#hi im new here my friends forced me to read homestuck

[sugerkainart]

racehorse

[davethot]

Aysha is homophobic but more so in the realm of being lesbophobic. Remember that she completely removed all Rosemary interactions from Pesterquest for more Davekat, decided to push for Yiffy the cuckhold child to be forced into the narrative during Lesbian Visibility Day and has made sure to demean any positive Rosemary interactions in lieu of Davekat which she is solely invested in. Her being transphobic more relates to her poor handling of Jade (dog dicked sex fiend isn't good transfem rep)

You do realize you sound fucking insane right???? This is literally what I’m fucking talking about when I mentioned people in my og post about hs2 pointing fingers and giving someone a really harsh label such as LESBOPHOBIC because they didnt quite handle a lesbian couple EXACTLY how you would have.

First of all i want to mention that Aysha is non-binary poc and is married to a woman. This doesnt exempt her from possibly writing some shitty things, but its good to have perspective here. Shes not some cishet white person writing these characters.

So are you going to ignore the literal thousands of pages of the original comic where we had a PLETHORA of Rosemary interactions??? And absolutely no davekat? And if you remember Kanaya was still having hang ups with Vriska, so it only made sense that that was explored a bit in Pesterquest rather than jumping straight to Rose and Kanaya cuddling on a couch and spewing gay poetics at each other. Like I genuinely dont know what you fucking want.

Also i would like to point out that romance wasnt even the fucking focus of Pesterquest. Dave and Karkat’s interactions were barely anything more than characters mentioning them and them being in the same place together for one single ending and mspar implying that they had a feeling they were supposed to be good friends. Tbh it sounds like you and the people who often have this complaint are way more fucking obsessed with what’s going on with Davekat than Aysha or the rest of the team will ever be. Maybe you should redirect your efforts into creating more wlw content for Homestuck since you think the new team is so lesbophobic for portraying two grown ass women having some marital problems (and acting like that cant happen in the real world with real people literally every day).

You and tons of other people fucking love to point to Kanaya and Rose’s issues in hs2 and preach that it’s suddenly lesbophobic that theyre not happy go lucky 24/7. Again, Davekat didnt even fucking happen in the og comic. We had one flash where Dave rests his head on Karkat’s lap and they’re playing hopscotch on a poorly drawn dick on the ground, meanwhile Rose and Kanaya had comfortably been together for Awhile at that point. I just don’t understand how Dave and Karkat finally having a semi-functional and happy relationship in hs2 is promoting lesbophobia. Also we didnt even get to see the comic FINISH!! We dont KNOW what exactly was going to happen with Rose and Kanaya, and we arent going to for a long fucking time because it’s people like you who are perpetuating this narrative of the team and that theyre horrible awful people because they did two fucking things you dont agree with. It’s honestly fucking exhausting. And you know I can throw this right back at you right? Like, pretty homophobic of you to only be focusing on wlw ships and invalidating Davekat, one of the only healthy relationships PERIOD in Homestuck, not just a healthy mlm relationship. Like, pretty shitty of you anon :/ kind of homophobic of you fr.

And this isnt even mentioning the genuinely nice interactions we have seen with Kanaya and Rose in Homestuck 2. Everyone’s really fucking eager to forget that in meat Kanaya was wistfully looking out at the stars missing her wife and told Dave she’d do anything to get her back, esp since it’s implied that Rose was being manipulated pretty heavily by Dirk. But no, according to yall that never happened and Aysha + the rest of the team are just spitting on all wlw folks.

Also again I feel like youre coming to insane conclusions. You think it was a purposeful move that Aysha and the team introduced Yiffy on lesbian visibility day??? Like???? Also pretty lesbophobic of you to invalidate a child born from two women. Like hm pretty shitty of you anon. Rose and Jade explained why they did what they did, and tbh, again, we could have had more information if people like you didnt indirectly harass the creators and cause it to go on indefinite hiatus.

As for the Jade dog dick thing, I have multiple friends who are trans women who have issues with people blowing it out of proportion. Its important to remember that every trans woman is going to have a different opinion on this, and we shouldnt invalidate any of them, but at the same time what one trans woman says about it isnt the end all be all of the situation. Some trans women think this portrayal is transphobic, while plenty others think it isnt, and that people are making way too big of a deal out of it. Therefore I’m going to leave it at that. Personally I dont know if how Aysha and the team wrote Jade is transphobic and its not for me to decide. However, my trans friend would like to be quoted saying this:

“People claiming that the writers intended for Jade’s dick to be the driving force in her emotional and sexul appetite shows someone’s willingness to ignore Jade’s actual reasons for doing these things that she STATES in the actual text. All in favor of projecting their own transmisogynist reading onto the writers.”

This probably ended up being longer than my og post lmfao but fr anon im sick of people like you. Even if you didnt directly contact the creators of hs2, you’re literally the problem here. I wish you and others would stop throwing around these terms like lesbophobic, homophobic, transphobic, etc, because it literally makes those words lose meaning. Someone writing a lesbian couple having marital problems, especially in the context of Homestuck, is not fucking lesbophobic. And i hope i helped you understand that by throwing the terms back at you because tbh, im sure youre a good person with good intentions, and I would never seriously call you homophobic for this. But i hope you can have some fucking perspective and stop targeting marginalized authors and creators moving forward. Its embarrassing fr.

[overthelillies]

fic recs for my friends

yeah okay so most/all of these are davekat im sorry!! arranged in no particular order also some of them are second person I Am Sorry.

Your Interpersonal, Intergalactic Relationship: A Beginner's Guide (8,400-something words)

A beginner's guide to playing hopscotch, overcoming internalized homophobia, and falling in love with your alien best friend.

friends to lovers! p cute

So It Goes (56,845 words)

They managed to win the game somehow. He's not really sure of the details, but it's not all it's cracked up to be. He's stuck in an unfamiliar body with a thirteen year old little brother who's terrified of him.

Somehow, he is sure this is his fault.

// i have not read this one. but strider angst and davekat yes please

Red Converse (26,648 words)

Due to a seizure, Karkat Vantas now has to learn how to live his life with two speech aphasia. He goes to therapy three times a week, suffers from awful headaches, and tries to avoid people as much as possible.

Due to a traumatic experience, Dave Strider refuses to use his words, preferring to relay his snarky comments and witty banter through sign language and typing on his phone.

They meet in a waiting room.

//THIS IS REALLY GOOD Altho they do have sex just skip it dw i promise it’s worth it

how...did you tell your friends (7,906 words)

Unfortunately, you don't fancy your brother's suggestion on how to break the news to John...

There's no other way out of it, you're going to have to just tell him.

//set after homestuck, dave tries to tell the most oblivious person in the world and also his best friend (john) that he and karkat are dating and it’s literally so good

Dave Strider’s Stupid Fucking Jawline (11,607 words)

Generic high school AU. Dave's jawline is really distracting and Karkat does NOT have a crush on him (shut up, Kanaya).

//high school au. lovely. good eating.

Gray and Red (16,084 words)

In which you only see color once you meet your soulmate, and the first color you see is the same as your soulmate's eyes.

//SOULMATE AU SOULMATE AU this is kinda very Angsty (Karkat do be pining doe) it’s p good

We’re All Friends & Family Here (And Frankly, We’re Sick Of Your Shit) (68,000 somethin words)

It's been about a year since the big Fast Forward, and sure, things on Earth C aren't perfect for everyone. But they're fine. Really. It's fine. Everything is super fuckin' swell, and that's that.

It's not like one night is going to change anything.

//post homestuck GOD THIS. IS SO GOOD okay so this fic is mainly dirkjake being fucking stupid with rosemary and davekat and also a lil roxy/calliope in the bg and it’s long but!!!! so very good

Red Ties (10,705 words)

Dave Strider's eyes never turned the color of his soulmates. With his rare eye-color, there's next to no chance they simply share an eye color.

One day he meets Karkat Vantas.

//another cute soulmate au! again. love the soulmate aus what can i say

i’m at the combination dunkin donuts & urgent care (3,920 words)

Karkat Vantas is convinced beyond a doubt that his neighbor is some variety of murderer, until they actually meet in person. Highlights include blood at the laundromat, Dave's weird obsession with candles, and a box of shitty swords.

//this is SO FUNNY short n sweet i promise

the calculation (2,481 words)

the fic in which Dave gets the flu for the first time since before the game and Karkat takes care of him.

//this fic is really funny and also sweet

Start At The Beginning (9,304)

//post-homestuck, Dave and karkat falling in love. the ending to thsi made me cry

I Love Cheap Thrills (4,773 words)

You’ve been trading memes with an international pop sensation, and your drunk ass had no idea.

Classic.

//this one is verrie funnie

Locked Up (9,272 words)

Dave had always been the one best prepared for the game. He was able to handle the shit it threw at them and push it down a lot better than everyone else could.

It might have fucked up everything else about him, but that didn't matter.

He was fine.

He was always fucking fine.

//angst. very nice

I’d Tap That (oh fuck i didn’t mean to tap that) (17,041 words)

Karkat finds his old school bully on Grindr. Dave doesn't know how to shut up.

// really funny!! sorry if these are getting redundant i don’t remember the details about some of these

Pale as Bone, Pale as Water (5,305 words)

//another davekat sickfic

Apple Juice, Chips, and Bandages (5,335 words)

Every time he comes in he gets the same three things. A bottle of apple juice, a bag of chips, and bandages.

//really cute!! they’re liddol and they’re friends it’s nice

The Land of Blood and Childhood Trauma (8,242 words)

When two dreambubbles collide, two anti-social assholes are forced to help each other through it.

//not quite as Angsty as it sounds! it’s good

ecdysis (6,077 words)

Karkat goes through his adult molt. Dave does his best to take it in stride.

//so i actually haven’t read this thought I did but Uh have it anyway it looks good

Self Sabotage and Other Symptoms of a Damaged Soul (10,698 words)

//basically dave grapples with his internalized homophobia, etc. very good

turntechGodhead is offline (36,999 words)

//I’ve already ranted to you guys enough about this you know what it’s abt it’s SO FREAKING GOOD

A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas, Featuring A Multitude Of Illustrations By Your Esteemed Authors, As Well As Tips For The Aforementioned Wooing (11,261 words)

Kanaya, because she's a saint, makes you a list.

The list is entitled "A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas" and features a multitude of illustrations in purple pen.

"So we're doing this," you say. Your mouth threatens to twitch into something dangerously smile-shaped.

"Yes," says Kanaya. "We are making this happen."

"Hell yes."

//dave n karkat! they go on a date. stuff happens. it’s really good

Catching Colds on a Rock in the Middle of Space (15,887)

Rose catches a bad cold and it slowly spreads to the rest of the meteor crew. None of them are particularly good at admitting they're sick, let alone looking after themselves, but at least they're decent at caring for each other.

//rosemary and davekat! VERY sweet

Dave’s Girl (2,527 words)

The thing is no one knew anything more about "Kitty" other than her delicious cooking (Dave obviously doesn't want to share – ever) but the guys are more or less already in love with her. Drew insists she's probably this blond bombshell with big, blue eyes, all curves with legs that go on forever and a great rack... Practically everyone in the team has their own opinion.

//this is so funny and also im a sucker for these kinds of tropes so it’s great

Songs Made on the Meteor (27,762 words)

Dave makes music and they fall in love.

//on my to-read list! it looks good

Looks Just Like The Sun (12,231 words)

“Holy shit,” you whisper. Dave joins you at the window.

There are no stars left in the sky. Nothing but blackness and a faint soap bubble sheen.

“Is that a dream bubble?” Dave says.

And then it swallows you.

//okay. does this have explicit sex? yes. does it have a very explicit image? yes. HOWEVER (hear me out here) I firmly believe that if you whizz pass those parts, this is a very good fic with great characterization and fun banter. send tweet

aight happy reading

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[tropicalgoon]

Spoilers for the Homestuck Epilogue below.

First things first, i had caught up reading Homestuck on the exact day the Gigapause started (10/16/13). So long pauses and people arguing about canon was pretty common. Then the comic ended but later we got snapchats. Once the snapchats started coming people were unsure how ‘canon’ the snapchats were. Also    

i was surprised with how fast the rest of the Epilogue came out. I figured it would have been drip fed like the comic was but reading it now i can see why that was not the case. If you haven't read the Epilogue i have one thing to say.

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE CONTENT WARNINGS THEY ARE NOT JOKES.

With that out the way, i think the biggest shift in the Epilogue vs the actual comic is that everything is way more mature. While Homestuck was full of angsty, snarky teens and a lot of jokes, ironic and not, the Epilogue overall has a more somber, powerless mood to it.

Also one more thing, i do not have a fav character or ship. So that might be why im upset about how it is.

Now i read the Candy choice first so ill talk about that. Now as soon as i saw the juju i knew it was going to have an effect. And i was right, the juju makes people feel okay with their surroundings and so when John ate it he felt at ease with the chaos his life and friends were becoming. But hoo boy did everyone suck all around. 

i knew Gamzee was gonna be back and i was not wrong. i think the whole iVe bEeN GeTtIn mY MoThErFuCkIn rEdEmPtIoN On sO EvErYtHiN I Do iS GoOd was a funny bit but maaaaaan did it get a lil crazy. Jake has always been a doormat and easily manipulated. So nothing too new there but it was nice when he ran off with lil tavros. Also i guess hes the earth c equivalent to a kardashian.

 It really surprised me how fast Roxy got together with John. In fact the Candy Roxy is way different than the meat Roxy. i guess thats the juju at work. Rose was sick with an “illness” but soon after the candy was ate she got “better”. What actually happened was she stopped trying to open her mind to the infinite degree and just let herself live in the moment and be truly happy. It was nice to see her and Kanaya have a happy life, at least until everything went bad. As for Dirk i felt bad for him because he always had that whole meta textual self importance thing going on so when he offed himself i was like oh no. Its nice that him and Dave had bro-sesions.

And now time to talk about Jade, Dave, and Karkat. It feels like Dave and Karkat have mostly stayed the same with a few big differences.1) they both are a little less insufferable, 2) Karkat has accepted he is a leader and 3) their tip toeing around relationships was kinda annoying. Which brings me to Jade. She was butting into all three of their relationships trying to force them to admit feelings. While ive seen some people say Hussie killed Jade i personally dont think so. Jade was always a headstrong, stubborn person who would go after what she wanted and i mean she was on an island by herself for most of her life if she wants to have fun let her. 

Jane really went off the deep end. Which i dont think was so far off her canon personality in the comic. Her denying being xenophobic while being incredibly xenophobic was funny but also pretty real. While i didnt like they way she interacted with Jake it honestly fits in with what happens in the comic. (the trickster stuff, the crockercorp kidnapping). Her whole shadowy rise to hidden power was inevitable also i feel like she was really echoing the Condense on earth. Allowing Gamzee to spread his faith while funneling her wealth and fame into passing the policies and laws she wants. I do not think its out of character for her and Dirk to hate trolls since their lives were so affected by them. 

Johns depression clouding his judgement and making him not want to react was sad to read. It really felt like he was just drifting around, letting all of the situations and chaos just wash over him. So when he was talking to Terezi and she helped him make sense of things it was a nice turn of pace.

Speaking of Terezi, its sad how long she went chasing after (Vriska). As of this moment i dont really think the quadrant system is really in place anymore (at least relationships with humans in it). With John and Terezi talking to each other it really felt like blackrom.  “1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y”. It is sad her obsession with finding (Vriska) led to her dying in the void.

Seeing Aradia and Sollux was a surprise but they really didnt add much to anything (esp. Sollux). It was kinda funny how much of a dickhead Cade (Calliope Jade) was towards her. Cade was interesting. i really feel like she acts like she did in the comic. 

(Vriska) returning was also not a surprise. She THE most known character. Of course she would be back, but not by her own accord. She wants the spotlight, she HAS to have it. Now that she is trapped on earth c she is now out of canon and so she is out of the spotlight. Thats why she was wailing about needing to SEE it. I think its kinda funny she ends up having a quick fling with Gamzee, and he tries to sell her on his redemption arc bullshit. It really shows how far her obsession has let her fall.

And now its time for meat. Honestly im glad i read candy first because meat was really nice to read after candy. As i said with candy, i figured meat would be the more active of the two (duality like the cherubs). 

First off it was really nice to see how much Dave believes in Karkat and how he thinks Karkat would be leader earth c NEEDS. In Meat they still have their relationship drama with themselves and Jade. I really feel like shes slightly more direct in this one. After the blowup 

John dealing with Roses instructions, finding and bringing together the younger versions of themselves so they could go fight a younger Caliborn and getting sucked into the the house juju was not a surprise since its been theorized thats what would happen. Of course Rose did not warn him, or even tell him what to do. Even when the younger versions of Johns friends die and get hurt he still tries to save them. 

Jake is a very powerful figure in the new earth, he doesnt even realize it. Which leads to everyone trying to get him on their sides. I honestly feel like this is partly his page powers (but then again the classes and aspects dont mean all that much) but he has always been unconfrontational and a doormat. Dirk, Jane, Dave, and Karkat only want to use him for his ass and fame so they can further their agendas. 

i think its rather fitting that (Vriska) doesnt get to see how the battle against Lord English ended. It was GREAT to see Davepetasprite^2 make a comeback and fight Lord English. She KNOWS the final battle isnt her battle but she is still THE ONE who turns the tide. She’s the one who has brought the winning piece so its still a victory of hers by proxy. Also she does not have the talk with Vriska (rose and kanayas kid) on a clown throw pillow so she does not get to do the self reflection she needs. Instead she gets sucked into a black hole.

The Jane and Dirk combo was not surprising, they both had the hangups about Jake and i feel like it ended the same way. Once they got what they wanted it was no longer exciting, or mysterious. But reading the political sabotage and Dirks plans coming together made me realize he was using her for his own gains too. 

Now the whole Rose dying because her physical body couldn't contain the infiniteness of infinity was truly heartbreaking. Especially when Dirk was fucking with Kanaya. i do not know how much of Rose was being manipulated by Dirk and how much was her wanting to end her chronic suffering(2real4me). Addressing all of the....implications around those two. i really do not think they ran off to be together. i believe Rose is the first person Dirk has really connected with on a actual personal level. From what ive seen he does not really treat people as well... people. I think him and Rose are feeling the, “i am the only real person here and everyone else is a puppet” feeling John and Terezi was talking about. But unlike John, Dirk was never one to sit idly by, hes a mechanic after all. All the pieces have to be in place.

The whole bit with Cade and dirk taking control of the narrative was something i feel like has been building up for a long while. The unreliable narrator has been established a few times in the comic, in friendsim, and now in the epilogue. But it does raise a good question about who has been narrating the story and can they be trusted to give us the truth. We saw Dirk acknowledge that he is not unbiased and says things as he sees it. Cade says shes unbiased and just gives the whole truth but all i can think about is how she made Jane carefully cradle the juju and put it on the mantle. Watching Dirk outsmart Cade was defiently exciting to read. I cannot wait to see where all of this is leading to. 

Do i think thats the end of both of Davepetasprite^2 and Lord English? No, as the comic has always said,” Don’t turn your back on the body.” We dont know where they ended up but we’ll just have to wait for more to come out and i cant wait. Does Rose, Dirk, and Terezi (i guess) have an agenda, yes. Do i have any goddamn idea what that is? Nope, and im fine with that. Overall i enjoyed both of them.

[disregarding-reality]

AUTHOR’S NOTES:

well that was a shit show

this is very much not the arc i wanted to give you guys, im really sorry for what came out. I had plans, Big Plans. None of which came to fruition. And that’s a shame. The only reason i can provide is that as soon as i started this arc i was assaulted by a wave of job offers the likes of which i had never seen yesteryear and so i had no idea how to respond to it. Past experience had shown me that to truncate an arc midway was worse than simply pushing through and finishing it, i am reconsidering that position, maybe the happy medium is not to truncate nor force it but rather to “pause” it. Reach the nearest climatic moment in the story and put a “to be continued”, i’ll keep that in mind next time that happens.

personal life

What have i been doing whenever i wasnt pushing my self to tell a story i had no real interest in telling you ask? besides working at a book store and a movie theater for the second time this year i was working my ass off in multiple different projects. You can tell i had learned nothing from hussie who profetically claimed that if he ever stopped working on homestuck to focus on other projects he would loose all momentum and the story would suffer for it. That is what happened here. i had about five different porjects keeping me busy, to boot:

1) the Bernardo Stamateas song which was completed and you can hear here

2) A videogame (coming in about 8 months from now)

3) A web serial (only the rough outlines for the story, actual writing will start somewhere next year and it’s going to be on spanish, sorry)

4) a super duper ultra secret project of which i cant speak of but as soon as is completed i will let you know all about it

5) the next arc of this comic (more on this later)

What happened with this story?

this was originally going to be a novel i wanted to write as a semi sequel to a story i wrote back in 2014, inspired as i was back then by pact, from wildbow, i wanted to give my own take on magic. As most things i’ve written the novel didnt go beyond the first chapter before i lost interest.

The character of the witch was an old imaginary friend my sister had invented. Fun fact: me and my sister had two imaginary worlds which we would engage in crossovers with and take ideas from all the time, and so while the witch was a friend in her world i had made her a villain in mine, because that was the kind of relationship we had as sibilings back then.

As time went on i kept working and reworking with the character and eventually i decided i wanted to incorporate her into the universe of disregarding reality. In my head the incorporation went really welll, i conected her with these and those moments with these and those other characters and i thought i had material for a really cool story there. The problem is that the story as originally envisioned was going to be a really slow burn cofeeshop AU character examination wherein we would see her grow and change through a very slow period of time.

But then when i was like ten pages in the story life started to happen really fast and suddenly i had like a million other obligations and a trip to thailand this december came up and i just lost courage to really commit to this story. Plust i didnt have a particularly interesting ending to this story that i cared to reach, and that is always important when it comes to motivating me to complete a story so... i lost interest. And as i kept forcing myself to draw page after page of a story i was no longer interested in i started to hate the story, plust the artstyle and the desing of the main character never quite convinced me and on top of all that i was coming right after a previous story arc which had been exhausting narratively speaking. This mess is the result.

what does all this wall of text and bitching amount to? be more careful when choosing what story im going to tell and be sure it will manage to hold my interest for a long period of time no matter what obligations or pauses come my way.

there is a lot more i would like to say about these characters and their story but this is getting on long enough and i have other things i want to adress.

The next arc

it’s...um. it’s going to be something else. It’s going to be different. I am 80% convinced 80% of you wont like it/wont get it. But i dont mind. After pushing myself to tell a story i was not interested in telling i had to allow my self a little self indulgence and that is why as i was making hexen snatch i was concurrently drawing the next arc as well. Now why i did that? why did i had to draw it simultanously? well, get ready: the next arc will be posted all at once. Eleven pages all in all.

I have my reasons for this and they will be explained once the arc is uploaded, im still working on it, havent quite finished it, but im getting there. The next arc should be published hopefully at some point in december. Im aming for christmas or new year. That is going to be my special little gift from me to you and me.

2019

after that... the future gets very tumultuous. i keep saying im going to launch a patreon and i keep postponing it because other shit keeps coming up. If im going to demand money on a monthly basis i want to make 100% sure i make no mistakes and i dont accidentally scam anyone or make any promises i wont be able to keep. But also i want to offer rewards that are bit more lofty that just copy pasting your name at the end of whatever im working on with a superfluous “thank you so much for your help from the bottom of my yadda yadda blah blah blah”

im working on that.

Im also reexamining the idea of wether i should continue this whole direction of “single narrative interconected universe bullshit” or if i should just get back to basics and make small self contained funny stories like it was at the beggining.

you can give me your two cents on this topic, let me know what would you prefer, this comic is for you guys to read and enjoy after all.

i think i made you read for long enough, like a recently deceased man said mutliple times in his soapbox:

‘nuff said.

[i-love-jade-harley]

alright heres some of my homestuck/warcraft headcanon shit

basically just like

what race they’d be/play, what class, what spec, how theyd play, how often they play, etc, etc...

idk how many characters im doing so more below the read more bullshit

mostly a ramble tbh lmao

(beta + alpha kids, beta trolls, calliope + caliborn. sorta a everyone lives/nobody dies au)

if u need to know what smth means just hmu

OKAY so lets start off with the kids

ok personally i think john would play either a monk or a paladin?? like i think he’d prefer the playstyle of a paladin but his monk would be for heals in case a raid group or smth needs it. he’d honestly probably do LFR and just casually play in general, but sometimes he’d play for like 11 days straight then not get back on for 2 months. but when he’s playing casually he just does LFR and world questing, maybe sometimes doing dungeon groups with dave or something. he’d probably be a DPS paladin because tanking is bullshit and so is healing. (believe me i know) he’d also use the heckin goofiest mounts there are. like you know the chicken? he’d spend the money to get it. like actual cash. he wants the chicken. let him have the chicken. but back on the topic of race he’d probably play a dwarf or a gnome. he’d probably have a level 2 gnome hunter. he also runs a prank guild that all the kids are in! a few trolls are in it, too. vriska, kanaya, terezi, and karkat are in it. 

rose??? would probably play a shadow priest. probably nothing else, really. she may go heals every once in a while but dont expect her to want to. she plays a human. she only plays human and worgen. belf if she has to go horde. i dont really know if she’d just play casually because dave roped her in, or if she got really into it so now she has 12 max level characters. even if she doesnt like the game itself, she’d probably really like the lore!!! she’d probably also love the idea of xmog and what you can make your characters look like, bc some of the xmog is really badass. she’d probably use the emo purple bird thing as a mount (i forgot the name) or maybe she’d use the wotlk undead dragons. maybe the bc netherwing dragons?? im not sure!!! for pets she’d def have the feline familiar with her at all times (roxy would too) because who doesnt want a little witch kitty flying on a broom with you???

dave would honestly play a survival hunter. except he’d just punch shit to death. just autoattack. though when he’s ACTUALLY playing like a normal person he’d probably play a dps warrior. i could also see him tanking sometimes if he needs to. he probably only has one or two max level characters, but they have decent gear. he probably sometimes actually plays his hunter in a decent way but he probably just goes to low level neutral areas. he probably plays on a pvp server for that exact reason. he has one level 10 belf. he uses it to dance on mailboxes and get gold. he really just trolls people on it. he also roleplays, but makes sure to do it in the shittiest way possible. he only uses walk. no running. he uses the biggest mounts he has and walks on roleplayers when hes playing on an rp server. he probably raids on his warrior and is probably in a raiding guild. he purposefully mic spams the raid so he just gets muted, though. for mounts he’d obviously use the love rocket that he worked oh so hard for. for pets i dont really know what hed use?? probably brightpaw or whatever the purple cat thing is. he makes rose disappointed because he pays for mounts and pets with real money. tsk tsk. he has no professions except fishing, which he has maxed out. he may also have a DK that he has just to piss people off. hes the second highest tier in the prank guild. whenever they do raids (they occasionally do) he rp walks across the map to get to the raid. kanaya screams at him to accept the summon but he insists that he’s almost there. 

jade would def have herbalism as her main profession!! she may also have mining to sell on the auction house. she would DEFINITELY play a bm hunter!! its a worgen all the way. she prefers to have it in worgen form too. since she doesnt really like horde and cant use many wolf mounts, shed def go with the mechanostriders! for flying i think she’d use the serpents!! i could also see her using the pandaren turtle moutns. her fave xpac is def either mop or wod. she actually liked garrisons. she’s really slow w leveling so she isn’t max level for legion, but her friends still play with her!! (me too buddy) she likes doing mount/pet/reagent farming and regularly gives her friends herbs and other mats to level their professions! she also sometimes roleplays with dave in goldshire to mess with people. she loves using emotes like /lol and /joke! she also uses toys VERY often. her hunter pet is a white wolf named bec, and she has a team of battle pets consisting of fel pup, frostwolf ghostpup, and cinder pup! sometimes she’ll use lil bad wolf, though. she’s actually super good at pet battling, but she only battles friends. she doesnt play to be the “best”, she just plays because its a fun game! she also loves playing hearthstone.

jane doesnt play much, and has a level 60 dwarf resto shaman. the only reason she has looms is because roxy gave her the gold to get them. she only has level 20 riding, and only has a single horse. she still plays with friends, but the game just really isnt her cup of tea. she has a few cool pets she found while playing in low level areas, and she likes playing the auction house when she does play! she’s in a prank guild that john owns (all the kids are in it, they prank the trolls and roleplayers) and that’s honestly the thing she enjoys the most. 

roxy loves doing pvp with dirk. some of her friends call them the sneakies. she plays a rogue, and switches around her spec depending on what kind of pvp she’s doing. (as in she switches specs for open world, battlegrounds or arenas) she’s decked out in full pvp gear and always gets the newest tiers when theyre released. though she loves pvp she really does love raiding but she prefers playing with her friends! she helps everyone exploit game bugs for the prank guild, and will help cover peoples tracks when gold buying and such. she has all of her fun mounts set as favorites and just randomizes which one she rides. she uses the feline familiar pet EVERYWHERE. she wont use any other pet. at all. roxy also datamines ptr and spoils new lore for rose occasionally.

hoo boy. dirk is a top tier pvper. he mostly mains a ww monk and a rogue for pvp. he has 12 max level characters and 12 horde ones that are also max. he chooses class/race combos based on which one is the most reasonable for lore. he has an orc hunter named getshrekt. hes gold capped on all of his alliance characters. hes basically sleeve (if you play on bonechewer i hope you know who im talking about) he multiboxes 25 accounts to shit on leveling players. roxy helped him set this all up. all of his bots and multiboxes are hal. hal plays with him. he buys gold from a third party source and overthrows the wow economy. he causes the great depression in wow. he buys out every mat and then puts them back on the auction house for a few silver. since hes gold capped this has 0 affect. his character for the prank guild is maxed out and in pretty decent pvp gear. its also gold capped. he buys level boosts and uses actual money to buy tokens to increase his gold numbers. hes everyones worst nightmare. hes the reason no one plays horde on dirks server. dirk plays with roxy a LOT. they do arenas and basically just crush anyone who dares standing up to him. he exploits game bugs and has items people didnt know exist. he uses his special snowflake mounts that people thought were unattainable. he has bots farming spawn points for herbs and mining nodes. he plans on ruling the economy of his server. he ganks people that are his own level. he camps their corpses until they force quit the game. hes absolutely hated. he’ll be flying, and itll look like someone with a glitched name. then he’ll land in front of someone, and 20 multiboxes will spread out behind him. he ganks his victim. there is no escape. no mercy. 

jake plays a worgen mm hunter! he refuses to use bows and crossbows. it ALWAYS has to be xmogged to a gun. he mostly does world quests and only has horse mounts to keep it simple and traditional. he likes to collect pets and plays with jade a lot! he’s also in the prank guild and absolutely LOVES it. he loves the open world aspect of the game. he also collects random items in-game, like the scarabs from ahnqiraj (i personally collect those oops) he’s also a bit of an altoholic, and loves leveling, but never really finishes anything. he has all of the exploration achievements. ALL OF THEM. he love love LOVES exploring the maps in the game. he also actually LIKED the cata revamp because it gave him more to explore. he has a goblin thats also a hunter thats level capped just so he could explore horde areas without worrying about being ganked or attacked. he knows his way in all of the major cities. you know huntards? well jake is the complete opposite of that. hes an amazing hunter. it surprises his friends. 

bonus: hal helps dirk with being an asshole to everyone on the servers he plays on. he multiboxes with dirk and set up bots to watch the auction house for him. hes just as much as an asshole as dirk is.

NOW FINALLY ON TO THE TROLLS!!!! 

aradia plays a belf destruction warlock. she’s a casual player and plays with sollux a lot. she doesnt play very often, but when she does she gets really into the game, especially when playing with friends! she doesnt have many mounts, but she has the headless horseman mount and thats what she uses most of the time. she has maxed out archaeology and has all the items for it. though she has the pets from it, the only pets she uses are frogs.

tavros plays a gnome bm hunter unironically. hes not a very good hunter but not huntard level. he mostly plays with the other lowbloods, sometimes vriska. he only really got roped into wow because of its ties to hearthstone. he wanted to know more about the characters, but stayed because of the animals. it really isnt too much of his cup of tea, but still plays because his friends do. he doesnt have professions nor a maxed out character. he has the mechanostrider mounts and the default pets. he also has the heartstone mount.

sollux heckin loves wow. he plays a troll mage. he switches between fire and frost, but never arcane. he hates arcane. he mostly plays with aradia, but he likes the occasional raid. he has good dps with decent gear. hes mostly a casual, but he loves messing with the games files and datamining. 

karkat is a....special player. he has a blood dk that hes maxed out but hes in all green quest gear. he keeps trying to defeat dave in a dual but it doesnt work. dave got rose and john to help convince karkat that gnome is masterrace. he believed them. now hes a shitty little gnome aggroing everything and getting caught in the fire. he’s very upset because he cant beat dave. help this poor boy. his only pets are crabs. he has all of them. every single one. they’re all the poorest quality, but he loves them anyways. the only mounts he’ll use is mammoths to be an asshole to everyone. he plays a lot because he wants to crush dave’s pride. help this boy.

nepeta plays either a bm hunter or a feral druid! she roped equius in, and they tried to level together, but equius went too fast, so nepeta doesnt have a maxed out character. she enjoys playing with him nonetheless, even if its just running around stormwind! she plays on a roleplay server (NOT moodguard) and loves roleplaying and meeting new people. she rides the tiger/saber mounts and has all of the cat pets! she almost refuses to go out of cat form when on her druid. both of her toons are nelfs.

kanaya mains a human affli warlock and a nelf demon hunter. she likes the aesthetic of both locks and dhs, but prefers the play style of a warlock. she plays with rose most of the time, and they do world quests when they play. she has tailoring and enchanting as her professions, and both are maxed out. she prefers this because she can just make her own gear to sell and get gold. she has the jade panther that rose made her, and uses that mount most of the time. she doesnt really like collecting pets, but rose gave her a moth that she adores. 

terezi plays a resto druid on nepetas server, and mostly roleplays with vriska. she roleplays as a dragon most of the time. she has all of the dragon pets and mounts, and shes VERY proud of her collection and wont hesitate to rub it in vriskas face. she almost got banned multiple times trying to complete her collection. she prefers doing old world raids and farming to get xmog to improve her roleplay outfit, and so she can have different sets for different characters. she sometimes roleplays with nepeta, but most of the time she roleplays with vriska.

vriska plays a nelf demon hunter, and roleplays with terezi on her server. sadly theres no spider mounts but she has the recruit a friend rocket because she did raf with tavros. she does pvp when shes not roleplaying, and she’s trying to get on the highest level. she has all of the spider pets. every single one of them. she tries to overthrow the auction house, but cant. (shes not on dirks server, so hes not messing her up. its just that she doesnt have much gold because of xmog.) she likes to ruin some peoples rolaplays, but loves roleplaying with terezi and sometimes nepeta. 

equius only got into the game because of nepeta. he didnt think hed like it at first, but he really does. he prefers to tank. he has a maxed out dk, warrior, monk, and paladin. he and nepeta tried to level characters together, but he went too fast for her. he has all of the horse mounts and will only ride those. hes not very interested in pets except the engineering ones, and engineering is maxed out on his main toon. he enjoys raiding in his free time, but will also pvp for mounts. hes mostly casual.

oh man, gamzee should be interesting. he plays a troll shaman. no one really knows what he does, really. they just see that hes online and in a major city. is he playing the auction house? is he talking to people? no one knows. when the darkmoon faire comes around, he plays for all 7 days straight. he doesnt really ride mounts or have pets, but he collects them. no one knows why he plays or HOW hes maxed out in raiding gear. he just is.

eridan is a whiny bitch when it comes to wow. he wants to get on dirks level but doesnt know how to. even though hes sometimes a bitch about it, he does enjoy roleplaying and playing with karkat. he plays an arcane mage or a mm hunter. the only mount he rides is the sea turtle mount. you know the one? the one that makes you slow on land but fast in water? yea. he rides that. he HAS other mounts, but he wants the turtle.

feferi does NOT like wow. i mean, yea, she’ll heal for raids, but she doesnt like killing things. she plays a resto shaman and doesnt use a specific mount because she doesnt play that often.

calliope also doesnt like wow, but will play with roxy. she likes doing pet battles, and thats really all she does. she has a level 10 druid that doesnt have a spec. she has no mounts but has cool pets that roxy gave her. she camps in stormwind and refuses to go ANYWHERE else. 

caliborn LOVES world of warcraft. he roleplays with dirk on moonguard, but dirk says nothing. just to piss off caliborn. he tried to multibox to kill dirk, but he ended up freezing his game. he constantly pesters the alpha kids, and really doesnt talk to anyone else except to make fun of new players. he has 1 mount and its the goblin mount. he mains a goblin rogue thats level 40. 

[yumikat]

rip here we go bois. was tagged by @kwamimusings (yeh bud) i’m very canadian so i changed all the “favorite”s to “favourite”

Rules: Answer the 20 questions and tag 20 like 2 because i’m lazy amazing followers you’d like to get to know better!

Name: let’s go with Yumi

Nicknames: see above. idk y’all can make nicknames or smth??

Zodiac Sign: gemini

Height: 6′4″-ish

Orientation: i sexually identify as an attack helicopter (jk i’m straight)

Ethnicity: chinese

Favourite Fruit: i would kill a man for an orange slice. vitamin c flows through my veins. 

Favourite Season: winter. snow. yes.

Favourite Book: ohhhh boy. i will still have to say the original pjato series, though harry potter and lunar chronicles are really good. 

Favourite Flower: what. 

Favourite Scent: this will sound weird but i like the scent of my friends. also butter frying smells reaaaaally good

Favourite animals: cattens are life. though wolves and marine life are pretty cool too. 

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Cocoa: sauce me my tim hortons iced capp

Cat or Dog Person: did i say i love cattens because cats are my life

Favourite Fictional Character: there’s a lot of those. let’s go with homestuck characters - tz, dave, vriska, roxy are up there. 

Dream Trip: ??? uhhh hiking the lotr scenery in new zealand or driving up to the northern territories to stargaze with mes amis

Blog Created: octoberish 2015?

Number of Followers: 134

What I Post About: whatever’s on my dash + my art. (typically homestuck, voltron, ml, and dumb posts)

Do I get asks on a regular basis: naw son

Aesthetic: stuff that is aesthetic is like really nicely lit photography with good contrast levels, but my aesthetic is like idk neons/pastels/rainbows and crap. i guess idk. 

Hogwarts House: HUFFLEPUFF PRIDE!!!!! WE HAVE NEWT AND WE’RE BETTER THAN YOU 

right so i wasn’t sure if i was supposed to do the next part but i’ll just put a cut right here because it’s getting long

Rules: Write 92 rules about yourself, then tag 25 people. who even knows 25 people

LAST ___:

Drink: watermelon juice at a hot pot place Phone Call: probably my mom????? Text message: i don’t have a phone but last IM thing would be a group chat with some girls from church Song you listened to: no idea let’s say the heathers soundtrack Time you cried: i teared up for logan

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Dated someone twice: “Kinda need to date someone once to do it twice.” -aaron Been cheated on: “Again, kinda need to have ever been in a relationship in order to be cheated on.” -aaron Kissed someone and then regretted it: “Can’t regret it if you’ve never kissed anyone. (Insert picture of guy tapping his temple here)” -aaron (haha single squad) Lost someone special: no, luckily Been depressed: i don’t get affected by much so no Gotten drunk and thrown up: i’m. underage. 

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS: turquoise is a blessing to this planet, maroon is pre nice, black is the colour of my soul but it doesn’t count, so there are certain shades of pink that are pretty nice, even though i’m a non-conformist. 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU _____: Made new friends: ya bud new girl in the ib fam and some kool kids here on tumbs Fallen out of love: *insert joke about the bitterness of school* Laughed until you cried: @mrs-linny-universe remember that post with the googly eyes Found out someone was talking about you: no...? Met someone who changed you: i think everyone you meet changes you, because if you never met them then you would be a different person completely and the path of your life would have diverged (is that enough bs yes it is let’s move on) Found out who your true friends are: what does that even mean it sounds omnious Kissed someone on your Facebook list: wat. (actually, yes. i peck my friends on the cheek all the time)

GENERAL: How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them. i keep getting friend requests from friends of friends in edmonton and it confuses me because do i know you? no.  Do you have any pets: i had a crested gecko named charlie but he died Do you want to change your name: no? What did you do for your last birthday: i think a movie with my friends.  What time did you wake up: 9:30am here, 6:30pm back home. heck yeah time zones What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping lol i only slept 3 hours during the 20-something hour travel time. 

Name something you cannot wait for: for ib to be over and for hiveswap to come out When was the last time you saw your mother: she’s beside me right now hi mom What is something you wish you could change about your life: i never really thought about it?  What are you listening to right now: parents/aunt/uncle/grandparents chatting Have you ever talked to a person named tom: yeah man. every time i see him i say hi to him but he’s neurodivergent so he never really replies Something that is getting on your nerves: vpn is slow but it’s better than not talking to my friends for 2 weeks.  Most visited website: email and tumblr Elementary: classified High school: classified, but it’s a private school and we have hoodies with our uniform which is pretty nice College: i’m still in high school rip Hair colour: black. i’m asian.  Long or short hair: got a pixie cut a few months ago, i always grow it out really long and then chop it off again Do you have a crush on someone: i guess??? What do you like about yourself: arty art Piercings: naw son  Blood type: idk but mosquitoes love me and i hate mosquitoes Nickname: we’ve already established this Relationship status: married to @seokgis​, in a side relationship with @thelifeditch (jokes i’m single) Zodiac sign: we’ve already gone over this Pronouns: she/her  Favourite TV show: idk i guess ml or voltron for animated and stranger things for live action? i don’t think about this much.  Tattoos: underage lol Right or left hand: right

FIRST ____: Surgery: naw son Piercing: lol Best friend: first bestie i remember is this girl named sharon back when i was like 3-7 i think.  Sport: mom forced me to do swimming but i really liked skating before i was too inflexible Vacation: does immigrating to canada count, bc then i think it was the time my friend dz and i went to capilano Pair of trainers: i think this means either bike trainers or what british people call runners but i still don’t get what the question is asking so sure?

RIGHT NOW ___: Eating: just ate an orange. they are my lifeblood Drinking: i literally never drink liquids it’s so bad for me (but yeah i just drank some oj and i’m laughing because i didn’t even realize) About to: sit here and waste time on tumblr, maybe do some tok, probably sleep because we’re going to leave for the airport at like 3-something-am for the chinese tropics or smth Listening to: we’ve done this let’s move on Waiting for: i live in the moment. *snickers and breaks down in laughter because the real answer is i have no idea* Want: sleep, maybe? i always want to sleep. also, like aaron, i would like a hug.  Get married: like i said, i’m already married (jk i’m still in high school, but yeah i would like to get married in the future) Career: “your high school career is very important” - said no one ever (or maybe it’s everyone ever, who knows)

WHICH IS BETTER ____: Hugs or kisses: hugs Lips or eyes: eyes  Shorter or taller: like think is for ppl im interested in right. taller, then.  Older or younger: older would be less weird? Nice arms or nice stomach: arms? i ain’t spending time looking at ppls’ stomachs Sensitive or loud: what.  Hook up or relationship: relationship Troublemaker or hesitant: lemme just ask WHAT ARE THESE QUESTIONS

HAVE YOU EVER ____: Kissed a stranger: naw song lol Drank hard liquor: what defines hard liquor, because i’ve sipped some like really high percentage alcohol but i don’t drink. Lost glasses/contact lenses: rip my contact lens just fell out of my eye once.  Turned someone down: um i don’t think so? Sex on first date: SHEILD MY INNOCENT EYES YEESH I’M 16 I PREACH ABSTINENCE Broken someone’s heart: idk about broken, but maybe Had your own heart broken: nope :) Been arrested: i’m too young for this Cried when someone died: no one really close to me has died so no Fallen for a friend: haha everyone i’ve fallen for has been my friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ____: Yourself: yeah? Miracles: if i didn’t i would have to not believe in Jesus (awkwardly phrased but i think you get the picture) Love at first sight: if you see someone and you just “fall in love” then that puts love lightly. i think that love is something really serious and needs to be developed.  Santa Claus: i’m too old for thi-- JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING Kiss on the first date: depends on who Angels: yaaa. again, comes with my faith (i hate phrasing stuff like this because it makes it sound trivial but i honestly don’t know how to say it)

OTHER ____: Current best friend’s name: i have several Eye colour: brown Movie: oooooh boy. i love lotr but i’m also that one person that loves every single movie, even the ones that every say sucked. proof: i absolutely loved suicide squad. i’m also a cinematography nerd but i just fangirl over the shots and never really think about them lol

okay i tag everyone who read this to the end and the people who i mentioned earlier because i’m really lazy 

[radsee]

You write? What kind of things do you usually write? (And may we see some!)

Oh gosh ;-; It’s not like pro writer stuff, I’m not working on a book or anything. It’s mostly for roleplays and stuff. Usually Homestuck roleplays where I’m in a SBURB session with some of my other friends! Uhh gosh, here let me pull some stuff up from an old SBURB session. It’s gonna be just different shots of the story. A lot of stuff. Read below the cut!

>Vela: Enter.

Your eyes had closed when the flash of light blinded you momentarily. Were you dead? Were you in heaven? Why did heaven smell like a dusty old attic and salty tears? You opened your eyes, immediately looking out the window. Oh yeah, you weren't in Kansas anymore. Or, Alaska, rather. This place was definitely different. You looked down at the handle in front of you. Or lack thereof. It worked? Holy shit it worked. You were right, you DID just need to wait. What a stupid challenge. Not that you were impatient. Maybe in the last seconds of certain doom you were a bit. Oh heck, you thought you were a goner for sure. And then. What did you see? The meteor that was coming towards you had. What was it? Cracked? Broke? Froze? 

 You suppose it didn't matter. You were alive and still in your attic. And your face. Well damn, it got a little wet there. You rubbed your eyes with the sleave of your jacket, pulling yourself together again. Man, how uncool to lose your cool. You stood up and took one more look outside to make sure you weren't hallucinating or anything. Maybe you were. Maybe you accidentally took acid somehow even though you're sure you don't have any drugs and have never had any drugs in your home. What dealer would come all the way to the middle of a snowy forest anyway? 

 Okay, concentrate kid. This is no time to be thinking about drug dealers. You shake off the stupid thought and head downstairs again. It was probably a good idea to check your sister's room now, to see if she was okay. Let's see...

It's no surprise the door was locked. Entering your sister's most sacred dwelling was forbidden. Not that you ever wanted to ever go in there anyway. But now you needed to. You knock on the door a bit loudly, hoping for an answer. 

None came. 

Alright, well usually when she didn't answer it meant she wasn't there. But hey, maybe she was unconscious? Maybe the quaking made her fall face first into a mirror, or maybe she accidentally stabbed herself with one of her sewing needles. Maybe she was dead. Oh god, maybe she was dead.

>Vela: Get a hold of yo damn self. 

You fool, stop thinking stuff like that. Your mind doesn't need to be clogged up with unhelpful thoughts like drug dealers and dead sisters. You knock louder. Still no answer. Come on sis, where were you? Fine, maybe she wasn't really in her room. You decided to go downstairs and check the other living areas. The living room? No. That place was just filled with those machines Gavin had put down for you. Wait where did that seizure orb go? 

Hold on hold on. One thing at a time. Sister first, seizure orb later. You made your way to the kitchen. No one there. Then the bathroom, then finally you made your way back upstairs. Last place to check, you supposed. Your parents study.

It was never in use. Not usually. But you found your sister in there sometimes, although you yourself tended to avoid it, since your sister never wanted you in there. It was locked, just as was her room. But that didn't matter. Because you, in fact, had a key. You'd swiped the key from your sister a while ago, feigning innocence and making it seem that the key was just indefinitely lost, forcing your sister to create a new one. 

You stood by the entrance to the room, contemplating. Then uncaptchalogued the key you always kept in your sylladex. Then opened the door. There were shelves upon shelves of old books here. Sometimes you thought about reading those books. But your sister forbade you. And even though you had the key. It was really just. A matter of when the right time would be to sneak in. You supposed this was as good a time as any. But upon entering the room, your sister was nowhere to be found. 

Now this is. Dismal. Your Sister was nowhere at all here. The only place you haven't truly checked is her room. And if she was there and just dead, well. Did you really want to just go in there and see that? You walked further into the study and sat down on one of the comfortable couches. Oh man. This was bad. You ran a frustrated hand through your short hair. Maybe if you waited, she'd come for you. Maybe if you stayed put, she'd find you. But... 

???: I think. The one you seek. Has left. The premises.

>Vela: Screech like a banshee and shit yourself. 

Actually, no. You were startled, but not that startled. Although you did jump a bit onto the couch, bringing your legs up. You look around. Where had that voice come from? Was it talking about your Sister? Why did it sound so. Unsettling. 

Well, that last question could be answered pretty easily. It was a mysterious voice that seemingly came from nowhere talking about what you could only assume was your Sister. since that's the only person you were actually looking for. And if that wasn't creepy, you don't know what is. You look around the dusty old study for the source. 

Vela: ...um... hey man.... listen... 

Vela: if youre like. a demon haunting me or something, i just gotta warn you right now 

Vela: i have holy water Vela: and salt 

Vela: and i will shit fury all over you with the word of the lord, dont test me okay i will blast you through all seven layers of hell 

???: ....... 

Vela: ....... 

Vela: or was it 8 layers?? 9 layers?? 

Vela: ill send you to onion hell and youll have to deal with all those layers okay im seriou-inhALE -AAAAAAA 

Your spiel about onions and layers was suddenly interrupted by your own shocked scream as you turned your head to come face to face with a ghost-like being, who seemed to have appeared so suddenly and out of nowhere. He looked to you as if he was studying you. Thinking, contemplating. His fist was under his chin and his other hand holding his elbow. Despite not having legs, his ghosty tail was positioned in a way that made him look like he was closing in on himself. Sitting in the air, very crampedly, as his shoulders were lifted and his head lowered towards you. He looked like he was in an invisible box. Or just that he was too deep in thought to care about his posture. Probably the latter.

That's not quite what had frightened you so much, though. What had really gotten to you was the fact that this ghosty figure. Was cracked. Familiarly so. Like. Like the statuette you had thrown at that seizure orb thing? A part of his face was cracked and missing, leaving him with only one eye. He looked like he could break apart at any moment. Yeah. This wasn't terrifying.

>Vela: Screech like a banshee and shit yourself now? 

Maybe not that second part, but you did screech for a good few seconds before you needed to catch your breath again. Your breathing became irregular as you felt the onset of a panic attack rising in your chest. Lord have mercy, you never really had any holy water or salt on you, you weren't prepared for this. You just BARELY escaped from being crushed by a meteor and now you were gonna die by the hands of. What- a contemplative looking demon?? 

???: ...... 

???: I think. You should. Take a moment. To maybe. Chill. 

Vela: ...Hhh-....Hhh-....hhHH-HH-hhH--HHH-HHHHHH 

???: ....I. Do not think. You are attempting. To carry out. My suggestion. At all. 

Okay, okay maybe the floaty statue ghost was right. You gotta chill. You take more regular deep breaths to try and calm yourself, closing your eyes a bit in the process. Perhaps when you open them, he'll be gone? Nope. Still there. Okay, this was fine. 

Vela: ...... 

???: ..... Have you. Chilled? 

Vela: ... y..es im. im chill. im totes chill my dude.. haaha, its all good 

???: That. Is good. I think. 

Vela: yeah haha im pretty sure its good too. 

???: ..... 

Vela: ....... 

???: ...... ........ 

Vela: ...... sooo 

???: Ah... Yes... I think. You would like. An explanation. Would you not? 

Vela: yeah uh, yeah man i think i would like an explanation 

???: ....Very. Well. 

Thinksprite: I. Am Thinksprite.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. After several seconds of staring at Thinksprite, still wondering what the fuck is happening, you slowly reached for your phone. It was the memo, and there were quite a few notifications from before that you hadn't noticed. Hm. You looked between your phone and Thinksprite. Maybe now was as good a time as any to tell everyone what's happening with you. But most importantly, to let them know you were still alive.

Vela: ... um okay im. gonna talk to my friends real quick is that okay 

Thinksprite: I think. That is alright. 

Vela: uh. yeah okay great 

You opened your phone to respond to the memo.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

>Vela: Alchemise, dawg. 

So just get a whole bunch of random items? Sure, why not. You went to the kitchen and decided to take the meat cleaver from the top cupboard. Careful now. Then you went to the living room and grabbed a random handheld mirror from a small table. It was decorated with many jewels and eloquent designs. It belonged to your sister but I'm sure she wouldn't mind you using it. You then went to the Punch Designix. Time to do a whole bunch of random shit with these cards and the totem lathe/Alchemy thing and hope for the best. 

> Meat Cleaver && Hand Mirror = Vanity Cleavage. 

Oh my god. You need to stop yourself from bursting out in stupid laughter. What a name, truly perfect for this mixture. Okay, what else could you do with this machine? 

> Vanity Cleavage || Snow Shovel = Razzle Digazzler 

Now THIS is AWESOME. Your snow shovel suddenly became so much sharper. And prettier. Now you can whack monsters in style. Your Sis would be proud.

Now what? You made a thing. Should you make more things? You're not sure you had enough uh. Power, perhaps, to create anything more. Maybe you needed to kill more of those monster dealios to get more of those sweet sweet organ remuneration. I mean those rock things that you collected earlier. 

You walk down the hall and to your room, opening the door- spEAK of the BLASTED DEMONS. There were imps everywhere. They looked. Oddly cracked and very demonic. And they were BREAKING your STUFF. Your precious equipment, oh no, oh dear, you worked SO HARD to get the money for that stuff. This wasn't going to pass. 

>Vela: Strife!

Oh yeah, you weren't having none of that. With your newly made Razzle Digazzler, you targeted the imp jumping up and down like a crazed lunatic, swiping at it sideways in an attempt to slice it's head off.

The blade smashed into the imp and soon enough, it was gone, leaving the gristy goods behind. One down. You then proceeded to fight off the other few imps. Mostly a combination of smashing, slicing and stabbing until your entire room was filled with Grist. You sighed a bit and collected the Grist laying around before deciding to take a rest on your chair at your laptop. Wowza, that was some work. 

You decided to check the memo on your laptop now. After that, you'd check up on Etna. He's been gone for a while and you wanted to make sure he was okay. Of course you should probably make sure Aqua and Gavin were okay too, but since you were Etna's Server Player, it was easier to see if he was alright.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You sat back on your chair, contemplating your life for a moment. Oh how did it get to this? How did this start? When will the wheels of time and fate move in your favour? Okay this was getting a little too deep. You won't get anything done just sitting there and wondering about where your life is gonna go. Gavin was too busy being a butterfinger to help build up your house. So you decided it was probably a good idea to go get more gushers for when Gavin decides to stop being a butterfinger.

You stand and pick up your Razzle Digazzler, since you had just set it on the side of your desk instead of putting it away. Then you took a step out your door. It was pretty easy to find those imps. Because they had accumulated everywhere in front of your door, in the hallway, and presumably in all the other rooms like a vile infestation.

It was time to dig some weeds. Or was the saying 'pull some weeds'? It didn't matter. You had a shovel and you were going to dig. 

>Vela: Strife!

You had been beating the crap out of any imp that you saw. Smashing, slicing, weird one-eighty kicks as you swung yourself around and put your weight on your Digazzler that held firm on the floor. You were getting the hang if this fighting stuff, even if all you've ever really done before was twirl a shovel like a ninja and hit yourself in the face a few times. You collected as much Grist as you possibly could before noticing the memo going off from your phone in your pocket. You decided to lock yourself in the bathroom so as to not be disturbed by any more imps and then opened the memo. Loud bangs suddenly came from the door of the bathroom that startled you, almost into dropping your phone into the toilet. You closed the toilet seat and sat down. 

Vela: OCCUPIED

When the banging didn't stop, you sighed. Guess you had to deal with this impatient rude dude. Can't people just wait their turn? You stood up and stretched a bit, feeling a little sore from moving around so much, but nothing you couldn't handle.

Vela: okay okayyyy ill be right ooout

You held your Digazzler firmly in your hand and went forward to open the door, ready to whack the heck out of anyone who was behind.

Except not as ready as you thought when it turned out there were three imps stacked on top of each other, creating some sort of imp Jumble game. As funny as that thought would have been, you didn't think that. Your mind froze, trying to figure out which imp to hit first. But the imp on top didn't give you enough time to come to the obvious conclusion that you should hit that one first. Almost the instant you opened the door, it jumped at you, ready to claw your eyes out.

Your heart pulsed harshly, your breath hitched sharply. Oh your beautiful face was going to get ruined. But something was off. What was it?

You sidestepped. And with your foot, you quickly opened the lid of the toilet, allowing the imp to fall in and for you to smash the toilet lid closed. You turned around, whacking the second imp that was coming towards you away and then smashed the third imp with the bottom of your shovel. Then, you stabbed the second imp before it could gather its bearings with the sharp blade of the shovel. The imp in the toilet still seemed to be alive, so you decided to tend to that. With one hand holding the stabbing weapon, you used the other to reach over and raise the toilet seat. Then slammed it down. Raised it up, slammed it down. It was almost a bit morbid, the way you were smashing this imp's head in. It finally burst into a pile of grist. The second imp had long since burst and the third imp regained its balance, only to see what had become of its friends. It began to back away. But there was a bit of a menacing look in your eyes. You raised your shovel, which told the imp that it needed to skedaddle fast. But there was no time. Somehow, you were quicker. Just too quick. You smashed down onto the imp and it burst a second later.

Man, what a wild bathroom ride. You took a moment to think before collecting the Grist. It was funny, it's like you had just enough time to do what you needed to.

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.