#had to make this piece as bright and colorful as possible bc. thats how i feel when i look at him <3

[0rchidm4ntis]

Happy birthday King 💫

[whx-m]

sometimes theres an awkward beat in a conversation when i reference the few years of my life when i was homeless. sometimes its just bc ppl are surprised, or they ever expected someone like me to have been “like that” (aka their perception of a homeless person) but other times i get the impression that im not supposed to talk about it, that its a crude TMI topic.. like im totally shameless for it, it’s not something you’re supposed to admit. its something to lock away and throw away with the past, “move on” and forget.

honestly? im not ashamed at all. i’m truly not, i have no shame in my heart for being on the street and treated like scum. i didn’t allow myself to feel ashamed then when they spit at ground in front of me, i won’t allow anyone to shame me now. i had my moments of feeling totally worthless to the ones i loved and i had my spirals into depression for my situation, but not once would i let anyone make me feel like i was less than human. the beautiful people i met only cemented that in my soul- we were a pure force of energy, human beings pushing their will to live and experience life to the limit of what’s possible. i would never be ashamed of them, or myself by extension.

sometimes people make me feel like im too aggressive about my beliefs- my family likes to think of me as endearingly stubborn and headstrong about my opinions. i’ve had plenty of arguments with my conservative older siblings about gender, military/police brutality, social issues. its hard to make friends, its hard to open up to people- sometimes i feel like my presence is almost threatening to some, or maybe arrogantly direct. people shy away from me. i look people in the eye without any doubts behind mine that i know who i am and what i stand for. i think people take that kind of vibration differently... some are drawn to it and some are repelled. 

but there’s this loneliness almost, that elevates everything that happened to me beyond shame. it’s the only time in my life i’ve known many, many others who struggled with that soul-crushing depth of will and claimed their lives for their own. waking up and thinking, how will i survive today? where should i point my feet and walk? and over and over, every moment of the day, every conversation or eye contact, who can i trust? who can i trust? who can i trust? what do they want from me? who are you? constantly measuring and analyzing risks. setting a goal can save your life, hesitation and being idle or passive could kill you.

i’ve never met so many clear, innocent eyes. i’ve never seen such pure kindness in other human beings. people who spread their arms and welcomed me into their world, the one they pieced together with what they could achieve. we all ate, we all survived together again and again, different groups, different towns. people come and going in the process, either to be fed and comforted with love or people returning with even more excess and blessings to share. have you eaten? where are you sleeping tonight? do you know where to go for this? do you know where the nearest bathroom is? do you have anything to trade? here, i know you needed a good pack because your overloaded jansport backpack is killing your back. i traded a map i didn’t need for this old military metal frame pack, take it. it’s not the best, you’ll have to sew this spot up with dental floss, but it’s a start. nah i don’t need anything for it, just kick it down to someone who needs it when you get a better one. have you eaten? it’s going to rain soon, do you have a tarp? hey there’s a feed at the chruch today, do you need directions?

one time, i bought a bunch of hot dogs and bratwurst with my food stamps and took them to the park where everyone else would pass through in the morning and afternoon, usually for the public bathrooms. i started a fire and we cooked them up on the park grills, more people showed up and started sharing their food. a pregnant mom shows up and was so happy to be getting some meat, i cooked up the last of the brats for her and took a walk to the middle of the giant field of grass to sit and get some sun. a little while later she padded out to me with bare feet and sat next to me, telling me how badly she needed some meat and how grateful she was i had shown up to share some, it was just what she needed. i told her that made me happy, im so glad we crossed paths when i had something to give. she handed me a bright turquoise piece of calcite, a mix of blue and green calcite. i’ve never seen such a beautiful color, and i’ve never seen calcite just the same shade no matter how many mineral shows i attend. it was breathtaking in the sun, ill never forget it. she said i couldnt refuse it, to her its a token of friendship. even though we didnt exchange names and i’d never seen her before, or since- she just gave me the stone and told me she hoped it would bring me blessings and left. but it was such a pure gesture, neither of us felt shame in needing food or receiving a beautiful gift. i still treasure this stone.

and thats just a moment in a cascade of kindness and human moments- people who wanted nothing but to build each other and themselves up. we’ll survive this! don’t lose yourself, be smart, be wise about slipping into the comfort of drowning your life out with the vices you can attain. stay alert, stay alive. stay laughing and smiling, show them all how human you still are. look into your heart for what you know you can do, what you can still give. the will it takes to show people love when the entire world wants you out of their sight. these people taught me so much and did so much for each other, an almost overwhelmingly genuine compassion. 

i’ll die before i feel a drop of shame for being a part of and witnessing that, that was the closest i ever felt to god. like being on the front lines of a spiritual war- like meeting angels and demons and living among them with nothing but my human will to protect me. being ashamed of that is a joke, what i’m ashamed of is how i now feel like a fat king of my castle, sitting around sort of bored and directionless, isolated and insulated from the war that’s only raging harder outside. trying to spend all this time and energy figuring myself and my life out- time spent on art, stories, fantasies, trying to generate some meaning to my life now. put that tested will to work with what resources i have. but it’s just not as effortless, that will doesn’t flood out of me anymore. how could i be so brave and bright then but so paralyzed and dull now? what’s a shame is that i did more for the world with nothing but my life on my back. it’s hard to feel like i didn’t just spiritually peak early, like my magnum opus already happened privately and now nothing i create will ever be able to compare. maybe to others, but never to me.

[memedokies]

(almost) every anon ask since fall 2016

if u havent noticed i am BAD at answering asks so here’s a Big Dump of most of the asks i’ve gotten in the past few months

ps; i’ve excluded pokemon suggestions bc i plan on getting to them at some point

Hihihi!!! What brushes do you use in fire alpaca??  i dont do much in firealpaca (esp not lately lol) but when i did use it a lot i just used the fill bucket and the standard/default brush to fill in gaps n such lol! i dont really draw in it, i used flash/adobe animate for the lineart and just fill in color in firealpaca :3

when did you start animating?   uhh when i was around 11 or 12 when i started digital art i guess? i just used photoshop for the longest time then got flash when i was like 15 or so

 How did you get flash?  i got the creative cloud dealie, its technically required for my school :—-0 

 hello!! what are you majoring in in vcu?? im thinking about going there for college  im in communication arts! omg cool lmk if u come here ill tell u where to get the best bubble tea

 how many fps do you use for your wiggly animations? i work at 24 fps in flash on twos but just end up using photoshop’s 0 second frame delay/ “no delay”?

 Hey love your animations! What do you animate with?  adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) 

You mentioned a YouTube channel but I can’t seem to find a link to it? Do you post processes on there? https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCovvoZxlQjFaIA7A3w_94Zw theres not much atm but i plan on posting a lot more, including process/speedpaints! 

i really like your art style gosh darn!!! everythings so fluid and stylized and nice aaa (also ur animations are goals) do u have any tips for someone still developing their artstyle????  WAH TYSM!!!!! compile art you already like and incorporate aspects from their styles into yours, BUT dont limit urself to one style! if u like something then try it out! do straight up copies (as PRACTICE, DONT CLAIM IT as your own ofc) of stuff you like to see how they work and what you’re clicking with. spending time on fundamentals is MEGA helpful so keep going back to that too! USE REFERENCES!!! draw …from ur soul…what makes u ..FEEL good

 how do you make that burn effect on your lineart? it makes it your pieces look sharper and even more interesting, it’s super cool!!  when i used to use flash for lineart and firealpaca for coloring a lot, setting the lineart layer on BURN with the coloring layer seeping a lil past the lineart would get this effect automatically 

(like on the whiskers. u can see it gets a brighter brown(?) and the warmer yellow on the ears)

but since then i’ve been using sai+photoshop more so i just do it manually! i’ll use this funny pic of me and my cat as an example lol

^i select the lineart/everything i want the funky color around

^slam that INCREMENT button a couple times

^make a new layer under the lineart

^fill that puppo with ur preferred color! something brighter works best, or even straight up white

that’ll give you something like this

then i open it in photoshop

and i mess with the pink line layer’s blending mode..color burn usually does the trick but depending on the Look you’re going for, saturation, multiply and overlay have some similar effects that look cool. 

i also usually get rid of the outermost edge of pink line that’s visible around the lineart, just so it looks a little cleaner? to do that you just select around your lineart, increment/expand selection, and delete/erase in the selection of the pink line layer

uhh yeah! lmk if anyone needs clarification on this, i have some other #TIPS on makin ur art look crusty and funky so…lemme know if you’re interested :—3

What do you use to animate? And, a more specific question, how do you make transparent animated gifs? adobe animate 2017! (previously flash) i export my animation from flash as a png sequence then open it in photoshop, where the background will be transparent and save it as a gif from there nyaaa

if anyone needs more clarification lmk and i’ll make a proper walkthrough :-0

 Hello!! Ur art is rlly pretty and so inspirational and nice to look at!! 💗💗 I was wonderin’ if ya had any tips on choosing shapes for characters? Like, when you draw shapes for a certain character, it looks rlly like it fits with the character’s personality n stuff!! ( e.g: Your Love Live! drawings!! The characters look so good in your style.) I’ve always admired how u did that n was hoping for some tips maybe?? Anyways, have a good day!!💛💖💟💜💝💞💖 HOOGA!! TYSM!!! and YEA you basically guessed it, i mainly just think about the character’s personality and translate that into a shape or Pheeling… 

especially for anime characters i look at the Very Subtle differences in the character’s original design..or possibly canon implications…for example kotori has slightly different eyes (it also says on her wiki page she has soft droopy eyes!) so i make sure to incorporate that Detãile

 anime wiki pages that have details like that is nice, for love live they have cute lil “charm points” which is really cool n helpful! listening to how a character is described in their world can give clues to what differentiates them which you can make more clear in your design

taking into account each characters context is good too, what they do/hobby/personality and how that could affect their appearance/posture/attitude

 YEAH its really fun to figure out certain characteristics and make it evident in their appearance! or. idk thats just what i do lol. hopefully this helps!

Have you ever seen the anime jojos bizarre adventure? alas i have not..i have some friends whom are into it so i’ll prob end up watching it sometime lol

sorry if this is obvious but!! are you the creator of Fork and Knife: Food Fighters?? your gif of fork is super cute btw!! yes i am!! wah tysm!!

Hey my little sister found your animation on an online art gallery and she really loved it! omg cool, thanks so much!!

Your style is so lovely!! OHG thanks!

your blog is so precious i love it a lot! your art is so cute too ^u^ waa thanks!!

Your art and animations art really cool! Keep up the good work! You are amazing!! aahg thank you!! :’333

 your art is fuckening amazing hh broe…tysm

 Oh my gee, I used to follow you on Deviant Art, and now here I am, finding you on accident. You’re still as talented as ever. =w= b hUIOpugh deviantart, my homeland..my origin.. thank you!!!

- O mg I love your art! 💕💕💕 thank you!! heart emojis!!! 💖💖💖

- your art and animations give me so much inspiration, thank you! everything about your style is so fun and it cheers me up omg this validates my top tier goal in life, im so glad!! thank you SO much!

Your style is so charming and adorable ;__; thank you!!

ur art is so gross in the best way possible this is the biggest compliment ive gotten thank u so much. i love making gross squishy awful drawings

IM SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU!!!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR AGES!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR YOUR BEAUTIFUL ART!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! BHOLY CRAP THANK YOU!!!

 your art style is very cute ! 🌱 oohg thanks!! thanks for the little sprout emoji, i love her

GOOD ART!!!! good art good art good art EVERYWHERE I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHGG THANK YUO

how do ya draw such cutely its driving me nuts Nuts NUTS !!! I LOVE SPARKLES AND BRIGHT COLORS AND FUNNY ANIMALS..its my lifeblood..thank u.. 

You’re a really rad artist! I’m Glad there’s some cool artists that are local! Have a good time at VCU! oh wow thanks!! 

Ur shapes r so good thanks i LOVE a nice wholesome shape!

I rlly like ur art style my dude thanks!! 

hi! just wanted to let u know that you’re wonderful and i wish u well in everything u do this is making me bVERY HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

 Im love You!! IM L OVE YIOU

that meowth boy is so good. i love him as he is my son THANK YUO i too, love meowth a Lot

 I love how your art is basically lines and curves, it’s very cute oo thanks! 

i love your art style so much!! it’s so zesty? i cant think of a better word to describe but its like. zesty & refreshing & rly rly cool !!! THATS A BEAUTIFUL ADJECTIVE I LOVE IT thank u so much!!!

You seem like you would watch Osomatsu-san. I could see you drawin dem bois in you hella rad art style. osomatsu was the wildest ride of my life. tho i dont think i could physically be able to sit down and draw them seriously ever… 

 Pls make more angry cat comics theyr so halarious plllls 👀 more are on the way!!!!!!

Have you done a meet the artist i sketched one when the meme was still poppin..is it too late lol? maybe i’ll still do it

[ventus-shmentus]

1 through 100 for the question time?

oh man this is gonna keep me busy, thank you anon

1.) is there a boy/girl in your life?

*** sadly no, I've been single for like 3 years now

2.)  think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

*** yes! I generally try to forgive most ppl because I h a t e being angry w ppl

3.) what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

*** there was a girl in middle school that always stared me down and meowed at me at lunch???

4.) what’s something you really want right now?

*** strawberry lemonade from O’Charley’s

5.) are you afraid of falling in love?

*** thank god no, I love loving people

6.) do you like the beach?

*** yeah my fam goes every year for vacay and we spread my brothers ashes in the ocean and stuff so it’s comforting to go bc it’s like he’s still with me??

7.) have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

*** tried to, but I have a lot of problems falling asleep so it didn't work out too well

8.) what’s the background on your cell?

*** my lock screen is me and a best friend and my home bg is a pic of ventus

9.)name the last four beds you were sat on?

***my sisters, my moms, faith’s, and Ryder’s if you count being sat on by dogs (I think thats what the question is asking lmao??)

10.) do you like your phone?

*** most of the time, yeah. the calls get messed up a lot tho and the battery sucks

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

*** god no, it’d be weird if they were. I'm doing much much better in life than I originally expected 

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

*** probs the girls from my DBT therapy group

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

*** omg Rottweiler for sure,,, I love big doggies and they're such big babies

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

*** I can't really answer this because they’re both felt in different ways

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

*** I've never been to an art museum so id have to say zoo for now

16: are you tired?

*** heck yea my mom lost my sleep medication, I'm so tired to the point where I'm listening to Soulja boy and I'm not sure if its real or not

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

*** like???? 15 years??

18: are they a relative?

*** nope just my sisters friend 

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

*** someone please kill me if I ever get back with one of my exes

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

*** honestly I can’t remember, probably like last month?

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

*** nonono I'm nowhere near ready to settle down in life like that. I'm only 19 and like I've never even had a job and I don't have my license and shit,,, def not ready for marriage

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

*** yeah he was a good kisser, too bad I barely remember it lmao

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

*** 2 a hair tie and a friendship bracelet

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

*** Donald Duck going “WAK!”

25: what’s on your mind?

*** what happened to Kevin Jonas

26: do you have any tattoos?

*** no but I was planning on getting one soon as tribute to my brother

27: what is your favorite color?

*** yellow!! its so happy and bright

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

*** heck idk no one ever seems interested in me so like?? its up to them bc I'm down to kiss like 90% of the people I know

29: who are you texting?

*** my boi Ryder bc he's coming over to give me birthday stuff

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

***nope, only a car

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

*** I low key knew that my brother was gonna die the day he did but I didn't say anything to anyway bc I just blamed it on my anxiety

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

*** heck yeah, I got a couple thankfully

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

*** lmao ryder

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

*** yes! my eyes turn literally yellow in the summer and its p cool

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

*** I'd be like “hell yeah I'm proud of u for getting action”

36: were you single on valentines day?

*** have been my whole life

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

*** yes but I rarely talk to him anymore

38: what do your friends call you?

*** karl, car keys, Karls, kar, karlie warlie

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

*** does myself count lmao

40: have you ever cried over a text?

*** probably

41: where’s your last bruise located?

*** the tops of my feet 

42: what is it from?

*** dancing! you get bruises in weird places from dance lmao

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

*** idk if this really counts but we went out to eat last night which is really triggering for me and I was like “I just want to go home and see my doggie”

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

***my sister on accident

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

*** fav bc of looks are my white doc Martens but I wear my black converse most of the time

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

*** no I look dumb in hats

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

*** honestly no just bc I like to have the mermaid hair effect when I’m in the bath or swimming

48: do you make supper for your family?

*** only if its like pizza rolls or smthn

49: does your bedroom have a door?

*** yes???

50: top 3 web-pages?

*** Tumblr, youtube and Facebook

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

*** my mom bc she hates going out in public

52: does anything on your body hurt?

*** my wrist!! I have a cyst in my joint and it hurts to move it too much 

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

*** yes bc I have a huge fear of abandonment

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

*** strawberry lemonade

55: how is your hair?

*** its kinda short atm, I just got it cut and I'm mad bc its just the right length where only half of my hair goes into a ponytail

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

*** pee tbh

57: do you think two people can last forever?

*** I mean I guess

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

*** considering. was 8, yes

59: green or purple grapes?

*** depends on my mood tbh

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

*** in like 10 minutes when Ryder is here

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

*** not really but I wouldn't particularly mind if I was somewhere else

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

*** like rn

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

*** in my living room talking to Ryder

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

*** pretending to be asleep

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

***probably faith idk but thankfully thats faded by now

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

*** ryder and my sister tbh

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

*** my mom always hugs me good morning

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

*** “god I wish I could fall asleep”

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

*** did you mean: my entire dance career?

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

*** 5!

71: how many fingers do you have?

*** thankfully I got all 10

72: what is your ringtone?

*** the default iPhone ringtone, I've never bothered to change it but I want my text ringtone to be the thing from Kim possible

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

*** 19

74: where is your mum right now?

*** in my sister’s room helping her build a desk

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

*** bc he's an abusive piece of shit (:

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

*** sadly no ):

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

*** definitely not

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

*** a dude named Zac but he was a terrible person lmao

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

*** my aunt's pos boyfriend

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

*** no ):

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

*** not really anyone worth noting

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

*** probably

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

*** I don't really like anyone atm

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

*** probably Bria or faith tbh

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

*** I think it’d depend on what it was and if it was effecting them in an unhealthy way or not

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

*** I threw up 20 mins into Spiderman homecoming

87: who was your last received call from?

*** my sister

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

*** I think it'd depend on what I needed the money for and how bad I needed it

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

*** friends

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

*** all the time. I love trusting people but it gets me hurt a lot

91: do you sleep with your window open?

*** I wish but I got them allergies

92: do you get along with girls?

*** for the most part yes!

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

*** yeah but its not worth telling them right now, gotta wait till the right time

94: does sex mean love?

*** nope!

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

*** no but I might have a hard time trying to find things to talk about

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

*** yeah I didn't really like it tbh

97: did you sleep alone this week?

*** always

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

*** yes! my sister and ryder

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

*** no bc then you're just falling in love with the persons looks and not the actual person

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise

*** my mom but I don't remember what for