#he believed there was a functional benefit to doing so that couldn't be achieved any other way

[ask-thearchivists]

So did you guys, Charmer specifically, murder the baby Titans? You remind me of the villain from that one game I used to play. The guy disguised himself (or maybe in your case, had people disguise themselves to do your bidding) as someone trustworthy and approachable then led the kids to a room where he brutally killed them. Did you do something similar, Charmer? Or had "followers" do it for you?

The Charmer: I think you're glossing over the part where you played a game where you played a person who would kill children? Willingly?? What would the purpose of this as a game even be? Is there some functional benefit to brutally murdering children in this game, that cannot be achieved by any other means? You also aren't being clear about whether real children died to play this game.

[mysisypheannightmare]

Futility

Word Count: 620

Warnings: Negative thinking

--

Logan had known the truth for quite a while, but he hadn't wanted to believe it.

He was useless.

The more Thomas' mental state worsened, his anxiety and intrusive thoughts grabbing hold stronger with every passing day, the more Logan noticed his control over any of it slowly slipping away.

He'd worked so hard to keep a firm grip on his own mind, his schedule, his behavior so that he could best benefit Thomas... And yet, here he was, slipping up with sarcastic remarks, angry outbursts, and now laziness?

Thomas deserved better, and Logan knew that.

Thomas needed a logic center who would perform properly, do his job without all these imperfections, and actually succeed in keeping Thomas on track so he could achieve happiness.

Logan couldn't do that, so why was he still there? Why did he continue to try?

He gazed blankly at the room around him. What was meant to be neat and organized was instead utterly cluttered and impossible to sort without time and patience--neither of which did Logan have to spare these days.

He couldn't help Thomas in this state, and the workload had long since surpassed what he knew himself capable to handle. At this rate, he would forever be in the red, never able to achieve what he was meant to be, never able to help Thomas simply function as an adult--the one thing he was there to do. His whole meaning for existence left unattained.

He was useless.

Logan honestly wondered if it was more bewildering to him that he hadn't realized his futility sooner or that he had even managed to last this long without being replaced.

Sure, he had the passion to see Thomas succeed someday. He wanted to see Thomas grow and mature and conquer the world in all the ways he dreamed… 

But Logan hadn't done nearly enough to help. Hell, he'd sabotaged Thomas' goals with his own incompetence!

If only something had clicked in Thomas' mind, something had stepped in to replace this faulty part, this broken logic. Then maybe he wouldn't have to watch Thomas fail.

Maybe Thomas would be happier.

He could argue that he tried, but it didn't matter how much Logan wanted to help if none of the support he provided benefited anyone. His schedules and charts meant nothing to Thomas and the other sides. The information he provided was clearly only optional, not needed. He was never doing enough. They deserved the absolute best he could give, but what had they all received instead? Doubt. Regret. Irrationality, even.

It didn't matter if his intentions were good if the resulting impact was terrible.

If he wasn't producing results, then why was he still around? The others may have dealt more heavily in emotions, but at least they still accomplished what they set out to do.

They served their purpose.

As illogical as those tasks may seem to him at times, the others did always complete them.

They helped Thomas; they made him happy and gave him fulfillment.

When has Logan ever managed to accomplish such things?

Some days, he has the energy to complete an extra project, to get a surplus of work done. Other days, his productivity screeches to a halt, and he winds up with even more work left unfinished for the next day.

One step forward, four steps back. Another step back. Another. And another. 

No matter the small progress he makes in one day, it never catches up to the large amounts of detriment that's already in place and ever-increasing. 

It was useless.

He was useless.

Why hadn't he just stopped wasting Thomas' time already? He should just give up.

It would be better for everyone that way.

[adhd-adept]

hi! i like your posts! they're real helpful

anyway a thing i need help with

i want to ask my dad for therapy because i think i might have adhd? and also some other shit

so basically

(this is going to be a long post)

back in summer 2020, i thought i might have adhd because i was reading some comics from adhd alien and the signs of adhd she shared seemed eerily familiar?

and i did some research and more signs came up and i thought i might have them?

and i found a therapist who specialises in adhd and other issues

but when i talked to my dad about it he was all "ADHD is only hyperactive idiots who are useless without meds" and he yelled at me for a while and I'm now basically scared of mentioning the topic up ever again

he brought me to some sessions, but i think once he said it was "so the therapist tells you you don't have adhd"?

anyway after the summer ended i couldn't get therapy again because school and busy

with the 2 week spring vacation coming up i was thinking of maybe asking him again? but I'm really scared and he probably won't take it seriously again...

signed,

an idiot

Hey! Thanks. I’m glad I can be helpful. I wanted to answer this right away, but it took me a little time because this question deserves a thoughtful response. This is going to be a long post.

[If anyone with more experience in situations like this has advice, I would welcome suggestions]

First things first! I don't think you're an idiot. This world can be hard to navigate even in the best of times, and I will never think you're foolish for needing a little help with anything that that entails!

Looking for a therapist is a great start! I’m glad that you are taking yourself seriously and taking steps to get help. That can take a lot of courage, and I’m proud of you for it!

Know that it may continue to take courage, and persistence - it can be really difficult to get an official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely have ADHD, and it actually took two tries when I got diagnosed around age 12, as the first doctor thought I had been perfectly attentive during the meeting and thus could not believe I was struggling with inattention elsewhere. My friend in her early twenties has been attending periodic doctor and therapist sessions for a couple months now, because the first doctor didn’t take her seriously, the second said she clearly had ADHD but sent her elsewhere for prescriptions, and the doctor they sent her to insisted she get a second opinion. She is finally starting to get accommodations, but it’s been an ongoing effort.

And you may simply not get along very well with your first therapist. You can always try reaching out to another. It can be a long process, and I hope saying that does not discourage you because there is a lot of good that comes at the end of that process; specifically, a better understanding of yourself and access to some resources that can help you seek accommodations for the things you struggle with.

It sounds like you’ve done your research on therapy, though. If you want any help with looking for a therapist, I am happy to help, (or at least try to). But it sounds like what you’re asking is how to approach the subject with your dad?

You’ll have to take some of my advice from here with a grain of salt; I’ve never been in the specific situation you’re in now, and of course I don’t know your dad as well as you do. But in my experience, rephrasing a request can do a lot to make it sound more reasonable.

I think the first step is understanding where he is coming from. Again, you have met the man and I haven’t, so this is more suggestion and guesswork than any kind of statement.

It sounds like your dad has a significant bias against neurodivergence. But I think it does matter WHY he feels that way. I can only imagine that it comes from a lifetime of hearing those things about ADHD from the people around him, and it will take time for him to reverse that prejudice. I feel sorry for him to have grown up in that hostile environment, and I am sorry that that hostility is being carried through to you.

But the result is that he thinks there’s something wrong with having ADHD. Of course, that isn’t true, but no parent wants to believe there’s something “wrong” with their child, and he will probably be resistant to the idea for as long as he believes that there is. 

More than that, I think parents don’t want to believe that, if there IS something wrong with their kid, it might have come from them. A child twisting their ankle in PE class or getting bitten by an ant is one thing - it hurts to see the child in pain, but it isn’t their fault. It’s much harder for a parent to see their child suffer because of a hereditary condition, because I think there can be a lot of guilt associated with that.

On top of that, if he’s been told that ADHD is a terrible thing, it might be disagreeable to him because if you have it then maybe he has it too. People don’t want to believe there’s anything wrong with themselves either.

I don’t know if that’s, on some level, why he reacted the way he did - and even if it’s true, I don’t think any of this justifies yelling at you for it. Nothing justifies that. And I want to be clear that it shouldn’t have to be your responsibility to figure out why he feels the way he feels - that should be on him, and it’s unfair to you to have to work through his issues on your way to getting the help you need. This isn’t necessarily the best or only approach. But trying to at least figure out why he feels the way he does might help you figure out how to approach the subject again. 

Maybe even ask him where he got his impression of ADHD, if it does not feel like doing so will start a new argument. (Maybe don’t mention the part where you’re asking because some stranger on the internet is trying to psychoanalyze him.) But I find, personally, that conversations go better when I can approach them with patience, and I have more patience when I make an effort to remember that the other person’s reactions have to come from somewhere, and if I can at least start out believing that they are misinformed rather than actively hostile.

I think a good start would be to try educating him about ADHD and see how that goes. Anything might sound scary because it is unfamiliar; or, worse, it might sound scary because it sounds vaguely familiar even if the only information you know is that you think someone said it’s scary. 

An aside, to give an example: There was a meme a while ago where water would be referred to as “dihydrogen monoxide” and framed as a dangerous thing with vague-but-technically-true statements such as “it’s a common byproduct of chemical reactions,” and “it’s found in our sewer systems”, or “it has the highest pH value of any acid” (you may recall that the strongest acids are those with a low pH value).

I think it’s easy to do the same with neurodiversity. If all you know about water is that it’s a chemical, it may sound scary. If all you know about ADHD is that it’s a mental disorder, it may sound scary.

Talking with him directly may be better than sending him articles - they tend to start with phrases like “mental health disorder” and “chronic condition”, or big (scary) jargon words that you might want to avoid if you want it to sound approachable (I mean, even the “Simple English” version of the Wikipedia article has the word “neurodevelopmental” in the first sentence).

I think it’s important for him to know that everyone’s ADHD experience is different - symptoms can be strong, or they can be very weak, but even people with very weak symptoms may benefit from seeking professional advice. You can be very “high functioning,” and still find certain tasks more difficult than most people do, and thus benefit from help even if you don’t “need” it to achieve your goals or lead a “normal” looking life.

You might tell him that a lot of ADHD treatment is about paying attention to your own behaviors and learning what works best for you - that even if you do not have ADHD, you may have some experiences in common with people who do, and that seeking a therapist who specializes in ADHD may help you find someone with the kind of attitude you are looking for; maybe you want someone who will be especially patient, and who will be prepared to take you seriously with the symptoms or traits you do have.

After all, most people can understand that you don’t have to have clinical depression to benefit from some of the behavioral things often recommended to people who do, such as getting regular exercise and more sunshine. You can do things that improve your mood even if you don’t have diagnosed clinical depression. 

Similarly, if you are seeking help with some things that people with ADHD struggle with - organization, time management, staying focused - a therapist who specializes in ADHD may be a good fit for you for that reason alone, even if you don’t have it.

And yeah, it sounds like he doesn’t want you to have ADHD, so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “even if I don’t have it, talking to a specialist can help me rule that out,” if that’s what helps him feel more comfortable with you getting an appointment. Again, it will take time for him to overcome the negative impression he has now, but at the very least, if he forms a positive impression of ADHD therapists he might not be so hostile about ADHD itself.

Maybe remind him that there can be a lot of overlap between ADHD and other experiences, but that it seems like a good place to start seeking help because it is a relatively common cause of some of the things you’ve experienced.

Know how much you would be willing to compromise before you have this conversation - would you be okay with getting a therapist even if they do not specialize in ADHD? Would you be unlikely to get an appointment if he made it conditional on something like maintaining good grades? Have a clear, tangible goal in mind; while you may leave room for uncertainty in your diagnosis until you speak with a professional, you should try not to leave room for uncertainty in what you are asking for. Know what you want - a session (or a number of sessions) with a therapist - and have your reasoning for that ready, maybe even written down. People tend to take you more seriously when you can demonstrate that you’ve thought something through.

If you say you think you have ADHD, I believe you. But regardless of that, you have recognized that there is something you need help with, and you are taking action in response. I hope that, at the very least, if your dad does not want to take the suggestion of ADHD seriously, he can at least take you seriously when you say that you need help. 

And you will get help. You are moving in the right direction. Don’t lose sight of that.

I hope I’ve answered your question! If this is hard to read I can maybe come back and re-write it as a set of bullet points, maybe suggestions of things to say, but I felt that in the case of more personalized advice it was important to address the context of my advice. If you needed more specific advice, feel free to clarify. And of course, if you have any other questions, I’m always around.

Best of luck!