#how does one explain it in the emergency room 🚨

[disneyprincemuke]

the woman, the myth, the legend * tlo

pairings: max verstappen x fem!driver

warnings: none

note: HEYYYYYYY

(series masterlist)

🚨 | FORMULA 1 BREAKING: Mercedes announces driver's retirement 1 week before the season is set to start. The team will hold an emergency press conference to address the driver's departure; says driver will not be in attendance.

max pulls his jacket tighter around him, pulling his hood down as he slips in with the crowd of journalists and members of the governing body of the sport. he keeps his head low and face hidden from cameras, watching toto step onto the podium.

he looks tired, bags under his eyes, his shirt is crumpled in some places, and his hair is dishevelled. “fleur has made the difficult decision to retire,” toto started speaking into the mic, “george russell will be joining the team in her place for the upcoming 2022 season.”

a hand pops up from the crowd. “is there a reason this decision has come so abruptly? the season is in a week.”

toto shakes his head, “this decision was thought through.”

“is it because she lost the championship by a point?”

“no, that isn’t–”

“did the team let her go because she lost the championship?”

“no. it wasn’t her–”

“so she quit because she’s a sore loser?”

“what? that’s not–”

“so what is it? why did she retire so close to the season kick-off? you guys said she sat testing out because she wasn’t well.”

there’s a few seconds of silence in the room. toto takes a deep breath, “we don’t know.”

“what do you mean you don’t know?” max finally makes his presence known. heads turn towards the dutch, tucked away on one of the further corners of the press room. “you’re saying fleur just upped and left without another word?”

toto nods. “yes, i’m afraid so.”

that doesn’t make any sense. you would never do that at all. not to anyone, and especially not to him.

right?

though, considering the way things had ended in abu dhabi, maybe he’s not too shocked at how life is unfolding.

he should have told you he loved you then. sure, winning his first championship was fun and fulfilling, but it would be nice to still have you in the paddocks and by his side.

so that would explain your lack of response to his messages, asking if you were well during the testing period a couple of weeks ago. he just boiled it down to the possibility that you were still mad at him.

but you would never disappear without a trace, would you? it’s just so unlike you to do that.

“that doesn’t make any sense at all,” max shakes his head in disbelief, “there has to be something you’re not telling us.”

but there’s that tiredness in toto’s eyes and a helplessness that max can’t seem to ignore. toto shakes his head again, “we received her email about a week ago about her choice to retire, and we have been attempting to get in touch,” he smiles politely. “there is still no response. we will be taking her email as it was sent and proceed with george russell as our driver.”

and that’s the mystery of how mercedes’ golden girl had seemingly vanished from the face of the earth, following her mere defeat to max verstappen in abu dhabi at the 2021 season closer.

max walks out of that room, shrugging as he convinces himself that you’ll tell at least him what drove you to a silent retirement. little does he know that it would be 4 entire years later, and you will still be deemed as the f1 driver that disappeared.

and he’ll spend the next 4 years with a burning hole in his chest in the shape of you.

[serenastark-official]

⚡️07: How to Get Through a Conversation with Thor Without Hearing His Entire Life Story⚡️

(A Survival Guide by Serena Stark, Professional Sarcastic Genius & Part-Time Asgardian Damage Control Specialist)

Alright, folks, if you’ve ever been trapped in a conversation with Thor Odinson, you already know why this guide exists.

The guy means well, but if you ask him a simple question—like “Hey, how’s it going?”—suddenly you’re knee-deep in a heroic saga involving frost giants, some obscure Asgardian goat, and at least one time he “valiantly vanquished a foe” with Mjolnir (which, let’s be honest, happens every Tuesday).

So, to save your precious time and sanity, I present: The Official How-Not-to-Be-Here-for-Hours Guide.

Step 1: Don’t Ask Open-Ended Questions

You’d think this is basic conversation etiquette, but no—not with Thor.

❌ What you don’t ask:

“What have you been up to?” → Congrats, you just unlocked a three-hour retelling of his last battle.

“How’s Asgard?” → A dramatic tale of loss, rebirth, and some existential crisis about being king.

“What’s new?” → An ancient prophecy, at least one Valkyrie anecdote, and a side rant about Loki.

✔️ What you ask instead:

“Do you want another beer?” → Answer is always “Aye!” and you’re free.

“Want to see me race Peter in the Iron Suit?” → Boom. Distracted.

“Did Loki do something dumb again?” → You’ll get a short laugh and a nod. Crisis averted.

Step 2: Use Distractions to Your Advantage

Thor is like a golden retriever—easily entertained by anything loud, shiny, or involving food.

Food Diversion: Offer him a snack. He will pause to eat. Use this time to escape.

Battle Talk Trap: Mention a new weapon Tony’s working on. He’ll immediately go bug Tony instead.

Challenge Him: “I bet you can’t finish your drink before I do.” Now it’s a competition. He’s busy.

Bonus: If Loki is in the room, just casually say his name. Thor will immediately forget you exist and start looking for him.

Step 3: The Strategic Exit Plan

If, despite all efforts, you’re still caught in a full-length Asgardian epic, deploy one of these exit strategies:

🚨 The “Emergency Call” Escape

Pretend CARLOS is calling you.

Bonus points if you say, “Oh no, Emma's messing with the suit settings again.” He’ll nod solemnly and let you go.

🚨 The “I Have to Do Science” Excuse

Look serious. Mutter something about quantum mechanics.

Thor won’t question it because he respects science (and doesn’t understand it).

🚨 The “Vanishing Act”

If all else fails, just slowly back away while he’s mid-sentence. If you do it confidently enough, he won’t notice.

Step 4: The Nuclear Option—Turn It Back on Him

If Thor refuses to stop talking, flip the script.

🔥 Ask him about something confusing.

“So, can you explain how Mjolnir’s enchantment works with the laws of physics?”

“If Asgardians age slower, how do your birthdays work?”

“Would you still be able to lift Mjolnir if you turned evil for five minutes, or does it auto-drop?”

Now he’s confused and will either (A) stop talking or (B) get distracted thinking about it. You win either way.

In Conclusion:

Thor is a great guy, but sometimes, you just don’t have three hours to hear about the time he single-handedly wrestled a kraken or whatever. With these proven strategies, you’ll be in and out of conversations faster.

And if all else fails? Wong has a portal open somewhere. Use it.

You're welcome. ⚡️