#he'd be the only one who passes 18 I guess tho I won't make a point of it at all

[pathsofoak]

I think I'm going to explicitly mention Thomas's age The Early Rise. There is a scene where Janson shows him his file, there is no reason why that wouldn't be in it, his mother willingly gave him up, they would have gotten those documents somewhere. Since Thomas basically turns away from WCKD on the basis that he's a child in the Night Winds, I think it would make sense.

Random hc's in the tags they're just a thought dump

[jehovahhthickness]

(sorry for long post)

My dad passed away last year (one full year, next month). And I miss him, really. But it's like, I wish that he'd been different growing up.

Both of my parents were "too saved". They didn't let us have friends outside of the church. Didn't let us date. Made us, in our early teenage years (10-13), get this "promise ring" about not having sex before marriage.

And honestly, all of that, I feel, fucked me up in my older years. I'm already introverted as is, but I suck at socializing. I feel awkward as hell because the first time I hung out (outside of school) with a friend from school was AFTER my freshman year of college. I didn't date anyone until I was almost 20 (and that relationship was disastrous, because I had no experience of how to act) because I was afraid of talking to females, afraid of breaking that stupid promise and going to hell. I wasted most of my college years staying in my room, alone, thinking the whole world was evil, the devil out to get me. And it kept me out of trouble, but shit, it's made my life fucking boring and lonely.

I'm 29 now, and haven't been in a relationship since that last one (which ended when I was 22, 23). I have like 2 people that I know are down for me as a friend (they're the only people I don't have to text first, and who won't leave me on read). And I feel like I'm still trying to figure out shit that everyone else learned about in high school. I don't hate him. He tried his best, to his ability, but he was stubborn. You know how black parents are.

So much of who I am is based off of him, and as I grew up, I realized that my dad wasn't perfect, or always right, even. And it's like, trying to figure out the parts he had right and the parts he had wrong, feels like it's something that, even now, I don't think he'd understand. Like, he'd think I hate him or something, because I feel like he never really bothered teaching me how to talk to women, or even just talk to people, in general.

Maybe it's not entirely accurate to put it all on him, but then, for 18 years, I wasn't even allowed to have friends, and it's only been 11 years since then. It really feels like he spent so much time trying to protect me from the world, that he never really bothered trying to teach me how to live in it.

I don't hate him. I miss him. But damn, how does one navigate complicated feelings about one's father, when one can no longer communicate with their father?

I’m soooo sorry for the super late response.

I just wanna say that I am so sorry for your loss and I think it’s super mature of you to still love and long for your father even tho this man has let you down big time.

I want you to understand that your feelings of resentment towards your father is extremely valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

I completely understand black parents wanting to protect us from the world but they don’t understand how being super strict and overly protective is such a huge disservice to us.

They really though they snapped with this one huh?

You’ve been raised and taught a certain way of thinking for almost 30 years. You have a long but not impossible journey of unlearning pretty much everything your parents taught you.

The fact that a light bulb in your head went off and you’re able to see where your dad got it all wrong, goes to show that you are not a lost cause and there is still a chance that YOU can make this right for YOURSELF.

All you can do right now is to just forgive your father and let it go. He’s gone, he can’t take it back, what’s done is done.

However, your future and happiness is now in your hands. Your father is no longer in control, YOU ARE.

You’ve been in a relationship before? Guess the fuck what? You can be in another one. You did it before, you can do that shit again. All you gotta do is to not repeat the same mistakes from before.

You have a few friends right now? Well baby boy, you can make MORE. The world is bigger than what your father led you to believe.

I think it’s just some scary hours for you and you’re feeling a little lost but I genuinely like you’re gonna find your way, you just need to take the first step and figure shit out along the way.

I really need you to stop beating yourself over this because none of this is your fault. But if you allow the past to continue to eat you alive, then you have nobody to blame but yourself.