#honestly this is half the reason I'm writing the Barking Harker thing

[see-arcane]

Alright, I thought this wouldn’t bug me as much this time around, but I was wrong.

I love this book. For all its faults, for all the author’s faults, I love this book. So much. But the one thing that has always nettled me most in terms of the plot itself? 

This novel is two entirely different books. Seriously.

The first half is pure horror. Even if we took out the supernatural medical mystery of Lucy’s nightmare, Jonathan’s time in the castle is its own prime gothic novella. It’s mad and macabre and magnificent in the dread it instills.

Then the second half turns into a ‘slay the dragon’ chase adventure with a ‘save the maiden!’ undertone. Obviously there’s a horror element still at play—Mina is very much in danger of far worse than death, Jonathan is ready to damn himself for her, the Suitors Three and Van Helsing are sticking their necks out for the good of all, Dracula is Dracula…

Except not.

The menacing, nigh omnipotent self-made demon and manipulative mastermind Count Dracula we knew in the first half of the book no longer exists by this point.

What we have now is a cowardly cartoon villain running home rather than actually sticking around to, you know, Do Some Violence and Vengeance as Advertised. Much as I believe Stoker fully intended this as an example of conquering a monstrous threat via teamwork, foreknowledge, preparation, love, and Incredible Lawyerly Violence, it just does not gel for me. It never has. 

Because really, much as it’s fun to point and laugh at this bastard getting his ass handed to him by our heroes as he goes crying back to Transylvania in his straw hat and sad little dirt box, it does not do the villain or his impending defeat any justice. If anything, it looks like Dracula left half his brain back in Romania (and that Stoker was maybe fudging the build to the climax).

Think about it. If this guy really was a Satanic Scholomance-taught sorcerer, monster, boyar, and centuries-old genius and planner, etc, etc, along with being Vlad the Impaler, is it seriously in-character to have him just ditch at the first sign of a Cross and some holy crackers? England is covered in churches. So is Europe. So is, you know, Romania. You can’t throw a stone without hitting a holy house. And those same locals who tried to arm Jonathan against bloodsuckers with the Exact Same wards Van Helsing had to do research to gather up, were still terrified. Dracula still snatched two kids out of their homes—homes we can assume were well-armed with crucifixes and fearful folklore shields.

If all it took was a few strapping youths and a Dutch grandpa armed with Christly accoutrement and some sharp wood to take this guy out, wouldn’t he have been slain ages ago?

And yet now! Now he’s afraid! Now he runs away rather than, say, drumming up some undead soldiers outside of their heroic circle. Or calling a storm down to lightning them the second they leave their home. Or using his legion’s worth of strength to chuck a carriage at their heads. Or going full-blown medieval on his enemies and sharpening his own tall pikes to make an impaled example of them…or some poor innocent schmucks to plant outside the asylum some night as a warning. Or setting fire to the asylum. Or abusing his enemies’ good hearts and take a hostage until they shed their holy tools. Or at least doing more than taking a petty parting shot by turning Mina and using her as a (foolish) two-way spying vehicle.

Something, Vlad. Something with a little more bite to it.

As it stands, I am glad for the heroes’ sake that they have the bogeyman on the run. But for the story’s sake, and for the threat’s sake, I wish there had been more menace in play. More of a hazard to conquer than a Dracula who turns so suddenly lackluster and lazy as to retreat after one sour confrontation. Give the heroes some real stakes (ha ha) beyond ‘Oh no! Girl 2 is in peril! Oh no! Other future damsels will be in peril! But at least we have the dastardly fiend on the run!’

If it makes any sense, I wish the heroes were a little more afraid than just incensed and righteous. Jonathan is afraid, of course, but he also has the excuse of being enraged and in love enough to overpower his background of trauma and terror at Dracula’s hands. Mina is mentally locking herself down against the unthinkable, period. The others get to ride the high of knowing Van Helsing’s intel and their sacred armory have given them the advantage. They’re worried, but confident, full of adrenaline, it’s all so harrowing..!

And that’s just not horror anymore.