#homochrome numberphile

[jooldidyoueatmysandwich]

My heart in flames

Towards you loves and condemns

Your breath is cold

So young, and yet so old

.

Self-conceited, self-assured

Domineering, self-adored

Strike to plan, ambush to fall

...

Above it all

.

My heart in flames

Towards you loves and condemns

Your breath is cold

So young, and yet so old

To have your love

Is curse and bliss

...My love for you

Cannot grow from this

.

Overpower, underminer

Superhuman, yet so tired

"Twice the pride, double the fall"

...

Above it all

.

...how can anyone ever agree to that? in any time, place, or circumstance?

[jooldidyoueatmysandwich]

#NowPlaying: B.Y.O.B. - System Of A Down

Not for the lyrics, not for the artist. For the setting of the song. For where, when, why, how and around who it was last played/sung/heard.

Suga hyung.

He’s not my hyung, he’s actually my dongsaeng. A student. A younger one. But I can’t find a better jdyems codename/tag. It reminds me of his namesake, and Yoongi is always a good memory. Plus, it might be a good idea, at least for now, to link him with my actual hyung.

“It’s complicated, as I try to make most things about me be.”

I still try to predict people’s moves. I see the world as a great game of AQW sometimes. Everyone’s an NPC until you talk to them, but only some of those who actually play are also roleplaying. You need to find the ones who entered the same universe you did, find your… akin minds.

Springer.

This one was only because of the name, one has nothing to do with the other, except maybe for that audio from a german-speaking tumblr saying the names of SNK characters. The way she said Grisha Jaeger and Bertholdt Fubar sounds awfully similar to the melody innate to my dragons Kerze and Donnergroll. And maybe even Lichtkrallen…

Newton.

Funny how I linked Suga Hyung to Springer by using so many words I could pull Newton from, but without actually doing it. Instead of ‘akin minds’ I could have said 'mind siblings’, and from that point on it would br inevitable.

I do want to let him go. I do try to think of it all as a fluke, as an image I made. It would be easier. But part of me can’t get over him, and the other part doesn’t want to, because the first place he’ll be out of won’t be my mind/heart, it’ll be the 150 Legion list. Toe’s out the list, and I almost had a breakdown about him the next day. Fox’s been out for months, but god, do I miss the day that got him in. It was so easy for him to make his way in…

Candy Cane.

Me and my motherly protective instincts. His sweet talk (pun intended) didn’t help either. Playing victim but showing you’re not fragile has always cut it for me, of course, that’s my tactic. He does it so well, reminds me of Fox in a certain way.

I have little to write about him. But loads to write about not having what to write on Candy Cane. Does it mean he’s on his way out? Did he even get in? Is his status closer to Alex or Springer? I don’t know, and at this point, I’m too sleepy to ask.

“Parafísica: no espacocurvo nasceu um crisantempo.” - an upperclassman

[jooldidyoueatmysandwich]

"I have nothing else to send you // I don't like taking pictures of myself"

I guess my subconscious self figured it out when the upperclassmen discussed FantastIQ. He's... intimidating. Part of it because he's way taller, speaks a language I deem one of the hardest, and overall knows a ton of stuff I don't. Yes, that does count. To be honest, those 30~cm of height difference are noticeable even through the computer screen, and in person they feel like half a meter. But it's not just the height. I've said before that age does not imply wisdom, but I do feel like he's so much older than us. Early twenties older. Not wiser, rather more experienced. I feel like he doesn't know who he's dealing with when we chat, it's intimidating, to the point where I'm almost afraid. Almost, because that also lures me in. That experience I feel like he has, it's so interesting, I could learn so much, we could be... are we? Are we akin minds? . And to think Toe used to say he had Peter Pan syndrome. If he could see me now...

[jooldidyoueatmysandwich]

Must sleep. Can't sleep. Don't want to sleep. The fact is I don't know who I'll be following this time, it seems me getting closer to Springer means stepping away from Newton, and Master Khonsu knows me, they know I... Don't want to do that. Can't do that. Must do that.

[jooldidyoueatmysandwich]

So I guess this is it, huh? Destiny's way to bite me in the ass for what I did to the folks from Sidarta. I can already see it... he doesn't come anymore, he schedules his trip on late january/early february, we barely talk up to the day he goes, and not at all after it. This time, someone really forgets me. It wouldn't be surprising. All I have regarding that matter is the hope my scenario is wrong, like most of my predictions about him, but the thought doesn't leave my mind. After all, we got nothing but time, and it is a bitch. Tell Conrad his accent is kinda cute. ^-^