#he’s sweet so I’m not liek scared nervous just like ahhh I’ve never really done that before 🙈

[sailermoon]

trying to think of things to do with that guy cause he invited me to his place but I’m kind of nervous 👉🏼👈🏼

[phantasticsheeran]

What it was like meeting ed

Okay, so I want to start this off by saying that I feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten the opportunity to meet ed and it all still feels soo surreal. It’s so crazy to have gone on this journey and have it end like this. I got the opportunity to meet ed at my 10th and last ed show for the divide era. What a dream. So now to the most important part....

So the day of the concert I had about a 2 hour drive to go see ed in Minneapolis, I already knew I was gonna meet him but I was so scared something was going to go wrong. My mom, best friend, and I all left super early and got to our hotel at about 3 o’clock. We got showered, got ready, and as silly as it sounds....practiced our hugging techniques for when we met ed. We then walked to the stadium and got there around 5:30, the meetup wasn’t going to be until 6:45 so we had some time to prepare and sit around in anticipation. When we got to the meetup location we were asked for our names and given these passes:

Up until this point, I was soo soo soo scared that everyone was gonna change their minds or say “wait nevermind, you can’t meet him.” Once we got the passes everything felt so intense and real and i was SO nervous. We were then lead to an elevator and taken underground in the stadium and were separated into two groups. We then lined up in front of these two black doors and the first group went in. It was so surreal to be about one foot from the door and hear ed welcome the first group....I can’t really describe it but hearing his voice at a normal volume not amplified through a microphone was so weird? So the first group I think consists of people who work for the stadium because they presented him with a check in his name to a charity i think? and there were about 10 people and they were in there for a solid like 10-15 minutes. My friend Anna and i had assumed we were all gonna walk into the room together and ed would then take pictures with us individually but instead they separated us into the groups we came in.

Anna and I were first in line in the second group. I had expected the room ed was in to be big like a standard living room or for him to be at the end of the room so we would have to walk to him but instead the room was tiny! and he was right there a foot away from me when we walked in. Honestly this was the moment when I completely lost it....I had absolutely no idea what to do. My jaw just dropped my eyes widened and I just pointed at him and then look back at kev while I pointed and said “wow that’s him? that’s really him? it’s you?” and then i let out not a scream but just like a mildly loud “AHHH!” or terror. And so then I was still in shock and just looking at ed and then he just grabs me and pulls me into a hug. it was the softest gentles hug i’ve ever gotten. He was wearing a black shirt, so after the hug I look at his shirt and I just say “oh my gosh i’m so sorry i got makeup on your shirt I feel so bad” as I frantically try to wipe the foundation and highlighter away from his chest.

And then get this....this boy, the softest boy just puts his arm around me pulls me into him and says “no, no it’s alright i change before really it’s alright, you’re alright”so then next i thrust a build-a-bear i brought him that’s dressed like him and sings “take it back’ toward him and just say “i brought you a bear. it sings!” and he just starts giggling and looks at the bear and presses its hand and makes it sing. He can tell i’m nervous so throughout the entire conversation we have he’ll look at me once the bear stops singing and press the hand and make the bear dance to make me laugh. He did this at least 5-6 different times. At one point he also, in the most gentle way, starts tying one of the bears shoelaces and moving its shoes around.

next, my friends shows him two drawings i made of him and goes “she also made these for you, aren’t they so goood?” and he looks at me and hugs me and goes “now, normally, i don’t keep these with me because on tour they rip or get damaged and these are really quite well done, so is it okay if i just sign them and you can take them home and put them on your wall?” and I’m like yes that’s so okay! and he’s like “but is it okay if i keep the bear? i quite like this bear” THIS SOFT BOY LITERALLY ASKED ME IF HE COULD KEEP THE BEAR AS HE CRADLED LIKE A BABY IN HIS ARM LIEK WHAT??

after this, I asked him if I could ask him some questions but he didn’t have to answer them if he couldn’t and he just says “yeah, okay, shoot. any question you want” and I asked him if in the perfect video it was really a picture of him and cherry because i’ve been wondering for the longest time. and he just touches my arm and goes “actually it’s a picture of my brother and cherry and they just photoshopped my face onto it” and then i’m like “don’t think i’m weird or anything but you got a new tattoo on your back and a lot of people are trying to figure out what it is because it kinda looks like a frog wearing a crown so i was just wondering what it’s of?” and he just goes “oh have you heard of an artist named basquiat? he makes these paintings and they sell for hundreds of millions of dollars and i really like them and obviously can’t buy them so i just decided to get one tattooed on me.” and then he asks to see my friends phone and is gonna google the picture of his tattoo. my friend hands him her phone and her thumb is sweaty so it’s not unlocking her phone so she just types her password in and he’s on her phone and just goes “where’s google, i can’t find it” and she goes “it’s in the blue, i color code them” and then he turns to me and puts his hand on my arm again and goes “ you know what i have a friend who does that too” and so then this SWEET BOY spends a solid amount of time finding the exact picture of the tattoo on his back so i can know exactly which one it is.

next i told him how funny cherry’s captions are on the wibbles instagram and he just goes “yeah she is funnny” and giggles and then goes “did you know kev has an instagram” and we’re like yeah we did like of course and my friends brings up his last post with shawn mendes and kev and ed both start laughing kev goes “oh i’m glad you liked that one.” and then my friend goes “fun fact ed did you know kev and her have the same birthday” and then ed just looks at me and hugs me and goes “happy birthday by the way” and then kev is like “girls do you want pictures” and ed just wraps his arms around us and takes this picture:

and then we took some selfies and he made sure the bear was in EVERY PICTURE and in this one specifically you can tell how much it actually looks like him!

and then we can tell kev’s tryna rush us a bit but ed keeps bringing stuff up every time we’re about to leave so then ed asks us if we’re from minnesota and we’re like no we’re from iowa and he’s like “i love iowa! they have raygun there don’t they?” and i’m like “yeah they’re the ones that make all your shirts when you’re there” and then he looks at me and sounds so proud and says “yes they are!” and then my friend tells him that we’ve gone to 8 concerts together adn i say this is my 10th concert and he just looks at me and puts his arm around me and he looks soo humbled by this and just goes “thank you, you don’t have to do that, thank you” and then we can feel our time coming to an end so we’re panicking and my friend tells him the first time she swore was when she was singing you need me, i don’t need you. and he just holds up his fist and giggles and gives her a fist bump. and then i go “ed i’ve never swore before. should i swear for the first time right now? i will if you want me to.” and he just giggles and looks at my friend and just says “wow her first time” and then holds up a fist bump and then i just start swearing for the first time in my 19 years of life 5 times in a row, each time louder and each time giving him a harder fist bump and he just starts laughing because he thinks this is the funniest thing ever. and then after this we hugged him goodbye and it all came to an end.

important things i left out:

-i felt his belly at one point because he hugged me and my hand just kinda slid past it and it was the softs and most delicate baby belly in the world and like you could feel the like curvature of definition on it

-during this entire conversation he could tell i was overwhelmed so he’d randomly just hug me or squeeze my shoulder or put his arm around me and just bring me close to try to make me feel bettter and more calm

-he smelled like a light musk

-his tattoos are a lot more faded up close

-he was wearing black cartier bracelet and i could tell it was old because it was scratched and chipped a bit

- every time we were about to leave i’d ask for another hug and instead of just saying yes he would just bring grab me and hug me without warning

-he’s just as soft adn warm and loving and gentle as you’d think and he really makes you feel special and like an old friend 

-he didn’t let go of the bear once during the entire conversation and just cradled it the entire time

-when i made the bear a few years ago they make you put a heart in it and make a wish on the heart and my wish was to meet ed and it’s just so crazy that now he has that bear

-he gave me at least 9 hugs during then entire encounter which was about 10-13 minutes long but felt like 30 minutes

-since we went first in every other picture he took after you can see the bear i gave him and you can tell he like tried to perfectly balance it so it’d be standing against a wall:

if you guys have any other questions or if i left anything important you wanted to know out just drop me an ask and i’ll answer it for you guys!

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.