#heartz:june20eval

[rkchungha]

。˚∘ comfort zone ;

hubris and ambition were chungha’s fatal flaw. it’s her own pride that could get in the way of her succeeding. she never seemed to succeed until she was at her lowest. and since recent developments, she decided that strolling through this experience with her head held too high for her own good wouldn’t have helped her. now it seems like she can’t get her confidence back.

she watches the choreography on her phone for the hundredth time. it was great. it was going to be perfect for the evaluation but it wasn’t....perfect. it needed to be tweaked. that’s what her brain was telling her. something about it was off and it was bothering her. but a part of her was also telling her that she was being too ambitious again. it would never work out. it would be a failure.

she rubbed her eyes. it was frustrating.

“hey eunji?” she called out, looking at the other. “can you watch this choreography video? it’s from a class i took years ago. wanted to do this as my evaluation. can you tell me what you think of it?”

@rkheunji

[memoirsofrkxjiyeon]

NOW PLAYING  ► HEARTZ MINHEE DEBUT LIVE STREAM

live streamed on 07-06-20 

uploaded to official heartz v line channel

The fact she thought she would be never be streaming again since her YouTube days were over. So when Sphere informed her that she is allowed to use the official HEARTZ v line channel her heart leaped for joy. Minhee set up her little streaming space keeping it to her original design so her fans would be familiar with the surroundings, the only different thing is that she is doing it under Sphere entertainment and she’s idol now. The heartz member organised a schedule on what she will do during the stream to make sure there was plenty time for them to bond with the audience plus give them quality entertainment. The girl announced on her social media platforms that the stream was live right now, giving them links & how to join to the v live. Minhee decided to wear one of her pretty white dresses similar to the sexy innocent style of her jacket photo shoot. The idol waited patiently for the people to join the stream, greeting them with a wave & smile along with their username however that got more difficult as the more came in. It was truly unexpected by the number of viewers, she was expecting her usual number but clearly this debut as increased the number by a lot. Minhee joked about not expecting so many looking even surprised on the camera about ten minutes into the stream after having little chit chat with arrivals it was time to get professional and get this show on the road. 

“Annyeonghaseyo! I heart you! This is Heartz Minhee! Welcome to the FIRST heartz v live! I promise you there will be lot more to come! This is perfect chance for you to get know me better & get know all of you~ I want to thank everyone who took their time to join this stream. Let’s have good time neh?!” she happily greeted the audience with her cheerful despotism, in truth she was really right now as did not want to mess this up since it was the very first one. “For all who do not know me, I’ll tell you little bit about myself, the name is Joo Minhee, I was born & raised Seoul, South Korea. I lived in Songa-pu all of childhood, I’m youngest child out of four siblings. I always known as pretty but dumb one among my family members so I would go out of my way to prove them wrong by studying hard in school. The hard work paid off as I end up graduating from Sungkyunkwan University with MBA degree proving to my aunties that not just pretty & dumb.....so if you can achieved anything with hard work & dedication even though it was difficult it always important to push through.” The one thing she always wants to be known for is Minhee’s hardworking attitude who is willing to go extreme mile to achieve her goals. She talked about how she never consider becoming a idol as she was talent-less and she only accepted to join Sphere as trainee because her friends believe she should give it a try. “Before I became a trainee, I couldn’t even sing a note or dance at all. Thanks to Sphere’s coaches & trainers they help me develop my voice & my dance ability and I made it my own due to their complete faith in me to become better. I struggled a lot always felt that I wasn’t good enough being surrounded by such talented people but I never gave up and now here I am officially debuted with my own solo song no less. It’s insane, I think that is message I would send to you all guys. Always preserve cause all that hard work will paid off eventually.  If you struggling at school or at work just hang up ok? Music help me a lot...so I’m hoping ViViD would help lift your spirits!” she didn’t mean to get emotional about all this but it something which close to her heart and still in disbelief that finally debut as felt like a dream, Minhee’s eyes did get little watery but she kept on smiling and start to read the comments responding to them answering questions they made had. 

On a brighter note, she show off the cake which her mother baked her to celebrate her debut along with the bouquet of flowers which Namjoon gave her but she never mentioned who gave the flowers expect saying it was from her friends. The stream switched to happier note as she played RANDOM DANCE PLAY with SPHERE ARTISTS  ONLY promoting the company senior artists while having some fun. Naturally she was able to do all SHE’Z & SPICA songs with ease but when it comes to CONVEX & CHAOS she did struggle a little but end up making funny instead pretending to be guy. Minhee did get all hyped up when she heard MANSAE since that is music video she was in and it will forever be important song to her too. The girl end up singing ViViD completely acapella showing off her unique vocals and playful charm as she sang into the camera making direct eye contact flirting with the audience. Minhee even did her own version of Spica welcome you song singing ‘hea~rtz we would like to welcome you~ the name is joo minhee, please take care of me~’ she laughed afterwards on how silly it was. The final part of V Live consists of Minhee telling them about going to paris filming all the music even applying the joke that she is the mother of all bunnies Minnerys Targaryen  using a games of thrones reference which everyone tend to know. She explain how in the music video she was making sure everything is clean & ready for the other members to come into their heartz universe and how much fun she had playing golf & playing with the duster. Not mentioning how much she loved all the clothes and the fashion aspect of the music video. It felt that the music video represented her colourful personality along with her need to control & organised everything too. 

The stream was fun especially finding out everyone thoughts plus getting to know her fans better and she genuinely missing this so much. Minhee loves connecting with others hopefully she made some new fans in the process hopefully some extra album sales too cause she is always about business too. It is vital to do well and worries that she will have lowest sales & views out of all the heartz cause she is not as talented as Luda or Sooyoung so she is nervous about that. The idol signed off the stream with a lot of blow kisses, cute fingers and aegyo for them. 

[rkxluda]

Lee Luda 🎔 Heartz Debut Journey  Recording “Around you” and “I’ll Be There”  

It took a while, but they managed to record both songs well. She was happy once they could take their leave. Yet, for one reason, she was just as nervous after the recording as she’d been before it. The fresh air outside was calming and since she wasn't alone, she could distract herself from her rollercoaster-riding stomach. Why was it feeling so off since earlier? Like little bees were buzzing inside. Maybe she finally realised that she would be debuting in just a month’s time.

Being told she was the next girl to debut was one thing, preparing for it was one thing, but being told it was only a month away from now, was a completely different feeling. And before she knew it, Luda found herself in the recording studio with Minhee. She was shaking a little, having difficulty keeping her hands still, but she tried to hide it as good as she could. Her stomach felt like it was on an endless roller coaster ride and she wondered if she could even hold a stable note with her nerves like this.

Luda practised her lines as she was waiting to start, wanting to make sure that she really had everything down to the last detail and she looked at any of the pointers the coaches had given her during the past weeks once more. Finally standing in the recording room gave the girl a different perspective. Of course she didn’t do perfect right away, but she jotted down notes whenever she was told to do something differently, giving her best to remember once the moment came, and did what she could, to sound the way they expected her to.

When she first heard the song, she had been a bit sad that it wasn’t just a little bit more challenging vocal wise, but since she’s started training with the coaches, and now during recording, she realised how much effort and skill a calm song like “Around You” still required.

She’d never thought this journey would be easy. If anything, she leaned strongly towards underestimating herself. And yet, was it wrong to have expected something a little different?

She was very happy with her song now, fell in love with the calming feeling it gave her while singing, while imagining scenes that could go with it, writing a little story in her mind. She truly felt like it was her song now, something she never expected to have until years after a group debut, if ever. But she still worried how others would think of it. Calm songs were often overlooked after all, no matter how much she enjoyed them herself.

And Luda still felt guilty for the expectations she previously had, even if those weren’t important to her anymore. She didn’t need to have the fanciest of all songs or anything like that and she knew she had ways to go, so much to learn. And even though all of that was true, unmet expectations were always followed by self-doubts, weren’t they? And self-doubts were followed by even harder work, at least in her case.

Only a few weeks back, Luda would’ve chosen “I’ll Be There” over the solo song, now her opinion had changed. As she was standing in front of the microphone, she thought back to the little story she’d made up for it, to try to get the emotions right. At 23 she barely knew anything about love, never having had feelings like that for anyone before, so whatever helped to convey the emotions, she’d take it. She started singing like always, or at least that was her intention.

You’ll come again today, without fail What happens if I see you? I’m carefully waiting But I’m not expecting anything I’m just blankly staring at you, then I leave From far away, I wish you would only look at me

A pretty little alleyway in an Italian city and she was wearing a cute dress that would probably be seen as outdated today. Her hair pinned up in a cute, curly hairstyle and her lips just a tad shy of a truly red red. She was on her way to a bookstore, the one with the comfy couches, the one that was regularly visited by a young man who’d caught her eye. Would she manage to say hello today?

Hey you, do you know my heart? These days, I’m like a child every day Hiding as I look at you You, are you hearing my words? I’m still not brave yet So I’m silently leaving again

She hid behind a bookshelf, shyly glancing at the young man here and there as she pretended to be interested in a random book she picked up. As he turned to her direction, she quickly put it back and ran outside, sighing, because once more, she'd been too shy to speak to him. She continued walking, looking at the pretty buildings around her and kept to the side, so she wouldn't run into anyone while lost in thought.

I close my eyes but I still think of you What do I do now? Everyone calls me a fool But I don’t expect anything

She arrived at a fountain and sat down on its edge, letting her fingertips sink into the water. Sighing, she closed her eyes, but even the cold water couldn't distract her thoughts. An image of the young man crossed her mind and–

"Try that again," the staff told her after she missed a note and Luda's cheeks burned pink. Why… did she have a friend's face in mind just now? She shook her head and pushed the thought far back, concentrating on the task at hand. But the tingly feeling in her stomach stayed.

It took a while, but they managed to record both songs well. She was happy once they could take their leave. Yet, for one reason, she was just as nervous after the recording as she’d been before it. The fresh air outside was calming and since she wasn't alone, she could distract herself from her rollercoaster-riding stomach. Why was it feeling so off since earlier? Like little bees were buzzing inside. Maybe she finally realised that she would be debuting in just a month’s time.

[rksuas]

˟ ▀   dance of horrors .

the choreography that she’s coming up with hardly screams pure, but sua doesn’t care.  the coaches at sphere by now should know well that she’s going to be herself without apology.

at first though, she herself hadn’t thought of a horror concept  -  originally, she was just thinking of doing a choreography cover for a popular song.  but she hasn’t had the chance to dance something that she’s created in forever; if the heartz girls aren’t all going to be pure all the time, there’s still bound to be a place for someone who has a preference for darker, sexy, girl crush, sultry concepts.  this may be the first month that she’s ever thought of maybe, perhaps, eventually making it into the group after all.

it’s not something that she wants, but if it’s going to happen, it’ll be on her own terms  -  with sua showing the skills she wants to present and being herself at every step of the way.

cue the horror.  the beat of bury a friend plays its haunting tune in the background as she slowly works on choreography  -  a move, a twist, a turn.  her body convulses with the beat and that’s when sua hears the shriek that is clearly not from the music.  immediately, she stops  -  not showing the alarm on her face, but her body tense with narrowed eyes.  at the door, she sees chaeyeon looking horrified.

“ what? what’s wrong?”  she asks quickly, scanning the room.  “ why did you scream?”

˟ ▀  &. @rkxjcn

[rkwxnb]

❊ —- June Evaluation —- ❊ [Performance: Samsara - Tungevaag & Raaban Tina Boo Choreography]

The piercing sound from the beat and melody coming from the booming speakers fills the otherwise silent room making the air seem alive. This is one of her favourite parts when it comes to dancing. That moment when she is introduced to a familiar sound, the way the vibrations strikes her body, captures and observed into her very system. Simply feeling the rhythm and allowing her body to fully take over without much thought in it. Yet her mind burst in colours excited by the new stimulation. Everything just fades into the background, from the judges and to the purpose of why this routine is made and performed, for this brief few minutes she allows herself to just feel. 

This time around instead of allowing the looming experiment and competition suffocate her with pressure, Chaeyeon allows herself to just enjoy the process. Similar to some of the other trainees part-taking in the whole competition, she has forgone the ‘pure’ girl concept some time ago. Maybe two months into the project, when her choices for solo performance did not necessarily reflect on the theme being pushed to them by Sphere. It was not as though she is going through a rebellious phase but rather using the solo performances as an expression of her own artistry. Whether it is that Sphere approves of her approach is something she still does not know but at least they have not eliminated her out of competition so that was something. 

For a month she created and perfected this routine. Chaeyeon does not consider herself a veteran trainee or even a well-seasoned one, even though she is competing for a part to debut in the group. But she’s been around long enough to know that for a successful evaluation it’s not enough to just know a routine as though it’s always been a part of a trainee’s life but rather emotions and confidence must be clearly seen, as a performer. Her coach back in KT once said that is what truly distinguishes an idol from a trainee. As the music comes to a close, she hopes she’s able to show that to the judges, even if it's just a glimpse of it Chaeyeon would take the whole thing as a success. 

[juyeonrk]

    PROJECT HEARTZ ♡ JUNE EVALUATION   performing ✰ bts madtown’s BOY MEETS EVIL

                                              it’s too evil, yeah it’s evil

evaluation day ... judgement day, it arrives. and to juyeon’s delight, she feels somewhat different in comparison to the start of the month. although she feels a sense of hesitation deep down, she masks her concerns with confidence and a cool looking smile. juyeon had practiced diligently for the entire month and she knew that it would show when she performed, it had to. unlike the other months where she was forced to showcase her singing or rapping abilities, accompanied by a dance; this month, june, was dancing. dancing by itself. an idol being able to captivate a stage by dance alone was key. and people looked to juyeon as the dancer. more so a dancer, since she was far from being the best on the block. so she had something to prove, and not just to them but to herself. if she could get through this evaluation then she really could get through anything.

juyeon avoids the center of the room this month, walking off to the side with her head held high, without hesitation. she takes deep breaths before getting to her knees, the palms of her hands resting on her denim clad thighs. she opts for fitted skinny jeans, black doc martens and a soft, billowy cotton shirt, the top three buttons undone. it blankets her toned figure. she leaves her hair in an understated low pony. no excessive fun make-up, jewellery or manicures in sight. it’s just her. she closes her eyes as the song begins, the opening of the track is just background noise. she counts in her head, keeping herself in check. and the routine begins. glancing at her bare hands, palms and backs before feeling the floor beneath her, pushing herself to her feet before walking to the center, in somewhat of a cool, effortless stumble. her expression is hard to read, she feels fear and determination. standing in the center of the space, she takes in another deep breath before the real action begins.

the choreography is reminiscent of what juyeon used to dance to, moves from street dancing and traditional, legitimate hip hop. she’s without any dramatic mood lighting, no smoke machines or any special effects. her dancing alone has to be enough to wow everyone. her movements are careful, precisely executed. she’s reminded of the original video, and how the original dancer seemed to be so weightless and graceful, yet so grounded and strong. she wants to emanate that energy. juyeon wants to be that. she’s grateful she doesn’t have to sing or rap for once in an evaluation, it gives her the opportunity to focus solely on one skill. rapping in a routine like this would take away from it; one or the other would falter if they tried to compete. she mouths the words to the song though, in an attempt to ground herself. 

every dance tells a story, every step is a word and every sequence is a page or a chapter. this one tells the story of trying to fight temptation, and giving into it. there’s pain and hardship but there’s also a sense of wanting to persevere, and juyeon feels that. there’s feeling and emotion in every movement and juyeon wonders if she’s good enough to convey that the way she wants. the choreography is sharp and quick at times, which keeps juyeon on her feet. the song slows for a moment and juyeon finds herself back on her knees, face obscured by her hands. the climax hits and juyeon finds herself back onto her feet, the choreography quickens with the song. the song, it’s steps feel chaotic. and juyeon too feels a little chaotic. it’s appropriate. the video juyeon had initially featured special effects; the smoke machines and the mood lighting, but as the dancer stomps his feet, the ground beneath him crumbles and cracks. juyeon can’t crack the floor of the dance studio with a mere stomp but she has to emanate strength somehow.

just as the song moves into the final section, the choreography permits for juyeon to pull her hair free from the hair tie. it falls out around her face, dark hair cascading across her shoulders just as she suddenly throws herself to the side in what is a mixture between a jump and a round off. she lands on her two feet and not her face, thankfully. one of the defining moments of choosing this routine for the evaluation was that it pulled from parts of juyeon’s life that she had forgotten about. her upbringing on hip hop dance and her history with gymnastics, her love for doing flips and round offs. this song encompassed everything she loved about dance, about moving.

the lighting at this point would of changed, or has done in juyeon’s head. the room is dark and she glows. her body has started to ache, her chest hurts a little but she pushes on, wanting to give this evaluation her all until the very last second. she does another trick, this time a much easier back flip; springing back onto her feet. her world spins a little. perhaps it’s the fact that she’s been subconsciously holding her breath for nearly two minutes. or maybe it’s the fact that she hasn’t done something like this in a long while. the choreography rounds out with juyeon doing a backwards roll, head tucking into her chest, rolling back onto her feet as she moves towards the back of the studio. 

it’s too evil, yeah it’s evil.

juyeon falls to her hands carefully, one at a time. it’s as if she’s giving up, surrendering. she rests a hand on her chest, she can feel it racing beneath her hand, thudding away inside her ribcage. juyeon moves it upwards, grazing her collarbone before it settles on her neck. and as the dance goes, she pulls it away, looking down at her hands, questioningly as she had done at the start of the song. she shakes her head, murmuring the words to the song as it fades out into nothing.

[rksevngah]

―me gustas tu ༄

then it was here, the monthly group performance-- she had practiced with the other girls when there was time, however, this month she had a total of three songs to learn. even if only the group performance had a choreo, her focus this month had been on her vocals for those other two songs. if she hadn't had those songs, she was sure she would have been more frustrated with her parts in the song they were performing-- even if she though eunji sang beautifully, normally she would have felt like she was lacking something.

now standing there ready to perform the song she had known better- if she had to practice all the high notes for me gustas tu as well, her voice could have been exhausted and taken damage and that wouldn't have looked good, not for when she was to record her own song.

a concept that was still new to her but now, she was there with the other girls-- girls she would most likely debut with ( hopefully all of them ), sooyoung truly believed they all deserved to be in the final group lineup after all these months and coming months.

sooyoung stood in her position for the group performance, when the music started she danced as she had practiced the entire month and delivered the lines she had gotten distributed to herself. it was a pure concept, eclipse was known for their pure songs but also for their darker songs-- then she thought about heartz's concept, pure-- would there be a chance that they would also change their concept for something else in the future? something that maybe suited their age a little more? it was too farfetched, for now she was content to debut and to be one of the first girls revealed as well.

the performance ended without a mistake on her end, she had been too focused on the performance to notice if any of the other girls made a mistake. when it was over she bowed at the coaches and wondered to herself, who would be the next girl to get picked?

[rkchungha]

。˚∘ 𝓱𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓽𝔃 ❤

❣ evaluation 4/12: june ❣ choreography: boss bitch - doja cat ❣ self choreographed? no, although tweaked! ❣ outfit [ view ]

[ gif credit ]

with eunji’s encouragement and advice, chungha knew what she had to do. it wasn’t much but it was enough to push herself to make the dance that much more eye catching. more exaggerated point movements to make her interpretations clear. eunji always had good faith in her. it made her feel good.

june was a good month. it was not a month to get in her head.

it was a song that she personally really liked. any time she listened to it she felt like a bad bitch. it was from a workshop that she attended last year when she was dipping her toes back into the line of work again. after flopping out of kt, she had taken a break. she was definitely a little rusty when she returned to dancing regularly. (and training regularly kicked her ass too).

it wasn’t something overly ambitious. it wasn’t something below her calibre. or at least, she thought so. it was the perfect song to show that she knew how to dance, knew to have fun when dancing and knew how to follow a count. it sounds simple but often people struggle with basics like that.

she’s sassy and flirty with the opening of the song, giving a close-lipped smile and a wave. the next beat she’s tossing her hair back as if she’s in a pantene commercial. then in the next count her expression and vibe immediately switches as she dives into the choreography.

chungha had spent a lot of time on the floor choreography to make it look cleaner. she had to fight the urge to rush the moves. she did it over and over until her lifting her legs and twirling them looked graceful and effortless. and most of all not messy.

the first change in the choreography comes when she gets up from the floor. it felt a little too lacklustre to just flick her fingers to emphasise the lyric pop (especially when there’s a gasp right after). to emphasise her moving with the lyrics, she lifted her leg into the air in a vertical split, only holding it for half a second before dropping her leg, shifting her weight onto her back leg and making an exaggerated gasp just as the song does as if to mirror that the move was exhausting.

she strikes the barbie pose for half a moment longer just to show that she is statuesque and immediately goes back into the choreography. the biggest part of this was pacing herself. because going from fast to still then back to movements took up a lot of energy.

at the second gasp of the song, she puts her hand on her chest and her finger out just as she learned to but she starts the move a little crouched so when she “inhales”, she straightens to rise with the inhale. she points her index finger downward with the movement.

again, small changes but only to emphasise her moves and attitude in the dance that much more. the last change comes towards the end of the choreography when the lyrics “i’m a bitch, i’m a boss” repeats. she makes sure to flip her hair back, eyebrow lifted to emphasise the attitude of a bitch then pantomiming a crown on her head in the next move to show that she’s the boss too. the song comes to a close when chungha drops into a split, pointing to her lips with the “gloss” lyric.

she holds the ending pose for four beats before easily sliding out of the split and bowing. she’s breathless. the choreography still takes a lot out of her especially because she did more to emphasise. but it was well worth it. (at least she thinks so.)

she reminds herself to buy lunch for eunji tomorrow. she felt good and it was really all thanks to her.

[memoirsofrkxjiyeon]

HEARTZ JUNE SCHEDULE: I’ll Be There Recording

date: 5th June 2020

So far Sphere has not disappointed Minhee when come to the songs she has been given to sing from her own debut song to the beautiful duet song with Luda. The girls always had close friendship they were practical family so singing about always being there for them made it so easy to sing straight from the heart. They practice the song back at the dorms singing into their hair brushes having fun with it but now it was time to be professional and record this song in the studio. The song was really cute along with the lyrics, technically it was love song singing to your lover saying that always be there for them and encourage them to come into your arms. It was nice to finally sing with someone as she never really wanted to do solo songs and Minhee always felt comfortable with someone by her side instead standing alone too. 

As the girl start to sing the lyrics she realise in her mind that she was singing to Namjoon making her sound more passionate during the song as these were true feelings plus fans would love hearing that knowing that HEARTZ will always be there for me as long you gave them your love and support too. The idol get lost in the music as felt her vibing in the studio as she happily hears not only her own vocals but Luda vocals too especially when they always back & forth between the girls in the song. Maybe she did love this song more than video since she did have a lot of fun singing alongside Luda who she always admired for her vocal talents. Who would ever thought the two girls who met in library would end up in girl group together, the world is so unpredictable and filled with so many surprises too. She really can’t wait for Sooyoung joined the mix since they were be singing christmas song together which is highly unusual for the summer but Sphere never been that company who does things normally. 

 She couldn’t wait to go to Japan with Luda for their music video recording together and support her while she doing her own music video. Minhee would have love to have some members with her in france instead of being all by herself with the manager. It would have been less lonely and lot more fun but that what happens when you were the first girl of the mix. Now she can be there for all the other HEARTZ members showing them love and support throughout their debut process to make it less stressful for them knowing they can count of their unnie for support. Maybe ‘I’ll be there’ should be here theme song since she always there for people in general. 

[juyeonrk]

PROJECT HEARTZ ♡ JUNE EVALUATION   practicing ✰ dancing, dancing & dancing

                     trigger warning for slight negative thoughts

one would think that june is juyeon’s month. well, most people would. and juyeon too for a while there. for a split second, juyeon’s heart stops; wedges in her throat or perhaps it’s actually her stomach. it’s disbelief she feels. this month’s evaluation was solely dancing. juyeon’s thing. that was her thing and everyone knew that. she’s overwhelmed with all the possibilities but in typical juyeon fashion, she psyches herself out of actually doing anything and gives in to her demons and her insecurities. juyeon’s perfectionism takes control. she doesn’t want to do this evaluation unless it’s going to be as she envisions. perfect. because that’s what they expect, right?

she spends hours upon hours staring at the ceiling of her apartment and catching a glance of her tired reflection in the mirrors at sphere headquarters. juyeon feels like she’s going out of her mind trying to find the perfect song, the perfect choreography all for a mere performance, three minutes of her life. she goes back and forth on the idea of choreographing something herself, then giving in to youtube and playlists upon playlists of choreography videos. hours worth. she ends up making herself tired, giving herself a headache so she ends up going to sleep. defeated.

does she do something breathtaking, something complex and hard to replicate? something very one of a kind? or does she do something fun? because it’s just that, fun. perhaps the choreo is a bit easier but she puts her own spin on it? maybe that would be the best choice. but then juyeon starts to think that it might seem like she’s slacking off, so perhaps they expect the former from her regardless. juyeon has been so persistent when it comes to good choreography, fearful that she might actually debut without it. so if she talks about it, it’s expected she delivers. surely?

juyeon ends up narrowing down her choices, settling for a handful of choreographies. all rather hip-hop orientated. juyeon feels comfortable going back to her roots and what she knows, it’s a breath of fresh air after all of these pop orientated routines sphere have been feeding them. and she ends up settling for something. something unexpected, but something is something. juyeon will take the small victory if she can. the choreography is simple, understated although filled with meaning and passion. juyeon wonders if she’s capable of conveying the feeling of the dance correctly. only time will tell. she spends the rest of the month when she’s not practicing with the other girls with her head down, heart firmly planted in this evaluation; praying that something might actually come of this one. 

[rksevngah]

―its time to shine, solo ༄

when her name was called as the next girl in line for debut she looked around at the other girls. trying at first to hold back a smile but she couldn’t hold it in for long and before long she found herself smiling, a warm smile because she was finally debuting. her journey wasn’t over-- not yet and she didn’t know how to feel or what to think about it all but she knew so many things would change for her and sooyoung didn’t know what this meant but she was ready for this new change in her life.

upon hearing her solo song she listened to it carefully-- she liked it, it was a ballad and she herself prefers to sing ballads but also, it seemed to suit her voice and this month she would be practicing her debut song, moving into a dorm and everything seemed so sudden.

                                                                     --

almost a week had passed since she had gotten the song, sooyoung spent more time in the vocal practice rooms than with the group itself but she wanted and had to perfect the song, to the best of her abilities. so she wanted to practice pronouncing the words properly, so there was no doubt about what she was singing about. regardless of that-- the lyrics to the song itself were lyrics she resonated with

deep in my heart, in that dark place you suddenly entered awakening my world that would have fallen asleep someday

a song about a girls feelings for someone-- for sooyoung, this would be a song about her feelings for him. feelings that still hadn’t gone away even if she had tried her best and she was sure they wouldn’t disappear not until she found someone else-- if she managed to find someone else. at this rate she wouldn’t, thinking about it she didn’t have the energy to be hurt again. it hurt enough to have these one-sided feelings and so she figured with time, especially since she was and would be busy now the feelings would fade eventually... she hoped, or did she?

in the practice room, she hummed the melody, sang the words out loud and controlled her voice, when she sang she couldn’t help but have his face pop up in her head, it was incredibly frustrating but also helpful. she could channel the song and it’s feeling properly, thanks to her current feelings for him.

                                                                    --

an unexpected turn had come her way-- he had told her his feelings, his feelings for her-- in that moment she had felt incredibly confused, happy but so incredibly confused and sad because she was going to debut and he wasn’t debuting. they were on different paths but she couldn’t help it but feel selfish, selfish about her love being returned? it was something that confused her and suddenly the news of her debut brought a sad look on his face. sooyoung had finally gotten him, how? she didn’t know how it had happened but she didn’t raise any questions ( not now ). so in her moment of happiness, she had promised him that she wouldn’t be a burden, and somehow-- one way lead to another and they were now a couple.

when she had moved into the dorms she couldn’t really hide her happiness, thankfully it could be passed as happiness from knowing she would debut and she was happy about that. incredibly happy.

there was so much to be happy about this month, sooyoung wasn’t entirely sure what she would do with this. she hadn’t felt this happy since she was a child-- or at least when she graduated university.

[rksuas]

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀              ˟  6월  、 heartz solo evaluations          (       bury a friend ,   billie eilish choreography        )        __________________

this month is better than the last in a number of ways. 

if she’s talking about personally, getting to see hyun in person after almost six months of facetime contact really helped to lift her mood.  while she was aware how tightly wound her frustrations were, it wasn’t until seeing his face as she came off the elevator that day that sua realized just how much she needed to see him in that moment.  it had been too long, and sua only had sphere to blame for it  -  because as much as she wanted to blame the fucking netizen, sphere should have done better.  that’s all there is to it.

then comes this month’s evaluation.  while initially suspicious, sua finds that it’s a little more exciting than the last few rounds of competition if only because it revolves around dancing only.  it’s the first time in months that she’s had any sort of time to herself to work on a new choreography of her own, and although sua knows all too well this isn’t the genre or the theme that they’re going for, they ask a dancer to dance and she will.

she decides on bury a friend and a horror theme for no other reason aside from the fact that she wants to.  sphere should know by now that sua may follow a guideline but she’ll follow her heart and her desire first.

the most important thing that she wanted to showcase was her flexibility, and that’s part of the reason she chose the song in the first place.  between a horror theme and the haunting backbeat of the song, sua wanted something unsettling to watch but obviously danced with skill.

her movements start off intense and her expression even more so  -  it’s probably the most feeling the company has ever seen out of sua, and it should be then that they realize she’s serious about dance even if she’s not serious about anything else regarding the entertainment industry.  each movement comes with it a wild sweep of her arms and the limber movement of her body, easily controlled and yet it doesn’t look like it.  that’s the mark of a dancer, someone who takes their craft seriously.

and in the end, it may be above and beyond or not even what they’ve asked for, but this is what sua gives to them on a silver plate.

OOC NOTE  |  video time stamp @ 1:30 - 3:29

[rkxluda]

Lee Luda 🎔 Heartz Debut Journey mv + dance practise filming

The next day, she was taken to a hair salon. Luckily her hair was in good condition and already had the desired colour. While she would've liked a new colour, something fresh for summer, it was good that she could continue giving her hair a rest after the constant dying in the past 3 years. And a natural tone like this suited the concept best, besides the fact that she definitely didn't want her hair to fall out.

Two days later, she found herself on a plane to Tokyo. It wasn't Europe (which, if she was honest she was a bit sad about), but she knew Tokyo. It reminded her of her short trip some years back, which was still a bitter-sweet memory. She'd been fired from the library only a few weeks prior and was feeling lost, but it was also the time where she'd decided to become a singer.

Her Japanese probably got a little bit rusty over time, but she was sure she'd remember moreover time. And again, not being alone on the plane was a calming thought. Being here with Minhee was something she was really grateful for, had she been alone... she didn't want to imagine. A solo debut was a wonderful thought, but for an already established career, knowing what she was doing, rather than being pushed into the cold water. So really, this was a million times better than flying alone.

The clothes she was given were very pretty and just her style, and she wondered if this was part of the reason she’d been chosen. Luda especially liked the white outfit she wore while (aside from other poses) lying on the floor with flowers in her hands. It was fun but also exhausting to shoot the pictures, trying to fit into whatever the photographer had in mind with the little experience she had from previous projects.

Tokyo, like Seoul, was a busy place. Luda preferred quieter and calmer surroundings, but she enjoyed herself very much. As much as one could, when busy working all day.

On the next day the mv shooting began. She had a little more experience with acting than with modelling, though both mainly through the ktrookies project. The bit of experience wasn't enoughto help calm her down at all, though. She was visibly nervous at the beginning and didn't manage as well as she would've liked to right away, but then who, aside from experienced actors, would? The video didn't require anything too fancy, though, and she warmed up to acting. It was definitely a good thing that the video was similar in calmness to the song and she was a fittingly calm person.

Her favourite scenes were the ones with the cats. They were just too adorable. Cats had been her favourite animals since she could remember and she wished, just a bit, that they'd been assigned animals rather than colours (or both). The schedule was tight, spanning half a day, for three days straight. It was exhausting, but the more she warmed up to the daily routine, the more fun it was.

On the day before the last the two also filmed a music video for "I'll Be There", a much more upbeat song compared to the solo, but still nothing too extreme. It was even more fun to film together and (this seemed to become a pattern so far) having a friend by her side was very much calming. It definitely would’ve felt weird to act as friendly as they did with a stranger, or someone she barely knew. On top of that, Minhee was like the elder sister she's never had. Their outfits were also very pretty and she was surprised how much money they seemed willing to spend on a solo debut like this, when there was not much of a guarantee on the results. Then again, there was never a guarantee f success for any debut, whether solo or group. Once they were done she couldn’t help but be excited for the end result… though she was still worried that her acting didn’t turn out too well.

With the filming done, they were allowed to have some free time on the extra day and walking around Tokyo with Minhee was a wonderful experience, even if they were accompanied by their manager and Luda was seriously tired. She wouldn't have said no to an extra hour of sleep, but she liked being busy an could only hope for the best going forward. Specifically, she hoped the group debut wouldn't be cancelled eventually, one could never knew and news like that weren't even that rare.

On the 21st, once they’d been back from Japan for a few days already, they recorded a dance practise for the duet and she was happy that she was finally able to show some of her dancing. Even if it was a relatively calm choreography, it still showed that she could do more than just sing. Maybe she couldn't  show how much she’d evolved since the mgas, but hopefully the videos would showcase improved charisma and singing at least.

The new casting call came as a bit of a surprise, after all there were many trainees left in the project, but even more than that, Luda noticed they asked for a girl crush concept. She couldn't help but feel her heart drop to her pants. There really would be varying concepts for the solo and unit debuts and she had potentially gotten the least popular one. Deep down Luda knew she could blame neither song nor sphere for this, after all a song was only ever as good as the people or person performing it. Well, with the company's promotions playing a big part too. Luda simply didn't want to admit that in the end, the only thing that mattered was how good or bad she was. Failing would be her own fault.

But would it though? She thought, trying to make herself feel better through ignoring reality. If one concept is more popular than the other, can I really do anything about the outcome? She continued ignoring reality, pushing the blame wherever else she could. Hopefully she’d learn to deal with her self doubts one day, but that day had yet to appear.

She was happy that the filming was all done already or else she would probably not be able to concentrate at all after these news. Her insecurities on debuting were taking over again, the worry of not being good enough, of being taken out of the group even after her solo debut, or worse, the solo debut being cancelled last minute and given to someone else, completely re-recorded and re-filmed. Additionally, Luda couldn't help but worry for the girls in her practise group.

The end of the busy month neared quickly and Luda's nerves were fluctuating constantly between a calm "I can do this" and general panicking. She was anxiously awaiting the day the first teaser that showed her face would be revealed. And wondered how her friends and family would react, after all she’d really not told anyone about this, only the girls from the project knew. But she also worried about the ever sincere public. She didn’t even care to be popular anymore, that's how much she's been over-thinking this. She just wanted to not be hated, to not get "whatever, I don't care" kind of reactions.

It was pretty late at night, when she was lying in bed, awake. The other two were probably already asleep, or maybe not. It was dark, so she couldn’t see. She’d been in and out of sleep for a while and it was starting to bother her a little. Careful not to have the other two notice in case they were there and awake, Luda slid back into street clothes and snuck outside. Breathing in the fresh air was like cleansing her brain from difficult thoughts. Her shoulders lowered a little, her jaw loosened up and she felt like it was the first time of the day where she was actually breathing properly. She didn’t really want to walk around alone, so she just stood in front of the building, taking deep breaths and staring up at the sky. For some moments, her head was empty, though wild thoughts were soon to flood back in.

The constant to and from between self-doubts and trying to convince herself of being good enough was exhausting and it didn’t really help getting her anywhere. A long sigh escaped her lips and she leaned onto the wall, her fingers interlaced behind her back and her head wrapped in her sweater's hood. In the end Luda knew that all of her negative feelings stemmed from her own insecurities. She wasn’t really upset about her song, she wasn’t upset about the second round of auditions, after all, her spot was pretty much safe. Oh no, she was just worried about not being good enough, about disappearing into the background next to 11 other girls. It was quite obvious that the others that had been signed around the same time as her, whether through mgas or not, had made much faster progress. She’d been so sure of always having done her best. So was she simply progressing more slowly than them or had she overestimated herself so much after being praised in the mgas, to the point where she hadn’t worked to improve herself the way she should have?

Either way, she should strive to be better in the months between solo debut and unit debut and then from unit to group debut. It was too late to regret past decisions, and while she was a realistic person, she was also optimistic. Could she do this? She could do this, yes! Definitely!

On her way back inside, the girl slid her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through the pictures she’d taken. They seemed to be allowed to post pictures still, just nothing about the project, of course. She found a picture of two cats she’d met in front of a café and decided to post one of them after making sure that there was nothing on it, that anyone could make a connection to. No street signs, no reflective surfaces, neither her nor anyone else. Perfect. And yet it hinted at her music video with the cats.

The sns post was something small, nothing much, but somehow it helped bring a smile to her lips.