#i LOVE convergence but he improved so god damn much

[ghxstkn1fe]

it’s still so insane to me that the only thing that charlie had ever dmed before bitb was convergence

[yikestripes]

Homecoming

Y’ALL CAN THANK TIK TOK FOR THIS ONE, I HEARD THE SONG THAT’S ITALICIZED IN A VIDEO AND I COULDN’T GET THIS IMAGINE IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD UNTIL I WROTE IT SO HERE YOU GO!

Older!Richie x Older!Reader at their high school homecoming dance!

Okay so they’re aged up in this one, they’re like 17; they’re juniors in high school. there’s the potential for a part 2 if i get any requests ;) lemme know what you think of this one, writing it was both great and fun but also tragic (as i’m painfully single and crying in the corner but we bounce)

Richie took a deep breath, and raised his shaking arm to knock on your door. You were all meeting at your house for photos, since it was your first school dance in years. It was homecoming, and although all the boys thought it was lame, somehow, you and Bev managed to convince them to go.

Sort of.

You managed to bribe Richie with candy and empty promises, and Beverly managed to convince Bill with something special. Wherever Bill and Richie went, the rest followed suit.

Not only was this YOUR first homecoming, but it was also the entire Losers club first. You’d all gone to the 8th grade dance together, all meeting at your house, where your mother’s gathered and gushed over how nice everyone looked. Your parents had never seen all of you dressed up in one room, ever since you became friends, there was never a purpose; until now.

You’d known the majority of the Losers pretty much your entire life; you’d met Richie, Eddie, and Bill in Kindergarten, and the rest was history. Henry gave you all shit constantly, and it sort of united you all. It started with Richie for having glasses and not knowing how to keep his mouth shut, Bill for his stutter that improved as you all got older, and your severe anxiety. Well, your “shyness” as you called it growing up. The Losers did a lot of speaking on your behalf, till when you got to high school, you finally found your own voice, and gained the confidence to speak your damn mind.

As your little “club” of sorts grew, you all became like a small family. Stan, Mike, even Bev. They all had your back, and you had theirs in return.

However, with Richie, it was an entirely different dynamic. Although he did it to both you and Beverly, and virtually anything female that moved, his constant flirting never really seemed to bother you. You brushed it off as if you just thought it was amusing, which it was of course, but little did your friends know your heart was absolutely burning for Richie Tozier. It had been since kindergarten.

Little did you know, his burned for you as well.

“Hey (Y/N)! You’re so hot, you must be the cause of global warming!” Richie said, a shit eating grin crossing his face as he wiggled his eyebrows.

You giggled a little bit. “Actually, it’s because there’s too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.”

Richie looked somewhat deflated, but his smirk reappeared almost immediately.

“Wow, hot AND smart? I never thought I’d find my perfect woman!” You tried to hide your blush, but Richie almost certainly caught you, but you didn’t exactly care. He wouldn’t say anything anyway, you were sure of it.

Your mom opened the door, and pulled Richie into a tight hug.

“You look so nice!” She said said as Richie walked inside, and shut the door behind him.

“Oh, t-thanks Mrs. (Y/L/N).” He looked down at his feet and readjusted his glasses nervously.

“(Y/N) should be down in a minute, she’s just finishing her makeup.” Richie nodded, and continued to stand awkwardly.

Of course he was the first one here.

Movement at the top of the stairs caught Richie’s eye, as his jaw stood open.

You slowly descended the stairs, being extra careful as to not fall on your ass in your 5 inch heels.

Richie stood speechless. As he looked on, when you finally reached the bottom, he was staring at you as if it was the first time he’d ever seen you. He was looking at you like you were the moon and the stars.

“Y-y-you look… gorgeous.” He stammered, readjusting his glasses again. A blush crept up on your cheeks as you looked up, and he was still looking at you.

“Thanks.” You said, barely above a whisper. You stood close together, so close Richie could reach out and grab your hand, and more than any other moment before, he wanted to.

A knock at the door pulled you both from your thoughts, and as Richie reached up to scratch the back of his neck out of awkwardness, you ran to grab the door.

Soon, the foyer was filled with girlish screams.

“OH MY GOD YOU LOOK AMAZING!” Bev cried, running in and squeezing you in a hug.

“THAT DRESS IS PERFECT FOR YOU!” You pulled back to get a full look at your fiery haired best friend. She was wearing an emerald green dress that brought out the light in her eyes and the red in her hair perfectly. Bill was going to absolutely melt when he saw her.

“Aw look at you Rich! All dressed up with a bow tie and everything!” Beverly reached out and adjusted his askew bow tie and grinned as he hit her hands away.

One by one, the rest of the Losers showed up, the boys admiring each other in their suits, while you and Beverly chatted in the corner about how the boys forgot how to stand and walk normally, just because they were wearing suits.

Once the parents (save for Richie and Beverly’s) had taken enough pictures, some group shots, just the girls, just the boys, smaller groups, and individuals, you were ready to pile in your mother’s mom van and head to the dance.

You sat between Richie and Stan, and rested a hand on the seat for support while you turned around to talk to Eddie, you felt a hand atop yours for just a moment. Your breath caught in your throat as you made eye contact with Richie, and smiled at him, then looked down.

For just a moment, you thought you saw him blushing as you both pulled your hands away.

The ride to school was relatively short and next thing you knew, you were all unloading from the van and entering the school gym, which was all dark except for the string lights they’d hung around the room. The DJ played a familiar song as kids piled in, you and the Losers standing along the outskirts of the dance floor, looking around with mild curiosity. Bill and Beverly had disappeared within moments, only to return a bit later, slightly disheveled. You raised your eyebrows to Bev, who just grinned.

“I’m BORED.” Richie complained, readjusting his bow tie for the 5th time in an hour.

“Shut up, Richie. You’re not dancing, of course you’re bored! Do you expect to be a wallflower the entire night?” You asked, flinging a piece of hair out of your face.

“I’d like to do a certain kind of dance with you in that janitor’s closet over there.” Richie smirked.

You rolled your eyes and tried to hide your smile, not wanting to encourage him.

“Suit yourself! Not everyone can handle the Tozier charm.”

“Tozier charm my ass! Come on, let’s dance!” Richie’s confidence melted as you grabbed his hand, and dragged him to the outer part of the dance floor, away from the wall.

“I don’t even know how to dance!” He whined.

“Neither do I! Just do whatever!” You began moving your shoulders and your hips to the beat, and Richie followed suit.

“See! You’re doing great!” You grinned, happy to finally have a dance partner.

“Your moves are pretty good, I like that swing you’ve got to your hips!” He wore his shit eating grin as he looked you up and down.

You shook your head in an attempt to conceal your blush as the song came to an end.

A slow, familiar song began playing over the speakers, and you and Richie locked eyes.

“Uh, I think I’m gonna take a, um, break for this one.” You said, running a hand through your hair.

You began to walk away when a hand grabbed yours and gently pulled you back.

It was Richie.

“No, I kinda like this one.” Richie raised his eyebrows, his hand still in yours, waiting for a response.

You looked around and saw all the couples come together and converge in the middle. There was nothing stopping you, especially not Richie, so you returned to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. You felt his hands on your waist, right above your ass.

Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game

On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame

Turning and returning to some secret place inside

Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say

You spun in slow circles, making eye contact with Richie every time you dared to look up. Each time you did, he offered you a sweet smile, almost as reassurance.

“I gotta be honest, Rich, I never thought you the type to want to slow dance with someone, let alone me.” You said with a small laugh. Richie made a face.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I don’t know, you’re all confident and flirty and stuff with everyone, I never expected you to be the slow dance type.”

“No, not that part. What do you mean “let alone you?”” He pulled you a little bit closer.

“I don’t know, i’m just the girl you knew from kindergarten who became one of your best friends.” Richie frowned.

“You know you’re so much more to me than that, right? Like, you’re shy and I’m not and you don’t think I see you laughing quietly at my jokes or hiding your smile behind your hair when I draw attention to you by flirting and stuff, but I actually do see you. What you don’t know is that sometimes I do those things just to see your response.” Your breath hitched in your throat, as you looked up at Richie with your sparkling (Y/E/C) eyes.

“Really?” You asked quietly, not breaking eye contact this time.

“Yeah.” He whispered back, searching your face for some sort of sign that you felt the same way.

Watching every motion in this foolish lover's game

Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames

Turning and returning to some secret place inside

Watching in slow motion as you turn my way and say

Take my breath away

My love, take my breath away

My love, take my breath away

The song continued in the background, little known to either you or Richie. You were still processing his words, and he was internally panicking because you weren’t saying anything.

“As dorky as this may sound, you stole my heart, Richie Tozier.”

Richie just grinned.

“(Y/N), that was the best thing you ever could have said.”

Richie closed the gap and kissed you.

It was the sweetest kiss you’d ever had. It was comfortable, familiar, and most of all, long awaited, which made it feel even better.

You heard the Losers cheering in the distance, but in that moment, you were entirely focused on Richie, who stood in front of you, heart on fire.

[comfysocksfirst]

Chihayafuru as NBA Players!! Part 1

Oh Man!! Two of my great loves Chihayafuru and basketball. Finally they meet. No one asked for this. This is most likely an incredibly small venn diagram of converging interests.Nonetheless here it is which NBA player is the real world equal of which Chihayafuru character. Note: I tend to skew more current with my NBA picks mostly cause that’s what I’m most familiar with but also because it is much more difficult to know those older players’ personalities. One more note I just now decided to include runner-up choices for some people I think it will mostly be a jokey runner up. Wataya Arata: Oh boy let’s start hot! My second favorite character in the series he is the Karuta God and the True soul-mate to Chihaya. Disagree? Fite me. He is STEPHEN CURRY. Karuta is the family business. He is the legacy one born to devastate. I could see Nicki Minaj dropping Arata’s name in her songs calling out to him all at hours talking about those eyes, that accent, and that water-like play style that has her downing gallons of his essence. He’s also perfectly chill to outer appearances. Everyone thinks he’s having a good time win or lose but they don’t notice how he’s smiling at them while he is steadily inching closer to dropping 50 on them. Shinobu Wakamiya: I’m not letting up with this second name. My all time favorite characther in the series.Sharpest dresser in the hemisphere. The youngest Queen of all. You know this. She is KOBE. And not one to be fucked with. She brings that Mamba Mentality to all she does whether it’s destroying her opponents 25-0 or slinging them pastries she takes no prisoners. She’s eked out every drop of potential she possesses with constant practice and total devotion to Karuta. She’s all about that grind and sees the game in a way only she can some would even say it’s crazy??? Anyone and everyone trying to take cards from her is her enemy and she’ll cut them if given chance when they take some of her favorites. Runner-up: Michael Jordan. The GOAT. I like that the similarity that they both pushed away and oftentimes used the people around them in order to get better. But ultimately didn’t go with MJ cause he walked away from the game at his peak for a year and change and I don’t see Shinobu ever doing that. Chihaya Ayase: The protagonist. Lady Big Eyes. Mrs. Daddy Bear. President/Founder/(Only Member??) of the Chitose Appreciation Society. She’s gotta be GIANNIS. A physical freak who’s sheer athleticism catapults her puts her in the realm of Class A. Everywhere Giannis goes he draws them eyes and the same can said of this beauty who can rattle her male opponents with a smile or even just eye contact. Who else is on Giannis’ team? What? Can’t name anyone else cause you’re not a basketball fan? Well let me tell you even if you were a fan you might struggle cause he’s carrying that team on his back! And so is this young lady. They got some good players on this squad but this Ace knows well that is she don’t win and cruise through to victory it could adversely affect her team’s psyche so she is unstoppable on her own much like Giannis’ fast breaks. Runner-up: Ben Simmons was my first choice for her but ultimately I decided against him cause I think he’s not a great team player and I don’t think he’s serious enough about improving his deficiencies. I thought these runner ups were supposed to be funny??? IDK Kanade Oe: KENDRICK PERKINS. I’m kinda running out of steam here. And I got a long list to go. Kana-chan and Kendrick both top heavy. I never really noticed until they made it a topic of discussion in the mini-comic. But damn yeah definitely carrying a lot of weight on top.  She’s also the team enforcer. Hear me out on this. Sure she’s small but she’s probably the most serious of all the team. Serious about life, about how people should behave, about the beauty of Karuta. And if anyone is disrespecting the poems--You better hold her back!! She will get into the face of anyone lowkey Empress in the making. She’s also a big small voice in the locker room a different type of leader than Ayase and Taichi. She knows what poems people need to hear to click back in into the present. Perk is an old-school kind of player and Kana-chan has an old-school mentality and while both were important members of their title winning teams they weren’t close to being the focus. Midori Tamaru: I actually forgot I wrote a write-up for her! Cool I’m glad I did. She is LUKA DONCIC. She is a shit-talker supreme. She wants all the smoke and she got all the weapons. Big-time potential. Everyone saying to her Wait your turn. But Fuck It she says and is ready to shoot her shot. Drop a cold 3 at the buzzer to win a playoff game in front of a 10 year vet who’s desperate for a win. They’re both missing one critical aspect of their game. For Luka he needs to increase his stamina for Tamaru she needs to get mentally tough. Right now she can most definitely be fucked with and she may be the only one that don’t know it. But any team with her is going to be in the conversation for best in their region and they should be looking to book a hotel by the big red shrine every year. Dr. Harada: Da Big Bear. Brown Bear? Black Bear? Daddy Bear? He all da bear. A walking a build-a-bear-workshop. What’s that mean? I have no clue. This guy. There’s a reason he was Ayase’s first love. He cuddly af but he still got that tenacity and overwhelming physicality that keeps him happily married decades later and a Karuta vet to be feared. I went with a non-contemporary player for the Dr. and no not Dr.J but rather his teammate MOSES MALONE. Nicknamed the Chairman of the Board cause he throws his body into every rebound lunging wildly at each miss cause he KNOWS that every rebound is his by right. Yeah that sound our friend the bear. Moses played a looooong time longer maybe than one might think considering the era he played in and how physical his game was. But that incredible body of his allowed him to stay in the game as long as wanted throwing elbows to clear out any close competition. Alright I’m tired Part 2 to come soon. It’s already written out I just HATE transcribing. There’s another 9 characters to come! Let me know what you all think please. Am I alone in my dual NBA and Chihayafuru fandom??

[massmurdera]

Best/Worst of 2017

Objectively speaking, 2017 was a tire fire of a year in America and I knew that going in. I’ll leave out the Trump bullshit and how I feel. Americans/people like being outraged, but it gets old to wake up every day in a panic. I did when Deflategate was happening to Tom Brady, but that had no real-world implications. Everyday, I was waking up to check Twitter to see what bad shit was happening. I think I did a solid job cutting it out as best I could and not letting it make me go mad.

It was a mostly boring year and then it picked up towards the very end. I might not feel good about America and where we’re I think we’ heading while holding out hope that this ends soon (I’m naïve and think we’re completely/totally fucked) but I guess I feel all right about where I’m going and how I feel about those close to me in my life. I’m controlling what I can control. Things could be better, but I’m all right. 

TV Funniest go-to show: Desus and Mero Late Night/Politics: John Oliver Favorite TV show (non-Game of Thrones): American Vandal TV SHOW (non-Game of Thrones): 1) Legion 2) Stranger Things 3) Godless 4) Dark 5) Sneaky Pete 6) Mindhunter 7) Marvelous Mrs Maisel 8) Better Call Saul 9) the Deuce 10) Fargo 11) Ozarks 12) 13 Reasons Why 13) Lethal Weapon 14) Riverdale 15) Mr Robot 16) This is Us TV Comedies: 1) American Vandal 2) Big Mouth 3) Nathan for You 4) Rick and Morty 5) GLOW 6) Veep 7) Brockmire 8) Atypical

I’m biased that a family friend of mine co-created American Vandal and his brother is on the show too in a minor role but it REALLY is great. It sounds stupid that older family members scoffed at or were bewildered by, but it’s far smarter social commentary than it appears. It nailed high school so well.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS Funniest: Hormone Monster/Monstress (Big Mouth) Best Jeff Spicoli that should get a spin-off: Dylan and the Wayback Boys (American Vandal) Best Philip Seymour Hoffman: Edward Kemper (Mindhunter) Most fun/crazy role: 1) Aubrey Plaza (Legion) 2) Susan Sarandon (Feud) Perfect role: Marc Maron (GLOW), Nikki Swango (Fargo) Best drunk: Brockmire Sorely Overlooked: Clayne Crawford in Mel Gibson’s role (Lethal Weapon) Star-Making: Katherine Langford (13 Reasons Why); Rachel Brosnahan (Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

DISAPPOINTING FROM GREAT SHOWS: Curb Your Enthusiasm; Fargo; the Americans; Game of Thrones; Silicon Valley; Veep Shows I half-watch but could give up on: Big Little Lies; Feud; Preacher; Runaways; Shameless; the Sinner; SMILF; SNL; This is Us; White Famous WORST Shows: 1) Twin Peaks 2) the Leftovers 3) the Defenders 4) Taboo 5) Top of the Lake Didn’t work but should have: Vice Principals -had moments Absolute Worst: any and all political panel/news shows (Fox News, CNN, MSNBC). Burn them all to the ground.

Still need to watch: American Gods; BoJack Horseman; Brooklyn 99; Carmichael Show; Catastrophe; Good Place; Halt and Catch Fire; Handmaid’s Tale; Master of None; Punisher

Overall: the new shows were damn good, but the established great shows were all letdowns.

MOVIES 5 STARS: CLASSIC: 1) Get Out 4 STARS: 2) Free Fire 3) John Wick II 4) Dunkirk 5) Star Wars 6) Logan 3 ½ stars: Brawl in Cell Block 99; Good Time; Logan Lucky 3 STARS RENTALS: WATCHABLE: Atomic Blonde; Baby Driver, Babysitter, Big Sick; Blade Runner 2049; Fate of the Furious; Okja; Shot Caller, Spiderman, Split; War for Planet of the Apes; Wind River; Wonder Woman 2 STARS-DIDN”T LIKE BUT DECENT PARTS: Girls Trip; Guardians of Galaxy 2; Ingrid Goes West; Lego Batman; War Machine Most boring/dumbest critic favorite: Personal Shopper Cool twist made up for okay movie: Split Coolest soundtrack/score: Good Time, Dunkirk Most Over-the-Top Violent: Brawl in Cell Block 99 Overrated: Baby Driver, Wonder Woman Disappointed: Lego Batman

NEED TO CHECK OUT AFTER I READ BOOK: Lost City of Z; It HAVEN”T SEEN: Call Me By Your Name; Coco; Columbus; Darkest Hour; Disaster Artist; Florida Project; Justice League; Lady Bird; Molly’s Game; mother!; Mudbound; Phantom Thread; the Post; Shape of Water; Thor; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

I’ve got catching up to do. But I think the year in movies wasn’t good.

Best Documentaries: 1) the Defiant Ones 2) Get Me Roger Stone 3) the Keepers 4) Jim & Andy BEST NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIALS: 1) Dave Chappelle 2) Patton Oswalt 3) Ali Wong 4) Marc Maron 5) Neil Brennan 6) Bill Burr 7) Rory Scovel 8) Mike Birbiglia

Burr’s my favorite comic and seeing him live he is the best comic alive but it didn’t translate live. And he cut out so much of his best stuff.  Chappelle might be more natural and have a sense of the moment though. Overplayed controversy -outrage over Chappelle’s jokes. Yeah, I don’t think they actually saw his act and just listened, out of context, to the jokes. He’s still as good as it gets. People just want to be outraged and have things be PC. Comics maybe hype that up, but it’s true. Underrated/Lost moment no one saw: Def Jam 25th Anniversary Special wasn’t good but Chappelle’s 7-minute improv off-the-cuff bit is secretly funnier than anything he did in his 2 specials. I don’t think any other comic alive or ever could have pulled that off as smoothly/naturally.

Worst special: Amy Schumer (like her, but she wasn’t ready to be released and nothing worked: felt like she wanted in on Netflix $ guys like Chappelle/Seinfeld were getting. I get the fairness, but uh, Chappelle’s specials felt like an event.

OTHER SPECIALS (comedy album/non-HBO) SOLID: TJ Miller; Joe DeRosa; Kurt Braunholer; Brian Posehn Didn’t totally work for me but I like them: Jerrod Carmichael, Tiffany Hadish

STILL NEED TO CHECK OUT: Ari Shaffir; Jerry Seinfeld; Brian Regan;  Jen Kirkman; Judd Apatow; Hasaan Minaj; Michelle Wolf; Chris Gethard

Just loaded with too much good comedy. It’s never been better with podcasts, Netflix.

Favorite Podcasts: 1) Chapo Trap House 2) Pardon My Take 3) Frotcast 4) Bill Burr 5) Fuck the Chargers 6) Inactives 6) Revisionist History 7) Dollop 8) My Favorite Murder 9) Hound Tall Best Dollop Episodes of the Year: 1) Falling Pilot 2) Falling Pilot 3) Uber 4) Trump 5) Trump part 1 & 2 5) Enron 6) Phantom of the Open Dollop can be hit-or-miss. But the hits? Are as good as podcasting gets for history, comedy, and understanding the times we live in now. They would make for classic movies/docs. but specializes in overlooked, ridiculous stories that may have had massive historical ramifications (Dope Lake, Falling Pilot qualify for that except the ramifications part). Every once in a blue moon, they nail something timely (Enron) or current (Opium; Uber; Trump). They are the calm in the eye of a storm of utter insanity. Best individual episodes: -Bertcast (#217: Dave Anthony/Gareth Reynolds)-funny stand-up stories -Joey Diaz on Rogan/Bertcast -Tom Segura/Bert Kreischer Weight Loss Challenge (Joe Rogan) first episodes of the year)-funny/strangely inspiring. They did another challenge later in the years  -Revisionist History-Miss Buchanan’s Period of Adjustment (Brown v Board of Education)-the unintended and disastrous consequences still felt today of why the decision was awful in a way you didn’t consider. It’ devastating to hear -Crabfeast #292 (Gareth Reynolds) talks about being hired to entertain kids birthday parties for 5 years as a side job while trying to make it in comedy. I love stories of failure/struggle at shit jobs Funniest podcast: 600 Dollar Podcast-bummer it ended Frotcast is my next favorite for humor (Best of 2016/2017 episodes are most accessible rather than just being dropped in). Bill Burr always. Best guest on a podcast: James Adomian as Gorka (Chapo Trap House) Best political: Chapo Trap House (and, yes, I am a Grey Wolf) Best Sports: Pardon My Take Best fan hate/schadenfreude: Fuck the Chargers Most underrated: Butterfly Effect (Jon Ronson)-only 6 episodes 3 hours 30 minutes; does what Malcolm Gladwell does but more long-form on the porn industry History: Dollop (over Common Sense/Hardcore History) Best local radio show/podcast: Matty & Nick Overrated/Lukewarm/Forgettable: Crimetown; S-Town; Pod Save America, Larry Wilmore Crimetown and  S-Town’ are basically just accents. I didn’t like them the way other people did. Pod Save America is for boring people who don’t listen to podcasts and don’t know or bother for better alternatives. They are inoffensive dudes: it’s VERY basic. I think ‘Lovett or Leave It’ is better depending on the panel. Worst: Missing Richard Simmons Other podcasts I enjoy-Binge Mode, Bodega Boys, Dumb People Town, Emotional Hangs, FOFOP, Handsome Rambler (Hannibal Burress), Lovett or Leave It, We’ll See You in Hell Need to check out more-Crab Feast, Cum Town, In the Dark, Mogul Listen to if they have a good guest -Bertcast, Joe Rogan, WTF, You Made it Weird BEST EVENTS: 1) Pats-Steelers AFC Championship  2) Pats-Texans AFC Divisional  2nd half 3) Chance the Rapper: Boston Calling 4) 1975: Boston Calling 5) Thrice/Circa Survive: House of Blues sadly I couldn’t see Thrice or the stage at all in the mezzanine but I wasn’t mad 5) My Favorite Murder: Wilbur 6) Turnover: Royale 7) Hannibal Burress: Boston Calling 8) Frightened Rabbit: Boston Calling 9) Norm MacDonald @ Wilbur Theatre: Netflix taping 10) watching my friend mosh to Converge while I held his sweatshirt

WORST EVENTS: 1) My cousin at Boston Calling -just a disaster I won’t explain, but it was the probably the most disappointing thing that I experienced all year and shit on my weekend with my friend from LA. I basically had to become a babysitter and ditch my friend. 2) Pats-Texans AFC Championship Game -freezing 0 degree cold January game (expected) in the upper 300-level section and ours was the ONLY one not standing for a playoff game. Sat next to two kids under 8. Then someone brought in a newborn fucking baby that, no hyperbole, could not have been more than a month old. Insane. We snuck into the 200-level section at halftime and it ended up being a fucking party and playoff atmosphere that I wanted, expected, and had enjoyed before. 2) Migos  -last minute replacement for Solange: just looked/sounded completely unprepared and they knew it. Crowd didn’t seem to be into it (Boston is mainly white) and didn’t know the lyrics to chant back: when they did so, it failed, and they were laughing it off but knowing it wasn’t a good setting for them. 4) Bon Iver  -I liked his new album but doesn’t translate well live and to festivals. Super boring. Watching white people LOSE their shit to lukewarm Kenny G-esque saxophone solos (5 people playing the sax) was ridiculous.

MUSIC 1a) Brian Fallon-’If Your Prayers Don’t Get to Heaven’ 1b) Brian Fallon-’Forget Me Not’ 2) Menzingers-’˜Lookers’ 3) Lorde-’Perfect Places’ 4) Carly Rae Jepsen-’Cut to the Feeling’ 5) Turnover-’Breeze’ 6) Vallis Alps-’Fading’ 7) Kendrick Lamar-Humble’ 7) Calvin Harris/Frank Ocean/Migos-’Slide’ 9) Night Game-’the Outfield’ 10) Kesha-’Praying’

Album: Menzingers-’After the Party’ New Artist: Khalid Late pass: Turnover Late pass song: Lord Huron-’the Night We Met’

WORST POLITICAL: the chaos that comes with Trump-Waking up everyday in anxiety to check what happened on Twitter in America with politics/everything. It was, objectively, a trainwreck tire-fire. There’s too much news (which he obviously likes, even if it’s bad: he likes the attention and is a cable news addict). So, yeah, I don’t want to just be overloaded with it all the time, so fuck you forever. A year’s worth of shit is dumped every week. Thing is, I don’t hate Trump the most. He’s a stooge and he’s only doing everything the Republicans want anyway. It’s just that he’s such a dunce.

Worst music moment: 1) Katy Perry dancing w/ Migos, her music videos 2) Taylor Swift album rollout 3) Eminem’s cringe-y Trump freestyle that sounded as bad as Hamilton

Favorite debacles: Uber, Juicero, Fyre Festival Only because I can’t enjoy the Trump presidency debacles since it’s everyday life. Favorite Online Writer: Drew Magary Best health choice: switching to shoes with arch support -I can’t wear any of the major shoes like Nike anymore. I’ve got super flat feet. I was walking around for 2 months feeling like my foot was broken. I was in agony. Instant relief when I got better shoes. Most Confused thought: How the hell is Martin Shkreli the only evil rich asshole to go to jail? Sweetest/Coolest: Remember, Remember the 5th of November and beyond (super dumb inside joke to only person that might read this BS). I’ll leave it at that. I mean, I totally want to write about it, how awesome/funny it is, a phone call I made to my friend that was 12+ years in the making that he didn't expect. But yeah. I’ll just say it’s really sweet and just not jinx it.

Look ahead 2018 MUSIC: 1) Brian Fallon 2) Thrice 3) Chvrches 4) Wonder Years 5) Arctic Monkeys 6) Carly Rae Jepsen 7) 1975 8) Bruce Springsteen 9) Justin Timberlake NEW HBO: 1) Barry-Bill Hader as an assassin 2) Confederacy 3) Mosaic NEW NETFLIX SHOWS: 1) Maniac 2) Altered Carbon OTHER NEW SHOWS: 1) Corporate 2) the Terror 2) Counterpart 3) the Alienist 4) Waco 5) Good Girls  RETURNING TV: 1) True Detective 2) Atlanta SHOWS ENDING: the Americans  BOOKS: 1) Stephen King-’the Outsider’ 2) new Game of Thrones? 3) Michelle McNamara Gillian Flynn is overdue for a new book MOVIES: 1) Death of Stalin 2) Incredibles II 3) Soldado: Sicario II 4) Bodied 5) First Man-Chazzelle 6) Where’d You Go Bernadette-Linklater 7) Predator -Shane Black 8) Halloween -David Gordon Green/Danny McBride 9) Widows -Gillian Flynn/Steve McQueen 10) Creed II 11) Deadpool II 12) Hold the Dark 13) Scarface-Coen brothers 14) Black Panther 15) new ‘Cloverfield’ NEW COMEDY SPECIALS: 1) Bill Burr 2) Chris Rock 3)Tom Segura 4) Bert Kreischer, 5) Mike Birbiglia

Biggest bummer: no Game of Thrones until 2019, but I’d rather they not fuck it up

LOOK AHEAD TO 2018: -moving out of parent’ place in 2 weeks while still saving up to buy a house/condos  -uh, I just turned 31, so that took forever. I have a decent amount of $ saved up to secure a house, but I want a decent one. -brother’s wedding in April -and bachelor party -cousins getting married and engaged -happening in droves -Pats playoff run and maybe the last best stand in the Belichick-Brady era. Brady could easily play 3 more years, be a top 3-5 QB (he still is the best, most durable/toughest, consistent), break every record, but something to be said about going out on top. -Shows/Tours Hoping to see: Boston Calling, Bill Burr, Brian Fallon, Bert Kreischer, Thrice, Chappelle, Pats -Gaslight Anthem reunion shows for 10-year anniversary of ‘the 59 Sound’ AND hopefully coming back again

[rosalindmosis]

Jane Foster Week - Day 2 - Associated Quote

Okay, this is technically song lyrics, but it reminds me of Jane so much.... 

‘ They look down At the ground Missing But I never go in nowI'm looking at the big sky I'm looking at the big sky now I'm looking at the big sky You never really understood me You never really tried.’

The Big Sky, Kate Bush

(Content warning- cancer, death, suicidal thoughts- but there is a happy ending!)

As Dr Bastrop was talking, Jane wondered how many times he’d had to deliver death sentences. Did he speak to his therapist about it? Did he get drunk? Did he cry? Probably not cry, otherwise he’d never stop. Would her reaction, or lack thereof, stick out in his memory at all? She was probably younger than most he delivered this news too, but maybe not the youngest. She wished she could ask him, but… it didn’t seem like the right time.

‘Do you… understand Dr Foster?’

It was nice he actually used her title, even if he had just informed her that she had maybe eight months at best. It was the little things.

‘Yes,’ she managed, distantly.

‘I can go through anything if you wish…’

‘No no…I’m… alright, hah, or not.’

He managed the merest trace of a smile, indicating to her that he’d heard his fair share of gallows humour in the past.

‘Is there anyone you wish to speak to?’ He asked, quietly ‘Or for me to contact?’

There was one, to start with.

‘My lawyer,’ she told him, looking at her phone ‘I need to speak to her straight away.’

Ms Jennifer Walters was someone Jane had known for years. They were at Culver, albeit in different departments, and she had a reputation for being quiet but determined. Her outwardly mouse like exterior hid something that won her cases and Jane admired her for that. She also admired the way that Jen had brought in the most delicious, artisan coffee she could find for their meeting.

‘I’m so sorry Jane,’ she told her, indicating a seat before drawing her into a hug first. Jane returned it gratefully.

‘Thanks,’ she whispered back ‘um, yeah, could we… get down to it?’

Jen nodded ‘Of course! Sure!’

She went behind her desk and retrieved a file from a drawer. Jane recognised it.

‘Most forward thinking thing I’ve ever done,’ she said, mostly to herself.

‘Is… is there anything you want to change about it?’ Jen asked.

‘No… well, how much would it be if I recorded a video message as well?’

Jen frowned ‘Nothing.’

‘C’mon Jen-’ Jane began.

‘Nothing whatsoever,’ Jen repeated, firmly ‘I’m serious.’

Jane sighed ‘Okay, fine… but that’s the only thing I want to do. Nothing has changed. Same people. Same stuff.’

‘Same plan?’

Jane nodded ‘Same plan.’

Jen said nothing for a moment, before pressing a button on her intercom ‘Hey, Dean? Could you bring in the paperwork for a video will? And set up the studio?’

A young male voice replied from the other end.

‘Sure thing Ms Walters.’

Jen sat back in her chair and nodded to Jane’s coffee ‘Drink up. That’s the best stuff I have.’

Jane nodded and drank deep- it was perfect. Probably the best coffee she’d ever drank. God the smell was heavenly, with a proper creamer, not some diner garbage and a nice ceramic mug instead of a paper cup.

‘You need a tissue?’ Jennifer asked, her voice seeming to come from a long way off.

‘Yup. I really do.’

‘That good?’

‘Hmmph,’ she sniffed.

Well, I already look pretty bad, Jane reflected, blowing her nose before finishing her coffee so I might as well cry.

Eventually, she collected herself enough to be led into Jen’s will-studio, complete with dull murky backdrop and school-photographer set up. She passed her own reflection and saw that she had endured a year of chemo. No hair, pale skin, skeletal appearance… man. Red eyes did nothing to improve the fact she looked half dead already.

She sat on a reclaimed bar stool, whilst Jen’s cute assistant, Dean, asked if she wanted cushions or some water which she declined. Jen handed her the will she’d made the week she had been diagnosed. She glanced at it. She hadn’t had much hope back then, but she promised herself this was for peace of mind. She didn’t really think she was doomed, it was just… a precaution.

Jen coughed ‘We’ll start rolling and… you just read whenever you’re ready.’

Jane nodded and took a breath ‘Okay… I’m good to go.’

‘My name is Doctor Jane Foster, this is my last will and testament- the full legal document is kept by my lawyer; Ms Jennifer Walters, but I wanted to make a video so that… so that it felt more… I dunno, personal? I guess? And um… yeah… I just… If I am making this, it’s because I’ve decided to take the cancer with me… rather than let the cancer take me, if that makes sense? I’ve made arrangements. You probably will not find a body if all goes well.’

She slowed her breathing and started again.

‘I um… I am sorry to everyone. I know some of you are probably going to be mad that I didn’t say goodbye in person but… um… yeah, pretty selfish of me I guess, but there’s something I’ve always wanted to do and… this is my last chance. I don’t know if it will work but… what the hell. I’m dying anyway.’

That was the first time she’d said it outloud. God.

‘Um, I’ve filed several patents, the numbers are listed in my will and all the proceeds from them go to a Miss Darcy Lewis… who I owe big time. I can never pay her back for her time or emotional labour, but I can compensate her financially… if my last experiment works, then the equipment listed is eventually going to make her very well off indeed. Just in case it doesn’t work, I have savings of about $7,000 which I am leaving to her as well… and, if I may get super unprofessional for a moment… Love you Darcy. I’m sorry for this.’

She’d sold her Mom’s London apartment after she’d died. She couldn’t bare to be there any more. The place was worth a surprising amount, but she’d spent a lot of it on her treatment and… a few other things.

‘All of my equipment, notebooks and backup drives currently in my apartment are to go to the University of Culver, Virginia. Again, a full list is available in my will. To Erik Selvig, there’s a list of data drives and a server in storage at a facility in Norway. The address is in the will- I am leaving it to him. All of it. I hope… I hope he can make good use of it… and I’m sorry I’m the second Foster he’s had to watch get sick, but I’m damned if I’m going to be the second Foster he watches die so… sorry Erik.’

She blinked and continued.

‘Anything further is detailed in my will…. Um… there is one more thing.’

She looked dead into the camera.

‘If Thor comes back somehow and… and sees this, tell him… I mean if you’re watching this Thor… Oh god… I’m also sorry. Sorry that I had to… Had to end it this way um… I didn’t want to end it this way, but I also didn’t want you to know about this...that I was sick. I thought you were way better off not knowing about me...that the universe needed you more than I did. I hope you can forgive me. I wanted to protect you from the dangers of my world.’

She coughed as she recovered from the impression. Dropping her voice to that octave hurt at the best of times. Jen and Dead laughed. She took some grim satisfaction.

‘Okay, that’s all. That’s all I have. I… I love you guys. I am sorry. I hope… I hope I either die in the name of science or… finally get to go to space on my own and… die out there. Also in the name of science.’

She waved to the camera and Jen clicked it off.

‘That was a pretty great Thor by the way,’ she told her as Dean offered her help off the stool she was sitting on.

‘Eh, had plenty of practise,’ she shrugged ‘thanks.’

‘So… what’re you going to do now?’

Jane bit her lip, before turning off her phone and handing it to Jen.

‘First… get a van.’

There wasn’t much left of Puerto Antigua. No one decided it was worth rebuilding. It was regrettable, but it worked for her. After finding the site of the old garage where she had first found Thor and the Einstein Rosen Bridge- god had it really been eight years? No, closer to nine now. She glanced up and down what remained on the main street. The whole place was a ghost town now. She looked little more than a ghost herself.

Perfect.

Even now, probably as it had done for thousands of years, there were readings. All she had to do was… open it up.

Dealing on the black market had not been the best option, but it was the only way she could find the power sources she needed. The Chitauri army had not been able to open the portal without a massive boost, but there was enough for one person… in theory. Aiming was another problem- but she had a rough… idea of where she was going. Thor had taken her to the libraries of Asgard once, long enough for her to cross-reference a place- the Alfheim system. She was certain a group of astrophysicists in Hawaii had found it and they were happy to share the data with her. If they were wrong- well she’d end up floating in space and would mostly likely die quickly. Or in the middle of a star. Or something… worse. Well, she had a contingency plan, provided she could move her arms and legs.

The black market was a good place for cyanide capsules as it turns out.

The platform was a crude octagon of spires that tapped into the weak spot left by continuous Rainbow Bridge use. It was faint, but present. The power source were some crystals, circuits and the engine of one of the floating hover boards linked to a remote controlled unit. It had taken her years of work and, she wasn’t wholly confident. She had been doing it since the convergence. She hadn’t told Thor… for some reason. She meant to. Really. Perhaps he’d worry about her safety. Perhaps he’d try and stop her. She wasn’t sure, but she hadn’t said anything. She’d simply disappeared into a converted shipping container she’d rented and hoped no one would find it. Darcy knew, but she’d assumed she’d abandoned it after she’d got her Nobel and focused on Astronomy instead. She had for a while… but the cancer had put her right back in there.

Screw it, she had thought, at five am in a cold static shipping container in the middle of Staten Island, I might be dying anyway.

There was only one certainty in her future now. The only question was when and where. So she wasn’t all that different from everyone else really. That was a good way to think about it.  

She checked her watch. An hour. Time for a final once over. She tested the signal, applied more duct tape, checked the wind resistance… a lot of it felt more out of nervousness than anything else. Her hands shook, but they shook all the time lately. She was cold, but it was the desert at about 10pm, so that wasn’t surprisingly either.

But yeah, she was scared. Uncertainty had never sat right with her. She needed to know, but right now, that wasn’t going to be possible. She could only hope she didn’t end up dying in a stupid way. Just in an awesome way.

She checked her watch again- now it was twenty five minutes. God. Too much time, yet not enough… She rechecked her backpack- food, supplies, a water purifier, warm clothes, ancient mp3 player, old digital camera (as if anyone would ever see what she recorded) changes of underwear, painkillers… and the way out. The cyanide were in an otherwise innocuous little pill bottle that she placed on the inside of her jacket. Just in case she… over shot? Undershot? This would be interesting, if nothing else.

Ten minutes.

She had ten minutes of time on Earth. That’s all. What the hell could she do in ten minutes? Pretty much nothing. Especially not out here.

Oh god. What if… hah. What if what? She died? That was happening anyway.

‘I’m looking at the Big Sky…’

Her Dad said-sung that when he was high on morphine, as he faded away. He was, as a nerdy British man who was in college in the seventies, a huge Kate Bush fan. He adored her. He had her records on in the car. One of her earliest memories was listening to Hounds of Love on the way to pre-school. The song that she loved the most?

The Big Sky.

They look down

At the ground

Missing

But I never go in now

I'm looking at the big sky

I'm looking at the big sky now

I'm looking at the big sky

You never really understood me

You never really tried

She wasn’t the best singer ever. But… if there was an appropriate song to go out to, then this was it. She pulled out the mp3 player and put the headphones in, finding the song quickly. Her voice was lost in the desert night, echoing into nothing as the equipment began to hum into life. She checked her watch.

One minute.

That cloud, that cloud

Looks like Ireland

C'mon and blow it a kiss now

But quick

'Cause it’s changing in the big sky

It’s changing in the big sky now

We’re looking at the big sky

You never understood me

You never really tried

She was aware of the equipment warming the air around her. The buzz and hum as they began to open the way around her. She took a breath as the pressure made her ears pop painfully, but she had no time to check if she was okay before-

-she was thrown.

Well, she wasn’t thrown exactly, but it sure as hell felt like it. She’d realised early on that she could die on impact if she tried to recreate the Bifrost exactly. She aimed for more of a tunnel type thing that would allow her to walk out. It still felt like she was pulled by a gust of wind. Her eyes watered as she saw blackness speed past her, feeling as though she were being buffeted. She wondered if it would ever end, as nausea and pain began to creep up her throat. Oh god…. Oh god what’s-

This cloud, this cloud

Says Noah

C'mon and build me an ark

And if you're coming, jump

'Cause we’re leaving with the big sky

We’re leaving with the big sky

We’re leaving with the big sky

She opened her eyes. The sky was blue, pure, clear blue, with soft clouds that would indicate a sunny day. She winced and got up, feeling stiff and sore but, apparently in one piece. She glanced around, trying to take everything in. Either she was hallucinating, or there was a lot of grass here. Like, it was a field of tall grass that flowed and waved in the breeze. She gazed to the west of her and saw what looked like a settlement of some kind- a town? It was so far away…

She hefted her bag onto her shoulders and stood up straight.

Either I am dead and this is heaven or… or I made it to somewhere in the Alfheim system. Or… somewhere else.

She patted her pockets- her mp3 player was there, still in her pocket, but the headphones had been lost. She had packed another set, given her past experience with camping trips, and set herself up with some more Kate Bush.

The sky above her was bright and big, there were people up ahead and here she was… ready to head out. She’d done it. She’d left.

She’d made it. Holy…

‘Holy shit!’ She giggled ‘Holy shit!’

The thought that perhaps no one would know where she was or what she had done… hurt, but only briefly. The mortal world with her friends, her work, her legacy… it was still there. They’d have to sift through the pieces. Maybe… maybe they’d find something.

Hopefully.

But that wasn’t her concern any more. She had left.

She set off.

[becuzpurple]

It’s About Damn Time! - an Ed & Kate One-Shot

The title of this one-shot is also an extremely appropriate and well-deserved reaction to my S L O W-as-molasses writing.  LOL  But I’m finally done.  YAY!  

As I said, this is a one-shot.  It’s still about Ed and Kate, and it’s still set in the same world as the main story.  But it takes place about 2 ½ years down the line from where the main story currently is.  You will see a 3rd character whom you’ve met before.  You will also see mention made of a new, very significant character, though this person is not important to this chapter, so you won’t actually meet him/her.  Yet.  😊

I hope you like it!

WARNING:  Lossa Smuts

——————————————————————————————-

IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

an early Wednesday afternoon

I’ve been running for years.  It gives me discipline and confidence, it’s a great way to relieve stress, and it improves my mental and physical health.  

When I first met Ed, he didn’t exercise regularly.  He’d just come off 5 years of touring, and he was really, really tired.  He was bigger than he is now, but I had no complaints whatsoever.  I liked him big and solid.

After taking a good four or five months to just slog off, he started coming around to the idea that he should probably start taking better care of himself. He says seeing me get up and go to the gym or go for a run made him feel like a slug.  He also says he did it for us, although I never felt that was necessary - he’s always been perfect to me.  But, it was around that time when his perspective began to shift a little bit in regards to a few things.

One of those things was his health.  He told me that he didn’t want to get fat and lazy.  I couldn’t imagine that actually happening at all, but I certainly wasn’t about to discourage him, either.  We began working out together, even though I had to stop running due to some early pregnancy complications.  I still exercised right up until I went into labor - mostly yoga and stationary weight machines.  Ed did those things with me, too, and he also started running.  

He’s now in the best shape of his life.  His body has changed over the last couple of years.  That sweet, soft belly that wouldn’t ever completely go away actually went almost completely away (RIP, belly - I kind of loved you).  He has defined abs.  He’s gained lean muscle-mass.  He’s noticeably stronger (and he was strong before!).  His endurance is through-the-roof.  

We run together now when he’s home, often with Daisy in the jogging stroller. On this particular day, though, she’d napped a little early, so I stayed in with her while Ed went out for his run.  Nathan and Lucy were at school.

It was early-afternoon in mid-fall, and it rained the night before.  It was cold, and the sun wasn’t out, so there was a dreary cast to everything - in other words, typical November weather.  It was good napping weather, and Daisy was taking full advantage of that in her new “big girl” toddler bed.  She loved it so much that she had a renewed interest in naps and bedtime.                              

🙏🏻 Thank-you Jesus🙏🏻

I sat down at the kitchen counter with a fresh cup of coffee and my laptop, and opened up my emails, which was my first mistake.  I should have started working on the new research project I’d been invited to participate in.  I’d been asked to contribute to a collection of biographical sketches for a Time magazine feature called “Women and the Myth of the American West”.  I was really excited about it, and needed to begin researching my subject - Elena Gallegos, who, in 1712, widowed and aged 32, became the sole owner of a land grant that included about 4/5 of present-day Albuquerque, NM.  It was willed to her NOT from her deceased husband, but from another man!

But I digress.  Instead of gathering facts about Elena, I started reading through my unopened emails.  

My friend Dante had lately made a habit of emailing video links to me - links to videos of Ed.  Because he’s completely obnoxious!  I don’t make a habit of watching Ed videos.  I admit that right after we met I promptly fell right down that rabbit hole, but it honestly only lasted a couple of days, and I haven’t really looked at any more since then.

Dante periodically fangirls pretty hard over Ed, and it’s really hilarious since he knows him, now.  He’s slightly embarrassed yet completely unapologetic about it.  

So, he’d evidently just discovered Ed’s BRIT’s performance from 2015 - Bloodstream.  That’s what the link was to in the email he’d sent me.  He was raving about it - he even noted a minute-mark within the performance that he thought I’d particularly enjoy.  So then I made my second mistake:  I clicked on the link and I watched it.  I’d somehow never seen it before.

This is such a sexy song.  Oh, he looks so good in black…those are really red shoes.  That vein on his neck and wow he sounds so good.  He’s in such a different place when he’s performs - like he’s a completely different person. Jesus he’s oozing confidence.  And sex.  He’s oozing sex?!  Whatever, it’s true.  Why is that little backward step so hot???  And why is it suddenly freaking hot as hell in here?  The RASP.  Fuck me, that rasp...OK, here comes the part Dante thinks I’ll like…HOLY SHIT.  What’s he thinking about when he spanks his guitar like that?  It can’t actually be the song, right?  I know I’m not thinking about the song.  GOD, I’M BAD.  Oh god more rasp and more neck veins and I’m…Jesus help me, my blood is rushing to PLACES, no joke…I just…FUCK...

When the hell will he be home?

I glanced at the clock and saw that he’d be gone for at least another 10 minutes or so - plenty of time to rewatch the good parts…a few times.  

Which is what I was still doing several minutes later when I heard him open the door.  I stopped the video just as he came in through the back entrance off the kitchen, drenched in sweat and still breathing hard.  His eyes found mine and he nodded in greeting, leaning on the door frame as he caught his breath.

“Hey.”  He noted my setup.  “Getting some work done?”

“Hi.”  My voice was soft.  I couldn’t tear my eyes from him.  “No, I...got distracted.”

I closed the laptop, got up from my chair, and made my way over to him, still in the doorway.  He was eying me curiously, a small grin forming.

“Distracted by what?”

I took hold of his waist and pulled him closer to me.

“Email,” I answered right before I kissed him…with a little bit of tongue.

He readily reciprocated, delving into my mouth with the softest, most slippery of caresses.  He gently pulled my bottom lip with his teeth before leaving one last, chaste kiss. Then he pulled back just far enough to let his eyes focus on mine.  

“Mmmm, more…” I pulled his torso right into mine, and basked in how drenched with sweat he was.

I slid a hand up the back of his neck through those wet curls and guided his face back down to me.

His mouth opened immediately and I took full advantage, holding him to me as my tongue eagerly explored.  There was a saltiness to the taste of him, and a muffled moan escaped my mouth at the thought of being wrapped up in this sexy, sweaty, beautiful man.

His hands soon moved to my hips, starting to slide to my backside, but then he paused and kept them fastened where they were, and he again pulled his lips away from mine.

He returned my soft, huff of frustration with a small smirk and a knowing look.

“I’m a sweaty mess right now.”

I combed my fingers through the tufts of his damp hair as I softly replied. “Baby, that’s so not a bad thing.”  

Just then I noticed a vein in his neck slightly pulse and I was reminded of what got me in this state to begin with.  I grinned, and then my lips were right there. God, I wanted to inhale him, breathe him, taste him, feel him - I needed it.  I felt the soft rush of his breath on my cheek as he let his head fall to the side.  I inhaled his sharpened, earthy scent as I kissed and nipped at his salty, sticky skin from his collarbone up to his ear.  

I sucked and tugged on his earlobe just a little bit before pulling away.  He righted his head and teased my nose with the tip of his, making me smile.

His hands found their way back to my bottom, and, gripping me securely, he pulled me in right up against his groin.  “This what you wanted?”

His voice was suddenly so serious, and his cock was already getting hard.  I felt him through my thin cotton pants and his shorts, and I was so fucking turned on, and really, really glad that he seemed to be, too.

I nodded.

He was slick with sweat - everywhere.  I have no idea why that made ME so wet, but, my god, did it.  

I nudged my hips up into his, and we began rubbing against one another, slow and deliberate, both of us still fully clothed.

What the hell has gotten into me?  Fucking Bloodstream…

He leaned back on the door and positioned his knee between my thighs.  I leaned into him, and we rocked into each other, slowly building up, and the friction became so intense I felt flutters in my belly. I brought my hand to the obvious bulge at the front of his running shorts, and started stroking him in time with our thrusting.  

Our mouths came at each other hard, and for a few seconds there was a frenzy of slippery tongues and wet lips sliding over each other.  We were desperate mouths and rough hands and stifled gasps and sticky-wet bodies.

We broke away and, with his hands at my waist, he urgently backed me into the kitchen, to the large, built-in island.  He was about to lift me up on it, but then stopped and looked at me uncertainly.

“Daisy?”

“Asleep,” I assured him.

We stared at each other for another second or two before we came together again, lips fusing, tongues thrashing, hands fumbling, bodies converging.  He had my pants down before I even realized his hands were on me.  I quickly kicked them all the way off, but I was still wearing my panties.    

I shoved his shorts and underwear down to his knees and locked my legs around his waist just as he pressed himself up against my center.  

Somehow during all of this he sat me up on the very edge of the island.

His brow ruffled slightly when he noticed that I still had my panties on, but I hastily pulled them to the side, out of his way.  We shared a brief smirk just before he took hold of himself and slammed into me.  There was no point in checking my readiness.  I’d already made that very clear to him.

I was caught up in the sight of him - his eyes were blown wide and lips slightly parted, he was hot and covered in sweat and soaking wet, and his hand was wrapped around his dick as he aligned himself with me.  He was all confidence and desire - from the intent etched on his face, to the forward roll of his hips, to the well-practiced way he held his beautiful, hard cock in his hand just before he guided it into me.

He is a lot to take in at once.  The sting (there’s always a sting) was sharp but short-lived, and was followed by that exquisite sense of fullness that still gets me every time.  

My balance on the counter was questionable, so I kept a hand back to anchor myself.  My other hand gripped his shoulder.  He held my hips tight as he fucked into me, full-force, balls deep on every thrust, so hard I was groaning in time with the short, soft grunts he made on each exhalation.  By then we were both covered in sweat.

“Fuck.  I love this…”  I thought it was just in my head but I apparently said it out loud.  He didn’t answer me, but did raise an eyebrow and grinned while he continued fucking into me.  He watched my eyes fall shut and my head fall back, and then I felt his lips and tongue on my bared neck.

He felt so good, and the spontaneity of it made it that much better.  It’s hard to be spontaneous when you have a toddler and two tweens in the house - and when Ed is on the road as often as he is.  He comes home as often as possible, and I’ve occasionally joined him for a weekend here-and-there when I could manage it, but Daisy is usually with me, and those opportunities are few and far-between, anyway.  So even though this was an unplanned quickie, it was much-needed.

There was one other thing I wanted though, thanks to that damn video.  But since he’s not a mind-reader, I was going to have to ask for it.

Quickly, before I could lose my nerve, I pressed my lips next to his ear and whispered, “Spank me.”

He hadn’t expected that, judging by the look on his face.  But I saw excitement there, too - he loves it just as much as I do.

”Yeah?  You been bad?”

He’d been gripping my hips the whole time, and now started working his fingers over the outermost contours of my ass cheeks.  He didn’t stop slamming into me over and over, and I took a sharp breath as another thrust hit me just right.    

Eyes boring into mine, he slammed HARD into me one more time, pushing, pushing, just keeping himself buried so deep in me.  His eyes zeroed-in on my mouth and he moved in so close to my face that I thought he was going to kiss me.  But, no.  He brushed his lips against the corner of mine and, sounding absolutely cocksure, whispered, “Hope you’re ready.”

In one fell swoop he pulled out, and before I could even register that, he lowered me to the floor and spun me around, yanking my panties down.  Before they even fell to my knees he was balls-deep again.

Oh, god.

He kept one hand firm between my shoulder blades and the other spread out over one of my ass cheeks as he fucked into me and whispered in my ear.  

“Have you been bad?”

Jesus…

Everything had escalated so quickly and I was wrecked enough already that I couldn’t properly put words together.  So I just sort of grunted in acknowledgement.

His hand still stroked my bottom, although somewhat erratically, probably due to his busy thrusting.  

“Such a pretty bum.”

His voice was so soft, and he sounded so controlled, although his movements betrayed that impression.  I imagined his eyes glued to my backside.  

“Should I make it pink, then?”

Fuck…Yes?!

I meant to answer him - I really did.  But the the best I could manage was a muffled, incoherent moan.

“What’s that?  Can’t hear you.”  

I took a breath before gasping out a soft, “Please?”

I felt him smile against the back of my neck as he murmured, “There’s my dirty girl,” as he drove into me again.

It felt dirty, what we were doing.  We were fucking in our kitchen in the middle of the day.  He had me bent over the island, both of us still half-dressed.  He was a sweating mess from his run, and I was too by that point.  The sounds coming from both of us were indecent (although muffled, since the baby’s room was just right up the stairs). Everything felt wet and slick, and hard and rough, and hot as hell.  

I was leaning on my elbows, hands splayed flat on the countertop.  I looked over my shoulder and saw him staring down at my bottom.  I’m sure he also had a view of himself repeatedly slamming into me.  In any case, he seemed enthralled by what he saw.

He thrusted hard again.  And again.  

I turned my head to face forward again, my breath rushing out, gasping on each stroke.  He filled me continuously, hitting my furthest walls, steady and unyielding.  The flutters in my belly were spreading.  I felt like I was lighting up slowly.  I went up on my tiptoes and arched my back just a little bit more, forcing my bottom further out, needing more, asking for more.  It was such a good, good feeling - being fucked so good like that.

He unexpectedly pulled out, quickly hooked his right hand below my thigh and lifted it up so my knee came just above the countertop.

“Put your leg up here.”

I did so, and then he took hold of my waist and slammed right back in.  The angle was different so the bumping of his cock inside me was more intense.  He was reaching even deeper.

His right hand was back on my bottom, fingers pit-patting in subtle patterns.  He brought his left hand around to my front, his fingertips swirling lazily over my most sensitive parts.

My mind drifted away, lost again in the sensations. My body was thrumming - I could feel it buzzing from my belly out to my limbs, my fingers, my toes.  I was so consumed in the moment that when that first smack came I was stunned.

He had just pulled back, with the head of his cock barely touching me, and lightly tapped his fingers over my clit a few times.  I heard it before I felt it - a resounding slap that snapped me out of my reverie.  I felt the sting of his hand just as he slammed back inside me, hitting my front wall with such force that I grunted at the impact.

And god, it hurt - it really hurt.  But the pain was only secondary.  Much more important than the pain, and the reason I love it so much…it makes me feel so incredibly close to him.  I know that sounds crazy…like, how on earth would Ed spanking me cause me to feel closer to him?  But I completely trust him, so I allowed him to be in a position of control over me within that situation.  I knew I would feel some pain, but I also knew he would never, ever actually hurt me. For us…unspoken promises accompany acts like this - absolute love and trust among them.

I sucked my lips into my mouth, hoping that would keep me from releasing the wail that was welling up inside, threatening to escape.  Instead, my soft, mewling whimpers mingled with his hard, gaspy breaths.  I was completely lost in it again.

“Please...” I gasped, pushing my bottom out as far as I could, trying to get more of him.  

“Please what, baby…what do you want?”  He breathed in my ear between each thrust.

“More…everything…”

I’m sure I wasn’t making much sense at all, but it was the best I could do at the time.  I wanted him deeper - so fucking deep in me, and I wanted him to make my bottom look sunburned and make it hurt and feel so damn good that I’d lose any remaining sense of reality.

He knew.  He knew what I wanted, what I needed.  And he wanted it, too.

He was attentive and carefully turned each cheek a lovely shade of rose pink - like a deep blush.  Never while he was inside me - he only filled me immediately after a spank.  That way I could feel the sharp sting at the same time as something truly pleasurable, and that combination is fucking electrifying.

I was so warm everywhere - we both were.  But the heat emanating from my bottom was different - like a deep, low, slow-spreading burn.  It, along with the smoldering tremors threatening to go off throughout my body finally, finally, started to push me over.  Just when I could tell that the end was near, he opened his mouth and shattered me to pieces.

“Baby, your arse is so fuckin’ pretty…so pink…just like your pretty pussy…”

I began clenching everywhere, including around him.  My legs and my hips tensed, and if he hadn’t already had me pinned up against the island I would have gone down.

“You almost there…gonna come, sweet girl?”

I nodded, but have no idea if he saw it or not.  Then everything went soft for a second, my ears buzzed, my entire body pulsed.  The ache in me spread everywhere, and then a terrific whoosh of warmth and comfort consumed me.  I was swept up and fallen apart.  He’d completely taken me Somewhere Else.  It was just what I needed and absolutely perfect. 

He finished just after me.  His hips were a flurry of movement as they rocketed into me a last few times.  Then his body tensed, as mine had, and he breathed out a series of short, not-so-quiet gasps as he came.

---

“What.  The fuck.  Was that?”  

We were on the floor against the base of the island, still half-naked and legs tangled together.  My head was buried in the crook of his neck.  His arms were around me. He left copious short, soft kisses all over the side of my head and face.

I glanced from the corner of my eye at him, a tiny, somewhat awkward grin plastered on my face.  He looked immensely pleased.

I didn’t answer him.

“I’m not complaining at all.  But really…what got into you?”

“Umm…you?” I giggled.  I was not about to tell him that a freaking 4 year-old video of him got me so worked up that I literally begged him to spank me.  In the middle of the day.  In the kitchen. Nope.  Wasn’t going to happen.

“Ha-ha.”  He smiled and took my hand.  “Damn, woman.  I thought my workout was the run but you gave me another one.”

“Ha,” I grinned.  I got one, too.”  

I looked down at the both of us - what a sight.  His shorts and underwear were around his ankles, but he still wore his t-shirt and shoes.   My pants were flung across the floor, my panties were around one ankle, and my shirt and bra were askew.  We were both sweaty messes.

Glancing at the wall clock, I sighed.  “We should shower.  Daisy will be up in a bit.”

He nodded and puffed out a noisy breath, stood, and pulled his shorts back up.  I remained sitting on the floor watching him until he offered his hand to help me up.  He grabbed my pants up off the floor as I kicked my panties off from around my ankle.  Because what was the point, really, right?  

We walked together to the shower, cleaned ourselves up (and then the kitchen, too - yikes), and no one was the wiser.

——————————–

Saturday Evening, 10 Days Later

Dante was visiting, and he, Ed and I were just finishing up a late dinner that he’d picked up on the way over.  Daisy was down for the night, and both Lucy and Nate were at a friend’s birthday party.  We hadn’t seen Dante in a while - several months, actually.  So when he called that morning, suddenly freed-up from plans with his partner Aaron, who was called out-of-town for work last minute, we all jumped at the chance to finally catch-up.

I’d just finished clearing the table of our dishes, and Ed was still rinsing and putting them in dishwasher.  Dante was making our drinks.  I took my seat at the dining room table while the guys were chatting and finishing up in the kitchen.

Those two adore each other.  They’d immediately bonded upon first meeting a few years ago, and it made me so happy.  Dante is probably my oldest, and one of my dearest friends, and I love that he and Ed get on so well.  Both of them were in a mood that evening, though.  I had no chance of getting out unscathed.

They came back to their seats carrying tequila shots with lime wedges for all of us.  I’d already brought out some snacks for us to nibble on.

“It’s really good to see you, D.  It’s been too long.”  I put a few homemade oatmeal raisin cookies on a small plate and slid it in front of him as I spoke.  Ed nodded in agreement.

“I’m just here for the cookies.”  He grinned at me and then turned to Ed.  “You know Katie used to bake cookies for me in high school?”

“Yeah?  Were they any good?”

“Hey?!”  I shot him a look.  He just grinned and popped a whole cookie in his mouth.

“Amazing.  That’s when I decided to keep her.”  He winked at me.

“I did, didn’t I?  I’d forgotten all about that.”

Ed downed his shot and added, smirking, “Yeah.  I’m totally here just for her cookies, too.”

While the two of them chortled over their silly innuendos, I bit back a grin and shook my head.  You can’t help but love ‘em.

“Sooo, you never acknowledged my last email, Kit-Kat,” Dante chided me.

“Oh, I didn’t?  What was- OH.”  It was the link to the Bloodstream performance.  I could feel my face flushing as I recalled the aftermath from viewing it.

Shit…

Both Ed and Dante were looking at me oddly.  Ed clearly didn’t know a thing about any of it, but he definitely noticed my red face.  Dante seemed to be working out that there was some sort of story - he had a dangerous glint in his eye, and he started laughing.

I just stared forward blankly and took a huge bite of cookie so I wouldn’t have to talk.

“What?  What was in the email?”  Ed looked between Dante and me, not sure who might answer him.

“You know I’m a huge fan, right?  Like, major fangirl?  I’m not ashamed to admit it.  I mean…LOOK at you!”  Dante was talking with his arms by that point, as any decent, excited Sicilian would.

Ed shrugged and smiled.  None of this was news to him.

I did nothing except pray to disappear.  I had a feeling this was going to get epically embarrassing soon.

“Well, you probably know that I occasionally send our darling Katie-Kat links to…videos that I…just happen to come across.  Of you.  I figure she might enjoy them as much as - or more - than I do.  It amuses me to no end.”

“Oh, god,” I whispered to no one in particular.

“Right, yeah, she’s mentioned that.  I’m down with it.  So, it was a video of me?”

Dante nodded, sucking on the lime wedge, and then slammed down his shot of tequila.

Ed gave me a bemused look.  “What was it?”

“Ohhhhh… Umm, it was when you did Bloodstream at the BRIT’s a few years ago?”  I didn’t know where to look, so I studied my still-full shot glass.

“Oh, good, you did see it, then.  What did you think, dear?”

I glanced up at Dante then, and my very evil friend was waggling his thick, dark eyebrows at me, knowing full-well that the video must have had some sort of effect on me to bring about this kind of reaction at the mention of it.

“Yeah, what did you think, dear?”  Ed was getting a little bit animated, too, or maybe buzzed.  He was grinning wildly and wagging his head around at me. He must have realized that something good was about to go down.

I looked from one to the other and saw that they both watched me expectantly. Deciding it was a good time for some liquid courage, I sucked hard on my lime and slammed down my shot.

I looked at Ed, smiled, and answered his question.  “I thought it was Sexy.  As.  Hell.  Dear.”

“THANK-YOU, yes!  Yes he was!”  Dante then turned from me to Ed, arms waving again.  “Yes you were!  It’s my favorite video of you, you…gorgeous creature!”  

Dante is naturally very hyper and enthusiastic, but Tipsy Dante is a whole ‘nother story.  His tequila-laced exuberance was contagious, and even I started giggling by then.  “D…you have a favorite Ed video??”

“YAHHHH?!!”

Ed was laughing and looking smug.  He nodded toward Dante.  “Thanks, man!” Glancing down at our empty drinks, he stared for a few seconds and then stood up.  “Be right back.”

He retrieved the bottle of tequila from the kitchen where Dante had left it and refilled each of our shot glasses.

OK.  Maybe I’m in the clear…

“Thank-you, sir.  Salute!”  Dante raised his drink up for a toast.  

We clinked our glasses together and drank up.  I was feeling warm and mellow and relaxed by then, and that turned out to be a problem.  I‘d let my guard down.

“I’m sure we agree on what the best part was, do we not, Katie-Katie?”

“The best part of what?”  I had no idea what he meant.  God, if I had I would have deflected immediately.  But no.  I invited him to continue.  Because tequila.

“The video!  I even noted the time for you, darling.”  The fucker actually started drumming on the tabletop as he grinned wickedly at me.

Fuck.

“What the fuck are you talking about, mate?  Noted the time of what?”

Ed was being adorably clueless.  Dante was being a mischievous bastard.  I was being that girl who was pouring another shot and slamming it immediately.

“I’m just saying…I cannot be the only one who enjoys seeing a good-looking man spanking his… instrument!”

I couldn’t help but burst out laughing at that, but I blushed furiously at the same time.  Dante was wearing a smug “sorrynotsorry” sort of expression, while Ed laughed almost as hard as I did.  Ed glanced at me then and saw my burning cheeks.  And I saw it happen - realization hit him right at that moment.  He stopped laughing almost abruptly, and then grinned so evilly at me it rivaled a Dante Smirk of Doom.

“Hold on, hold on!  When did you send her that email, Dante?”

Wow.  I’m so fucked it’s funny.

“I don’t know…week?  Week-and-a-half ago?”

There was a pause, just a beat of silence while Ed took that detail in.  And then…

“Oiiiiiiiiii!  That day!  After my run!  You were all wantin’ it-”  He was excitedly and emphatically smacking the table.  How ironic.

“Wait, WAIT, WAIT.  WHAT?  Katie Bear?!!  My cute little Katie Bug?  What exactly did you want?”

Now, I was plenty embarrassed, but I wasn’t completely flipping out or anything like that.  I know Dante has a bit of a freaky streak, himself - it’s been discussed before.  Spanking is actually pretty tame compared to some of the things he’s told me.  I was actually more flustered over Ed figuring out that watching a video of him is what got me so worked up that day.

But I figured there was no stopping this train, and since we were all three sheets to the wind already, anyway, I decided to just go for it.  I took a breath and (figuratively) jumped.

“What do you think I wanted, D?”  I gave him a playful wink and grin, and began drumming on the table, myself.

The noise that erupted from that man could have waked the dead.  It was a shriek like no shriek I’ve heard before.  And that’s saying a lot, since I’ve known Dante and his penchant for drama for about 25 years - I’d heard LOTS of Dante’s shrieking.

Ed’s and my immediate reaction was to shush him since Daisy was asleep just upstairs, but our shushes almost instantly turned into full-out belly laughs. Dante in Complete Theatrical Mode was a sight to see.  He did eventually tone it down a little bit, and between his residual hoots and sputters, he squawked out a few barely-coherent things.

Using wildly gesticulating arms to emphasize his words, he finally croaked out at me, “My puppy!  My sweet, innocent Katie-Boo!”

He then turned to Ed, trying so hard not to lose it completely.  “YOU, young man, have corrupted my darling Kit-Kat!  And I have one thing to say about that!”  He comically waved his finger in Ed’s face while both Ed and I laughed so hard we had tears running down our cheeks.

“It’s.  About.  Damn.  Time!”

——————————————————————————————-

I’d like to thank @ownerandwriterofedsnnnnggghhhh for her patience with me and my insecure ramblings about my writings, as well as her time spent editing/proofing/opinion-giving!  I also want to thank @edchristophersheeran for letting me use her words for the very last line and the title of this piece.  Y’all are the best!

As always, feedback is very much encouraged.  Click “like” or reblog, or send me an Ask, or do any combination of these things!  But it’s literally the ONLY way I know if anyone is even reading my work, let alone enjoying it.  So please leave me some, ok?  :-)

[shepgeek]

Film Review of 2016

Disappointments

Since everyone seems so keen to dispatch 2016 asap, let’s start on the downers!

2016 has definitely had its occasional moments but we seem to be fast converging on a generic blockbuster soup. The year was littered with blockbusters which had both impressive visuals and charismatic performances but also had nothing new to say, beyond sticking a franchise marker in the ground (Doctor Strange, Fantastic Beasts, Ghostbusters, Kung Fu Panda 3, Warcraft, Jason Bourne, The Magnificent Seven & even the largely over-praised Civil War). Whilst all of these films passed the time well & were basically enjoyable, there is the ever-increasing whiff of missed opportunity around the primary Hollywood fare. Less successful were Independence Day: Resurgence (distracting but pointless) and X-Men Apocalypse - an uneven, florid and unexpected misfire, although nowhere near as far behind Civil War as was generally made out.

Meanwhile, over in the DC Universe, Warner Brothers kept fumbling what should be their easiest win. From a low start, Batman vs Superman fades badly on repeat viewings (even the ballyhooed Special edition). There are definitely no problems in their casting department and I remain a fan of Cavill; his mournful look in the courtroom is played magnificently. Ben Affleck’s Batman was expertly portrayed but bore almost no resemblance to the essence of the character that I for one love, delivering in his place a psychopathic fascistic jackass who was a far cry from the world’s greatest detective. How we’re supposed to root for him then or in the future is a mystery - I would honestly take Clooney’s portrayal over this. Poor Affleck - he delivers what he is given magnificently; blame the architects and not the builder. Gal Godot’s cameo keeps me hopeful that Patty Jenkins may just save the whole damned thing with Wonder Woman next year, but Warners are certainly running out of strikes. The idiotic shambles of Suicide Squad was only barely saved from one-star dreck by the huge charisma of Will Smith & Margot Robbie, and whatever spark the concept started with seemed produced and edited into manufactured oblivion. To make it worse, DC’s TV shows remain such charming and silly fun: I wonder how much appetite standard audiences still have for the upcoming JLA films.

Arrival came trumpeted with massive critical heraldry but I was greatly disappointed.  I found it derivative (Torchwood: Children of Men with the pilot & finale of DS9) and, as with The Martian and Interstellar, flirted with scientific ideas (which film reviewers mistake for “intelligence”) only to discard them for woolly sentimentalism. Only Zemeckis’ Contact reigns supreme in this expanding genre of science storytelling and, even though the performances in Arrival were compelling, the film (albeit decent) left me greatly frustrated.

Another smash hit that I did not care for was the Secret Life of Pets, a tedious and rambling Toy Story knock-off (though my daughter loved it so what do I know?) but nothing compares to the real disappointment of the year- Swiss Army Man.  My take was this: a smug, cold, flimsy and empty experience, it became the first film I’ve walked out of.  Ever.  In fact I did so about 5 minutes before the end, since I knew exactly where it was going and was so disengaged that it was only going to annoy me. I should add that I do like very much that the film exists and I could imagine friends and reviewers whom I respect loving it (as many did) but it bounced off me completely and ultimately left me irritated and even a little angry.

  Moments

In the midst of an uninspiring year for cinema, there were still a few moments which blazed through the repetitive fug & reminded me how joyous cinematic storytelling can be. Spielberg’s BFG had many such notes, from the visual poetry of the Giant silently twirling through the shadows of London to the childish joy of the whizzpopping Queen. Other moments of delight included the moment of “Hang on - are they doing this? - oh Yes They Are!” when the Beastie Boys’ bassline kicks in during the final act of Star Trek Beyond and, whilst The Revenant may have been a tad indulgent, the bear attack had me yelling at the screen.  Any scene featuring Flash the Sloth in Zootropolis was laced with comedic genius whilst our arrival in the city, combining Shakira’s perfect pop with gorgeous animated depth and colour, was magical. Ryan Gosling’s masterclass of toilet gunplay clowning in The Nice Guys was only topped comedically by the rampant and prolonged genius of the game of “Would that it were so simple” tennis in Hail Caesar! But narrowly pipping that for my cinematic moment of the year though, was Lord Vader himself.

I feel conflicted over Rogue One as ultimately it is yet another film which exists because it can, not because it needed to. To note the lack of comment about the unsettling fake Peter Cushing (squarely in the uncanny valley) after the shrieking which greeted the prequel trilogy’s “Dodgy CGI!” headlines perpetuates the accepted myth that those films are disasters to discard  but I see little difference.  Rogue One is another three star entry to the saga; I’d put it on a level with Attack of the Clones in terms of quality, ahead of Phantom Menace. Disney have a whole Galaxy to explore but choose to sustain the increasingly weird trend of aping preceding classics with an echo instead of trying out a new voice. Quite what Joss Whedon made of the final act is anyone’s guess: “the feisty rebels fight their way past a space armada (losing comedy relief Alan Tudyk along the way) to climb a radio antenna so they can send out the message to topple the evil empire” rang a few bells with me anyway. Rogue One also felt choppily re-edited (what was with the psychic space octopus?) whilst the new characters didn’t really land at all.  Indeed directly after leaving the cinema I (and all of my party) struggled to name any of the characters (Erm…. Jinn, the moustache guy, the blind guy, his mate, the pilot, Forest Whitaker, the funny droid, the small thing that looked like a testicle…).  Despite this problematic emotional deficit we were treated to some glorious set pieces and nicely pitched beats, but when Darth Vader’s lightsaber illuminates his terrifying visage we are treated to a moment of cinema as resplendent in its awesomeness as it was shamelessly gratuitous.  After my considerable mithering about not being able to share Star Wars with my children last year it was almost a relief to see such a grim conclusion (No Way is it suitable for under 10s) but it makes me return to my wondering of who Disney are making these films for.  Episode VII is rumoured to be “darker” still; where is the cheerful space-fairy-tale where we all started?  Eventually they’ll stray too far from Lucas’ indelible first film (still the finest of the lot, for me) and step back cinematically but they run the risk of increasingly diluting the specialness of the whole thing. The fun “Star Wars Rebels” TV show fills a bit of this gap but even that has clouds of doom in the background (although seeing Chopper & The Ghost in Rogue 1 was a nice touch). Maybe after the sad loss of Carrie Fisher last week now isn’t the time to whinge about gloom in the Star Wars Universe, but I feel that my love for the franchise is certainly starting to be tested.

The year in numbers

Number of films seen: 93

Way down on other years- I blame box sets).

Number of ***** films released in 2016 : 0

This happened in 2011 too, but I’d normally expect at least 3.

Number of 2016 releases seen: 32

 About par for the course.

Number of cinema trips:29

Again about my average: I’ve been to the cinema 188 times in the past 6 years.

Number of new films seen:51

I’m improving here, which pleases me.

 Most anticipated for 2017

Baby Driver

Edgar Wright’s films are ace (except that one which I don’t mention since people shout at me).

 La La Land

This looks gorgeous and I thought Whiplash was sensational.

 Logan

I like everything about how this looks.

 A Monster Calls

Original storytelling! Yes!

 Paddington 2

Obvs.

 Star Wars Episode VIII

A New Hope?

 T2: Trainspotting

Hugely exciting- these film makers have only grown more talented in the past 20 years.

20 years.

Gods I’m old.

 Thor: Ragnarok

My favourite Marvel franchise goes comedy-space loopy. Has the potential to be my favourite of them all.

 Wonder Woman

I love this character and I want my daughter to as well. Get this right DC. Please.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Missed during 2016 but would like to have seen:

Allied, the Big Short, Finding Dory, Midnight Special, Money Monster & Passengers. I also did not see either Room or Spotlight, because I was never in the mood for the grimness of either.  Look, I’m busy and I’ve turned 40. Can you tell?!

  Top 10 films of 2016

Bubbling Under: The charming and colourful Moana and also Kubo and the Two Strings were superior family fare whilst The Jungle Book was an immersive treat.

 10        The Revenant

Technically stupendous but also oddly emotionally detatched and often needlessly arty- truly great cinema puts storytelling before craft and allegory with the latter drawn from the former (if it can) and I felt that, despite the stupendous cinematography and artistry on display, that beauty was sacrificed for emotional or narrative strength- certainly for plausibility. I’ve had these issues with Iñárritu before, but there is no denying the fact that this remains a remarkable piece of cinema.

9          Deadpool

Actually a bit more sharp than I’d first realised and a clever piece of programming, but still not what it could be if it halved the budget and really cut loose.

#driveby

8          10 Cloverfield Lane

The main problem is the name (It has nothing to do with the 2008 film and I was always waiting for them to tie together), but the claustrophobia and paranoia are immersive, shocking and unpleasantly tense.

7          The Hateful 8

A trifle indulgent at times, but a terrific theatrical experience.

6          The BFG

Not as comedic as you’d think, with a pervasive melancholy vibe of loneliness, guilt and regret emitting from the screenplay, lead actor and the director. It takes a while to get going and doesn’t aim for huge emotional sweeps, but the patient craft of Spielberg is clear to see. The BFG is lovely filmmaking with a real gentleness at its core and it will only grow in reputation over time. Also features explosively farting Corgis.

5          Star Trek Beyond

The best Blockbuster of the year I was surprised and delighted to see how much it grew on repeat viewings. This warm and witty love letter was assembled at huge pace but it made for a thrilling piece of cinematic escapism. A considerable improvement on its predecessor, the highlights were the pairings of the characters, especially Spock & McCoy. They did fudge the character of Kirk a little in order to both complement the story’s main theme & provide a suitable reflection in the villain and as a result Kirk is, paradoxically, the least convincing part of the piece but, after a terrific and assured finale and beautiful grace note for the 50thAnniversary, the films ends perfectly with the whole crew, as it should.

4          Hail Caesar!

Another film that gets better the more you think about it, Hail Caesar! loves movies almost as much as its protagonist and this feels like one of the Coens’ more personal films. Their goofy wit is littered throughout it and it nods to cinematic tradition constantly, including some wildly unnecessary set pieces which spectacular and as fun as there are knowingly indulgent.

3          The Nice Guys

Quintessential Shane Black it may be, but his voice is so distinct and entertaining that a film with this level of charisma is hard to take against, no matter how familiar the ingredients might be.

2          The Man who Knew Infinity

A truly delightful surprise, I was expected this to be a guilty pleasure (given my love of Maths and knowledge of the subject matter) but instead I was treated to a terrific piece of film making: quiet, earnest, substantial, well acted and gracefully told.  Seek it out! It may appear like a generic biopic but the subtle exploration of Ramaujan’s talent and his faith and the search for absolute truth in both Mathematics and Religion that connects him to Hardy (along with circumstance) is well rendered. It is certainly considerably superior to the Imitation Game.

1          Zootropolis

So Disney has eclipsed Pixar- that Lassiter dude certainly knows what he’s doing.

I’m pretty amazed to see this as my film of the year, as it is a kids’ film, a cartoon. And yet, when I look back on everything I’ve seen over the past 12 months, it is the one film which made me smile the most and it continues to grow on repeat viewings (which my children beg for).  It is kind of expected that incredible colour, imagination, design and wit are de rigueur in these films but not only does Zootropolis get all of these ingredients exactly right, it sneaks in small hints of profundity. After a year in which unsavoury debates have been poisoned by irrationality, this film, without every threatening to be preachy, gently illustrated to my children exactly the message I needed them to see. The core of the film concerns how we can get judged by what we are, not who we are or what we do and even both protagonists, who are wildly different, fall into this trap during the course of the story.  Judging a book by its cover is in our DNA but reflecting on how we process this instinct is something that struck a chord with me, long after my first viewing. Concepts of “Them and Us” are challenged directly but without ever lecturing or straying from the narrative or the wit.  The film is subtly layered both narratively (themes of exclusion and lack of purpose are examined through deft comedy) and visually (a quick rewatch of the final 10 minutes allowed me to spot nods to Speed and The Empire Strikes Back) and the music and humour are hugely pervasive.  It is no masterpiece but is certainly the film I needed in 2016.

This may be a cheesy way to finish the year but the lyrics to the (frighteningly) catchy main song from Zootropolis contains a message for Film Producers (despite being sung by an alarmingly sexy gazelle):

“I want to try everything, I want to try even though I could fail;  I’ll keep on making those new mistakes.”

I’ll take more Swiss Army Men every now and then if it leads to more Whiplashes.  Let’s hope to see cinema trying everything in 2017.

Happy New Year!