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#haha but what if he could hurt him
sysig · 4 months
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Puts the “plates” in “Fellplates” (Patreon)
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feroluce · 15 days
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Lucid Dreamer (1/2)
part 2
Gepard notices that it's been. Quiet lately. Like weirdly quiet. TOO quiet. He hasn't seen Sampo Koski in almost a week, which is about the longest he's ever been absent. And he is NOT worried. He's not! So what if they've been getting along more lately! So what if Gepard sometimes looks for him in his favorite hiding places! So what if he's been dreaming about blue hair and green eyes! It's nothing!!
But they're….strange, these dreams. Gepard doesn't usually remember what he's dreamt. It's out of his mind seconds within waking up. But these stick with him, they won't leave him be, they feel different somehow.
He dreams of Sampo bringing food to the frontlines and eating breakfast in his tent with him. Sampo always sneaks him extras. He dreams of chasing Sampo through the alleyways, Sampo sometimes letting himself be caught, Gepard sometimes catching him, and trying to ignore how it feels more like a game now more than anything else. He even dreams that Sampo tags along with him on one of his few civilian days. Sampo runs errands with him, prattles about inane bullshit while Gepard picks out groceries for the week, drags Gepard into some bakery he's never been to but he thinks Serval mentioned once.
And sometimes, it feels so close to reality, that Gepard half expects to see Sampo, shamelessly swaggering into the frontlines with all the guards' breakfast like his wanted poster wasn't only recently taken off the walls of Belobog. He's disappointed when it's always someone else instead. He tells himself his disappointment is ridiculous and if Sampo wants to go prowl around the Snow Plains or wherever he is, then fine. It's not any of his business.
…But it IS his job to investigate any unusual criminal activity relating to the frontlines. And the frontlines are Sampo's usual haunting grounds, and this is unusual activity, and Sampo IS technically a criminal, so it is absolutely part of his duty to look into this - is what Gepard tells himself the entire tram ride down into the Underground.
Natasha tells him he's gone, and Gepard has to steel himself. He knew Sampo made enemies wherever he went, there are a lot of people who would love his head on a platter, but he didn't think-
Natasha corrects him that she means literally gone. As in off-planet. Sampo always leaves her a note before he goes anywhere, so she knows not to expect any supply runs from him. He should be back in exactly two weeks. Thank the Preservation.
Gepard goes back home. He waits.
The uneasiness doesn't leave him.
"Where did you go?" Sampo stops dead in the middle of some story about Seele, and how you'd think someone with as blunt a mouth as her wouldn't have so much trouble asking a woman out, even if that woman IS the Supreme Guardian, and stares at him. He nearly fumbles his cigarette.
"Ahaha, what do you mean, I'm right here?" Sampo smiles at him the same way he always does. Gepard has no idea why he asked. It just popped out. He can never tell when Sampo is lying, anyway.
"I don't know. I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time." Gepard idly mouths at his own cigarette. He almost never smokes, but he wants to ration their stocks of Blizzard Immunity, and it helps with the cold. It's seemed colder lately, for some reason.
Gepard flicks his lighter once, twice, sighs at the third time because a metal prosthetic and thick gloves make the damn things so difficult. Sampo reaches over and wordlessly kisses the end of his cigarette to Gepard's, lighting it. "Thank you."
Nothing happens for almost a full 30 seconds. Something churns behind Gepard's ribcage. Because Sampo never leaves a "thank you" hanging. This is the part where he gives his spiel about how helpful and kind he is and Gepard either brings up how long his rap sheet was before Bronya helped clear his name, or just stares deadpan because seeing Sampo squirm is weirdly satisfying.
"…I'll be back in one more week."
Gepard jolts awake in his cot, mouth dry and eyes bleary.
The hell.
The next dream he has, Sampo looks tired. Sometimes he seems normal. Sometimes he says strange things, like how he wishes he'd gone to some restaurant in Belobog. Ate his favorite food more recently. Brought something with him. Gepard asks why he can't do that now. Where would he bring something? Sampo only shrugs. His rebuttals have less energy.
Gepard doesn't know if he wants to dream more, or less.
He ticks down the days on his calendar. Natasha hasn't told him any different. She promised she would if she got any kind of message. Sampo returns tomorrow, from whatever vacation or seedy business dealings he's been off having. He is not excited about it. He is not looking forward to it. He's not!!
Gepard falls asleep late that night, unable to settle. He dreams again.
He's alone. There are tons of people everywhere, the frontlines are always crowded. But he's alone. They all pass right by him as though he were a ghost. Gepard starts to walk before he realizes his feet are even moving.
He checks the trashcans in the dead end alley. He checks the supply crates that someone always stacks too high because they don't feel like finding more space for them. He pauses to check the soldiers that march past him, watching their footprints in the snow.
He finally finds Sampo on the rooftop along the northernmost wall, the one that looks out over the plains, towards Everwinter Hill, towards where the Stellaron had once been kept. With a full moon and an entire land of white snow, Gepard can almost see clear out to the horizon.
"Found you." Sampo stiffens, and Gepard is almost prepared for him to sprint off the roof. He doesn't. But he doesn't relax either. Gepard sits down next to him and stares out at the wastelands.
"…I fucked up." It wasn't what Gepard had been expecting. Sampo never 'fucks up,' Sampo just gets into incidents that are entirely, supposedly, not his fault and that he just happens to always be within the vicinity of.
"What did you do now?" It must be really bad if Sampo is coming to the Silvermanes for protection.
Instead, Sampo ignores his question completely. "See out over there? Right on the other side of that mountain. There's a safe house that way. It's hidden under a lot of snow and dead trees, but it's there. And in that safe house is a box full of letters. I need you to deliver those letters for me."
Gepard's brow furrows. It's a weird favor to ask. Sampo would never tell anyone where his hidden safehouses were. It defeated the whole purpose of a hidden safe house.
Something is wrong, something is really really wrong.
Gepard turns back to look at him again and startles, all of his questions dying in his throat, because the entire left side of Sampo's head is suddenly matted down, dark and sticky, his skin is dyed red red red-
"In three more months, there's gonna be something big happening." Gepard grabs Sampo's hand and it feels slick and warm against his palm. "I won't be here. So I need you to do my end of things for me." Gepard tries to keep hold, but something is fading, something is slowing, the sun is coming up but the colors are all wrong, everything feels like encroaching fog, Sampo's hand slides right through his. "I was gonna come back with my mask to finish setting the stage, but…" Gepard makes a frantic grab for Sampo's wrist, the air twists, he comes back empty-handed. "They have you. And you're the Iron Wall of Belobog. So it'll be ok."
Gepard finally manages to find his grip, snatches the front of Sampo's dark wet jacket and yanks him forward to hold onto him, and this close up, he can see it better, his colors are bleaching out, leaking outside the lines as if Sampo will become part of the background, as if he's fading into the strange fog that's been closing in on them. His fingers are already starting to feel empty again.
"Wake up."
Gepard jolts awake, uncurls his hands from where they're fisted in the blanket, scrubs the dampness off his face. Breathes. Breathes. Breathes. Today is supposed to be the day.
He throws on his civilian clothes, and he goes down to the shipyard the IPC had built. He finds a spot where he can see every person that returns to Belobog, and he waits.
And he waits and he waits and he waits.
No one he recognizes appears.
#sampard#gepo#hsr gepard#hsr sampo#gepard landau#sampo koski#honkai star rail#hsr#blood#my fics#lucid dreamer#there was more to this but it didn't feel right included here so part 2 tomorrow maybe?#I just think Penacony being the land of dreams presents some FASCINATING possibilities like showing up in other people's dreams#the end of masquerade duet killed me just beat me dead#Sampo going through all this trouble just to protect Belobog...#poor Ray got such an earful that night haha#In the Penacony dreamscape someone can change their appearance however they want but I think in this case where one of the dreamers AREN'T-#-on Penacony it would take more concentration to keep that illusion up#and if someone were say. hurt and badly bleeding. it would start to fall apart eventually as they lost their concentration.#but oh my heart#Sampo being away and missing Belobog so badly he shows up in his friends' dreams just to do the same mundane shit they always do...#He probably showed up to everyone#he sat around and kept Natasha company in her clinic. he pestered Seele until he provoked her into asking Bronya on a date.#he played one last song with Pela and Serval. he told them he'd always kept his old bass guitar.#he took Hook out on one last joyride on his scooter and he even let her sit up front and steer like she'd always wanted.#and he stood around to shoot the shit with Gepard#he got to go do things like run domestic errands together with him. as if they could have been something more than what they were at the en#it was nice to get the chance to do all that#it was nice
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moeblob · 30 days
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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lunarharp · 1 year
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some illustrations/vibes from my uhh 29k memory trauma/disability focus orufrey fic, into the deep end.
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franeridan · 8 months
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the way luffy regularly goes "we are the bad guys, actually" in the manga is something so dear so special to me
#it's cute how in the live action they make from the start the distinction between good and bad in both factions#since it's true and you as a reader know it's true#but i love the#''no old man don't he's a mar-! ah wait we're the bad guys haha''#and the#''what if we're attacked by bad guys'' ''usopp WE'RE the bad guys''#and especially the#''I'm not a hero!''#because it does two Fantastic things imo#one; it makes it clear luffy never once shied from the knowledge that pirates can be violent and unjust and horrible#he KNOWS being a pirate makes him a bad guy in people's eyes and he doesn't mind because he knows that as a rule of thumb#pirates hurt people and marines help people#he knows this and he doesn't mind it#he doesn't Want to be a good guy#he could have been! garp tried!!! that's not what he wants#he says it's because of freedom#which is true!!! but this brings us to the second reason why i love this fact about him#luffy doesn't have any problems with using a whole person as a human shield if he feels like it#if he wants to murder someone he will#he operates by his own rules and his own rules are my friends are right even when they're wrong and I'll kill you for them#it's just pure luck that most of the times his friends are genuinely good people and deserve to be saved#because luffy doesn't base his decisions on morals#he bases them on who fed him first#in skypiea he's on the side of konnis people even after he finds out they're in the wrong#he knows this! he explicitly says 'wait so YOU'RE the bad guys!’#he's sounds kinda angry at them for it too in the moment#but he's still on their side because they're still his friends#luffy's freedom isn't something he wants because he feels the rules are unfair#it's something he wants because he wants to choose the rules independently from just how fair they are#and I just really love that about him more than anything else
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bewby · 1 year
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when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol
#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this#well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year#so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha#he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad#because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time#and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him#and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask#and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf#i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now#but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days#but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since#i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!#i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them#haha . this really sucks alot#i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow#i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute#nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah#i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying#wow. okay i'll stop now#he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all
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dutybcrne · 1 year
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While he’d had Diluc’s Vision in his care, Kaeya often spoke to it. Updates on how things were going in Mondstadt, on Jean and the Knights, quiet admissions on how much he missed him and hoped he was alright. Demands he come back to Mond alive, if not for the family he’d discarded, if not for the Knights, then for those at the Dawn Winery at the very least. They missed him more than anyone.
Kaeya doubted Diluc could even hear them, but if there was a chance those words could reach him, that Diluc could somehow be reassured through whatever turmoil he was facing in that moment and given some burst of determination to succeed through the worst from them, Kaeya would still ensure not a day went by without speaking to the Vision, conversations scarcely more than two hours apart if he could help it. It was a childish, most likely vain hope, he knew. But nothing and no one, including himself, would ever have been able to curb the habit.
Anything to make sure that Vision never once dulled to emptiness.
#Sb: You two were always so attached at the hip; it must be hard with Master Diluc gone#Kaeya; with the Vision tucked safely in his vest: Haha; what? I don't miss him; I'm relieved he can't fucken NAG me anymore-#hc; kaeya#//Imagine the messes he kept getting himself into if keeping the Vision near kept screwing up with his own Vision usage#//The Pyro IMMEDIATELY reacting to counter his Cryo usage (Kae can't help bitterly think it MEANS something; proof of Diluc's resentment)#//Kaeya simultaneously getting sabotaged by that happening AND his own worries making him sloppy#//Kae making jokes that he's been cursed with bad luck; and damn well KNOWS keeping the Vision so close is only trouble#//But anyone'd have to pry that Pyro Vision from his cold dead hands if he could help it#//When Diluc comes back and Kae HAS to part with the Vision; he can't help feeling lonely again#//Almost misses the damn thing was still on hand to sabotage him#//It's easier dealing with the Vision acting up than having to actually HEAR how much Diluc resents him now (as he thinks he does)#//It certainly was easier to TALK to#//sometimes; he genuinely can't tell if it was more stressful only ever having the Vision to tell if Diluc was alive#//Or being able to see him in person and check on him then#//Letters could only do so much and with only Two he received compared to all those he sent; well; he couldn't trust like that#//But then talking to him after everything is just the Worst because both their guards are up and the ways they deal with it Clash#//Will that stop him? Ofc not#//He can deal with bruised pride and hurt feelings if it means making sure he's still kicking. He owes him that much#//Idk; found this half-written while clearing drafts and A#//Had to finish the thoughts
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deathwis-arc · 1 year
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honestly, it's really interesting thinking about how the events of the desert dream in 1998 would get blown out of proportion in the coming years ; hell, it already kinda is twenty-four hours later. not only does the fbi get involved ( and they get involved quick ) but the entire thing is immediately labeled as 'the desert dream massacre' which is ... simply not true. if tyler doesn't kill joyce and michelle isn't shot then the total body count is four cops, with two on life support from the motel burning down. this is literally confirmed in game!
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events get labeled as massacres if there's a huge body count, or if it's violent enough. the desert dream killings were neither. all the victims were shot, usually at a distance, or they suffered from burns ; which, while violent, it was more of an escape attempt on the holts' part than anything else. i also find it telling that, even if the holts kill a hostage or two, agent bradley doesn't bother mentioning that in private. all he cares about is the cops lost to the standoff. it's no surprise that killing an officer will get you a more severe punishment then if you kill a regular person, that it can sometimes send you straight to death row on its own, but the fact they don't even care about the deaths of any of the hostages ... it sure is something.
especially since the only hostage deaths in the desert dream can turn the only two kids in the game into orphans. or on the flip side, if the holts didn't harm a hostage, there's no mention of that either. or how the hostages were treated, which compared to usual hostage situations, they got it better than most. it's just the fact that they killed cops ( who were under the thumb of a corrupt sheriff, by the way ) that made this into a massacre. though i wouldn't be surprised if to the public the force would then heavily focus on any other victims, that's usually what happens normally, after all.
anyway, point is, classism does play a role in how cases and crimes are treated -- especially back then. the holts were poor, notoriously so, and they were a family full of drop-outs with nothing to their names. the very second they escape the motel, their names are plastered all over the country and their fates ( including jay's, who's merely an eighteen year old who was an accomplice at best ) are decided : they're going straight to death row. even if jay tries to do the right thing and come clean to agent bradley, tries to turn on his family, said guy immediately goes to pin all the murders on him, for seemingly no reason at all! it's very unjust, and ah ... shady!
the news and papers hype up their crime spree and i wouldn't be shocked that within a couple years, the holts would be presented as bloodthirsty rednecks who were simply greedy rather than a family that didn't have any help and got in way over their heads. the narrative would be twisted so much, especially if three of the holts were never found. there'd be no word from their side, no mention of the thugs who were threatening to kill them, just a true crime story where they were at the forefront of a very unfortunate situation and got away with it. leaving gossips to fill in the blanks as they please, and considering the police's and the fbi's behavior towards this case, they would only fuel the narrative that the holts were a family who did all this on purpose and relished in the aftermath, a family who loved doing the crime.
anyway, it's just something i love thinking about for post canon stuff when it comes to my adf muses. how wildly inaccurate the story's become in time, simply because people got bored or because of the classism back then that was so woven into the broadcasted crime that it's become impossible to separate the two. they'd paint the holts out to be wildly dangerous, cruel individuals and probably spin tales about unsolved murders and robberies and how it could be the work of a holt who had got away. their entire motivation would be obscured and would've gone unsaid, leaving random civilians and a force who hates them to speak for them instead. it'd be a whole thing! and the desert dream was dramatic, sure, but by the time everything is said and done you'd probably barely recognize what the media was talking about had you actually been there.
#╰   *  OOC      :      mun      ⧽   ramblings of a fevered spirit .#(( don't mind me ... just musing about this because i find it endlessly fun haha#like. cannot stress enough tyler getting death row makes sense but JAY?#the fact they literally frame him for everything ... even if he hasn't committed a single murder ... speaks volumes imo#they did not care about any of the holts being innocent nor their reasons they wanted them to suffer that's it!#except sharon who doesn't get death row for some reason? like ... this entire case is so unfair and makes no sense#it's the way dante threatens the lives of all the hostages way more than the holts ever did and still got to keep his badge#as well as his corruption and assault on the motel not being brought up to the public. it's a matter that gets privately dealt with#like ugghh it really is about how little the justice system cares for poor people.#it's about how the holts felt like they had to deal with their lives being threatened by themselves!#they didn't feel like they could go to the police! or publicly ask for help! they didn't think there was another way#and in the end their original plan was harmless and was only hurting someone who deserved it ... they didn't just rob some establishment#they robbed a sheriff their ma had history with and who was literally corrupt#anyway. anyway! as much as it's crazy to me how the media would run with this story and make it about a family that was simply deranged#it's also ... fun to think about <3 for the victims of the desert dream and the holts#not only do they all have to live with this traumatic event that's changed all of them forever#they have to also live with a fabricated version of it -- a warped version of themselves being presented#imo this sleepy town in arizona was simply bored and they had one huge thing happen to them and so they exaggerated details#and the cops were just. well cops about it <3#ahem anyway your muse knowing about the desert dream from what the public's painted it out to be when? :smirk: ))#tw long post
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sysig · 7 months
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He was a human pirate, which you wouldn’t think you’d have to specify and yet (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#This isn't even a sci-fi pirate adventure anymore this is just straight up human pirates lol#How many layers deep can we go until it's unrecognizable! Next up is Pirate AU!Helix! (Kidding. For now) Lol#There is something funny about it all to me as well considering how in-line it fits with the research I was doing for a Vargas fic concept#All these bodice-rippers coming home to roost lol ♪#Which is also interesting 'cause I hadn't thought about this particular fic from that perspective before but it also fits! It works well!#Yet another angle to approach it from on a reread haha ♫#ANYway lol - human!Pirate!SCII specifically finally lol#I do love just how openly attracted the Captain is to ZEX as a human haha - his attraction/disgust to VUX-ZEX is wonderful of course#It's just so silly and cute how honest he is when ZEX is in a body that he's aesthetically attracted to haha#And ZEX recognizing and utilizing that! But it still not quite tipping him over to being completely sold on the whole kidnapping thing lol#''I don't understand it! I look beautiful and I /know/ he's attracted to me! What could be stopping him from sleeping with me???" lol#Keep trying ZEX I'm sure you'll get it at some point haha#Finishing off with an idea of ZEX having to deal with a hostile and still not quite trusting the Captain not to run away#Or risk him getting hurt! ZEX can handle this! Let him protect you!#But the Captain also wants to help! And/or escape y'know whatever's most convenient haha#He's proud <3 And he does have an affinity with ZEX at this point - he knows he can be useful! But that's not what's most important to ZEX#Also being scolded and blushing a bit hehe ♪ Given just a bit of pause to be told by such a pretty face to ''Behave'' ♫#I do really like ZEX with the coat and braids hehe <3 Handsome
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moeblob · 2 months
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I kinda maybe put a lot of my OC plot tag lines on a Wheel and gave it a spin so outta 79 options, it landed on "Cellphone Justice" which is... these two.
Matthew "Skittles" Mouse and Daisy Eddington
Partners in justice (of sorts). They're basically vigilantes and their orders are simply text messages. They don't really know who their bosses are but they do as they are told.
Skittles is a very mediocre guy. Doesn't stand out. The most color he has in his wardrobe is blue jeans. He's amazingly asexual and has zero interest in romance regardless of intimacy and yet he gets partnered with Daisy. The gayest lady he has ever met. Great start. She enjoys calling him fun little nicknames but seeing as they're monitored closely (via cell phones/technology) she is scolded and told to pick a single one. So she does. She dubs him Skittles. The candy as gay as her.
The one thing they have in common is their number one weakness: cute girls.
Daisy turns into a stuttering MESS of a human being. A disaster. At the mere sight of a cute girl. Skittles on the other hand is TERRIFIED of them. When asked, he simply blames his life growing up. Daisy doesn't really push the matter just thinks it's a little weird to be scared of every single cute girl (no offense to the not being afraid of her taken).
#my characters#like the entire thing with skittles is just he is SO boring looking and hes so scared of cute girls#and daisy thinks its REALLY FUNNY dude why are you scared of them haha girls are GREAT#and then she meets his younger sister and is like oh dang dude she is ADORABLE and she sees him practically shaking and sweating#surely its not THAT bad but ah no wait#two days pass and daisy is like oh my god shes horrifying ????? what the hell?#and growing up with her and trying to be a good big brother is all fine and dandy until the cute lil sister gets him hurt a lot#like hospital injuries from either protecting her or just .... somehow wrong place with her at the wrong times all the time#so he gets a fear of cute girls bc his lil sister is a cute monster who is the reason most of his limbs have been broken in the past#like broken leg ? that was from amelia and a stair case#the broken arm ? trying to help amelia get something out of a tree#the broken wrist ? catching amelia falling out of a tree#the other broken leg ? amelia -#the list goes on and on and he also got into multiple fights trying to keep her safe from guys#bc she really is just a cute lil innocent looking girl but shes a schemer and it does come back to bite her#except for she has a good big bro who took the repercussions when he could#daisy just watching her partner pale and shake and sweat when hes in the same room as his sister and daisy feels so bad for him#like hes really going through it even after all these years#but meeting amelia puts a lot into perspective for when daisy and skittles are out and about#cause hes very efficient and chill talking to dudes and to mature looking women#then he turns into a bundle of nerves at wide eyed innocence and daisy is like yeah ok i gotta#i gotta be a lil less gay for his sake only if hes around cause i cant make him talk to his biggest fear thats mean#shes still really gay but yeah it works out and she looks out for him and in turn he looks out for her and its great!#they become friends! yeehaw!#lil trivia is she was a drama kid in hs and he was on the baseball team but never really played or put effort into it#she was a straight a student and he very consciously maintained a c average through calculating grades and missing stuff on tests on purpos#anyway thank u if you read all the tags or even ty if you read just hte post itself#im sorry for ocing on main when its my own ocs#ill be back tomorrow with .... idk what
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the only unrealistic thing about the mortal instruments is how alec and magnus are the only queer people in the nyc gang
#i have nothing against canon ships but i also just realised that simon dating isabelle and maia at the same time is reminiscent#of Gregory Fucking Hirsch from hbo succession and the comfrey comtessa situation#i have many opinions about all this but i don't even know where to start#like. we didn't see internalised homophones with alec he was mostly angry at the society and his father - which. fair enough dude#but jace? would absolutely have layers upon layers of internalised homophobia and shit if he was queer#dude this guy was raised by valentine! remembet the falon incident? the haha i pretended to get murked to give my ten year old son -#who isn't actually my son because i kidnapped him by the way - trauma for days?#he made him believe that jace loved clary with 'the wrong kind of love' when he tricked him into thinking the were siblings#and their blood relation was the only reason she could ever love him the only reason she felt drawn to him but they didn't know that#so instead of strong familiar love they went for romantic love and such#on the other note - simon is a vampire and that's kinda homoerotic ngl#clary clearly had internalised misogyny going when she met izzy and one of the examples i remember is when they sat next to each other in#the first book in the diner and she was like 'ugh who would even want to smell like vanilla? like a dessert? so all the boys would want to#eat her? what a whore' and i just think this is really funny and honestly yeah i think this scene alone could be very sapphic#as in 'i hated you because i haven't realised i was attracted to you' way and yeah maybe that's toxic#but clary and isabelle definitely show some girlfriendism in the books and they would do that even more if i was in charge of writing them#hope this makes any sense whatsoever#i would write more but it's getting late i might've sprained my ankle or something because it hurts as shit and im tired#fuck autocorrect for changing homophobia to homophones this is so funny as in way to funny to me
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daimoan · 19 days
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i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be
#if you recently asked me how i am doing. sorry#i do remember and value that. its just very hard to trust that as something i could ever actually lean on#like even to say that feels like maybe i am overstepping. so. yeah thats where im at haha#ive just gotten burned way way too many times at this point#forged in fire??? burnt to ashes#i used to think phoenixes were relatable but not really anymore#the vibe has changed completely#and really im on my way out. not in like a super depressing way im not about to kill my body but when i say#im transitioning to a p zombie its . not a fucking joke im done here#my support group of all things went to shit yesterday too so i really have nowhere to stand im just breaking breaking. breaking. breaking .#dissolving. dying. and im like kind of hurt that nobody even cares enough to know these things about me#but how can i blame people for not knowing that asking me how im doing is not enough#or like how can i blame people for not caring#ppl got their own lives or whatever idk how this shit works.#man im just so so so done.#my friend told me about some future worries today and i was just sitting there like man. how do you even.#talk like you will have a future#like anything matters like any of this is real#because to me it's pretty clearly not#i didn't say that shit to him obviously#id like to keep a friend or two around just in case idk#someone to go on a walk with#sometimes he asks me what i think about stuff#i like listening to myself talk. so i benefit from that#anyway the point of this post was that while im done being a self im also very fucking done being selfless#acting like i think i can help people or something. i cant. i dont want to. i dont care.#i just dont fucking care anymore.
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lovecrazedpup · 3 months
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i dont want to sleep
#im like a toddler LMAO throwing things around my room bc im so fucking angry and upset#(im throwing a plushie into my bed but still)#i genuinely think i want to breakup like idk this isnt even a joke or looking for reassurance anymore#like maybe im weird for thinking abt a long term relationship and marriage at 18 but ....#we arent ? very compatible ? long term ?#its unfair to him if i keep this going considering hes a bit older than me yk#nvm im writing this out and im crying maybe i DONT want to break up#im tired of overthinking and obsessing over everything . im tired of seeing him as better than me and perfect . i want to be equals#i just want to be normal and to be in a normal relationship where we do normal things#i just want support i want love i want literally ANYONE to tell me that im ok and that im loveable#i hate our stupid time difference and his stupid job i wish i was like this earlier on in the day it is AWFUL being alone#my head hurts and my throat hurts and i hurt#i want to scream and cut and stab someone#i fucking hate her#so much#shes a fucking bitch i wish i could kill her . like genuinely . i want to pull out her teeth lmao if she didnt exist id be happier#GOD i want to stop comparing myself to her and thinking abt them together but ill always be a second experience and its depressing#'youll be my first for anal' yeah great bc thats exactly what i want to fucking hear#not doing much to stop the 'you only want me for sex' thoughts but YEP GREAT THANKS#me : pouring my heart out and trying to say what im thinking !! him : haha yeah sex ! oh also have some inspirational quotes#god just kill me . get me out . i dont want to be here . i dont want to think abt him. i dont want to talk abt him .#i wish we never fucking met ! i wish i never picked up that stupid game#i dont want to lose you though#i hate how attached to him i am . why did you start talking to me again .#shouldve fucking forgotten me while youre fucking your friends and getting high up north island#cant say shit to him though bc itll be the end and ill probably kill myself bc i unfortunately live for him#its over when we meet anyways lol so i got ? 2 months ? 3 months ? of happiness before its gone#i think im gonna do smth bad but i doubt he would care at all . would probably be happy if i die or ghost him .#gives him an excuse to talk to his friends again lol . its so over for me#jamie.txt
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bonerey · 7 months
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feeling hopelessly doomed rn. need to go think about my best friend mike walters being doomed by the narrative. feel my hopelessness and contempt, boy
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