#i also need to remember that my tablet selfies disappear if i die before saving

[stealthnoodle]

Friends in Low Places: Let's Play Tears of the Kingdom

No plot, only hole.

I have finally sucked all the marrow from the bones of Hateno Village's quest scene, so I guess I'll move on, reluctantly but very fashionably.

Not to the main quest, though. I found a funky little cave nearby that led me to the beach and some handy boats parts, so it's a pirate's life for me now.

I hope at least one NPC just watched Link smack his motor to a halt in the middle of the sea and throw himself into the water grab handfuls of colorful fish, then barely make it back to his vessel before drowning. The Hero of Hyrule, everyone

My strategy for clearing the monster strongholds on PIRATE ISLAND involves a lot of hiding and hurling bombs and confusion flowers, like the noble swordsman I am.

I can clear out a pirate cove but clearing the pirates out of the nearby fishing village keeps resulting in their using my ass to swab their metaphorical deck, so I'll wander elsewhere for a bit.

This thing will kick my ass, right? Just absolutely demolish me without breaking a sweat? Let's find out:

Called it!

Gonna throw myself into Charybdis over here instead of at Scylla again, on the grounds it can't possibly go worse for me.

…Huh, finally a stupid thing I've done is both survivable AND in fact a thing I was intended to do:

Speaking of stupid things, here I am solving a "we took all your equipment, good luck" combat challenge:

Anyway I just remembered I paid ten Poes for directions to an underground Poe-buying statue, so down I go!

This thing will not be my friend even if I ask it very nicely. See, I am capable of learning!

However, I remain incapable of learning that when I talk to random researchers in the chasms, they will turn into assassins and come after me. Every time I come up like, hello new friend! Lovely day here in the depths, isn't it? I say, what a remarkably swift change of clothes! Are you asking me to admire your sharp knives? I'd be more than happy to, but it's difficult for me to see them clearly when they're moving so quickly at my vital organs, my good chum!

OH my GOD I can magically autobuild from blueprints??? I am WEEPING with joy. Best power. BEST POWER.

AUTOBUILD MY BELOVED

Why, how lovely to make your acquaintance in this dark corner of the chasm, my good fellow! Please do regale me with tales of your research! Researching the sharpness of swords, are you? Splendid! I don't mind telling you that the one you're swinging about now is exceedingly sharp!

MISSION ABORT:

Hail and well met, my studious fellow! Why yes, I would be most eager to hear about your dissertation! On the topic of stabbing, is it? Of course I'd be delighted to participate in your research!

Call me Spider-Man's ill-fated Broadway debut because I sure am turning off the dark:

Okay let's remember the world above for a bit. I'm too beautiful to hide myself away forever:

I enjoyed getting the musicians across a river because they complain a lot about being jostled but I still got to swing them dangerously around quite a bit before they put their fancy feet down. Idk why I'm bothering with Great Fairies, though, because they never want to let me enhance the only clothing I care about.

Another thing I enjoy: abruptly realizing I have been misinterpreting the eye parts of the steward constructs. Pretty sure the game wants me to see the image on the left, rather what I've been seeing on the right: