#he’s sassy and suave and his gestures of friendship and love of any nature can be extremely sweet

[o-wise-corvid]

Maul takes statements a little too literally because Sidious had a habit of making “offhand” ones that turned out to be extremely literal. Like “it will only be a little skin off your back” would mean carving a piece of flesh off Maul’s back while being told if he moved or made a sound, they’d start again on a completely new area until he could “complete the mission”.

You don’t come out of being raised like that for as long as you can remember and be a regular person mentally. If he didn’t take it all at face value, he’d never have survived. If he didn’t follow instructions to the letter, there would be pain worse than what he was already in.

In canon, and AU’s that include this, most healthy moment he ever had was realizing that it wasn’t that he was unworthy of Sidious’ approval, but that Sidious was unworthy of his adoration. In canon, he decided to make it Sidious’ problem however he possibly could. Killing Anakin was his best shot. And he got Ahsoka instead.

Kenobi was just an outlet for all the pain and hurt and jealousy that all this breeds inside a person’s soul. Kenobi was why he failed right? Right?! He had to be. And when Maul discovered Kenobi had someone that loved him, truly loved him… they had to be dealt with. And that’s why Satine had to die. How could he let the man who’d taken everything from him have the thing that Maul so desperately CRAVES? Simply put, Maul couldn’t.

Maul’s full, ultimately, of love. But he’s been beaten and twisted and broken so many times that when it comes to showing it, it’s also broken. “I was told to do this by a person I love and if I love them, I do it to the letter, because if I don’t, I must not love them so maybe they’ll love me if I do it perfectly.” All he wants in the end, is someone to please love him back. But he doesn’t believe he deserves it. Because no one ever has. Which in turn leads to “If I don’t show how much I hurt, it isn’t real but I deserve it all anyway, so who cares?”

So when I write for a Maul who’s endured Sidious and come out the other side, whether in an AU where he gave up being a Sith or Sidious was killed, you get a very tired, very lonely man. He’s free of some things, having possibly realized that Kenobi was just a scared kid who’d watched his father-figure die and who else wouldn’t have gone after Maul after seeing that? It was all Sidious. He might meet someone he likes. A partner or perhaps a younger person he realizes he has paternal instincts toward. But then, he comes to love them. And one day they tell him to just GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE. They mean it for an hour or so. A couple days max.

But Maul doesn’t understand that. It’s not their fault. And it’s not his either. So when they realize Maul’s not even in the same building, but is in fact waiting at the nearest spaceport with the cheapest shuttle across the galaxy in mind, it’s liable to make them panic. Because chances are, they don’t even remember what they said to him. If he ends up failing either in this or some other regard, brought back because of whatever reason, it frequently leads to quiet self harm because he failed and failure means punishment.

It doesn’t matter whoever he’s with all but begs him to not do this, not leave them. Maul doesn’t believe it. Even if he agrees just to get whoever it is to calm down. Because it feels so good. To be wanted. To be clung to. If it’s true, it’s going to have to hurt. Things that feel this good… they simply don’t happen to Maul. So they’re obviously lies.

This mental cycle is breakable. But it’s going to take a long time and a whole lot of effort. Which is why Maul isn’t easy to love or for just anyone to attempt to try to. He’s damaged. Horribly. And you’re going to get hurt trying to heal that. One should accept that not all of it will be healed. One should accept that he’s going to misunderstand. And if someone really does love him? They’re going to have to try anyway.

[eyesaremosaics]

What are your experiences with Geminis? I love the astrological posts you've been doing. You write so vividly, so viscerally, that I can actually feel the experiences you convey - have you ever considered writing as a pursuit in itself?

Thank you so much sweetling, I have considered it, once as a young girl. However…I don’t know if my writing is good enough to get published. Bit insecure about my abilities, one of my flaws is lack of confidence. I have difficulty completing extraordinary tasks (such as writing a novel). It’s a huge undertaking and responsibility in my eyes.

However, I have always felt that I needed to write a book. That I need to leave something behind for others. I still feel that way, and I will. There is a novel I have been slowly working on for years, but I am very secretive about it. There is a superstition amongst writers, about sharing their work before it is fully formed. Rather like a jinx.

Oh Gemini…. As aforementioned in a previous ask, I have slightly dreaded answering the question about Gemini, because many of my personal experiences with them have been less than positive. Yet so many artists that I love and respect are Gemini, so I have very mixed feelings about them.

I will say this: they are sharp, witty, childlike and hilarious. Often they would do well as a stand up comedian/comedienne. They generally are very gifted in the artistic sense, musically (Morrissey is a prime example, even though I want to punch him in the face), in terms of painting, sculpture, mixed media, dance, and most especially–acting.

Because Gemini have a dual aspect to their nature, they are rather like dr. Jekyl and mr. Hyde. When they are good–they are great. Bubbly, effervescent like champagne, with quick witticisms and random tidbits of information you may not have been privy to before. They are the life of the party, confetti, streamers, excited explosions onto the scene. They will make you come alive with their unique and creative sense of humor. However, when they are bad, they can be wishy washy, non-committal, pathological liars who are out to save their own hide.

It truly depends on what else is in their chart. For example, my aunt Joan was born in the 1930’s, and she is the toughest old broad you will ever meet. However. She is born on the first day of Gemini, so she carries with her a lot of Taurus, which grounds her significantly, and makes her very reliable and dependable with a sassy flair and biting wit.

Another Gemini friend of mine has a lot of Scorpio in her chart, which makes her very deep and penetrating–an excellent writer with a lot of depth and dimension and an ability to truly empathize with whatever you are going through. She usually has a unique perspective on a problem as well, gives great advice and insight. She is very observant, with a heavy aspect to her personality tempered with humor.

Another Gemini friend of mine had a lot of cancer, which makes him rather sensitive, touchy and moody at times. Though he is an excellent dancer, we called him “twinkle toes”. He has great taste in art and music–as most gemini’s tend to have.

In fact they rival libra in terms of being “art snobs” or “hipsters” at times. They can be a little judgmental about others who have what they consider to be “poorer” taste. They are the best party friends you could ever have, always on the incline with their tonality, they have a refreshing and eternally youthful quality about them. Even with heavy earth in their chart (Like Johnny Depp for example who has a Capricorn moon), they will have a playful, silly side to them which they compartmentalize.

Johnny Depp is someone I like to use to explore what I love about Gemini. He is truly a character actor, and very underrated in my opinion. He completely transforms into whatever character he plays to the point where you hardly recognize him. Look at him in blow, compared to fear and loathing, compared to Edward Scissorhands, compared to Charlie in the chocolate factory, compared to Pirates–all completely different. His voice, his walk, his mannerisms are so unique to the character. He’s a natural. As is Angelina Jolie, Helena Bonham Carter etc.

Another Gemini I love to death is Judy Garland. I feel for this woman so much. She was forced into the vaudeville circuit by her domineering stage mother at 2 years old, with little regard to her wishes or personal safety/mental sanity. Judy had this gift from the gods, this powerful voice that stands out even to this day. She was unique in her talent, and in my opinion–one of the greatest performers of all time.

Her life was a great tragedy, because so many people told her she was too short, too fat, too ugly. This took a toll on her self esteem as a growing girl. Her self concept became wrapped in other people’s opinions about her, and she NEEDED their validation to have self worth. Judy fell in love with Vincent Minnelli (Liza’s father) and she was told not to be with him, because he was an adulterer and a rumored homosexual. She said very seriously: “all I know is he is kind, and intelligent… And he adores me. And I NEED to be adored.”

Gemini is very dependent on the opinions of others because their own self concept is always changing. As a mutable sign they are very adaptable, but they constantly lose their sense of personal identity. This can cause a serious crisis for them. However, they won’t let this on usually. They like to appear sprightly, cheerful and driven.

This is why they make great actors, because they can so easily become someone else. Meryl Streep is the most famous and successful example of this. She has won more awards than any man (or woman) in history.

In Judy’s case, it was heartbreaking. The studio system starved her, and got her addicted to amphetamines to keep her figure thin and appealing for the camera. If you watch her in later films, you can see the hollows in her cheeks. This matched with gemini’s propensity to over analyze, led to drug induced psychosis in Judy. She had to be hospitalized many times for panic attacks, drug overdoses, and suicide attempts.

Judy never stopped fighting though, she was up and down on a daily basis, damn near impossible to work with, but she clawed her way out of her own grave many a time to prove everyone wrong. That is what I find so inspiring about her. She never could quite get over the rainbow, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

In the darker aspect: Gemini are (in my experience) self deceptive. The reason the exaggerate or stretch the truth as often as they do, comes out of their innate insecurity about their abilities/accomplishments, but also because they convince themselves of their own lies. They truly believe them. So, in that way, they are innocent not malicious about it. They have a way with words and cal talk themselves out of almost anything.

If they have have water influence in their chart (as many of the Gemini friends I have do) there will be an added depth and complexity to their character. They will have a greater capacity for empathy. Gemini is known as the pre school age child, if you were to look at each sign as an age bracket. They are eager to be a part of things, curious about the world around them, always questioning reality, always absorbing information. Although… In my experience they know a little about a lot of things, so they can carry on conversation in a broad spectrum, very few things interest them enough for them to specialize in, the way say a Virgo does.

They are curious about everyone and everything, but they are often restless. They become easily bored or overwhelmed–sometimes simultaneously. Depending on what they have in their chart to support them, they CAN be there for you. However, a typical “true” Gemini is gone when the party is over. They are on to find the next adventure.

My bitterness toward them comes from a Gemini friend that was very important to me. He left me in a situation where I was at risk, and as a result I was molested by an older man. We went to a party together, where I was drugged by this predator, and the Gemini just left me like that at a strangers house. When I confronted him about what had happened in his absence, he got very impatient and evasive and said: “well it’s in the past now. Let’s just forget it.”

Dismissing my trauma because he couldn’t shoulder the responsibility, made me lose respect for him, and our friendship dissolved very quickly following this incident. I realized I could not count on him, and if it came down to the wire, he would throw me under the bus. Now granted, I know not all Gemini are this way, but this situation deeply affected me.

I dated a Frenchman when I was 18–also a Gemini–absolutely gorgeous man. He looked like Stuart Townsend as Lestat in queen of the damned. He was very romantic, very suave with his words, big romantic gestures… Roses, chocolates, picking me up in a sports car. Yet he only saw me as a conquest. After he “had” me he discarded me abruptly, and with little regard for my feelings at all.

Many exes of men I have loved were Gemini. These women were often conniving, vengeful, many of them trying to break up my relationships. Crusading to put me in the ground because they were jealous and insecure. Spreading lies about me, trying to taint other people’s perception of my character. One of them even put a curse on me–no joke.

There was a Gemini girl who I became friends with, I admired her so much. She was a clothing designer, had her own antique shop, was a ballet dancer, a painter, and she went to an environmentalist high school where they planted trees and learned about conservation. I looked up to her–even though we were the same age. We got along famously, and became very close. One day she abruptly stopped talking to me. I asked her tearfully why and she very coldly said: “because. You treat me like you are older than me, or better than me. I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

I was totally crushed, I had adored her. My maternal instincts come out when someone is hurting, and her insecurities prompted her to perceive this quality of mine as “looking down on her”, which was not true.

I had a manager at Starbucks who was Taurus/Gemini, she hated me for some reason. Once I was sick with a fever, throwing up. She told me if I didn’t come in she would fire me. I came in to prove to her how sick I was, and she told me I was just hungover (which I wasn’t, I didn’t drink back then. I was a stoner). She forced me to scrub the grout lines in the tile while I was simultaneously vomiting in the toilet, and sadistically watched me do it while she sat at her desk doing nothing.

So you can see my aversion to them. In my experience they were unreliable, wishy washy, and self absorbed. Yet I have also been very close with many Gemini’s who I love dearly so it’s confusing. My godson is a Gemini–true blue Gemini. He’s hilarious! He has such sweet, vibrant energy, always coming up with hilarious phrases and opinions about things. Super active and excited.

Every morning he comes into Jeanne’s room smiling, wearing an apron with a serving tray on his hand saying: “hey guys! It’s me! River Thompson!” He tells everyone that I am a dancing vampire. Introduced me to the guy at chuckie cheese by saying: “this is my friend Megan, she’s a vampire from San Francisco.”

One time, he ate all the candy his grandma left out and I said: “oooooo Riverrr. Your mom is gonna be maaaaaad… You ate all that candy tsk, tsk.” When Jeanne came in half asleep, River said: “ mom, you can’t come in here because Megan says you’re mad because–I ate all the candy.”

She just walked away un phased, to which his response was: “phew, that was a close one.”

He loves me so much, his whole being lights up when he sees me. It’s nice to be greeted with such enthusiasm. He always gives me a big hug and starts dancing around when I come over, and always asks about me when I’m not there. He tells Jeanne: “I need to be with Megan because she loves me.”

Gemini’s have a very lively imagination, which is why they are so creative. They are natural writers, and sweepingly romantic. They foil Sagittarius in this way. They are natural orators, commentators, creative genius’, musicians, actors, and designers. They have a natural eye for an image, and it’s a very effortless process for them.

Gemini’s avoid conflict and like to walk away before things become too heated. Gemini tries to be a pacifist however, if you back them into a corner they will not hesitate to retaliate and put you in your place.They’re not afraid to stand up for themselves and can be quite severe with their words when they are angry.

They are extremely independent and can’t be controlled. I sense this is why Gemini and Scorpio have an attraction to one another, Scorpio sees it as a challenge and Gemini enjoys the intense focus that Scorpio brings.

The Gemini mind is constantly racing with thoughts and ideas, as an air sign they can become constantly trapped in their own mind, which is why they appear to always be fleeing from something. Always arriving. They are more mercurial than Virgo, and are a pure incarnation of Hermes (the messenger God).

Gemini are curious creatures, and they are always soaking up their surroundings and retaining knowledge. They are natural investigators, they rival Scorpio in this aspect. Do not underestimate their ability to get to the bottom of things.

They are fickle and indecisive at times, but they are generally good friends. In my experience they are supportive and encouraging of whatever your dreams and ambitions are.

They are also majorly flirtatious, this is maddening to the more possessive signs. Gemini have a way with words, they are charming and genuinely like people most of the time. They can’t help themselves really, and just think they are being friendly. They are always on the go, have eclectic tastes, and prefer to keep things offbeat and interesting. Gemini love to travel, city life, large parties, art galleries, camping trips anything gregarious that will get them out in the world.

If they have more earth or water in their chart, they will tend to be a bit more shy. Though once they warm up their weirdness will come out. I have known a few shy gemini’s, but not many. Mostly they are VERY vocal about what they think and how they feel. They are usually great fun to play with. They are playmates.

More famous gemini’s include: Natalie Portman, Clint Eastwood, Donald Trump 😑, Prince, JFK, Marilyn Monroe, Nicole Kidman, Kanye West… You get the picture. They run the gamut from amazing to horrible. I think an important thing to note is that they are a dual sign. They have two sides to them, and as JK Rowling said in the HP series: it is not our abilities that decide who we are in is our choices.

Gemini’s like Johnny Depp, JFK, Prince and Nicole Kidman are excellent examples of all the beauty and artistry that Gemini can bring into the world. I find that highly evolved gemini’s who are artistically oriented and (most importantly) self aware are wonderful. Gemini’s who are unevolved, who refuse to look inside or be there for others because they can’t even be there for themselves are unbearable.

Gemini is the little girl asking you to play with her, they are murals spanning the walls of an otherwise filthy urban environment. They reinvigorate and add sparkle to any environment they enter. They are the wandering poet, the distressed painter mad with drink and excess. They are the inconsistency of the sky. The impurity of the air. Chalk drawings, geology, a massive library, microscopes, satellite signals, glitter polish. Air brush, pin wheels, sour candies. Music festivals, disco lights, The sound of music. The flowers of spring, blooming youthful, ostentatious. Forever young, and always inspiring.