#how dare u try and talk her outta this sam >.>

[rebouks]

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Matilda: How the fuck is it heartless? It’s literally the opposite. Sam: People giving up their kids for money seems pretty cruel to me. Matilda: That’s the worst way of putting it. Sam: Don’t get arsey about it! You wanted my opinion. Matilda: Yeah, ‘cause I didn’t think it would be so stupid. Sam: It’d make sense if it were someone else’s egg n’ stuff, y’know? They can do that these days. [Matilda rolls her eyes] Sam: They can! Also.. what if the mom changes her mind but keeps the money? Matilda: You’re such an idiot. Sam: I don’t know why you brought it up if you were just gonna get mad at me-.. wait, you’re not thinking about doing it for money, are you? Matilda: Are you fucking kidding me? Sam: What?! I know you’ve been struggling for cash, but-.. Matilda: I was thinking about suggesting it to Ivan, for free. Sam: You can’t do that! Matilda: Uh, why not? Sam: It’d be weird! You don’t even want kids, right? Like.. it’d always be around. Matilda: Just because I don’t want ‘em doesn’t mean I can’t produce one for someone else. Sam: It still counts-.. n’ what if they change their mind? You could end up stuck with it… Matilda: [scoffs] That’s not gonna happen. Sam: It might? I think you’d regret it. Matilda: Why’re you tryna talk me out of doing something selfless for once? You’re always banging on about how selfish I am. Sam: I just don’t think pregnancy would-… Sam: I was gonna say be easy-.. don’t storm off! Matilda: I wasn’t asking for your permission, by the way. Sam: Woah, woah.. wait! Matilda: I’m done with this conversation. Sam: Think about it for a while at least… Matilda: I already have. Sam: Bullshit! You can’t just decide something like this overnight. Matilda: Watch me. Sam: Tilly-… Matilda: Do you own my womb? Sam: Obviously not. Matilda: Then shut the fuck up.

[benwhlshaws]

ok so this is just a rambly overview over what has happened (sam wise) over the seasons so its maybe a little bit easier when keep blabbing @ u abt him 😂

i will try not to go on tangents ehhh 😬😬

sorry for the salty tone in advance

s1: ok sam is at college & lives with jess, dean comes to him after they havent seen each other in 2/3/4 years and says they gotta find john bc he didnt come home from a hunting trip, sam reluctantly says yes to one case but only if theyll be back in time for his law school interview (☹️ oh child), they do the case, sam comes home to jess burning on the ceiling like his mum, and him & dean hit the road to Find Dad and Kill The Demon.

during all this sam starts to get visions of bad things happening in the future and everyones Concerned, they eventually find dad but fail to kill the demon and dean gets fatally injured.

s2: john makes a deal with azazel (the demon that killed mary and jess) to save dean and Dies (& gets sent to hell), sam and dean are Sad (this is tangent worthy but i Won’t right now)

note worthy middle season things are that sam gets possessed by a demon that makes him do horrible stuff in one ep and in another the first girl he has sex with after jess turns out to be a werewolf and he has to shoot her (Fun!), oh and before john died he told dean he might have to kill sam if he starts going rogue (bc john knows abt sam’s mysterious gifts), dean eventually tells sam abt it and sam is Horrified obvs, season ends with azazel kidnapping sam and other kids with Gifts and sam finds out he was fed demon blood as a baby, sam gets killed and dies in deans arms, dean makes a crossroads deal to bring him back and gets one year of life left

oh and they open hells gates and john gets out and is just Normal Dead (yay) but also lots of dark stuff (not yay)

s3: sam is Upset and tries to find a way to get dean out of the deal, katie cassidy’s Ruby appears and says she can help, mid season stuff notable mention for an ep in which the trickster makes sam watch dean die every day for abt 100 days and then lets sam live 6 months without him just for Fun (dean doesnt remember any of this but sam does), anyway they fail at saving dean and sam has to watch him get ripped apart by hellhounds

s4: i mean u watched this but still 😂, dean crawls out of his grave, cas gets introduced, sam has been hanging out with ruby and starts drinking her demon blood bc it gives him the power to exorcise and kill demons without harming their vessel, also the demon lilith (she sent dean to hell so sam has a revenge boner for her too lbr) wants to start the apocalypse by breaking 66 seals and sam has the power to kill her (hot powerful babe that he is 🔥😏), the angels manipulate the living hell out of Everyone and LOTS OF FIGHTING HAPPENS. also dean finds out he broke the first seal when he started torturing in hell (everyone loves forgetting that but Ok) anyway

when dean finds out sam is addicted to demon blood, him and bobby lock him in the panic room without food or water or comforting words but :-))) (i’m not mad at all). then CASTIEL (another guilty party maybe?? HMMM??) lets sam out so he can find ruby and go kill lilith, which he does and ends up breaking the final seal and frees lucifer (which no one knew would happen except for the angels and ruby & dean was abt to do the same thing literally minutes before he found out the truth LOL)

this season is so crazy tangent worthy but i’ll save it for the Actual Post

s5: sams guilt and self hatred is HIIIIIGH and dean does nothing to help that and the rest of the world loves reminding him hes Evil incarnate as well :-) but ok,

dean finds out hes michael’s vessel and sam finds out hes lucifer’s, lots of archangel and other mid season stuff happens, season ends with sam saying yes to lucifer so he can jump into the pit to hell and trap him in there with him, therefore saving the world and all of humanity bc he is a hero thanks for listening to my Ted Talk

s6: dean has been living with lisa and her son ben for a year, it turns out sam is alive but Different, oh damn! he’s soulless! (and sassy sexy Fun 😎) and his (pure gentle) soul is still in hell with lucifer (💔😭)

dean and cas get his soul back but its so damaged (😔) that putting it back into sam would kill him so they ask death to build a wall between the two (no idea how this all rlly works its been a while since i watched this), soul is back in sam, forgot how the season ends but not that important anyway

s7: sam’s soul hell wall thing breaks and he’s dying and ill and sick and sad and everythings awful and he has hallucinations of lucifer telling him insidious horrible stuff and making him doubt reality and dean and everything and its very upsetting to me thanks,

umm forgot how the season REALLY ends but basically sam sees dean die (dean is actually in purgatory BUT SAM DOESNT KNOW THAT)

s8: my memories are hazy at best but i remember the Basic stuff,

its one year later and dean is out of purgatory and somehow him and sam find each other, sam has been living off the grid and found a gf and a dog after grieving dean, dean finds this to be the most heinous of crimes and Hates sam for it (bc u didnt look for me sam!!! and u had a cushy life while i was fighting for mine in purgatory!!! HOW DARE YOU BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME) and the guilt tripping is outta control this season woooohoooo,

anyway idr why but one of them has to take on The Trials (bc it does smth important for them i dont remember why lmao) and sam wants to do them,

stuff happens and they make sam sick and weak and Sad but they also purify his blood so hes desperate for them bc he’s felt awful and unclean all his life and its Upsetting. season ends with the final trial aka The Ultimate Sacrifice which means death and sam’s like yes! death! here for it 100%! and dean’s like no! why? and sam’s like lol i’m horrible and useless and a liability and all i do is let u down and i wanna die! :-)

dean convinces him not to (in a crap way imho BUT)

s9: sams fatally ill and just. wants. to dieeee and gadreel (an arch?angel) tells dean that he could possibly heal sam if he lets him possess sam and Dean Says ‘sam would rather die than ever let anything possess him again’ aaaand then says yes to gadreel :-)

and sam’s alright but has no clue how it happened and keeps losing time and is fucked up over it and dean lies to him and says everythings A Okay

oh and gadreel kills kevin with sam’s body and sam has nightmares abt it

this somehow resolves itself (not in a satisfying way for me of course but when do things ever) but i dont rlly have the deets for the rest of the season

s10-s12: honestly i basically dont know much, somehow dean has the so called mark of cain on his arm which makes him Awful and Horrible and he says things to sam that are Unbelievable and make me Furious

also at some point dean turns into a literal demon, not for super long though i think

sam is a strong kind and beautiful bean during all of this

mary is there somewhere too somehow and lucifer stuff and the list goes on but you know SHRUG

s13: lucifer’s baby is born! a nephilim! idk how it works age wise but hes in the body of a cute young man called jack and hes a cinnamon roll and sam treats him so fatherly and gently and with so much compassion and it makes me Feel and they have an adorable gorgeous relationship! also dean is a giant Dickwad to jack :-) fun!

oh omg lucifer gets killed in the finale and i fucking hope its final and forever bc I AM OVER IT!!!!

thats the VERY basic stuff and i apologise that its so long... im sorry ur indulging me how do u cope

also i love u and the only person cuter than sam is You 🤗💘💖💕💓

[junker-town]

The comprehensive guide to winning rock-paper-scissors

Always throw the same thing. Or don’t!

When it comes to America’s greatest sport, everyone’s an expert.

We’re talking about rock-paper-scissors. It’s one of this country’s longest-standing pastimes, and it might be the game with the lowest barriers to entry. It requires a simple series of hand movements and, uh, not much else. If you crave competition, there’s no easier way to get it than saddling up for an RPS duel against a friend.

These are our most critical pieces of advice.

Some of these thoughts are contradictory to one another, so you’ll have to decide whose side you take. Sound good? Let’s RPS.

Know your opponent’s personality type.

I’ve won some big rock-paper-scissors matches in my life. I’ve had drinks purchased for me, errands run for me, and gruesome dares carried out on my behalf — all because I know the tricks my friends are going to throw at me when we duel. My best win:

I found a video of what's def gonna go down as my peak athletic accomplishment in this life: a rock-paper-scissors/huggy bear tournament win http://pic.twitter.com/Dqve72z1fX

— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) May 3, 2017

People ask me all the time — actually they don’t, but let’s pretend they do — how I win RPS matches. The most important thing is to know the kind of person you’re dealing with on the other side. The guy I beat for an RPS championship a few years ago is a good man and a patriot. He’s also a military man and has a rugged persona.

But because he’s a military guy, I knew he wasn’t going to back down. We both threw rock on our first go-around, and I knew that there was nothing he’d enjoy more than winning with the exact same thing. It’d make him feel tougher and somehow more pure to win without changing his ways. So I just changed my play to paper, grabbed my RPS championship trophy, and went on home. I don’t feel bad about it.

Here is a bold-faced lie from my brother:

@alex_kirshner I beat you every single time when we were kids. You threw scissors first without fail... bad strategy for sure.

— Joel Kirshner (@JKirshner36) May 5, 2017

- Alex Kirshner

Force your opponent’s hand (we’re talking mind games)

I consider myself an excellent rock-paper-scissors player, and my success starts with my mentality: You have to be unafraid to die in the arena. Those who play RPS scared — afraid of throwing the wrong thing — aren’t thinking enough about their opponent. You need to take in every tell on their person: things like their facial expression, perspiration levels, general state of anxiety and/or drunkeness, etc. You won’t do that if you’re also keenly aware that you’re giving off the same tells yourself.

What many don’t realize is that you can force your opponent’s hands. Talk. Be obnoxious. Get in his or her head. If you’re playing best-two-outta-three, comment on their first throw: “Scissors, huh?” Tell them what they’re going throw next. Tell them what you’re going to throw next (and keep your promise ... or not). Feign like you’re mulling over your next move. Drag out the moment. Peer deep into their eyes.

Do whatever you can to induce a flinch. Your opponent will react, and when they do you will have gained another clue into their soul. RPS isn’t about you — it’s about your opponent and the frailty of human will. - Louis Bien

For me, it’s all about coming from a position of strength, first and foremost. Since we’re civilized people, we’re going best two out of three, so I can afford to lose one. You throw rock first every time to initially assert dominance. Then you’ll often throw it back the next round becuase they’re shook. They know I’m the alpha and are threatened. Then I mind-game them, because I certainly wouldn’t throw rock again the third round. Would I? — Richard Johnson

Keep using the same move

I can’t give away all of my secrets when it comes to this classic battle, but one I will share is that particular strategy. If a best 2 out of 3 is being played, this works nearly every time, unless it is also being deployed against you. It’s even better when used in a best 3 out of 5, or greater. Once your opponent has caught onto your move — let’s say it’s paper — that’s when you deploy the rock. It’s very simple, and works like a charm. Your opponent will be defeated, and annoyed with the malarkey. - Harry Lyles Jr.

Go rock, go rock, go rock again, keep going rock, and then, just when your opponent is getting annoyed, look them in the eye, give them a playful smirk, and ... go rock again.

Btw you will not win if you do this, but you can whine when you lose that in real life a rock would destroy a flimsy piece of paper. - Seth Rosenthal

Just roll with the punches.

Don't listen to my dude coworkers who think they can control the uncontrollable. They can't. Rock-paper-scissors isn't rocket science; all you have to do is go with your gut and throw down what you feel. Will you lose? Yeah, sometimes. But that's how probability and life works. Roll with it. - Charlotte Wilder

Transfer the responsibility

Find a surrogate to RPS for you. If they lose, you can blame them. If they win, you can take the credit. Delegation is the key to good leadership. - Ryan Van Bibber

Know your opponent’s weaknesses.

The art of winning RPS is understanding the personality of your opponent. Are they lazy? They’re going to throw rock. High ego? They’re going to think they’re better than you and go scissors. Paper people are difficult to predict, but typically they’re going to be the more quiet and demure members of your friend circle. Also understand the stakes: If the result of the RPS match is low-impact then they’re going to lean on their old tricks, but if there’s a lot on the line then people will over-think their moves and go to the polar opposite of their personality. — James Dator

When playing RPS, you have to remember the one cardinal rule: it’s way more effort to throw scissors than it is to throw rock or paper. Ultimately you just have to decide whether or not your opponent is a rock person or a paper person. If you’re up against Dwight Schrute, just play scissors every time. - Cory Williams

Consistency is key.

Always throw what your opponent just threw. - Justin Bopp

Cheat

We all know that it’s “rock, paper, scissors, shoot,” and you throw what you know on “shoot.” We all know this! Yet there’s always that one asshole that let’s the ritual get started before they break away mid-“scissors” to be all “wait wait lol lol are we doing scissors or SHOOT?” — meanwhile getting a sneak peek at what you had in store for Round 1. And the worst thing about this strategy is that it works. Listen, I’m not here to tell you to cheat at rock-paper-scissors. But I am here to tell you that if you’re desperate — this might just be your play. — Dayana Sarkisova

Lots of people we asked believe in never changing their play.

@SBNation http://pic.twitter.com/Ujano9u8bz

— Joseph Flynn (@ChinaJoeFlynn) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Always use rock. Works EVERY time

— Nikolas Holmes (@NikolasHolmes) May 5, 2017

@SBNation Throw the same thing every time

— Zach Daw (@SoDawsome) May 5, 2017

And a slight variation to that method:

@SBNation People will always try to use the thing tht beats wht u used on ur last move, if u won. If u won with rock, theyll use paper next round.

— Sam Gosin (@samgosin) May 5, 2017

Some people advocate a hard-line approach.

@SBNation cheat

— Russell Steinberg (@Russ_Steinberg) May 5, 2017

Here is the most serious advice:

@SBNation 1. Always stare deeply into your opponent's eyes as if they're the true love you've always been looking for. That should make them nervous.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 2. Pretend you are your opponent. Everything that makes them them is now you. That should help you know what their next move is.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017

@SBNation 3. After you win, do a little dance. This is less to rub it in your opponent's face and more to attract the ladies. They'll be so pleased.

— Michelle Goldchain (@goldchainam) May 5, 2017