The Joker x Reader - “Catch and release”
You always want him and it’s not that he doesn’t like it, but sometimes he’s very tired and you don’t give him a break. Since when is The Joker allowed to have breaks?! Unheard of!
***He steps out of the shower, wraps the towel around him and cautiously sneaks out of the bathroom, heading towards the bedroom, trying to be quiet so you won’t hear him.
“Heeeeey, handsome,” J hears you behind him and he rolls his eyes when your hands go around his chest and he feels your lips on his back. “Where are you going?”
“I have a meeting soon, I’m already late, Doll,” he tries to get out of your embrace but you squeeze him harder.
“I doubt it, you’re never late,” you seductively reply, moving your hands down his waist and he sighs, resigned. “Come on, your girl needs you,” you slap his butt, yanking the towel away.
J takes a deep breath and tries to get out of it:
“We already had sex twice this morning, Pumpkin ,I’m tired.”
“Pfftttt,” you scoff, unimpressed, turning him towards you and caressing his soft skin. “Since when is the Joker saying no to this?!”
“Since I’m tired,” he complains, but still kisses you.
“That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s go,” you yank at his hand and drag him towards the bedroom.
“God, I feel like a piece of meat,” he whimpers, knowing there’s no escape.
“Did you Google stuff again?!”
“I did.”
“I told you to stop it, Google is not good for you, makes you talk crazy,” you shake your head, annoyed. “Just lay there, OK? I’ll take care of the rest.”
You push him on the bed and he feels offended:
“I’m The Joker, I don’t just…lay there.”
“You can if you’re tired, I won’t tell anyone,” you wink. “But don’t make a habit out of it; I like it when you’re wild.”
Hmmm, he thinks, might as well. He really enjoys it and you get what you wanted, being super happy for the rest of the day.
***You had to go to a meeting too and the whole time you just glare at him, biting your lips and J knows what it means. You didn’t hear a word on what it was said.
Dammit, this woman is killing me! J messes around with all the maps and papers, pretending not to notice that devious smirk on your face. He likes to complain a lot lately, but in the same time he loves it that you are so infatuated with him. He wants you and he doesn’t. The hell with it: he does, but on his own terms and since for some reason he finds himself unable to say no to you, he creates such a fuss. The Joker is a complicated person.
“Jaaaaay,” you try to get his attention. “Baby !!! Hey!”
He has no choice but to look up.
“On the way home, let’s stop somewhere on a dark alley, hmm?” you whisper, leaning over so he can see your lacy bra under your shirt.
He snickers, grinning at the idea.
“Ohhh, we can do that.” He decided not to be a jerk this time.
Well, it was a lot of fun in the backseat of the purple Lamborghini and as soon as you get home after the drive:
“Heeeeey, handsome,” you unbutton his already not very buttoned shirt. “Why do you look so sexy all the time, hmm? Are you doing it on purpose?”
Are you kidding me right now?! He really thought he was done for the night, he’s too exhausted from everything he had to do, plus tending to your …needs. But duty calls, so, you know…you gotta do what you gotta do.
*** The Joker starts wearing baggy clothes around the penthouse, hoping that you will not care to see him like that. YEAH,NO! He wishes he was that lucky.
“Baby, what are you wearing?!” you ask, completely baffled when you see him with those huge sweatpants and a sweater that looks three times his size.
“Clothes,” he sits at his desk, avoiding looking at you.
“Where are your other clothes?” Hmm, suspicious.
“The cleaner’s,” he shortly answers, getting on the laptop and trying not to pay attention to you.
“All of them?! You have, like, a million things.”
“Yeap, all of them,” he mutters, parting his green hair to the side without realizing it. You take it as a signal.
“Ahhhh, I seeeee,” you giggle, getting up from the couch, march to the desk and with a swift move all the papers, including the laptop and his gun, fly over to the floor, some even reaching the kitchen counter.
“Jesus, Y/N, WTF?!” he frowns, getting mad but doesn’t have time to have a temper tantrum because you land in his lap, pulling on his bottom lip with your finger.
“Sssstttt, don’t talk, I know you’re trying to get my attention.”
“HUH?!”
“You know, you’re so attractive you could wear a garbage bag and you would look hot as hell. I love your new attire. Are we playing roles? I can go change and we can pretend to be two trashy people getting it on,” you keep on yapping, already ripping off him everything you can. “Aren’t you happy you have a girlfriend that pays attention to you?” He doesn’t answer so you continue.” I know you’re always in the mood, stop pretending you’re not, it irritates me.” It irritates you?! “Yum, you’re soooo delicious! I know you’re doing on purpose, don’t deny it.” You kiss him all over, excited.
J wasn’t really aiming for that reaction at all.
“You know, Princess, my next choice to wear would have been a garbage bag and now I can’t do it because you would like it anyway,” he kind of tries to joke and be serious in the same time.
Your lips stop on his Jester tattoo; what he just said rubs you the wrong way.
“Why shouldn’t I like it?” you lift your head, looking him in the eyes.
“Well, I am an idea and ideas don’t…”
“You’re a what ??!!” you interrupt, wiggling in his lap.
“I am an idea and…”
“Hold on, did you Goggle stuff again??!!” you inquire because you have a feeling about it.
“I did,” he admits, taking a deep breath.
“I told you not to, it makes you talk crazy.”
“I can’t help it, I love Google,” he lifts his shoulders up, amused.
“More than me?” you grumble, yanking his neck towards you.
“Nooo, nope, no way, Baby Doll, I love nothing more than you.”
“Jeez, that sounds so fake, put some passion into it,“ but you don’t let him answer because you crush your lips against his so he will stop talking nonsense. Stupid Google!
*** You finally commonly agreed J will get ONE free pass each week when he is very tired and can’t have fun with you. But that’s it, you can’t agree to more since you already feel you’re getting gypped.***
***You’re preparing for your mission tomorrow and J is just returning from his.
“Heeeeey, handsome,” you roar when you see him.
“Free pass, Princess! Batsy almost got me, the jerk chased me for an hour, I’m beat!”
“Awwww,” you sharply inhale, disappointed. “My poor baby, com’ere.” You kiss him and hug him tight. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, but he is such a pain in the ass. I’m gonna take a shower and crash.”
“So…you are really using your free pass? Just making sure,” you play with his gold chains, hoping to hear some good news.
“U-hum, I have to.”
“ ‘Kaaay, then I’ll go to Frost,” you giggle and he doesn’t think anything of it until 5 minutes into the shower when it hits him. “I’ll go to Frost.” Wait a second, for what?! The Joker doesn’t even know when he got dressed and runs downstairs to find you laughing with Jonny, clinging to his arm as he continues his funny joke.
“Y/N! Get your ass here!” J yells.
“Why?” you turn towards him and of course he won’t put up with insubordination so he grabs your arm and forcefully pushes you in the elevator.
“God dammit, you better be naked by the time we get to the penthouse! The Joker’s woman doesn’t need to go to someone else to get what she wants!”
“Wha’…? Oh, wait, you though I would really go to Frost FOR THAT?! No way, baby, I like you too much, my sexy green haired stud,” you chuckle, but start undressing anyway. Wow, the ideas he gets. Even without Google.
“Don’t care, my pride is as stake!” he snarls, ignoring half of what you said. The Joker rips your t-shirt, which is your favorite one, by the way.
“Are you sure you don’t want to use your free pass?”
“Fuck, I’m sure, even if this is the last thing I do!!”
Oh, yeah, that’s right, his pride is as stake. Well, works for you.
Sucker!
*** He had other plans for tonight because you don’t always go together in the same missions. You blew up a few buildings, which was boring because they were empty, but Gotham is too quiet lately and you had to do something.
You went to bed and fell asleep waiting for J.
“Hi, Pumpkin,” he wakes you up, collapsing in your arms, pleased with himself. “Ohhh, boobies,” J smirks, placing his head on them. You smile with one eye opened and kiss his temple:
“How did it go, baby?”
“Waste of time, they only had 5 million in the seif.”
“No, way, really?”
“Yeap, so annoying. I was so fed up with it I kidnapped a senator. I would have tried to get Commissar Gordon again for that huge ransom, but somebody keeps on letting him go…yes?” he shoves you with his shoulder, grinding his silver teeth.
You just caress his hair and whisper:
“I can’t help it, he’s so cute with that moustache and all.”
SLAP! on your thigh.
“Auch! Stop it, that hurt!” J feels sorry for what he did, but only for a moment. “So baby, who did you kidnap?” you whine, rubbing the sore spot.
“Senator Michaels.”
Your heart is beating faster and he hears it since his head is resting on your cleavage.
“OMG, I have a thing for him! I need to go see him, is he in the basement?” you tease J, aware he won’t like it.
SLAP! and this time harder, followed by the lowest, freakiest growl you ever heard.
“Shut up, Princess!”
You pull his hair hard to get some revenge. He winces in pain:
“You, Baby Doll, don’t get to do that!” he gets on top of you, pinning your hands above your head. You bite his wrist and he immediately puts more pressure in his grip. “What did I just tell you, hmmm? Daddy will have to punish you!”
“Free pass!!!” you blur out and he freezes.
“You…y-you don’t get one, Pumpkin,” he stutters, shocked you actually don’t want him for once.
“Free pass!!!” you insist, arching your back, enjoying seeing him antagonized.
“No, no way!”
“Why not? Only ideas get free passes?” you burst out laughing, throwing what he said the other day in his face.
“Ooohhh, you bad girl, making fun of Daddy, hmm? No free pass! I’m gonna punish you the worst way possible,” he lets you go for a few seconds so he can take his shirt off.
“All right, yeah, do it!” you playfully kick him with your knee. “I deserve it!” you lick your lips, excited your strategy worked. You did well: J really planned to use his free pass for the week tonight, but you made him forget all about it. Somehow, this always works in your favor. You are sooo good.
And you didn’t even have to use Google.
Also read- MASTERLIST:
http://diyunho(dot)tumblr(dot)com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist
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