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a-forgotten-spirit · 5 years

Text

Azriel x Reader

Hey little spirits this story is about to get super depressing within the next few chapters and I’m sorry I take a long time to write my stories but I am trying. Thank you to everyone who loved my last chapter and commented. You guys are a blessing.

Tags: @alphaomegahybrid @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @livlaughlove20 @klashmafia @tiasbandom @shane-knight @ourbooksuniverse @warning-fangirl-at-work @xxpapasfritasxx @shadowsingersxks @-im-fantastic- @kenzie-cold-greenkale @great-goddess-of-sin @judig92 @pugzzzz @mariamuses @salma-mohammad54

Chapter 7

Y/N P.O.V Azriel and I had spent the rest of the night in each other's arms, He made dinner for us and we ate while laughing and joking with each other, something I had craved for so long. I missed the way his eyes closed and a hand came to rest over his mouth as he laughed and his wings would flutter as he did so, I missed his gentle smiles as I talked and the emotion of love sent down the bond.

I missed him.

I had woken up in his arms glad I hadn't pushed him away in my sleep as I had done to my blankets my mind believing it to be him when he left and he hadn't done it to me either which I was grateful for. Getting up and going into the shower, looking back to my mate who continued to sleep like a log, which was strange, I remember him not being the best at sleeping. I remember he would wake up the minute my breathing changed it's pattern or my body moved slightly. Smiling as I stepped into the bathroom my feet hitting the cold ground sending a pleasant and awakening chill up my spine. As I walked I got a towel from the rack folding the material and lightly placing it upon the bench, I stripped off my clothing and looked to my body in the mirror that showed my waist up. Looking at my body a scowl coming onto my features as my eyes glided down my skin, I saw scars from past fights and stretch marks from growing and fighting then losing the muscles over time, I was still muscular but I wouldn't lie some had left over the years of just sitting in my court.

Looking down I saw my chest I wasn't the biggest fan of it, to be honest, I wasn't the biggest fan of any of me after Azriel left I blamed all of me even the things I couldn’t change. I had never really looked at myself and just loved everything I looked at, I didn't know what Azriel liked but I tried not to question it. My hair was doing it's usually annoying things and I tried as best I could to tame it but hair is a magical entity that I didn't mess with very often. My eyes moved back to my body and I looked at the skin my S/C skin was alright I guessed and the colour of my eyes was OK. Shaking my head and moving to pick up my clothing off the ground, folding them and gently placing the folded material next to the towel I was to use. Making my way to the shower, opening the door and turning the nozzles. Water sprayed from the top it was cold at first making me want to step back but I didn't, waiting for the heat to come through in the form of water. Once it did I stepped in letting the warm water massage my muscles to be relaxed, I hadn’t realised how tense I was.

My hands came to run along the skin of my cheeks then down to my neck and held my neck while my head leaned back in relaxation. I stayed in that position just enjoying the way the water hit my chest, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I moved to have my head facing the floor my eyes remained closed as the water drenched my hair and water fell to my face, dropping off in a small droplets, pummeling to the ground not even making a sound when connecting with the ground but the thousands making a noise when they do, sound was strange. My eyes looked to the bottom of the shower watching the water pool then go down the drain in a mesmerizing swirl pattern. My hands had moved to lay at my sides in a lazy way as though gravity was pulling them down kinda way, I felt as though my body should be swaying but it wasn't which through my balance off a little. Standing with my head cast down my eyes not moving but my brain racked the world.

I was thinking too much, I could feel it but my brain continued not stopping in the slightest. My brain went over every single thought it remembered and replayed everything for no reason at all. I wanted my head to stop but it felt like I couldn't, it felt as though I was once again trying to be dragged into that misty like place which could hold my body and soul. Hands snaked around my waist and I was pulled into a chest,

"What's wrong love" Azriel's smooth voice whispered through the water. My head rose as he gently stepped back so my face wasn't going into the direct flow of water, which I was thankful for. "Your brain is going a hundred miles an hour, I can feel it down the bond" he seemed worried, the bond was sometimes not so good.

I didn't move nor speak for a few moments just weighing the situation in my head to the best of my ability. "Just thinking is all" is what my body responded with, I knew he would see right through it and I was hoping he would leave it alone - he didn't.

"I can tell something is wrong, so what's on your mind" his lips came down to kiss my shoulder a few times moving up to my neck and the back of my neck which made my head lower once more and a sigh left my lips in contentment. His lips continued to trail back down to my shoulders and I lifted my head seeing the waterfall to the ground. This always calmed me down.

"I don't even know" it was the truth my mind liked to drift away from its actual duties and have independent thoughts within itself which was rather annoying to be completely honest. "I don't know what is wrong with me, I feel disconnected from the world as though I don't belong" I let out a huff of air and my eyes seemed to shake. "I don't know what the issue is but I know there is an issue, with me. I just don't feel like I belong anywhere" my words left in a flow of honesty and I let the leftover air from my lungs drift out.

His arms came and hugged me tighter to his form. "I'm sorry you feel this way, my love if you ever need to talk I'm here for you" a kiss landed on my shoulder as his head nestled into the crook of my neck.

I wanted to laugh at that statement. I was begging for help all those years ago and he abandoned me, it was for his court but I was his mate. I had no idea what to respond with simply nodding my head and hoped he took that as an answer. He didn't seem to delve into it which I thanked whoever was listening. I truly wanted to turn around and tell him how I felt all those years ago. I told him I forgave him and sure my body and mind did but not the true apart of me that was made for him - my soul. I wanted him to feel what I went through so he knew just how much I wanted him and how much I craved for a stable relationship, but he could never understand the thoughts and feelings that surrounded me for years after he left. The times I sent messages down the bond and stood at his walls begging for a true explanation. I wanted closure why my mate didn't want me.

Standing in silence as my mind slowly ran through the memories and sad thoughts so it didn't seem like my brain was on a mission and a half if he fell down the bond. I didn't want him worrying but I wanted him to understand, sure I could simply tell him but the message wouldn't be the same. Nowhere near the pain of true disappearance of a mate. I wanted to do the same to him as he did to me but I would never do that to the one I love. He may have been able to but nowhere in my mind would let me, not even the part of me that craved he know what I went through. The sleepless nights, endless panic attacks, vomiting at the dead of night, not eating for days on end, I didn't leave the house for weeks and the tears that seemed to never stop.

"Let's go if we are late they will worry" he spoke indicating to his family. I didn't want to train today, I wanted to sit and wallow in my thoughts for the day to figure out the core issue but I already knew. I wanted Azriel to understand not sympathize I didn't want pity.

I nodded to that too and turned off the shower gently pushing the door open and stepping from the glass enclosure, I grabbed the towel I folded wrapping it around my body feeling the soft texture of the material. Water fell from my fingertips and the ends of my hair falling onto the towel darkening the material in little dots, I picked up my clothing and walked to the bedroom going to my bags and finding my warrior and training clothing. placing my dirty belongings next to the bag on the ground I picked up a black shirt and shorts with silk undergarments and a bra adding a nice pair of socks to the pile to make me feel a bit better about myself with silk against my skin.

Placing my clothes on the bed I began to dry my skin. The towel came from my body and I lifted my leg from the ground placing it upon the bed, bending over and drying the water from the said leg. I did the same to the other leg making sure it was completely dry before moving on. I dried the rest of my body and looked over to see Azriel watching me with worry in his eyes. I turned and continued to dry my body. Dressing and then fixing my hair as I do every time I train. I moved to where my weapons sat in the room. I usually went for swords but I didn't know today. Deciding to decide later I put on my boots, tying the laces tight and making sure they were comfortable. A knife sat in each as it always did, I moved back to the weapons. Azriel was already ready and dressed sapphire siphons glinting in the light.

I looked over the weapons not knowing if I should go for a sword or bow and arrow, knives or even my bare hands. I decided on knives in the end. Grabbing the straps that were placed around my torso allowing knives to be held lower back in the sheathes. Straps also were tied around my thighs letting a knife sitting on the sides of my legs. I had one in each shoe. Grabbing one more to simply play within my hands. It was made of silver that shone in the light. A black gem sat at the end and if you look close enough there seemed to me smoke moving in the gem. I held it in my hand swinging it between my fingers for a second liking the weight and feel of the metal.

"Let's go" I whisper and start to walk towards the door when Az grabs my shoulder turning me around, his hand coming to rest under my chin making me look up at his face. His eyes shone with worry and slight fear.

"What's wrong I can feel it down the bond, the way you are acting. What's wrong" he asks and looks at my eyes seeming to look past them and into my soul. I could tell my eyes were shaking and I shook my head at him.

"You could always tell but I'm just thinking a lot nothing bad. I'm kinda missing home as well, I haven't left the court since you and being here for a war" biting my lip as I paused and looked down at the floor sighing and then looking back to his eyes. "It's a lot to take in at once" smiling awkwardly as I spoke those few simple words.

His arms came to wrap around my form and pull me to his. I heard the sound of his wings moving then felt the heat of them wrapping around me. "I get it, if you don't want to be here we can go" I rose an eyebrow at his words. Was he serious?

"Wait what," I say into his chest not being able to move too much due to him holding me as close to him as he possibly could. I could smell his scent of cedarwood. It was relaxing like walking through a forest.

"If you don't like it here we can go home, I will go back to the shadow court with you and stay if you wish" his lips came to kiss my neck as my head was moved to the side. I wanted to say yes just to have him with me but I knew they needed me for this war.

"I'll stay it'll just take some time to get used too" I smile into his chest noticing the leathers. My arms wrap around his body and hold him to mine tighter. "Come on they'll wonder where we are" I pull away wanting to go back into the hug instantly and smile to him, I move forward connecting my lips with his in a beautiful dance of love and passion. His lips were soft and nice to feel again against my own. Pulling back I smiled "I missed that"

"I did too love" he pecked my lips again and his wings went back to behind him instead of around both of us, the heat slightly leaving as he did. "We must go" he smiled and I nodded to him.

We left each other's embrace and walked out of the house together as my men rose from the ground outside the house. I turn to Azriel "What are we even doing today" I ask and see his eyes shine in the light of the sun.

"Training I believe" looking to the other house and not seeing any movement on the inside we walked to the training grounds and I was somewhat excited to see the look on Devlon's face when he sees me. I also wanted to see how his friends were after my men had fun.

We didn't rush taking our time to get the training grounds, everyone now knew Azriel was my mate and who I was, to begin with. I sighed quietly no one hearing me I wasn't ready for the day ahead. I begin to twirl my knife in my hand to calm my nerves. Walking I see Cassian in the distance and after a few moments, his head turns to us but in particular, me. Smirking I look him up and down and pretend to laugh, we come up near him and he smirks too.

"Looking for a fight," I say and hear a few laughs behind me. I turn and see a few younger warriors and they laugh as I tilt my head. "Something to say boys" I knew Illyrians hated being called boys as they were 'men'.

"You think you can beat the Commander" I knew they didn't see him like that and only showed 'respect' when Azriel or Rhysand was here. It was quite funny to watch their reaction though.

"I have multiple times it's not that difficult" smirking to there direction as they look back to Cassian who nods knowing there was no point to lie. They look me up and down again and I see Draven about to move but my hand raises in a stop like motion.

"But you’re female," one says and I looked him up and down as a way to seem interested but then make a disapproving face towards him.

"Still better than you" I smirk and lean to one side as they start to get mad, they were young and seemed to think highly of themselves, it was quite entertaining to watch them get mad. "Now Cassian, are we fighting" I turn to him and swing my knife in my hands.

"Why wouldn't we, I need to beat you for the garden incident" he smiled. We had a good relationship Cassian and I, we were friends as much as the next guy and he helped me more than ever when Azriel left. He came to visit me after it happened and no one would beat that. But I still hated him.

"You are going down," I say and smile walking towards the fighting area on a spare patch of grass.

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Chapter 8

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