the mattress and turning towards where the noise had emitted from.

Tilting one head to the side and feeling some of the tension in your neck release, you pulled the door open to see a frazzled Jake standing on the other side with a twin in tow. Before Jake had even spoken, Josh shot you a truly apologetic look. “I can’t find my suit anywhere. We leave for the venue in twenty minutes and I have no idea where it’s at. I swear to god if it’s lost I’m going to lose my mind. I’ve been calling and texting you, are you not near your phone?”

Your brain was trying to catch up with how quickly he was speaking and process the information he was feeding to you. Josh’s hands went to his hips, shooting daggers at his brother, but took a deep breath to calm himself down before exploding on him.

“Relax. We’re gonna find it,” you fought the urge to rub at your eyes, grabbing your phone from your back pocket and seeing that you had nearly thirty missed calls and texts from all of the brothers and assistants. The hairs on the back of your neck stood to attention, feeling dread pounding into you when you realized how long you had been asleep and that you had missed all of these messages from your boss. 

“Jake, your suit? It was with the cleaners and I had them deliver it directly to the venue so we didn’t have to transport it. I always have Josh’s jumpsuits taken directly to the venue so we don’t have to worry about it and I had the same done for yours. I apologize for not informing you about that. I am also so sorry for missing all of your calls and texts. I fell asleep and didn’t realize how long I had been out. It won’t happen again, Mr. Kiszka.” You could see Jake’s shoulders instantly release the tension he had been holding onto at your words, a small breath of air escaping through tight lips.

Josh’s intense glare never left his sibling, stance still the same as it was. “Apologize to her now.” Your eyes went wide, instantly going to say otherwise and how it wasn’t necessary, putting the blame solely on yourself. Your boss's hand came up, halting you before you could speak up. 

“No, no. He absolutely owes you an apology. You asked her to take care of your suit because Bob was incapable of finding a good cleaner and she did. I don’t appreciate you treating her like you are. She was resting, she is allowed to do that because her services were not needed for,” he checked his phone for a fleeting moment, “sixteen minutes. She and I have a system in place and if you would occasionally like her assistance, you need to treat her how she deserves to be treated. Apologize. Now.” Standing there positively gobsmacked and unsure what you were supposed to be doing in that moment, you watched as Jake’s jaw set. 

A small expulsion of air left his nostrils as he turned to you, clearly unhappy with what his brother was forcing him to do. “My apologies. I was not aware of the process with Josh’s wardrobe and I shouldn’t have spoken to you in that way and made assumptions like I did. Forgive me.” You nodded fervently, hands clasped together in front of your body, nearly refusing to make eye contact with him. 

“Of course. My communication should have-” Josh’s hand went up again, shaking his head and cutting you off. “Absolutely not. Jake is aware of the process and it slipped his mind. You did everything right. Jake, go.” His twin filed out of the room, not looking your way again as he left.

The heavy hotel door shut behind him and in what can only be described as a word vomit, you quickly spoke. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what happened, I thought I just closed my eyes for a second and I have no idea how the vibrations of my phone didn’t wake me up. I assumed he knew that his suit would be delivered to the venue and I shouldn’t have made that assumption.” 

Josh’s sincere smile took over his features, waving you off. “Don’t worry about it. He’s being an ass because he and his girlfriend haven’t fucked in weeks and they’re fighting. He’ll give you an actual apology in a day I promise.” 

That was the first time he had stood up for you. It wasn’t the last either. Tough spats between siblings often turned to their assistants when in bad and annoyed moods. It was expected with how much time they were spending with each other.

What wasn’t expected was every time another assistant, crew member, or sibling tried speaking in a way that was anything but friendly to you had irked Josh in a way that had him standing up for you in any way he could. Everyone knew to only step on toes once because Josh would set the record straight thereafter. 

You weren’t sure how to feel about it. In this line of work, it was almost part of the job description to be treated subpar. Not in Josh’s job description. He was so grateful that over the first half of the tour you had been so amazing with anything and everything that this job could encompass, he felt it completely necessary to defend you. 

Compared to the others, you were a literal saint. You never strayed from your job and its responsibilities. He hardly ever caught you on your personal device and when he did, you were wrapping up a call with someone who he could only assume was your mother. Your entire life revolved around him. Of course he was going to stand up for you. 

His siblings teased him relentlessly for it. They said it was incredibly obvious he was in love with you. Entirely enamored with you. Sam claimed he had caught him on more than one occasion just watching you. 

His favorite tale was at a winery in Italy. You stood off to the side of the tour group, a wonderful sundress lightly fluttering in the breeze, sunglasses alternating from resting on the bridge of your nose to the top of your head, your skin glowing from the late summer sun. Sam and Danny nudged each other, snickering as they watched their brother. They said Josh stared at you with his jaw slightly agape for nearly fifteen minutes. 

Was he taken aback by seeing your bare shoulder for the first time? The puffy sleeve of your dress resting on the tops of your biceps. The neckline dipping dangerously low over the curve of your chest. A single gold necklace with a dangling pendant of your zodiac sign resting soundly against you. The dress hem resting midcalf, the most leg he had ever seen from you. He was just surprised is all. 

That’s all. Nothing more.

Did he think about that afternoon for the next month straight? How smooth your skin would be under his fingertips, igniting and bristling as he traced every curve and committed every feature to memory. What kind of reaction would happen if you started with secret touches shared amongst one another. What you would do if his hand found home on your hip in front of everyone. How you would respond to him maneuvering your head to the side, allowing him unrestricted access to the large expanse of bare skin, goosebumps erupting as his breath fanned along your neck. Of course not. Anyways, he would never admit it to anyone if he did.

Which he didn’t. 

It didn’t matter because in his mind you were in no way shape or form interested in something like that with him. No, you only viewed him as a boss. Your boss. The boss. It’s why you refused to divulge any information about yourself to him. 

Sure, after the incredulous amount of time you had spent together, he was going to find out some things about you. Like how easy it was to make you laugh. He had a knack for it somehow because when Sam tried telling you jokes they almost always fell flat. That you were a diagnosed insomniac and he could almost always find you up in the middle of the night with a sheepish grin as you read a book. Oh, and that you adored trashy literature. Your book fell from your bunk and when he picked it up to put it back, his eyes widened at the utter filth adorning the page. His cheeks burned crimson for the next week whenever he looked at you. 

But that was about all. It was killing you.

The more you got to know Josh and the more time spent together, all you wanted to do was share some personal things with him. Instead, you fed tiny insignificant tidbits about yourself to him to not only keep him at bay, but you as well. That you loathed socks, were an avid watcher of Star Wars and all franchise shows, and that you preferred tote bags to actual purses. 

You highly doubted he even remembered those things about you, but deep down you knew he did. It meant too much to him to not. Each time he would ask you to accompany them on a night out, it was growing more and more difficult to turn it down. The more time you spent with him, which was nearly every waking minute, all you wanted to do was spend time with him in a nonprofessional setting.

That’s not good. That was what you knew would tip the scales and everything you had been working towards, every boundary you had set, would be out the window. Being on the road was proving to be a lot lonelier than you had originally assumed. 

Of course, there was some basic understanding that because of the limits you had put in place with the band that social interaction on a more personal level would be dimmed, you didn’t think it would be quite like this. With the few lonesome hours that you did experience, while it was a blissful and welcome break, you found yourself longing for someone to share the time with.

Why was your mind wandering to Josh? You spent the most time with him. That’s why. No other reason. Imagining tracing the slope of his nose with the tip of your finger. How his plush lips would feel against the pulse of your neck. Teeth nipping at the skin and soothing it with his tongue right after. 

Knock it off!

It was rare. Having three days off in a row. No interviews, no sound checks, no duties that had to be taken care of during that span of time. Where better to have that happen than in France. It was actual heaven. 

Many moons ago, one of your closest friends from high school had gone off to college and during one of her years, had taken the opportunity to study abroad. You can recall spending hours on the phone with her listening in great detail to her tales and trying to picture yourself doing what she had done. Of course, a majority of those things you could never do, but one small story had stuck with you through the years.

She had described a small village in France, an incredibly sleepy town that was the quietest place she had ever been to. The food was indescribable, the city was phenomenal with mainly mom and pop shops, and overlooking the ocean from anywhere you could look in the town. You had been fantasizing and daydreaming about this village since she had told you.

Now, it was your turn to be there. Waking up with the sun, getting ready as silently as possible as to not wake anyone up, and trying to sneak out of the hotel room. You thought you were golden until you heard your name leave his lips. You jumped with a start, hand landing over your heart. “Jesus! Mr. Kiszka, good morning.” 

His smile never diminished, eyes squinting at you being fully dressed this early in the morning. On a non-work day. “Good morning to you, too. Where are you off to this early in the am? Running off and leaving us all behind?” You gave a tight lipped smile, letting the hotel room door fully close behind you, your back connecting with the wood. 

Checking the time on your phone, you knew you needed to get a move on. “Since it is my day off, yes I am.” Josh shrugged, bottom lip lightly pushing out as his eyes fell downcast, a sigh following. “Oh okay. Well we’ll be around here if you need anything. Don’t think we’re doing anything today really. Just wandering around. Anyways, yeah I’ll have my phone on me if you need anything. Just give me a call or text. Whatever.” Guilt was worming its way into your gut as you watched his mood continue to sour, sighing quietly and checking your phone again.

“If you can be dressed and ready within ten minutes you can come with me. If you’d like,” his head snapped up at you, eyes bright with excitement. He calmed down, cheeks turning a light pink as he turned from your smirking gaze. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your day off. You spend enough time with me as is.” 

There was that feeling again. 

Against your better judgment, it came tumbling from your lips before you could stop it. “No, I would love it if you would come. Really,” your smile grew at the end, seeing how excited he truly was to hear you say that. He was practically bouncing in his spot, joy seeping from him in waves. 

“If you insist! Let me just change super quickly and grab some stuff and then we’ll go.” You nodded, standing there waiting for the boy to reappear from the room directly next to yours. Nerves pummeled you, constantly checking over your shoulder to see if anyone was going to slip out of their own room and see you waiting for Josh. It was entirely ridiculous, he was your boss. No one would even bat an eye at it, but there was something screaming inside of you that this was going to be a bad decision. 

That something was going to shift today that you wouldn’t be able to take back. Maybe that’s what you wanted.

You didn’t have much time to dwell because he came bounding out of the room, green jumpsuit adorning his slight frame, hair a wild untamed ball, camera resting soundly on his arm. Josh’s eyes that once held your own fell down to where your gaze was currently sitting and he beamed at you. 

“I take it the jumpsuit was a good call?” You returned the smile, shaking your head as you began walking down the hallway. “Oh, of course. It’s just that’s what you were wearing during our first meeting. The color suits you very well, Mr. Kiszka.” He groaned as you entered the elevator together, turning to fully face you as it began its trek downwards. 

He placed both hands in a prayer formation, landing right under his chin, large eyes peering into yours. “Please call me Josh. While it’s just us today, okay? I won’t tell anyone. It won’t damage your resume, promise. Today, it’s Josh, alright?” You battled within yourself, gnawing on the inside of your cheek, forcing your mouth open, teeth sank into your bottom lip.

Eyes traveling up to connect with his once more, you let out a large sigh. “Just today. Okay, Josh?” He almost fell over as his name left your lips for the first time. In fact, he had no idea how to respond. Only nodding, swallowing thickly, he turned away from you, standing barely a hair from one another, his widened eyes stared at the elevator doors as they parted for you both.

His knuckles were stark white from the grip he had on the wooden railing that was around the entire metal box. Reluctantly letting go, he watched as you waltzed out into the lobby, second guessing every decision leading to this moment.

What the fuck had he done? 

The train ride to the town began as any other day would for the two of you. First, talking about the upcoming week and what it would entail work wise. Second, about what food Josh was hoping to find wherever you were going to be going. Third, Josh fiddling with his camera and talking nonstop to fill the silence that would linger between you both. 

You had gone through the motions within the first fifteen minutes. Then you did something entirely unexpected. 

“When we get there, can you help me find an antique shop or something like that? I haven’t gotten a gift for my sister yet and she’ll kill me if I don’t,” you chuckled at the end, peering out the window and taking in the majestic scenery zooming by. When Josh didn’t respond, you turned your attention over to him to see a blank expression sitting on his face. A complete deer in the headlights moment.

Your brow furrowed before realizing you had given him a fact of your life without even catching it. He cleared his throat, trying to redeem himself and play it cool, but he was about to bounce off the walls. “Sur-absolutely. How old is she?” He wasn’t holding eye contact, but you knew what he was doing. 

Fighting a smile, you turned back towards the window, chin resting on your palm. “She and my brother are twins. They are fourteen. I found something for him a while ago, but nothing for her.” Josh couldn’t contain his utter joy any longer. His hand went to his chest, pointing at himself. “Jake and I are twins!” 

Pretending to be shocked, you played into it. “Shut up! No way! I had no idea,” he rolled his eyes at your sarcasm, but a giggle flitted from him as his cheeks grew rosier by the minute. “Yeah yeah whatever. What does she like?”

You filled him in on all the details of your siblings, never revealing their names, the rest of the ride there. When you stepped off the train and got in a cab to get to the little town, and realization of where you were slammed into you, you couldn’t fight the tears that welled in your eyes.

Getting out of the car, it was like a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. The smell of the sea wafting through the air. The cobblestone streets that you had only dreamed of seeing and walking on. The locals carried on with their daily lives, where they were being of little importance to them. To you it was everything. 

It was the life you had dreamed of living. That once seemed so unobtainable, but now you were living it. Having escaped from the hellscape of childhood and young adulthood. Everything you had worked towards. It was here. 

A hand landed in between your shoulder blades, the cool skin signaling to whom it was pressed against the bare skin there. Offering a small smile to him, his worried look was plastered on his features. “You okay?” Taking in a deep breath, your smile continued to grow as you nodded in response.

“Never been better.” His face lit up at your words, immediately leading you towards the city center to start the day. Arm never leaving you, you wrapped your own through the crook of his elbow. Josh’s eyes nearly falling out of his head at the contact you offered him.  

It truly was one of the best days of your life. Sides ached from the amount of laughter shared between you two. Stories were given to one another about the tales of adventures shared with friends and family. Walking so close to each other you swore you could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin with each brush of your arm. 

Comfortable. Delightful. Electric. 

The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. The rays glistening and dancing on the ever moving water below it. Casting everything in its touch with hues of orange and pink. Complimenting all creatures with the sun kissed glow. The restaurant seated for amazing views of the coast. 

Sipping from your cocktail glass, you and Josh were cackling into them, earning stares from those occupying the tables around you. The view was breathtaking and you couldn’t help that your eyes would continue to wander to it whenever an opportunity presented itself. A lag in the conversation meant your smile was permanently stuck to your face, one of the best moods you had ever been in holding strong on you. The day had been beyond what you had dreamed of. 

The company wasn’t too bad either.

“Craziest thing you’ve ever done?” Snapping out of your own thoughts, you turned towards the boy seated across from you, hands folded on the table as he leaned towards you. Sighing with a shrug, you took another sip of your cocktail, shaking your head. “Good try.” 

He groaned, slightly leaning back into his seat, nearly giving up before he gave a hefty shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah I figured. It was worth a shot though. I’ve pushed my limits with you today. Not only that, but you’re a complete goody two shoes.” It was at that moment something clicked in you. 

After being so cold towards Josh for so unbearably long, just trying to keep things on a professional level, he had hardly ever pushed you to share information you weren’t comfortable with. Sure, he would annoy the hell out of you to find out any information he could, but he knew boundaries and didn’t push them. 

And you despised being called a goody two shoes.

“I took my moms car when I was a senior in high school and drove to Las Vegas with my friends during senior ditch day. My friend had gotten us fake ids and we used them to gamble what little money we had in the casinos and get drinks. We ended up so plastered we had to get a room for the night and put it on one of my friends credit cards. My mom thought I was just staying at her house for the weekend. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Oh, and I was high for a majority of the time.” Your eyes were squinted in his direction, challenging him, trying to read his reaction, his jaw hanging slack.

Who’s the goody two shoes, now?

He blinked multiple times, trying to come back to his senses before shaking his head, a loud laugh shaking his entire body. “Holy fuck! That’s actually insane. Did your mom notice the miles on the car?” Finishing off your drink, you thought about that. “You know, I actually don’t know. If she did she never said anything about it. I never acted out or did anything so I think she was just happy I went and did something fun, but those days are behind me. One and done you know? She always used to say that her birdie needed to learn how to fly. I think that was her way of letting me,” Josh’s soft smile warmed you from your head to your toes, spreading throughout every limb, settling low in your stomach.

Tilting his head at you, his smile grew. “Birdie. Is that your nickname?” Your cheeks grew hot, not even noticing that you had let that slip. Only nodding in response, he winked at you. “I love that. It’s so,” his eyes continued to watch over you as his smile grew, “you.” You didn’t know how to respond, not knowing if it was a compliment or not, but Josh continued on. 

“Mine is nothing like that. Growing up in the midwest, underage drinking was the norm. It was how we passed time. Mine’s dumb compared to yours. I went skinny dipping once and got my clothes stolen by my brother. Had to walk over a mile home butt ass naked. At least it was summer though,” you were laughing so hard you had tears streaming down your face, trying to catch your breath.

Josh rolled his eyes at you, face burning bright red, arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever.” As you settled down, wiping at your face with your napkin, you felt a sense of boldness wash over you, speaking before you could think twice about it. “I’ve always wanted to skinny dip.” 

It was like flipping a switch. Watching as his eyes turned from one of joking to instantaneous mischief. Setting your now empty glass on the table, you began fervently shaking your head and a continuous chorus of no’s left your mouth. He nodded, entirely ignoring you and quickly standing from the table, the bill paid over an hour ago.

Dragging you through the streets, laughter bouncing off the surrounding buildings, you couldn’t catch your breath as his hand held a firm grasp on your arm. His chilly hand clamped to your forearm, grip never relenting despite the tiny fight you were putting up to actually escape from him. 

Unsure of where he was leading you, your head was on a swivel, trying to place your location, but it didn’t seem to matter because Josh seemed to know this place like the back of his hand despite never having been here before. When a small lake appeared, your laughter died down to giggles as you peered at the boy.

“How the hell did you know this was here?” A sheepish smile took over his face, cheeks going rosy as he bashfully kicked his leg around. “Walked by it earlier. Do you not remember that?’ You tried thinking back to earlier in the day when you would have made your way by this, but when you were about to say you truly didn’t it dawned on you.

Your mouth fell open and your palm landed on your forehead. “Oh! That’s right. We were going to the, the, the-” you were snapping your fingers, trying to place where you were heading before Josh cut you off, “the patisserie.” Your smile grew thinking back to the chocolate concoction you had consumed just hours before. 

Sitting on the grass with a sigh, you felt elated. “Thank you for coming with me. Seriously, I think you made the day ten times more fun than I would have ever had by myself.” He took the spot next to you, stretching his legs out with a groan, knee nearly knocking with your own, resting his arms behind him. “You’re just saying that. Trying to get in my good graces. I know your tricks,” laughter fell from you both as you nudged him with your shoulder.

“Damn right. Better give me a great performance review,” you two fell into a comfortable silence as the sun finally disappeared, only basking the area in a gracious moonlight that seemed to illuminate the entire area, reflecting perfectly off the calm lake water. 

Josh was nervous. He kept playing with his lips. Teeth nipping at them, tongue darting out over them, sucking them into his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was to ruin a perfectly fantastic day by frightening you off, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t do that. “Alright, what’s up?” You turned your head to look straight at him, catching him off guard as you did. Smile never faltering, trying to get him to relax.

Why was he freaking out? You watched as his eyes wandered your features, knowing exactly where he was going. That’s why he was freaking out.

You weren’t. 

This is your only chance to do something like this. Who better to do it with than Josh? Don’t be a coward. Just do it.

Standing from your spot, Josh’s fuzzy brows drew together as he monitored your movements. Stepping out of the sandals you had worn, undoing the zipper on the side of your dress, you watched as Josh’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, truly rivaling the moon. He started to stutter, sticking his hand out to stop you from stepping out of the fabric.

“Oh my god, no no. I was totally joking,” you beamed down at his nearly frightened features, skin burning at the contact of his fingers wrapped around your wrist. “I wasn’t. I’ve always wanted to skinny dip. Either you can join me or you can watch or you can turn around and face the trees to not see me,” with his hand still around your wrist, you finished removing the dress from your figure. 

It fell in a pool around your feet, eye contact never breaking with him. Watching his adam's apple bob in his throat, breath stuttering, hands having a slight tremble. He was terrified to look down, to see you in a light he hadn’t before.

Standing only in your panties and bra, your breathing was more even than you anticipated. It felt right. Like this was meant to be happening. Here. With him. 

It feels right.

Walking away from him, your hands went behind your back, unclasping your bra, the straps fell down your arms. Tossing it to the side, you stopped on the edge of the water. Taking a deep breath, you lifted one leg, stepping out of the panties and removing them from your boiling skin.

It took every ounce of courage you had to turn your head over your shoulder and look to the stunned boy still sitting in the grass. The moonlight was basking you in an aura he had only dreamed of. Turning to stone as he sat mesmerized by your utter beauty, unsure of what he should have been doing at that exact moment.

The question answered for him as your singsong voice rang out into the still air. “Are you coming or what, Josh?” Realizing at that second that he wasn’t dreaming, that you were real and standing before him in the way you were was almost too much to handle. 

Moving to autopilot he hastily stood, undoing the buttons of his jumpsuit, leaving the article of clothing right next to yours. Watching in awe as you moved into the water, laughter and giggles flitting out into the night. 

As he became fully nude, you had turned in the water, letting it approach your chin, monitoring every movement that he made. Despite every time you had thought about this moment, the nerves you thought would be coursing through you, it wasn’t like that at all. 

Basking in comfort, enthralled that you were doing this with him, contentment with how the day had gone. What a beautiful way to end the day.

Swimming out to meet you in the lake, his teeth chattered, the cool water embracing you both despite the sweltering temperatures that the day had held. Your hair was drenched, the water droplets dripping down your face as you beamed at him.

“Thank you for doing this with me. Total bucket list thing right now,” he laughed, moving slightly closer to you as he did. “I’m glad I could be here to influence you in this way. Time for you to act out a little. How does it feel?” His excited eyes greeted yours, truly interested in your response.

Something changed in that instant. The giggles had died down, instead a heat had replaced it. Your smile didn’t falter, but you felt a more serious nature take over. Nodding your head in response, you crept closer to him, your voice whispering out into the air between you both.

“Really good.” Josh felt it too. An intensity he hadn’t been expecting. One that he felt you were acting on, wanting to embrace this. With him. 

Deciding to not let logic and rules define you in that moment, you closed the gap between you two. It was incredibly soft, gentle, exploratory. His tender lips cradled yours, hardly applying any force. Afraid that if he pushed too hard it would scare you off.

Letting your arms circle around his neck, your bodies connected, igniting every nerve ending you had. Josh’s hands splayed across the bare expanse of your back, leaving the water with a splash as he held you for the first time.

Deepening the kiss, your mouth opened for him, letting your tongues brush against each other. Unable to hold in the small whimper at the blissful feeling, Josh took that as a positive sign. 

You were needing this, craving this, just as much as he had been. When he felt your fingers tangle in his damp locks and lightly scratch his scalp, tugging right after, he pulled you closer to him. There was little space left, but he wanted none. 

Noses hitting, breathing growing heavier, Josh’s hands moved from your back to under your legs. The underside of your thighs were gripped by his fingertips, motioning for you to wrap your legs around his waist. 

Immediately, you did. The tip of his cock brushed against your bare core, eliciting a strong gasp from you. Just the small contact had you desperate for more, butterflies filling your lower stomach, heat coursing through you. 

Your skin was positively on fire, never wanting this contact with him to end. As Josh went to exit the lake, you still wrapped securely around him, you quickly detached. 

Moving to where your clothes were haphazardly thrown onto the grass, you grabbed both items and laid them out for you to lay on, some barrier between you and the ground. When you were on your back, staring up at the boy whose gaze was one you had never experienced before, it was unlike anything you had ever seen before.

The moonlight held him in such a gorgeous glow, illuminating his wet and glistening skin. His hair was dropping into his eyes, but his veiny hand pushed the locks out of his line of sight, not wanting anything obstructing his view of you. Dazzling smile greeting you, lips darker than normal due to the chill he felt and the nature of which they had just been involved in. The droplets falling off of his skin onto you below him cause a sense of jealousy to erupt in him. How unfair that they were able to touch you and be one with you when he couldn’t. He didn’t want to waste any time with you, dipping his head down and connecting your lips once again.

Your budded nipples were achingly hard under his hands. They tweaked and teased you, back arching into his grasp, positively desperate for more from him. With each movement he did, you could feel him brushing against you.

It was driving you mad. Your hips were bucking to connect with his. Stilling as his lips suckled around one of your breasts, a shaky moan attempting to escape your throat. He matched his motions on the other, never neglecting the opposite as he did.

His lips landed in the valley between your breasts, placing deep, chaste kisses down your sternum, stomach, hips, and thighs. Hands held firm to your waist, not wanting you to slip away from him. Terrified that this was a far too realistic dream. Where he would wake up like a horny teenage boy after a wet dream.

Yet as his eyes connected with yours, breath fanning across your core, he knew it was reality. Flattening his tongue on your core, your head fell back. Back arching off the ground as he began eating you like a starved man.

Like this was all he needed to survive. What he had been fantasizing about. Trying to imagine the taste of you, nothing could even compare to what was landing on his tastebud’s. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, the sounds coming from you stirred him on. 

Wanting nothing more than to taste your release on him, he lapped at you, sucking your bundle of nerves into his mouth and holding it there, sending you over the edge into a mumbling mess.

When he came back up face to face with you, the tears that escaped from the corners of your eyes worried him at first, but quickly diminished as your hands landed behind his ears, dragging you to him. Teeth nearly clacking together, his breathing grew more uneven.

Your hand went between your bodies, leading his throbbing cock to your soaked entrance. Connecting your eyes once more, he wanted to be sure. Not wanting to taint anything between you both. 

“Are you sure?” Not a moment of hesitation, you responded with a breathless yes, sealing it with a small peck. Josh couldn’t wait a second longer, letting his tip enter you. Taking it inch by inch, you welcomed him with no fight. 

Josh’s pace was slow and deep, wanting to savor this. As your legs hiked around his waist, your lips never parted with each other. Pants and moans mixing together, breathing the other in, head dizzy with arousal.

You had never felt so welcomed and embraced with someone as you had with him. This was everything you had been thinking about since you had first seen him. Knowing him, growing closer with him, anything with him. 

He made you feel wanted and despite all your attempts of keeping him out, keeping him complacent, it was all for not. Josh was a force that you couldn’t fight, didn’t want to fight. Wanting to fall into him, let him know you inside and out, it was pointless to go against it.

But you had to. Just not at that moment. No, in this moment you could accept it, envelop in it, rejoice in it. Letting him treat you like the almighty being he wanted to. Walls crashing down for just a bit. Right now, it was all about you two mingling together. 

White hot heat flashed behind your eyes, body contracting as your orgasm flooded your senses. Tense muscles crushing Josh to you as he emptied out in you momentarily after you. His body shook with pleasure, whimpers falling against your lips as you attempted to catch your breath. To come back down from the intensity of the evening.

Savoring in the closeness for now. For now. 

The train ride back into the city was incredibly peaceful. You sat next to Josh the entire ride home, head resting on his shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep after he whispered to you that it was too late to be up and to rest. 

So, you did. At one point, his own head rested on your own, his warm cheek pressed against the crown of your head, his breath spanning across the top of your hair. When you woke up and saw both of your fingers entangled together, you almost didn’t want to reclaim your own hand. It felt right. 

It shouldn’t have.

That’s why the moment you stepped off the train, it was a sense of dread sitting heavy on you. It was like everything and anything that could have changed, did. Stepping towards your hotel room door, Josh’s hand gripped your waist, spinning you back towards him and colliding his lips with yours.

You didn’t fight, argue, try to stop it. Sinking into it, him. Letting your lips mesh together in a way that was a sense of comfort and security. Him letting you know that this was where you were meant to be. Something you had never felt before. You didn’t want to feel it. You couldn’t. 

That’s why when you two separated, him going into his room and you yours, you laid flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Tears slowly trickled from the corners of your eyes, hand clamping down over your mouth to silence any noise that could have been coming from you. 

You had known it from the minute you had seen him. It was going to end poorly. If you were anything other than extremely professional, setting firm boundaries, not allowing him any way in, it was going to end up a complete shit storm.

It was on the horizon. The gorgeous skies that seemed as though they were hand painted by the most talented artist you had ever seen before the black clouds would roll in, wreaking havoc on anything in its way. You were slowly watching it morph and change the aura around you. 

He had captivated you, drawn you in so quickly. The most interesting being you had ever encountered. Wickedly talented beyond measure. A careful and caring being, wanting to cause no harm, only leaving a trail of happiness and good behind him. He did. 

Staying away from him and the true being he was, was torture. He wanted to know you, see you, embrace you. Love you. You could feel it, see it in his eyes. The way he admired you, gazed at you, he just didn’t want to frighten you off. 

This had to be the only encounter that you experienced with him. Anything more would mangle and wreck you both. This was already going too far too fast. 

Hearing and feeling the vibrations of your phone, you tried to ignore it given the incredibly late hour, but decided that if it was work related you needed to answer. Grabbing the device and seeing your moms photo filling up the screen you groaned, knowing you were in no condition to speak with her, but remembering that it was a rare chance when you could actually talk to her. 

“Hi mom!” You tried to sound as cheery as you could, knowing your mom bought it when her chipper voice echoed out into the room. “My birdie girl! How is my little globetrotter? Are you working hard? Have you been eating? What time is it there? Are you supposed to be sleeping right now?” She left little room between her sentences to give an actual response, but as you answered her plethora of questions, you felt your chest growing tighter, knowing that morning was growing closer and closer. 

You made a decision that night. Carry on like normal. Act like nothing had happened and continue on with life, living like one of the best nights of your life had actually never occurred. A figment of your imagination. No matter how bad it hurts. 

He was waiting for you the next morning, bright and early knowing you were going to go for a little walk. It scared the ever loving shit out of you, jumping nearly ten feet in the air. “Jesus! You have got to stop doing that,” you chuckled, hand landing over your heart.

“Apologies. I was just thrilled to see you this fine morning,” and he truly looked as though he was. His eyes were slightly hooded as he peered at you. Cheeks a light pink. Hair somewhat smoothed down, but still a disheveled mess. Same outfit adorned as always. 

Your pulse was a million miles a minute as the smell of his cologne flooded your senses. Needing to nip this in the bud and quickly, you spoke up. “That’s very nice of you, Mr. Kiszka. I should be back around eleven this morning. If you need anything in the meantime please feel free to text me.” Offering as pleasant of a smile as you could, you watched as he rolled his eyes.

“I thought we were past that.” Your brows quirked, trying to play the part of not understanding why the nature of your relationship would have changed. “Mr. Kiszka, with all due respect, you are still my boss. What happened last night was out of line for both of us and I think that we should act as though it didn’t happen. Please.” 

Your eyes held his stare, seeing the expression of bewilderment take over his features. “Are you joking?” Shaking your head, he moved away from you, staring as though you had scorned him. Perhaps you had. “I thought-I thought that we had made some serious progress yesterday. That we were moving in a better direction for us,” his hand moved between you two. 

You fought the nerves vibrating in you as you stood strong. “I apologize if that’s the message I displayed to you yesterday, but no. I would prefer if we could remain the same. Strictly professional.” His jaw hung slack, eyes growing wider at your words.

His hands rubbed at his eyes, a harsh laugh escaping his lips. “This has got to be some sort of fucking joke. Birdie, I cannot just forget what happened yesterday!” You winced at his tone, hearing the intensity setting in it. “I know it meant a lot for you, too. Don’t pretend like it didn’t.” 

He was reading you and he was doing it well. Sighing, despite every instinct in you screaming to just fall into it, let it happen between you two, you continued to hold strong. “No. I apologize for letting things get too far.” 

Staring at you in utter disbelief, every emotion displayed across his face. “So that’s it? Not even friends?” Hesitating, only briefly, you shook your head. He wasted no time, pushing past you and going back into his hotel room.  

The rest of the day was spent miserable alone. Wandering the streets until eleven, just as you had stated, was unenjoyable. Your mind was rushing, wondering if any chance of a normal relationship with him had gone out the window. 

Regret. 

Standing in the lobby the next morning, you were exhausted. Hardly having slept the night before didn’t matter when you needed to work. Waiting for the group to emerge with their own luggage in tow, ready to head to the next location. It was best to use one of the free days for a travel day. It got you there sooner and gave you an extra day to explore a new place. 

They were easy to spot and hear, their own assistants and other tour employees following in tow. You offered a tight lip smile, clutching your planner to your chest, breath stuttering in your throat. You had to do this. 

It was the only thing that would make this work. Stick to the plan. Don’t give up. It’ll go back to how it was. 

“Good morning, Mr. Kiszka. I have already emailed you the travel itinerary for the day, there is a coffee waiting for you in the van, and I did find you an extra phone charger since your last one was left behind.” A light joking tone came with your words, but as you spoke, Josh’s smile diminished the second he laid eyes on you.

This wasn’t what he was expecting. At all. Despite you having agreed that calling him by his first name was just for the lone day, he thought that after what had happened, you would continue to do it. That the cold and steely demeanor you had been using with him since the start was cracked and gone. He felt stupid. Used. 

Wrecked that what progress he had thought he had made with you would bring some sense of change. That you would feel more comfortable with him. Possibly even returning the feelings he had been fostering and harboring for you. Ridiculous. 

Only murmuring a thank you under his breath, he walked away from you quickly and towards the van. You sighed, eyes briefly closing as your thoughts swirled in your head. 

This was for the best. He’d get over it.

Turns out that Josh holds a grudge a lot better than you assumed he would. For such a cheery and pleasant person, you truly didn’t expect him to continue to practically give you the silent treatment for weeks. He refused to hold eye contact with you, only spoke to you for pressing work matters, the whole shebang. 

Thinking that this would make it easier, better even. Him only giving what you did on a daily basis. It was the total opposite. It was miserable. You dreaded getting up in the morning and having to deal with work matters. 

The following few weeks, you were at the lowest you had ever felt. Never having had a close relationship with a boss before, let alone what you two had done and said to one another, proved that your way of handling and dealing with things was the only way to make things work. Don’t get close. You’ll only get burned in the process.

Everyone else had noticed the shift between you two as well. Jake had tried bringing it up with his twin, but immediately was shut down. He relayed the message to the others not to bring it up, whatever had happened obviously still too raw to handle. No one enjoyed being around a grumpy Josh anyways. 

He would transform into a truly awful person to be around on a daily basis. His normal patient, wondrous, and joyous persona would disappear and morph into one of the complete opposite. Locking himself away in the various hotel rooms, bus bunk bed, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. No performance he gave good enough or to the impossible standards he was holding himself too. 

It wasn’t good.

That’s why when you were sitting at a desk in a hotel lobby, battling an airline over a ticket mixup, the spitting image of your boss in another life sat across from you, you knew what it was about. Hanging up the phone call with a sigh, you tried to force a smile on your depleted and tired features. 

“Mr. Kiszka, what can I do for you?” He removed his sunglasses, sitting them on the tabletop next to his resting arm and peered at you. “For starters, you can fix my brother.” Going to speak, he held up his hand, shaking his head. “Look, I don’t need all the details. All I know is that something happened between you two. It needs to be repaired because the way you two are trying to carry on is not cohesive for either of you. Just try and fix it.” 

Eyes falling downcast, you felt the weight of the situation sinking further onto you. “What if I say I don’t know if it can be,” Jake shrugged that off like it was silly to even suggest or think. “He likes you. In more than one way, which I’m sure is the root of this, but it’ll be fine. Talk to him. Josh, he-” taking a moment, rolling his eyes as well, he continued on, “likes to talk. Talk to him and get it worked out.” 

Standing outside of his hotel room, trying to muster up the courage to just knock, you were quite literally spinning in circles. Turning on your heel over and over, attempting to psych yourself up to just do it. 

Knock on the door.

The decision was made for you as it flew open as you lifted your hand to connect with the wood. A confused Josh stood on the other side, dressed like he was going to be going out. Instantly being able to tell you needed him for something. For what? That he didn’t know. 

“I thought we finished work at three today?” He asked, checking his phone for the time. It was far past that time. Shaking your head, you decided against what you were going to do. “Oh no, I apologize. It was for something else, but I see that you’re busy and heading out. We can do it later,” turning around to go across the hall to your own room, he still stood in the door frame.

He could easily tell how nervous you were. You didn’t hide your nerves well. Gnawing on your cheek, eyes constantly darting around, hands unable to remain still. It screamed at whoever you were projecting it to. In this case, Josh.

“No, no. I was just going to grab a drink.” Gulping, you began talking quickly. “Oh okay. I just wanted a quick second in private if you don’t mind. I don’t want to be a bother during your free time though so if you’d rather wait that’s totally fine, I understand.” His eyes slightly widened at your hastened words, holding his door open farther, a welcome to you to enter. 

You stepped in, seeing that the room was nearly spotless. Given, you had just checked in this afternoon, but still. You didn’t want to touch anything. Encroach on his personal space. Instead, you stood to the side, hands folded with themselves, trying not to look directly at him.

Observing you from his own spot, he was uneasy. Josh doesn’t do confrontations. Despite how much he enjoys talking and listening to others talk, he despises it when it’s negative. This wasn’t going to go well. He could just tell. 

“I would like to hand in my resignation, Mr. Kiszka.” 

He thought he was going to fall over. Out of every possibility, every scenario that could have happened. This is not what he was expecting. At all. Entirely floored, staring straight at you with his jaw slack, he started shaking his head. 

“No. Absolutely not. You can’t.” You had never felt such dread when quitting a position before. Normally, they were exciting. On your way to the next best thing. This was different. It was the best job you’d ever had with the best boss you’d ever had. 

It was killing you. 

“I think this is for the best. I can be around for as long as necessary until you can find a replacement and I will train them if needed.” Josh sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, rubbing at his face. “We never should’ve slept together. Everything was going great. God, I regret that.” 

He wasn’t expecting your laugh to echo in the room. Snapping his head up at you, he was greeted with your smile and accompanying laugh. “I don’t. It was amazing. The entire reason I’m handing in my resignation is because I cannot continue to do my job and be in love with my boss.”

Watching as his face went blank as you continued talking, you had no idea what he was actually thinking. Since he was a person who wears their emotions on their face, when he went emotionless like this, it was even more nerve wracking. 

Uncharted territory. 

“I have fought it since we met. Seriously, the moment I saw you I knew this was going to be trouble. The more I got to know you, the more I fell for you. Keeping my professionalism and decorum has been so damn difficult because of you. And-and then we had that day together and it was incredible. I love you, Josh and I cannot keep working for you while I feel like this. It just can’t work because-” you didn’t get to finish before Josh was propelled up from his spot, hands cupping your cheeks as he pulled you to him.

Lips connecting in a messy and needy encounter, pawing at one another to get as close as possible. This wasn’t like the last time. This was desperate, angry, and resentful. Apologetic. 

Hardly finishing undressing before he was in you, hopelessly pounding you into the mattress below him. Unrelenting, a pace that knocked the wind out of you with every thrust. Unable to think about anything else other than Josh, Josh, Josh. 

He became your entire being at that time. Only allowing your thoughts to be riddled with him. No other noise allowed except his name falling from you like a prayer. 

How could you think of anything else when the man that was Josh was around. How stupid.

When you both had finished, his hands released their punishing grip on you. His fingertips left indents in your skin, sweat beginning to pool on his brow. Instead, his lips landed on each mark he had left on you. A searing memory of him. 

One you wouldn’t forget for a long, long time. 

Not wanting to break the peace that sat over the room. Too much left unsaid, but not willing to jump in right away. Wanting to bask in the comfort that followed him like a security blanket. 

Instead, you stared at Josh from the spot next to him in bed, you smiled at him. “I really do have to quit, Josh.” You finally spoke, wanting to establish some sort of boundary before moving forward together. 

He shrugged you off like you were batshit crazy for even suggesting that. A hint of mischief entered his eye before shrugging. 

“Not even on the table. Forbidden love. It’s totally hot. Let’s see how much we can get away with before people notice,” your laughter shook your body as Josh leaned down over you, connecting your lips together as laughter flowed between you both.

Being bad sounded like fun. As long as Josh was by your side to do it, it would always be fine. 

[gretavanlace]

Purple Haze

Josh Kiszka x reader

18+ only! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: graphic sexual content, unprotected sex, use of marijuana, language, dirty talk, praise, degradation, sliiiiight dom/sub if you squint and turn your head just right. Idk, you guys know me by now

This goes out to my anon who asked for smoked up, lazy, dirty sex with josh, about a million years ago. I’ve lost your ask, but I hope you know I loved and appreciated your request, and I apologize for the long, long wait.

“Stop staring at me.” you run the tip of your tongue along the blunt you’ve just completed, purposely avoiding Josh’s gaze.

He sits at the opposite end of the couch, eyes boring a heated hole through you. “Can’t help it.” Out of the corner of your eye, you watch him curl his legs, twisting them beneath him, rendering himself even tinier than usual. “You look sexy when you roll.”

You hand him the blunt and a lighter - the green hit is his favorite. “You only think that because you can’t roll for shit.”

“Never needed to, Jake was always around to do it for me, and now I have a pretty girl to do my bidding.” He sounds pleased with himself, so naturally, you feel like knocking him down a peg.

“And you’re just okay with being a pillow princess? Happy to sit back while I do all the work?”

“Delighted.” he winks around a long, lazy hit. “This one’s a little too tight, though. You losing your touch?”

The perverted old man quip comes to you so quickly you consider getting up to check the mail for your honorary penis. “Thought you liked tight, Josh?”

“Oh my god,” he groans, passing to you after hitting it twice like a mannerless savage. “That was bad, babe. Like, Samuel level bad. We gotta work on your material.”

You smoke and pass back and forth in comfortable silence for a while until, as usual, he feels the need to fill it. “Wanna walk down to the store for weird snacks? I’ll hold your hand and pretend I like you.”

This is a favorite little game of his. Find a store and search out the strangest snacks you can find. The first time you’d played with him, he’d given you the most disappointed look you’ve ever seen grace his beautiful features when, with a smirk, you’d presented him with a cylinder of Pumpkin Pie Spice Pringles. “I said weird, love,” he’d frowned, tucking them onto a random shelf behind you. “Not disgusting.”

“No,” you sigh, crawling across the couch cushions until you can curl up like a cat with your head in his lap. “I don’t feel like going anywhere.”

“Okay,” he runs his thumb over your mouth. “Bad lip reading?”

Another of his favorites…throw on an old movie or cheesy sitcom, mute the volume, and make up your own dialogue. He is the reigning champion…mainly because his thoughts are completely unhinged at all times anyway.

You shake your head in his lap, just to feel the soft weight of his cock nudge against your temple. “You always win.”

“Sore loser, are we?” He teases softly, lifting his hips closer to you subtly.

“I’m high.” Your voice is slow and lazy…a fuzzy breath undulating along just like the haze of smoke that plays above your heads.

“Wasn’t that kind of the point?” His voice sounds just as faraway. Bluesy and thick.

Turning your face inward, you shamelessly nuzzle against his dick again through his sweats. Dragging your tongue along the length of it before bestowing a gentle bite into the girth of it. He sucks in a hiss of an inhale through those perfect teeth of his and then releases it shakily. “Watch it, baby.”

“I think you liked it.” You challenge, just before lightly biting once more. He’s harder now, and the moan you draw from his chest makes your thighs both press together and ache to spread apart.

“You want that?” His tone is guiding you down a familiar path…he’s switched on now, and you are positively alight with excitement.

“Yes.” You nod up at him with your sweetest fuck me eyes.

“Where? You want this pretty mouth all nice and full?” His thumb tugs at your bottom lip, “Or would you like to be nice and full somewhere else?

“I wanna sit on your lap.” the words drift out of you with a wandering curl of a smoky exhale as you pass the blunt back to him.

He takes it, fills his lungs and then rasps around the hit he’s still holding in. “On my lap or on my cock?”

Leaning forward, he brings his mouth to yours and gently breathes the smoke into your mouth. You accept the shared hit with lust and longing pulsing through your body hard and fast.

“So romantic, Joshua.” You tease, unable to summon much of a bullying tone…you almost sound serious, and maybe you are. No one else gets to sit on his cock, who’s to say what romance is? Shouldn’t it be in the eye of the beholder? Like beauty? Surely the universe holds millions of unique instances of love that…

Oh no, when you start thinking like Josh, you know you’re cashed. To that end, when he moves to pass to you, you shake your head and fumble up to straddle him while he leans over the arm of the couch to stub it out in a tiny clay ashtray he crafted in art class his freshman year of high school.

“Told the teacher it was a jewelry dish for my sister’s birthday so it wouldn’t be confiscated.” He likes to remind you proudly. As if his teacher actually bought his bullshit.

“Hi, cookie.” He smiles, red eyes heavy and slow as they drink you in.

“Cookie?” You laugh, rocking slowly down against him…the warmth of his cock leading you toward drowsiness, like slipping into a bath filled with fragrant, iridescent, bubbles.

“Yeah, you look good. Tempting. Plus, you taste very sweet.” He shrugs, “Also, I’m high as hell and thinking about food. We should’ve done the grocery store thing.”

“Okay,” your hips are rolling with rhythm now, his fingers gripping deliciously into your sides. “Well, it makes me feel like I’m a cocker spaniel, so quit it.”

A full-chested laugh rolls out of him as his head falls to rest against the back of the couch. “You’re cute, you know that?”

“Cute?” Your palms slide up his shirt, thumbs circling over his nipples as he hums and gasps his appreciation.

“So cute,” he pulls you down onto his lap harder, grinding up into you until the tip of his still hidden cock is sweeping over your clit. “And I’m high and hungry. What should I call you? Salt and vinegar chips? My crunchy taco supreme? Questionable leftovers? Chicken flavored ramen?”

How are you laughing this hard while simultaneously soaking through your panties?

“Mmm,” you moan, as though swooning. “Questionable leftovers, please. Fuckin’ hot.”

He quiets your giggles by wrapping one palm around your throat, the other clasping the nape of your neck, owning you as he pulls you in, nose to nose.

“But you’re my favorite thing to eat, aren’t you? So what if I just called you my pretty little cunt, like that’s all you are to me?”

The air in your lungs tumbles free on a stuttering, hitching, embarrassing, sound of lust, and the look in his eyes tells you it hasn’t gone unnoticed. “Oh…you liked that, didn’t you?”

“Josh, please…” you whimper, yanking at the waistline of his sweats.

“Needy girl.” He teases, breathing into your mouth, “On your feet.”

“No.” You protest with the smallest of pouts. “Right here.”

“Just need to get these off you, love.” He cradles your cheek and snaps at your pj bottoms. “Up.”

You feel the gentle heat of a blush rising to your cheeks. You really are gone. Cross-faded on the THC floating through your system, and him. Mostly him. “Love?” You laugh quietly as you stumble up. “What happened to Questionable Leftovers?”

His gaze lifts to yours, dark and full of lust, yet still swimming in the bliss of the blunt. “Don’t you mean, ‘What happened to my pretty little cunt’? Because, I think you liked that one better.”

Without another word, eyes locked on yours, he rids you of your pj’s and panties, himself of his sweats and then manhandles you back down against him, while you clutch your bottom lip between your teeth.

Rather than bother with your tank top, he simply yanks the neck of it down, stretching it out until your tits pop free. He nestles his face between them and murmurs against your skin; sweet nothings and filthy promises as he licks and sucks at your nipples until you’re shivering and panting, tugging at his curls, hungry for more.

“Josh, please…” the words tremble out shakily and he nibbles on the tip of your breast in response.

“Begging already?” He smiles fondly, the fine hairs of his mustache bringing chills with the movement. “Such a sweet girl. Who’s my sweet girl, hmm? Tell me.”

“Me. I’m your sweet girl.” you arch your back, sending your nipple further into his mouth, but he pulls away.

He reaches down and drags his thumb over the glistening shine you’ve glazed his cock with, then brings it to your lips. He watches on while you lick it away, savoring yourself on your tongue. “Yeah, taste…such a sweet girl, aren’t you?”

You nod and fight to keep your eyes from rolling back in your head.

“You’re dripping all over me.” He points out with that luscious rasp quieting his tone. His fingers guide your hips a bit faster. “Making such a mess of my cock with your slutty, wet, pussy…”

“Fuck,” the curse escapes you unexpectedly, interrupting him.

“Yeah?” He teases. “See? You know what you like, don’t you, baby? You’re a sweet girl for me until I start whispering filthy things.”

“Then what am I?” You yank and tug on his shirt with a lazy fever, both enjoying and hating the game all at once.

His palm cracks against the outside of your thigh, fingers digging into the soft, thick of it. “Then you're my pretty, pretty cock drunk whore. Look at you, begging for it with your whole body, all slow and gentle because you’re in the clouds and sleepy stoned. I love it.”

“Stop teasing,” you plead, sugary as cotton candy. “I want it.”

“And you’ll have it. You know I can’t deny you for long, love, but right now this just feels too fucking good.” He angles his hips to nestle the silky tip of his cock against your clit. “Beautiful cunt all slick and hot against me. Keep going. Just a little longer.”

“No.” You shock him statue-still when, in a flash of movement that should be too swift for your inebriated state - you lift your hips, wrap your fingers around the thick base of him, and slip him inside.

His arms are wrapped around you in a blazingly fast blink of an eye. “Sit still.” He orders, voice firm and unwavering…it sends a spark of electricity popping up your spine. “Naughty girl too high to know what’s good for her?”

Your eyebrow hooks defiantly, “Maybe.”

Without bothering to reply, he licks his thumb absently and drops it down to your clit. “Oh,” he grins. “This darling little clit is just hard as a rock. No wonder you’re being so pushy…you must want it bad.”

“You think my clit is darling?” You're trying to taunt him, challenging for the upper hand.

“Of course I do.” He begins circling over it with tight, silken, curls of his thumb. “So darling. So precious and pink, soft and delicate…and the things I can do to you just by babying her around a bit.” He hums, as if remembering. “Fucking perfect. Fucking darling.”

“Standing by your statement,” You gasp, trying your hardest to fuck yourself on his cock while he holds you still and sure. “Good man.”

You grow louder, nearing your end, tip-toeing along that familiar razor-sharp edge, silently praying that the way you can feel yourself clenching around his cock will coerce him into finally fucking it up into you.

And yet, he doesn’t…and it forces your hand.

“Fuck me,” you finally give in and beg. “Please baby, just fuck me.”

“Earn it.” He whispers, watching your face intently as his hand plays you like a song. “Be a good girl and fucking earn it.”

“I don’t want to earn it.” You whine, catering to his need to baby you. “I want you to just give it to me. Spoil me.”

“You’re a worthy opponent, love…” he croons softly, sounding proud. “I almost gave in. Almost. Now, come on, little girl, give it up. I can feel you right there, you’re squeezed so tight around me.”

Your head falls against his shoulder, thrashing back and forth but he’s having none of it. “Huh-uh, baby. Want you to watch me make you cum.”

Wrenching yourself back up, you train your blurry gaze on his face, and, with a whispered, “C’mon, sweetheart, right on my cock with that gorgeous little cunt…” he shoves you into the abyss.

Darkness seeps into the peripherals of your vision as you try to stay focused on his ethereal face, and the pained expression painted across it. In the end, it becomes too much, and your head lolls back with a blissful cry.

Rather than scold you for not honoring his request to keep your eyes on him, he buries his face in the crook of your neck and groans out praises and obscenities. Most of which you can’t understand through the lavender fog he has unleashed in your brain.

When, at last, the smoke clears, you find his eyes. It's as though he’s been waiting a thousand years for you for as much desperation as you find in his stare.

“Ride me,” he orders, sounding as shaky and needy as you must have just a few short moments ago. “Right now…fucking ride me, please baby, oh my god - fuck, please.”

You could tease him. You could metaphorically push him around a bit about how the tables have turned. But in reality, the tables haven’t turned at all - you want him just as badly. You want to ride him until nothing else exists in the world.

When you begin rolling your hips, sending his cock slipping in and out of your warmth with a divine, slick, drag, he doubles over away from the back of the couch and into your arms. “That’s it, sweetheart…fuck me.”

“Yeah?” You hum, raking your fingernails softly over his scalp just to feel him shudder with chills.

“Yeah. Doing so fucking good for me, baby…gonna make me cum.”

Pushing him back, you lean away, trying to find that elusive angle that will send him rutting against that perfect spot inside you, but instead, you stumble upon something that’s perfect for him.

“Right there…” he gasps, clawing his dull nails into your hips. “Oh fuck, fuck…right there. Don’t stop…right there…there there there…”

“Cum for me,” you coax, fucking him harder now as he loses it completely beneath you. Writhing and thrashing and clutching at you desperately. “Come on, baby…right inside. I want it so bad.”

With a loud, feral growl that could shake the rafters, he spills into you. His body twisting and bucking into yours, violently grasping for purchase to keep him grounded.

It takes an astonishingly long time for him to calm down, but you just pet him patiently, babying him softly, loving on him and whispering sweet things.

Normally, he would complain that you’ve only gotten off once, no matter how much you insisted you were fine. He’s almost never satisfied with once. Twice is barely sufficient in his book, but he’s too far gone. He came too hard to care, and you feel positively smug about it.

When, after a leisurely bask in the afterglow, you move to climb off his lap, he whines in protest. “Stay.”

“You know, you get very subby after you get off.” You poke gentle fun and lift away from him despite his complaints.

“I do not!” He huffs. His hand darts out to swat your ass, but he misses by a mile and slumps back against the couch rather than worrying about trying again.

“Yes, you do.” You correct, flashing him a little smile. “Now you just wait here while I run to the bathroom. I’ll be back to clean you up, and then I’m going to make sandwiches.”

“Oh great, mysterious universe,” he extends a fluid, waving hand toward the ceiling as you slip out of the room. “Full of wonder and truth, secrets and curiosities…what have I done to deserve this woman? Giver of orgasms, Bringer of sandwiches...I am unworthy.”

Taglist: @gretasintrees @greta-van-chaos @gardenofgreta @celestialfauna @s0livagant @groggyvanfleet @kiszkathecook @brokenbellz @llightmyllovee @doodle417 @seventieswhore @jake-kiszkas-smirk @weightofdreams-gvf @imdepressedaf1996 @greta-flanveet-admin @joshkiszkas @alisonwonderland29 @gretavanfleas @gretavangroove @sparrowofthedawn @xserenax-13 @tbagggvf @obetrolncocktails @tripthelightjaketastic @poofyloofy @70sgroupielovr @heatmyfleet @age-of-nyahh @sammiboo162 @spicedandicedtea @jakekiszkasleftnutsack @saoirsemaeve @mywickeddivinity @calumspretty @dvrkblooms @paintmyhouse @tripthelightfandomtastic @tripthelight-fanfic @mckenna4 @theweightofjake @joshsmama @sammysvanfeet @rhythm-of-space @highladyofasgard @jordierama

[ofburningskies]

Here’s a little blurb because this tiktok simply won’t leave my mind! I am in desperate need of shotgunning white claw with josh rn

Thinking about retiring back to your place together after a night out but still wanting to keep the night going for a little while longer, opting to stretch the hours out with whatever drinks you have leftover from last weeks party you two hosted.

Still feeling the lasting effects of the plentiful shots you took at the bar, you two stumble to the kitchen where he presses you back against the island, placing heavy kisses to your desperate lips reeking of tequila. He is so desperately eager you can taste the lime he meekly used as a chaser because somehow despite his drinking habits he never truly braved the sting that comes with downing a shot.

In some impressive swipe of elegance he pulls a can of white claw out of the box abandoned on the floor, you don’t even notice when he manages to poke a hole into the bottom of the can with some knife laying around. Your mind is much too caught up drunk on both liquor and the heady scent of him to truly pay attention to every fine detail.

Before you know it his lips are pressed to the can, drinking down the seltzer in thirsty gulps. You cant help but watch his Adam’s Apple eagerly bob before he pulls the can from his lips, pressing his thumb to the hole momentarily. Wiping his glistening lips with the back of his free hand, he moves the can to your lips already parted in flustered awe of what you just witnessed. You quickly feel the alcohol on your tongue as you instinctively angle your head up to take more of it down.

You watch him with intent eyes, heavy with want which he reciprocates. He wears a proud smirk on his lips whispering his praises and encouragement of how you’re taking it so well, egging you on to finish it. Of course, you do, pulling away before briskly licking your lips with eyes now evidently more hungry than before.

[ashisill]

Stay a while

Warnings: crying, overstimulation, contemplating use of safe word, panic, degradation, praise, penetration, and mention of alcohol.

~

“You ready mama?” Josh asked, lining himself up with your entrance.

“Please Josh” you whimpered.

“Relax for me okay darling” You took a deep breath letting your whole body fall limp for him. “Good girl. You listen so well” as he spoke to you he began sliding himself inside.

“Josh” you said in a whisper wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I’m right here mama” he set a slow and steady pace.

“Josh it- it feels so good” you buried yourself in the crook of his neck.

“I know it does pretty girl. Don’t hide from me”. You let your head fall back. He brushed away the hairs that laid against your forehead. “Such a good girl”. He babied you, placing soft kisses against your neck, and cheeks.

He slid himself all the way out to the tip, and slammed back inside. Over and over. Each time he nudged against your g spot. He reached down and started rubbing slow circles on your clit. Building your orgasm up slowly.

“You really gonna put up with that?” Jake's voice boomed into the room. He stood in the door frame, the moonlight from the window casting a ghostly shadow.

“Josh?” You questioned him. A smirk played out on his face. “Josh?”

“I know what you want, baby. You told me, remember?”

“Josh I was drunk”

“Drunk words, sober thoughts. Gonna let me in or make me watch?” Jake said.

Josh pulled out and sat beside you as Jake took a seat on the bed. You grabbed the covers, and pulled them up around you for comfort. “What’s the matter baby? You look scared. You scared of me babydoll?” Jake questioned.

You shook your head slowly. “Words” he raised his voice.

“No! … no I’m not” you looked away from his gaze. You knew Josh was your safety. If it got to be too much he’d have you in his arms in seconds. Jake? Not so much. You worried a bit, but your desire burned deep in your core. Josh had always babied you during sex. I mean sure there’s been a few times you had some rough makeup sex after an argument. But Josh isn’t rough. Josh is sweet and gentle. Josh brings you to tears all because it feels too good. He builds your orgasms up so slowly it explodes out of you. Always quick to remind you how proud he is, and how good you're doing. However Jake, and gently don’t even belong in the same sentence. Did you accidentally admit to Josh you wondered what his brother was like in bed? Maybe. Did you mean it? Also maybe. But you’ve gotten used to being treated so gentle. What if you couldn’t handle his darker half?

“Yes or no darling?” Josh asked softly.

You nodded your head not taking your eyes off Josh.

“What did I fucking say about using your words? I wanna hear that pretty voice doll” Jake said, his hand now gripping your throat. Josh didn’t like that at all, and grabbed Jake's wrist.

“Okay ground rules” Josh pulled Jake's hand off your neck. “No bruises, no hickies, no bitting, no choking, no pain, no fucking marks on her. If you hurt her I’ll fucking kill you. One mark Jake, and it’s over”.

He turned to you, and took your hand in his. “And for you my love”. Instantly changing his tone to talk to you. “safeword is still the same. I will still continuously ask for your color. you don’t want to say it then tap my arm. Three times remember? Everything is still the same. If you want to stop you know how to. Tap my arms, say your safeword, or say your color. Everything comes to a stop I promise baby”

“Are you done yet?” Jake asked climbing on top of you. Josh knew deep down Jake would never hurt you. He knew Jake was taking these rules to heart even though he acted like he didn’t care.

“I suppose Jacob” he nodded his head slightly, giving Jake the go ahead.

“Okay Joshua” he rolled his eyes, and crashed his lips against yours. His hand found his way to your neck again. Josh could have smacked him until he realized. Jake's grip was just barely around your neck. His finger laid against your throat rather than gripping it. “On your stomach. Now”

You listened immediately, and hurried to flip over for him. You laid flat on your stomach exactly how he said too. He gripped your waist, and pulled your hips up. His hand landed against your ass with a loud crack. You hissed out as it began to sting.

“Strike one” Josh thought to himself.

Josh laid down beside you laying his arm in front of you. Shakily, and almost panicked, you reached for his arm. “It’s okay, pretty mama. Your safe”

“Color?” Jake asked, lining himself up.

“Green”

Without a single warning he shoved himself inside of you, and landed another hit against you. Completely down to the hilt. His hips pressed against your ass. You cried out to Josh, and pressed your nails into his arm. He gave you no time to adjust before he was thrusting into you at an unforgiving pace. You gasped out tears filling your eyes. Again and again his hips slammed into you making a loud clapping sound.

Josh watched, afraid of how you were acting. You gripped his arm, unable to make noise. “Baby? Are you okay?”. You couldn't respond. You had the right words, but they wouldn’t leave your mouth. A string of whimpers and moans left you as you tried desperately to speak. “Talk to me darling. Is it too much?”. You shook your head no as fast as you could.

“That a girl. She can take me. Can’t she?” Jake's hand left your hip, and tangled in your hair. He gripped your hair, shoving you down into the pillow. With one hand in your hair, and the other on your waist Josh began to step in. You still had Josh’s arm in your hands. Digging your nails deeply into his skin. Josh moved down, not even attempting to move his arm from your clutch. Once he found his placement his fingers found you, and danced around your skin. He rubbed slow and gentle circles on your clit. Trying not to overstimulate you more than you already were. You tried to lift your head, but Jake's force was too much. You gasped for air, and panic set in. You thought about using your safeword, and tried to remind yourself that you're okay. Josh noticed your struggle immediately, and went to stop it.

“Strike two” he thought again.

“Jake let go”

“She’s fine” he ignored him.

“She can’t breathe Jake. Let go”. Josh sat up pulling his arm away from you making you cry out for him. He pushed Jake, making him mess up his rhythm. “what did I fucking say Jake”. Jake pulled you up away from the pillow by your hair. You dropped your arms down holding yourself up.

Josh moved in front of you cupping your face. “Hey sweet girl. What's your color?”

“Y-yel-yellow” you managed to speak. Jake slowed his pace while Josh took care of you. You collapsed into Josh unable to hold yourself up now.

“Good job baby. I’ve got you my darling”. You threw your arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around your upper back. He held you up making eye contact with his twin.

“Your okay pretty girl” Jake said.

Jake's pace picked up again. You cried out tears falling off your cheek “shh I’m right here. Your safe”

“Listen to Josh doll. I’d never hurt you I promise. He’s right, you're safe. So fucking safe. Now feel it angel. Can you feel it? Can you feel me?”

“Jake I- I” you stopped getting choked up on your words. “Jake I’m gonna-”

“You gonna cum pretty for me? Give it to us sweetheart”

Give it to us

That’s all it took. Us. You never would have guessed the both of them would make you finish so easy. You were screaming their names in Josh’s arms as you came around Jake. “Such a good fucking girl. Gonna take me till I cum you little slut?” Praise mixed with degradation had a stronger effect on you than you realized.

“I can’t. I can’t” you cried.

“I know I know love. Take a breath”

“Josh I can’t do it”

“Yes you can-

“Yes you fucking can. Look at you. You can take it. I’m almost there. Fucking .. Take … It” each time he paused he slammed into you. He pulled out quickly cumming against your back. You fell into Josh he laid back, letting your body rest against his. Josh whispered sweetly to you, as you calmed down. Jake left quickly to get a towel to clean you up, and a warm washcloth for you as well. He cleaned you up, and laid you on your back. He placed the washcloth against your sore heat. “You'll thank me later for that” he said as he laid it against you.

“Thank you” you said it now rather than later.

He laughed softly “your welcome baby. Tried?” You didn’t have to words to answer, you'd hope he’d understand. You nodded your head yes, and he looked over at Josh. “Let him take good care of you okay? My times up”

“Are you leaving?” you sat up in a panic. “But you-”. You felt like a child again afraid of your parents leaving after they put you to bed. That nostalgic feeling rushing back to you made tears form in your eyes.

“He doesn’t have to leave mama” Josh always knows how to stop a break down. Josh pulled the covers back up around the two of you.

“I should though. She’s yours. Like I said, my times up. You don’t need me angel. Josh’s got you "Jake turned to leave.

“You can’t leave her like this. She does needs you Jake. Just stay a while longer”

“Please” you said, lifting the covers on the other side of you. Inviting him in the bed once more. He sighed and laid down beside you.

“Sleep now darling. We’re here”

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Sun Still Shines

Sun Still Shines

Pairing: Josh Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: Josh is hurting and you search to find a way to bring his sunshine back. 

Warnings: Sickness, Ruptured Eardrum, Prescription Medicine, Lack of Eating, Negative Self Talk

Word Count: 3.8k

It had been a long day at work and as you turned the handle to the front door of your home, you closed your eyes and sighed, knowing the next few hours wouldn’t be easy either. 

The second you opened the door, a delicious smell wafted through the air. You kicked off your shoes, put your bag down, and followed the smell into the kitchen where you saw your boyfriend’s mom spraying and wiping down the countertops while a pot of soup simmered on the stove. 

“Hey, how’s he doing?” you asked quietly, giving her a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and surveying the kitchen. Your eyes wandered over to the bottles of prescription pills on the counter next to the sink. You noticed more bottles were there now than when you left this morning.

“Eh, not so good. It’s infected now,” she sighed. 

You felt your heart drop at her words. Infected.

“He’s been on antibiotics since this morning but they haven’t kicked in yet,” She explained, motioning her head to the bottles on the counter. “Soups still hot if you want some. He didn’t eat much. He can't really open his mouth. He’s miserable.” 

You gave her a sympathetic smile and sighed, “Thanks, smells really good. I’ll try again with him later.”

You peeked down the hall toward your bedroom where you saw an open door and soft flickering light of the TV casting on the shadows of the hallway walls. The sun was just about to set for the night, making your home just a bit darker than usual. This was normally your favorite part of the day. When Josh was home, you’d come home after work and be greeted the second  you walked in the door with kisses, dinner, a glass of wine, and a relaxing night. When Josh was away, you’d pick up a FaceTime call from him while he got ready for the show. You’d eat as he got ready and you’d tell each other about your days. Then you’d say your goodbyes, shower, and go to bed knowing he was having the time of his life onstage and that he’d talk to you the next day. But for the past few days, this time of night had been everything but that.

About a week ago, Josh ruptured his eardrum during a show. It happened away from home and he was far away. He held in the pain he was going through for the most part on the ride home but all that went away the second he walked through the front door and into the comfort of his own home. He was in the most pain you’d ever seen him in and he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He could barely walk by himself because he got dizzy easily- Jake had to pass him off to you. Not to mention, the medication he was on made him nauseous. He couldn’t talk or eat because he could barely move his jaw without it hurting his ear. He had dark circles under his eyes from not being able to sleep from being uncomfortable or being in pain. The amount of stress he was feeling also didn’t help his sleeping. He felt guilty about having to postpone more shows. First it was Jake, then it was him with Covid, and now it’s him again. He hated letting people down and just when the tour was finally coming to its last few shows, it all fell apart again. Finally, he couldn’t hear well but he couldn’t risk damaging his hearing further so you had to be quiet around him, which made him frustrated beyond belief- especially when he knew everyone around him was talking about him or talking to him. 

In addition to that, the past week since he had arrived home had been filled with nothing but doctor’s visits, prescription pick ups, management phone calls, and stress- which made everything worse. You wanted to call out of work to stay home and take care of him but his mom insisted you continue with your life as normal. She came down to help him out during the day and handle all the medical stuff. She was the day shift, and you were the night shift. Once you got home, she’d head out to stay at Sam’s until the next morning. You were thankful for her. She knew all his medical history and had that mom expertise so she always knew the right thing to do. She also always made sure to leave the fridge stocked and the apartment clean. But on top of everything else, you loved her for her. She was a ray of sunshine just like him. You could count on her to bring light and positivity to this situation just as Josh would if he could. 

He loved having her there to bring him comfort in a different way than you could. Even though he was a grown man who had his own home, life, and girlfriend- he wanted his mom and you could understand why. But as the days went on, and he grew more and more frustrated, bored, and impatient, you could see him getting annoyed with her. During the day, he would text out all his frustrations to you, and it was a lot. 

Joshua, are you drinking enough water? 

Joshua you have to try to eat.

 Joshua you have to take your medication. 

That’s how it got infected, Joshua. 

Joshua, make sure you’re getting up and moving every few hours. 

Joshua you have to turn the volume down on that TV. 

Joshua you need to keep all this paperwork organized.

And the worst…

Joshua, are you even listening to me?

That one annoyed him the most. He took it a different way than she meant it. She meant it figuratively. He took it literally and he took it to heart.

Lucky for Josh, tomorrow was Saturday so you were able to stay home all day with him. He would never admit it to his mom, but he was happy to have some time away from her.

You turned your attention back to her to see her grabbing her stuff off the kitchen island and putting on her coat. 

“Let me know if anything changes, alright? He just took his meds about half an hour ago so he’ll probably sleep soon.”

“I will, love you,”

“Love you too, Sweetie,” she said, pulling you in for a tight hug. She wrapped her arms tight around you and rubbed your back up and down. 

Your eyes got watery at that point, knowing that is the exact way Josh would hug you when you walked through the door at the end of a long day. This was the exact type of hug you needed from him, and he couldn’t give it to you. You hadn’t hugged or kissed him in almost a week and it was breaking your heart. All you could do was try to feel him through her.

You sniffled just a bit and upon hearing that, she pulled back to look at your face and make sure you were alright.

“Aw, Honey,” she whispered as she wiped your tears and brushed the hair out of your face. “He’s gonna be okay. He’s gonna get through this. We all will. I know it's hard. Just a few more days, hmm?” 

You nodded and took a few deep breaths with her. She always had a way of making you feel better, no matter what. And so did Josh. He got it from her. 

After a few more hugs and deep breaths, you walked her out and made sure she left for Sam’s before it got dark. 

You walked back into the kitchen and peeked at the medicine log she had taken. She jotted down every medication Josh had taken and kept track of it by the minute along with when he slept and how bad his pain was.

You lifted the lid on the pot on the stove to see the warm orange color of curry lentil soup simmering gently. You smiled to yourself and allowed the scent of it to fill your  nose. It was Josh’s favorite and the smell of it reminded you of all the times he’d cooked it for the two of you. 

You looked around the apartment- spotless. 

You didn’t know how she did it. How everything seemed to get done and how it was always done perfectly. You on the other hand could barely pick up Josh’s medicine at the pharmacy without forgetting something or having a breakdown in the parking lot. Must be a mom thing. 

Sure, she was annoying Josh, but there’s no way you could have done any of this without her. She was truly heaven sent. 

You put the lid back on the pot and made your way down the hall and into the bedroom where you found Josh, laying on his right side, eyes closed tight, and the TV on, but muted- it was obvious that he was listening to your conversation with his mom. Or at least, trying to listen. He looked like he was in pain. He didn’t look like Josh.

You sat down next to him on the bed and ran your hand over the shaved part of his head and scratched it lightly with your nails.

“Hi, Baby,” you said softly to him, peeking over to try to see his face.

He opened his eyes slowly and breathed out.

“Mmm,” he hummed in response. He didn’t sound like Josh.

He picked up his head and started to move to face you. You could tell just lifting his head was a struggle. He winced and let out a small groan as he moved.

“Shhh,” you whispered, gently easing his head back down to where it was on his pillow. You ran your hands over his head again, stroking his hair and inching your fingers just a little closer to his ear with each stroke. You were scared to hurt him but that fear went away the second you saw his entire body and face relax at your touch. 

Gently, you eased your hand over his cartilage and rubbed it with your thumb. You leaned down and gave his cheek a gentle kiss and left a trail of feather light kisses to his ear. You sat up and continued stroking your fingertips on his head and scratching against his hair lightly. 

Your heart broke as the sight of a single tear leaked from his eye and rolled down sideways over the bridge of his nose and onto the pillow below him. 

“What do you need, Baby?” you whispered as you twirled your fingers into the curls at the top of his head.

“Can you just love me?” he whispered back. You could hear the exhaustion and desperation in his voice and it once again broke your heart into a million pieces. 

Without saying a word, you lifted the blanket that was covering him and snuck yourself under it. You grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, instantly causing the room to go a bit darker. You wrapped your arms around him and hugged him from behind. You squeezed your body up against his back and left little kisses on his neck and shoulders. You reached up to play with his hair once again and within just a few minutes, he was fast asleep. 

After a few minutes, you carefully snuck out from behind him and got out of bed. You leaned down to kiss his cheek gently and left the room, closing the door behind you.

You walked into the kitchen, poured yourself a bowl of soup, and peeked at the medicine log as you ate. Painkillers every four hours. Steroids and antibiotics every eight hours. He slept for about an hour after each dose of painkillers so you jotted down that he fell asleep a few minutes ago. 

You felt guilty as you ate. You should be eating with him. This was his favorite food and he can barely even open his mouth to eat right now. Why do you get the privilege of enjoying his mom’s food? You should be doing more to make him feel better. If you would just stay home, he wouldn’t be getting more stressed and irritated. You should be the one at home with him everyday making sure he gets what he needs.

After all, how many times has he stopped what he was doing to make you feel better when you were sick? Has he or has he not come home in between shows when he knew you missed him or weren’t feeling good? Does he not wait on your beck and call when you even mention you have a headache? You didn’t deserve him. 

The negative thoughts continued racing in your mind until you forced yourself to stop. You dropped the spoon into your bowl and covered your face with your hands in defeat. You rubbed your face roughly a few times and snapped yourself out of it, deciding that while Josh was asleep, you could take a shower to try to relax. 

You placed your bowl in the sink and snuck into the bathroom, being as quiet as possible so you didn’t wake Josh up. You took your time in the shower, letting the hot water relax your body and ease all the stress and aches you’d been holding in for the past week. It made you feel just a tiny bit better.

Just then, an idea instantly came to you and quickly, you finished in the shower and got out. You put on comfy clothes, tied your hair up, and headed to the kitchen once more. 

You got to work. You pulled a small pot out of the cabinet and filled it with water. You heated the water just a bit and went into the linen closet to pull out a fresh washcloth. 

You let the water heat up just enough before dunking the washcloth slowly into the water. You let it sit in there for a bit, making sure it was fully soaked and warm. As it sat, you poured another bowl of soup. Carefully, you took out the soaked cloth, squeezed out the excess water into the pot, and placed the damp washcloth into a second bowl. 

You walked down the hallway with both bowls and quietly opened the door to your bedroom to see Josh in the same position you left him last. 

You walked around the bed to get on his other side, the side he could see you on. You placed the two bowls on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to him. He stirred just a bit as you did so. You reached your hand up to rub his head and stopped mid air when his eyes fluttered open and you heard the tiniest whisper.

“Mama,” 

You ran your hand over his cheek and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

“I have something for you, okay?” you whispered, pressing your lips to the side of his mouth. He closed his eyes as you kissed him, wishing he could kiss you back, and opened his eyes up as you sat back up.

“Kay,” he whispered again. 

You grabbed the warm washcloth from the bowl and brought it over to him. He watched as you did it. His eyes traveled from your face to your hands as you folded the towel and gently placed it on top of his ear. 

The second it made contact with him, he sighed, closed his eyes, and melted into the mattress below him. 

You held the warm towel on his ear, letting it work its magic as he laid there in bliss. After a few minutes, tiniest smile tugged at the corners of his lips. That plus the mixture of the painkillers kicking in seemed to do the trick.

Slowly, he started moving his jaw around. His movements started out small and timid but grew larger and with purpose as time went on. You watched his lips curve as he got more comfortable and didn’t feel much pain.

He opened his eyes and looked at you lovingly as a smile spread across his face, revealing just a little bit of his teeth. That was the first real smile you saw from him in a week. It wasn’t a full smile just yet, but it was progress. He looked like Josh.

“How do you feel?”

“Good. Thank you, Mama,” he said. This time, it wasn't in a whisper, and his voice wasn’t muffled due to the lack of ability to move his mouth. He sounded normal. He sounded like Josh.

“You hungry, Baby?”

“Starving,”

You leaned back to get the bowl of soup on the nightstand and held it out to him.

“You know your mom is just trying to help you,” you said.

“I know,” he sighed. “She’s just been a lot lately. We’re too much alike,” he said as he lifted himself off the mattress with his elbows and sat up, still holding the hot towel on his ear. You propped up pillows behind him, and he leaned back onto them. You put the towel back into the bowl and placed it on the nightstand.

He took the bowl of soup from you and his eyes lit up just a bit looking down at it. He rested it on his chest. He carefully took a spoonful, lifted the spoon to his face, opened his mouth, and wrapped his lips around it fully. The look of pure bliss on his face was something you hadn’t seen on him in a long time. He was in heaven right now. Within minutes, the entire bowl of soup was finished. 

After he ate, you two talked a little more about him being more understanding and patient with her, no matter how annoyed he was. He sent her a sweet text to thank her and put his phone back on the bed side table for the rest of the night.

You collected the empty bowl from him and took it back to the kitchen. You cleaned up the rest of the soup, put it in the refrigerator, and jotted down that he ate on his mom’s chart. It was the first complete meal he ate in days. 

You went back into your bedroom to find Josh still propped up just the way you left him. This time, his eyes were fluttering shut and he was fighting the urge to close them.

You removed the pillows from behind him and helped him lay down once again. 

You got under the covers and cuddled up against him. You held him close, running your hands up and down his back under his shirt.

Before fully falling asleep for the night, he whispered, “Thank you for everything. I love you,” 

You didn’t even have time to respond because before you knew it, after the week you’d had, you were exhausted and you were fast asleep too.

You woke up periodically throughout the night when your alarms went off to give him his medication. The two of you fell back asleep instantly after each dose. 

When you woke up the next morning, the sun was shining through the windows fully and you let out a sigh of relief when you looked over at the clock and saw it was 10:37 AM. Finally, you felt refreshed. You looked over at Josh, who was in a deep sleep. His mouth was slightly open and the entire right side of his face was smushed deep into his pillow. His legs spread all over his side of the bed, and yours. You crept out of bed and made your way out into the living area. 

You got out a pot and started heating up water in it once again. You washed your face and brushed your teeth as the water heated up. You returned to the kitchen and placed the washcloth in the pot. You let the washcloth fully emerge and let it sit in the water for a bit while you made Josh tea and brewed a pot of coffee. 

You were just about to pull the washcloth out of the pot of water when you felt hands around your waist and a set of lips on your neck. 

“Morning, Mama,” he whispered. 

His chest pressed into your back and he rocked you back and forth a little as he hugged you from behind. You felt his warmth instantly. He was the sun, after all.

You turned around in his arms and gave him a full hug, holding him tight. It was the first time you’d truly hugged him in a week. You missed this feeling more than anything. His body was warm, and comforting. It was everything you needed. 

Your vision got blurry as all the emotions you had been bottling up this week started pouring out of you uncontrollably. You had been holding them in the best you could for days, especially around him- and with his touch, they all finally released. 

Josh rubbed your back and kissed your cheek as you cried, letting you get it all out. 

“Get it out, I got you. You’re okay, Mama,” he said reassuringly. 

After some time, you broke away from him slightly. He held his hands around the small of your back and gave you the softest kiss on the lips. It felt like your first kiss with him all over again. His lips were soft and they wrapped around yours like two pieces of a puzzle. They were made for you and you missed them so much.

He pulled back and a full smile spread across his face.

Your heart melted as you looked at how good he looked. He was fresh out of bed and his hair was a mess but he looked well rested. That little ray of sunshine that had been hiding behind a cloud had come back out. 

He wiped the tears from under your eyes and kissed your cheeks. He rested his hands on your jaw and his thumbs rubbed against your cheekbones. He looked deep into your eyes as he spoke.

“Hey,” he said softly, “It’s okay. I’m okay,” he assured you. 

You sighed and brought your hand up to stroke his hair by his ear. Having him hold you, and kiss you, and hearing him say that after this past week lifted the biggest weight off your shoulder. You felt like you could finally breathe. 

“I just missed you,” you admitted. 

“I know, Mama, I know. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you when you needed me. But thank you for being there for me. You’re incredible, you know that?”

He wrapped his arms around your back and pulled you close to him. He rested his chin on your shoulder and held you there for a moment while he gave it little kisses.

He lifted his chin and leaned back. One hand pulled you into him by the waist.

“Now,” he began, “What do I need to do to make you feel better?”

“Can you just love me?” you asked sweetly. 

“Of course, Mama,” he replied.

“After you brush your teeth,” you giggled.

“Hah,” he breathed out, blowing his hot breath into your face before laughing and turning around to head to the bathroom. You grabbed a towel off the island and whipped his butt with it as he walked away, laughing.

Author’s Note: I originally was not going to publish this but after the recent Rhinestone Diary, I had to. Please note- I am not making any claims about what Josh went through with his ear, COVID, or any canceled/rescheduled shows. Also, Miss Karen is wonderful and amazing. This is fiction.

If you liked this, please tell me all your thoughts! I’m not Josh lane so I hope I did him justice!

[greta-flanveet]

hold me j.m.k.

this is just a quick blurb that i thought up on my break today! enjoy. this is pure josh fluff, btw.

masterlist

When he comes home, you're already on the couch. The glass of wine you poured is sitting on the wooden coffee table in front of you, untouched. You decided you wouldn't drink tonight after the maroon liquid found its way into your glass, and it's a good thing you didn't. Josh's hair is more unkempt than usual and he's quiet as his keys rattle in the dish by the door.

"Josh?" You call out.

Nothing.

You stay perched on the couch and watch as he rounds the corner slowly and quietly. His eyes are tired and his shoulders are slumped.

"Hey, there's some dinner in the microwave for you if you're hungry."

"Thanks, but I'm not really hungry."

You can feel your face dropping as he curls up on the couch.

"Are you feeling okay?" You hope for a response, but instead see teary eyes.

"No." Josh whispers.

He stares at you from his place on the couch and you wait patiently for him to make the next move. Over your years of knowing him, you've learned that his need for physical touch can be a help or a hindrance after a long day. When he shuffles closer, you release a breath you didn't know you were holding.

"Did you have a long day?" You ask.

Josh nodded quietly and crossed his legs on the cushion. You watched him carefully, still trying to see if he wanted to be touched or not.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." He choked out.

You sit quietly for a minute, trying to assess his needs the best you can before asking anything else. Josh sniffles quietly and takes a shaky breath.

"Can you just hold me, please?"

You fulfill his request in an instant. His head rests on your lap and you tangle your free hand in his. He's breathing deeply on your lap and closing his eyes to ground himself. Josh often led you through his breathing techniques when you felt overwhelmed, so the sight of Josh doing his own tugged at your heart.

You didn't talk or pry for a little while. Josh found safety in your presence. With you, he could be the purest form of himself, something he only found in his twin. Whenever he needed you, you were there. When he wanted conversation, you provided one. When he needed silence, you sat still until he was ready to talk.

"I think I might fall asleep if that's okay." Josh said, playing with your fingers.

"Of course, I might too." You reply, laughing quietly.

After Josh dozed off to the calming feeling of you fingers in his curls, you closed your eyes to the steadiness of his breathing, allowing the peacefulness to lull you to sleep.