#he almost clogged my toilet btw.

[robertseanleonardthinker]

did i ever tell u guys abt how fucking insane working at a hotel was. i have photographic evidence of almost all of this, btw (if u wanna see free to ask lol. idk why u would tho)

i worked at a hotel for a good chunk of time directly after getting out of residential and i'm pretty sure it fucked me right back up

i was the only person there, besides the 2 or 3 housekeepers (who had their own work to do, they couldn't help me at all. i'm not mad abt that, tho. they had their own shit). i was running the hotel by myself essentially. 16, fresh out of residential, running this bitch myself. i was left alone on my 3rd shift.

my boss sucked for a handful of reasons. he was cheap. he whined on the phone to his parents a lot (he was in his early 20s), rarely helped when he was there, tried to get me to write a fake review for the hotel (which, if he just asked once, i wouldn't have rlly cared. but he kept pushing it and got mad at my answer. also lied abt it, saying everyone else did it when he hadn't even asked anybody else. he also asked my fucking parents???), wasn't even nice to the guests

the number of times i touched actual shit and piss was actually insane.

once this dude overflowed his toilet and sopped up the mess with towels. without saying what it was, he just handed the wad of wet, shitty towels to a housekeeper. that poor housekeeper was not wearing gloves. (i had to touch the shit towels next. thankfully i had time to get gloves)

someone shat their bed so violently it seeped through to the mattress. those sheets smelled so fucking bad. they also wiped their ass on a towel. no idea what was done abt the mattress

my last day, multiple people shit and pissed all over their sheets and comforters and towels. my boss made me bleach all of them and didn't help. the bleach combined with the piss made mustard gas and i felt like passing out.

people regularly let their dogs ruin rooms. a dog pissed all over a room once

someone left their dookie stained thong on the floor of their room once

too many people just left shit and piss in their toilet. they weren't clogged. just left there.

we had a lot of construction crews come stay there. one time we had this crew from new jersey i think. this one guy and his roommate would come down kinds regularly to ask questions. they weren't weirdos or anything, they were actually quite nice. but one time, one of the dudes came down alone and said "hey mamas" to me. i could tell that was just the way he talked, like he wasn't trying to hit on me or anything, but i was caught so off guard 😭 he was rlly nice, tho. he ended our convo with "appreciate you, mamas". if i remember right, he was asking me abt stuff he and his roommate could do with their girlfriends around town.

oh btw hotels do not normally wash their comforters, or at least, smaller hotels don't. so uhhh yeah don't use those

there's def more, but that's what i can remember rn

[tanzaniiite]

can i request the trend of tiktok “the faster you get to me the more kisses you get!” with tsukishima, akaashi, bokuto and hinata? 🥺👉👈

“THE FASTER YOU GET TO ME, THE MORE KISSES YOU GET” TREND

w/ tsukishima, akaashi, bokuto, hinata & iwaizumi

requests: OPEN

warnings: talk of pee and poop in iwaizumi’s

a/n: of course you can! thanks for the request! 💓 (also the trend is used more as a prompt than it is as the main focus whoops 🤡)

i added iwaizumi bc he was requested in another ask so i just merged the two. my character limit is still four max!

who gave him the right 🥵

the salt lick himself

this dude is annoyingggg

you already knew what his reaction was gonna be,, so why bother?

welll you just wanted to be like all the other tiktok girls 👉🏽👈🏽

you wait until you see tsukki and yama walking out of the club room and towards you

you’re bracing yourself for the embarrassment

“babe! the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get!”

no shit, he stops in his tracks. yama’s just looking at him like ‘what you finna do?’

you know what he does? turns around and starts walking in THE OTHER DIRECTION

you are… baffled

when finally catch up to him, you’re pouting

“dude, what the hell?”

he glances at you, then flicks your forehead dummy hard

you’re triggered, “did you just flick me?”

this snarky mf is now laughing at you

btw yamaguchi is very uncomfortable rn

tsukishima the leans down, bean pole headass, and kisses your forehead

“sorry i don’t do dumb tik tok trends”

“it’s not dumb! you just didn’t want to kiss me”

he looks at you with an unimpressed look, as if saying, ‘we both know that’s not true’

alas you’re still pouting

yama: “haha this is me, see you guys tmmr” *leaves in awkward*

tsukishima knows your not gonna stop acting like a baby until he gives you what you want

he sighs, walks a couple feet away from you, pulls out his phone and starts recording

“say the thing”

“huh?”

“the trend thing. say it”

your eyes light up so much and tsukki smiles a bit

he’s so soft for you uwu

“the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get!”

because he’s a tall boi, it only takes him a few steps to get to you but when he does, he kisses you hard

like damn, okay sir

when he pulls away you’re flustered asf, he chuckles and stops recording

“happy?”

this poor boy wouldn’t know a tiktok trend if it punched him the face

i hate to say it, but he’s a boomer 😔🤘🏽 just like dadchi

he’s at your house picking you up for a date and your sibling is bombarding him with questions

when you come out, akaashi is like ‘oh thank goodness’

you smile at him, then wack your sibling in their side

“stop bothering him you weirdo!”

“what we’re just having a nice lil chat”

you shake your head and start to walk away but your sibling is holding akaashi back, giving him the typical ‘you hurt her, i kill you’ speech

now you know your boyfriend is great when he’s under pressure but.. this is new territory for him

you remember a trend that you saw a while back and decide to do it now

you know keiji wants your family to like him, so he’ll be conflicted between going to you or staying and listening to your siblings speech

it’s perfect really

so you pull out your phone and start recording

“baby! the faster you get to me, the sooner we can go on our date and the more kisses you’ll get”

my guy just blinks, “it is getting late..”. plus he’s not opposed to the kissing part so he starts to walk towards you

“hey! i’m not done talking to you”

‘that’s true, it would be rude of me to walk away mid conversation… if you could even call it that’ he thinks

you laugh slightly, you can practically see the gears spinning in his head

“keiji come on we don’t have all day”

“don’t you walk away from me”

akaashi sighs loudly. the longer he spends talking to your sibling the less time he has with you. if he walks away, he’s at risk of your sibling hating him. he’s stumped.

suddenly he turns to your sibling, “sorry l/n, we can continue this discussion later. y/n and i have a date that’s very time sensitive. i apologize”

he then walks to you and grabs your hand before walking off

“y’know my crackhead sibling was just mess with you right? you could’ve just walked away”

“i figured, but that’s still rude”

ugh we stan boy who has manners

“so.. um, may i get a kiss now?”

omg he’s so cute i love him 🥺

you grin and pepper his face with a bunch of kisses, making him blush slightly

tbh you don’t even need to ask, this dude is infatuated w/ you

he’ll run to you any day of the week

but what had happened was.. y’all were on a date and bokuto went to go get ice cream

but that was like 15 mins ago and you’re just sitting on the park bench looking like a fool

and ngl you were a little worried bc bokuto is so easy to distract you’re thinking he fell into a pond or something

so you go to look for him and tbh it doesn’t take long cause cmon,, it’s bokuto

he be loud asf

n e ways, there he is in all his glory playing with a German Shepard who looked like it was trying so hard not to bite him

the owner looked nervous asf but was probably too nervous to say something social anixety be like that

bokuto spots you and waves at you frantically

“hey babe! look at this dog! it’s so cute!”

ugh bless him

you send the owner an apologetic look and turn back to bokuto

“it is cute but i think you’re aggravating it.. i don’t want you to get bitten. let’s go”

“it won’t bite me!” *to dog* “right? you’re too good to bite me, yes you are, yes you are”

*inhales* this stubborn kid, so now you got to think of a new tactic

you suddenly remember that bokuto is affectionate x1 mil

he would never miss a chance to be smothered in love

this was as good a time as any to do this trend and save your bf in the process :))

you whip out your phone, “hey baby? the faster you get to me, the more kisses you get”

when i tell you his head SWIVELED

the dude is an owl confirmed 🙌🏽

literally almost trips trying to get to you, now he’s looking at you like an excited puppy ready for pats

the owner gives you thankful look and leaves

bokuto is still staring at you, waiting for his smooches

so you deliver 😌 you grab his face and kiss all around and place a final kiss on his lips

bokuto looks so happy, like he’s smiling so wide rn

all hail tiktok it rly be saving your stupid boyfriend

my bby 🥺

he loves you so so so so much

hinata will do anything for you yes anything

and the feeling is mutual, but sometimes you cannot comprehend what goes on in that mind if his

like,, you could not, for the life of you, understand why he ran into MOVING TRAFFIC

let me tell you what happened

so you were shopping with your friends (and just to clarify y’all were a strip where there’s a bunch of stores on each block)

you guys were just casual walking and then your friend pointed out that it sounded like someone was calling your name

you looked around and there was your orange fuzzy bouncing up and down on the other side of the street

“BABY! BABE! Y/N! LOOK!”

too cute i swear

you smiled and waved, “hi baby!”

“wait until i get across this street imma kiss you so hard!”

cue your friends gagging

you giggle and decide to reference a tiktok cause why not?

“the faster you get to me, the more kisses you can get!”

b-but he thought you were serious

so yes he ran into the middle of a busy street

you are traumatized, paralyzed with fear if you will, you thought your boyfriend was going to die right in front of you

when he finally reached you, you scolded him mother hen mode activated

“why the hell would you do that hinata?!”

uh oh, you used his last name.. not good

“but you said–”

“i was joking!”

oh. now he’s embarrassed and sad bc you’re mad at him

at least he thought you were until you grabbed him and hugged him tightly, “don’t ever do any dumb shit like that again, okay? you scared me”

“i won’t,, but since i did risk my life, can i get a kiss?”

“NO.”

i feel like y’all have a relationship where you guys can be mean(?) to each other w/o getting offended

so you guys are at your house watching Netflix together and he suddenly gets up and leaves your room

“where are you going?”

“gotta piss”

istg i hate the word “piss” but IK he says that instead of “pee”

n e ways you resume watching the show but your bf’s been gone for like 10 mins

you go to the bathroom and knock on the door, “hey, you good in there? it doesn’t take 10 minutes to pee”

you hear him groan, “fuck off”

and then,, it all clicks, “are you constipated?!”

“FUCK OFF”

now you’re laughing your ass of bc what the fuck

“don’t clog my toilet nasty”

“y/n i swear to god if you don’t leave me alone–”

“what? are you gonna fling your doo doo on me?”

you finally stop teasing him and go back to your room

you send him a text, ‘still constipated? 💩’

‘breaking up w/ you is looking mighty tempting rn 🥴’

‘rude 🤧 but hey, the faster you poop, the more kisses you get’

this dude left you on read

and didn’t return until 20 mins later

“damn i know my bathroom stinks now”

“shut up and give me my kisses”

you raise an eyebrow, “i– you took 20 mins”

“okay.. did you want me to get up mid shit and come to you?”

you don’t why but that shit had you cackling, you reach up and pull him close to you

you give him a couple of pecks and a deep kiss

aww he’s smiling 🥺

“i love you my lil doo doo machine”

he pushed you off your bed

tanzaniiite © 2020 — all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or copy. do not plagiarize. thank you.

[wonderwomemes]

I am having THE WORST day

So, our dog got sterilized on Tuesday and naturally he is whiny since then ergo not much sleep for me. This morning i wake up because i hear that he is licking himself which obviously he isn't supposed to. I go check and the little shit got out of his bodysuit we got from the vet, and removed most of the bandaid to get to the stitches to lick his wound. Greeeat job my little friend, A+.

So i know i have to desinfect everything and cover it up again, that's why i open his box in which he is sleeping to get him out. The thing is he knows exactly that he was doing something stupid and the moment i open the box he jumps out at maximum speed, on my side of the bed and to show submission he just pees all over it and my pillow. AMAZING! my boyfriend is sleeping btw on the other side and doesn't give a fuck in his sweet dreams.

Okay, now i try to stay calm and i get some towels for the bed before the pee soaks into the mattress. I come back, doggo is gone. He sits on the sofa in the living room and looks at me with the "i'm sorry i peed on your bed, in fact i'm so sorry i'm going to pee on the couch now" look. I try to calm him down and it WORKS WOW so i grab him, put a towel over his weewee and get him into the bathtub so everything is easier to clean.

Okay, dog is in a safe space so i go and clean up the Pee. Boyfriend still sleeping (maybe he is faking it but i don't have the nerve...).

I go back into the bathroom and as i open the door i almost pass out because of the smell. There is my dog, sitting in a baththub FULL OF SHIT. and because he is stressed and he is getting medicine etc it's not the usual shit, it's runny, foul smelling, disgusting shit that is EVERYWHERE because he also stepped in it and it's just fucking gross.

At this point I'm almost crying btw. But okay, I'm a Dog Mami so i somehow find the strenght to deal with this.

I grab some paper towels and clean up the shit. I almost throw up several times. I throw the stuff into the toilet and the rest of the poo i just rinse down with the shower head, cleaning the 'Doggo of pain in my ass' at the same time. I get him out, dry him and tend to his wound. Desinfecting it and puting a new band aid over it. He is whining and crying and while i know that he is very dramatic and overreacting, i still feel sorry for the poor bastard. Last but not least i but the bod suit on him again and this time i do it the other way around so that the hole for his weewee is on his breast so he can't get to the licking business that easy. I put him in his house in the living room and go back to the bathroom.

The smell is still horrible and the moment i want ro flush the toilett i remember that the switch didn't work yesterday evening and i said ro my boyfriend 'future us will have to deal with this'. SUPER! GUESS ITS JUST FUTURE ME NOW.

So i take of the cover from the wall and because i can't find a screwdriver i have to use my pocket knive like a real swiss citizen. Fixing the thing was not a big deal but all the shit almost clogged the toilet so i had to poke the shit soup a few times until everything went down.

And now I'm washing everything the dog peed over, while I'm getting the headache of the century. oh, and the reason I'm even at home and not at work on this beautiful Thursday morning, is that my Dedo Grandpa died and yesterday was the "Funeral" and i told my boss I needed an extra day to relax from the family drama.

I haven't even had breakfast or coffee and i already need some rakja

[thedepressedweasel]

When I was 15 and it was my DNA contributors’ wedding anniversary, I know it was embarrassing, but I was going to the bathroom and accidentally clogged the toilet (I didn’t know how to unclog any toilets back then BTW) and yet my egg donor took it the wrong way, so after she had to unclog it, she ended up deadnaming me on purpose (which was/still is not only transphobic as fuck, but abusive too, since I’ve always been nonbinary and genderfluid), screaming in my face, terrorizing me, calling me names and even blaming me for her shortcomings, even saying to my face that I ruined her wedding anniversary, that I ruined her life, that it was my presence that made my (now ex) older brother an evil bully, that I was the biggest mistake that she and my sperm donor had ever made, that she should’ve had an abortion with me instead, that she almost got a divorce because of me, that I was the reason of all of her problems (and my sperm donor’s and ex-brother’s too), that I didn’t deserve to live and that she would rather have a murderer as her child instead of me. My sperm donor, too, was just as bad because after he came home (I don’t remember where he went ATM anymore BTW) and screamed at me to shut up because I was standing up to my egg donor for abusing me and he didn’t want to hear it.

Where was my ex-brother the whole time? Fucking nowhere except for sitting around and doing a big fat nothing about it besides eating and eating and eating (and either chatting with his friends or going out with his friends)! He didn’t care about anything! He especially didn’t care about me at all; instead of trying to stop his own parents and defending me, he spend much of the day screaming at me, chasing me around the house with his fists up in the air and ready to strike me, threatening to beat me up (he even went so far into threatening me to go to sleep ASAP later that night by threatening to beat me up); I literally ran away in my pajamas, jacket and slippers the next morning because he wanted to beat me up.

TL;DR: Going to the bathroom and accidentally clogging up the toilet was embarrassing enough, but having someone scream at you for doing so and even blame you for everything (even things that make no sense whatsoever), followed by another person who was supposed to love you most threaten to beat you within an inch of life was pretty damn traumatic.