#hope you guys find that line as emotionally gutting as i do <3333

[alittletoosaintjust]

“There is little evidence for what Saint-Just really thought during the early weeks of the Convention, so there is now no way of knowing whether he hesitated or not between factions, or what factors inclined him to make up his mind. We only know that he chose Robespierre, unequivocally, and for the rest of his life. His choice was all the more striking since, out of the twelve deputies from the Aisne, he was the only one to align himself with the Montagnards.”

- Marisa Linton, The Man of Virtue: The Role of Antiquity in the Political Trajectory of L. A. Saint-Just 

[gaycousinlarry]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

*All answers should be about works published in 2017.

1. List of works published this year:

If the story is part of a series or a challenge I’ve put the name of the series/challenge in parenthesis.

In the order that they were posted

Them Butterflies (Them Butterflies)

Moments of Memories

You light up the room (short fics & drabbles)

They don’t know (short fics & drabbles)

Just for you (short fics & drabbles)

Follow the sun (short fics & drabbles)

Flutter of a Butterfly (Them Butterflies)

sun kissed (short fics & drabbles)

Hot Guy (short fics & drabbles)

Remind Me Again

the sun comes back up

a night like this (daydreams are made of this)

a day like a dream (daydreams are made of this)

It’s halftime. Are you ready to go? (50 reasons to Have Sex Larry Fic Fest)

deck the halls with boughs of holly (Larry Winter Drabble Challenge)

The rest under the cut <3

2. Work you are most proud of (and why): Them Butterflies will always have a very special place in my heart. It was the first fic I wrote/posted and that was a huge step for me. I also think it, in a way, set a tone for who I am as a writer lol. It gave me the courage to keep writing, to see what I’m good at and what I need to work on. I’m also so in love with the characters from this verse, I still think about them all the time.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why): Okay I’m going to be obnoxious now, but I’m sort of ridiculously proud of everything that I’ve written? Not because I think they’re all perfect or even particularly good, but because it was something I wrote and even if I don’t like it, it’s helped me get better. I do worry about what people will think of my writing and I always hope people will enjoy it. But I think I’ve never had too high expectations on my own writing because I literally just started writing a year ago and I’m still amazed that I write at all and that I love it so much haha.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from Moments of Memories. These two break and mend my heart in equal parts and in some strange sort of way I feel honoured to have written about them.

And it’s so much more than Harry ever imagined. Because he always dreamed of butterflies in his stomach, shaky breaths and soft lips, and it is all that, but also calloused hands holding his face delicately, tears welling up in two pairs of eyes and lips wobbling into wide grins of equal parts disbelief and elation. His fingers find the deep lines at Louis’ temples, wiping at the wetness collected there and he thinks that from now on he doesn’t want to miss a single tear.

They break apart and breathe in the same air. Share another moment containing hundreds of moments, but this time it consists of moments that never were. Kisses never shared, tearful eyes that never had the opportunity to find comfort and understanding in each other. It is years spent apart that wore down their hearts and shrivelled their thoughts.

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received: I don’t think I can pick one. There are people who’ve told me my writing makes them cry, that it’s one of their favourite fics, that I’ve moved them and that they come back to read my stories again and again. I have no words to describe how much every single comment means, especially if someone take the time to say why they enjoyed the story. Okay now I’m weepy so I better stop.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard: I struggled quite a bit with Remind Me Again at times because the story was so intuitive to me and it’s difficult to get that to make sense to other people. I knew the feeling I wanted to get across, knew why things were happening the way they were, but the characters didn’t always make sense and sometimes it felt like I was swimming in an ocean of jumbled messy EMOTIONS that made no sense outside my own head. Thank to the gods Nic was there to pull my out of it. Over and over. And over again.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I would say… no? The stories don’t always end up the way I thought they would, but I think they very rarely surprise me. I guess Remind Me Again was more of a continuous stream of revelations though haha. More like things falling into place than coming out of left field? I dunno.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year: Oh my god. I became a writer this year hahaha! I learned that all these thoughts and feelings (cheers to that if you don’t need them!) that I’ve carried around with me my whole life can be put down and other people can read it and enjoy the things that I’ve kept locked up for so long? Amaze.

What has helped me the most is HANDS DOWN working with the most incredible beta in the world, Nic @louandhazaf . She puts words to the mess that is the thoughts in my head and makes me sit down and think about why a character does something. She makes me see that sometimes less is more. Sometimes more is definitely more so why the frick aren’t I showing that? She makes me think more like a storyteller and a writer rather than just someone vomiting feelings into a computer.

9. How do you hope to grow next year: I’d like to get better at what I already think is my strength, which is stories that are emotionally/character driven. To understand that it’s okay to write like that, but that it also doesn’t mean it has to be all over the place heh.

I would however like to get better at world building and maybe, at least a little bit, dip my toes into more plot based stories…. okay that will literally never happen who am I kidding. I guess what I’d like is to get better at using the surroundings and symbols, to try to be more structured even when it comes to things beyond timelines and scenes.

I just want to keep writing and find new stories to write and characters to fall in love with and discover my own writing while doing that. I still feel extremely new to the process of writing so. I think I should be kind to myself and just let me enjoy it haha.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): NIIIIIIICCCC! <33333 I literally could never thank her enough. The thought and the time she’s put into helping me, to make my writing make sense to myself, to push me and question me and make me annoyed at myself because I kind of sort of already knew that didn’t make sense but I didn’t CARE and now she’s pointing to the mess and asks What is this? Why is it? but THEN we get to the best part which is when her questions makes me think and then new inspiration hits and all I want to do is write write write. I cannot believe my luck to have found you and get to call you my friend on top of that. Miracles and all that.

I also have to say, I read so much fic and this fandom has so much of it that is absolutely mind blowingly spectacular. I think reading is one of the best ways to become a better writer because it sort of… stretches out your mind and it makes you think about why that writer made you belly drop to the bottom of the ocean with just one word. God I love the writers of this fandom so incredibly much, your words mean so much to me, both as a writer and as a like... human being.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: I have read and related to m/m fic since I was very young. It’s been a way for me to escape reality but also find comfort in characters that are more like me than heteronormative mainstream stories. Then this year I started reading f/f and my world tilted off its axis and put a billions thoughts in my head that I thought I was done dealing with a thousand years ago. Then I sat down and wrote girl direction myself and yeah. Gods I love girls.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: BE KIND TO YOURSELF! Honestly the fact that you’ve written anything at all is AMAZING. Every single word you put on that page is wonderful. If you don’t let yourself explore and need everything to be perfect from the start, it won’t be fun and you’ll never learn more. You learn by making mistakes and just writing, no matter what it is. Betas, editing and rewriting are the magical words.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: -Oh gosh. I’m reaaaally looking forward to posting my Hope Floats AU that will probably come out in January. I have worked on it since this summer and it’s made me sweat and cry and laugh. Cannot wait to show it to you guys and I’m so happy @curleduphl is doing amazing artwork for it <3

-I’ll continue writing my girl direction series. I have the next part planned out, I just need to… write it.

-I have a “summer nights” fic that I hope to write. They’re teenagers and it’s summer and Louis skates at the park every night and Harry cannot stop staring. I already have a playlist for it soooo… haha.

-Louis babysits Harry’s cat and has a deep and meaningful conversation with the cat about his feelings for her Papa.

-Omega/Omega fic. I love ABO fics and I’ve had this idea forever. I hope I can gather up the guts to actually write it. Friends to lovers and ridiculous amounts of pining.

-I would also like to write a snippet from the Them Butterflies series. They are at a lake house with their friends and Harry has been really quiet over the past few days.

-THE INCREDIBLE AMAZING IDEA THAT WILL COME TO ME ANY SECOND NOW

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I don’t know if you’ve been tagged before but I’d love to read this from @haloeverlasting @rosegoldhl @indiaalphawhiskey <3333