#i already cut like half the post please appreciate the effort on not rambling!

[ley-med]

Hey Ley,

You don’t know me, but I have been a follower of yours for a long time now. I just graduated with my undergraduate degree as a premed student, but I will be taking a gap year to really punch up my experience. I am in a bit of a pickle, and I was wondering if someone further along in the journey may be able to shed some light. You are more than welcome to pass on this if you do not feel equipped to give advice. In short, what should I do if I am having trouble answering why I want to go into medicine? This is admittedly a silly question, but it is something I have been in a bit of a tailspin about since graduating. Before then, I was SO steadfast about it. My undergrad major is unconventional, but it does back up a lot of anatomy and physiology concepts. Since I was a kid, I’ve yearned for this. I have never felt as satisfied as I have being challenged and pushed to learn when it came to medicine. Doubly so when it came to helping people. But when I look at how much left I have to go, and how overwhelming the system feels, I falter.  

My major exposed me to a lot of great work and folks who do amazing things for others, and as much as I loved doing it, I feel irreconcilably split. For so long I had engaged myself to medicine as my future, and it felt earth shattering to realize I could find that passion somewhere else. I still want to become a physician, but I am having a harder and harder time justifying this.

Regards, Anon

Hi Anon!

First of all, ask yourself if you might need a break. You finished a degree, you are tired, let yourself rest a bit and celebrate your accomplishments! You don't have to figure out everything immediately. Enjoy your year a bit :) And congratulations on your degree!

Now, this is a good question. It's only my personal opinion, but if you do medicine just because you've always wanted to do medicine, and can't imagine yourself being happy any other way, I'm pretty sure it would break you. Because when the inevitable hard times come, during med school, or residency, or later, you would stand feeling miserable, and think if this is my happy then what's the point of it all. And that's how miserable and depressed doctors are made...

When I decided to apply for med school, my wonderful mother asked me the same question, why medicine? Easy, I want to help people. Then she said, "okay, fair, but there are several ways to do that. I am a psychologist, I help people. A hairdresser helps people day after day. Why medicine?"

I didn't always used to, but I have an answer now, and that's because I tried to find happiness in the little things. Reading and trying to memorize a genetics textbook with bleary eyes, exhausted from the previously failed exam, while pinterest randomly shows "remember why you started" quotes in your face, really makes you think if it's worth it at all...

I freaking love the human body, science, and knowing the whys of how the body works. The fact that I also get to "play" with it, see the many ways I can affect the body's functions, makes medicine a heaven for me. And yes, I also love bringing people comfort in their darkest hours and easing their pain, and keeping them alive when their body would give up otherwise.

All that said, medicine is great, but in the end, it's a job just like any other job. I do it because I love my job, for now, but I think I would also love owningworking in a bakery, or becoming a biologist (marine biology my beloved I will never entirely give you up). Life is ever changing and that's the beauty of it, no career is set in stone.

What I'm trying to say is, keep thinking about it, and don't think big, just small aspects you enjoy to do. Then take a step away from it, and let it simmer, then think about it once again. Then take away the part where you help people, what's left? If you can, ask other graduated doctors too, how's their job, what do they like about it, so you can decide more fairly for yourself.

And if you realise you don't have any reason, apart from "this used to be my dream", you don't have to. It's not an obligation, don't push yourself into something you will not enjoy, because honestly, the work hours aren't that great...

Once you have an answer though, don't let the long road ahead of you, or the failures of the system stop you. The system is faulty, severely, but so are other systems (and with meticulous and slow work, we can also work on changing it). Med school and residency are hard and long, but every career has its learning curve, before you become an expert (and if I already admitted using Pinterest in my early medschool days, let me add, "the time will pass anyway") and let me be honest, I love residency and learning the things that matter

[thefallennightmare]

Hard to Love [21/21]

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader

Words: 1621

Warnings: this story will have mentions of abuse, mental and physical so please read at your own risk. Some swearing, angst, and a good amount of fluff. Maybe some smut if I'm feeling frisky.

Summary: After moving to a new town all on her own, Reader would do anything for a stable job and income. Even if that means housekeeping for one of Boston's eligible bachelors. What she didn't expect was finding herself falling in love with him and finding him out about the past that she was running from.

A/N: I cannot believe the ending is here. I also cannot thank you enough for all the love that you guys have gave this series. I really do appreciate it and love seeing all the comments! Your words of encouragement are what kept me going for this story. I’m so so sad it’s done. 

Lets finish this story with a happy ending! 

Tags: @kelbabyblue @patzammit @thesecretlifeofdaydreamss @jennmurawski13 @divadinag @cosmicbreathe @thevelvetseries @capstopavenger @chris-butt @denisemarieangelina @im-a-stranger-thing @jennamarieee623 @introvertedmouse @lharrietg @thejemersoninferno  @breezykpop @instantbasementtimetravel @rodgersteves @michaelscotfield-blog1 @40srogcrs @wonderingshawn @bellaireland1981 @katelyneannxo @lady-x-red @sare-bare93-blog @annmariek8​ @raabrakha​ @stxvercgersslut​

ONE YEAR LATER

“Where’s my cutie pie?!” I shouted, entering the home. 

Four feet trotted down the long hallway from the kitchen to the living room where I stood, hanging up my jacket and bag. Bending at the knees, I allowed all of the kisses and whines of happiness, scratching the furry ears. 

“How’s Dodger doing today?” I cooed. 

He followed me into the kitchen as I searched the fridge for something to ease my stomach. Munching on a piece of cheese, I checked my phone and saw a new message from Chris. 

I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t think these interviews would take so long. 

Don’t be sorry! I’ll wait up for you xx. 

The last year, I had grown incredibly; putting everything that happened to me in the past, locking it away. The scars still remained on my body but I never let it affect me. Chris would always make sure he showed extra love to them, telling me that he loved the way I look. 

The first time Chris had to leave for work was a couple of months after everything and it was hard to get adjusted to sleeping in the bed alone but Dodger was the best replacement, keeping me safe every night. Chris tried to turn down movie roles but I quickly shot that down. I wouldn’t let him lose out on a possible great job because I missed him. 

I ended up seeing the live video he posted when I was missing and the amount of outpouring coming from his friends and fans also helped me heal. There were a good amount of people who at first weren’t happy that Chris was in a loving relationship but eventually, when he kept posting pictures of us on Instagram, they got used to it. 

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I saw a new message appear from Chris. 

Our weekend starts in less that two hours. I can’t wait to be alone with you. 

I smiled fondly at the message. 

The past couple weeks were filled with either him working almost every day or me continuing my schooling. We had his family and friends over a few times last week as well so we were practically begging the Gods above for some alone time. 

Which is why this weekend we had zero plans, just the two of us in our home. 

And Dodger. 

“OH COME ON!” Chris yelled at the T.V. 

A giggle erupted from my throat from my spot on the couch, my feet placed in his lap, as we watched the football game. 

Our weekend together was coming to an end, school for me and another press conference for Chris’ upcoming movie tomorrow, meant that reality was about twelve hours away. We spent the weekend in multiple different rooms of the house, our moans vibrating off the walls. 

I’ve had sex more in this weekend than I had in my entire adult life. 

Now, we were exhausted, so we decided to spend the rest of our Sunday in our lazy clothes on the couch; Chris wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats and I ended up stealing his shirt and a pair of his boxers. 

Even though his eyes were transfixed on the game, he still made an effort to show me attention by rubbing the soles of my feet. I couldn’t stop myself from staring at this man in front of me. He let his beard grow this weekend, too lazy to shave it, which I didn’t complain one bit. The red marks on my thighs from earlier were an indication of that. His hair was short because he decided that he needed to buzz it last night; he was sick of it getting in his face. 

I marveled at the way the muscle in his jaw tightened when I rubbed my feet into his lap, purposely pressing into his soft cock. 

“If you keep that up, I’ll miss the last half of the game,” he threatened in a low voice. 

“But I’m horny!” I whined, lifting my shirt up and over my head. “Please?” 

I pinched my hard nipple between my fingers, hoping that would be enough to get him on top of me. 

It was. 

I yelped when Chris pulled my ankle towards him, his body on top of mine in seconds. His gold chain was dangling in front of my face as I looked up to him, our chest rising with heavy breaths. 

“So naughty,” he muttered against the crook of my neck. 

“Enough small talk and fuck me already, Evans,” I purred into his ear, fingernails digging into his bare back.

I couldn’t help but gnaw nervously on my bottom lip, tasting a bit of blood, while I paced the floor of our bedroom. Chris was out running errands but with the text I sent him, I knew that he would be on his way home asap. 

Can you come home please? I have to talk to you. 

My hands shook with nerves, feeling my cardigan being weighed down with the pressure that was in the pocket. I couldn’t help but worry about what Chris’ reaction would be. We never talked about this and I didn’t know if this would be what broke our relationship. 

“Y/N?” 

Hearing his voice, I made my way down the stairs and into the living room where he sat with Dodger on the couch. 

“Hey, everything alright?” He asked. 

I nodded and sat across from him. “Yeah, I think so.” 

He knew in the way my knee bounced and sucked in my bottom lip that whatever I had to talk to him about made me nervous as hell. Placing a hand on my knee, he gave me a warm smile. 

“Tell me,” he begged gently. 

Words were so foreign to me, not knowing exactly how to say it, so instead I handed him what was in my pocket. 

“I know we haven’t talked about it much but I couldn't not tell you. I mean you deserve to know. If you’re angry I understand. I’m confused too on how this happened,” I rambled. 

Chris didn’t hear a word I had spouted, his eyes trained hard on the stick in his hand with the two solid pink lines. 

“You’re pregnant?” His mouth twitched. 

I nodded and handed him my phone that held an email from the doctors office, confirming the pregnancy. Yesterday morning while Chris was out with his mom, I secretly had an appointment. 

“The doctor says I’m about six weeks,” I spoke softly. 

I was unsure of what his reaction would be, his gaze still stuck on the pregnancy test in his hand. 

Dodger knew something was different, sniffing the test in Chris’ hand. 

Finally after what felt like forever, Chris looked into my eyes and his mouth curved into a smile. 

“We’re having a baby?” 

The smile he had was a giant one, where you could almost count all of his teeth as he smiled down towards Dodger, showing him the sonogram on my phone as if Dodger could tell what he was looking at. 

The joy in his voice brought tears to my eyes. 

“You’re happy?” I asked. 

His hands snaked around my waist, pulling me into his lap. “I’m fucking ecstatic.” 

Our lips met in a rushed kiss, his hand finding its place on my stomach. His forehead rested against mine and his eyes shone with so much love that my heart leaped into my throat, knowing that his reaction was the complete opposite of what I was prepared for. 

“Stay here,” He mumbled against my lips in another kiss. 

I waited patiently as he rummaged for something in the desk of his office and he returned, hand behind his back. 

“I was saving this for when we went away next month but I don’t think I can wait.” He spoke before handing me a small box. 

A small velvet box. 

I gasped, watching him get down on one knee, and pried open the box. Inside was a gorgeous oval cut diamond on a plain gold band. The sunlight from outside had caught the ring in a warm glow of light. 

“This isn’t the most romantic idea of a proposal but I don’t want to wait any longer to ask you this. I first met you in this room when you came to work for me and in that moment I knew I wanted you; I needed you in my life. Y/N, you know I love you so fucking much. You have changed my life in so many ways and now we’re having a baby. You’re having my baby and somehow I love you even more. Y/N, will you marry me?” The tears welled in his eyes and he blew out a shaky breath. 

“Fuck yes!” I cried, hormones causing my eyes to pour tears down my cheeks. 

After he slid the ring on my finger, he picked me up with ease as he walked us towards our bedroom so we could celebrate the rest of our lives. 

I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in two years since I first drove up to this house, nervous about what the job was that I had an interview for. I never imagined that I would face my past again, not letting it define who I was anymore. And I definitely never thought I would find someone who would love me with his whole entire heart and soul, knowing how hard to love I was. But he did; Chris vowed to me that night in hushed moans that he loved me then and forever. 

Along with the baby I was growing in my stomach; our baby. 

AND FIN!

[kanene-yaaay]

Go to Sleep

Kanene’s note: Gosh, having a schedule is weird. I just wanna post everything I already wrote and ramble non stop about it asdfgtyujkigfdo. XD

Well, this was suppose to be a drabble, but it’s very long so sdftyujikgfred. I hope you like it!

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belong to Thomas Sanders from the serie Sanders Sides.

* This is a SFW tickle fanfic. If you don’t appreciate this kind of content, please, look for another blog. There are a plenty of fabulous arts in this site!! ^w^)b

* This is Lee!Virgil with Ler!Roman. Around 1.500 words.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* Listen a bit to the birds today. Changing the way you think is not a bad thing. Drink water, sleep, eat and love!

[~*~]

Roman growled, missing by a few inches the button of his thunderous, infuriating alarm before finally hitting it. Staring and blinking lazily at the numbers his brain struggled to discern and recognize, only to confirm it was really time to wake up and start the day. He grabbed his pillow and squeezed it with all the strength he could muster, rolling from one side to other on the mattress, trying to wake up his body as quick as his mind and almost falling from the bed a reasonable number of times during the process.

 He got up, yawing, stretching and humming as the first lyrics of the day stuck on his head, hand rubbing at his eyes as he followed the kitchen’s direction with slow steps and tired sways on the beat of the song.

 Two dark, wide eyes stared right back at him, their owner completely frozen on the spot with his hand inside the cabinet, probably already holding some sort of a snack. Roman also stopped mid-step, gears running inside his mind, gaze locked on the other, his brow progressively furrowing.

“Virgil,” he began, voice slightly hoarse “What the heckty heck are you doing up? It’s barely seven in the morning!” Virgil only stared back, slowly closing the cabinet’s door, as if afraid the movement would startle the other. Roman proceeded to get some eggs and other cold ingredients from the refrigerator for the breakfast, his words growing more awake and vivid as they spilled with no filter or whatsoever from his lips. “You got an early shift again or something? Those are absolutely hellish. A bunch of people exhausted, tired and glaring at you as if you are the holder of all their problems and their solutions can only be achieved by being insufferable pieces of- Urg. I can’t believe they would give you one right after you got the night one. Damn, I didn’t even see you arriving here yesterday!”

 He turned his attention back at the other, looking for a kind of frustration in the place of the still startled, wide gaze which continued to be directed at him. Virgil nodded slowly, stepping away and putting some physical distance between him and the confusion on Roman’s features.

 Then, between the strings of sleepiness that clouded his brain, it clicked.

 Suddenly more details on the other’s behavior started to become clearer: the way Virgil’s hair was messier than his usual ““style”” (Roman scoffed mentally, thinking that if he rolled his eyes any harder they would never come back to his normal place again), his wary, yes, but way too much slow movements, the way he seemed to be unable to stop blinking at every millisecond and, above it all, the final piece of the puzzle.

 Virgil wasn’t wearing his pajamas.

 “YOU DIDN’T!” Roman gasped, as if Virgil’s life choices were a personal attack. “YOU DIDN’T GET ANY SLEEP LAST NIGHT!!” A turn of heels and he was again fixating his glare on the other, his free hand accusingly pointing in his direction, receiving an annoyed hiss as immediate answer.

 “Shut up!” Virgil snarled, practically growling back at him. “It’s fucking seven am don’t be so freaking loud.”

 “Don’t change the subject! Why didn’t you go to sleep?”

 The one being questioned just snorted, half amused. “Bold of you to assume I’d ever sleep in my whole life.”

 “That is it.” Virgil didn’t even have the time to wonder the meaning of his friend’s sentence before the aforementioned picked him up, resulting to a not very contained shriek escaping from his lips and his hands not much gracefully – or gently, although since they were keen on just jumping on each other out of nowhere to play fight Princey would be fine - meeting his friend’s face.

 “Roman! What the he-”

 “Did you just SLAP me? My beautiful face?! Before my own beautiful eyes??” Virgil Storm always got, even if he would never admit this out loud, surprised with Roman’s capacity of doing a series of offended incoherent noises which evolved to words before being carefully metamorphosed in weird noises all over again, and in the end still managing to form comprehensible sentences. His surprise did nothing to quell the grumpy snark immediately flying from lips, though.

 “And I’m going to do it again if you don’t let me go in this exact instant.”

 “You go and try to help and that is the acknowledgement you get,” The one wearing pajamas with little crows printed on it huffed, mumbling in a lower tone as he noticed the sharp gaze being thrown in his direction. “fucking unbelievable.”

 “I still can hear you, Princey. You’re literally carrying me.”

 “I sTiLL cAn HeAr yOu-OW! Ow! Ow!” The sentence was interrupted when the sleep deprived one punched Roman’s shoulder. “You’re insufferable, you know that?”

 “Let me fucking gAAH!” In a way his wish was granted, one could say as they watched his protest being cut as Storm was impolitely tossed on his bed, Roman quickly following his friend on the mattress, arms hugging him from behind, and physically preventing him from escaping his current soft predicament. “Prince, you’re dead.”

 “Shhh, no talking. We’re sleeping.”

 “We are not. You are being a pain in ass and I am about to defenestrate you.” Despite his fervent protests, his sharp, flaming glare began to lose its heat, his body not doing any actual effort to free himself from the other’s – strong, good - grip, muscles starting to relax against the great warmth involving him in a comfortable and secure blanket.

 “Sure, sure, mister Grumpy Pants, you can do that when you wake up.” He tightened a bit his hold around Virgil, yet being the most careful as possible, actively ignoring the annoyed hiss his friend gave him. His hoodie was really fluffy at the touch, slightly remembering his stuffed animals he frequently hugged to sleep.

 For a moment, everything was pleasantly quiet. The one with smudged makeup, since he hadn’t time to get it off before being trapped by his roommate and best friend, felt the tiredness becoming sleepiness as the seconds went by.

 …That was until an electric sensation shot across his spine, leading him to almost jump in the same place 

 “S-stop nuzzling me!”

 “Hm? Oh sorry.” Virgil pressed his lips tightly closed, preventing the wobbly giggles to escape as Roman speaks, not realizing how close his mouth was from the base of his neck, every breath sending tickly shocks across every nerve. “You’re just too much sooooft.”

 Roman opened an eye when realized that no snark remark from the other followed his words, the figure in his arms shaking too much to be asleep. A frown painted his feature as he readjusted the position of his hands, trying to get a bit more of balance to look at Virgil’s face when suddenly a high-pitched yelp escaped, cutting the air and immediately catching their attention.

 “Did you just squeal?” He questioned as his glare assumed a playful shine seeing a blush spread on his now frozen friend.

 “It was NOT a squeal! It was a yelp.” Virgil’s words came so fast that they almost tripped on themselves. Roman snorted, a smile taking over his face. “Get off me!” and, in the moment the one wearing a hoodie tried to pry his hand from the spot on his right side where it was resting, the pieces finally clicked in the right place and his smile quickly submerged, giving space to a smirk.

 ‘No WAY Doctor Doom and Gloom is ticklish!’

 However, the red lover only blinked as the true personification of innocence and naiveness, his hand firm in its place, fingers starting to slowly move, light pokes being delivered on the sensitive skin. “But why that, Knight Mare? It’s cold and all I could ever want is just to hug my bestest friend!”

 “You already hugged me, now go aWAY!” His voice trembled in the last second, the exact moment his thumb experimentally scratched the spot right under the lowest ribs, leading a surprised squeak to leave Virgil’s mouth.

 They both stared at each other, gleaming, filling their wide eyes.

 “No.” Virgil said, trying to squirm away but finding himself stuck between Prince and the wall. Roman didn’t even attempt to hide his smug grin, anymore. This was going to be so much fun

 “Don’t you dare! Don’t you freaking dare!!” His friend only laid down again, now carefully, yet firmly, pulling him one more time against his chest, growling playfully. Years and years fighting for the Tickle Monster title on his family, battles and battles against Remus only sharpening his skills, which showed by the way his fingers seemed to find every single weak spot on Virgil’s skin, wiggles, scribbles, pokes and scratching exploring everywhere. “No! Nononono! You fucker, you moron, you bitch, you-” A few chuckles cut his curses as he one wearing pajamas squeezed his side a couple of times, the tip of his fingers also teasing his ticklish stomach. “Roman!!”

 “No, no, my so dear, so ticklish, friend. Roman is no longer here, this is…” He paused for a dramatic effect, basically beaming at the giggly giggles and wiggly wiggles from the other. He shoved his face on his neck, the next words vibrating almost as bad as the spidering on his ribs. “The Tickle Monster!!”

[power-of-plot]

The warmth of the soul.

I put a lot of effort into this bc we’re nearly 100 followers! Again i can’t thank you enough, i’ll try to write all my posts like this and improve :)).

Warnings: Sadness? Slight spicyness. (at the end, it’s more emotional than spicy but i put the warning just in case.)

Summary: To celebrate your time together you decide to go to a turistic place of natural hot springs, the circunstances end up making a much more enjoyable moment than it was expected to be.

Word count:10.5k 

Gn reader!

A couple birds flew above the heads of a couple, one with an odd hair color of red in the left and white on the right while the other had (hair color and length), their palms pressed against each other as they interwined their fingers staring down at the water body mere inches before their feet. Breaking the contact of their hand they took a step back from the other to take off their clothes revealing swimsuits underneath them, a smile crept into both’s faces at the sight, all left to do was to make themselves comfortable in that small natural pleasure.

The sun shone bright in the light blue morning sky as any small cloud was nowhere to be seen, the air was cold and, logically, so was the water..

“Eek! It’s a little cold hehe.. i’ve seen many videos of people going head-in into freezing water so we should just get used to it, right?” You said with a nevous smile as the skin of your leg bristled at the wind brushing over the cold water dripping from it.

“You’re right, besides, it shouldn’t be too deep” Shoto said calmly as he took a small jump into the water splashing some out to your feet, indeed it was cold, even someone like him who didn’t mind the lack of warmth flinched at the low temperature. “I-it’s fine, i doubt this is a dangerous temperature”

Seeing his stoic expression you supposed it was bearable so you followed him in. He wanted to rest his arms on the rim of the pool but what comfort would that bring if his skin bristled more than it already was at the slightest exposure to the surface? You tried your best to not move or shiver underwater to keep what little warm you had left, both remained still for an awkward minute internally debating wich was worse: to get out and freeze instantly or stay in the water freezing but waiting to get used to it. This was supposed to be something relaxing however it seemed you had entered an icy prison.

“Sho.. should we cheat?” You said with a small stutter as your teeth chattered softly

“...Why should we cheat on each other..?” He replied with a concerned look, once again to your delight taking things literally.

“N-no hehe i mean.. what if ins-instead of enjoying this the “natural” way we warm it up? With your quirk, if your comfortable with doing so that is! I know how you feel about your left side, i wouldn’t want to force you into something you-”

“I’ll do it” He cut off all your rambling bluntly but with a smile. “Seriously?” You gave him a dumbfounded stare tilting your head as a little excitement flooded your system “I’m sure about it, thank you for taking in mind my feelings” If only the warmth of his smile was more than metaphorical neither of you would feel like lobsters in the supermarket (lmao sorry for my lack of seriousness but i couldn’t get it out of my head) “I’ve done something similar during my training with myself in water multiple times so it shouldn’t be risky” 

“..Please, tell me if i’m overheating the water..” His voice changed as he made his request, despite it was imperative language his tone made it seem like a beg from someone in deep vulnerability, one look at him and the surrounding was enough to tell why: his left side, soon hot water and someone he loved, in a way all he once feared was right there.

“Of course but i know you would never hurt me, it’s your quirk, it’s under your control” Your reasuring smile gently pushed him into concentration as he took a deep breath, his gaze fixing on the water as his body temperature slowly rised, he was so lost in the thought of accidentally burning you the heating rate was far too slow to be felt at the distance you were from him. "Can i get closer?" You asked as your lips and nails were taking a blue tint, seeing your state he quietly nodded trying to speed up the heating to a rate that stayed under his parameters of "safe". 

Each limb you moved felt as if thin layers of ice were covering it, your toes brushed against cold uneven stone beneath them with each step and small ripples you provoqued damped the dry skin of your shoulders. As you switfly approached Shoto your shivers died down thanks to the sweet caress of heat all over your body, being right infront of him no coldness could be felt, how would it be to have contact with the source of heat then?

"Sho... can i touch you?"

I don't want to burn them.I don't want to hurt them.I can't burn them.I'm not going to burn them.I'm not going to burn them. You had touched and cuddled on his left side, you had touched his scar before but never when he was using his quirk, though the remainings of his old self begged it would never come to that he knew he'd have to overcome his fear and underestimation to his control over himself, for both. The heterochromic male quietly nodded preparing to feel your touch as his hands fidgeted underwater, your hand got closer and closer to his left shoulder and then

"Woah!"

"D-did i burn you?!"

Almost like a reflex sharp ice sprouted from the natural rock edges behind his back and around the pool, not exclusively on the surface but underwater as well, thin and easy to break layers of ice formed at the top of the water and his skin.

"No it's okay i'm alright! you didn't burn me, you surprised me!" You raised your hand ignoring the cold to show him your fully unharmed palm, any possible dread flooding his eyes washed off after he found no wounds, he released a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding.

"What were you surprised about..?" His shy voice asked

"You. I wasn't expecting it to feel that way, it was just..." You couldn't think of any words to describe your delight at the sensation of his warm soft skin, you gesticulated with both hands as your mouth was ajar with your lack of ideas "I'm happy you're learning to be okay with this part of yourself... i think it's- beautiful"

"That cursed left side of his looks more like him everyday, i don't think i can't raise that kid anymore... his left side is.. unbearable."

At the recesses of his heart where fire still wildly burnt everything on it's way, a storm of warm ice stopped the scorching destruction, gelid ice of hatred and avertion became one another with frost of love and longing. It all melted off to remove the weed of sour memories allowing new flowers to bloom and damaged roots to heal, was this what feeling affection towards his whole self truly felt like? This is how it felt coming from you?

"...Thank you." As he smiled tenderly anew, a small droplet sliding down his face freezed on his cheek before it was able to get to his chin, resulting in a diminute crystal clear orbe adhered to his skin.

The sun raised to a fortunate angle, as the sunlight touched the ice he had created, multiple rainbow reflexions proyected over the rock and the skin of both, his frozen tear produced a dim sparkle as the light remarked his fine features and pigmentless locks of hair, the image before you was beyond unique.. so must he be thinking to himself about you.

Slowly but surely you moved towards him to gently wrap your arms around his neck and torso, resting your chin over the crook of his neck with a sigh. “I’ll always be by your side whenever you need help, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I love you Shoto.. i’ll always will.” 

Heat. You were feeling heat coming from his body.

Both his arms wrapped around you holding you close and tight, his left hand rested on the back of your head while his thumb moved in soothing circles over your hair, you could feel the tension on his shoulders as he did so. “I love you too y/n.. thank you for everything, for falling in love with me.. and my quirk.” He planted a peck on your forehead “Quirks are hereditary, almost anyone can have one nowdays.. that’s not what i fell for” You drift away from his neck looking into his ocean and onix eyes, he in response raised an eyebrow asking for further explanation.

“It’s the warmth of your soul.

You are so special.. so kind.. so caring, one day you’re going to be a great hero everyone looks up to, i know so”

His ears but overall his cheeks adopted a peachy color at your words, out of all the times you unintentionally soothed the pain of the many cracks of his heart this, only surpassed by your amazement and appreciation towards his quirk, was the strongest blow you had given so far in the half year of your relationship. Once more, he felt a small something damping his cheeks.. followed by another one, and another one.

"I'll make all people feel as protected as i feel when i'm around you." His left hand moved to cup your cheek before it descended to your chin, his fingers tipped it delicately to close the gap between your lips, slowly, almost teasingly.

"Slow burn, huh..?" He closed his eyes as he felt the back of his head being pushed forward, connecting your lips in a passionate kiss leading into aimeless contact towards the face, the neck, the lips of each other. He radiated a pulse of heat with every single one of your caressess, to warm your hands up so they’d match his temperature he placed one of your palms over his temple, pressing kisses and pecks from your risk to your neck, leaving small hot patches over your body. You in exchange do a bigger move sliding your fingertips down over his swim t-shirt to pinch a small part, asking for permission, he confirms with a nod grasping the back of your hand, his toned chest and abdomen were quickly uncovered as the fabric smoothly slid up underwater, he couldn’t help a light smirk as you admired the result of all his harsh training. 

To think the mere image of the body he had avertion of in the past could enlighten someone as much as it did you, it could make him doubt of the meaning of many words, this feeling couldn’t be just simple sweet descriptions.

You gave him a whole new perspective on what it mean to be complete, what it meant to claim things that went against any logic.. you taught him to not be afraid of giving into his instincts. That day you complemented each other, not in a animalistic way, that was barely the tip of the iceberg, for the first time in years the feeling of protection and strenght, of being with someone dear to him and manifesting something as personal as his left side, cohexisted in his heart.. neither had to be pushed aside for the other to exist, he felt freedom and love. You realized just how much he cared for you and your well being, the way he might have seen his hands as claws that would burn you to ashes, how heavy was the weight of the path he had chosen.. what great treasure you had found, you swore to yourself you’d keep it and it’s flame alive for as long as fate allowed you to.

Holy crap.. i’m kinda proud of myself. It’s official i’m gonna open the requests tomorrow :D! Thanks for reading!!

[rockthingsbymeg]

honeymoon

Pairing: Slash / Saul Hudson x reader

Info: Fluff, smut [oral, male and female receiving]; 2192 words;

A/N: Hey, I’m back. It’s been really easy writing for Slash, especially fluff which is weird because I never feel like finishing the fluff’s I begin, and I already have some things fully written that I’ll post while writing even more. Thank you @sodalitefully​ and @onlyaxlrose​ for beta-reading <3

Y/N woke up with bright sunlight pouring through the enormous windows that showed them the beach. The sight, despite the burning in her eyes, took her breath away and brought a grin to her lips. The action made the dull ache on her jaw noticable for the first time that morning, what turned her grin into a half-smirk.

Her eyes left the golden sand and turquoise water and instead turned to the man who slept by her side with the sheets tangled between his legs, head buried in a fluffy pillow and an arm slung over her frame. On his finger rested his wedding ring, the silvery-golden color shining bright under the sunlight.

She could not believe they were actually married, and currently on honeymoon. She can still remember the day Steven had finally convinced her to go to one of their shows and then brought her backstage to meet everyone. To meet Slash. To meet the man that hadn't left her mind for months on end until Steven, high as a kite, let the cat out of the bag and ended up telling Slash she had a crush on him.

The day after Slash invited her to a date -nothing too formal, just a simple dinner and then a walk on the Sunset Strip, shy smiles and fluid conversation through the night- and that's when she found out Steven had told him. She wanted to die out of embarrassment for acting like a schoolgirl with a crush, but Slash was quick to put her at ease about it. Like he was quick to put her at ease when she timidly asked if the only reason he had invited her to this date was to see if he could get something out of this.

It wasn't his fault that she thought that way, and she rambled about how she didn't think he was that kind of guy and all that, but people had done that to her in the past and she was not willing to go through it again.

Slash assured her it was not it and confessed he had been planning on asking her out but didn't think it would go that well. It soothed her, and her shyness slowly melted as the night went on.

Since then, they had gone out on infinite dates, giving themselves to one another with each moment spent together, until no secrets or wall existed between them. Until Slash allowed himself to be sappy when he felt like it; until Y/N was not afraid to let herself go and be true to him, in every way possible.

One of the very last dates they went on was in L.A., in the old bar they used to go all the time when they were younger. The night had gone great, without the usual wildness that tended to come along, and it nearly made her cry about how much she loved being with him.

She did cry that night, two separate times. The first was when Slash proposed. His voice soothing and beautiful despite the ruckus happening inside his body, eyes never leaving hers and hair pulled in a loose ponytail so she could properly look at him. She had cried while saying yes multiple times, letting him put the ring on her and then throwing herself on his lap, kissing him with every ounce of love and passion and whatnot inside her.

The second one was, of course, later that night when they decided to celebrate their engagement in the most passionate, most selfless and selfish all together, lustful, sweaty, loudest way they knew. Lord pity their neighbors...

She really could not believe life had been this kind to her. Sure, there was trouble sometimes, to put it nicely, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

Right now, he was laying belly down on the matress his face could not be seen in between his wild curls, but she knew his red, plump lips were slightly parted, letting out the little snores that cut through the silence of the room. She smiled at the mental picture, turning to his side and planting feather-light kisses over his exposed, sun-kissed shoulders and up his neck, pushing his curls out of the way.

Once her lips met his, she found him smiling lazily, his thumb now stroking the skin of her waist. "Morning husband..." She grinned as he opened his eyes.

"Morning wife." He said with a chuckle, turning and laying flat on his back.

Y/N chuckled as well "Sounds too sappy for you..." She moved on the bed, straddling his waist and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Don't mind being sappy for you." He kissed the crown of her head.

She looked up at him with a cheek-hurting smile "Thank you for that, I like it when you're sappy. Not too sappy though." They laughed.

He smiled at her "I know baby." He closed the distance between them, kissing her lazily.

Y/N sighed into the kiss, letting him take the lead and moving her hand to his hair, holding it firmly, pulling a groan out of him. Her hips began to rut against his softly, her wetness gathering and his semi-hard cock stiffening even more.

Slash ended up breaking the kiss with a low moan as her hips began to move more firmly, placing one hand on her waist and another one loosely around her throat.

A faint whimper escaped her lips at that, pupils widening significantly and lips dropping open "Saul..."

"Hm?" He prompted, tightening his grip.

"Fuck me please..." She whispered, lifting her hips so he could push himself inside her.

He did so, moving slowly, allowing both of them to completely feel each other with each thrust. He rolled them on the bed, released her throat and instead pinned both her hands above her head, moving himself faster.

Y/N's eyes closed in ecstasy, moans getting louder, back arching slightly and breasts moving in tandem with Slash's moves. The sight made his moves falter a bit, but he quickly recovered "Open your eyes Y/N..." She moaned at the sound of his voice, tilting her head further against the pillows. "Open your eyes and look at me while I fuck you baby..." He groaned, moving faster as her eyes met his again.

After a few minutes, though not nearly as many as usual, her walls were clenching harder around him, her moans growing in pitch and number and small tears were gathering in her eyes.

"I'm gonna cum..." Y/N moaned, lacing her fingers with his.

Slash was surprised she was reaching breaking point this fast with so little effort. Usually, they both could last for a long time (on a occasion when Slash had come home from touring, they had gone at it for three and a half hours, with very little breaks in between) and now he was pretty sure not even fifteen minutes had gone by.

"I'm not close enough baby... Do you wanna stop for a bit?" He slowed down his thrusts, waiting for an answer.

"Make me cum..." She pulled her hands from his grip, moving them to his back, tucked under his arms "I'll make it up to you." She smirked, kissing him on the lips briefly.

Slash smirked back at her, picking up speed, getting the high pitched moans out of her again. He shifted his hips a little, angling them just right so the tip of his cock was hitting her g-spot repeatedly. Her cunt began, once again, to clench around him tightly, and her hands moved down his back to his ass, squeezing the flesh in her fingers -something she did more often than not before she came.

"Stop squeezing my ass." Slash laughed softly, not really understanding her gesture even after years of being together.

"Sorry, but it's too nice to stop." Y/N giggled, squeezing harder.

He laughed again and connected their lips in a kiss, right when she came. Her back arched, breasts pressing against his chest, eyelids dropping but not closing and their kiss breaking, her mouth molding into a perfect o shape, letting out honey-coated moans of his name.

"That's my girl..." Slash groaned, trying hard not to thrust up into her harder than before as she came down from her high.

He held still until her hands wandered back up and tangled into his hair, pulling him down for a slow kiss.

"Lay on the pillows..." She mumbled in between the kiss, letting him break it.

She whined when he pulled out, leaving her feeling empty. She always hated the feeling itself, but rejoiced in the feeling of being used for someone's pleasure that came with it.

Slash had settled by her side on the pillows, making an appreciative sound as she made herself comfortable between his legs. Her head was resting on his hips, mouth extremely close to his slick, hard cock and her hand moved to lazily jerk him off, grip not tight enough to have him coming, but not too loose it would just tease.

Their eyes were connected as long as she moved her hand, with the occasional flick of the wrist at the head and thumb collecting the pre-cum that dribbled out of him. When she felt him shift almost imperceptibly underneath her, a sing of his impatience, she lifted herself up and pulled him in between her lips.

Since the very beginning, Y/N always knew just how to move to have him trembling the second her mouth was on him. Her tongue lapped at him slowly and firmly and he could feel her lips sliding lower and lower until they met the hairs at the base of his cock, that was now tightly sheltered in her throat.

It was not often that Y/N deep-throated him this far, but it was pretty clear she didn't plan on stopping there, he realized, as she began to move shallowly, fucking her own throat.

The action literally punched the air out of him, and his hands soon found place in her hair, holding tightly but not guiding her. Her eyes lifted again and with a pleading look and a whine that reverberated all the way inside his body, he understood was she was trying to get him to do.

He planted his feet on the bed and used them for leverage as he set a pace with his hips. The lewd sounds spilling from Y/N's lips, alongside with a great deal of spit, made the coil in his stomach get tighter and tighter.

In any other occasion, he would be more worried about how little he was lasting. He would try to hold it off, for his own sake, and he maybe should do that today, because it was that often that he got to fuck her throat, especially not as carefree as this. But the little voice inside his head that kept on remembering him that his wife's hot, velvety, fucking perfect mouth is getting stuffed full with his cock, and that her throat keeps closing around his tip; that she's struggling to breath but doesn't stop because she needs him to fuck her hard like he's doing makes it pretty fucking difficult.

He just lets himself go, muttering a few warnings to her in his low, raspy voice, knowing she would swallow it all like the good girl she is.

From her place between his legs, watching him cum is like looking at a miracle. His arms tense and make the sweat shine more under the sunlight; his head drops back and his hair completely falls from his face, allowing her to watch his eyes roll back in his head and eventually fall closed; his lips red with bite marks all over them...

She can't think of any other words except for breath-fucking-taking!

When he let her up again, she was quick to lick her lips and his cock to get the cum that eventually spilled out of her lips, seeing as he tended to cum a lot. She moved back to his side and rested against him, letting one of his arms fall over her shoulders while the other one pulled her leg on top of his waist and stroked her skin.

She looked up at him and smiled as he was already looking down at her "I'm not saying this just because you blew my brains out of my head-" He smiled when she snorted "- but I love you so fucking much." He grinned, moving a few hairs out of her face.

Y/N's throat hurt a lot when she spoke and her voice would have scared the shit out of her, had she not been waiting for it. "I love you too." Slash smirked like an idiot at the sound of it. "You think it's amazing because you're not the one having to talk to people with the same tone of voice as Axl when he tries to sing with his throat fucked up." She rolled her eyes, stretching on top of him like a cat.

Slash laughed loudly at that, the sound making his chest vibrate against her face. Fuck she loved him...

---

Thank you so much for reading. Likes, reblogs, comments and any kind of way you show me you liked this are endlessly appreciated💛

Tagging: @siriuslymooned (if anyone wants to be tagged let me know <3)

[rawmeanderson]

bring you back to me ― part III

ft. jeff skinner plot: when your high school sweetheart gets traded to the same city where you now live and work, your best friend just can’t mind her own business ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ warnings. swearing, drinking, a jack eichel appearance???  word count: 6.1k is anyone surprised that this is unedited??? i’m not 100% happy with the ending of this, but whatevs!!!! as always, comments, feedback, and hype are all very much appreciated!!!

“Okay, but how have you just not seen each other in two weeks?” Lydia asks, looking up from her salad to give you a skeptical look.

You’d been in the middle of a phone call when Lydia had come into your cubicle and pulled up the chair from around the corner, making herself at home with her lunch. This was nothing unusual though, so when you’d finished the call, you set your phone to ring to voicemail and grabbed your food from your bag.

Immediately, you’re rolling your eyes with a sigh. “There’s only so much I can do when he’s been on the road so much, and the last home game was the night of the annual meeting here, so it’s not like I could get out of that,” you tell her, trying to return your attention back to your sandwich.

Lydia scoffs softly, looking amused. “They’re not on the road tonight, and they’re not playing, so call him or something,” she tells you. Her tone tells you she’s challenging you to find an excuse not to.

“I don’t want to be up his ass about it, okay?” you respond, shrugging simply.

“No, you just want him up yours,” she teases, already laughing at her own comment. Your response is to snort as you shake your head, picking up the pack of Post-Its next to your keyboard and throwing it at her. “What, are you trying to say I’m lying?” Again, she’s laughing, and you can feel a flush coloring your cheeks.

“I’m literally going to kill you one of these days, you know that, right?” you tell her, taking a drink from your water bottle. She only shrugs, still grinning.

Sure, it’d been two weeks since you and Jeff had gotten drinks, but the two of you texted frequently. He’d FaceTimed you a couple of times as well, once on a long flight back to Buffalo when he was bored as hell. You’d been curled up in bed, half asleep, and you’d been grateful it was pretty dark in your room so he hadn’t been able to see you blush when he’d said you looked cute.

It wasn’t until later in the day that Lydia came back to your work space, leaning against the wall. “Invite Jeff to trivia tomorrow night, they’re not playing,” she says, wide grin spread across her face. Her suggestion makes you scoff.

“I’m sure he’s got better things to do than come to trivia at a dirty bar, Lydia,” you tell her, eyes barely leaving your computer screen.

“Yes, he does have better things to do, and thankfully, one of them will also be at trivia at a dirty bar,” she responds quickly, lips pursed but otherwise looking rather pleased with herself for the comment. “And is there a reason you’re not going to the game on Friday?”

Before offering a reply, you exhale a heavy breath, having thought that she was done pestering you for the day. “No, there’s not much of a reason why I’m not going, he just never mentioned it,” you tell her, glancing at your phone and silently wishing it would ring and save you from her questions.

“What, you’re waiting for him to mention it?” she asks, grin spreading across her face as she moves into your work area to reclaim the chair she’d been sitting in when you guys were eating. “Call him, mention the game, mention trivia, something.” Lydia’s still grinning, leaning forward in the chair then to rest her elbows on your desk.

“Lydia, I―” you start before she cuts you off, because she know you’re just about to tell her no.

“If you don’t invite him to trivia, I will,” she tells you with a look in her eye that tells you she’s serious. Part of you want to call her bluff, but you already know that she’s serious, considering she’d lured you to a game in the first place.

“I’ll text him about it later, okay?” you say with what you hope is a convincing, unannoyed grin.

“Just call him now, you big baby,” Lydia teases with a wink, bringing a hand up to push her hair out of her face.

“Now you’re just being ridiculous,” you counter, and she only responds with a shrug and a playful grin.

“Maybe a little, but come on, y/n, you are obviously still so in love with him that it makes me queasy, and I’m just out here trying to get you laid, alright?”

After rolling your eyes, you run your tongue over your teeth before your eyes move to your phone that’s resting on the desktop in front of you. She wasn’t wrong though, and that’s what made it even worse. A few days ago, Jeff had said that he misses you, and that had almost been enough to make you cry, because god, you missed him. It was stupid, really, or at least that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You kept trying to be rational about your feelings, reminding yourself that you didn’t need to get your hopes up about the possibility of being with him. Even though it felt like nothing had changed in the years since you’d seen each other, you knew for a fact that you weren’t the same person you’d been at 17. Being rational had never been your strong suit though, and that didn’t stop you from spending most of your time daydreaming about him.

“Call him, call him, call him,” Lydia starts chanting quietly in a rather barbaric tone, just to get you to smile. It works, but you’re shaking your head as you pick up your phone.

Just when you’d thought she might leave you alone to make the call, she actually leans closer like she’s trying to hear better. In an effort to irritate her, you lean back in your hair a bit more, holding your phone up to your ear as it starts to ring. A large part of you hopes he’s busy or doesn’t have his phone on him or―Your thoughts are cut off when he answers.

“Hey!” Jeff says, his voice so bright that you can hear his smile. “I was just thinking about you.” The words make you exhale a soft laugh as you smile to yourself. His words had made your heart leap into your throat, and you can feel a soft flush starting to warm your cheeks.

“You were?” you question, eyes lifting to Lydia. She’s watching you curiously, and you’re suddenly feeling very self-conscious.

“Yeah, I was gonna text you when I got home from practice in like, twenty minutes,” he tells you. You can hear wind blowing around him, and he clears his throat a second later. “So, what’s up?”

Really, his words had taken you by surprise, and you take a second to remind yourself what you’d called him for. “Oh, uh...if you’re not busy tomorrow night, Lydia and I going to trivia at a bar downtown, I just thought I’d see if you wanted to come with us,” you say, hoping you’re not rambling too much.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Jeff responds quickly, and a second later, he speaks again. “Is it okay if I bring someone with me?”

“Of course, yeah, that’d be great,” you say, feeling rather proud of yourself for getting through this. “I’ll text you the details and stuff in a little bit.”

“Okay, sounds good. So, that’s tomorrow, what are you doing on Friday?” he asks, surprising you all over again. Your heart jumped, knowing that was the night of the game Lydia had been bugging you about.

“Uh, nothing so far, why?” you respond, clearing your throat again as you sit up in your seat a little more. Waiting for him to speak, you feel just as nervous as you had when the phone was ringing a few minutes ago.

“We’ve got a home game, I was going to see if you wanted to come,” he says after what felt like an eternity. There’s a short pause in which he murmurs something to whoever is with him before he continues. “You can bring Lydia with you if you want, I can get you two seats.”

His offer makes you smile, happiness spreading warm through your body. “Yeah, uh, that’d be great,” you tell him.

“Okay, perfect. But, uh, hey, Eichs and I are about to sit down for lunch, so I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, we’ll talk soon,” you respond before saying goodbye. After hanging up, you put your phone down on your desk and shrug slightly. “Okay, so maybe that wasn’t your worst idea.”

As always, Lydia looks pleased with herself. “Told you,” she says with a grin and an easy shrug.

Jeff called you later that night when you were in bed. He was on his way home from dinner at a teammate’s place, and you were curled up on the sofa with a book. A documentary was playing in the background for a bit of noise and your heart fluttered when you saw his name flash across your screen.

He asked how your day was, and the two of you made small talk for a few minutes. You could hear the sounds of the city around him as the two of you spoke and you relaxed back into the sofa.

“It’s alright if I bring Eichs tomorrow night, right?” he asks at one point after clearing his throat.

“Yeah, of course,” you assure him, biting your lip as you slip you mark your place in your book before closing it. Lydia was going to freak out. She was obviously preparing herself to meet Jeff, but as a long time Sabres fan, meeting Jack would leave her on the spot just she’d done to you at the game.

The two of you talked for a while longer, just easy conversation like you always had. The thought crosses your mind to invite him over. You miss him, and yeah, you’re seeing him tomorrow, but you selfishly wanted him to yourself. It’s on the tip of your tongue at one point, you’re so close to just blurting it out, but you stop yourself and you don’t really know why.

It’s nice to hear his voice, and you smile to yourself when he tells you that he misses you and that he’s excited to see you tomorrow. When he admits that he’s a little nervous to meet Lydia, you laugh, promising that you’ll make sure she behaves. Soon, Jeff sighs softly, and you know it’s time to say good night.

“I’ve been sitting in my parking garage for the last twenty minutes because I’ve been too lazy to move,” he says, earning another laugh out of you. “I’m gonna let you go, okay? I’ll text you in the morning.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” you respond, trying to stifle a yawn. “Good night.”

“Night,” he tells you in a voice so gentle that it makes your heart hurt.

You sat on the information that Jeff was bringing Jack Eichel with him, and got through the day without too much stress about trivia that evening. More than anything, you were excited. Excited to see Jeff, for him to meet Lydia, and you were excited to meet Jack as well. When the workday was over, you changed into jeans and a v-neck blouse and met Lydia in the parking garage. You rode to the bar with her because finding parking in that area was always a nightmare and it stressed you out.

Jeff had let you know that they were running a little late, so you and Lydia went in to get settled at a table. You stopped at the bar to grab a beers for yourself and Lydia, and when you put them down on table a moment later, she was already looking around the bar. She’d already gotten the paperwork for trivia, and she was drumming the pen against the tabletop idly as you sat down.

You take a drink as you fish your phone out of your pocket when it vibrates. It’s a text from Jeff, letting you know that they just parked so they’d be there inside in a minute.

“They just got here,” you say to Lydia as you send back a quick thumbs up emoji in response to his message.

“They? He brought somebody?” she asks, looking up at you from the answer sheet she’d been separating. Her eyes lift from you to the entrance, and she grins. You turn to see Jeff walking toward you, and a second later, Jack comes into view behind him. “Holy shit.” Lydia’s words sharp when she sees him, and you look back at her.

“Oh, yeah, he’s bringing Eichs,” you say as casually as you can, as if you’d just forgotten to mention it. You do your best to look apologetic, and you can see her eyes go a little wide when they get close.

Getting to your feet, you turn to greet Jeff with a wide smile as he immediately puts his arms around you in a hug. He holds your body firmly against his for a second, pressing his lips to the top of your head as he murmurs a soft greeting into your hair.

“It’s good to see you,” you tell him quietly, the words a bit muffled into his shoulder. You would’ve liked to stay like that for a longer time, but instead, you pulled back to grin at him. He nods in response to your words, holding your gaze a moment longer before clearing his throat and turning his attention to his teammate.

“Uh, Jack, this is y/n,” he says with a quick laugh as he takes a step back. You’re grinning as you wave quickly to Jack, wondering how Lydia is fairing behind you.

“It’s nice to actually meet you. Jeff hasn’t shut up about you in weeks,” Jack tells you, elbowing Jeff with a wink before moving around the table to sit across from Lydia.

His words make you exhale a quick laugh as you push your hair out of your face. “Nice to meet you too, I guess. This is my best friend, Lydia,” you respond, finally turning your attention to her as you settle back into your seat.

Her cheeks are slightly flushed, and when she smiles, it’s a little forced. She clears her throat, biting her bottom lip quickly before speaking. “Hi, I’m glad you guys could make it,” she says, only looking at Jack for a short second before her eyes move to Jeff.

Lydia relaxes pretty quickly, especially once the game starts. She takes trivia a little too seriously sometimes, and being more in her element, she opens up easily. A few questions in, you watch on with an amused grin as she and Jack bicker over a question about Mary Poppins, and when you glance at Jeff, you catch him watching you. He’s smiling, and when he realizes you’ve caught him, a slight blush colors his cheeks. As always, his smile is contagious, and you return the grin rather sheepishly.

The moment is interrupted when Lydia says your name, and you turn your head quickly to look at her.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” you ask, feeling your face flush as Lydia grins at you knowingly. As she repeats herself, trying to get you to weigh in on the answer, you can feel Jeff still watching you. With a laugh, you admit that you have no idea what the answer is and you tuck your hair behind your ear.

“I’m gonna go grab another drink, does anyone want anything?” Jeff says, already getting to his feet. As Jack asks him to grab another beer, you stand as well.

“I’ll go up with you,” you tell him, and he nods in response with a wide grin before leading the way.

At the bar, Jeff looks to you after ordering the drinks for the table. “They seem to be having fun,” he says, nodding toward the table where Lydia and Jack are still talking. She’s leaning back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest, so you can only imagine what’s being said.

“Arguing is her favorite hobby, honestly,” you admit with a laugh. “She’s having a great time.”

“Yeah, just from what you’ve told me about her, I figured they’d get along,” he says. The two of you watch as Lydia gets up to take her answer slip up to the host’s table. It’s not hard to tell that Jack is watching her with an unreadable expression on his face.

By the end of the night, you didn’t win trivia, but then again, you never had before anyway. Jack dipped as soon as the game was over, while you, Jeff, and Lydia hung around a while longer to finish your drinks. It was nice to have two of you favorite people together in one place for the first time, and of course, Lydia demanded to hear and embarrassing story or two about you. Thankfully, Jeff didn’t bring up some of the worst stories, and you let the two of them talk and get to know each other as you finished your beer.

After Jeff offers to drive you back to your parking garage to get your car, Lydia decides to take off. You exchange goodbyes, and she heads to the door, making sure to turn to shoot you a grin before she steps out onto the street.

A few minutes later, as you and Jeff are walking back to his car, you nudge him gently with your elbow. His response is to pull you closer so he can put his arm around your shoulders, and you smile widely as you lean into his side.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” you tell him, looking up at him with a grin.

“Yeah, I am too,” he responds, beaming back at you. He’s fishing in his pocket for his keys, nodding toward his vehicle once you’re close enough. Jeff squeezes your shoulder softly before he reaches to open the car door for you.

You give him directions back to the parking garage closest to your office, and as he drives, the two of you catch up a bit more. He insists on taking you up to your car instead of dropping you off at the entrance and you really don’t protest too much, happy to get to spend a few more minutes with him.

Jeff pulls into the empty space next to your car and puts his SUV in park before looking at you. “You’re still coming to the game Friday, yeah?” he asks, drumming his thumb against the steering wheel idly.

You grin as you nod. “As long as I’m still invited,” you tease, eyes dropping to his mouth when he licks his lips.

Even though you’re at your car, talking seems more important. The two of you sit in his car for close to an hour, just laughing and talking. Eventually, you turn in your seat to lean back against the door so you can look at him, and it’s just more of that easy conversation that you can never get enough of with him.

It’s nearly 11 before you finally force yourself out of his vehicle into your own after a long goodbye. You yawned as you open the door, deciding that it’s probably good that you’re heading home, ready to climb into bed. Jeff waits in his spot for you to get settled in your car and pull out of your space, and you wave to him quickly before heading toward the exit.

The next thirty hours go by slowly, and to your surprise, Lydia doesn’t drive you absolutely insane. You’d pleased her enough with trivia and the game that you’ve managed to get her off your back for at least a few days.

Friday afternoon, Lydia’s at your desk for lunch when your phone buzzes on your desk. You put down your mug of tea as you reach for it, and a grin spreads across your face.

“It’s Jeff, isn’t it?” Lydia teases, wiggling her eyebrows at you suggestively. Your grin had obviously given you away, and the blush that colored your cheeks practically confirmed it.

“Yeah, it’s him,” you respond with a little shrug as you read over the message. “He just told me that our tickets for tonight are at will call.” She nods, leaning forward to rest her elbows on your desk.

“You know he’s still absolutely in love with you, right?” she says, her tone so casual that it actually makes you laugh.

“Lydia, I...yeah, I think I do,” you respond with an indifferent shrug then, deciding that there was no point in denying what was becoming harder and harder to ignore. She looks rather impressed the you admitted it without much push, nudging at the contents of her salad with her fork. The look on her face says that she expects you to elaborate or continue in some way, but you don’t.

Instead, you change the subject. To your surprise, she doesn’t bother pressing the issue anymore, even for the rest of the day.

Once Lydia had gone back to her own desk after lunch, you text Jeff for a while, until he has to head to the arena. He asks you to meet him in the same place as last game, and offers to drive you home afterwards so Lydia wasn’t stuck waiting for you. The offer makes your heart race, and you tell him that that’d be great.

It worked out that you were able to ride with Lydia to the game, and when you got your ticket at will call, there’s a sticky note attached to them. The note was from Jeff, telling you to stop at the team store on your way in and give them your name at the register. It ended with a “see you soon” and it made you smile as you shove the paper in your pocket.

A jersey was waiting for you at the store, and you really feel like your heart might burst as you and Lydia stop off to the side in the hall so you can pull it on over your shirt.

“You guys are so disgustingly cute, it’s kind of nauseating,” Lydia says with a disgruntled look on her face. Her words make you grin and she snorts in response to your expression. “Man, I need a drink.”

The Sabres lost, but Jeff scored in the second period.That broke the scoring draught he’d been in, which was enough to make you happy with the game. With close access to a bar and the fact that you didn’t have to worry about driving yourself home later, you let yourself get just beyond tipsy. When you made your way down to the same lounge as last time, you still had a can of hard cider in your hand.

You’re much more comfortable in the room this time around, relaxing back into the sofa and scrolling through a few screens on your phone as you waited. Lydia had been intrigued to hear that Jeff was driving you home later but hadn’t said much more about it, thankfully.

When Jeff steps in after knocking quietly, he’s grinning widely at you. You get to your feet, taking the couple of steps to meet him, your arms immediately looping around his neck. His arms go around your waist and it takes you by surprise when he lifts you off your feet easily. A soft laugh leaves you when he puts you back down on your feet again a second later, pressing a kiss to your hair.

“I’m really glad you came tonight,” he says, practically beaming when he pulls back to look down at you. It’s impossible not to mirror his expression right back to him, and you bring a hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear.

“Yeah, I am too,” you tell him with a nod, biting your lip to try and slow the grin that’s spreading across your face. Just looking at him makes your heart pound in your chest, and the alcohol in your system was doing nothing to help you settle.

“You’re wearing the jersey,” he says in a tone that’s a little hard to decipher. His eyes drop slightly to the 53 on the right side of your collar, and he’s smiling wide enough then it makes your heart ache.

“Was I not supposed to?” you ask, brows knitting together quickly in confusion.

“No, you look really nice,” he responds, his cheeks flushing as he meets your eye again. He sounds rather bashful, and you only grin as he clears his throat. “So, I was testing out a theory tonight.” His tone is more confident then, and he’s looking at you in a way that makes you feel warm all over.

“Yeah?” Your words come with a breath of laughter, and he nods in response before looking at the door.

“Ready to get out of here?” Jeff asks as if he hadn’t just changed the subject. You scoff out another laugh and nod before he motions for you to take the lead.

“So, what kind of theory?” you question a moment later when he hasn’t continued, falling into step beside him once you’re in the hall. Within a few steps, his hand was taking yours, and you could feel a blush rising up your neck.

“That was the first goal I’ve scored since the last game you were here.” As he speaks, he glances down at you, and you look up to meet his eye quickly. “Theory was that maybe having you here would break that streak, and it did.”

You hadn’t even realized that fact until now, but it makes you grin either way. “Well, you’re welcome, I guess,” you tease, getting a laugh out him. He squeezes your hand and a smile slides onto your face.

The two of you make small talk as you make your way toward the exit, and really, you’re just happy to be with him again. He holds the door open for you then goes fishing in his pocket for his keys, and he doesn’t let go of your hand until you’re close enough to the car.

Getting settled in the passenger seat, you sneak a quick look at him. He’s smiling softly to himself, and it does nothing to stop the fluttering in your stomach. Fastening your seatbelt, you watch him as he starts up the car before, letting yourself relax into your seat.

“You know where we’re going, or should I use Maps?” he asks, looking at you as he reaches to shift the SUV into reverse.

You scoff in response and you notice that he’s still grinning as he backs out of his parking space. “We should probably use Maps, at least to get to my neighborhood,” you say, enjoying the soft laugh he lets out as he nods in agreement.

“Good to know your sense of direction hasn’t gotten any better,” he teases, glancing at you before opening Maps his navigation system.

“Hey!” you say, trying your best to sound offended only to end up exhaling a laugh. Jeff is grinning as he motions for you to put in your address as he shifts into drive, and you make eye contact when he glances at you a second later.

The drive isn’t long, and the two of you carry a light conversation. It’s so easy to relax around him, even as he’s teasing you about the fact that you’re still tipsy. When you get close enough to your house to know where you are, you lean forward to cancel the navigation.

“I don’t know why Maps always tells people to go this way,” you grumble, noticing that he’s taking glances at you when he can. “Turn left at this light, I know where we are now.”

“Are you sure?” he asks jokingly, smirking at you as he comes to a stop at the red light. Rolling your eyes, you’re trying and failing not to grin as he teases you. He chuckles softly, giving you a quick grin before his eyes return to the road.

“God, I forgot how annoying you were,” you grumble, your smile growing wider despite your best efforts. For dramatic effect, you cross your arms over your chest and slump in your seat slightly as the light turns green. When you glance at him again, he’s biting his lip and grinning as his foot lifts off the brake.

A few minutes later, Jeff is turning into your driveway, and you glance at him. A silence settles over the two of you for a moment and you look up to meet his eye as you bite your lip.

“You wanna come in for a bit?” you ask, voice soft as you reach to unfasten your seatbelt. His eyes are on you, you can feel it, and he’s quiet for a few beats longer.

“I really want to, but I shouldn’t,” he responds finally, exhaling a sigh as he speaks. You must look confused because he’s quick to continue. “I have to be up really early in the morning, and if I come in, I’m probably not gonna want to leave.” A flush colors his cheeks and it makes you press your lips together as you smile, nodding in understanding.

“Well, that’s sucks,” you say, letting out a soft laugh as you tuck your hair behind your ear. He laughs with you then, nodding in agreement as his eyes lift to meet yours.

“I’ll walk you to the door though, if that’s okay,” Jeff says, and you’re quick to nod. He moves quickly, exiting the car as you reach to open your door as well. When you’re on your feet and he’s close enough, he reaches for your hand, lacing his fingers with yours as the two of you start on the walk up to your front door.

“This is oddly familiar,” you tease with a grin, glancing up at him. He’d always walked you to the door when you were younger after spending a few minutes making out in his car.

Jeff is chuckling as he nods, squeezing your hand lightly. “Yeah, it is. At least there’s no one inside to flip the porch light on and off at us,” he responds, licking his lips with a grin, making you laugh.

“Is it just me, or is it still a little hard to believe that we’re adults now and there aren’t any adults trying to supervise us?” you ask, pushing your hair out of your face with a grin as you dig for your keys.

“Yeah, it’s a little weird being with you and not having a curfew or anything,” he responds, letting go of your hand as the two of you stop on your front porch. You’re facing each other and you glance up at him with a rather shy smile.

“When am I going to see you again?” you ask, biting your lip. There’s a bit of distance between the two of you, and you want to be closer. You want to feel his arms around you, the warmth of his body as he holds you against him. The nervousness that’s buzzing in your stomach has done nothing but amplified as you hold his gaze.

“How about Sunday? Like, uh, as an actual date?” His words come quickly, like he’d already been thinking about it, and a smile spreads across your face.

“Sunday works,” you say, feeling like your heart is about to just burst right out of your chest. He nods back to you, looking a little relieved as he smiles, and you swear you see his eyes drop to your mouth. Your face hurts from smiling so wide, and the two of you just stand there, hanging in the easy silence that’s settled over you.

After a moment, Jeff exhales a breath through his nose, his eyes moving over your features. “I honestly just can’t believe how much I’ve missed you,” he admits, a soft flush coloring his cheeks as you continue to grin at him. You bite the inside of your cheek then, nodding quickly because you’re not sure if your voice will break or not.

“I know,” you whisper a second later, moving close enough then to put your arms around his neck to pull him into a tight hug. He embraces you immediately, settling his arms around your waist tightly as he rests his chin on top of your head. Your face is pressed into his shoulder and you nuzzle into him there as if you can’t get close enough.

The two of you stand there like that on your front step, and before long, Jeff shifts so he’s nosing at your hair lightly, making you smile to yourself. You feel warm inside and your heart is pounding in your chest, and your fingers start toying with the hair at the back of his neck idly. The embrace is so familiar that if you closed your eyes, you’d probably forget that you’re not 16 anymore.

When he starts to pull back, you do the same, eyes lifting to his face to find that he’s already looking at you. He licks his lips, eyes falling to your mouth again, and it feels like you’re both just waiting for the other to move. His hands are still on your waist, just resting there.

Jeff says your name softly, and you blink, eyes meeting his a second later. “Can I―”

Because you at least think you know what he’s about to ask, and because you already know your answer, your arm tightens around his neck to pull him back down to you without letting him finish. He takes your hint, ducking his head to kiss you firmly, but slow enough that you feel it through every inch of your body.

The way you relax into him, it’s like you’ve been holding your breath for the last seven years since you’d kissed him last. You exhale a sigh against his mouth as one of his hands leaves your waist to instead rest on your jaw to keep you close to him. Kissing him is better than you’d remembered, better than kissing anyone else, and when you feel his tongue slide along your bottom lip, you go weak in the knees.

It’s impossible to get him close enough, your arms tightening around his neck again, and you feel him smile against your mouth. Your lungs are burning when you pull back, and when you open your eyes, you see that he’s already smiling at you. Your heart is so full just from the way he’s looking at you, and you feel your cheeks flush as you lean forward to press another soft kiss to his mouth.

“You sure you don’t want to come in?” you question in a quiet voice, the words followed by a laugh from each of you. He kisses you again, this time humming softly as he pushes your hair out of your face.

“I really want to, I promise,” he tells you with a heavy sigh, his hand still on your face as he watches you. He’s close enough that as he speaks, his lips brush yours, and you nod in response to his words, trying your best not to look too pouty about it. “I’ll see you Sunday though, yeah?” His voice is so gentle and sweet then that you can’t help but smile as you nod.

You force yourself to untangle from him, your fingers brushing through the hair at the back of his neck gently before you sigh.

“Yeah, I’ll see you Sunday,” you respond, pressing a hand against his chest before you rise onto your toes to kiss him once more. It surprises you when his hand settles on the back of your neck to keep you close so he can kiss you a bit harder, the touch sending a spark of arousal through you as you lean into him.

When Jeff pulls away again, he takes a step back, still looking at you as he licks his lips. You now that your cheeks are flushed, you can feel them burning, and you know you need to go inside just to stop yourself from kissing him again. Pulling your keys out, you turn to the door and fit the key into the lock, glancing over your shoulder at Jeff a second later.

“Sunday,” you say, biting your bottom lip as you see him smile.

“Sunday.” He repeats the word back to you with a nod, eyes dropping to your mouth again before he starts back toward his car.

[writcraft]

2018 Fandom Reflections

I’m going to do a year in review list of fics and answer tags on some of the memes floating around, but I’m waiting until January when a few anon fics in fests are revealed as I’d really like to include those in my ramblings. This is more a personal take on some reflections I’ve had on fandom - and my place and activity within it - over the course of this year.

On a personal level, real life work and fandom as a hobby have intersected this year for me like never before, and the combination of taking on multiple commitments to academic publishing, grappling with the demands of my thesis and moderating and participating in multiple fests has been a lot. I’ve had something of a rollercoaster year, but I’m ending 2018 feeling creatively inspired, happy, and energised for another active fandom year. Thank you to everyone who has been part of it and those friends new and old that have been instrumental to shaping my year and pulling me out of the funk I was in at the beginning of the year.

Some key lessons I’ve personally learned in 2018 below the cut to save your dash from my GIANT WALL OF TEXT.

All At Sea: I think of my relationship to fan spaces sometimes as a bit like being out at sea. It’s easy to get caught up in the current and drift along, but the tide is always turning and there are unexpected storms which make staying afloat more challenging at times. Sometimes it can be exhausting when you feel as though you’re swimming against a strong current and making no progress, but on other occasions you find a spot where you can swim, choose your own direction, do handstands in the water and it’s exhilarating. This year I learned it’s okay to get out of the sea sometimes, to push your toes in the sand, feel the sun on your face, and just enjoy watching the waves. Have a cocktail with friends at the beach bar, chill the fuck out, basically. From starting the year feeling in something of a fandom funk, I’ve got to a place at the end of this year where I feel very positive about fandom and grateful to share a space with so many brilliant, talented, supportive people. 

Burnout and Information Overwhelm: This year, the burnout has been real and I’ve worked out that the platforms I’m operating on contribute a lot to that feeling of mental exhaustion. Using my mobile for fandom activity, having more time than ever at my personal laptop instead of an office computer which restricted me from accessing fan platforms and ramping up my use of Tumblr, Twitter, WhatsApp and Discord for fandom activity created a kind of information overwhelm that comes with high speed interactions and heightened the sense of needing to be present, or to offer opinions as part of fast-paced interactions requiring quick thinking, and sometimes knee-jerk responses. With this came the suspicion and bitter taste caused by anonymous messages cropping up in the inboxes of me and my friends, and it felt at times as though I was constantly logged on and in a state of hypersensitivity. I’ve learned that stepping back from things and learning to balance time spent online with time spent offline is an important part of self-care and it’s okay to be absent for a while. If conversations are draining, leave them. If you see opinions you don’t like, ignore them or try to understand them. They are just opinions - and I mean opinions on characters, canon, fandom and so on as opposed to political opinions that actively seek to harm people. Everyone has different perspectives on things. There really is room for everyone. Regarding anonymous messages, if the only way someone wants to interact with you is via crappy anonymous messages, I’ve learned they are not worth your time, effort or mental energy. Interacting only brings more attention to them. Delete, block, move on. Fuck ‘em. If you want to talk to me, do it off anon. If I’ve upset you with my actions, tell me. Let’s have a proper, adult conversation. 

Look for the Rainbow: Fandom spaces are communities which form around peoples passions. They are places of brilliant creativity but the things we love have a tendency to give rise to extreme emotional responses. I’ve veered from extreme highs to extreme lows and this year I have learned the importance of finding a balance that works. I think a relentlessly positive, non-critical approach can be just as stifling as a culture of intense negativity and constant division, but having said that when I’m having my storm cloudy moments I’m trying to focus on the rainbow. Wallowing in bad feeling tends to nurture and cultivate that sense of dissatisfaction until it becomes suffocating. There’s a tremendous amount of good in fandom space. Good people, good ideas, tireless effort, incredible organisation, passion, creativity and vibrancy. There’s a huge amount to feel positively about and whilst I would never advocate for a laissez faire, entirely non-critical approach, I also think everyone has their own capacity for critical thinking and the way those thoughts can permeate and shape our whole experience of fandom and - by extension - influence our creative abilities. I’ve learned to focus more on the things I get out of fandom that make me happy, to retain a critical eye on things as I always will given the nature of my research, but not to allow the critical to obscure the many positive things about fandom. 

Evaluating Self-Worth: I’ve really tried in the latter part of this year not to measure myself or my worth by external metrics of success. The kudos, the hits, the number of followers, the amount of positive interaction over anonymous messages, the posts I’m tagged in, the hype, the rec lists I’m on or not on, and so on. Comparing yourself to other people can lead to resentment and frustration or to an inflated sense of self-importance. It says a little something about how I started the year that I thought I want to grow my tumblr and write a really successful fic, and thought I would know if I had accomplished that by feedback and response. I’m actually quite embarrassed to admit that because I think it makes me look like a dick, and I’m super pleased with the support my fics get in any event, but I wanted to share it because I think it’s important in terms of this lesson I’ve learned this year. I went from a place of being very focused on external measures of success to ending this year realising that my most successful stories have been the ones I’m proudest of and they are not the ones with the most hits or kudos. Those are the stories that I enjoyed creating the most, and the ones that left me feeling incredibly positive and proud at the end of this year, looking forward to the next year in fandom and planning projects that I already know won’t be the most popular, but they are the ones I’m creatively excited about and inspired by, so those are the ones I should be focusing on. Despite its resistance to corporate structures, there’s something very capitalist about the way we can sometimes be lured into evaluating self-worth in fandom, and those structures are embedded within fandom itself. They won’t go away, but focusing on them doesn’t half make me unhappy. 

Support Other Creators: It’s easy to let negative feelings overwhelm the way we interact with one another in fandom. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned this year is that you get back what you put in. Through supporting other creators you build friendships formed around shared creative passions and interests. You feel pride in your friends accomplishments. You improve your own work by reading widely, cheerleading, editing, beta reading, alpha reading, brit picking. Writing can be a lonely endeavour but it doesn’t have to be that way when you’re part of a community that uplifts others. 

Treat People With Kindness: Not everybody has the same levels of confidence or the same energy for rigorous debate. We all have days where we feel like we could crack into pieces, where we feel lonely, invisible, anxious, excluded, unhappy or fragile. It’s easy to be brave behind a computer screen, but ultimately people on the other end are going through stuff in the same way we all are. I’m making a concerted effort in 2019 to engage patiently and respectfully with opinions I disagree with and to be open to anyone who wants to chat or talk through things. I want to work on building new friendships (yeah, I’m going to slide into your DMs, like hiiiii :D) and maintaining old ones, ensuring I give back the same energy and support I get from friends so they know how appreciated they are. I started this year thinking Tumblr required a level of saltiness and a dgaf attitude that’s never been me, honestly. The lesson I’ve learned this year is to resist going along with the pile and to stop and think before engaging. For some people that might seem like an annoying attempt to sit on the fence and please everyone which is never going to happen, but to be honest I think it’s all about finding what works for you in that regard. I’m here for the hot takes and the salt at times, but tbh it’s pretty much just not me. Even when I’ve responded heatedly to an anonymous message that thoroughly deserved it, it’s felt performative and weird and I’m just not going to do that anymore. 

If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you ever want to chat fandom thoughts then I’m always open to that and hope everyone has a very happy 2019!

[ladymdc]

Feathers & Fur

I wanted to just ramble into the void for a second because I never thought I’d finish this fic. 

I posted about half of this work back in 2015 under the same title. However, I deleted it because I was insecure & easily discouraged. I'm not sure what spurred me to revive it, but I am glad I did.

Since then, I have met a lot of wonderful people in the fandom and have made some great, real friendships. Without these individuals ((you know who you are)), I wouldn't have finished this. I know it isn't perfect, but I love that I tried, and I love that I finished it.

I tossed the epilogue below the cut for anyone interested in some floof and I also commissioned a lovely piece of art from Kawereen to celebrate this smol victory. You can see it here. 

Pairing: Cullen x Trevelyan (A Soulmates AU) Rating: Explicit Summary: A tear in the soul lets the Fade in.

Not wishing to harm His children, the Maker breathed life into the rend with the promise they could be whole once again, but the Fall from Grace removed that promise. A gift turned curse as the rend was freed from those who created Sin, allowed to also turn their back upon them. To harshen their punishment the broken soul, longing to be whole, continues to feel the call of its missing piece in dreams.

That Cullen was hers, within reach, was the Maker's cruel joke.

Something woke him, what exactly Cullen could not be sure. The dream had been formless, but it left him with a vague sense of dread and restlessness. Thankfully, dawn was not far off. The stars were fading as black turned to grey, and even though she had curled away from him at some point in the night, Evelyn was there.

Sleep was not so difficult for either one of them as it used to be. Cullen remembered a time when they both used to work until they couldn’t anymore. Back then, Evelyn used to fall asleep with her chestnut hair still elaborately braided, wake up, decide it didn’t look too bad and pick right back up where she had left off with Inquisition business. Now it was always loose, falling in soft waves that cascaded down her back.

Normalcy looked good on her.

Quietly, Cullen got out of bed and put on warm clothes. Even though spring had officially arrived, there had been a few light frosts the past week and one brief flurry of snow. He was spending time each day splitting wood by the shed next to the house for good measure. Probably would continue to do so throughout the summer so when winter came, they would have more than enough firewood.

Winters would be hard, but that was nothing new. They had been so at Skyhold too. It would be more than worth the quiet and solitude. Plus, he and Evelyn had each other; they would do what they had always done. Protect one another, keep each other warm, share their strengths.

Survive.

Before heading downstairs, there was a moment where he almost leaned down to place a kiss on her temple. Old habits died hard, especially when they were rooted in fear and uncertainty. The move had been taxing, on them both, but more so on Evelyn. She was still recovering from it, and she needed her rest, so instead of risking waking her, he added two logs to the fire. He would hate for her to get cold in his absence.

In the den, Cullen did the same, and Dante let out an appreciative grunt from his place on the rug. The hound seemed just as pleased with their new home as they were. The Battered Shield had been a home as Skyhold had been. Someplace to store their things and be together while Cullen did what he could to set things right.

After Corypheus had been defeated, his betrayal of Meredith and subsequent public departure from the Order finally became a point of contention. Cullen acknowledged he had taken oaths and that he had broken them, but he would not admit he had done wrong. The continual backlash had been disheartening, but the Inquisition and his family had stood by him, had helped him through the worst of it. And even though he was still ostracized by the Order, he held no regret. Cullen knew he was not the only one; he was merely a figurehead, an easy target for them to make an example of, just like Evelyn had been for the Exalted Council.

She had given the world everything, but it was never enough. They betrayed her in the end, just as Solas had, so when Evelyn disbanded the Inquisition in her bitterness, Cullen had only felt relief. If she had ever needed to put herself first, it was then. Without the Anchor, the incredible mana reserve she had grown accustomed to, Evelyn was left frail and weak.

The clinic had been a simple ‘what if’ Cullen had errantly considered when he learned just how many other Templars had chosen the same path. And when he and Evelyn were left standing there, alone and adrift, on the marble steps to the Winter Palace, he knew what he needed to do for himself as much as for Evelyn.

The Battered Shield had been good for her; allowed her to adjust and put the pieces of herself back together in some capacity. It had taken time, but eventually, she was ready to go home.

The two-story cottage was unpretentious, simple, and most importantly, theirs. They had built it from afar, and only Cullen had seen it before moving in because of Evelyn’s condition. He smiled to himself as he thought back to when she first laid eyes on the homestead, recalling peace and contentment that had filled her. There was still some unpacking to do. Nine or so crates lined the half-wall that separated the large open room that served as a den and dining area from the kitchen. They would get around to it; there was plenty of time.

Cullen washed his hands before making breakfast. They had some aged cheddar and leftover biscuits from the day before, so he decided to fry up some bacon. A little of everything went in Dante’s bowl along with a slice of salted beef, then Cullen made a sandwich for himself and one for his wife. He set hers on the table.

Standing in front of the large window that faced the lake in the kitchen, Cullen ate and watched color bleed back into the world as dawn broke. Light sparkled through the low fog creeping across the black waters. The trees standing sentinel became grey-green; the sky a motley of hues. Part of him wished Ev was awake to greet the day with him, but the other part was more than pleased she was still sleeping. He could get the morning chores taken care of, then spend time with her putting their belongings away.

Outdoors, wind sighed through the tree branches and ruffled his hair as Cullen walked to the stables. It smelled of winter. Perhaps another flurry was on its way. The horses were already awake, but Cullen refilled the water tank and set out the hay before letting them out of their stalls. His lean, umber stallion lipped his palm before making its way outside with the workhorses. A little farther down, Evelyn’s destrier, the large grey creature with eerie red eyes, snorted impatiently.

Once the door opened, its ears turned forward, but it didn’t exit. Cullen stroked the horse’s neck, thinking on how Evelyn never got to see her father before he passed. Josephine had felt personally responsible for it because she had requested the visit be postponed so Evelyn could travel and personally thank the Inquisition’s allies.

Immediately after it happened, the tour was canceled so she could at least go pay her respects at the gravesite in Ostwick. The only silver lining to the situation was her two surviving brothers had insisted upon making amends. They wrote often, and had supplied the workhorses and the wagons for their move; even refused their coin though the charge would not have stunted he and Evelyn financially in any way.

Eventually, Shadow exited his stall and headed down to the water’s edge. A moment later it raised its head and looked back toward the house. The only clouds in the sky rose from the chimney. Like him, the creature seemed to have a sixth sense about Evelyn. Cullen could always tell when she woke. His mind felt sharper; his perceptions more defined then they had ever been on lyrium. He felt awake.

If it were warmer, she would break her fast on the back porch. Let the landscape swallow her up. Breathe in the fresh air mixed in with the scents of earth and grass and flowers and wood like she had the first time he brought her there. Cullen had a sudden urge to go to her, to check on her, but he set it aside. It wouldn’t be much longer until he was finished.

After he was done cleaning out the stalls, Cullen set out the horses’ food and went to chop wood. The builders had left a monstrous pile of neatly stacked logs by the house ready for splitting. There was more than enough space in the shed for storage, so he planned to keep it full at all times in case he got injured or fell ill for any amount of time during the winter. But for now, Cullen decided to split just enough to replenish what they had used since yesterday.

The ax had just come down, splitting the wood with a crack, when he heard a faint crash from inside. His heart picked up speed, and his thoughts raced even as he knew she was fine.

Inside, Cullen set the ax down by the back door and found her standing where he had eaten earlier. Dante was at her side and if a mabari could look concerned, concerned he was indeed.

Evelyn stopped absently scratching Dante’s ear and waved her hand dismissively. “It was just a plate,” she said.

But it was more than that, and they both knew it.  

“How was breakfast?” Cullen asked, washing his hands. He made note of the pitcher of water with some lemon and elfroot submersed in it out on the counter top.

“It was good, thank you.”

He smiled, taking a step back to pluck the hand towel off the countertop behind him and a chunk of plate crunched under his boot.

“I swear it went everywhere when I dropped it. There’s probably pieces upstairs somehow,” Evelyn said with a laugh. It was still a little watery despite her efforts. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t pick it up; I tried.”

“Like you said, it was just a plate, but you shouldn’t be walking around barefoot until it’s cleaned up,” he said, tossing the rag aside so he could cup her cheek and feel the ample swell of her stomach. The life growing inside her shifted and stretched at the contact. There was no stopping the grin that spread across the face nor the joy in his heart.

“It won’t be much longer now,” Evelyn said, finally smiling, bright and honest, as she placed her hand atop his. “Maybe tonight if we’re lucky.”

Cullen ran his fingertips along the thin chain around her neck, following it down to his coin. He held it between finger and thumb, feeling the familiar grooves. Mia and her family were staying out in the original cabin that now served as a small guest house while the rest of their friends and family that insisted on being around to help were staying at The Gallivanting Golem nearby in Honnleath.

“When it’s time, it’s time,” he said, leaning down to brush their mouths together.

What Cullen had went far beyond luck; it was everything he never expected from life or ever dared hope for. It was that something more he longed to be part of and it was perfect.

[sakuurae]

8 questions tag

tagged by the lovely @jaetennys ^~^ thank you, darling 💖

1) What are your favourite mvs?

Oooo, my favorite music videos. Hmmm... I really like ‘don’t fight’ by ants, ‘사랑해줘요’ by mind u, and ‘take you home’ by baekhyun. Im not really a fan of busy (if that is the right word to use) mvs, ahaha. I like them simple with nice lighting, and telling a short story.

2) do you have like a to-do-list before you die?? (like a bucket list) if so, can you list them down? (im really curious)

Ohhh, yes i do!! Haha, i actually have one written down in one of my notebooks, and its quite long so ill just name a few things. Some things id like to do would be going to tokyo with my friends, go on an endless shopping spree with my friends, have our fashion blog be eminent, and to finish writing an entire novel one day (this would be a dream, ehehe).

A lot of the things in my bucket list include activities my friends, haha, because, for me, the best things in my life are never done alone *~*

3) which one do you prefer; romantic love or platonic love? why?

Hmmm...  honestly, romantic love. In my opinion, of course, its more fun in my opinion and i enjoy the whirlwind of emotions that come from it. From being physically close and cuddling, hand-holding, the narrow focus to them solely in a specific admirable perception—just being intimate and having the deep feeling that is created form romantic love—piques my interest more.

 Though, there isnt anything wrong with platonic love either! I enjoy that as well, but i prefer romantic love.

4) who is the person you look up the most? why?

Prepare for absolute cheese, lmao. I look up to taeyong a lot—no surprise here. But its because of what he went through and how he dealt with it. He went through a lot of fire when he finally debuted, and witnessing the crumble of the pillars that held him up confidently made my heart break. I really admire how he handled the drama. It exhibits a growth he has gone through amid that arduous time period. And, honestly, i related to some fractions of it—of him as a person.

But it is not only that factor alone that makes me look up to him; it is also his drive to become a better dancer, rapper—person. I also enjoy how he takes care of all of his members ;~; he makes it so prominent that he cares for his friends and its very respectful. Hes just always thankful for his members and for everything, its aksdjgfh aghhhh.

What always sticks with me about him is the episode (i dont remember which) in ‘nct life: pep rally’ to which he talks about the controversy that surrounded him. What he says really sparked something in me—dunno, i think im just rambling at this point so ill cut this off here lmaoo.

5) favourite songs of all time?

Aaaah, this really is a difficult one. My favorite songs probably are ‘icarus’ by jj project, ‘what i want to say’ by acourve, ‘i smile’ by day6, and ‘the lovely song when we parted’ by mind u.

I wonder if i make it obvious enough, but i really love listening to k-indie/k-acoustic :) my true list of all-time favorites are on my spotify playlist thats filled with them, ahaha.

6) who is/are your bias? why?

Oh boy... My biases are taeyong and sicheng—as if this information is not written on the walls already, haha.

I literally dedicated a huge passage to a fraction of my love for taeyong earlier, and that heavily contributes to why. But pushing that to the side, i admire him for his talent in dancing, rapping, and everything. He is so resilient and that is a favorable quality in my eyes, aaah. His personality is really laudable as well :)

Sicheng... because he is equally meritorious. He traveled over to korea and had to learn an entirely new language, try his hardest to debut, and so much more. He is doing is best and, just like taeyong, he is putting his best effort out there and is growing :’) i also love how he treats his members too; he is just so lovable to everyone, its almost unbelievable.

7) list of things/people that makes you happy?

- Writing is an obvious answer for me to include, haha. Its a great way to start off my day and a good way to calm myself down from a taxing day. I also enjoy sharing the content i create with others, ahaha;

- Reading is also another element. Every morning i read for a good hour or two before i begin writing. I just sit there with my coffee and leaf through my book. It would be an even more perfect day if the weather is nice and warm;

- Going out with my friends. To be honest, i used to never leave the ensconcement of my bedroom; i would say inside and read, write, or just organize my books and closet. It isnt until around a month and a half ago (i think) where my friends have finally egged me to go out with them (i also believe i posted pictures on this blog of it ahaha) and i enjoyed it wholeheartedly. Now, i go out almost every single day with them, and sometimes on my own. I feel like the complete opposite!!! But it makes me really happy, huhu;

- The friends i made on this website makes me really happy. I mean i dont have much but i appreciate the couple that i do have with my entire heart. Knowing them for a short amount of time is unbelievable because it feels like ive known them for years, and everything has been compacted within the month or two we all started to talk. The closeness is really astonishing, but extremely refreshing! I can go on for a while about how appreciative i am and how happy they make me, especially on days where i feel a little down and talking to them normally uplifts my spirits, but i think this will suffice;

- Coffee. The root of my energy tbh. Keeps me going throughout the day and keeps me on my feet during dance, even though i might be too off-the-walls.

8) what are your fondest memories? (it can be anything! about your pet or your friends etc)

Oh boy, this can go on forever too so ill just write the first one that came to my mind.

It was thanksgiving night with my cousins and we snuck out. Skipping over the minor, stupid particulars, we were being chased by one of the neighbors and we started running away for a good five minutes, which resulted in us becoming lost (because we were at our uncle’s city [and we never visit that town]) at a park.

Afterwards, we sat around on the grass for a long while and started to talk for a long while. It was strange at first since we were never really close to one another, but that night was such a table turner. It was one in the morning and we were all sitting or laying on the grass, talking as we stared at the stars—surprisingly, because i havent seen a clear night sky in the city since i lived over at the country side—and we learned a lot about each other and why we differed, which made us argue a lot. Talking it over for hours, our relationship with each other substantially changed and it was like there was never thick air between us to begin with.

Im not sure if this is adequate enough to be an extremely fond memory; but in my book, it is :D i frequently recall this moment despite it occurring many years ago—because it is that life-changing for me. It sort of made me think that despite the negativity i face with others, the other party always has their own reason to why.

I hope this tag is okay! ^~^ i feel like i revealed a larger fraction of myself than what i usually do, ahahaha //profoundly sweats//.

Im tagging @urbanjohnny @writenct @heartachetosing @hey-uta @thenctcults!  I hope its okay to tag you guys, please dont feel obligated to do this if you feel zero desire to ^~^  

My questions for you:

1. Whats your favorite book, and why?

2. What is a good, life changing moment that always sticks with you?

3. Do you believe in astrology? Why?

4. What’s something you have been forced into (like an activity or class) in the belief you would hate it, but actually love it to this day?

5. Name three things you’re proud of in your life and why :D

6. What is the root of your happiness? How did you discover it?

7. Do you prefer clear, serene starry nights within a forest, or an ocean view during golden hours?

8. What’s one thing that not many people know about you?

Again, you dont have to do this if you have zero desire to!! Ehehe