#i also miss being able to fit into my favourite jeans. this is a self inflicted issue and it annoys me

[thebirdandhersong]

Lol. Lol. Lol.

[godseen]

* ＣＨＡＲＡＣＴＥＲ ＳＴＵＤＹ !

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟷 : 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙾𝚄𝚃𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴 .

NAME : reginald francis ackerman jr . EYE COLOUR : brown . HAIR STYLE / COLOUR : medium length brown hair , wavy and usually unstyled . HEIGHT : 6 ′ 4 . CLOTHING STYLE : his wardrobe mostly consists of plaid shirts , corduroy and jean jackets , plain white tees , button up shirts , cargo shorts , carpenter pants , and slim cut denim jeans . the combination depends on his plans for the day — whether it be for work , church or hanging out with his friends . reggie also prefers to wear his favourite washed yellow canvas apron at work ( an heirloom from his grandfather who started the family business ) . he also has his lucky yellow flannel shirt with a track record of something good happening whenever he wears it . BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE : the dimples in his cheeks whenever he smiles , the fond look in his eyes as he stares quietly at someone he cares about . 

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟸 : 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙸𝙽𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴 .

FEARS : feeling unwanted and unworthy of people’s love , being alone , and having too much idle time and not being able to help people . SEXUALITY : questioning but presents as heterosexual . GUILTY PLEASURE : overindulging in sweets , trashy reality television . BIGGEST PET PEEVE : people who are outwardly over-pessimistic , people who does not believe in second chances , reconciliation , or at least the benefit of the doubt . and of course , reggie especially gets ticked off at people who are rude to customer service workers . AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE : reggie does not really have any personal ambitions , much of his life dedicated to his friends , family and community . he wants to see darkwood thrive and become an even more close-knit community with genuine camaraderie and mutual support . he also wants to continue working hard and making sure that reggie’s is doing well so that his family can have financial security as well as something that his future children can see and be proud of him for .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟹 : 𝚃𝙷𝙾𝚄𝙶𝙷𝚃𝚂 .

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP : five more min— actually no , i gotta let my dog out to poop . WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST : reggie thinks a lot about what he can do to cheer up and show his appreciation to his friends and family . he spends so much of his time learning how to make things , paying attention to what people like and dislike , and just figuring out which acts of service he can perform to make their lives easier . WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED : reggie prays before bed and included in these prayers are asking for forgiveness for whatever negative or impure thought or action he had that day , wishing that his family and friends continue to be blessed and safe from harm , as well as thanking god for good business at reggie’s and everything that made his day great . WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS : he thinks that his best qualities are his fierce loyalty to his friends and family , and the ability to see the best in everyone even when they themselves can’t .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟺 : 𝚆𝙷𝙰𝚃’𝚂 𝙱𝙴𝚃𝚃𝙴𝚁 ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES : reggie doesn’t really have a preference , so it ultimately depends on what his partner wants . TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED : to be loved . his life almost completely revolves around being compassionate , nurturing and involved in other people’s lives that feeling loved back is such a need to prove to himself that he’s doing well and that he is needed . BEAUTY OR BRAINS : reggie doesn’t look for either in his partners , really . but if he has to choose , he would choose brains . DOGS OR CATS : he loves both , but he has a dog named probi ( short for probiotic ) so he does lean more towards saying dogs .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟻 : 𝙳𝙾 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈…

LIE : reggie tries hard to always be truthful , but sometimes , there are situations that demand little white lies — but he will quickly fix them before they could get out of hand or make the lie into an actual reality . BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES : he would love to think that he believes in himself but it ultimately depends on the task . reggie knows his limits and while he is optimistic , he is not stupid . but in terms of the more emotional side of things and matters of the heart , reggie does have some secrets that have caused some shame and guilt — which makes him not entirely capable of trusting himself to be his most genuine self . BELIEVE IN LOVE : yes , of everything love . reggie believes in love at first sight , he believes that he is capable of loving anyone that he can get to know , he believes that there is no hierarchy to love and that loving your family is just as important and great as romantic and loving your friends . he’s just the type of person to be half in love with everyone he meets that leaves a mark . WANT SOMEONE : romantically , it’s a no right now . but there are specific people that he want to get to know and be around more .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟼 : 𝙷𝙰𝚅𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁…

BEEN ON STAGE : yes DONE DRUGS : only once , and it was just weed . CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN : more times that he wants to admit . everyone thinks of him as someone who is very firm in his core values and faith — and while that is true for the most part , there are some parts of himself that he keeps hidden so that he could be seen as exactly how people want to see him . for example : reggie genuinely loves making people happy and while it isn’t a quick detriment , there are moments after long periods of just devoting so much time to everyone else that reggie feels secretly resentful for not having any time left for himself anymore and how he was raised to believe that he must always put others first and be unselfish to receive love back . but it’s not something that he can just step away from since he bases so much of his self-worth from the validation and affection he receives from his acts of service . another example is how reggie’s view of love doesn’t necessarily fit the whole patriarchal catholic nuclear family he was raised in . reggie is accepting of anyone and everyone , believes that a family doesn’t need to fit the mold of the whole mother-father-children thing — but he tend to stay quiet as to not step on toes or be ostracized by the more devout people in their church . he prides himself in his religion for everything it has taught him about having good morals , courage , and the sense of community it has provided his family but it is also undeniable how it has caused him to repress and deny himself of things that his innermost self would want . reggie has some sort of impostor syndrome and keeps up appearance in fear that people will see him as unlovable the more they find out about all the ways he changes himself to be who they want him to be — it’s a cycle .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟽 : 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚄𝚁𝙸𝚃𝙴𝚂 .

FAVOURITE COLOURS : yellow , blue . FAVOURITE MUSICAL ARTIST : vampire weekend . FAVOURITE ANIMAL : dogs . FAVOURITE BOOK : the bible ? FAVOURITE GAME : final fantasy vii .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟾 : 𝙰𝙶𝙴 .

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE : december 25th . HOW OLD WILL THEY BE : twenty-six years old .

𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 𝟶𝟶𝟿 : 𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 .

I LOVE : my friends and family . I FEEL : worried that my friends are hiding something from me . I HIDE : my fears and insecurities . I MISS : the days when things aren’t so weird as they are now . I WISH : everything will be okay and eddie is truly innocent .

[silver-blooded-synthetics]

CHARACTER  STUDY.

(Putting it under the cut for long post)

LAYER 001 :    THE OUTSIDE.

NAME  :  Leo Manfred

EYE   COLOUR  :  Dark Hazel/Black

HAIR   STYLE   /   COLOUR  :  Dark brown, flyaway, long side of short, usually slicked back out of his face or hidden under a beanie.

HEIGHT  :  5′7

CLOTHING   STYLE  :  Lots of oversized sweaters, jackets, plaid button ups worn unbuttoned over the top of band t-shirts, worn out skinny jeans, work or army boots, sometimes converse. 

BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :  He’s got some kissable lips and a nice pair of hands.

LAYER 002 :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS  :  Relapsing and becoming an addict again, hurting someone if he does, never amounting to anything in his life, hearing his father say he doesn’t love him and that he’s worthless just like his mother and her boyfriends do, dying. 

GUILTY   PLEASURE  :  Drugs, though he’s trying to quit the harder stuff, he still indulges in weed. He also smokes a lot. 

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE :  People that swear they are good people while simultaneously judging others.

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :  Don’t. Fuck. Up.

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :  “Fffffffffff-”

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  :  trying to stave off their cravings for drugs and not screw anything up too bad. He just wants to do good by Markus and Carl.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :  He doesn’t sleep a whole lot because of insomnia and stress, but thinking about sex helps calm him down enough to sleep sometimes, if you get my drift.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :  He doesn’t. He could think for hours about it and honestly wouldn’t be able to come up with something he likes that wasn’t paired with a self-derogatory joke about it. 

LAYER 004 :    WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :  Single is preferred, but he’s pretty chill and could do either.

TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  :  Loved. Leo doesn’t think he deserves respect, so he doesn’t want it. He doesn’t think he deserves love either, but he’s fighting for it and wants it more than anything. He just wants someone to care if he lives or dies.

BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :  Beauty. Leo isn’t great with the brains department on his own, so he doesn’t value it too much. He’d rather have someone pretty than someone smarter than him that makes him feel more stupid than he already thinks he is. At least that’s what he’s afraid of.

DOGS   OR   CATS  :  Leo likes both but he’s better with cats. 

LAYER 005 :    DO THEY…

LIE  :  Yeah, he’s been known to lie sometimes, but usually (surprisingly) for the right reasons, or at least for what he believes are the right reasons. He’s actually a pretty bad liar though.

BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :  No, but he’s working on that.

BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :  He would say no, but he’s secretly a hopeless romantic. So yes.

WANT   SOMEONE  :  Only with every fiber of his being.

LAYER 006 :    HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :  Yes, when he was a kid, he did some acting classes. Wasn’t great, got stage fright, cried during the production, got escorted off stage and yelled at by his mother’s boyfriend at the time, never tried again.

DONE   DRUGS  :  Big whopping yes on this one.

CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :  He’s tried, it doesn’t work out great. Usually he’s just himself now and takes the criticism and ignores it because he can’t seem to please anyone no matter what he does.

LAYER 007 :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE   COLOUR  :  orange

FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :  crows

FAVOURITE   BOOK  :  Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

FAVOURITE   GAME  :  Spore (PC version, the console version wasn’t nearly as good)

LAYER 008 :    AGE.

DAY   THEIR   NEXT   BIRTHDAY   WILL   BE  :   March 21

HOW   OLD   WILL   THEY   BE  :   born in 2010, so would be age 28 during the events of the game, probably a year or two older in thread interactions (yet still acts and looks like a teen).

LAYER 010 :    FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I   LOVE  :   “the sweet embrace of death.”

I   FEEL  :    “anxiety™.”

I   HIDE  :    “behind stupid jokes because I need therapy.”

I   MISS  :    “drugs.”

I   WISH  :    “I didn’t miss drugs.”

Tagged by: Stolen from the dash a while ago

Tagging: the dash

[purplesurveys]

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

[heweightlossjourney]

Introductions

**PRO ANA, PRO MIA, AND THINSPO ACCOUNTS DO NOT INTERACT**

Hello to anyone reading this. I’m H and I’ve started this sideblog to document my weight loss and keep myself accountable. Let me start with a little backstory:

I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. I’ve never been super active, though I was on a couple sports teams at various points throughout my school life. I always overate as a kid and I still do it now. Eating has been a coping mechanism for me my entire life, and I would say that I am addicted to food. 

I have generally been okay being heavy, but bullying is a bitch and I know that other people’s perception of me affected me and made me a nasty bitch in middle school and high school. I wasn’t in a place to understand why I acted out until I was able to distance myself from my long term abusive boyfriend and my dad stopped drinking and got out of his abusive/toxic situation. Now, I understand the effects that the trauma in my life has had on me and I’m calmer and more level-headed, so I am in a good place to start working on my physical health in conjunction with my mental health. 

I know that my self-image right now isn’t healthy, and I am aiming to love my body. I am trying hard not to think of the things I might want after this, like skin removal surgery and breast reshaping, but it is hard not to imagine myself with a little sprucing up. While I don’t want to scrutinize over every flaw I have, I think the best way I can motivate myself to keep it up is taking note of my body and how I perceive certain areas, so I will update this with my reflection on how my body looks every so often. 

Over the time I have been not working because of COVID-19, I have gained weight, but I have also started keeping up with infamous obese youtubers like Amberlynn Reid and Foodie Beauty, and watching channels like Charlie Gold and Petty Kitten react to them. I would be lying if I said that it wasn’t a kick in the ass to not become as big as them, but also a motivator knowing that I will never be like that, I won’t allow myself to be like them, and that I am a better person than they are. I know that thinking like that is mean and cruel, but I am here to lose weight, not monetize my addiction and appeal to feeders while maintaining an attitude of entitlement and oblivion.

While we are at it, let me just name a few of my rock bottom moments:

- my abusive ex boyfriend calling me “Whaley”

- being too heavy to ride horses

- being too big for a ride at the fair and having to get off it in front of a ton of people in public

- my brother swiping the back of m head like a debit machine

- my ability to polish of a lot of food in one go

- my lack of stamina standing, walking, exercising, being on top during sex

- crushing my boyfriend when I lay on him

- being too big to fit into 3x clothing on websites like dollskill that actually sell some interesting clothing for bigger ladies

Without too much more delay, let’s get into the facts:

Age: 18

Height: 5′11

Starting Weight: 333 pounds

Current Weight: 329 pounds

Total Loss: 4 pounds

BMI: 45.9

BMI Goal: 25

Current Goal: 300 pounds by day 30

Day: 4

Health Concerns: Morbid Obesity, PCOS and Insulin Resistance, Lactose Intolerance, Depression, Anxiety, Food Addiction.

Diet Plan: OMAD (one meal a day) and intermittent fasting. 

The diet I have chosen to follow, OMAD, is one of many different diets I have tried over the course of my life. I have tried keto, I have tried vegetarianism, I have tried slimfast. The reason I have chosen this particular diet this time is because of the freedom to eat pretty much anything within the hour I set aside for myself to eat each day. It’s hard to fuck yourself up too much in an hour. After having done the diet for a few days, here is what I have noticed about it:

- I get hangry

- I am somewhat nocturnal and often sleep from 6am - 2pm, and it makes it so much easier

- The boost in energy after my feels like I am on top of the world, and the naps while digesting fuckin rock, sleepy is a good feeling when you have time set aside for it

- It is a lot of mental will power to look at my favourite foods and say no

- It is a lot of mental will power not to cram 3 meals into an hour

- It is hard to pick what I want for dinner

- Cravings hit hard

- Black Coffee is nasty

- It is easier not to consume dairy with OMAD, and not have diarrhea everyday is nice.

There are some things I have noted as well, like eating dairy at all is a big mistake. It is unpleasant to only feel full for a short period of time before violently emptying the contents of my digestive tract. The effects of lactose has on my body go so much quicker when it is the only thing I have in my body at the time. Lactaid is very hit and miss for me, and by the way the chewable tablets are actually the devil incarnate and I hate them. I have tasted vanilla in my life and that isn’t it. 

I chose this diet because my boyfriend does fasting as his preferred diet method, and while I wish I could fast all day, my job requires me to have energy and I am not a happy hungry lady. I intend to do OMAD long term, but may change it up slightly if I start to struggle when I get back to work. 

It should also be noted that I seriously do not recommend this diet to anyone who struggles with disordered eating (me), depression (me), anxiety (me), obesity (me), anyone who has an affliction that would make it safer for them to consume more than one meal a day (me), and people who have medications they need to take with food (me). This diet is not recommended by doctors for long term weight loss, my endocrinologist was frankly a bit shocked when I told her, and it can cause a host of problems included but not limited to:

- triggering of eating disorders

- lack of protein 

- excess of carbs

- diarrhea (thanks, really needed more of that)

- nausea

- dizziness

- weakness

- extreme fatigue

So let me go ahead here and describe a little bit about my health issues, namely my PCOS, or polycystic ovarian syndrome. PCOS is a hormonal disorder. It can cause increased levels of androgen in the body, increased hair, insulin resistance, excessive hair growth, male pattern baldness, weight gain, irregular periods, fertility problems, increase risk of developing type 2 diabetes, increase risk of high blood pressure and high cholesterol, acne and oily skin, depression, and sleep apnea, as well as increase the risk for endometrial cancers, and obviously, cause ovarian cysts. This disorder can be passed from mother to daughter, and I got it from my mom. I have been suffering with this for years.

The biggest effects on my body have been my weight, my depression, irregular periods and cysts. I currently have an IUD in place to help with the symptoms, but my periods are not even close to regular and are often brown in colour. Before hormonal birth control, I would have 2-3 periods per year that lasted about a month at a time. These periods were heavy and excruciatingly painful, and the clots I birthed were like jellyfish. I often lost enough blood to become anemic. 

It should be noted that my PCOS has caused me to be resistant to insulin, and that can make it hard to lose weight and also cause some brown discolouration on the skin, which I have had on my chest and neck. I remember my mom used to scrub at my neck thinking it was dirty when my neck first started becoming discoloured. 

I had my IUD placed in December of 2018, and the follow up ultrasound revealed a cyst on my right ovary that was 21cm x 21cm which required surgery. Due to that, a traumatic situation and my vegetarianism, I lost 30 pounds by March of 2019. 

I have also struggled most of my life with depression and anxiety and used food to cope. I am currently on medication for that. I also take Metformin to help with the effects of the PCOS.

Here I will give a short description on the areas of my body that bother me and what I would like to see improve. I will try to be objective about what I don’t like and I will be honest about the reasons I would like to improve. I will say now that many of these reasons are cosmetic and not necessarily health related.

Inner thighs: While my legs are one of my favourite parts of my body and are in general strong and shapely, my inner thighs have a pocket of fat near my pubic mound, and I can see it when I stand up or I can see it in the mirror from behind when I bend over. I am self conscious about this because I don’t like the way it looks/hangs, and it makes it hard to be present and immersed when I am having sex or see myself as attractive if I take a picture for my boyfriend. The goal for this area is to have less hang so I can feel more relaxed during sex and any time I bend over. I also don’t particularly enjoy the thigh holes in my jeans, or that I have trouble with any sort of thigh high sock rolling.

Pubic mound: I’m not even gonna bullshit here: I just want a normal looking vulva. That’s it. I want it to be easier to access my clit, I don’t want such a prominent camel toe when I wear pants, I’d like it to be easier for my boyfriend to go down on me. I have a nice inner vulva and I want the exterior to match. I also find it hard to shave the areas between my mound and my thigh, as holding it open is not easy. That groin area is also prone to skin yeast infections and pimples and blackheads, and while I admit that they are fun to pop, it would be nice if I did not have to deal with it. 

My stomach: My stomach hangs. Underneath of it is prone to those same pimples and skin yeast infections (canesten is really helpful for tinea cruris, by the way. Yeast infections are yeast infections.) and while I get some sick pops for r/popping, it isn’t attractive. My stomach is hairy and while that isn’t really totally weight related, it also isn’t cute. My belly button is often very hidden, and it would be nice to get down to a size that I could get it pierced like my mom has. The rolls of my stomach get pimples and the red marks from sitting all day are not cute and can get painful. I have the muffin top when I wear jeans, and while the look of my stomach in jeans is less than sexy, it actually doesn’t bother me all that much.I have trouble keeping up panties that are both too tight or too loose, and tights are always rolling down. If it doesn’t hit just above my waist while still being slightly tight, it isn’t even worth trying to wear at all. All my jeans and leggings are high-waisted, and a lot of them roll when I sit or bend over. As a nanny, that is a really big inconvenience, and I would like to be able to exist for an hour without having to pull up my goddamn pants/leggings/underwear/tights. God forbid I put on a garter belt. Clothes that are flattering are hard for find for obese women. I just want to wear pretty clothes and feel like a person. When I sit with my knees up, my stomach is Very Present, and I can feel it against my thighs and trying to press through the gap in the middle. It would be nice to not feel that way, and I hope that I can achieve a stomach that does not hang.

Rolls under breasts: These are real sons of bitches. Hot, hairy, red, pimply. The heat rash is real. About half to 3/4 the size of my actual breasts. They make finding a comfortable bra difficult, and I would be really happy if they got even half the size they are now. 

Breasts: I don’t necessarily have a weight issue with my tibblies, but they are underdeveloped underneath and I don’t really like the shape of them so much. I am on the waiting list to see a plastic surgeon about my options. There are certain things about my chest that I don’t like that are the fault of obesity however, like the dark marks on my chest because of resistance to insulin, but I will get more into that in a bit. I also don’t love boobne, but hey, acne, amirite ladies? 

My chin/neck situation: My ‘waddle’, as I so hatefully refer to it, is my least favourite part of my body. This makes me so upset. I think this is the only part of my body that I truly genuinely hate. If I could duct tape it back so I could look normal, I would. I often look at plus size and fat and obese women and think why do they have chins and necks that are ‘normal’ but not me? (spoilers: the answer is morbid obesity.) I would like to be able to wear a choker comfortably and without it being hidden by my neck. It is very hard to pop waddle pimples. I do have the insulin marks on my neck, and a dowager’s hump, which makes me feel weird if I look at it too long. I don’t like when it sticks out of my clothing, and it feels odd to look at it with a necklace on, or a choker or collar or anything like that.

My back rolls: You hate to see it, and it makes finding a bra in my size a pain. It is hard to hide them, and anything that is fitted to the boobs and then flares can exaggerate the look of them. I don’t look at them too often so it doesn’t always bother me, but they can be a pain with certain clothes. It also makes some clothes tight and restricting in a way they normally wouldn’t, like dresses or shirts that zip. Highly unpleasant, and I would like to have smoother back for cosmetic reasons. 

The back of my head: I shave the underneath of my head. I’ve had my entire head shaven before, I’ve had just the sides shaven. It would be nice to get to a place where there wasn’t a roll at the back of my head. It would also be nice if my brother hadn’t swiped a card through it, but only one of those things is achievable. 

My arms: I have pretty strong arms, my job requires lifting and I’ve never shied away from taking all the groceries in one trip. My arms are large but not huge. I would be happy with a little reduction in the ‘wing’ area and I would like to see my upper arms a little more streamlined when fully extended. I genuinely do have big bones, but it would be nice to be able to wear my bracelets more comfortably. 

My hands: For the longest time I have been upset about the idea of ‘fat people hands’. I don’t have huge fingers, but it would be nice to fit rings on a little easier. I have large hands, because I am a tall woman, but not really fat or chubby hands like one might think of when thinking of fat people hands. My knuckles are fairly well defined, though they have dimples when my hands are flat, and have had since I was little. I think they are cute to be honest. I do not have discolouration on my fingers or knuckles.

My face: I don’t have a ton of fat on my cheeks actually. I do have a round face, but I have dimple-like indentations under my cheekbones that clearly define them. It would be nice to be a slightly slimmer face and defined jawline - any attempt at a contour is just awful. I would like to have a less prominent chin and cheeks. 

So let’s talk for a bit about long term goals. I am trying to set goals for myself in chunks. I know that aiming to lose 100 pounds the first go around is highly unlikely to get me any sort of success and I know that breaking it up into smaller bits is less overwhelming and more motivating. I am seriously trying to be careful about rewarding myself with any kind of food. 

Realistically, I would like to see myself get into the ‘normal’ BMI range by this time next year. I also know that to do that, I would need to lose around 170 pounds. With OMAD, you can expect to lose between half a pound and one pound a day. I do not see myself losing 170 pounds in 170 days. I do not think it is healthy to lose that much in under 6 months, and I don’t think my skin would appreciate it either, nor do I think OMAD is sustainable for that long. The idea is to try and hold out with OMAD for about 3 and a half months, and in that time, with upkeep, exercise and discipline, I could lose around 100 pounds, but I think the responsible thing would be to hope for closer to 75 pounds. 

I would like to outline my goals here:

Current Goal: 300 pounds - 33 pounds lost - 41.8 BMI

Second Goal: 270 pounds - 63 pounds lost - 37.7 BMI

Third Goal: 240 - 93 pounds lost - 33.5 BMI

Fourth Goal: 210 - 123 pounds lost - 29.3 BMI

Fifth Goal: 180 - 153 pounds lost - 25.1 BMI

Final Goal: 160 - 173 pounds lost - 22.3 BMI

Knowing how much one can lose in x amount of time with OMAD, and assuming I kept with it for a year, it could take anywhere from 173 days to 346 days to reach my final goal. I know that I won’t lose the same amount every day, and I know that it will be hard to keep it off once I reach my goal. 

I also know that I will need to take vitamins and supplements to make sure I don’t lose anything during this time. 

I am trying not to set deadlines for when I would like to reach my goals, though ideally I would be losing about 20 pounds a month. There are some important dates that I am hoping to have lost a certain amount for, however, and based on how much I might expect to lose and some basic math, I have deemed it pretty feasible to do.

I return to work around July 6th. It is currently May 30th. In 37 days I am hoping to have reached my first goal of 33 pounds lost. I lost 4 pounds in 3 days, and I hope to keep up that pace. 

The other date that I am hoping to have lost weight for is my birthday, which is August 31st. In 93 days I am hoping to have met my second goal of 63 pounds lost. I am turning 19 and very excited to celebrate.

For a little in-depth at what I am doing as far as my meal, I am eating a normal supper for me, a snack and a dessert. I am not counting calories. I’ll give some examples of what I have eaten at this time.

Day 1: Gnocchi bake with chicken, gummies, a chocolate bar, a little bit of bread and an iced tea. I made the bake with a package of sundried tomato gnocchi, one chicken breast, an olivieri package of rose sauce, like 2-3 tablespoons of herb and garlic cream cheese and onion. It was so good.

Day 2: I had the 4 bites of leftovers and some cheese bread, an iced tea, chicken strips, fries, a bite of fish, and some coleslaw. This day I felt sort of weak in the evening and so I had a fried egg sandwich with a cheese slice, mustard and mayo.

Day 3: I GUZZLED water all day long, like 4-5 bottles of water. I had crackers, the middle of a cinnamon bun, chicken strips and fries again, coleslaw and then some cake (I was celebrating a family birthday). My pee has never been so clear, let me just tell you.

One of the good things about this diet is being able to have whatever I would like as my meal for the day. I am an excellent cook (friend, family, teacher, boyfriend’s family and boyfriend approved, being fat has helped me master the kitchen) and I love doing it, so I can really get creative with my meal.

I come from a diet family, and so I am definitely supported on this diet, and my boyfriend is doing it with me, because misery loves company. Overall, I do feel hungry, but I feel satisfied with what I am doing and I have a lot more will power than I thought I did before, so I am proud of myself in that regard.

During my fasts, I try to only consume water and black coffee, which I take iced so it doesn’t nerf me with the flavour. Chewing gum is also quite helpful. My eating period is between 7p-8p, or 7p-8:30p, but that may change overtime as my sleep and activity schedule changes in the coming months.

I do not make promises on diets as a rule, but because of the nature of this diet I have made myself a promise that I will listen to my body. If I need a meal, I will eat one. If what is best for me is splitting my eating hour into two 30 minute eating periods a day for energy, especially while I work, then that is what I will do. 

Like I said, the goal is to check in every day with what I ate, my general feelings and if I am changing anything, and then I will try to do a weigh in weekly, and every couple of weeks update any changes I notice in the areas I mentioned earlier that bother me as a fat person. 

‘Til next time,

H

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 119 Poll Results

The chapter 119 poll closed with 2,021 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated! 

RATE THE CHAPTER 1,942 Responses

This chapter was a roller coaster of action and emotional turmoil, clearly affecting the majority of the fandom, with 92.7% of respondents giving it either a 4 or a 5 rating. 

Well, Isayama. Mission accomplished. This chapter did phenomenally hurt me.

Colt became one of my new favorite characters. This is the only series where I can say I'm happy one of my favorites is dead, because that means they don't have to suffer anymore... 

don't lose your head now, we are almost in the end

Entertaining chapter, but with some glaring inconsistencies

To me, it was one of the most nerve wracking, emotional, and plot twist chapters that I've ever read in this series.

Isayama one of the madman. That's it. That's the whole thoughts.

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT? 1,949 Responses

Our top three fave moments were Colt hugging Falco as he transformed (28.7%), Gabi shooting Eren (21.3%) and Porco sacrificing himself to save Falco and Reiner (17.1%).

Eren getting his head blown off is my favorite manga moment since the Armored/Colossal Titan reveal... hands down. Might be even better, depends on what happens next

The Zeke scream was my favorite moment. It was so epic, I just can't wait for the anime to use YouSeeBigGirl or 2volt in this scene. It's my favorite moment as a manga reader after Willy Tybur's speech

Colt died a selfless, loyal big brother, and that's all there is to say about that.

Eren getting his head blown off is the best thing to ever happen. We know it means jack shit for him, but we got soooo many great memes. It's a good time to be alive.

I never really had strong opinions on Colt before, but he is 100% best Oniisan, being with his frightened younger brother til the end

Porco went too soon 😢

This poll was also inconsistent this month, I couldn’t vote for Pyxis drinking as my favourite moment.

WHO WAS THIS CHAPTER’S MVP? 1,941 Responses

With so many characters to choose from, it’s surprising but exciting that Porco won this chapter MVP by a landslide. Perhaps even more surprising, however, is Gabi coming in at #2. 

I'm so proud Porco. 

#GabiGang rise up!

I’m glad that everyone’s eyes have been opened to the fact that Porco is - was - a great character 

Colt was too good for this world. 

 Gabi shoot Eren’s head off was strangely cathartic

Porco the real mvp and you all know it

Even though I don't like Porco, and never have, I will admit he was kind of the MVP this round. Reiner kicked more ass than he did at every given opportunity, dude was kinda useless tbh, so it's cool that he finally served some kind of purpose.

Badass Gabi is best Gabi

The Grice brothers were the only Marleyans I liked from the get-go, so this chapter was yet another wrench in the heart (thanks again, Yams!) Colt was totally the MVP in this entire arc, as far as I'm concerned. His last words to Falco were absolutely heartbreaking. My poor boys. :( Falco's guilt will be devastating to see.

Never cared about Porco before. But this time...

*crying like an idiot*

WHICH MEMBER OF THE 104TH HAD THE BEST SHOWING THIS CHAPTER? 1,919 Responses

The members of the 104th are finally out of jail and back in action!  47.5% think Armin’s epic use of a thunder spear shot him into first place, while 33% think Mikasa, who went to fight the Cart along with him was the standout.

Armin was so cool this chapter <3

Connie & Jean was unexpected

Floch just die already...

So one of Armin's major characteristics throughout the manga up until this point has been him whining about how weak he is and how he never gets better at the gear and how he's such a burden, and now, suddenly, miraculously, he's keeping up with an Ackerman.  Amazing plot armor there, Isayama, truly amazing.  It certainly would be nice if the other side got even half the advantages that the Paradise crew does.  Imagine what a fair and balanced battle would look like!

Mah boi Floch seems to be the only survivor of the attack on the carttitan... he definetly knows how to survive

I love the Armin and Mikasa duo action. I also hope Armin will transform soon

Armin now is so close to Magath. I want to see him try to negotiate with him, but I also want to see him go colossal already ahhhh.

floch suffers again

ARUMIKA GANG, RISE UP. JEANCON GANG, RISE UP.

I miss Sasha :(

WHICH WARRIOR HAD THE BEST SHOWING THIS MONTH? 1,941 Responses

The warriors got a lot of action as well as emotional play this month, and though polls in the past have shown Porco as unpopular, 59.4% of you chose him as the MVP among his comrades.  11.4% think Colt finally stood out from the crowd, 9.7% selected Gabi, and 8.6% chose the sufferboi Reiner.

Best bois: Porco and Colt Best girl: Gab Gab

M V PIECK!!

All of them? Seriously they all did great this chapter despite literally half of these kids dying or being in danger.

I was truly surprised by gabi shooting eren, but god that was awesome i loved it

I hadn’t even liked Porco or Colt before but damn did they earn my respect.

mad props to Gabi for being such a badass that she was able to dig Colt’s rifle out from under his burnt body in order to fire on Eren. Being able to think so clearly and take action even under the weight of her horror and grief was incredible. 

Originally Falco was the only non-Paradis character I liked. Now we can all Colt to that list. Shame he had to die in order for me to feel this way.

Falco was the only one who didn't do a whole lot this chapter but a large majority of them got a moment to be recognized as the type of person they are.

WHICH BROTHERLY PAIRING SPOKE TO YOU THE MOST THIS CHAPTER? 1,945 Responses

Colt trying to do everything in his power to protect Falco is what touched the majority of the fandom’s hearts, earning them a solid 80% of the vote. At a very distant second, 10.2% of the fandom were most emotionally touched by Eren and Zeke’s desperation to make contact with each other, only to be ruthlessly denied in the end. 

I think Colt and Falco scene was one of the best scenes in all manga, so emotional

WILL REINER EVER SUCCEED IN KILLING HIMSELF? 1,941 Responses

Sorry, Reiner, but most (90.8%) of us don’t think you’re going to have any success in ending your own life.  ….But look on the bright side: 11.9% think that maybe you’ll get lucky and somebody else will kill you! 

Let Reiner die in peace already, Isayama!

I love that my baby boy Reiner is still alive. 😭

No wonder Reiner wanted to be like Marcel, at least that kid didn't fail at suicide.

ON A SCALE OF "DEAR GOD!" TO "I'VE SEEN WORSE" HOW HORRIFYING WAS FALCO’S TITAN? 1,944 Responses

64% of the fandom veered towards “Dear god!” in response to Falco’s horrific titan form. Only 7.6% replied with confidence that they’d seen worse.

Falco’s titan looks like a hybrid of Cheese from Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends and Dead Hand from Legend of Zelda: OOT. So horrifying that I can’t not look at it.

 Falco gets a medal for having the creepiest mindless titan. 

MAN F****** that jaw titan is a problem!

Two things I did not need to see this chapter were Falco's mindless titan form and a decapitated Eren. So much horror, so little beauty…

Why are Falco’s Titan’s teeth in hIS NOSE WTF

WHO WOULD YOU HAVE PREFERRED FALCO TO EAT OF THE TWO? 1,929 Responses

Porco oh so barely edged out Reiner as the person we’d most prefer Falco to have eaten. Looking at the comments, popularity had nothing to do with this. Rather many people seemed to think that dying for Falco was a more fitting gesture for Reiner’s arc.

Disappointing because the Jaws died. Reiner easily could’ve got out his nape and let Falco eat him, we didn’t need to lose Porco. 

I feel bad for reiner, becouse he could get his redemtion and complete his perfect development and he lost this oportunity,

I WANT PORCO BACK

i'm pretty frustrated that falco didn't get the armored titan, half because i want reiner to finally have some peace and also because i really wanted to see an armored titan falco.

WHICH CHARACTER HAD THE MOST MOVING SWAN SONG? 1,933 Responses

38.8% of respondents were moved the most this chapter by Colt and Falco’s brotherly love for one another. 26.2% most enjoyed Porco’s sacrifice that couldn’t have happened without a little classic Porco sass. 18.5% are really feeling it for Nile and how he tried to save one child while knowing he’ll never see his own again. Pixis, at least you were still able to enjoy one last swig. 

I liked Pixis accepting his fate while Zeke screamed

WHILE COLT'S DECISION TO STAY WITH FALCO WAS TRAGICALLY BEAUTIFUL, IT DIDN'T SERVE A LOT OF PURPOSE. IN YOUR OPINION, IT WAS... 1,942 Responses

In a chapter filled with so much death, does Colt’s stand out? Was it even necessary? 47.2% feel that his decision to stay by his brother’s side was understandable but unreasonable given the circumstances. 36.1% went with the simple explanation of “Tragic”, where only 8.8% thought his choice was 100% heroic.

I cried when Colt hugged Falco

Colt....I understand you're distraught about your precious lil bro being titanized, but there's a snackalicious founding titan running towards a fuzzy ass monkey, you could've helped in SOME way! 

Anyways Colt’s death although it wasn’t necessary was very moving for me, which is the first time anyone from Marley except Falco has provoked any feelings in me to be honest.

Colt is getting unreasonable amount of crap for choosing to stay by Falco's side.  I don't blame Colt at all, for seeing no immediate master plan to keep going. His instincts went right to big brother mode, to a self-sacrificing degree. And god help you if you can't appreciate that kind of beauty without feeling the need to say how much better you would have done yourself.

I was shocked to see Colt die so soon, but at the same time, I can understand why he made the sacrifice here, and it was an emotional highpoint for me in this chapter. It's going to be sad seeing Falco's reaction when he learns what has become of his brother, but I think he will understand just how much Colt cared about him

Colt's decision to stay with Falco as the later was turning into a Pure Titan was unreasonable considering the heat of the transformation nearby would kill him, but he must've thought this was the only option left because he thought no one else would save Falco (he especially would never expect Porco to sacrifice himself for Falco) and thus couldn't bear to see his beloved brother be cursed into a Pure Titan, so he just wanted to be with Falco in what he thought would be the latter's true final moments as a human.

PORCO'S DECISION TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF WAS COMPOSED OF MANY FACTORS, BUT WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK STOOD OUT THE MOST? 1,915 Responses

Hearing Colt and Zeke’s back and forth about the lengths they’re willing to go to in order to ensure their little brother’s safety is what 44.6% of the fandom believes most motivated Porco to sacrifice himself to Falco. 25.7% felt that he was pushed the most by his unwillingness to meaninglessly die and have his titan power go to waste. For the remainder of the fandom, just a few more believe that his intent was to protect Reiner rather than saving Falco.

Porco only wanted to feel validated. He died because he was in a situation where he knew he wouldn’t survive, and once he knew the truth and felt validated, he was ready to let go and die. This is why in his final line he says that in the end, he was better than Reiner. Knowing the truth was enough for him to finally stop trying to be the best, to stop trying to show his worth, and to finally accept the fact that he couldn’t keep fighting in this battle.

If we're being honest, I was surprised to see Porco die. I wasn't expecting any of that. At least he can finally be at peace with his brother tho.

Porco’s sacrifice was one of the most noble we’ve seen so far in the series and showed a lot of character development. He’ll be sorely missed!

PORCO'S FIRST AND LAST LINES IN THE STORY WERE AIMED AT REINER. DO YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP CHANGED OVER THE TIME WE'VE WITNESSED IT? 1,918 Responses

The results were nearly split, with 34.8% of respondents feeling that Reiner and Porco’s relationship was starting to improve after Liberio, with the potential to become even better, while 34.1% felt that Porco let go of every negative feeling he had for Reiner when he realized the truth of Marcel’s sacrifice. 16.6% feel there wasn’t enough screen time to form an opinion, and 14.5% believe there was no change in dynamic by the end. 

DO YOU AGREE WITH THE THEORIES THAT EREN HAS ALREADY ACTIVATED THE COORDINATE POWER? 1,922 Responses

While close to half the fandom believe that Coordinate power is still dormant in Eren, more than a third believe that there was enough strangeness this month to indicate that Eren has either touched Zeke already or had some other means of accessing the Coordinate power. 

The entire chapter felt... off. Pixis teleporting from outside to inside drinking, Eren’s brotherhood of traveling pants, the whole Magath and Pieck thing, it just... seems weird.

Eren couldn't be using the coordinate rn simple because he needs royal blood... 

I can go either way on the inconstancies, all of them seem like reasonable mistakes for a rushed chapter. But that also makes them just subtle enough to actually be clues that paths shit is happening

I think that the battle shown is a false battle created by the founding titans power and the real battle will be shown to an earlier Eren through a memory

I highly, HIGHLY doubt Eren pulled off some War Hammer Titan shenanigans or activated the Founding Titan's power beforehand to make it out of Gabi's shot. The stuff doesn't add up for these two.

WHAT WAS THE MOST GLARING SEEMING INCONSISTENCY? 1,912 Responses

“All of the above” was the favorite response to the question of inconsistencies in this chapter. Of those who made a choice, “Eren’s clothes magically reappearing” was the top pick (27.2%) followed by Pieck’s quick transformation after creating a skeletonized titan form last chapter  (13.9%). While we listed several of the inconsistencies we’d noticed, the write-ins contained even more

All the above plus Porco changing out of a garrison uniform to a SC uniform

Bert's crater, and the waterway. But I want to say Eren's clothes because that has been inconsistent for 2 or 3 chapters now iirc, memory manipulation incoming.

Commander Pixis was out and suddenly was inside with other people who drank the spinal fluid

Eren getting hit by the Titan rifle by Magath and then suddenly being okay just after that.

Eren magically getting his shoes back after they got bit off by the jaws

Gabi being in the exact right place at the exact right time. If Eren had to "die" that couldn't have been set up better?

It might be me, but Gabi with the titan rifle.  More so "how" she got it, as we can infer it was Colt's.  The problem being that Colt had it on his back even after Falco's transformation.  Being underneath a burning body (RIP Colt) and being in operable condition, it just seems off to me.

Mikasa magically changed positions at one point way too fast to be possible 

No one seems to have mentioned that Gabi's hair is down when she shot Eren

Pixis teleporting from riding a horse to chilling with a drink

Reiner's sudden in-Titan beard is what got me

The three false connections between Eren's clothes (we see once he has a white shirt in his titan, once he is naked and once he had in fact his usual "sweatshirt") I mean, come on, decide on what the boy's wearing Yams.

The Gabi riding a horse wasn't really a "inconsistency" because she spent a month in those Braus stables so of course she'll learn how to ride one in a month.

FALCO FINALLY BECAME A TITAN, SURPRISING NO ONE. OF THE FOLLOWING NAMED MINDLESS “PURE” TITANS, WHICH WILL BE THE ONE FUELING YOUR NIGHTMARES? 1,922 Responses

Perhaps it could be recency bias, but Falco takes the top spot with 31.2% of the fandom deeming him as the most “nightmare fuel” of the pure titans we listed above. 25.4% still abhor the “flaming turkey” or “meatloaf” titan that is Rod Reiss. 20.3% are forever haunted by the Gluttonous Titan.

Armin titan will forever fuel my nightmares, he ate best boi Bertl

Manga Rod Reiss's Titan didn't do much for me. Anime version was the stuff of fucking nightmares.

BEST NAME FOR FALCO'S TITAN FORM? 1,900 Responses

With an… interesting new titan design, it’s time to name it! Just edging out Big Bird, Pac-Man titan is the winner! Third place goes to Muppet Waka Waka, followed by Bob’s Burger Titan.

Absolute Chad

Austrailian Shitposter

Beavis Titan

Canadian Titan

Cheese from Fosters

Giraffe Man Titan

Incel Titan

Leafy Titan

My ex wife

Pelican Titan

Rubber Chicken Titan

YOU GUYS ARE MEAN

DID ZEKE CARE ABOUT COLT OR FALCO? 1,940 Responses

Zeke, who’s not known for his empathy as a defining trait, heard out Colt when he pleaded for Zeke to spare his little brother. 54.8% of you think Zeke cared a little bit, 30.8% thinks he cared a lot, and 14.4% thinks he didn’t care one bit.

When I say Zeke cared a little about Falco and Colt, I do mean *a little*. Like, the littlest little you can care about someone before you care not at all. If Zeke caring  was a scale of 0 to 100, he cared about at about a 4. 

I really thought Zeke wasnt going to scream

Zeke was self-righteous as usual, nothing new here.

Zeke just shattered his belief that anyone cared enough to possibly aid him in his personal goal to help his little brother.

I think HE thinks he cares, but he’s more attached to the idea of himself as a person who cares and is acting out of compassion for the greater good of eldians and the world, and the truth is he doesn’t have any actual attachment and fondness for them as individuals. The trauma of betraying his parents and eating Xaver rendered him basically incapable of forming true bonds of affection.

Colt developed a considerable bond with the person who was supposed to give him his Titan power in the near future, he had the impression Zeke was not the kind of person to put a child in dire situations, so he tried to remind him of that. He never thought Zeke would do the impossible and turn his brother into a Pure Titan despite telling him the situation. The shock on Colt's face when Zeke apologizes for what he is about to do really shows that.

Fuck Zeke

Maybe Zeke will have a change of heart, maybe he will sulk into a state of depression and failure. I really hope someone convinces Zeke that suffering will always permeate in this world and the only thing he can do is hope for a better ending than how this chapter ended. 

zeke is the real life definition of a nutsack

IS THE JAW TITAN’S OWNER ALWAYS DESTINED TO SACRIFICE HIM-/HERSELF? 1,909 Responses

Crazily enough, this was nearly a three-way tie! 33.4% feel that the Jaw titan wasn’t a factor at all in Marcel, Ymir and Porco’s decision to sacrifice themselves for someone else, but rather that’s just the type of people they are. 32.6% feel that the Jaw titan is absolutely a factor, and that it is a trait or the will of this titan to sacrifice itself for others. 31.4% believe that the Jaw Titan’s will drives its holders to protect the Armored Titan only. 

It better not be, because that means Falco's next. And we all know who he's constantly protecting with his life…

It‘s coincidence but it‘s ironic how everyone of them sacrificed themselves for Reiner.

I don't know but they need to stop.

It’s the shifter’s choice to sacrifice themselves. It’s not some destiny tf you smoking.

P A T H S

Zeke was given the wrong titan. That's all I have to say.

DO YOU THINK EREN HAD HOPED TO TOUCH ZEKE BEFORE HE COULD SCREAM AND TITANIZE THE MPS AND FALCO? 1,937 Responses

The majority (71.4%) of the fandom are confident that Eren’s expressions and actions are proof that he was hoping to avoid Zeke screaming and titanizing everyone who’s had a swig of the spine wine. 22.5% aren’t sure, or don’t want to say either way, while a smaller percentage feel that Eren probably didn’t care if Zeke screamed, or maybe even planned for it. 

For the first time in a while, Eren's face shows that he is not in control of the situation

I think he looked horrified when Zeke screamed, and I want to think that he hoped to use the Founding Titan's power before then. :( I'm also holding out for a reversal of this titanisation IF Eren does survive and manages to touch Zeke.

HOW DO YOU VIEW GABI'S ACTIONS? 1,941 Responses

Gabi has made some questionable decisions in the past, and has been the source of a great deal of controversy. That does not seem to be the case this time around, with ~51% of respondents acknowledging that her actions this chapter seemed to make sense, and an additional ~9% being proudly in her corner waving #GABIGANG flags. Only 8.4% thought that her character development was undone by her latest act of violence… Whether her actions were justified or not, the remaining 31.8% just hope that Gabi is kept away from guns for the foreseeable future.

Gabi's actions are perfectly understandable. She knows sees the Paradis differently but that doesn't mean she sees or understand the person who destroyed her home and killed her friend. 

Congratulations Gabi, you have a knack for finding new and inventive ways to utterly RUIN this series for me. You were a mistake that never should have been made.

Eren getting his head blown off is *chef kiss*  (Also lol karma)

Eren is my favorite character and even I was like "Gabi did nothing wrong."

LAST MONTH WHEN WE ASKED WHO WAS MOST LIKELY TO DIE, THE WINNERS (LOSERS?) WERE FLOCH (741 VOTES), THE SENIOR MILITARY (650), REINER (598), CONNIE (594), PORCO (588), AND YELENA (583). LET’S TRY AGAIN. WHO’S NEXT TO GO IN THIS BATTLE? 1,918 Responses

Magath and Peick are this month winners for most likely to die next with 20% of the vote each. Floch and Zeke follow with 17.8% and 14% of the vote respectively.

I hope mikasa and armin spare pieck.

I hope that Mikasa and Armin totally destroys Pieck in the next chapter~!

#Zeke_LIVE! #Keep_your_little_brother_safe_you_promised! 

I seriously think both Floch and Reiner are going to live to the end. These two especially seem to be really good at surviving, it's been a pattern now

I've recently noticed death flags on Louise since she was introduced, we didn't saw her in this chapter but there are chances that the poor girl will not survive until the end. 

Also I'm so glad the fandom was wrong and Falco DIDN'T eat Reiner. However, this chapter is raising massive death flags for Gabi. I hope she won't die next chapter.

Eren is too determined to die. He'll just keep going like a head-less chicken. Like those Cuccos from The Legend of Zelda that refuse to die!

I feel guilty now that in last chapter's poll when it's asked who will die i picked Eren, and now it's a possibility that he's actually dead. But I still want to hug and protect him, my son, even if he's in pieces haha

WHICH EXPECTED UNEXPECTED TWIST ISAYAMA IS GOING TO USE TO KEEP EREN ALIVE? 1,926 Responses

OMG ERENS DEAD NOOOOOOO- well, probably not. Only 5.2% think this is the end of the line for our protagonist. The two most popular options were that he transferred his consciousness, and that Bucket Girl will intervene; with 24.6% and 24.1% respectively.

A mix between being saved by the bucket girl and him transferring his consciousness throughout his body.

Eren is dead, timeloop shenanigans begin.

He uses the last of his power to shift. That, or Zeke catches his head and he uses the founder to grow a new body.

Regeneration: Deadpool style

He will have a long chat with Ymir in the PATHS dimension and rewrite history

Head lands in Zeke’s hand before his brain dies and it’s good enough to count

His consciousness is safe and sound in his left butt cheek. 

his consciousness is now in his left testicle

We need explanation about the P A T H S already! Isayama will take advantage of "Eren's death" to let him met the little girl (who everyone here suspects that is indeed Ymir Fritz) and reveal the Great Titan War, The Devil of the Earth, etc etc (and ofc the possibility of seeing him naked again lmao)

Isayama likes Game of Thrones. Therefore, like with Jon Snow, Eren will be kept dead for few chapters (preferably 3 till end of this volume). Then he rises - probably with bucket girl help.

HOW HAS YOUR OPINION ON THE FOLLOWING CHARACTERS CHANGED?

The winners for “more favorable” were Porco and Colt with each getting a huge surge in popularity. On the other side of the spectrum were Gabi and Zeke. While most selected “unchanged”, they still had the largest numbers of people indicating they viewed them less favorably after this chapter.

105: "Imma make Gabi the most hated character in the series" 119: "Hold my beer"

Every time when I'm thinking Zeke can't turn any more awful Isayama proves me wrong. That chapter is a really low blow. Just catapult him on lone island far far away from people he can hurt.

I never thought I could hate Zeke more than I already had. But after Colt absolutely humiliated himself to save Falco and Zeke just screamed...As long as Zeke’s alive horrible things will keep happening.

WHAT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO SEE NEXT CHAPTER? 1,923 Responses

27.2% of respondents are determined to keep the focus in Shiganshina, and don’t care what happens next so long as we aren’t taken off the battlefield just yet. 25% are anxious to hear news on Levi and Hange’s whereabouts and condition. 20.4% are hopeful that Eren will recover and finally be able to touch Zeke. 10.2% are still hanging on for Annie…. Someday she’ll come out….. someday….

I want to see Yelena next. We get this chapter one panel to her and this panel was strange as fuck. Something is up with her and I have the feeling that her existence will playing a huge role in the plot. I don't know, but I hope to get a flashback to her. 

ah, yes, this was such a horrifically tragic chapter *sheds tear* .....anyway, now that eren’s injured CAN WE SEE LEVI AND HANJI ??

Chapter 120: "Oh boy, I can't wait to see what happened to Ere-" *MEANWHILE, WITH HANGE AND LEVI...*

Pls dont switch to Levi and hange next chapter

Annie's never going to show up, huh?

I'm itching to see Historia, Levi, and Hange, as always, but what I really want to see in the next chapter is Mikasa's reaction to Eren's decapitation.

Let Eren and Zeke touch already >:v

AT THIS POINT, AROUND WHICH CHAPTER DO EXPECT THE MANGA WILL CONCLUDE? 1,856 Responses

With lots of news on the ending coming out recently, from the final manga exhibition, to Season 4 being announced as the final season, discussion on where the series will end has been very common lately.  44.1% think it will end with 130, next June.  30.3% think it will end a volume later at 134 in October, the same month the final season premiers.  14.1% think it’ll still be going while the final season is airing, going to 138 or beyond.  9.3% think it will end a tad sooner, at 126 in February.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 1,841 Responses

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE CHAPTER?

I think there's a possibility that Eren might be dead dead, but his legacy will live through his last wish, supposing Zeke catches his head.

At this point of the story I'm happy Annie is still chilling in her crystal, away from the bloodbath

I never would have thought we would see Falco eating Porco and obtaining the Jaw titan or seeing Eren's head just fuckin fly through the air this chapter was insane.

As much as I dislike Floch, I def do want to see what his reaction will be to Eren’s “death,” even more than I want to see Jean’s and Connie’s tbh.

What I want to know is why do all the people with more use to the story survive when guys like Niccolo who's usefulness to the story ended when the heat from Sasha's death get to stick around?

I don't think Gabi is a bad character, but to me it almost feels like she is just getting in the way of the story progressing. I do however think her actions are understandable for her character, but from a reader's perspective it annoys me.

*Whispers* Ok, but is it possible Porco's alive? and maybe Colt can pull an Armin or survive via P A T H S Magic?

Flying head memes are the best

I was astonished at what a weight it lifted off my chest and how much more forgiving I could be after seeing Eren “I’m too good to tell anyone my plan, I work alone and I’ve always hated you” Jaeger fail so hard that Zeke screamed, Connie, Jean, Armin, and Mikasa all had to save Eren, and he was “killed” by a twelve-year-old.

I actually didn't hate Gabi at first despite killing Sasha. But now whatever development she had is gone and since she is now established as a murderer, I am now aboard the "I Hate Gabi" train.

God, I really hope the next chapter is good because it's at a really pivotal point that could make or break this last arc.

I am very willing to make allowances for the inconsistencies so the chapter itself was very good in my opinion. The story progressed well, awesome action sequences, expectations subverted, suffering continued; therefore, good chapter.

I don't think Eren will return physically, but his presence will remain somehow through PATHS. The title of this manga is Shingeki no Kyojin, not Eren, so the story can resolve itself with the Attack Titan being inherited and Eren's memories explored.

It's a little rushed, but I like the idea and hope Isayama can pull these loose strands together to create an impactful finale.

I don't understand all this Gabi hate. Eren has always been a threat to her eyes : in Liberio's Festival when he brought by his actions death to her home and friends, in the room where he was odious to Armin and Mikasa and threatening them with a wound on his hand, when Pieck -who explained to her the world isn't black and white- designed him as the enemy and here, and here right before her child eyes, because of his and Zeke's plan, Gabi is there when Falco transforms into a titan, killing Colt in the process. It's understandable she was angry and reacted like that.

I know eren isnt dead, but idk how isayama is gonna pull it off without it feeling cheap

I liked it and it was very surprising! Tho it’s time Historia is shown again and Levi and Hange need to come back very soon as well.

I feel like a worrying number of readers seem to have somehow missed the fact Eren is meant to be a major antagonist of this arc lol

I'm torn over that ending. It had the potential to be such a powerful moment, but it just didn't do it for me.

I've never been so upset at a characters death before, not even Armins... Like Jean said to Eren about Marco: "Not everyone gets to go out in a blaze of glory." What a horrible way to go

Isayama delivers every single month.

Isayama. . . Eren internal monologue. . . . . . . when?

 I'm excited to see what comes next, but I'd like to jump back to characters like Levi, Hange, Annie, and Historia first so that everyone can come together for a big finale.  You can feel that the manga is reaching its conclusion.

Commander Pixis turning into a titan sigh so long dog. All the commanders except Hanje kicked the bucket

Oh boy. This chapter had me bawling. Colt and Porco' s deaths hit me hard. "Your big brother will be with you, always"....damn that hurt.

Shits going down and I'm here hoping to see Armin transforms just to piss Reiner off

Such a mindblowing chapter, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I was utterly speechless when Eren's head flew off. Isayama the madlad

Interesting seeing Porco receive path memories From Eren via Porco. The coordinate is the key to getting vivid memories from past shifters which almost certainly means Eren has access to Kruger’s memories with a little help from Historia.

Wouldn't it be funny if they suddenly cut to Levi and Hange for the next few months

WOW, this chapter was absolutely nerve-wracking! This one may just be the biggest emotional roller coaster ride yet with all those major character deaths and that jaw-dropping cliffhanger!

The start of every month sees a spike in my blood pressure as well as how much I pray while opening my browser to check if the latest chapter is up. Thanks, Isayama. Not only have you made me more religious, you've also made me more stressed out about a manga than exams and applications.

[matsislander-blog]

Staring at you standing there in that dress

“Brock Boeser + wedding day?“

Here’s the Brock imagine someone requested, I hope you like it! I really have like no self control when it comes to writing these imagines bc i literally cannot make them short like i cant stop talking while writing them you know?? Hopefully it isn’t too long!

Words: 1140

Warnings: None, just me babbling for hours

You and Brock had met back when you were both were out at a dog park in Vancouver. As soon as you’d let your dog off the leash, she ran a straight b-line over to a tall blonde guy. He was wearing light jeans that clung to his body just right. You could see how nice of a butt he had in them. He was also wearing a black hoodie, and a black hat, backwards on his head. She was jumping up at him and getting mud all over his beautifully fitting jeans. You ran over to her telling her to get down as well as apologizing to the man, a very sexy man might you add. “It’s no problem.” He laughed. “She must sense that I’m a good guy I guess”. He responded with a wink. You laughed. “she does have good taste.” you said. Now you can’t stop thinking of how dumb and creepy you probably sounded and how uncomfortable you’re about the make the situation. “She’s pretty like her owner, I’m Brock” he walked closer to shake your hand. “(y/n)” you responded blushing. You two sat around and talked for hours. It was the easiest flowing conversation that you’d ever had. He was so easy going, and the way that we was interacting with his dog and yours made your heart flutter. As it began to get dark and cooled down a bit, you decided it was best to get your dog home. “Could I maybe get your number? Maybe we could meet here again, I’m sure Coolie would love another play date.” Internally screaming in your head you took his phone and added your number into it. The two of you continued to meet at the dog park almost every day after that. It then escalated to dinner dates and to hanging out at his house because “coolie missed you” as Brock would say. Since then there hadn’t been a day that you guys didn’t see each other in some way or another. This eventually led to you guys moving in together and quickly getting engaged.

That’s how you ended up here. Standing in from of a mirror staring at yourself in a long white dress. Your hair and makeup done exactly how you’d imagined it. Your friends and family rushing around the room to finish getting ready and talking amongst themselves. Your mom came up behind you, putting her arms around your waist and giving you a loving squeeze. “You look beautiful, he’s going to be so excited when he sees you.” she says. She was right, you did look beautiful. The white dress clinging exactly where it's flattering. Your hair in long loose curls down your back. You turned around and gave her a long hug. “Ok (y/n) it’s time!” your maid of honour squealed. Your heart started beating so fast, you couldn’t believe in just a few short minutes you’ll be walking down the aisle to the love of your life, Brock. As you walked to the church, you were met with your dad, who’s going to be walking down the aisle. Your dad looked stunned, taken back with how beautiful you looked. “look at you, you look amazing. Brock is so lucky.” He whispers in your ear. “I love you” he says. “I love you” you respond. As the doors open, and everyone stands, you can’t even register who exactly is all there. All you can see is Brock. He’s in a perfect fitting black suit. His blonde locks gelled back to perfection. All you can think of is how excited you are for your honeymoon and especially to get that suit off of him, but you needed to push that farther back in your head. Brock’s looking at you with the biggest smirk. He cannot believe that he gets to marry someone like you. He brings a hand up to wipe away a stray tear going down his cheek. His brother patting him on the back, “look at her man” he says.

When you get up to the alter, you and Brock join hands. He looks at you and smiles. “so beautiful” he mouths to you. You blush and look down at your conjoined hands. God, you are so happy right now. You aren’t really listening to anything the priest is saying. You can’t take your eyes off Brock. The way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and the small looks of admiration he keeps giving you. His giant hands wrapped in yours, and he continuously swipes his thumb over top of your knuckles to let you know he’s thinking about you and to comfort you. You’re brought back when it’s time for the vows. Brock pulls out a folded piece of paper with words written on it. “(y/n), I’ve never been so happy that a small dog ruined my favourite pair of jeans.” you laugh, giving him a small glare as a joke. “I never thought i’d be able to love someone the way i love you. I’m so thankful to have you as my person, but as my biggest supporter. I’m so lucky and grateful to be the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are so special to me. I promise to show you for the rest of my life how much I love you. Anything you say is alright with me. I love you.” At this point you're crying and don’t know how you’re going to read yours. “Brock, the love i have for you in unexplainable. I promise to have the same love, admiration and patience, even when you don’t put your clothes in the laundry bin when its a foot away, for the rest of my life. You came into my life and made it better, you made it full of love, laughs and happiness. Thank you for being there for me even when your thousands of miles away. I couldn’t picture my life without you, and i never want to experience that. I’ll always be your biggest fan, and cheer you on with whatever you do. Thank you for loving me whole-heartedly. I love you”. With that, you exchange rings. His big hands shaking while putting your ring on your small hand. He looks at you with pink cheeks and a small smirk. “Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Boeser. You may now kiss the bride.” the priest speaks. Everyone stands and is clapping and cheering. Brock grabs your face with his hands and lays a gentle kiss on your lips, he then leans in again and kisses you harder. His brother claps him on the back, “ok buddy save that for later, lets get to the reception!” he says. You both laugh. Brocks hand finds your, and you both walk down the aisle to the limo waiting out front to take you to the reception. As you get into the car, Brock wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you into his side. “I love you, Mrs. Boeser, this is the best gift anyone could have ever given me”.

[lambbled-archive]

–   CHARACTER STUDY.

LAYER 001 :    THE OUTSIDE.

NAME  :       Vanessa “Ness” Renee Christie

EYE   COLOUR  :      warm, chocolate brown

HAIR   STYLE   /   COLOUR  :      dark brown / shoulder-length. wavy, thick and heavy. honestly is usually a mess

HEIGHT  :      5′3″  (but she acts like she’s 4′3″)

CLOTHING   STYLE  :    simple and comfy.  a small town girl/slightly country vibe.  plaid button-ups.  big sweaters.  jeans or jean shorts.  boots or painted sneakers.  denim jacket.

BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :      her eyes.  they’re big and expressive, and are most impressive when they’re burning with anger, impassive and cold, or soft and sweet like chocolate syrup.

LAYER 002 :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS  :      just being another victim to the sacrificial cycle in bethel.  losing anyone she cares about, especially kids.  letting people down who foolishly trust her.  being restrained by any sort of rope or ties.  handcuffs.  the cult.  pianos, specifically the piano wires make her uneasy.  always being ostracized for her past and never truly being seen as a normal person.

GUILTY   PLEASURE  :     sweets.  sugar.  caffeine.  she’s got a huge sweet tooth, and basically survives off of caffeine and spite because of her fucked up sleeping habits.  too many nightmares, y’know ?

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE  :      looking down on kids and thinking they’re not intelligent.  just from being around them so much, she gets that kids are actually really darn smart.  maybe not in the traditional sense, but they can come up with some weirdly logical, roundabout excuses for not going to bed on time.  also, stuck-up, entitled rich people.

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :     she used to be solely focusing on getting into college and being a reading comprehension teacher, getting out of bethel, maybe see the world a little before she settles down to a nuclear family and the classic american dream.  now, she’s mostly focused on ending the cycle of sacrifices in bethel, or just getting the hell away from there.  her past dreams no longer seem attainable.

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :     how much longer can i get away with sleeping?  .......................might as well get up i can’t go back to sleep anyway.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  :      she’s mentally stuck in the claythorne mansion during that murder party for the most part.  whenever she isn’t wallowing in guilt, it’s usually about friends, family, how to keep them safe, or revenge against the founders’ families.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :      that night.  whether tomorrow will be the same as today or might actually be better by some miracle.

WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :     resourcefulness.  it’s really what’s kept her alive.  besides that, she’s very loyal and believes that makes her a good person to have around.

LAYER 004 :    WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :      single !  most of her dates with connor ended up with his little brother tagging along.  she loved andy, but it’s made her value alone time a lot more.

TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  :     respected.  she doesn’t mind people hating her as long as they respect her judgment enough to let her keep them alive.

BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :      brains !

DOGS   OR   CATS  :      dogs !  she always wanted one growing up but her mom’s allergic to most kinds of pet dander.

LAYER 005 :    DO THEY…

LIE  :      all the time.  mostly just to cover up as much of her past as possible, but she’s also very good at feigning helplessness.

BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :     eehhhh.  she doesn’t really believe in her ability to be a good person anymore but other than a super low sense of self-worth, yeah i guess.  she really only has a solid confidence in herself in survival situations these days.

BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :      yes.  more so for other people than herself atm.  she doesn’t think she’s worth the trouble, but she can be convinced.

WANT   SOMEONE  :      yes.  she’d deny it all day but she’s a lonely gal who thrives off of being loved and being able to care for others.

LAYER 006 :    HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :      once as a kid she was the angel in a christmas play at church.

DONE   DRUGS  :      no sir, officer.

CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :    nope.  the prime time for her to do so would’ve been when she was dating connor, because boy did she stick out like a sore thumb around his family, but she never did.

LAYER 007 :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE   COLOURS  :      neutrals like brown or cream.  dull, soft, or faded blues.

FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :      baby fruit bats !  but also bears and rabbits !

FAVOURITE   BOOK  :      she’s got huge soft spots for alice’s adventures in wonderland and peter and wendy, but honestly it changes depending on the day because she reads so much.

FAVOURITE   GAME  :      an absolute legend at pac-man. still has the highest score on the machine at her local diner.  claims she no longer has the patterns memorized. is a liar.

LAYER 008 :    AGE.

DAY   THEIR   NEXT   BIRTHDAY   WILL   BE  :     january 10

HOW   OLD   WILL   THEY   BE  :      22 - 24  (???)  in her main verse

LAYER 09 :    FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I LOVE  :      books.

I FEEL  :      alone.

I HIDE  :      my mistakes.

I MISS  :      the way things used to be.

I WISH  :      none of this had happened.

TAGGED BY :   i am a certified trash bandit TAGGING :    you.  yes you the one reading this.

[rainbowsntears]

eros *au*

summary ↳ with you being sad and just pleading for comfort throughout the middle of the night, one of your friends secretly calls up someone who definitely tries his best to look after you.

warnings ↳ profanity, but all else is fluff

words ↳ 3093

note ↳ okay so i worked three hours on this, originally i wrote it third person instead of second because i dedicated this short story to my best friend. but anyway, this will be set in 2018 and not the late 1800s sorryyy. honestly i could’ve used finn in this but i felt that with gilbert being the sweetheart that he is, would fit the role better. btw you don’t know gilbert in this imagine. also i had to do a huge amount of research about greek gods and shit so sksksksk. but get comfy and enjoy! love y’all xx

The clock struck 2am, and only more of the silence had consumed your thoughts, breathing hitched as you dug your knees up to your chest with your head laying on top, and wet drops of sadness trickled down your ever so beautiful face. This hadn't been the first time you were like this, nor was it going to be your last. You were just having one of those days where you felt so hopeless and upset at your perspective of life. And no one blamed you, you had been through so much shit, but no one wanted you to stay like this. Mostly every single day did your best friends - Anne, Diana, Cole, Ruby and Jerry - try cheering you up, reminding you that you were loved and cared for because honestly, they did care for you.

You always appreciated it, but with a stubborn person like yourself, there was hardly any way that those words of comfort and love would stay there.

2:06am.

There's no way you were going to bed. You couldn't. You were so sleep deprived that you hadn't even felt your own exhaustion screaming for a long night's sleep.

You were sitting in the lounge in the middle of the semi-circle white couch in your house. You are all alone tonight, seeing as your parents were out on a small weekend holiday together and left you by yourself. With a normal blush pink blanket trying to warm your body up throughout the cold night as you cried. Well, it wasn't the only thing you did. You tried to watch your favourite tv shows, but your gut hadn't been edging for that kind of comfort. But then food came to thought, and although it was a success by the looks of the once container of chocolate chip cookies now being half gone, you still didn't feel the comfort in it, even if cookies were your go-to comfort food.

There was something else that you couldn't quite place your finger on that you needed.

Nothing was able to distract you and your thoughts, you were so in depth with it that the black layer of abyss took over your mind.

That was, until, you heard a loud thump ring through your covered ears, and you alarmingly whipped your head up to see what it had been. But nothing seemed to be out of place, shockingly.

Only if you forget about the part in which you heard a squeak of an, "ow!" follow after the thud, and that's when your heart started to race.

With such delicacy, you stood up straight and tiptoed to where a baseball bat rested against the front door. (Yes, you have a baseball bat to use as a self-defence weapon for times like this.) Gently taking hold of the bat, you started to move to where the thud had been heard - which was the guest room, what a surprise its window was right next to the front door so the intruder must have found it the easiest way - and with one inhale, you unlocked the door and swung it open.

There, a boy dressed in a loose long sleeve white shirt and black jeans with black boots stood in front of the open window. His hair a dark brown but his gentle hazel eyes were right on yours.

And they widened once they caught onto the bat that you had prepared to hit.

"W-What the fuck?!” You exclaimed at the stranger, lips pursed as you stared down the boy standing right in front of you. "I have no problem hitting you with this bat if you don't tell me what you're fucking doing here!"

The unfamiliar brunette opened his mouth, immediately raising his hands up in defence even though he looked incredibly scared with the sight of a human trying to hurt him, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I'm not an intruder, I can promise you that," He pleaded, gulping loudly, "look, I was told to come here."

You didn't move your angle on the bat, but you did feel your eyebrows knit together in confusion, "Who told you? Which psychopath told you to fucking come here?!” You shouted, tightening your grip on the bat more and the boy inhaled sharply.

"I-I can't say, but please listen to me," He tried to softly say, one hand resting on his chest as he looked at you with such begging eyes. And he sighed in relief when he saw you roll your eyes, nodding your head away to say that you were listening. "I was told by one of your utmost friends to come here and look after you, for tonight."

You blinked your eyes rapidly, but you weren't going to question him as you saw that he hadn't finished speaking.

"I came from Mount Olympus, I'm one of the Greek Gods...uh Eros that is. Ya know? The God of love. But you can call me Gilbert."

Then, your exhausted self let out a bitter laugh, tilting your head back at what ridiculous words he had been saying. You even had to clutch your chest at some point, "Dressed and acting like that, no you aren't. There's no way you are a Greek God, Gilbert."

Gilbert was now confused, how could you say such a possible thing about him when he was being honest? "I-I'm not lying, I swear! I'll even prove it to you!" He replied in defence, chewing the insides of his cheeks as he allowed his arms to drop on either side of his body. And to his luck, you had yet again nodded your head, with an iconic eye roll added to it.

So he did prove it to you.

He clenched his fists, closing his eyes as he focused on one thing and only one thing. He felt them moved around through his shoulder blades, and he only hissed just the slightest as Gilbert finally came to the edge of his added part to his body.

It hurt like hell, but the look of awe you had on your face was purely Heaven.

And Gilbert sighed in relief as he watched the bat slip out of your hands and drop to the ground.

"Bloody hell, are those real?!" You exclaimed as you raced over to get a better look at the white angelic wings that shone right before your dancing eyes, and you let your jaw drop when Gilbert nodded his head. "Can I touch them?"

Gilbert had never been asked this question before and he squinted his eyes, it's not like he'd been given this call before, considering only one human knew about his role in life.

Well...now two.

He shrugged his shoulders, "If the idea to do it will bring happiness to you, then it is my pleasure." Gilbert smiled assuringly at you as you darted you eyes between him and his own pair of wings. And so you walked around him so you had been facing his back, looking at the wings with so much desire and awe, raising your still shaky hand up to the top of the right one and gently dragged your fingers down. They felt so gracious and like feathers, except stronger and literally built with love.

You were only half way, but quickly pulled your hand away in fear and squeaking out an apology when you saw and felt Gilbert flinch and the wings move inner together rather than out and free.

"Sorry, I didn't know I was so ticklish there," He replied, and he heard you chuckle from behind him before you walked back so you were facing him again. You gave him a judgemental look, and Gilbert gasped, "don't give me that look, young lady/man! I haven't had someone touch my wings before." He added in defence, crossing his arms as you laughed even more.

Oh, your laugh was so beautiful; the voice of an angel. Gilbert adored it.

Then, you let out a sigh, "Look, you've proved me enough now. And we can talk about whatever the hell you're doing here," You finally stated, looking up at Gilbert’s facial expressions. He had been smiling widely, and he nodded his head frantically before you took hold of one of his hands softly and dragged him out of the guest bedroom and to the lounge room.

You didn't know what it was, but the moment you grasped your hand into his, it felt too amazing to be real. They fit perfectly into yours, and they were soft like silk. Not only that, but the sudden comfort you felt in them had you feeling better already and you liked that bubbly and sparkly feeling in the pit of your stomach.

"So, you're here to look after me, right?" You started up again once you sat right back in the same spot that you'd been in for the past late hours. Gilbert sat right next to you, sitting mainly at one of the ends of the lounge, with his wings resting up on the armrest as he sat crossed legs.

Gilbert shuffled around so he was comfortable enough, "Yeah, a lil' birdie told me life has been hitting you rough and were in desperate need for some company because they felt like you weren't getting the right comfort." He said, tilting his head to the side only just the tiniest bit to listen on for what you would say about it.

You so wanted to know who this anonymous person was that Gilbert kept talking about, but you sucked in a deep breath either way, "I mean, yeah life is shit for me. With the death of someone really close to me, and just basically everything...I-I don't know. I feel so useless, like-like I'm not that important. And I hate the feeling but I can't help but let it consume me, you know? I have my family, and friends with me by my side and looking after me but..." You paused sadly, letting your head drop as you fiddled with your fingers in your lap. "I still just feel so god damn lonely."

Gilbert’s face softened at the sight of such a sad person with an empty heart, "You aren't lonely, sweetheart. It's the fact that your heart is empty because the love that you need is missing. I mean, I'm not human, but living in the human world I've tried so hard to understand what it must be to lose someone like that." He genuinely spoke, leaning forward so he could place his hand on your shoulder, tracing his thumb in circles as his gaze never left your face. "But, this is what I'm here for. To make sure you feel better, and feel comforted, and to give you the love that you need."

You sniffled quietly, rubbing your face as you looked up at Gilbert, "H-How many other people have you done this to?" You asked curiously, "Has it always ended up a success to make them happy?"

"Oh, Y/n, aren't we both in for a surprise considering you're the first person I've ever done this to. And probably my only person." Gilbert answered, "It's too dangerous for me to become some kind of magical therapist as the Greek Gods are only to be known as Myths. I fear that humans may try and do something dangerous if more enough find out. That's why this is our secret."

"And what about the person who told you to come here?" You questioned gently.

Gilbert smiled, "They've sworn their life on me to never tell a soul, and they've done such a great job for such a long time."

It was weird, at first you had been smiling back at him - only a small and fragile one that truly showed off your delicacy - but you were looking too long into his mesmerising eyes that suddenly, tears started to well up in your eyes and your smile dropped, lips trembling as you looked away from him. "Why the fuck am I crying?" You spoke between sobs, tears uncontrollably cascading down your cheeks as you sniffled here and there. "I-I wasn't even doing anything, I was just-"

"-That's because it's working," Gilbert cut your shaky words off, feeling sorry for how much of a mess he had made but thankful enough to know that he was making you do this. "It's all for a good cause, love."

You frowned as you rubbed your face even though tears only came more and more, "How is making me cry such a good thing?"

"Well, if I'm going to be giving you all of my love and care, we'll need to get rid of all the negative and bad feelings first, don't we? Because they'll stay there and continue to hurt you, and we don't want a precious girl/boy like you to keep feelings those." Gilbert responded, now putting his arm around your first shoulder and resting upon the one furthest from him and rubbing it gently.

You felt like you had been crying for ages now, allowing the Greek God to get rid of all of the negativity that tortured your heart to be thrown away far far away for you to know that it was gone.

But, now, with a heart full of completely nothing, you were confused as to what to express at this moment. "What happens now?" You asked, your voice low and strained from the sobs that ruined your voice even though Gilbert still thought it was beautiful.

This is the part that had him worried though, he didn't know if the next step to the magic would work, "Now, you are to be kissed with the lips from a God of love." He spoke formally, remembering his father Ouranos and mother Aphrodite once telling them that when telling him his powers to give love to someone. It was quite a cliche thing, but being in a family in which love was such a normal but powerful thing that they took care of, it was understandable. "A-Are you okay with that?" He now spoke modernly, still getting used to the slang in the English vocabulary.

You weren't able to feel anything at that moment, with your heart being empty you really weren't able to express any emotions. But to be kissed by a Greek God sounded so romantic and beautiful, and if you were going to get better, you didn't mind kissing a handsome and perfect man like him. "Yes,"

So Gilbert sent you an assuring smile before he cupped your jaw with his free hand as he now kept his other arm on the first shoulder like previously. And there, he caught your wet red lips - from the tears - with his, only kissing you softly.

You didn't know how, but you could feel it.

You could feel the transaction of Gilbert literally giving your empty heart the love that it was aching for. It was a blissful kiss first of all, but it really did feel so magical and unbelievable. You loved it.

You loved it.

Oh, it was the first emotion that you felt out of all the positive ones that made your body whole once again.

So when Gilbert pulled away with short breaths leaving his lips, he watched your lips dance up into a wide smile, and that was the moment that Gilbert knew it had worked. The Greek God felt accomplishment, and he even felt that in his heart.

2:48am.

You finally let a yawn slip through your mouth, and Gilbert breathlessly chuckled at your small gesture, "Someone is tired,"

"Thanks for pointing that out, Captian Obvious.” You sarcastically remarked back, only hearing Gilbert laugh more as you rubbed your face, exhausted from tonight's events. You went to grab the pink blanket beside you as you cuddled it around yourself, shivering slightly from the cold temperatures around the room, but Gilbert hummed as he took hold of the blanket and off of you, earning a confused yet irritated look, but he only placed it on the coffee table, "Sleep with me instead, I promise you that you won't be needing the blanket. I'm like a walking heater," He suggested.

Now, you couldn't say no to Gilbert, especially for all that he had done for you tonight and so you softly smiled at him before nodding your head, "I like the sound of it." You said, looking at the brunette boy's smile turn even wider as he then took hold of two cushions - to use as pillows - on the lounge and placed them at the edge of it before the armrest, only to lay himself down on the lounge and he opened up his arms for you to cuddle into.

And you did exactly that, cuddling in with him and already loving the warm and comforting feeling of his presence. You started to close your eyes with your smile still lingering on your face, "Thank you, Gilbert. You have no idea how much better I feel." You whispered into his neck, nuzzling your head into it more.

Gilbert had one of his arms wrapped around your shoulders like he was doing when you two were sitting up, the other one intertwined with your hand on his chest. "That's what I'm here for," He whispered back.

You were just getting to sleep, but then your eyes immediately opened up when Gilbert quickly apologised as he lifted his upper body up a little bit and you wondered what he had done, seeing as though you were tilted up a bit as well.

Only did you answer your own question as you watched two white wings lay on top of the two bodies, suddenly becoming a blanket for the two of you, and it only made you sleepier and warmer and cozier with the delicate sensation resting on top of you.

Gilbert looked down at your expressions, hearing a satisfied hum leave your lips and he knew he had done his job. So he closed his eyes himself, knowing that he'd pretend to sleep because he would have to leave once you fell asleep. "Goodnight, love." He said one last time, pressing his lips onto your forehead and you murmured back a "g'night", and Gilbert wished he could have been like Chronus and controlled time; stopping the perfect scene right then and there.

So as you and Gilbert laid there, another awoke girl watched you two from the top of the stairs.

And Anne sighed in relief, knowing that she could trust Gilbert to do his magic and look after you.

[clerichoard]

long distance charges

finn & imbris, rockband au, 1.7k

a thousand miles really puts a dent in the phone bill.

for @darlingicarus​ for what may have been a prompt at one point

Finn's been away for a month when he gets the call.

“Charlie is lost without you,” Imbris says. “He won't stop calling me bro, and we both know how I feel about that.”

Finn grins at on the other side of the line, hearing the scowl in his voice even across the country.

“Ay, just tell him I miss him or something. Buy him a beer and say it's from me,” he offers. “Still gonna be a while. Family shit.”

Said 'family shit’ was his parents requesting that while the band was on break from touring that he spend the whole holiday season with them. After about a week they were sick of him and both went travelling for work until Christmas, leaving him all alone in a huge house in New York. For three more weeks.

Imbris sighs into the phone. “Yeah, I'll tell him. He's real put out, Finnley.”

Finn closes his eyes and bites his lip against asking if Imbris misses him too. So far they've avoided having any conversation that involved feelings other than the song that clearly put all of Finn's on display.

Instead he says, “So, you ever have phone sex?”

Imbris hangs up on him.

Finn is staring up at the ceiling of his room with a glass of some expensive ass liquor from the cabinet resting on his chest and his phone up to his face. He sends a simple, “u up” to Imbris' and waits.

The phone begins buzzing in his hands and Finn promptly drops it directly onto his face. He also manages to answer it with his nose.

“-really sent me a booty call text!” Imbris is saying once Finn manages to get the phone to his ear.

“You do have a great ass,” he points out. Imbris snorts.

“Oi, isn't it like-” There's a pause as Imbris struggles to get the time difference right. Finn doesn't even try. “-2 am there?”

“Probably,” Finn agrees. “Been drinking. Expensive shit.”

“You're drinking with your family at 2 am?” Imbris sounds appalled but not surprised. Finn guesses it has to do something with his own personality.

“No family for another two weeks,” he says, taking a long sip from his glass as he sits up. “Big empty house with lots of good alcohol.”

There's a beat of silence. Then: “Sounds like you're having fun.”

Finn shakes his head and then remembers Imbris can't see him. “M'not. Wish…I was with you,” he mumbles. He can almost see Imbris in his head, sitting on his own bed in his shitty LA apartment he barely uses. For a moment his brain pretends that they're both on the same bed. It's nice.

Imbris still hasn't said anything.

“I'm drunk, baby,” Finn finally says through a yawn. “And tired.”

Imbris sighs, quiet and soft. “Go to sleep, Finn. Night.”

“G'night,” Finn mutters as he lays back down, moving the glass to his table.

In the morning he finds his phone still on a call with Imbris on his pillow. He can hear soft snoring on the other line.

“Please be serious, for just one fucking moment, Finnley.” Imbris’ angry scowl fills the screen and Finn grins back at him with raised eyebrows.

“Your ass looks great in both,” he tells him. Imbris scoffs and flips to the back facing camera. He's holding up another pair of jeans in his hand.

“Just doesn't scream press conference to me,” he mutters as he turns to one side, examining the outfit from another angle. Finn bites his lip and looks him over from head to toe.

“Not a whole lotta things to scream about at press conferences,” Finn says. “Though I'm sure I could change that if-”

Imbris squawks and Finn has the great delight of seeing Imbris’ face turn dark red as he frantically presses a button on the phone and looks around at the store behind him. Finn laughs loudly, and even though he's sure Imbris muted him in time the reaction was priceless.

Imbris takes the phone back into the fitting room with him and only then does he unmute it and scowl at Finn.

“I am in public,” he hisses down at the phone. “Do you have any self control?”

Finn raises an eyebrow. “Sometimes. Kept my hands off you for like a year, didn't I?”

Imbris rolls his eyes and sets the phone down as he moves out of view.

“I don't know why I thought you'd be helpful,” he's saying off screen. “I should really stop having any expectations, whatsoever.”

“That's how I live my life, you're never disappointed, babe,” he sing-songs, and he can hear Imbris’ groan off screen. His head pops back in and his hair is a mess from the shirt he's just pulled on. Finn feels the urge to fix it for him- but he's a thousand miles away.

“The first jeans,” Finn says, seriously. “They're less slutty and the press will dig that. The second pair are for me when I get back.” He grins and wiggles his brows. Imbris’ face goes red, again, and Finn feels an enormous amount of satisfaction at it.

“Good bye, Finnley.” Imbris scowls and Finn wishes he was fast enough to screenshot it as the call ends.

Finn uploads the video and ten minutes later his phone begins to vibrate across his bedside table. He doesn't even need to look at the caller ID to know who it is.

“Hey, babe,” he answers, grinning already.

“Don't you hey, babe me you- you shit,” Imbris is growling on the other side. “You absolute prick! You can't just- you can't just upload something like that!”

Finn has the video open on mute on his laptop in front of him and laughs loudly. He feels stupidly warm and giddy.

“Why not? Thought the lyrics were pretty good,” he quips. Imbris squawks on the other line.

“You can't just- write a Christmas song! About-” Imbris hesitates. “-About your feelings.”

“Dunno, writing a love song worked pretty well for me the first time. Thought it might make you remember how I feel,” Finn says, almost seriously. “Left out the lyric about my boner for you, if that helps.”

He hears the distinct clatter of a phone being dropped and Imbris shouting shit as he scrambles to pick it up. Finn bites his lip and imagines the dumb little scowl Imbris definitely has on his face.

“Please don't upload any songs about your boner, ever,” Imbris says after he finally gets back on the line.

“No promises,” he laughs. There's a moment of quiet and Imbris starts to say something then cuts himself off, twice.

Finally, he says, “When's your flight home?”

Finn's heart jumps in his chest. Home. He'd never really thought of LA as home before but now- it's where the band is and his favourite taco shop and that gay bar that plays their music and, well, Imbris. This big empty mansion was never really where he belonged.

“Next week,” he replies. “Two days after Christmas. Why? You miss me?”

It takes Imbris a moment to scoff and say no, you shit like he always does but Finn smiles anyways.

“Get ready for New year's, babe, we're gonna get trashed out of our minds,” Finn tells him, laughing at the inevitable groan.

“See you in a week, idiot,” he says.

Finn unmutes his video and puts the phone microphone right up the laptop right as the lyric ‘Christmas is lonely without you,’ plays.

The flight home is the worst one Finn's ever been on. It gets delayed in the layover in Dallas and Finn spends three hours hating every person in the airport. He only gets stopped by two fans and he makes a note to tweet out an apology to them for being in a mood later.

He texts Imbris and lets him know his flight was delayed and to have a beer opened for him once he gets to his apartment. He gets the rolly eye emoji in return.

The LA flight is worse, even in first class. There's heavy turbulence most of the way due to a large storm sitting over the west coast and Finn is too queasy to even consider drowning his mood in alcohol.

Thankfully the plane lands safely and Finn only has his carry-on because he's sure with his luck any checked bag would've been lost.

He strolls through the airport with sunglasses on since he's sure the bags under his eyes are less than appealing and only takes them off for security. He's already halfway through a text to Imbris at the arrivals gate when he hears a loud, “Oi!”

He looks up sharply and watches as Imbris comes barreling through the crowd to launch himself at Finn. He barely has enough time to steady himself as Imbris’ arms wrap around his neck and his legs are around his waist.

The kiss is a hard press of lips and Finn can't help but grin against it even with his sunglasses pressed awkwardly into both of their faces.

Imbris pulls back a moment later with a scowl as he shoves the sunglasses up into Finn's hair. Finn takes a moment to stare a him, grinning, and notes the dark shadows under his eyes as well. His hair is artfully mused and his t-shirt is ripped at the collar and the jeans-

“You're wearing the jeans,” Finn gasps. He clings to Imbris’ ass like a lifeline and bounces his knees. “You wore the jeans!”

Imbris grins wickedly as he takes Finn's face in his hands and kisses him. This time Finn kisses him back, with all the pent up frustration of not being able to do this for almost two months.

Someone clears their throat and they both pull away. Finn blinks as he notes both Charlie and Jarli standing nearby raising their eyebrows.

Finn drops Imbris, Imbris squawks, Charlie and Finn bro-hug for a long minute. A fan comes over and they all pose for a photo.

Finn can't stop staring at Imbris.

Later, when they're laying in bed, naked, Imbris put his head on his chest.

“I missed you,” he says. Finn beams down at him.

“I missed you too.”

[horsegirlhob]

Dan and Phil are actually outside for an extended period of time cause Pokemon Ch. 2

Summary: When he was 18, Phil Lester decided not to go on a Pokemon journey. But now he’s graduated university and he has no idea where his life is headed. So he decides to get a starter Pokemon and fly to the Kalos region to collect all eight badges and maybe figure out what to do with himself.

Dan Howell just graduated from high school and is not hesitating to start his Pokemon journey. He just wants to escape the little town he grew up in and maybe actually become something worthwhile.

Lets see what happens shall we?

word count: 2534

chapter 1 is here 

if you prefer ao3

Warnings: None that I know of?

a/n: So here’s the second chapter of this incredibly self-indulgent fanfic. We meet Dan in this chapter who I think I write better than Phil? But idk, tell me what you think. Also big thank you to my beta @theflowerybean! reblogs are really appreciated 

Dan hated the mornings more than anything else in the world. And that included himself, which was saying something. That being said, this was one thing he refused to be late for. He had waited 18 years for the chance to get out of this godforsaken town and he wasn’t about to throw away that chance because he slept in and the professor lost patience.  

        Slipping into a pair of black skinny jeans, Dan glanced at his reflection in the mirror leaning against his wall. No fringe gaps, no stains on his favourite eclipse t-shirt, and he had taken a shower last night. He was ready.

        “I’m going into town!” Dan yelled back into the house, slipping on his shoes and throwing on a hoodie. There was no response but Dan didn’t yell it again. His parents knew where he was going anyways.

        Walking out into the spacious yard, Dan let out a sharp whistle. Before long, pokemon started creeping out of the bushes and trees. “Hey guys,” Dan smiled, kneeling down next to an old flareon that had been nuzzling at his foot. “Hey girl, how’ve you been?” The flareon made a noise of contentment and Dan smiled, scratching behind her ears. “That’s good. I’m glad.

        Before long, Dan was surrounded by almost twenty eeveelutions. His family ran a breeding and wellness center for eevee and their evolutions, and Dan had been helping out since he was old enough to walk. If there was one thing he was going to miss from this place, it was the eevees. Although…

        “Where’s Loki?” he asked a nearby umbreon. The umbreon didn’t reply and Dan frowned, confused. Until that is, he was nearly knocked over by a ball of fluff that descended upon him from a nearby oak.

        “Oof! Hey there Loki.” Dan managed to grab the eevee clinging to his hoodie by the scruff of their neck. Loki squeaked indignantly and tried to nip playfully at Dan’s fingers. Dan dumped Loki unceremoniously on the grass in front of him. “You know, if you keep attacking me like that, I might just leave you here,” Dan threatened jokingly. He would never actually leave Loki here. He had raised Loki from an egg, and the thought of leaving his best friend behind was preposterous.

        Loki, despite knowing this, whined and drooped his ears in a way that they knew Dan found adorable. Dan sighed, ruffling the fur on top of Loki’s head. “Oh don’t you start with that innocent act. We both know you’re a little demon.”  Then again, Dan was sure he would be glad for Loki’s violent tendencies when he started challenging gym leaders.

        “We should be going.” Dan grunted, pushing himself back into a standing position. Loki perked up immediately- the little faker – and clawed his way onto Dan’s shoulder like he was some kind of glorified tree. “Oh, so now you want to be friendly. Let’s get going then. Don’t want to leave the professor waiting.”         As Dan made his way down the long path to Aquacorde town, he zipped up his hoodie against the chilly morning air. He never did like getting up this early. But it was a small price to pay for a proper starter pokemon.

        Dan’s family was a liaison of the Kalos science association. They helped with research on eevee and it’s evolutions. Though their part in that research came mainly in the form of providing large quantities of eevee to study. It did come with perks though. Turns out one such perk is professor Sycamore making a slight detour through Aquacorde town with three starter pokemon for Dan to choose from.

        He needn’t have bothered bringing all three considering Dan had made his choice four years ago. But if the man wanted to carry around two extra pokeballs, Dan wasn’t about to tell him how to live his life.

        Finally, Dan started to see the beige sandstone that made up literally all of Aquacorde town. Dan unconsciously picked up the pace,  his heart beating faster in his excitement. He had gotten his trainer card a few days ago, and once he got his registered starter,he would be able to leave. He could finally go somewhere, anywhere else.

        Making his way down the sandstone streets, Dan prayed he wouldn’t see any of his old classmates. It was early enough in the morning that there were only a few people wandering around, but you never knew who could be lurking about. You’re almost gone Dan. This time tomorrow you’ll be gone and you won’t have to see anyone from this town ever again. He repeated his little mantra to himself as he made his way to the café where he had agreed to meet Sycamore.

        He spotted the professor immediately upon walking into the town’s main square. He was seated at one of the café tables, sipping some hot beverage that Dan could really go for right about now. Then again, he was probably jittery enough already without caffeine in his system.

        “Professor Sycamore?” Dan asked,startling the professor out of his thoughts.

        “Ah, yes! My apologies. You must be Daniel?” Sycamore stood hurriedly, shaking Dan’s hand rather aggressively, in his humble opinion.

        “Just Dan is fine. Thank you for meeting me here.” Dan tried to keep professional, despite feeling severely underdressed. Sycamore was wearing a full on lab coat, and Dan couldn’t help but remember that the professor came from Lumiose city, and Dan was born and raised on a glorified farm. Sycamore didn’t really seem to mind Dan’s appearance, shaking his head dismissively.

        “Oh, it’s no trouble, truly! It’s quite exciting to be the one to see a new trainer off on their journey. And your parents have told me nothing but good things  about you.” Sycamore reassured. Although Dan was not entirely reassured, because if his parents had told Sycamore about him, then that meant that he had something to live up to. And historically, Dan was not good at living up to expectations.

        “Come here my boy, have a seat. Do you want anything to drink? The cappuccinos here are delicious!” Dan sat down awkwardly across from Sycamore, who seemed way too enthusiastic for 7am.

        “Um no that’s okay. I don’t really have any money on me so I can’t-“

        “Oh don’t worry about it Daniel! I can buy your cappuccino. You must be very sleepy getting up so early in the morning.” The professor offered, before Dan could even finish his sentence.

        “Just Dan is fine. And you really don’t have to, I’m not that sleepy, and I don’t want to be an inconvenience.” Despite Dan’s protests, Sycamore flagged down a nearby waiter and ordered two cappuccinos, seeing as he had finished his and apparently had some kind of crippling addiction.

        “Now Daniel,” Sycamore started after their waiter went to fetch their coffee, “I’m not just here to drink cappuccinos by the river. I’m here because you just turned 18.” Dan nodded, leaning forward just a bit in anticipation. He had been looking forwards to this since his birthday a few weeks ago. It was hard to believe it was actually happening right now.

        “And as we all know, when you turn 18, you are given the choice to receive your trainers license and start your pokemon journey. But of course, to do that you need an official starter, which is why I’m here today. To give you said starter.”

        Sycamore reached down under his chair to pull out a very worn looking briefcase. He placed it on  the table just as the server arrived with their cappuccinos, which they both thanked her for, before turning their attention back onto the matter at hand.

        Snapping open the latches on the briefcase, Sycamore continued his explanation. “Now I’m sure you already know what three starters we offer here in the Kalos region, but I am legally obligated to tell you, so I’ll keep it brief.” Sycamore opened the briefcase and removed three shrunken pokeballs, which he placed on the table between them.

        “Try the cappuccino. You’ll love it.” Sycamore said, taking a sip of his own and letting out a sigh of contentment. Dan took a sip of his impatiently, almost burning his tongue. It was admittedly very good. But Dan wasn’t here to drink coffee, and he was starting to get a little bit impatient.                 “So, as you can see, there are three starters. The fire starter fennekin, the grass starter chespin, and the water starter froakie.” Sycamore listed off the starters as he released them each from their pokeballs. Dan had to move his cappuccino to avoid it being spilt in his lap by fennekin.

        “Do you already know which one you want Daniel?”

        “Dan’s fine.” Dan replied absentmindedly, “And yes, I do actually know which one I want.”

        When Dan had started actually thinking seriously about becoming a pokemon trainer, the very first thing he had done was look at his starter choices. At first he had wanted fennekin. It was cute, and Dan already really loved fire types. But, comparing it to the other two, fennekin and its evolutions fell short.

        Dan had considered chespin as well, and while he thought that it would be a decent choice, Dan ultimately decided that chespin just wasn’t very suited to the battling style Dan was starting to develop with Loki and the other eevee.

        Froakie however, fit the bill perfectly. Not only did he seem like the most logical choice for Dan, he was also a frog. And you could never go wrong with a frog, is something that Dan has never said before in his life but is probably very true.

        Dan reached out his hand to the little blue starter, smiling down at him. “Whadda ya think Froakie. Would you like to come with me?” Froakie croaked in excitement and jumped onto his arm, climbing up to sit on Dan’s only vacant shoulder. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”

        “Do you have any plans for when you’re going to head out?” Sycamore asked, returning the other two pokemon to their respective balls, rifling again through his suitcase.

        “I think I’m going to spend the rest of today packing and getting to know froakie a little bit better. Then tomorrow I’ll start making my way through santalune forest.” Dan had considered leaving immediately, and he had to admit it was tempting to just up and go. He had been waiting for this day for so long, and the thought that he had to wait any longer to get out of this stupid town was an unhappy one.

        But he did have things he wanted to say goodbye to. Also, he still had a few things to pack before he left. He had waited this long, he could wait one more day.

        “That sounds like a good plan Daniel. Now, here’s your pokedex and froakie’s pokeball. Although, he seems pretty comfy where he is. And here are five other pokeballs for you to use along your way.” Sycamore slid the objects across the table, and Dan picked up the red pokedex curiously. He’d seen them before, but he’d never had one of his own.

        Dan and Sycamore talked for a while longer as they finished their cappuccinos. Sycamore seemed very interested in Dan’s plans, and Dan had to scramble to come up with anything meaningful. His plans consisted of “Leave home, go train pokémon, beat the gyms, elite four?” But that was starting to feel exceptionally juvenile.

        He had no guarantee that he could defeat the gyms. He especially had no guarantee he could challenge the elite four. He was just some kid with no friends, no money, and no experience.  He also had no backup plan for if this whole pokemon trainer thing ended up being too much for him. And god, he had just accepted a pokemon. A pokemon who could have had the chance to go on a journey with a trainer who knew what they were doing. A trainer who wouldn’t have days where they couldn’t do more than roll over in bed. What had he just gotten them into?

        Dan felt a familiar warmth press against his left cheek, grounding him. Loki rubbed their face affectionately against Dan’s , and he felt a small smile slip onto his face. Maybe he didn’t know what he was doing. But, he had Loki. And this new froakie, that he was going to have to figure out a name for very soon. They could get through this. He would figure something out.

        “You have a good day Daniel.” Professor sycamore stood after paying their bill, sticking out his hand for Dan to shake.

        “Just Dan is fine. And thank you for going out of your way to be here. And for the coffee. You’re very generous.”

        “It’s no trouble. No trouble at all. I look forward to seeing how you progress as a trainer from here on out Daniel. You should come by my lab when you go through Lumios city, and we can catch up,” Sycamore gave Dan’s hand a good final shake before letting go to collect his briefcase.

        “I would like that professor. I’ll see you then.”

        With one final wave outside the café, the two went their separate ways. The sun had risen significantly while Dan had been talking to Professor Sycamore, and the streets were getting steadily more crowded. On a sunny Saturday morning like this, tons of people were going for morning walks, and Dan was weary of running into anyone he knew, especially from school.

        Dan took a slightly roundabout route  through a few shady alleyways, before he finally reached the edge of town. Froakie had abandoned his perch on Dan’s shoulder en lieu of hopping jauntily alongside him. Loki however, was used to Dan’s walking patterns after so many years and stayed put, apparently too lazy to walk.

        As they made their way back up the winding dirt road, Dan turned to look down at his starter pokemon, who was looking around frantically, trying to take in all that he could of the scenery.

        “I think we need to give you a name, don’t we?” Dan pondered, and froakie croaked in agreement.  “Alright, how about Fenrir. No no, that’s weird, uh… Collin? No that’s also weird…”

        Dan spent the rest of the walk listing off dozens of names. Often times, he would veto them himself before they were even fully out of his mouth. And a few of the ones he did like didn’t seem to work quite as well for froakie himself. By the time the house started coming into sight, Dan was on the verge of loosing hope.

        “Ugh, god I don’t know. How about Dante?” It was a little strange, Dan had to admit. It was more a human name than a pokemon name, although that didn’t much matter to him. And if froakies excited croak was anything to go by, he also liked the name.

        “So we’re gonna go with Dante?” Froakie croaked in agreement and Dan grinned a little bit. “Finally, we’ve got you a name. Welcome aboard Dante. Let’s hope I don’t mess this whole thing up.”

Tag list: 

@burnt-sienna-soup-ladles, @secret-society-of-bread @phanunsolved, @ocotopushugs, @dans-mistletongue, @amarytaile, @littledrummerdan, @rosecandy2005 

If you want to be added to the tag list just lemme know:) 

[futurepast56]

Gallavich week: Day 2: BadBoy!Ian and Nerd!Mickey

Ian was a stereotypical bad boy in high school, although he really hated that word. He drinks, yes, get high – a lot, skip a lot of classes and causes enough disturbance to end up in detention after school or even in the police station, waiting for Fiona to pick him up. She loved to remind him how Lip was so much better than him, and how his behaviour was appropriate and he never got himself in trouble at which Ian answered how Lip did even more shit than he did, but he simply never got caught. To which Fiona usually mumbled something about Lip being smart enough to never be arrested and Ian sighing. *****  Ian skipped first fifteen minutes of his math lesson to smoke with Karen, Travis and Jake under the bleachers. He blamed half of his troubles on his friends if he had to be honest – Karen was a school slut, always happy to help him find some gay guy he could fuck in the midst of all straight people in this school. Travis' dad produce and sell his own alcohol, shitloads of kinds, which probably was the reason why they drink so much. And then there was Jake, the quiet one with mystery past and half of school thinking he killed a guy once - which he didn’t, he only majorly injured him, but it's not the same, guy was still alive and kicking when they last seen him. This problem started just like the rest of his problems started: with some stupid drunken dare.  "Boys, you know the Milkovich guy?" Karen asked, slowly smoking her cigarette.  "Iggy?" Travis suggested mostly because, Ian suspected, Iggy was one of his drug dealers, but he didn’t know for sure.  "Nah, Mickey. The one that actually goes to school" she explained.  "Nerd one?" Travis asked just to make sure and Karen nodded, while fixing her long blonde hair.  "I tried to fuck him last week and he kept on saying no to all of that – fucking asshole by the way – so I was thinking that he may be gay. If he is not then I, meaning we, will beat his ass up" she said.  "Not a good idea. You don't dare with Milkovich family even if it's the biggest nerd in town" Travis answered.   "Also, he is probably not gay" Ian added quickly. He remembered that this Mickey guy was in some of his classes, but he never really focused on him that much.  "There is no other fucking reason he would say no to me" Karen said with certainty in her voice.  "Maybe he just has some... how do you call it?" Travis started and looked at Ian.  "Self-respect" Ian offered and Karen flipped him off before continuing.   "Wanna bet?" She asked, looking Ian straight in the eye.  "Pass" he answered, for once happy that he didn’t get involved in another set of problems because of his asshole friends.   "I was asking Travis" Karen added and Travis nodded.  "I'm fucking sure that even Gallagher here won't fuck any Milkovich guy that exists on this Earth. No fucking way" Travis claimed and Ian raised his eyebrows.  "You think I can't do it?" He asked. "Well, fuck you dickface, you will be paying up with weed if I do fuck him. Deal?"   "Deal" Travis agreed. Only after another five minutes, in his way to math class, Ian realize that his friends tricked him, probably preparing another set of trouble on his way. He sighed. Was week of peace too much to ask for?  *****  "Mr Gallagher, how happy we are that you were kind enough to visit my class for once" Mrs Green said, welcoming him in the middle of explaining something that was written on the board.   "No problem" he answered smiling, causing couple people to giggle and couple to sigh loudly – usual reactions to his behaviour. He sat in his usual spot, next to Tommy, who also didn’t get maths too much, which Ian deuced from doodles on the paper. Redhead looked around, trying to remember if he has math lessons with Milkovich kid and he wasn’t disappointed when he saw raven-haired boy with tattooed knuckles and nerdy glasses – kinda cute contradiction if you ask Ian. He couldn't really see his face, but he was hoping that he won't be disappointed as Mandy Milkovich, Mickey's older sister, was one of Karen's biggest competition for getting dicks, which only proves how attractive this girl was.   "Remember about the test coming up next week. It will be on it" teacher voice pushed Ian away from his bubble of thoughts and he looked at the board understanding... absolutely nothing. Many would expect him to fail his classes, as a proper 'bad guy' would do, but Ian actually cared about his education – he was getting B's in English and mostly C's from the rest of his subjects – and of course an A from PE, but this one wasn’t that hard to get – but he kept on failing in maths and barely passing physics. His mind was thinking in words, as one would suspect brain to work, and numbers never made much sense to his as they made to Lip, whose favourite subjects were physics, maths and Extended Maths – mechanics, which helped him build awesome robots and use them to steal shit – Ian borrowed one once but he couldn’t properly control him (he should've suspect that to happen as he is the worst in every video game possible).   During one moment of confusion at maths lesson he came up with a plan that could help him win the bet and improve his grade from this hellish subject. After lesson, he stayed a little bit longer instead of coming out first like he usually did and he smiled towards Mrs Green.  "Gallagher, what do you want?" She asked, sounding tired, confused and pissed all at once, but Ian suspected that it was her usual tone of voice so he decided to ignore it.  "A tutor" he answered, fixing his jacket and staring with amusement at confused teacher.  "I'm sorry, what?" She mumbled and Ian grinned in response.  "A tutor. To improve my 'terrible grades that will cause me to work at this little shop till the day I die'. Using your words, Miss" he explained and raised eyebrows. "I'm actually doing pretty well in different subject, just don’t get those fucking numbers" he added and the teacher seem to understand it just now.  "Oh, of course. I could get you a tutor. Miss Tori could do that, or Fred or Simon-" she started, but Ian shake his head and looked at his teacher.  "I've been thinking about Milkovich. We live in the same neighbourhood so it would be easy to came over to him or he could crash to my place without making fifty fucking miles in between" he explained the excuse that he came out with during the lesson.  "Language" teacher mumbled out of habit, which caused Ian to grin. "I can talk with Mr Milkovich about that, but I'm hoping it's not a part of any prank that you and your friends are up to" she said and Ian never heard word 'friends' being used as offensive phrase, but the amount of venom Mrs Green put in it showed hatred towards the rest of his group.  "You kidding, right? Only suicidal idiot would try to prank someone from that family" Ian said, thinking about how he definitely fit in that description, because of this stupid bet.  "Smart" teacher agreed and sighed. "Okay, tomorrow find him and discuss the details, I will make sure to explain this situation to him till the end of today" she promised and Ian nodded.  "Thank you, that will mean a lot to me" he only half lied and walked out of the class, Travis standing there and waiting already.  "In what fucking hell, you could get into in half an hour?" He asked, laughing and handing him a cigarette that Ian gladly accepted.  "I just got myself a math tutor" he said only, causing his friend to trip over his own feet.  "Pardon me, but what the actual fuck, Gallagher?" He somehow managed to ask and Ian laughed.  "It's the part of the plan"  *****  When he told Fiona about math tutor she spit out her coffee and had little seizure before she was able to ask some question that he didn't even answer. For some reason Lip appeared in his door an hour ago and smiled.   "Dude, this bad boy look really works for guys?" He asked, pointing towards his ripped jeans and leather jacket next to his bed.  "This shit is sometimes uncomfortable as fuck and I actually know how to apply eyeliner, but fuck yeah it works" he answered and his older brother laughed.  "At least you don’t have any piercing" he offered and Ian stopped laughing, which made Lip froze. "No. You don’t have any..." He started and then he blinked couple times. "Where the fuck you are pierced?" He asked and Ian grinned. "Well I had my tongue pierced, but I wear it only from time to time. And then I may have had my nipples pierced, because we got drunk with Karen and we both did that" he explained and Lip stared blankly at his brother.   "Karen has pierced nipples?" He mumbled and Ian laughed out loud.  "Of course, this is the fucking part you get from this" Ian concluded and Lip nodded.  "So... What's the deal with math tutor?" He asked a minute later and Ian rolled his eyes. Of course, there was so hidden agenda in there. They didn’t have brotherly talk in weeks, he could've predict that.   "I plan to fuck him" he answered honestly and Lip smiled, sudden understanding on his face.  "That was my number one guess, to be honest" he confessed. "Just don’t say Fiona, she is too happy that you started to care about grades and shit" Lip added and Ian nodded.  "Noted" he promised and Lip smiled one last time before walking out and leaving Ian alone in his room.  *****  Karen high fived him for great plan next day and asked why Lip is suddenly all over her at which Ian only laughed and mentioned their conversation about piercing to which Karen answered with "Men are so simple" before going back to subject of fucking Mickey Milkovich.   "There he is" Karen said, moving her head towards boy standing next to his locker. "So nerdy and cute. I'm kinda afraid you will eat this poor guy alive" she added and grinned, which suggested that she hoped that he will indeed eat him alive. Ian give her one of his looks that screamed 'shut up' and he walked right towards Mickey, putting a suggestive grin on his face.  "Hello" he said, stopping right next to Milkovich boy. Mickey turned around and – holy shit, why no one told him this guy was actually, properly hot? Ian would have made a move months ago if he knew! With perfect face, big blue eyes that looked definitely too adorable in those simple glasses and those lips that Ian wanted to kiss right here right now. Ian blinked and noticed that Mickey was staring at him with raised eyebrows, which suggested that some question have been asked and Ian kept on standing there like a moron, just looking at this perfect man right in front of him and daydreaming about fucking him in so many different positions and places and-  "Dude, this begins to be really fucking creepy" Ian heard and bring himself back to reality.  "Uhm, sorry I-" he stuttered. He fucking stuttered. He never stutters! He is Ian Gallagher, walking definition of a confident fuckboy. "I wanted to ask if Mrs Green informed you about our study date?" He asked, trying to regain his confidence with smirking at the hot guy in front of him. Mickey raised his eyebrows.  "Yeah, I heard about our study sessions, because apparently you asked specifically for me to be your tutor. I was also informed to watch out on any pranks you could plan to do, which honestly would be really fucking stupid from your side to try to prank a Milkovich and you know it" Mickey said, putting notebooks to his bag.   "No pranks. I was just hoping to get some knowledge from the cutest nerd in school" he said with his charm and Mickey stopped putting his stuff and looked at Ian with those raised eyebrows and tried to fight Ian with a look, but Gallagher just kept on grinning at smaller teenager. "My place today after school would be cool. I'll wait" he said and walked away without giving Milkovich chance to answer or kill him with an angry stare.  *****  Ian was happy he only had English after that, because he was in different class than Milkovich boy and he didn’t have to face him after that awkward conversation they had before – Karen did not forget to laugh about it for entire break, while Ian pretended not to know what she was talking about. As English lesson was mainly focused on analysing gothic features in "Frankenstein" and "Strange Case of Dr. Jekkyl Mr Hyde" Ian could relax a little bit. He read both books months ago and completed this task week before they even started to analyse gothic novels – again: English was the only subject he truly enjoyed, which was reflected in his work. Thanks to that extra work he put his essay down on teacher's desk ten minutes after lesson began and smiled.   "I have something important to prepare to, but here is your essay, Sir" he informed the teacher and walked out, almost forgetting his bag. Gallagher quickly walked out of the school, flipping off two teachers that tried to stop him, and walked in the direction of Kash and Grab to get some bear and chips for today's study session. Fiona made sure home will be empty so he can "focus on studying", for which Ian will thank her later, because it only made his plan easier.   After stealing snacks from the shop – he fucked Kash couple times and then blackmailed him into letting stealing go or his wife will find out – Ian went to his house and prepared everything, making it look like he didn’t care or wasn’t bothered in going to shop - "oh, here is some beer left and I think we should have some snacks" kind of move. Then he went upstairs, took quick shower and had enough time to find his favourite green tank top before he heard a knocking downstairs. Gallagher smiled at his reflection in the mirror, made his hair a little messier in a sexy way – he did hear many times how he looked better this way - and walked downstairs. Is it possible that all his confidence disappeared when he met those blue eyes after opening the door? Ian wasn't sure of that, but he was sure that fucking Mickey Milkovich will be far more challenging than he expected.   "Hello, there" he said, smiling. Milkovich raised his eyebrows. "Welcome in my mansion. Please don’t touch any artefacts, we don’t want to get rough... Or maybe we do. Depends on you, really" he said, letting Mickey in. He could've swear that Mickey rolled his eyes only to hide a smile, and that definitely improved his confidence.  "We good to sit in the kitchen, or is it a million-dollar piece of furniture?" Mickey asked sarcastically and Ian smiled.  "Kitchen is good, but I was kinda hoping we will go upstairs" he added, sitting on the chair next to another teenager.  "To start we need to get a list of what you don’t get" Mickey said, completely ignoring Ian, but he didn't punch him yet so Ian took it as a 'go on'.  "I don’t get math" Gallagher said and Mickey looked at him like he was looking at complete moron.   "Five times four" he threw out of nowhere.  "Twenty, but-" Ian started but Milkovich had other plans.  "See? You know math. Now stop playing dump and wasting my time, just fucking tell me why I need to help you with" he said and Ian scratched his head. "I don’t really get trigonometry. Sine, Cosine, all of that" he said first thing that came to his mind. Mickey nodded and opened his notebook, showing Ian to follow his example.  "I can work with that" Milkovich mumbled and started explaining basics of triangles, sine and cosine rule that Ian couldn’t get since forever. The thing was: Mickey was actually really good teacher and it took Ian only couple minutes to get basics. He still made many mistakes, but at least now he knew how to start. He really wanted to listed to the rest of what Mickey had to say, but then Milkovich decided to bit his pencil while checking Ian's work and Gallagher froze. He never wanted be a pencil more in his entire life. In that moment Ian forgot this stupid bet and just wanted to kiss Mickey so badly, because he was cute and hot at the same time – how this perfect man even existed? Mickey was in the middle of explaining what he did wrong in one exercise when Ian couldn’t take it anymore.  "How are you real?" He mumbled and Mickey stopped and looked at him, which almost made Ian blush. Fucking blush. "I mean... Shit, sorry. It's just-" he stopped and sighed out loud.   "It's okay, Gallagher" Mickey said and Ian was sure he looked at his lips for a moment too long before continuing. "And I'm real mostly because I exist. But do we really exist though? Maybe it's all just sims game? Fuck knows, philosophy lessons only confuse people more than they actually teach" he finished, playing with his pencil between tattooed fingers.   "Again: how are you real" Ian asked and shake his head. "I think you are the smartest person in this neighbourhood and you somehow also the hottest guy around here-"  "Oh, please, have you looked in the mirror lately?" Mickey stopped him, raising his eyebrows. "Bad boy Ian Gallagher with his 'no fucks given' attitude, intimidating friends, tattoos and probably some piercing. Trust me, you are every girl wet dream, Gallagher" Mickey said, shaking his head.  "Girl? That was not a plan, damn it! I didn’t do all that work for girls!" His fake offended tone made Mickey laugh.  "Well, then you are fucked. I'm pretty sure my sister wanted to get with you, but then she heard that you are a fuckboy. Or men slut" Mickey added and Ian put hand on his heart pretend to be offended  "And gay" Ian added. "Don’t forget that one, it's really important" Ian added and looked Mickey right into eyes.   "Yeah, I can imagine" Milkovich answered without breaking an eye-contact. Then Ian decided to make a bold move, because he was already done with all this sexual tension. He put his palm on Mickey's thigh and smiled.  "I think we could have a little break" he said then, moving his hand up. Mickey closed his eyes and bit his lip.  "I would be totally for it, but, as I said, you are a fuckboy" Mickey said and moved away. "You get trophies, Gallagher. And I don’t want entire school to know tomorrow in what position we did it and how long we lasted. So better get back to your book" Mickey said, his speech too perfect to be improvised.  "Have you practiced it?" Ian asked and seeing Mickey's expression, he laughed. "Oh, God, you did".  "Shut up" Milkovich mumbled and Ian only laughed louder.  "Sorry, men, but I was really moved for a second, but then I focused on the part with you admitting that you are gay and basically saying that you are into me and I decided it's more important than the other part... And honestly, did you came up with that? You had any help with that speech?" He asked and Mickey's face again, gave all the answers. "It was Mandy, wasn't it?"  "Yeah, it was" Mickey admitted with serious tone. "She helped me after Iggy told her that a guy I've been crushing on since forever made a bet with his friends about fucking me" he added and Ian froze.  "H-how did Iggy-" Ian started, but he didn’t know how to continue without sounding like complete idiot.  "How did Iggy know?" Mickey finished and laughed with no humour in his voice. "Your fucking friend buys drugs from him. He got high yesterday and said something about the bet and Iggy kicked him out. Moron probably doesn’t even remember that" Mickey explained and started packing his things. "I was hoping they were all wrong and you won't be acting out only to fuck me, but well, I was wrong" Mickey added and zipped his bag, which bring Ian back to reality.  "There was a bet okay?!" He screamed, making Mickey stop.  "There was a fucking bet that I could get free weed if I fuck you and I went for it, but then I saw you and you are hot as fuck and you make me lose all my confidence and usual chill and it's really really really frustrating" he sighed and looked at Milkovich who was standing at the door. "And then I discovered how smart you are and that you are funny, which only made you hotter and honestly, I never been so close to beg a guy to blow him, but you are just so fucking perfect and I-I... I don’t know what to do, okay?" He mumbled and finally looked up to see Milkovich boy smiling. Ian frowned his eyebrows. "Are... Are you trying not to laugh on my perfect speech?!" He screamed, which made Mickey crack up into loud laughter.  "Oh, shit, Gallagher" Mickey said and shake his head. "I just wanted to see if you tell the truth and if you do then you fuck me, but damn, this speech was amazing. Better than mine. So glad I recorded it" he said and Ian raised his eyebrows.  "That was all a trick?" He asked and Milkovich nodded, taking step in Ian's direction.  "Yes, it was"   "And you are into me" he stated, little smile appearing on his face. Mickey nodded again.  "Yeah, I've mentioned something" he agreed, taking another step. They were standing right next to each other and Ian just wanted to kiss Mickey.  "That’s cool" he only said and was about to touch Mickey's face when he remembered something. "What was that part about recording it?" He asked and the other boy laughed.  "That's my insurance" Mickey answered and put his hands on Ian's jeans, and started to slowly unzipping his belt. "To make sure you will share that weed with me after" he added and Ian swallowed hard, looking in those big blue eyes.  "Yeah, sure, I will" he agreed and Mickey smiled taking Ian's belt out of his pants and putting it on the table next to his.  "Who would've suspect that our school bad boy can be so... obedient" Milkovich added and Ian raised his eyebrows.   "Who would've thought about school nerd being a hot, manipulating, bossy bottom" Gallagher threw in this conversation.  "Shut up and fuck me, Gallagher"  "Only if you keep your glasses on"   "Deal" Mickey agreed and Ian decided that this was the only deal that he could willingly agree to over and over again. He also thought about his weed that he was definitely smoke with Mickey after sex during this week. This deal was perfect.