#hes fairly new to town but feel free to assume connections or message me to plot

[fadiingstarliights]

He was sat at a bar with a drink in hand when he noticed them staring at the blood stain on his shirt. "Don't worry, it's not my blood." Stefan said with a shrug of his shoulders before he tsked because that wasn't entirely a comforting sentence. "Or it is my blood, whichever sounds less weird." Clearly neither of those sentences sounded good without context and he could easily provide some -- There was an accident and I helped out. Used to be a medic. -- but he simply did not, taking another sip of his drink. @veritasislestarter

[ffsroland-blog]

It had been a few days since Roland had been out. Something he could blame on work, but he knew better. He was hiding out. He still didn’t know many people and he kind of liked it that way, though, in the back of his head, he still wanted to have friends. And, since he came all this way without one, it was time for him to suck it up and meet new people. A few of the people in town were already acquainted with this brown eyed teen as it was, so maybe a few more friends were all he needed. Crossing the street in front of Diadra’s Diner, Roland glanced around, a hand moving to shake the bits of hair that were long enough to tickle his forehead. But, before he could reach the door, he felt anther body collide into his shoulder and looked over. “Oh, sorry.” he mumbled, unsure of who it was he’d bumped into. “I’ll get the door for you.”

[djray87-blog]

Dating & Why I’m Bad At It

So, you’ve probably gathered that I’m gay. I’ve never felt it something that I need to just outright declare; not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed about it, but I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. But when delving into my dating life, I thought it best to start with complete clarity.

I’ll make a post eventually about my personal struggle with my sexuality, but today I’m skipping to the relevant stuff: the shitshow known as ‘dating’. If you’re looking for some deep Carrie-Bradshaw-esque analysis of past dates and what went wrong, then you’ve come to the wrong place. This is definitely not Sex & the City. It’s probably closer to No-Sex & the Not-City.

I’ll admit: there are probably better people to follow when it comes to dating and for navigating the oceans of people out there. In reality, I’m quite new to all this. As mentioned in my last update, I was a very heavy guy for a very long time, so dating wasn’t really common. As I’ve only just recently begun to feel comfortable with who I am and how I look, I’m putting myself out there to find my better half.

And so far, dating blows.

Now let me just say that I don’t consider myself conservative. I’m fairly open-minded and allow interactions to progress as quickly or as slowly as I am comfortable. However, I do tend to draw the line at meeting random strangers for the first time at their house at 3am. I completely support and encourage people that are capable of doing something like that, but it’s just a little beyond my own comfort level.

However, what I’ve noticed in my own futile dating efforts is that sex comes before the relationship. Everyone seems to be looking for something casual; a hookup, a one-nighter, a friends-with-benefits agreement. It’s only after developing that sort of interaction that a deeper connection blossoms, eventually evolving into a mutual partnership.

What about the ones that like to put the relationship first? I’m assuming there are still men out there that would prefer to know someone before hopping in the sack with them, right? Again, I’m not casting judgment on the decisions or the lifestyle of others; I understand the appeal quite well, frankly. But for me, I’m not secure enough to do the horizontal mambo with someone I just met. Several times I’ve been declined on an offer for dinner because he wasn’t “looking for something serious”. What is it about a dinner invitation that makes me sound like I’m wanting something serious? Is it too much to ask that I have an hour of interaction before deciding to put out?

I can only assume this atmosphere is linked to the popularity of app-based dating. Dating has always been hard, but your competition was usually limited to the other guys at the club. Now I’m competing with every other individual in a 50 mile radius. Don’t get me wrong – it’s definitely a convenient tool for meeting people. I’ve never been one to spend a lot of time out at the clubs or anything, so it’s nice to ‘shop from home’, so to speak. But with that, the moment he loses interest in you, he’ll find a handful of others to choose from in minutes.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, either. I’ve been ghosted just as often as I have ghosted others. I’m never upset or angry about it; usually just disappointed. Interestingly enough, some of the most fun I’ve had on dating apps is with the catfish profiles that you instantly recognize are fake. Usually an extremely attractive guy with too many photos of his chiseled torso that volunteers at homeless shelters and takes care of his elderly grandma. You know it is too good to be true, but then he sends you a message, and you can’t help but reply. Of course, he’s exactly the kind of guy you are looking for. His answers to your questions are always rehearsed and practiced and what you want to hear. There’s usually some reason why he’s not able to meet up; he’s out of town or moving or swamped at work. It doesn’t stop you from continuing the dialog, probably getting flirtier and more sexual. Maybe exchanging more pictures. And during all of it, even knowing it’s all fake, I feel the warmth of excitement of just having someone to flirt with. Having someone tell me the things I want to hear. Having someone compliment me on how I look or whatever I was proud of that day. I’m never sad to see them go; I am sad to return to my solidarity. Because, even though it isn’t real, an imaginary flirtation is better than none at all.

As for meeting guys that I’ve encountered on apps, I can only say this: I don’t believe anyone intentionally misrepresents themselves when talking to others through dating apps. I think we all portray ourselves as we wish we were. Nobody starts a profile with “I’m clingy and needy and desperate for your attention.” Maybe they don’t think they are, or maybe they know they are but also know that it would drive people away. Personally, I try to be mindful of my faults and to bring them up at some point. Every guy I’ve met has been aware that I’ve went through a drastic weight-loss journey and still feel insecure about the way that I look. They’re aware that I’m new to dating and unsure of myself and what I’m wanting. They are aware that at any given time, I would probably prefer to be at home playing games on my computer. What continually frustrates me is having someone tell me how outgoing or talkative he is and meet a quiet hermit instead. Or someone passionate about a certain genre of books/television that has nothing to contribute about the topic. Please don’t tell someone things they want to hear just to get a date. Be yourself. So far, it’s completely failed for me, but I suppose that’s better than having to continually lie to someone to keep them interested.

And before I end this segment, I’d really like to throw out a few suggestions for anybody with a dating profile or intending on making one. These are just my own personal checklist items, but feel free to modify at your discretion.

- Don’t use a group photo for your first picture. With most dating apps, potential suitors are provided that first picture and can then decide to delve deeper or pass. While it is easy to think that a group photo may cause the person to look at your other pics to see which guy is you, it doesn’t always work like that. - Quit. Using. Snapchat. Filters. I know I’ll catch a lot of hell for this one, but Christ-Almighty, I am 30 years old. I don’t think you’re cute with puppy-dog eyes or a wreath of flowers or bunny ears. I think you’re childish. - In fact, quit using filters altogether. I don’t care that you look better in black and white, because I don’t see in black and white. Don’t be afraid to just be yourself in your photos. That’s what I’m looking for. - Keep them updated. Again, I’d like to date today’s version of you. I don’t care that you put on thirty pounds in the last two years as long as you’re upfront about it. What pisses me off is the deception. - I don’t need 5 selfies from the same angle. One or two are fine, but a full profile selection of the same pose/angle in different outfits doesn’t give me any better understanding of who you are. - Shirtless pictures are acceptable or rejectable on a case-by-case evaluation. I wouldn’t use it as the first picture, but some exceptions are permissible*. I also don’t need to see you flexing in the mirror, but some exceptions are permissible*. In general, I would just avoid using pictures of this nature in profiles, but again, some exceptions are permissible*. *For the record, the quality of what you’re displaying does not go into consideration for whether a shirtless pic is ‘permissible’. It’s not like the more defined your abs, the more I like the photo. It’s usually just how I infer the reasoning behind it. If you’re at home in the bathroom with your shirt off taking pics in the mirror, then it’s intentionally showing off. If you’re at the gym with your shirt inched up, then maybe you’re just proud of your results. It all depends on the reason the picture is used. - Don’t use pictures that feature parts of your body that exclude your face. If you can somehow take a picture of your ass that also includes your face, then fine. Otherwise, don’t use it. - Also, don’t use pictures that don’t include you. I can see pictures of the Eiffel Tower and shit just fine on the internet, I don’t need your help. Pictures of your pets are fine (AND ENCOURAGED), as long as you are in the picture with them.  - Try to include at least one photo that you didn’t take with the intention of using it on your dating app. C’mon now, let’s all be real. 95% of those selfies we take is because we want to look cute on our profiles. Using one where maybe we don’t look the absolute best is appreciated. - As far as the text goes: don’t get too serious. It’s pretty pointless putting paragraphs and paragraphs of information about yourself that will typically go unread anyway. However, it is important to put something. There’s been several occasions that I have swiped left on guys I’ve found attractive because they didn’t bother putting a single line about themselves. It doesn’t have to be pages of detailed information; just a couple quick sentences about who you are/what you do/what you like will suffice. Avoid being too self-deprecating. While I enjoy someone that can critique themselves, I prefer confidence. Lead with that.

So that’s about it. Maybe I’ll have some better tales to tell in the future, but for now, it’s still swiping and praying.