#he was their comrade. and he knows that kakashi's people - anbu or otherwise - never leave a comrade behind

[jacksgreysays]

Hisoka!AU of DOS, Rokudaime(whoever you pick to end up with that job in this verse), A Steady Hand (NOTE: For Hisoka!AU, see Recursive forum pg 489 #14,655 - Snapshots From The Past Of Hisoka by donahermurphy pg 489 #14,665 - A Meeting While Fleeing The Garden & Desert by Tirfarthuan pg 491 #14,716 - A Name & A Gift Passed On by Tirfarthuan)

A/N: Thanks for the biblio [1+2, 3], dona--I did not know who Hisoka was before this, so those helped a lot! I did, also, have to reread the Lone Wolf 'verse since from what I understand Hisoka is an AU of that 'verse specifically? If not, please let me know.

Anyway, on rereading Lone Wolf 'verse, here are the facts that I gleaned:

Danzo is Hokage

Hiruzen died of "natural causes" several years before canon

Kakashi "betrayed the village" somehow and is being called Comrade-Killer more prevalently than canon

Asuma is probably dead

Yuuhi Shinku isn't an entire dick (since Uchiha Uzume can think about him without an automatic insult attached)

Shin is still alive (but very slowly dying)

and Kurenai is helping the Uchiha at the very least cover up a meeting with Kakashi outside of the village.

The facts of the Hisoka!AU are:

Shikako was taken to be ROOT

in order to protect those she cared about she mentally/spiritually maimed herself to the point where she no longer counted as "a Shikako" to Gelel

her partner for the final exam was Sai

she escaped/convinced Sai that the point of the final exam was to fake her death and became a fishmonger on the coast of Wind

when Shikako!Prime leaves via Gelel she "wakes up" from said previous mental/spiritual maiming

Kakashi finds her and they're a lovely wolf and cub pair who aim to kill Danzo (and get rid of their loneliness and maybe heal)

... okay, now that I typed all that out, did you mean Hisoka!AU of canon DoS instead of the Hisoka!AU of the Lone Wolf 'verse? Because those are different things, I think. But I kinda figured Hisoka!AU was intrinsically tied to the Lone Wolf 'verse, so, uh, here's a couple of ideas I had in mind:

1) Akimichi Chouza as Rokudaime.

Because after the absolute worst sort of "warmongering, self-cannibalizing, Konoha first" bullshit that Danzo spewed, the village needs someone who recognizes that being the village leader means making and protecting a home worth living in, not just a harsh taskmaster sending his soldiers out to die.

I considered Shikaku!Rokudaime for a similar sort of reason, but it's not as thematic and, also on a personal level, he can't. In a Hisoka!AU, he has to reconcile the fact that he gave one of his children--willingly or not, even if Danzo wiped his memory later--to a man who he already knew would exploit her horrendously. Maybe he didn't know the full extent of ROOT's training (surely not the final exam) but the fact that he was apprehensive and still went through with it is not a good look.

Even if Hisoka and Kakashi do not return to the village proper (and part of me is like, hey! They shouldn't! And I will go into that more in a little bit) he has to make amends to at least her, if not both of them, and he can't be Hokage and bound to prioritize the village over her if he ever wants to succeed.

Chouza, on the other hand, is the only one of the three who never made that decision (I'm still a little side-eyeing the Yamanaka clan, because surely a clan whose whole deal is KNOWING WHEN MENTAL SHENANIGANS IS GOING ON should have seen that with Fu, especially since he was allowed to keep his name and also, probably, had to have clan training to learn the clan jutsu, but maybe it wasn't Inoichi who made that deal? Maybe it was his predecessor. Either way, still mega sketch. I'm a little hand-wavy with Shibi and the Aburame because I headcanon that the Kyuubi largely wiped out what power they had the most out of any of the clans and they were like. Desperate to survive. And didn't have allied clans to bolster them.) And yes, probably that's because as far as fighting styles are concerned, they rely on their clan jutsu which is very recognizable and thus not great for ANBU (in the same way that I imagine the Inuzuka aren't often recruited into ANBU) but it's still a notable fact. The Akimichi are trustworthy pillars of the village and have been since the beginning.

And it helps that of the Nidaime's team, Akimichi Torifu was one of two of the full six who didn't turn into an old corruptible asshole. Sure, we don't necessarily know what happened to him, but he wasn't specifically seen as an old corruptible asshole so I think he's winning. It reflects well on his clan as a whole. Also, given my headcanon of the Akimichi actively cultivating their ties with civilians and also possibly the Daimyo's family they have, alongside military might, financial and political clout.

Anyway, while a possible Tsunade as Rokudaime would have similar vibes (and does, you know, match canon and have those canon reasons for working) in terms of "healing the village" etc. etc. This is a Tsunade whose most bitter cynicism was proven right? And there's no inspirational Naruto to convince her otherwise. And also, Tsunade shouldn't HAVE to clean up Danzo's mess. Like, the minuscule obligation she had to clean up Hiruzen's mess does not apply to Danzo. (It's a little like... Tsunade, Jiraiya, and Orochimaru were raised to be the ultimate team to take over for Hiruzen except they didn't know it and were dysfunctional. The fact that Hiruzen's death was by Orochimaru's hand and between her and Jiraiya she is the better choice is the only reason why she has that slight obligation to go back to Konoha. Whereas, with Danzo? FUCK THAT NOISE. That's a mess the village needs to resolve on their own. THEY'RE the ones who let it get so bad. THEY'RE the ones who need to deal with it)

And also, another reason why I don't really want Tsunade as Rokudaime is because I kind of like the idea of Kakashi and Hisoka sort of orbiting/paralleling her and Shizune. Like, there's a not-so-secret society of Konoha expatriates who aren't actually missing-nin and both love and hate the village and Tsunade is exasperatedly fond of those two disasters whereas she is sickened by the village. Maybe one day it will have fixed itself enough that she'll go back and visit and whip their Medic Corps into shape, but that is not any time soon!

Also, also, also, and I don't know if you remember this, dona, but in your In Which Someone Attempts to Kidnap Shikamaru, Instead, Inoichi brings up something called the Regency Protocol with Ino in regards to Danzo kidnapping Shikako and brainwashing Shikaku to forget and originally I thought it was some kind of Ino-Shika-Cho contingency plan where the three clans take over the village BECAUSE DANZO IS KIDNAPPING AND MURDERING CHILDREN AND THE SANDAIME WAS LETTING IT HAPPEN ON HIS WATCH? And of the three clans, the Akimichi really do have the traditional fighting prowess to wear the hat, so that's part of this too.

I just think an Akimichi Hokage would be pretty chill about it. Like. They wear power well and are good at managing people without crushing them in the fist of tyranny.

---

2) Maito Gai as Rokudaime.

This one actually for similar reasons as Chouza. Although, in terms of lineage, Gai could be Shichidaime, not that we're particularly holding to that Hokage teacher-student lineage so much.

In terms of semi-parallels where canon goes Tsunade to Kakashi, that means Gai also is a candidate. And in regards to showing the village/world a new kind of Hokage, he's as far from Danzo as one could get. He's straightforward and kind and draws out the potential from everyone and honestly real great but also wouldn't send someone into a mission he himself wouldn't do. Obviously, being a Hokage would mean delegating and sending shinobi on missions, but he would never send them out to die just because. Yes there are risky missions, but he would send those best suited to succeed with every tool available to them so they can succeed. Whereas Danzo would just throw bodies at a problem and kill the survivors for not doing it good enough.

The main difference between a Rokudaime Gai vs Rokudaime Chouza is that Gai's Konoha would rely less on the clan system. Of his three students, two were not from clans and the third is from the Hyuuga Branch (AND YOU KNOW FOR SURE THAT'S GOING TO BE SOMETHING FINALLY ADDRESSED BY A HOKAGE BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK). Yes, his sensei was Akimichi Chouza, but neither of his teammates were clan either. A Konoha under the rule of Rokudaime Gai is a Konoha that builds up those who don't have the same infrastructure as clans, who strengthens civilian-born and clan-born alike, who make sure that talented civilian-born students aren't only noticed by predatory old men who can sweep there existences under the rug.

Because truly one of the many ways that Danzo's weird self-hating megalomania harmed the village was by draining away the talented civilian-borns of Konoha. He who hated that the Shimura were a near-civilian clan, committed the worst crimes against those who could have proved that bloodline wasn't everything. He was so obsessed with the power of the Sharingan that it became a self fulfilling prophecy. Any talented non-bloodline student who could have proven a challenge were stolen and smothered before they could prove themselves.

Because imagine this: one day some random student with the ubiquitous last name of Satou or Tanaka or Honda beats Uchiha Itachi in a spar. Maybe its an accident. Maybe they got lucky. Maybe Itachi wasn't taking them seriously (after all, what could some no name civilian born do to him?). But those maybes don't matter. Satou or Tanaka or Honda gets in one good hit. Surprises the prodigy of the Uchiha clan. Knocks him out.

The teacher takes a note of it. Talks about it in the teacher's lounge. One of Danzo's spies brings news of that notable spar.

By the next week--maybe even the next day--Satou or Tanaka or Honda is gone. No one beats Uchiha Itachi in a spar anymore. And ROOT adds another nameless, faceless soldier to its ranks.

BUT NONE OF THAT HAPPENS UNDER HOKAGE MAITO GAI. Because it is civilians that make Konoha a village and not just a loose coalition of clans. Because a name and a bloodline are not necessary to make a person great.

3) And here's the angsty/semi-bleak option: Yuuhi Kurenai as Rokudaime.

And I wrote a little bit for it, but I'm a little... mreh... about it because it does revolve a lot around the various men in her life which I'm not exactly proud of, tbh, but aaaaaaaaaagh this is endemic to a lot of Naruto fic. D:<

Yuuhi Kurenai is nobody's first choice.

(She was Asuma's first choice, and he was hers, and that had nothing to do with either of their fathers. Except now Asuma is--)

Her father wanted a son. A proper heir. Someone to elevate the prestige of the Yuuhi clan.

(In another universe, Yuuhi Shinku will think the only way his daughter can benefit the clan is through marriage, not her own merits. In this universe Yuuhi Shinku is a little bit more open minded enough to make do. He's still a dick, but not as much of one as he could've been. This puts Kurenai in an interesting position.)

The Uchiha clan are pursuing another ally with a little more fire power, a little more name recognition, and all the intimidation and influence that entails.

(But look at where that got Kakashi, exiled and with his reputation in tatters. Look at Gai who so eagerly and overtly wants to follow. Look at Asuma who--)

The rest of the village would prefer someone who didn't look so much like the clan of would be traitors. Someone who didn't have black hair and piercing red eyes. Someone who didn't specialize in genjutsu, an art for liars.

(Oh, but they were fine quietly suffering under a man who lied and stole and murdered. A man who manipulated and cheated and framed others for his crimes. A man who ruined everything he touched and Asuma tried to stop him, gods, but then he--)

And the world doesn't quite know what to do with a Hokage like her. Or a Kage that is a her, for that matter.

Yuuhi Kurenai is nobody's first choice.

But that's fine. She can make do.

She can make miracles out of nothing.

So the thought process to get to a Rokudaime Kurenai went kind of like such. Obviously, the Uchiha would prefer an Uchiha Hokage. However that largely depends on whether they succeed in their coup or not. There's the distinct possibility that Kakashi plus Shikako!Prime or Kakashi plus Hisoka will just kill Danzo and then leave, forcing the rest of the village deal with the consequences... AS THEY SHOULD... and thus also sort of cutting the coup off at the knees.

If the coup doesn't succeed (whether out of failure or because Kakashi and a Shikako kills Danzo first before they're prepared to do the rest of the coup) then if the political climate actually matches the one they perceive themselves being in (although, I don't think the Uchiha are as hated as they think they are, but its hard for them to see that isolated as they've been forced to be) then they're unlikely to get an Uchiha Hokage especially if news of them actually seeking an alliance with Comrade-Killer Hatake Kakashi comes out. Much less the aborted/failed coup. 

Anyway, no Uchiha Hokage without a successful coup... although, if there were a successful coup, the three Uchiha I would think would be even feasible would be Fugaku--boring, bland, but that's what they know. Shisui--friendly, well liked by those outside the clan, has an international reputation. Mikoto--this is largely based on fanon/headcanon, but she was ANBU Captain? That's pretty neat.

But, uh, to get back to the no Uchiha Hokage... Kakashi's reputation is still in tatters. Maito Gai could be a good option, but while his lack of clan is a good thing for future Konoha, he doesn't quite have the political backing necessary to get there. (Namikaze Minato was an undisputed war hero. Maito Gai hasn't quite proven himself that level yet)

If its brought up that the Ino-Shika-Cho were compromised (ie, Shikaku would have worked closely with Hokage Danzo as the Jounin Commander and also one of Danzo's top ROOT agents is Yamanaka Fu) then even Chouza's candidacy would be suspect.

The village wants Tsunade. But Tsunade does not want it. I have no fucking idea what Jiraiya has been up to, but if he didn't want the hat after Hiruzen died he sure as fuck won't want it after whatever Danzo's done with it.

The Hokage's Council is suspect. Yuuhi Shinku, for all that he is similarly important to the infrastructure of Konoha while also not being part of Danzo's corruption (in another universe, he very well would have been, desperate for power), isn't actually that strong and is old, besides. (The village has had enough of old men entrenched in positions of power telling them what to do).

But he does have a daughter. Genjutsu specialist, yes, but with potential and room to grow. And Sarutobi Asuma loved her (and, fuck, what a shitty campaign to run on, the would-have-been-widow of the Sandaime's son, but you know Shinku would be ruthless in pushing that. Remember, not as much of a dick in other 'verses, but still a dick) so she has that tether to the old regime, tentative as it is.

No one really has any major objections, but no one is really all that gung-ho about it either (except for maybe Anko who will punch all detractors in the face and may very well be a one woman Hokage's Guard).

Kurenai least of all. Because she doesn't want to be Hokage, but she'd rather step up and do it than watch her village tear itself apart even further. And maybe she doesn't know who she is just yet, and maybe it sucks that she's going to have to discover that while also being Hokage, but gods she's going to try her best because at least she knows what Danzo was doing was wrong and that there's no way she can do worse than him unless she just actively slaughtered children in the street.

...

Hm, yeah, kinda bleak ending. But as I said. The Rokudaime Kurenai one is the angsty-bleak option. I mean, it gets more hopeful, but it is a struggle I think for both her and the village.

I know its not a proper ficlet fill, dona, but hope you enjoyed this brain storm / meta anyway. :D 

[tarithenurse]

Nightingale - 21

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Hatake Kakashi &/x Fem!OC Contents: Some...niceness? Oh, that’s gotta be a mistake! Curious Naruto (that’s a warning all on its own). A/N: Work is fucked (not so noticeable during night shifts, though, and I (+ many colleagues) feel horrible about it all (we’re supposed to do rehabilitation but it’s bare basic care)...and so I’ve got a job interview tomorrow and I’m freaking OUT because I didn’t expect to be taken into consideration! ARGH! As usual, ASK or REBLOG for tag!

Ch. 21

Kakashi had refused to leave the woman behind at first. It wasn’t until the Hokage had stepped over and threatened with constant missions abroad that the blue nightingale finally snapped out of her stupor, glared at her protector, and told him not to be a bloody idiot that he accepted leaving her behind – and even then, his thoughts constantly sought her out.

He had not had the motivation to think of something for Team 7 to do as training, but he also knew he needed the distraction.

“Perhaps,” he had contemplated, “you could do better in the bell-test this time?”

Of course, Naruto had complained: “Why’s it always you get the easy part of holding on to things? It’s not fair!”

“You rather be the one defending the bells?” An idea had formed then. “Fine, you three will have to protect three bells from me...if you succeed saving just one, then there might be a prize -”

“Yipeee!”

“...if you fail twice, though...” he had let the threat hang in the air, knowing that would be plenty of motivation.

...

Dirty, tired, but happy. The three students’ chatter surrounds Kakashi, bringing an unseen smile to his face. Naruto’s recount of his apparently more amazing moves than anyone had witnessed is a high-speed noise compared to the more dignified analysis of the other two. Gotta remember this exercise, the sensei promises himself as he picks a stick from his unruly hair.

“Must admit...the first round was over so quickly, I thought you hadn’t even learned anything from it,” he teases, earning groans and contradictions in return.

“But we did it! I never give up!”

Sakura sighs. “We know, Naruto, now quit yelling!”

“Butbutbut! What do we win?!”

That stops all three students who look to their leader.

“Ah, right. I did promise something, didn’t I?” Oops, shouldn’t have let my attention slip at the end. “Well then, how does a stop at Ichiraku’s sound?”

Apparently, that sounds good to more than just Naruto who always can eat, and they set off towards the best ramen-bar in town.

He hears the angry voice before the student do, and though the distance still is too great to pick out the individual words it's clear from the tone that most must be threats of sorts. As a jōnin, it may not be his explicit task to investigate the matter – there's the local police corps for civilian crimes and misdemeanours – but the presence of a shinobi such as him tends to have a calming effect on any hotheads.

Skidding around the corner with the kids hot on his heels, the scenery in front of a bakery unfolds with theatrical clarity: the matron, standing on the stoop to her shop with a broom in hand and both arms and hair flying wild on the rage she's spewing; the crowd, a mix of customers from the bakery and passers by, simultaneously intrigued and appalled as they take in the drama; and finally the demure figure with the hands clasped before her and the cascade of blue hair obscuring the face that's lowered towards the sandy ground. No one, to stop the verbal abuse from the shop owner – although Kakashi doubts the newcomer has been allowed to walk around the Village without a shadow.

"Hai, what seems to be the issue here?" he interrupts gently, placing himself between the two women.

The baker smiles coldly. "About time," she fumes, "this...this girl has the audacity of asking for continuous employment even after the ANBU came this morning to ransack the room she was renting!"

"I believe there has been a verbal agreement between the two of you that part of the rent was payed in labour?" Glancing at Uguisu, it worries the jōnin that she's not raising her voice to speak up for herself.

"If I'd known she was a criminal then I'd ne-"

Kakashi fully turns to the woman. "Criminal?" His disapproval is palpable in the air. "If she was a criminal, then she wouldn’t be allowed to walk around freely anymore."

Tugging away a few of the errand strands which leaves white flour smeared across black hair, the baker glances at the surrounding people who do nothing to help her out. "Well...she's been lying to me about her identity...even disguising herself! If I'd had any idea then I wouldn't have rented the room to her!"

"Not everyone has the luxury to freely announce their presence wherever they go." He ignores the halfhearted attempt at a protest from behind him. "Now, for the rent...I believe you are owed?"

"Yes."

"Perhaps we can reach an arrangement...I'll be willing to supervise until the remainder of the debt has been payed off in the form of cleaning. Would that be acceptable?" Hesitantly, sure, but Kakashi wins the acceptance and only a slight huff when the baker finally returns to her business. "Alright. Nothing left to see here, people!"

The onlookers scatter slowly, muttering as they go but not daring to be too obvious in their curiosity while there still is a ninja present.

"You didn't have to do that," Uguisu points out softly.

Maybe not. "Where will you be staying now?" he deflects.

"A room at the dorms."

The trio of kids have edged closer, one of them cowering under a death glare from Sakura, proving that she at least has some tact and managed to stop the usual flow of obnoxious questions. Sasuke has stuffed the fists deep into his pockets and pretends a pebble is much more interesting, but their teacher is well aware that the kid is soaking up any and all information.

"We were headed to Ichiraku’s for a celebratory ramen dinner...want to come along?" Regret is plastered across her face, a shrug growing into a shake of the head, but Kakashi has made a decision. "My treat, of course, can't expect you to stick it out with the number one knucklehead there otherwise."

Her crooked smile alone would be enough for the man to live for.

Introductions are quickly managed on the way to Ichiraku, and though Uguisu dishes out an impressive amount of non-answers the kids stop pushing for information as soon as they get their food. Blue hair pushed to one side, the former mystery has laid claim to a seat at the end, allowing her to sit at an angle that grants a better view while her back is protected and Kakashi sits as a buffer between her and the kids.

"Celebration?" Mr. Ichiraku, the patron of the eatery, looks between the guests.

"Hai!" Somehow, Naruto manages to be talk and eat at the same time. "We beat Kakashi at his own game!"

It earns a smile from the chef who gladly engages with the kid.

The teacher glances to the added guest only to find her attention glued on Sakura. "Haruno-sama," Uguisu begins, "would it be possible for me to borrow your Academy books from before the Genin exam?"

The question silences everyone, underlining the sudden hectic stuttering from the girl in answer.

"Why do you need them, hey, lady?" Naruto demands, voicing the question everyone else is thinking.

Before satisfying their curiosity, the woman takes a sip of water, her brows wrinkling slightly as if she’s thinking of the best way to say whatever is on her mind. “Sarutobi Hokage has decided the best way to ensure my past training is by having me sit in with the Academy Recruits -”

“Whaaat?!”

“Shut up, Naruto!”

“- meanwhile my warden will plan an alternate chunin exam.” She bites softly into the bottom lip, momentarily lost in thought. “I suppose that’s for the best.”

To Naruto’s credit, he really has been trying to hold back for several seconds, but now the scratchy laughter escapes him in a sputter that makes his comrades cringe visibly. “Hahaaa! You’re gonna be learning with the kiddies! Eheheheeee-”

He’s efficiently silenced by Sakura once more. This time probably for longer as he’ll have to nurse an oncoming lump on his head.

Looking past Kakashi, the girl attempts a placating smile. “Hai, you can borrow them. And please excuse Naruto who’s a moron.”

“Thank you very much.”

“Let me get them right away!” The rose-haired girl rushes off before Uguisu can stop her, leaving three guests and a cook behind with a dazed boy.

[myaekingheart]

50. Icha Icha Suspicion

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3

index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

*** WARNING: SMUT AHEAD *** 

[Read the SFW summary here]

              Rei rubbed her eyes as she leaned against the checkout counter in Kaminoki. With Kakashi gone on a mission and no assignments for herself, she figured it would be better to stop in and help out rather than do nothing all day. Konoha had been trapped in a hazy heat, however, that made people wary of leaving their homes. As such, Kaminoki had seen next to no action all day. So much for keeping myself occupied.

               As she waited around for something to happen, her mind wandered through strange valleys of thought. Most of them were about Kakashi. It had been a week since he introduced her to his students. After nearly three years of sneaking around and keeping their distance in public, it was strange now to think that the nature of their relationship had finally been brought to the fore. In a way, it felt as if they had started over completely and she was filled with so much uncertainty. What was Kakashi even like unrestrained? Was he now going to show her off proudly to everyone he met, or remain casual and unaffected? What effect would this have on the dynamic of their relationship? And what public obligations now stood before them?

               Scarier than that was not how this would affect them as a couple but as individuals. For herself, Rei expected hardly any difference except perhaps an extra dose of Tenshi’s wrath but Kakashi was a separate situation altogether. He was a renowned ninja. Every day he risked losing everything he was openly associated with, anything that an enemy could use against him, including her. Her mind began to swirl with worst case scenarios of being kidnapped or tortured or, even worse, watching Kakashi die. Her muscles grew tense from the horror of it all, reaching a fever pitch at the sound of a bell signaling, finally, a customer.

               “What?!” Rei shouted, snapped harshly from her thoughts. She was met with Sekkachi’s unaffected gaze, rolling her eyes.

               “What are you doing here?” Sekkachi asked, arms crossed. “ANBU finally kick you out?”

               “No” Rei replied mockingly, “It’s my day off so I figured I would make good use of my time and help out. Something you would know nothing about.”

               Sekkachi swatted at the air dismissively. “The smartest people know putting in effort is only worth it when you’re helping yourself” she replied.

               “Wow, so philosophical” Rei rolled her eyes. “Where’d you pick that one up? The book of social apathy?”

               “Oh, shut up” the blue-haired kunoichi snapped. Rei reveled in watching her scan the shelves, trying so hard to look like she knew what she was doing but failing miserably.

               “I have to admit” Rei finally spoke, “I’m shocked to see you in here. I didn’t think you read.”

               “What? Are you calling me stupid, Carrots?” Sekkachi fired back. Rei stifled laughter. Sekkachi hadn’t called her that since their genin days, so she must have struck a sensitive nerve.

               “Not at all” Rei said, raising her hands in surrender. She leapt across the counter and stood beside her old comrade, gazing up at the shelves and asking, “Can I help you find something?”

               Sekkachi’s face went bright red and she frowned, turning away. She didn’t really want to do this. I knew I should’ve just waited until nightfall and broke in, she thought to herself. As terrible a crime as stealing was, it would’ve been far easier to manage than the confrontation she was now forced to endure. “I’m looking for this one book…” she said, trying to remain as cool and collected as possible. Maybe even a little too macho. “It’s stupid, really, and I doubt you even have it in stock, but it’s got, like, this pink cover with some nerdy chick on the front and—”

               “You mean this one?” Rei asked, fishing the exact title off the Tutorials shelf. The cover read A Girl’s Feelings. Sekkachi’s eyes widened, not expecting such a quick answer, and lunged to snatch it out of Rei’s hands. Despite being nearly a foot shorter than her, however, Rei evaded her attack. She ducked out of the way and began thumbing through the pages scandalously.

               “Ooh!” Rei teased. “Looks like someone has a crush!”

               “What? No I don’t! Shut up!” Sekkachi shouted. She lunged for the book again but just like last time, Rei dodged her prying hands.  

               “So, who’s the lucky girl?” the redhead asked. “Do I know her? Are you in love?”

               “I’m just picking it up for a friend, okay?!” Sekkachi shouted. Whipping her palm out, she shoved Rei’s face back to create distance and tugged the book out of her hands, hugging it close to her chest as if her opponent would attack again at any moment. “Besides, you’re one to talk! All your boyfriend reads is porn!

               Rei stumbled backwards and knocked over the display shelf of newly delivered Makeout Paradise books. She grimaced and shouted back, “That’s not true!” though deep down, she knew her argument likely didn’t stand a chance.

               An unwavering confidence began to overwhelm Sekkachi as she now had the upper hand. “It’s such a mystery as to why Kakashi is so obsessed. Unless—” here, she gasped incredulously—“could little Rei Natsuki be a glitch in bed?”

               “Sekkachi!” Rei shouted, slapping the kunoichi hard on the arm. Then, turning her nose up with crossed arms, she said matter-of-factly, “I don’t even understand what the big deal is, anyway. I’ve never even read the damn books.”

               Sekkachi nearly burst out into hysterical laughter. The thought of Rei having no idea what she was up against was quite frankly the best thing she had heard all week. Once she finally composed herself, she picked one of the copies up off the floor and dangled it in front of the redhead’s face. “Aren’t you curious?” she teased.

               “No!” Rei shouted, trying to swat the book away but Sekkachi wouldn’t budge.

               “Don’t you want to know what kinds of images your boyfriend is filling his head with?” she continued. “They’re steamy as fuck! Anal, bondage, the works.”  

               Rei clapped her hands over her ears and frowned. “I don’t want to know!” she shouted. But deep down, the more Sekkachi teased her about it, the more she did, in fact, want to know. After all, she did have every right to, didn’t she? If her boyfriend was so addicted to them, she should be aware of what’s going on in his head, right? Or at the very least figure out what makes them so damn special. But maybe that was just Sekkachi’s ultimate goal, to flip her preconceived notions on their head and fuck her up. It certainly sounded like something she’d do. Finally, in a fit of rage, Rei slammed the Makeout Paradise book out of her face and ripped the romance tutorial from Sekkachi’s hands. The kunoichi gasped and reached for her book, but Rei simply leapt over the counter with it and began ringing it up. “That will be 700 yen, plus an extra 100 for all the trouble you’ve caused me” she said with a sickeningly sweet smile.

               “Hey, you can’t just raise the price because of that!” Sekkachi argued.

               “My bookstore, my rules” Rei chimed. “Besides, you wouldn’t want me to tell everyone about this little crush you’ve got, would you? I’m sure Naru would have a field day spreading that gossip!” Her comrade averted her eyes and grumbled beneath her breath as she handed Rei the money, knowing this wasn’t worth arguing anymore. Her reputation was far more important than the size of her wallet, especially on matters such as this. No one was allowed to know.

                The rest of the afternoon crept by without another customer, and in the silence Rei was beginning to grow antsy. Her eyes kept shifting back to those stupid Makeout Paradise books. She hated admitting it, but Sekkachi’s words really bothered her. She began to wonder if her stance against them was because of her own beliefs, or just the projections of others. Her father had been so against them, and for good reason. He ran a respectable establishment, and they were just cheap smut. But if Grandma Teiko could convince him otherwise, meaning she approved, then could they really be that bad? A frustration began welling up inside of Rei the more she thought about it. It continued to escalate, more rapidly with every second, until finally boiling over. Rei looked around to ensure no one else was watching in the otherwise empty store, then picked up a copy and compulsively flipped to the first page.

               The story started off rather expectedly, setting up the cliché frame of a freelance photographer travelling to a lavish resort island for inspiration and stumbling across a beautiful woman. Rei cringed at the thought of any of this being autobiographical. That was the other point of contention with these books: she was disgustingly hyperaware that the author was none other than Jiraiya, so she assumed she would have a hard time envisioning the protagonist as anyone but. The further she read, however, the more she had to admit that the sannin’s writing wasn’t actually half bad. A little basic compared to authors of literary fiction but overall, not the worst thing in the world. She delved deeper and deeper into the story until she had finally reached the true draw of the series: the sex.

               Junko’s eyes quivered as Tadashi drew closer, a hungry look in his eyes. “I want you” he whispered, “right now.” His hand skated down to cup her ass, his cock pulsing against her thigh, and together they fell back onto the bed and began a passionate tango of love.

               Master Jiraiya seemed to spare no expense as the two protagonists embarked on a wild sexual escapade, going to such great detail that at the end of it all Rei’s face was bright red and hot. She slammed the book shut and threw it across the room with a yelp, a shiver running down her spine. And all the while, her body had started to ache and plead. She supposed that was what had made Jiraiya’s books so successful. They certainly did their job.

               Rei felt dirty and paranoid as she walked home that evening. The sun had nearly set but the air still hung heavy with sticky humidity. Faces passed by in a blur—she was sure she had seen them before, but she didn’t bother with identification. Right now, the only thing her mind could focus on was the hunger deep in her stomach. She wrapped her arms around her waist and tried to mute her body’s need for touch, but it was no use. Her thighs rubbed together as she ascended the stairs slowly, methodically. She unlocked the door to Kakashi’s apartment and sank down on the edge of the bed, waiting for his return.

                 It had been a long day, and Kakashi was absolutely exhausted. Ever since he introduced Rei to his students, she was all they ever asked him about. He at least wished he had gotten a picture of their faces when they realized she was the bookshop owner’s daughter that they had wanted to set him up with.

               “I knew they would get along well!” Sakura said proudly.

               “If she was already your girlfriend, then why didn’t you say anything?!” Naruto asked.

               Kakashi shrugged and replied flippantly, “It didn’t seem important.” The rest of the afternoon had progressed in a similar fashion. The Copy Ninja tried to respond as coolly and casually as possible, but their offhand remarks and nagging inquiries were beginning to wear him down. Not everything needed to be publicized.  

               “So do you love her, Kakashi-sensei?” Sakura asked as they made their way back to the village. “Do you think you’ll marry her? I hope you invite us to the wedding! Well, maybe not Naruto, but I would love to come! And then you two can live happily ever after in a cute little house with lots of babies!”

               Naruto scoffed. “Can you imagine Kakashi-sensei with babies?” he laughed.

               “I think he would make a great father!” Sakura argued. If only they had known of the incident he and Rei faced a few weeks earlier, and how heavily the thought of a family had been weighing on his mind since.

               “Alright, you two!” Kakashi stepped in, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. He needed to stop this in its tracks before they took things way too far. “I think it’s about time you both headed home. Sakura, I’m sure your parents won’t be happy if you’re late for dinner.”

               “What about me?” Naruto asked. “I don’t have a home-cooked meal waiting for me.”

               “Then you can have dinner at Sakura’s house!” Kakashi offered. The kunoichi’s face went deadpan. Before she could argue, Kakashi had already started walking back to his apartment. As he went, he overheard Sakura shouting at Naruto that he was an idiot and then the two of them further bemusing the dynamics of him and Rei’s relationship. What have I done?

               Now that the day was over, all Kakashi really wanted was to perhaps order some food, read for a while with Rei, and then pass out before waking up to do it all over again tomorrow. As he trudged into his apartment, however, he was immediately aware that something was very different. Candles dotted the room, exuding a dim, flickering glow. The sweet smell of unadon wafted through the air. On the edge of the bed sat Rei in one of Kakashi’s shirts, oversized on her small frame so that the collar slumped down to reveal her shoulder.

               Stricken, Kakashi lifted his headband up to reveal his sharingan and ensure he wasn’t hallucinating. His heart started to race when he realized this all was, in fact, real. He blinked and inched forward, setting his headband and other equipment down in the corner of the room. “Well, this is a surprise” he laughed, mildly nervous. He glanced to the calendar on his wall, trying to figure out if perhaps he had forgotten something special. Their anniversary was coming up, but that was a date he knew for certain had not slipped his mind.

               Rei stood and approached him, leaning up on tiptoes and tugging his mask down to kiss him. “You’ve been working so hard” she started, unzipping his vest, “so I wanted to do something special.” All of the tension began to melt off of Kakashi’s shoulders at her touch and he sank down into the nearest chair.

               “You cooked?” he asked, surveying the food in front of him. Rei nodded as she sat opposite him, drawing her legs up to sit cross-legged.

               “That cookbook on your bookshelf is extremely helpful” she replied. Rei had never been a skilled chef so Kakashi was admittedly a little skeptical. He took a cautious bite, only to find that she had actually done a pretty good job. Not perfect, but good enough.

               As they ate, they relaxed and chatted but all the while, the fear of having forgotten something weighed heavy on Kakashi’s mind. Rei felt a jolt of panic at his tired, stony expression and Sekkachi’s words suddenly came back to haunt her. Terrified, she decided her only choice would be to turn up the charm. Skirting around the table, she reached around to massage Kakashi’s shoulders and kiss down his neck gently. His back went rigid the moment her lips touched his skin. Tilting his head back, he chuckled and then finally asked, “What’s gotten into you, huh?”

               Rei recoiled a moment, her heart pounding. “W-what do you mean?”

               Kakashi rose from his seat and leaned back against the table. “Just that the dinner, the candles, the massages…is this a special occasion?”

               Now her face was getting red, and she was starting to think perhaps this was a bad idea after all. Those stupid Makeout Paradise books got her all inspired to create some sort of romantic escapade. “I mean…does it have to be a special occasion for me to want to treat my boyfriend?” she asked.

               “No, not at all” Kakashi replied. Now a smile was beginning to tug at the corner of his lips, and he began to inch closer. “I really needed this after today, Rei.” He brushed her bangs back out of her face and kissed her forehead tenderly, but as he did so his eyes landed on his copy of Makeout Paradise on the nightstand. He was positive he had put it back on the shelf—the sequel was tucked into his back pouch. He broke free of her, and she watched him approach the book with horror. Holding it up to her, he asked with amused suspicion, “What’s this doing out?”

               All the color drained from Rei’s face as she stared back at him wide-eyed. She didn’t want to admit that after what she had read in Kaminoki that day, she came home wanting more. She had too much time to kill and her mind was racing and before she knew it, she was back in the throes of Junko and Tadashi’s sultry romance.

               A few moments of silence passed before, finally, Rei broke down. “Alright, fine!” she shouted. “I was reading your stupid book! But only because Sekkachi got into my head saying shit like you’re so obsessed with them because I’m a glitch in bed and don’t satisfy you and—” She continued to ramble on frantically. It was a lot to process in thirty seconds but Kakashi had heard all he needed. He set the book down and walked toward her, placing his hands on her shoulders and planting his lips on hers to shut her up once and for all. “W-what was that for…?” she asked softly once he broke away, blinking up at him.

               “Do you really think I read those books because our sex life is lacking?” he asked. Rei averted her eyes. With a sigh, Kakashi cupped her cheek and turned her head back to face him. “It hurts me that you’d think that, Rei. The Makeout books are just a series that make me happy, but you make me happy, too. Extremely happy.”  

               Rei blushed as a small smile began tugging on her lips. “Yeah?” she asked, voice gentle. “Do I?” Kakashi nodded and pressed his forehead against hers. Rei reached up to place her hand atop his on her cheek and closed her eyes with a soft sigh. She felt his opposite hand skate down to wrap around her waist and the fire in her belly returned with a raging force.

               “So how much of Makeout Paradise did you read?” he then asked, voice low.

               “Enough” Rei replied, opening her eyes to meet his gaze. “Got to the sex scene.”

               Kakashi blinked a moment, then asked, “Which one?”

               Rei froze. “…how many are there?”

               “In the whole series, or just the first book?” Kakashi asked. Rei cocked a brow and it was then that he knew the technicalities didn’t matter. Now was not the time to show just how much of a geek he truly was. He swatted at the air dismissively and then pulled her close, gripping her shirt (his shirt? Their shirt) at her hip. “What did you think?” he asked.

               “Do you want me to be honest?” she asked back. Kakashi nodded. Hooking her arm around his neck, she leaned up on tiptoes to whisper in his ear, “I’ve been horny as fuck all day.” A chill ran down Kakashi’s spine at her words. Before he could say anything else, she had snaked her hand down to the hem of his shirt and began sliding it up over his head. His heart pounded and a laugh almost rose up into his throat, though nothing about this was particularly funny. She threw his shirt to the floor and ran her hands down his toned chest, latching her fingers onto the waist of his pants. Meanwhile, he tangled his fingers in her auburn hair, loosening her ponytail in the process, and she could feel his dick growing harder against her lower stomach. She kissed down his chest slowly, methodically, pressing a hand against his progressing erection as a teaser for what was to come. The little moan that slipped past his lips only further ignited her determination.

               As she unbuttoned his pants and began slowly tugging them down, he slipped her shirt off over her head revealing her bare breasts and casual panties. It was not unlike her to rip her bra off the minute she got home, most frequently through her sleeve which, admittedly, turned Kakashi on. It was like some sort of strange feminine jutsu requiring just enough dexterity and mischief, teasing without revealing too much. He gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger and guided her back up toward him, pressing his lips hard against hers as he scooped her up by the ass. She wrapped her legs around his waist and worked her lips with his, their tongues mingling in one another’s mouths. Kakashi slowly headed backwards toward the bed, squeezing her ass and sighing as they kissed. He sank down onto the edge of the bed gently, holding Rei firm in his lap. His hands explored her body, massaging her breasts and nibbling her neck. As hot as it was outside, she was starting to get goosebumps from his touch and a chill blanketed her entire body. She released a shaky breath and her hips swerved against his hard dick. He hooked his grip into the waist of her panties and began tugging them down, the two of them rolling over in the process so that his body loomed over hers. And then there she was, completely naked in front of him.

               Kakashi caressed her thighs, spreading her legs further apart, as she ran her hands down his chest. His fingers grazed over her clit and her body went rigid, a small gasp escaping her lips. He increased his pressure only slightly, then began working the spot with as much care and tenderness as he could manage. She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut tight, gripping the waist of his underpants before sliding them down. She began working his dick in her hand, and his entire body electrified. Her touch was just too good. He bucked his hips so that the wet tip just slid across her opening, teasing her, tempting her. She arched her back in desperation.

               “K-Kakashi…” she whispered desperately. A smirk touched his face as he relieved her clit and guided his dick against her entrance. A part of him took pride in seeing her like this, in seeing her writhe and gasp and beg. Made him feel wanted, like he was doing his job right by pleasing her.

               His heavy breath struck her collarbone, his lips grazing her skin, as he whispered, “How badly do you want it?” He looked up at her, and there was a satisfied hunger in his eyes. It was clear just how badly he wanted it, too. Rei reached down to grab his dick herself, resolving to take matters into her own hands—literally—but Kakashi redirected her arm with a breathy chuckle. He was more than willing to take full advantage of her arousal for as long as he could manage.

               “Fuck!” she whispered, squirming beneath him. “I’ve wanted this all day” she said. “I’ve waited long enough. God dammit, fuck me, Kakashi.”

               “Was that so hard?” he asked, planting soft kisses along her neck and collarbone. She shifted her hips and bit her lip as he eased his way inside of her, gradually opening her up. “That’s all I wanted to hear” he whispered and god, she was so, so weak.

               He started off slow, shallow, but deepening his scope a little more with every thrust. Rei wrapped her thighs around his waist, an invitation for him to hook his arms beneath her knees. At this angle, he just about hit the spot that made her cry out in pleasure but it wasn’t good enough. He still hadn’t brought her to the edge. She frowned as he pulled out, dissatisfied, only for him to gently roll her onto her stomach. “I’m going to need you on your hands and knees” he leaned down and whispered, lifting her hips slightly and then guiding himself in from behind. A moan escaped her lips as he gripped her waist and began thrusting hard and fast. Rei bit down on the corner of the pillow, knowing it was the least she could do to avoid suspicion from the neighbors. These apartments, unfortunately, weren’t exactly soundproof. She could only do so much to muffle her cries of pleasure but Kakashi didn’t care. Her gasps and groans only further intensified his own pleasure. He reached his hand around to begin working her clit again, panting hard as he neared his own climax. Her body tightened and quivered, then went rigid as she gripped the edge of the mattress. A million little electrical signals fired in her body, and the most she could manage was a whimpered, “K-Kakashi…”

               From inside her, the sensation was enough to push Kakashi over the edge. She felt so good and for a moment he was paralyzed. His dick pulsed and everything swelled inside of him before finally bursting with satisfaction. He barely pulled out in time, biting his lip as he came. That was a little too close for comfort, he thought to himself, collapsing beside her. He reached downand felt around the floor for his shirt, wiping away the warm, dripping mess he had left on her. She turned her head toward him and smiled at him sleepily, her entire body relaxing, and he couldn’t help but kiss her one more time.

                “How do you feel?” he asked, breathless.

               “Good” she sighed. “How about you?”

               His fingers grazed her cheek before he pulled her close, her body fitting perfectly against his. “Good” he whispered back, wrapping his arms tight around her waist. Then, laughing a bit, he jested, “Maybe you should read Makeout Paradise more often.”

               “Yeah” she laughed sleepily. She settled in and began drifting off to sleep. “I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”