#hi idk what i'm doing this is a purely impulsive decision

[ravencincaide]

Helloooo!! I stopped here because you've been an inspiration. Your works, your writing inspired me to write my own fanfictions (soukoku). They are both still in progress, but I really would love to know what do you think about them. If you are interested, I'll write the some informations about them down here (I admit I still didn't work on a proper plot for these, but I promise I will, I swear. . .). Feel free to ignore this, I just wanted to share because I would like to know your opinion, it would be very precious, and brighten my day!

For the first one;

It's a reincarnation au.

It begins in a rather tragic way, in which Dazai and Chuuya both die. They get reincarned as "ordinary boys" years later, and become childhood friends, going on the years staying closer as ever.

As the teen years kicks in, they start to develop this curiosity towards abandoned places, and dying with the urge to explore them, at 15 years old they both start to search and dig themselves into these explorations.

At 17 years old, they stumble in front of a place that nobody ever has been seen walking around. A lonely place, with nothing special in it. Dazai wanted to watch anyways, and Chuuya.. well, Chuuya was curious as well.

So they find themselves in front of a certain container, the one where Dazai's past self lived.

Inside, they find some things rather interesting, and Dazai becomes obsessed with the idea to find out more about his past self and Chuuya's past self, so sick that he makes the want to travel back in time into his past body his will to live.

Crazy, idk how did I come out with this idea, and I know it probably sounds illogical.

I will find a way to make it work, or maybe I'll just make Dazai slowly ascend into madness.

For the second one;

I actually have a plot for this one, but it's.. a poem, a poetry.

"The water flows,

Clear and pure.

But he does not know if it's secure.

It flows incessantly, without rest,

From the lips, nostrils, eyes, ears.

He observes, aware and silent,

While the water runs without wit.

Someone unaware, in front of him,

Does not know what they have just done.

Time passes.

An abstract concept, without pause or rift.

Impossible to grasp it, stop it, hold it,

Only to observe it, as the world moves.

A dry something slithers away,

A shadow on his cheek lay.

The mouth opens, dryness penetrates,

Every crevice dries up, mercilessly.

The face hidden by black locks,

Exclaims softly, in severe tones.

It doesn't want the one thing it loves,

To vanish like this, in a fleeting flame.

So many years spent creating it with care,

Just for everything fades away, immeasurably?

For a stupid reason, so banal,

The fabric that once was rigid, now is fragile.

Between the fingers, cold and loose it dissolves,

A ghost of a tender smile is visible.

The water no longer flows."

It took A LOT to write this, because poetry is not really what I'm good at AT ALL. I hope it at least is decent, tho.

This follows the beast au.

Chuuya followed a normal life, until his group of friends make a big mistake.

One member of the group has been treated unkindly by the others, so he lead the whole friends to an hell hole; a party organised exclusively for illegal organisations.

Oblivious of this, the whole group enters this party, and when they find out what it is about, It's way too late.

After meeting with the mafia boss itself, Chuuya swears to try and never get to meet him again, but his hopes crumbles when he finds out his dad has debts. Debts he didn't pay.

That makes Chuuya's selfless butt drag himself to Dazai, him himself asking the boss of the port mafia to close his eye and let his father go. It sounds dumb even just writing it.. but well, he realises this after he took the impulsive decision.

At the end, Dazai accepts to let his father go, on one condition. Chuuya has to work with him.

Chuuya's answers will truly bring a lot of consequences.

Erm... I really hope this long thing won't be a bother to you!! If you actually took your time to read it, I thank you and appreciate a lot the time you decided to place on my silly little ideas!

I would really appreciate your thoughts on this!

Can I be 🌇 anon?

Hey there 🌇 anon! First of all, what an honor it is to be someones inspiration to start writing; there is honestly no bigger compliment you can give another writer <3.

When it comes to your works, I have to say they sound bloody brilliant! But also like a tremendous amount of work! Honestly best, best of luck and I would really look forward to reading the first drafts/completed fics. About first one, I would love to know what genre you're setting for; angst, hurt comfort or something more teenage-foolish and then a sudden awkwardness at finding out your best friend is also your lover? Your double black through thick and thin? Or something else? *excited!* About the second one; poetry has always been a bit of a fascination of mine. Unfortunately I've never been gifted with the ability to write long things; to set the scene and twist and turn the reader like you are able to. Definitely this is something you should explore! Really, I would say you have a knack for it. I have to admit that in some lines I lost the rhythm so my advice would be to read it out loud a few times just to see where a synonym may be more suitable to use. The feel and the scene however is very captivating and would be amazing to intertwine with a fic; Have lines of the poem run through the fic from start to end. It would definitely be interesting to see what and how Chuuya would react (Sidenote:Makes me think of a song actually). However what I'd like to add is that there is nothing wrong with your prompt or "foolish reason behind Chuuya's actions" instead it's all about how you write it. Some make entire careers on well used prompts: enemies to lovers, soulmates etc. What is foolish to one; a life changing story for another. And familial love and sacrifices are not new and not different (just see Shakespears work for instance!). It's all about how you write and what you want to convey. Long story short your fics sound awesome and I hope you will get around to writing and publishing them!

Also if you need a beta, some writing ideas or feedback on outline/snippets etc I am starting up that on my second blog; RavenCincaide-words So feel free to hit me up there if you'd like me to give a deeper look at your stuff!

[yeetdam]

in denial ☾ masterlist

— A SOCIAL MEDIA AU.

pairing: soundcloud rapper!byounggon x dancer!reader

genre: romance, humor, lots of clownery

description: where you are constantly in a passive-aggressive mood, byounggon has a midlife crisis every day, your friends either want to set you up or rip your heads off and seunghun just wants dean to notice him.

(alternatively, you pretend to not like his music, he pretends to only have crushes on celebrities and everyone can’t deal with your bullshit anymore.)

— CHAPTERS.

profiles

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

eleven

twelve

thirteen

fourteen

fifteen

sixteen

seventeen

eighteen

nineteen

twenty

twenty-one

twenty-two

twenty-three

twenty-four

twenty-five

twenty-six (end)

[bakugou-jpg]

Cherry wine || Single dad!Tsukishima

So hello! This is something i’ve been planning on posting for awhile now. Idk if i like it or not and Tsukishima might be a bit OOC since i haven’t been in the Haikyuu fandom for very long but oh well. Tomorrow i’ll try and post the masterlist for it and how many chapters it’ll have!

-Prologue-

“I’m pregnant”

The silence that fell over the room became deafening, not a single sound except for the distant students outside of the dorm building chatting and laughing together. The fan in the corner of the room buzzed, rotating left and right and rustling some papers on the desk. The wind softly blew through his hair, making the heat more bearable than it was before but at that very moment his thoughts and gone completely blank.

The girl in front of him leaned onto the desk that was placed behind her and knitted her eyebrows together, not in anger but purely because she had been lost in thought. Her arms were crossed and she looked at the boy's feet, biting her bottom lip while doing so.

To say it was a shock, was simply too lightly. I mean, yes, the two of them hadn't exactly done much to prevent it that night so it had been quite the possibility but it had never crossed his mind. She was pregnant, something he did. The clumb of cells that was currently busy forming into a little human was because of him.

"Tsukishima"

Tsukishima's head snapped up and for a moment his eyes widened slightly. They held eye contact for a moment, neither of them breaking it. They were both, confused. Neither of them knowing what to do know and neither of them knowing what to say.

The boy adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. He folded his hands together and fiddled around with them, something he unconciously did when he was nervous. "..Oh"

Its all he could think of at that moment. Tsukishima,  a man who always knew how to respond to whatever situation with either a logic answer or a cocky remark now felt silent. He was a rational person, but now it seemed that his brain short circuited.

The girl sighed, her eyes falling down to the ground once again. She moved one of her hands to rub over her face and then started biting her thumb nail. "I found out on Sunday. I..wanted to think about it myself a bit first. Hope you understand" She said, her voice trailing off.

Tsukishima nodded. "Of course."

Another silence.

There was one question he was dying to ask, of course, the most obvious one. He was a strong believer of the belief that it was her body and her choice and that he didn't have ANY saying in what she wanted to do, but he was still curious. At that moment he didn't even know which decision he wanted or preferred. Would it be bad if he asked? Or was it too soon?

"What do you- " "I-"

They both fell silent, not wanting to interrupt one another. Tsukishima excused himself and nodded towards her. "Sorry, go on".

The girl in front of her looked a little anxious and bit her lip before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes to calm her nerves. She breathed out and locked eyes with the boy standing in front of her. "I've thought about it..and decided what choice i wanted to make and i hope you can support me in that."

Tsukishima quickly nodded and waved his hand. "Your body your choice. Whatever decision you make i will respect it so do not rely on my approval" He said, something which made her worried expression relax. It felt as if there had bee a weight lifted off of her shoulders.

She nodded, letting her eyes roam around the room for a second trying to figure out how to put it into words.

"For the longest time i've planned out what i wanted to do with my life, with my future. Go to college, study to become an archeologist and become succesful and travel around..A baby can't fit into that plan, not yet."

Understandable. Tsukishima understood what she meant, for he too had a plan of what he wanted to do in the future. Work in a museum, it was something that he loved the idea of ever since he was a kid. She wanted to become something bigger, so of course a baby would only get in the way.

She cleared her throat and fiddled her hands. "I do, however, want to give it a chance of being able to live. For him or her to find out what joys life can gift to you and how wonderful the world can be..So i'm going to give them up for adop-"

"I'll raise them"

What.

The girl's eyes widened and she looked at Tsukishima in shock.

Tsukishima pushed himself off of the wall and looked at her for a second before taking a step closer to her. "I'll take responsibility and raise them."

What was he saying?

The girl blinked in surprise, her mouth slightly agape from the sudden response one that she had not expected in a million years. Tsukishima's eyebrows were slightly knitted, something which showed he was dear serious over this. "..please"

Why was he saying this?

The girl snapped out of her daze and ran her fingers through her hair, her other hand cupping her still flat stomach. "I-..Wh- Tsukishima..are you serious?" She asked in disbelieve, still taken aback from the reaction. "With all due respect, Tsukishima, but i really hope you understand i am not planning on raising this baby alongside you nor am i planning to hop in at a later age. I just-"

"I don't care for that. You won't have to be involved in any way, i'll make my own money, buy my own two bedroom apartment, raise my own kid. I'll work it out, if you want i'll cover half of all your medical bills" Tsukishima said while leaning back again, looking at her with his usual stoic expression again. Yet, his golden brown eyes held a mixture of confusion and fear. But that was something she would never be able to catch onto.

God what the fuck was he saying

The girl sighed and shook her head a little, trying to wrap her head around what was happening. "I mean..Medical bills won't be a problem, my family's wealthy enough to be able to cover that without a problem..I just..I thought you were passionate about this college course and wanting to succeed? Its not some kind of puppy you raise, can leave at home for the day and to come back at the end of the day and feed it and sometimes throw a stick around, Tsuki-"

"Do i look like an idiot to you?" Tsukishima said with narrowed eyebrows, tapping his finger on his other arm impatiently. Surely, he fooled around with her, but Tsukishima couldn't stand the way she thought she was better and smarter than him.

The girl rolled her eyes and sighed. "You know what i mean" She snapped back. "Its gonna be a big responsibility, its gonna get in the way of you making it big out there."

Once again, a silence fell over the dorm.

Tsukishima's thoughts were screaming at him. Telling him this decision was an impulsive one, how he had to think it through first and asking him over and over again what he was thinking. He knitted his eyebrows together and stared at the ground, slowly nodding.

"I know what i'm doing"

No he did not

The girl nodded and shrugged, her eyes glancing to the clock hanging on his wall. She looked back at Tsukishima and hummed, pushing herself off of the desk. "Well, okay then. I've got class in ten minutes, we'll discuss the details later on. Take care" She said, pushing herself off of the desk. Her hand reached out for Tsukishima's shoulder and gave it a small squeeze, something which made Tsukishima just the slightest bit uncomfortable.

He didn't even say anything, simply too caught up with the sea of a void that suddenly washed over him. It numbed all of his thoughts, all of his surroundings as the thumping of his own heartbeat echoed in his ear.

The click of his dorm room falling back into its lock flew past him, not even having noticed the girl had left. Tsukishima stood there for about 10 minutes until he was pulled back to the surface, something which made him fall back onto his bed. He put his elbows on his knees, his hands raking through his hair as he looked at his ground with slightly panicked eyes.

He let out a long sigh, his hand running over his face as he threw his head back and leaned it against the wall. It was already dark, the only people outside being the ones going to their night classes. It was cold, after all it was October and the weather hadn't been exactly the nicest out.

Tsukishima glanced out of his window, his eyes following the form of the girl who was just left his dorm and was now running outside to arrive at her class in time. His eyes were locked onto her until she had turned a corner, now out of sight.

What did he just agree to?

He let his eyes slowly slide down from his window to his bed, a place where his phone was resting. Without really thinking about it, he reached out for the phone, pressing a few buttons before bringing it up to his ear.

"..Tadashi? I..i fucked up"

Nine months felt a lot longer than it usually did. While a school year usually felt like it flew by rather quickly to Tsukishima, these past few months felt like as if there was a chain with a heavy ball chained to his ankles. Every minute, every second felt like it took forever.

As the trees lost their leaves, the snow covered the ground. As the snow melted away, the flowers started blooming again. As the flowers grew higher, the temperature did too. With every transmission, Tsukishima's feet grew heavier and heavier. It all lead up to that one moment. One moment that would change his life forever, a moment he'd remember till' the day he'd die.

As the seconds ticked by, they turned into minutes. As the small hand of the clock moved forward made a full circle, the hours started moving by. Slow, very slowly. Tsukishima lost sense of time, sitting in that chair waiting for someone to give him a sign and to inform him of the slightest bit of news. Anything.

His thoughts even stopped at some point. Surely he was panicking internally and the fact that his phone kept buzzing in his pocket, his family and Yamaguchi repeatedly asking him how it was going, didn't make it any better. Hell, the fact Yamaguchi managed to leak the information to his old teammates didn't soothen the buzz in his pockets at all. But he just stared at a wall.

The ticking of the clock, the water that dripped from the tap, the foot steps from the nurses, the distant screams of agony and the phone that rang every 15 minutes in the nurses office started to feel like a pattern. A never ending pattern that had repeated itself almost a million times already.

"Mr. Tsukishima?"

Fuck

Tsukishima's head snapped up and his eyes met the one of an older woman who was wearing a long blue cover up and a mask hanging next to the side of her head. She wore a smile on her face, a tired one, but a happy one. She had discarded the gloves she wore and Tsukishima noticed some light blood smears on the gown she was wearing.

"He's here"

He

In the past 9 months that had passed, Tsukishima had never thought that his feet could feel more heavier. But in that moment it felt as if Medusa herself had locked eyes with him and stared into his golden brown eyes, drinking in his beauty before stiffening his body and turning it into stone.

He didn't notice how his lanky long body had gotten up from the chair he had been sitting at for the past few hours and how he was now silently walking behind the doctor, following in her footsteps as she lead him to a room.

"The mother told me to inform you she didn't want to see your son and that she'd appreciate it if you stayed away for a little while" The nurse said while holding the door for him open.

His son

Tsukishima looked around the room, noticing how extremely empty and silent it was. The beds that were there were empty, waiting for a new patient to arrive. The blind were closed, but it let the slightest bit of light through cascading down onto to the little bin standing in the middle of it, surrounded by two other nurses that were busy with what was inside of it.

The two nurses looked up at him and smiled, one of them walking towards the exit of the room while the other reached out for the bundle of blankets inside of the little bed. She picked it up, stepping towards Tsukishima with a very kind small. One he didn't notice, for his eyes were only focused on the very small baby she held in her hands. "Meet your son" She said while holding the baby out for him, adjusting his hands just slightly so he'd make the baby feel comfortable.

He held out his hands, taking the bundle of blankets into his arms and immediately holding him close to his body. Tsukishima made sure to support his head, remembering all the things he read in a book his mother gifted him after having announced the news. He wouldn't dare to cause the baby any discomfort, it felt as if he was made out of the thinnest porcelain in the world.

"We'll give you a moment, we'll be next door if u need us" Tsukishima heard the older nurse say before the door shut behind her, leaving both him and his son alone in the room.

The baby slightly moved around in his blanket, one of his tiny arms poking through and stretching out towards Tsukishima's face before returning back into the comfort of his warm cocoon. A small yawn left the baby's mouth, a sight that made Tsukishima's eyes soften.

"Someone's pretty tired, huh? Nine months of sleep ain't enough for you, buddy?" He whispered, peering into the little eyes that were slowly opening up revealing a very familar pair of golden brown ones although his appeared to be just a bit more darker. It also didn't Tsukishima long before he noticed the dark blonde hairs poking out of his hat, ones that almost matched his own but just being a shade darker than his own.

He grinned and stroked the baby's cheek, taking in every detail of his face. "Aren't you just a sight for sore eyes, like i'm looking into a mirror." Tsukishima said with a short snicker.

In that very moment, Tsukishima felt his feet get lighter. The heavy chain on his feet he carried around for months that got heavier and heavier broke, just by the single stare the boy had on him. He didn't care anymore, about what he was gonna do in the future. He didn't care about if he'd still be able to finish college or if he was gonna be able to pull through.

Every thing he did, was gonna be for him. Every decision he made, was gonna be with him in the back of his mind. Every thing decent nice thing he did, he did hoping he could be somewhat proud of his old man.

And so, from 7 years from that moment, on Tsukishima was going to have a succesful career. One he had achieved after graduating from college, something he couldn't of have done without the motivation he had after his son was born and he was going to make sure his son was always first with whatever he did.

"Welcome to the world, Kaoru"

[iasipranked]

IASIP Episodes Ranked: #103 of 144 - The Gang Does A Clip Show

dir. Todd Biermann, written by Dannah Phirman and Danielle Schneider, aired October 17th, 2018, Season 13 Episode 7

summary: in an episode potentially set in dennis’s head, the gang remember scenes from their past (i.e. the show), and slowly forget what is real, being thrust into an inception-like reality where the gang inhabits the dream-minds of different members.

abby’s favourite line: ‘(scat singing) stop sucking and go’ -dee and charlie

luce’s favourite line: ‘i don’t remember dennis leaving’ -frank

positives:

they censored the r slur that was in the christmas ep clip!! it’s a little thing but means a whole lot

if you’re not aware, sunny’s official insta account posted this photo about the ep, confirming the theory that clip show is in fact all in dennis’ head...which makes so much fucking sense and opens up a great opportunity of learning about dennis’ emotions and fear and vulnerability

this whole episode is him wanting to be incredibly attached to reality, he does not like change, and all the big changes in his life (maureen, nd) have been purely impulsive, so now that he’s back to philly and the gang, he just wants to stay in the moment. he doesn’t even wanna reminisce in the beginning (maybe bc it brings us painful emotions he’d rather not think about?) but at the end, he’s the one that doesn’t want to stop reminiscing...but when everyones on their phones and it’s “reality” again, he says “thank god we’re back to normal”...literally his last line in s13, that is art 

since this is all in his head, he’s literally imagining the gang stopping him from leaving for north dakota, which says so goddamn much about idk if necessarily regretting the decision to leave, but regretting not saying out loud that this fucking scares him and he wants the gang to question him more and stop him from his impulsivity or if not stop, simply go with him so he’s not all alone in this new change

dennis allows himself to imagine all this scenarios instead of actually putting them out into the real world and making these things happen simply bc he’s terrified...it lets him live out the fantasy without truly feeling the consequences

this all just stems from dennis’ need to live that heteronormative life...he married maureen but then divorced her bc he realized thats not him and he left for nd but then came back bc he realized thats not him but he keeps craving this extravagant dream that he’ll never ever get, but he still holds onto it desperately. I'm not sure if he genuinely still has hope that he’ll achieve it, but it’s the only thing that keeps him going bc if he brings these fantasies into reality and really looks at who he is deep inside, he’s gonna break. his whole life will feel like a lie and he’ll feel maybe like a failure, bc he hasn’t done anything with his college degree, no stable income or wife or suburban home. the most stable things in his life are the gang and the bar. and even tho he knows it, and u can see him rlly loving the gang in s13, he’s still somewhat embarrassed to associate with them Only bc they’re not what he expected he would end up with. so he plays it off like he hates them or is gonna leave again and blah blah blah in the end he’s an emotional mess that loves his friends too much to admit it

it’s truly so cool how we can learn so much about a character without the character themselves explicitly saying/showing it...it’s easy to forget how much dimension this show has sometimes and this was kind of revolutionary in that aspect, demonstrating yet again how close these ppl are to each other and how much they rlly do care about each other, even if they don’t show it

also check out @araki-iasip katherine’s blog, she talks about this ep all the time and delves into all the little things, providing a huge amount of insight

long legged frank was the best part of this episode for a casual viewer... he reminds me of an insect

also while the point was to make fun of clip show episodes it is fun to look back on classic sunny moments as rcg views them!

rewatching this episode i completely forgot about the seinfeld bit and the fact that glennis and rob/mac were BOTH jerry is so funny they really are... like that

negatives:

even though this episode is canonically in den’s head, you probably wouldn’t know if you’re just a casual fan and/or don’t check sunny’s social media posts. it's unfortunate that something that makes for such interesting character analysis isn’t canon in the ep itself and isn’t available to all viewers unless you’re actively looking for it! 

apart from everything dennis, this episode was rather underwhelming? they definitely could have gone farther with the screwing up reality theme and expanding more on the nd plotline, macdennis, and the whole hating on mac thing, besides the little things they planted in that was more or less up to interpretation

the overall plot of this episode really doesn’t make sense - they spent too much time on the clip show aspect and then went on to try and make it about inception? too much... it’s too much packed into one episode and they could have achieved so much more if they went in with a solid aim.

tldr: while this episode was a little incoherent, it is still a really interesting and hard to come by look into dennis’ mind in season 13, provided you have the right context

[verobatto]

"Break the jar, and do it again." The slow construction of Canon Destiel

Ok people the hiatus is gone and the new chapter aired so we have now time for interesting thoughts…

This is another Destiel meta, sorry again if anyone already talked about this ideas, you can share your opinions here!

We want Destiel become canon. That's law. But how you get together two characters with such defectives inner issues? Like Cas and Dean? Are they ready to be together? I know we are just NEAR to... But we need just a little big step for that...

Before we start to break things here... I want to discuss about one of the most important tool used by Supernatural writers... And bc I like symbolic titles... I'm gonna title it like this...

Supernatural and the Phoenix Complex

Spn must be the most mortal series, and we have memes of our beloved characters's taste for dying over and over again throughout the entire series and reliving in the same season or in the next.

Like the Phoenix, they reborn from their ashes renewed. And that's the meaning from this.: "I'm giving you this so many chances to change your point of view, so you can see with new eyes."

Is the same concept with the breaking point trough lost, pain and tragedy.

Moving this idea to the slow construction of Canon Destiel, we had witnessed how they broke Cas and Dean over and over again, just to develop their characters into a renewed and healthy ones, only in this way, they'd be able to love each other in a plenty way.

So .. let's keep the concept about "breaking the defective jar, to make the jar again." A new one, a better one...

We need new Cas and new Dean, loving themselves, growing in self acceptance and learning about communication.

Ok .. now we're ready for the jam here...

... Let's brake some jars ...

1) Breaking Castiel

Well... We have this millennial Supernatural been with a very hard to break settings. A program that every angel have: Obedience, castity, submission and complete the mission. How do you break a program like that? We need a really good hacker... Maybe one with green eyes? 😹

Godstiel.

Godstiel was the result from a desperate decisions coming from Cas to protect Dean from another Apocalypse. Cas couldn't manage the immensely of having thousands of souls and the hug power corrupted him.

But this traumatic experience didn't help Cas to improve. This experience gave us a depressing Castiel for the following two seasons. So this... Just depressed him deeply.

Human!Cas

Human!Cas was the breaking point for the character. This was the improvement he needed. Being human guide him to a brand new Cas. Changing his perspective about humanity and make him fell more in love with it 😉 if you know what I mean. This was the remarkable, tragic, but blessed situation that brought him to the bottom of himself. Yes. He was broken but still learning and growing. This was good for the character.

Empty!Cas and AUCastiel

Empty!Cas was another very important impulse for the character, at the beginning of the s13, where Cas talking with the Empty, was like "looking himself in the mirror" but not really, was more the meaning of it. Cas faces himself, his fears and feelings, he embraced all of that, and knowing he already was saved, he came back with his family. Closing this meaning by the end of the same season when he faces now AUCastiel, another "looking himself in the mirror" and he embraces his family, the Winchesters. Knowing AUCastiel helped Cas to reconciling with himself. And the meaning of killing that part of him, big development of the character. Cas killed all that lack of emotion, lack of fee will. Now he knows he don't regret chose Dean, humanity, and fell for it. That was huge for him, and prepared us to close his character issues. Now that he can love himself, he could freely love Dean.

But... We still have that miscommunication factor that is the last step. Aaaand the little, tiny big detail that he already confessed his love to Dean and he felt rejected? Well yes... That's bad...

Mourning!Cas

Mourning!Cas, the actual arc, came to sell the character giving him the last lesson trough pain and loose. How this Cas, whom tasted corruption, depression, redemption, humanity, reacts now facing AUMichael!Dean. Facing lost. Facing this "bond in pause" as I mentioned in my other meta, as Dean faced it in s13 with Castiel's death. Well I'm not very sure about if he is into a soldier mode? Or depressing mode? I'm gonna choose the second one... When he talks with Jack and said WE ARE GONNS FIGHT AND GET DEAN BACK AND KILL AU MICHAEL and etc, etc... He is talking with himself, and he is almost in tears... Emotional... He looks more human in his facial expressions. So yes .. Cas is being very human... He miss Dean... The bond is in pause.... Sigh... I hope he become more determined and aggressive to get Dean back... Let's wait and see... But this episode 1 Cas sounded me like... "I just wait here, then" please come back Dean. 🤷 I'm clueless...

2) Breaking Dean

Dean had always the height from being the first born, the obedient son, carrying on his shoulders with the oppressive idea of a toxic masculinity, the responsibility for being the older brother, toxic codependency and last, but not less important, fighting against his repressed feelings and desires. This whole defective jar needs a lot of breaking.

His years in Hell

Well, we have a very heavy past here, Dean have been trough so many traumatic experiences, he had suffer the lost from his father and Sam. The pressure of being responsible of his father death and not being able to save his brother, consumed him I'm despair, and that led him to make that deal with the cross road demon.

Once in hell he breaks... And when he come back, he just talked about it once with Sam. And that's it. Bc Dean .. and here is the big growing up impediment of the character... He's the Master of Disguise.

(And we have symbolism here again, bc Dean loves disguise, we had seen him in many chapters playing with it... He use disguise as an scape for fun... And for self protection. We could said he disguise his body and his feelings... And that's it)

So he pushes all those feelings again deep down his soul. This feelings and trauma doesn't' exist if I don't look at them. I'll be just fine!

So Hell was a traumatic experience, but it didn't improve the character for good. He remains as constipated emotionally as when he started. So... Not good.

Purgatory

I had already talked about how Dean facing his pure and true feelings in this place. This traumatic experience was positive for the character, bc how I said before, in Purgatory Dean realizes that he is in love with Cas when in his soul remains just what was pure in him (without others humans necessities). Maybe he wouldn't use the 'L' word here, he used the "Need" word as a love confession, then he felt rejected by Cas and decided locking his feelings again, but yes... Now he knows.

Yes... Season 8 was good... 😏

The mark of Cain and Demon!Dean

This was very traumatic for Dean and for us! Dean become a monster. Literally. He hit bottom here... A very good breaking point! But again... He continued doing the same "put down the feelings, and everything will be just fine".

The only good thing here was this inner realization...

This is what Dean learns going through that traumatic experience.

Cas showed him that he knew him very well, and even so, he accepted him. That was scary for Dean. That's a feeling he wasn't used to manage.

Something is growing up slowly in his mind, the idea of sharing his life with someone else...

Gif from @veryamooseing blog

I like that seed that was planted and become to release a little bud...

And this idea is settled when Dean felt he was about to change and die. He was a monster that was about to kill his own brother. When he become in what he hated and hunted all his life, he breaks again and in that huge situation, he become to reorder his priorities. Love, family, retirement? Settled down with a hunter? Building Dean' cave and watch movies with Cas?

Mourning!Dean

Dabb's era brought us a recurring fact: Dean goes crazy when Cas isn't in the bunker or don't answer the phone.

We thought wen Cas come back Dean would be able to recognize his feelings for him and maybe... Tell him??? Or change a little about it? But no. What we get after all this mourning was again, the pushing down emotions and more fear. Yes... A disaster! Dean keeps locked into this emotional prison and he can't get out himself for it. He doesn't advance. He is stuck. And now that he's afraid of loosing people he loves (Castiel) and now that he realizes he's in love with Cas... Well more and more fear... Sigh...

Michael!Dean

Well this is so interesting plot and opportunity for Dean's character development. We have AUMichael talking with two people about LOVE, PEACE, PURITY AND SAVE THE WORLD. If this isn not a mirror for Empty!Cas then idk what it is... And yes .. this is AUMichael talking indirectly to Dean...

"You think you want peace? But you bring war all the time with your actions... You think you want Love? But you lock it down and ignore it. You think you have purity in your heart? But you are just lies. You think you save the world? But you can't even save you from your own hate for yourself.

Yes, this is a huge opportunity for Dean to begin once for all to grow up in self acceptance and in love for himself, facing as it was in Purgatory, the purity that remains in his heart and soul. He can reach peace enjoying retirement with Cas and Sam. He can love Cas romantically and he can love his family in a healthy way.

This is the new Dean we are expecting to find through S14. This is the kind of breaking point, phoenix complex, new and improved jar, we were waiting for Dean. Let's see what happens.

So slow, slow, slowly but with sure steps we hope the construction of Destiel Canon wait for us at the end of this journey.

Sorry... This is so large!! Did you really read this mess? I really sorry... But if you did, please feel free to discuss.

I'm tagging for debate...

@magnificent-winged-beast @sactownbrowns3 @lovemesomecas94 @naruhearts @thedogsled @dimples-of-discontent @lykanyouko @mrsaquaman187 @evvvissticante @agusvedder @navajolovesdestiel @destielhoneybee @castiellover20

And everyone who want to discuss!