#hadnt had one of those in a while… i know im entering extremely dangerous territory
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it is so painful to grieve yourself
#these days i just cant stop being extremely self aware of my condition#i cant describe it in any way other than depressed out of my mind#and i am extremely aware of it#i am aware of how every cell in my body is begging for me to put it out of its misery#yesterday i looked down from the balcony (i live on the third floor) and the most natural immediate thought i had was how nice it must be to#fall down and hit the ground and have that be it#hadnt had one of those in a while… i know im entering extremely dangerous territory#i feel that i am in fight or flight all the time these days#but also completely frozen#i tried signing up for online therapy but i froze there too….. i just know i cant go on like this. not for much longer at least
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