#honestly love the clarity of being able to wield contradictory emotions
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wait this deserves its own weirded out post
NINE YEARS???
#i mean it FEELS like even more than that#it was a whole other life#my name was literaly different and i thought in a different language#it's just. almost ten years uh#almost ten years!#when im past 36 ill have lived longer than he was alive during my lifetime#and im closer to 36 now than to when he died#i mean damn we truly were strangers he never even met the adult me#which is great btw the adult me would not have existed if he hadnt died lol#honestly love the clarity of being able to wield contradictory emotions#like im mad hes dead AND im grateful hes dead#love it!
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