#groomed into accepting only half of yourself (the half that can exist in the gender role you inhabit)

[sammygender]

the thing thats always missing in conversations about gender in general is the fact that 'cis', as an identity, is not a innate Thing Some People Are, but rather a state of acceptance society grooms us into from birth

[datingadviceonreddit]

I'm 21 years old, and I would say that I was pretty shielded throughout my life. I grew up in a very religious household, without an active father figure. Sneaking out of the house, staying out late with friends, dating instead of focusing on school, and having sex before marriage were all serious "no-no's" while I was growing up. I didn't have a father figure in my life to teach me how to approach women, how to speak to women, how to properly treat women, how to fulfill the needs of a woman, how to be a responsible young man, and how to prepare to lead my own household and eventually take care of my own family. All of this I had to learn completely on my own, through experience and taking terrible advice from Google which was too general and didn't apply to my specific circumstances. I had bad hygiene, I was in terrible shape (skinny, underweight, bad posture), my grooming was non-existent, and I lacked basic social skills. I legitimately grew more and more afraid to speak to women. Like I was literally AFRAID to talk to women, especially women who I found to be very attractive. I looked down when I walked. I would often leave class in middle and high school to sit in the bathroom to avoid being in a class with a beautiful woman because of how afraid I was. I had absolutely no self-esteem, no self-confidence, and no pride in who I was.What sparked the initial change for me was going into the Army. The Army requires you to be a leader. In order to be a successful leader, you need to be confident, prideful, authoritative, and you need to have the social ability to work and lead other people of both genders and of all backgrounds. You are responsible for the well-being of soldiers underneath you. You are required to be in shape, you need to maintain your grooming, and no confidence equals no progression. After three years of this being ingrained into my head, I gradually built myself up and applied what I learned in the Army to my entire life. As I did this, I noticed that I started receiving more positive responses from women across the board. I was well-groomed, they liked that. I was in shape, they liked that. I was confident, they liked that. I was decisive and authoritative, they liked that. I was aspiring to achieve my goals, they liked my ambition. And I was empathetic and caring towards those serving under me, they liked my passion for the well-being of others. I recently discharged from the Army earlier this year to completely focus on pursuing my education, especially while still only being 21 and having my schooling now fully paid for. What was my purpose in sharing this?For any man out there who may feel like he simply can't attract women and will never be acceptable to women, you're wrong. You don't need to go and join the Army as I did, but you need to take things into consideration and make changes for yourself to better improve on YOU, and women will naturally become attracted to your drive for self-improvement.You need to be confident in yourself. You are who you are, and you need to accept that. We all have flaws, we are all human, and we all have things about us that we can and should improve on. That woman you want to speak to but don't have the confidence to approach, guess what? She's a human being, just like you are. She isn't perfect, and neither are you. If you don't have the confidence to approach her, you've just solidified her not wanting you to approach her to begin with. Stop comparing yourself to other people and start comparing other people to yourself, because you are unique. You are different from any other man on this planet. You possess abilities, traits, and things about you that the next man doesn't. Take pride in yourself and be proud of who you are. Once you realize this, you'll be a lot more comfortable in your own skin and become much better at socializing with everyone.Look in the mirror, spot your flaws, and do what's necessary to improve on them. We all have flaws. You need to look at yourself and see your own imperfections. Knowing is half of the battle. Look at where you're lacking and actively put in the effort to make those changes for yourself. No, not for Tracey who sits next to you in class, for yourself. There are plenty of Traceys out there. Make the changes for yourself and women will see that.Put yourself out there. Sitting at home all day every day watching Family Feud with Steve Harvey isn't going to introduce you to new people and potential partners. There isn't anything wrong with being introverted, because to this day I am still introverted myself. Not everyone is an outgoing person. But you need to find a hobby, an occupation, or some sort of activity that gets you out of the house and around other people so that you can socialize and meet others. You can't expect to find someone if you aren't even looking.Rejection is a part of life. Just because you find her attractive doesn't mean that you're perfect for each other. Learn to accept rejection, learn from the experience, and move forward. Don't let it hurt your pride or your self-esteem. If you weren't what she was looking for, then guess what? She wasn't what you were looking for. A relationship is a two-way street, and you are not entitled to someone simply because you want them. Them not wanting you doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. Accept it and move forward with your head high.Once I learned all of this through my experiences, I began to have more positive interactions with women. If you want better interaction with women, it starts with you. It doesn't start with her, it starts with you. via /r/dating_advice