#him Knowingly doing that being full aware of the potential consequences

[gallifreyborn]

[ i probably won't get to everything i owe tonight, but im gonna take this time to remind/inform you all that narvin started the time war, and he did it because he thought it was the only way to save romana's life ]

[daylicate]

Please read this with an open mind and heart. I want nothing but for you all to experience eternal love.

He who has ears to hear, let him hear. | Matthew 11:15

“Psy-Group offered its avatars for influence campaigns, boasting that they could plant the seeds of thought in people.” - Article by Ronan Farrow on how psyops work. I think it’s important to read this because it can help you to understand how celebrity/political platforms (of BOTH parties) can potentially be a part of this type of system (knowingly or unknowingly).

This is going to be a harsh reality for the entire swiftie community, but I need to get this out there. As someone who woke up every single day for a year wondering what Taylor and other celebrities were up to, I’m here to warn you guys how detrimental stan culture, idolization and gossip are to your psyche. You are not free if you wake up every day wondering what is going on in someone else’s life - I repeat, YOU are NOT free. You become enslaved to your devices, post notifications, certain blogs and solving hidden easter eggs, thus making Taylor your personal savior. You are chained to a story that you don’t even know the full truth of. You sit here waiting for a coming out, and if it does ever happen, I promise you it’s not going to bring you the fulfillment you truly need. She’s a mirrorball trying to please everyone, and it keeps you wanting to follow her and buy her music. This is how the music industry operates through Taylor’s gift, and it can become extremely unhealthy if a fan decides to dive deep into her life and career. You become dependent on her to bring you happiness, acceptance, love, truth, and more, when you should be dependent on God to bring you this. He loves you and desperately wants you to come home!

The hours I spent dissecting music videos and reading blind items I could’ve been gardening, working on my own craft, cooking, cleaning, dancing, studying, reading, hiking, and so much more. That is true freedom! It’s living in the present and noticing the beauty of your surroundings. I’m grateful for the time I had on here because it lead me to realize that the media is very deceptive, so my quest for truth began. The answer threw me for a loop, because 6 months ago I would have been the LAST person to talk about God/Jesus. When my mom would bring it up in the past, my body would physically reject her and my thoughts immediately turned hateful, like my mind would be begging her to stop talking. Talking about God use to trigger me, but now I can freely speak about Him with such peace and clarity.

The devil is real, guys. Most evil masquerades as light, promising your true personal desires. I mean, how else would you deceive masses of people into darkness? Through false light. He’s messing with this fandom so much and it breaks my heart seeing how obsessed he’s made us with celebrities. They can’t fill the emptiness within you, only Jesus can do that. When Adam and Eve chose to rebel, one of the main internal consequences of this was being separated from God. Only when people are walking in union with God do they find their meaning and purpose in being alive, because God created us to have a purpose. How many of you are depressed? Have been suicidal? Have body image issues? Are insecure? It’s because you have a veil blocking you from seeing the beauty in God’s creation that is you. You need to let go of whatever deception is holding you back. Die to it and be made new - it’s a truly beautiful, eye-opening metamorphosis.

As people grow, they seek meaning from money, pleasure, status, mysticism, religion, self-actualization, and anything else from which they think they might find fulfillment. Guys, we suffer from an identity crisis! My identity is no longer in Taylor, my sexuality, politics or whatever this musty world has to offer. My identity is in Christ alone, because Jesus is the only one who can save you from death. I’ve experienced healing from depression, anxiety and fear firsthand, so please don’t try to view me as some nut forcing religion down your throat. Sure, I still have some off days, but they pale in comparison to how I used to feel. I’m filled with so much joy and freedom now, and this is a feeling I want everyone to experience!

God doesn’t care for religion, all He wants is a relationship with you through His word. He wants to give you wisdom and understanding of how this world really operates, but you have to repent (turn away from you old life) and follow Jesus to get there. We are all imperfect and in need of a savior; humbly acknowledge it. Ask God to reveal Himself to you. Listen and stay present in your surroundings. Think of memories in your past that stick out to you, because they can help reveal your purpose. God has you remember certain things for a reason, mainly so that it can lead you back to Him.

Again, I am not here to paint Taylor as some kind of maniacal mastermind, so please don’t think I am hating on her because I’m not. How she cares for her fans, friends and family reveal a character most people need to adopt. I care for her and pray for her daily, but knowing what I know now, I can’t justify watching this intense idolization from her fans go by anymore. You’re stuck in a trance and aren’t even aware of it - trust me, I know from firsthand experience. Listen to the words of this old Christmas song she self-wrote about Jesus years back.

I want nothing but the best for you. I hope whoever reads this knows my intentions come from a place of love.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. | Colossians 3:5

Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. | Galatians 4:8

This saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” - and I am the worst of them. But I received mercy for this reason, so that in me, the worst of them, Christ Jesus might demonstrate his extraordinary patience as an example to those who would believe in him for eternal life. | Timothy 1:15-16

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! | 2 Corinthians 5:17

[askmerriauthor]

If I recall correctly, your pretty anti-stormcloak aren't you? Would Marenia Ceionia Commodus be pretty anti-Stormcloak as well? She is imperial after all... through she has a lot of respect for the common folk, and Ulfric has a lot of support from the common people. So she could have a mixed view in the end.

Both I and Marenia remain firmly anti-Stormcloack, as Ulfric is a bastard man who is preying on the pride of his kinsmen to drive them into three progressively unwinnable wars.  He rails against various negative aspects the Empire has, all while having those same negatives himself that he directs at non-Nords in Skyrim.

Marenia sees Ulfric as a hypocritical warmonger who wields the traditions of his people as a weapon against them, relying on their sense of pride and honor to drive them into conflicts for his own purposes.  She 100% considers him to be a violent war criminal worthy of immediate execution and, even before being given the title of Thane of Solitude, heavily sympathized with the widowed Jarl Elisif for the murder of her husband at Ulfric’s hands.  Given that Marenia’s Atronach birthsign renders her immune to magic and thus nearly invulnerable to the Thu’um, she’d actually be willing to contend with Ulfric herself were it not that he’s younger and more battle-ready than she is, therefore more likely to defeat her in a mundane fight.  That, and an Imperial Legate who’s also the Thane of Solitude killing Ulfric would, without question, set Skyrim ablaze with an immediate civil uprising worse than Ulfric had already started.

For context, buckle in for a history lesson, because I started typing and forgot to stop.

The whole drive behind Ulfric and the Stormcloak uprising is - allegedly - due to a sense of betrayal by the Empire.  The Third Aldmeri Dominion was waging war against the Empire and was winning - had it gone on further, the Dominion would have eventually overthrown the Empire and moved on to take everything else as well.  To halt this, the Empire signed a peace treaty called the “White-Gold Concordat” that ended the war, though it was very much on the Aldmeri Dominion’s terms.  Among the various terms of the treaty was a religious ban that forbade the worship of Talos; formerly a human named Tiber Septim who ascended to godhood and was worshiped heavily by the people of Skyrim.  Given that the Aldmeri Dominion are Elf-supremacists, squashing worship a hero-god born of man rather than of the original Divines was clearly a priority on their part.

A large portion of Skyrim’s population - Ulfric in particular - took offense to this.  They felt betrayed by the Empire since they’d all fought alongside against the Dominion and saw the peace treaty as a sign of surrender.  Rather than, y’know, a last-ditch effort to ensure they weren’t all killed and enslaved by the Dominion.  This was made all the more difficult as Ulfric then took part in “The Markarth Incident”, where he used his forces to drive out a native occupation of Forsworn Reachmen from the city through violence, then leveraged occupation of the city against the Empire while holding the entire population of said city hostage.  In return for his cooperation, the disposed leader of Markarth promised Ulfric he and his forces could practice Talos worship within Markarth despite the peace treaty forbidding it.  He killed A LOT of civilians and prisoners during all this mess while the Empire scrambled to try and restore order.

To all this, the Empire pretty much said “Okay, Ulfric, seriously!  You’re slaughtering civilians and occupying an entire city.  We’ll let you worship as you please here, but keep it on the down-low, because if the Dominion finds out you’re going to trigger another war and ALL OF US, including you, are going to die.”

Needless to say, this didn’t work.  The Dominion eventually found out about the situation and the Empire quickly scapegoated Ulfric, saying they had nothing to do with the Talos worship going on there, so as to avoid aforementioned full war that would destroy everything and everyone.  This primarily inspired Ulfric to rise up as a rebel leader, demand Skyrim secede from the Empire as its own independent nation, and take arms against those parts of Skyrim that remained loyal to the Empire to drive them completely out of the region.

We’re just going to pause here for a second and focus on “The Markarth Incident”, because it’s pretty telling about Ulfric’s motives.  Throughout his time as the leader of the Stormcloaks, he goes on about things like wanting independence for the rightful people of Skyrim, and how they should drive out the invasive Empire that’s infected their home.  He rails on about the injustices of the Empire ad nauseum and holds their being forced to cooperate in religious oppression as a primary cause for his hatred of them.

Remember those Forsworn Reachmen?  The ones who took over Markarth and who Ulfric violently slaughtered to assume control of the city?  Yeah, those guys are the original natives of that region, while Nords (the “true sons of Skyrim”, to hear Ulfric tell it) are immigrants who settled there in ages past.  The Reachmen were involved in a civil war with the Empire-controlled Skyrim because their land, people, and religion were being crushed underfoot by the Nordic expansion.  They overthrew The Reach region and assumed control of Markarth to hold it as an independent nation for two years of relative peace, while making strides to be recognized as their own kingdom by the Empire.

So what we’ve got here is a group of religiously, culturally, and socially oppressed native people being crushed underfoot by a greater empire rising up to reclaim their land and secede as an independent nation.  They are summarily obliterated by Ulfric and his forces, all while Ulfric claims that he is part of a religiously, culturally, and socially oppressed native people being crushed underfoot by a greater empire rising up to reclaim their land and secede as an independent nation.

And, no, he does not appear to be even remotely aware of the hypocrisy.

He does all this, mind you, while literally holding the people and city of Markarth hostage and figuratively holding THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE EMPIRE hostage.  Because in his demands of being allowed to openly worship Talos, he is openly and knowingly defying the peace treaty between the Empire and Dominion.  He knows for a fact that the Dominion would take that as an act of war and begin another campaign, which he wants because he’s a hardcore nationalist warmonger.  Consequences be damned.

Back to the main thrust of the history lesson.

After the signing of the White-Gold Concordat peace treaty, Ulfric went to the current High King of Skyrim - King Torygg of Solitude - to challenge him in an honor duel.  While Ulfric claims this was a gesture to show how weak Skyrim had become under Imperial leadership, he’d been vying for position of High King himself and had been passed over as a potential among the elected Jarls of Skyrim because he constantly railed about wanting to renew the war with the Dominion and his beef with the Empire.  Hardly a suitable attitude for a king in the wake of a peace treaty having just ended the war.  As they’re both Nords, Torygg had no choice but to accept the challenge to a duel; their culture demands that such challenges be honored.  Mind you, at this point, Ulfric is capable of using the Thu’um - Dragon shouts of immense supernatural power - and Torygg is 100% aware that he cannot win this fight.  To which Ulfric promptly uses said Thu’um to murder Torygg, disrupt the unified leadership of Skyrim, and incite a civil war within the region against the Empire.

Now there is debate over whether the slaying of Torygg was murder or if it was an honorable duel to the death.  The problem here is that everyone who says it was totally fair and level is Ulfric and people who favor Ulfric, while literally everyone else in Skyrim - including Torygg’s own ghost after death - say otherwise.  There’s also the fact that Ulfric used the Thu’um to take victory; even in Ulfric’s own telling of events, he claims to have used the Thu’um in the fight.  So, no matter which side we’re looking at, the fact remains that Ulfric picked a pointless fight that he knew was going to be an absolute unfair curbstomp in his favor.  Hardly the “honorable” choice by anyone’s count, let alone the Nord’s.  He also previously used the Thu’um against the Reachmen in “The Markarth Incident” so we know he also has no problem turning that power on anyone else outside of the conditions of an honor duel.

Also, just something to keep in mind - even in the context of an honor duel, Ulfric didn’t have to kill Torygg.  The traditions of the Nords historically shows that defeating an opponent is all that’s necessary, which follows with surrender, banishment, or death based on the terms chosen at the time of the challenge.  Ulfric didn’t need to kill Torygg - he chose to.  This is very telling of Ulfric’s personality that, in a situation where he held overwhelming power and stood in a position to knowingly cause untold damage to countless lives, he specifically and intentionally chose the most destructive route.

In his own practice as leader of his people, Ulfric actively promotes racism and the abuse of non-Nord people to various degrees, regardless of their citizenship as people of Skyrim.  He forces Dunmer populations into slums and flat-out forbids Argonians from even entering his city, despite his own father having allowed it.  Despite his claims of wanting Skyrim freed for the benefit of its people, he openly ignores Khajit caravans and non-Nord populated towns in need of help or protection within Skyrim.  The only time he shows any tolerance or fondness for non-Nord people are when they’re subservient to him and act entirely within the conditions he sets as being “acceptable” or “honorable”.  Which, as we’ve seen so far by his past actions, are entirely subjective concepts that he happily bends to suit his desires.  One can’t even claim something as off as “well, he may be a violent racist, but at least he loves his fellow Nords.  Doesn’t that count for something?” because we’ve also seen in his treatment of Torygg and citizens of Markarth that he 100% has no problem at all turning on his fellow Nords.  All he has to do is label them as “traitors” to whatever he decides is “the Nord way” at the moment and he’s suddenly perfectly fine with slaughtering them.

[bettsfic]

Hey so like...how do u justify romanticising a minor/adult relationship bc as a minor it kinda makes me uncomfortable. You’re an amazing writer, I just don’t quite get why you chose the age gap

before i address your question directly, and i will, i want to point out a few things that confuse me about this ask.

first, the admission of being a minor with the implication you’ve read my work, and now outright interacting with me. i’ve written maybe half a dozen g- and t-rated fics, and none of them are particularly popular, which i’m guessing means you’ve read my explicit fics, which means you’ve clicked past Ao3′s polite “18+ only” warning. my apologies if this assumption is incorrect – maybe you really have only read my three or four gen/teen-rated fics. that just seems very unlikely to me because all of my more popular fics are mature and explicit.

now, while admitting you are a minor made uncomfortable by minor/adult relationships, you have directly approached me, a 29 year old woman, to ask me why i’ve made the choices i’ve made. granted, by going on anon, you’ve ensured that this is a public forum, but if you’d PM’d me, i wouldn’t have responded, because i am not here to interact with minors.

which brings me to my conclusion of this portion of the ask, which is: i am not writing for minors and i do not want to interact with minors. i can’t control what you read or don’t read and it’s absolutely not my responsibility to cater to you in any way, especially if you knowingly and voluntarily click past the 18+ warning. but i can control my personal interactions, and i urge you not to reach out to me again. 

next i’m going to nitpick the word “romanticize” which is a word heavy in the current moral rhetoric. literally speaking, you are right. i am making an age gap romance romantic. rhetorically speaking, to “romanticize” something means to flatten or gloss over it, sweep potential consequences under the rug. to romanticize abuse, for example, is to make it beautiful, to ignore all the trauma and pain that comes along with it. (i think it is a worthy artistic endeavor to attempt to romanticize abuse in fiction, if for only the ability to highlight how fucked up abusive relationships can feel in the moment, but that’s a rant for another time).

since you haven’t read training wheels, i can tell you outright i am not romanticizing a minor/adult relationship. there are certainly unrealistic/porny moments, but i’m not shying away from the actual emotional consequences of being a 17yo* girl dating a 25yo man. i’m doing my best to depict this relationship the way these relationships are actually felt, because they do happen, and i have been in them. they can be very romantic, but that doesn’t mean i’m romanticizing them. though we’re not in his pov, bellamy is acutely aware of the greater context of their relationship. and clarke, who has no context, is doing her best to navigate the difficulty of her situation, semi-aware that it’s something that will be haunting her for a long, long time. 

i am not beautifying the ugliness of their relationship; i am not fetishizing (another word i take issue with) the minor body. being in clarke’s pov means that bellamy is object of desire, and meanwhile we get, through clarke’s thoughts, the sometimes awkward and confusing realization of what it means to be wanted, loved, used, seen, broken, trespassed, and all the other things teenage girls sometimes have to navigate. 

and i have one more thing to say before i answer your actual question: you are allowed to be uncomfortable reading fiction. in fact, i think you should be uncomfortable reading fiction. all art should make us uncomfortable, because in discomfort lies broader awareness. by consuming things which push at the boundaries of our narrow reality, we are capable of widening that reality, and that’s what it means to learn and grow and become the people we want to be. you cannot become a better, stronger, wiser person without facing and overcoming that which makes you uncomfortable. 

i also resent a bit the implication that i, a fanfic writer, a queer woman, am beholden to appeasing your comfort when straight white male writers are not. i assume you’re not sending jroth letters about how murphy’s sex slavery arc in s3 made you uncomfortable. or that the entire premise of the show revolves around putting a hundred minors in a ship and dropping them onto a potentially lethal planet. or raven, a teenager, sleeping with bellamy, an adult, in s1. and that’s not even mentioning the violence perpetuated against minors in the show. they die! and they bleed! like, a lot!! charlotte, a 12yo girl, dies a gruesome death in s1. they are minors forced to kill or be killed in exceedingly violent ways, and you’re in my inbox asking why i’m writing a fic that depicts a loving and consensual relationship between a 17yo (clarke’s canonical age in s1) and a 25yo. 

now i’ll answer your actual ask.

you use the word “justify” as if i had to do some kind of logistical puzzle to make this fic morally okay in my eyes. i can tell you now, i did not, because the story exists to navigate that logistical puzzle on its own. the conflict poses the question: is this okay? is this wrong? what about it is wrong? for what reasons is it wrong? and i also attempt (in a clunky way because it’s a bit rough, plot-wise) to navigate what “informed consent” really means to a 17yo who has no information to go off of. for me it’s an experiment in what consent really is. clarke wants bellamy, but she doesn’t have a full awareness of the consequences of that want, so is it truly consensual? what does bellamy have to do to fully inform her of those consequences? is it even his responsibility, or should clarke take more agency over her experiences? and lastly, the most interesting question of them all to me – what happens to the minors in consensual age gap relationships? how do they cope with that experience years later? in what ways does it change them?

though it’s not my responsibility to indulge my personal ties to this conflict in order to further “justify” it, i can assure you, i am writing this from clarke’s pov having been the younger party in many age gap relationships, at times a minor. at times coerced. at times completely uninformed. but each time, consensual. i sought out the men i dated. i took the lead. i propositioned them. and i consider: how has that affected me and the way i love now? 

my mom at 20, married my dad, 32. my older sister at 16, met her (now ex) husband, her then-boss, at 23 (they waited until she was 18 to start dating). i dated an 18yo and then a 19yo when i was 14. a 21yo when i was 16. a 32yo when i was 19. a 47yo when i was 22. but i also had a long-term relationship with someone who was just three months younger than me. age gap is not the only way i know how to love, but it is certainly a way to love, and one i find, in lieu of seeking it out in reality, narratively compelling. so i write about those experiences in order to better understand them now that i’m older. in order to take them apart and piece them back together. in order to, in some cases, relive them, because i enjoyed so much about them. 

i don’t pursue older men anymore because i no longer seek male validation. i don’t meet a handsome middle-aged man and need him to love me to feel like my existence in the world is warranted. but that doesn’t mitigate all the old habits and drive and potentially genetic disposition that led me to relentlessly pursuing them in the first place. so now i sublimate that into fiction and offer my experience and understanding to others who might be predisposed in the same way, or people who are not and curious about what that experience is like. and that’s what fiction does.

lastly, i’ve sort of saturated myself in age gap stories. i’ve watched every age gap movie i can get my hands on, read every book. i dive through google and ao3 looking for age gap recs, seeking out the one story or fic or movie that not only gets the relationship right, but figures out how to make it work. that’s all i want – a realistic, plausible solution to this very delicate and complicated kind of relationship. and i can’t find that story, so i’ve decided to write it myself. 

training wheels is an uncomfortable story about a romantic minor/adult relationship and the realistic psychological consequences of it, both in the immediate present and long-term, and you are supposed to be made uncomfortable by it, regardless of your age. it makes romantic but does not romanticize age gap relationships. i do not take the morality of this story lightly, nor its meaning or intentions. whether i succeed in this is up to interpretation, and i can’t control that interpretation, but i can tell you with certainty what my intentions have been going into this story, and exactly why i’ve made the decisions i’ve made regarding it. 

*the age of consent in ohio, where training wheels is set, is 16. i recognize the current rhetoric around this is “legality is not morality” or whatever, but again – the purpose of training wheels is in part to directly address this conflict