#holy shit I was 12 in 2007

[infiniteglitterfall]

holy shit, they actually took out Ismail Haniyeh

(And that other guy, who I've never heard of but is apparently the Hezbollah leader responsible for the deaths of those 12 Israeli Druze kids playing soccer the other day.)

I have quoted Haniyeh so many times over the past ten months. Not out of admiration. Out of the eternal need to explain to people that HAMAS IS BAD, ACTUALLY. It is NOT "the Palestinian resistance."

Apart from everything else, Hamas staged a violent coup in 2007, kicking the Palestinian government out of Gaza, and has run it as a dictatorship ever since.

I really, really want to talk (more than I already do) about the actual Palestinian resistance. But I think that has to be another post. Because I am not going to be able to shut up about Haniyeh long enough yet.

Haniyeh was essentially the leader of Hamas. The quote I keep going back to is from late last October, from an interview with him that aired on Al-Jazeera TV:

“The blood in the Gaza Strip... the blood of the children, women, and elderly... we need this blood so that it will ignite within us the spirit of revolution, so that it will arouse within us persistence, so that it will arouse within us defiance and advance.”

That's just plain vampire talk.

I don't think he was a vampire. I think if we were in an alternate universe in which any Hamas leader was going to turn out to have secretly been a vampire, it would be Sinwar.

And that dude's not turning anybody else. He's gonna want to keep them for snacks.

I've seen many tweets from Gazans who are fucking pissed that Hamas started a war they did not want, and then basically told them they should die to get it all fired up. Like... maybe calm your tits, Haniyeh??

Listen, I know "calm your tits" is an almost comically inadequate response to this dude. It is going to sound unserious as all hell. But this is all I have to offer at this point.

The man was not interested in calming his fucking tits.

He had a history of saying shit like this. (E.g. in 2014 he said, “We love death like our enemies love life!” CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS, I AM BEGGING YOU.)

He was one of those dictators who has a completely inappropriate and hopefully impossible mission in mind -- okay, yes, fine, that does describe ALL dictators.

This 2011 quote from him (on Hamas's Al-Aqsa TV) describes his mission, and Hamas's, well enough:

“We say today, explicitly, so it cannot be explained otherwise, that the armed resistance and the armed struggle are the path and the strategic choice for liberating the Palestinian land, from the sea to the river, and for the expulsion of the invaders and usurpers from the blessed land of Palestine.

"The Hamas movement will lead intifada after intifada until we liberate Palestine – all of Palestine, Allah willing. Allah Akbar and praise Allah.

"We say with transparency and in a clear manner, that Palestinian reconciliation – and all sides must know this – cannot come at the expense of principles, at the expense of the resistance."

(By "reconciliation," he means letting the Palestinian government run Gaza again -- not by Hamas stepping down, but by the two working jointly to run all of Palestine.

Which would be absolutely fucking disastrous for everyone involved, other than the people in power. Fatah does not have a strong record itself on freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of choice, etc. It's not able to provide any counterbalance to Hamas's 17 years of absolutely brutal methods of crushing dissent.

Anyway, Haniyeh wasn't done talking.)

"These principles are absolute and cannot be disputed: Palestine—all of Palestine—is from the sea to the river. We won't relinquish one inch of the land of Palestine. The involvement of Hamas at any stage with the interim objective of liberation of Gaza, the West Bank, or Jerusalem, does not replace its strategic view concerning Palestine and the land of Palestine.”

The reason is that Hamas's 1988 founding charter, which is an absolutely wild ride, holds that the entire land is an Islamic Waqf. Meaning that it's "consecrated for future Muslim generations until Judgement Day. It, or any part of it, should not be squandered: it, or any part of it, should not be given up… This Waqf remains as long as earth and heaven remain. Any procedure in contradiction to Islamic Sharia, where Palestine is concerned, is null and void."

(That quote, and the wild ride, are in the de-paywalled article below)

This is something Hamas itself came up with. Obviously there are many places there that are holy to Muslims, Jews, and/or Christians.

But Hamas independently decided that not only was the ENTIRE PLACE holy, it was all For Muslims Only: not to be sold to or by anyone else, etc.

(Wikipedia calls it "a relatively recent belief... forming part of the group's mythology," and cites political scholar Yitzhak Reiter, who calls it "a novel politically-oriented myth, rooted neither in Islamic legal texts nor in historical practice.")

He's apparently being portrayed as something of a moderate in a lot of media coverage about his death.

I can see the temptation to consider him a moderate by comparison with, say, Hamas military commander Muhammad Deif, because it's Haniyeh, not the military, who's been involved in ceasefire negotiations.

But fuck, there's no such thing as a grade curve steep enough to make this guy a moderate. Even his ceasefire negotiations were not moderate.

Haniyeh has been perfectly clear and consistent: "We are committed to our demands: the permanent ceasefire, comprehensive and complete withdrawal of the enemy out of the Gaza Strip, the return of all displaced people to their homes, allowing all aid needed for our people in Gaza, rebuilding the Strip, lifting the blockade and achieving an honourable prisoner exchange deal."

You cannot: * invade, * burn 12 villages to the ground while trying to kill everyone in them, * take -- what was the final count, 262 hostages? -- including a literal infant who, if still alive, has now spent more of his life as a hostage than not, * publicly state you will repeat the attack "again and again and again" until Israel is violently destroyed, * then say that your requirements for hostage return are (1) Israel stops trying to eliminate Hamas and go home, (2) everyone in Gaza goes home, (3) Israel has to agree to rebuild the Strip, (4) Israel has to lift the blockade on weapon supplies, (5) unspoken lack of a limit on a Hamas ceasefire, and THEN (6) you'll NEGOTIATE hostage return. Not "return the hostages," but NEGOTIATE how many prisoners Israel has to release for each hostage. Which gives Hamas the option to say that it couldn't reach an agreement and not release anybody.... * And be a moderate.

Like, by that standard, Netanyahu is even more moderate. Possibly even liberal.

And I don't think ANYBODY (short of Ben-Gvir, maybe) is calling Netanyahu a moderate. Giving ceasefire demands that are not for a ceasefire. That instead say, "end the war with zero requirements for us and we'll consider returning your hostages." Has gotten Haniyeh and Hamas a lot of very unearned credit for "negotiation," and "willingness to agree to a ceasefire," and, apparently, being "moderate." Somehow, it keeps surprising me that a ton of people see this not as "refusing a ceasefire entirely," but as willing and open negotiation.

I'm closing with two tweets from preeminent Palestinian human rights activist Bassem Eid.

[lindenattic]

agwdcu developments

one of the dress images we've had for a while (found in late may) is a picture of the plaid warped tour dress with erin caruso's watermark on it. i've seen her watermark around on several images so i decided to take a shot at tracking down her stuff. and holy fucking shit did i track down her stuff: found a flickr account of hers with 2715 images, the vast majority of which are from warped 2007. this includes a lot of photos of circa performing and also a lot of photos of circa partying. brendan is absolutely a party guy.

but most importantly, there's like four devastating new images of the warped dress. here's the one we had:

and here are the ones that are new:

i assure you that last one well and truly gave me a heart attack.

the date of this show is known to us as july 11, 2007, but her photos are dated as july 12. not certain what's up with that but i'm reasonably confident about it being the 11th. anyways i just so happened to discover these on july 10 which is literally such beautiful timing. eveyone tell her happy birthday!!!

in addition to these, there's three other pictures of circa from this show on her flickr, and many many others of circa both onstage and offstage. plus many other bands and also some general warped tour life. it's a really cool account to go through! unfortunately, she kind of gave up on tagging who's in the photos, but it's understandable given that there's like 2500 pictures from one tour in there.

[queatherine]

td spoilers episodes 9-13 (long post; more in depth thoughts towards the end)

ep 9:

the dudes being there for priya awwwww that was so sweet !!

hey julia, is that car cool enough :)

sighhhhh mkulia

julia is that tiktok lumberjack lesbian,, i think shes canadian too

ep 10:

listen, i think we could all agree that the moment damien found that immunity idol way back when sealed his fate that he was NOT going to be a finalist,, so i wasnt surprised, just saddened

julia manipulation truly is everything i love evil women

ep 11:

MACARTHUR??!?!??!??!? truly not the cameo i expected, but i did not mind it!!

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb?

cant believe they killed off raj

so like,, did dinosaurs just never go extinct in the total drama universe??? is this one of the insane lore bits like 9/11 never happening (or happening some time after 2009???) 9/11 was the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs

CANT BELIEVE THEY VOTED OFF RAJ NOOOOOO IM WAYNE FRRR

ep 12:

me 🤝 priya afraid of lighting + thunder

OLD MAN TENNIS YAOI????!?!?!?! PULLED THEM OUT OF THEIR GRAVES FOR THIS CAMEO WOW

can we stop this annoying distrust arc between priya and caleb? pt2

i dont ship juliayne (juliayne shippers i do not hate you please do your thing i love you), but goddamn i want more interactions between theyre sooooo silly

ep 13: listen, i think wayne winning is fine. do i love himbos? yes. was i rooting for him in the finale? yes. in the grand scheme of things, do i think he is a good finalist? no. we can all agree that hes very much an owen, and i dont mind that!! i actually think having a fan favorite, comic relief, underdog third party winning makes sense in this season, because i dont think caleb or julia winning would be a satisfying end (especially how they were handling them by the end)

caleb's story was messy, and at the end of the day (and i know that the intentions changed), he did start his alliance with priya to use her. him winning, after all of the drama, after priya was gone, wouldve just idk felt shitty. he did get the girl in the end, which concludes his story better than him winning it. (if im comparing this to the tdi 2007 final three,, i guess hes the gwen)

as for julia, she had two seasons to be villain, and it was amazing. she is so good at what she does and she is such a joy to watch. and we all know how total drama handles its villains, they need to get their comeuppance. did bowie double cross her last season? yes. and she came back still was the main villain and was AMAZING at it. but she was still the villain for another 13 episodes, AND HER GETTING PRIYA OUT LAST EPISODE, she cant win. was her just desserts satisfying? meh. nice callback to heather (we all know julia is the heather of this comparison), though i can understand people who dont like this callback and think its tiring or something. they couldve done something else, but im not mad (i kinda fuck with the mullet). i just see no satisfying way for julia to win with how she was presented in these seasons: she was not world tour heather, with three full length seasons and a greater threat to overcome; she was island heather, and therefore could not win.

overall thoughts of the season:

im someone that thinks the hockey bros jokes nearly always land, so i enjoy the shit out of them (i think im in the majority?)

im someone that did not like priyaleb at first, grew to being more neutral about it, but still found it to be a bit tiring. i like priya, i like caleb, i dont like tiring romantic subplots, and it sucks that that was the entire thing for these characters this season

the julia mk duo was AMAZING, one of the highlights of this season and one that i never wouldve expected to be real. mkulia wins in my heart and i hope they start their podcast (JULIA WAS GOIGN TO USE THE MONEY TO START THE PODCAST WITH MK HOLY SHIT GIRL IS IN LOVE)

it sucks that certain characters really got nothing this season (millie, nichelle, emma, and even axel to an extent).. but i get that characters like millie and emma already had a lot of screentime last time and someone has to be an early boot (just realize the ones i listed off were all women,, damn the writers fr just hate women)

at the end of the day, i really enjoyed this season. and i think the most important part of that enjoyment was this was the first time i got to watch a season and have no idea what was going to unfold. i watched the first four season of total drama when they were airing, but i was a little kid with poor comprehension skills. the first three seasons aired before i knew how to read (i learned to read late). and with tdpi, rr, and tdi 2023, i watched them after the fact and knew who the winners were going in. this was the first season i watched were i truly did not know the winner, and that added to my enjoyment. not to mention this being the one and only time i was present in an online space to talk about show as the episodes dropped. this season was a bit messy here and there, but it delivered some great stuff. i found myself laughing out loud and just having a good time, which is all i need out of my silly little cartoon

[adultswim2021]

Moral Orel #29: “Nature” | July 9, 2007 - 12:15AM | S02E19

This is an incredible episode. The first of a two-parter that caps off season two in a similar fashion to season one (if you watched it in production order and not airdate order, that is [this will always be a thing, sorry]). A Moral Orel episode where the facade of Moralton begins to crack and we’re let in on how real this world actually is. This one starts off slightly atypically: in Clay’s study, post-Orel-being-punished for some vague offense. The tone is pretty typical Moral Orel, bleakly-tinged darkly-comic dialogue and one-liners, a conventional story beginning to unfold that will soon have some wicked twist applied to it, strong visual storytelling and amusing background details, etc. All the shit you expect from Moral Orel.  

The plot is that Clay simply wants to take Orel hunting, as it’s about that time in a child’s/TV-show’s life when a father does that with his son. Personally, I’ve never hunted. But I came of age at a time and place when and where it was still fairly common shared experience among boys Orel’s age when I was also Orel’s age. Orel doesn’t have it in him to hunt down one of God’s creatures, despite Clay’s insistence that they are merely helping the animals take “nature’s shortcut”; God’s preference to man gave them the wisdom to flee from Nature, putting the animals in a pitiable position of remaining “ungodly”. So, taking them out as a part of a hunting expedition is akin to putting these damned souls out of their misery. It’s tortured logic, but that’s Christianity for you. (Penn & Teller Bullshit theme begins playing). 

Clay gets drunker and drunker and more and more cruel towards Orel. Not only does he shoot a deer in front of Orel against Orel’s wishes, he also kills a random person’s hunting dog, which is terrible. Clay cruelly denies Orel dinner, because he didn’t kill anything himself. Orel eventually calls Clay out on his drunkenness, which causes him to sort of go manic, just dumping nihilism on his son. The show is now a harrowing psycho-drama. Orel is clutching a pistol, which happens to be pointed at his dad. Orel fires. TO BE CONTINUED…

This one is pretty brutal, in the same vein of “Best Christmas Ever”. When Orel hesitantly tells his father that he’s too drunk, and that they need to go home, it breaks your heart. You’re witnessing this kid grow up in real time. Orel is supposed to be an innocent kid. Furthermore, he’s supposed to be a smart-allecky parody of Davey from Davey and Goliath. How could the writers let this happen? 

One really important thing to mention about this episode: In addition to being a “bummer” episode, it’s also exceptionally funny. The jokes in the show are especially strong, and land exquisitely. Maybe I only think this because I was bracing myself for the darker aspects of this episode as a Clay-aged person whose since become less in-denial about how much of an asshole my own father is. I didn’t like, get emotional or anything, but I was just sorta like “DAMN, YES. HOLY SHIT IT DO BE LIKE THAT”. Mine has never been as bad as Clay, but I’ve witnessed a drunken downward spiral from him more than I care to have. 

The events of this episode (as well as the next) will set the stage for season three, which is thirteen episodes (cut down from twenty) of shows that either take place right before or right after the hunting trip, as well as flashback episodes that are spurred by individual moments within this episode. It’s an ambitious and often emotional journey. There are no less than four episodes of season three that have been known to make me sob. This makes me wonder if I remembered all these moments in this episode that tie into other episodes (Orel’s vague references to whatever deed got him punished in the beginning comes to mind). Complex, non-linear chronology and side-stories are explored. Mountain Goats songs are licensed. I’m not reading ahead so I won’t go too deep into what connects with what in this post. But like Jesus and me, it’s coming (I always immediately bust when I finish a write-up).

To Be Continued (this is me edging).

[miatring]

Some thoughts

Okay so I literally never write text-posts on here (or anywhere really) I just post fanart, re-blog other people's shit and barely interact with anyone. Mostly because there's just not many things I feel like I need to give my opinion on when others have done so much better and more eloquently than I have.... that being said

And shouting out the amazing (@girlgerard) here because he's made some excellent fucking points (feel free to ignore this if you see it Mira because holy shit you deserve a fucking break)

Us white MCR fans really need to start pulling our fucking weight when it comes to calling out racism in the fandom. And that doesn't mean waiting until you see a post from a POC fan and writing something in the tags. It means actively listening and taking on board what they're saying and looking at your own behaviour and how you can do better. I can only speak for myself when I say that I have been a mcr fan since 2006/2007 but I've never been really active in the fandom so I saw a LOT of shit from back then, that I'll be honest, I just straight up didn't understand. I'm Australian and we have a slightly different, arguably more subtle breed of racism here and a lot of it mirrors the shit that was (and still is) targeted at ray. 

Most of it is not explicit "oh ew a brown person" (unless you're talking to a good majority of the 50/60+ population here- in which case HOOO BOYY STRAP IN FOR SOME FUCKED SHIT) but a lot of it is more backhanded and "jokey". This comes into play when we talk about the "princess fro-fro" shit from back in the day. Which again I'll admit, I didn't see as "all that bad" but I also didn't find it that hilarious either- I was kind of just indifferent to it (I was also like 12 years old so I just didn't GET a lot of stuff). But hey I grew up, and I realised that that shit isn't funny, it was never funny. There is no excuse to exclude ray when talking about/drawing/filming/photographing the band. When you say you "don't find him as interesting/attractive" you need to think about why that is. Because ray toro is an equal and integral part of this band that we love. He's a fucking genius and a total sweetheart and deserves just as much (if not more) hype than the others.

While I'm at it I just want to take a moment to say how fucking excited I was to see so many POC fans making content and being visible in this fandom. While I know for sure that they've always been around- being from Australia, not having any friends who were really into mcr at the time and not actively engaging with fandom (plus the fact that so many of us early 2000s internet users posted rarely photos of ourselves in fandom spaces- whereas now we have tik tok ect.) I just don't recall seeing many black and brown faces in the fandom. So I just think it's so fucking cool that these kids are here and I think that we- especially us older, white fans- should be supporting them as much as we can.

At the end of the day I'm just one person with essentially 0 following so this might not make much of a difference but I just couldn't NOT say anything... because at the end of the day it should be on us to make the fandom feel as welcoming and supportive as possible because at the end of the day MCR is home to so many of us and it should be a safe place for everyone to come to where they feel like they can be fully authentic to who they are (and shock horror! That includes valuing and respecting the voices of POC).

Anyways I don't want to take up any more space than I already have, apologies to Mira for tagging him in this coz I know he's (rightfully) sick of dealing with it but I wanted to give credit where credits due 😅

If there's any black and brown fans that happen to see this just know that I see you, I love you, and I'm sorry for not being here sooner. My inbox is always open if you need a buddy or just someone to vent to 🖤

[wormdebut]

Eddie Character Development Drabbles for an AU that has been swimming in my head for months. Putting it out here so maybe someone can hold me accountable, lol.

-

Eddie Left home at 17 (2012), (dead beat dad, dead dead mom.) Uncle Wayne exists but Eddie never lived with him. Loved him though, with all his heart. Wayne was the one who supported him as much as he could, he had encouraged eddie to get out of his environment and gave him a nice little stack of cash (“it was supposed to be your college fund, but you’ve always been destined for better things.”)

Eddie had a penchant for the 80s metal scene, wasp, Metallica, Black Sabbath, his beloved Dio. All because Wayne had poured so much of himself into Eddie. Wayne knew how bad Richard was, he had always intended on Eddie coming to live with him but Eddie was fiercely loyal, to a fault. When his mother, Lydia had passed away due to ovarian cancer, Eddie was only 12 (2007) Richard had dove to the nearest bottle, never left any scars on Eddie, but Wayne knew. Eddie knew Wayne knew, but he couldn’t leave his dad. He loved his dad. Dick had started getting into the darker shit when Eddie was 14. (2009) Wayne had begged him to come stay with him and Eddie had begged Wayne to let him handle it. When he finally snapped to his senses in 2011, he had simply grown into the adult he didn’t have and still couldn’t inconvenience Wayne, “you have your shit, I have mine Wayne, help me by figuring out how this emancipation garbage works.” Wayne knew his nephew was just as (more so) stubborn than he was, once Eddie was able to produce his GED Wayne had helped him file. As always, supported him financially where he could. His Eddie, was always meant for bigger, for better, for more than small town Colorado

Once he left small town Colorado, he moved to Indianapolis, he always intended to end up in New York but his van (his fathers van that Eddie straight up stole from him, but Richard (dick) Munson was too high on his latest find that he hardly noticed) broke down in Indy and he just made it work, he always does.

He didn’t graduate, but got his GED. (Thanks Wayne) Very smart socially, (street smart angel) and honestly academically but had a hard time focusing on school when he’d rather draw or write.

Works at Inkwell Tattoo Studio he doesn’t own the shop but is a very well known artist and brings in a large amount of business for the shop and the owner (also the man who had let eds apprentice under him) Spike (Mike) loves him like his own son

Eddie specializes in neo traditional, however he’ll scratch whatever itch you ask him to. (Cmon capability)

But all of his work on his own body (he’s got a lot, gentleman) is black and gray

(“you are my yellow, you are the color Steve.”)

He was still fiercely loyal, but incredibly reserved about it. Dick had really fucked him up. Once he had settled in a painfully small Studio apartment in Indianapolis, he shut off anything that made him weak. He had picked up a job at a little game store “dragons den”, worked as many hours as they would allow him, that’s where he met Gareth. His best friend (only friend for quite sometime.) they had bonded over both having battle vests, (“holy shit man, you know wasp?”) Little gareth had never been more excited to meet someone like him.

Gareth had been buying a new set of dice and everything kinda formed from there. D&D once a week.

Eddie had taken on role of DM as he didn’t have school to worry about, so while gareth was sweating over finals, Eddie was enamored by a silly little fantasy game, it was through drawing the thoughts he had planned out that he had realized tattooing was something that could be in his wheelhouse.

Stick and poked himself, ultimately Gareth let Eddie give him a matching bat tattoo (it was the only tattoo Eddie hadn’t had covered with anything else once he had started getting his own body done.)

Eddie started his Apprenticeship when he was 19 (2014), He’d been at Inkwell with Spike Nelson ever since.

G and E had started their band around the same time. Eddie had convinced Gareth to move in with him as soon as G graduated. (2013) Good bye small studio from hell, hello, small one bedroom. (Eddie slept on the couch, fiercely loyal) Eddie had essentially given Gareth his job at Dragons Den, once he was too wrapped up at Inkwell. They lived modestly and rock and rolled indecently until Eddie had started blowing up on social media for his tattooing.

He blew up in 2016, he was 21, he should’ve been ecstatic but continuously found himself bitter, all he wanted was for his uncle to know that he had made it to the bigger and better. Wayne had seen quite a bit of his art, but he didn’t get to see what it brought for him. he was always overconfident, exuded it. But behind closed doors he was a mess. Gareth saw bits and pieces but Eddie knew how to shut it off around his friend, his band. Eddie moved out of the apartment Gareth and he shared when he Bought a house in 2018. 3 bedrooms, 2 bath. He was alone, and that’s how he preferred to be. His trysts were not allowed anywhere near it.

The only people that had been inside were The Corroded Coffin boys. Not Spike, not his trysts, not any one else. Gareth, James and Easton were the only ones.

Eddie had converted his basement to a practice space for CC in 2020. He had intended to convert the garage but his beloved baby (2020 Mercedes G Wagon with a gorgeous red interior) had to be protected.

Eddie was reticent, reserved with who he spoke to, always polite (you didn’t want to see him if someone struck a nerve, promise.) but quick, never spoke too long, (unless he was with the few he trusted), but he was unabashed, and unapologetically loud when it came to his style. He always had been. Uncle Wayne had told him to never back down from who he was even if others (Dick) gave him hell for it. So he never did. Eddie pushed the boundaries as dramatically as he could. Between the flowing blouses that he never fully buttoned, the clashing of patterns and prints and chains and the shoes, some heeled, some pointed, most black, most importantly the miles of leather; pants, vests, whips (cheeky), he drew attention to himself. He wanted to make you look. And look the city did.

Eddie had become somewhat of a spectacle to the city. Everyone knew Eddie Munson, and as of 2021 everyone (at least for a long stretch of Indiana, and few surrounding states) knew Corroded Coffin.

Always always has a black bandana in his back left pocket, even in his leather numbers, his favorite (only, but he was the father figure E never had) uncle Wayne had told him all about the hanky code and explained to him that was how people like he and Wayne (gay Wayne supremacy) would know they were in like minded company, broke down who was into what, made it easier so people like them could talk less and enjoy more, “life is short as it is, but it felt shorter and riskier back then.” Wayne had only cocked an eyebrow when Eddie started sporting the black bandana around the same time he left town. As long as he was safe, what his nephew got up to wasn’t his prerogative. Regardless of connotation (Cmon sadism!)

Eddie only grew more attached to proudly sharing his sexual interest because if Wayne could in 86, Eddie could is 2022. (Wayne passed in 2015, Eddie was 20 and it was the darkest place he had been for a long time. He had received a little bit of an inheritance and was shocked that his uncle loved him that much.)

Wayne hadn’t bat an eye when a 12 year old Eddie wracked with the pain of his mother passing, had told Him that he likes boys the way his uncle Wayne likes boys. “Nice work, kid, it’s more fun this way.” He would never let Eddie feel bad for who he was, regardless of Dicks commentary on it. (In reality Richard really couldn’t care less, he had grown to resent his son, gay or not, after his Lydia had passed, often times wondering why it couldn’t have been the boy to go instead of his wife.) Eddie had never looked back once he had his Uncles undivided support, he was a big old homosexual. No shame in hiding it.

[deep-hearts-core]

2007 - semifinal

originally posted 7/16/20

We've officially reached the point where I haven't watched the actual shows anymore. I've seen videos of a number of the songs from 2007 and earlier, but I've never watched the full shows. We're also reaching the era of only one semi, which means... well... rankings for me are gonna be a little harder, especially in the semi, because there are twenty-eight songs in this semi, holy shit. Only one semi with more autoqualifiers also means that there's a much larger percentage of songs I only hear once, and as I mentioned in my 2008 ranking sometimes hearing a song again makes a big difference. Bulgaria This song has ascended to epic status in ESC fandom, and for good reason. I've never seen the whole performance before, and... god. Elitsa's chain mail shirt and leather pants actually look good. The instrumental and background staging for this song are so cool. Elitsa's voice works against that instrumental. And, of course, the drums. Stoyan and Elitsa are fucking monsters on the drums, it's so incredibly cool to watch. Israel A weird take on a peace song, but this entry is endearingly quirky in a way. I think each individual section of the song is good, especially the prechorus and the Hebrew rap, and I enjoyed the sort of comedic camerawork and slapstick staging. However, the song seemed to have been stitched together weird, with shaky, unpredictable transitions between sections.

Cyprus I'm really enjoying Evridiki's take on... what is this, synth-rock? This is a pretty good song... like, this is good. This semi really started off strong. I think the staging worked really well with the stage itself here, too. I guess the only part that's questionable is, like, her outfit. Even her vocals are good! I was genuinely thinking the vocals would be bad when this started but I was pleasantly surprised by most of this. Belarus I appreciate the Bond-like feel at the beginning. This is a cool song - definitely typical for 2000s Eurovision, but not in a bad way. I love the guitar here. The staging is also really cool, Dmitry and his dancers are both doing a good job keeping the energy up. My only issue is with his vocals. They're not bad, they're just kinda nasal and I'm not a huge fan.

Iceland Bruh how have all five of these songs been good. Wtf. Strong vocals here and pretty competent staging, but honestly I like this one the least so far because it leans a little too far into the rock genre for my personal taste. You have to admit the vocal line is cool-sounding, though. And that one lyric about the tiger trapped inside his cage makes me think of Nael, Age 6 - yknow, "The tiger. He destroyed his cage". Lol. Georgia A strong debut! The composition of this song goes hard. I think maybe there was some trouble with the sound mixing at the beginning though, Sopho sounded really faint; parts of the staging were also messy. She's a good singer and performer though. I enjoy the sort of enticing feeling the music gives, especially towards the beginning.

Montenegro You have to understand that this is not a bad entry. It's just that all the other songs so far have been so good that this one doesn't make a strong impression. The verses are good, but the staging and camerawork is messy and I'm not a huge fan of the chorus; also Stevan's hairstyle here makes him look like a second-gen Kpop boy. Switzerland This entry is just stupid. Like lyrically it's just... like, what? Okay, vampires, sure. I like the dance routine that goes to this and I think the instrumental is good but the Black guy was the only one with really impressive vocals and the costumes also made it hard for me to like this. Also, the mannequins on stage kept throwing me off - they looked weirdly realistic and my brain kept going "oh shit they have like 12 performers onstage". Moldova The beginning to this is absolutely mesmerizing. Then the singing starts. I don't have anything super against this song - Natalia actually has an amazing voice especially on her more sustained notes and I think aspects of the staging were really cool - but a lot of this just feels clumsy. The outfit, the vocal line, the way Natalia sounds on the verses. Idk. Netherlands It took me a while to get into this one, but I was jamming along to it by the end. The chorus here is especially good. I'm not a huge fan of Edsilia's styling, though. Maybe it was just the 2007 fashion, but I really didn't like her dress. Albania Finally, something that I actually dislike... that sounds bad, but it's hard for me to really categorize the songs when all of them are so good. And there's nothing so objectively bad about Hear My Plea either, it's just boring and not my style. Denmark Not bad, just kind of tacky? Idk. The verses here are nice I guess. I don't have strong feelings about this entry. Croatia Another one that just bores me. It's not bad it just doesn't super draw me in - I also don't super love the male singer's voice. Poland This is another song that's good in two separate pieces, but they don't work put together. The verses are really fun to listen to, and while I don't like the chorus as much it's still good, but the transition between the two just doesn't work. Which is a shame, because the staging and vocals are pretty fun here. Serbia A deserved winner. I think maybe I'm desensitized to this song because it's the one from this year that I've seen performed in full so many times, so I can't really appreciate it the same way I might have in, say, 2016, but this is a great song, and Marija has a very strong voice that really conveys all the feelings she's having while she performs. Czechia I just don't like harder rock music. This is alright and honestly Czechia could have done a lot worse for their debut. Portugal This is one of the better Portuguese entries - which, let me be clear, that is not exactly a high bar. The song is good and Sabrina has a lot of energy and stage presence even if her vocals are kind of shaky. I liked the styling here. I do think the staging could have been a little more cohesive though. North Macedonia Styling here is great, and Karolina's one high note was really well executed. I'm not crazy about the rest of this, though. The vocals for most of the song didn't sound very supported and I'm just not jazzed about the composition here. Norway I personally am of the opinion that Norway has no business sending a Latin dance number, but this is solid - maybe more so than some of the things Spain and Portugal have sent. Guri has a nice enough voice and she and her backing people are good dancers. Malta The CA here aside this song is BAD. Olivia doesn't have a voice that I like and frankly Vertigo as a song is quite boring. That's a no from me, Malta.

Andorra Pop punk is usually something I like at least a little bit. I don't hate this entry - it just could have been better. The English lyrics were clumsy (I would have much preferred this entirely in Catalan) and the singer didn't have a voice I liked and also seemed to be flat a lot. Hungary Not usually a blues fan but I think this is done well... although, like with Norway's entry, this is a genre that I think is weird for a White Hungarian woman to sing. Magdi does have a great voice, though, and while I'm not usually a fan of ubercasual clothes on the Eurovision stage somehow that choice made the song seem more honest here. Estonia Thanks, Estonia, I hate it. Everything about this song is really awkward. Gerli does not have the stage presence she thinks she does, and the song is shouty and hectic and overall just bad.

Belgium The lead singer here has a lot of stage presence, but that can't change the fact that disco is one of my least favorite genres of music. Disco in 2007 played completely straight... I just can't like it. Slovenia I enjoy the stage aesthetics here, but this is another case of the performer not really having the charisma to pull this off. Also, classical vocals in Eurovision are one of those things where I either really love them or really hate them, and in this instance it just doesn't work. Turkey This placed fourth? I honestly can't believe it. Yes, this song is catchy in places, but Turkish Troy Bolton onstage singing about "sweet things" is not my idea of top five material. Not to mention that his vocals were also not so solid.

Austria This is the song that Austria got so pressed over its NQ that they withdrew for three years? Unbelievable. The song itself is actually good, and Eric's a strong singer, but the staging for this is terrible. The silver and red costumes are hard on the eyes, and the ultra-white background gave this entire performance an unfinished quality. Latvia THIS HERE? This is how classical-style vocals in Eurovision can work. The song just makes me feel very warm, idk. All six singers are incredibly good and the song is really well done - it doesn't feel dated, but it's true to genre.

My personal qualifiers Cyprus Bulgaria Serbia Hungary Latvia Netherlands Georgia Iceland Belarus Norway Miscellaneous thoughts Both the opening and interval acts were really cool to watch! I especially liked the choral performance in the interval. Having the hosts draw for the starting number in the final is... fascinating. I don't think it's a bad idea, in the era of the random draw... Mikko is getting so excited during the draw, I love that for him. TBH I really am enjoying Mikko and Jaana as hosts! They're really funny, have a great platonic chemistry with each other, and they're working with a great script.

[etxfolkmystic]

The Call to the Great Cauldron

Let me be really clear upfront, this is a vulnerable post (and possible series) and there’s likely to be some UPG in it (quite a bit probably). This post (and possible series) is also likely to include mentions of a lot of TW/CW worthy material including but not limited to: mental illness & every difficult part of that you can imagine, struggling with addiction, homophobia, evangelical and charismatic upbringing, bdsm, sex, and lord knows what the fuck else. As each post is made (if it’s a series) I’ll try to TW/CW each one as appropriate but this is officially my blanket post to get the things out of my head and Somewhere Else ™️but this post, just tread lightly, eh?

And now, back to things in my brain

Hi. Call me Hildegard, I think. Of All My Names™️ over the course of many many moons, that’s the one I’ve genuinely loved the most. It’s a perfect snapshot of what I aspire to have potentially turned my life into. It conjures undeniable magic, be it of the Sabrina auntie variety of the BadAssSaint©️ variety. Depending on the season of my life, my pronoun preference changes because ~what the fuck is gender even~ but I’ve always been unequivocally queer.

Magically? My practice got its roots in 2007, when I was 14 years old & given a tarot deck by someone who was practically a stranger. So, yes, I did technically get gifted my first tarot deck (but it’s not a requirement and I hate when people say it is). I’ve dabbled in a lot but over the next bit, I’ll disclose the parts that I really dug into and that kept me upright before being six feet under.

There was also a good chunk of a time when all the magic I did was ✨ baneful ✨ and I won’t flinch away from that fact. It taught me a metric fuck ton (give or take) that not many practitioners really can understand unless they undertake the same path. The choice wasn’t done lightly, it was genuinely in an attempt at to understand magic even in its grittiest parts I could understand and attempt.

This last few months, I’ve been spending a lot of time doing deep amounts of energy work for the person I’m going to refer to as D™️. The thing is, in 2017, I finally received my Reiki III attunement, and then got introduced to energy healing in a different format from The Unnamed Path (a tradition for men who love men). Now, I’ve been simultaneously diving into developing the Mediumship©️ skills that I shut off because holy fuck that’s rough as a teen with mental illness and into my early 20s.

But, I’ve stepped into it. And now I’m being forced to face a lot of internal shit I’ve not done the best job handling. I’m grateful for it, but gods be damned if it’s not exhausting.

One thing, it definitely had me moderating my substance use more mindfully, because it takes a lot less to get me a lot further all of a sudden (my tolerance has increased over the last 10 months tbh so it has been shocking). Is this my energy work stuff? Maybe. Is it my brain/body finally getting my attention? Also possible, but I can’t truly know for certain. Though, I am leaning it’s about a 60/40 split on any one day. I’m having to reassess a lot of my understanding of a lot of things, and it’s rough.

However, I’m excited because D™️ views my abilities as legitimate and helps fight the imposter syndrome by forcing me to stretch those muscles in ways that keep me constantly being able to see what was valid and what wasn’t, and even what was too vague. So, maybe time is all it takes. Maybe they’re birth with it, maybe it’s mediumship.

Anyway, expect me to talk about magic, addictions, the 12 steps, and why I think these conversations don’t happen the way they should in our community…I’d say soon but idk tbh

[risu75fifthblog]

THE HOLY DOSE

“FIRE IN THE HOLE!”

:: MONDAY, OCTOBER 09, 2006 ::

Welcome to The Holy Dose. This is our youth center for psychedelic thought, music, films, comics, and comedy. A cosmic brothel for a new generation of young old-timers. Pull up a chair.

:: POSTED BY SIR ADRIAN AT 2:15 PM ::

:: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2006 ::

Wo

Until I moved into the Old Fourth Ward, I had no idea how realistic the whole Jehova's Witness stereotype is. These two old ladies, "Wo" and "?" (I think the other one gave up her name in honor of the War on Terror or Lent or something...she's just kinda like Wo's henchman anyway) come by the house every couple days or so to bring me or Katie a crazy pamphlet about how "Television is God's way of telling us to support our troops" or that "Carjacking is the devil's way of preventing us from living forever" or that "Scientists are working round the clock on a cure for sin". You have to talk to them for about a half an hour just to tell them you don't have time to talk to them. The bummer is that you have to, like, "break up with them" every week just to close the door. Still, every week they come by to check and see if all of the sudden those crazyass booklets are gonna convert us. Actually, Wo seems like she'd be a pretty cool sassy black principal on a Fox teen drama if it wasn't for all the religious telemarketing. At least the booklets are free; the Krishnas try to charge you for 'em! Talk about bad karma!

:: MONDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 2007 ::

How to Start a New Cold War

From Wiki How:

Cold Wars can be a fun and profitable way to pass the time. Starting one is easier than you think! It's also a great way to teach little ones about responsibility and the value of an obvious enemy.

Things you'll need:

a fireplace * sandwich * compass * yamulke * 4 coyotes * #2 pencil * plutonium ( I really hope they named that shit after the Roman god and not the ex-planet! Somebody's gettin' fired!) * 7 hamburgers * a cabbage patch * xavier roberts * cobblestone road * 20 assorted hats * a leather sword * lice

HOW:

1. Determine what type of enemy you want all action movies to feature for the next ten years.

2. Become a nuclear superpower.

3. Make a trailer for your bicycle.

4. Brew your own beer.

5. Make Arnold Schwarzenegger the biggest movie star.

6. Attack your enemy's ideology.

7. Yakov Smirnoff.

8. KGB spies stole this step.

9. Nikolai Volkoff.

10. Sgt. Slaughter.

11. Support the troops.

12. Don't actually fight a military war.

13. Carry the beer to the party on your bike trailer.

14. Insider trading.

15. You did it!

:: POSTED BY SIR ADRIAN AT 4:16 PM ::

:: TUESDAY, MARCH 13, 2007 ::

Help Wanted

Upscale Buckhead salon looking for ex-sailor/fisherman for reception position. Must have stories that begin with, "Aaargh, did I ever tell you about the time me krewe and I were held captive by..." Hook hand, cursing, and scurvy a plus. Must be able to type at least 1 word a minute. Potential candidates should also be able to refrain from blushing when a demure young lady uses foul language in their presence. Familiar with Excel, Word, HTML, & pirate code. Serious replies only! No landlubbers. Pipe smoke OK. Leave the bird at home. Great benefits/great pay.

Contact siradrian@theholydose.thisisfake.org

:: POSTED BY SIR ADRIAN AT 5:23 PM ::

:: WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13, 2008 ::

Just sayin'! <3

I know "<3" is supposed to be a sideways heart or something, but to me, it looks just like a fart cloud. The type of thing you would see coming out of a ruddy uncomfortable stooge on the wrapper of some Spencer's Gifts Fart Candy. Just sayin'! <3

:: POSTED BY SIR ADRIAN AT 6:18 PM ::

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

3.3.23 Wednesday

12:05 am

Still, up here... Still, will take my shower in a few minutes, simply resting... I still have the windblow trap and I have fear, I posted that on my yesterday's entry here,angels...

It is just weird that old friends are gone, I have a windblow trap and I feel hurt since 2007! It is unfair to control someone's life without asking a permission...

It's ohkay to be a friend but interfering on a secretive way is not a good act for friendship... A true friend will care and only think of good things to a friend... But changing a friend into something that they wanted, is not fair...

Why, a friend will put an agenda to erase my past pages... I just heard that a particular friend and some judgemental people who didn't know me at all are smashing my ego as a woman....Or commenting things that is foul... Like some old fake people said that they pity me coz nobody likes me ever since and I had have no story to tell, and it hurts me so much...

7:50 am

It is weird...Last night during shower my left eye suddenly felt itchy and I felt that something is inside my left eye...

Then this am, it is the first time again to wake up having a morning star/ sleep dust...Which is which but I have literally here.... But I still feel something on my left eye, a sandy feeling... Shit! Is it sore eyes?

8:10 am

Probably a foreign substance such as a small eyelash... whew!

One of my fears these days that I don't have extra in my pockets angels... If in case that I need to see a doctor...

I feel bitterish and hurt since 2007....A group of particular people damage my entire life coz they wanted to interfere on me unfairly...

Then,those interfering people will just drop me like that... As if they are not guilty on me? Totally, unfair!

They need to be responsible angels for interfering on me since 2007...

Plus, I have sciatica/ priformis syndrome that I can't get my MRI... This is bullshit!

They remove my college diploma... They took away or stole my college diploma angels...

They just pull me down probably bunches of undergraduates vs interfering fake friends overly concern on me though college graduate....

They shouldn't stop caring until I can revive to have a new story and own real money... I feel bitter...

I wanna buy starbucks everyday... I wanna see donkey and camel... I wanna have my life back but with maturity....

8:37 am

Plus Lazadah so weird no human being as customer care...

Where is the rice cooker??? I tried tracking... I got this...

This is the disadvantage if not bridging with LEXPH....Coz the delivery group of LEXPH they will regularly update the status on timeline form but on other courier you have to search it on your own...

9:10 am

I feel sad and I still have the windblow trap and it wants me to reveal some old secret coming from mixed fake people such as church of christ.

I was a true friend... Windblow came to me year 2007... Then, I lost social life and I lost xfactor! I feel hurt...

Then, weird movement on me coming from people that are closer and people that I just got along with like in my old religion the church of christ...

My mouth and tongue are holy coz it will not say a thing to damage someone....It's original form...There are so many fake members of church of christ... If I mentioned something it is my observation and conclusion....

It is weird to post here like this "Oliver" my old church of christ member/ churchmate this is just a story now, a story to share here from the past years...That it is weird everyone are on movement on something. Oliver said that Borgy wasn't handsome why do I like him ,he is just wealthy...

This is still probably on my pages on my messenger....Then, I tried investigating the weird cult and I tried streaming and somehow got some people come and go on "Tagged".

Then,I replied on Oliver, huh? Hahaha Borgy Manotoc Marcos is a good looking guy for me... But since Oliver is my churchmate he told me no, he is just wealthy.... End of converstion....But he is married now...

My point Oliver is weird that he came up on my Tagged stream twice, I think and so weird to say here that probably church of christ is my bad hacker here...

11:30 am

I still have the windblow trap and I feel jealous and a big question mark...

If Dra. Mitch is negotiating without my knowledge,I feel super jealous... What was the main point? What will be the point? But I do believe she is at peace....If she did something I don't want her to go up unless I will know everything, I can sense there is a link on me but I can't pin-point...

I hope, I have a good angels with me here... But I really wanna switch religion...

I really wanna leave the hometown... I just need protection on my old partner's....I have so many frustrations for 16 years,since 2007... I feel hurt!

1:15 pm

Still,have the windblow trap... I wanna leave the hometown... I feel bitter... I feel super self-pity...

It is unfair to have a gathering at my back... Most specially when my exes are with some gf's or old friends....Totally unfair...

1:38 pm

I feel jealous coz I lost attention on my rightful category... I used to be pampered or nicely spoiled but I never smash anyone, I don't remember smashing anyone's ego's from the past, even now... I feel hurt... I feel bad...

I wanna leave the hometown and I have windblow trap here...

1:58 pm

I'm calling the attention of my exes please give me protection, something is wrong on the people here in Cavite... Why, my past are all taken away from me? Why, that bad group smashed my ego for 16 years...

3:08 pm

About Uncle Jun, went to the forest, went back here just to have his lunch and went back to baranggay forest... I still don't like Georgia'z gang for being lifted up by Betsilogz...

I feel self-pity coz of their private car and I wanna leave the hometown... I wanna have some bags and collagen on my feet...

4:24 pm

On behalf of Doc Carol this Mr Vet in the making Mr Sherwin... Intern... According to him just 1 ml of KC shot to be put on the syringe...

John's KC shot annual update.

5:58 pm

I wanna leave the hometown and I don't wanna stay here forever...

Asking my exes please to put a protection on me coz I don't know this windblow trap...

I can't find new partner right now and it made me bitterish and I can't be with judgemental people.

For my exes I hope there is no bad grains of rice... I miss being in the center of pretty faces men and with stability and sanity...

Now, I really wanna leave the hometown...

Just hate the thought of some gf's took away my exes or negotiating something without my approval... It is foul on "girl code rule"....

8:57 pm

It is a stress for me that the rice cooker is not yet here... I hope and pray that LEXPH can help me...

I still have the windblow trap... I feel bitterish and self-pity that I can't find a man enough for me....I feel self-pity... I feel fat and ugly everyday....I can't exist on the rightful place... I wannna get an american looking, English speaking and with stability or if dark-skinned just like the al-maktoum face....

I hate women here in the Philippinea, women who are bad monkey's, stealing my thunder and able to fix themselves.

Next, hating some old friends and some fake monkey's proving that they are mature and upper than me,that's why they are able to have their own family and have kids now, being part of an unfair group since 2007 just to give me an anxiety and mixed-up in life....

It is so bitter-strange... I feel bad.....I feel bad....

9:19 pm

My sciatica is aching...

[magicstormfrostfire]

I've been watching Red vs Blue lately because I legit have been putting off watching it for the last....15 years after i first heard about it back in 2007? When i was....holy shit when I was 12? Thats such a long time. 😂 so I'm giving it a go. Its actually really cute and the humor holds up well for a series that was made before YOUTUBE existed.

Its very fun. Im only on season 3 but I like Caboose, Sarge, and Donut UwU

[bengiyo]

My Only 12% Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

The last high school show or Friday. Time to try to not think about Sam and Dean from Big Eden and likely fail.

Love this scary storytelling. I have a lot of complicated feelings about being a boy scout, but I did enjoy camping and the male bonding.

I'm actually looking forward to their separation, because I'm curious who Eiw will become without Cake.

I wonder how self aware Cake is about the nature of his jealousy.

Love these boys getting together because they need to cram a report, and just playing games and reading manga instead.

...is something heterosexual happening???

I like Fee. He's being gentle about his concern for Eiw.

OREO!!!!! I forgot you were in the preview!

Am I supposed to invest in this hetero energy? What the hell is going on? I have a pass to 21 Days Theory, but I'm not granting one here.

Prem is back too.

Is Eiw depressed? I'm worried about how little he eats and how low energy he is most of the time.

OH. SHIT!!!!! WE NOW KNOW EXACTLY WHEN THIS SHOW IS SET. It's 2007 because of Love of Siam! @absolutebl I am about to go absolutely feral about this! We have a BL pointing directly to this film! A show about childhood friends who are incredibly close! And the sister showed it to her brother! Did she know? I was kinda bored this episode, but not anymore!!

For those of you who are new, I often point to Love of Siam as part of the precursor to modern BL.

iQIYI tv apps suck. I keep getting a crash at the 41 minute mark.

Earth is a good crier, so I knew this was coming, but I am being unmade that Eiw is crying being he's having a visceral reaction to what will become one of his formative works. It is one of mine, and I know exactly how he feels.

I am not okay.

Holy shit, y'all.

I am so looking forward to him vocalizing his feelings to his sister next week.

[lycanthropthy]

OKAY OKAY OKAY. youre gonna hear all this from a veteran emo, and although it might not currently seem like it this is coming from someone who strictly had mcr blog themes until this point. first of all i dont know what u know on the subject so im gonna assume its nothing. here we go

so, picture the summer of 2005, aka the summer of like where basically it was widely rumoured that pete wentz of fob and mikey way were fucking on the downlow, i mean check it out the dude made posts like this everyday on his livejournal

we all know amazing new mexico sunset.

ANYWAYS that fourth of july, according to members of fob and mcr pete and mikey skipped out on celebrations and hung out together somewhere else separately which yknow, gay enough. and THEN somewhere between july 23 and 26, pete started posting abt heartbreak and how hed broken things off with that person like here

note him referring to himself as the monster in love with the BOY. anyways then in 2007 infinity on high came out, and was actually just the fruitiest shit ever written especially bang the doldrums, have u SEEN that song??? if u havent heard it its a very bittersweet song about a failed love but the line to pay attention to is "happily ever after below the waist". now i forget when but somewhere around that time pete wentz had an interview where he described himself as being "gay above the waist" its also a fucking banger song so.

ANYWAYS. to the main point here the fourth of july by fall out boy makes me cry like a bitch, but just so many lyrics would make so so much sense because of the firework motif and what happened that summer, including "im starting to forget just what summer ever meant to you" (get it. that one summer) "im sorry every songs about you" (which would make sense because many many people believe that pete wentz wrote love songs like those for the same person bc there are a LOT of parallels in his love songs) and just so many references made to a whirlwind summer fling like the one described in infinity on high (also all that g.i.n.a.s.f.s stuff so)

and NOW, we get to more recent shit. i forget what year but between the release of ab/ap and mania fob did a concert on the fourth where pete famously said "im sorry. every song IS about you." now obviously this was already in the lyrics buttttt mikey way was drumming for waterparks at that same music fest and was in the audience for that concert. im not saying its connected and i will leave u to make of that what you will

basically, its a song about what ifs and failed summer romance, and to be frank the rest is just speculation. i dont believe in shipping real people or getting overly involved in celebrities lives, unfortunately i was a 12 year old emo and i felt it was my duty to play historian <3

NICO THANK YOU FOR THIS OMG. please i could listen to you to talk about bandom for hours why dont we talk more ough. also holy shit that livejournal hit too close to home im actually abt to tear up

[aitaikimochi]

I noticed that some people didn't know much about Reno and Rude's epic bromance outside of the major FF7 compilation installments (OG FF7, Advent Children, Crisis Core, FF7R), so I compiled a list of moments from lesser known but official sources (light novels, Ultimania, etc.)! Enjoy~

FF7 On The Way To A Smile - Episode Shinra Light Novel (2009)

-Rude loves thrills.

-For Rude, It’s too painful to imagine a life without the Turks.

-During Meteorfall, Reno and Rude are alone together and seek refuge in the Shinra building bathroom stalls because Rude wanted to go back to the building to get his tool kit.

-Rude apologizes and notices that Reno’s tone is different from his usual self. Reno asks Rude, “Hey Rude, we’ve been together for a long time.” Rude says, “Yup.” Reno then asks “We’re partners, right?” and Rude says “Sure.”

-Reno then goes to Rude’s stall and kicks in the door. Rude is surprised and asks why Reno kicked the stall’s door. Reno says, “I want to give one last thrill to my partner. Thrills- you love ‘em.” Rude says it’s not enough.

-They leave the building together to see the destruction caused by the Lifestream.

-Reno looks around and says “Holy shit is that the Lifestream!?” Rude turns to him and says, “Reno…”

-Reno says “Yeah?” and Rude answers, “This is amazing.”

-Later in the chapter, Reno frowns and is worried about Geostigma and asks Rude why Rufus was putting his trust into the sketchy Doctor Kilmister. Reno wonders why he and Rude hasn’t contracted the disease yet.

-Rude cheers him up by lightly punching his arm and says, “Hey partner, how about a sparring session? We haven’t done that in a while.”

-Reno asks why, and Rude explains “Exercising both your mind and body can prevent sickness.”

Reno calls him an old fart but gets ready anyway.

Reference: Japanese version of the On The Way To A Smile light novel

FF7 The Kids Are All Right: A Turks Side Story Light Novel (2011)

-Reno’s Profile (official English version):

“[…] Reno also values his relationships, especially the strong connection he shares with his partner, Rude. He also comes to care about Evan and Kyrie, and he starts keeping an eye on them from afar.”

-Rude’s Profile (official English version):

“Reno’s long-term partner and one of the Turks’ elite operatives […] Taciturn but compassionate, Rude ends up joining his partner in watching over Evan and Kyrie.”

-Evan describes Reno and Rude as “they are always together, like a fork and a knife.”

-Rude thinks that Evan might find it annoying that Reno is trying to meddle with family affairs. Rude thinks to himself “My comrades are all I ever need.”

-Reno and Rude end up stranded and away from Rufus, Tseng, and Elena. Reno tells Rude “You’re all I have, man. The Director and Elena aren’t answering our calls, and the Boss just tells us to finish the Monument. They’re definitely up to something. We’re outcasts. You and me, me and you, if we don’t stick together then what?”

-Rude is the only person capable of falling asleep in a car despite Reno’s reckless driving.

Reference: Japanese version of the light novel Chapters 3, 12, 19

FF7R (2020)

-When you cast Sleep on Rude, he says Reno’s name in his sleep.

References: Chapter 8 or 12 Boss Battles

FF7R Ultimania Book (2020)

-Reno only expresses his doubts and worries in front of Rude.

-Rude greatly cares about his friends.

-Reno and Rude work together in perfect sync.

Reference: Pages 52, 53, 641

FF7R Material Ultimania Book (2020)

-Rude worries about Reno’s reckless fighting due to his “professionalism.”

-Rude is willing to risk his own life to protect Reno.

-Scenario Coordinator Oishi says the scene when Rude tosses the EMR to Reno shows a glimpse of their responsibility and readiness for Shinra as well as the bond that Reno shares with his partner.

Reference: Pages 103, 282

FF7 10th Anniversary Ultimania (2007)

-Reno loves gossip, so that’s why he asked Rude who he likes in the OG FF7 Gongaga scene.

-Although Reno likes hearing about other people’s gossip, he never reveals much about himself though, and that’s part of his aesthetic.

-When Reno heard about Rude dating someone (in Before Crisis), he was more keen on figuring out this mission than any other mission he’s ever done.

Reference: Page 94

FF7 Before Crisis (2007)

-In the bonus Episode Reno, Rude is grumpy all day during a mission. After they complete the mission, Reno asks if he’s still mad and says “I can’t have my partner stay mad like this.”

-Rude says he’s just peachy. Reno then says they should have a competition on who can obtain the “target” the fastest. Rude is confused what Reno is referring to. Reno says the target is Rude’s usual pair of sunglasses that’s undergoing repair since he’s wearing a spare right now.

-Reno mentions that they’ve been partners for a very long time, so of course he noticed Rude was wearing a spare pair of sunglasses all day, which affected his mood.

-Rude can easily recall and remember a lot of different random quotes and sayings that Reno said to him early on in their partnership.

-Reno and Rude have a near perfect record for completing missions successfully.

-In Chapter 4, Rude and the player are on a ship with AVALANCHE hostages, and one of the hostages named Sears escapes. The player says they should get Reno to come join them for back-up. Rude says to let him sleep as he was taking a nap in the ship quarters.

-Rude gets hurt by Sears in the fight. Reno wakes up from his nap and finds Rude on the floor and injured. Reno asks Rude who did this to him, but Rude doesn’t answer. Reno then goes and hunts down Sears.

-Rude eventually joins Reno at Costa Del Sol and the two of them find Sears at the beach and easily defeat him. Reno asks Rude what he would have done if no one came to help him, and Rude says he knew Reno would come for him as they have been together for a long time, so he knows how Reno thinks.

-In Chapter 6 of the game, when Reno tells Rude they should go home to the Turks company housing after a day’s work, Rude excuses himself to go somewhere. Reno gets suspicious about this and asks the player to follow Rude. The player tells Reno they saw Rude on a date with a woman (named Chelsea).

-Reno then secretly follows Rude on another one of his dates with the girl but sees that she’s actually an AVALANCHE spy who’s trying to use him to get information.

-Reno approaches Rude about this, but Rude says he already knew.

-Rude tells Chelsea he has something to tell her and to meet him on Christmas Eve in front of the Illuminated Christmas Tree in Midgar that symbolizes undying love. On the day of, Rude waits in front of the tree to see what Chelsea will do.

-Chelsea never turns up, and the player and Reno follow her to see what’s going on. They see that she tells AVALANCHE she cannot carry out her duty because she had feelings for Rude. She then leaves and tells the player that perhaps they can meet again in another life.

-The player returns to the tree to see that Rude is there standing alone in the cold. The player tells Rude that Chelsea said she can never meet him again. The player asks if he will chase after her, but Rude said she made up her mind. Rude is about to leave the area but stops as the person who does appear on Christmas Eve in front of an Illuminated Christmas Tree that apparently symbolizes undying love, is none other than Reno.

-Reno teases Rude and calls him a sentimentalist. He then says they should all go back home together to Turks base.

Reference: Chapters 4, 6, Episode Reno

[aracaryn]

Question tag – thank you @lostand-notfound for tagging me! it's taken me a long while to actually answer this but it was actually quite fun

Nickname: fen or fennie usually but there are a few wild ones too Zodiac: my big three are libra sun, capricorn moon and aries rising (although I've never really seen myself much in the latter) Height: 168 cm Last movie I saw: I actually just watched "The Jane Austen Book Club" (2007) which was just delightful. A wonderful feel-good rom com that I feel like gets swept under the rug a lot Last thing I googled: a guy in one of my courses recommended me this old arthouse cinema close to campus so I googled it to see what movies it shows! Favorite musician: I'm obsessed with Jelani Aryeh at the moment and Goant Rooks is a forever favourite Song stuck in my head: "Stoned Fruit" by Soaked Oats Other blogs: had one other a few years back but not really using it anymore Blogs following: I follow around 600 but a few of them are from when I first got tumblr and are not active anymore Amount of sleep: usually fluctating between six and nine, depending on how much shit I have to do Lucky number: idk, I always liked the number 2 or 12 What I’m wearing: black t-shirt with a tattooed marble bust and mom jeans Dream job: i don't dream of labour. Nah but to be real, after finishing my Masters Degree, I would love to work in research for a few years, maybe even do a phd before working for city planning projects and trying to make the urban space more sustainable and accessible Dream trip: I would love to go hiking again, maybe do a two week tour from cabin to cabin and then Vienna is also very high on my travel list! Favorite food: oh man I love pasta wit mushrooms in a white wine-cream sauce with a good amount of lemon in it... or tacos are also great, maybe with fake chicken, green salsa, pickled onions and avocado? or kimchi fried rice with crispy dumplings on top?? Play an instrument: I learned how to play keyboard when I was younger and later played drums and percussion instruments in a big band but honestly was never that good in it. I loved singing in a choir though, idk if that counts! Languages: my native tongue is german, I speak and study in english, then I had french for an embarrassing number of years considering my mediocre skill level, I understand (but unfortunately don't speak) some dutch and I knew finnish some years ago. Man I should practice though, I forgot wayy too much Favorite songs: "God is drunk" by Ressa Saffa Park is a big fave this month, as well as "Terms and Conditions" by TIMEA, "That Message" by Holy Holy and "Hurting Kind" by Del Water Gap Random fact: the "take a hint" song from victorious actually slaps and should be played in clubs lol Describe yourself as aesthetic things: coffee-stained notebooks, thrifted black jeans, freckles, liqour bottles as candleholders, golden jewelry, pastel oversized sweaters, martini glasses and pictures cut out of newspapers

Tagging (if you feel like it) @fata-carabina @skogenflicka @minyardy @deathpetal @hiding-in-clouds @exciting

[sbooksbowm]

The ‘Does This Make Sense?’ Check - Chapter 4, Part 4, Tensions with Traditional Publishing

Part 1 covers the introduction of Chapter 4, The Bookbinders

Part 2 covers the methodology of this chapter and the bookbinders’ motivations

Part 3 covers how ficbinding completes the fanfiction circuit via reciprocation

Part 5 covers how ficbinding reveals the tensions of material preservation

Complication: Bookbinding Fic v. Traditional Publishing

While producing these books is resource-heavy, bookbinders challenge the notion that only the worthiest information merits the cost of book production and that only traditional publishing methods can establish a work’s worth [1]. One binder has stated on their Tumblr and in interviews that they seek to bind works that would never be published by traditional publishing houses [2]. Bookbinders undertake this expensive hobby because they enjoy it and it is meaningful to them, attending to the ‘felt life’ of reading over commercial motivation. Their not-for-profit, private practice inverses the public circulation, for-profit model of book production that dominates the narrative of book publishing.

There are a few stages to a bookbinding project, and the range of time spent on any stage differs per binder. In general, formatting a fic in a desktop publishing program (Word, InDesign, or Affinity Publisher, the three most popular programs) takes anywhere between 2-12 hours, or 4 hours for a 150- to 200-page work. Folding, sewing, gluing, and casing takes 3-5 hours; producing one book can take anywhere from 8 to 20 hours. Some binders group tasks, such as cutting down papers or bookcloths. The amount of time spent per day also varies; as this is a hobby, some dedicate a few days per week and most work in 3- or 4-hour bursts. Besides one binder who prints using Lulu, an on-demand self-publishing service, and one who prints at Staples, all the binders print the works at home. The lack of outsourcing aspects of production emphasizes the binders’ dedication to the autodidactic craft.

Bookbinding is an expensive hobby. In response to the question ‘what would you guess is the unit cost of a volume?’, the binders lamented their expenses (‘That’s such a painful question. If I figure it out, I might cry’). One binder wrote that the material costs of a small, 100-page book printed using inexpensive papers are about $12.50. In contrast, ‘For a large 500-page book I make two copies of, use premium text paper for the block and hand-marbled papers on the case, then ship one to Europe, the cost of materials and shipping is $104.00’. Another binder calculated his labor costs, writing ‘if I'm also investing at least US$96 of my own time for each individual volume (considering myself a novice and assuming my office's starting salary of $16/h), then each volume still can be called about $112. Holy shit!’ One binder wrote that she is ‘very focused on the cost of supplies’ and often recycles materials, like thrifting a leather skirt for covers, waxing her own cotton thread, and using package cardboard for boards, making her biggest cost printing at Staples. The combined cost with no monetary return signals that these binders bind fic because the works have value as art and objects, not simply as profitable entities.

In the literary marketplace, this kind of self-publishing is often devalued because it is for pleasure, without a known locale of production, and is separate from the institutions of publishing [3]. The value of a book is not only tied to its circulation and profit, but who is circulating and profiting from that work [4]. Bookbinding fic challenges this marginalization by suggesting that the value of a work is tied to the personal relationship with that work, the effort expended putting it into a new form, and sharing it with the author.

Despite these costs, the majority of binders are disinterested in or uncomfortable with commissions, a hesitance partially related to fandom’s gift-giving ethic. Six binders noted that they have known the history of gift-giving in fandom or understood it implicitly and five binders absorbed this knowledge through fandom spaces or ArmoredSuperHeavy’s Tumblr. Two binders specifically noted that they want to preserve ‘rare and precious phenomenon’ of the fandom gift economy, especially as younger fans seek to capitalize off their work—older fans are indeed more committed to fic as not-for-profit and fandom as an amateur enterprise [5]. For four of the binders, bookbinding is the first or an additional way they have participated in fandom gift culture, alongside fic exchanges and fanart.

To argue that the binders avoid for-profit production exclusively because of fandom’s gift-giving ethos would be disingenuous. Rather, accepting and pricing commissions is tricky for a fleet of reasons: one binder found that taking commissions ‘chang(ed) the dynamic between me and the author and the commissioner—they were customers now, I had a deadline’. Setting a fair wage pushes the volume price to $275-$350, or even higher. All of the bookbinders are aware of the value of their labor; they noted that a fair wage would price one of their books well out of reach for an average buyer. Regardless, none of them actively bind fic for the financial incentive, rather for artistic and altruistic reasons. Three binders noted that they are still beginners and would not feel comfortable selling a project without more experience. Four binders wrote that they would accept binding commissions that covered the cost of materials, but did not want to bind fic to avoid profiting off of other’s work. Only one binder wrote that they would do commissions and noted that the price tag is high: ‘a full leather hand-bound [book] would retail for about $600. Most artist books retail around $200-$300. I’d probably ask for similar amounts to the artist books, around $150-$200’. As such, the hesitation around commissions is not necessarily an adherence to fandom’s gift-giving ethos (although that is present), rather it is a confluence of hesitations of working-for-pay, fair wages, and not exploiting other’s work. The attitudes towards commissions, persistence in this costly hobby, and valuation of work alter the meaning of book production.

Citations

David Reinking, Valuing Reading, Writing, and Books in a Post-Typographic World’, in A History of the Book in America: Volume 5: Enduring the Book, p.491.

Conjoined, ‘Episode 15: I’m a bloodhound for the gay stuff’, Interview with ArmoredSuperHeavy, 1 Feb 2020 [Accessed 29 September 2020].

Coker, ‘The margins of print?’, 2.6. Fanfiction is a women-dominant space, and many of women’s acceptable leisure activities are tied to utility rather than leisure. Fic writers are thus doubly marginalized for not capitalizing on their hobby when that opportunity exists and because their time is socially constrained by expectations of productivity.

Cupidsbow, ‘Women/Writing 1: How Fanfiction Makes Us Poor’, livejournal, 26 April, 2007, [Accessed 29 September 2020]; Coker, 2.6.

Flourish Klink, ‘Towards a Definition of “Fanfiction”’, Fansplaining, 30 May, 2017 [Accessed 29 September 2020]. Survey respondents ‘who joined fandom in 1990s were more likely to mention that fanfic is usually or always not-for-profit…more than twice as likely than respondents who joined fandom after 2009