#i also already knew a lot of stuff like no tipping and the healthcare situation so none of that shocked me

[straight-into-the-animus]

I have to ask: what has been the biggest culture shock in Europe?

ok noah fence but i have been keeping a document of things i have encountered in italy (and also when i was traveling to paris, london and ireland) that make no sense to me or really shocked me so if i may. here is everything that i have seen that as an american makes me go wtf (good or bad, most of these are neutral!)

-Caps do not come off of drinks (in italy at least. Everytime i buy a coke or iced tea the cap still hangs on somehow)

-Euro changes in size (honestly kind of helpful for keeping track of bills and folding them, to have 20s bigger than 10s bigger than 5s etc etc. Not a fan of how many coins there are to keep track of tho, like 2 euro coins are annoying. And no quarters suck)

-why tf does britain insist on having different money.

-Doors stay open for shops (like you can just walk in without opening the door)

-Ask for bill at restaraunts (waiters will literally just leave you alone and don't come around every ten minutes. you really have to get their attention to say you want the check)

-Late dinners (i was struggling the first week with eating at 830-9p instead of like 6)

-Fee for sitting vs take out (italy with food thing)

-Lots of one way streets/four way intersection rules (i close my eyes and run)

-Paying for public toilets (this one i cannot get behind. And theyre always so gross and covered in crap and its just a waste of paper to make me have a ticket that i dont need. And also classist)

-no recycling bins in the public, and really hard to find trash bins

-Pharmacies 24 hours but work through windows after a certain point (kind of genius tbh)

-Sex toys and condoms/lube available in vending machines on the sidewalk (like ok italy!! Girlboss. I thought about buying smth from one of them just to say i did but hm. Terrified of judgement)

-Stores close early (7-7:30p) even on weekends (also the idea of a store closing at like 1p and not opening again until later. Like you really only see that in mom and pop shops in america)

-Restaurants don't open until 7 for dinner (but it means you always have a way without a reservation!)

-4 different types of restaraunts (italy thing. And theres classes to the restaraunts as well)

-Break emergency windows instead of opening them (in america, our buses have handles on the emergency windows that you pull down and it'll flop open. Other places in Europe they give you a hammer and yoy have to just break the window and get glass shards everywhere which idk how i feel abt)

-COUGHING AND SNEEZING IN THEIR HAND INSTEAD OF ELBOW (this is everywhere i am constantly disgusted and gagging sorry i'll watch someone just hack for a minute into their hand and not even a fist like their straight up palm and then touch stuff and act like nothing happened and its like why. WHY.)

[lokgifsandmusings]

I'd like to say how much you've helped me in the past two years, even if I don't know you personally. My family would always disencourage me to read and talk about pop culture, arguing it's "something unemployed and/or feminist people do". How powerful it was to find someone who likes ATLA/LOK AND is feminist AND has a great job (you said you work with agricultural policy, so it must be a great one). It's a false dichotomy, I can be a functional and intelligent adult AND dissect pop culture! ...

Not only did you help me improve my understanding of LOK (and Asami in particular… I midly liked her at first), I also started reading ASOIAF (did not watch the show, however, thanks for the tip) and reading about feminism. Like, what it actually means. I already knew it wasn’t really what my parents would say, I have self-proclaimed feminist friends. The thing is, their feminism isn’t intersectional. They’re in favor of gay marriage and gender equality, which is nice, but sometimes they…still make a lot of islamophobic, racist and transphobic jokes or statements. It always bothered me, even if one of them is black and says it’s not racist.

I found people who explained how it still is, and that’s in part thanks to you and to your conviction that media is not produced in a cultural vacuum (your friends are also the best). Now, you’re probably thinking I’m ignorant, and well I am. I’m 15, to be fair (and English isn’t my first language)… I used to accept some “truths” without…looking for other opinions. Embarassing, I know. I’m opening myself because I just read your posts about how you cope with anxiety… It was very touching, you’re not only smart and empathetic, but also a very resilient person (not that the Kataangs post hadn’t already made it clear).

Since you seem to be comfortable sharing some of your personal experiences, I’d like to ask you, one of my role models, how to navigate in social environments where no one really believes and lives according to… feminist values. I don’t hate my parents, I don’t hate my friends, I’m grateful for having them in my life, but… It’s as if it becomes harder to connect with them when it becomes easier to understand who I am. Hope you’re doing fine and thanks for existing (really).

Well, damn this was very very touching, thank you so much for sending me this.

Also I’m afraid I oversold my job, lol. I do work full-time as a professional within the world of sustainability (I’ve got my own healthcare! It’s real!), but it’s in the private sector for now; agricultural policy as connected to environmental/social justice was my focus as I got my masters’, and I do hope one day to wind up in the public sector in some facet. 

Anyway, to your question. That’s a difficult situation, and one I’ve been lucky enough to mostly avoid. My parents are liberal and do fine for boomers, and the friends I have are very much like-minded. That said, at work and stuff I’m always running into a diversity of opinions, and actually my cubicle used to be next to the most avid, loud Trump supporter. During the election season. 

Really, it’s the kind of thing where at a certain point, you have to just live your life. You can’t really logic people into being a feminist, but there are times where there’s an opportunity to like, point out a different way of looking at something. So when you have that energy, sure. I find the most helpful thing is to be non-condemning, so no “that’s a close-minded thing to say” (not that I think you’d come right out and say that, of course, but of that tone). Instead you could just be like, “idk I’d think that if I were ABC and something XYZ, I’d want this...” (this is so non-specific, I’m sorry). Just, you know, talk from a place of your own empathy.

But it doesn’t have to be all the time, since the onus isn’t on you. I think you’ll never lose out with conversations about what drives someone, or how they arrived at thinking something, and in some ways that’s probably the most useful thing.

I don’t want to sound infantilizing in any way either, but 15 is a super young age to be trying to carry the burdens of our messed up society. So be a feminist, totally, and assert your truths where it feels right to, and isn’t anxiety-inducing. But you can also give yourself a break. You’ll likely find that the people you can’t connect to as readily become...less relevant as time goes on. Except family, which is always tough, but hey, LoK is SUPER helpful in that department.

Hopefully this doesn’t sound like I was just talking in circles. I’m a big fan of grounding yourself first, and making healthy choices that jive with your own morality as a priority. The rest kind of falls into place. 

[seniorbrief]

I Used to Be Homeless—and Here’s What Everyone Gets Wrong About It

Courtesy Mark Anthony DiBello

By Mark Anthony DiBello, as told to Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Homeless doesn’t always mean living on the streets

I was homeless for the better part of 20 years and so I’ve lived a lot of places. Some of them are what you might think of as typical, like parks, beaches, overpasses, or shelters, but others might surprise you. When you’re homeless, your first priority is finding a safe place to sleep and sometimes that means you get creative. I’ve spent months living in an outdoor public bathroom, an airport, my car, a deserted cabin in the woods, and a storage locker (which felt so plush it didn’t really even feel like being homeless!). Perhaps the worst one was when I lived in a tractor-trailer; they accidentally locked me in for four days and I almost died.

Homeless doesn’t equal uneducated

When people think of a homeless person they don’t necessarily think of the guy who not only was a star high school athlete but also has a college degree—yet that’s exactly what I am. I have a Bachelor’s degree in communications from the University of Miami. And I wasn’t the only one out there with similar credentials. There are plenty of extremely intelligent people who, for various life circumstances, end up homeless. And even the ones who may not have a formal education have to get smart in a different way if they want to survive.

There isn’t just one reason why someone ends up homeless

It might make you feel better to think that you can pinpoint the reason someone ended up homeless—say, drug abuse, mental illness, or criminal activities—because then you think that by avoiding those things you’re safe. In some respects that isn’t wrong and there are many homeless people who struggle with exactly those things. But the truth is that everyone makes bad decisions sometimes and whether or not your bad decisions end in homelessness has a lot to do with privilege and luck. Everyone is vulnerable. There but for the Grace of God go I… or you. P.S. Don’t forget the children, who are definitely not homeless through any fault of their own. You can help: Check out this woman who throws birthday parties for homeless kids.

Not all homeless people are jobless people

Thanks to the high cost of living and low wages, it’s possible for someone to have a job yet not be able to afford a house. At this point, though, you might be wondering why I ended up homeless for so long, even with an employable degree. There isn’t a simple answer to that (see my last point) but the job market was very tight when I graduated and I was overqualified for most minimum wage jobs. And I did struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. I got sober in 1991, however, and still experienced stints of homelessness after that.

Courtesy Mark Anthony DiBello

Some people are homeless by choice

The vast majority of homeless people are in that situation because they had no other choice but there are a few who would rather not be tied down to anything. My dad and stepmom kicked me out of the house when I was younger and at that time I decided that I preferred having the clouds for my roof instead of a plaster ceiling. Plus, I am very religious and Jesus was homeless so I figured if it was good enough for Him, it was good enough for me. That wasn’t always the case for me but there were times I preferred my freedom.

Homeless people are not going to kill you

Hollywood and TV shows give the homeless a bad rap, making them look like murderers and rapists, but the majority are simply trying to find food and shelter—just like you. You don’t need to be afraid of the average homeless person, you’re far more likely to be hurt by someone you know. In addition, a homeless person is more likely to be killed by a “normal” person than the other way around. There are some horrible people out there who get their kicks from abusing the homeless because they are easy targets.

There is a “homeless code”

If you learn one thing fast, it’s that no one is going to look out for you and so you learn to band together with other homeless people. We would do our best to help each other out, share tips, and stuff like that. Now there are even tent cities, homeless encampments, in some places. There’s also a healthy barter system where you can trade for things you need without money. I’m actually working on a book of tips for homeless people to help them survive on the streets—all the little things no one tells you but can make all the difference. This is what local food pantries wish you knew.

When you’re homeless one tiny mistake can quickly become a massive problem

When you have no safety net, the tiniest issue—an unexpected medical bill, an illness or injury, a lost wallet—quickly balloons into an emergency that can make you homeless, or if you’re already homeless, make your life infinitely worse. An example I like to share is when I was living in my car. One day it got towed for a parking violation and once you’re towed, you’re done. There are towing fees, impound fees, parking fees… before long you owe $2,000 on a $600 car. So now you don’t have a car or any of your stuff that was in it and you’re stuck sleeping out in the elements. Sleeping outside makes you get sick which leads to other problems… One tiny mistake can spiral into a life-ending problem.

Homelessness and poverty kills

I can’t tell you how many people I saw die from a lack of simple medical care. A cut, a broken bone, or an illness left untreated can become infected and deadly very quickly. Once, when I was being mugged, my attacker broke my jaw. I tried to manage but the pain was so immense I couldn’t eat or sleep. The ER did set my jaw, thankfully, or else I probably would have died from it. While you may think that hospitals are required to treat everyone, they discourage you from coming in for little things; when they do help, they don’t always do a complete job. They just want to help you enough to get you out of there, not to help you get better. There are shining examples of healthcare workers doing their best to help, like this doctor who dedicated his career to treating the homeless.

Dental problems are the worst problems

When you think of everything you need to be healthy, a dentist isn’t usually the first thing you think of. But your teeth are an essential part of survival. Unfortunately, when you’re homeless, simply taking good care of your teeth is tough, much less getting dental care like root canals or crowns. Between a steady diet of junk food and a lack of access to toothbrushes and floss, many homeless people have to deal constantly with rotting, painful teeth. And when your teeth hurt, everything is harder.

Courtesy Mark Anthony DiBello

Looking homeless is often worse than actually being homeless

If you look (and smell) homeless, everyone automatically assumes the worst about you, and it becomes that much harder to find a job or an apartment or get medical care. Plus, police or security guards immediately see you as a problem or potential criminal. One of the best things I learned was to keep a cheap gallon jug and use an outdoor spigot to shower every few days. A bar of soap can last you months that way. Being clean can make the difference to being allowed to sit for a few hours nursing a coffee in a warm fast-food restaurant and getting kicked out as soon as you walk in. This is why giving homeless women free makeovers along with their food was so powerful.

Being homeless doesn’t have to be a life sentence

About five years ago, I decided I was done being homeless. I was able to start a side business that I could do online, from anywhere, helping people get on reality TV and game shows. (Fun fact: I won $50,000 on Wheel of Fortune and I’ve appeared on over 12 reality shows!) This money allowed me to start a new life. But I’m the exception to the rule. Escaping homelessness, once you’re trapped in the cycle, is incredibly difficult, and resources to help the homeless are terribly underfunded and under-served. If I’m being totally honest I still feel like I’m one mistake away from being out on the streets again and that’s terrifying.

How to help

People often ask me what they can do to help the homeless and I always say, “Just look around you!” When someone has so little, it doesn’t take much to help. You can start by not judging the homeless. Don’t say that they deserve to be in that situation—no human being deserves that. After that, donate to causes that support the homeless in your community, like local churches, job outreach programs, or other charities. If you’d donate to someone after a natural disaster, donate to a homeless person, they are living a natural disaster every single day. Next, here are some more random acts of kindness that can change someone’s life in an instant.

Original Source -> I Used to Be Homeless—and Here’s What Everyone Gets Wrong About It

source https://www.seniorbrief.com/i-used-to-be-homeless-and-heres-what-everyone-gets-wrong-about-it/

[debtfreeinthree]

How I Afford Therapy and Anxiety Medication

Sometimes people ask me, what’s the best thing to spend money on? I always say experiences. Travel. Classes. Time with friends. The memories you gain from experiences will outlast the happiness you feel when you buy a new purse or pair of shoes.

The Best Thing I Spend Money On? Therapy

Overall, one of the best things I spend money on is therapy. I’ve been seeing a therapist since I was a sophomore in college and suddenly snapped at my ex-boyfriend. Worried that I had anger management issues, I decided I should see someone.

Since then, I’ve seen four therapists on-and-off over the last six years and I’ve never regretted going to one. Finding a good therapist is like finding a good friend. It can take a while to warm up and share your issues.

Honestly, I hate finding a new therapist because you have to repeat all your childhood stories, all your issues, all your insecurities all over again.

It’s like dating and having to describe why each relationship ended (and why that makes you feel like such a loser). I hate sharing the story about my friend’s brother on whom I had a huge crush and what it felt like when I told him how I felt and he asked if my friend Ashley was single.

I hate sharing how different I felt growing up as an immigrant whose last name is impossible to pronounce correctly. I’ve since learned that many of my American friends have difficult-to-pronounce last names, including my fiancé.

After you get past the introductory questions, therapy, like dating, becomes fun. Each therapist is different, but this last one has been my favorite. She’s given me tools and strategies to use when I’m feeling anxious, when I feel like I’m the worst person alive and when I want to compare myself to every person’s Instagram feed. (She also helped me find a comprehensive book about anxiety that I can use until I find a replacement for her.)

She’s taught me about automatic disruptive thoughts and given me free worksheets that I can use when I’m upset (there’s nothing like pulling out one of these in the grocery store when you’re feeling anxious). I keep a handful in my desk at work and in my purse.  Since I’ve started seeing her, I don’t see other people’s successes as my failures, and I don’t see my failures as character traits.

The only downside of therapy, except for coming back to work after crying your eyes out and deciding between telling people it’s allergies or that you were at your therapist’s office, is the cost.

Therapy can be expensive. When I was in school, each hour-long session cost $25, and my parents paid for my bi-weekly appointments. When I graduated, I was so terrified of spending money on anything except for the basics that I decided not to find a new therapist, even though my anxiety and depression was affecting me on a daily basis.

How I Can Afford Therapy

It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I finally started going to therapy again. The more I talk about it to people, the more I realize many of my friends also go to a therapist and that the ones who don’t aren’t judging me for it.

Therapy is more necessary for me than flossing my teeth, which is a bad example because I never floss my teeth. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression and going to therapy gives me the coping skills to deal with my problems better.

For a while, I resisted going back to therapy because I knew it’d be expensive and that unlike college, I’d be the one paying for it. When you’re used to getting something for free, you don’t value it as much. But I realized that paying for therapy is necessary, at least for me. I value it as much as my $100 gym membership or my $150 sewing class. We all have things we do to relieve stress, and this is mine.

Thankfully, my insurance covers most of my bills, and I’ve only ever had to pay $12-$30 for a half-hour session. So for about the price of a round of beers, I get to share all the things I’m scared of to a total stranger. I also choose to go to a low-cost clinic which charges far less than a private psychologist, and I know that universities often have psych clinics that only charge between $5-$30 a session. If you aren’t sure where to go, Google “low cost clinic therapy” and you’ll find a few results. You can also call your primary care doctor as they might have some suggestions.

Now my therapist is leaving, and I have to find a new one. But I’m also trying something new: anxiety medication. For a long time, I was scared of taking meds. I thought that all I needed was a good psychologist who could listen to my problems and then assure me that I was totally normal. A few weeks ago, the idea of taking meds felt like I was saying, “Nope, talking about stuff isn’t enough. I need even more help than the average person.”

After talking about it at our last session, I realized that it’s ok if I need medication. My therapist assured me that I’ve done a lot of work over the last year and that sometimes my brain needs a little help. Some medication can reset the anxiety that floats around in your brain. Some you only need for certain situations. Others you can stop taking once you don’t need it anymore.

I’ve only been on my new meds for a few days, but I can already tell a huge difference. I don’t get the tight feeling in my chest when I get anxious. Little things don’t freak me out. My fiance says I seem much happier and a more vibrant version of myself. The best part? My new medication only cost $38 at Costco (my insurance doesn’t cover it).

Where I Get My Anxiety Medication

I get my meds from Costco because they’re so much cheaper than any other pharmacy. Seriously. I think they were going to cost about $100 at Walgreens or CVS and about the same as Target. My mom, the brilliant woman that she is, suggested I use Costco because they’re famous for undercharging on prescriptions.

In some states, you can use the Costco pharmacy without being a Costco member, but in other states you do have to join the warehouse club. Membership is $60 a year, so it’s worth it if you save more than $60 on prescriptions. I even get my dog’s heartworm medication from Costco because it’s the cheapest there too.

Another tip is to use a GoodRX coupon when you pay for your prescription. According to their site, they can save you at least a few dollars off your prescription, and you can use a GoodRX coupon at most pharmacies including Target, Costco, Walgreens and CVS.

A few people have also recommended I try an online Canadian pharmacy for my anxiety meds. I know some of these are supposed to be legit, as they require that you fax over your doctor’s prescription. I haven’t tried any myself, so I won’t link to them here. But if you’re having trouble getting an affordable prescription, see if they might be more affordable online.

How I Pay For Therapy and Anxiety Medication

I use my HSA card for any healthcare-related expense, since it saves me money off my taxes. An HSA or Health Savings Account is like a savings account you can only use for medical costs. The benefit of it – and why I use it – is that the amount you contribute to your HSA can be deducted on your taxes. I try to contribute about $100 a month which covers my therapy and anxiety medication, but you can contribute as little as you want.

Plus, the funds from your HSA roll over from year to year,  and you can contribute thousands of dollars each year. I try to estimate how much I’ll spend on healthcare costs throughout the year and divide that by 12 to figure out my monthly contribution. But if I find that my HSA is getting too big, I’ll cut back on saving for a couple months. (Side note: you can use an HSA for any health-related bills such as doctor’s visits, other prescriptions and more).

Sometimes I feel guilty for spending so much money on my mental health, when most people don’t have to. The rational response to that worry is, “Screw other people.” A lot of people are scared of therapy and medication. A lot of them don’t want to own their shit, even if that means being unhappy. I shouldn’t care what a lot of people won’t do.

I’ve also learned that it’s ok to change my budget for something as important as therapy or anxiety medication. In fact, now I can’t believe that there was a time that I avoided therapy for financial reasons. I think back on those years and wonder how much happier I’d be now if I started medication earlier or had kept going with my sessions. I’m just glad I realized now that it’s one of the best things to spend money on.

Do you pay for therapy, anxiety medication, etc.? What are some ways you use money for your mental health?

  How I Afford Therapy and Anxiety Medication was originally published on Debt Free After Three

[tigerlilynoh]

Job & Family DS: Aftermath - The Job Offer

Words:  1,430 Spoiler warning:  Contains spoilers for the end of Job & Family.

10/12/2011

Dean closed the hood on an aqua 69 Mustang, then finished wiping some grease off his hands.  He was making a few notes to himself when he saw Tamara walk into the garage.  Despite being an old friend, the sight of her made him nervous.  Beyond being a registered hunter, it was common knowledge that she also worked for the Department of Extranatural & Planar Affairs.  He sighed, earning an apologetic head tilt from her.

“Be honest with me, do you think I should try to bribe you, fight you, or outrun you?”  Dean asked as he tossed his pen & clipboard onto a workbench.

“Tough call.”  Tamara leaned against the Mustang.  “Personally I'd rather you bribe me, but I don't think we're there yet.”

“Thank god, I don't have any money.”  Dean walked over to the garage’s refrigerator.  “You want a beer?”

“I'd murder for one.”

“Not the word choice I'm most excited to hear right now.”  He glanced at her over the refrigerator door.

“Sorry, I'm not here to shake you down- not exactly.”  She shrugged, then accepted the beer bottle.  “I heard about your situation- I was one of the people DEPA talked to before they went after you.  Anyway, I want to help and I think I might be able to make it work.”

“I'm already not liking the sound of this.”  Dean checked the watch Ruby gave him to confirm that Tamara was the only person observing him at that moment.

“They’ll ease up on the leash if you help us out occasionally.”

“I'm retired.”

He may have stopped going on hunts since Anansi was born, but he hadn't actually convinced himself that he was retired until the DEPA agents had confronted him ten days earlier.  There was something about having to give up almost all of his weapons & magical artifacts that made it different.  For the most part he was just a normal guy- maybe with some interesting stories to tell, but regardless it felt more real.  With the exception of briefly helping Amy get hooked up with Ruby, for the last week & a half, he'd been living a completely mundane life.  In some ways it was hard to give up the familiarity of the supernatural, and at the same time… living a double life had taken a lot of energy.

“I know this whole thing is screwing up your ability to see Sam.”  She said, hitting the problem right on the head.  He probably could've lived the quiet life under the watchful eye of the DEPA, except for not being able to freely contact his family.

“Sam's dead.”

Tamara stared at him.  She almost certainly suspected that Sam was alive no matter what Dean claimed.  He didn't care if she knew he was lying.  The story was that Sam was dead and he wasn't going to do anything that might help that issue come up for debate.  Let everyone else in existence trying to find the truth on their own.

“I don't want it to be like this between us.  You & Sam saved my life.  That means something to me, I'm not forgetting it.”  She assured him.

“I believe that, but I don't trust them… so I don't know if I can trust you.”  He replied, earning a disappointed nod acknowledging his concern.

“Fine.  Right now they're monitoring all of your financials, your emails, your phones- including your boyfriend’s phone, and making a visual check every 48-72 hours.”  Tamara pulled a file folder out of her messenger bag and handed it to him.  “I’d appreciate it if you burnt those when you're done with them.”

He skimmed through the the contents of the file on him.  There were photographs of him entering and leaving the house he was renting a room at and also at Jeremy’s apartment.  He quickly looked through trying to see if there were any pictures of him close to the bunker that might’ve been taken before he knew that the DEPA was watching him.  The transcripts from his phone calls didn't have anything particularly incriminating.  There was one call to Dylaniel, but it wasn't anything more than him canceling plans to get together for lunch.  He recognized one call from Shola, though he'd actually only been consulting her about the unenticing chore of writing an advanced healthcare directive.  The collection stopped just short of anything really incriminating, which might've been why the DEPA wasn't looking at him as closely as he'd initially feared.

“They don't have anything on me.”  Dean observed.

“Nothing recent, but there's enough old evidence to whet their appetite.  They still are trying to sort out some FBI agents’ deaths.”

“Henriksen?”

“Sounds right.”

“Fuck.”  Dean groaned, then finished his beer and threw the bottle into a nearby recycling bin.

“I didn't just come here to scare you.  I think I might be able to help.”  Tamara explained.  “The whole mentality is you're with us or against us.  If they think they have power over you they don't hold you as tight.  The amount of hoops you'd have to jump through being in the system isn't nearly as bad-”

“You're serious about trying to recruit me?”

“I'm not saying you become an agent or a registered hunter, but even just acting as a consultant- I've gotten two former network hunters in on the same deal.  Their outstanding warrants were canceled and they only get checked in on every six weeks.”

“I don't want to work for the bad guys.”

“You'd be working for me.”

“Bad girl.”  He corrected.  “It's too much.”

“If you're one of mine I can tip you off about surveillance.”  She sweetened the pitch.  “I can tell you your openings for leaving town.  I can give you an excuse to keep up some abjuration & protection magical around you.”

It was tempting.  If he knew the protocol that was being used to monitor him, then he could sneak in visits to the camp without risking their exposure.  As things were, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to have complete confidence that he wasn't risking his family with each contact.  Also, having the tools necessary to defend himself again would be a relief.  On more than one occasion he'd had nightmares about a revenge seeking vampire nest tracking him down while he was at Jeremy's place.

“Jeremy doesn't know I was a hunter.”  Dean sighed.  “Going back to it…”

“I'm not asking you to hunt with me- like I said, consultant.  You've seen stuff that no other hunters have.  Things are coming out of the woodwork bigger & badder than ever before.”  Tamara leaned in and lowered her voice.  “I know you have connections.  I want to be able to ask for help if we need it.”

“What would I have to do?”

“A couple times a month we’ll grab lunch, I'll run some leads by you, and you tell me if anything rings a bell.  If something is extra unusual, I might take you on a field trip.”

“I'm not fighting.  I'm not getting hurt.”

There had been an incident over a year earlier involving a fight in a parking lot with a group of hecklers.  Jeremy wasn't hurt and Dean had only suffered a few scrapes & bruises, but the experience had been something of a turning point in Dean's life.  The encounter had upset Jeremy in a way that Dean had never really seen firsthand before.  Jeremy had asked him to just not risk violence, even with his pride on the line.  Dean had someone who stayed up at night worrying about him and he was gonna try like hell not to put Jeremy through the ordeal of him ending up in the hospital or worse.

“I wouldn't ever turn down your help in a fight, but I don't think I could even get approval for you to carry a lethal weapon while in the field.”  Tamara elaborated.

The thought of not having a deadly weapon didn't bother him as much as it probably upset other people of the hunting persuasion.  He could easily make any weapon considerably more dangerous than normal.  The thing that actually made him anxious was the simple idea of ‘the field’.  There was no clear definition of what that meant and he was well aware that hunts often blurred the line between investigation & intervention.

“I stay the hell away from fighting.  My warrants disappear.  You give me as much freedom or intel as possible- And I want DEPA to pay for a life insurance policy for me.”

“Standard department issued policy is for $200,000.”

“Make it $500,000.”

“I know you're worth every quid.”