#hopefully nenny will think so

[felixvalerius]

| What’s Mine Is Yours |

It was not often that Valerius was home when Nennius was not but, today was that rarity occurred. Val would be going into work later on but for now, he was home. And, hardly idle. In fact, he wasn’t thinking at all. It had all started with seeing Nennius’ shirt on his floor when he woke up. The other male had still been sleeping, in his bed no less. And it caused Valerius to realize . . . just how many times that had happened. Where they now fell asleep together. Where, Valerius had allowed it to happen. With no one else did he share that level of, comfort. Despite his still getting used to feeling another’s soft touch, or wrapping in each other’s warmth . . . Valerius was recognizing his emotions. Once that had him considering what the point was for Nennius to have another room. That shirt on the floor, was a claim. A mark. That they were together. Physically. Emotionally. So why not continue to solidify that? 

Felix could not think of a logical answer to that question. So as soon as Nennius left. Valerius started cleaning. He went into Nennius’ room and began to pull out whatever clothes he had in the closet and drawers. He moved his toothbrush and all else in his bathroom. He took out any and every item that belonged to Nennius, and without over thinking it, began to place it in his room. Not just anywhere though, in the places they belonged. He had cleared out some space and neatly placed Nennius’ clothing in the drawers and hung in the closet. His toothbrush went next to his in the holder. And, before he knew it . . . Nennius was officially moved into his master bedroom. 

How the fuck had this happened? 

Valerius just glanced around and moved to sit on his chair, taking out some documents to start to read over. But his mind was elsewhere. His mind was stil processing what he had just done. What this meant for them. While he was not exactly vocal about where they stood, or how he felt for Nennius, he knew that this would be very revealing of both things. And suddenly, Val felt nervous. Not something he commonly experienced but once he heard the key to the main door turn. He took a slow breath and forced his gaze onto the words that just seemed like a jumble of letters right now. He couldn’t even bring himself to greet his lover as he entered the house. His lover, that he had officially moved into his room. 

@crippled-rebel-bastard

[ilguna]

Lacuna - Maltalent (f.o)

summary: they say the odds tend to favor those who need them. well, they were wrong.

Word Count; 4.5k

Warnings; swearing, DEATH MENTION

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

! Takes place between Chapter Twenty and the Epilogue of Lacuna !

–

You pace the backrooms of the justice building, popping your knuckles and pulling on the fingers that didn’t pop. You fiddle with your mother’s ring, stop in front of a mirror to fix your hair and any smudged makeup. You go back to pace only to be fixing the way that the dress lies on your body too.

Taking a deep breath, you pause in front of the grand doors, the ones you’ll be walking out of in a couple of minutes. The peacekeepers are indifferent to your staring. They have to be.

It’s only a few minutes on stage. All you have to do is stand in front of a microphone, try your best not to cry, address the elephant in the room, and then receive all the rewards they have to provide because of your win. Then, you’re allowed to leave the stage and head right back here.

Only, you’re going to be standing in front of the entire district. The faces of District One will be staring back at you with judgement and hatred. But that’s not the worst part--the worst part is that you get to stare right at the family of the tributes you killed, and see their animated picture too.

And if Finnick doesn’t show up soon, you’re going to have to do it alone. Not with him standing a few feet away, in front of his own microphone with his own speech prepared. No, you’ll have to do this all alone and just hope that he shows up in the next district.

You take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

The doors behind you open, and a bunch of footsteps accompany it. You turn around, hoping that this is Elysia, your prep team and Mags escorting Finnick into the room. But as soon as your eyes go over the group, you realize that he’s not there.

“Is the train coming?” you ask.

Elysia shakes her head, “No, he hasn’t even left the Capitol.”

“What? Why? We’re right here--”

“It wasn’t his choice.” Laurel explains to you calmly, “He’s hoping he’ll be in District Two, but he’s not sure.”

But he promised.

“Oh.” you turn away now, looking back at the doors.

“The mayor is almost done introducing you, when the doors open, go to the microphone on the left.” Elysia tells you, the prep team makes some last minute adjustments to fix the mess you’d made out of yourself, “Take it easy, don’t rush it.”

“Read from the notecards.” Laurel says, “Look at the families when you address them.”

You nod a little, despite wanting to outright reject that idea. If you have to look at the families, you’re assuming you should be looking up and into the crowd too. Over a hundred people, packed into one little space watching you give a speech on your victory that you hadn’t even written.

“You’ll be amazing.” Cleo assures you, “A lot of the people back in the Capitol are sympathizing with you.”

“I’m going to give a speech in front of a whole district that wishes I had been the one to die.” you look over the people staring at you, “The Capitol’s sympathy is worthless.”

“It’s not like that--”

“I ruined the career’s plans from the beginning.” you insist, “Killed Eytelle, backstabbed Allio, nearly died, Finnick set the cornucopia on fire and I recovered enough to give Lennox an execution that has been the talk since the summer!” you try to calm yourself down, “And now I have the nickname ‘The Executioner’ and I’m being praised for it.”

You turn back towards the doors, “And District One would have had two winners if it weren’t for me. Lennox and Trink would be here, if it weren’t for my plan.”

They have no time to say anything, your name is being called, the doors opening. You do your best to take another deep breath, no longer nervous but a little angry and annoyed instead. As you walk through the doors, you force a smile and grip the notecards tight in your hand.

There’s a lot of clapping, no cheering. You steal glances, trying not to avoid eye contact entirely, but there’s a lot of angry faces in the crowd. You’re sure to keep away from Trink and Lennox’s family, not wanting to see them until you have to apologize to their family. 

On the left, you were able to see the mayor take a seat right next to someone else, you don’t know who. Maybe some district official? But off to the right are the mentors, you can just tell. By how they’re dressed and the way they get their own place to sit.

It’s a girl and a boy, they can’t be much older than you. Maybe sixteen, seventeen or eighteen. You can’t really tell, all you know is that they’re no younger than sixteen. The girl is blonde, her hair is curled at the bottom naturally, and she has green eyes. The boy resembles her closely, with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

You try to remember a name to their faces. You recognize them, so they had to have been within the last two year. But nothing comes to mind, not even the title they were assigned after either of them one.

Your eyes then wander to the right microphone, knowing that Finnick would have been there, giving you a reassuring smile. He would be right here for you the entire time, not letting you be the only one to go through this. Half of the time up here would be dedicated to him. He would be sharing the unwanted spotlight, and it wouldn’t have fallen just to you.

“Thank you.” your voice is strained at first as you go to look back to the crowd. District One is so bright, with their white buildings and colorful insides, “I am thankful to be here today, to stand in front of a crowd and to be alive. And the only reason I can be, is for the noble sacrifice that District One had made with their tributes, Lennox and Trink.”

You still don’t look up, “I’m sure that if Finnick were here, he’d say the exact same.” you take a peek at the notecards, not knowing where to go. You know that the speech doesn’t have to be long, but it can’t be too short either. Plus, you can’t avoid the families for long.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you look up now, starting with Trink on the left, “I would like to offer my apology to the family of Trink Nenni. I know that losing a daughter and sister can be hard, and life will never be the same without her.” Trink was an only child, it’s only her parents, “Outside of the games, Trink proved to be a great person, and she gave me the benefit of the doubt--”

“That’s because you’re a liar!” someone in the crowd shouts, “You lied to all of them for your own selfish gain!”

The peacekeepers jerk, but they don’t go after the person. You’re glad that they don’t. It would only give the people in the crowd a bigger reason to hate you.

“Inside of the arena, she was a shoulder to lean on, and a great ally.” your attention is then turned to Lennox, and you can feel the world slow and your heart speed, “I would also like to offer my apology to the family of Lennox Laude.” he’s got his younger brother and parents on the platform, “Lennox was smart in and out of the arena, he knew what he was doing, he was prepared.

“I’m sorry that the games ended the way they did, and if I could go back, I wish I had made his death quicker. No one deserves to have a death drawn out that long, no matter what they’ve done in their life.” you’re lying. All of that is a lie. Lennox got what he deserved, and you wish you could have done more.

“I’ll also apologize on the behalf of Finnick, for lighting the supplies on fire. I can’t imagine how expensive all of that would have been to replace, it must have cost their sponsors and District One great fortune.

“Once again, thank you for your sacrifice, and I wish District One well, in the future.”

The clapping is reluctant. The mayor takes the right microphone after, which is when she hands over the plaques--both yours and Finnick’s--that District One is required to make and give. Then, a couple of girls hand you flowers. You bid the district goodbye, and head right back into the Justice Building, where Elysia and everyone else is waiting to help you.

You think that it’s over, and you’re going to get on the train to head to District Two, when Elysia informs you that you have to eat with the mentors of Trink and Lennox, as well as the mayor and the families.

All at once, you can feel your body deflate.

“I have to do that for every district?”

Mags nods, and you can see that she was afraid to tell you this part.

“How long does it last?”

“Two hours at most. It’s a dinner celebration. After, you get back on the train and we head towards District Two.” Elysia says.

“But you’ll all be there?” you ask hopefully.

Laurel nods, “Elysia and Mags will be. It’s not our place.”

“Oh.” your eyes wander, and your fingers glide along your ring finger until they connect with the silver, “Right.”

Despite all of this, you’re taken back to the train anyway. You go ahead and set your plaque and the first round of flowers into a box that Elysia provided. Then, you go to Finnick’s room, standing in the doorway for a moment. 

The bed is neatly made, there’s no wrinkles. It doesn’t look like anyone has touched it. So, you go ahead and neatly lay the plaque and flowers on top of the blanket. 

The next couple of hours is spent in front of a mirror in the bathroom. Laurel has decided to go with one of the nicer, shinier dresses, saying that she wants you to blend in with the other mentors. 

She thinks that if you look like one of them, you’re less likely to be looked down upon. It’ll be harder to hate you or something.

Soon, you’re walking out with Elysia and Mags. At the actual dinner, it’s a lot easier than you expected. Instead of being sat near the family, you’re across from the mentors instead. There, you’re able to enjoy yourself a little bit.

Until they speak, “(Y/n) Gallows.” The girl draws out your name, her voice is sweet, smooth, “Gallows as in hanging?”

You stare at her, because her name seems to be right on the tip of your tongue. There’s something about her voice, like it’s dripping sugar. Entrancing, inviting, friendly. But no matter how friendly it is, there’s some hidden intentions.

“Yes.” you answer, eyebrows drawing together, “In my family, we take the last name of our mothers, because my great-grandmother used to hang Capitol commanders during the Dark Days.” 

It’s true, and it’s a wonder how your family’s bloodline hasn’t been wiped out because of it. Especially since your great-grandmother was so good at it, and she wasn’t caught until she turned sixty. That's when your grandmother and your mom went into hiding until your great-grandmother’s investigation died out.

Of course, they killed her and tried to make an example out of her too. But your last name still turns heads. You’re still surprised that it hadn’t clicked in the minds of the Capitol officials when they constantly had to read your last name.

The boys’ eyes widen, and the girl raises her eyebrows. For a moment, you think you’ve got them off your back, finally. But then, she smiles. 

“Cashmere and Gloss, but I’m sure you know that.” 

It clicks, now. It’s the back-to-back wins. The brother and sister duo. Gloss won the sixty third games, and Cashmere won the sixty fourth. Gloss is eighteen now, and Cashmere is seventeen.

“Nice to meet you.” you smile back.

The dinner is so much easier after that. Soon, you’re having to bid Cashmere and Gloss goodbye, and offer your condolences one last time to Trink and Lennox’s family. On the way back to the train, you can’t help but to think about how Cashmere and Gloss didn’t seem to care that you killed their tributes.

Maybe it was the impression you left, because that’s the only reason you can think of.

--

District Two. Allio and Eytelle. Both tributes you killed.

And there’s still no sign of Finnick.

“He’ll be at the next one.” Elysia promises, fixing the headband in your hair, trying to offer you a polite smile, “Here’s your cards, the microphone to the left, okay? Big smiles.”

“Right.” you say, staring at the dark oak doors. These ones are much more engraved than the ones in District One. However, by no means does it make them look nicer. In fact, it looks so cluttered.

If you reach out, are they smooth? Or will you get a splinter the second your finger touches it?

You aren’t able to know. The doors open at the mention of your name, and you’re walking through them the second after. Today, the notecards are a light orange, and so is the dress you’re wearing. The headband is white, and so are your shoes.

District Two is also bright, but not as colorful. Just like District One, they’ve got rich-looking citizens with what looks like relatively new clothes. Off to the left is their mayor, on the right is the mentors. And since you studied up, you can now name the girl standing there: Enobaria.

She won the sixty second games. Her famous kill was when she ripped the neck out of a tribute, and because of it, she had her teeth sharpened. She’s got dark hair, brown eyes. You can’t name the guy next to her at all, though. You don’t know who he is entirely.

As you stop in front of the left microphone, you hold your chin up a little higher. Caesar and Claudius couldn’t shut up about the fact that your head was down, like you were trying to avoid all of this. So, you’ll give them what they want, and you stare straight into the district.

To further it, you smile, and lower the notecards, because you’ve memorized it now. You want to see their criticism after this.

The clapping quiets, a hush falling over the people. Your eyes wander along the people in the crowd, “Thank you, for your warm welcome. I’d like to apologize for Finnick’s absence, it seems he’s held up in the Capitol. Instead, I will speak for the both of us today.

“I would like to thank District Two for the sacrifice of their tributes. Not only were Eytelle and Allio great candidates, but they were also great people. Eytelle was nice, and even if she didn’t speak very much, she was kind.” you look to her family, “I’d like to offer my apology to the family of Eytelle Josic. I hope that you can forgive me for what I have done. I just didn’t want her to suffer.”

Eytelle’s got a younger brother and sister, it looks like. No father, only a mother. From where you stand, you can see the sad expression on her face. She nods, she understands. She might even be thankful that you didn’t just leave her. And to close out this story, you give the animated picture a look.

Your eyes then travel to Allio’s family. This won’t be as easy, you backstabbed Allio. And his family is angry. His only sister glares angrily, as for his three younger brothers--you don’t know if they have a single clue what’s going on.

“I’d also like to offer my apology to the family of Allio Bevard.” the mother’s lips curl, like she wants to lunge, “I know what I did was cruel, but it was for survival. Allio wasn’t a very trustful person, and that was for a good reason. I’m sorry that it had to end that way.” one look to the animated picture, and then back to the crowd.

“I’m thankful to be standing here today, and it wouldn’t have been possible if it weren’t for Eytelle and Allio. Thank you.”

There’s some angry yelling, but the clapping drowns it out. You accept the plaques for both you and Finnick, and then the nice flowers too. Inside of District Two’s justice building, you pass them off to Elysia momentarily as you try to calm yourself down.

“Please tell me that Finnick will be at the next stop.” you look at Mags, then Elysia. The next stop has Blaire, and you can’t do it alone, “We should run through the Capitol real quick to get him.”

Mags has got her lips pressed together, sealed tight. And Elysia has an expression on her face that you read easily. The answer is right in her eyes.

You slap the notecards into her free hand, picking up the plaques and flowers as you march right out of the building. Back on the train, you set your things neatly into the box, and as for Finnick’s room, they’re on the bed. It’s beginning to look more like a memorium than a celebration.

Maybe it’s a good thing.

At the dinner, you keep to yourself, mostly. Enobaria and the other mentor aren’t as friendly as they looked on the stage. Now, they look big and angry. They might be teenagers too, or they’re just getting out of it, but they don’t like you. And you don’t think you really like them either.

--

District Three, this is going to be much easier.

Blaire and Verda. You didn’t kill either of them, and it helps that Blaire was a friend.

Today’s dress is navy blue, it goes to your knees. With only black flats. Today, there is no hair accessory.

“I’m sorry about Finnick.” Mags holds up her paper, you offer her a smile.

“I’m not.”

The doors open, and you head right out. There’s a distinct difference in the districts now, District Three isn’t nearly as nice as the first two. The only thing that’s nice is the justice building. Behind the crowd, with their business buildings, you can’t think of any compliments.

At the left microphone, you smile to the crowd, “Hello District Three. I’m honored to be here today, to speak for you. Finnick’s not here, so I’ll be speaking for him too. Even if he didn’t know your tributes well, I did. And I appreciate the both of them.

You look up to Blaire’s family, “Blaire Heinle was a good friend to me inside of the arena. And I can’t stop thinking about how I saved him not only once, but twice because something inside me told me it was the right thing to do.” Blaire’s got his brother and his parents. They all look sadder than Eytelle’s family did, “I am speaking from my heart when I say that I wish Blaire hadn’t sacrificed himself to save me from Lennox. I believe he thought he was in my debt, but it was quite the opposite.

“I would like to offer my deepest condolences for the Heinle family. And I want you to know that I haven’t gone a single day without thinking about Blaire. We might not have known each other for very long, but he meant something to me. He was a dear friend.”

Blaire’s animated picture really does sting. You can’t look at it for as long as you want to, it hurts too much. Verda is much easier, though. She’s got two sisters, and both her parents, “As for Verda, she was a pretty soul. We had one conversation inside of the training center, and she seemed to be kind. Even though I had allied myself with the careers, she didn’t care. She was indifferent. I’d like to apologize to you.”

A deep breath as you look back to the crowd, “District Three has been so incredibly kind to me. And if it weren't for Blaire, I really wouldn’t be standing here. Believe me when I say I wish I could do something to show my appreciation.”

District Three is loud, with clapping and cheering. It brings tears to your eyes, and you accept the plaques while fighting off those tears. The flowers are a pretty blue color. You say goodbye one final time, before you’re leaving the stage and going back to the train.

Again, you set your plaque and flowers into the box neatly. But for Finnick’s, you’re barely in there long enough to toss them on the bed.

District Five will be different.

--

Under any other circumstances, you would be excited to wear this deep maroon dress. Now, it just feels wrong.

District Five isn’t as loud with their clapping. You take the left microphone, give a big smile and lift your chin. It feels wrong, especially since you had helped Finnick trap Elodia--the girl--in a net to kill her. 

“District Five, I would like to thank you for your tributes and sacrifices. Under any other circumstances I’d be excited to be here, and would even ask for a tour on how you do things. It’s unfortunate that things are the way they are.”

You look to Elodia, “Elodia and I didn’t know each other. But before the private training session with the gamemakers, we and the other girls were able to share a laugh, even if it was for a second.” next is Moises, “I’d like to offer my condolences, I can’t say that I knew him very well either. The two of them died nobly.”

You accept the plaques and flowers, give one final thank you, and leave. Inside the train, you organize your plaques and flowers. Finnick’s things lay in one big heap on the bed.

You can’t help but to want to set it all on fire. But that’ll only get you in trouble. So, you leave the room and head back to your own. Knowing that District Six is the next one up.

--

“Thank you for letting me be here today.” you force a smile, “Ossie and Amos were two brave souls. I appreciate everything that they did inside of the arena to allow me to be here today. I hope you can believe me when I say that I take no pleasure in knowing that they’re no longer here with us today.”

Eyes to Ossie, “Ossie was a beautiful girl, kind. I wish I would have had the time to get to know her in a more calm setting. Had I not been allied with the careers, I would have gone to her.” next is Amos, “Amos seemed to be great friends with Mac. I didn’t see much of him inside of the training center, so I can’t say a lot.

“Thank you, District Six.”

The mayor hands over a silver plaque and the boys give you yellow flowers. You thank them greatly, and leave the stage carelessly.

--

“In my opinion, I think District Seven provided two very brave people.” you smile at Mac and Cass’ families, “As I mentioned in another speech, I was able to have a laugh with the girls before our private training session. In this time, Cass seemed to happy, and after we exchanged a few words, I realized I should’ve allied myself with her.

“However, it wasn’t only the girls that had talked to each other, Mac also joined in. At the time, it seemed so dumb them, talking about boy trouble. But now I can appreciate the fact that we were all able to be normal teenagers, even if it was for a couple of minutes. 

“Before the games had started, Cass and I shared a competitive look that was all in good fun. It looked like she wanted a race to the cornucopia, and I felt sorry, knowing that the moment we got there, our friendship would be temporary. I’m glad that I wasn’t the one to kill her, because I’m not even sure if I would have been able to.

“Thank you, seven. For producing two very beautiful people that I could consider friends. I hope your district prospers with your future tributes, and I hope that if there is a victor in the near future, I can be friends with him or her.” 

The mayor hands over the same polished, silver plaque that the others do. These flowers are lilies, so incredibly delicate.

Later at the dinner, the families and mentors were tearful. You spent the entire dinner explaining the conversation between all the girls and Mac in as much detail as you can remember. At the end of the night, the mentors requested that you’d come visit whenever you want, if it was possible.

--

The next couple of districts were a blur.

District Eight was easy, Sydney and Nestor were nothing to you. Their plaque was silver, their flowers purple. You thanked their district deeply, and the only mentor that considered your feelings was a nice woman named Cecelia. She was a mother of kids, herself. And she couldn’t help but feel sorry that you had to go through the games at such a young age. You liked her.

District Nine had Kent and Claris. Once again, pretty useless. Silver plaque, red roses. No mentors talked to you, and even though you didn’t kill their children--both of the families glared at you the entire time. 

District Ten was a little harder again, since you killed the girl from ten. You had to assure her family that Hallie’s face haunts you, especially when she seemed so kind. The first death on your hands, and it had to be Hallie out of all people. As for Clay, it was much easier to make a speech. No mentors stood out to you.

And now here you are, in District Eleven. You killed Horace, and you made your hatred for Thyme no secret. 

And surprise, surprise, there is no sight of Finnick.

You’ve had to face all the faces of the people he’s killed for him. Had to apologize on his behalf for not only being here, but also his kills. It’s not your place. He should be owning up to it.

He promised you he would be here. He promised that he’d be going through all of this with you. And where is he? In the Capitol? Watching all of this live from his nice apartment?

Fuck Finnick.

And now you get to face Thyme’s family by yourself.

You thought that you had gotten over all of this, that you weren’t jealous or angry anymore. But with how much time you’ve had to think between districts, it’s starting to bubble again. 

Mags doesn’t want you to be mad, but it’s hard not to be.

Especially when you think he deserves it.

You can hear your name announced through the door, and with gritted teeth, you force a smile. Knowing that this is the second to last appearance before you can finally go home.