#hes like a fucking raccoon that adopted itself into your family

[melanodis]

henry: CAN YOU BE NORMAL. FOR FIVE MINUTES.

corpse william: i ate a rat and i think i hauve rabies. and tetanus.

[nineteenninety-six]

Hello. This is a big request but I was wondering if I could get a Tommy Shelby x Reader. This sounds a lot better in my head but basically the reader comes from large, chaotic, mixed, single mother family from america. Like they have 9 siblings (some are edgy, some are cinnamon rolls, some are book smart, some have a nack for exploding things, some can’t be within 5 miles of sugar, ect) and majority of them including the reader are adopted. Anyway their mother owns a bakery which Polly visited, ended up making friends with her and eventually invited the Shelby clan to dinner at their house which is just the most chaotic dinner ever. I’m talking knife throwing and catching, insides jokes, weird nicknames, insults in different languages, a raccoon one of the siblings brought inside, someone exploded something (probably the reader and the brother smart brother who can’t get within 5 miles of sugar and likes to explode things aka her best friend) and whatever crazy thing you can throw in there while the mother is just trying to feed the youngest. And the Shelby family are just like 😳😐(John would be like🤭) and Tommy falls for the readers passion, smile and her mama bear yet laidback personality.(“Hey don’t insult my son.”“I’m your brother and two years younger then you.”“Shhhh.”as she pushes his face back”). I know its a lot but this has been in my mind for a while and I thought you would be the best person to do this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I'm sorry this took forever. I’m not even sure this is good.

The Shelby's stared at the home in front of them, all of them with a frown or a grimace on their face. The house itself was perfectly normal but the windows were open and they could hear the raucous coming from within the house.

"Uhm, aunt Pol... do we really have to go?" Arthur asked

Even Polly herself looked unsure but she gave a nod and took one step forward but before she could take any more, the front door swung open and two people came tumbling out.

"Give me the fucking sugar Ethan!"

The person who shouted jumped and tackled the slightly taller figure in front of them.

The Shelby family watched the two roll about before the smaller person, a young woman jumped up, sugar bag successfully in her grip with a pleased smile on her face. 

‘Ethan’ slowly stood, grumbling under his breath as he brushed his hands over his now dirty clothes, hoping to brush off some of the dirt.

“That was dirty. You’re a cheater”

The young woman rolled her eyes as she protectively tucked the sugar bag in her arms, “You know you’re not allowed to have access to sugar. Especially after the incident two months ago”

“It was an accident!”

“Yeah, tell that to the hole in the wall!”

Polly stepped forward and cleared her throat, disturbing the bickering between the siblings. 

“Excuse me, is this the Foreman residence? We were invited to dinner by Mary”

Ethan and the still-unnamed woman stood to attention at Polly’s voice and they sent the family sweet smiles as if the last three minutes never happened. 

“Of course! You must be Ms Grey, mama told us you were visiting. I’ll take you to her” The young woman sent Ethan one last warning look before guiding the Grays and Shelby’s into the large house. 

The house was filled with the soft cries of a baby, the loud running as the younger children played tag upstairs, the sound of the radio and the teen girls who talked beside it, yet it wasn’t overwhelming. It was busy, sure but it wasn’t too much.  

She led them to an empty quiet room and left to go get her mother leaving the Shelby’s and Grey’s alone and as soon as the door closed behind her, John let out a snort. 

“Fucking hell, there’s so many of them isn’t there”

Polly shot her nephew a glare, “They were all orphans, Mary adopted them.”

“How many kids does she have?” Ada asked

“Nine, I think, including the little baby.”

Before the conversation could continue anymore, the door opened and Mary walked in and approached Polly with a smile.

“Polly! I’m so glad you came” 

Polly pulled Mary into a hug, “It’s so good to see you”

“You brought your family?”

Polly nodded and motioned to the others who immediately jumped up and Polly began to introduce them.

“This is my son Michael and my nephews, Arthur, Tommy and John” Polly pointed to them in turn, “And lastly my niece, Ada”

Mary smiled at all of them, “It’s a pleasure to meet you all. You’ll be able to meet my children at dinner but you’ve already met my son Ethan and my daughter, (Y/N)”

(Y/N) smiled at them in greeting as she took a baby, from another young girl that was likely another child. 

“This is Louise” (Y/N) gestures towards the young girl who gives them a quick smile and nod before rushing off before (Y/N) introduces the baby, “And this is baby Samuel”

Mary returned to the kitchen to finish dinner while (Y/N) stayed with the Shelby’s to keep them company. 

“So what are the names of the other children?” Ada asked

“Oh, there’s Dorothy, Evelyn, Fred, Andrew and Benjamin” (Y/N) listed the names of her siblings whilst using her fingers, “ And then obviously, Samuel, Lousie, Ethan and me.”

“Busy house, I don’t doubt”

(Y/N) nodded with a smile, “Oh absolutely, it’s terribly chaotic and messy and loud and it never stops but I wouldn’t change it for the world. We’re very lucky that we were taken in by her, some of our bio parents didn’t want us and some of our bio parents are dead and without mama, we would be on the street or worse”

Tommy looked at her with a faint smile. He liked her, he liked the calm and relaxing energy she gave it out but he could also tell that she had a spark in her. 

“Dinner is ready!” 

The announcement from Mary promoted everyone to leave the seats and as they ambled towards the door, they could hear the running of what sounded like a hundred people race towards the dining room and (Y/N) paused before they left the room, looking at them over her shoulder, 

“This is gonna be like nothing you’ve experienced before”

And with that, she flung the door open and walked down to the dining room, leaving the Grey’s and Shelby’s to look at each other in apprehension before they followed her. 

The dining room had two tables and when they entered, one of them was filled with young children and the other was empty. (Y/N) pointed them towards it before she makes her way to her mother to give her baby Samuel and then makes her way to the table filled with children. 

“Has everyone washed their hands?” She asked as she walked around making sure everyone’s chair was tucked in and that they all had a napkin before a chittering noise from underneath the table caught her attention. 

Her eyes landed on Fred, Andrew and Benjamin who all put on innocent faces.

“I don’t know what the hell you have under this table and I don’t really want to know but you will go release it out back.”

The three boys erupted in whines and complaints but (Y/N) wasn’t having any of it and sent them out. 

“Remember to wash your hands after! I’ll know if you don’t”

The boys sigh and roll their eyes but they comply, leaving the table with a young fox following after them. 

Once everyone was settled down, dinner was served and it was a loud affair but the Shelby’s and Greys enjoyed it. Several conversations going on at once along with the clanging of utensils on plates, the food was delicious and the atmosphere was great. 

.•° ✿ °•.

After dinner, (Y/N) made her way outside to the front steps to take a breather. While she loved her family, she did need a moment alone and the quiet, cool night was just what she needed. 

She wasn’t alone for long before she heard the door open and someone take a seat next to her, she expected to see Ethan or even possibly Louise but Tommy, one of Polly’s nephews, was the last person she expected. 

“Is there something wrong?” (Y/N) asked, unsure of why he was there.

“No, no. Just wanted to join you out here if that’s okay with you?”

(Y/N) gave him a nod and a smile, “Of course, the more the merrier.”

They sat in silence for a while simply basking in the presence of each other before Tommy decided to speak 

“You’re good with your family, do you want a big family like that?”

(Y/N) turns to Tommy with a grin on her face, “Why do you want to know? Want to see if our wants match up?”

Tommy winks at her, “Is that a yes?”

(Y/N) snorts before she shakes her dead, “No, nine is too much. Maybe two or three. Do we suit each other then?”

“Oh we need a few more dates to determine that...are you free on Saturday evening?”

“Pick me up at six?”

Tommy nods and gives (Y/N) a smile, “It’s a date”

[akyrin]

SBI Fic Recs

You'll be Okay Kiddo by StayGoldFics Gen/Ongoing/43k - Hurt/Comfort, Selectively Mute Technoblade and Wilbur, On the run, Homeless Technoblade, Wilbur and Tommy

Summary: After Running away two years ago from yet another crappy home Wilbur, Techno and Tommy find themselves on the streets with no where to go. But hey, at least they have each other.

^ Phil finds a bunch of mute, on-the-run-from-the-foster-system-AND-the-police children in his shed and decides to adopt them. Wilbur, Techno and Tommy trust exactly none of it but Phil keeps proving himself. Basically Phil accepting and being unconditionally loving to three boys who have known nothing but pain for a long time. I love Phil's character in this. He never demands answers from any of them, just offers them a home unconditionally, even with the threat of police. And the boys want nothing more than to accept his kindness and safety but they're just too scared to do so.

One Man's Trash by SilverWing15 T/Ongoing/14k - Superheroes AU, SBI as Villains (they are soft for Tommy though), Hurt/Comfort, Homeless Tommy

Summary: The kid is glaring down at him and eating a partially moldy apple like he’s daring Wilbur to come fight him for it.

“What the fuck?” Wilbur says.

The kid takes a huge chunk out of the apple and definitely doesn't chew it enough before he swallows.

“You got a fucking problem, asshole?”

“I mean...kind of?” Wilbur says.

“There’s a child eating literal garbage in front of me so I feel like that’s a bit concerning.”

“Shouldn’t you be robbing a bank or getting your ass kicked by superheroes?”

“Shouldn’t you be in school?”

The kid snarls wordlessly and chucks an empty carton from some chinese place at him.

“Fuck off man. Forget this dump.”

“What, you know a better one to eat from?”

“I know one that doesn’t have a fucking weirdo supervillain in it!”

The kid slams the lid of the dumpster down.

Rude.

^My current obsession. Focuses on the relationship between Tommy and Wilbur and it's written extremely well. Wilbur is a supervillain who stumbles upon a homeless Tommy and decides to take him in as much as he can. Tommy has extreme trust issues but he's also starved for both touch and affection. Similarly to You'll Be Okay Kiddo, this one has so much yearning. Tommy wants nothing more than to reach out for the warmth Wilbur is offering, but he has been burned too many times. Wilbur wants nothing more than to bundle Tommy up in fluffy blankets, but he knows that one wrong move will send Tommy running (updates daily). Guitar Strings and Keyrings are What it Takes to Build a Home by Anonymous Gen/Completed/63k - Adoption AU, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with Happy Ending Summary: Techno was adopted by Phil when he was 12 years old. He'd been enjoying his morning before Phil came to him asking if he would mind them taking in another kid. Against his better judgement, Techno agrees and ends up with two new foster brothers who he was determined to not get attached to, no matter what.

^Tommy is due to be fostered by Phil and his adopted son Techno, but he refuses to leave the orphanage without his brother Wilbur. Phil decides to take them both. Tommy and Wilbur are terrified, Techno is insecure, they work it out. Love the relationship progression and how the building trust between Techno and the others is written. Responsible Forever by SilverWing15 Gen/Completed/17k - semi-adoption, Raccoon Innit, Hurt/Comfort, Feral Child TommyInnit

Summary: “You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”

“So,” Techoblade says, slow and deliberate, his face shows clearly just how unbelievable he finds all of this, “you saw a boy last night, in the middle of the night, living with raccoons and eating our garbage?”

“I know how insane it sounds,” Phil says, “but I know what I saw. We need to help him, who knows how long he’s been out here?”

“Okay,” Wilbur interrupts, “let’s say that raccoon-boy is real. What is it you want us to do? We can’t go searching the woods for specific bunch of raccoons, I don’t know if you’ve noticed Phil but there are a lot of them out there.”

“Going out and hunting him isn’t going to get us anywhere,” Techno says, “we have to let the raccoon-boy come to us. He’s already come once, you know how tenacious raccoons are. If they came to the garbage pit once, they’ll come again. We just have to set a trap.”

“Those raccoons aren’t gonna know what fucking hit them,” Wilbur mutters.

^ Beautifully written fic about Phil and co trying to resocialise a quite literal feral raccoon child. Tommy is scared but painfully slowly learns to trust his new family. The way Tommy is so painfully hesitant but still yearns for the idea of family is both heartbreaking and incredible to read. I'd forgotten people are kind by BialyLis Gen/Ongoing/95k - Adoption AU, Foster Care, Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse

Summary: "Wilbur did not look like a "difficult" child. Honestly, he looked like a child struggling to reach his next birthday on his own. In an oversized, faded sweater, with bruises on his forearms, and a still unhealed, split lip, he definitely didn't resemble the little terrorist Phil had carefully guarded all sharp objects from. More like a victim of a natural disaster. As if he had spent hours on the roof escaping a flood, only to be carried away by a tornado. But burying the knives was still a good idea. The kid seemed to trip over while making a sandwich."

^ Phil struggling through the uneasy process of becoming a dad to Wilbur and Techno, who have both been hurt too much for them to trust easily. Still updating hey, hi, hello by ph1sh T/Ongoing/13k - High School/College, Teacher Phil Watson, Students Wilbur, Techno and Tommy, Family Dynamic

Summary: Phil knows he isn't the first teacher to have hopes of changing kids' lives for the better, and he won't be the last. But Oakwood High seems to want to crush those hopes. He's a first year teacher still working on his college degree, he doesn't know how he planned on helping three students when he can barely help himself. or It's Phil's first year teaching and he gets stuck with detention duty. It just so happens that Tommy, Wilbur, and Techno can't stay out of detention. ^ Phil helping the "problem" children that lesser people have already gave up on. I love the way Phil (and the reader) slowly uncovers the backstory of Wilbur, Techno and Tommy. Still ongoing but a lovely read so far.

Change fate by being aggressively kind - or any other fic by sircantus

T/Ongoing/78k - AU - Magic, Phil Being the Best Dad Ever - The Fic, Protective Phil

Summary: “You do understand that you’re caring for the thing meant to bring destruction and chaos to our world, right?” The woman asks, Phil looking behind him fondly as Techno grabs at the ends of his wings. “He’s just a child.” Phil answers distractedly, humming as his wings get gently yanked at. “He’s the first of three to destroy life as we know it! Shouldn’t we, well, get rid of him?!” “Oh, no.” Phil raises his eyes with a sharp glare. “Believe me, I have my own way of preventing the apocalypse.” Or, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy are basically chaotic forces of nature, destined from birth to end the world and bring destruction. Most who hear of the tale of them are trying their best to track them down, and to end the monsters while they’re still young, still just children. Phil has a different plan. (In which Phil raises the minecraft equivalents of the anti-christ with love and support, so much so to the point where the world ending is really just a funny thought, and Phil has three kids who casually have powers that are bit more extreme than anything else in the world) I think this one speaks for itself. Sircantus is always top notch. If you haven't read this one yet, do it.

[hoodharlow]

Family Addition

AN: I promised this one shot to @hoodschick​ like a week ago lol. It’s inspired by Michael and Crystal becoming foster dog parents and joking about maybe adopting the dog they’re fostering. 

Summary: Maya and Calum have been together 5 years. After some convincing from Maya, they become foster dog parents. A bump in the road 

Warnings: smut lmao

Word count: 4.1k words.

“Fuck,” Calum groaned as Maya slipped him back in her mouth.

Maya bobbed her head up and down on him quickly, then slowed her pace as Calum’s fingers tightened their grip on her hair. She let Calum guide her head as she continued to take him. His grip on her loosened; she pushed his hand away and took over. 

Calum threw his head back on the couch. His stomach began to contract, letting her know that he was close. Maya rested her tongue on his tip as she stroked him. Her hand sped up, and Cal’s moans grew louder. She took him back in her mouth, bobbing her head. She made sure to take in every last drop when he came.

“Fuck, I love you. I’m pretty sure you can ask me for anything, and I’ll say yes.” Calum said after he caught his breath. He pulled up his sweats. 

“Well actually….” Maya said, straddling his lap as Calum’s arms welcomed her.

“I knew something was up the minute I saw you in those shorts.” He shook his head, smiling to himself.

“I was only showing you my new pajamas, not my fault your dick can’t control itself.” Maya smoothed out her pajama shorts. 

Earlier that day Maya met up with Crystal for lunch before stopping by La Perla for some new pajama shorts and nightgowns. 

Maya is eternally grateful for Crystal because she’s the reason why Maya met Calum, her boyfriend of five years and father of her three year old, Jaime. Crystal was one of her first friends when she moved to LA from Texas in pursuit of acting. She helped Maya get the role as Calum’s love interest in the ‘Wildflower’ music video a few years back. 

They pretty much pulled a Chrissy Teigen and John Legend by hooking up after filming a music video and then just spending the rest of their lives together. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” Calum asked, rubbing her legs.

“I know you’ve said no to us adopting another dog, but-” 

“No.” Calum cut me off. 

“But-”

“Maya, I said no.”

“At least let me tell you before you make up your mind.” She pouted, crossing her arms against her chest. 

“Fine, what is it?” He sighed. Calum unwrapped her arms and put them around him. 

“Okay, so you know how Michael and Crystal always foster dogs, right? So I was thinking of us, you know, trying it out. The longest they stay with their foster people is like two months.” 

“What about Jaime?”

“I looked into the place, and the website said that kids should be at least two years old. Plus, we would only be fostering dogs that are okay to be around other dogs and children.” 

“You already looked into this, huh?” He joked. 

One of Calum’s favorite things about Maya was that she always loved researching and learning about things. When she started directing and making her own short films, she would spend hours upon hours looking up materials and different directing techniques. 

“Yeah,” she smiled at him.

She reached back to the coffee table and got her phone. 

Calum smiled at her lockscreen. It was a picture of them at Luke and Sierra’s wedding a few months ago. He had Jaime in one arm and the other was lazyly resting against Maya’s waist. He was the only of the boys that hadn't gotten married; ironically he was the only one with a kid. 

Maya rested her head on his shoulder and pulled up the website. It was a pitbull sanctuary called El Santuario. He immediately recognized it because it was attached to a public dog park that they always went to with Duke and Jaime. Originally the place was for all dog types, but when the owners began taking in pitbulls and their crossbreeds, people began to go to other places. Eventually they decided to focus on them.

Maya showed and explained to him the process of becoming foster parents and the few changes they would have to do if they got approved. He took in how her eyes lit up by the seconds as she read him the bios of each of the dogs. The way she talked was filled with so much compassion and emotion, it reminded him of why he fell in love with her. 

“Okay,” Calum said. 

“What?” Maya looked up at him in disbelief.

“Let’s do it.” 

“Really?” Maya smiled. 

“Yeah-” 

“I fucking love you!” She grabbed his face and kissed him all over.

Calum pulled her close to him as their kisses began to get more passionate. Calum laid her on the couch and showed her how much he loved her. 

***

Calum and Jaime stayed at home while Maya went to pick the dog they were fostering. It took them two months to get approved by the Humane Society. Duke let out a bark as Maya called from the front door. 

Their foster dog stood behind Maya’s legs as Duke continued barking. Calum scooped him up in his arms. Calum reached over for Duke’s leash on the key hanger and attached it to him, setting Duke down on the floor. Maya sat on the floor and gently pulled the dog in front of her. The dog was a grey staffy. It reminded Calum of a dark rain cloud.

Duke hesitantly walked forward and sniffed the dog. After a few seconds, he excitedly wagged his tail and barked. He spotted one of his toys and pushed it toward the dog. The dog hesitantly sniffed it and took it in its mouth. 

“Doggy.” Jaime pointed to the dog.

 “Yeah, her name is Cloud. Dame la mano.” Maya extended her arm to Jaime. 

He walked over to her and grabbed his hand to let Cloud smell him. Jaime giggled when Cloud licked his hand. She nuzzled against him. 

Calum detached Duke’s leash and let him wander off back to his bed. Calum sat down next to Maya and waited for Cloud to smell him. She looked over to him and then scooted away from him.

“Southy,” Jaime said.

“What baby?” Calum looked up at him.

“No like you. Like Southy.” He mumbled.

Calum slightly frowned at the comment. It was rare for a dog not to like him. About 98% percent of dogs like him, the other 2% is Southy. 

He watched Cloud lay its head on Maya. She rubbed Cloud's side. 

With her other hand, Maya reached for his hand and gave him a gentle squeeze. Calum picked it up and kissed the back of her hand. He noticed the slight flush around her neck. It made Calum feel things. Even after five years, she still blushed at the small gestures they shared. 

"What?" Maya giggled.

"What?" Calum blinked at her. He must've zoned out.

"You were staring at me." She smiled.

"Oh, sorry. I love you. You know that right?" He said.

"If you say so."

Before he said anything else. Jaime came back running to them. He watched Jaime show Cloud a raccoon stuffed animal. Then he threw it across the hall and ran after it. He came back and got Cloud to chase after it.

"I can't wait until we have another kid." Calum said. He grabbed Maya by the waist and pulled her into his arms. 

"You want another one?" Maya asked. 

She tried hiding the hopefulness in her voice. The night they agreed on being foster dog parents, they spent the whole night loving each other. With her excitement of becoming foster parents, she had forgotten to take the pill. A week before that night was the last time she got her period. This morning she started getting morning sickness.

"I mean in a few years, but yeah, I want another mini us. You?" He replied. He was playing with the fringes on her cardigan. 

"Oh… I guess when the time comes." She looked over at her purse where the pregnancy tests were burning a hole at the bottom. Maya got up. "I'm gonna change, and then I'll get started on lunch."

"Okay, want Chipotle later for dinner?" He asked her.

"Um, sure." She shrugged and walked up to their room. Maya ran into their bathroom. She peed on all five sticks. While she waited, she changed into one of Calum's hoodies and the La Perla shorts that got her into this mess in the first place. She ran her fingers into her hair in an attempt to disentangle it and braid it. After three minutes, her phone buzzed. 

Maya hesitantly went back into the bathroom. She gave herself the sign of the cross before checking the tests. 

"Puta madre." She mumbled to herself.  The tests either read positive or pregnant. 

She caught herself in the mirror, looking like a hot mess. Maya lifted her hoodie and placed her hand on her stomach. Inside of her was her baby, their baby. One made of pure love. 

She blinked back a few tears, remembering when Calum first announced they were going to have Jaime. A lot of his fans were quick to come for her. They claimed she didn't love him and was just trying to tie him down. That was far from the truth.

Maya loved Calum with her whole being. He showed her what unconditional love and support was. She never had that growing up. Back in Texas, her parents wanted her to pursue a career that guaranteed a job. Maya was basically disowned when she told her parents that she's moving to LA to give acting  a shot. Little did anyone know that her true passion was behind the camera and not in front of it. Calum always encouraged her to follow her dreams, and he was always supportive of her decisions. 

Now Maya isn't sure how he's going to feel about this.

***

Calum decided to get started on lunch. Knowing Maya, she probably fell asleep. 

Calum felt Maya off, maybe under the weather, so he decided to make some soup. The same one his mom would make him and Mali whenever they would get a cold or a stomach flu. 

"Hi, baby," He heard Maya tell Cloud. He watched her bend down to pet her. Of course she's wearing those shorts, Calum thought to himself.

"Hi, mumma," Jaime replied. 

"Hola, mi amor," she kissed his cheek. She felt Calum's gaze on her and she smiled at him.

 He saw a little sadness in her eyes.

"I'm making my mum's soup." Calum told when she walked over to him. "Just need it to simmer." 

Calum glanced back to Jaime.  He was on the couch watching soccer, resting his head on Cloud while hugging Duke. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the trio. 

"Send that to me." Maya said. She was sitting on the counter, watching him. Her shorts showed off her toned legs while the pale pink contrasted against her brown skin. What Calum would do to have his head in between them or to have her against the counter.

He walked up to her and kissed her. It was short and sweet. It left them wanting each other. Maya wrapped her arms around him and kissed him. In seconds they got lost in each other's lips. Calum opened Maya's legs so he could fit better. He gripped her hips as his tongue fought for dominance. Maya melted against him. 

"Mumma, I want food." Jaime called from his spot on the couch, making them split apart like opposing magnets. 

"Okay, just give us a minute." Calum replied. “Of course my own kid would cock block me.”

***

It’s been three weeks since Cloud has been here, and she’s still wary of Calum. 

“She just doesn’t like me. I walk into the living room, and she’ll walk away.” Calum told the guys. They had all come over for dinner. 

“You’ve been together five years and she still can’t stand your ass.” Ashton joked. 

“Funny, I meant the dog Maya wanted to foster. Thank god, we’re not adopting it.” Calum took a swig of his beer. His eye caught Cloud, she was laying on the ground watching all the other dogs play with Jaime. Calum came to know that Cloud was not a big fan of large groups. Whether it was dogs or people, she would stand back and just watch, very much like Calum.

“Is it me or is there something different about Maya?” Michael asked. The other day, he may or may not have overheard her and Crystal talk about her being pregnant, and how she’s scared of telling Calum. 

Calum’s breath hitched slightly. He was thankful that he wasn’t the only one that’s noticed. The past few weeks he’s noticed that Maya’s diet has changed. The most obvious is that she hasn’t drunk coffee or alcohol, and Maya loves those. And ketchup. She loves ketchup and puts it on everything. It reminded Calum when she was pregnant with Jaime. During her pregnancy with Jaime, she stopped eating ketchup because it made her nauseous. Though her other eating habits seem pretty much the same. 

Another thing he noticed was that she wore her loose traveling dresses. When he commented on it, she just shrugged it off and told him the weather was warmer. 

“No clue.” Calum said. His gaze fell on her. She was casually dipping celery sticks into her mango ice cream. Not the weirdest thing he’s seen her eat. When they first started dating, he caught her making a peanut butter and cheese sandwich. 

Maya felt his gaze on her, and she turned to him. She smiled and waved at him. He waved back and turned back to the boys’ conversation. Thankfully the topic changed, and they were talking about when to meet up to record their upcoming single. 

***

Being fourteen weeks pregnant and picking up dog poop was the worst combination ever. Maya barely made it to the bathroom in the home gym. 

Cloud had never seen anything like it. It scared her. She ran up to Maya and Calum’s room to get him. Unfortunately, the door was closed. She scratched and barked on the door. 

Calum rolled over, trying to cover his ears from hearing. He reached over to Maya, and her side was empty. He looked at the clock and groggily mumbled. When he opened the door, Cloud barked at him. 

“Hey, be quiet.” Calum scolded her. 

Cloud started whining and trying to get him to follow her. It wasn’t until he heard Maya throw up again that he understood what she was doing. She ran down the stairs and barked at Calum to follow her. She led him to where Maya was. She looked worriedly at Maya.

“She’s going to be okay.” Calum reassured her before going into the bathroom.

He knelt down to where Maya was. She was resting her head on her arm. Maya started crying. She didn’t want Calum to see her like this. Unsure on what to do Calum pulled her hair into a loose braid and then gently rubbed her back, letting her cry. They stayed like this for a few minutes until she was done. 

Cloud stayed with Calum and made sure Maya made it safely up the stairs. She even followed Calum when he went to the kitchen to get Maya a glass of water. 

“She's going to be okay, pretty girl. Mumma is going to be like that for a bit.” He explained to her. Calum reached over to her, and she let him pet her. Calum left his heart skip a beat in excitement when she laid on her back, so he could rub her belly. After a bit, she went back to where she and Duke slept. Calum washed his hands and went up stairs with Maya’s water.

“When were you going to tell me?” Calum asked Maya when he got to their room. 

He sat in front of her and pulled her legs over him. Maya just shrugged at him. 

“Maya.”

“I don’t know. You said you wanted to wait a few more years. I was scared that you were going to get mad and leave me.” She said, tugging at the chain around her neck, a habit she had when she’s nervous or avoiding a conversation.

“What?” He asked in disbelief.

“But you wanted to wait a few-”

“Yeah and?”

“I just don’t want you to stay with me because I’m having your child.” 

“Maya, I’m with you because I love you, and you make me happy. You being the mother of my kids is a blessing.” 

“You mean it?”

“Of course. Let me see.”

Calum gently pushed Maya’s t-shirt up, revealing her growing bump. 

“Hi, baby. I’m your daddy. I’m also your mumma’s daddy when she behaves.”

Maya rolled her eyes at him when he looked up at her. 

Calum gently kissed her all over her belly. It was an innocent gesture, but it got her feeling. Especially when his kisses made their way down. 

He opened her legs exposing a damp spot on her panties. He placed her thighs over his shoulders and got closer to her core. He licked the damp spot before ripping her panties off.

“Hey, those were expensive.” Maya protested.

“And?” Calum didn’t let her say another word. He attached his mouth on her. 

Maya was a writhing mess in seconds. Silently cursing at him for cutting his hair because she couldn’t pull on it. She slid her hands inside her shirt and played with her breasts. He pushed in his ring and middle finger in her and licked her clit as he thrusted his fingers. When he felt her clench on his fingers, he pulled away. Earning a whine from Maya.

“Apologize first for not telling me you’re expecting our child or I won’t let you come.” Calum said.

“What? No!” Maya breathed out.

“Fine.” Calum pushed her legs off his shoulders.

“No, wait! Calum, I’m fucking sorry. I should have let you know about the baby.” 

“See, was that so hard?” He latched his mouth back on her and teased her clit with his fingers. 

In a matter of minutes, Maya came, repeating his name in pleasure until her high wore off. 

Calum laid next to her and pulled her to his side. “I love you, you know that, right?” He asked her.

“Yeah, I love you too. I really am sorry I didn’t tell you.” She said quietly.

“It’s alright. I was going to ask you eventually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You expected me not to notice that you stopped drinking coffee and eating ketchup? You need your daily scrambled eggs with ketchup and morning coffee.”

“Kinda.”

***

“I’m going to ask her to marry me.” Calum told Ashton. 

They were at their go to coffee shop by the dog park where El Santuario is. He even brought Cloud along. Ever since that morning, they have been getting along. She even lets him cuddle her. A week had passed and they finally told the rest of their group. Well, Jaime did when he told Luke that his mumma was getting fat because there was a baby inside her. Luke, being the loud mouth he is, asked Calum in front of everyone. 

Ashton hummed in agreement, taking a sip from his drink.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, honest. Just surprising. Didn't expect you to want to marry her."

"I fucking love her. Of course I want to marry her." Calum defended himself.

"Not because of that. A blind person can see how much you both love each other. I just never saw either of you as the marrying type." Ashton said. 

"Oh."

"Not to mention, you're both pretty private about each other and Jaime. Hell, I'm still surprised how Jaime has never been photographed by the paps. When word gets out, because it will, it'll be hellhole for all of you. The paps will want to be up your arses. Kait and I almost called off the wedding because of them. I'm just looking out for you. I should get going. Think it through. And ask Maya if that's something she wants too." 

Ashton patted Calum on the shoulder and gave Cloud a scratch and left.

Calum and Cloud walked around the block as he processed his thoughts. Of course he wants to marry Maya. Ever since she got her first Academy Award nomination, he realised that he wants to be there for every milestone supporting her. He just never found the perfect moment to ask her. Something always happened that kept him from asking her.

The more he thought about it the more he also imagined Cloud in the picture. He'd gotten used to her being at the house. 

Fuck it, Calum thought to himself.

They walked to El Santuario. Cloud got nervous. She thought back to when her first owners dropped her off there when they got a puppy. She began to pull on the leash trying to get Calum away from there.

"Pretty girl, it'll be quick. I just have to do something really fast, and we'll leave." Calum reassured her. 

In an hour or so, Calum signed the adoption papers and got her registered to their insurance. It would take a week for the paperwork to process, so she can officially be theirs. While they walked back to the car, Calum spotted a jewelry store. 

It was a sign.

He tied Cloud to a parking meter, and went to the store. He spotted the ring. Like in Harry Potter, where the wands come to you, the ring called him. It wasn't huge or flashy like the others in the display window, but it was beautiful and bright like Maya. The jeweler told him that the ring will be ready within a week or so. 

Calum was so giddy and excited when him and Cloud got home. He was taken back when Maya ran into his arms crying. Blood drained from his face. He thought something happened to her.

"Hey? What's wrong?" he asked her.

"You're going to say you told me so. I got attached to Cloud. Yesterday I was going to ask if we could adopt her, but I forgot. And I just got a call that some pendejo adopted her. Who would do such a thing! She belongs with us. She's part of our family, Cal." 

Her tears became full-on sobs. Calum didn't know how to tell he was the pendejo that adopted her.

***

Today was the day that Cloud would leave them forever. Maya stayed home with Duke while Jaime and Calum went to drop off Cloud. They congregated on the couch and watched 'A Dog's Purpose' and finished off the bag of cuties. She cried throughout the movie. Then she got angry at Calum for letting her convince him to become foster parents. Then she got hungry again.

She tried calling Calum, so he could get her some shrimp tacos from Playa Azul Mariscos, but he didn't answer. She took it upon herself and ordered thought postmates. She ordered three Baja style and four shrimp diabla. For Jaime she got him shrimp empanadas and for Calum veggie quesadilla. While she waited for their food, she made herself a turkey sandwich. 

"Mumma?” Jaime called.

"Aca ando." She called from the kitchen.

Jaime came in.

"Ven." he said, pulling her. He led her out to where Calum parked the car. Maya stopped dead on her tracks when she saw Calum holding Cloud. 

"What's this?" She asked him, tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Funny story, I'm the pendejo that adopted Cloud." He smiled.

"No!" She cried. 

She got down and pulled Cloud into a hug. Cloud was wearing the collar Maya saw at Petco a few days ago when she went to get more snacks for Duke. She gushed to Calum about how cute Cloud would look with it. She reached over to see her dog tag only to find a ring.

"Cal-" She looked up to him. 

He was barely able to contain his tears. 

"Marry me?" Was all he could manage to say. He had a whole speech planned out and everything, but his emotions got the best of him.

"Yes! A million times yes!" She wrapped her arms around him. "I love you so much, Cal!"

"I love you!" Calum said in between kisses.

Later that night after Jaime had settled into bed, Calum and Maya were in the living room. 

"Stop, that tickles." Maya giggled.

Calum was painting a "#2" onto her stomach. 

"Well, if you sat there and not moved, we'd finish much faster." He told her.

"Ya?" She asked a few minutes later.

"Yes. Cloud go sit with mumma." He patted the space next to Maya. 

Calum placed Maya's left hand on top of her stomach while the other was draped over Cloud.

"Okay, smile on three." He said. He counted off from one to three. 

"Let me see it." Maya said once he had taken it.

"You'll see in a bit."

Calum opened Instagram and posted the picture. 'We got two new family members in the Hood-Arroyo household.'

[dukeofriven]

So I’m watching DuckTales more-or-less for the first time because the New One Is Coming Out and it’s going to be a THING and god forbid I can’t join discourse about a THING so I obviously need to watch the old series because I’m the sort of compulsive completionist who decided to start reading MTMTE by first reading every IDW Transformers comic ever published (Which I... mostly do not regret*) - even knowing that the new DuckTales is likely just a reboot and it’s not like the old one had heavy continuity or anything, this is how I do. I know I saw this show as a kid because I remember the theme song, but I don’t really remember ever seeing the show - same goes for Rescue Rangers. I don’t know how the series aired in Canada but I get the feeling it was one of those shows that aired on a channel we didn’t watch/get often and/or it aired at a time when I had to stop watching TV (or it aired counter to a show I liked more - could be anything). Anyways, some thoughts on episode 1: The Treasure of the Golden Suns: Don’t Give Up the Ship. This covers the first ten minutes of the show because I am tired. 1) The old theme is superior to the new theme if for no other reason then the vocal aren’t completely buried in the mix. 2) So the episode more-or-less opens on Scrooge’s giant gold vault and a questions is immediately raised: Why is Scrooge McDuck Scottish? His namesake and clear inspiration, Ebeneezer Scrooge, isn’t - is it the reputation for cheapness? It’s probably that, isn’t it. 3) The background music in the opening scene is so peak late-eighties cartoons that I half-expected Bert Raccoon to swing into shot while a narrator starts blithering. Apropos of nothing, The Raccoons is a horrible cartoon show, one that my country has yet to make amends for. 4) Charity Worker: “Penny for the Poor?” McDuck: “They’re not worth it!” Trump’s America is the perfect time to bring back DuckTales. Oh that lovable Scrooge, with his complete refusal to use his vast wealth to do anything other than pursue his own selfish pursuits.. 5) I can’t understand what Donald is saying. 6) No seriously you guys how can anyone understand Donald Duck I have backed-up four times now and I think he’s joining the navy, but... why? So he’s just joining the navy and his dumping his three adopted nephews on another relative? That’s got to be really psychologically damaging: “Hey kids, I know your parents are out of the picture, but as your legal guardian now I want you to know that I’ll always be here for you except in the literal sense because I’ve decided to see the world - without you - so time to uproot your lives again!” 7) “I know none of you like him but he’s family so you’re just going to have to deal with it. That Navy’s not going to sail itself.” 8) A nutritious lunch of cheese sounds rad af, to be honest. Do cheap people only eat cheese or something, is that a stereotype I don’t know about? I grew up pretty not-wealthy, and cheese was something we treasured - shit was not cheap.

9) Yeah these cots seem awful but this attic room is otherwise great. I didn’t have a TV in my room as a kid, nor a bearskin rug, nor a vintage grammaphone. 10) So... what species is Duckworth, exactly? 11) For a  guy whose ‘so cheap’ Scrooge must spent a small fortune every month on house maintenance alone. You know maybe he’s not all that cheap, maybe he just doesn’t have a lot of liquidity - most of his money is all tied-up in the yearly household budget, like maids, groundskeeping, and vault-pool refilling. 12) Do you think Scrooge ever pees in the gold pool? 13) “I’m surprised the urchins know how to read!” Fuck you too, Ducksworth. 14) Three days after enlisting in he Navy, Donald already has a posting on an aircraft carrier? This is breaking the gritty verisimilitude I was primed to expect.

*All Hail Megatron was bad, you guys. It was so, so bad.