#i Really need to finally do that post where i just compile every instance of mob looking at his hand and analyse each one

[kurisus]

Chapter 96 thoughts

This chapter made me want to not be alive so uh let’s talk about it, group therapy style. Spoilers under the cut, obviously.

This was easily the worst chapter in a long time, but it was a different type of pain than the last bad chapter I flipped out over (Hagusa’s first appearance in 88-2). This was more like a slow, burning feeling of dread. I’m not quite sure how to describe it but this chapter definitely made me feel no less than 7 new emotions.

Things started off poorly with Yuka seeing Hiyori as being similar to her mom. Which, as we learned a few chapters ago, means the type of person to keep pushing away her pain and inconvenience with a smile. At least I’m glad Yuka decided to make her breakfast anyway.

The comparison isn’t entirely one-for-one though. Yuka and Haru’s mother was also the type of person to completely close herself off from her surroundings, not really doing anything to prevent her kids from being hurt. We know our Hiyori would never let that slide--I’m fondly remembering the multiple times she’s gone after trash dad despite how he keeps finding new ways to hurt her.

On that note, I still don’t think Yukine’s father is alive, but if he was I would love for Hiyori to kick his ass too.

Anyway, the anecdote about Haru forgetting their dad’s birthday was already rough for me. I’d forget too, if I had someone like that holding it against me every time. And of course it shouldn’t surprise me he was cruel enough to force his children to sleep outside at night, but somehow it’s just another horrible, horrible thing we were forced to learn.

Adachitoka’s really pulling no punches with Yukine’s backstory, man. Every time I think we’ve heard the worst of it, they come back with something new and equally horrible.

I’m really not sure what to make of Yuka’s “This isn’t something to talk about just after waking up” statement. What was she implying was happening to Haru? My first thought was that she realized he’s in danger somehow, and is afraid he’s going to die, but if that were true she’d be urging the girls out the door to go look for him. Feel free to tell me if it was obvious, but I was confused.

I still have no idea how Nora and Hiyori are gonna explain what happened to Haru, but I feel like Yuka will just catch a glimpse of him and realize, somehow.

I also feel like when they meet, Yukine will turn his anger on his sister at first, but hopefully Hiyori will be there to mediate things. I can’t wait for her to get some action, provided things don’t go belly-up again (they will).

Okay so I was completely NOT expecting to get the letter revealed this month so I felt blindsided.

I remember speculating the letter would be something normal, like what Yato saw in those fragments when naming Yukine. But boy, was I wrong.

He never got any of her letters, and didn’t Yuka also say she never got any of his?

Anyway, my first thought when I saw that final letter was that their dad forced him to write it, but looking at it again now I’m not so sure. I think the paneling is meant to imply their dad read out all his letters, and that was the one he was holding when the POV switched to a flashback. I also misread “I can’t take it anymore” as a sort of suicide note, but I think it was just frustration.

Either way, there’s a conspiracy going on that their dad was behind. Somehow, he got hold of all Haru’s letters, and likewise prevented Yuka’s from ever reaching him. So the two siblings wrote to each other and never got a response, each believing they had been abandoned.

It’s also horrifying that Yuka wrote about mundane things out of concern for her brother’s life and safety, yet Haru was openly writing about how much he wanted to run away. Perfect fuel for their dad’s story once he went missing, huh?

This also shows he wasn’t, like, handing the letters to his dad to mail off. He was sending them by himself, in secret, yet they all got returned one day. So like, was their mom hoarding his letters to prevent Yuka from getting them? What exactly happened here? I’m wondering if their mom was so committed to putting everything behind them that she kept all of Haru’s arriving letters and hid them away, hoping the siblings would forget about each other. But then, did she send them back? Why would she do such a thing?

I mentioned this a while ago, but nothing about this whole letter business adds up, and now there’s a whole new layer to it.

Anyway, on to what was, for me, the crux of this chapter--the page with just the “thud” and “smack” sfx, followed by an unnerving silence. This was, as is shown later, the final abuse that Haru suffered. His father got hold of the letters, ripped them up in front of his son, then beat him up and dragged him to the mountains where he dumped him in the fridge, already concocting his story about how Haru ran away. Now we know why Haru was barefoot and in his pajamas when it showed the fridge door shutting. Good lord.

This page had a deep impact on me, because though Adachitoka is not one to shy away from direct depictions of abuse (think Father smacking Yuuki against a pole or setting wolves on a crying Yato), everything about this was deeply unpleasant in a new way. I think it’s because we already knew that everyone ignored what was happening at the Tajima house, as well as the consequences of that specific instance of abuse.

I think it was @eerna who said this page goes straight to the compilation of pages that make me feel like I’ll never be happy again? bc yeah.

I gotta stop talking about this before I cry so I’m instead pivoting to taking another break from being mad at Kazuma because he was actually doing good stuff this chapter. Seems like he’s finally come around and agrees they need to get Yukine back, and is offering his help to Yato.

Poor Yato, though, remembering how their last exchange before Father named Yukine was Yukine renouncing that name in a fit of anger. I don’t think calling Sekki would work at the moment, but certainly when Yuka, Hiyori, and Nora help Yukine see reason, I can picture Yato summoning him back and away from Amaterasu.

So, they better all get their butts moving, because Father’s about to do a test run of Hagusa’s fury against those gods unfortunate enough to be in his way. Pleaaaaase let them be in time. I don’t have it in me to go through a box incident again.

If memory serves, Arahabaki is also in the area, meaning Shiigun may face off against Yuuki. But their time is running out, so Yukine’s fractured mental state will likely interfere with that plan.

One last thing before I close out this very long post. Father drew a clear parallel between himself and Yukine with their shared feelings of despair, yet the visual puts him in the same place as Yukine’s father, and Freckles as Yukine. Makes me wonder if she received similar treatment from Father as Yato and Nora did. Was their relationship not quite so “star-crossed lovers” as Father would have us believe? Was he perhaps partially to blame for her death?

In any case, seeing Yukine’s father carrying him to what will be his grave made me feel violent. I really hope that bastard is long dead, because I don’t want Yukine to become a murderer even though it would be completely justified after seeing incident after incident of the environment he grew up in.

Always questions, questions, and more questions. Feel free to send your own thoughts! See yall in October~

[cardentist]

I’m relatively new to the marble hornets fandom, but one thing I’ve noticed is that people don’t seem to realize just How affected jay was (by the operator and by the investigation in general) and how early on it started. which I really think is relevant when people point out some of jay’s apparent Poor Decision Making. this is Definitely because of how deemphasized it is in the show itself (Especially season 1) but you really can get a feel for it when you go digging.

I’ve talked before about how it’s Very Likely that jay already had some form of ptsd by the start of the series (Link) but what gives us the clearest picture of jay’s health is actually his twitter account. (Link)  If you’ve never taken the time to read it before then I Highly suggest scrolling down to the bottom and working your way through, it’s a surprisingly fast read! but for the purposes of this post I made a Highlight Reel of really anything I saw that was relevant to either jay’s mental health, his physical health, or his obsession with the case that you can see in full here: (Link)

I’ll be using the most Pressing screenshots from that post to make my point here, but you really do get the full Effect scrolling through.

putting a readmore down to hopefully not spam people with screenshots ljksfad Warning for spoilers, talk of chronic illness, eating issues, difficulty with unreality, and other various mental and physical health issues

just as a note: this is going to have a Lot of focus on season 1 because this is where a lot of jay’s issues are established. I definitely have a Lot to say about the other two seasons but I won’t report on every instance where he’s paranoid or sick, I’ll be focusing more on the extremes!

looking through the whole series, videos tweets and all, it becomes Very apparent that jay has a Consistent pattern of behavior where he fixates on the investigation (and the people affected by it) to the detriment of his own health and safety. from the more mundane (digging through hundreds of hours worth of footage to exhaustion) to the more Extreme (following alex into the abandoned building Knowing he’s dangerous and that he’s probably going to hurt him because he Might find some answers).

(which on that note, while it’s definitely due in no small part to the influence of the operator and the extreme stress of the situation, you could pretty easily interpret jay with adhd, hyperfixating on research and video making.)

while I knew I’d find that going in, but I wasn’t expecting it to be hammered in so Quickly. this was posted the Second Day after his twitter had gone up

this continues, with jay occasionally mentioning how tired he is from compiling entries, feeling disorganized, and not being able to sleep in between him actively posting about sifting through tapes on a near daily basis. Then in july he starts actively getting Sick

104 fever, not well enough to work for Three Days. and there’s no telling how long it’d been building up without him noticing until then. he mentions being sick throughout august for long stretches of time (at least a solid week once), and it only gets worse from there

And something of note here, while he Does mention when he’s feeling particularly awful sometimes, for the most part he mentions his health when it affects his ability to go through and post about the tapes. there’s no telling just how frequently he was sick or exhausted when it Wasn’t worth mentioning. He only mentioned the results of the doctor’s visit a week later after he was specifically asked about it

and it’s Very apparent that whatever’s going on is Pretty Severe 

it’s after this point that he largely stops giving us specific updates on how sick he feels, but it’s also still very clear that he is sick. he mentions how out of it he is or how Bad a week’s been after he goes long stretches without updates. and he’s still going to the doctors in November

that leaves me with the impression that things haven’t improved, he’s just stopped mentioning it. he tried getting help for it with no luck, the sickness didn’t stop so there wasn’t much more he could do about it besides adapt. while I’m certain that his health would fluctuate over the course of the show, I don’t believe he stopped getting sick. tim’s sickness never really went away, and jay was bad enough by the end of the series that he was having seizures like he was (there’s really no telling if that was his first or if it was just the first time it’d been Caught).

so from here on out it’s a safe guess that everything jay does is with backdrop of sickness and exhaustion.

then, of course, this is where jay starts being more open about his paranoia (which has certainly been an undercurrent for a while now)

also of note: this isn’t the first time he’s mentioned having a difficult time trying to keep things straight in his head and it won’t be the last. he was already starting to doubt his memories and his senses back in 2009.

moreover, paranoia and fear (and possibly fixation) about the situation has him holling up in his house, to the point that he’s running out of food. how long has this been an issue? and if it’s an issue in 2009, then just how bad is it going to be when he’s running himself in and out of hotels too afraid to stay in one location? how often has he been forgetting to eat while burying himself in tapes and fear?

whether it’s from the operator, his slipping memory, the results of fixating on his work for as long as he has, his frequent sickness, the paranoia, or any combination therein, we can add brain fog to the list

and again, a case for jay’s fixation on finding answer. he wakes up in his house with no memory of how he got there, confused and in pain, digs through the footage on his camera, and has the entry up the same day. this was the point where he’d visited brian’s house again, only to be teleported around and meet the operator face to face. he says in the entry that he’s never going back to the house again, that he’s done with the case, but well.

much further down the timeline jay would say that he had no idea what he was doing with his life before he started down this rabbit hole, that he was miserable and directionless and alone. He didn’t know what he would do with himself when all of this was over, he just knew that while he was taking the case on he was at least doing Something. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that this was always true, that part of his obsession with it was tied to feeling absolutely nothing for his life without it.

and sure enough, a week later and we get the idea that his paranoia is only getting worse, followed by him breaking and going back to search through the footage.

He posts more about his paranoia in february, but it’s in march that he’s scared out of his house by totheark only to have his apartment burned down. he only seems to learn about this march 24th, and he uploads the entry with the news footage on the 25th

while it’s true that he seemed to have taken a break after that upload, he’s back again on 4th with the cryptic text message. It’s between then and the 18th that he’d start his Long tradition of hotel hopping.

the final entry for season 1 is up the next day. We can’t know for sure exactly how truthful jay was when he said he was feeling better in entry 26, operator sickness tends to fluctuate with exposure just like any other mental illness. what we Can say is that jay got exactly 10 days of quiet between his apartment burning down and alex contacting him again, and after he was contacted he was afraid enough to start hotel hopping.

if 10 days is what jay merrick describes as a break, then my god. the implication that in an entire year jay merrick hadn't gone a 10 day stretch without looking at the tapes is, Something.  

this is where things take a real shift, both in the narrative and in jay’s tweeting patterns! this is the period where jay went radio silent working with alex for 7 months, only to forget everything. the only insight we have on how he was doing at this point is what came before, and the tapes he’d uncover in season 2. my best educated guess is to say that he is doing Not Great.

it’s of course after the operator wiped his and jessica’s memories that he starts up tweeting again, he doesn’t remember why he stopped at this point after all. but he’s also far less talkative between entries. in the beginning especially we’d Hear when he was sick, when he wasn’t sleeping, because he’d update frequently enough that he felt the need to explain when he wasn’t able to. this change is most likely due both in part to not feeling safe enough to be as talkative publically anymore, and on his focus on figuring out what’s going on.

that’s not to say that we don’t get Anything from this time period however.

we get quite a lot of talk about lack of sleep, exhaustion, etc throughout the beginning of the year. insomnia and jay staying up late to work on entries is to be expected, but this is the first time that we hear about jay Oversleeping. I’d say he’s long overdue for it considering how much he’s gone through at this point (and for how long), though it’s Also notable as possibly being a symptom of either illness or depression that we Aren’t hearing about.

this one just makes me sad

it’s Relatively quiet after this, with jay making light commentary here and there. the general vibe is that he’s hard at work when, of course, entry 32 comes along.

jay just Stops after jessica is taken. he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t even start looking through the tapes for over three weeks. he couldn’t keep himself away from the tapes for that long after he was face to face with the monster or after his house was burned down. that says more about his state of mind than anything else could have.

there’s some mentions of possible sleep issues and jay feeling paranoid (more specifically, not feeling safe anywhere at all), but things don’t Really pick up until march

jay tries to upload entry 37 throughout the day, but no matter what he does he can’t remember the password for the account. this continues on into the 22 Until

“enttry #37“ is uploaded the next day, the footage of alex’s birthday, it’s linked on his twitter, and then six days later

He posts about how the footage he’d found earlier was deleted on his laptop and how he needs to get back Fast. he takes a rest stop on the 30th to charge his laptop and look through the red tower one more time to make sure he didn’t miss anything. and then Nothing until

he doesn’t get back for nearly an entire Week. now, it’s important to mention that there’s been speculation that this was going to be where the original skully reveal would take place, which is believable enough. but whether or not that’s what it was Going to be, the implications with what we have Now are, troubling to say the least. we’ll probably never know exactly what happened here but It’s Not Good. what did he eat? what did he drink? how did he sleep? Poorly, I’d Imagine.

this may also be what his earlier brain fog was leading into. losing track of the days of the week turning into losing track of the days entirely. but we’ll never know for sure

after this we actually get quite a lot about jay’s general discomfort, paranoia, memory loss, and regret scattered over the months. none of it is specific but a lot of it is tied directly to his discomfort with the tapes, which has turned into a constant with every upload. we can certainly tell that he isn’t doing well, but this message is particularly notable because it mentions a specific symptom that we haven’t seen before.

at this point jay’s paranoia and anxiety is bad enough that he can’t sit in silence anymore, and if he’s mentioning it so casually now it’s likely been an issue for a while. jay doesn’t tell us everything, and there’s almost certainly worse that hasn’t been said.

jay has Significant problems with sleeping throughout august that seep into september, to the point that he calls it “worse than usual.” but this is overtaken by his horror at entry 49. jay censored alex beating a man’s head in, but he had to watch it unedited, and it clearly took his toll. he didn’t even want to share it but ultimately decided that the world needed to have it if anything happened to him. but that wasn’t the end of it.

he spends nearly the entire month trying to find Any sign of who this man was. this is a specific aspect of jay’s personality that I think gets overshadowed by the perception of him as stupid. what he is is overworked, over his head, and impulsive, but he’s not stupid. but this is an Excellent example of jay’s dedication (bleeding into obsession).

this is obviously speculation on my part, but I think you can read this two ways (or a mix of them both): either jay is worried that something about the operator wiped away the man’s existence (like being taken made people forget about him somehow). Or he’s motivated by guilt, feeling responsible for having been there the day the man got crunched only to run away, desperately looking for any sign that Somebody had bothered to care about him.

things are relatively quiet after this until just after entry 50

something jay’s mental health really doesn’t need: more evidence of people breaking and entering while he’s asleep. what’s interesting here is that he went much quieter after this, just a handful of tweets relating directly to the next entry. I think you could either read jay being less open about how he’s doing on twitter as him being Well Aware that the people who want to hurt him (or who he Thinks want to hurt him in the case of hoodie and masky) have access to it, and in part because he’s doing so much Worse now.

the end of season two that the start of season three, of course, brings tim back into jay’s life and with it a Much needed distraction from his fear and paranoia. we’ll never know how jay reacted to the news that alex had tried to kill him in the moment, but we do know that it shifted his mindset from passively digging through the old tapes to actively trying to hunt alex down. tim was a Living Breathing lead, something he could actually Grasp Onto. and in light of what was likely something Very horrific that became a new fixation for jay.

he’d live blog about looking for tim from november 28th to march 8th, this was the most active he’d ever been on twitter and I think it absolutely speaks to how desperate he was for this to go somewhere. he even got to do some breaking and entering ! that said, having a distraction didn’t mean that there weren't a few noteworthy.

jay’s Current lack of trust is what’s going to lead to his and tim’s blowout later on. we can’t know how tim would’ve reacted if jay had been honest from the beginning (and it honestly would’ve gone poorly anyways), but tim’s confrontation with jay was honestly using his anger at being lied to as an outlet for the horror he felt at learning the truth of what’d been going on. he definitely would’ve still been angry and hurt, but he wouldn’t have had a direction for that anger. they might’ve started working together sooner.

however at this point jay doesn’t know who wants to hurt him and who doesn’t, he doesn’t feel safe talking to strangers on the street, let alone someone he already knew stalked him for two years. both of their reactions are understandable, and you can see the collision course coming when you step back far enough.

jay is Very quiet about what’s going on with him at this point. there are a few updates about his general paranoia and fear as well as him live tweeting about things relevant to the plot (thinking about coming clean to tim, posting tweets and pictures of trying to find tim after hoodie stole his medication, solving the totheark code that troy forgot to post a key for), but there’s only a handful of standout tweets that give us something new about his mental health scattered throughout the series.

this absolutely does not mean that he’s in a better place of mind, but what it does mean is that he’s being less open about it. tim didn’t know just how bad jay was and he’d been living with him. the fact that we have less to work with at this point is more an indication that he doesn’t feel safe sharing anymore (he hasn’t for a while) and a possible sign that he’s already gone into denial about his health (not wanting to connect it to the operator because of what that’d mean for him).

that said, we can take a look at what’s left for us.

this is from after jay had tim take him to the abandoned hospital for the first time and before the entry of it went up. this is notable because it’s one of if not the first time that it’s been directly stated that buildings associated with the operator can cause sickness. that or we can infer that the operator was actively strengthening its influence on them at the time (which might’ve also contributed to both of their irritability in the entry itself).

I don’t think this is notable because this is jay’s First nightmare, but rather I think it’s notable for him because his memory of it is totally gone. it’d make sense why this’d scare him at this point considering well, the entire series of marble hornets. but it does raise the question of how many more nightmares Weren’t worth sharing to him and how often they contributed to his sleeping problems.

next it’s worth noting that entry 67 messed jay up a lot. likely because it was solid evidence that alex was out there actively hunting them down (and just how close tim had gotten to being taken after he’d been throttled by the operator). He ends up posting about it Twice, as opposed to his previous strategy of not at all.

now finally, Finally. I’d like to talk about jay’s state of mind leading into his death. lets start with the timeline

jay doesn’t say anything at all between entry 74 and entry 75. tim had been running the account while jay was out of it, but jay had come to at least by august first, entry 75 was posted august 23rd. this is jay, and he has absolutely nothing to say.

he’s only just come out of his zombie state, he’s stolen the tape from tim (after trying to give him the chance to come clean), and he’s run off. we don’t get anything else out of him until september 3rd.

jay’s waited almost 2 weeks not only to watch the tape, but to even say anything at all. in my opinion? I think he’s afraid to not have anyone left to trust, let alone tim. he wouldn’t have given tim so much time to come clean himself otherwise, he wouldn’t be afraid of even looking at the tape otherwise. part of it is the sting of having his trust betrayed before, of closing himself off, and then trying to trust again. part of it is that he genuinely cared about tim. he wants to believe in tim, and he’s making it absolutely clear here.

it took him another 9 days to work up the courage to watch the tape, a full 20 days since the entry showing he got the tape was posted (and possibly longer, since we don’t know how long the video took to make). he was That afraid of not being able to trust tim anymore. of course, we know now that what’d actually get to him was realizing that jessica was gone. he’s mentioned before that he blamed himself for jessica being taken. that was what’d kept him going for years at this point and now she’s just, Gone. Gone For Good Gone.

the specific timeline here is a little harder to sus out. the gaps between some entries are too long to really make sense and what we’re getting on twitter aren’t as overt as they have been before. but here’s my best attempt to straighten it out.

jay sits on this for roughly a month, likely trying to process something that he’d used as a crutch to help him keep going bursting into smoke and grieving for someone he doesn’t really know but that he’d cared deeply for anyways. it eventually reached the point where the events of entry 82. he desperately goes back to the tunnel, the last place he saw jessica go in the video, for any last trace of her, any sign that she could still be alive, and doesn’t find any. he tries to reach out to tim, he tells him that he’s seeing things, that the world is shifting around him, that he’s sorry and that he understands why tim did what he did.

we don’t get an insight in what this month was like for jay, but it’s clear that he had a steady decline. he’s scared, he’s alone, he knows he needs help. and then the operator takes him. we never see exactly what happens to him after the seizure, and with the montages we’ve seen from tim’s titty cam it really could’ve been anything. but whatever it was it was enough to change jay’s entire attitude.

this is the last thing that jay posts before entry 77 goes up. it’s hard to say when this was posted for sure, because 77 was up 3 days later on the 16th, but I think it has to take place after jay was assaulted by the operator. jay thought he could call tim beforehand, we saw him try on video, and there’d be no reason to try to contact him through twitter if he knew he had an easier way. what this tells us is that jay woke up after the operator attack, tried to call him an unknown number of times, failed to reach him because the operator was still blocking his calls on tim’s end, tried to reach tim through twitter, and Then went out to try to confront tim likely believing that tim was intentionally trying to avoid him.

that mental image alone hurts me, but this means that even after everything jay was still trying to reach out to him.

at this point jay was in, some kind of denial just like everyone else. it hurt to feel like he was responsible for jessica’s death so he had to believe that she was still out there, he had to believe that it was someone else’s fault. he didn’t want to hurt tim like alex did, he didn’t want to push tim away like brian did, he wanted tim to laugh and pull jessica out of his closet where she’s been hiding this whole time. he wanted to believe the truth wasn’t real because it hurt.

the desperateness that he begs tim to leave his camera Also gets to me. jay’s mentioned for years that the point of recording and uploading footage was to make sure someone would know what happened if “something happened to him.” he pointed the camera away from jessica for 30 minutes and something Did happen to her. that's been weighing on him for years but never more than it has been for the past month.

then when hoodie comes for him, lets him free himself, and runs off one of the first things jay did was go to tim’s medicine cabinet and make a noise of frustration at finding all of the bottles empty. he knew that something was wrong, he knew that he wasn’t thinking straight anymore, and on some level he still believed tim. but there wasn’t anything there, everyone was gone, and he was running out of time.

now, I wanna paint another picture here. according to tim, the footage he found on jay’s laptop was dated the day before jay came to confront him. jay tried to reach tim through twitter at 8pm so it’s safe to assume that it was posted the day before he decided to meet him in person. jay spent october 13th getting his shit kicked in, he was hogtied on october 14th, and the entry showing their confrontation was up on october 16th.

jay follows tim, he searches through the school, and then chooses to keep watch in the building overnight.

jay’s had issues with food since the first day of marble hornets, Literally. it’s possible he snacked before he came to confront tim, or on the way to the school. it’s possible the upload dates are one off (the timeline certainly gets wonky going off of upload dates after this). but even still, at the time he was getting shot he was on at least day two without food (and likely much much longer), and at least 48 hours without sleep (again, almost certainly longer). On Top Of Everything.

jay merrick didn’t stand a chance

there’s so So much more I could get into, especially if I started poking more at the entries themselves or the Implications of some of the things I’ve talked about here. but that’ll have to come another time, I’m very tired jfklsd

[the-bejeesus]

To Those Who Say “I’m not gonna catch up on One Piece until it’s finished. Why would I watch/read 1000+ episodes/chapters when I don’t even get to know how the story ends?”

      Now for the past few years, when I came across somebody who said this, my rebute would be something like “Well the series is great already. It doesn’t really matter if I don’t know how it ends, because the journey itself is enjoyable.” or “Man if that’s your excuse, who you gonna explain why you read/watch stuff like Berserk, Hunter X Hunter, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and My Hero Academia? Newsflash, they aren’t done yet.” But it came across my mind that I can now apply a completely different approach:

“If you start watching/reading at this pace right now, it will be over by the time you catch up.”

      If you’re a fan of the series, you’ll know that for awhile now Oda has been saying that he plans to end the series in just 5-4 years. Now he’s made lots of claims in the past that turned out to be ridiculous. However, many One Piece researchers have compiled his claims and found out that they only get more accurate as time goes on, with the most ridiculous claims being found to be myths. And with the most recent claims of ending the series in less than 5 years, even his editors who are usually skeptical have started to trust that he can do this. After all, he has officially set there to be only one more saga (which isn’t necessarily one arc, but it’s either going to be 1-2 major arcs or an anthology of 5-6 shorter arcs). And now that we can trust this claim, we can essentially extrapolate how many chapters/episodes are left and what pace we have to binge to catch up at just the right time.

If you plan to read the manga (black and white):

The manga in black in white is a perfectly fine way to enjoy One Piece. It’s what Oda draws, it’s how he intends it to be viewed, and best of all, it will be the first version of publication to finish.

     Out of the 1223 weeks since the first chapter published in July 19, 1997, 1000 chapters have published, meaning on average he publishes 42 chapters per year, or in other words, there are only 10 hiatuses per year (including holidays where WSJ does not publish). Now if I wanted to be more accurate, I’d only look at the chapters published this year, to exclude outliers like how he had no hiatuses for the first 200 chapters, or how he had a 4-week hiatus during the timeskip, but 2020 has been a bit crazy, so we’re not doing that for this or any of the others.

     Going off of this, the final chapter would be chapter 1212 in December 28, 2025 (yes, the 28th would be a Sunday again.) So here’s how you’d calculate the pace in which you need to read One Piece, and really this is how we’ll calculate it for every version)

     Now I know math is boring, but the reason I’m showing this to you is because the amount of weeks until One Piece ends will vary based on when you start this binge. Chances are you aren’t going to start the day you see this post, and there’s an even greater chance you won’t see this post the day it’s posted. For every example I’m going to assume you started binging on December 28, 2020. Now let’s try to use it for this example.

     And there’s your answer, just read 4-5 chapters per week. By the end, One Piece should be nearly over or have very recently ended. To put that into a different perspective, you could purchase and read just two volumes per month and you’ll be at prime pace. Or you could read one chapter every day, but only on weekdays.  If you want to, you can see this calculation in action in graph form.

     While this is a very rudimentary graph, it’s a basic visualization of what we’re calculating here. We’re calculating what speed we need to binge to catch up at exactly the right moment. I say exact, but ultimately no one can predict how many chapters there will be exactly, nor how many hiatuses Oda will go on during it. It will be important, as you’re nearing the end, to find a spoiler-free way to keep up on how close One Piece is to ending. To know whether you ought to speed up or slow down.

If you plan to watch the anime (subtitled):

For years now people have hated on the anime “terrible animation!” “terrible pacing” but at the end of the day, it’s the more popular version. Or the more viewed version I should say. And personally, I think that once you acknowledge its problems and learn how to deal with them, it’s a perfectly fine experience. There’s enough good voice acting and enough good storytelling that you’re easily able to ignore the problems. Plus, the animation has substantially improved since Wano.

      Now for this we’re going to have to change a lot of variables to get this right. We’re going to have to adjust when publication started, and recalculate when One Piece will end by looking at how slowly the anime adapts the manga, and how behind it is. The anime aired on October 20, 1999, and has aired 956 episodes since then. This means on average they air 44.9 episodes per year, meaning there is pretty much only 7 breaks the entire year. With these 956 episodes, they have adapted 955 chapters, making the pace almost exactly one chapter per episode. However this is really inaccurate, considering all the better-paced arcs earlier on in the story. Looking solely at episodes 2012 and onwards, the anime adapts at a pace of 0.65 chapters/episode.

     Knowing that there are roughly 212 chapters left, and Toei adapts at 0.65 chapters per episode, we can assume that there are going to be roughly 324 episodes left. That sounds like too many, but keep in mind that there will be several, several instances where the manga will be on hiatus whereas the anime will keep on airing. Knowing there are approximately 324 episodes left, and that the anime only takes about 7 breaks a year, we can assume that it will take 7 years, or 374.49 weeks before the anime will end. So now we have the information we need to do the math again.

x = 1280/374.49

x = 3.417 episodes/week.

     It may seem like a more relaxed binge, since you get a whole 2 extra years to binge, and you only have to do 3-4 episodes per week, compared to the 4-5 chapters. But keep in mind that these episodes are 24 minutes each. Still not at all bad, but you will be spending more time on it overall.

If you plan to watch One Pace:

One Pace is a fan project that edits the anime so that filler and padding is cut, other edits will be made to make the anime more manga-accurate, such as reorganizing scenes, or adding title cards where absent. Originally only used by a niche number of One Piece fans, One Pace has grown in popularity, and has tried to improve its quality to accommodate more fans, such as making their episodes Dual Audio (meaning you can switch between the dub and original Japanese audio tracks), and including Spanish subtitles.

      You’d think we’d have to adjust for when One Pace began, how slowly One Pace catches up, and the works, but there’s not much to calculate. Fortunately for us, no matter how far behind One Pace is on editing the current arc, they always like to wrap things up just a few weeks within when an arc ended, if not the very same week. So really all we have to calculate is how many One Pace episodes there will be by the end of all this, so that we know how many you’ll need to watch per week.

      Looking solely at what they’ve covered so far, One Pace has taken 573 episodes and condensed it down to 259 episodes. That’s a pace of 2.21 anime episodes/ paced episode. Earlier we calculated that there would be 324 episodes of the anime left, making for 1280 episodes total. This would mean that there would be around 578 One Pace episodes by the end. And One Pace would probably wrap up in, let’s say 376 weeks, because as I said, they’ll probably finish editing the final arc a week or two after the last episode airs.

x = 578/376

x = 1.53 episodes per week

      Now that’s a relaxed pace. 1-2 episodes per week? That’s so slow, I’m not even sure if I’ll remember what I watched last week next time I watch some episodes. The only problem is some of the pre-timeskip still haven’t been edited. They’ll probably be done by the time they finish the final arc, but that’s not gonna work out fast enough. You’ll hit your first roadblock about 7 weeks in when you need to watch the Baratie arc and it’s not done. And don’t even get me started on how many arcs aren’t done in dub or Spanish sub yet. Hopefully you could just switch to the anime or manga when you hit these arcs, readjusting how many episodes/chapters you need to watch/read when you do. But that’s a bit of an excessive amount of math for something that’s supposed to be fun. So yeah, if you’re still convinced you shouldn’t get into One Piece until it’s ended, maybe this is the option for you.

If you plan to read the manga (Colored):

Since 2012, Shueisha has made a colorization of One Piece. It’s not a fan coloring, it’s as official as it gets. Many consider the color schemes portrayed in this version as the most canon, as the majority are pulled straight from whatever colored illustrations of Oda’s they can find. And quite frankly it makes the manga at least 10 times more beautiful. It’s especially great if you have trouble interpreting dense, small black and white panels.

      This one is a doozy. You’d think all I gotta do is calculate how far behind the colored manga usually and just adjust from there, right? Wrong. Because how far behind the colored manga is, or how frequently they release volumes in full color, is one of the most inconsistent things I have ever seen. You wanna see what I’m talking about? This is how they’ve chosen to release each volume since 2012:

Volume 1-12: July 15, 2012

Volume 13-23: September 28, 2012

Volume 24-63: December 4, 2012

Volume 64-65: April 4, 2013

Volume 66-68: December 20, 2013

Volume 69-70: August 25, 2014

Volume 71-72: September 16, 2015

Volume 73-75: October 4, 2016

Volume 76: December 2, 2016

Volume 77: March 3, 2017

Volume 78: July 2, 2017

Volume 79: September 4, 2017

Volume 80: December 4, 2017

Volume 81-82: March 3, 2018

Volume 83: October 4, 2018

Volume 84-86: August 2, 2019

Volume 87-92: September 16, 2020

     How I am supposed to find out how long it will take for Shueisha to colorize the final volume of One Piece is beyond me. I guess the first step would be to look at how far behind the manga each release was on average, but I’m going to ignore all the ones before 2013, because those were clearly just Shueisha catching up really fast cause they just started and didn’t want to be dozens of volumes behind forever. So of the 14 publications between 2013 and now, on average the last chapter of the last volume they colored was 97.78 weeks after that chapter had published in Weekly Shonen Jump. This means that if the final chapter of One Piece is chapter 1212 on December 28, 2025, then you can expect the final colored volume to publish November 14, 2027.

x = 1212/359

x = 3.37 chapters/week

     So if you prefer the manga but don’t want to read 5 chapters every week for 5 years, this might be a better option for ya. But yea, I have no doubt my prediction is at least a little off for this one.

If you plan to watch the anime (dubbed):

Unlike the 4KidsTV and Odex dubs of One Piece, the FUNimation dub is a perfect way to enjoy One Piece. The DVDs come with enjoyable commentary and a marathon mode, great for binging.

       FUNimation’s releases of the dub are inconsistent, although not nearly as erratic as the colored manga release. However, there was recently a 2-year hiatus we only just got out of. Since Episode 1′s dub in May 27, 2008, the dub has gotten as far as Episode 614. But that’s only looking at the DVD releases. If you’re willing to stream on FUNimationnow, the dub is as far as 641, and if you’re willing to digitally purchase it from an e-shop such as the Microsoft store, it goes all the way to Episode 654. With that being said, that would mean that on average, FUNimation dubs 1.004 episodes per week. Although if we go back to before the two-year hiatus so as to exclude it from the average, it’s actually 1.10 episodes per week. Not a huge difference, actually. And then if we look solely after the two-year hiatus, it’s actually 2.25 episodes per week, which is insanely faster. It’s hard to tell what the future of the dub will be. I can’t assume they’ll go this fast forever, so I’m just going to take the average of all 3 and say it’s 1.45 episodes per week. Don’t know if that’s the best mathematical approach, but the number seems about right.

     So knowing that the dub is at Episode 654 and looking at our previous guesstimation that the anime will be 1280 episodes long, we can predict that it will take 431 weeks before the dub catches up and ends. That would be in 2029! Sounds quick at first until you notice it’s 4 years behind!

x = 1280/431

x = 2.96 episodes per week

      Looks like it’s almost exactly 3 episodes per week. Not as much less of a workload as I expected, compared to catching up to the sub. You know, I figured those 4 extra years would make you binge a lot slower.

Final Thoughts:

      There’s a lot of my math that was estimation, approximations, extrapolations. Feel free to correct me or fact check me, especially if you plan on using this. I figured this would be a fun thought excercise. There’s also a lot of smaller variables I simply didn’t want to take into account because of how long this is already. For example, reading the black and white manga. The calculation can vary slightly depending on if you read it the day it’s published (which I assume would have to be a fanscan unless you can read Japanese), reading the weekly publication legally on Viz.com, waiting for the physical volume release. The dub can also vary depending on whether you buy from Microsoft, wait for the FUNimationnow release, wait for the DVDs, or wait for the Collection sets. So feel free to take this into account.

[highkeyweeb]

Debunking Edens Zero Misconceptions

With the recent announcement of the Edens Zero anime I keep seeing the same questions, confusions, and common misconceptions on absolutely every platform I go on. I thought it’d be helpful to compile them all in one place and try to clear up some things people genuinely seem to be confused about. With Edens Zero being the third work from Mashima, it’s subject to some... opinionated responses. I wanted to create a list of actual facts and information because it’s important for others to be able to learn about it without the individual biases of internet haters / supporters being involved.

If there are any questions you yourself have, or others that you’ve seen commonly asked or given incorrect responses to, feel free to leave a reply and I’ll try to update the list when I get the chance. Also, feel free to share this with anyone you know who might be confused or need clarification, the more factual information we can spread the better.

Lastly, I’ll be staying as spoiler free with this as possible, so if you’ve never seen Edens Zero, or are contemplating watching it, this won’t spoil anything plot wise whatsoever. If anything, I think it would be helpful to read this before getting into the series so you’ll be somewhat prepared for what you’ll see, but that’s up to you.

This is gonna be a monster of a post, so check it out under the cut below!

[Updated: Jan 20, 2021]

Just a tiny disclaimer: I’m not going to be answering questions such as “is this as good as Fairy Tail?” or “is the story writing better than Fairy Tail’s?” because that is extremely subjective. I can make a post similar to this one about my feelings about the series in response to questions like that if anyone is interested, but at least here, I’m aiming to be as factual as possible.

Why does this look like Fairy Tail?

I’ll be honest, it was hard to choose a first question to start this out with. But I believe that this is the best possible place to start.

The reason that Edens Zero looks similar to Fairy Tail (in terms of art style) is because the authors of both series’ are the same guy: Hiro Mashima. Just by looking at Edens Zero, there are notable similarities stylistically and character design wise in relation to some of his older works. So that’s where that familiar feeling is coming from when you look at Edens Zero.

Why are some of the characters in Edens Zero the same as characters in Fairy Tail?

Short answer: They’re not.

Long answer: There are characters in Edens Zero that are specifically designed to resemble characters from Fairy Tail. It’s not coincidence, or even a lack of creativity. Mashima would like people to be able to make connections and draw similarities between the characters of all his works. That being said, he makes sure to include differences between them so that his audience knows they are not the same characters.

If you’re concerned about the personalities of the characters in Edens Zero closely relating to those of Fairy Tail characters, then the series has already given us little to no need to worry. Where a character may fall short of a completely unique design, they often make up for it with their distinct personality and their backstory. A character that has a striking resemblance to one you already know might be an entirely different person in Edens Zero.

So when you look at the protagonists of the series, and they remind you of some familiar faces, those familiar faces are exactly who Mashima wants you to think about. But that isn’t to say they are mere “clones” of the people who came before them. And that goes for more than just the protagonists actually, but they’re the most notable similarities early on.

Is the Happy in Edens Zero the same Happy as the one in Fairy Tail?

No, the Happy in Edens Zero is NOT the same Happy as the one in Fairy Tail. Yes they have the same name and similar designs, but they are different people (cats?) with different backstories and different companions.

Why is Happy even in Edens Zero?

He’s the companion character. Mashima dabbled with making him a different species, but ended up settling on a classic fan favorite design. He sees Happy sort of like his mascot, since he has now represented both Fairy Tail and Edens Zero.

If you look closely, there are other non human characters who pop up from Fairy Tail, as well as Mashima’s eldest animated series, Rave Master.

Does Edens Zero happen in the same universe as Fairy Tail? Alternate universe? (Fairy Tail in space? Fairy Tail in the future?)

The Fairy Tail and Edens Zero universes are completely separate. Edens Zero is not a Fairy Tail time skip, nor are any of the characters in any way related to Fairy Tail characters. (If me hinting at it wasn’t enough: Eden’s Zero is not Fairy Tail Next Generation)

Alas, that would mean that the male protagonist is not the secret love child of Natsu and Gray, but you’re free to write as much fanfiction about that as you like!

Is Edens Zero a continuation/spin-off/reboot/sequel to Fairy Tail?

Edens Zero is a fully original work, unrelated to the story of Fairy Tail. (Does it feel like the millionth time I’ve said that, because it should). So no, it’s not a continuation. Edens Zero also doesn’t qualify to be a spin off because it’s not a subset of Fairy Tail; it isn’t the Fairy Tail story or world twisted / changed in any way because Edens Zero is a standalone piece. 

It also stands to reason that based on everything I’ve already said, it isn’t a Fairy Tail reboot either. Edens Zero will take you on a completely different story, because the two series’ aren’t linked. And finally, no, Edens Zero is not a sequel to Fairy Tail because guess what? Fairy Tail actually has a canon sequel! It’s a biweekly manga series that goes by the name ‘Fairy Tail 100 Years Quest’. So logically, Edens Zero can’t be a Fairy Tail sequel when one already exists.

(Also, per the dictionary definition of the word “ripoff” – an act or instance of stealing off of another – Edens Zero doesn’t qualify. You can’t really steal something you already own.) 

End Note:

Edens Zero is the third work from Hiro Mashima getting an anime, and it’s understandable that there’s a lot of confusion around it. Especially after the PV dropped and it was clear that the art style was very similar. And not to mention everyone losing their minds when they saw Happy in this strange new world. All of a sudden it raises these questions and there isn’t really a definitive place to get answers. 

At this point I’m sure I sound like a broken record. But I’ll repeat these things as many times as needed to clear up the misconceptions and misinformation being spread around. As new people get introduced to Edens Zero, they will likely be asking these same questions for years to come. So I found it useful to just try and catch the problem now while it���s still new.

If the day ever does come where Mashima tells us it was all a hoax, everything was a lie, and he was playing us like an instrument the entire time... then I’ll be sure to update this.

Again, there are probably plenty of questions that I never touched on so feel free to comment anything else you or others need clarification on! I was doing some research for this and wow, Google really isn’t spoiler free, is it? Which is obvious, because it’s just a machine, but I hate that even if someone wants more information on something, looking it up is out of the question because that would give them spoilers about some pretty crucial plot details. That makes me feel awful, as a person who absolutely hates spoilers. So I want this to be a compact, spoiler free, factually based post about a lot of the common questions in the Edens Zero fandom.

Thanks for reading!! 

[phoenotopia]

2020 July Update

Things have gone slowly... again.

The good news is that the game is now submitted to the console "authority" and it's entirely off my hands. Once it gets through the console "checking" process, it can get a release date and we can sprint towards release. Until then, it'd be at least a month's wait or more until I hear anything. Understandably, their checking process is impacted by Corona, so wait times are increased.

On my end, I was also slow to submit the game. I submitted it late late June, since I ended up spending 7 weeks fixing bugs (and not 2-3 weeks like I estimated in the last blog post). There were just SO many bugs - now squished, thankfully. Since this is a blog post, I'll talk about what kind of bugs I've been fixing.

The other thing that slowed down the submission process was simply due to unfamiliarity with how these submissions proceed. There were pages and pages of stuff to read, guidelines to follow, and legalese to wade through. It really made me wish I had a publisher to guide me through the process. But I was able to clear it with a couple days work. I had an impression that the submission process went like A->B->C->D, with no room for concurrency. Turns out I could have done steps B & C at the same time and sped things up by 2 weeks... So that's that. I'm taking that as a lesson for next time.

The Console Revealed

What is this console that I talk about so stealthily? So that this blog update isn't completely unexciting, I'll reveal which console I've been working on until now. Drumroll please!

It's Switch!

We actually got the Switch dev kit in late 2017. From my understanding, around this time in the USA, the Switch kit was quite hard to get for indies as it was just starting out and high in demand. So I was surprised that my application got approved. I didn't know it then, but the game would still need a few more years of development...

Tweaking performance and fixing bugs

Here you can see my "expert" playtest setup. Since the Switch is more powerful while docked, I needed to playtest it in handheld mode, so I could catch and profile any problem areas where the framerate was unsteady. The most common thing that caused framerate drops were areas that went overboard with lighting. For these areas, I'd tweak or swap out the lights with alternatives that looked similar while also being less computationally intensive. Maintaining 60 FPS is a must!

An old camera (Nikon D3100) trained at the screen recorded my playthrough and would let me rewind to any moment a bug occurred. It could only record in 10 minute chunks, so I'd have to repeatedly repress the record button. On the plus side, because it's so old the movie file sizes were small and convenient.

The number one bug that I tracked and fixed in the past two months was what I dub the "Gear Ring De-equip" bug. The Gear Ring functions as customizable shortcut keys for the player to map items and tools (see an old video demonstration HERE). Through regular use of the inventory, somehow the equipped items on the Gear Ring would be de-equipped. It was an elusive bug since the de-equip event would happen very quietly and you would only suspect something had gone wrong much later. By then, the trail had gone cold and you weren't sure if a de-equip had actually occurred or if the player had simply de-equipped the item themselves. Two other playtesters noted that something left the Gear Ring in their playthrough, but I dismissed them. "Are you sure you didn't just de-equip it yourself?" It was a bug that bred mistrust and discord. I didn't truly believe it until it happened to me...

Luckily, with the camera setup, I was finally able to track it. In the literal 67th video, I caught a live instance of the bug occurring. After which, it was all too easy to recreate the exact same inventory and gear ring setup and replicate it.

(With this exact item layout, combine the 2nd item with the 14th item... and viola! Gear Ring de-equip!)

After fixing this bug, I then proceeded to fix it 5 more times. Every time I fixed it, it would later reappear through a different mechanism. 

Why do bugs like this happen? Underneath, there are two lists of items. Tools on the right and items on the left. Items can occur multiple times because they're consumable. Both lists start counting their indexes with the value 0. However, both items and tools co-exist on the gear ring. So to uniquely identify an entry you need both the item ID and the data index. Failure to check both data types resulted in bugs like the Gear Ring de-equip. Now throw in a bunch of item operations that can confuse the system. You can split items, combine items, swap items, or discard items. The more freedom you allow, the more ways there are for the system to trip up.

If you didn't get all that, that's alright. It was needlessly complicated. Imagine doing more and better and with less code and less bugs! Such a thing is possible if you start with the right design. I'm definitely taking notes here on how to design inventory systems for next time. In the meanwhile, I'm very confident I've squished all inventory related bugs.

Other bugs squashed and features implemented in the past 2 months include the end game arts not unlocking properly, collection percentages climbing beyond 100, stray doors floating in the sky, low HP sfx blaring when loading different files, balance tweaks on bosses, a max HP display when the menu is open - too many to count really! It was only after I fixed them all that I was confident enough to move forward with submitting the game. I apologize for the delay this will cause!

PC version back in progress

You may recall in the March 2020 update I talk about how in pursuing the Switch version, I unwittingly ruined the PC version. Well, since the game is "done" now and I'm waiting for it to go through the checking process, I've started working to reclaim the PC version.

And there is some good news to report. The PC version can compile again! Of course, it will need to have some work done, since it was late 2017 when I last had a functioning PC build. 

The opening menu is broken, the underlying save file system needs to be updated, and the controls... oh Lord, the controls. Controls were probably the #1 factor in pushing me to pursue a console version first. There are just so many controller options. Even just the usual suspects are numerous: Xbox, Nintendo, Sony, Logitech, Hori, 8Bitdo, Steam...

One of the number one complaints received regarding the flash game (which was keyboard primarily) was that I didn't allow controller rebinding to start. It was then that I learned of the vast array of different keyboard types.

(Ever heard of an Azerty keyboard?)

I shan't make the same mistake twice! One of the things I'll definitely tackle is the Right/Left face button feud when it comes to which should one should be 'confirm' and which one is 'cancel'. I want to allow the player to choose which is their "YES" and "NO" preference and allow that to overlap other actions like Attack or Jump.

Even after control bindings are taken care of, some things just won't translate well. The right control stick is currently used to access the gear ring and for fishing. Keyboards have no right stick. Aiming the crossbow with a full 360 degrees of range is done with the left control stick - if keyboard only, would the crossbow simply be locked to the 8 cardinal directions? What about those tutorial prompts with button graphics (e.g. "Press 'B' to Jump"). If using the playstation controller, it'd need to be the CROSS symbol. How many button graphics are we gonna load into the text module? What if the player, mid-playthrough, decides to swap out controllers? Indeed, there are many issues to tackle where controls are concerned...

Perhaps I'm overthinking it because even some AAA games get this wrong (Dark Souls has 'B' as 'Yes' on Switch, and it's not remappable, which I find quite annoying). I've seen games on consoles where the controls wouldn't mention the console's controller at all but instead mention a mouse and keyboard. Or, if you remapped the controls, the tutorial prompts still showed the old control bindings, making for a confusing experience. I definitely want to do the controls justice, so this will take some time.

Phoenotopia DISCORD Channels

Ryan and Firana have been running a Phoenotopia discord since late 2017, which I promoted on this blog once. It's been a couple years and it turns out that the old discord link I promoted expired. It's long overdue, but their channel could use another shoutout. Here's their channel : https://discord.gg/cnjrYST

Also, Khalid recently reached out to me about creating a Phoenotopia discord as well. I see no reason why we can't have 2 or more discords, so he has created that one with my blessing as well. You can find his discord here : https://discord.gg/cfnsCwy

I personally don't use Discords, since I'm very busy and there's too much new tech to keep up with. I hear there's a Tik Tok now? Should I create a Tik Tok for Phoenotopia? Hmmm...

Anyway, if you'd like to chat with other people who are similarly enthused for Phoenotopia, do check them out!

Fan Arts

We have five new fanart submissions this time around from regulars and new alike.

Cody G. returns with this pair of sketches of Gail. One seeks to answer the question, "how is Gail so strong?" Cody's answer is that under her sleeves she's actually really buff! This might be the most ripped rendition of Gail yet. Also, in the right drawing, the letter 'E' kinda melds with her bat, making it look like a keyblade!

What if Gale was a Shrek character? A new artist, Samu Kajin, from tumblr answers that question with a rendition of Gail sporting ogre style antennae. Samu Kajin says she can be called "Gaek" or "Shrale". I like the poncho!

Shafiyahh returns with a pretty portrait of Gail. Unlike their previous digital pieces, this one was made with color pencils! I like how her hair blends pink and purple colors together, and this pattern is also present in the eyes. Reminds me of a certain character. And the eyes are so sparkly despite using color pencils! Major props!

Negativus Core also returns with this relevant image of Gail, masked and running, presumably from Corona. It gave me quite a chuckle! I like the angle and tilt of this run pose because you can see the sole of her foot - that's how you know she's at full sprint! A skillful blur localized to her left foot show's just the right amount of motion. Gotta love the robot's expression too!

A rare 3D art has emerged. Dany Q crafted this adorable figure of Gail that is as cute as a button! I like how well it translates the pixel character over to 3D, capturing the 3 stitches on her shirt and even catching her stray strand of hair. It kinda reminds me of a Wallace and Gromit character, so I can picture it moving and animating in that unique claymation style.

Next Time

I'm ~80% confident we can clear the Switch console checking process and drop the trailer with a release date before the next blog post. But once again, if things go slowly, you'll hear from us in 2 months...

[miliantyna]

Song List 0469 - Turandot - Nessun Dorma; 0470 - Journey - Apotheosis (THE END)

“(...) All'alba vincerò! Vincerò! Vincerò!”

Hello there, Becomers!

It’s that time, oh you know it’s that time - today I’m finishing up the project of making this blog related to my Song List :)

Started on 2017.01.17, ended on 2021.02.22. 3⅓ years or 1 225 days. 2963 positions at the beginning, 1246 positions at the end. 483 posts. One post on average every 2,5 day.

The difference may seem huge, understandably so, but it didn’t fell like it as I was revising the list. Moreover, basically only the First Three Songs shall never be removed from the list, meaning everything else can (and did, if taken a closer look at some posts I’ve made).

Before disclosing some final thoughts that I would love to share (I will try to keep them brief to not hold you here for hours to an end :) I would also mention today’s date, which is very important too - do you remember that Excel project about timestamps? (SL0265) So in exactly 3 years I will live the same number of days like Truman did :)

The Truman Show (1998)

Returning to the subject, the idea behind starting this project in the first place wasn’t very serious - every once in a while I would just do a little purge, usually to a fraction of the Song List. At the end of 2017 the number of pieces grew to almost 3 thousand and while expanding the list is never a problem, I prefer to keep it in rather updated version. To have stronger connections to what I’m giving my attention to, not just piling it up.

It started out slowly, from posts with mondegreens and funny associations, and if it would stay that way, then the blog would had ended after a year or so, true to my initial thought. However I got a little too ambitious and in a meantime I also added four compilations (in chronological order: “La La La/Na Na Na”; “They Miss Me, They Need Me, They Want Me”; “Did I Stutter?” and “How to Spell that Again?”) plus the “Baby” counter later, meaning that some songs took insane amount of time to be prepared.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

I’m talking about countless hours of listening to the tracks. Deciding if they are worth to be on my final list (in the instance when they weren’t there yet or used to be), if they should stay on it or if they should be removed. Comparing them with each other. Counting the repeated words. Hunting for the “babies”.

Moving on, searching for the materials. Considering their quality. Spending another eternity on watching them and finding the good fragments to use them later. And finally creating the drafts for the posts - I usually had around 50 of them, so it was kind of weird to see the number of them drop during those two last months :)

But to be honest, it wasn’t even the worst thing - it's the Song List itself.

Dragon Tiger Gate (2006)

By definition it’s always changing, so I add someting there, remove something elsewhere, and would you look at it, it’s different every time. Going with that I could continue with the blog for many years to come. And I would be miserable by doing so.

Don’t get me wrong - I enjoyed every aspect of the project, even if at times it was getting exasperating, but I don’t think I would like to keep on doing it as there is a possibility that someday my Song List might not contain any of the tracks I used here on this site at the beginning.

And no, I didn’t forget about my promise from that time - I fully intend to keep it as I finished the project with the desired effect I had in mind :)

So the Song List it’s avaliable to view or download under the following link:

GOOGLE DRIVE LINK

While scrolling through it some of the positions are marked in blue - unfortunately those ones aren’t avaliable in the quality and/or the version I'm accustomed to listen to, thus they didn’t make it to the final playlist, compiled under the next link:

YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

In most of those “blue” cases I managed to find some other sources, where they were avaliable, if you will be interested to give them a try. In the same folder you can also find the “Baby Chant” from SL0468 :)

To sum it up, it was definitely a great experience :) It was a tremendous challenge to keep it running and I managed to pull it off, of which I’m very proud. I will reminiscent about every minute I spent on it for many upcoming months, if not years, as I’m not done with my Song List, oh no - it’s just the end of this specific journey of sharing it with you here.

And maybe it will motivate some of you, my Becomers, to start something on your own as my blog is a proof that you can do anything if you put your mind into something and give it some time to grow :)

Journey (2012)

Thank you for stopping by, for every amount of time you spent here with me. It was really rewarding to discover why specific type of posts were visited by you, to have this little glimpse of interests, shared together, even if they’re not manifested in the same way. And if I could have one request - please put the names of the songs in the sources when using them - it surely helps a lot :)

I'm keeping my asks box open in case some of you will find any kind of mistakes in my posts, whenever that might be, or if having any questions. I might not answer right away, but nevertheless I will try to do this as soon as possible.

Powodzenia i do usłyszenia! :)

B.W.N.J. (Miliantyna)

INFORMATION POST MASTERLIST Song List 0268

[unproduciblesmackdown]

ok-yikes replied to your post: diefordarkseid replied to your post: ...

ok but like thank u sm for the link i’ve been vaguely following your winston/billions content and ive been trying to find the context without having to watch the whole thing lmao so now i can fully understand ur analysis and art that i already enjoy!!

oh first of aw!!!! that’s such a compliment lol ty and yes s/o to @winstonthequant for posting that compilation for 5.5k+ people to partake in, it’s super useful

yeah we Jest that all anyone needs to know to understand the Spirit Of Wynnstanning is to have seen those scenes with winston and taylor from kompenso, ep 3x11 lol.....i mean it’s partially a joke but it’s also partially true, that’s pretty much the Cause of the group of us going “oh my god” and becoming Invested in all of this. winnie n tay baby.......their Dynamique...they are way too good Ugh

and yeah the Broadest Of Strokes of this series overall is that the Central Theme is "insufferable bastard hedge fund ceo damian lewis [aka axe] man Versus insufferable bastard attorney general paul giamatti man [aka chuck],” just these corrupt assholes having a back and forth slapfight power struggle every season. nobody cares what happens in season 1 but taylor is introduced at the start of season 2 as a just-out-of-undergrad intern at axe’s hedge fund. turns out they’re amazing at hedge funding (they have some goddamn sense and strategy and awareness, whereas axe is 100% beholden to the whims of his own Delicate Temper and Ego and is a continually self-sabotaging idiot, nbd) and by season 3, while axe is doing a bit of jail time over insider trading (see: previous parenthetical) taylor is left effectively in charge of axe’s hedge fund, which btw is called axe capital

Our Beloved Quant Winston enters the picture 3 eps into this situation, where taylor is attempting to start a quant team at axe cap, hence interviewing him, then only known as “quant kid 2″ in the credits. [not-that-informed explanation of What Is A Quant: where the Traditional Financial Analysts in a hedge fund try to make profitable stonk trades just via like, reacting to The News and other publically available info / whipping up Strategies / intuiting shit and making judgment calls or whatever the hell they do, a Quantitative Analyst (a more recent development in the high finance world) is taking a more mathematical approach to the whole legal gambling operation which is The Stock Market and might, as winston does, use An Algorithm to analyze finance info and make trades in response. is the vague idea here] Quant Kid 2 was not Originally meant to ever reappear, hence him just messing up the interview and getting sent off after like 30 seconds, but they wrote him in further when William Roland showed up and actually filmed the scene. 

when “i’m a shitty bastard driven by my shitty ego and will self-sabotage if my Pride asks for it on a whim” axe shows back up, tl;dr, he spends the rest of s3 being terrible and unappreciative to taylor, who you might imagine is Threatening That Delicate Ego of his by capably taking care of his hedge fund while he was indisposed. for example, he needlessly wrecks taylor’s relationship with a guy they were having a nice time dating (and will, we’re pretty sure, talk to again in s5ep2!! hoorayy) and does basically the opposite of apologizing, sweeps taylor’s Quant Project into the trash, gets mad at them for failing to land a certain investor which he said they did on purpose which idk they May Have lol i think this was later in the season, and won’t give them the raise they want, and that’s just A Few of the bullet points in this topic. but oops, turns out that taylor has been secretly taking steps to put together their own entirely separate hedge fund! which is where winston comes back in, aka their meeting him in that empty classroom only to summon him to a random basement. that algorithm he ends up creating for them (which he’d Assumed was for axe cap purposes) was used by taylor to entice a Big Investor at axe cap to invest in their own hedge fund, taylor mason capital, which exists by the end of season 3, which obviously axe is not happy about and of course it’s a whole ~betrayal~ even though he did it to himself but no, he decides taylor is his Nemesis, b/c in so many ways he is a dumbass. god

season 4 has winston as taylor’s Main Quant (the one time we hear his name spoken aloud is taylor saying “winston and the quant team). taylor spends the season dealing with all the problems of having a Brand New Hedge Fund and having a Well Established Hedge Fund With An Asshole At The Helm constantly trying to sabotage their fund, which we also call tmc / mase cap for short, just for reference lmao, the latter being how they shorten it in the show’s actual dialogue. the Front Running mentioned in that one clip was an instance of such sabotage. and by the time winston shows up 5 eps later, that Fracking Subplot (lmao...this fucking show) was about taylor being reeeeal sick of axe cap’s sabotage b/c they kinda made it personal, and thus spending the whole episode Completely playing axe for a fool, which was kinda fun, b/c it’s not that hard and he has it coming. it gets a little involved with what’s going on in ep 4x11 with the bonuses lmfao but it's nbd, just know that winston was right, we went frantic about him being Bullied and are still indignant about it, and taylor talking to Everyone in that 4x12 clip does seem to address what winston had said, compare and contrast 4 yourselves, even if this apparently went totally over the heads of any Regular Billions Viewers lmao. and then in 4x12 A Lot Happens b/c it’s the finale but axe manages to self-sabotage himself in a way that does a lot of damage for mase cap though, and axe thinks that he’s successfully blackmailed taylor into returning to axe cap with mase cap as a Supposedly Temporary subsidiary of axe cap, which sucks, but taylor is not as blackmailed as he thinks, which is a secret, Drama and Twists and Shifting / Dubious Loyalties and Stonks are just constant themes here and who cares. we are here for the quant, who is there with taylor

We Have Many Ideas / wise concepts and headcanons, seeing as canon is a nightmare and there’s not That much material re: winston and precious few details about him / he spends sooo much time offscreen and unmentioned and it leaves us plenty of blanks to fill in. for example, maybe u noticed we think he should kiss taylor and also get railed by them, there are extensive ideas about that relationship wherein we happily ignore Finance. also, there is an unusually kind and reasonable analyst over at axe cap named ben kim who we also think should kiss winston, so yeah That idea is sure around as well lol, they have enough Parallels and complementary Similarities and Contrasts and also just like, a normal nice person is a rarity on this show, so ben does Not have a world of competition in our [list of people who’d be Okay to kiss winston, b/c someone should, b/c he deserves that cuz we love him]

yeah that’s my Quick Basic Context summary lmao we hate it here but also we have fun, and really at any time (extending this to anyone lol) feel free to Send An Ask about anything at all b/c i am Not annoyed by random / unprompted asks from anybody, i love interaction! who knows if i’ll answer promptly (for example: sorry @ the person who’s asked for deh/bmc hcs who i havent answered yet lol) but yeah. it’s totally nice that you were already interested even without any Context lmao like. i mean yeah basically the joke still stands that the only context u truly need is that one scene from Kompenso but. yeah #Stonks

[spriterpt]

Hey Liss, I really want to start a small horror group rp but I never ever done one on Tumblr and I'm scared of messing up. Could you give me some advice? Is running a group rp on tumblr too stressful?

First of all, I’m so sorry for the late reply!

The biggest factor in how challenging it will be to run a group is how much time you have to put into it. That’s not to say that if you go to school or work full-time you can’t run one, but if you don’t have much time to commit to being online, it can be a lot to handle. That said, it’s incredibly rewarding to watch a roleplay thrive!

The two most important parts of your group are going to be your plot and your graphics. I wish the second wasn’t the case, but how your roleplay (and your promo graphic) looks is a huge deal when it comes to drawing people in. Roleplays with ‘basic’ graphics, sadly, often find it difficult to gain any traction in the community. If you’re not great with graphics, you may want to consider getting a co-admin who is, or contacting RPHs who do those types of services. That said, a solid plot or location is what will make people stay. Your roleplay will need to be either plot-driven or character-driven. A plot-driven roleplay is going to be harder to keep up with, as you’ll have to provide lots of events and plot drops to keep the ball rolling. Character-driven roleplays can often take a little longer to set up, as you really want to make your location come to life by providing a history and places around town for people to set their interactions, but require less upkeep as the members create their own plots. For a horror group, chances are it’s going to be a little more plot-driven.

Setting up your blog can be one of the more stressful parts of running your own group. You want to make sure everything looks good, all of the writing is error-free, and the page is properly organized so viewers can find what they’re looking for. Below is a list of important pages your page should include and my advice for them.

NAVIGATION: It’s very, very important that your navigation be properly laid out. People aren’t going to want to join a roleplay if they can’t easily find everything they need to do so. Most roleplays divide their navigation into two sections–before applying and after acceptance. The first should include your plot, rules, characters, taken/banned face claims, wanted connections, and application. It should also include any other information you’d want people to know going into it, like locations around your town. The second should include your checklist, blogroll, trigger list, and OOC masterlist.

PLOT: This should be at the top of your navigation page and, ideally, directly linked from your home page. It shouldn’t be too long or too short, just a few paragraphs. Your paragraphs also shouldn’t be too lengthy–large blocks of text can turn people away. 

RULES: The most important rules are as follows. Activity–most roleplays have an activity limit of 5 or 6 days. This allows members to balance RP with real life while still preventing too much inactivity on the dash. Characters–the number of characters you can have, the age requirements for characters/face claims if you have one, and whether characters can be on a multi-muse account or should have separate blogs. Drama/inclusivity–there should always be a zero tolerance policy for OOC drama, and rules in place to promote inclusivity such as requiring that members reply to at least 3 starters before posting their own.

CHARACTERS: This is where keeping up with a roleplay can start to get tricky. There are two types of RPs you may choose to go with–bio or appless. If it’s a bio roleplay, you need to make a graphic for and post the biography of every character. If it’s appless, you need to make sure that each time you get a new character, you update your character page. Either way, you’ll also need to keep on top of your taken face claims page. Many admins choose not to post a bio or add a character to their page until they’ve received the account for that character.

WANTED CONNECTIONS: This isn’t required, per se, but can inspire more people to join your roleplay. You should have a form for your members to fill out, and they’ll send in their wanted connections. That’s another thing to keep up with–you’ll have to put all of these on your WC page as well as remove taken connections, or edit connections that have 1 out of 2 or more muses taken (think bandmates, or multiple siblings).

APPLICATION: Your application should include, at the very least, the character’s name, age, gender AND pronouns, and face claim. Most choose to add positive and negative personality traits to their app. If it’s a bio roleplay, you’ll need to request a biography, either by simply stating ‘bio here’, or by dividing it up into sections. For instance, you can split it up into background, present, and personality, and include a paragraph or word requirement for each section if you’d like. 

CHECKLIST: This should be the first thing in your ‘after acceptance’ section and should include everything your new member has to do after being accepted. This should include getting their account in within 24 hours, following everyone on the blogroll, tracking your tags, looking at your trigger list and sending in any triggers they’d like added, sending in wanted connections, asking for the OOC blog/Discord link, posting an intro for their character, and finally posting their first interaction. Speaking of tags to track–yours should include tags for character intros, starters, events, tasks, admin notes, and new blogs to follow.

TRIGGER LIST: Some basic triggers you should include: sexual assault, suicide/self-harm, eating disorders, blood, drugs, death, abortion, violence. You should also ask that your members send in any personal triggers that they’d like added, and this should always always always be kept confidential.

OOC MASTERLIST: You may choose to only include OOC information on your character page, but an OOC masterlist can be helpful when it comes to plotting. This lists each member’s name and which characters they play, and often includes other OOC info such as age, timezone, and pronouns. This way when plotting with someone, members can immediately see all of the characters the person they’re plotting with plays.

As mentioned before, graphics and theme are also very important. Your theme should be neat, organized, but ‘pretty’. Almost all themes are going to involve at least one graphic. The color scheme of your graphic(s) should closely match that of your theme so that everything looks coherent. If there’s more than one graphic, they should look nice together without being repeats of each other. You’ll also need to create a promo graphic to post in the tags. Note that you should create a sideblog to post your promo graphics, rather than flooding your main page with them. Your promo doesn’t have to look quite as similar as the others, since they won’t be shown side-by-side, but should still give off the same ‘vibe’. You’ll want to make sure to double-check all of the writing on your page for errors, click on all of your links to see that they’re working properly, and go through your navigation from the point of view of a potential member.

The next part is being a good admin. You should be able to get on almost every single day, even just for long enough to post something in the tags and empty your inbox. Admin activity is crucial to group activity. As soon as members see the activity of the main die down, they start to decline in activity or find other groups. 

There are three key elements to promoting your roleplay. The first is through your promo sideblog and promo graphics. You should be posting these often enough that they regularly show up in the tags without being too overbearing. You’ll have to check the tags you choose and use some trial and error to figure out how often that is. {Remember that your post will only show up in the first five tags you put down.) The second is posts on your main. You can let viewers know a little about your roleplay, let them know you’re going to be around for a while, or just include a tidbit about your day. The same rules apply for how often to post these as with your promo graphics. The third element is requesting shoutouts from RPHs. This gets your RP back into the tags without having to put yet another post on the main, as well as gets news of your RP around the RPH community. Remember to always read the RPH’s rules, be polite (please and thank you), and use their name if it’s on the blog. You only have a certain amount of characters for your shoutouts, so make them count. Keeping on top of all three of these things can be difficult, but is incredibly important to running a successful roleplay. You need to make sure you have time to do this on top of your other admin duties. I’ve always found it easiest to take care of all of my other admin things first, then dedicate a chunk of time solely to promotion.

Keeping the main up-to-date is one of the most important things you’ll have to do. This includes your character page/biographies, taken face claims list, triggers list, wanted connections, OOC masterlist, and one more thing we haven’t mentioned yet. Something Tumblr has been doing lately is eating posts in the tags. That means even though you have a tag dedicated to your group’s starters, most of them won’t show up in the tag. As an admin, it’s your responsibility to keep track of all of the starters in your group and get them out to your members another way. Some groups choose to compile a list on their page, while others choose to creat a sideblog and reblog all of the starters there. Either way, this is very, very important to making sure all of your members are included. As an admin, I prefer to take things one ask at a time. New account comes in? Post the follow, add the character, add the face claim, onto the next one. Wanted connection? Put it on the WC page, post a new wanted connection on the main, onto the next one. I find that this makes it easier to keep track of everything than getting everything out of the inbox and then trying to go back through it all. 

Because there’s so much to do, you may want to consider getting one or more co-admins to help you. At least to me, it seems like most RPs have around 3 admins. It is possible to run one yourself, but you can always try on your own and ask for co-admins if you’re having trouble. You want to make sure you stay on good terms with your co-admins and consult them about updates, events, and plot drops.

Speaking of events and plot drops, that’s another thing you’ll have to take care of. Plot drops and events keep the RP alive, and if you find that the RP’s activity is a little low, something like that can help. You don’t have to do it super often, but a few days every month or so dedicated to an event can be really fun. With a horror RP, you may also want to have plot drops here and there.

You’ll also have to deal with any problems that arise in your RP. If someone comes to you with a concern about another member, you’ll have to use your critical thinking and problem-solving skills to determine exactly what’s going on and what action you should take. If you notice that someone is only writing with one or two other people, you’ll need to address it to them directly. This part can definitely be stressful and nerve-wracking, but it’s an important part of being an admin. 

One way to see how you can improve your RP is to ask RPHs for their opinions. The trick is you actually have to listen to them. If you’re repeatedly being told that your graphics need work, consider getting some help with them. If they point out a broken link or typo, you’ll need to fix it. Another way to improve is to check out other RPs! You definitely should not lift anything directly from another RP, but it can help you get a feel for how everything should be set up and what types of themes and graphics are ‘in’ right now.

I’m going to end this with a link to this amazing masterlist from rpthemehelper that includes multiple posts on every topic you could need help with. I’m sorry that this was probably way more than you were expecting to read, but I hope it helped some!

[echodrops]

The Promises I Made (2018)

For the past twelve years, I’ve spent every New Year’s Eve compiling a list of fifty promises I intend to keep or fulfill over the next twelve months. The results have been truly amazing, and I have kept some promises I never thought I could. Although this year was really, really bad, oh lord... This year, for New Year’s, there will be a new set of promises for to me keep, but here are the old ones, for review!

 The Promises I Made (2018 edition)

1) I will be less anxious at work and not let passing comments from students or passive rudeness get under my skin as much. Status: Somewhat kept; I feel like I wasn’t as upset by students being rude this year as last year, but then again that might just be because I had better students. XD

2) I will be more proactive about my responsibilities for the college newspaper committee so we can make a great product. Status: Uhh… Can I count this as kept if the newspaper committee was put on hold due to decisions from the higher administration, so I didn’t have to be proactive about these responsibilities?

3) I will actually visit Mexico, not just accidentally take a wrong turn and end up there... Status: Broken. You know how some people like live next door to a restaurant for years but somehow never get around to trying it? Yeah that’s me, with the entire country of Mexico. Like, I literally live less than a mile from the border… I really should just go get lunch one day or something…

4) I will actually decorate my office with all the stuff I have had sitting around at my house for months. Status: Actually kept. I don’t feel like the decorating is really done in the office, but the decorations are no longer cluttering up my actual home instead of the office!

5) I will be better about focusing so that I can grade quickly and feel less overwhelmed throughout the course of the semester. Status: You know, it’s hard to say whether or not I did grade more quickly because spring semester I took on a really annoying class schedule and it screwed me over hard. I feel like I was a little faster this year, but I felt more overwhelmed than ever.

6) I will get the scratch on my Camaro buffed a bit to clear up the parts that can be cleared. Status: I just… didn’t do this. Broken.

7) I will repair the mortar on the fence outside the Utah house and seal the bricks on the window sills. Status: Somewhat kept/broken. I fixed the mortar on the fence outside but did not seal the windowsill bricks.

8) I will finish at least 26 books over the course of this year. Status: Look man. If my promise had been “Finish 26 fanfics longer than 100,000 words,” I would have blown this promise out of the water. But as it stands, I think I only made it to 10-ish printed books. I’m naughty. 9) I will retrim the grape vine at the Utah house and also spray/get someone to spray to kill the wasps. Status: Broken. I don’t know why I thought it would be smart to make a promise about trimming the grape vine, since that’s something you do in fall… when I’m not even in Utah… Hrmmmm… 10) I will get the mail man to stop delivering the wrong mail to my box because I’m getting ten times more mail for other people than for myself. Status: I had so many opportunities to do this, and I just didn’t. RIP.

11) I will have the fire escape window installed on the Utah house to make it legal to rent. Status: Broken. That’s a lotta money fam.

12) I will update Home and a Half at least four times (and no more double posts, just be chill Yehn, be chill for once…) Status: WOW. I was so, so optimistic, wasn’t I? 13) I will actually build all the furniture I bought for the Texas house and never assembled. Status: Mostly kept? I think there’s like one more thing I haven’t assembled (the spare futon), but up to this point I haven’t needed it, so...

14) I will actually watch Stranger Things since everyone keeps nagging me about it. Status: Broken. I just didn’t do this at all.

15) I will go to a dentist and get this annoying wisdom tooth removed and also see what can be done for my front tooth that got pushed out of alignment by said wisdom tooth. This really needs to happen ‘cause the partially erupted tooth is killing me. D; Status: Wisdom tooth is still hurting me… I am the worst at taking care of myself… 2019… the year of self-care?

16) I will take a road trip with my friend Karen like we’ve been talking about for a while. Status: Actually did this! Finally something completely kept. It was a great trip too.  

17) I will continue to serve as the video game club’s faculty sponsor. Status: I was too busy… T_T Broken.

18) I will lower my credit card debt by at least $2000. Moving is so expensive. T_T Status: I ended up having major set-backs this year in the form of having to pay out of pocket for a new windshield in my car and also my Playstation flat out dying on me, so this goal did not get satisfied. But now that my car is completely paid off (hell yeah!), I’ll finally be able to start making big payments on this sucker.

19) I will have ALL my lesson plans planned out in advance for Fall 2018 so that I can just chill next fall. Status: YO THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED. There were still some instances of needing to fix things, but overall I did actually have all the lessons done in advance, and that was probably the only reason I survived fall at all lol.

20) I will finish painting the living room in the Utah house, finally. Status: I… forgot I even made this promise. Yikes.

21) I will be better about walking my dog because I have been slacking lately. Status: I wanted to be better, but every fucking time I go to walk my dog, the neighbor’s Chihuahua runs through their fence and tries to attack my dog, so literally every walk becomes a nightmare and there were a lot of days when I just didn’t want to deal with that stress… :/

22) I will finish a game other than FFXIV this year. Man, so many games have been piling up… Status: I couldn’t even find time to play FFXIV this year, let alone another game… 23) I will write a new, original short story. Status: I… did not write like at all this year. 2018 was just really hard for me. T_T

24) I will get my black glasses fixed this year, finally. Status: Uh… Kept… I think? At least I think this promise was referring to the damage to the frames of my black glasses, which I did get fixed. But now the lens has a scratch… V_V

25) I will attend more professional development/on-campus events and trainings to bolster my evaluation. Status: Eh, kept? I’m signed up for a conference and did some extra training thing that I can throw on the sheet, so I’m calling it good.

26) I will ink and color at least the one drawing of Yehn’zi that I finished sketching a while ago and did absolutely nothing with. Status: A whole lot of nope on this one.

27) I will really finish moving in to my Texas house, no more “I’ll fish out the clothes from the Space Bag when I need them but never actually hang them up.” Status: I’m counting this as kept, since the only thing that didn’t happen is that I never took the plastic wrap off the top of my nightstand, but like… hey that’s a really convenient way to avoid water spots so…

28) I will volunteer at a non-profit organization to fulfill my “service to the community” work requirement. I mean, I will volunteer from the goodness of my heart… yeah… Status: Shitttt this didn’t happen and it really needed to… Oh dear…

29) I will level ALL my classes to 70 in Stormblood. Status: This also did not happen. No time to play.

30) I will reach 1000 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m only marginally a waste of time and space. Status: Kept and exceeded! I’m at like… 1540-ish right now I believe.

31) I will find a salon so I can get my hair dyed consistently instead of looking like a shabby blob half way through each semester. Status: Well, the good news is that my hair color fades so nicely that one of my students actually asked if the strawberry blonde was my natural color. But uh… no… it’s not… so…

32) I will find some way to pay back my coworker for all the incredibly nice things she has done for me already. Status: I mean, I took her out to lunch a lot but I don’t know if I really managed to feel “equal” on the debts I owe her for helping me out.

33) I will see an Anhinga (it’s a kind of bird!) in Texas. Status: Kept! The very first time I went looking for it, I found it, so score.

34) I will win Camp NaNoWriMo this year (because November might never be a possibility for me again, given how much grading I seem to end up doing during that month). T_T Status: Broken. Again, I wrote almost nothing this year. Too much stress. T_T

35) I will scout for new neighborhoods to move to with better internet access and closer to my work. Status: Kept. It’s still a bit too early for me to be looking for specific places, but I have a better sense of where I’ll be aiming for when I do go to buy something.

36) I will try to get better at Spanish, possibly by using my DuoLingo app more. Status: …Broken.

37) I will buy sod for the front part of the Utah house so that my house actually looks decent from the curb. Status: I COULD HAVE… But I didn’t.

38) I will be more proactive about commenting, reccing, and reblogging content I appreciate online because I find so many wonderful things but I rarely say as much about them as I should. Status: I think I was worse about this than last year. I miss the days when I didn’t feel like every five minutes taken to myself was stealing from my work responsibilities…

39) I will actually use my Instagram account to upload my photography somewhere public. Status: I forgot I made this promise too. Oops…

40) I will go dolphin-watching in the Gulf. Status: Somewhat kept? I mean… I stood on the pier… And saw dolphins in the Gulf. That counts, right???

41) I will clear all the photos and videos off my phone and camera SD cards because they are overflowing. Status: Kept but now they’re just sitting on the hard drive unsorted and in a confusing jumble of unnamed folders...

42) I will update my calendar with important dates—holidays, birthdays, etc.—and be productive about sending cards and well-wishes. Status: Broken, just totally broken.

43) I will complete my series of posts about Yato/Hiyori. Really. Status: >___> One day…

44) I will not work later than 10pm on any given work night. I can’t keep running myself ragged. I need to brake sometimes. Status: HA. I was really hopeful. More broken promises…

45) I will explore some new places/cities in Texas that I have not been before. Status: I… did not do this. I had a chance to do this and I didn’t. D;

46) I will get a gardener for the Texas house because the lawn is basically unmanageable by myself. Status: Kept. Because… the lawn really was unmanageable by myself so…

47) I will clean out the fridge more often. No expired milk or ancient leftovers this year please… Status: >_____> Ooopppssss.

48) I will get some sort of watering system set up so that the lawn at the Texas house isn’t a total disaster anymore. Status: Somewhat kept. I did buy hoses and sprinklers to water the lawn but mostly it’s just been raining a lot and that made the grass greener on its own.

49) I will help make one of the super complicated cookies from the new cookie cookbook I bought for Karen. Status: Actually kept! We learned much about the workings of cookie guns.

50) I will keep these promises. Status: Ouch, this one hurts a little.

Totals Kept promises: 12 Broken promises: 29 Somewhat kept/broken promises: 9

Y I K E S ™. I thought last year was crazy and was so hopeful for this year… I had NO IDEA how hard this last year was going to be. So many broken promises; I feel so guiltyyyyy. DDDD; Although I’m still at the same job and not planning on dramatically swapping entire career fields again, things are still in the process of settling and there’s still SO much more I feel like I need to work on. 2018 was the year of being constantly overwhelmed. Unfortunately, 2019 doesn’t seem like it’s going to be much calmer because I’m still working on designing classes and getting my lessons ironed out, but I at least no longer feel like I’m at rock bottom… So, I’m cautiously, very cautiously, feeling the tiniest bit optimistic?

  Let’s do this, 2019! The new set of promises will be up by tomorrow.

[brynwrites]

Ask Compilation.

Topics covered:

Chapter Titles

Nonbinary character shenanigans

These Treacherous Tides, the series

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Starting back up with writing

Writing children

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

Differentiating casts who feel similar

Writing in your native language vs English

And a few notes from my lovely followers.

All other questions should be listed on the ask queue page. (Except the last two WIP related questions I haven’t gotten around to answering…)

Chapter Titles

@aithlynfreyeaesthetic asked: Hello, I hope you're doing well. Are chapter title absolutely necessary? I've been avoiding chapter titles purely because I'm horrible at titles, but I've just always wondered.

Not at all! The majority of fiction books don’t use chapter titles. They can be fun, especially in certain genres, but they’re in no way necessary. 

Nonbinary character shenanigans 

@thebravetinsoldier asked: Hi! I’m writing a steampunk story were the main character is being hunted because they’ve cheated death and become immortal by changing their “deceased” parts with robotics and magic. I really want this character to be nonbinary, but part of the explanation is that they’ve changed parts of themselves so much that they no longer remember if they were a boy or a girl. Is this a bad thing? Sorry for the bad formulation, English is not my first language.

First up, I want to clarify that there’s nothing inherently wrong with most concepts in which nonbinary people are robots or mythical creatures, but it does paint an uncomfortable picture simply because there are so few nonbinary character in existence who are actually human, creating a implication that nonbinary people are not-quite-human because humans are the ones who have binary genders.

You fix that particular issue with a small adjustment: Let there be fully human/non-magical nonbinary characters in the world, even if they’re just a side characters who only appears in one scene. 

The main problem here though, is the idea that physical appearance determines identity. Rather than presenting the main character as not being able to identify whether they’re a binary gender, it’s far better to present it as them knowing they don’t (and have probably never) felt like a binary gender, and feeling happy with the way their body is androgynous, because they don’t feel the need to present as a specific gender*. 

Let me illustrate it this way: A girl who losses her physical, female body (or is born in a male body) will be no less a girl, even if society tries to tell her that she could or should be a boy. With time, she’ll still decide she is in fact a girl, no matter what her body says. The same is true with nonbinary people. If a person composed of robotics and magic decides they’re nonbinary, then it’s because they’ve always been nonbinary; they might have just taken a while to figure it out, especially if they original had a body their society told them had to assign them a binary identity.

(*this is not a qualification of being nonbinary by the way, though it is a common feeling among many nonbinary people.)

These Treacherous Tides, the series

@kiarazuri asked: You’ve mentioned before that Pearl is set in a mermaid series called These Treacherous Tides (awesome title, btw) and I was wondering how many books you’ve got planned? Also whether or not any of the books will interact with each other or just be set in the same world?

The These Treacherous Tides series is going to be a more or less unconnected series of romance/family-oriented books about different species of merfolk (and humans), though I’m not opposed in any way to cameos, especially of side characters. 

I don’t officially have a second book planned yet, but merpeople are one of my favorite things in existence, and the moment I finished Our Bloody Pearl I knew I wanted to write more books about them. I do have two concepts I want to play with in future books, so I’ll be fleshing them out further and picking a direction for them once I’m finished with We Are, We Are Monsters.

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Anon asked: hi! i'm getting into the final stretch of writing my first novel (i have a few drafts left to complete and then i'll begin the self-publishing process!) and i was looking into how to market myself. among other things, i've been told to create a separate tumblr blog to post about my writing. obviously, yours is working very well! i was wondering if you would suggest doing this and if you have any tips to get it started/gain a following? thanks! 

I would definitely suggest creating some kind of blog for writing, and in my experience the writeblr community here is very encouraging and one of the most interactive writing communities on the web. The one thing I will mention though, is that every follower you talk to (i.e. are acquaintances or friends with) are worth a hundred followers you don’t know. I owe all my success to having a ton of writeblr friends who have (and continue to) reblog my posts like they’re gold. 

Check out my marketing tag for a ton of posts I’ve written about this! (Make sure you scroll down to the article on building an audience.)

Starting back up with writing

Anon asked: So I've just had exams so I had to stop writing for a while, but now I want to get back into writing my novel but I'm really struggling. I feel like I've forgotten everything ugh. Do you have any advice on how to jump back in?

My key tips:

Start small. Write 50 words. Take a break. Write another 50 words.

Remove distractions. If you’re on tumblr you’re not writing.

Don’t worry if your writing doesn’t sound good! (Follow the link for a full post!)

Writing children

@bloodybutterfly222 asked: Hey! I really love your tips, and I thought maybe you could help me with a problem I've been stumbling in. I have a story that partially revolves around parenting (bonding with a 2-year-old, more specifically) but I realized I don't know how to write children speech/dialogue. Since I've never had much contact with children myself, I'm even more at a lost about how to portray it significantly and yet accurately. Do you happen to have any tips on the matter?

I would love to help you, but I have little current experience in this area too. (Which I’m kicking myself over, because I did nanny through all of college, but I didn’t actually think about the way children speak while I was doing it and so when I write my own child characters they tend to be really stiff and generic.) 

The one piece of advice I will impart is this: Children are a lot smarter and braver and more creative than they’re given credit for, and they really do say the darnedest things. Some of my most memorable experiences with kiddos:

An eight year old asked me where evil and sin came from if god didn’t create it and then had a theological conversation with me that most adults couldn’t match.

He and his younger bother decided the heroes of our story would win by buying the villain a million ketchup covered pancakes.

Same younger bother spent ten minutes jumping on his bed shouting chocolate chips at the top of his lungs because he didn’t want to sleep. 

Also same young brother would tell everyone he was moving across the country for exactly seven years whenever he was angry.

Multiple instances of really polite 4-6 year old kids coming up to me while I worked retail at the Zoo, asking some variation of “Excuse me, miss, but would be okay if I could buy one of those cups, thank you” and then conducting the entire purchase on their own.

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

@tokinokagura asked: Hello Sir, Regarding your answer about strong female characters. In your opinion, where do females who are strong and independent yet have a very very kind side (like a fighting mom or big sis type, or a type who got something to be strong for) and also how do I approach this scenario of a strong independent fighting strong mother/big sis figure? Thanks in advance

There’s no trick to writing this sort of character; you just write them. Show her being both strong and nurturing, independent and compassionate. Explore the way these traits interact and enhance each other. Does she love her own freedom and want to provide others who are oppressed the same independence she’s found? Does she see compassion as something the strong are required to give? Does she believe true heroes are the ones who fight for others? Look deeper into how she became who she is and why she fights for those she fights for, and then carry that throughout the story in every scene, every choice she makes.

Differentiating casts who feel similar

@katekarl asked: Alright, I could use some help with this WIP. I have a heavy cast of female characters, and I need a way to keep them from sounding too similar. Some of them ARE similar, and the differences in worldview/personality/dialogue might be a little too nuanced. What are some ways that I can try and keep them from looking like they were copy-pasted into their different roles?

Bullet points!

Unless your world is heavy on the sexism and holds to very constricting gender norms, it shouldn’t make any difference that they’re all women; they should have just as diverse a range of personalities, hobbies, strengths, etc as if they were a group of any mix of genders, so long as the class and cultural diversity doesn’t change.

If your characters are too similar to differentiate between them, then you probably don’t actually need all of them. Any two characters who consistently make very similar choices should almost always be combined. If two characters are in fact making very different choices despite being similar in personality and background, then it might be time to sit down and figure out where those choices are coming from and adjust one of the characters to make the origin of their choices obvious.

In my opinion, quirkier characters are always more fun than un-quirky characters, and there are a million different crazy and eccentric traits you can give your characters to make them stand out. (I have a post about developing side characters here which has a few more, similar concepts.)

Writing in your native language vs English

Hi, I can speak English on a B2/C1 level but it's not my native language. I want to write a novel but idk what language I should write in. I have a poetry blog in English and I used to write stories in English but I feel like something more serious requires wider vocabulary and better language skills in general. I have nowhere to post/publish it in my native language though, so it would probably end up forgotten if I were to write it in my native language:/ what do you think I should do?

I don’t have any advice other than this: You’ll get better at a language the longer to try to write more complicated things in it. If you want to write something more serious in English someday, the only way you’ll get there is by writing something serious is English now, even if you do a poor job of it at first. 

Kind words

Anon said: I just wanted to say thank you for that fanfic answer and letting us in on what inspired you. I have an original novel in the works basically inspired by Steve and Bucky and wanting them to eventually build a definite relationship. But I didn’t want to write a fanfic, even though I love fanfic. It turned into a space opera thing

You’re very welcome! That sounds like an awesome space opera, and I wish you the best of luck with it! <3

Anon said: Hi I just saw what you said about writing through mental illness and I just had to tell you that it helped me so much! There is so much power in the advice and motivation you put there, thank you. 

I’m glad it could help! I’ve been struggling as a writer (and human) with depression and anxiety for year now, and I’m just happy to share what I’ve learned <3 I’ll admit that some days I don’t... well I almost said I don’t win this battle, but that’s not a mentally healthy way of looking at it. Some days I have to give myself time to recoop. Some days, taking proactive steps towards tomorrow is the best course of action, even if that doesn’t include writing. (And the taking to best course of action is always a successful day, even if you didn’t get to any of the things you wanted to.)

Anyhow, I’m proud of myself for coming this far and I’m proud of you all for growing alongside me!

Anon said: Not an ask, rather a message. Sorry if it's in the wrong place--I'm kinda new. So, yes, I'm a newbie and I found your blog, and I love it! Keep on writing. I'll be looking forward your works. Cheers! 

Thank you my friend! (This is exactly the write place. You’re so sweet to take the time to say this <3)

[ellanainthetardis]

We find out some things today. Hopefully not all bad ones.

[ff] or [ao3]

54. 7 Months & 17 Weeks

Effie angrily pushed the remote’s button, switching channels before she could get too upset. She didn’t often watch the news, that was more Haymitch’s thing, but she had gotten stuck in front of a supposedly neutral documentary about a group of Capitols who wanted to bring awareness to the fact District people hadn’t been the only ones to get hurt during the war. The leader of that group, she suspected, was the one her Mother had gone to listen to.

The journalists had been patronizing and even mocking with him when not outright disbelieving.

Effie sighed and turned to the playpen to make sure April was alright. Her daughter didn’t seem in anyway disturbed by the TV, she was happily hitting the colorful buttons of a toy Peeta had bought her in town two days earlier. Every time she managed to push one, a little plastic animal popped out. She was trying to get them loose but failed every time and it frustrated her to no end until she forgot and pushed another button.

She watched April, more interested by the way her daughter finally gave up on the toy to roll on her back and then on her stomach and slowly crawled to where her toys where, sometimes letting out joyful little chirps. She grabbed her stuffed elephant – or tried to because it was slightly too big for her little hands and she often dropped it – and amused herself by picking it up a few times before she suddenly moved her head in a telltale way.

“Mama is right here, sweetie.” Effie hummed, settling on a fashion channel and turning the sound off. She carefully sat up, placing a hand on her stomach before swinging her legs off the couch. She was having small cramps that day and she didn’t like the tearing sensation in her lower stomach. It would go away, she was confident, but she didn’t like it. “Do you want Mama to play with you?”

She plucked her from the playpen along with the stuffed elephant and a handful of colorful toys and settled them back on the couch. She didn’t really feel up to rolling around on the floor at the moment.

Four months done and five to go, she told herself, her mind going back to everything she needed to do. She hadn’t gone as far as writing down a schedule but she had certainly made it clear to Haymitch that she wanted to have the nursery and April’s room sorted earlier than they had last time. She remembered how exhausted she had been at the end and she really didn’t want to have to worry about a thing past her sixth month.

She was distractedly waving the elephant in the air for her daughter to catch when she felt the baby kick. It was getting stronger but not enough for anyone else to feel it yet. Still, she smiled and gently petted her stomach with her free hand.

“It will be amazing, the four of us, darling…” she promised her daughter. “It will be so, so good, you will see…” She let her imagination wander and the picture was so clear in her mind… With April in front of her, it wasn’t hard to imagine another child who would look like her. Girl or boy didn’t make a difference to her although she had a strong inkling this one would be a boy. She just… She felt it. Only hours to wait before they would know anyway… She picked up April and sat her on her lap, peppering her stomach and cheeks with kisses to make her laugh. She felt a little guilty about being more… relaxed into this pregnancy than she had been for hers. “Mama loves you. Mama loves you so much.”

Her eyes darted to the clock eventually but there was still plenty of time before the appointment at the clinic. She was nervous and excited and couldn’t wait for the morning to end so it was finally time. She had been a ball of nerves for two days and Haymitch had delighted in mocking her.

The sudden commotion outside distracted her from April but before she had time to do little more than stand up, her daughter protectively held close in her arms, she heard the front door opening, Haymitch’s raised voice ordering someone to let go and… A flash of white dashed in the living-room, straight to her, growling a little… Haymitch came running after the dog, still snapping at Snowball to let go…

Effie was confused until she spotted the dead rabbit dangling from the dog’s jaws.

She shrieked and jumped on the couch, forgetting all about pregnancy or the baby in her arms or even the fact that Snowball was certainly no mice and had no problem with couch jumping. The dog hopped on the grey couch, lifting on his hinder legs to receive the usual post stroll cuddle. The dead rabbit was far too close and in an attempt at not getting in contact with it – or worse letting April get in contact with it – Effie stepped back and almost fell over. It was lucky one side of the L-shaped couch was pushed against the window because her back hit the glass instead of her simply tipping over.

Haymitch had finally managed to get a hold on the dog by that point and he started wrestling the dead thing from his mouth.

“Drop this now.” he warned in a low serious voice. Snowball growled a little, stubbornly staring back. “I’m so not in the mood for this. Drop. It. Now.” How long had this been going on? The dog let out another annoyed growl and got a small warning whack on the nose for his trouble. “Drop it.”

“Snowball, drop this disgusting thing now or I swear.” she snapped.

The dog looked at her, whined and – miracle of all miracles – dropped the dead rabbit.

On the couch.

Effie climbed down and moved to the other end of the room, next to the bookshelves, hiding behind one of the armchairs.

“Good boy.” Haymitch acknowledged, pointing at the dog’s bed. “Now down. We said we would never bring dead things to Effie, remember? That trick was supposed to be for Katniss only.”

Effie pursed her lips, really not pleased. “Have you been training my puppy to hunt, Haymitch?”

“Haven’t been training him to do shit, Princess.” he scoffed. “He’s a dog. He sees rabbits and squirrels dashing past him in the woods, he chases them. Sometimes he catches them. I give them to the girl before you can freak.”

“So why is there a dead rabbit on my couch?” she hissed, cradling the back of April’s head in her hand. Their daughter hadn’t exactly liked all the commotion. She wasn’t crying but she didn’t look happy either.

“Got distracted.” he grumbled, clearly irritated.

He plucked a rolled-up newspaper from the pocket of his coat and tossed it on the armchair she was hiding behind before disposing of the rabbit. She dearly hoped he also intended to disinfect the couch. Ideally she would have burned it and replaced it but couches were hard to come by in Twelve.

She waited until the dead thing was gone – and if there was rabbit stew tonight she would gladly not think about how it ended up on her plate – before reaching for the newspaper. It was Twelve’s local one.

‘Another Abernathy Baby On The Way?’ screamed the headline.

She let out a small unsurprised sigh, skimming through the accompanying article. It was compiling rumors, some sightings of her with an open coat, mainly at the Clarkes’ coffee shop, and their frequent visits to the clinic.

“Have you noticed how slower our private news hit the press when Plutarch isn’t made aware?” she asked when Haymitch came back, lacking his coat and scarf, sleeves rolled up – hopefully because he had just washed his hands. Perhaps it was a bit unfair of her to think so because the former Head Gamemaker was always happy to help when they asked for a favor but she couldn’t help but think the man put his interests first and theirs later. “We lasted four months. We knew we would not be able to hide it forever.”

“I know.” he granted, running a hand through his hair. “Just… Today’s supposed to be happy. Wasn’t exactly ready for Sae to corner me at the Hob and ask me if it was true.”

Effie made a sympathetic face, knowing how much he hated feeling trapped like that. She handed April over when he outstretched his arms and went straight to the kitchen, wondering how best to clean the couch. Haymitch followed her, making their daughter bounce a little, his annoyance softening at her delighted sounds.

“If it is in Twelve’s newspaper today, it will be public knowledge by the end of the day.” she pointed out, crouching in front of the cupboard under the sink with some difficulties.

“Don’t do that.” he grumbled, trying to haul her up with his free hand. “Here, take the baby and tell me what you want…” She waved him off. She was already there anyway. She grabbed a few products and gripped the edge of the counter to stand up, immediately placing a hand on her stomach when she was back on her feet. This baby didn’t like exercise much, she had noticed. Haymitch was studying her with rapt attention. “Shouldn’t overdo it.”

“I am not overdoing it.” she protested. “I spent the whole morning lounging on the couch.”

If it had been left to her she would have been doing things while April was busy playing with her toys. The laundry for instance, that she had put on the backburner for days and that was now threatening to become unmanageable. But her body warned her she needed rest and so she rested.

Haymitch didn’t really look happy but she suspected he wouldn’t be happy with much that day. He hated it when their private life was dragged on print for everyone to read, it was the reason he had been so angry about Katniss publishing those remembrance books to begin with. She wasn’t any more thrilled about it but she had grown up expecting it so… It was sad how used to it she was.

“I’m surprised Plutarch didn’t call yet.” he grumbled, distractedly poking the cartoonish dancing bear on April’s soft woolen sweater.

“Oh, I am sure he will call tomorrow to congratulate us once everyone in Panem knows and apologize he wasn’t able to sit on the news any longer.” she snorted. “We should confirm it and then refuse to comment further. It will be a week or so before they move on. Us getting married and having babies is old news now.”

She winked at him, eyes sparkling in mischief.

“Yeah… Probably boring to them.” he smirked, leaning in to steal a kiss when she walked past him to the living-room.

She pecked his lips willingly enough. “I wouldn’t exchange our boring life for anything else.”

“Got enough excitement back in the days.” he sighed and dropped on the couch, far from the place contaminated with dead rabbit germs. Snowball lifted his head when she walked past him but she ignored the dog, not keen on rewarding the kind of behavior that involved him bringing her dead animals. “Still think it’s a boy?”

There was a small hint of teasing in his voice and she grinned before starting to disinfect the couch, not even taking offense. “I am ninety-nine percent certain it is a boy. I told you. I have this feeling.”

“How come you had no feeling whatsoever for April?” he snorted. “’Cause that would have been helpful.”

She paused in her scrubbing to purse her lips, avoiding his gaze. “I was too afraid to lose her.” That put an end to his teasing quickly but she hadn’t really meant to damper the mood so she forced herself to smile and add a cheer to her voice. “We should probably start discussing names, you know.”

“Good thing is… If it’s a boy, we’re covered.” he answered, wrapping his arms protectively around April when she curled up against his chest. “If it’s a girl we’re back to name hunting…”

“You still want Aidan for a boy?” she asked, her gaze darting to the baby falling asleep against him. “It was meant for her originally… I wouldn’t want her to find out one day and think we replaced her with her sibling because…”

“Sweetheart… We ain’t about to toss the shrimp to the streets.” he said gently but with that hint of amusement that told her he thought she was being ridiculous. “We like the name… If it’s a boy, I don’t see the harm. It’s not like we want a boy so bad just to call him Aidan. Besides, we’ve still got a ton of stuff in the attic you said was too boyish and half of it is branded with that name so…”

She straightened up, giving up on the cleaning, and placed her hands on her hips, lips pursed. “It should not be about it being convenient.”

He rolled his eyes, automatically lowering his voice when he realized April had fallen asleep. “Do you like Aidan?”

“Well… Yes.” she admitted.

“Do you like another name better for a boy?” he insisted knowingly. “For our son?”

She mulled that over for a few seconds and then surrendered. “No.” A grin stretched her lips and she sat down, snatching the stuffed elephant and hugging it close to her chest before she could help herself. “Our son.”

“Wait for the ultrasound.” he chuckled with unabashed amusement. “What if it’s another girl? You want a boy that bad?”

“I do not want a boy, I know this baby is a boy.” she argued, hugging the elephant tighter. “And if I am mistaken… Obviously I would not mind as long as she is healthy.” She ducked her head a little to hide her smile because it was so manic it was starting to hurt. “I still cannot believe we are having another one sometimes. I am… Oh, I am so happy, Haymitch…”

She might not have been over the moon at first but now…

“I’m happy too, sweetheart.” he confessed, tenderly combing April’s hair with his fingers. “More than I ever thought I could be.”

Effie climbed on the couch and curled up into his side, resting one hand on her stomach and the other on their daughter. “If it is another girl, we will find her a pretty name… Just like her sister.” That word made her grin again. Sister. “They will have a great relationship, won’t they? We won’t make any difference between them. I want them to be close. Not like Lyssa and I.”

“I was close with my brother.” Haymitch offered after a short silence. “He… He was a pain most days but… Yeah… We were close.” He cleared his throat. “Whatever Larcher tells us it is, we should plan for another name just in case it’s another surprise.”

“I agree.” she hummed quietly. Snowball uncertainly padded over, silently placing his head on Haymitch’s knee, his dark eyes all pleading. Effie sighed. “Yes, you are still my pretty baby. Even if you are also a disgusting one.”

The dog barked joyfully and jumped on the couch with them, eager to get his cuddle from Effie – and yet always somehow careful not to hit her in the stomach, it was uncanny how he seemed to know. She struggled to keep his head away from her face, not keen on being licked by a tongue that had been in contact with dead game.

Lunch was a quiet affair, mostly because Effie was so excited for the upcoming appointment that she could barely focus on anything else. She fed April her mashed carrots and tried not to get any on herself – a feat when her daughter had decided she didn’t like something – grumbling at the way Haymitch laughed at her. It was annoying to her that he had seemed so much more adept at feeding her from the start. Feeding her child was supposed to be her job.

Except she wasn’t able to feed herself properly most days so… If it had been left to her, she would have survived on take-away, crackers and fruits. Instead, she ate the roast leftovers from the previous night and it was still just as good as she remembered. Haymitch muttered that she was being stupid when she mentioned it – because somehow his ability to cook seemed to be a point of embarrassment instead of pride.

She had just put April down for her nap when Katniss showed up, nose and cheeks red from the cold, the woolen hat Effie had knitted for her pulled low on her head to cover her ears.

“Wrap up.” the girl advised her. “It’s freezing.”

“Smells like snow outside.” Haymitch confirmed, glancing through the window.

The joy of winter in Twelve, Effie thought but didn’t voice, while Katniss and Haymitch started a debate about smelling versus feeling snow. She was fidgeting so much that Haymitch eventually rolled his eyes and stood up, suggesting they went ahead even if they were half an hour early before she could burst from excitement.

She glared at him but jumped on the offer, taking five minutes to shoot out a list of recommendations Katniss didn’t really need by now. The girl might not be fond of babies but she had learned to babysit well enough.

And in any case, they should be back before April woke up from her nap. It wouldn’t take that long.

At Haymitch’s insistence, she made sure her green coat was buttoned all the way up. She let him adjust her pink scarf and hat while she pulled on her gloves, refusing to comment on the quirk of his mouth that meant he was finding the color mix ridiculous. Bundled up as warmly as she was going to get, they set off for the clinic.

The weather was bad and there weren’t many people out but the few they saw left no doubt as to how popular that rumor about her pregnancy had become. A few of them greeted them with a  nod or a word, others just stared rudely as they were in a habit to do in her presence… When Haymitch was at her side, she didn’t have to worry about insults or anything getting out of hand, he was too impressive for anyone to try it. But still… It felt to her as if everyone looked at her stomach at least once.

They must have been disappointed because the coat hid everything.

“Can we make a quick stop at the coffee shop on our way back?” Effie hummed. “I promised Eileen I would tell her how it went right away and I wouldn’t mind one of those hot chocolate with whipped cream she makes.”

“Sure.” he shrugged. “Wouldn’t mind one of those pumpkin drinks myself.”

“It’s a date, then.” she purred.

He smirked and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. It wasn’t the most practical to walk with her stomach starting to get in the way but she melted into his side anyway.

The moment they stepped into the clinic’s waiting area, every pair of eyes in the place turned to them. It seemed to be a slow day, fortunately. A couple of elderly people, a woman and a man who all stared at them with curiosity and, in some cases, reprobation. She was strongly reminded of Clay but Haymitch led her to a seat before her hands could truly start shaking, mumbling at her to sit down while he checked with the nurse at the front desk. Nobody called her out and nobody made a scene. When she accidentally met the old man’s gaze, he nodded once. It was a little stiff but it was also polite so she smiled in answer and quickly averted her eyes.

She took off her hat and patted her hair, not deluded enough to think it still looked presentable with all the humidity in the air and a trip under a hat. Surely enough, the blond curls seemed out of control under her palm. She tousled them a little, hoping it didn’t look as wild as it felt.

Haymitch’s gaze when he walked back to her said it all though. His grey eyes had darkened a little with a familiar hunger that told her the curls were completely out of control. It drove him mad with lust when it looked like that.

“Won’t be long.” he said.

She drummed her fingers on her thigh nervously until he covered her hand with his. She turned it so their palms could slid together and she entwined their fingers. After they had stopped at the Clarkes’, maybe they could stop at the toy store. She wanted to buy something for their jellyfish. Her mother had sent things as soon as she had told her naturally, for the new baby as well as for April, and the children had bought a darling little romper… But she and Haymitch had yet to buy anything specifically for the new baby. A stuffed toy, she decided. She would buy him a stuffed toy. A white bear, maybe. A very soft one…

“We should paint the nursery blue.” she hummed, her mind jumping to the white bear she wanted to buy to decoration matters. “We could keep Peeta’s drawing and paint underneath and over it.”

“So, April’s room’s gonna be pink and the baby’s room’s gonna be blue?” he snorted. “What happened to gender neutral colors?”

She pursed her lips. “I got bored with yellow. And it does not suit me at all. I look ill in a yellow room.”

“The kitchen’s yellow.” he pointed out.

Unwisely, in her opinion.              

“I will take that into consideration when we go buy paint.” she declared.

He rolled his eyes. “Maybe it’s a girl.”

“It’s not.” she protested, shaking her head.

He was mostly arguing to tease her, she figured. He was annoying like that.

The nurse had barely finished calling Mrs Abernathy when she shot out of her chair. The woman chuckled at her impatience as she settled them in the examination room but Effie didn’t mind. She didn’t even mind the white walls or the distinctive smell of disinfectant.

She barely even answered Doctor Larcher’s greetings properly when he entered the room, her eyes glued to the ultrasound machine. Haymitch was clearly dying to mock her but was good enough to keep himself in check. Besides, he looked a little impatient too.

Small talk was quickly put out of the way when the doctor instructed her to lift her sweater and unbutton her pants so he could have access to her stomach. She flinched a little because the gel was cold and Haymitch grabbed her hand, maybe mistaking that for a sign of an incoming panic attack.

She was doing well though.

She just wanted to see her baby.

“Did you notice anything unusual or is there anything you would like to ask me?” Larcher asked distractedly, as he tinkered with the machine to turn it on.  

“Not really, no.” she dismissed. “I finally stopped feeling sick in the afternoon and I do not get any dizzying spell anymore.”

“That’s very good.” the doctor smiled.

“Hormones are up the roof.” Haymitch muttered and shrugged innocently when she glared at him.

“That’s to be expected.” Larcher chuckled. “Now… Let’s see if we can tell what we will be having…” He shot them a guilty look. “Accurately this time.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” he deadpanned.

She squeezed his hand to warn him not to spoil the moment. It took almost a whole minute for Larcher to find the right spot and the doctor was frowning by the time he located the baby. Effie breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him appear on the screen, not paying attention to anything but to the tiny baby moving in her belly.

“Here you are…” she whispered. “Look, Haymitch…”

“I see.” he smirked, just as enthralled by the sight as she was. Larcher pushed a button and the sound of a strong and steady heartbeat filled the room, bringing tears to her eyes. Haymitch’s smirk grew wider until it blossomed into a real smile. “So? Can you tell if it’s a boy? ‘Cause we’ve got a bet going…”

Larcher took a while to answer, moving the probe lower on her stomach, then to the right and the left.

Effie finally noticed the frown.

At the same time Haymitch did.

“What’s wrong?” they asked as one.

“Is it the baby?” she worried, a lump in her throat. “Is something wrong?”

“The baby is fine.” Larcher said in a firm reassuring voice. “The heartbeat is strong and he’s growing well. A bit small but April was small too so that isn’t worrying.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Haymitch insisted, squeezing her fingers so hard it hurt. She almost didn’t notice.

The doctor hesitated, moving the probe again until the baby was front and center. “Did you lose blood at all, Effie? Even a few drops?”

“No.” she denied at once, barely comforted by the thought her baby was fine. Something was wrong, it was plain to see and it might affect her child. It might… “I would have called you.”

She had lost blood with April, at the beginning, but not this time… The worst she had had this time was a few cramps that weren’t even so terrible… And she had had them with April too so, surely, there were no reasons to worry? Upset stomachs were to be expected. It was in every pregnancy book.  

“Alright.” the doctor said calmly. “First thing first… The baby is doing well. I don’t want you to worry.” They exchanged a look and they didn’t even bother to pretend not to be worried for the other’s sake. Larcher cleared his throat, bringing their attention back to him. “It is a boy. No false positive this time, look… Here are the fingers and toes… And here is the penis… No tiny hands in wrong places.”

He pointed out everything in turn and Effie relaxed a little despite everything.

“Our son.” she breathed out, smiling up at Haymitch.

Haymitch wasn’t smiling though. He was barely looking at the screen. His attention was on the doctor.

“If it’s not the baby, then it’s Effie.” he said, his voice clipped with anxiety. “Tell me what’s wrong. Now.”

Larcher slowly placed the probe back on its cradle. “There’s no need to panic, Haymitch. Effie, I will have a nurse settle you in a private room. We will run some tests and I will examine you, alright? Haymitch, maybe you should go get a coffee while we…”

“No.” she protested, coiling her free hand around his wrist, clinging to his fingers. She looked up at him, eyes wide and frightened, making an effort to keep her breathing under control. “Don’t leave me.”

“Believe me, sweetheart, it would take an army to keep me away.” he spat, covering her other hand with his free one. He was glaring at the doctor now and maybe it was unfair because it wasn’t Larcher’s fault but she couldn’t even begin to tell him off. It was… “What’s wrong with her?”

“Please, try to remain calm.” the doctor requested. “We won’t know for sure until…

“What is wrong with me?” she snapped, raising her voice loud enough to be heard in the hallway probably. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “My apologies. I…”

“The placenta is very low.” Larcher cut her off, dismissing her apologies with a wave of his hand. He didn’t look offended, just worried. “It might be nothing, it might be something. We need to make sure for your safety and the baby’s.”

“Is that really bad?” Haymitch asked, nervously licking his lips.

The doctor’s face said it all.

[harshalyallewar]

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Add CommentPromoted by Hostinger.inWhich are the best and cheapest hosting for WordPress with good resources in India?

Darius Grigorjevas

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Aseem Chandna

, Blogger and Online Entrepreneur

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Footnotes

[1]

Best Web Hosting Services In 2021

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Prahlad

, Blogger

Answered February 1

As we Know in India most of the Companies is providing the cheap web hosting, but it is most important for one to choose the perfect best Web hosting for their Website.

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Web Tech Preneur

, Web Hosting Adviser & Reviewer

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Stella Joseph

, Blogger

Answered April 7, 2020

Originally Answered:

What are the best affordable Indian web hosting companies?

Web hosting has become prevalent as businesses want to connect with customers who have access to smartphones and other devices. A website conveys information about the products and services of the enterprises while customers also search on the internet to find the relevant products or services. Besides this, a website can also become the interactive platform with live chat-bot and online customer service. It provides contact information of the businesses. To create a web presence, the enterprises need to hire web

[wednesday-editorials]

Destiny 2: Faction Rallies, Forsaken and Disasters in 3, Oh My...

Saturday, June 9th 2018

Written by: A Curious Wednesday

When it comes to Destiny 2, growing pains have become expected.  In a game with more potential than a designated hitter can swing at, this is ultimately very frustrating.  With the arrival of Season 3 of D2 and the announcement of Forsaken, the trend of uneasiness continues.  In a previous post, I talked about my concerns for Warmind, something that any narrative driven player can relate to.

To briefly recap:  the story aspects of Warmind are abysmal at best.  You get 5 story missions that introduce you to a new NPC and two new villains.  We (wrongfully) assumed that the new host of characters would be properly developed.  Ana Bray, for instance, is a legendary guardian who’d been MIA since Crota and Luna, I believe.  During that pitched battle, she fired her golden gun with such focused power and will that the light from it lingers still.  That battle was supposed to have happened centuries ago. She also has connections to Clovis Bray and is, perhaps, the premiere Gunslinger.  Even better than Cayde-6, whom like her, is an original Risen. Now, this is never really conveyed in those 5 missions. None of her legendary feats are ever really mentioned.  She’s essentially relegated to a throw-away NPC and Vendor.

Compiling this problem, Zavala, the leader of the Vanguard and Consensus is not developed any further.  Instead, he continues to be pigeon-holed as “Den Mother” to all guardians. All you need to do to confirm this, is speak with any of Destiny’s fanbase.  Most, if not all, will agree that Zavala is everyone’s overprotective mommy.

When it comes to the two new characters, both are abused and mistreated.  Nokris has soo much story potential.  He is the exiled son of Oryx and the runt of his brood.  He’s the smart one. A necromancer (possibly a male wizard), which is a rarity amongst the Hive/Krill.  He attempted to usurp his father’s power and place as king and failed. His co-conspirator, Xol (a worm god, a being of unimaginable power, eternal life and knowledge) is essentially defeated as a strike boss, which is an insult and disservice to Xol and the grandeur that is supposed to be the “Worm Gods”.  In fact, both are ultimately just strike bosses. Beating either during the campaign is unfulfilling. Being sent to the Deep by Xol is a joke and possibly the greatest offense for me.

So, with things on the narrative side of the spectrum so weak and lacking, you’d hope that Bungie would make the new season’s Faction Rally topnotch.  Personally, I don’t mind the “Renown” mechanic in principle. During the grind to faction rank 50, it adds to the challenge. However, the vehicle for this delivery is problematic.  By skewing each firefight in favor of the AI whenever a player has active “Renown” it has ended up making every open-world activity more difficult than it should be. With the arrival of Escalation Protocol, this oversight becomes glaringly apparent.  Escalation Protocol is a new feature and endgame mode where you join up with other guardians to take on wave after wave of Hive opponents in increasing difficulty. Ideally, 3 level-capped. 385 light-level guardians should be able to complete all waves if they can communicate and work together.

In practice, it’s usually one fireteam that sparks it once they notice 3 or more random guardians patrolling the Hellas Basin.  Since all guardians need to complete Escalation Protocol waves (a least once), any available guardian generally comes running when EP is activated.  Currently, this means that 1 team ends up trying to complete an EP with underpowered guardians, culminating in failure and frustration.  With the arrival of the first Faction Rally this season and the release of “Renown” its made an already challenging open-world event more difficult, by further handicapping the player in favor of the AI-controlled enemy.

The trend of handicapping the player to up the difficulty is nothing new.  Its an established procedure carried over from Destiny.  Any time you enter a darkness zone (iow “Boss fight”), for instance, you are effectively de-buffed, weakened by the overwhelming presence of Darkness and cut-off from the Traveler’s Light. You’re left with your own strength and light to see you and your team through.  Why does this happen?  Perhaps, each of these areas are influenced by the taint of Darkness to such an extent that it manifests physically.  At least, that is how I like to think of it. As it adds a narrative reason for the game mechanic. 

However, by further handicapping the player, it ultimately diminishes the feeling of grandeur and heroicness that you’d normally experienced as a maxed-out, veteran guardian (player).  Destiny did a good job of preserving that feeling of being a walking, talking badass.  You were/are the prophesied guardian. The one Saint-14 looked up to, perhaps even idolized.  You were the one that did what no other guardian could do. And, if you were capable and competent, you did it alone.

Destiny 2 does a great job of stripping you of that feeling, making the overall experience occasionally frustrating and lackluster.  The grind to rank-level 50 is long enough and made worse by the fact that some of us have limited time to invest in D2′s grind.  Now, here’s where the two schools of thought diverge. School 1) everyone should have access to and the ability to get everything, so you must level the playing field; School 2) only the dedicated should get everything since they put in the time, effort and hardwork.  I, myself, fall into the second camp or a variation of it.

I believe the unexpected problem that is “Renown” could be fixed by tying the effect to a faction’s emblem, class item or both and enabling factions to recruit and have relevance all year around, like they were in Destiny.  Thereby, turning Faction Rallies into something special and unique.  Something on par with Crimson Days, Festival of the Lost, Sparrow Racing League and the Winter Solstice event.  Perhaps, each faction, dependent upon their beliefs structure needs to accomplish something significant.   Perhaps, its a month long competition for bragging rights and something else.  Something more.  Something like supremacy or even, just something as simple as which faction gets the lion’s share of funding for the rest of the fiscal quarter. 

In Destiny, factions were always relevant.  As soon as you reached level 20, you were allowed your choice of which faction to pledge to, and you could, after a week, decide to pledge your loyalty to a different faction.  Rank progress was limited and constricted. You had to work to progress through the rank levels in Destiny.  You had to represent your chosen faction on your guardian.  As the benefits of pledging to a faction were only available when you, the player, equipped a faction-specific class item and/or emblem.

Once you did that, it was an uphill slog to those coveted exotic items.  Uphill, but worthwhile. Like many of the more obscure features of Destiny, you were rewarded for the time you put into it.  It wasn’t gifted to you; you earned it. There was no time limit.  Thus negating the feeling of artificial pressure. It didn’t matter how long it took you to get those coveted items as long as you were willing to put in the work to get them.  It took me 2 years or so to get Dead Orbit’s exotic cloak.  I didn’t mind the wait.  I also didn’t stick with Dead Orbit exclusively.  A more dedicated player would have gotten that item and others much faster.

In Destiny 2, this psychological/societal feature is not present.  It’s almost as if the Vanguard took pity on those surviving guardians of the Red War.  As if they became Oprah during her final season of her talk show: “you get an exotic! You get an exotic!”  “You get raid gear!” “You get trial gear!” This analogy can be and has been applied to Hawthorne.  I imagine this is what Hawthorne would shout in her best Oprah impression as she tossed out specially encrypted engrams to the throngs of clamoring guardians with their hands out.

Of course, I know better than to believe that fantasy.  There’s no narrative reason for these decisions. There’s no real narrative pull for participating in the Faction Rallies to begin with.  There is for Strikes, the Crucible and the Iron Banner. Strikes, from a narrative perspective are high-level, precision operations that makes assassins out of you.  In order to protect the remnants of humanity from Darkness. The Crucible, on the other hand, is a way to hone your skills and abilities; to sharpen you. It also serves as a way to resolve grievances.  Nothing like a sanctioned fight to the death, to prove your point.  “Fight me for what you believe!” The Iron Banner honors the fallen Iron Lords thru glorious gladiatorial combat and serves to further hone your abilities and skills. Of course, the Iron Banner is also not what it used to be.  Now that level-advantage is disabled, it's no different from the Crucible. This is too bad, because the added difficulty made participating in previous iterations of the IB savoring. It gave rise to water-cooler moments and bragging rights.

The concept of Faction Rallies overall is neat.  However, in practice there’s nothing special about them.  The weapons you can claim are ultimately reskinned versions of likely superior Vanguard and Crucible weapons.  There is no meaningful choice behind siding with a particular faction. Arach Jalaal of Dead Orbit raves about escaping a defined end and little else.  Lakshmi-2 of Future War Cult raves about the inescapability of war and how we all need to prepare for it. Executor Hideo of New Monarchy is obsessed with protecting and preserving humanity’s cradle, Earth.  Beyond some ambient dialogue you might chance upon by standing before each vendor, there is no way to know what each faction stands for or why you should care. The experience has devolved into a loot-grab for the shiniest prizes.  Oftentimes, this means that New Monarchy wins each faction rally because their armor, vehicles and weapons are the most appealing.

For those of us who know what each faction stands for, this is a deathknell of sorts.  I, myself, am a Dead Orbit loyalist. I could be accused of being a fatalist, but by that notion, so too are the Fallen/Eliksni.  They abandoned their homeworld after the Whirlwind, just like Dead Orbit and Arach Jalaal want to do. That is something I agree with.  In Destiny, it was why all three of my guardians sided with DO.  I’ve always distrusted the Traveler. It brought ultimate war and destruction to our doorstep.  Through the usage of the former grimoires I learned that it did similarly to the Fallen and Cabal.  When those two species/peoples could no longer protect it, the Traveler fled. Abandoned those people to their fates.  Dead Orbit believes the Traveler will do that to us, should the time come. I agree. So, they’ve prepared a fleet of ships and supplies.  They fund scouts to search out our galaxy for a home untouched by the Darkness and Traveler. And while, each faction acts with the best interest of humanity in mind, DO is the only one pragmatic enough to plan long-term and realize the survival of our species.

Future War Cult are, in some ways, battle-crazed zealots.  Fanatics that believe crushing their enemies here, now and in the future is the only guarantee for victory.  I consider that to be short-sighted, but still a noble cause. They don’t wish to abandon earth any more than New Monarchy does, but they are willing to if it means our survival.  They also have ties to the Vex and some misunderstood, wonky machine monikered, “The Device” that allows individuals to glimpse future, alternate timelines.  It’s how they prepare for the wars to come. They prepare, though, which is a key difference. They don’t try to avoid those future conflicts.

New Monarchy, on the other hand is the most obstinate.  They are not interested in entertaining a future where humanity no longer resides on earth or in the Sol system.  They are not interested in a governing council. They are not interested in exploration, but rather, reclamation. Their shtick is reclaiming what was lost.  Reclaim the Earth and Luna. Reclaim the Golden Age. Reclaim Earth’s dominance. Sire tons of children to build up our population numbers. They are interested in the absolute power, authority and rule of one individual.  Executor Hideo is a zealot. A diehard. It’s the only way to become an Executor.

Again, without having prior experience, how many of you would know all of this about each faction?  All you’d readily know is that NM offers armor reminiscent of medieval regalia and bold colors of red, gold, brown and teal-green.  DO offers armor reminiscent to what you’d scavenge in the wild. Something homemade. Its weathered, worn. It’s got miles on it. History.  Their colors are black, white and brown. FWC provides modern, mass-produced armor that strikes a balance between full-plate protection and padding (think “kevlar”).  Theirs is a further balance between the grandiose of New Monarchy and the practicality of Dead Orbit. FWC believes in standing out. Therefore, their colors are white, purple/blue and gold/orange.  This all means that when choosing who to represent, its really a matter of what look you’re going for with your barbie. Maybe, just maybe, one faction has a weapon that is superior to the rest.  And that influences your decision.

I’m all for glamorizing my guardian on occasion or when the mood strikes me, but overall, I’m driven by the narrative.  Wherever I can find it.  It’s why I originally sided with Dead Orbit 4 years ago. It’s why I’m so crestfallen about the state of Destiny 2.  Why I’m so apprehensive about Forsaken.  If you logically think about it, Bungie has likely already finished working on Forsaken.  They’d already finished Warmind by the time they called their “summit”.  Which meant that there was no fixing Warmind, further exacerbating the underlying issues plaguing Destiny 2.  Issues that many have already brought up via Youtube channel hosts.  The likes of My Name is Byf, Mylien Games, Darkside Royalty Lore have all articulated similar points better than I could have.  

Forsaken, undoubtedly, will probably be better than everything prior to it.  The Taken King elevated Destiny to a new level.  It delivered on some of the promises that had until then been cast aside.  Therefore, its an educated leap that the same will be true of Forsaken. Nevertheless, if the underlying narrative problems aren’t rectified, it’ll ultimately be a hollow victory.  Again, take this season’s Faction Rally as an indication. The “Renown” mechanic sounds like a good idea. It could have been a good idea. The Good Idea Fairy would agree. This, is, however, why we don’t acknowledge “good ideas”.  In order for a good idea to be implemented properly, it needs to be tested and tested and measured and reigned in by the physicalities of the circumstances. This is why you only deliver on things you can promise.

By stripping D2 bare in the 11th hour and starting anew, they threw away too much to make way for a different direction.  A disastrous direction that they are now scrambling to retract. All the features that Forsaken is adding back in, should never have been removed in the first place.  To charge for it is narcissistic at best. If you have doubts, look to this month’s Faction Rally and last month’s Iron Banner (the one about that emote.).  Exotic ornaments and catalysts are available dependent upon which faction you choose to pledge to. However, you can only pledge to one. Meaning, if you want them all, you must grind to 50 in each faction ranking system before the Rally event ends.  The decision isn’t based upon a narrative reason. It isn’t based upon which faction best suites you. Its based upon the loot offered. If you’ve got a busy life and can only hop into Destiny late at night or on the weekends, you’re s.o.l. Bungie attempted to fix this by making loot rewards from all activities available to all, regardless if said player contributed or not.  That didn’t work out well. The playerbase decried this practice. So it was rescinded in the form of a compromise: instead of getting high-level engrams from anywhere, you’re now only rewarded high-level engrams from either the Vanguard or Crucible engram pool.

Previous iterations of the Faction Rally had systems similar to this rally’s “Renown”, skewing combat in the the favor of the enemy and penalizing idiotic player practices.  Those proved unsuccessful as well, which is why they were removed. Like the Dodo, “Renown” will likely disappear as well. It will be replaced with some other, newer good idea that will ultimately not pan out as intended and the cycle will continue.  Until Destiny 3, where Bungie gives up on their plans of creating a new sub-genre: MMORPG-based FPS and settles on a Call of Duty clone/knockoff/lesser version.  Except instead of the “good” CoDs, it’ll be Black Ops IV with no narrative or campaign, entirely multiplayer and group-content driven.  Does anyone remember Shadownrun?  How can I predict this? Bad things happen in 3s. We’ll experience some other, new Faction Rally system and gimmick before Bungie gives up on that and attempts to circle back to D1 standards for factions, by which point it may be too late.

[wizcorp]

Unite 2018 report

Introduction

A few Wizcorp engineers participated in Unite Tokyo 2018 in order to learn more about the future of Unity and how to use it for our future projects. Unite Tokyo is a 3-day event held by Unity in different major cities, including Seoul, San Francisco and Tokyo. It takes the form of conferences made by various Unity employees around the globe, where they give an insight on some existing or future technologies and teach people about them. You can find more information about Unite here.

In retrospective, here is a summary of what we’ve learned or found exciting, and that could be useful for the future of Wizcorp.

Introduction first day

The presentation on ProBuilder was very interesting. It showed how to quickly make levels in a way similar to Tomb Raider for example. You can use blocks, slopes, snap them to grid, quickly add prefabs inside and test all without leaving the editor, speeding up the development process tremendously.

They made a presentation on ShaderGraph. You may already be aware about it, but in case you’re not, it’s worth checking it out.

They talked about the lightweight pipeline, which provides a new modular architecture to Unity, in the goal of getting it to run on smaller devices. In our case, that means that we could get a web app in something as little as 72 kilobytes! If it delivers as expected (end of 2018), it may seriously compromise the need to stick to web technologies.

They showed a playable web ad that loads and plays within one second over wifi. It then drives the player to the App Store. They think that this is a better way to advertise your game.

They have a new tool set for the automotive industry, allowing to make very good looking simulations with models from real cars.

They are making Unity Hack Week events around the globe. Check that out if you are not aware about it.

They introduced the Burst compiler, which aims to take advantage of the multi-core processors and generates code with math and vector floating point units in mind, optimizing for the target hardware and providing substantial runtime performance improvements.

They presented improvements in the field of AR, typically with a game that is playing on a sheet that you’re holding on your hand.

Anime-style rendering

They presented the processes that they use in Unity to approach as close as possible Anime style rendering, and the result was very interesting. Nothing is rocket science though, it includes mostly effects that you would use in other games, such as full screen distortion, blur, bloom, synthesis on an HDR buffer, cloud shading, a weather system through usage of fog, skybox color config and fiddling with the character lighting volume.

Optimization of mobile games by Bandai Namco

In Idolmaster, a typical stage scene has 15k polygons only, and a character has a little more than that. They make the whole stage texture fit on a 1024x1024 texture for performance.

For post processing, they have DoF, bloom, blur, flare and 1280x720 as a reference resolution (with MSAA).

The project was started as an experiment in April of 2016, then was started officially in January of 2017, then released on June 29th of the same year.

They mentioned taking care about minimizing draw calls, calls to SetPassCall(DrawCall).

They use texture atlases with index vertex buffers to reduce memory and include performance.

They used the snapdragon profiler to optimise for the target platforms. They would use an approach where they try, improve, try again and then stop when it’s good enough.

One of the big challenges was to have lives with 13 people (lots of polys / info).

Unity profiling and performance improvements

This presentation was made by someone who audits commercial games and gives them support on how to improve the performance or fix bugs.

http://github.com/MarkUnity/AssetAuditor

Mipmaps add 33% to texture size, try to avoid.

Enabling read/write in a texture asset always adds 50% to the texture size since it needs to remain in main memory. Same for meshes.

Vertex compression (in player settings) just uses half precision floating points for vertices.

Play with animation compression settings.

ETC Crunch textures are decrunched on the CPU, so be careful about the additional load.

Beware about animation culling: when offscreen, culled animations will not be processed (like disabled), and with non-deterministic animations this means that if disabled, when it’s enabled again, it will have to be computed for all the time where it was disabled, which may create a huge CPU peak (can happen when disabling and then re-enabling an object too).

Presentation of Little Champions

Looks like a nice game.

Was started on Unity 5.x and was then ported on to Unity 2017.x.

They do their own custom physics processes, by using WaitForFixedUpdate from within FixedUpdate. The OnTriggerXXX and OnCollisionXXX handlers are called afterwards.

They have a very nice level editor for iPad that they used during development. They say it was the key to creating nice puzzle levels, to test them quickly, fix and try again, all from the final device where the game is going to be run on.

Machine learning

A very interesting presentation that showed how to teach a computer to play a simple Wipeout clone. It was probably the simplest you could get it (since you only play left or right, and look out for walls using 8 ray casts.

I can enthusiastically suggest that you read about machine learning yourself, since there’s not really room for a full explanation of the concepts approached there in this small article. But the presenter was excellent.

Some concepts:

You have two training methods: one is reinforcement learning (where you learn through rewards, trial and error, super-speed simulation, so that the agent becomes “mathematically optimal” at task) and one is imitation learning (like humans, learning through demonstrations, without rewards, requiring real-time interaction).

You can also use cooperative agents (one brain -- the teacher, and two agents -- like players, or hands -- playing together towards a given goal).

Learning environment: Agent <- Brain <- Academy <- Tensorflow (for training AIs).

Timeline

Timeline is a plugin for Unity that is designed to create animations that manipulate the entire scene based on time, a bit like Adobe Premiere™.

It consists of tracks, with clips which animate properties (a bit like the default animation system). It’s very similar but adds a lot of features that are more aimed towards creating movies (typically for cut scenes). For example, animations can blend among each other.

The demo he showed us was very interesting, it used it to create a RTS game entirely.

Every section would be scripted (reaction of enemies, cut scenes, etc.) and using conditions the track head would move and execute the appropriate section of scripted gameplay.

He also showed a visual novel like system (where input was waited on to proceed forward).

He also showed a space shooter. The movement and patterns of bullet, enemies, then waves and full levels would be made into tracks, and those tracks would be combined at the appropriate hierarchical level.

Ideas of use for Timeline: rhythm game, endless runner, …

On a personal note I like his idea: he gave himself one week to try creating a game using as much as possible this technology so that he could see what it’s worth.

What was interesting (and hard to summarize in a few lines here, but I recommend checking it out) is that he uses Timeline alternatively to dictate the gameplay and sometimes for the opposite. Used wisely it can be a great game design tool, to quickly build a prototype.

Timeline is able to instantiate objects, read scriptable objects and is very extensible.

It’s also used for programmers or game designers to quickly create the “scaffoldings” of a scene and give that to the artists and designers, instead of having them to guess how long each clip should take, etc.

Another interesting feature of Timeline is the ability to start or resume at any point very easily. Very handy in the case of the space shooter to test difficulty and level transitions for instance.

Suggest downloading “Default Playables” in the Asset Store to get started with Timeline.

Cygames: about optimization for mid-range devices

Features they used

Sun shaft

Lens flare (with the use of the Unity collision feature for determining occlusion, and it was a challenge to set colliders properly on all appropriate objects, including for example the fingers of a hand)

Tilt shift (not very convincing, just using the depth information to blur in post processing)

Toon rendering

They rewrote the lighting pipeline rendering entirely and compacted various maps (like the normal map) in the environment maps.

They presented where ETC2 is appropriate over ETC, which is basically that it reduces color banding, but takes more time to compress at the same quality and is not supported on older devices, and this was why they chose to not use it until recently.

Other than that, they mentioned various techniques that they used on the server side to ensure a good framerate and responsiveness. Also they mentioned that they reserved a machine with a 500 GB hard drive just for the Unity Cache Server.

Progressive lightmapper

The presentation was about their progress on the new lightmapper engine from which we already got a video some time ago (link below). This time, the presenter did apply that to a small game that he was making with a sort of toon-shaded environment. He showed what happens with the different parameters and the power of the new lighting engine.

A video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRFwzf4BHvA

This has to be enabled in the Player Settings (instead of the Enlighten engine).

The big news is that lights become displayed in the editor directly (instead of having to start the game, get Unity to bake them, etc.).

The scene is initially displayed without lights and little by little as they become available textures are updated with baked light information. You can continue to work meanwhile.

Prioritize view option: bakes what's visible in the camera viewport view first (good for productivity, works just as you’d expect it).

He explained some parameters that come into action when select the best combination for performance vs speed:

Direct samples -> simply vectors from a texel (pixel on texture) to all the lights, if it finds a light it's lit, if it's blocked it's not lit.

Indirect samples: they bounce (e.g. emitted from ground, then bounces on object, then on skybox).

Bounces: 1 should be enough on very open scenes, else you might need more (indoor, etc.).

Filtering smoothes out the result of the bake. Looks cartoonish.

They added the A-Trous blur method (preserves edges and AO).

Be careful about UV charts, which controls how Unity divides objects (based on their normal, so each face of a cube would be in a different UV chart for example), and stops at the end of a chart, to create a hard edge. More UV maps = more “facetted” render (like low-poly). Note that for a big number of UV maps, the object will become round again, because the filtering will blur everything.

Mixed modes: normally lights are either realtime or baked.

3 modes: subtractive (subtract shadows with a single color; can appear out of place), shadowmask: bake into separate lightmaps, so that we can recolor them; still fast and flexible, and the most expensive one where all is done dynamically (useful for the sunlight cycle for example), and distance shadowmask uses dynamic only for objects close to the camera, else baked lightmaps.

The new C# Job system

https://unity3d.com/unity/features/job-system-ECS ← available from Unity 2018.1, along with the new .NET 4.x.

They are slowly bringing concepts from entity / component into Unity.

Eventually they’ll phase out the GameObject, which is too central and requires too much stuff to be mono-threaded.

They explain why they made the choice

Let’s take a list of GameObject’s each having a Transform, a Collider and a RigidBody. Those parts are laid out in the memory sequentially, object per object. A Transform is actually a lot of properties, so accessing only a few of the properties of a Transform in many objects (like particles) will be inefficient for cache accesses.

With the entity/component system, you need to request for the members that you are accessing, and it can be optimized for that. It can also be multi-threaded properly. All that is combined with the new Burst compiler, which generates more performant code based on the hardware.

Entities don't appear in the hierarchy, like Game Objects do.

In his demo, he manages to display 80,000 snowflakes in the editor instead of 13,000.

Here is some example code:

public struct SnowflakeData: IComponentData { public float FallSpeedValue; public float RotationSpeedValue; } public class SnowflakeSystem: JobComponentSystem { private struct SnowMoveJob: IJobProcessComponentData { public float DeltaTime; public void Execute(ref Position pos, ref Rotation pos, ref SnowflakeData data) { pos.Value.y -= data.FallSpeedValue * DeltaTime; rot.Value = math.mul(math.normalize(rot.Value), math.axisAngle(math.up(), data.RotationSpeedValue * DeltaTime)); } } protected override JobHandle OnUpdate(JobHandle inputDeps) { var job = new SnowMoveJob { DeltaTime = Time.DeltaTime }; return job.Schedule(this, 64, inputDeps); } } public class SnowflakeManager: MonoBehaviour { public int FlakesToSpawn = 1000; public static EntityArchetype SnowFlakeArch; [RuntimeInitializeOnLoadMethod(RuntimeInitializeLoadType.BeforeSceneLoad)] public static void Initialize() { var entityManager = World.Active.GetOrCreateManager(); entityManager.CreateArchetype( typeof(Position), typeof(Rotation), typeof(MeshInstanceRenderer), typeof(TransformMatrix)); } void Start() { SpawnSnow(); } void Update() { if (Input.GetKeyDown(KeyCode.Space)) { SpawnSnow(); } } void SpawnSnow() { var entityManager = World.Active.GetOrCreateManager(); NativeArray snowFlakes = new NativeArray(FlakesToSpawn, Allocator.Temp); // temporary allocation, so that we can dispose of it afterwards entityManager.CreateEntity(SnowFlakeArch, snowFlakes); for (int i = 0; i < FlakesToSpawn; i++) { entityManager.SetComponentData(snowFlakes[i], new Position { Value = RandomPosition() }); // RandomPosition made by the presenter entityManager.SetSharedComponentData(snowFlakes[i], new MeshInstanceRenderer { material = SnowflakeMat, ... }); entityManager.AddComponentData(snowFlakes[i], new SnowflakeData { FallSpeedValue = RandomFallSpeed(), RotationSpeedValue = RandomFallSpeed() }); } // Dispose of the array snowFlakes.Dispose(); // Update UI (variables made by the presenter) numberOfSnowflakes += FlakesToSpawn; EntityDisplayText.text = numberOfSnowflakes.ToString(); } }

Conclusion

We hope that you enjoyed reading this little summary of some of the presentations which we attended to.

As a general note, I would say that Unite is an event aimed at hardcore Unity fans. There is some time for networking with Unity engineers between the sessions (who come from all around the world), and not many beginners. It can be a good time to extend professional connections with (very serious) people from the Unity ecosystem, and not great for recruiting for instance. But you have to go for it and make it happen. By default the program will just have you follow sessions one after each other with value that is probably similar to what you would have by watching official presentations in a few weeks or months from now on YouTube. I’m a firm believer that socializing is way better than watching videos from home, so you won’t get me saying that it’s a waste of time, but if you are to send people there the best is when they are proactive and passionate themselves about Unity. If they just use it at work, I feel that the value is rather small, and I would even dare that it’s a bit a failure from the Unity team, as it can be hard to see who they are targeting.

There is also the Unite party, which you have to book way before, that may improve value for networking, but none of us could attend.