#htlj movies

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

Real talk, I watched this March 11 (it is now June 20) and then some things happened but I'm back now to type up my thoughts and my notes don't currently make any sense, so I'm going to have to skim through the movie again to remind myself.

Before I reorient myself, I want to highlight my favourite no-context notes I made to myself:

HORSE

Dei looks HOT tits out at dinner lmao

CLips show

Now to remind myself what the hell this movie from 3 months ago was...

OH RIGHT. Okay.

So these chuckleheads traded cows for a map to this place, and they think they're gonna get the treasure of the god or something. I immediately noticed that the door was locked from the outside, and (to his credit) one of them also realizes this halfway through trying to open it, and they have a moment of debate about opening the door, but sadly the titular Minotaur busts out!

From my notes: "That guy fainted haha" Seriously IDK why the one guy just fainting while the other runs for his life tickles me, but it does.

I think the "HORSE" note was just about the massive horse that Hercules has at home because that was my reaction on this rewatch as well haha.

Hercules's sons are fighting, and when Herc tells them the rule is no fighting they argue with him that he fights people all the time. Herc says he only does that to keep people from getting hurt, and when he asks if they understand they're just like "No" and shake their heads like "you make no sense" and honestly that's such a real scene kid reaction. "I am choosing not to accept this rule, thanks!" XD

We then get the first of many extended flashbacks to prior movies.

HILARIOUSLY, it did not occur to me the first time that this was going to be a recurring thing. I was like "huh that's weird they're referencing the last movie. I guess this will be important".... Ugh.

Zeus shows up and asks Hercules if he misses adventuring. He says he does, which I thought was interesting! He first starts off saying nobody has come to him for help in a while, but then he sort of implies that he's staying at home with his wife and kids because of an agreement he made with her? I felt a bit weird about his line delivery there because I think we're just supposed to think he misses the fun of the adventures, but it comes off as a little like "well, I love my kids, but...". (Even tho in the last movie he got distracted staring at them.)

Anyway then Zeus gives him a sea serpent scale (which I was immediately very suspicious of, because I don't trust Zeus) and then we get another flashback, which I literally fast-forwarded through, and this is where I went "oh no..."

I'm not a fan of clip shows. 😅

Then we get the tits-out dinner scene I noted before. Damn, Dei is pretty (though her hair is a bit untamed here). How do they only have 3 kids?

We then get a bunch of shots of the Minotaur's lair and a few teaser shots of the Minotaur.

Then it's back to the house, Herc is putting his kids to bed. They request a story before bed, and since the first two the boys suggest didn't happen in the movies, we instead get a flashback to the movie where Herc meets Dei.

(Fast forward...)

The kids fell asleep, but Dei was into it and she takes our man to bed.

SURPRISINGLY, Herc didn't have a flashback dream overnight! So Herc is going about his morning and BAM!

Iolaus attacks him in the barn. (Playfully.) Now, can I just say, as someone coming from having watched the beginning of Young Hercules first, how nice a callback this is? Like, I realize they were conceived out of order, so the Young Hercules episode 1 scene where Iolaus attacks Herc (playfully) is a reference to this, but what a lovely little parallel! ♥ I love them. Look at how they look at each other.

They start talking about their farms, which honestly seems like exactly what they would talk about since they're both trying to manage farms? But I guess they thought the audience would be like "this is boring" because Iolaus launches into his own "remember the time"...

They then chat fireside and there's so much like, flirtatious vibes from Iolaus? Though I thought their banter was really cute, platonic or otherwise. They kinda tease each other but they're both so happy, it's really nice. I just love when characters clearly like each other this much.

But Iolaus manages to goad Hercules into a sparring match, which leads to the best line in the movie: "Mommy, what's Daddy doing to Uncle Iolaus?" And not just because it's a hilarious line, but also the little girl's line delivery is so precious.

We then get a really sweet scene where Dei and Iolaus talk privately and she confides that Herc has been going a bit stiry crazy. I really believed the worry Dei had for her spouse and her genuine grattitude for Iolaus's friendship with Herc for Herc's sake. We then find out through Iolaus confiding his own hardships to Dei that he's struggling with losing his wife and having to raise their child (I think just the one?) alone. Dei comforts Iolaus a bit. I really liked this whole part.

Then it's ruined by the original guy (who ran) coming to get help from Herc with the Minotaur.

Hercules turns down the request for help - shocking both Dei and Iolaus. And also, understandably, disappointing the dude who came for help.

Dei convinces Herc to go - more for Herc's sake than the people he'd be helping (such a good wife!). Iolaus invites himself along. (And is cute about it, trying to get Herc to admit how helpful he is.)

Another stupid flashback about the giant Herc fought.

Brief interlude where Zeus shows up, and then it's another fucking flashback. (I was fast forwarding so much, my husband thought I didn't like the movie.)

There's a little fireside scene with the three of them where Zeus mocks them for acting like kids when they have kids, and I again got this weird vibe of like "we don't like being parents" which I honestly find really uncomfortable. I understand that parenting is hard and some people genuinely don't enjoy it, but it's kind of a weird impression to give because of how into his family Herc was in the movie before this one. You can love your kids and still like adventure, no? Anyway it's a subtle thing, they don't come right out and say "I wish I'd never had kids", it's just a weird vibe that I think is more meant to convey the desire for adventure.

Zeus then gets weird when he finds out where the boys are going, and immediately fucks off after a half-assed attempt at dissuading them. By now the audience would know this means Zeus is hiding something about his involvement/knowledge of whatever is going on there.

There's a brief bit where a couple is sneaking away from town to boink and they end up in the Minotaur's lair and he captures them. It's kinda gross as we see them put into these weird coccoon things.

The boys get to town but are told there's no monster and everything is fine.

The Minotaur is then shown to be stoked Herc has arrived, and talks about how much he wants to kill him. Zeus then shows up where the Minotaur is and it's revealed that Zeus turned him into this monster as punishment for something, and that they haven't seen each other in 100 years. Zeus says he should have killed the Minotaur before, and tries to again, but just can't bring himself to do so. The Minotaur announces that he just keeps getting bigger and stronger and he won't be satisfied until he hurts Zeus (which Zeus doesn't think he can do). We as the audience know that the Minotaur is after Hercules, but does Zeus?

Then we cut back to the boys in the pub and get the worst flashback of all!!!

Iolaus apparently tells this random woman all about the plot of Movie 1, which he absolutely should not remember, because the plot of that movie ends with Hercules going back in time to NOT let the plot pan out as it had (in order to save Iolaus's life). The memory he relays is one from the series of events that was undone by the time rewind, so Iolaus should not have been telling this story.

It's bad enough to have a clip show, but the internal logic doesn't even make sense. Not that this series of movies has been really careful with "canon" anyway, but dang!!

Anyway then there's a really long fight scene where the whole pub gets thrashed and all the patrons decide to try to fight Hercules for... saying his name is Hercules. Herc wins (Iolaus also does well but gets knocked out at the end) and then takes Iolaus to bed. No, I'm just kidding, he rents two rooms, and deposits Iolaus into one before taking the second for himself.

While Herc is sleeping, some of the losers of the bar fight decide they're gonna kill Hercules, but the Minotaur kills them and frames Hercules for it. The entire town sees Hercules standing over their dead bodies holding a sword (that he literally picked up at the scene) and they mob after him.

Hercules wakes up Iolaus and punches a hole in the wall so they can escape. The mob catches up to them anyway, though, because they head down a dead-end alley (in a rural village?). Luckily the ground swallows some guy and also Iolaus and the mob is confused enough to pause. The brother from the beginning of the movie shows up and Hercules asks if he knows where the monster lives, so off they go.

They run into Zeus on the way. Zeus tries to warn Herc not to go down there, the thing is a terrible monster, etc. He reveals that it was once a very handsome man, but eventually tried to turn a bunch of people against the gods, etc. Zeus cursed him to be "as ugly as his heart". Zeus bemoans not being able to kill him when he had the chance. Hercules knows there's something more to the story, but Zeus won't say what.

Zeus then claims to have never asked Herc to do anything for him... which... I call shenanigans on? What about the previous movies? The Circle of Fire in particular comes to mind. Anyway. Whatever. Zeus wants Herc to kill the monster.

Herc enters the lair with a couple guys from town who the Minotaur kills and it's kinda gross.

Once Herc gets to the Minotaur we finally get a full reveal, and because they seem to have used practical effects, I actually think the visuals on it aged really well! His mouth moves when he talks and he really moves in the space in a believable way (which is not always the case in these movies/shows).

The Minotaur claims that Herc's been "given" everything his whole life, like fame and glory... which Herc denies, saying he's worked for what he has. I think you could probably unpack a lot there, but I think we've seen Herc's life hasn't been easy by any stretch, demi-god abilities or not.

Eventually the Minotaur reveals that he's Hercules's brother, that he's the son of Zeus and that Zeus couldn't kill him because he couldn't kill his own son. At this point, Hercules refuses to fight him, despite the Minotaur insisting.

But the Minotaur forces his hand, saying if Herc won't fight him, he's gonna kill Iolaus. This is enough for Hercules who then kills the Minotaur in a fashion similar to a death we saw flashbacked early on.

Zeus then shows up, and it's kinda cold? The Minotaur is still dying, and Zeus is just like "Sorry son" to Hercules and they just talk like the Minotaur isn't there? DYING? Hercules says he understands why Zeus couldn't tell him, and says he's just sorry Zeus had to lose a son.

I was really surprised there was no mourning for the loss of the possiblity of getting to know his brother or change his nature or anything... which I assume was why Herc didn't want to fight him a minute earlier? But whatever, they beat the bad guy...

Zeus then is like "I loved you, son" to his dying monster kid, but like, in a "and I don't now" tone. The Minotaur begs Zeus not to let him "die this way" (I think meaning ugly?) and then dies, and then Zeus turns him back into a (dead) man, and says "You're free now" and IDK MAN, it just didn't really work for me... Did not like.

Then Hercules saves Iolaus from the pods, and they let everyone else free. They decide to go home.

On the way home, Hercules remarks that he doesn't want to go on any adventures for a while, and Iolaus agrees...

...which makes me SO CONFUSED how the show ends up starting after this movie, so I can't wait to see!!

Final thoughts:

A bit thin on plot? I clocked that the Minotaur was Zeus's son right away, and it felt like a weird reveal.

Herc and Io were soooo keen on an adventure, but then came home wanting to not do that for a while... When do they decide to go on their Legendary Journeys? I'm starting to wonder if I'm stupid and these movies take place after the show chronologically haha.

On that note, Herc still has a wife and 3 kids, and Iolaus has at least one kid (no wife tho...)

Boo to clip shows. I hope there aren't many in the show proper. I kinda forgot they were a thing.

Hercules and Iolaus are a great dynamic! I love Michael Hurst.

I trust and like Zeus less the more I see of him. I don't think he will protect my boys and I don't like that haha.

What is going to happen to Dei????? I like her... I'm scared haha. Anya got written off without even an explanation just "she's gone" kinda thing.

Overall I'd say the relationships between Herc, Dei, and Iolaus were the standout bits. 🥰

Now I get to start the show proper!!

[blairsanne]

April Report

April didn't really go as planned, but considering the bingo event, my (rl job) workload, out of town guests, a watch party for ROTK, attending an online convention, and a death in the family, I think I did okay.

My April 2023 goals were:

Main blog:

19 Airdates posts - 13 posted (though my notes say I have 7 I didn't do, so... maybe I counted wrong last time?)

Post content to achieve bingo on all 3 @deanobingo cards - posted 10 total items for the bingo, got bingo on 2 of the 3 cards.

Also posted 15 unplanned "airdates extras" or stills posts

jprgirl:

6 Airdates posts - 5 posted

8 Deleted scenes posts - 8 posted

1 Birthday post - 1 posted

just-here-for-iolaus:

3 (some mix of rewatch posts and gif/stills posts) - haha no I did not post at all...

My May 2023 goals are:

Main blog:

19 Airdates posts

7 missed Airdates posts from April

(Fanfic) Pretend to be Nice - Chapter 4

(Fanfic) Lofn - Chapter 16

(Fanfic) Anders only one bed oneshot (WIP title “Cold”)

(Hopefully I feel like writing spicy stuff this month because that will be needed for those WIPs)

jprgirl:

4 Airdates posts

1 missed Airdate post from April

9 Deleted scenes posts

1 Birthday post

just-here-for-iolaus:

GRW: HTLJ Movie 4 review

GRW: HTLJ Movie 5 review

5 Airdates posts

1 Birthday post

[disdaidal]

My gifs & edits

A full archive of all my creations so far (2013-2021).

⭐ mine ⭐:

- all gifs - all edits - all writing - all videos - translations - photography - my AUs

⭐ sideblogs (gifs/edits) - dissygif (young hercules, htlj, xwp, taj, lots, cleopatra 2525 etc.) - banned4lifebilly (harringrove & keg boys - nsfw-ish) - clitinacementmixer (skins uk) - oneclangifs (the 100) - velvetsix (j-rock) - wolfshapedbullet (being human uk)

📺 tv shows 📺

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⭐ renaissance pictures: - young hercules - hercules: the legendary journeys - xena: warrior princess - legend of the seeker - cleopatra 2525 - jack of all trades

⭐ fear the walking dead - all my ftwd gifs series: nick clark | chris manawa | victor strand | daniel salazar relationships: nick x troy | nick x ofelia

⭐ miscellaneous tv shows: - american horrror story - the 100 - skins uk - being human uk - firefly - saints & strangers - mako mermaids - the new legends of monkey - z nation

📽 movies 📽

-  star wars -  the voices (2014) - bullet to the head (2012) - x men - it (1990) - spree (2020)

⭐ my lgbt movies/tv tag

⭐ favorite movies tag

🎮 games 🎮

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🎙 youtube 🎙

- jacksepticeye - pewdiepie - pyrocynical - kickthepj - aba & preach

🙆🏻‍♂️ people 🙆🏻

- kristoffer joner - joel tobeck - dean o’gorman - tabrett bethell - bridget regan - kiefer sutherland - lou diamond phillips - gina torres - craig parker

🐶 animals 🐱

- raccoons

[moddieeeex]

tagged by @milksapphire

actually i got tagged by a couple people a couple weeks ago too but i forgot...

Six ships: fuck man, I dont know, I'm not really a shipper but other than the obvious Xena/Gabrielle... Utena/Anthy, Karen/Hikari, Akko/Diana all get a pass... (my weeb is showing)

Last song I listened to: Crystal Clear - Hayley Williams

Last movie I watched: Lord of the Rings: the two towers (but I had to go to bed halfway through cause i was too sleepy and i had to wake up painfully early)

eDIT:

WAIT. FUCK. ACTUALLY I FORGOT IT WAS HTLJ AND THE LOST KINGDOM

Currently watching: Still doing the household Xena rewatch, and Amazing World of Gumball while I work

Currently eating: aahh thank you for reminding me

Currently craving: my Switch I told my housemate to hide cause I wouldn't stop playing Hades (I can crave gaming right?)

I tag

[yhwiki]

I'm thinking about doing a YH rewatch in 2021. One episode a week, and hopefully have time to update tidbits and factoids on the wiki as I go so I can finally finish the basic pages/summaries/quotes/etc by the end of next year, which means I'll probably do a rewatch of the HtLJ flashback episodes and the movie between now and the end of 2020. Anybody wanna commit to a full rewatch with me?

[herculesthelegendaryjourneys]

#Repost @renaissancepictures (@get_repost) ・・・ Hercules & Xena - The Animated Movie: The Battle for Mount Olympus was released direct-to-video on January 6, 1998. 20 years ago today. Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Michael Hurst, Renee O’Connor, Kevin Smith, and Alexandra Tydings all voiced their primary characters from HTLJ and XWP, while Ted Raimi voiced the titan Crius. Lucy also performed “Xena’s Song” in the movie. Joseph LoDuca composed the music, which was nominated for Outstanding Individual Achievement for Music in an Animated Feature Production. There’s no doubt they would have won if Ted had been allowed to sing “Crius the Mighty”. • • • • • #RenaissancePictures #SamRaimi #RobTapert #Xenaverse #Hercules #HerculesTheLegendaryJourneys #HTLJ #Xena #XenaWarriorPrincess #XWP #HerculesAndXena #XenaAndGabrielle #Iolaus #Gabrielle #Ares #Aphrodite #Crius #CriusTheMighty #Joxer #JoxerTheMighty #KevinSorbo #LucyLawless #MichaelHurst #ReneeOConnor #KevinSmith #AlexandraTydings #TedRaimi #JosephLoDuca

[renaissancepictures-blog]

Hercules & Xena - The Animated Movie: The Battle for Mount Olympus was released direct-to-video on January 6, 1998. 20 years ago today. Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Michael Hurst, Renee O’Connor, Kevin Smith, and Alexandra Tydings all voiced their primary characters from HTLJ and XWP, while Ted Raimi voiced the titan Crius. Lucy also performed “Xena’s Song” in the movie. Joseph LoDuca composed the music, which was nominated for Outstanding Individual Achievement for Music in an Animated Feature Production. There’s no doubt they would have won if Ted had been allowed to sing “Crius the Mighty”. * * * * * #RenaissancePictures #SamRaimi #RobTapert #Xenaverse #Hercules #HerculesTheLegendaryJourneys #HTLJ #Xena #XenaWarriorPrincess #XWP #HerculesAndXena #Iolaus #Gabrielle #Ares #Aphrodite #Crius #CriusTheMighty #Joxer #JoxerTheMighty #KevinSorbo #LucyLawless #MichaelHurst #ReneeOConnor #KevinSmith #AlexandraTydings #TedRaimi #JosephLoDuca

[xenaverseblog]

Hercules in the Maze of the Minotaur is the fifth and final TV movie of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys. It premiered on November 14, 1994 as part of the Universal Action Pack, before Season 1 began in 1995. This movie tells the story of Hercules and Iolaus rescuing villagers from a Minotaur’s maze. It is a clip show, built around scenes from the first four TV movies. • Swipe left for more pics! • 📸: hercules-xena.wikia.com • #HerculesInTheMazeOfTheMinotaur #Xenaverse #Hercules #HerculesTheLegendaryJourneys #HTLJ #Xena #XenaWarriorPrincess #XWP #HerculesAndXena #Iolaus #KevinSorbo #MichaelHurst #TawnyKitaen #RenaissancePictures #SamRaimi #RobTapert #JosephLoDuca #UniversalActionPack

[greenbryn]

Tagged by the awesome @firecat88

Relationship status: Single and too busy to mingle.

Favorite color: Green.

Lipstick or chapstick: Chapstick. Unless it's a special occasion.

Last song I listened to: This Year by Meghan Tonjes.

Last movie I watched: MIB 1.

Top 3 TV shows: Young Hercules, Leverage, um.... Firefly and Stargate Atlantis... (too many to choose from)

Books I’m currently reading: I'm rereading Pier Anthony's Split Infinity series, as well as Nancy Drew and a few other series from my childhood.

Top 3 characters: Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to choose??? Um.... Spike from BtVS/Angel...... Ares from YH/HtLJ/XWP.......Sam Beckett from Quantum Leap? Ugh, I think I strained something in my stomach trying to pick three....

Top 3 ships: Um... Spander, McShep, and Johnlock.

5 things in my bag: Pens, earbuds, Gameboy w/Zelda game, tampons, and a Lego separator tool.

5 things in my room: Posters and fanart on the walls, Dolls and action figures on display, SO MANY BOOKS, My shelf full of green stuffed animals, and my big bed.

5 things on my to-do list: 1) Do laundry. 2) Clean the house. 3) Go through boxes in storage and put things away. 4) Clean out the car. 5) Sell things on eBay.

5 things I’m currently into: Catching up on tv shows, selling things on eBay, beating my Zelda game repeatedly, getting ready for ConFabCon, and playing with my cat.

I tag @youngloveleroy, @nightlovechild, @aredlily and anyone else who wants to do this.

[lastloveklaroline]

Watching a true classic in my book...

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules in the Underworld

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

I actually watched this AGES ago and took notes but am only now formatting this blog post.

First scene, I got overly excited, and my notes literally read "Iolaus!? But not, sadly." because our boy Michael Hurst shows up with black hair, and idec what's going on at this point because I just want to stare at him for the rest of the movie.

But the ground opens up and it's this whole thing and these two die. Boo.

The next thing I freaked out about was Timothy Balme in the credits!! I hadn't thought about it at all going into it, so I didn't know he was in the movie. (I know him mostly from Almighty Johnsons, as Mike Johnson, and for writing things I liked.)

Those credits were over a scene where a young woman was being bathed and groomed etc. It's kinda sus but we don't know what's up yet.

Then we get what is actually kind of an upsetting scene? This wrestler comes to town and the hype man is taking bet money from anyone who wants to challenge the wrestler... who then just immediately kills the first man. And his friend realllly flatly complains about it because that was his friend. Yeah, you sound heart-broken... but for some reason friend dude challenges the 'wrestler' who just literally killed someone, and he has no shot.

Then we get a really adorable reveal of Hercules with his kids and it made me happy to see him after that awful scene. He's asked to come deal with the killer in town, and so he arrives to challenge him. There's a long fight, bla bla, Hercules wins. Then it's revealed that this whole thing was Hera just causing problems to annoy Hercules and WOW is that awful.

Several men are dead because Hera blames Hercules for Zeus's infidelity... what else is new?

Hercules quite reasonably destroys the shrine to Hera outside the town.

Then Zeus comes and complaings to Herc about how he should complain less about Hera's bs? And be more grateful for how great his life is, because he has a wife and kids/happy home life and that's "more than [Zeus] ever had" which is like... confusing?? He's the king of the gods? Surely he could have had a nice wife if he'd wanted one? IDK. I don't get Zeus. And I get him less the more I see.

Herc rightfully points out that he's worked very hard to get this nice life, and I feel much more annoyed at Zeus on Herc's behalf than he is. Hercules has grown on me so much haha.

My notes: "I kept waiting for Hercules to come home to his wife and kids dead. XD" "How do we still have a wife and kids and no Iolaus???"

Luckily Herc goes home and there's a cute scene of him and his wife that shows their chemistry quite well. I liked Dei a lot here. Herc then goes and does chores but gets distracted by how much he loves his family and my FUCKING HEART. I love Hercules so much in this scene.

And he's hanging out with this centaur guy who, initially, excited me!

"A centaur! Not as well done visuals as they end up having for Cheiron in YH but fair enough."

Then this girl shows up and says she needs Herc's help in her town. We find out that the centaur doesn't like Hercules and worships Hera (even tho he works for Hercules?). He goes back to the house and gets into a confrontation with Dei where he implies that Hercules won't be faithful to her and then - (and this part makes my skin crawl) says that he can think of something else he can do better than Hercules, coming on to her. I thought this scene was unfortunately believable, both on how creepy he was and how Dei reacted.

"Die-a-nah-rah"? "Day-a-nee-rah"? Well the characters can't agree on how to say her name, so...

Dei encounters a lady who says the girl who came looking for help is trying to trick Hercules, so she goes to try to warn him. She leaves her kids with their aunt.

I got really excited, because the aunt's name is Althea (which is the name of my Young Hercules OC hahahahaha).

On the subject of names, the woman Herc is helping is named "Iole" but I definitely thought her name was "ailoli" at some point. But also why is Iole's name so similar to their daughter's name (Ilea)? WHAT IS WITH NAMES IN THESE MOVIES?? Just pick names that are more different PLEASE. Iole, Ilea, Iolaus, whyyyyy.

Anyway, off Dei goes to warn Herc but SURPRISE, Herc already knew all about it and he's convinced he'll never get seduced by anyone because the only person he loves enough to die for is Dei (sorry kids), so he sends her home with the centaur (Nessus) that tried it on the night before.

Disappointingly, Nessus tries to assault Dei, who yells for help, and Herc... Shoots a single arrow. From a huge distance. To kill Nessus without visual. She didn't say "Hercules, help, Nessus is attacking me" she just yelled for help and... I can suspend my disbelief for a lot in these movies but this was just ridiculous. He could have easily killed his wife here. JFC.

Anyway Nessus is dying and whines to Hera about it, but then tells Dei his blood is magic and if she puts her cloak (which absorbed his blood) on Herc, he'll always be loyal to her. Even in the scene this doesn't make a lot of sense, but he claims it's because he loves Dei.

Herc (to his credit) does come to Dei. He blames himself for what's happened and offers to go home, but Dei... tells him not to? Urges him to help Iole? It's a bit odd. But she says she has to help those people and she gives him the cloak and tells him to use it at night when he's cold and think only of her.

Herc and Iole get to some town where a man is just going apeshit destroying a pub or whatever, and Iole uses her special virgin powers to calm him down and figure out that he burned his tongue on soup and would have explained but couldn't talk because he was in too much pain, and he just needs a drink of water... and the guy is immediately calm. Like a toddler or animal. Except that he's a grown man, so this whole scene makes no sense whatsoever. I assumed this was some sort of like "oh, see, Iole argued with Herc that they should try talking" callback to Dei previously or something, but it's actually a set up for something else.

WE SEE TIM. He's clearly watching Iole.

But I just got so excited because I love familiar faces.

There's a scene where Iole and Herc are camping out and she tells him a story about two lovers in the stars who are destined never to reach each other... And I was like WHY AREN'T YOU USING YOUR WIFE'S CLOAK? Guess it was a balmy night.

A Tim Balme-y night.

Creeper character that he is, he's stalking Iole and we get a scene which is basically just more fanservice where Iole swims around naked (save for all her jewelry) and Lycastus (we don't know his name yet, but I feel bad calling him Tim here) watches her the whole time making wanton faces. It drags on a bit, and Iole thinks it's Herc watching her so she's playing it up... Yikes.

Lycastus attacks Hercules, and Herc is like "I'm not gonna dirty my hands on you" or something but then when Lycastus attacks again he's like "the next thing to break is your neck" which is sort of the opposite of what he just said, but okay.

Anyway Herc knocks him out instead of killing him, Iole explains that she and Lycastus are in love, but that it doesn't matter because the only thing that does matter is saving her village. And off they go, leaving poor Lycastus alone and knocked out in the wilds.

They get to town and everyone's happy cuz Herc is there to save them. At this point I was still very confused why anyone thought Herc could help, because, I mean... it's a big hole with green shit coming out of it. Hercules can't exactly beat it into submission, you know?

Zeus shows up and tells Herc not to go down there because the only thing down there is death.

From my notes: "Hercules doesnt know if he’s mortal or not… and apparently neither does Zeus…??? Even though in the last movie they were like ZOMG IF YOU GO IN THE CIRCLE YOULL BE MORTAL. Guess that doesnt matter now?"

Seriously what is or isn't canon in this universe? XD

Anyway, Lycastus tries to tell Iole not to seduce Hercules, she's like "no, I love you, but I have to do this" but then these two start making out!! She's like "no, I can't (bone you right here right now)" but he argues that she wants to, and she's just like "yeah, but I can't" and Herc shows up right then to tell her that he just can't bring himself to go in that hole (in the ground).

Iole then strips and tries to convince Herc to do it for her, but he's like "nah, this is really uncomfortable, sorry" and isn't interested at all and honestly... his face when she starts dropping her dress? He seems so like "what is she doing?".

This is not a man who was ever going to cheat on his wife.

I'm still wondering if maybe he's kinda demisexual? Like he needs to form a certain kind of bond with someone before he considers them sexually attractive? Not important, just a thought.

HILARIOUSLY, on his way out of the tent he's like "Hey Lycastus, take care of her" which makes me wonder if he knew Lycastus was there the whole time, and chose to cockblock him when he entered, or...? XD

And it's only now, when Herc is deciding to go home, that he puts on Dei's cloak for the first time. It starts beating him up (really, just, watch the scene, there's no other way to describe it?) and when he finally gets it off, it turns into a peacock (for Hera) before disappearing entirely.

This drives him to throw himself into the hole because... he's mad at the gods?

Unfortunately someone runs and tells Dei that Herc is dead because there was a cloak that drove him mad. She believes he's dead and that it's her fault.

Then we get treated to more Michael Hurst (as Charon the Boatman, so a little less photogenic than usual), who informs Hercules that he's still alive. I thought it was kinda rude Herc stole his lantern (especially after getting a free boat ride) but I suppose even heroes can have flaws. (I say, knowing full well I will never blame Iolaus for stealing anything ever.)

Dei then, uh... walks to a cliff, thinking about Hercules, I think with the intention of killing herself already, but then it's implied that Hera gives her a vision of Herc reaching out to her, and she walks off trying to reach back to him? I'm not sure if Hera's involvement was needed, but maybe they wanted to soften the suicide angle a bit. But like, why would she have even been there otherwise, dressed like that and having flashbacks of him... ANYWAY.

There's a really weird scene where these three "women" come to Hercules in the underworld and start like, seducing him, I guess? And he keeps picturing sexy times with his wife (clips from earlier) and repeating her name... until he snaps out of it and kills(?) them.

Basically the dead are all after Hercules. Especially the villains he killed. Herc pits the villains against each other to get away. Honestly the fighting gets boring.

Nessus reveals himself to Herc and explains how he betrayed him. He reveals that Dei killed herself because she blamed herself for his death. Herc tricks Nessus into opening the portal to where Dei is (to "show" her to Herc) and Herc jumps through it. (Suck it, Nessus.)

Herc finds Dei, but she doesn't remember him. Hades shows up and (I actually thought quite reasonably) explained that he had erased the pain that brought her there, and that she was dead but basically happy. It's a reward for her good life. Herc says he's gonna take her home and Hades tries to explain that that's just, not really how death works.

He also claims that her memory can't be restored. But the moment Herc kisses her, she gets her memories back, so... that was incorrect.

Fortunately for Herc, Hades is dealing with a problem right now. Hercules offers to catch Cerberus for Hades in exchange for Dei leaving with Herc. They make the deal, even tho Hades is doubtful it will happen. And for some reason tries to raise the stakes on the bet by saying if Herc fails then she's Hades's forever?

From my notes: "I kind of loved Hades? He was actually being pretty kind to Deianeira etc. and it was reasonable for him to make a deal with Hercules. Eventually Dei will die though so like… IDK that was kind of a weird like IF YOU FAIL SHE IS MINE FOREVER like yeah I guess if you die, you're dead forever? IDK."

How does death normally work in this world??

The underworld guards were actually so funny. Some really interesting/fun costume stuff and fake limbs, etc. But clearly they were limited with the budget/technology of the time.

To quote my notes: "Speaking of visuals, Cerberus is… rough…" (Not even so much the practical props, but the CGI.. yikes)

But Hercules manages to not only find, but corner Cerberus, and, remembering the TONGUE BURNING SCENE FROM EARLIER, is able to calm him down and get him back to his post instead of killing him. That's great and all, but I think the whole thing would have been better if that first scene had been about a child or animal and not a grown man.

To their credit, the guards seemed quite satisfied with the whole thing. I liked these guys haha.

Getting Hades back to normal saves the village, as the hole closes up. Iole apologizes to Herc and Dei, then announces that she's gonna start a family with Lycastus. Herc and Dei have some PDA in the town which makes me wanna gag just a little bit.

Zeus then comes to visit his family and he and Herc chat about whether or not Hercules is immortal, and apparently Herc doesn't care either way.

The movie ends on Herc being asked to help someone again (almost played for laughs? But not by the characters, at least).

Final thoughts:

Overall, a pretty solid plot.

I can't get over how stupid the soup scene is. Literally just needed it to be a kid or an animal in a similar scenario to solve that issue. It was great that it came back when dealing with Cerberus, but the initial scene itself was a mess.

I wanted to see more of Lycastus, not because his plot felt unfinished, but just because I actually really liked the character and it was Tim haha.

Once again I ask: How do we still have a wife and kids and no Iolaus???

I was not surprised that Dei died. But BOY was I surprised that Dei didn't stay dead. WTF.

On that note, I really like Dei. I liked how certain she was initially of her bond with Herc and that it was only after she was convinced that there was treachery afoot that she went to warn him (and I love that she was trying to WARN him, not be all jealous - she was told he would die, so of course she'd want to warn him)!

I also really liked Hercules's loyalty and the love he showed throughout the movie for his wife and kids. It's very endearing.

WHERE IS THIS GOING? How does this become the TV show?? XD

[blairsanne]

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Sideblogs: @deanofilmographyproject - Dean O'Gorman visual content @jprgirl - Almighty Johnsons sideblog @just-here-for-iolaus - Young Hercules(/HTLJ/XWP) sideblog @deanobingo - Annual event blog @notthetypeofgirlwholayseggs - Utena sideblog @kingofmertonia - Big Wolf on Campus sideblog

If there's anything you really enjoy, just let me know and I'll try to work on more of the same. I take requests for fandoms I've posted for, and might for others, feel free to ask. I take requests for any Dean O'Gorman character.

Masterlist:

Masterlist sorted by fandom. (Expand to view.) ✅ completed fic | ✍️ to be continued | 💛 no romance | 💕 romance | 😈 smut

The Hobbit / Lord of the Rings, The Almighty Johnsons, Wanted, The Brokenwood Mysteries, Young Hercules, Big Wolf on Campus

The Hobbit / Lord of the Rings

Series/Multipart Fics:

An Unexpected Blue Wizard

The Hobbit - Kili/wizard!fOC, Thorin/Bilbo, Fili/dwarf!fOC ✍️💕Gandalf surprises the company with a last minute addition: a blue wizard. Kili finds her intriguing and shenanigans ensue. Her presence slightly alters some points of the plot. Very long, follows the plots of the movies and beyond. Slow burn, romance, fantasy, drama. Magic stuff, dwarf stuff. Everyone lives AU. Erebor stuff eventually. Series Masterlist here

Homecoming

Durin's Garage Modern AU - Bofur x fReader ✅😈💕 You move back to your old hometown, sure that you’re not really welcome, intent on re-opening Durin’s General Store. A run in with the local pub owner takes an exciting and unexpected turn. As things progress, will you be able to open your heart up to him? 4 Parts

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Oneshots/Drabbles

Scarf: Ori/gnReader ✅💕 You finally give Ori the gift you made for him and receive one in return. 801 words.

Music: OC, Thorin's Company ✅💛 Set in the 'An Unexpected Blue Wizard' story world. The company is enjoying making music in Rivendell. 728 words.

Sweets: Fili, Kili ✅💛 Set in their childhood in Ered Luin, Fili sneaks off to get a secret surprise for his brother. 653 words.

Sleigh Ride: Thorin/Bilbo, Kili, Fili ✅💛 After the BOTFA (everyone lives AU), Thorin, Bilbo, Fili and Kili need to go collect an order from Dale. 423 words.

Stars: Thranduil, Legolas ✅💛 Thranduil takes little Legolas out for some stargazing one autumn night. 379 words.

Mulled Wine: Thranduil x gnReader, Legolas, Tauriel ✅💕 Legolas and Tauriel lock Reader and Thranduil in his chambers. 2113 words.

Books: Kili, Fili, Ori ✅💛 Kili and Fili go snooping around in Ori's book collection and find some things they weren't meant to. 466 words.

Wrapping Paper: Kili x gnReader, Ori ✅💕 Kili accidentally wraps his gift for Reader using a parchment that contains a love poem. 1359 words.

Reunions: Thorin/Bilbo, Bofur, Fili, Kili, Tauriel ✅💛 After the BOTFA (everyone lives AU), members of the company try to find each other in the chaos of injured survivors. 1159 words.

Wishes: Fili, The Company, Tauriel, Dis ✅💛 Fili sets out the annual yule log for the winter solstice celebrations, and one by one, everyone adds something to it while making wishes for the coming year. 770 words.

Finding Fili: Fili x fReader ✅😈 It’s Fili’s birthday, and you, being his secret-girlfriend, are trying to give him a gift when you happen upon something unexpected. 1881 words.

Home: Fili x Ori ✅💕 Ori pays Fili a visit in his quarters, and the two get to talking about the future and their feelings. 2104 words.

Blankets: Fili x fReader ✅💕 You accompany Fili on a trip to a nearby town of Men, but the inclement weather forces you to spend the night together at an inn. (Only one bed trope.) 2756 words.

Across Time: Fili x Kili (not-related, time travel AU) ✅💕 When Fili gains the power to travel through time, a fated encounter with Kili leads to a double life across time. Can Fili save Kili from the fatal events of the winter festival? 3873 words.

Reunion at Bag End: Bagginshield, Frodo, Company ✅💛 Bilbo is anxious as he awaits Thorin and the Company's arrival at Bag End. Everyone lives AU, cozy fluff. 1443 words.

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The Almighty Johnsons

Series/Multipart Fics:

Goddess of Sex

Anders Johnson x goddess!fOC ✍️💕(slight 😈) Anders unknowingly meets the goddess Venus. As their worlds collide, all sorts of ‘god stuff’ complicates their friendship, and their friendship complicates their god stuff. Follows the plots of the show and beyond. Slow burn, romance, drama. Added pantheon. Sometimes smutty. Coworkers to friends to FWB to lovers to ???. Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Lofn

Anders Johnson x goddess!fReader ✍️💕😈 After a horrible day, Anders accidentally summons the goddess of comfort. As their encounters become more frequent, they find themselves offering comfort to each other in more ways than one. Series Masterlist here

Warm

Ty Johnson x gnReader ✍️💕You find yourself dateless at your sister’s wedding. Your eye is soon caught by some ice, and the man behind it.

Parts: 1, 2

Pretend to be Nice

Anders Johnson x goddess!fReader ✍️💕😈 You are secretly in love with your good friend, Anders, but believe that nothing can possibly come of this given Anders's history of not having long-term partners.

Series Masterlist here

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Oneshots/Drabbles

Sick: Anders x fReader ✅💕 When you wake up beside a sick god, it’s time to nurse the whiny patient back to health. (Fluff/comfort.) 1475 words.

Starry Night: Anders, Dawn ✅💛 A brief interaction at JPR. 311 words.

Baking: Anders, Ty ✅💛 Ty brings some cupcakes to JPR in a bid to woo Dawn. 232 words.

Snowflakes: Ty x gnReader ✅💕 Ty shares a nice moment with you when a rare snowstorm blankets Auckland. 591 words.

Joy: Axl Johnson & co ✅💛 It's Axl's birthday and he wants to ride the corkscrew. 343 words.

Fuzzy Socks: Zeb, fOC ✅💛 After his flatmates abandon him, Zeb gets help keeping warm from a friend. 723 words.

Coming Home: Anders x gnReader ✅💕 After a long day, Anders looks forward to you joining him at his flat. 312 words.

Christmas Tree: Anders, Dawn, Ty ✅💛 Anders doesn't want JPR decorated for Christmas, but Dawn and Ty have other plans. 546 words.

Family: Anders, Dawn, Johnsons ✅💛 Ty and Dawn host a family dinner at their place, but family gatherings with the Johnsons aren't always the smoothest. 1340 words.

Cookies: Ty, Dawn ✅💛 Ty is making cookies, but Dawn is impatient. 195 words.

Snowman: Anders, Ty, Olaf, Axl, Zeb, Mike ✅💛 The Johnsons (and Zeb) take advantage of the rare snow to make a huge snowman. 383 words.

Fireworks: Ty x Dawn ✅💕 Ty tries to reconcile with Dawn at a New Year's Eve party. 1053 words.

Promise: Anders x fReader ✅💕 Anders is in his feels. Angst, major spoilers for end of series. 1615 words.

Here: Anders x gnReader ✅💛 Anders tries to provide comfort to you, even though he knows he can’t fix what’s wrong. (Comfort) 618 words.

Still Here: Anders x gnReader ✅💕 Anders tries to support you through your tough time. Technically a sequel to Here but doesn't need to be read as such. (Comfort) 1287 words.

Important: Anders x gnReader ✅💕 You and Anders are both having bad days. But you have each other. 1122 words

Bragi's Blessing: Anders x fReader ✅😈 Anders offers encouragement to an Anders-fic writer. (Not really smut but close.) 571 words.

Earned: Anders x Mitchell (Being Human crossover) ✅💕 A short interaction between Anders and Mitchell in Anders's flat. 654 words.

Uncle Bragi: Anders, Ty x Dawn ✅💛 Dawn is home alone with her and Ty’s new baby, Zinnia, and can’t get her to stop crying. She turns to Anders for help. 1347 words.

What's the Point?: Anders & Ty ✅💛 Ty really doesn’t see the point of… anything. Anders thinks it’s pretty obvious. 578 words

Surprise: Anders x fReader ✅😈 It’s Anders’s birthday and everyone is conspiring to make it a good one… even you! 2326 words

Annoying: Anders x gnReader ✅💕 You're unwell and Anders finds your lack of self-care irritating. 1150 words

Do You Miss Me?: Anders x fReader ✅😈 You go to Wellington for a few days and Anders doesn't think he can be patient anymore. 1732 words.

Call Me: Anders x fReader ✅😈 Anders feels impatient while you're out of town in Wellington. (Anders POV of Do You Miss Me?) 2109 words

What I Need: Anders xfReader ✅😈 Anders wants something, and you want Anders, but he doesn't seem to be taking the hint. 2141 words

Fancy Lunch: Anders, Ty x Dawn, OC child ✅💛 Anders takes his niece on a fancy lunch date, because he's all about family. Sequel to 'Uncle Bragi'. 2,547 words

---

Wanted

Series/Multipart Fics:

Boonies

Will Johnson x fReader ✍️💕(eventually 😈) You stumble upon a strange injured man in your chicken coop and decide to offer him a place to stay while he heals.

Latest Chapter: 3

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Oneshots/Drabbles:

Thirtieth: Will x fReader ✅😈 Your hospital roommate didn’t tell you it was his birthday, but you manage to make it a good one in the end. ;) 4085 words

I Could Stay: Will x gnReader ✅💕 Will debates leaving on his hunting trip because you have a cold. 1969 words

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The Brokenwood Mysteries

Series/Multipart Fics:

Try Therapy

Barnaby Buchanan x fReader ✍️💕 You take a new job caring for a horse with a very peculiar owner. Eventually you develop a friendship though you secretly have a crush on him. Even if he thinks a horse is his dead wife.

Start here Latest chapter: 4

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Young Hercules

Oneshots/Drabbles:

Stay Out of Trouble: Iolaus x OC ✅💕 Iolaus goes looking for Althea and finds her dealing with a problem she didn’t cause. He struggles to find a way to tell her how he feels. 1536 words.

Keep it Down: Iolaus x OC ✅💕 Iolaus has been hiding an injury, but not from Althea's watchful eyes. Her offer to help him eventually becomes a steamy rendezvous. 1068 words

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Big Wolf On Campus

Series/Multipart Fics:

In The Cards

Merton Dingle x fOC, Tommy Dawkins ✍️💕 Tommy’s cousin moves to Pleasantville from Canada, and immediately gets swept up into werewolf shenanigans. Tommy wants to keep things a secret, and Merton can’t help but pine for the new girl who seems to enjoy his company. Kalida has secrets of her own. (Tommy also gets various pairings.) Latest chapter: 17

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Oneshots/Drabbles:

Hot Chocolate: Merton, Tommy, OC ✅💛 Merton makes his family recipe hot chocolate for his roommates. 383 words.

Candles: Tommy, Merton, OC ✅💛 Tommy is trying to get emergency supplies together but his roommates fixate on his request. 416 words.

Ornaments: Merton, Tommy, OC ✅💛 Tommy, Merton and Kalida are packing up their Christmas decorations. 226 words.

Christmas Market: Merton, Tommy, Lori, OC ✅💛 The gang goes to a Christmas Market looking for gifts. 397 words.

---

Other Masterlists:

December Drabbles 2021 (all listed above)

Durin's Garage AU Masterlist

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules and the Amazon Women

Okay, now that I own all of HTLJ, XWP and YH (including the movies) I decided it's time to watch everything.

I watched "Hercules and the Amazon Women" for the first time ever earlier this week and it was just... wild.

I don't know what I expected, really, but since I'm most familiar with Young Hercules, and a little bit of Xena, there was a lot that surprised me. (I will also say, I was afraid of Kevin Sorbo as a kid so I didn't really watch HTLJ much when it was on TV, and I have forgotten most of what I did watch. What I know about the show is... Hercules and Iolaus are buddies who travel around and things happen? And afaik they are single with random flings with women.)

I have so many thoughts.

First of all: We see Zeus??

He's just straight up a character in the movie, with lines, and telling Hercules he's his favourite son, and definitely wanting to bang Alcmene.

To say this left me in shock is an understatement. Don't get me wrong, his character was actually a delight (even when he was being a piece of shit) but like, coming from having watched a portion of Young Hercules, where Zeus is notably absent, it's a bit of a shock to the system to have him just fucking around and casually telling Hercules how much he likes him, etc. (Because on YH, Hercules is trying desperately to win his father's approval.)

(But also Zeus wtf tell your wife to stop trying to kill your kid?)

Also: Iolaus is getting married?

Okay, so, again, I don't know much about the plot of HTLJ but I do know that Iolaus goes around with Hercules and I'm like 99% sure that he has some romantic interests?

But anyway they're super cute together and in love ♥♥♥

So, my first thought was "well, they sure are foreshadowing that Iolaus might die going on this trip, but since I know he's in the TV show, it must be his wife that dies, and that's why he's single in the show".

Which brings me to: IOLAUS FUCKING DIES??

He just straight up dies. Like a third of the way into the movie. And is not part of the plot after that. He just is dead. I kept waiting for them to like, cut back to him having actually survived and healing up someplace, and coming to help Herc at a crucial moment. But alas.

Hercules turns into a baby at one point in the movie.

I just thought that part was weird. Even if the candle shows someone their past, idk why it would change their body at the same time.

Also... what was the point of this???

She is trying to show him how he is a dick, but if she doesn't think he can change, and she plans to kill him anyway.... what was the point of trying to show him the error of his ways? It's a waste of her time.

"What if I tried to change?" "You can't change. You're a man."

This was poorly thought out. Especially since she says "It's not my intention that you should suffer needlessly. It's not a female trait." Like, okay, sure. What the fuck are you doing then? I don't get her motivation for doing all of this.

Hercules refuses to carry a weapon.

This surprised me because I guess I just forgot about this, or maybe it's only a thing in HTLJ and not YH? I swear Hercules sometimes carries weapons in YH?

IDK I was just shocked by it. I'm curious to see if this remains consistent. He kind of mocks Iolaus for having a weapon, but like, Iolaus would have died (earlier) without his sword to cut the rope off his neck, just saying. And Hercules doesn't refuse to use weapons. He's happy to take weapons off people and use them, he just refuses to carry weapons, which... he's got demigod super strength. If anything it would tire him less than it does Iolaus. I don't get the logic behind it tbh.

While we're on the topic of weird Hercules philosophy:

Hercules thinks nobody should worship the gods.

I get where he's coming from, since he's a demigod and he's met the gods and they're dicks and all... Though, this being the first movie, the audience wouldn't know that, so I guess I'm giving him a lot of benefit of the doubt here. But, the issue I have with this isn't so much that he doesn't have respect for the gods, but that he tells other people not to.

This is just privilege, my guy. It's easy enough for him to shrug off the gods, but the people whose shrine he's destroying aren't demigods, and when they piss off the gods, there are dire consquences (as we see when multiple people die in this movie because Hera's pissed). It's so irresponsible for him to advocate that people anger the gods when they have no recourse if the gods attack them.

(Ironically, this is something they kinda explore in YH, but that whole show is retcon so I'll give them a pass on that.)

I guess Hercules thinks people are better off dead than worshipping gods, idk.

Hercules thinks men should be hard and unchanging like stone.

We see him being taught this by some fighting teacher of his as a kid. I want to say this is one of the beliefs that changes in him during the movie, but since I've now seen the second movie and he tells this same shit to some people in that movie, I'm inclined to think he still believes it by the end of this movie and it's antithetical to the theme of this movie so it just feels weird.

Hercules is an open misogynist.

I... This was the theme of the movie. It was a cringey, heavy-handed story about how everyone is wrong when they're sexist, and this movie is like the first Hercules media, so they wouldn't have the YH plot stuff to draw from, but it feels really weird having seen a bunch of YH stuff where he meets Amazon women and respects women (Kora, Lilith, etc.) in his daily life and considers them trusted friends... and then see him be so openly hostile toward women and disparage them as needing to be protected because they're weak, and telling Iolaus to get out of the kitchen because only women belong there... It was rough.

He learns better by the end of the movie, I guess.

Is Hercules Ace/Aro/Gay?

This is sort of a weird tangent, because I feel like Young Hercules (at least in the tv show) is shown to be interested in women. But I didn't really buy Kevin Sorbo's acting when he "falls" for the Amazon queen. I didn't feel like they had any chemistry, whereas I totally bought the friendship between him and Iolaus.

Herc talks with Iolaus about him getting married and basically doesn't seem to understand why Iolaus would want to marry a wife who can't cook well, tend his clothes, or tend the animals well. When Iolaus says she's beautiful, Herc is basically like "what does that matter", and then Iolaus says he's in love and he doesn't expect Herc to get it, and Hercules is kinda like "well I sure don't get why my friend wants this, but I guess it's his life".

Iolaus suggests that Herc will find a woman one day and understand and Herc says "Me? Never."

Also Hippolyta asks him about loving Iolaus: "Could you love a woman as you loved Iolaus?" "It's different with women."

This might just be to make the whole "Hercules doesn't respect women" point, but it's an interesting series of events/statements.

Lucy Lawless is in this movie!

Not as Xena, although she looks kinda like Xena, so when she showed up I mistakenly thought we might get a Xena origin story or something. I was mildly disappointed. (But look, so pretty!)

I got really upset when they killed Pithus, and it felt really unneeded and underplayed. It was around this point that I was starting to think maybe there would be some Zeus intervention to bring people back to life.

Before I move on to that, though, can I just say: The scene where Hercules carries Hippolyta's corpse into town... wouldn't everyone assume he killed her?

Last they knew she ran off to try to kill him, and when he comes back he doesn't explain anything right away. I guess they were all just okay with that since they wanted to all live peacefully in town together? IDK. It feels like the Amazon women were very easily swayed into living with the men again and just stopped caring about Hippolyta too quickly. (Not that I wanted them to be mad at Hercules, but... it just felt not very believable for people living in essentially cult conditions.)

Zeus did something!

I really liked that Hercules gave Zeus shit at the end, and talked him into reversing time for him. It's not how I thought they were gonna revive Iolaus, but it's good enough.

(I am told they planned to keep Iolaus dead but they liked Michael Hurst so much that they decided to revive him just in case. What an excellent call. ♥)

Okay, Hercules was actually likeable at the very very end of the movie. His enthusiasm to eat Ania's stew was actually cute.

I still don't really know how I feel about Kevin Sorbo Hercules yet.

Final thoughts:

I was surprised how much I liked both Zeus and Alcmene.

I was not surprised how much I loved Iolaus, and I look forward to more of him.

Also Ania is so cute, I'm scared about what happens.

The sexism theme was not handled that well/subtly but maybe for the time it wasn't that bad?

Hercules is characterized very differently than he is in YH. (And that's fine, I'm not holding it against this series, I understand why that would happen and I can separate the two.)

I don't think this movie will be one I watch over and over.

I'm really looking forward to watching more HTLJ and I'm honestly surprised how much I enjoyed this despite my complaints! ♥

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules and the Lost Kingdom

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

I watched this movie for the first time the other day, and I think I liked it better than 'Hercules and the Amazon Women'?

Firstly: Renee O'Connor is in this one!

How much does Deianira act like Gabrielle in the pre-sea-serpent parts of the movie??

Another familiar face: Nathaniel Lees! ♥ (He plays Cheiron in YH, and I got excited when I saw him, lol. He plays the Blue Cult priest in this movie.)

Obviously I was disappointed that Iolaus didn't make an appearance, but I guess he's not the focus.

The movie opened with some people searching for Hercules to get help, just like the first movie did. But Hera kills two of them, and honestly the second guy just seemed very okay with it, idgi. Just calmly accepted that he was the one the rock was going to bash in the head. (Let's ignore the faulty physics of the scene. It's god stuff.)

Hercules trying to eat in peace... I actually felt bad for him when the giant showed up haha. Actually, to be honest, I was surprised at how happy I was to see him (Hercules, I mean). I think he's winning me over despite my Kevin-Sorbo-aversion.

Hercules hates god worship.

This is something we saw in the Amazon Women movie that is a pretty big focus again at the beginning of this one.

He turns down the villagers' offer to build a shrine to him (since he killed the giant). When he says he "wouldn't know what to do with one" this gets a laugh from Zeus, but I assumed he meant it literally.

Zeus suggesting that Hercules make a sacrifice to Hera is just so fucking tone deaf. Even if Hercules did try to honour Hera, I don't think that would help, and Hera just literally killed a man in Hercules's arms so WTF my dude. (Apparently one of 100 men she killed who were all sent to find him.)

Herc then interrupts a sacrifice to the gods and tells the people to irrigate instead. I like his pragmatic approach. At least this time he was giving them concrete, workable advice, and not straight up suggesting they piss off the gods directly.

When this character showed up I had a huge reaction!! Something set off whatever the positive version of alarm bells is. IDK if this character (Waylin) shows up in the show or something or the actor plays another character, but something deep in my memory was like 😍 for some reason. (And he was cute in this movie! ♥ But I've definitely not seen it!)

Just as an aside: How was Deianira able to just walk up to the palace and knock on the front door?? Multiple times?

As much as it was cute that Deianira really did have a father who was a handsome king that loved her so much he sent her away to be safe...... I hated that the reveal happened when only Deianira was with the king, and that he died right after. Like, everyone in Troy just has to take her word for it that she's his daughter (well I guess the one dude heard the King say her name). She comes out of the tent totally redressed and gives a speech and... everyone just accepts her as their leader immediately. Idk man, I don't buy it. But, I'm not one to follow monarchs, haha.

I hate Deianira flirting with Hercules and I'm really glad it wasn't mutual.

Again idk if this is him swearing off all women after Hippolyta was killed because of him, or if he thinks she's too young, or if he just really isn't that interested in women at all... Either way, I'm good with it in this movie.

The rock thing.

He tells the people from Troy that in order to be warriors and kill people, they need to be like a rock. "A rock has no mind or heart or hope or fear." BE HARD.

I gotta say this doesn't really feel like the Young Hercules characterization of Herc (which I know more), and I am not sure I agree with the philosophy. (I am reminded of Buffy saying that her emotions give her strength in S2 of BtVS.)

And I get that in the end, the rocks help them defeat their enemy, and that's fine as far as how cheesy a twist it was and all. I just don't agree with the philosophy and I don't want Herc to think this way. I want him to be able to have emotions and be happy and enjoy life and stuff and it makes me kinda sad to think he thinks he needs to abandon having a mind/heart/hope... Like, he's a demigod already, he will be strong enough to help people even without closing his heart off... Maybe this is a coping mechanism for him, idk. I look forward to seeing how this keeps up through the series (or not).

Short thoughts:

Once again I enjoyed Herc giving Zeus shit. (Re: helping them take Troy back from the Blue Cult.)

I wasn't a fan of the subplot with the guy from Troy that saw Herc as a love rival for Deianira.

"Cow-herd's way" was... dorky. It amused me.

Herc shouldn't have needed to pick up a piece of rubble to hit the priest with, if he was able to punch a giant to death. Maybe it was to spare his hand?

Herc not wanting a slave is totally in character, played into the previous themes re: god worship etc.

Deianira wtf?

Deianira is so ready to die for her people, to "fulfill her destiny". Okay, cool she wants to protect the people of Troy, but why is she so convinced that she needs to be sacrificed to the gods after she learns that she was saved from that as a child by her father? (I guess trying to avoid prophecies that are actually inevitable is a Greek thing tho.)

I don't love that Deianira became a helpless damsel, lost and confused, and wearing a billowing white dress while being threatened by a monster man... for Hercules to save. At least it's not to bone her?

WHAT IS THIS?

Herc gets yeeted out of there. It was really silly. I guess he's taking Deianira's place as Hera's sacrifice kinda (but not really)...

It should have ended here, tbh. We shouldn't have seen him again. We get a nice little wrap up that Troy will be okay. Perfect!

But then we get this:

And while it's, like, nice to know he didn't die, I guess... IDK him just getting yeeted back to wherever Troy is cut off from, and having someone need his help... feels like a much weaker ending to the movie. Maybe this was so the movies could be watched out of order and they wouldn't have to explain how he survived Hera in a different one. That's logical, I just don't like it.

So... final thoughts... I don't see this being one I watch over and over again either, but... I think I had a better time watching this one than the Amazon Women one. The plot didn't feel as cheesy/heavy handed. I felt a lot more connected to Hercules already, and the other familiar faces were nice, too.

I wanna see that one guy again! Waylin! Is he a recurring character or just the actor? Where am I pinging him from?? He was a delight.

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules and the Circle of Fire

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

Okay, watched this for the first time a few days ago and so far it's easily my favourite of the first three movies. I really, genuinely, liked Hercules in this movie. I completely forgot it was Kevin Sorbo.

(And, not because he had a romantic plotline, I want to be clear. He just was kinder? More human? Idk. We'll get into it.)

So let's jump into it.

First of all this dream sequence.

Okay, I was confused by the white cloak on the mystery woman. I was like "she looks like she's wrapped in snow-covered saran wrap, what is happening?" and then we get this close up of her mouth, and I stg I was like "IS THAT CALLISTO??" 🤣😅 (Spoilers, it is definitely not Callisto.)

The change of scenery was kinda cool, too (pardon the pun). I was really curious what he was doing up there, but then realized it was a dream sequence.

I'm not clear why Herc had this dream, though? Zeus will later comment about D being the type of woman a man dreams about or something, and Herc realizes that Zeus was aware of his dream... but I don't feel like Zeus gave him the dream, because D was asking him to save her, which I don't really think fit with Zeus's plans? IDK.

Does Hercules have premonition dreams now? Buffy had them occasionally, and I actually don't mind them as a narrative device if they're not overdone.

Anyway, we shrug that off pretty quickly and see Hercules entering some kind of cave place with a dude and I was really excited for a moment thinking it might be Iolaus, but it was not. Instead we get a very Davey-Jones-esque fight with a guy whose heart is not in his body, and tbh I figured it out almost immediately and felt a bit bored waiting for Herc to figure it out. And then we got a very extra face-melting death. These effects were wild.

Herc saves a girl who is played by the actress who plays Cora Silver in The Return to Treasure Island (the film where Dean O'Gorman - who plays Young Iolaus - plays Jim Hawkins) and I had to pause the movie to figure out where I knew her from haha. During this scene they avoid being melted by acid that's spewing from the fountain he just collected water from.

Then Zeus shows up and tries to get Hercules to go to a mountain with him. Now, intitially I thought he meant Olympus and was really irritated that he didn't understand why Hercules wanted to try to get the potion to his friend that needed it. He claims Hercules cares more about his friend than his own dad - and I was like EXCUSE ME? Zeus, do you honestly feel you can bitch about that after being such a shit father??? But Hercules was so reasonable with his response, saying that that wasn't the case but he really needed to get that to his friend and I was like "wow Hercules has more restraint than me cuz I would not be so kind" haha. Then Zeus ominously mutters to himself that there might not be a next time, and I was like, wait is Zeus DYING? CAN Zeus die?? (I know there's some kind of plot with gods dying at the end of Xena so I assume there are circumstances that allow it.)

This turned out not to be what he meant at all. (Not me being disappointed). 😅 He meant cuz the world might end. The plot, it turns out, is that Hera plans to freeze the whole world and kill everyone. Zeus refuses to stop her???? (I am tearing out my hair at Zeus's uselessness over here!)

Anyway, let's talk about Cheiron!

This movie has a bunch of familiar names in it, not attached to the characters I associate them with. The first is Cheiron, who, it turns out, is not Cheiron the centaur from Young Hercules, but someone completely unrelated - a satyr? idk - that Hercules has a history with that we don't really know? Cheiron is injured and it won't heal, and Hercules is doing his best to find a cure. I immediately questioned why Hercules seemed so guilty about it and actually wondered very early on if Herc had inflicted the wound, which eventually is revealed to be the case. It was an accident.

Apparently if an immortal gets wounded by another non-mortal, the wound never heals. Does this continue to be canon?

Anyway I liked this sense of responsibility from Herc and totally believed that he'd doggedly pursue a cure. I did question if he should let Cheiron drink the water from the acid fountain, but... it kind of worked until it didn't, so I guess he wasn't far off.

Cheiron complains that he'd like to be mortal, and I immediately go "oh, this man's gonna die". 😅

Also there was a baby named Kora, which is also the name of an important character on Young Hercules (who is not this baby, obviously).

The next fun character to be introduced is Deianeira - NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "Deianeira of Troy" from literally the movie before this one. They are totally different characters. I mean, they're both outgoing women who love to talk, with dead fathers from whom they inherited their homelands, but the main difference is that Hercules actually shows some interest in this one.

I found her a little rude at times, especially at first, but I must admit she won me over. She doesn't really feel like she fits into the world, though? Her whole personality, way of speaking, even the accent... it all feels a little too modern for me somehow? Very of the age it was produced and not of the age it was set in (not that any of it is historically accurate, but I hope you know what I mean).

Still, I really do like Deianeira by the end of the movie and was happy to see she didn't die, although I was really surprised that the movie ends with them making out! I guess Hercules has decided that it's not that "different with women" after all.

I'm curious to see what happens to her, because I have a feeling she doesn't last very long? I don't remember him having a permanent love interest so I guess we'll see, haha. I did avoid the show a lot so I could be very wrong there, too.

Back on the topic of Herc, I wonder if he isn't just kind of demisexual, something I can relate to myself, where he needs to have an emotional connection with someone before he feels any kind of sexual attraction. Who knows! He definitely likes Dei this way by the end, and I really believed their chemistry and liked how their bond slowly built over the movie as they got to know each other and learned how to work together effectively.

So back to the actual plot of the movie:

Hera stole a torch from Prometheus, so now all the fire in the world is dying and everyone's gonna freeze to death. Hercules intends to get it back, and I have all the faith he will do so because he's the hero and I know there's a bunch of seasons of show after this so presumably the world doesn't end.

Prometheus was a cool character to see on screen, since he's a Titan, so he's this really big dude. (I definitely was reminded of the Zora king frozen in Zora's domain in Ocarina of Time, lmao.)

Per wikipedia: "Prometheus is best known for defying the gods by stealing fire from them and giving it to humanity in the form of technology, knowledge, and more generally, civilization." Reminds me a bit of the (Haida?) myth of the Raven stealing the sun.

Zeus:

Zeus knows all about this plot and instead of helping any of the mortals who are begging the gods for help, Zeus is like "yeah, idk, I don't want to piss of Hera" and instead offers just Hercules (and his gf since he's feeling generous, I guess) a warm little cave to live in while everyone else dies. I was not impressed at all with this.

There's a whole thing with Zeus in this movie where he's upset that Hercules won't do as he's told, and we see Zeus has some insecurity about whether or not Hercules loves him, which is... humanizing? But also a little strange, I must admit. I felt I understood Zeus better in this movie and yet liked him less somehow? He was acting so selfishly throughout the film, even if it was out of love of his son - his lack of empathy for the rest of humanity and how he started using his powers to attack Hercules (even if it was to 'protect' him ultimately) really upset me.

I'm still really struggling with a core piece of his character motivation, which is that I really don't understand why he never interferes with Hera's attempts to hurt Hercules. Hera does awful things in a bid to harm Hercules or people who are seeking him out, constantly, and Zeus is just like "IDK Herc, maybe try sacrificing an animal to her?" when really Zeus's infidelity is what originally pissed off Hera. She's taking her anger at Zeus out on his son and LOADS of mortals, and Zeus just gets mad at Herc any time he complains about it, like defensively blaming Hercules for not sucking up more to Hera.

I guess gods really are not like us, haha.

Phaedra:

I really wanted to like this character. I did sort of like her at first, and then I was pretty sure she was a villain, and then it turned out she was working for Zeus, and then... she really was just some orphan kid?

I actually really didn't like the whole bit where Hercules tried to hunt her down so that he could force her to live in a village and "go to school". There was an earlier scene where Herc played with Cheiron's kids, and I think it was to try to show this paternal side of Hercules, where he's "good with kids" or at least desires to take care of them in general/make sure they're safe. I think that's fine broadly speaking since he's a hero, and also in the context that him being good with kids makes him more attractive to Dei (she comments on it, so I assume that was the reason they made a child fill this narrative role and not, like, some random nymph or minor god, etc.).

But the fact that she really is just some kid doing as Zeus tells her really brings up some red flags in the scene where she tricks Hercules into thinking those strange women are Deianeira so that he'll start having sex with them. (He clues in when there's more than one of Dei, but Dei walks in and assumes Herc is a playboy... it's a whole thing, and really a weak narrative point that could have been cut, probably. We already got the impression Herc was interested in Dei that way so it wasn't like it was needed.)

But since when is Zeus a good dad, I guess. He's not looking out for Phaedra, he's using her.

The Circle of Fire:

Okay, so they finally find the damn torch and it's inside a Circle of Fire, hence the title of the movie. It turns out that if a god/non-mortal goes inside the circle, they will lose their immortality.

Earlier in the movie there is some discussion of whether or not Hercules is immortal. That confused me a bit because one would think the wound he inflicted on Cheiron not healing would imply he's immortal?

Zeus is clearly worried about Hercules dying if he goes into the circle to get the torch, and he starts fighting Herc to stop him, but eventually Herc wins out and goes into the circle to get the torch.

This actually surprised me!

I totally thought he was going to make a compromise with Zeus and be like "Okay, then use your powers to go get Cheiron up here, and he can do it, since he wants to be mortal!" Two birds, one stone, so to speak. We know Zeus can poof people around because he's offered it several times by now in this very movie.

Instead, Hercules goes into the circle, presumably making him mortal, and then he brings some of the immortality-killing fire ALLLLLL THE WAYYYYY back to Cheiron's house to make a new circle there.

Before we get to that, small tangent - Zeus, seeing Hercules weakened by entering the circle, wants to go in and get him out, but knows it will make him mortal. And there's actually a point where he claims he's going to do it anyway, but then Hera intervenes to make a path for Zeus so it won't kill him. I'm like... really confused about their relationship, haha. You hate your husband's child because he's proof of the infidelity, to the point you want him dead, but you won't harm your husband who did the cheating? Talk about misplaced anger. I hate this plot so much JFC.

Anyway, as I said, Hercules then takes this magic fire with him to Cheiron.

He doesn't tell Cheiron what it will do.

This infuriated me???

Cheiron's clearly tried a lot of Herc's failed remedies, but not telling him that the fire will make him mortal seems like SUCH A DICK MOVE. What if Cheiron changed his mind about wanting to be mortal? It wasn't an informed consent, that's all I'm saying.

All's well that ends well, though. Cheiron was actually happy, and it healed him, too, I guess. It made him human, and there's this moment where his wife seems kinda put off/unsure about his new human body, and I was amused by that.

So we end the movie with everyone happy and mortal.

Does Hercules remain mortal?

If we assume him going into the circle actually made him mortal, does he stay that way? I swear there's an episode set in modern times where he's still alive, but I didn't actually watch the whole episode so I could be wrong, haha.

Does he still have his demi-god strength? He must, right? He's totally strong on the show from what I remember. Just what about his godly-heritage is stripped by this fire? I don't know. Maybe this whole thing is forgotten about or handwaved later. I guess I'll find out.

My current predictions/thoughts:

Deianeira is going to die before the show starts or early on.

Herc is gonna get back his immortality, possibly for plot reasons.

Iolaus. Where is Iolaus? Is Anya going to die? I want Iolaus in the story again already, yeeeesh.

Herc said "What the hell" a lot in this movie, and like, not to nitpick, but... do they have "hell" in the strictest sense? IDK why I noticed this, but I did.

I like Hercules, the character. I liked him a lot in this movie. I liked that he was able to stand his ground on what was important without ever being unkind or unreasonable. Even when he was in conflict with people, he was compassionate, which is more what I would expect from him after watching some of Young Hercules. I didn't get that as much in the last couple movies.

All the characters felt a lot more human and well-rounded in this movie (compared to the last two); good job writers.

I actually liked this movie and would watch it again!

[just-here-for-iolaus]

HTLJ S1E2 "Eye of the Beholder"

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

This episode was such a lovely treat honestly. I had a great time!

We open on about 30 (uncomfortable) seconds of heavy breathing that turns out to be Hercules running from a group of women. Man is not having it.

There's no further context to this at all before we cut to the next scene, which I thought was funny, but it's then addressed.

Herc has arrived at a tavern of some kind and tells the guy there that "King Thespius wants every one of them to have a child by [him]".

50 women. That's a lot of babies. Also damn Thespius how many wives you got to end up with 50 daughters?

Would Herc's kids be like... demi-demi-gods? One-quarter god? We didn't get to explore that with his kids before they were killed off.

Androcles walks over and asks Herc what he's gonna do about a certain cyclops. The guy he was talking to tells Androcles to give Herc a break and then tells Herc that the guy is "a wet-brain" ever since "a run in with a lion"... Herc just shakes his head and tells him it's alright and to let Androcles talk.

I liked this moment because Herc is willing to hear someone out that seemingly isn't in high esteem. Whether it's because Herc himself has not been believed about things, or because he's learned that the local "loony" is sometimes right, I don't know, but I feel like it showcases a noble character trait he has.

Turns out the cyclops protects Hera's secret vineyards - which is enough of a reason for Hercules to get involved, so off he goes.

THEN WE GET THIS CHARACTER INTRODUCED!

No name yet in this scene, but played by the same actor that played the slave I liked in one of the movies. I was sooo excited to see him haha.

He encounters a cyclops who tells him not to walk through the vineyard and then KICKS HIM INTO THE SKY. (Presumably over the vineyard instead of through it?) Surely this would kill a man.

Naturally it doesn't kill him, though, so Herc stumbles upon the little guy hanging from a tree. He asks to be helped down, but end up falling down before Herc can do anything. He's introduced as Salmoneus, the travelling toga salesman.

Salmoneus is excited to see Hercules whoop the cyclops. (Though Herc does try to discourage Salmoneus tagging along, for his own safety.)

We get a brief scene where some guys (Atreus and two others) are trying to push a boulder into the river, to get it back on its course. One of them runs off when they hear the cyclops approaching. The other guy that's not Atreus (I couldn't tell what his name was - Haymander?) picks a fight with the cyclops and gets smushed into the ground by the cyclops's fist, which is a bit grim. Atreus runs off back to town.

We cut back to Hercules and Salmoneus, and Salmoneus is trying to figure out a way to rope Herc into his toga business (surely more for his own profit). Atreus and the first guy who ran off run up to them and tell them about the cyclops, and warns them not to go that way. Salmoneus says the cyclops can't hurt Hercules, but Atreus isn't so sure. They go on to explain that they were trying to reroute the river that the village relies on (after it was rerouted to serve Hera's vineyards) and says there's no other river they can make use of instead.

Atreus: "You'd help us? Are you serious?" Herc: "When it comes to Hera, I'm always serious."

Cheesy lines like that just feel so good.

I feel like Herc's hatred of Hera makes even more sense now that she killed his family. I got his motivation before, since she had been messing with his life already, but now seeing him just be like “I’m gonna travel around making trouble for Hera” feels really satisfying lol. She's just reaping what she's sown.

We then cut to the Cyclops eating in a cave. Some guy is being a little rude to him, but we find out that he's the one paying the cyclops to be mean to the people of the village (Traycus). We also learn the villagers haven't necessarily been great to the cyclops in the past, but the cyclops seems a little torn about this job. I did immediately think "ah, okay, he's gonna end up not being so bad".

We then cut to Traycus holding a party to celebrate Hercules coming to help them. Herc seems to be having some guilt about it, since he hasn't actually done anything yet, but Atreus assures him that everyone has complete faith in him.

Thespius's daughters show up and announce they're lookign for Hercules, who immediately hides and starts crawling his way through the party to leave. The villagers don't rat him out, and Salmoneus chats up Thespius's daughters about togas as a distraction.

It was around this point that I noted how nice it was to see Hercules smiling again so much in this episode. He comes across as so good-natured when he's smiling, and he was so upset in the last episode (understandably).

The next morning there's a brief scene where the woman from Traycus that Herc briefly interacted with at the party is alone picking flowers. The cyclops comes along, and she is pretty chill about it, saying the river and vineyard belong to him and she's not bothering him, but he gets aggro so she runs off. She leaves behind her scarf and he rubs his mouth about it.

We cut back to Traycus where Salmoneus starts giving Herc a bit of a hard time.

Salmoneus: "You sir, truly are the strongest man in the world if you can, uh- (gestures crudely and laughs before deadpanning) hold fifty hearts in sway at once."

Hercules: "All they want is my body." Salmoneus: "I know the feeling."

(I took this as Salmoneus feeling himself, and I LOVE it. I could also see this as being interpreted as wanting Herc lmao.)

The woman who had been chased off by the cyclops comes back to town and Atreus alerts Hercules to what happened. She says it wasn't an attack, exactly, and explains. When Hercules asks if the cyclops had a weapon, a male villager picks a fight with him, calling him a coward for running from the daughters of Thespius the night before.

When Hercules shrugs this off and tries to continue the discussion with Atreus, the guy headbutts him! Salmoneus encourages Herc to dent the guy's head, but Herc announces he won't play this game, only to get another headbutt.

What I didn't understand was why Hercules didn't defend himself here. And I don't mean, "Why didn't he hit back" but literally, like, why didn't he block or dodge? Make any attempt to avoid getting hit, at all???

I guess two hits was enough, though, so Hercules then headbutts the other dude back (while the town seems to be cheering him on to do it!). This knocks the guy back into a wagon of hay. The fight seems to be over, so Herc helps him up, but then the guy kicks Hercules (in the nads? It's unclear.), before flirting with the woman who encountered the cyclops (who we now hear called Scilla!). She's not interested and insults him, and then Hercules punches him in the face, knocking him out cold.

Hercules announces that he "really [doesn't] have time for this nonsense" which prompted me to write in my notes "What's the rush?". There isn't really anything else that's urgent on his list that I know of. I guess he just means he wants to help the village as soon as possible.

Scilla follows him partway and is trying to find out his plan and warn him to be careful. Hercules doesn't have a plan, and clearly intends to talk to the cyclops before deciding how to proceed. He asks Scilla to wish him luck, so she does before leaving him to his task.

We then cut to Hera's secret vineyard, which of course is run by slavery????

A weird guy we saw briefly at the party in Tracyus (I looked up his name just now, and it's - I shit you not - "The Ferret") is talking with the guy who the cyclops is working for (Castor). Castor is explaining how the slaves are making the wine that Hera's chosen people will drink, and The Ferret asks if the slaves (who are stomping grapes) ever have any issues with their feet, like diseases or open wounds. A valid question, one would think, but it earns him a smack.

The Ferret then tells Castor that Hercules is coming, which he initially disbelieves, but then laughs.

The Ferret: "What's funny?" Castor: "EVERYTHING'S FUNNY, YOU IDIOT!"

Castor is convinced cyclops will do away with Hercules.

These two are so intense and weird. I commend them.

We cut back to Hercules, who hears someone following him and jumps them. It turns out to be Salmoneus.

Salmoneus: "I wanna see you do cruel and unusual things to that monster."

Herc tries to convince Salmoneus not to hold grudges, and Salmoneus tells him not to be so preachy. He tries to get him to go back to town, but he doesn't want to, so off they go together.

We cut back to Castor talking to the cyclops and questioning why he has a scarf. He kind of.. bullies him? Then tells him to kill Hercules.

Back to Herc and Salmoneus in the woods, and unfortunately Thespius's daughters have caught up to them. Herc tells Salmoneus to run, and they both do, but Salm can't keep up and the girls swarm him.

I question how the women are traveling around in these revealing, mostly-white dresses with seemingly no posessions or bodyguards or anything. Don't you get cold? What do you eat? How do you sleep?

Castor then prays to Hera and promises that Hercules is about to die and he will bring Hera his head.

My immediate thought was "Dude, you are now overpromising to Hera. You are gonna fall short and die."

Some guy shows up and says if Castor's plan doesn't work, the Executioners will.

Herc makes it to the cyclops and there's a brief fight. Hercules overpowers the big guy, who then asks him to kill him and get it over with. Herc says he'd rather find out why he's always in such a rotten mood.

We then cut to them together in the cyclops's cave. Cyclops reveals that the villagers harassed him when he was younger, and that he got tired of it after a while. I felt bad for him and wrote "This cyclops is definitely a soft-heart. I hope Herc doesn’t kill him." in my notes haha.

The cyclops reveals he doesn't work for Hera, he works for Castor. Herc says that now that the cyclops lost, Hera and Castor won't like him, suggesting he team up with the village now instead. He leaves him to think about it.

Herc finds Salmoneus on his way back to Traycus. The women didn't "hurt" him, but they did take his clothing. Herc has the decency to check that Salm is not injured before laughing.

The Ferret overhears Hercules implying that he beat the cyclops to Salmoneus, and he reports this back to Castor.

Back in Traycus, Salm regales the villagers with a completely fictitious story about the fight between Herc and the cyclops.

Hercules explains to Atreus that the cyclops isn't dead, just that Hercules had convinced him not to hurt the village anymore. He even goes so far as to say he never intended to kill the cyclops.

Scilla calls out Atreus for bullying the cyclops when he was a kid, and Atreus calls her an ungrateful wench. Scilla calls him an ass and Hercules announces he's gonna stay to help the village fix the river (because he likes the idea of Hera's grapes dying on the vine).

The daughters of Thespius show up again and Hercules gives a speech about why he won't bed them.

Hercules: "No matter what you think, I'm not opposed to pretty women. And I'm not opposed to having children, but if I'm going to become a father again, the mother will be someone that I love. And I- I don't love any of you. I mean, I like to look at you, and I might even like to talk to you if I didn't always feel like I was the fox and you were the hounds, but that's as far as my interest goes. I hope you understand."

I thought the part about Hercules feeling like prey to them was telling. I imagine most of us can relate to not wanting to feel objectified and to have our own desires completely ignored by someone who wants something from us (sexual or otherwise).

It all feels very congruent to his character as he's behaved up to this point. I also thought that this was a clever way for the writers to leave things open-ended in terms of Hercules possibly falling for someone else in the future, and to avoid making Dei's death seem like something that doesn't matter to him by having him constantly getting into meaningless flings.

I say this without knowing where the show is going of course.

We cut back to Castor giving the cyclops a hard time about losing to Hercules. He guesses that the cyclops might have changed sides, and he says he hasn't decided yet. Castor tells him that the Executioners will kill everyone, and that he's doomed. Cyclops cries into Scilla's scarf. TT_TT

The guy who visited Castor before ("Chief Executioner", apparently) summons the Executioners by whipping the group until skeletons come out and turn into warriors. The chief then kills Castor rather unceremoniously.

We cut back to the villagers trying to push that boulder from before into the river. There's a funny bit with Salmoneus again.

STOP. I love him.

After watching everyone, though, he does eventually join in, in a sort of bemused way.

Salmoneus: "The first labour I’ve ever done!"

Cyclops sees them getting that big boulder into the river and contemplates things some more. He heads over toward them, but the villagers start attacking him (despite Scilla and Hercules telling them not to). Cyclops walks off, and Scilla follows after him.

Hercules tells off all the villagers, saying they "put the evil in him". The guy from before who was headbutting him then says the cyclops is probably having his way with Scilla (how would that even work? he's a giant) and Herc says she's better off with the cyclops than him, which was a good burn. He tries to attack Hercules again but Herc finally blocks him.

Scilla finds the cave and disavows the villagers' behaviour. They have a little chat and Hercules shows up to find out about the Executioners. Cyclops offers to help Hercules fight the executioners.

They arrive back to where the others are in time to intercept the Executioners. Their weapons aren't very effective against the cyclops, and Hercules performs about as well as you'd expect.

The villagers watch and someone suggests they should help.

Atreus: I won't die helping a freak! Or anyone who sides with one. Even if it is Hercules. Salmoneus: It would be better to die with them than to stay here with eunuchs like you.

Salm rushes to help, surprising the villagers (and winning me over even more.) Didn't love the use of eunuch as an insult but-

Scilla tries to grab an abandoned sword to help, but the Chief Executioner ends up taking her hostage and dragging her away. The cyclops sees this and goes to grab a boulder. The villagers assume cyclops is going to attack them, so they flee back toward Traycus, before someone points out that the cyclops is attacking the Executioners. They're impressed that Herc and cyclops are winning.

From my notes: Cyclops bowling the executioners hahaha. Somehow this wins over the villagers? Oh because they’re WINNING? XD XD XD These people are so stupid haha.

Cyclops trips the Chief, freeing Scilla. When the Chief tries to run off, Hercules... basically throws him? at the guy... squashing him dead.

Meanwhile Salm only arrived in time to help Scilla up. XD

The villagers want to know how they can repay Hercules for his help, and he says to be nice to the cyclops but Atreus says they can't. They've tried.

I love Salmoneus too much. He'd better stay likeable.

Scilla: You know, this man did something for you and me today that you would never have done for him.

The cyclops vows to help them live in peace as long as he's treated with respect. Atreus begrudgingly agrees to "give it a try".

Salmoneus basically announces that he's going to stick with Hercules (my heart, how I wished it was true!) but then the daughters of Thespius show up and announce that they want Salmoneus now, to which he agrees. XD

This show is so goofy sometimes and I am HERE for it.

This was a really fun and feel-good episode! It was nice to see Hercules more chilled out and happy, and Salmoneus tickled me so much. Looking forward to more episodes like this if possible. :)