#honest imaooooo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gregmarriage · 9 months

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truly my last relationship taught me so much. it also instilled in me some things i’m still unlearning. like, how most people won’t get mad if you accidentally fall asleep without saying goodnight (and not replying to messages, because i’m literally asleep), or freak out if you stop replying for like five minutes. like, i couldn’t do anything i enjoyed bc she’d be like ‘um, what fuck are you doing? why aren’t you answering me?!!!’ like relax, i’m literally just showering. it was truly a case of sitting still unless i wanted to upset her. and then i STILL somehow upset her and i never really knew why. but, hey, that relationship ended a long time ago, i should be fine now, right? 😐

#it’s literally been like five years and i still wake up sometimes like ‘oh god i didn’t say goodnight! oh god i didn’t reply back to that #person’s message!’ when said person doesn’t care one bit #it’s just cause that relationship was so crazy that it made ME crazy and i’m beginning to realise that yeah i still carry some shit from it #literally that relationship is the entire reason i’ve been single all this time and why i’m trying to be emotionally mature etc #bc that relationship ending gave me a smack around the head that said something needs to change’#bc the way i was before is the reason i was in that relationship and in that situation in the first place #and that relationship ending and trauma and shit separate from that made me get really romance repulsed for a while #still am sometimes tbh #pretty much permanently in a state of ‘yeah i need look after myself’ for the last five years #and idk when that would open up to me being in a new relationship #idk i really just need to not rush anything with anyone and just take things slow and see where they go #have fun in the meantime #bc my past few relationships have been really intense #especially the last one as i said #and i fully don’t have the time or energy for anything hardcore currently #so if there’s anyone at some point they must be prepared to wait for em and court me like we’re victorian lovers #you must wait three years untill we kiss for the first time bc i truly don’t know the timeframe for when i’d wanna do anything i’ll be #honest imaooooo #but yeah romance is a complicated subject for me #i’m literally a hopeless romantic but the thought of romance lately truly just makes me feel gross #like in theory yeah i wanna kiss someone but in actual practice i’m like get away from me!#idk i’m on the road to bulilding healthy relationships #romantic especially bc i really can’t go back to how i used to be #sorry to disappoint anyone imaoooo #but nah anyways people who want to get close to me and be my friend has to be cool with my boundaries i set up #and sometimes forget about even tho they’re my own boundaries bc i’m silly like that #could do casual stuff but i really don’t think i’m the type for that imao #and even that sets off the same alarms in my head so idk 🤷🏻‍♀️#gwen rambles #gwenposting

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