#he got it first and he's never going to let Kakashi forget this fact XD

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Cannon

Boredom is a silent killer.

A person could sit in a bed for hours doing nothing, withering away as the seconds go by, and nothing would be done about it. They would simply be left to their own devices, forgotten by the world while they disappeared.

“You’re being dramatic,” Kakashi commented, barely even looking up from the paperwork that Tsunade-sama had brought into the room to keep him busy while he was by Gai’s side. “It’s not that bad.”

“Easy for you to say,” Gai huffed. “You at least have something to do.”

“I could give you my paperwork.”

Gai regretted his words instantly. “No, I think I’m good,” Boredom was enough to do him in. He didn’t need to be killed faster by paperwork that wasn’t even his. “Why are you doing that anyways? Isn’t it supposed to be signed by the Hokage?”

“She is signing it,” Kakashi objected. “She just asked that I look through it and sort out what she should sign and what she should just put in the trash.”

“And you agreed to this because?”

“Because it was the only way I could convince her to let me take time off of missions so I could be here with you,” finally he dragged his eyes away from the report he was reading, an unimpressed expression on his face as he stared at Gai. “I could leave if you’d like.”

Gai wanted to jump up and stop Kakashi. To physically hold him in place so he wouldn’t move, but his chest ached at the mere thought of moving so he continued to sit there. Bored and buzzing with the energy he couldn’t burn.

“I could just do a few-”

“No.” Kakashi returned his focus to the report. 

“If I only do-”

“Zero,” his partner responded without looking up. “You will do zero.”

“But I’m bored!” He couldn’t even flop back against the bed dramatically since Shizune had lifted the bed in order for him to sit up. “I want to do something, Rival.”

“And your solution to that is to work out?” 

“Well, I do like working out…”

Sighing, Kakashi set the report back on top of the pile that Tsunade had placed beside him and turned towards Gai. “You just had top surgery,” he reminded him as if Gai could forget. As if he’d just miss placed that information when he’d been looking forward to this day for months.

No, years.

“I’m bored.”

“You’re recovering,” Kakashi placed a hand over Gai’s. A comforting gesture that did little to ease Gai’s anxieties. “What do you always tell me when I end up in the hospital because of Chakra exhaustion?”

“Rest is just as important as training,” he muttered his mantra under his breath, insulted that Kakashi would sit and throw it back at him. “But-”

A finger pressed against his lips, sealing in the words he was trying to say.

“No buts,” Kakashi whispered. “Shizune said you’ll be here for three to six days recovering. The more you overextend yourself, the longer your stay will be.”

Three to six days. If it were Kakashi in this bed the time would fly by. Gai would have an endless list of ideas for things they could do together that wouldn’t overextend his partner and earn him a longer stay.

When it was him stuck in bed, though, he couldn’t think of a single thing to do. 

Not one idea came to him no matter how hard he tried.

“How about a game?” Kakashi suggested suddenly, earning him a confused look from Gai. “I can go get a board game from your apartment. One of the ones we played last time I was stuck in here.”

A board game.

“How did I fail to think of that?” Gai scolded himself, immediately earning himself a flick to the forehead. “Ow! Kakashi!”

“You’re recovering,” He stated as if Gai had somehow magically forgotten that. “Give yourself a break Gai.”

“Sorry, I forgot that I was expecting to lose some of my ability to think when I got rid of my chest.”

“Well, you did always think with your dick and you still don’t have one of those yet.”

Kakashi’s response blindsided him. Never, in all the years he’d known the other man, had he thought he was capable of using such cutthroat words against him of all people. The elders, yes. Naruto, maybe. Iruka-Sensei, absolutely

But him?

Maito Gai?

That was taking things a step too far. Thankfully, Gai had the perfect comeback prepared within seconds. 

"Is this why you don't want bottom surgery?” He asked, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips when Kakashi narrowed his eyes. “You have enough dick in your personality to make up for the lack of one down there?"

There was an honest effort made on Kakashi’s part to keep his cool. A deep breath, the scrunching of his eyes. All done in an attempt to keep his composure and not give in to the weight of Gai’s words.

It all failed, though.

Not even five seconds after Gai had uttered those words, Kakashi was curling into himself laughing. It wasn’t his usual chuckle either, but a full belly laugh that filled the entire room.

“Ok,” Kakashi wheezed. “For that one, I’ll pick up Dango on the way back.”

A board game with his best friend, his favourite treat, and a chance to hear more of that sweet laughter his rival kept so carefully hidden from the rest of the world. Recovery didn’t seem so bad when Gai had all of those things to look forward to.

[thechaoscryptid]

Writer’s Tag Game, Bouncy’s Edition

Many thanks to @tipsyraconteur for tagging me ❤❤ I know I said this was going to be my strictly Naruto blog but there’s definitely some of my other fandoms that are going to worm their way in heh.

Rules: brag to your heart’s content, you’re awesome, and then tag 5-10 people to do the same.

I’m tagging (if you’d like to play, no obligation): @magnustesla, @scarecrowinthewoods, @dunloth, @caped-ace, @alexianite, @benicemurphy, and @ocean-in-my-rebel-soul (you Voltron peeps, it’s Ary 😉)

1) What’s a paragraph you’ve written that you’re really proud of?

From Order and Obedience (KakaIru): 

“Think Konoha’s dog is going to be an easy fuck, ranger?” Kakashi asked, eyeing every possible exit. Just in case. “That my allegiance is so easily swayed?”

“I think if you were still wearing your boots you’d be trembling in them,” Iruka said without missing a beat. “Your desire to serve the light may not make sense to me, but even I can see that the way your skin drinks in the moon would be pleasing to any god. I’m not demanding darkness, only obedience.”

2) Pick a favorite scene from your longest fic!

The scene in Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru) where Sera and Kakashi part ways. I still get chills at the lines “You are no longer my problem. I am no longer your whore.” There’s plenty of fantastic scenes from that fic, but that still remains one of my favorites. That whole arc, really, from when she finds out the news to when it’s finally 100% over. 

3) Give us a snippet of your most recent WIP:

Voltron! This is a part of one of my stories for the Sheith Big Bang coming up:

A galaxy will never be enough to contain my love for you. 

Mechanically, Keith’s hands go through the motions of powering up Black as Krolia’s voice comes through the comm link. It’s another diplomacy mission--another he’d rather skip in favor of liberating some far off colony from oppressors or just staying in bed, unmoving. The lion doesn’t speak to him the way she used to, and neither does anything else. The universe, for all its glory, has become simple.

Dull.

Grey, even with color sprays from passing planets and nebulas.

He chews on the side of his lip as he lets his head tip to the side, checking to make sure things are in order. His mother’s still rattling off information about the mission and he just wants to tell her to be quiet, he’ll figure it out on his own later. He wants to hear the ghost of Shiro’s voice whispering it loves him again.

Keith…

Ghosts are never enough, but Shiro’s I’ll love you until forever ends echoing in his head assuages the pre-mission blues. “Not that it’s ever anything else these days,” he says under his breath. Krolia asks what he said, and he blames it on a squeaky chair. “Gotta get in here and tune up the cockpit when I’m back. Project for Shiro and I.”

“Well, just as long as it doesn’t interfere with things now. You ready to give ‘em hell?”

Keith pastes a smile on his face, though he knows she’s not on the video link. “Would you expect anything different?”

4) If all of your published fics sparred, who would win and why?

Ohh, tough one...based off of stats, Wake the White Wolf, no question. Off of personal preference? Probably Crescendo (SakuOro) right now. 

5) What’s a fic/author you’ve taken inspiration from and in which one of your works did you incorporate that inspiration?

I won’t lie, Tipsy, a lot of my recent style choices came from Scar Tissue 😅 I found I really enjoy storytelling in present tense, with longer flowing lines punctuated by short lil ones for emphasis. It’s appeared in...most of my recent stuff? I switched within the last year or so.

(putting the rest under a cut because there’s some longer answers)

6) Which fanfiction character do you enjoy writing the most? In which one of your fics do you think you wrote them best?

This is another tough one xD I think I actually have to go with a three part answer here, though really, I enjoy writing so many more.

Kakashi Hatake: Shatter Me (KakaIru), best fic

Dazai Osamu: Marionette (Dazushi), best fic

Keith Kogane: since I can’t tell which one of my bang fics yet, I’ll go with my favorite published, which is Unsteady (Sheith). Truly, it’s going to be the fic from the above snippet hehe

7) Smut or fluff? Give us a sneak peek of your favorite fluffy/smutty scene you’ve written.

Mmm, smut. I’ve really got to be in the right mood for fluff, and my not-so-guilty pleasure reading is angsty smut.

My favorite fluffy/smutty scene...I think it’s probably from Reciprocity (KakaSaku)!

He wishes he still had the Sharingan to capture these moments. Sakura’s still got her thin undershirt on, but the delicate hollows of her collarbones call to him as she reaches over to light their lantern. There will be no fire tonight save for the one burning low and heavy in his stomach, as if he’s swallowed molten rock.

“Do I need to do the rest?” she says, dragging her hands up her legs as she stands. “Should I strip for you, Kakashi?”

He stands along with her and tugs off his mask first, then his shirt. Sakura gasps as the angry red of fresh scars is revealed, fingers twitching toward him before he shakes his head. “Let me,” he murmurs.

Inch by inch, the pale curve of her stomach is revealed. Shadows flicker and dance over it along with the flames, and when Kakashi pulls Sakura’s shirt the entire way off he thinks not even the prettiest sunset could compare. There’s several scars--no shinobi makes it out without them--and no shortage of muscle packed into her small frame, but somehow she makes a battleborn body beautiful.

Sakura makes life beautiful.

Her breath hitches when he tells her this, something shifting in her at the tender touch of his lips against her forehead. “You’re sure you don’t want me to just jump you right now?” she says breathlessly.

“No jumping,” he says. “Only falling.”

8) What’s a scene in one of your fics you wish you would receive fanart for?

Uh, literally any one 😅 My top choice, though, I think would be of my favorite OT3 in Desperately:

“I’ll be a lot cuter when the day comes.” Sakura shoved the bandana up and crunched her nose as she looked back with Ibiki. “You might have to leave me at the altar to catch everyone fainting at the sight of me.”

Ibiki’s laugh rumbled through the living room as he gathered her back to his chest. “We’re never leaving you there, baby, you know we couldn’t,” he said. “Or maybe we could take turns catching them. How d’you think your clothes will hold up, Rai?”

“They’ll be fine. I volunteer for catching duty as long as it’s you two falling for me at the end,” he said, spreading his arms over the back of the couch as he watched them sway. “And of course, falling into bed with me later.” Ibiki cocked an eyebrow as Sakura giggled into his scarred chest. “What, you think I”m joking?”

“Never considered it,” Ibiki said. He pulled away from Sakura to trail his hand up her arm, urging her to spin. His uniform lifted from her creamy skin and Raidou sucked in a breath as the purple lace on the bottom of her underwear was revealed. She knew he couldn’t resist those, and Ibiki certainly didn’t mind them either.

“Come here,” he said. Ibiki let her go and gave her a gentle push toward Raidou’s outstretched arms before flopping next to them as the song began to repeat. “I saw those. You can’t hide them from me.” Her hair tickled his face as he kissed over her cheek down to her ear. “Wearing my husband’s shirt and my wife-to-be’s favorite underwear, how scandalous, Sakura,” he purred.

“I’m sure your wife-to-be will be so very displeased I stole them,” she said, pulling back with a mock pout before turning to beg a kiss from Ibiki. “I hear she picked them specifically for tonight because she wanted to get laid.”

9) Would you ever consider turning one of your fics into a podfic? If no, why not?

Not on my own? I have hearing problems, so it’s just really never occurred to me. If anyone else wanted to, though, I wouldn’t say no!

10) The best (or your favourite) 5 reviews you’ve ever gotten! Don’t forget to tell us which one of your fics received them!

There’s so many 😭😭 My commenters are all fucking awesome, but I’ll trawl my saved comments for some highlights!

P5eud0Nym on Wake the White Wolf (KakaIru omegaverse): So, I just wanted to say you’ve been doing a fantastic job. I appreciate that this isn’t, and hasn’t at any point been, a dumb tropey kink fic. That you’ve taken the time to put so much heart into all of this. The fact that you’re exploring the politics, the social issues, and writing all of the characters as being more than just their A/B/O designations, so good. The multifaceted way you write is just really and truly refreshing. It’s obvious how much work and thought you put into this. You’re tackling a lot of really important stuff, from consent to civil rights, and it’s some grade A USDA certified Good Shit. Thanks for the fic and keep up the good work <3

Lilmeliz on Monster (ShigaDabi): AAAAAAA GUARANTEED I CAN BLOW YOUR MIND mwa. Please excuse the lame dua lipa reference I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I couldn’t-- Delicious. Finally some fucking good food. I want to congratulate you. This is such a beautiful, touching, heartwarming masterpiece. I even cried a little. I usually read shiggy with his dark past and his (soul) scars and all that jazz, and venturing into the thought of him having a mere fiber of good will in himself, in his actual self, is risky and prone to be ooc. But here it sounds right. It feels personal, private and even possible, my boi :( Dabi is an angel, I’m dying. I like the reminder “they lie, they kill...” Yes he’s an angel but he’s still evil. I don’t know what else to add but really, this is stunning! IM GONNA TATTOO THISSS amazing work 

Prism0467 on Forbidden (KakaIru): You have written their mutual dependency with such nurturing attention to detail I feel as if I know them. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt...embraced by a work of fanfiction before now...this may well be a first. Your enthusiasm for this pairing comes through loud and clear, I’ll tell you that :)

PearlBear on Crescendo (SakuOro): Wow. Just wow. This is brilliant, heart-wrenching, creative and extremely, extremely well-written. You have such a way with words, I was actually crying. And you adapt their lives as shinobi so seamlessly to situations that happen in real life (how many partners give up on possibilities for their significant one and get nothing in return?). This story managed to move me deeply and all the while, they all were in-character (it hurt when Tsunade looked at Orochimaru in the same way they all do, also loved how Tobirama and Madara are his parents). The omegaverse wasn’t heavy at all, instead it’s well integrated enough that I, who don’t particularly like it, barely noticed and completely accepted it. It’s just the way things are. You manage to convey so, so much in a few words. I’m amazed. So, thank you for sharing this! I am very, very excited for what’s next, whether Orochimaru experiments to save himself, whether Sakumo commits suicide (or worse, dies on this mission), whether... So many possibilities. Your story is outstanding. Thank you for writing this gem!

(insert special shoutout to Tipsy’s review of Testing the Waters...)

and no comment appreciation section would be complete without at least one from @magnustesla! 

This one from Of Scale and Steel (Sheith naga AU): Ary, sometimes I am left speechless and I don’t quite know how to articulate my thoughts after reading one of your fics. Like, everything is just so...so brilliant that it’s like my brain fucks off when I try to get my thoughts down onto a page. Turning well known and beloved characters into something else entirely isn’t easy and often they miss the mark leaving the reader not really connecting with it. But you, you are brilliant and clever in all that you write because damn, I love Naga Keith. It feels like it IS part of canon. And your oc? Super adorable and she just belongs. I really loved her interactions with Shiro and the chewing on his finger had me rollling because it reminded me of when J would test everything by chomping it. Not relevant but it sparked a good laugh from me, especially because it is totally something kids do. I’m so fucking proud of you and I’m excited to see you get your mojo back with this fandom. Love you ❤

[kusunokihimea]

★ five times Ryuu thought Sasuke looked breath-taking, and the one time she voices it (in their senjutsu/traveling verse.. if Sasuke can even be breath-taking lol XD)

[send me a symbol for ][ @kyuuzuchiha ][ Accepting ]

     Hm…he said he’d be back by now…I hope they didn’t get carried away… After all, the last time Naruto and Sasuke really had a chance to do anything by way of battle, it nearly resulted in catastrophic geographical destruction.

     But given she hasn’t heard any explosions - at least, from this range - Ryū’s going to hope for the best.

     Seated outside a small cafe, she’s got her chin in her hand, mostly tuning out as she waits. Her lunch is half-eaten and now mostly forgotten, free hand absently twirling her cup of tea. Sasuke said he wouldn’t be long. Something about catching up with Naruto…which evidently translated into a spar. One that’s lasted far longer than she’d thought it would…

     Watching the few last dregs of amber liquid spin, there’s a pause before looking up at the approaching signatures. The pair of them are…certainly worse for wear, scuffed up and dirty. But Naruto has a companionable arm around Sasuke’s shoulders, laughing at…goodness knows what. Eyes closed, Sasuke manages a small scoff and an upturn of his lips. His normally-mussed hair is all the more untamed, clothes dusty and half-shed, skin both flushed and sweaty.

     It’s not anything unusual, or even entirely notable. But for some reason, the sight makes her heart skip a beat.

     “Yo, Ryū!” Naruto drags himself off his former teammate, still grinning ear to ear. “Look what I dragged back to ya in one piece! Though - heh! - just barely!”

     “You’re the one who was leaning on me, dobe.”

     “I wasn’t leanin’! I was just -!”

     Snapped from her stupor, Ryū gives her head a little shake and smiles reflexively, stubbornly ignoring the extra few beats pounding in her chest as her heart works overtime to make up for its stutter. “D…do either you need any patching up?”

     “Nah, we’re fine! Nothin’ a shower and a nap won’t fix, eh teme?”

     Sasuke doesn’t reply, staring at the healer with a furrowed brow. Greys glance bashfully aside at his scrutiny.

     “…teme?”

     “…yeah. I’m fine. C’mon, Ryū - Naruto’s late for his Hokage lessons. We’d best leave him to it.”

     "Oi! You’re just jealous!”

     “Of course I am. Now, I’m going to go shower, and you’re going to go let Kakashi lecture you for a few hours. Have fun.” With that, Sasuke gives a jerk of his head that clearly says, “Let’s go.”

     Scrambling to her feet, Ryū leaves her paid bill on the table. “C…coming!”

     Sitting up in bed with a sigh, Ryū takes a moment to rub palms at her face. It’s a little late…she’d best get up and get going. Dressing second naturedly, she indulges only in a cup of tea before heading out.

     …he must have gotten up before her.

     Taking the path from the manor toward the largest peak, Ryū eventually makes her way up the many stairs and switchbacks that lead to the plateau where her master waits. Each torī gate standing over the turns gets a familiar pat, until she reaches the one that crests the top where Suigin’s cave and the shrine sit.

     And, this particular morning…Sasuke, too.

     He’s about ten paces from the threshold of the stone staircase, perfectly still and positioned in a meditative pose. If not for the subtle swells and shrinks of his chest, Ryū would almost swear he was a statue carved up from the rock. Eyes are closed, expression neutral.

     He looks so…at peace. Ryū can’t help but stare a moment, a funny feeling beneath her sternum.

     Then one dark eye peels open, startling her. For a moment she’d forgotten he could move. “…Ryū,” he greets, a small hint of question in his tone.

     “Sorry, I…o-overslept.”

     “I haven’t been here long if you want to join.”

     “…sure.”

     A few sunsets later, Ryū comes in through the manor’s front door, leaning against it with a sigh once it snaps closed. What a day. Maintaining the valley and its self -sufficiency isn’t easy by any means, but some days are harder than others. And this was one of them.

     Add in the fact that, despite the late hour, she has yet to make dinner…and she’s only all the more disheartened. Partially at her own loss, but also because of Sasuke’s.

     Removing her shoes, she pads silently, barefoot, into the main room. Most of the lights are off, and it takes a sweep of her senses rather than her eyes to find him.

     He’s laid himself atop a settee, head propped up on a decorative pillow and more than obviously asleep. If not judging by his calmed chakra, then by his slack features and deep breathing.

     The guilt gets a little worse. Getting close with intent to wake him before she starts supper, Ryū stills as she takes in his features while vulnerable with sleep.

     He looks so…different. No suspicious crease to his brow, no hardness to his eyes, or set to his jaw. Everything softens as he slumbers, breath whispering past parted lips and a few stray locks cast over his face.

     Ever so carefully, heart quickening in her chest, Ryū brushes inky strands from his skin. His face tilts ever so slightly with just a breath of sound…but he doesn’t wake.

     Looking him over, Ryū sets her jaw against…whatever that was before retreating to the kitchen. For now…she’ll let him rest.

     More time passes. For a while, she can let herself forget. But after readying for bed one night, she goes to bid him goodnight…only to find him missing.

     …where…?

     Spreading her senses, she picks up his signature down at the first bridge from the manor. It’s well past sunset - what’s he doing out there? Heaving a small sigh, Ryū adjusts her yukata and slips on her sandals before heading out to chide him to sleep.

     The moon is high in the sky, bathing the valley in sharp contrast of black and white. It’s almost as though all the color has bleached from the world. Picking her way carefully along the still-overgrown paths, the healer comes up behind him, trying to lean and catch sight of his face.

     Sasuke leans folded arms across the crossing’s railing, one hip cocked and gaze staring out north up the valley toward its entrance. His usually-sharp features are thrown into even harsher relief. It’s almost like an old painting of ink on white paper rather than a living, breathing body.

     A bit breathless at the sight, Ryū eventually recovers and steps up beside him. “…are you all right?”

     “Hn. Just…thinking.”

     She lays dainty hands atop the same wooden railing, feeling the smoothed wood from generations of hands before hers. “…anything you want to voice?”

     “…not yet.”

     “Well…you should head to bed soon. It’s late.”

     “I will. Just not quite tired yet. You go rest.” He turns to face her, visage equal parts light and dark.

     “…goodnight, Sasuke.”

     “Night.”

     Sitting on the front step and sewing up a torn shirt of her companion’s, Ryū’s gaze drills into the task. A needle passes to and fro through the fabric, slowly but surely pulling the rift closed. He really needs to stop managing to tear such gaping holes in his garments! At this rate she might as well just make him new ones, he seems to damage them so often!

     Sighing, she brings it upright between her hands, eyeing her handiwork. Her last few stitches are a bit off…she’ll have to pull them out and try again.

     All the while, in the front garden, the soft sound of footfalls and measured, huffed breaths carry through the still, misty air. Going through his morning kata regimen, Sasuke moves himself through a series of stances, strikes, and held positions before letting himself relax between each set.

     Subtly, Ryū peeks over the shirt at him.

     He currently lacks one, hence her work. Instead, he works in nothing but typical trousers, feet bare with wrapped forearms and hands. Though not as intense as sparring, the rigorous work still leaves him gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat, a look of absolute concentration upon his features.

     …not to mention the tension in his muscles leaves them well-defined.

     A bit lost as eyes traces over his musculature, Ryū snaps back to attention as he finishes another set, losing rigidity and glancing her way. She makes a show of keeping the shirt aloft, staring at her stitching and trying to will away her blush and racing heart.

     “…are you done with it yet?”

     “A…almost!”

     She’s never been one much for fancy parties. But given this is the first anniversary of the shinobi alliance peace treaty that Sasuke has actually been present for…Ryū decides they should go. He was, after all, a major instrument of said peace.

     At least…in the end.

     Finishing up adjusting her kimono, Ryū carefully picks up the hem before approaching the bathroom door of their room. Knocking, she asks, “Um…are you done yet?”

     “Just about. You can come out.”

     After a slight pause, she does just that, opening the portal to the rest of their room. Sasuke has his back to her, adjusting a new set of hakama and haori. All of his top garments are a midnight blue, the hakama a soft grey, lightly patterned. Apparently done fiddling, he turns and gives a small gesture of critique.

     Along the front of both shoulders of his haori, bright white and crimson, are twin Uchiha crests.

     As before, her chest seems to still for a moment.

     Crossing the room, she releases her hold of her garment, fidgeting his ever so slightly. In truth, there’s nothing wrong with it. She just…needs a moment, head tilted down to stare at the fabric to avoid his gaze. A subtle blush dusts her cheeks.

     “…you look perfect,” is her murmured reply, daring to lift her eyes to his face as palms rest against his chest, greys flickering between onyx and amethyst. By now, both the sight and proximity have her heart racing - surely more than noticeable by someone of his ability. There’s little doubting it by now: why she reacts the way she does. Only her bashful nature seems to stand stubbornly in the way of admitting it. How much she’s grown to care about him.

     …how much…she loves him.

     Eventually her nerve crumbles again, and she ducks her face to avert her gaze. “Should…should we go, then? Surely everyone’s waiting on us by now, n-ne?” Ryū retreats half a step, folding her hands at her front.

     The tactic largely fails, however, as Sasuke insists on taking one as his own, fingers weaving. Looking up in surprise, she jolts as he lowers his brow to hers.

     “…let them wait,” he rumbles in reply, stare pinning her in place. “…we’re taking this night at our own pace…Ryū.”

     She stares back, barely daring to breathe as her heart beats overtime. 

                                                   “O…okay.”

[feelingsdusk]

The life and times of Hatake Kakashi, the long-suffering jōnin-sensei

Belated birthday present for @cywscross. I thought this would cheer you up and also maybe shake you out of your funk since it’s not steter ^^U. On that note tho, my original b-day fic was steter but that will probably never see the light of day XD.

Kakashi is being trolled. He doesn’t know how that can be, but he knows with utmost certainty that he’s being trolled somehow.

It started when he went to pick his hopefully (not) future team on a beautiful Monday morning -Er… afternoon? He was really late after all… Oops?- and he got greeted by an eraser to the head and his three blank faced (not) cute future mini baby ninja.

““How sad,” duck-butt hair, Uchiha Sasuke, says.

“Maybe he’s hurt or something?” pinky, Haruno Sakura, says with wide open baby deer eyes. “So sorry, sensei!”

(Kakashi is pretty sure she’s not.)

“Still sad,” Sasuke sneers.

“See why I told you no kunai?” She frowns at blondie… whom is completely out of it and actually snoring face down in his desk.

“Wha-” said blondie, Uzumaki Naruto, blurts out as he startles awake when she slaps him on the back of his head. “Oh, it… worked? How sad.”

“Naruto!” she scolds him horrified, shooting a worried look at Kakashi.

(Again, Kakashi is pretty sure she’s neither horrified nor worried.)

“Exactly,” Sasuke agrees, ignoring her.

“My first impression of you…” Kakashi finally speaks, earning their full attention. “How should I put this?” He feigns thinking about it for a second. “I hate you. I’ll meet you at the rooftop in a minute.”

“I think my heart just broke,” he hears Sasuke deadpan he hears Sasuke deadpan as his shunshin carries him away in a whirl of leaves.

They take forever to get to the rooftop. So much so, in fact, that Kakashi considers looking for them, but they show up before he makes up his mind.

“Ah, sorry sensei,” Sakura apologizes demurely. “We got waylaid on our way.”

“Waylaid?”

“Secret mission for the good of Konoha! That cockroach couldn’t go on living!” Naruto exclaims boisterously.

“Cockroach.”

“A really big one,” Sakura explains earnestly.

Sasuke, who has remained blank faced and silent since they reached the rooftop, simply nods.

“Right,” Kakashi says, inwardly questioning how the hell did these idiots pass the initial cut. Then he remembers that nowadays they only have to pass a couple of exams and moves on. It’s not like he will have to bear much more with them anyways, because after tomorrow’s test they will be toast. “Ok, why don’t you introduce yourselves?”

“An introduction?” Sakura inquires unsure. “What should we say?”

“Your likes, dislikes, dreams and hobbies,” Kakashi explains. “Mah, something like that.”

“Ano sa, ano sa,” Naruto intervenes. “Why don’t you go first, sensei?”

“Me?” Both Naruto and Sakura nod in unison while Sasuke remains silent and seemingly uninterested. For a second Kakashi has the strong feeling that he’s being teased somehow but he can’t quite put the finger on why he does. “My name is Hatake Kakashi. I have no intentions of telling you my likes and dislikes. As for my dream… I have few hobbies.”

They share a grin. Well, Sasuke smirks, but still, color Kakashi confused.

“My name is Uzumaki Naruto,” the blond plunges in before he can dwell on it. “I love ramen and…” He blushes and grins. Sakura giggles and Sasuke looks heavenward as if asking for patience. “I hate the three minutes that it takes the cup of ramen to be ready and cockroaches. My hobby is eating, training and experimenting.” Both Sakura and Sasuke visibly shudder at the last one. Interesting. “My dream is to become Ho-” Sakura coughs something that sounds suspiciously like council and Kakashi would swear that Sasuke murmurs paperwork. Naruto pales dramatically. “-nored and respected in this village and someone that can protect his precious people.”

“Next?” Kakashi motions smoothly as if he hasn’t noticed anything.

“I’m Haruno Sakura,” she chirps sweeter than candy. Kakashi can already feel the cavities forming. “I love relaxing with a cup of tea and some sweets, training and …” She blushes and fidgets. Naruto giggles and Sasuke looks heavenward again. “I hate idiots and cockroaches. My hobby is baking and cooking in general.” Both boys shudder dramatically, becoming pale as chalk, and she rolls her eyes. “My dream is to protect my precious people.”

“Next.”

“My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I like some things,” the peanut gallery giggles and Sasuke looks heavenward for the third time, “and dislike a lot more, especially cockroaches. My hobby is…” He rolls his eyes and the other two giggle again. “My dream is to restore my clan’s honor and to fulfill my duty to my family.”

Kakashi was supposed to get the bookworm fangirl, the prankster hokage-wannabe and the acerbic avenger and he feels cheated because he only got one half of the deal. Either the academy instructors are shit at information gathering or he’s being trolled by three kids.

“Well, you three have very different personalities. I like it!” Kakashi announces after a second of awkward silence. “Tomorrow we go on a mission.” No reaction. “But before that we will do some survival training, because out of the twenty-seven academy graduates, only nine will remain.” Still no reaction besides a nod. Kakashi gives it up as a loss and pouts inwardly because they have taken the only fun this whole situation has. “We’ll meet at 5 A.M. Come prepared and don’t have breakfast or you’ll regret it.”

So it started this morning (afternoon) and it continues now. Normally one of the beauties of being forced to evaluate hopeful genins is to scare them the day before. But not only they didn’t even react to his announcement of their genin title still being pending, but they are sleeping like rocks.

Kakashi is really confused.

Then he remembers he didn’t actually tell them where they would be meeting tomorrow and he shrugs. It will be as good a time as any other to test their tracking skills… and perseverance, of course, because he isn’t planning to get there until several hours later.

(Serves the cheeky brats right.)

—

They are waiting for him at the correct training ground and for a moment Kakashi thinks that maybe he did tell them where to meet? But no, he has a pretty good memory and he’s sure he didn’t. But then again, he always does this test here, with the memorial stone right at hand in case the impossible happens and he passes a team so…

He sighs. They really are taking all the fun from this, dammit, and for a moment he considers going to a different ground, but in the end he decides against it.

He observes them for a moment before showing himself, though. Sakura is talking to Sasuke, voice soft and relaxed, and he occasionally answers back, equally soft. No sight of fawning or fangirlsm on her part at all or of higher-than-thou attitude on his part. Naruto is dozing between them and neither of them seems to mind. For a moment Kakashi thinks that it may be because they want some peace that they can’t have when the hyperactive blond is up and running, but then Naruto slides down and his head comes to rest upon Sasuke’s shoulder and neither the Uchiha or Sakura bat an eye.

All right, that’s it. Either the information gathering of the academy is shit or they have been acting up until now. Kakashi is inclined towards the former after the Mizuki incident, because those kids aren’t being subtle at all and they have to know that he’s bound to show up eventually and he’ll see them. He decides here and now to forget about the reports he has about them and to start from zero in his assessment.

“Good morning, everyone!” he chirps finally deciding to show himself and eager to get this farce over so he can get on with his life. He doesn’t care if it’s the last Uchiha or not, he won’t pass them if they don’t deserve it. The Council can go hang themselves for all he cares. “Ready to start?”

“If after three hours we aren’t ready to start we deserve to be killed,” Sasuke deadpans. Then he looks towards Naruto. “Oi, dobe, time to wake up.”

“Wait, Sasuke-kun,” Sakura interjects softly before looking at Kakashi. “Are we actually going to start, sensei? I’d hate to wake him just for the sake of it.”

Ouch, Kakashi thinks, that was even sharper than Sasuke’s indirect comeback and she said it with such an angelic face that for a moment Kakashi had doubts of it being an intentional jab at all.

(Who is he kidding? It is. It totally is.)

“We’re going to actually start indeed, Sakura-chan,” he tells her plastering a fake smile in his face.

“Ah, ok,” she smiles at him unperturbed. “Ramen.”

“WHERE,” Naruto exclaims jerking awake and then tears up when there’s no ramen in sight. “That was so cruel, Sakura-chan!”

“Effective,” Kakashi mutters.

“Always,” she nods flashing a victory sign at him and Sasuke snorts. Naruto continues wailing in the background.

“Let’s get moving, shall we?” Kakashi motions to them towards a clearing. “Here are the rules,” he starts dangling the two bells in front of them before tying them up to his waist. “You have to get these from me before this alarm sounds. If you fail, you go back to the Academy, if you get them, you pass. Simple, right?”

“Sensei, you forgot one bell. There’s only two,” Sakura points out helpfully.

(Sasuke blinks and Naruto fidgets. Kakashi is pretty sure he’s missing something.)

“Only two of you will pass, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi explains, voice milder than milk, and then waits for the sweet outburst.

It never comes and he doesn’t even know why he’s even surprised at this point. They frown, they look at each other, they tilt their heads consideringly and then go back to looking at him. Then Sakura holds up her hand.

“Yes, Sakura-chan?”

“Um, sensei,” she fidgets. “Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“How do these numbers work? It doesn’t really make sense… Because you said yesterday that only nine out of the twenty-seven would pass? And that means that two people of each team should fail? And I mean, what if only one person gets the bell? And-”

—

“Team 7?”

“Pass.”

—

“Report.”

“Mah, for starters, they accidentally broke the clock because Naruto’s accuracy under duress is… well, not very good. Sakura seized the opportunity and pointed out that since the alarm wouldn’t sound, they had all the time in the world to complete the mission.”

“Smart.”

“Hmm,” Kakashi nods. “That good impression was lost afterwards, though. If it wasn’t ridiculous, I would have bet that they were competing for the honor of being tied to the pole.” Or more like Sakura and Naruto were and Sasuke had to join in because he hated losing at anything and couldn’t help himself. “Naruto won.”

“Yare, yare,” Sarutobi groans rubbing his face exasperated.

“I was going to fail them right then and there, because neither Sakura or Sasuke made a move to feed him after I forbid them to do so, but when I was about to, I noticed that Naruto had a rice grain near his mouth. I don’t know how or when, but they fed him.” Kakashi had been near the whole time and he hadn’t seen a thing. Sure, he had been reading the whole time and having his own lunch, but… “In any case, I let them try again and they finally worked together so I let Sakura get the bells. When I told them to choose…”

Sakura blinks and looks at the bells in her hands. They look at each other, they look at Kakashi. Then she comes to him, extends the hand with both bells and when he takes them, she goes back to her teammates. The three of them bow down in unison.

“Thank you for today, Hatake-san,” they chorus before turning to leave.

“I’m still hungry.”

“You’re always hungry, Naruto.”

“I’m a growing boy, Sakura-chan! Ramen?”

“We had ramen yesterday, dobe.”

“So what? Ramen is a complete meal. It has protein, carbohydrates…”

“Yakiniku-Q.”

“Teme!”

“Dobe, it’s my turn.”

“Ok, ok! Yakiniku-Q, dammit. But tomorrow-”

“It’s my turn and I want to try Shushuya.”

“Sakura-chaaan!”

“Oi, you three.”

“Yes, Hatake-san?”

“Huh,” Sarutobi manages to get out.

“Huh, indeed,” Kakashi agrees and wonders if it’s too late to become a missing nin.

—

For two weeks, everything is relatively normal. They meet at training ground 3, Kakashi is really late and his cheeky little genin are sassy in return. They train for a while before taking on a D-Rank mission, they file the report and then go home. Rinse and repeat.

They have very interesting dynamics, Kakashi comes to find out. Sakura plays the cute innocent little girl, Naruto the boisterous idiot and Sasuke the haughty genius, and all of them do it masterfully. In reality all of them are manipulative and devious little shits to some degree or another and really protective of each other. If something happens to one of them, the other two will subtly (and/or creatively) intervene while the offended one rolls their eyes exasperatedly but fondly at the same time.

Kami help him, but he’s starting to like them, Kakashi thinks as he eyes them over the rim of his book. Just as he does so, Naruto grins deviously at Sasuke, whom just blinks in response which an equally devious glint in his eyes. Their employer’s kid appears again to ogle at Sakura where she’s bent over to reach a particularly stubborn weed that just refuses to be plucked. Before Kakashi can do anything to make the little twerp scamper, his face falls into frown and he starts absently scratching himself. He starts softly and then it evolves into a frantic scratching before he disappears inside the house again calling for his dad. Naruto and Sasuke smirk subtly and Sakura is none the wiser. After a little bit, when she apparently notices her stalker hasn’t showed up again, she looks at the boys suspiciously (both look at her as if butter won’t melt in their mouths) and then rolls her eyes.

Yes, Kakashi’s starting to like them all right.

Much later, after finishing their mission and on their way to the Hokage Tower to submit their report, a hawk flies over them a few times in circles and then leaves towards the commercial district. Kakashi frowns and edges the kids into a faster pace. He leaves them submitting their report (they have proved their capacity to do so unsupervised) and takes the stairs towards the Hokage’s office.

Turns out elder Shimura Danzō is dead.

“Poisoned,” the ANBU commander explains to the whole room. All former ANBU operatives have been recalled. There are people in this room whose face Kakashi is seeing for the first time despite having worked with them more than once. “There are no leads on that front, but there are more pressing matters to attend at this point.”

Kakashi has a feeling that he’s not going to like what comes out of the man’s mouth next.

(He doesn’t.)

—

It’s dark when he finally leaves the Hokage Tower. Despite having been released from service not long ago, Kakashi is sporting his mask once again because the truth is that one never stops being an ANBU (not even after retirement).

He’s been given half an hour to settle his things before undertaking a month (possibly two) long S-Rank mission with an entire platoon and as much as he’d love to have the cheeky little brats thinking he’s testing their tracking skills again (ahhhh, those were a fun couple of days) it may be pushing it a little too far in this case, so he has to inform them and at least set some kind of schedule so they don’t fall behind. It may be cruel, but the best he can do with so little forewarning is to give them a letter for Gai so that they can train at least two or three days a week with a proper sensei.

(If he comes back to see his cute little monsters clad in green spandex he will kill Gai.)

But to actually give them that letter he has to find them first. Sakura wasn’t at home and when he tried Naruto’s apartment he found it completely empty. That only leaves Sasuke and if he’s missing too, he’s going to have to leave Pakkun with both the explanation and the letter and leave.

He finally gets to the Uchiha district and to the house Sasuke is inhabiting. Last time he was here was before he tested them to become genin and it hasn’t changed much. From the rooftop of the house he wonders if he should go through the front door or just knock on the window. Before he can make up his mind, the window just below opens and Naruto’s sleepy voice comes out.

“Senseiii,” he lets out through a yawn, “stop being a creep and get inside already so I can go back to bed.”

“Mah, Naruto-kun,” Kakashi croons after letting himself fall to the windowsill, “you shouldn’t be so careless, I could have been an enemy.”

“Ehhh? But, sensei, I knew it was you,” Naruto whines rubbing his eyes.

“Mmhm,” Kakashi hums. He looks inside briefly and he spots a big futon. Sasuke is curled like a kitten around Sakura, both of them deep asleep. Well, at least that answers the question about where both Naruto and Sakura went, and if what he sees is any indication, this is a regular occurrence, so next time he’ll come here directly. “I’ll be gone on a mission for at least a month, Naruto-kun. Maybe two if things get complicated. In the meantime, you won’t be able to take missions since you don’t have a jōnin with you, but I expect you to keep training, understood?” He smiles threateningly for good measure and Naruto nods grimacing. “If you need any guidance, look in training ground 10 for Maito Gai and give him this.” He hands him the hastily scribbled letter and Naruto takes it hesitantly. If the shudder that shakes him is any indication, the blond already knows who Gai is. Kakashi’s lips twitch in amusement. “Ja ne, then. Be good or don’t get caught.”

“Wait, sensei!” Kakashi turns again to look at his student, only to see him leave the room running.

While he was talking to Naruto, both Sakura and Sasuke have woken up and are staring blearily from the futon. She disentangles from Sasuke and crawls to grab something from her backpack. She crawls towards Kakashi and without even getting from the floor she hands him a box. After he takes it, she lets herself fall to the floor and just curls there, dozing. Sasuke rolls his eyes and gets up with a sigh. He grabs a tantō and gives it to Kakashi before bending to pick up Sakura with a grunt and carrying her back to the futon.

Kakashi studies the tantō curiously. It looks like a conductive blade, which is good to start with, but it also has seals carved on the handle. Nice. As for the box, he opens it to find what looks to be homemade soldier pills. Also nice… if they actually work. He hears Naruto come back just as he closes the lid and he looks up.

“Here,” the blond says passing him a box that smells heavenly. Kakashi’s belly chooses that moment to remind him that he hasn’t had anything substantial since lunch and Naruto grins. “Don’t worry, Sasuke made them.” An aggravated grumble comes from the futon and Kakashi smiles amusedly. “Take care, sensei, and kick some ass.”

Kakashi really, really likes his cheeky little brats.

—

It’s a horrible month and seventeen days. Out of all the missions Kakashi has taken in his entire shinobi career, this ranks high on his top ten of the let’s-not-repeat-this-again list and his whole platoon agrees. It’s a shame that for the sake of appearances Danzō’s deeds will be forever kept secret, because more than one of them would like to cut his body into tiny little pieces just for the pleasure of seeing his blood run (now that he’s already dead and his screams can’t be heard).

The brats’ presents were more handy than he’ll ever be able to let them know. The soldier pills Sakura gave him tasted, by popular consensus, like something that crawled out of a rat’s arse to roll around pig’s shit before being peed on by a dog, but they were incredibly effective (the best he’s ever had and with none of the aftereffects) after you managed to stomach them down and he doesn’t have even one left. As for the tantō, that thing is magnificent. It conducts lightning inclined chakra like a dream and the seals on the handle make it so that the chakra escapes the blade slower than any other conductive weapon he’s ever had. It took a while to get used to the potency (he nearly fried Genma and Raidō… twice) but once he had it down? It was amazing and useful in a life-saving way.

He never thought he’d say this, but he missed his cheeky little brats and is looking forward to seeing them again.

Hopefully not clad in green spandex.

Kakashi shudders.

—

Kakashi is going to kill his brats.

Gai hasn’t heard of them, they are nowhere to be found and he has to learn from Anko of all people that apparently they took his order to train or else way too seriously because they have been doing survival training since he left in training ground 44.

“Damn, Hatake,” Anko crows admiringly. “I knew I liked you for a reason!”

“Mmmm?” Kakashi simply hums because he doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.

“You’re growing them up to be little monsters, aren’t you?” Anko continues. “I’ve never seen fresh genins survive the Forest of Death! What the hell are you feeding them?”

Say what.

“WHAT? THAT WASN’T VERY YOUTHFUL OF YOU, MY ETERNAL RIVAL!” Gai shouts horrified.

“Mah, some hardship is good for the spirit, Gai.”

“Exactly!” Anko laughs maniacally. “They were still alive a week ago, by the way.”

He’s going to kill them.

If they aren’t already dead, he’s going to kill them.

“Do you think it’s edible?” Naruto is asking just as he finds them, pointing at a spider that’s bigger than Kakashi that he assumes they have just taken down. The three of them are filthy and covered in scratches and half-healed wounds.

“Ugh, so gross, Naruto!”

“Tch, dobe.”

“What, teme! I’m hungry!”

“You’re always hungry!”

“Why are we doing this again?”

“Because we want to make Kakashi-sensei proud?”

They totally know Kakashi is here.

“Ah, my cute little genin!” he exclaims showing himself and the three of them turn, feigning surprise. “How should I put this…”

“Kakashi-sensei, you’re back!” They exclaim happily.

“… I’m going to kill you.”

“Uh-”

“Run.”

They look at each other, they look at Kakashi and they look at each other again.

They run.

—

Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama appear and close themselves with the Hokage in the man’s office for three hours straight. Sandaime-sama is seen smoking furiously at all hours after that meeting.

Kakashi wonders about it but knows better than to ask.

—

Over the next month he trains them until they drop in exhaustion and they also take two D-Rank missions a day until they catch up with what they would have done if Kakashi hadn’t been sent out on a mission. Secretly he’s pretty proud with how they take their punishment for their Forest of Death escapade, but he doesn’t actually say it directly. Instead, he lets them take a C-Rank.

A C-Rank that turns into a A-Rank halfway through.

“Report,’ Sarutobi says frowning.

“We encountered Kiri missing nins Gōzu and Meizu on our way to the land of waves. Team 7 performed admirably but the demon brothers fled the scene before we could take them down,” Kakashi reports dutifully. “Then we encountered another Kiri missing nin, Momochi Zabuza, and we engaged in a fight. Again, Team 7 worked together to defeat him. Before we could take him down, though, what we thought to be a hunter-nin did it and took the body away. I was suffering chakra exhaustion and lost consciousness then.” Kakashi needs to restart his serious training again, dammit, because that was embarrassing. “When I woke up I realized that the false hunter-nin had hit non-vital points and that Momochi was most probably alive.”

“So you were attacked again.”

“No. Momochi refused to engage, as well as the other missing nins. He claimed that Gatō (his employer) was dead so their contract was null and void and they left.”

“Huh.”

“Huh, indeed,” Kakashi agrees. “We did get attacked by the rest of Gatō’s mercenaries, but between Naruto and my kage bunshins we drew them off.”

“And they named the bridge The Great Naruto Bridge?”

“Well,” Kakashi sighs, “apart from driving the mercenaries off, he did use the clones to help them finish the bridge faster.”

“Right.”

Kakashi is pretty sure he has missed something and he has the sudden urge to drop his brats in the Forest of Death (this time knowingly) for the next month because he remembers them waving happily at the leaving missing nins.

—

The chūnin exams come and Kakashi nominates his team. It seems to serve as incentive for Kurenai and Asuma to nominate their teams too but he pays it no mind.

(He’s too busy betting on his team’s favor. He’s going to make a fortune.)

“Keep your head clear and you’ll do great,” he tells them simply. “No torturing the examiners either. Remember they can fail you just because you pissed them off.”

They pout.

Cheeky little brats.

Kakashi leaves chuckling and joins the peanut gallery in the observation room. Bets are still running and when Anko assures him she bet for his team of little monsters he beams at her.

The first thing Naruto does is to hug the kazekage’s son, to his siblings' horror. Kakashi inwardly groans and the rest of the shinobi present look at him.

“The promotion of a good relationship with our allies is key,” he says simply and Anko explodes in laughter while Gai starts shouting about the springtime of youth.

It doesn’t get better from there.

In the first exam, instead of trying to copy or answer the questions, they use the time to take out the competition. Meanwhile, Naruto doodles happily (Kakashi spots Ibiki’s caricature), Sakura paints her nails and Sasuke sharpens his kunai. When the time for the last question comes and Ibiki starts playing his mind games, Sasuke is the one to speak out to call out the bullshit in the most sarcastic way he can find. It’s even beautiful, really. Sakura and Naruto seem surprised at first (and knowing them as he does, Kakashi is pretty sure this was another of their stupid competitions like when they fought to see who got tied to the pole) but then they fight to not break out laughing.

In the second exam, they ally themselves to Suna. It’s a little bloodier than Kakashi would have liked but it gets the job done. Sandaime-sama has faced worse political nightmares than two entire teams being annihilated in an exam so Kakashi is sure that he will be able to deal with Otogakure without any problems.

They also pass the preliminaries just fine. As they leave, Naruto convinces the Suna team to go to Ichiraku’s and try their ramen.

He debates what to do for the month before the final exam and then decides to just train them to the best of his abilities. Also, Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama are still in town, so maybe he can convince them somehow to help. He manages and they do help. Kakashi is a little terrified about the results.

Needless to say, after the third exam is done, he finds himself with three newly minted chūnin.

Well, that was fast, Kakashi thinks with a twinge of sadness.

(He needn’t worry, though, because the brats won’t ever leave him alone, just like strange and unexplainable happenings won’t leave him alone either.)

—

Much time, redemption and a war later, with a world-wide shinobi alliance and as Rokudaime hokage after Tsunade left the post, Kakashi thinks. He reflects about all the unexplainable things that have happened since he became a jōnin-sensei and about their timing and he thinks huh.

“Done for the day, Hokage-sama?” Shikamaru questions when they cross paths.

“Yes, I’m having an early day. You should too, Shikamaru-kun.”

“Mah, I still have some things to finish.”

“Any urgent ones?”

“Not exactly, but-”

“Then you’re done for today. Hokage’s orders.” Kakashi smiles. “Go cloud watching.”

“Hah,” Shikamaru snorts. “I haven’t done that in a while…”

“Enjoy.”

“Thanks, Hokage-sama.”

Kakashi leaves and takes the roofs towards the Uchiha district. When he arrives, he doesn’t even bother with the front door and slips through the window.

He finds Naruto lying on in his back on the futon, holding a comic book over his face. Sakura is sitting on his stomach painting her nails black and Sasuke is in front of her with her feet in his lap, painting her toenails. There are various plates of snacks within reach and they occasionally reach to take a bite.

“Hi, Kakashi-sensei,” they chorus happily but not taking their attention off of what they’re doing.

“Question time,” Kakashi chirps. “Have my cheeky little brats been time travelling?”

“Took you long enough,” Naruto grins, his eyes darting minutely towards Kakashi before returning to the page.

“How sad,” Sasuke says without even looking from Sakura’s toenails.

“Naruto, Sasuke!” she reprimands them without looking from her nails either. “So sorry, sensei.”

(No, she’s not.)

Kakashi lets out a long-suffering sigh, comes near to sit on the floor and grabs a plate. Then he unceremoniously pulls down his mask because he figures that since they have never shown any interest in finding what’s underneath, they must have seen his face already.

Gasps ensue.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Kakashi & Sakura bonding moments in between teaching 🥺

(I wrote a ficlet because i'm weak for bonding moments)

Do not tag Kakas*ku

Words: About 1000. I wrote this in a notebook and then transferred it over XD

“Cha!”

Hearing Sakura’s voice screaming behind him, Kakashi turned in his spot and braced himself to catch whatever poor soul had pissed off his student.

What he saw instead when he looked at Sakura, was not a young girl upset with her teammates (who has already left the training field as soon as Kakashi dismissed them, thankfully), but was instead a frustrated kid trying desperately to fix her hair after a long morning of training.

Which, somehow, was not any less worrisome.

“Every time!” dropping her hairbrush to the ground, she threw her hands down onto her lap, Sakura screamed into the sky. “No matter what I do, my hair always gets messed up!”

Suddenly, his students annoyance made a whole lot more sense. While Kakashi himself had never had such a problem, he had trained with many people who had. Each o them had to come up with their own solution to a problem that plagued many.

For Gai, the solution was carrying around a comb on him at all times.

Anko kept her hair up in a pony tail and only worried about brushing it before bed and when she woke up.

Kurenai, much like Kakashi, had just stopped trying and would only spend the time brushing her hair before bed.

All Sakura needed was to find her own solution to deal with her hair. Something that Kakashi could help her find, maybe.

Gai was always saying that a good Sensei helped their students in any way that they could, so the least he could do was try. It wasn’t like Sakura was having much luck on her own.

Extracting his hands from his pockets, he made his way back towards his student. When she looked up at him with giant sad eyes, he forced himself not to let his discomfort with other people’s strong emotions scare him off. To keep on his path towards Sakura so that he could try to help her in even the smallest way.

“Here,” as soon as he was close enough, he held a hand out towards her and nodded towards the hairbrush that she had discarded on the ground. “Let’s see if Sensei can help.”

Immediately Sakura’s entire face lit up and she picked up the hair brush and held it out towards Kakashi.

“Thank you, Sensei! I never know what to do with my hair. I used to have a friend who helped me with it, but-“

Judging by the sadness that sank deep into her features, there was a story behind her words. Perhaps it was one that Sakura would want be willing to share with him if he asked the right questions.

Sliding in behind her, Kakashi took a seat on the ground and slowly started to pull the brush through long tangled pink strands of hair. The knots making themselves known immediately and forcing him to slow down so that he didn’t hurt her.

The fact that his hair was a hundred times worse than this was the only thing that prevented him from commenting on the horrendous state of Sakura’s hair. At least she tried to do something about it.

“Well, why don’t we start with what idea’s your friend had,” he suggested, tsking when another knot made its presence known as soon as he broke through the first one. “Perhaps there’s a solution that would still work.”

“I-well,” glancing over her shoulder, Sakura immididatly looked away when her Sensei met her gaze. “She gave me a ribbon…”

“That sounds like a smart solution. You wouldn’t happen to-“

“I gave it back.”

Oh.

“Well, in that case we could try something else. Perhaps a ponytail? Or braids?” When his words were met with silence, he decided to try a different approach. “Of, if you want, you could tell me about this friend. Is there a reason that you gave the ribbon back?”

As if a huge weight had suddenly been lifted off of her shoulders, Sakura straightened herself up and proceeded to talk Kakashi’s ear off about her friend. Telling him all about how smart and talented she was, and how her hair was always in perfect condition no matter what she did.

It was obvious that what ever had happened, Sakura missed her friend. A part of her wanted them back in her life, but there was clearly something stopping her from pressuring that friendship again.

Working the brush through another small knot, Kakashi took a second to think through his options.

Unfortunately, the best course of action he could come up with involved sharing personal information about himself. His least favourite thing to do, but Sakura needed his guidance this moment so he was willing to suffer for one day.

“You know, growing up I had a friend that I got into a fight with,” talking about it brought up all of the memories that he wished so desperately to forget. “We fought a lot in fact. Over the dumbest things usually.”

“Did you-“ Sakura’s hands settled on her lap. “You made up, right?”

His heart screamed at him to lie. To just let Sakura think that everything worked out in the end.

But then she might have to learn the same lesson he did the hard way. That time was fleeting, and the future was never a certainty for a shinobi.

It was a lesson he hoped to save all of his students from.

“We never got the chance,” he admitted, keeping his focus on brushing her hair so that he didn’t have to see the way her shoulders slumped in defeat. “He died before we could ever truly make up.”

“Oh…”

Finishing with her hair, Kakashi set the brush down on the ground and gave her his best smile when she looked back at him. A sad, broken smile that no doubt made her feel worse when he was supposed to be helping her.

“I think- I need to go talk to someone important,” she whispered, picking her brush up off of the ground and climbing to her feet. “Thank you, Sensei. For everything.”

Watching as his student turned on her heel and headed for the exit out of the training field, Kakashi couldn’t help but smile to himself. For once, it felt like he had done something right. As if things would get better because of his actions.

It was a damn good feeling. An accomplishment that he would have to tell Gai about the next time they hung out.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

How About, No!

Au: Collage Professors Au

Words: 2101

Pairings: Yamato/Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi/Maito Gai (Mentioned)

Summary: Doing paperwork has never been Kakashi's favourite part of the job. Doing Tsunade-sama's paperwork is somehow even worse, but apparently that's not bad enough. Kakashi's best friend has to go and make his life more ridiculous over a stupid crush.

For: @cryptic-summons @pinkcatharsis (i don't know you might enjoy XD)

At the beginning of every semester, Tsunade-sama would ask Kakashi to help her sort out all of the paperwork. Make sure that everyone was sorted into the correct classrooms, that all of the information was up to date, and that there wasn’t a repeat of the ‘2018 fiasco’ that no one was ever allowed to bring up in front of her again.

It wasn’t his favourite part of the job, but it was a good excuse to get away from his usual workload for a little while so he never said no.

Not that he thought he could say no. The one time he had tried to deny one of her requests, he had gotten a call from his father five minutes later talking about being nice to his friend and not making her life harder because he didn’t want to have to hear about it the next time they got together for drinks.

“You’re losing focus,” a file came down on top of his head, forcing him to look over at Shizune where she was now standing in front of him with a playful smile. “If you keep stalling we’re going to be here all night.”

Not a chance. He had dinner plans with Gai and he was not missing them for this.

“There’s only one more classroom to go through anyways,” opening the file he needed on the computer, he stared at the classroom details. “Teacher, Umino Iruka. See, this one will be easy.”

Iruka’s classes were always full because people loved hearing him talk, which would usually cause him more of a headache sifting through everyone’s files to make sure they actually signed up for the class and weren’t just placed in there by a wonky system. It wasn’t a headache because Iruka liked to look through his class layout before Tsunade-sama started the mad dash to organize everything before the new semester started, so he always had a file ready full of all of the student’s class requests.

It saved Kakashi from having to look through each of their files to make sure that they were in the correct class, and there was always a note if there was someone in it who shouldn’t be.

“Where is-” The file in question appeared in front of his face suddenly, a smile on Shizune’s face when he looked up at her.

“You’re not the only one with plans tonight, Kakashi,” the playful wink she gave him told him Rin was going to be wearing a smile all day tomorrow. Probably the type he wouldn’t want to ask about, just to save his sanity. “There is one sticky note on the inside, but I haven’t read it yet.”

It was probably just a request to remove a student. Likely because they hadn’t actually requested to be in the class, but also possibly because Iruka didn’t want to deal with them again. There had been a few repeat students that had proven to be little more than a nuisance to the poor man, and while Kakashi did gain a certain amount of enjoyment from seeing Iruka tearing his hair out of his skull because of shitty students, he could also understand why he would finally put his foot down and stop letting them in his class.

Flipping the file open, Kakashi directed his attention to the sticky note first. Rechecking everything that Iruka had already done would be easy. The most difficult (but still rather easy) part would be finding whoever it was that needed removing and going through the process of having them taken off of the class list.

What he found was not something he had been expecting at all.

Professors don’t usually take classes themselves? A mistake perhaps?

Professor? Now that had to be a mistake. Maybe the systems were acting up and just throwing anyone into classes now. Who knows, maybe Shizune had been forced to remove him from one of her classes, or Tenzo’s.

Who knows what those computers were getting up to. They were so old that Kakashi was certain they were functioning on nothing but cobwebs and spite. This semester the spite was getting the upper hand and making their lives a little more interesting.

“Should be simple enough,’ scanning his eyes over to the list of students, he searched for a familiar name. “Though I wonder why the system would-” As soon as he found the name he was looking for, he dropped the file.

“Is everything alright?” Shizune asked with a concerned tone in her voice.

“It’s fine,” pushing his chair back, he snapped the file shut and stood up. This was something that needed a bit more of a hands-on approach to rectify. “I’ll be back in ten, twenty tops, and I’ll pick up coffee on the way back.”

She was less likely to be upset with him for disappearing in the middle of their work if he returned with a treat, and he knew the perfect person to pay for that treat.

After all, it was his fault that Kakashi was leaving his work behind. He could make it up to him by paying for Coffee.

Finding Tenzo had been easy. As always he was tucked away in the university garden, which everyone considered his office because of how much time he spent there, tending to some of the flowers.

Today he was hovering over the tulips. Flowers that none other than Iruka had suggested were added, admitting that they were his favourite flower when Tsunade-sama asked him why he wanted them in the garden so badly.

Tenzo had wasted no time in finding the perfect spot to plant a variety of tulips. He had even chosen all sorts of different colours, determined to grow as many of them as he could just for Iruka.

The fact that there were still people in the university who had no idea about Tenzo’s crush on Iruka was astonishing to Kakashi. There was no way he could be more obvious about his feelings towards the modern history professor.

Well, there was one way but he had gotten upset with Kakashi over the cute sign he had tried taping to his back one day that read ‘I’m in love with Umino Iruka’. Kakashi still wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he had made it into the university before Shizune pointed out the sign’s existence.

It wasn’t even half as embarrassing as Kakashi had intended it to be.

“So,” resting an arm on Tenzo’s shoulder, he smiled when his friend glared at him. Already prepared for whatever Kakashi was about to throw his way. “Daydreaming about Iruka? I hope you’re doing this during your break. You know how important it is not to get distracted when you’re watering the plants.”

“Very funny,” shrugging Kakashi’s arm off of his shoulder, Tenzo turned his attention back to the Tulips. “Unlike you, flowers are rather resilient. If I don’t water them right away they’ll survive. If Gai doesn’t hug you as soon as he sees you, you’ll wither away.”

Unnecessarily true.

“Meh, at least I can own the fact that I need hugs from my boyfriend,” placing his hands behind his back, he peered at Tenzo with his good eye. “Meanwhile you’re just pretending that you don’t have the biggest, most obvious crush on Iruka ever. You were so desperate to get close to him without admitting you like him, that you signed up for one of his classes. Didn’t you?”

Tenzo’s shoulders stiffened. Caught in the act, he turned to face Kakashi.

“How did you know?”

“I help out with the paperwork every semester. Did you forget that, Tenzo?” The look of dread on his friend’s face told him that he had, indeed, forgotten. “I wouldn’t worry too much. Iruka seems to think it was a mistake that your name was placed on his classroom list. I don’t think the man has any clue what you were trying to do.”

Which, in his personal opinion, just confirmed how oblivious Iruka was.

“I do have one question though,” dropping his arms to his side, he took a step forward and reached out to touch the one purple tulip that was blooming. “Out of all of the things you could have done to try and spend some time with Iruka, you decided to enroll in his course. Why?”

His question was met with silence. Not the kind that told him Tenzo was desperately thinking of an appropriate answer. No, this was the kind of silence he was met with whenever Tenzo was too embarrassed to give him an answer.

When he knew that providing Kakashi with the answer would lead to his best friend giving him an even harder time than he already was, which left only one clear reason for why he had done it.

“You could just, oh I don’t know, ask him out,” Gripping the tulips stem, he plucked it out of the ground and stood up straight. The annoyed look he received from Tenzo was no doubt in response to both his words and the fact that he had just plucked a tulip of all flowers. “What could you possibly hope to gain from taking his class, that you couldn’t from just asking him out?”

“I was hoping that it would...you know, maybe let me spend some time around him,” Turning his head, Kakashi levelled Tenzo with an unimpressed look. “I know it’s stupid. Trust me, I’ve been scolding myself for it for days. I just-I needed something. Some way to get in close to him and actually start a conversation.”

It took a moment for Tenzo’s words to fully sink in, but once they had Kakashi straightened himself up and carefully placed the Tulip he had plucked behind his ear. Keeping it out of harm’s way as he removed the file from under his arm and used it to smack Tenzo upside the head.

“Ow!” Tenzo’s arms shot up to protect his head. “Senpai, what the hell!?”

Taking the file across Tenzo’s head once again, he watched as his friend tried to back away from him. “Professors cannot date students you absolute-” cutting himself off, he smacked Tenzo once more before watching him stumble back into the tulips. “Of all the stupid ways to try and get close to Iruka, you chose the one illegal way? Are you trying to get him fired!?”

“No, that’s not…” Glancing down at the tulips that he had crushed under his feet, he sighed. “I wasn’t trying to. I just…”

The look of defeat on Tenzo’s face is all too familiar. Kakashi could remember a time when he had felt the same way about Gai. Never knowing how to approach him, let alone how to ask him out.

It wasn’t Tenzo’s fault that the heart was a stupid organ that didn’t have any meaningful connections to the brain. The thing acted without concern for the results of its actions.

It just meant he was going to have to take matters into his own hands.

“I’ll take you off of the classroom list,” he informed Tenzo, holding up a finger to silence his friend when he opened his mouth to protest. “And you’ll be ready one Wednesday evening for a double date. Gai and I will be there to make sure that you don’t do anything else colossally stupid.”

“Wednesday?” Tenzo’s eyes widened. “You’re not going to”

“Well, clearly you can’t be trusted to take care of asking him out yourself,” honestly, he’d probably leave the actual asking to Gai. He was always good at convincing people to hang out, and he might even be able to make Tenzo look good while offering Iruka a date with him. Something Kakashi didn’t trust himself to do at the moment, given what a dumb move Tenzo had just pulled. “Wednesday night. If you’re late I’ll be forced to send Gai in to retrieve you.”

For a second it looked like Tenzo was about to argue some more. Perhaps protest against Kakashi’s idea, or try to point out that he could take care of his own love life. Instead, he simply shut his mouth and nodded his head.

“Yes, Senpai,” he responded in a defeated tone. “Just...try not to be too embarrassing.”

Here he was trying to help his best friend out with his love life without possibly costing Iruka his job, and the bastard dared to call him embarrassing? That was the final straw.

He was bringing videos from Tenzo’s twenty-fifth birthday party. Iruka could decide for himself if he wanted to date Konoha’s worst karaoke singer or not.