#he doesn't tell you until like waaay after you get together

[alrightberries]

you meet bakugou at a dim bar one night and he's being extremely bold, you notice, and you kinda like it. he's leaning in close and glancing at your lips whenever you talk, and you never really took him for the straight forward type but hey, you're not complaining, cute guy's flirting, and you have no qualms about reciprocating it with bats of your eyes and sly little smiles.

except he's not flirting— he's just not wearing his hearing aids. he's trying to sight read your lips.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV S3 Musings - Louis Going Forward

I've been seeing posts in the tags, and just wanna urge LDPDL fans (esp. show-only fans) who fear that Louis won't have anything to do after S2, not to freak out just yet. No, he doesn't show up in the books as much as Lestat, ofc, but if AMC's smart they'll realize that there's plenty of book!Louis content to keep Jacob around!

We've gotten plenty of assurances from Rolin Jones that they've no intention of sidelining Louis, as Loustat's endgame (a la Blood Communion). (But Rolin's also fanboyed nonstop how much he's been waiting to do TVL and focus on Les's story & adventures. Ofc, intent & execution are 2 different things, so forgive us, Rolin, if the fandom's side-eying y'all.)

Louis taking an active role in Owning the Night and dropping his address so the vamps can take him on is a BOLD move; I love it. Rolin said waaay early in S1 that they made AMC!Louis stronger and with more of a backbone than book!Louis, and he definitely is. Plus, AMC!Lou has the Fire Gift--one of the most powerful attacks in a vampire's arsenal. So I imagine that S3 will be pretty busy for Louis--in contrast to the fandom's hilarious headcanons that Louis'll be minding his business at home crocheting and doing yoga while Lestat's making a fool of himself on tour. 🤣 He' pretty much gearing up to be Louis the Vampire Slayer! Guillermo! Take notes!

While book!Louis isn't in TVL (Lestat's backstory), he comes back in QotD when Loustat get back together again. So we have a lot to look forward to there, as Lestat tries to get all the vamps' attention so they stay AWAY from Louis & fight Lestat instead--culminating in Les' disastrous Death Valley concert when Akasha appears.

Loustat has a lot of romantic scenes together as Les starts courting Lou again, asking him to come his concerts & watch him perform--so I hope AMC gives us some backstage lovin', showing Lou as "Monsieur le Rockstar's" boyfriend, b4 all hell breaks loose & Akasha takes Les away. :(

Book-plot wise though, the elephant in the room is ofc TotBT, and David Talbot. 🤮 We don't know yet how far AMC's going with Raglan James, and if they're incorporating that book into S3, or saving his schemes for the new Talamasca series and holding Raglan's fight with Lestat until S4. 👀

Aside from Les, TotBT is a VERY important moment for Louis' character development, too. I've already explained Louis' HIGHLY significant role in that book, and how Louis' choices impact Lestat going forward with Memnoch. So we'll have to wait and see if Raglan shows up again any time soon.

I PRAY that "others we can't tell you about yet" means Raglan, and NOT that racist pedo David Talbot. Everyone knows David was conjured up as AR's Replacement-Louis when she didn't wanna write anymore sad & depressed mopey vampires anymore. So instead we get that closeted colonizer David, and AR got butthurt when people didn't like him, LOL (esp. not in Merrick, oof!). 😂

But tbf, the QotD majorly improved David's character, removing every bit of his problematic context, to just focus on his role in the Talamasca, tracking down vampires like Marius; which is smart.

So I say AMC could/should either:

do what QotD did: water David down to make him less problematic

give his role as Les' sidekick to Daniel--maybe providing context for how/why Daniel was Turned; if he's still human during Les' tour (in the S3 promo), and gets injured by Raglan, so Armand swoops in & saves him

give his role to as Les' sidekick to Louis, Mr. & Mrs. Smith style, as they fight Raglan together (cuz book!Louis already said he'd kill Raglan if he ever saw him). Does AMC!Lou have beef w/ him for snooping around w/ Daniel in S2? 👀

So yeah, there's a lot of action-packed potential for Louis in S3; that takes him beyond his grief over Claudia (esp. since we won't have Merrick as the following book/season)--unless ghost!Claudia is a thing and she becomes a Problem™️. But that's way too close to the plot of Blackwood Farm, which I'd prefer AMC do instead--esp. since that way we can still get Merrick Mayfair come in as a crossover.

That's so precious! 😍

A cleansing, amen! I can't imagine what Jacob had to go through, playing Louis! Method acting is REALLY hard, esp. with mentally ill & chronically insane characters--we all saw what it did to Heath Ledger! And look at Joaquin Phoenix, out there literally starving himself, jfc.

Nah, we get you, Jacob.

Jacob, I've been saying it since S1: YOU WERE ROBBED OF YOUR EMMYS. I effing hate AMC for not doing you the justice you deserved and making sure S2 could at least qualify for a nomination. I'll never forgive them for it; esp. cuz you can bet your arse they won't fumble the ball in The Vampire Lestat's season; oh nooo~! 🙄😒 White Lestans can gaslight TF out of us all they want, minimizing our trauma & pain & rightful suspicions, but Black actors have been shafted by Hollywood bureaucracy & shenanigans since it's effing inception, and IDGAF what anyone says--once is an accident, twice is a pattern!

He really is. But I get so mad & so offended that Jacob's immense talent and Louis' incredible character arc is shunted to the side by critics & viewers alike. Brad Pitt put literally ZERO effort into Louis and it showed; meanwhile Jacob's out here giving the acting performance of a lifetime. But people won't STFU about Lestat's hair.

EIGHT SEASONS!? Motherfudger, wtf!? XD I'm all for it, but y'all are gonna have to speed up how long it takes to film & air each season--at 2+ years per hiatus, 16 years is way too much, even for the Supernatural fandom. And LBH, Jam Reiderson & Eric are NOT gonna make it 16 years in the face department.

That is so beautifully put, Sam. ISTG, when is he publishing his doctoral dissertation on TVC already!?

FACTS! I have hope for S3. It's perfectly OK to tonally shift and switch MCs! So long as you're not neglecting & disrespecting THE titular vampire--hasn't Louis suffered enough?! 😅 I'm excited for where S3 takes him.

[tayaalovsx]

𐙚! Dating Headcanons

warning!: suggestive themes!/may be a bit offensive!

genre!: fluff!/kinda suggestive!

a/n!: okay so third in a role, I get random boost of writting feeling so I strike! sorry if it's out of character, I had thought this over a lot tbh

🎧ྀིkisses xoxo~°•

ᝰ.ᐟ don't you dare think, for a second that this man is gentle. he's the most twisted person in relationship most likely.

ᝰ.ᐟ yandere type of a guy, most likely very possessive but in secret, he doesn't want his gf to know his true emotions

ᝰ.ᐟ probably his gf would have to do the first step in with a confession, he would not speak up about his feeling for nothing in the world

ᝰ.ᐟ you can catch him stare at you often, but it's not beacuse he hates you or something like that, he truly just wants to feel somekind of comfort and not seek it, so he just would stare

ᝰ.ᐟ he's insecure yes, but would not say anything. he would just refuse to be without his shirt or jacket around his gf, depends on how long they have been together

ᝰ.ᐟ used to hook ups, so he would wanna do his gf like at least once a day, in the first week of relationship that is, but as time passes he would find it as something more like a second need

ᝰ.ᐟ he is not a fan of romantic movies, even though some of them are just...a bit too good and he would sit his ass to watch half of it at least

ᝰ.ᐟ needs reassurance but won't ask for it. he wouldn't break down in front of his gf or ask for cuddles like in some fanfics. no he would just be a lot more grumpy, and more close to his partner if he needs comfort, would shoo away a hug

ᝰ.ᐟ nicknames are his specialty, at first it would he something like slut tbh, beacuse he just feels like his partner is not in relationship with him for something deep, but as time passes and she stays he would switch to princess or your name.

ᝰ.ᐟ not a fan to be touched, which also feeds the insecurity factor. he would not let his partner touch him a lot, but if she insists like being persistent about it, he would give in eventually

ᝰ.ᐟ dominant for sure, only bottom if he's waaay too tired which happened once in his life. ever since he just enjoys to act like he can't do anything and then switch at random moments. enjoys to see his girl flustrated

ᝰ.ᐟ flirts a lot, suggestive themes are just something he does casually. he would drop the most toe curling lines and with the most serious face

ᝰ.ᐟ smokes, I just feel like he does. and if his gf doesn't bug him about it their relationship would last longer

ᝰ.ᐟ if six months pass and you two are together, he would get a lot more possessive, usually he doesn't go out a lot, prefers the quiet and not so noisy environment, which leads to his gf staying in his arms a lot more often

ᝰ.ᐟ fan of snuggles but only after at least five months of having a relatonship with you, before that he is just not a fan of touchy things except in bed

ᝰ.ᐟ if he and his gf last long, like eight months he would let her dye his hair but only if she doesn't ask about it

ᝰ.ᐟ he likes his girls bossy, someone who's not scared to show that she has a mind of her own and is not just a push over like many would be

ᝰ.ᐟ why he fell for his gf is simple

(𐙚/)if she were to be a civilian, she probably was almost burned by him or hit by him. or he got drunk in a bar, but what caught his attention was the way she would stand up about herself and have snarky comments thrown his way. if she didn't care that he's a villain, he would give her a little bit more attention

(𐙚/)if she were to be a villain, she probably joined the league. first convo was nothing special, but she threw comments gave nicknames to the others, made him grow curious in her. they hooked up first before she asked him out officially.

ᝰ.ᐟ doesn't like to be taken photos of, but if his gf does, he loves to try and snatch the phone, accidentally falling on top of her and just making her flustrated.

ᝰ.ᐟ he won't tell her about his past until two years at least of relationship and he would be pushed by the tasks in hand not beacuse he wants it

ᝰ.ᐟ secretly would admire what she does, how she does it. proud of her in everything but won't write paragraphs about it. more likely just says 'good job' or 'you did surpringly good'

ᝰ.ᐟ is not a talker. even if he talks he would get weird pain and it frustrates him so he keeps quiet, his gf needs to just yap to him and he wouldn't mind

ᝰ.ᐟ a poem writter but in secret, hear me out about this one. I feel like his education while being more younger was something he relayed on as well, so he had to read a lot. he liked to express his feelings through writting not speaking about them or giving them out. he just writes about it and probably burns the paper if it's not good enough.

ᝰ.ᐟ his gf is something like his number one priority, he would watch over her if she's on her period, he doesn't care if his bad boy image is hurt by the way he gives her whatever she asks for without questions. he just wants her to not feel alone, like he was

ೀxoxo lover girl!

[magical-regical]

Scanning the galaxy for Xavier lore

I know Xavier has some deep lore in his myth story but in most of the main story he's like:

Either I'm just rly bad at reading subtext or the main story does nothing to elaborate about his past or what he's looking for and I'm on chapter 7. Maybe that's intentional and then it ramps up on chapter 8 since that's when you unlock another one of his anecdotes.

With Rafayel, the game basically tells you he's tied to Lemuria from even before launch through his dialogue and the shot of him underwater in the Jan 18th release trailer. On his daily interactions he also doesn't really hide it, straight up saying "that shit won't fly in Lemuria" when you touch his butt lol.

And ig with Zayne w/ the thing abt his evol being revealed early on and the fact that he's your childhood friend and a doctor and all of chapter 5, it's pretty easy to put two and two together.

But Xavier? His in game interactions just hint at how he's been alive for so long he's mastered everything except cooking and that's why he has no worldly desires and I'm here like 'yea, we been known. It's in his character release trailer'. The same trailer is also (so far) the biggest source of lore I've been getting without reading the myths story and after really paying attention to it, gives quite a bit of juicy info.

Aside from the '214th spring on earth' line, the radio in his trailer says their planet welcomed the 4389.2 billionth sunrise and currently, the earth is 4543 billion years old and the earliest signs of life only emerged 3.7 billion years ago. The radio lady then proceeds to mention how 'the tracker team has returned from earth' and about 'returning to an era before immortality'.

Does that imply Xavier's immortal? Or just immortal compared to regular humans? While I'm on this topic, lore says Xavier's been on this earth for 214 years which implies the myth stories don't happen on earth because 214 years from the time of the stories (which I assume is 2048 since Zayne is 27 years old and I saw a random tumblr post saying he was born in 2021, I might be wrong about that) is the year 1834 which is far from a time of swords and seers but is still crazy to think about because that means this man lived through two world wars and the great depression if history holds.

So my theory is, w/ Zayne and Rafayel, the myth stories are like, memories of a past life but for Xavier, after whatever happened in the myth story, he goes back to his planet and it's not until way waaay into the future that for some reason he decides to come to earth and when he meets MC the first time and he gets absolute whiplash because holy fuck that's them. They're back. After god knows how many lifetimes it's they're once again within his reach. Which is actually pretty fucking tragic? Holy shit I did not think I'd be uncovering all this when I thought about Xavier doing that stupid meme.

[notyourordinarylife]

Sooooo, I've found myself in a bit of a slump. I figured it'd be a good time to make a follow-up post to my original about my deep dive into Thai BL (pinned post).

Huge "THANK YOU!!!!" to those of you that offered up suggestions for what to watch.

My previous watched list had me at Lovely Writer, which I absolutely loved. I did take a short break after, but followed it up with Until We Meet Again. Holy shit! I kinda wish I could have experienced watching that one live... it was so fucking good!! (And I can't wait for Between Us!!!) This may get long, but here's a list of what else I've watched, in order:

Tharntype & Tharntype2 (and whatever special episodes there were... I know this one is really controversial, but I couldn't help but fall in love them. And I'm glad I watched this before Love By Chance.)

Love By Chance & A Chance to Love (So I really liked this; I really fell in love with Perth's acting. Pete and Ae are so sweet! I love Can!!! Little baby! But TinCan took some time to warm up to, and I almost didn't watch the next series, but in the end, I'm glad I did... even if it was a bit wonky timeline wise. And Ae, the poor dear, was such a sad boy the entire time.)

Lovesick/2 (this was a pain in the ass to find a watchable version. The first season was great, but the second season was waaay too looooong; I almost gave up. Let me tell you, the only reason I even went looking for this show was because I saw the cast for ReminderS, and I'm an idiot who can't watch things out of order.... But I am glad I watched it. It seems to have been one of the flagship BLs for Thailand, and I felt it handled the stories so well.)

ReminderS (Yeah. I saw that the cast was the main four from LBC, and I really wanted to see them together in something else. I thought it was good for a three episode coda type thing for Lovesick.)

Don't Say No (I haven't finished this yet... I got about halfway through. I'll go back to it eventually because I was enjoying it. I just got distracted...)

He's Coming to Me (LOOOOOOOOVED IT! It was such a sweet show! And it was so well acted!)

Golden Blood (I debated not even mentioning it because I couldn't even get through the first episode... I wasn't really feeling it at the time, so I moved on. I am planning on trying again since I hate DNFing without even finishing the first episode of something.)

I then rewatched 2gether cuz my friend was watching it for the first time.

En Love Tossara & Love Mechanics (I watched these because they were short and had relatively good reviews. They were good. That's it haha)

My Gear & Your Gown (I don't have much to say. It was good.)

Why R U? (I've only just started this recently and am not very far into it. It seems crazy lol)

That's where I am with finished shows. I have four that I'm currently watching live: Enchanté, Something in my Room, Not Me, and Cutie Pie. Enchanté and Cutie Pie I watched from day one, Something in my Room I started when ep3 dropped, and I waited for ep6 to start Not Me. I'm not too invested in Something in my Room, but the others I can't help thinking about between episodes hahahah I'm gonna be a mess next week with the final episode of Not Me.

This got longer than I intended; lots of kudos if you made it this far!

Like I mentioned, I'm in a very unmotivated slump right now when it comes to watching a completed show... I hope it doesn't last long.

[nymphigeon]

Someone you love(d) || KTH

• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)

• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))

• Rating: PG

• Words: 7.2k

• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao

• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.

Or alternatively;

Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....

I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes!  Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.

Thank you for the request @mytaetaey​! I hope it matches your expectations!!!

It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.

"Let’s break up."

Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.

"W-wait why?"

Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.

"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"

It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."

Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.

"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."

I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.

“You thought wrong.”

He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.

“Not everything you believe is a fact.”

The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.

"I... why? I don’t understand…

This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.

"I just don't feel the same anymore."

I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.

"I don't love you anymore."

But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."

If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.

"Goodbye."

I did. And it broke me.

“Y/n? Helloooo?”

My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.

“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.

“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.

It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.

“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.

“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone.  “If you could I’d really appreciate it.”

A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”

I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.

Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.

“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.

“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.

“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.

It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”

“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.

I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.

“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.

“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.

I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.

Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?

No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.

No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?

Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.

A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.

Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.

The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.

“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.

“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.

“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.

“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.

“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.

“Look Daeun, I-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.

“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.

“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.

“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”

It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.

“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.

“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”

Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.

“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”

I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.

“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”

The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.

The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.

For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.

“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.

You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.

“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.

“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.

“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.

“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.

“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?

Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”

There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.

“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.

“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment.  “Good luck buddy.”

No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.

“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”

It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.

“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.

“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.

Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.

“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”

He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.

We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.

It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.

After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.

“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.

It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.

Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.

Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.

“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”

The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?

“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”

I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.

“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”

So then why am I the one hurting this much?

It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.

It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.

“Soooo… any plans for the day?”

The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.

“Go to class and study after.”

“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.

“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.

I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.

“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.

“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.

“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”

“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”

I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.

“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”

He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”

I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?

“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.

“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.

“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?

“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.

“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.

“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.

“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”

I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.

As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.

“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.

“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.

“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.

“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”

My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”

Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.

“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”

He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.

“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”

The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.

“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”

There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.

“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”

What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.

“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”

“The blonde haired dude?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?

“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.

“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”

And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.

Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.

I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.

I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.

“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?

“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”

“No I am.”

“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”

The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.

The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.

Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.

‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’

That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.

The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.

 ‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’

Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.

‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’

I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.

‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’

I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.

Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.

Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.

Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.

“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah of course.”

It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the  other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.

“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.

“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.

“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”

Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.

“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”

It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.

“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.

“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”

He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.

“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.

“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”

“Well did they work?”

I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.

Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.

“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.

“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.

“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.

“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”

Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.

“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”

Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.

[measureyourlifeincake]

Who is the famous dude who was in your 4th grade class? Spill

ok so the LAST time i complained about a famous person who went to my school on tumblr (this was waaay back in high school) I got anons telling me to kill myself months later and i didnt even tag the dang post so i'm gonna censor his name but. it's ty//*r a//var*z (hopefully that is readable enough while also being unsearchable. im not a tiktok person i dont know how to censor words on the internet)

anyway i am mostly sure that we were in the same class in 4th and 5th grade but all i really remember about him from grade four is that he made a lot of fart and poop jokes that i was really annoyed by but that's pretty much par for the course with 4th grade boys (also i thiiiink we kept going to the same school until he transferred out at some point in hs? but i don't think we were in any classes together after 5th grade, unless i've forgotten something)

but like. my main memories of him from 5th grade are as follows: one time he brought in his macbook for a school project (which, an 11-year-old??? with a laptop???? in 2009?????? unreal privilege imo) and his desktop background was the playboy logo, which, even at that age i knew was Pretty Fucked Up For a Kid

oh also a thing you need to know about me in elementary school was that i had a reputation for being into bunnies and was... kind of bullied for it, which is weird but whatever. (like, i was definitely a weird kid. there were other things to bully me for! and yet, this is why i was targeted. i was as confused by it then as i am now). that being said, one time we had the following conversation —

him: you like bunnies, right? me, extremely wary: ....yeah, why? him: i like bunnies too! my computer background is a bunny :) me: tyler, you do know what... type of bunny that is, right? him: yup :) i like bunnies :)

anyway i recently looked at his wikipedia page and apparently he's gay which has caused me to reflect on this particular incident and be... honestly kind of concerned for him? or at least for the kid that he was. but that doesn't change the fact that he was that type of class clown prick who was constantly mouthing off at the teachers and purposefully annoying me just to get a rise out of me (as many boys like him did; i was, admittedly, easy to get a rise out of) that made me hate him with all the fiery passion that a tiny child could muster (which is a lot)

all of this to say, i have not spoken to this dude in over a decade since he was a prepubescent little dickhead, and we are both now 24 years old. please do not take this as any reflection on his current character. a lot of kids were obnoxious in elementary school. he could very well have grown up to be a very charming and pleasant young man. beyond the recent glance at his wikipedia page, i have made absolutely no effort to keep up with his personal or professional life (he just keeps popping up in shows i watch and it THROWS ME OFF EVERY TIME) so i genuinely have no idea. i hope he's doing well, i guess

this did not stop me from feeling an immense satisfaction when his character got his heart torn out on What We Do in the Shadows

[yaboylevi]

hi there! i've been reading your tumblr to be sure i wouldn't ask something you already talked about, if i missed something please let me know! i was wondering what was your opinion on isayama way of managing relationships in the manga? im ereri biased but i noticed how almost all the friendship i loved aren't there anymore, as if he doesn't know how to focus w more than one thing? and of course, especially with how eren and levi went from 10 to 0 real quick! :(

Hey!! I wish everyone was as considerate as you are XD But no problem in asking something I’ve already been asked about once or twice, I would just redirect you to that post - but really, I appreciate your thoughtfulness! 

So anyway, I waited and waited, in the hopes to find a proper answer to your ask, but…my answer, in the end, is just based on feelings.

I feel like Isayama is good with the main relationships he wants to keep in the story, but with all the other ones he just focuses on them for a couple of instances and then leaves us with the assumption that we understand how those relationships go and if nothing relevant happens, then it’s not worth mentioning those relationships at all. And I guess it’s fine, though I don’t like it that much. The ensemble of characters is really big and the story is mostly plot-driven, in my opinion. 

Shingeki has really powerful character moments, in regards to both individuals and relationships. What I feel it lacks is a constant focus on these characters’ feelings and thoughts. They get their little spot in one arc and then it’s left up to the reader’s imagination and interpretation. It’s not necessarily bad, but I feel it’s not good either, sometimes. I talked a bit more about it here, though you sent this ask waaay before I ever received that other one linked there.

As for the friendships, in particular, I feel the focus of the story has simply shifted to the relations between Paradis and the world (so a world, existential conflict), and the more personal conflict between Eren, his friends’ morals, his own ideals, and the story’s themes.

Their friendship was already established in the past, so we are supposed to know of its existence, and keep it in mind. Since their world’s problems have become such that the 104th aren't emotionally on the same page, united against a common enemy anymore because of a divergence of opinions and set of morals, it is only natural that their friendship would suffer from this. And the conflict amongst them, as highlighted in chapter 108, for example, or 118, is most powerful and heartbreaking especially because we know what they went through together in the past and how much they care for one another.

I feel just a bit let down at the lack of individual focus on each character’s personal feelings, throughout the story but especially after the basement reveal. I know we can take a guess and put the pieces together most of the times, but I would prefer to see it in the story. Still, I am mostly okay with their portrayal as of now - I still found the fact that none of them realized Eren’s true feelings and did nothing to talk with him about his dissatisfaction, or mental health, or nervousness, until it was too late.

I particularly resent this moment in chapter 106, it feels like there is a rift between them, and Mikasa and Armin should’ve tried harder, since Eren was willing to talk.

We still don’t know how they feel about Historia et all that, and I understand it’s part of the “mystery”, but it still feels unrealistic.

Anyway, it was obvious in every moment shown in the timeskip that someone should have had an honest, firm talk with Eren, but nobody did, it seems. I was banking so hard on Levi, because he has been the one to have this type of chats with Eren previously, but…nope.

And there we go. It’s just so strange. Eren and Levi were constantly paralleled before, their actions, experiences, themes, dreams. I can understand why Levi was also paralleled to Mikasa - it was to highlight and hint at the fact that they’re both from the same lineage. But with Eren and Levi? Sure, Levi has had a sort of mentor role when it came to Eren, but it was different from that he had with the other people in the 104th. That was detached mentorship, I have always felt. But he seems to be genuinely, emotionally involved when it came to Eren.

And yet…all those parallels, and similarities, and recurrent moments with them? I didn’t see anything left of that after the basement reveal, aside from some brief moments showcasing Levi’s attachment to Eren as an individual, not a soldier or a weapon. It’s like Isayama nerfed their storyline together. He could’ve taken it to such interesting heights, but…nope, he threw it in the trash when he got Levi out of the story. So, yeah, I agree with you on this and I don’t know what to tell you. I have no words left to express my disappointment…

Maybe it’s my bias, and Levi has been depicted just like everyone else when it comes to Eren: present, but detached, unable to see past Eren’s facade or incapable of dealing with it. But I’ve always felt that their relationship was different from the one Eren had with his training class, that he was able to see deeply inside Eren in a more genuine way, so I expected a different treatment/exposition for his interactions with Eren in the timeskip as well.

And I have sensed a certain ill-concealed…almost anger at Levi from Eren’s part, and we know Levi has at least tried to talk to Eren about his behavior, but we haven’t been granted anything about it, and I doubt we will be getting anything related in the future (still hoping for a flashback/moment like that when Levi wakes up, but I think it’ll be focused on something else).

So yeah…I loved pre-爆発-Levi chapters a lot, because I was still hoping there was something more to it all. It doesn’t seem that way anymore and I have no idea how to explain such a change. Aside from Isayama being done with shippers, and eclipsing their relevance together out of spite, lol.