#i actually want to write an essay/video essay about like.

[finalshaper]

about the pro shipping post you are so fucking right. when i was 16 i had proship dni on an aesthetic blog that i ran and i had multiple people harassing me for it over months. i've also had them call me ableist and homophobic slurs and sexually harass me when i was 16-18 for untagged unsearchable posts that they had to have scrolled back months in my blog to find. i was in a fandom at the time that had a LOT of people like that and there were many other people who got worse and had proshippers being wildly racist to them. they say curate your online experience and then throw a fit when you actually do.

Hi i'm sorry I didn't respond to this sooner! I was most likely absorbed entirely in skyrim Once Again.

Yeah, the proship movement has a tendency to harbor the absolute worst people in fandom circles and when you say "Hey if your movement is Truly Safe for victims/people of color /disabled folks/kids/etc then why the fresh sam hill fuck are you harboring Actual Racists, Actual Pedophiles, And Actual Horrible People" they take it as "kys lol go die" and not a request to Actually examine how their stances on something as terminally online as shipping discourse and the culture that it founded has sheltered these types of people.

And it's this inaction and refusal to address it in favour of perceiving it as a siege in a war that isn't actually happening (for lack of a better way to word it, no, people aren't out to get you they're asking you to examine your fucking community and WHY so many people feel unsafe around it aside from other reasons) is why I, and so many others, are in dislike of proshipping culture aside from. well. gestures wildly to the rest of it.

They take it as a blow to their egos rather than a genuine honest "Hey if what you ship Truly Is Inconsequential why does the culture you cultivate harbor, say, Actual Offending Pedophiles or Those Pedophiles That Label Themselves As "No-Contact" For Some Reason As If That Makes It Less Bad that are utilizing fandom space and proship culture as a quick and easy way to get targets within their reach?"

Side tangent/note here: Over the years many people have said that I cannot be pro-dark media and anti-proship. These things are not mutually exclusive and many, and I mean MANY people in circles focussing on dark and transgressive media are FULLY AWARE of the connection between reality and fiction (and how they both affect one another, the best way I can word it is that if you focus on one color pallet soon your world will be monochromatic, you gotta learn to focus on all the colors. If you saturate your life with too much "dark" or distressing content it will color your worldview and that is not what life is about) and often emphasize the importance of this distinction.

They also do not go out of their way to overly-romanticize the content they read (the public perception/general society's consumption of Lolita [vladimir nobokov] has been a disaster for the human race. if u think lolita is supposed to be a cute romance story you're misinterpreting the book and need to step back and examine just why you think that way and actually sit down and analyze the book and humbert as a character dear god stop turning it into a cutesy coquette aesthetic, shanespeare has a fucking amazing video talking about it and as an added bonus it's shorter than the typical 4+ hour video essays I often indulge in) as they often know better to do so and shun the people who do, ESPECIALLY when you're talking about books like The Slob (Aron Beauregard, even though that novel is essentially misogyny, homophobia, gore porn, a lot of fatphobia and shit like that and is all-around poorly written)

proshipping culture also relies a lot on a fanfic/fanart medium which is a VASTLY inappropriate place to explore these things (on top of, well, the type of people the culture has a tendency to attract n shit vs transgressive/dark media corners) and People Do Not Want To See Headcanons About Their Favourite Characters Being Rapists And Shit Like That I Promise You You Aren't "Coping" You're Just Making (some not all) People Around You Uncomfortable And Fucking Miserable Because You Decided That Their Comfort Character Is A Shotacon Or Some Shit (and that is before I get into how unless that character is canonically a piece of shit, making x character into a freak is a gross mischaracterization).

People come into fandoms for escapism, or to enjoy characters and stories with people and, yes I am speaking from personal experience here not only as ex-proship but also someone who's been 'round the block when it comes to fandoms.

There is a difference between transgressive lit i.e Lolita and someone writing a fanfic about a father/daughter relationship and not in the wholesome familial way we all know and love. That is knowing your place, understanding that fandom is a WILDLY inappropriate place to explore these things (seriously people, just write an original book! you got it in you clearly! i believe in you and maybe if you do it right you'll write something that's very touching and profound and opens up a lot of conversations!) and that fiction and reality do in fact impact and shape each other in more ways than you'd initially assume.

anyways rant/tangent over, sorry I went on for so long, I'm Very passionate about this discussion despite everything that's happened to me at the hands of it.

[spite-of-the-grifter]

Look.

Ace Attorney fandom.

I know why people don't like Turnabout Bigtop. I am among the people who dislike Turnabout Bigtop.

But I GET why people like the case. I'm not going to be one of those annoying people who just blindly dump on it because I hate those mfs too.

Thing about Bigtop isn't that it sucks. Thing isn't the weird grooming stuff (though that is a huge part of it). It's not that it could've been good.

It's that - in my personal OPINION - it could have been *great*.

I think it had the potential to be one of the best third cases in the trilogy. It had everything; a fun and goofy setting fit for a pretty dang goofy lawyer game - where the environment itself had jokes and quips and one-liners and mishaps and tomfoolery written all over it, it had the previous case introducing a very interesting and important plotline that gave background for one of the more well-loved characters while also introducing an equally fucked up and lovable new one who was a child forced into a shit childhood of naivete in a CIRCUS with another character who was very naive and childish - whose interactions could have been funny and cute and reflective of said shit from the previous case (seriously she becomes such an important character in the 4th case, WHY would they not include her in this one for some character development? How did they fuck up letting a CHILD explore a CIRCUS?? That would have made the interactions flow MUCH better).

They had a pretty good, sympathetic killer imo, a morally dubious victim, an asshole of a client (who was pretty flat admittedly in-game, but I like his weird, topsy-turvy reasoning for it in the anime. Also, I think Max being kinda a dick would have bode well for the themes of Farewell since most of his clients up to this point have been like...nice? Not nice, but sympathetic, but him having to defend someone who's innocent but a prick would have shown him that just because someone is an asshole, doesn't mean they deserve to suffer for it and that they have the potential to grow as people, which is almost a complete opposite of what Matt was. Ultimately, I would have loved the contrast of them as clients and I think it would have also served as character development for Phoenix, especially with his low-empathy tendencies).

They just didn't think that far ahead. They just didn't execute it well enough. They just decided to make three of the adult characters fight for the hand in marriage of a teenage girl. (Bat's part of the story was actually kinda good if he was just YOUNGER, I think him doing that for Regina would have been a stupid thing someone in the circus would do to impress their crush. Damn you Ace Attorney and your weird treatment of underage girls!!)

It just flopped and that's ok.

Even though it kinda sucked, it can still mean something to me.

Also I'm a Moe Curls apologist. I liked him, shut up.

[scatterpatter]

HEY YOU SHOULD WATCH THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER

Oh nooooo if only there were an easy way to find it tho... if only... oh man... if only- oh oops sorry I tripped-

Oh man if only it were easy to watch... oh man...................

[vermillioncrown]

snippet of tpac ch 11

who wants to see bruce being bullied? doesn't matter, here you go

...

“—per my last missive, Sir: if you want this equation to exist, then the principles of linear algebra must necessarily exist.” Korvin waves a thin stack of ruled paper—covered with sprawling formulas, symbols, bullet lists, and patchwork paragraphs on both sides—like he’s trying to banish a demon. That demon, in this instance, is “Batman being stubborn.”

Bruce looks taken aback, like something is happening outside of his set parameters. From how Dick tried to explain it: apparently, Bruce and Korvin have a whole “pen pals” routine going on, and it’s still thriving despite them sharing the same living quarters for the past few months?

Do they actually waste stamps on this? Where do they hide the envelopes?

(Dick raised his hands in surrender at that line of questioning.)

Tim knows Bruce is a creature of habit and standards of operation—of which he completely respects because it’s efficient—but his staunch adherence to routine is next-level neurotic. Normally, he'd be furious about being sidetracked.

Yet, Korvin’s thrown caution to the wind and got so mad over math, like the fussy nerd that he tries to hide being, that he’s directly confronting Bruce—full “David vs Goliath” vibes here. And he's winning.

“I trust your work,” Bruce finally says, holding his hand out for the papers.

That only makes Korvin’s face twitch harder. “Sure. Why not. Everyone needs a bit of make-believe. Escapism in these trying times and shitass economy.”

“‘Shitass economy,’” Cass murmurs, of course latching onto the bit that everyone reacts to.

Babs sighs in disgust.

...

[samarecharm]

Random question about the “they should make persona for people who like good games” post. Do people think the persona series is that bad? I know they aren’t perfect but I wouldn’t call them bad games.

I had a wholeass essay written out before i realized im too tired to make it sound coherent. AND my only experience is p 4 and 5, so my opinion on it means jack shit. All i can say is that the most recent titles suffer from bad writing. (And repetitive gameplay, but thats a different issue). Be it poorly written characters and dialogue, or poorly written interactions and plot, it is hard to take some of the stuff in the more recent games at face value. One could argue that that just means the game is subpar, not necessarily bad, but thats subjective; bad means different things to different people. And i say this as someone who thinks this game is Not the best but still found it incredibly engaging and entertaining.

[musical-chick-13]

.

[magentagalaxies]

nothing makes me feel like i've lived a thousand lifetimes more than seeing "the buddy cole documentary" and "other girls" and "antisocial media" on the same list. like what do you mean i'm only 21 i should be at least eighty

[roger-paladino]

making that WF video was like. reminding me how much and how deeply Mo cared for Lee it hurts soo so so bad

[goatmilksoda]

Man, it would be so cool if I could get PAID to write shit. If I stopped writing for a newspaper "for exposure", for school assignments, and strange age regression fanfiction for myself it would he all over for you people.

[katya-goncharov]

i just watched the new bbc famous five adaptation, and it's one of those shows that's absolutely terrible but in a really iconic entertaining way. it's so tonally weird and i have no idea why any of the decisions were made. i'm fascinated

[cq-studios]

11. What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?—Elrena

Whoooooooooooey! Boy do I have a first thing that I think about when it comes to Elrena!

I’ll try my best to keep this concise because I’ve literally been slowly but surely writing a video essay for years about this (seriously Starlight you could not have chosen a better character for this question lol).

Okay, so I spend a lot of time (psycho)analyzing Elrena and trying to decipher how she could’ve gone from who we see in UX to Larxene.

Some bits and pieces of my elaborate theory/headcannon are as follows:

Elrena is not actually as nice as she seems in UX, the reason she seems kind is because we only ever see her interacting with the Union Leaders and she is either intimidated by them, wants to be in their good graces, or both (she can still be nice, just not as sweet and innocent as everyone makes her out to be)

At some point Elrena loses faith in authority (probably once they escape to the real Daybreak Town and Brain is at the computer)

After she appears in (loosely) present KH time she is taken into the Organization (with no prior memories) because she’s supposedly has a Keyblade

She and Marluxia are treated like Roxas (maybe worse since they were unable to fulfill the role they were supposed to) but have no ‘Axel’ to fall back on so they fall back on each other, two people who are both equally lost and confused

We already know Lauriam is prone to anger in stressful situations and Elrena could’ve very much been the same all things considered. In the Organization they both feed into those parts of each other as do the other Organization members, who, as we know, are not the friendliest. They get mean and vindictive to survive

That’s pretty much the footnotes. I have evidence (based on text as well as human behaviour) and other smaller things I think about too but that’s the stuff for my video essay. If I try and write it here I might never finish the post lol

[jacquelinemerritt]

Star Wars: Exploring the Canon - Episode I-II

Originally posted October 19th, 2019

We begin with the two most hated prequels, and a Marvel comic set between them.

This review is part of a series of pieces on the entirety of the Star Wars canon. See them all here!

Before we begin, I feel somewhat obligated to state my “credentials” related to the Star Wars universe. While I am nowhere near old enough to have seen the original trilogy during its theatrical run, I am old enough to have experienced the prequel trilogy as it was coming out, making Revenge of the Sith my first midnight premiere at the age of eleven.

I even was an avid lurker of the official Star Wars forums back in the day, and I read just about every entry posted to the fan blogs that were hosted on the official site. I also made a series of Star Wars fan films at the age of ten, all telling the story of a disgraced Jedi Knight who fell to the dark side and had to be defeated by his former master (naturally casting myself as the fallen Jedi, of course).

I say all of this not to impress you with my “nerd cred,” but to contextualize the importance of Star Wars in my development as a critic and artist. My first experience with critical thinking in any form came through the blogs and forum discussions I read that debated the merits and failings of the prequels, and it was through my love of Star Wars that I attempted to write, produce, direct, and edit my first films, learning the skills that would lead me to becoming a film editor today.

What’s more, the Star Wars films (and related shows and books I could get my hands on at the time) were an escape for me, and I fell in love with Lucas’s universe in the process, reading the many young adult novels set before The Phantom Menace, scouring the details of the Expanded Universe through the official Star Wars databank, and watching any fan film that wasn’t too vulgar, hoping to learn something from other aspiring filmmakers like me.

Image from Versus, a 2005 Star Wars fan film directed by Nicolas Santini.

My history with Star Wars and love for writing criticism brings us to the goals of this series. I have wanted to explore the entirety of the Star Wars universe ever since I was a young girl, and the creation of the new canon (and related conversion of the Expanded Universe into Legends) has given me an opportunity to do just that.

Now, we can debate the merits of wiping the canon clean of the Expanded Universe, but I believe that it was generally a good decision. We lost some gems, like the short novels that painted a brilliant picture of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s relationship before The Phantom Menace, as well as the BioWare/Obsidian games, Republic Commando, and most of the history of the old Republic (many would argue the Thrawn Trilogy deserves this same consideration, though I cannot comment, as I’ve never read them), but we also ditched a considerable amount of junk, like the multiple resurrections of Emperor Palpatine, the multiple resurrections of Boba Fett, the multiple resurrections of Vader’s secret apprentice…noticing a trend?

My point being, the amount of material any writer stepping into the Star Wars universe would have had to work around (especially considering the complicated and contradictory nature of most of these works) is about as valid a reason as any to wipe the slate clean and continue forward with only the films, The Clone Wars, and future works remaining as part of the canon, a canon that I plan on going through in its current entirety in chronological order.

I will offer my thoughts, critiques, and perspective along the way, getting rather detailed at time (with no restraint on spoilers). I, however, do not plan on lingering too long on any topic that has already been written extensively about, like the failings or “fan-nitpicks” of the prequels, or the numerously extolled virtues of the original trilogy. Rather, as usual, I intend to provide an interesting, new, and ideally positive perspective on this media franchise that I adore.

And on that note, let’s jump right into…

Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace

The biggest failing of The Phantom Menace is its story structure, and that’s a shame, because structured differently, I believe The Phantom Menace could have been a strong film that effectively introduced us to the Star Wars universe. Lucas’s main failure here is not recognizing where the strongest part of his story lies: the story of Anakin winning his freedom on Tatooine.

While our visit to Tatooine is a detour from the main plot itself, every moment we spend on this desert planet simply works, even if the acting and characterizations aren’t particularly strong. Anakin is a kind and compassionate kid willing to do anything to help these strangers he barely knows, and through his skill and a little luck, he manages to win them the ability to get off planet, a gift that Qui-Gon returns by granting Anakin his freedom and taking him to become a Jedi Knight.

The strength of the Tatooine subplot brings to light the other weaknesses of the film, unfortunately, and the biggest weakness is that our perspective through most of the film is Qui-Gon Jinn, a boring, nearly invincible force for unadulterated good. In fact, this lack of character imperfections is common to almost all the Jedi in the prequels, as is their effective invincibility, but it’s more detrimental here because Qui-Gon is meant to be held up as the best of the Jedi.

Obi-Wan implies late in the film that Qui-Gon is actually somewhat of a rebel within the Jedi Order, failing to follow the specifics of the Jedi Code when it goes against his instincts and knowledge of the Force, and this glimpse into who Lucas wanted Qui-Gon to be makes his uninteresting nature all the more disappointing.1

Not everything outside of Tatooine is disappointing though. The lightsaber duel between Darth Maul, Obi-Wan, and Qui-Gon is particularly excellent, mostly due to the prowess of expert stuntman Ray Park, who brings a ferocity to this double-bladed lightsaber wielding Dathomirian that is only ever matched by the ferocity of the Chosen One after his fall. His skill as a stuntman translates directly into the text, too, as Darth Maul easily dispatches Qui-Gon when facing him alone, and is only beaten by Obi-Wan (who does give him a bit of a fight) when he assumes victory and underestimates his cornered opponent.

This duel is also jam packed with emotion, too; Qui-Gon is facing off against the warrior who ambushed him that he only barely escaped from (alright, I’m stretching the text a bit, you caught me, but can you blame me when Lucas suddenly shifts from Qui-Gon being invincible to him being clearly and unequivocally outmatched?), and Obi-Wan charges in blindly after witnessing the death of his master, attempting to match Maul’s ferocity with that of his own.

I also would be remiss not to bring up the unfortunate racial coding of characters in this film, even though it has been discussed by other more thoroughly already. The Toydarians, and Watto, specifically, stick out as being coded Jewish, via a long nose and mannerisms, and the only Toydarian we meet in this film is a greedy slaver who surrounds himself with literal filth.

The Nemoidians and Gungans are also clearly racially coded as Asian and Black Caribbean, respectively, and are both portrayed somewhat negatively (though neither as poorly as the Toydarians). This negative racial coding is a shame, not just because it reinforces negative stereotypes, but because it also distracts from some genuinely interesting characters.

Watto, in particular, is a great character in his own right, as he is a greedy slaver who is also rather compassionate. He treats Anakin fairly well, encourages him to pursue his interests (podracing and droid construction, which I can already hear you questioning, but I will answer your question with another: how else could Anakin have gotten the parts to build C-3PO?), and shows genuine pride in his successes. In fact, Watto’s only failures in this film are being too greedy to allow Shmi and Anakin to both be freed by Qui-Gon, and not believing in Anakin enough, the second of which is actually fairly reasonable given Anakin’s podracing record.

Watto’s arc, where his greed and lack of faith costs him greatly, also exemplifies Lucas’ themes for the prequel trilogy. Watto’s greed parallels the greed of the Trade Federation, snatching power at the behest of a Sith Lord because they…okay, the Trade Federation’s motive here isn’t ever made clear, but given that they are otherwise representative of large corporations, it’s pretty reasonable to assume that they did this to make a profit. Watto’s lack of faith in Anakin (and the power of the Force, by proxy) parallels the Jedi’s lack of faith in him too, as they refuse to train him until it becomes Qui-Gon’s dying wish that Anakin be trained.

This theme of the Jedi being imperfect and not following the true will of the Force is mishandled from here on out, to say the least, but in this subplot Lucas managed to perfectly execute a thematically resonant story about greed, failure, and a lack of faith. If that isn’t a reason to appreciate The Phantom Menace (well, outside of the objectively awesome podrace), I don’t know what is.

Star Wars: Obi-Wan and Anakin

Obi-Wan and Anakin is a comic mini-series released in January 2016 that follows the titular characters as they investigate a distress signal on a frozen planet. After they crash land, they find two factions of humans at war with each other, the Open and the Closed (yes, they’re pulled straight out of a young adult dystopia novel), and they convince two people from each faction to help them investigate the distress signal together.

After one of the Open kidnaps Anakin to help rebuild some badass droid mech suits, Obi-Wan continues towards the signal and discovers that it was sent by a woman known as the Scavenger, who sends up pieces of art work from the ruins of a civilization buried under a field of toxic gas. While the Open converge on Obi-Wan and the Scavenger with their badass mechs, Anakin unites the youth of the Open in rebellion against the old people and builds a speeder that allows him to save Obi-Wan’s life in the nick of time.

Anakin then fixes the transmitter in an old ship, and Obi-Wan uses it to call for a fleet of Jedi and Senate cruisers by lying about the presence of valuable fuel, convincing a doubting Anakin to fully commit to remaining in the Jedi Order. This is interspersed with a series of flashbacks that show Anakin being befriended by Chancellor Palpatine, who is naturally responsible for making Anakin doubt the Jedi Order in the first place.

The first question you might ask about that story is if they ever explain why the Open call themselves the Open and why the Closed call themselves the Closed. But because Anakin and Obi-Wan are visiting a crappy young adult dystopia a la Divergent, that question is never answered. You can maybe argue that this is intentional, as a young adult dystopia is arguably an appropriate setting for Anakin to explore his angst about the Jedi Order, but it still falls pretty flat.

Like most young adult dystopias, the world-building details that make two eternally warring societies with names as on the nose as “Open” and “Closed” are left out. It doesn’t help that the message of the story surrounding this broken society is that needless fighting is bad, adults and tradition are dumb, art is good, and the only way to bring peace to a fundamentally broken society is for a military expansionist regime to intervene in the search for resources.

Alright, that last bit is far from the typical resolution to a young adult dystopia, and it’s actually fairly representative of the most interesting parts of the comic. See, this comic spends a good amount of time discussing the heavy bureaucracy of the Republic, and Anakin’s desire to do good outside of that broken system.

In the first issue we see Obi-Wan give him back his lightsaber and reference Anakin’s desire to leave the Jedi Order, learning in the last issue that he wants to do so because it will give him the opportunity to see the galaxy and learn more than the Jedi could ever teach him. He feels restricted by their dogma, and this is best exemplified in a scene where a group of Padawans whisper about Anakin being a slave to his emotions, causing him to lash out in anger.

Yet he quickly restrains himself after this outburst and agrees with their assertion, making it clear that his emotions aren’t restricting him: the teachings of the Jedi are. It’s only when Palpatine takes him on a tour of the lower levels of Coruscant that Anakin finally sees a way out, and the only thing that stops him is Obi-Wan showing him the power and authority that comes from being a Jedi.

Framing this result as a victory of Obi-Wan, the Republic, and the Jedi Order, is an interesting decision, given how hollow the victory really is. For one, it means that Anakin is closer to Palpatine’s corrupting influence, as Palpatine’s a sneaky dude who coerced Mace Windu into allowing him to make friends with Anakin (and would clearly use that influence to maintain that friendship against the Order’s wishes).

Secondly, we see that Anakin abandoning the Jedi Order would have meant that Obi-Wan would abandon it too, as he is committed to fulfilling the vow he made to Qui-Gon by guiding Anakin in the Force out in the big wide galaxy. The victory feels pretty bittersweet as a result, and we’re left to wonder if Anakin’s decision to remain in a corrupt system because he can do more good is the right one, lining up this comic with the thematic throughline Lucas intended for the prequels.

Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones

Within film criticism circles, Attack of the Clones tends to be derided as the worst of the prequels, and I tend to agree with that assessment. The Phantom Menace was sometimes dumb, and sometimes boring, but it took risks, and when it was going strong, damn was it going strong.

Attack of the Clones, on the other hand, is often very “meh.” Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty that works, and the chase through Coruscant is a pretty incredible sequence, but so much of the film simply falls flat, and it’s almost all because Lucas decided that bigger, louder, and more explosive was the way to regain the credibility he lost with fans after The Phantom Menace. That decision did not pay off.

The fatal flaw of Attack of the Clones is that Lucas mistakes spectacle for tension. The Battle of Geonosis, which pits an army of faceless clones against an army of faceless droids, may be a great metaphor for a proxy war between governments (as Palpatine is leading both sides into conflict for his advantage), but it is boring as shit. It starts by throwing a hundred Jedi into an arena to face of wave after wave of droids, but while Lucas hasn’t entirely continued framing the Jedi as invincible, he hasn’t done anything to establish the droids as a significant threat in any way.

Further, during this entire sequence, none of the characters we have any reason to care about (Obi-Wan, Anakin, Padme, maybe Mace Windu) are shown to be in any type of danger at all. And when Yoda shows up with a clone battalion to rescue the Jedi that have inexplicably ended up on the losing end, any attempt at tension is thrown out the window, and we’re shown shot after shot of gratuitous violence and explosions committed by CGI people against CGI robots while the characters we care about chase the villain back to his secret hideout.

The number of fucks I couldn’t be bothered to give about this fireworks display is honestly kind of impressive, considering that events leading up to the entrance of the entire Jedi Order are among the most tense and compelling action in cinema.

Our protagonists, Padme, Anakin, and Obi-Wan, are all reunited in a coliseum, and they’re forced to face off against three unique wild animals that pose distinct threats to each of them, all using only their wits, skills, and knowledge of the force. They each use clever solutions to break their chains and conquer their attackers, earning their success within the narrative and making it rather dismaying to see them surrounded by battle droids ready to snatch their victory away. Seeing the Jedi approach and fill the stands of the coliseum to save them from this fate is rather satisfying too, making it all the more disappointing that the tension fizzles out right when this supposedly “epic” battle begins.

Thankfully what Attack of the Clones lacks in tension it makes up for with intrigue. The main plot, which follows Obi-Wan trying to track down the bounty hunter responsible for an attempt on Padme’s life, is a classic detective story, and Obi-Wan’s investigation continually raises more questions than it answers.

The bounty hunter was using a Kaminoan dart, but the Kamino system isn’t anywhere to be found in the Jedi archives. Obi-Wan’s friend, Dexter, another great minor character, is able to point Obi-Wan towards the coordinates of Kamino, but this new information only proves that the Kamino system was deleted form the Jedi Archives, which both Yoda and Obi-Wan find incredibly troubling (sidenote: Yoda teaching younglings and being incredibly good at it is simply delightful!).

When Obi-Wan finally arrives on Kamino, he is greeted and told he was expected, and he is summarily informed about a clone army ordered by a Jedi Master nearly a decade before, only now discovering the bounty hunter Jango Fett, who was the genetic template for the clone army.

After an excellent fight wherein Jango showcases his talents as a resourceful bounty hunter, Obi-Wan tracks him to the planet of Geonosis, where he discovers a factory constructed battle droids and listens in on a Separatist meeting led by Count Dooku. And yet again, when Obi-Wan is captured by Dooku’s forces and questioned by Dooku in the best scene in the entire film (and arguably, the prequels), more questions are raised as Dooku (correctly) asserts that the Republic is under the control of a dark lord of the Sith, refusing to free Obi-Wan after he denies an offer to join him and the Separatist movement.

I mentioned Jango Fett earlier, but I just want to point out how excellent his character is. Temeura Morrison does a great job imbuing the man with a dangerous essence without ever making him feel downright villainous. Lucas also gets some credit here, as his inclusion of the small moments of bonding between Jango and Boba, his cloned son, really humanize this man who kills his own partner in order to prevent her from talking.

His death at the hands of Mace Windu also serves as a fantastic origin story for Boba Fett, who is forced to watch as his father is beheaded in battle. Also, maybe you think Boba being a clone is lame, which is kinda fair if you think clones are inherently lesser than non-cloned humans, but the retroactive canonization of Boba Fett as a person of color is really damn cool, and I think that more than makes up for it.

So, that’s all I have to talk about, right?

I have to talk about the romance…?

But…

It doesn’t work.

There ya go. That’s Jacqueline Merrit’s take on the romance plot in Attack of the Clones. Hope you enjoyed this piece and have good day!

Okay, well, look, the thing is, this romance is really important to the themes of the prequel trilogy, and it not working represents a significant failure on Lucas’s part that severely bit him in the ass on the release of Revenge of the Sith. How? It’s pretty simple. Lucas wanted a major theme of these films to be the importance of love, and the genuine strength that can be found in being loved by and loving another person in return.

And Lucas hinged that thematic throughline on the forbidden romance between Anakin and Padme, which legitimately should totally work! They’re old friends reunited under tense circumstances who return to the planet of Naboo, which holds special significance for them both, and as they spend time with each other the true depths of their feelings are unlocked. This romance is structurally sound, and it should be compelling, but it’s held back by one thing, and that one thing is not the wooden acting or Anakin sending multiple red flags (just because we see them doesn’t mean Padme knows enough to catch them herself; this is young love after all). What it’s missing is a character for Anakin to fall in love with.

Now, here’s the thing: Lucas clearly intended Padme to be a character, and signs of her being an interesting person with a unique personality are present in this film and in The Phantom Menace. At the age of fourteen, she was elected Queen of Naboo, and immediately following her successful term (a term that the people wanted to amend the planet’s constitution to extend), she is elected Senator and serves in the Galactic Senate until we catch up with her at twenty-four in Attack of the Clones as her life is being threatened by an unknown assassin.

This woman has significant political pursuits, and while she’s got the skill to settle a dispute, if she can’t reach a peace that’s alright, she’ll grab a blaster pistol and shoot a droid on sight, as evidenced by having personally led the team that secured the capital of Naboo from the Trade Federation. Everything about her screams potential, but when she and Anakin are romancing one another, she doesn’t display any of the depth this kind of complex history would give her. She’s just delicate, feminine, and beautiful, and that is the only reason we are ever given by the film for Anakin’s devotion to her.

Padme’s lack of characterization also negatively affects how believable her love for Anakin is, as well. While she is shown to be gradually falling for him, slowly flirting more and more until they share a kiss they believe will be their last, she never has a chance to vocalize why it is that she’s falling for him.

Does she feel like she can mend his tortured soul? Does she believe in his fundamental goodness, in spite of the danger he exudes? Or does she love him unconditionally, accepting him for who he is because of a deep connection they share?

None of these questions are answered, and as a result, when Anakin decides that he needs to return to Tatooine to determine the fate of his mother, Padme’s decision to join him feels meaningless, when it should be a decision that clearly cements that her devotion to Anakin is equal to his devotion to her.

Instead of a romance between two characters, we are given a story about a character wooing a symbol of feminine beauty who initially rejects him outright. That is a problem on multiple levels, and it sends the very kinds of mixed messages that can lead some critics to claim that the prequels are against people loving one another, when that was clearly the furthest thing from Lucas’s mind.

The Jedi forbidding attachment, and therefore romantic love in a committed relationship, is exactly the kind of philosophy that I think any of us can see as problematic, and Lucas was attempting to use that to get us to question the actual goodness of the Jedi Order. But because the relationship between Anakin and Padme is so one sided, and because it appears to be the thing that leads Anakin down the path to the dark side (more on that later), it comes off as a condemnation of romantic love, rather than a condemnation of the forces in the universe that conspire to prevent it.

But that is jumping ahead to Revenge of the Sith, and we still have The Clone Wars, Darth Maul: Son of Dathomir, and Dark Disciple to get through before we can even begin to talk about that film. So on that note, I will be back with my second entry into this series soon, and we will discuss the success of Dave Filoni and his team of incredible writers.

Critical Eye Criticism is the work of Jacqueline Merritt, a trans woman, filmmaker, and critic. You can support her continued film criticism addiction on Patreon.

1I don’t want to turn these articles into “How I, A Person Who Assumes I Know Far More About Star Wars Than George Lucas Ever Could, Would ‘Fix’ The Prequels,” because there is more than enough of that discussion, and frankly, most of it is pretentious, boring, and misses the lofty thematic and structural goals Lucas was reaching for when he created the prequels (ex: commentary on despotism that is more relevant today than ever and Ring Theory). As a screenwriter myself though, I can’t help but think about how easy it really would have been to make this film great. All you have to do is introduce us to Anakin before Qui-Gon and Padme arrive on Tatooine. You make room for this by cutting a good bit of early scenes on Naboo (cut the pointless danger of the planet core, spend less time in Otoh Gunga, open in media res with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fighting off droids and trying to escape the Trade Federation ship), and you show Anakin’s experience of slavery, and his longing for freedom, turning his personal podracer into a symbol of that freedom that’s just out of his reach, something that he can only fix when Qui-Gon offers him help.

The rest of the film essentially proceeds as normal, but with more moments between Qui-Gon and Anakin bonding, with Qui-Gon representing the ideal Jedi that Anakin aspires to be someday (which clashes against his experience of the Jedi Council, who we only meet when they are testing Anakin and rejecting him from the Order). It’s a good number of changes, I’ll admit, but they’re changes that I think Lucas would have reasonably made if he’d had a good editor calling him out during the prequels, as they reinforce his themes and make his characters’ journeys stronger.

I didn’t have anywhere else to mention this, but seeing Watto homeless, destitute, and rotting in filth in Attack of the Clones is some damn poetic justice, Lucas drives home the point that greed leads to ruin with incredibly subtlelty.

[pagesofkenna]

I've been thinking a LOT lately about how video games can be/are used as a solely unique form of storytelling that achieves an emotional impact almost out of reach to every other medium

and I don't know what to do with that

like. every time I talk to my mom about this she says I should write an article. I want to write an essay; I want to write a book. plenty of other people have written books about storytelling in video games. this isn't a unique or new perspective. writing books is hard. I just want to tell someone. I want to explain it. but the whole point is that you can't explain it because what makes these stories so impactful is the way the audience experiences them firsthand

like, yes, I can tell you what about the format of the story makes such and such a game so impactful or whatever but then... what? what does a reader do with that information? do I want to influence people who aren't game-players to try out video games for the emotional impact? maybe. I mostly just want to tell someone

[troonwolf]

I don’t understand people who are like “yeah the show is shit here’s everything wrong with it” and then you go onto their blog and it’s all gifsets from the show

like you realise by continuing to watch shit, when you know it’s shit, will mean shit keeps getting fed to you, right? this is exactly why these crappy studios can get away with tearing apart original work with no respect for the material, because bitches complain then still give them money and advertising

no offense but are y’all just, like...dumb?

[babieken]

I was expecting so much more from Again My Life considering lee jungi was its main character but it was such a let down...

[fiapple]

also in regard to that tlou post, i see a lot of people try to make the counter-argument that ellie isn’t narratively rewarded for her beliefs as if that justifies it, or as if the writing wasn’t so blatantly still in service of her beliefs that the faction meant to represent the palestinians is still villainized to this day.

none of you are slick, you will get blocked actually.