#he woke me up with kisses at 6:44am

[grvntld]

bb portus' morning kisses came in extra early tahday 🌞💋🐶

[nei-ning]

Quick post before I go back to sleep. I woke up at 6:44am after having a bad dream which I feel is connected to a past life (in the dream I was raped by my father, a theme what's been going on in my dreams for years already even that my father, in this life, hasn't been THAT bad, ever!)

So I tried to meditate after getting "yes" from online oracle cards to my question is my dream based on past life event(s). For the firs time ever in meditation, and in my life, I met archangel Rafael and he also helped me for the first time ever even that I've ask his help before.

He was tall. Like at least 3 meters. I didn't see his face so well, but he had toffee colored curly hair below his shoulders. He had most smooth and beautiful pure white wings and green "dress / cape".

He landed on his left knee in front of me, placing small pure orbs in my open palms before covering them with his hands. I felt his hold even in real life! It was firm, but soft. Warm and securing. I burst into heavy tears, still tearing up as I write this.

He told me I am special, that I deserve everything good, that I am healing etc. He was so warm, so gentle, so loving, so caring.

I asked him why he hasn't help me before when I've asked his help. I felt him smiling while still holding my hands. He said (with amazingly beautiful voice): "You weren't ready then. Unlike now. Besides you know how to cleanse yourself slightly." (he means my ability to make myself cry, whenever I want or need to, and cleanse myself that way). This time there was more heavier and negative energy which I couldn't had cleanse out myself. That's why he helped me.

He also left those clear orbs to me, saying they will help my hands heal whatever I touch better. Ever since I was a small girl, I always have imagined / known I have healing powers in my hands (aka reiki energy).

Then, at the end of meditation, I also met Jesus. Now, I always have been more or less careful about believing in Jesus mainly because I am not religious person, but spiritual yes. And to me Jesus presents unconditional love spiritually.

He bend down and kissed my head, saying some lovely words like how I am loved, how I need to love and appreciate myself more, how I am always loved and supported and helped. "There's always help all around to all of us if we just see and believe in it." That's what he said too before kissing my head again.

And that's when my meditation ended. And now I try to go back to sleep. I really, really need more sleep. Better sleep instead of few hours only with constant nightmares or constantly waking up... Or both.

26.1.2021

[xofanfics]

Selfish - Part 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Jun x Reader / Chan x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: You love them both and you’re torn. But…what if you didn’t have to choose?

You couldn’t stop thinking about Chan since you saw him on Friday. It was Sunday night and you were getting ready for bed.

Was it normal to think about him so much? You were the one who broke up with him. Did you even have a right to think about him when you broke his heart?

You couldn’t quite describe your feelings. It was possible that maybe you felt a little regret. Did you regret breaking up with him?

Even as Jun lay next to you in bed, you couldn’t stop thinking about your ex. Your thoughts made you question everything. Did you miss talking to Chan? Hanging out with him? Was it bad to have these thoughts? You had barely had a conversation with the guy yet you felt so guilty even thinking about him.

You reached under your pillow for your phone. You had no new messages. Part of you wondered if he’d ever text you after the breakup. He hadn’t. He just left you alone.

You called him a couple days after breaking up and he didn’t answer. You texted him asking if he wanted you to bring him his stuff. He texted back, “Throw it out.” Then he texted you again, “If you want your stuff, I’ll be out until late. The code is still the same. Get it then.”

Later that day, you went to get your things. As he said, he wasn’t there. Your things were in a box by the door. You picked it up, a pang of regret in your chest. It hurt you because you felt like he didn’t want any reminder of you. You looked in the box and even found things you’d forgotten about.

And that was the last you heard of him. He didn’t call or text you. He stopped liking your pictures on Instagram and your Facebook posts. He didn’t unfollow or block you but he just left you there.

You went through your contacts and came across his name. You clicked on it and started typing.

Y/N [11:56pm]: Are you mad at me?

As soon as you sent it, you regretted it. You wanted to take it back, to pretend it never happened. You weren’t sure if he’d bother responding. You weren’t sure if he was up studying or if he was asleep.What if he ignored you? If he did, you wouldn’t be able to blame him. You broke up with him and broke his heart. Why would he want to talk to you?

Five minutes went by and your phone stayed silent. You decided to turn your phone off because you were feeling anxious. He wasn’t going to respond. It was over between the two of you.

From next to you, Jun shifted in bed next to you. He planted a kiss on your shoulder and started rubbing it. “You still awake babe?” You turned around to face him. Upon seeing your face, he added, “What’s wrong, babe? Are you feeling okay?”

You nodded. “Just having trouble sleeping…”

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t exactly a truth either. You were honestly upset because of Chan and the anxiety over whether or not he’d answer your message.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep on you,” he said, brushing your hair out of your face.

“It’s okay.”

“I’ve just been so tired from work…”

“I know,” you said. “Get some sleep.”

He pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you. You felt him kiss your temple before he closed his eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered sleepily.

“I love you, too…”

You woke to the sound of Jun shuffling around the room. You opened your eyes and sat up in bed. He smiled upon seeing you rub the sleep from your eyes.

“Good morning,” he said. “Time to get up for work. I thought I’d let you sleep a little longer this morning.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem. I even steamed your shirt for you.”

You smiled and stood up. You headed into the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face as Jun shuffled back and forth, preparing for his workday. He worked early on Mondays unfortunately. As you dried your face, he planted a kiss on your lips.

He said, “I have a team dinner tonight…” You nodded. “I’ll call you afterward, okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, forcing a smile. “I’ll talk to you later. Have a good day at work.”

He smiled before heading out. You went to turn your phone on and then you were reminded of the regretful text message you sent to your ex. Your heart dropped as your notifications rolled in and you saw his name flash across the screen.

Yoochan [12:43am]: No.

Yoochan [12:44am]: Why are you texting me?

You didn’t know what to make of his response. You shouldn’t have texted him in the first place. It was definitely a mistake to text him. You should’ve just left it all alone, accepting him as a part of your past with Jun being your future. But your curiosity got the better of you, only to be humiliated like this. Had he told his friends? He was probably chuckling to himself at the idea of you actually reaching out to contact him.

Y/N [7:31am]: I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.

Yoochan [7:33am]: That’s not what I meant. I’m just wondering why. You broke up with me.

Y/N [7:33am]: I just-

You started erasing the message and started typing out a new one.

Y/N [7:33am]: I’m sorry I hurt you

Yoochan [7:34am]: It’s okay

Yoochan [7:34am]: It doesn’t matter anymore

Y/N [7:35am]: Can we start over? As friends?

Yoochan [7:37am]: Okay

Y/N [7:38am]: Are you doing anything tonight? Do you want to eat with me?

Yoochan [7:45am]: I get off of work at 8. I’ll text you then.

Chan was surprised that you texted him. When he woke up on his laptop in the middle of the night, he was shocked enough. He’d fallen asleep listening to his lecture notes on his laptop. He yawned and checked his phone. He thought he was dreaming when your name popped up in his text messages. He rubbed his eyes and even stood up to gain his bearings.

After walking around his room and even drinking some water, he realized that he wasn’t dreaming. He was wide awake and you had texted him. A million ideas ran through his mind. Why were you texting him? What did you want? Were you going to try to get him back somehow? Was that what this was about? Did you regret breaking up with him? You hadn’t contacted him and he hadn’t contacted you. You weren’t friends. You weren’t colleagues. You had no relationship whatsoever.

He opened the text which was just you wondering if he was mad at you. He had every right to be angry. You broke up with him after avoiding him for a week, coming up with excuses and lies. You broke his heart and then ended up going to another man. To make matters worse, you’d gone back to your ex-boyfriend—the one who wasn’t mature enough to handle a relationship with you.

Chan picked you up when you were broken. You were just friends at first but then he slowly started falling for you. His friends were skeptical, saying that maybe he shouldn’t get in a relationship with you right away. But after he confessed that he liked you, you said that you liked him, too. And he couldn’t help himself. He loved you and he fell for you hard. And just a few short months later, you left him on the floor and walked away from him.

How could you go back to the person that hurt you so much? He thought. How could you let him in again after all the times Chan spent comforting you?

Chan had every right to be angry with you. When you first broke up with him, he wanted to hate you. He wanted to paint you as a villain but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it because he was still in love with you even if you no longer felt the same, even if you were still in love with your ex. Even now, seeing your name brought all of his feelings and emotions to the surface. It was as if he’d gotten a cut, his feelings seeping out of him slowly, little by little.

When you suggested hanging out again, he was at a loss for words. Had seeing him the other day had this effect on you? Did you miss him?

He realized that he missed you. He missed hanging out with you, even before you started dating. He missed making you laugh and having movie nights with you. Then again, he missed kissing you and making love to you and holding you after. He missed taking you on cute dates and he missed when you would come get him from work.

Either way, he missed you and he was excited to see you after his shift later.

Chan was excited, but nervous. He wanted to see you more than anything else but he couldn’t help but wonder if it was a bad idea. Were you still with Jun? Had you broken up? He wasn’t sure.

He could hardly concentrate on taking orders at the cafe. His shift came to an end at eight and he quickly cleaned up and helped his co-worker close up. He was surprised when he found you sitting on the bench outside of the cafe. You stood up and started walking toward him. He thought you looked amazing. Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen you, really seen you, in a while.

“Hey,” you said. “It’s been a while…”

He nodded. “It has been.”

“Do you want to get chicken and beer?” you suggested. “I kind of had the taste for it.”

“Sure,” he said. “There’s a place that’s pretty good nearby.”

You walked side by side and it felt a bit awkward. Being how things ended between you, you weren’t surprised. You weren’t sure what to say to him.

“I’m really sorry about how things ended up…”

Chan shook his head. “It’s okay. That’s the past now, right? We should just keep going.”

“You’re right.”

“How are things with you?”

“Good. I’m still working at the same place. I still like it so far. What about you? How are your classes going?”

“They’re going good. I’ve been working hard since it’s almost time for finals.”

“You always used to do so well. You’ll definitely get good grades.”

You arrived at the chicken restaurant and Chan opened the door for you. You walked in and sat down at an empty table. Chan sat across from you and took his coat off.

He said, “I recommend the gochujang chicken but we can get it less spicy. I know you don’t like it too hot.”

You nodded. “Let’s get one that’s not spicy too. That way it’s balanced.” You opened up the alcohol menu. “Should we get a pitcher of beer?”

“Yeah. I haven’t had beer in a while…”

He recalled the night he saw you. He drank soju with his friends that day. They left the restaurant when they finished eating and went to karaoke, where they drank a little more. He couldn’t hold on his frustration anymore. In the middle of singing Hyuna’s “Bubble Pop,” Chan stood up from his seat.

He said, “I’m going back to the restaurant. I need to talk to Y/N…”

Jason put down his mic and said, “She’s probably gone by now. Besides, if you go there what are you going to say to her?”

Chan had no idea what he would’ve said. He didn’t have a plan; he just wanted to see your face. He missed you and he didn’t care if you had a new boyfriend. He loved you and he wanted to stress that to you.

“I’m going to tell her that I love her,” he said, heading toward the door.

Jason’s eyes widened as he stood in front of the door, blocking it so that Chan couldn’t go out. “Are you crazy? Are you forgetting that she broke up with you?”

“I just really need to talk to her,” Chan mumbled, pulling out his phone. “Maybe I should text her instead…” His fingers felt numb as he typed in his password. He started scrolling through his contacts, looking for your name.

Chan was rudely interrupted as Luna snatched his phone from his hands.

Jason grabbed his arm. “There’s nothing to talk about. Come on. Let’s find a new song. It’s your turn. You have the best voice here.”

With that, Chan took the mic and started looking through the book of songs. His impulse to contact you had suddenly disappeared as his friends distracted him.

He smiled at the thought, finally being brought back to present time with you.

“What are you smiling at?” you asked with raised eyebrows.

“It’s nothing. Just a random, funny thought.”

You didn’t ask about it and he didn’t offer any more information either. You were curious but you had to keep in mind that you no longer had the close relationship that you once had. Chan was your ex-boyfriend and, maybe, after some time, you’d become friends again. You weren’t sure how things would end up this time.

Your phone vibrated on the table.

Jun [8:20pm]: We’re almost done with dinner. Do you want to hang out afterward?

A pang of guilt hit you in the chest. You hadn’t done anything yet you still felt a bit guilty. You hadn’t told Jun that you were going out with Chan. He wouldn’t be happy if he knew. After all, when you got back together, you promised him that Chan wouldn’t be a problem and that you didn’t have feelings for him anymore. At the time it was true but, sitting here in front of him, you wondered if your feelings were just pushed away for a little while. It was evident that you still had feelings for him. You wondered if he felt the same.

You started typing your response to your boyfriend.

Y/N [8:21pm]: Hey. I’m out eating with a friend now. We just got here.

Jun [8:21pm]: No problem. Have fun. Call me when you get home safely, okay?

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the truth either. Another pang of guilt hit you but, this time, it stayed.

[justjoeyyy-blog-blog]

Day 11-15

5-24-17 Day 11: I planned to wake up early to lay out but I couldn't get myself out of bed until 1. I laid on the 12th deck which is allowed. I had to wear a dress up there though. It's annoying. The 2 emo kids saw me and their faces lit up. They ran over to me and laid out with me for a little. They even brought me lunch. They're so cute. They also showed me this really cool view at the front of the boat. They said they're dating now and are gonna save up money to visit each other. They're literally like the same person it's so weird. I'm finally starting to figure out my way around as well as the rules. One of my jobs in circle c is to write notes to the parents of the kids. I've done 8 this cruise which is the goal amount we're supposed to aim for. Then I have to go slip the note under their door. Kinda weird but whatever. Every time a cruise leaves we have a meeting with all of youth staff and Carolina (our supervisor) reads all the emails she got from the former guests and their thoughts on the staff. If you get 10 compliments then you get a day off. We have new people coming tomorrow. Which means I need to figure out how to get the new schedule. I also have to fill out some paperwork tonight because it's the last night of the cruise. Which is also confusing. And on top of that I have to clean the entire club. There's a checklist. And when I mean clean I mean everything. Even the clock is on the checklist...lol well I'm gonna take a quick nap. I have to open the club in 50 minutes. It's 1:42am. Just had to say bye to my kiddos :( one of the moms came in and said her daughter and her friend absolutely adored me. She said they talked about me the whole trip and loved the note I slipped under their door. They tipped me $20 too which was so sweet. One of the girls was so sad when we had to say bye. I'm like a big teenager to them. Filling out my reports wasn't as hard as I thought. Just takes extra time. Tomorrow we have to be out of our cabins from 10-1130 because they're working on the air conditioning. Which is so freaking annoying. I have to go set up the club tomorrow morning too so that the new people can come in and look around. I'm also port manning tomorrow so I can't get off :/ I have to work the slide tomorrow too which will be interesting. I wish I was getting off. Rain and Eleanor are going to the outlets and I really wanted to go. Tomorrow is gonna be a long day. 5-25-17 Day 12: it's my mommos birthday today. Wish I was at home with her to celebrate :( I woke up early this morning to shower and the water is off. So that's nice. Guess I'll just be gross and smelly until it turns on. I work in an hour at the slide. I'm gonna try and sleep a little more until I go. Well it's freezing out and cloudy as can be. No one even went down the slide. It's too cold to get into the water. Had to eat in the crew mess hall instead of staff today. Staff closed before I could get there. The crew mess hall consists of all men from other countries who work behind the scenes. They stare at me like I have 3 eyes every time I walk in there so I've learned not to make eye contact with anyone. I sat alone and ate mashed potatoes, which has really been my only meal so far besides when I'm allowed to eat on lido. The food they give us is terrible and I'm scared to even try it. So mashed potatoes and bread it is for now. Sometimes they have really good rice though. All the meat is mystery meat so I'm scared to even try it. I just took a shower and now I'm laying in bed. I have the cabin to myself right now which is nice. I don't get service in my room which really sucks. So I can either go sit in the mess hall and have everyone stare at me or I have to put my uniform on and find somewhere on a different level that has service. There's so many rules it's ridiculous. I break them everyday. I took an apple from the mess hall today ❌ I hugged one of my kids goodbye ❌ I chewed gum while working the slide ❌ and I'm pretty sure I wore the wrong shirt. They still don't have my uniform so I've been switching between the same 3 shirts and 2 pairs of yoga pants...it's getting kinda gross. It's really hard to do laundry here too. They're always taken. I'm gonna take a nap. I have to be up in an hour ugh. So because today is embarkation for a new group of cruisers, circle c is open from 11-6 for guests to come in and check it out. No one is in the club working, it's just open. So at 6 I'm supposed to go lock the doors until we open for registration. I just went to lock the door and the place was a fucking mess. There were rubber bands covering the floor (from an art project that was put away in the closet that someone must've got out themselves), there were about 12 different board games out and all of the cards to the games were on the ground and mixed up. There was also a drawing of a penis on one of the art projects I put out for show. There was food on the couches and just shit everywhere. It's upsetting to know that the kids I'll be hanging out with for the next few days would do this. I got to meet my kids tonight and they're seriously so much fun. There's 90 kids in my clubs age group for this cruise which is insane. So we have this rule that 11 year olds are allowed to move up to my 12-14 club if they request it. We had a family come in and their daughter wanted to get moved up. I said it was okay. The parents were not too happy with the come and go as they please policy. They asked if I could walk her to the bathroom which is not allowed. I'm not a babysitting service. I'm there for fun. So the parents left and the girl came up to me and asked if the music we play is anything different than Christian rock...I explained to her that we don't play that kind of music...she then lectured me about cuss words and how she's not allowed to listen to the kind of music we play in the club. She then went on to tell me different words she made up to replace cuss words. She also questioned me on the movie playing in the club because if it's pg-13 she can't watch it...then cover your eyes like wtf. It was on the small TV too that no one even watches. Then one of the 14 year old boys was talking about "French kissing" his girlfriend. The 11 year old got in his face and completely went off on him on how inappropriate that is. The little girl then asked "do your parents know?!" The boy responded and said yeah my dad does. The girl goes and what about your mom. The boy replied and said uhhhhhh she died so I don't have a mom. It was so heartbreaking to hear as I sat in the background. Another boy then interrupted trying to stand up for the 14 year old boy. That boy, who looks like a mini Justin Bieber, went on to tell the girl that there's nothing wrong with that. The girl then got in his face going off about how she doesn't need a boyfriend in her life and she has 4 goals in life: to go to Harvard, Yale, and Stanford, become a doctor, become a vet, and love god. The boy then teased her about her boy name in which she retaliated with something having to do with Jesus crossing a river? Lastly, the Justin Bieber boy responded with there is no god, in which the little girl went OFF. I just sat there not knowing what to say. I really need to talk to the girls parents because she is way too immature to be with these older kids. She needs to be in club ocean. I just don't know how to say that to the parents without sounding rude. Ugh it was seriously so awkward. After all the chaos we went and played man hunt on the sports deck. When I left all the kids yelled we love you! It was seriously so cute. They said I'm really cool 😋it's 1:44am and I'm just laying in bed. I put some pics of me and my kids on my wall. We take pictures on captains dinner night and I get to keep one. I still don't have a uniform so I've been wearing the same 2 pairs of pants for almost 2 weeks and it's totally disgusting. On Sunday I switch to camp ocean which will be interesting. I really love being with the older kids but I also like having a different schedule which comes with working in camp ocean. 5-26-17 Day 13: I think it's time for me to say something to my new roommate about her bf sleeping over every night. He leaves our room at 530 am every morning which obviously wakes me up. He also snores and moans in his sleep. I randomly wake up and hear her whispering but he's snoring at the same time so I'm confused. I'm in the mess hall right now eating. Mashed potatoes as always. I added carrots and ranch to the mix today. The amount of food these people eat is insane. It's like they've been starved for a week. This lady just walked by me with 6 chicken breasts...and the girl at the table next to me has an entire plate of crispy chicken and mashed potatoes as well as another plate full of cake and a cup filled with ice cream. Oy. Today has been a long freaking day. I just went to the crew bar and Rain and Alina left. So of course I was awkwardly stuck talking to some older guy I didn't understand at all. Then another guy tried to talk to me asking if I had a bf and blah blah blah. Not interested at all. So I made up some dumb excuse. One of them told me a story of a time he was in Brazil and a car pulled up to him and shot the man sitting next to him in the car. I barely understood him so I just shook my head and was like oh wow omigod damn blah blah blah. Today we had a team meeting and said bye to one of our members, Reuben. He's seriously such a fun guy and reminds me of one of my best friends that moved away. Like actually a replica. We all hung out and got to eat a special dinner because of it. After everyone left, me, Reuben, and Rain stayed and sang karaoke for over an hour. Me and Reuben sang tons of songs and he harmonized. It was a freaking blast. After that I went and bought alcohol in the gift shop. It's so freaking cheap and then on top of that we get a discount. Also, when I first started my supervisor told me I needed to take out some of my earrings. After a week of not having some in I decided to put them back. One of my piercings I've had for over 2 years now. When I went to put the earring back in it was totally starting to close up. I had to jam my earring into the hole to re-pierce it and now it feels like that feeling when you first get it pierced. It hurts so bad. At least my forehead doesn't hurt anymore from banging it on that metal shelf. I do have a weird huge bruise on my arm that people keep asking me about that's kinda concerning. It's in between the size of a golf ball to a baseball. So pretty freaking big. I'm super excited tomorrow is a port day. We have a drill at 10 though :/ like wtf I can't catch a break. Hopefully the weather is nice because I really wanna lay out. It's 2:51am. Either there's a heard of elephants on the floor above me or there's a weight lifting competition. No sleep for me tonight. Hey at least my roommates boyfriend isn't snoring. I probably just jinxed myself though. 5-27-17 Day 13: Today has been a pretty good day. The roommates bf woke me up this morning at 530. And then she woke me up at 630. The alarm definitely does the trick, and then she turns on the light and it's all downhill from there. Me, rain, and Eleanor went to a "resort" today in Ensenada. It was my first time going there. It's a shit hole. We took a taxi for 5 dollars to a hotel with a pool. We get in free there because of the cruise and we also get a towel to use for free. It was nice to wear my own clothing and not have to worry about rules and wearing my name tag. I wore sunscreen too for all of you that give me shit. Before going to the hotel we had an employee drill which was chaos. For some reason my info in the system is wrong so I had numerous adults coming up to me saying I was in the wrong spot when really I was. I already feel like I stick out and then on top of that I have people calling my name at an all employee safety drill. Wonderful. I had some trainings today which were okay. And then I got to eat at kids dinner. I had stuffed mushrooms which were freaking amazing. I hate mushrooms but these were great. Now I'm laying in bed. I have to be at the club in an hour. My roommate is in here too. I don't know how to tell her that I don't want her bf sleeping in here. It's so awkward. I haven't had a good nights sleep since I've been here and it's taking a toll. I finally got my uniform today thank god. Half of it wasn't even right though. It says the wrong club so that's annoying. But I'll get it all eventually. Tomorrow I start work at 12 so no getting off the boat for me :/ The big group of kids in my club wanted to hang out with someone who wasn't allowed in so they didn't come tonight. Which really sucks. They didn't even stop by to say bye or anything :/ The religious girl in my club went at it again with a boy. In which he responded "you'll be my trash person one day". I just sat there not knowing what to say or do. She was totally instigating him and was the one that started the entire altercation. After work I went to the crew bar. It's our friend Reuben's last day tomorrow. He's seriously such an amazing guy. I've only known him for 2 weeks and I feel like we've been friends forever. We heard we have 2 guys coming into youth staff so that will be good. We have too many girls! I just got back to my cabin and it's 2:30. And my roommates boyfriend is snoring. I'm gonna say something tomorrow. I feel like it's just common curtesy to not bring your bf home every. Single. Night. Ugh I don't know how to make it stop. And on top of that there's all these loud noises outside and above. It seriously sounds like bombs or fireworks are going off. It's so loud. I'm so confused. One second I hear my roommates boyfriend snoring and then the next second I hear them kiss. And then one second later he's literally already snoring again. And they'll randomly whisper and then snoring seconds later. Like wtf are you talking about at 2:38 in the morning. And he moans in the middle of the snoring it's just freaking me out. 5-28-17 Day 14: woke up at 530 to my roommates boyfriends alarm. Then woke up at 630 to her alarm/turning the lights on. Then she woke me up at 930 by coming in the room and leaving the door wide open...and everyone is super loud in the hallways. I swear she's fucking dumb. I asked her if her bf could start staying in his room more. I said he snores and it keeps me up. Her reply "he snore? I do not know that. I talk to him". Ugh. I worked the water slide and then did registration in camp ocean. That's where I'll be this week. We have some re-signs that came on today, one including an assistant supervisor. She's much nicer than Carolina. Just now I was standing outside of camp next to the elevators talking to my mom and Carolina gave me the death stare. I was probably breaking some dumb rule. I don't get good service down where we live though so I have to go up higher. These days feel like eternity. They go by soooo slow. Today we had 3 new people come. One is from Michigan. She's interning. Another is the assistant supervisor and she's from the phillipens (however you spell it) but she's really sweet. And the last girl is one of our staff members sister. Also from phillipens. It's 10:21 pm and I am in bed. This hasn't happened since I've been here. I worked with that returning employee today. I could tell she wasn't too happy with me not knowing any of the games...even though she knows I've never worked at camp ocean and the only time I did was my first freaking day. She told me I need to learn them. I was with the 9-11 year olds tonight. They're really sweet and call me Joey Kanga(roo). I can tell a few of the little girls really like me. I heard one of them telling her mom about me lol. Elle and Rain are already sleeping :/ of course I'm not tired right now. I need to make some more friends that I can do stuff with like go to a comedy show or something. Cuz on a cruise ship 10:00 means the night is just beginning. It's hard though when you can't communicate with people through phone. I told the new girl she could stop by when she gets off. I wanna be there for her because I was just in that position 2 weeks ago. I'm really starting to freak out about being on this boat for so long. I know 3 months is short compared to everyone else but I've only been here for 2 weeks and it feels like forever. There's times when I'm having so much fun though and I look around and have to remind myself that I wanted this job so badly. There's so many amazing things I get to do while working here but being away from my family and friends is hard. And especially my 2 kitties :( ugh I miss them so much. Things are definitely getting easier, I just think I'd have more fun if I had more friends to do stuff with. Eleanor is leaving in 2 weeks :/ and her boyfriend is leaving this week. Hopefully me and the new intern can hang out a lot considering we're both learning still. We just went and got ice cream. There's so much I wanna help her with. She knows one of the other interns on the boat so she's in a better position than I was. She's in a temporary room where the crew works. It looks very different than staff. They also share a community bathroom...staff have many more privileges than crew does. Crew has a bigger mess hall though but we're allowed to eat there too, which consists of men staring at me. The people here are so fucking rude. These men will run into me while I'm walking or step in front of me. No one says excuse me or sorry. Also no one knows to walk on the right side of the stairs and the right side of the hallway. The kids I work with are more polite than these grown ass rude men. Also NO BOYFRIEND TONIGHT WOOT WOOT. 5-29-17 Day 15: I was quiet as always last night and this morning just to find out my roommate slept out lol. I had tendering at 830 this morning. No one told me what the hell it was so thankfully Eleanor called me this morning and told me where to go and what time. It's basically standing by the elevators and telling people where to go to get off the boat. For 3 hours. It's ridiculous. This is a mess. We have to take tender boats while in Catalina which causes all of this chaos. And people are told all different things so it's confusing to the guests. Right now I'm taking a little break. Of course the one time I have free I'm not getting service. I got to eat lunch at lido today. I tried the burrito bar for the first time. Kinda like chipotle. It was pretty good and actually something somewhat healthy for once. Work was good tonight. I worked with the returning sister again who once again questioned me on why I didn't know anything. She knows I've never done this shit like give me a fucking break. One of the kids had autism so of course I automatically fell in love with him. He started dancing so I was totally cheering him on and then his pants ripped. He instantly grabbed his crotch and I knew if I didn't help right away there could be a possible meltdown within seconds. I asked him if he was comfortable with the pants or if he wanted to change into new ones which is what he wanted. While we waited for his parents (who never answered their phone) I gave him my jacket to wear around his waist. I told his mom about my job back at home and asked if I would be back tomorrow. Hopefully he won't wear his "church pants" as he calls them tomorrow. After work I went to the comedy show with the new intern britny (the one I took under my wing). She actually moved in with the other intern who is part of the fun squad. We also went to the comedy show after. The comedian has a son with autism so of course I had to tell him about my job back at home. He gave me a huge hug. Then me and britny went to the crew bar which is pretty cliquey. One of our girls was there. I thought she was from the phillipens this entire time and she was totally offended when I told her I had no idea she was from Indonesia. She was laughing though. She tells the kids her name is Jennifer Lopez. She has 3 kids back at home and one is only 3 months old...her husband is on this boat too. Her kids live back at home with her sister. It's so crazy. After that we went and got pizza at the lido deck but the pizza guy gave us the weirdest look when we got up there it was so uncomfortable. Me and britny just stood there in silence because we were so taken aback. Tomorrow I don't start until 2. I'll probably sleep until then honestly. I have to do laundry tomorrow. I only have 1 pair of underwear left. And my room smells like dirty socks. I think it's my shoes that I have to wear everyday. Pretty gross. I'm praying there's a washing machine open. Also, today while I was working with the new sister girl she was talking to one of the parents about her son and she kept saying "she" and "her". The phillipinos don't know the difference between he she him her. It's like comical. So the one is staring at her all confused. These are grown women and they don't know the difference, and then back at home this is a program I work on with my kids at work.