#half baked commentary for a half baked video - it's only fair

[teeth--thief]

I would be interested in so called “hater diaries”.

- Rodka

[Referencing this post] Of course you would, you absolute angel... Imma tag you now that you have a blog @atomshchik ☆

The channel I was talking about is Chernobylite (yes, as in the Chernobylite - the game one). Listen... if anyone should be able able to criticise this guy, I think it should be me. Pole on Pole violence 👊💥👊💥

Let's get cracking... under the cut.

One thing you have to keep in mind when watching anything on the internet about Chernobyl: if they bring up HBO's show as a credible source, quote it, use mostly stills or photos of the scenery or actors instead of of the real stuff etc etc - that is a flag more red than that of the Soviet Union, okay? HBO in thumbnails? Unless it's a "this show is extremely inaccurate" kind of video, that's most likely due to a) the lack of knowledge about actual credible sources or b) need for profit (monkey sees, monkey does clicks - the show is incredibly popular, putting imagery related to it means a higher chance people will choose your video).

To keep it short and (not at all) sweet: this guy is like the evil brother of That Chernobyl Guy. This is That Bare Minimum Chernobyl Man, though. He uploads a video at least once a week and they always JUST BARELY hit the 10 minute mark. But they always do. Hm... I wonder why... I sure do wonder what the number 10 and YouTube have in common... oh. Oh yeah. It starts with MONETI and ends with SATION Need a hint? Mhm, I didn't think so. Speaking of time, the intro is usually almost 2 minutes long, the outro a minute and, there you go, suddenly there's actually even less content than expected.

He has some genuinely bad takes sometimes, too. I don't know if I'm just sensitive about Toptunov specifically (I very clearly am) or if his video on him is just especially offensive to me... and it's 12 minutes 😍😍 two more than usual! And so, I'll use this video as an example. (edit during drafting: he had just released a video on N.M. Fomin which... I'll watch once I'll have some time to waste and we'll see how bad that one is...)

>Not even 20 seconds in and he just HAD TO hit us with that ThAt Is ThE cOsT oF lIeS, of course, you know it brother 💯🔥‼️ Oh get over yourself. Find another quote. And stop putting pictures of my favourite operator next to his blonde twink counterpart from the show. I'm offended on his behalf.

>I like how he just takes random pics off of Google Images or something. The photo he uses at 2:00 is from a Reddit post on r/chernobyl, and it's a picture of a picture - didn't feel like looking for a better one, huh? Someone's a little lazy?

>The video ACTUALLY starts at 2:30. Girlllll (gn) you are so slowwwww, pick up the peace, we're all getting old waiting for you to start.

>The picture slideshow we're getting is almost never relevant to what he's saying. He's saying where Toptunov was born and all we see is the reactor after explosion. Like, okay brother, I didn't know that's how SuMY, in BuRYN, as he says, looked like then. A map from Wikipedia wasn't available? That's the best you can do? Not to mention a few of his videos literally have the same b-roll. It feels like the same video over and over again.

>He claims that "his father's connection probably were useful" when it came to him pursing a career in science... would you like to show me when exactly they could have been useful? When he was taking an entrance exam for uni just like everybody else? Or was it when he had to work his way up from the very bottom of the NPP food work chain? Unless you were a child of someone real high up and wanted to pursue a career of doing fuckall then your nepo baby status wouldn't help you all that much. Your party connections would help you move up faster, sure, but you wouldn't be able to not pass the necessary training and/or exams.

"(...) no good scientist could dream of a good job in a nuclear programme without being somewhat involved in local politics." We don't even know if Toptunov himself was in the party. We know that Akimov was quite the dedicated party man, sure. But Stolyarchuk wasn't in the party at all and Dyatlov wasn't cool with the party and the party wasn't cool with him. How many more times can I say party? Too many parties. I hate parties. He also goes on to say that, after graduation he could only get an entry level position because "He would need really good connections to acquire higher ranking job without any previous experience" I am very sorry to inform you but that's just not how real life works. Maybe if you have a good degree, you can immediately become the CEO of all the janitors in the building but that's about that when it comes to the seriousness of the job.

>Now, the part that made me audibly GASP starts at 6:30:

(...) many power plant staff were dismissed, including those from the night shift at unit 4. Including Toptunov, many were labelled non-essential personnel and sent home. That was probably a part of managing the disaster from a propaganda perspective. Fewer people on site, fewer witnesses.

This is an actually DERANGED take. This was my breaking point... like, you cannot be serious right now. Not the evil Soviet scientists and their evil propaganda...! The evil propaganda of safety...! I'm sorry to inform you but ever single person in charge there wasn't immediately thinking "By Lenin, how can we ensure these horrible bottom feeders, also known as our colleagues, we're employing at our power plant don't say a word to anyone outside?" They were most likely thinking "If this part of the personnel is literally useless, why would they stay in this potentially dangerous zone? Let's get them out - for their safety and liquidation organisation's sake."

>"As he later stated (...)" We don't know what he stated. We don't have a single word that came out of his mouth recorded anywhere. It's all they said that he said. Or the authors of books want to show how much they think they know (look no further than Medvedev's "acording to Toptunov..." yes, I'm sure you know exactly what he thought about everything. Surely. You must have spoken to him. Through a Ouija Board, clearly). We'd need the statements from the KGB and whatnot to actually determine what any of them said or thought.

>"(...) During that time when he felt better, he had spoken multiple times to both Akimov and Dyatlov (...)" Acording to some book, I'm sorry, I don't remember which one, he was one of the few people that actually didn't get up from his bed to participate in the discussions, probably because his legs were already in a bad shape. Take this with a grain of salt, though. Nobody explicitly said he NEVER hang out with anyone at the hospital. It's just that worth noting that there's a possibility he at least didn't do that as much as the rest of the guys.

Overall grade: read a book. Change the boring ass b-roll shots. Change the stock sounding "creepy" music. Put some effort into everything. Stop relying on HBO's Chernobyl.

Conclusion: you'll never be That Chernobyl Guy xoxo That Chernobyl Guy for the president

[duhragonball]

All right, let me put this under a cut, because this doesn’t come up often, but I think I’d like a single post I can refer people to when this topic gets brought up.

Short version: I read all seven books and hated them, and now the author is an unapologetic transphobe, which is something I have no patience for.  In recent years, critics have begun to connect the author’s neoliberal politics with a lot of the flaws in the writing, and this video by Shaun is a pretty good exploration of what was so frustrating about the books and the characters.  

Long version: I “liveblogged” all seven Harry Potter novels between 2005 and 2012.  I use the quote marks because back in those days I’m not sure “liveblog” was a term, but I certainly hadn’t heard of it.  I called it a “review”, but I basically would read each chapter and recap the whole thing with my smartass commentary.  In hindsight, this was probably more like me trying to do Nostalgia Critic’s bit in prose format, but I wasn’t very familiar with him at the time either. 

Soon afterward, I moved my online presence to tumblr, which was sort of a fresh start for me.  It sounds like I’m implying there was some sort of bad experience that came out of the whole thing, but there wasn’t.  I was proud of the work I did at the time, and while I’m not sure if it holds up in the 2020′s, I got a lot of satisfaction out of finishing a multiyear project like that.  But by the end, I was ready to move on, and so I have moved on, which is why I don’t speak of it much in this space. 

The point I’m making here is that I read all the books and I examined them pretty thoroughly, and my conclusion was that they all sucked.  Yes, even your favorite one.  No, it didn’t start out good and jump the shark later on.  They all sucked.  That’s what I had against Harry Potter.

I say “had”, because even though I’ve moved on to other pursuits, J.K. Rowling continues to maintain a public presence, selling her video games and spin-off movies and so on.  She’s also gone full-on TERF, spouting transphobic rhetoric and using her platform as a billionaire best-seller to bully people who are much less fortunate than herself. 

I’ll embed that video I linked to up top.

I think Shaun does a really excellent job explaining just what bugged me so much about the Harry Potter books.  I found the main characters extremely unlikeable, and I could never quite put my finger on the reason.  And the villains were pretty weak too, despite all their terrible crimes and talk of conquest.  Superficially, the whole thing feels like a classic good vs. evil struggle, with good wizards fighting bad wizards, kind of like how the Transformers are about good alien robots fighting a war against bad alien robots.  But it never seemed to work in the Harry Potter books.

Shaun explains why: Despite the “good versus evil” premise, a lot of the good guys just act like thoughtless, selfish pricks sometimes, and it’s justified because they’re on the good guy team.  Sometimes a character will do something terrible to another character, and it’s deemed acceptable because they’re nominally a “good guy”, and the person they’re being a jerk to is a “bad guy”, so they’re fair game.  It’s less about “good vs. evil” and more about “us vs. them”.  

Shaun doesn’t spent a lot of time getting into Rowling’s transphobia, but he does talk about a lot of the other problematic stuff in the books, like the lack of thought she put into Cho Chang’s name.  He also points out the hypocrisy in having all the other characters act irritated with Hermione’s anti-slavery campaign.  The whole thing with the house elves was half-baked from the start, and Rowling kept stumbling through each book trying to correct course, ultimately settling on having one character stand up for the Right Thing, only to have all the other characters ignore or dismiss her concerns.  Harry himself seems to have no particular opinion on house-elf slavery, which sums up the character very succinctly.   He’s the protagonist and the viewpoint character, but he doesn’t stand for anything in particular.

Now that I think about it, I suppose this was why I kept working anime characters and Transformers and professional wrestlers into my liveblog of the books.  At the time, I would have told you I was just doing it to keep myself entertained as I trudged through the series, but in hindsight, I think I was just starved for characters who actually believed in something bigger than themselves.   Harry can barely be arsed to do his own homework, meanwhile, I’ve known what passions fuel Omega Supreme since I was nine years old. 

“Diction: Straighforward.  Personality: Complex. (*snif*)”

I don’t know what sort of person you are, @endmylife69​ . You strike me as a reply guy, contrarian for its own sake.  I see feminist and antifeminist posts in your likes, and one of the three posts on your blog is about how much you hate Chi-Chi, so I don’t know why you even show up to my blog, where I think Chi-Chi is awesome.  The point is if your agenda here is to sea-lion me into “proving” that Rowling is a TERF and that TERFs are bad, I’m not interested in playing that game.  There’s plenty of critics out there who will walk you through that discussion step by step.  You asked what my problem is with her, and I’m telling you.

There are fans of hers who have to struggle with the moral implications of liking her work while distancing themselves from her hateful beliefs.  I respect the fans who have to figure that out.  I don’t respect the fans who just pretend like the dilemma doesn’t exist, because they care more about playing that new Hogwarts vidya game than anything else. 

For my own part, I can’t relate to the fans’ dilemma, because I always thought Rowling’s book series sucked shit.  What’s frustrating for me is that I spent about seven years roasting her books on the internet, and the whole time I was going “Ha ha these books suck shit!”, and it all just feels so dated now, because she’s going to go down in history as this rich, hateful bigot.  Her lousy writing is going to be a footnote to her career.  It’s like writing an “epic takedown” of Mel Gibson movies without ever getting into all the antisemitic stuff he’s done.  In retrospect, I feel kind of disgusted for engaging with her work at all, even to insult it. 

I’m sick of talking about Harry Potter, so let me make this about Chi-Chi, since that seems to be the only thing I know you have strong opinions about.  Part of the reason I like Chi-Chi so much is because she’s basically right.  She objects to a lot of the things that happen in Dragon Ball, which makes her seem like a killjoy, but her motives are sensible and important.  She grounds the other characters, keeping them with one foot in the real world. 

This is because Chi-Chi understands that there’s more to life than fighting gonzo anime battles.  Yes, she lives in a world where laser karate is real and quite prevalent.  Yes, her sons are insanely powerful warriors who are sometimes the only thing standing in the way of world annihilation.  But at the same time? Gohan and Goten really do need to study and get good jobs.  Protecting the world is important, but so is family, and home life, and the work you do.  Also, maybe it’s important to stop breaking the furniture all the time.  Its expensive, dammit. 

These are messages that a lot of DB fans don’t care for, because they tuned in for gonzo anime battles, and this loud woman is scolding everyone for wanting that.  But the point of the character is that there’s a bigger world in the lore.  There’s places to live and people to meet and things to do besides fighting Frieza all the time, and she wants her loved ones to thrive in that world, which is why she keeps reminding them of it. 

And that’s a metaphor for our own world, where there’s more to our own lives than the shows we watch and the books we read, and the internet arguments we get into.  We each have to ask ourselves what we stand for, what we’re trying to be on this planet.  My problem with the Harry Potter franchise is that it doesn’t seem to stand for much of anything.  The characters only seem to care about stopping big league threats, but have no interest in reforming their broken society.  The protagonist spends much of his time just passively experiencing the story like he’s sitting in a theme park ride.  The author only seems to feel strongly about punching down, attacking trans people and surrounding herself with anyone willing to congratulate her for this despicable attitude.  Her supporters only seem to care about being on her side, no matter how morally bankrupt it is. 

Like, okay, that video game came out a few months ago, and I saw people on Twitter trying to angrily justify their decision to buy it, even though a lot of people have pointed out that it directly supports a woman who uses her wealth to justify her bigotry platform.  They’d go “It’s just a game!” and someone made a really snotty TikTok about it or something, and I’m like “Who are you trying to convince, me or yourself?”  If it was just a game, then they’d just play it and not say anything.  But they know it’s not just about the game, and that’s why they’re so defensive about it.  They want to be on both sides of this thing, and that doesn’t surprise me much, since their favorite book series taught them that they can be a real selfish dickbag and still be a good guy as long as you oppose the main villain. 

Chi-Chi would see right through that.  It’s not enough to just oppose the final boss.  It’s the life you live before and after those kinds of battles that defines you as a person. 

Anyway, Harry Potter sucks rotten eggs, and the author is a giant toolshed.  Also, that funeral they did for the giant spider was a fucking ordeal to read.  0/10 would not recommend. 

[tahlreth]

Winteriron Bakery AU where Tony is the owner of Stark Bakeries and falls for Bucky. Steve and Sam tease Bucky a lot because Bucky always goes out of his way to visit the cake shop. Granted the cakes are delicious but it's way out of Bucky's workplace. Rhodey and Pepper tease Tony a lot whenever Bucky comes. Bucky is always blushing when he talks to Tony. One day Bucky shouts that he loves Tony. Tony immediately agrees to date him. Fluffy, cute story. Happy ending.

AN: Woooow this got totally out of hand. XD Also, it’s barely edited because I’m awful. But yeah. Probably angstier than the asker intended. Sorry! But it’s still pretty fluffy sometimes? idk Hope you enjoy it! Because it is super long, there is a ‘Read More’

Bucky hadn’t been home before 10:30 at night in almost a month and a half.

It wasn’t that he was pulling overtime, though he’d managed to fool his roommates for just over a week with that cover story. Evading their questions had gotten trickier after that, but Bucky persevered for two more blessed weeks. It wasn’t that he was ashamed or embarrassed about where he was spending his time… it was just that he didn’t need Stevie or Sam ruining everything. He’d been certain that as soon as they knew where he spent his time, they’d show up and figure out why he was going there. Once they figured out, their ‘I’m a little shit’ switches would be flipped and the teasing would begin. And yeah, they wouldn’t really mean any harm, and once they both settled they’d be supportive about it, but… It was just that he didn’t need them destroying his new happy place.

He’d discovered the little cafe completely by accident. One day, one horrible awful shitty day, he’d just started to drive. It was something that had always helped him calm down, and he hadn’t had any specific destination in mind. He just… drove, taking turns when the urge hit him, getting further and further away from both his work and his apartment. Bucky hadn’t even thought about stopping until his stomach started to complain, which was when he started looking for diners or maybe a donut place.

What he’d found instead was a shop named 'We Sell Fucking Cakes’, except the 'u’ on the sign had been replaced with an adorable looking cupcake capped with what looked like a wrench. Intrigued, he’d found a place to park and found his curiosity further peaked by a poster in the window that announced they’d defeated 146 attempts to force them to change their name. It had seemed like Bucky’s kind of place despite the cutesy looking decor - when he’d opened the door, it had been to the sound of hammers hitting an anvil instead of a bell. He’d thought it was the weirdest and cooling fucking thing ever.

And then… then he’d fallen in love.

Not with the food or the coffee, though both were pretty amazing. Their menu of 'real’ food was pretty limited - some sandwiches, one kind of soup every day, the occasional taco or casserole special. Where they really shone was in their desert selection. It was as varied as the baked goods were delicious, and Bucky often wondered why they hadn’t opened up a bakery that was only a bakery.

“Because I need coffee like I need air,” the resident genius baker had told him with a shrug and a twinkle in his eye. He’d also had flour streaked across his nose and on his cheek, and Bucky had ached to brush it away with a few tender swipes of his thumb. “If we sell it, I get to drink it for free. Duh.” It wasn’t fair that the wink he’d given before disappearing into the kitchen made Bucky a little weak in the knees.

It was for him that Bucky made the hour-long drive everyday after work. He’d been purposefully vague whenever he was asked about his job and where he lived. From the way Pepper’s eyes danced, he wasn’t fooling the woman who handled both the register and all of  'We Sell Fucking Cakes’  marketing. She and Rhodes (who the guy Bucky desperately wanted to impress called Rhodey) were very clearly aware of his gigantic crush, and they were always making sly comments whenever the man who’d stolen Bucky’s heart came out from the back to mingle. At first, Bucky had fucking panicked, sure that they were going to ruin this as surely as Stevie and Sam would.

Thank fucking Christ that Tony seemed oblivious as to why they were teasing him the way they were.

Tony (whose last name he didn’t know, but it was fine, Tony could just take his) sometimes blushed or darted quick looks Bucky’s way, but he seemed oblivious to Bucky’s feelings. That was both a blessing and a curse. Because sure it meant Bucky was too chicken-shit to ask him on a date, but it also meant that they could talk without things getting awkward. Tony not knowing about Bucky’s infatuation meant he could sit in the warm, welcoming cafe for a couple hours a day. It meant they weren’t avoiding each other’s eyes or pretending things didn’t get weird when one person was crushing and the other person wasn’t.

And Tony definitely wasn’t. He came out and talked to Bucky all the time, but he tended to talk to most of the patrons. Everyone loved meeting the man behind the baked goods, and Tony seemed to thrive on the attention. He preened and boasted, and it was so well-deserved that Bucky found it endearing instead of ignoring. The fact that he lingered or even sat at Bucky’s table was easily explained away; Tony was a nerd. A total, complete, unapologetic geek. In Bucky he’d found a kindred spirit, and their discussions usually revolved around things like Star Wars, Star Trek, Dune, and various books and video games. They even had a book club of sorts, where they traded beat up paperbacks and then argued over what the author was trying to say. It was friendly, it was Tony wanting someone to talk nerdy to, and not anything more.

Bucky was the one who wanted a romantic relationship, and he was the one who was too scared of losing what they had to ask for it.

It was fine though. He liked being Tony’s friend. Eventually his crush would (probably) fade, and he’d get to keep Tony’s friendship for a lot longer than dating would likely last. So it was fine. He had a great little spot to hang out, eat dinner, and spend all his money at. He had Tony stopping by his table for chats, and he had Pepper and Rhodey shooting him knowing glances without giving up his crush to the object of his affections. Bucky had it good, really, and he was thankful for it.

Then Sam and Stevie got curious and way too nosy, and he knew that his good thing was living on borrowed time.

~.~.~

“Hey! This is the street that goes to our apartment! Where the hell are you going, Buck?”

“To drop you punks off,” Bucky said, trying his hardest not to gnash his teeth. “Your fucking car’s not even having any problems, I’d bet my goddamn life on it. You and Stevie are just trying to be nosy.” He growled when Sam leaned forward and peeked around his headrest, hands gripping Bucky’s shoulders. “Get the fuck off of me while I’m driving.”

“Awww, someone’s being a grumpy bear,” Sam teased, grinning at Bucky when their eyes met in the rearview mirror. “C'mon Bucky. Take us to your secret hideout!”

“Someone’s going to murder you in your sleep tonight,” he muttered as he tried to shrug Sam’s hands off. “I ain’t taking you anywhere but home.”

“If you drop us off, we’ll only tail you in Sam’s car,” Stevie pointed out calmly from the passenger’s seat. He looked highly unimpressed when Bucky whirled to face him and bared his teeth in a snarl. He even threw a fake yawn in for effect, and Bucky was officially Not Amused.

“I knew it! I fucking knew you were lying, you assholes. Gonna murder you both now.”

Despite the threat, he took a turn that would eventually lead him to 'We Sell Fucking Cakes’. Steve meant the threat, and the pair of them would be impossible if he forced them to sneak after him. Even if he just stayed home for a day, they’d just tail him the next, or maybe the one after that. He was totally unwilling to give up his favorite cafe or his crush for as long as it would take the two idiots to lose interest. So he just drove, putting up with their teasing and their rambunctious behaviors - he wished they would just fuck already to work out some of that tension sizzling between them.

When they realized just how far away the cafe was, he sank down in his seat, shoulders nearly touching his ears in a show of defensiveness. They wisely didn’t comment, but he could feel their judgement. If they thought he didn’t see the knowing looks they were exchanging then they were as stupid as he was annoyed by this turn of events. They’d know that he wasn’t going to this place just for the food and the atmosphere. Bucky didn’t think it would take them longer than a few minutes to realize that he was going there for Tony, and he really, really didn’t want to deal with that. 'We Sell Fucking Cakes’ was his - he didn’t want to share, not even with his best friend and their slightly more shitty roommate. He wanted to keep it and his massive crush for himself, and he lowkey hated Sam and Stevie for putting him in this position.

He flirted with the idea of just taking them somewhere else, but they’d know.

Observant assholes.

They got to the cafe far too soon for Bucky’s taste - once he’d killed the engine, he locked the doors before the other men could leave. “If either of you do anything to ruin this for me,” he growled, looking as menacing as he possibly could. He had it on good authority that that was pretty damn menacing, and Steve and Sam looked suitably concerned. “I won’t just murder you - you will beg me for death before I’m done with you. I’m not kidding, Stevie, so you can stop rolling your fucking eyes. Keep all your fucking commentary to yourselves - I don’t need any help or teasing from the peanut gallery. I like this place, and if you embarrass me to the point that I can’t come back, you will be on my shit list for the rest of your shortened lives.”

Before they could reply, he unlocked the doors and exited the car, slamming the door shut behind him. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he stalked toward the cafe - his mood lightened a little when he saw that the number of attempts to get Tony to change the name had gone up to almost two hundred. Maybe when they hit that total he’d throw the staff a little party…

The sound of Steve and Sam walking behind him caused his mood to tank again. Bucky knew that he looked grumpy at the very least. He might even have his 'murder face’ on, but he couldn’t help it, not when he was sure this was going to go terribly. Steve snorted when he heard the sound of a forge that announced their arrival, and he wanted to throttle the idiot. Tony had inserted lots of little quirks like that - his second love was engineering, and he wasn’t ashamed to make that obvious. His shoulders were close to his ears again, and he stormed over to his usual table and flung himself into his seat. And it was his, at least at his usual time of day; it was always empty and waiting for him, which he appreciated. When he was sitting there he could sort of see into the kitchen, so he got little peeks at Tony happily baking and puttering around.

Steve and Sam paused, both looking over at him in confusion. Despite the way he was glowering, arms now crossed over his chest, he jerked his chin towards the front counter. Even if he was pissed that they’d forced him to bring them here, he wouldn’t let them leave until they’d tried and praised the food and coffee the cafe served. Once he’d calmed down a little from his snit, Bucky would be placing an order of his own. He could feel two more pairs of eyes on him, judging and concerned in equal measure - he hoped like hell Pepper and Rhodes wouldn’t take his bad mood personally. Not even catching a glimpse of Tony was enough to make him smile; he just slouched down in his chair, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him.

Because even if his shitty roommates were being normal and not terrible just then, he was pretty sure that would go out the window as soon as they met Tony. It had been… a while, a long while, since Bucky’d shown interest in anyone. The pair of them would know he was into Tony right away (so sue him, he had a type) and they’d be so fucking delighted that their manners and common sense would fly right out the window. God, Pepper and Rhodey might even join in, and they’d all be making fun of him and his crush, and Tony couldn’t stay oblivious forever.

He’d worked himself into a state that was just shy of a full-blown panic by the time Steve and Sam joined him at his table. His table that now he had to share, and Sam’s stupid head was blocking his view of the kitchen. He briefly thought about forcing them to change seats - Stevie was short enough that he wouldn’t be an obstruction - but realized that would only give them more ammunition. If he went up to the counter he could maybe take a peek in and give Tony a greeting that could also be a warning… When he looked over that way, he met Pepper’s eyes - she mouthed an 'are you okay?’ and he could only shrug in response.

“So this is where you’ve been coming every day?” Sam asked, sounding both confused and deriding. “It’s a cafe, man. Can’t be anything that special - we drove an hour for this?”

“Hey,” Steve said, knocking his shoulder into Sam’s arm. “Don’t knock it 'til you’ve tried the food. It smells great in here - if it all tastes even half as good, I’m gonna have Buck start bringing stuff home for me.” Bucky shot a grateful smile his way, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. Maybe… maybe this could be okay. Maybe he could get through this relatively unscathed. Tony didn’t always come out right away, and Bucky hoped that this was one of those days. If he could hurry his nosy friends out of here, he could pass this place off as a quirk - somewhere quiet that he’d stumbled on and used to unwind.

Unfortunately, just as he’d started to relax the universe proved that it hated him.

“Bucky!” Tony sounded so happy to see him, just like he always did. For the first time it made Bucky want to run, and he thought seriously about returning the greeting gruffly just to throw Steve and Sam off the scent. But it was Tony, and it wasn’t his fault that Bucky was in a crappy mood.

“Hey Tony,” he answered, looking up with a smile that he knew was too soft. Sure enough, he saw his roommates go stiff from the corner of his eye, and he just knew that soon they’d have matching, shit-eating grins on their faces. His crush was standing by his table, absolutely beaming at him; despite everything, Bucky felt himself start to cheer up a little bit. “Saw you’re getting close to two hundred.” Tony’s expression changed to one of pride, and his attention was still completely focused on Bucky - he hadn’t glanced at Steve or Sam even once. “Maybe when you get there you should change the sign.”

“Noooo! Not you too Buck. I thought you liked the name,” he said, pouting even as his eyes danced with laughter.

“Not the name, Tones,” he soothed, straightening in his chair. “But you should put a sheet over the words, get people’s hopes up. Then, while they’re still smug in their victory… you can very dramatically pull the covering away to reveal that you’ve replaced the cupcake with a cookie.”

Tony practically cackled when the full genius of Bucky’s plan hit him, and he couldn’t help but duck his head to hide his pleased smile and the way he was blushing just a little bit. Beneath the sound of Tony’s delight, however, he heard Sam give a low wolf whistle. Nobody would ever be able to prove that he was the one to deliver a vicious kick to the idiot’s shin.

“You have the best fucking ideas, Bucky-babe! We are definitely doing that - maybe we’ll reset the counter to zero too… oh! Sorry, I’m being rude. You’ve got friends. Hello, friends of Bucky. I’m Tony - owner and resident baker extraordinaire.” Bucky half expected Tony to bow, and when the man side-eyed him with a grin tugging at his lips, Bucky knew that he’d been sorely tempted to do just that. “Buck’s never brought anyone with him before. I was starting to think that maybe he didn’t think this place was good enough to tell anyone about. Which reminds me!” He turned back to Bucky with a scowl, putting his hands on his hips. “What the hell was that book you had me read? That was such bullshit, and I’m pissed you made me read that with my own two eyeballs.”

“Why should I be the only one to suffer?”

“Ass. Anyway! So yeah, I’m Tony. I see you already ordered - tell me how you like the cake, friend one,” he said to Sam, cocking his head to the left. “I used a new recipe for the ganache, and I’m not quite sure about it. Reviews have been good so far, but I’m always open to more opinions. And friend two - why would you get such a sweet drink when you’re eating something sweet enough to give some people a toothache? I’ll go get you something more bitter - you can try both and then tell me how right I am. Do you want usual A or usual B, Bucky-babe?”

Steve and Sam were staring at the whirlwind that was Tony, and Bucky was probably taking too much pleasure in their gobsmacked expressions. “I think maybe I’ll switch things up and take not-usual C. And this is Sam - friend one - and Stevie, er, Steve - friend two. They suspected me of nefarious plots and decided to tag along to foil any evil plans.”

“They’re too late for that - already read the damned book. Nice to meet you, Sam and Steve! I’m Tony - wait, told you that already - and that’s Pepper at the counter. Rhodey went to run an errand, but he’ll be back soon. And now I’m off to get Bucky’s order and a not-so-sweet drink for Steve. Be right back!”

Tony left as quickly as he’d come, and Bucky watched him go with way more interest than was appropriate for someone who was just a friend.

“Wow. Just… wow. Guess we know why… Bucky-babe,” Sam’s voice was a drawl, and he got another kick to the shin for his trouble. Bucky was also wearing his fiercest glare, because Tony was the only person allowed to call him that ever. “Is driving an hour to come here.”

“It is all becoming clear,” Steve agreed, wearing a wicked little smirk that could only mean bad things. “Have ya asked him out yet, or are ya pining?”

“I’m not pining,” he said, flinching at the pout even he could hear in his voice.

“He’s pining,” Sam remarked in an aside to Steve. “Probably has been since he started coming, poor guy. I think we need to help put him out of his misery, Steve.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I dunno if even our words of wisdom’d be enough,” Steve mourned, knocking Sam’s arm again. “Maybe we oughta watch. And laugh.”

“This Tony might have untoward thoughts about Bucky, man. I think we need to find out what exactly his intentions are.”

“’S a good idea. You wanna be good cop or bad cop?”

“Good cop. You’re scarier than me, even if you are a shrimp.”

“Will both of you just stop? Please?” Bucky hissed, feeling a blush start to creep over his cheeks. “I told you - don’t ruin this for me! I like coming here–”

“Doesn’t seem like there’s been much 'coming’, not with you so tense.”

“Shut up Stevie.”

“New plan - let’s help the man get laid. Tony seems like he might be into it.”

“That’s a much better plan. Operation: Let Bucky Come Here has now begun.”

“… what the fuck is that name, Steve?”

“Shaddup. I’ll come up with something better later.”

“I’m kicking the both of you out and I’m gonna get roommates who aren’t such fucking trolls.”

“Oh, you guys live together?” Tony’s cheery voice made him jump in surprise - he hadn’t realized the man had come back. Bucky felt his cheeks heat as he prayed that Tony hadn’t heard the rest of their conversation. “Then maybe you can help me solve a little mystery that me and Rhodey have been working on. Pep’s not super interested, but I think that’s 'cause she already has it figured out.” As he spoke, he set a plate with two huge chocolate chip cookies in front of Bucky, along with a tall glass of ice cold milk. Steve got a cup of coffee that probably only had a little bit of sugar and cream in it - he knew from experience that it actually paired really well with the pie that Steve had chosen to get. “Where the hell do you guys live?” Tony plopped down in the only free chair, the one that just happened to be next to Bucky. It was a struggle not to sling a casual arm over the back of it.

“He hasn’t told ya?” Steve asked slyly, shooting a look in his direction. “I’d have thought he’d be giving you directions so ya could drop by sometime.” Unlike Sam, his best friend was a lot better at evading Bucky’s kicks even when he couldn’t see them coming. Tony just looked a little confused before shrugging.

“He’s a private guy,” he said, looking over to meet Bucky’s eye with a smile. “I didn’t want to push.”

“Oh, but you have no idea pumping my friends for information?” Steve’s smirk made him realize that he’d chosen his words poorly.

“If you’re going to be… pumping anyone, it really oughta be Buck.” Before he could yell at his friend, Steve quickly bounced to the actual subject of the conversation. “We live about an hour away, actually. It’s a nice drive though. Might hafta stop in for myself sometime.” Bucky gave him a 'you do and you’re dead’ look, but Stevie happily ignored it.

“An hour away? Huh! Never seeing you around ever suddenly makes a lot more sense. Mystery solved.” Tony blinked, then looked over at Bucky with wide brown eyes that he could stare into forever. “Wait. So do you work nearby, or like… halfway between here and your house?”

He promptly occupied himself with eating his cookies. There was no fucking way he was answering that - he’d much rather stare at his snack and eat. Besides… he was sure Sam and Stevie would be jumping right in.

Sam quickly proved him right.

“Nah. Bucky actually works in the opposite direction,” he told Tony with a grin, leaning back in his chair. With a casual ease that Bucky envied, he draped his arm over the back of Steve’s chair, completely missing the way Steve’s cheeks turned a little pink. “We were wondering where he kept disappearing to. Now that I’m here, I can definitely see the appeal.” That drove Steve’s blush away, and the small blond went so far as to elbow Sam in the stomach. Bucky approved, because the only one he wanted to notice Tony’s appeal was himself. Sam could fuck off and find his own crush, or he could finally admit that he wanted Steve and put them all out of their misery.

Bucky flicked his eyes up at Tony, who was slack-jawed as he stared at Bucky. He felt himself start to blush again, and this time the heat rose all the way to the tips of his ears. After a second of the scrutiny, his shoulders started to inch upward and he started to slouch over, wishing that he’d murdered his two friends before this day could happen. “So you… you drive…” Tony sounded a little faint, and Bucky wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. “You’ve been here every day except weekends. Bucky-babe, that’s two hours in a car every day. I know you like my baking, but holy shit. You don’t have to go that far! Fuck, I could send you home with a box of deserts to tide you over for a few days or something.”

“… I like it here,” Bucky told him gruffly. “’S nice and quiet, and I like to drive anyway. Don’t mind that part. Plus I get to see you. And Pepper and Rhodes,” he added in a hurry. “I’d miss our book club.”

“That doesn’t happen every day!” Tony told him, flailing in his seat. “We could schedule days, you dope, so you don’t have to drive so far all the freaking time. That has to waste so much gas!”

Bucky wanted to tell him that it wasn’t a waste, that he didn’t mind using the gas or buying enough snacks and coffee each visit to justify his several hour stays. The words to let Tony know that he liked when they just talked, or when Tony was dealing with some irate patron and made faces at Bucky as soon as they turned away. It was nice, when they caught each other’s eye while Tony was working in the kitchen - Tony didn’t wink every time, but whenever it did happen his stomach started to flip and his heart would beat just a little faster. Seeing Pepper and Rhodes was nice too, and their teasing was a hell of a lot more subtle than Sam and Stevie’s.

That wasn’t completely fair, because his roommates would settle after a few days of being merciless, but still. Rhodes and Pepper were almost as big a draw as Tony was.

He’d sort of thought Tony might enjoy having him around too. Maybe not the same way Bucky did, since he was so far out of Bucky’s league it wasn’t funny, but he’d thought they had made a connection. They were friendly, if maybe not exactly friends - they’d probably have to exchange numbers and see each other outside of the cafe to claim that much. Tony always stopped to talk to him and had started using Bucky as a test subject for new recipes. They had inside jokes and running arguments about a multitude of subjects, and he had really thought that Tony was glad to see him whenever he walked through the door.

Judging by Tony’s efforts to convince him to stop in less frequently, he’d been wrong.

“I like coming here,” he reiterated, jaw clenching once he’d bitten the words out. “Thought I was welcome to stop by any time. Sorry for bothering you so much.”

Tony didn’t immediately rush to say that Bucky wasn’t bothering him. He didn’t say anything at all, just sat there and looked uncomfortable, and the atmosphere had turned awkward. Steve and Sam were both squirming, which fucking served them right. This was their fault - if they’d just kept their noses out of Bucky’s business, he’d still think Tony liked him, if only as a friend. Maybe some people would appreciate knowing the truth, but he’d been happy with his ignorance, thanks. They’d ruined it, just like he’d thought they would. After a few seconds of silence, Bucky shrugged and dug around in his pocket so he could set a few bills on the table.

“Thanks for the cookies,” he managed as he stood and walked away. The sound of a hammer and anvil irritated him when he yanked the door open - what the fuck kind of noise was that for a cafe? Rhodes was coming in as he was going out - he ignored the man’s smile and his greeting, walking past him with nothing more than a shrug. On reaching the safety of his car (doors locked and windows rolled up all the way just in case), he took just a few seconds to breathe, resting his forehead against the steering wheel.

Once he’d gotten himself under control, he started the car and headed for the apartment, not waiting for Sam or Stevie.

They could find their own damned way home.

~.~.~

Bucky didn’t go to the cafe on Wednesday or Thursday; when Stevie had ordered him to go back on Friday, he’d flipped his friend off and hidden in his room for the rest of the night. Both of his roommates had been apologetic, but that didn’t fix anything. He’d lost one of the few places outside the apartment where he’d felt comfortable and happy, and he’d lost what probably could have been a really great friendship once he’d gotten over his crush. There was no way he was going back there just to be embarrassed and hurt when Tony avoided him while Pep and Rhodes looked on with pitying eyes. That was the only way another visit played out, and he wasn’t interested.

By the time Sunday rolled around, he was snapping and snarling at Sam and Steve whenever they spoke to him. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin, angry and twitchy and just all around miserable. His friends tried to be understanding, but the way they were hovering and being so damned nice only irritated the shit out of him. Bucky finally told them to leave him the hell alone and just fuck already; when he slammed his door it was too loud in the deafening silence he’d left behind him.

Monday passed by in tentative, awkward silences and long glances and Tuesday was more of the same. None of them seemed able to stand being in the same room as each other, which meant Bucky was back to being sequestered in his own space. He lose himself in his work and mindless internet use, back to having bad days and no longer comfortable with trying to drive away his feelings. Not after how it had worked out the last time.

Before he knew it, three weeks had passed in a listless haze and he realized that something had to give. He couldn’t keep being an asshole to his two best friends. Bucky knew that he owed them a hell of an apology, and that he needed to find a way to get over this before he lost Stevie and Sam’s friendship completely. He hadn’t really meant to go back to 'We Sell Fucking Cakes’, but he passed by the turn that would take him home, and he was halfway there before he started to question the unconscious decision. At that point, he figured he might as well keep going.

Wasn’t like he had anything at the cafe left to lose.

~.~.~

The count had reached 195, and Bucky hated knowing that he wouldn’t be around to see it hit 200. He didn’t find the anvil and hammer sound as annoying as he’d tried to tell himself it had always been. In a weird way, it was kind of like coming home. An old one, anyway, one that you’d left behind and couldn’t ever really get back. The place was busy, which was a blessing. Or it was, until he saw a young couple sitting at what had been his table; that hit him like a punch right to the gut. At least Pepper didn’t seem to notice him right away, and he pulled his ball cap down over his eyes and kept his head down too, trying to figure out what he might say when he was finally at the counter and had to make an order.

Bucky was halfway through planning a garbled speech when it happened. He heard Tony before he saw him, and he hunched in on himself further. There was something wrong with Tony, he could tell that almost immediately. His voice, usually so animated and full of life, was much duller than Bucky could ever remember hearing it. When he peeked up at him, Tony looked… well, he looked sad. There were bags under his eyes and he drooped instead of carrying himself with effortless grace.

Shit, had something terrible happened while he was gone? Someone could be sick - Tony could be sick - or maybe there was finally enough pressure to change the name. Maybe the business was going under despite how busy they seemed, or maybe Tony had been dealing with the shitty family he’d dropped vague hints about. Maybe he’d been reading another shitty book.

Maybe… maybe he missed Bucky as much as Bucky missed him.

The thought gave him a burst of courage, and even if he was wrong that was okay. If he just… if he tried, no matter what happened, he could move on. It would give him some closure, and he could work on not being such a prick to his friends. So yeah. It was time to take a chance.

As a bonus, Tony had always been kind of dramatic. He’d probably eat this shit up, which could increase his chances of success. Challenge accepted.

Stepping out of the line, he whipped his hat off - he was pretty sure he didn’t imagine the gasp that left Pepper and Tony’s lips. Keeping his movements exaggerated and theatrical he tossed it to the floor and (just for effect) shrugged off his unbuttoned plaid shirt as well. It had been a busy day in the shop, which meant he’d gotten sweaty enough for his tank top to cling to his upper body, and he knew damn well that he was displaying his muscles to their best advantage. He didn’t even mind the oil and dirt streaked over his skin, because Tony’s eyes had gone wide and his pupils had dilated; if he was happy with what he saw, Bucky was happy to let him see it.

The other patrons were muttering now, and he was sure more than a couple of them thought he was insane, but he didn’t give two shits. He only cared what Tony and (maybe) Pepper and Rhodey thought. Refusing to feel as silly as he might look, he pointed at Tony, who obligingly put one hand over his heart.

“I came here every day to see you!” Bucky declared loudly, putting all the confidence he didn’t really feel into his voice to keep it steady. “The first time I came in here was an accident - I just needed to drive. Then I came in, and you had chocolate all over your cheek and it was fucking adorable. After I ordered you came out and talked to me for half an hour about Stargate Atlantis, because you’d had a marathon the day before. It was awesome, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a piece of cake as good as that one. It was orgasmic, Tony. You bake the best shit ever, but that wasn’t why I made the hour drive every day!”

Tony was still staring, shock warring with a tiny smile, cheeks slowly turning pink. He could hear a couple women cooing at him, and Pepper looked pleased as punch even with one hand covering her mouth.

“I came because…” he dropped his arm and shrugged, scuffing the toe of one boot over the floor. “I came because I wanted to see you, and I wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t get up the courage to ask you out, but–”

“Yes!” Bucky blinked at Tony’s interruption, and for a few seconds they just stared at each other. Tony’s face was turning a very appealing shade of pink, and God Bucky wanted to kiss him.

“What?”

“I mean… what? You… you weren’t… nothing! It’s nothing.”

“Jesus Christ.” Now Bucky was staring at Pepper, because he’d never heard her use anything even remotely like foul language before. “You are the two most frustrating men I’ve ever met. Bucky!” He snapped to attention without even thinking about it, eyes on her. “Did you really think Tony was coming out to talk to you for the hell of it? Do you honestly believe that he comes out and spends that much time talking to just anyone? Why are you such a moron? And Tony!” It was such a relief when Pepper shifted her attention, because she was a lot scarier than he’d have thought. Tony shrank beneath the weight of her gaze, his eyes darting from her to Bucky and back. “The man was driving an hour each way to come and see you! He picked his table so he could see you working in the kitchen! He brought you books and movies and weird geeky things that I didn’t understand at all but that you loved. He was not coming for your cupcakes, you idiot. You are driving me insane, and I’m tired of trying to gently nudge you into realizing that you both have giant, embarrassing crushes on each other.” When she pointed to the kitchen, her finger was shaking with what was probably rage. “Get your asses into that kitchen and sort this out, or so help me.”

She didn’t need to tell them twice, and they both booked it to the kitchen to the sound of their 'audience’ clapping with a few wolf whistles thrown into the mix.

People were such assholes.

Once they were in the kitchen, Bucky took hold of Tony’s hand and tugged him into a corner he knew for a fact wasn’t visible to anyone else. He probably should have let go when they were tucked away, but instead he focused on tangling their fingers together. One of them should probably talk too, but they were busy avoiding eye contact. He tried a couple times, even opened his mouth, but the words didn’t want to come. Pepper was going to end up murdering them both at the rate they were going.

Talking was maybe not the way to go here, so Bucky gave up on them for a while. Using his hold on Tony’s hand, he carefully pulled the shorter man into his chest and settled his chin on the top of his head. Tony melted against him almost immediately and wrapped his free arm around Bucky’s waist. They both took a deep breath at almost the same time, and he couldn’t help but start to chuckle. Tony started laughing a few seconds later, and Bucky let go of his hand to wrap both arms around him instead. Moving carefully, he backed them up until he could lean back against the wall, fingers rubbing gentle circles into Tony’s back.

“Pepper’s my new favorite,” he murmured at last. “I’m going to bring her presents so I’m in her good graces when she eventually takes over the world.” Tony snorted, then pressed his nose against Bucky’s neck.

“Why can’t I be your favorite?”

“… you’re my favorite when it comes to things of a relation-date-ship-romantic stuff,” Bucky said after a moment of thought. “Don’t wanna kiss Pepper the way I wanna kiss you, that’s for sure. She’s more my favorite potential future dictator.”

“She would be a just and fair ruler,” Tony allowed, shifting his hands to rest them on Bucky’s hips. “So… you do wanna kiss me?”

“Wanna kiss the fuck out of you.”

“Why didn’t you, you know… do anything about that?”

“I didn’t think you wanted to kiss me.”

“Dude. Really? Pep and Rhodey have been teasing me about you for weeks. I thought you were, you know, politely ignoring it.”

“No… I thought you didn’t realize that they were teasing me.” Tony pulled back just enough that they could stare at each other in disbelief. Pepper was right - they were both idiots. Bucky huffed out a quiet laugh, then shrugged one shoulder. “Okay, so your friends were too subtle, and my friends were like a wrecking ball to the face.”

“Oh my God, I wanted to die.”

“Me too. … I wanted you to come after me when I left,” he admitted quietly, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “Or at least say I wasn’t bothering you, or that me coming here wasn’t a waste.”

“… I didn’t know how to do it without shoving the crush I thought was hopeless in your face. And then you were just gone, and I had no idea how to find you.”

“Well we can’t have that. We’re swapping numbers before I head out. And, uh. Do you wanna make a da–”

“Yes! Yes to that. That’s what I tried to say yes to earlier, only then you acted like maybe you weren’t trying to ask me out so I got really embarrassed and there were a whole bunch of people watching which, you know, was kind of great. Especially when you took that other shirt off,” he emphasized the words by skimming his hands up and then down Bucky’s arms. “Like, they’re all super jealous of me now, and it was kind of romantic, declaring your all-consuming love for me in front of so many people–”

“Woah, hold on. I wanna date you, kiss the fuck outta you and maybe get to know you well enough to fall in love and all that junk. 'All-consuming love’ at first sight is for like… Romeo and Juliet. I want something real.” Tony was gaping at him, and Bucky shrugged self-consciously. “Or. Uh. Something like that.”

“That is so much better, and yes please. So before you leave we’ll set up a date and get each other’s numbers, right?

"Yup.”

“You like me and I like you, and we’re gonna date - exclusively - with the aim of maybe making it a long term thing. Right?”

“Mm. That’s the idea. You cool with that?”

“So cool. Like, ice age cool. Details are sorted, kiss the fuck out of me now please.” Grinning, Bucky cupped the nape of Tony’s neck, toying with the ends of Tony’s hair. When he didn’t immediately go in for the kiss, Tony began to pout at him, then lifted up onto his toes to steal one of his own. Bucky evaded the attempts several times, then swooped in to catch Tony’s mouth in a kiss that turned heated in a matter of moments. After all the dancing around they’d done, Bucky was very okay with diving into the deep end when it came to physical displays of affection.

When Pepper came to check on them twenty minutes later, Tony was sitting on one counter, shirt rucked up so Bucky could run his hands over bare skin. Bucky himself was locked between Tony’s legs, tank top on the floor and Tony’s heels digging into the back of his thighs. They were both breathless with new bruises on their necks that showed they were taken, kiss-bruised lips never leaving each other for long.

She wasn’t too impressed with their lack of concern when it came to keeping food surfaces sanitary, but Bucky didn’t mind the lecture they got. He wasn’t even fazed when she ordered him to help Tony wipe the kitchen down; the way he whistled while he worked seemed to actively irritate her.

Why would he give a shit when he had an all-day date with Tony set up for Saturday and a box full of treats to apologize to his roommates with?

Life was good, and he was really glad Tony had decided to sell fucking cakes.

[theheavymetalmama]

For some reason tumblr doesn't let me reblog your post about cindy, so I hope it's okay to send my thoughts via ask. PART 1 - I haven’t read your initial review. I actually do agree that Cindy is a bit over the top. I also hope that FFXVI will be about four girls trying to reclaim the throne for a future queen. There is one point I have to disagree though.“ Never mind the fact that no free-spirited and outgoing person would spend their time at a garage in the middle of nowhere, “

“PART 2 - First, what choice does Cindy have? Crown City was not accessible, iirc? She was where her Paw Paw needed her to be. Secondly, yes, free-spirited and outgoing can also mean, being a mechanic and spending a lot of time in a garage. That’s not mutually exclusive. This point by you is stupid and very subjective. Otherwise, FFXV is not a feminist game and I knew that before I ordered it. It brings me joy, despite it being so male-centered.

PART 3, final part - What is a little feminist about it, is, that they show they boys having feelings and having problems talking about them, crying even at some points. That goes against toxic masculinity and I applaud it for this.”

I don’t mind at all, though I do find it strange that it’s not letting you reblog my post. Just Tumblr being Tumblr again, I suppose. Also, sorry for the delayed reply. I have precious little spare time these days.

To sum up my review, I like FFXV. I don’t love it, but I like it. The environment is gorgeous, the gameplay is fun, the story is a mess, the roles women play is woeful, and of the four main characters only Gladiolus is the one I find consistently likable while the rest flip-flop to “Yeah, he’s cool I guess” to “Oh fuck right off!” Seriously, Gladiolus should have been the main character.

As for Cindy being a bit over the top, I have to strongly disagree with you on that one. She’s not a little over the top; she’s off the freaking wall. Not only is she the only character who dresses like that, but her mannerisms are just absurd. Given the tone and setting of the rest of the game, her scenes feel like bits and snippets from Boogie Nights spliced into The Fellowship of the Ring.

And before anybody asks, no, I’m not slut-shaming Cindy. I’m stupid-shaming the game designers. Big difference.

As for Cindy not having a choice, I think she does. Now you can chalk this up to game mechanics and functionality if you want, but how much business does Hammerhead actually get? I mean, think about it. Not only is it located in the middle of nowhere, but as you mentioned Crown City was completely closed off. Both she and dear ol’ dad (or is it grandpa? I forget) seem to have lots of time on their hands. Cid spends all his time sitting in a lawn chair like a retired Hank Hill while Cindy seems to drop whatever it is she’s doing to either work on your car or come get you and tow the Regalia if you run out of gas or damage it beyond function. Hell, every time you go back to Hammerhead, she’s never working on anything. Not fixing a car or tinkering with an engine or Hell, even taking a lunch break at the diner. She’s always just standing in the driveway doing fuck all.

As for the male bonding angle, I agree. That’s something woefully underused in entertainment and especially in video-games. But there are two major issues I have with it in Final Fantasy XV.

One, these moments of bromance are too few and too far between. As of this post I must have poured over 80 hours into the game and I’ve seen six, maybe seven moments of actual male bonding (in case you’re wondering, my favorite is Gladiolus taking Noctis for a jog on the beach.) The rest of their interactions are just running commentary and an endless exchange of repetitive quips and one-liners. I’m told there’s a particularly sweet scene between Noctis and Prompto at the Three Z’s Motel, but I must have stayed at that place 15 times and it continues to elude me.

Two…how exactly would the presence of a woman in the party suddenly make these moments impossible? They only ever happen when you stay at an inn or make camp, it’s only between Noctis and one other character at a time, and it’s always when the others are either asleep or not around. And when they bring on a female guest member they don’t turn into a bunch horny blithering idiots or “act less sincere” as the developers said, so what exactly am I missing here?

There are two logical explanations. 1.) The developers chickened out on their own premise, or 2.) “An all male cast feels more honest and sincere” is bullshit and just another entry in the long, wearying list of AAA developers using flimsy, pathetic excuses for excluding women from having any role outside of either ‘eye candy’ or ‘love interest.’ It never fails to irritate me that the gaming industry pitches these wild, wonderfully insane ideas from toppling evil empires, fighting dragons and monsters, to taking on robots and mutants in a post-apocalyptic world all the way to exploring the vast reaches of space, but the second somebody brings up putting women into these roles then suddenly all those ideas die and are replaced with excuses.

And before I get the inevitable knee-jerk response to this type of argument (not from you specifically, just in general,) yes, games with female leads exist, but they’re hopelessly~hilariously~outnumbered by male-lead games. And of those female lead games that do exist, the majority them were still designed with the male gaze in mind. If gamers want to play a female lead game where the main character isn’t either sexualized or victimized in some way, shape, or form, well, those gamers are kind of fucked. Either they choke down the fan-service riddled boob parades like that of Bayonetta and the newest torture porn infested Tomb Raider games, or they go back and play Beyond Good Evil, Metroid Prime, and the early Resident Evil games for what feels like the billionth fucking time. And no, games that let you create your own character don’t count. They aren’t characters; they’re avatars.

Still not convinced? Okay, I got a test for you. Make a list of female leads from video-games. To clarify, leads. Not supporting characters, not villains, and certainly not NPCs, but leads. Got your list? Okay. Now cross out the ones that are either blatant sex symbols, bland, or haven’t been featured in a game in over a decade. That list just got a lot shorter, didn’t it?

Now to be fair, yes, the game industry is making at least a token effort to provide customers with more female lead games and more games starring people besides the usual generic brown haired white dude with a bit of stubble on his face in general. I’m excited for Horizon: Zero Dawn and I hope like hell that it’s a game changer (no pun intended) for both female lead games and gaming in general. Yes, it’s getting better.

But as I say time and time again, ‘better’ doesn’t mean ‘good.’ Developers still have to fight publishers tooth and nail just to have a female protagonist, publishers still cling to outdated info about how female leads don’t sell, and when we do get a game featuring a female protagonist more often than not it’s bogged down with achingly sexist tropes (impractical clothing/armor, more thought put into making her look sexy than being a good character, often plays the role of support class like medic, sniper, etc,) or in the case of AssCreedSyn gets left out of almost all the advertising and only gets half the missions and story prominence the male lead gets. Seriously, if Evie really was Ubisoft’s response to the backlash of their “Women are too hard to animate” bullshit then it was the equivalent to expecting us to forgive them for burning our house down because they baked us a cake.

[babbletop]

List of the top 10 untold truths of Blue Bell ice cream. Blue Bell Creameries proudly make Blue Bell ice cream the old-fashioned way, with the freshest and finest ingredients, going the extra mile for customers. ➡️ SUBSCRIBE to BabbleTop! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg?sub_confirmation=1 Blue Bell has a devoted base of loyal customers who can’t live without their ice cream. You might have one of their famous half-gallon containers in your freezer right now. If so, then get yourself a scoop or two of what you love the most and enjoy this list of the Top 10 Untold Truths of Blue Bell Creameries Ice Cream . Blue Bell Creameries is an American food company that manufactures ice cream. It was founded in 1907 in Brenham, Texas. For much of its early history, the company manufactured both ice cream and butter locally. If you enjoyed this list of the top 10 untold truths of Blue Bell ice cream. Comment: #bluebell #icecream #mardigras TIMESTAMPS: 0:23 Blue Bell Creameries wasn’t their original name 1:41 Blue Bell bakes their own cookies for Cookies n Cream 3:01 Blue Bell’s top seller 4:26 Blue Bell’s original product wasn’t ice cream 5:46 The origins of their Blue Bell name isn’t what most people think 6:55 Blue Bell’s newest flavors 8:17 It’s still a half gallon 9:49 Mardi Gras King Cake Ice Cream 11:12 Blue Bell ships no matter where you are 12:30 Licking containers of Blue Bell became a trend SUMMARIES: - Blue Bell Creameries was first called the Brenham Creamery Company. - Not only are they skilled ice cream makers, but you can add bakers to that list as well. - Homemade Vanilla sells more than any other variety. - The hard-working people at the creamery were originally making butter instead of ice cream. - Blue Bell is the name of a Texas wildflower that grows wild all around the creamery in Brenham, Texas. - Blue Bell has a dedicated research and development staff who are constantly churning out new flavors of ice cream that people love. - Blue Bell continues to sell its ice cream in true half-gallon containers. - Mardi Gras King Cake ice cream has hit the shelves nationwide just in time for everyone to celebrate. - Blue Bell will ship their ice cream to you through the mail. - You may have heard about two such events that involved a young lady and a man both licking containers of Blue Bell and putting it back on the shelf. ➡️ SUBSCRIBE to BabbleTop! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg?sub_confirmation=1 🥳 JOIN and become a BabbleTop member! https://www.youtube.com/babbletop/join 👕 Check out our MERCH! https://ift.tt/2xcFumO 🔥 Our Most Popular VIDEOS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOvb3ZRIwh0&list=UUX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg All clips used for fair use commentary, criticism, and educational purposes. See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).