#hiih

[honeyiminhell]

Kick the chair by cybercide out now.

Downfall by nini X coming soon

Excerpt from the downfall bandcamp page: A track about my real experiences with the prescribed antidepressant Amitriptyline. A story about the worst hallucinations i had and the paranoia onset by the medication.

[fvckgrim]

[naiad-r]

Sanji all dressed up for a gala.

[ryszrd]

lovey dovey~!

[m1shapanda]

MISHA MISHA I LEARNED A NEW SENTENCE

tagai ko ug 1k be

:3

DID I SPELL THAT RIGHT

THE OTHER SENTNCE U KNOW IS OF U ASKING FOR 1K??? HELLO??

[nervocat]

CASTORICE CASTORICE CASTORICE CASTORICE OMGOMGOMGKG

[gaiaxyswitch]

ahh shit

[cyberciderot]

reallll tumblr announcements there is nothing 2nd official hiih tape :0

need a snippet rn

Yall the 1st to hear this announcement.

March 28th. 🎃

Bring ya axes, bring ya skull, turn up 4 there is nothing.

8 songs - every fuckin genre I could think of, I know you won't like them all but I know you'll like at least 1 of em 🖤

U wanna hear snippets?

[goodlucksnez]

First Christmas pt 2

@dr-ground-zero modern Au lives in my head rent free so I made a continuation of first Christmas

It is shorter because no brain cell to write

But enjoy

CW: mess, contagion, snz

“Theo?? Theo?! Where are you?”

Telemachus says, looking at the empty bed. ‘Where could he have gone? He is still nursing the bad cold he had gotten.’ He thinks to himself. Telemachus goes downstairs looking for him.

“Theo, where did you go?” He walks by the front window and sees the unthinkable. Theo is outside playing in the snow! Telemachus almost rips the door off its hinges and runs outside.

“Theoclymenus what are you doing? Get back inside!”

“But I am feeling better, really, and the snow is so fluffy and-” His breath starts to catch.

Seizing this moment, Telemachus grabs the other's arm and pulls him back toward the door. “And you are going to catch pneumonia if you stay out here!” Theo sniffs a wet sound and follows him inside, shivering slightly.

“Okay, you need to warm up now. I’m going to start a warm bath.” Theo nods and follows him to the bathroom. Telemachus turns on the bath to the hottest temperature, and slowly the tub begins to fill.

“This isn’t necessary, I’m not that…Huhh’SCHhhtt’hhuww! Huhh hehh Huhh’SCHhhtt’hhuww!….cold.”

“Bless you! You may not feel cold, but you have a bad one; besides, a warm soak should help your congestion. Now get undressed.”

Blushing, Theo does as he says, the congestion shifting in his head as he bends down and he sniffs urgently. The tub finishes filling up, Telemachus adds a few drops of soap and helps his shivering boyfriend get in. He takes off his shirt but leaves his bottoms on and sits in the tub holding him. The water envelops them like a warm blanket, and Theo soon rests his head on Telemachus' chest. The only sound is Theo labored breathing and sniffles every few seconds.

“Baby, what were you thinking?” He finally asks after a few minutes.His voice as an aura of concern but still comforting. Theo nuzzles into his chest before replying.

“I wanted to see the snow.”

“You can see snow from inside; you don’t need to go touch it.” He says rubbing his back in a comforting way/

“I know, I know, it was stupid, but—h-hh—heh'tSCHHuh!—but it was so pretty and I—I wanted to...” His breathing begins to waver.

Telemachus adjusts his grip, holding onto him tightly. “I got you, hun, come on, let them out.”

“Heeehh…heh… ha’ERRSSHH’IUE! iiiIHH’GGZSSCHOO!..oohhh, uhduther-..AAHHDZZSCHOO!!....HIIH!.. IIHTDZZSSSHHHTT!! .. fuck– snrkk. I don’t wadda be sigg anymore.”

“Goodness, those were so big, weren’t they? You okay? I have never heard you sneeze like that before.” He ignores the mess that was sprayed onto his chest and ops to squeeze his boyfriend tighter.

“Yeah, I’b okay… my dose just… snrrrk… really full. I dink you’re right, I—I don’t dink I have sneezed this buch in my whole life.”

“It's okay, I am here to catch those sneezes and cuddle you and make soup. I am going to make sure you get the TLC you deserve.”

Theo blushed and rubbed his nose. “If you keep kiss—kissi—hhhuhh'NGKTchh!—me, you’re goihg to catch this.”

“Well, the fastest way to get rid of a cold is to give it to someone else.” He said smirking a slight blush creeping on his face.

“think your—snrrrk—your mom would disagree… she is a nurse, after all... hhhUHh—oh no—hehh’GNTCHHHuh!...not agaid…” his body goes stiff, and he grips Telemachus tighter.

“Oh boy, I got you! Come on get that cold out of your head.”

“I—I’b tryihg, it’s… it’s teasi—hh-HHHuhhh…” Telemacus can see theos nose. It is flaring. The poor thing looks so red and itchy. He leans down and kisses his twitching nose. That seemed to do the trick and Theo gasped and sneezed against Telemachus chest.

“h-hh-hh.. HAH-TZSS!sss’uhh…hah!hh.. uHH!h.....tHih-.. HIHBISSSH’YAHhh! IIH’TIZZSCH’iu!!...HHHH!.. EHJZZSSHUE!!’hhhooohh by god.”

Each sneeze, more and more spray and mess land and stick onto his chest. Telemachus has to bite back a moan as the fit continues, but slowly the fit starts to taper off.

“Bless you, goodness, your poor nose!!! He grabs a towel from the rack and holds it to Theo’s nose. “Blow baby, get that cold out of your head.”

He blows into the towel his boyfriend is holding to his nose. That forces the mess that had accumulated in his sinuses out, covering the towel in mess, some dripping into Telemachus hand. As he pulls the towel away he is left with twin trails of clear liquid coating his upper lip.

As soon as he finishes, the rough fabric of the towel causes a new tickle to form, and he tries to warn Telemachus.

“B–baby... the towel is makin’ me... itchy...” He rubs his nose with the back of his hand, then lifts his head with a helpless expression, flaring and dripping onto his chin. “I’m gonna... hhuhh… I’m gonna sn...sneeeze—huhh’tSCHHhhuhh!”

“Oh, okay, I got you, just sneeze, get the messy cold out of your nose.”

haAH’SSCHHhieww!! hsndrff! ….huUH’USSCHhiuu!! sdrff. He pauses but still has a wrinkled look on his face. Telemachus takes the hint. “Aw you got more?”

Theo nods breathlessly, opening one of his eyes as he pleads with him to help. He chuckles and presses another kiss to his nose.

“Oh, come on… It’s right there... I just... wait—hhuhhh… I’m gonna…Hihh…Hhh’kssSHHhh! HhHuuh..Huhh’tCHSHhh! Eiihh…eiihH’tCHSHhhuu!!”

”Bless you!” Telemachus catches the fit in his hands, blushing. Theo slumps against him, exhausted and sniffs pathetically. Finally the fit had subsided for the time being, Telemachus rubbed his shoulder soothingly and kissed the top of his head. Theo panted softly as he curled up into Telemachus’s side with a worn out expression. Telemachus’s eyes softened as he gently coaxed him to sleep.

“Mb’kay I’ll sleep’b” Theo muttered, he’d sure need it after all of that, he was hardly anywhere near getting over that cold

[m1shapanda]

hehe thanks I JUST FOLLOWED U BACK<333

YIPPEEEE

[noahphillistine]

Hello Noah my good friend Noah :D

hiih!!!!11!1

stares back at the pile of asks from other mods

[vllergy]

F L I C K E R || H//azbin H//otel

lil s//taticm//oth because i'm going insane kink!v/al because reasons

Val's lower arms come to rest on Vox's thighs. The tech mogul repositions himself along Val's hips which earns him something between a grunt and a growl. The moth's upper arms reach up, one hand curling around a lean shoulder and the other pulling at the lapel of his blazer to yank him back into a kiss. As Vox leans in, his screen flickers just slightly. It's slight. Barely noticeable if you weren't paying attention. But Val is always paying attention. His tongue glides up the flat, smooth surface, feeling the strange static hum on his tastebuds. "Mm, trouble, amorcito?" he asks as his tongue snakes back into his mouth.

Vox peeks a red eye open, "Huh?"

Val's smile sharpens. "Nothing."

He pulls Vox closer by the hips, digging his fingers in hard enough to bruise. He feels like starting a fight. It'll make this so much sweeter. Vox is always so much sexier when he's on edge.

Shoving back, he yanks his head away from Vox's mouth and narrows his carmine eyes.

"You're distracted," he accuses.

Vox blinks. He looks surprised, then his expression flattens into annoyance.

"The fuck? No I'm not."

"You are. You think I don't know?"

There's that flicker again. It's a little more pronounced this time. A whisper of static around the edges of his screen, as if someone just gave the side of his box a good whack. Vox is oblivious to it, or at least he's pretending to be. Arousal pools in Val's gut.

"I have plenty of other people I could be fucking, Vox."

"Why do you always fucking do this?" Vox complained, "I was just getting into it."

"Then why are you doing that?"

Another wobble of his screen. It passes in an instant.

"Doing what?!"

Val scrapes a gold plated claw down the edge of his casing. Again, the screen twitches and this time, it comes with a soft, uneven inhale on Vox's part.

"Hhih..."

"You're all...glitchy," Val grins.

Vox wrenches out of the path of his hand and recovers, "Fuck off, no I'm not. Are we doing this or can I get back to work?"

Val leaned back into the chair, smug. "That depends." "On what?" Vox snapped.

"If you're going to just get it over with and sneeze already."

Vox's hypnotic eye went wide and crazed for a moment, the other tightening in clear aggravation.

"I'm not--" "Oh, but you are," Val murmured, dropping his voice low, "I know you, baby."

As if enticed by the mere suggestion, Vox's screen flickered again. This time, he acknowledged it with a slight twist of his expression. He blinked hard and shook his head. Val could hear his fans whirring in earnest.

One of his hands went up the sinuous curve of Vox's waist. He felt his ribs expanding in his palm. "Hiih..hhh..." Vox's screen began to fade with his breath, winking out as he slowly lost control.

"Mmm, I thought so," Val grinned.

Vox's screen went completely black before he whipped to the side with a face full of grey, crackling static and--

"H’AEHHZZSCH'ah!"

"Hey," Val murmured as he watched Vox's expression slowly filter back onto his screen, his pixelated eyes squinting in itchy limbo. Val grabbed the side of his face, turning the Overlord towards him with a forceful tug. "Don't turn away from me."

Vox gasped, planting a hand in Val's chest to try and put some distance between them as his head snapped down with a poorly contained second sneeze.

"hH’NGXtssh!"

"And what have I told you about holding back?"

"For fuuuhcks saake, Val," Vox managed to roll his eyes as his screen glowed erratically.

Val pulled him closer, listening to his fans working overtime, the whine of his internal processors trying to dispel the irritant. There was one heavy inhale, and then another. Vox's chest pressed against his desperately.

"Ghh...hg..."

As much as he wanted to be close, he enjoyed the show far too much to miss the front row seat. Val leaned back once more and watched hungrily as Vox's expression snapped and popped with stray tendrils of wayward electricity.

Finally, he gave in, sneezing freely into Val's lap.

"eH'HTZ҉Z҉S҉H҉IEW!" The power in the building whined as it overloaded and filled every room with blinding light. Somewhere overhead, a lightbulb popped. Third time this fucking month.

Vox groaned in the aftermath. His expression returned to his screen, slightly dazed, undoubtedly annoyed.

"So sneezy," Val praised him his arms pulling the other Overload close once more as he sniffled scratchy, static sounds into his ear.

"Fuck you," Vox muttered in a congested voice. But he melted into Val's touch, rubbing the flat surface of his screen along his shoulder for some relief.

"Are you done?"

"Think so." "Shame."

[j-milochange]

JEALOUSY-MILO

You helped Milo out of trouble with a few bullies; as you always did.

However, you were feeling a bit off because— doing this so many times, yet yielding different results with… sometimes unsatisfactory qualities to each product— it got tiresome doing the same thing over and over.

This time, you didn’t feel like training this Milo.

You left. You gave your long, heroic spiel, inciting Milo's usual affection and clinginess; and you left.

What would this Milo do for you without having gone to the batting ranges or the party?

As with any other run, you kept with your routine in college. But, you had noticed a long time ago that this routine of yours wasn’t the same on its outer layer.

Milo had a crush on you without a doubt. Even before you had saved him (and soundly left him), he had watched you from afar in admiration.

Now, his previous gaze was gone. You noticed lately that he’s been absent from every class. It was absurd that a top student would skip every opportunity. Did stranding Milo push him to death?

With an unreadable expression, you calmly soothed a response out of the teachers. “Milo is taking home-school. He is still enrolled, but all of his classes are remote.”

Ah, home-schooled was it? Strange, you would have thought that Milos— no matter the color of their hearts— would want to cling to you.

A flicker of color came into your eyes; could this be a variant of…

Your hand thoughtfully rubbed across the walls; the teacher looked at you but carefully peered away.

.

.

.

Uwaaa~! Someone found me!

Hi hihihi hi hi hibbibhibi bhiigibibihib hiih hih ihiiii hiihihiiI!I!I!II!I!I!I HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

It’s sooo nice to ffffmeetett you here!!

Sssorry if I. sound a little shaken! Nobody ever talks to me... I’m just soooo lonely! I wish somebody would talk to me!

Kyaaa~ but you’re here! You’ll talk to me for houurrrssss right? Right? rrigh t ?.. ?

stay. don’t leave me for them. please. please stay.

[snezus-christ-risen]

As They Seem

ft. Señor Scratchy 🐰

Wanda’s spell was so strong, it gave Agatha allergies she didn’t even have.

Takes place during the events of episode 1, while Agatha is Detective Agnes.

Inspired by this fanart

This was… bizarre, and Rio had seen a lot in her timeless existence.

Agatha – Agnes, sorry, was sitting across from her on the couch, one leg propped up on the coffee table, the other splayed across the cushion beside her. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, there was a hose nozzle duct taped to her hip, and — this was Rio’s favorite detail — she was wearing a t-shirt that said “Bohner Family Reunion,” complete with a cheeky little tagline. She was yapping about something, but Rio wasn’t sure what; right now, she was more focused on watching than listening. Not to be rude, but because everything coming out of her mouth was total bullshit scripted to fit whatever fantasy world the Scarlet Witch had her trapped in.

It was her face that held Rio’s undivided attention, and not just because it had been ages since she last saw it (except for earlier, at the “precinct”). Rio kept catching glimpses of the microexpressions that broke through the Agnes mask like the sun through the clouds – brief glimmers of clarity, or authenticity, there and then gone in an instant. It was frustrating to watch, but Rio knew she had to be patient and take it slow. She unfolded and re-folded her legs in an effort to get more comfortable, but it was the situation, not her position, that was making her uncomfortable. Playing along was the safest way to handle this for now, even though she hated it.

When Agatha laughed, snorting a little, Rio couldn’t help but laugh too. The tension didn’t break, but it did start to bend a little. She knew this wasn’t really Agatha, but there was something kind of… bittersweet about seeing her this way. There was still a heaviness there, sure, but Agatha had said so herself: she couldn’t remember why she hated her so much. With her mind temporarily disconnected from the memories of their past, Agatha could let her guard down and show Rio some of the other emotions that hid beneath all of that anger and resentment. And while there was sadness, there was also some room for a levity Rio hadn’t seen in a long time. She sat back in her chair with a sigh, taking in as much of this as she could before it was all over. If only…

No. Tempting as it was, Rio refused to even imagine what it might be like to make a home in this world where Agatha didn’t remember. Even thinking about thinking about it felt like a betrayal, not just to her, but to their son. Rio didn’t want her to forget, especially not in exchange for this false forgiveness.

“Anyway…” Agatha said, concluding her story with a long pull from her bottle.

It wasn’t until she swallowed, sat back, and swiped her wrist across her nose that Rio snapped back to attention. It was the gesture – fleeting, except for the lingering attention she gave the very tip of her nose – that caught her eye. Rio had seen her do it thousands of times before, including a few times since their initial reunion, but she avoided touching her nose in front of other people, unless it was to some ulterior end. Outside of her damsel in distress routine, she did like to make Rio jealous sometimes, but that was about it.

This Agnes character, on the other hand, didn’t seem the least bit shy about manhandling her nose, so Rio couldn’t conclude with confidence that her presence was having an influence. Agatha sniffled, then brought her hand back up to knuckle at her left nostril, using more force this time. Adjusting her position on the couch, she turned to the side, giving Rio a pleasant view of her profile as she crushed her nose against her fist.

“Everything good, detective?” she asked, keeping her eyes locked on Agatha as she took a sip of beer.

“Yeah,” she huffed, unconvincingly, as she squinted at a lamp on the side table. “Just thi-hiih-nking about the case.”

“I see,” Rio said, pretending that she couldn’t hear it in her voice how badly she needed to sneeze. Now this was Agatha, stubborn and insistent on talking through it, even as it threatened to overpower her. “I’m not keeping you up past your bedtime, am I?”

Agatha laughed, a husky, turbulent sound that seemed less an expression of amusement and more an attempt to hide the way her breath kept hitching. Her efforts to downplay her obvious struggle were as adorable as they were futile. Anticipating her movements, Rio slid the pizza box out of the way so she could place her beer on the coffee table before sitting back to scrub aggressively at her nose.

“Cad’t have a bedtibe if you dever sleep,” she said, lowering her hand with a tentative sniffle. “Lately I cad’t seeb to… h’huhh-hold od, I…”

The way her eyes flickered over to the lamp on the bedside table again… that had to be all Agnes. Rio had seen that trick work before for other people, but never Agatha; she was confident she would have noticed something like that in all their time together, all the times she watched her—

“hiiIHSHh’iuu!”

—do that. Agatha clapped her hands over her nose at the last minute in order to contain the blast. Rio fought to suppress a rising shiver at the indulgent sigh of relief that followed. She found herself wondering if Agnes sneezed in pairs too.

“Salud,” she said, trying to appear nonchalant as she stroked her thumb up and down the neck of her bottle. “That sure took its time, huh?”

“Ugh, mb’sorry,” Agatha muttered, blushing behind her cupped hands . “It’s this damb dog I found a few days ago, h-he — n’kshtt!-huhh… s’cuse be, he’s been shedding like crazy.”

“My goodness,” Rio commented, readjusting her legs again. Now she was uncomfortable in a different way. “Why did you keep him if you’re allergic?”

“I…” When she trailed off Rio thought she might have to sneeze again, but she just sat there looking perplexed. “I don’t, uh…”

Suddenly a strange fluttering noise came from the dining room. Agatha straightened up in her seat and put her hand on the hose nozzle, glancing in the direction of the sound. Rio smirked, forcing her face into a serious expression when Agatha turned back to look at her.

“Did you hear that?” she asked, and Rio nodded.

They both got up and made their way towards the kitchen. Despite the allergic tears that were starting to compromise her vision, Agatha insisted on going in first. She flipped the light switch, revealing an ordinary looking dining room. Rio noticed the table was littered with boxes and piles of paperwork, some of which had fallen onto the floor. She was surprised to see a white and tan rabbit under the table, nibbling on a folder that said EVIDENCE in bold red lettering.

“Shit!” Agatha knelt on the floor, shooing him away from the documents as she gathered them up. Scowling at the bite marks at the edge of her folder, she wagged a finger at the rabbit. “Bad dog! These are my case files!”

Rio barked out a laugh of disbelief – this was the mutt? Fortunately Agatha didn’t seem to hear her over her own grumbling. Getting back to her feet, she plopped the stack of papers on the table before taking a moment to rub her nose against her wrist. When the rabbit started hopping away she whirled around with an “ah-ah-ah!,” scooping him up before he could escape. Despite his betrayal, the first thing she did after capturing him was put her face against his head for a nuzzle. The gesture was so automatic that Rio knew this had to be her rabbit, just the latest in a long line Agatha had taken to over the years. Dogs and cats made her sneeze, so when it came to fluffy companionship, her options were limited.

“Ah, ya veo,” Rio said to herself when it finally clicked. Not only was the spell powerful enough to convince Agatha that her rabbit was a dog, but it somehow got her body on board with displaying the appropriate reaction.

It wasn’t until Agatha lifted her head to ask “What?” that Rio realized she actually heard her this time. Switching back into Special Agent Vidal mode, she stepped fully into the room, leaning her hip against the table as she folded her arms.

“I said, who’s this little troublemaker?”

“Oh, he… I…” Agatha sniffled, looking down at the rabbit squirming in her arms. “I don’t, uh…”

She held him in front of her, arms outstretched, as if hoping that would somehow explain the rest. Rio didn’t push her to figure it out, especially since she had that distracted look again, like she was trying to decide if she needed to sneeze or not. Holding out a hand for the rabbit to sniff, Rio waited until he twitched his nose a few times to ease her fingertips into his fur. Agatha watched her stroke along his ears, her own nose twitching every so often. Rio could tell she was dying to touch it — so was she — but they both had their hands full with other things right now.

“He’s soft,” Rio observed, smiling when her thumbnail accidentally grazed Agatha’s wrist. She could tell she felt it, too, because her cheeks were suddenly flooding with color. “Can I hold him?”

“Please,” Agatha scoffed, hoisting the rabbit into her arms. “You can have him. I’m going to get more beer.”

She turned abruptly and strode away, seemingly eager to put some distance between herself and the supposed source of her misery. When she saw how quickly her hackles went up, Rio had to wonder if the rabbit was the only thing she was trying to get away from.

Holding him out at an arm’s length, she peered around his body to watch as Agatha made her way into the kitchen. She flung open the refrigerator and began rifling loudly through its contents, as if it was her goal to make the biggest racket possible. All of that clanking failed to conceal the frantic flutter of her breath. Only partially obscured by the fridge door, she was still visible to Rio, who watched her stiffen, then tremble twice in quick succession as the tiniest squeaks of air escaped her rigid control. Rio meandered over to the kitchen in what she hoped was a casual manner, fully aware that the only two things keeping her from taking Agatha right there in the kitchen were the hex and the four-and-a-half pound fluffball she was tasked with holding indefinitely.

“Careful, detective,” she said, stopping herself at the threshold. “You’ll catch a chill standing in front of that fridge all night.”

There was a wet sniffle and a startled clink as Agatha finally grabbed two bottles. Using her elbow to close the door, she returned with the beers in one hand and her nose clutched between the thumb and forefinger of the other. Rio met her halfway to take the bottles, shifting the rabbit to the crook of her arm so she could hold everything comfortably. Agatha released her nose from her punishing grip to rub her red, streaming eyes with both hands.

“Wow,” Rio marveled. Few things were more beautiful to her than the sight of Agatha unraveling like this, and it had been such a long time since she had the pleasure of witnessing it. She cleared her throat, redirecting her gaze to the rabbit. “He’s really getting to you, huh?”

“Hihh! – little biht...” Clasping her hands over her nose, Agatha drew a deep, shuddering inhale before sneezing into the lattice of her fingers. “ISHhh!’oo–huh! ESHhhew!”

“Bless you,” Rio said, tone defaulting to flirtatious despite her efforts to keep it professional. What could she say? It wasn’t easy breaking a habit that was centuries old.

Agatha didn’t look or sound anywhere close to finished, but Rio found her attention being pulled, regrettably, to the rabbit. Startled by the noise, he had started wiggling around in an effort to escape her arms. She felt bad restraining the creature and knelt down, letting him spill gently onto the floor. Agatha managed a look of annoyance in his direction as he hopped out of the room; had she not been on the verge of sneezing again, she probably would have made a smart-ass comment or directed her ire at Rio next. Instead she rolled her eyes, filled her lungs with another massive breath, and… then…

“F’huhhckih’g gotta be kiddig be,” Agatha exclaimed, throwing down her hands in defeat. She gripped at the back of a chair and lowered her head, struggling to find the composure she lost three or four sneezes ago.

Rio tsked with sympathy (and a little disappointment) at her loss. Pulling a chair back from the dining room table, she took her arm gently and guided her into the seat, only letting go when Agatha batted her hands away. Rather than act offended, Rio smiled like an idiot, amused by this display of muscle memory. She found herself fighting her own instinct to sweep the loose hair out of Agatha’s face and imprisoned her hands in her pockets instead.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked, with more tenderness than she had intended.

“I’be fide, I just…” Agatha rested her face in her hands with a sigh, elbows propped up on the table. “I just ndeed to sit for a seh-heh! — seccod…”

Rio watched her shoulders jump with a few more hitching breaths that ultimately settled back into a normal rhythm. Reluctantly ungluing herself from Agatha’s side, she stalked off to look for supplies in the kitchen. All kinds of random shit littered the counters and the island, from Tic-Tacs to generic antacids to cans of dog food for a dog that didn’t exist, but there wasn’t a single tissue box or antihistamine to be found among the mess. The paper towels by the sink were cheap and scratchy, but they were going to have to suffice. Cursing Agnes for her lack of preparedness, Rio grabbed the roll and a pack of Tic-Tacs (she liked the minty rush) before heading back to the dining room. Along the way she tore off a few sheets of paper towel, wincing at the rough texture against her fingertips. If only Agatha knew who she was — who they were — Rio would have offered up her body instead of this flimsy, one-ply sandpaper in a heartbeat.

She found Agatha where she left her at the table, except now she had her head down and was holding out her hand expectantly. When she heard Rio approaching she waved it around in a silent command to hurry. Agnes was crass and stand-offish, but she didn’t want or expect anything from Rio; this little display of entitlement was purely Agatha. Taking the paper towels, she clutched them over her nose and mouth, her chest rising and falling shakily with staggered breaths.

“hiih‘iHH… hhyEESHHiu!-huh…” The first sneeze sounded like such a relief — pleasurable, even — as if she had been fighting like hell to hold it back until Rio returned. When she managed to snag enough air three more stumbled out, breathy and desperate. “huh’ISHHhyiuu! ISHH!’uh-ISHHhoo!”

“Bless you!” Arousal thrummed through Rio like a current of electricity when Agatha lowered the paper towels, giving her precisely two seconds to enjoy a candid glimpse of her pre-sneeze expression. Rio exhaled heavily, just as Agatha drew a long, unbroken breath. “Unless—”

“hyiHHSHh’iu!” Agatha whipped her head to the side, directing a shower of spray into the empty space beside her before fumbling the napkins back into position over her trembling nostrils. “ISHHyiew! hh– hehh’ISHHHhoo!”

“—you’re not finished,” Rio concluded with a knowing grin.

Claiming the chair closest to Agatha, she sat down and casually reached for a beer. Rio could sense her bristling as she entered her space, but it didn’t feel personal. These allergy attacks always set her on edge, probably because she couldn’t stand feeling out of control – and she was definitely not in control of herself right now.

“Take your time,” Rio said, studying her face as the tickle continued to toy with her. Agatha shrunk under her scrutiny, hiding a blush behind the paper towels, and for her sake Rio averted her gaze to the label on her beer bottle. “I’ve got nowhere else to be.”

“You don’t h-have to… hiihh!” Agatha gasped and buried her face in the nest of paper towels, practically convulsing in her chair. “hih’TSCHH!-oohh, Jesus Christ.”

“Bless you!” Rio tried not to laugh at her aggravation – usually that just made her more aggravated – but it was so cute she just couldn’t help herself. “Are you okay?”

“I’be fide, I– fuck,” Agatha growled, interrupting herself again to blow her nose. When she winced at the scratchiness of the towels against her face Rio gave an apologetic look. Crumbling them up in her fist, she cleared her throat before trying again, her voice shaking just slightly. “I’m sorry you had to–”

“Hey.” Rio cut her off with light-hearted assertiveness. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. Allergies suck ass.”

She felt the Tic-Tac container in her pocket pressing against her leg and it gave her an idea. Pulling it out, Rio kept it hidden under the table as she dispensed two peppermints into the palm of her hand. Agatha heard the rattling and glanced over, curious.

“I would know,” Rio continued, holding the mints up between her thumb and forefinger. “Can’t go anywhere on the east coast without these babies. I’m actually due for a dose, so I suppose I should thank you for the reminder.”

“What is it?” Agatha was squinting at the “pills” suspiciously. Rio wondered briefly if it was her or Agnes who might be needing glasses. “It doesn’t have anything on it.”

“It’s a new allergy drug,” she said, placing one on the table and the other on her tongue. This proved an effective distraction; with Agatha’s focus on her mouth, Rio was able to sneak the box of Tic-Tacs into her back pocket. She chased the mint down her throat with a swig of beer before weaving the rest of her bluff. “Our insurance at the bureau covers the good stuff. It has some long, stupid name – you know these prescription drugs, it’s ridiculous – but whatever it’s called, it works for me. You’re welcome to have one.”

What better to treat fake allergies than fake allergy medication? It was a longshot, but she saw no downside to giving it a try. Agatha looked unconvinced, but just desperate enough to give it a try. Rio gave the remaining mint a gentle flick, sending it rolling slowly across the table. Stopping it with her fingertips, Agatha picked it up and examined it skeptically. Her gaze shifted briefly to Rio, as if to check if she was seizing or frothing at the mouth yet. Rio laughed and shrugged with good-natured indifference.

“Take it, don’t take it, save it for a rainy day – I really don’t care.”

Reaching across the table, she took the other beer and popped the cap off before passing it to Agatha. She accepted it mindlessly, without looking away from the “pill” in her other hand. Before she could change her mind she tossed it into her mouth and swallowed it dry like any bona fide hardass detective would. Then she took a drink, while Rio watched and tried not to get too distracted by how good her lips looked on the bottle… or the way she stuck her tongue out after swallowing, no doubt a reaction to the combination of peppermint, hops, and fizz.

“Blech, that’s awful,” she exclaimed, shaking her head as she slammed her beer down. “Why is it minty?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Rio said, watching her lips part and gaze grow distant as she fiddled with the paper towels. “I should have warned you. They’re infused with peppermint, it’s supposed to help with the–”

“hihh’ESHHHhiu–h’heh! hihh’ESHHhyiew!”

“That.” She laughed as Agatha shivered dramatically. Between those intense sneezes, the coolness of the mints, and whatever repressed sexual desire was summering behind that poorly fitting mask of hers, several sensations seemed to be converging within her all at once. “Bless you, detective.”

Rio lingered for a little longer, leaving only once she was certain that Agatha wouldn’t be requiring emergency services. To both her relief and supreme disappointment, the fake allergy medication seemed to be working wonders. There was no more sneezing for the rest of the night, only a couple of false starts that faded quickly into embarrassed laughter. Breathing in the easiness of this moment between them, Rio tried not to think about how her breaths as Agent Rio Vidal were limited. This would all come to an end, and soon – it had to.

But for now, she would enjoy this one last beer with her beloved.

[magnusfox]

I think I'd know if I liked him or not.

New Smosh video came out earlier today! @jeromefox Come on we've gotta get the couch set up so we can binge again.

[glitterrosesnzz]

unnecessary things

man this is SO LATE but i finished writing a b-day snz fic for W/anderer!!!

word count: 1k

“Hh-hH’Nxt!!” 

Aether froze mid-step, looking over his shoulder at where the Wanderer was standing behind him, avoiding eye contact. 

“...Was that a sneeze?” Aether asked, turning around fully to face him. The Wanderer tsked, tilting his hat down so that Aether couldn’t see his eyes. 

“You must be hearing things… maybe you should go get your ears checked.” He said, “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m nothing more than a puppet. I don’t do such unnecessary things.” 

“Oh, really?” Aether started walking towards the other, smirking a little when the Wanderer took an instinctive step back. “Then surely you wouldn’t mind if I tested a few things, would you?” 

“And just what gives you the impression that I’m going to let you do that?” 

“Because if you don’t, then I’ll know for sure that you were lying to me just now.” 

“...Tch. Whatever.” The Wanderer slowly moved to sit down on the ground. “Have your fun. You’ll soon see that this is pointless.” 

“We’ll see about that.” Aether kneeled down in front of him, rummaging around in his bag for something to make the other sneeze, but… hm. Now that he was thinking about it, what would make a puppet sneeze? The Wanderer was definitely capable of sneezing, Aether knew that what he had heard had not just been his mind playing tricks on him, but what had even set him off in the first place? Had it just been random? 

“We don’t have all day you know.” The Wanderer said, tapping his finger on his knee impatiently, seemingly bored already. “Hurry up and get this over with.” 

Huffing out a breath, Aether abandoned the useless contents of his bag, and decided to pick one of the longer pieces of grass surrounding the two of them. The Wanderer smirked. 

“Seriously? A plant? Need I remind you that I was almost a god, a strand of grass isn’t going to affect me.” 

“Oh, just shut up already.” A piece of grass wouldn’t have been Aether’s first pick either, but it was the best thing he had right now. Reaching out, he gently grabbed hold of the Wanderer’s chin, tilting the other’s head to have a slightly better angle. Surprisingly, the Wanderer didn’t protest this motion, instead remaining silent as Aether began to swish the piece of grass back and forth. 

After a few minutes or so of no reaction, Aether let out a slightly frustrated noise, briefly pulling the grass away in order to lightly flick the Wanderer’s nose. 

“You do realize that refusing to breathe implies that I was right, right?” Aether asked. The Wanderer blinked- seemingly surprised at having been caught, before glaring at him. Aether didn’t rise to it, instead waiting patiently, blade of grass at the ready. After a moment of prolonged eye contact, the Wanderer reluctantly let out a breath. 

It hitched soon after. 

Aether’s face lit up as the Wanderer’s glare darkened. 

“Don’t think that means anyth- hIH- h-hey!” The Wanderer’s expression started to twist into something else altogether as Aether immediately got right back to work, gently tilting the Wanderer’s head from side to side as he tried to find just the right angle. “W-wait- hiH… hEh…” 

Aether stuck his tongue out slightly as he focused, twisting the grass back and forth. He must have briefly hit some sort of spot, if the way the Wanderer’s hitching breaths had momentarily pitched up was any indication, it was just a matter of finding that spot again. The Wanderer’s hands slowly lifted up- 

“If you rub your nose or stop me, it means I win.” Aether deadpanned, and the Wanderer’s hands froze in place. From the way they were trembling slightly, it must be taking the Wanderer some effort to keep them from moving any further. Aether let out a small laugh. “Although, I’ve practically already won, considering you so obviously need to sneeze.” 

“HihH- N-no I don-hH- hiIH-” 

“Of course you do, listen to you!” Aether continued, “You can’t stop hitching like ‘heH’ and ‘hAH’-” 

“Hh’nNxti!!” The Wanderer abruptly forcibly pulled away to stifle a sneeze into his hands. Aether paused, briefly shocked, before coming to a realization as the Wanderer’s breath hitched again. 

“Wait, hold on-” 

“S-shut, hEH-, shutup- hiH-” 

“Did you sneeze just because I mimicked it?” Aether asked, watching in fascination as the Wanderer’s ears slowly turned a faint shade of red. “You did, didn’t you.” 

The Wanderer shook his head in the negative, unable to speak as his breath hitched desperately. 

“Hh- hEH’xNtiu!! Hh’Nxtii!!” He stifled two more sneezes into his hands. Aether let out a disapproving sound. 

“C’mon now, don’t stifle, it’s bad for you.” He said, reaching out and grabbing hold of the Wanderer’s wrists. The Wanderer startled, leaning back- 

Tilted off balance, the Wanderer went tumbling backwards, Aether being slightly dragged with him. Aether let out a small yelp, quickly reorienting himself, blinking to discover that the Wanderer’s hat had fallen off in the brief movement- 

And that he currently practically had the Wanderer pinned to the ground. 

…Hm. Well, actually… he could roll with this. 

“Get off of me.” The Wanderer managed to hiss out- seemingly practically biting his tongue before his breath could hitch again. 

“Nu-uh, I don’t think I will.” Aether smirked as the Wanderer choked back another hitching breath. “Don’t hold back on my account. Or, maybe, do you need me to teach you how to sneeze?” 

“D-don’t-” 

“You already have the ‘hiIH-’ and ‘hEH-’ part down, now you just need the-” 

“Hh- hiH’IsHKiu!!” 

“There you go!” Aether laughed despite the strong surge of anemo energy, leaning into his geo affinity to remain unaffected. “Now was that so hard-” 

“Hh’shKiu!! Hih- hEH’inKshii! F-fuck- hH’iKshiu!!” 

“Bless you!” Aether let go of the Wanderer’s wrists, getting off of him as the other sat up, breath still hitching. “Maybe this was a bit too much, huh?” 

“Hh’NxTtii!!” Attempting to stifle again did the Wanderer no favours as his next hitching breath reached a much more desperate pitch. “HhEH- hH’iSHiu!! Heh’ShKii!! H’eshii!! Hh- hIH- hhEH’inKShiu!!” 

Aether watched in silence as the Wanderer sniffled, rubbing his nose against his sleeve. 

“So…” He started, after a significant number of seconds had passed without another hitching breath from the other. “What was that about not needing to do ‘unnecessary things’, again?” 

The Wanderer paused in the middle of retrieving his hat to give him a glare. (With his hair mussed up from both the tumble and the sneezing fit though, Aether couldn’t help but imagine a hissing kitten.)

“...Shut up.” The Wanderer muttered, before pitching his voice louder. “If you’ve finished amusing yourself with childish games, we have stuff to do.” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Aether rolled his eyes, “Just know that I will be remembering this.” 

The Wanderer said nothing in response, walking past him, but Aether couldn’t help but smirk as he noticed the faint blush on the other’s face.