#hurris iliad shitposts

[battlinghurricanes]

[battlinghurricanes]

Paris: I made you a friendship bracelet

Hektor: you know, I'm not really a jewelry person

Paris: oh, I mean, you don't have to wear it

Hektor: No, I'm going to wear it forever, fuck off.

[battlinghurricanes]

Helenus: In 20 years, I guarantee you, I will be Andromache's second husband!

Andromache: What happened to my first husband?

Helenus: Nothing you can prove.

[battlinghurricanes]

Hektor: You ever get so tired you start seeing spiders

Kassandra: Me after I don't sleep for two days and start seeing the fall of Troy

Hektor: THE WHAT

Kassandra: Oh this is not a safe space suddenly

[battlinghurricanes]

fuck it. i saw some of these with the achaeans and i literally couldnt stop myself. (generator)

[battlinghurricanes]

Paris: why are you looking at me through a fork?

Hektor: I'm pretending you're in jail

Paris: why?

Hektor: it's spiritually healing.

[battlinghurricanes]

Cop: this is a ticket for driving with three people on one motorcycle

Kassandra: well shit.

Troilus: wait, three?

Cop: yeah??

Deiphobus: OH MY GODS PARIS FUCKING FELL OFF!

[battlinghurricanes]

Achilles: what's your greatest fear?

Hektor: being alone

Achilles, pulling out his spear: guess again

[battlinghurricanes]

Helenus: Ok, let's go over this again. What do we do when something goes wrong?

Paris: We try to fix it before Hektor gets back!

Helenus: And if that doesn't work?

Kassandra: We blame Deiphobus.

Helenus: Good.

[battlinghurricanes]

Apollo, watching Hektor in a frenzied battle: Look, I helped shape the greatest Trojan hero

Aphrodite: Fucked up a perfectly good beloved prince is what you did. Look at him. He has anxiety.

Apollo: He had anxiety to begin with!

[battlinghurricanes]

Paris, running up: Quick!! Take my hand!!!!

Helen, grabbing his hand: What?? What is it??!!

Paris: oh it's nothing, I just wanted to hold your hand <3

[battlinghurricanes]

Hektor: I wasn't that sleep deprived yesterday

Andromache: you tried to color my face with a highlighter because you said I was important

Hektor, tearing up: but you are

[battlinghurricanes]

Paris: ...You're mad at me

Hektor: I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

Paris: Oh, come on!! Everyone knows that's worse!

[battlinghurricanes]

Hektor: Deiphobus, please keep and eye on Paris today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get himself punched.

Deiphobus: Sure, I'd love to see Paris get punched

Hektor: Try again.

Deiphobus: I will stop Paris from getting punched.

Hektor: Correct.

[battlinghurricanes]

Polyxena: Damn it!

Hektor: Language!

Polyxena: Oh fiddlesticks, that really ruffles my feathers

Paris, crying: Please just say fuck

[battlinghurricanes]

Paris: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!!

Deiphobus: Even more humiliating than-

Paris: Let's not do this.