#i always loved how she knows her rights and columbo still manages to trip her up. the show's message day fucking one: never talk to cops

[columboscreens]

[star-birthmark]

hi hi can i have some (secretly) needy Jotaro who misses his s/o while he's on a trip? What does he miss about her/thinking about gift ideas/etc etc. And their reunion if possible!! (she/her pronouns) thank u v much uwu have a nice day c:

Anon, thank you, this is the exact ask I need right now. Not gonna lie, I’m feeling pretty fucking down right now, not doing well mentally, so any chance to write/read anything with Jotaro (my f/o) is welcome. Today has not been a good day, at all, here’s hoping this makes it better. 

Anyway, side note, the reference to the ring is here. 

Without further ado: Missing you: Jotaro x Reader (2k words)

Jotaro had had enough. He even didn’t realize how much he missed you until he found himself in his American office, meanwhile, you were a fifteen-hour flight away in Japan. The scientist grumbled, unable to focus on his work. Putting it aside, he instead turned and stared out the window, looking out at the beautiful Florida coast. He understood why the Speedwagon Foundation needed him there in Florida, to inspect the whereabouts of any stand arrows or followers of Dio, as well as to continue his research. But he also understood why they needed him in Italy... and then in Britain... and then in Egypt... and then finally in Florida, each trip one right after the other. 

Jotaro began tapping his fingertips along the wood of his desk, a nervous, angry tick he’d developed in his travels. Including all these damn business trips together, he’d been gone from you for a collective 2 months now. Sure, you two have called each other, but no amount of hours over the phone could equate to coming home to you, and resting close to you in shared bed as you melted away his anxieties about his coworkers expecting so much from him, and how he feels he might not be good enough for his job. But you knew better than to let him feel that way, and you always managed to make him feel loved and cared for. 

But you weren’t here. And Jotaro missed you more than he’d openly admit. The tapping on his desk continued the more upset he got. 

He had two days left in Florida before he’d be able to go home, and he could not wait. He wondered what he’d do with you when he finally got home. He wanted to do something special with you since it’s been so long. There was a fancy new restaurant that had opened up near you two in the city, but you’d both been too busy, and he had been dying to take you there. It was a very black tie place though... The thought of you in a beautiful dress, looking as beautiful dress, looking as beautiful as ever, had the young man grinning shyly to himself. Inwardly, Star Platinum was doing backflips at the idea. A chance after so long to spend time with you, to have a relaxing evening with you, and not his stuffy, older coworkers who didn’t understand his hard travel and homesickness. Jotaro tipped his white hat over his darkened eyes. A nice dinner together, a walk in the park afterward, a kiss under one of the street lamps. Jotaro smiled wider and Star Platinum immerged from his form. The two of them shared a knowing look. 

“Ora...”

“Yeah yeah... I know. I love kissing (y/n) too...” 

Jotaro slapped his stand on the arm after such a lovesick comment. But oh man... a kiss from you right then would have been heaven on Earth. Jotaro hadn’t even liked anything romantic until he met you. Then when you first kissed, he finally understood why everyone else in the world loves it so much. Jotaro knew he wasn’t the most romantic of boyfriends, but you were the only one on Earth that could bring out his soft side like this. He wanted to do so many things with you, all of them impeded by the distance between you two. Kiss you, go on a date, laugh together, cuddle, and even go one step further-

“Dr. Kujo? Your meeting with the senior donors is in five minutes.” 

Jotaro stopped his tapping on his desk, having realized that he should have been preparing for this meeting instead of being distracted by thoughts of you. Jotaro thanked his assistant and stood up from his desk, his mind still racing the more he missed you. 

He should get you something. 

You’ve been so patient with him and his constant travel, but now that his most recent study was coming to a close, plus he’d managed to track down another arrow, Jotaro figured he should reward you for your patience. Walking the hallways of the SPW compound, the young scientist pondered what gift to get you. Star Platinum floated beside him, easily phasing though the none stand user employees. The stand and user discussed possibilities together, the other staff playing Jotaro no ming. They knew he was talking to his stand, even if they couldn’t see it. 

Star Platinum thought on potential gifts for you while Jotaro walked across the company campus to his meeting. 

“Ora?” 

Jotaro thought about it. “No... too flashy. (y/n)’s more relaxed, you know that.”

“Ora...Ora?” 

“How am I supposed to fit that on the plane?!” 

“Ora ora!”

“No...not doing that...”

“Ora... Ora! ORA ORA ORA!”

“Oh yeah? What’s your brilliant idea star?”

“...Ora.”

Jotaro stopped in his tracks, turning to his stand, who was now giving him a big, giddy smile. 

“A ring? You think so?” 

Star nodded. “Ora.” Jotaro blushed more while walking to the meeting.

“An engagement ring?! Really?!” 

“Ora ora!” The stand said gleefully, nodding until his head hurt, 

“Wow... the thought never occurred to me to ask (y/n) to marry me...” Star rolled his eyes and punched Jotaro on the arm. Jotaro huffed. 

“Alright alright, good grief. If you’re thinking it, that must mean I’m thinking it too. You’re me. I get it.” The moment the thought of proposing to you came to his head, Jotaro simply couldn’t get it out. 

“I mean... I have all day tomorrow to get a ring. And I already know what size she is...”

Well... that was it. That was what he was going to do. Jotaro Kujo was going to propose to you. The young man walked into the meeting with new confidence in his step, despite his face being bright red with smitten embarrassment. Star Platinum was even more excited, barely able to contain himself. Jotaro kept waving for him to go away until he was interrupted by a senior professor at the meeting. 

“Umm... Dr. Kujo? Could you please introduce yourself to the group now that you’ve entered the room?” 

Jotaro looked around, now unbelievably anxious as he rushed to sit down. “Yeah.. of course. Hello everyone.” The meeting continued, Jotaro’s fingers tapping on the table as he thought what kind of ring to get. 

- - - 

The day finally arrived that Jotaro would return from two months of travel, and you were so excited you could hardly contain yourself. At that point in your two’s separation, your patience was wearing very thin, and you were ready for Jotaro to get here so you could jump him and make up for the lost time. 

 You did everything to make sure he was coming back to a peaceful home. You’d already finished your work at your own lab, so you found the time to clean the house, hang up a “welcome home” sign, and even call up Mrs. Holly for a recipe on what Jotaro would like best to eat for dinner when he arrives. Everything was set. You were anxiously waiting in the living room near the front door and Jotaro was anxiously waiting in the cab to get home to you. The ring box was hidden under his mountain of papers and files, and he was itching to finally pop the question, even if he was a little nervous about it all. 

Finally, he arrived at the front door, standing on the porch and calming himself down enough to open it. He went looking for his keys in his briefcase, unable to find them after so long of not needing them. However, this problem didn’t really present an issue when you swung the door open in front of him. Jotaro looked up part his hat to see you standing there. He gulped. You looked beautiful. 

“...Hi dear, long time no see-”

“Jotaro!” 

Even Jotaro was surprised when you managed to tackle him in a tight hug, the two of you landing on the front lawn, the fall broken by the soft grass. You stared into his shocked face before leaning in to give your love a deep, fulfilling kiss after two lonely months. Jotaro let out a heavy sigh, melting into your touch as you rested on top of him, both of you oblivious to your neighbors seeing everything. When you two finally broke your contact and stood up, Jotaro turned to you with a small grin. 

“How’d you know I was outside? I wasn’t making any noise so I could surprise you.” 

You chuckled a bit. “Well... I could see Star jumping up and down through the window.” 

Both of you turned to see your stands happily reuniting with one another with kisses of their own as well. Jotaro groaned in embarrassment before you reminded him that you two were the only ones that could see the stands, and you all went inside. You could barely contain your excitement, Jotaro could barely contain his nerves. You turned to him, bouncing off the walls with a smile on your face, and rushing around between the kitchen and the living room, taking his suitcase from him. 

“Come in, come in you big lug. Give me your suitcase, we’ll wash everything tomorrow. I made dinner for us, your favorite too. A-and there’s a Columbo marathon waiting for us and then I also wanna just relax with you and um... well, you know. Umm... and I’m sorry that I don’t look better than I do. I was wearing the outfit that I wanted to wear while I was cooking but it got dirty so it’s in the laundry so-”

“(y/n).”

You stopped your rambling and moving about and turned to your boyfriend as he remained standing in the front entrance of the house. Jotaro calmly took his white hat and jacket off, hanging them up on the coat rack, before turning to you with a shy smile, small tears in his eyes.

“... I’ve really missed you.”

You felt your heart soar in your chest as you approached Jotaro once more, your own vision now clouded with tears as well. You wrapped your arms around him, resting your head in his chest and sniffling a bit. 

“I’ve really missed you too...” Jotaro smiled and looked down at the top of your head, giving you a soft kiss, and taking in your scent and warmth, both of which he’d missed more than anything. 

“I love you so much (y/n)...”

“I love you too...” After several minutes of you two standing there, Jotaro finally spoke up. 

“Alright... come on. We’re going out for dinner.” 

You turned to him confused. “But what about all the stuff I cooked?!” 

“We’ll eat it tomorrow.”

“But what about Columbo?”

“Columbo’s not going anywhere.” 

“But-”

“(y/n). You’ve been so great and patient with me these past two months, just let me spoil you.”

You pouted before sighing and reaching up on your toes, you give Jotaro a quick peck on the lips. 

“Alright, I’ll get ready. Is this place fancy?” 

“Yeah... wear the purple dress?” 

You smile. “Sure dear.” 

Jotaro smiled, watching you head back to the bedroom to change. After not long of waiting, he looked up at the sound of your heels clicking on the floor. You finished fidgeting with your gold stud earring before turning to him. 

“How do I look?”

Jotaro stood up from his seat, in awe, a big grin on forming on his face. 

“If we didn’t have reservations, I’d jump you and carry you upstairs right now.” 

You smirked at him. “We could cancel...” You said flirtingly. 

Jotaro shook his head. “Nope, no chance.” 

You smacked his chest playfully with a pout and turned towards the exit to get your coat. Seeing that your back was to him and he was out of sight, Star Platinum quickly handed Jotaro the ring box having gotten it from the biologist’s briefcase. Jotaro opened it and smiled at the star-shaped diamond at the center of the rose gold band. Once you turned around though, Jotaro quickly hid it away. 

“Ready to go?” You asked, holding out your hand. Jotaro took it in his. 

“Yeah... let’s go.”  

[randoreviews]

LEE INTERVIEW 2

Ben: So yeah, again, these are like really simple questions. No real brain busters. Should I just start? Lee: Yeah, just dive right in, man. Ben: Okay, cool. So what was the last thing you had to eat? Lee: Ahh, this morning I had some breakfast, I made some... potatoes, some scrambled eggs, with a little bit of creme fraiche in em and some cilantro and some sausage. Ben: Oooo! Lee: And then I hit it with a little green Tabasco. Ben: I was gonna ask you any ketchup but green Tabasco, okay. Lee: Yeah, green Tabasco. It's the only way to fly. Ben: Nice. And I was gonna ask you what was the last thing you had to drink, but I can join it up with this question: did you have coffee this morning and how was that? Lee: Yeah, I have coffee every morning. Ben: Does it make you, like, wanna listen to heavy metal or? Lee: No, just a pleasant way to ease into the day, I find. Come down and throw on a pot. Feed the dog. Let the dog out. By the time all that's done there's a fresh hot pot a coffee waiting for me. And just sip on that for a while. Ben: Nice. So in general it usually relaxes you? Cuz I know sometimes for me it can give you that gentle boost you need or like for me it'll make me wanna do like twenty different things at once and plan a trip around the world. Lee: Yeah, I think the jitters is what they call that. But ah, I'll just avoid drinking it late at night, other than that it keeps me rollin through the day. Ben: Yessir. Cool. So when was the last time you had a Pop-Tart? Really random question. Lee: Pop-Tart? God I feel like it was actually more recent than you would think, but I can't put my finger on when it woulda been. I feel like Pop-Tarts were in my life fairly recent... Oh yeah, cuz my fiance's brother is big into Pop-Tarts, so I think when he was out here earlier this fall he had a little stash and then when he left I think there were a Pop-Tart or two leftover. So I'm gonna say it was probly sometime possibly after Thanksgiving but before Christmas. If you can believe that. Before that it was prolly... ten years? Ben: I can, yeah. Cool, so pretty recently, I knew there was a reason I asked you that. Lee: Oh, yeah. Very timely question. On point as always. Ben: Haha. Those things will last twenty years in the cupboard. May as well not let em go to waste anyway. Lee: No. In fact I'll probly go back inside and check and make sure I didn't miss any on my last round. Ben: Haha. Okay. I have just so many random questions just scribbled down. What one makes sense next. Lee: That's cool. Ben: Arrre youuu watching any shows right now with your fiance, since you just mentioned her. Any Columbo. Lee: No, we haven't... well, I'll take that back, sooo... we both enjoy The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel on... Netflix, I believe? No, it's not Netflix, it's Amazon. Ben: Yup. Lee: Yeah, that's a really good show and I think they only have like two or three episodes left in the, I guess it's the series. It's definitely season 3 maybe but I don't think they're makin another one after that. Ben: I've heard it has great costumes. Lee: Yeah, great costumes, great set design. The dialogue's just... razor sharp. (starts laughing to himself) Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: And it's a pretty unique concept or storyline or however you wanna put it, it's not something I've seen anything like before so... Ben: And that's about the housewife who becomes a standup comedian? Lee: Yeah, pretty much. Yup. Ben: Okay, okay. Is she your favorite character in the show? Lee: She's great. She's also got this lady who plays her manager who's (starts laughing to himself again) pretty hilarious at times. And then, oh, maybe you can help me with this one -- her dad is played by the guy who was in that show, you would know his name. He was in, I wanna say he was in The Man Who Wasn't There but I can't put my finger on where he woulda been. But he played that like neurotic detective on some TBS show I can't remember. Ben: Huh. Okay. I don't think I can remember? But I'm just gonna look it up and I'll include it in the transcript of the interview.   https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001724/ Lee: Yeah, but his character is probably my favorite of the bunch. Ben: Nice. So Mrs. Maisel and no other shows right now? Lee: No. No, we try to avoid the TV as much as possible which we do a really good job at but every once in a while we’ll watch... we watched Clue? The movie Clue last night from 1985? Ben: Oh I love that one. Lee: Yeah, it's the first time I'd seen it. Ben: Oh, it's great. Great ensemble cast. Lee: Yeah, Christopher Lloyd and the guy whose name I don't remember but I think he was in like Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ben: Tim Curry. Lee: Tim Curry, yeah. He was really good. I didn't recognize anyone else, I think. Ben: Yeah. And then the maid. I've seen it a couple times but when you're really young that maid with the great cleavage, it's like, I like this movie. Lee: Lotta great cleavage in that movie, to be honest. I pointed that out as we were watchin it, I was like, yeah... pretty decent amount of cleavage. They knew what they were doin back in the 80s. Wouldn't get away with that now, I'll tell you that much! Ben: Yup, yup. Lee: So yeah, that's about it. Ben: That's a good one, man. So keeping on this same line of questions: last movie you saw in the theater?? Lee: I do actually know the last movie I saw in the theater is I went to see Joker. Ben: Nice. Lee: And I was thoroughly disappointed in that movie, I didn't like that at all. Ben: Really? You thought it was overdone? Lee: Uh, yeah, it's just, I didn't find it at all... interesting, or compelling or... I dunno. Like I just didn't understand why I was sittin there watchin it. And I love Joaquin Phoenix, I think he does a great job in everything I've seen him in but I didn't find his performance all that interesting, or I didn't find the character of the Joker the way they wrote it all that interesting either. I've heard it compared to like Taxi Driver before but it was basically the same story, this kind of loner, isolated, gets a little obsessed with the wrong things and all of a sudden he's crazy. Ben: Right. Yeah. And that was the last movie you saw in the theater? Lee: Yeah... I think so. And then before that Christopher Robin. Ben: Cool, haha. How was that? Lee: That was a great movie. I'll take Christopher Robin over Joker any day of the week. Ben: Hahaha. Lee: What are you laughin at? Ben: Did you see that with your nephew or with your fiance? Lee: Well she was not my fiance at the time but uh, we had just started dating and we went and saw that and, both enjoyed it. Ben: Nice. Have you been listening to any music? Lee: Mmm, gash. I meaaan... a little bit. We'll throw on some tunes around the house every now and then. Ben: Do you have a speaker system or like a bluetooth speaker err? Lee: Yeah, like a little bluetooth speaker, which is fairly decent, it just kinda fills up the room. And then if I'm workin out I'll put on somethin in the headphones just to supplement the coffee, so I feel like I can take on the world. But it's been a long time since I've consistently listened to music, I'm more into podcasts and stuff these days. Ben: Yea, I think that's like a lot of people. What are your favorite podcasts? Lee: Uumm... geez louise... aahh... my favorite podcast is called Part of the Problem by a guy named Dave Smith. And it's sort of a equal parts I guess political and current events. Ahh... what would you call it. I dunno... discussion, or whatever. Ben: Discourse. Lee: Huh? Ben: Discourse? Lee: Yeah, well it's him, Dave Smith, who actually got his start in and still is a standup comedian, so he's got a really good talent of bein able to sort of dissect political news, current events news and then put a usually pretty funny take on it. And if not he's just an incredibly interesting guy and has a take that I sort of identify with more often than not, so... Ben: Is he our age or older err? Lee: Actually, yeah, he's exactly our age, I believe, he's 36, 37. Your birthday's comin up, what, next week, right? Ben: Uh, yeah, I guess it's kinda been in my mind but, I'll be celebrating by myself. Lee: Are you ready? Ben: Yeah, 37! Seems like a fine age, ya know? Lee: It is a fine age, to be sure. Ben: Yeah, yeah. Just keep on learning little things, little improvements. Lee: Yup, every day. Ben: Soo... podcasts, so yeah, any others besides the Dave Smith one? Lee: Umm... I mean, yeah, I mean I've sort of got my little Rolodex that I'll roll through from time to time, this guy Tom Woods I like listenin to a lot. I've actually been pretty good at eliminating podcasts from my diet, not addin em, just kinda cuttin out the riffraff. Ben: Some podcast pruning? Lee: Yeah, exactly. The Joe Rogans of the world have no place in my heart anymore. Ben: Shh, I was just thinking the other day about isn't it crazy Joe Rogan is like the Walter Cronkite of our generation? Lee: Haha, yeah, I know, but he's such a fucking douche too. Not that Cronkite wasn't a douche but... Ben: It's like, can you picture Walter Cronkite being into jiu-jitsu, I mean, tha'd be pretty great, but... Lee: That would be pretty great. And like slammin DMT and smoking like insane amounts of weed and basically just agreeing with everybody on his podcast, everything they say all the time. Ben: Haha, ahh, him saying JFK was assassinated and then immediately smoking a joint right on TV, that would have been great. Lee: Yup, and then comin up with some conspiracy theories and then backtracking completely within the next 24 hours.  Ben: Haha. Well another little random question at the top here is, how do you get your news? Is a lot of it through podcasts or? Lee: Umm, yeah, well what I consider news is not what used to be considered news, like I don't really get day-to-day news because it's all so preposterous and I mean it doesn't affect anybody's life really in any way other than some major stuff, ya know, issues of war and peace and issues like global pandemics, those are gonna affect you much more than, ya know, if you just sort of think back on the last ten to twenty years of what the news cycle consisted of it's just largely preposterous and irrelevant and usually not even true and when it is true it's so quickly spun into a cause or some, you know, political stance, it's like, I'm kind of pruning podcasts and I'm also pruning unnecessary information or opinion out of my life as much as possible and really been enjoying that so, I just gotta find really people I trust and usually not even from a news perspective but if they are discussing something it might pique my interest to look into it a little bit. I'm still stickin with things like theory over day-to-day, you know, I'll prefer to read economics or history or something rather than turnin to the news because I feel like you can learn so much more about patterns and humanity and what not by doin it that way. Ben: Right, right. Your degree is in philosophy, right? Lee: Yes. Ben: Yes, cool. So yeah, the day-to-day politics is pretty much just like watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge, it's just like all drama, people talking shit about each other behind their backs, people tweeting nasty things... Lee: Yeah, but I don't want the takeaway of this to be that the Real World/Road Rules Challenge isn't a fantastic show because it is. Ben: Haha. Lee: Honestly, I think that was a terrible comparison that you just made? I THINK I get where you're comin from but...? Yeah, it's just so dumb, it's not only that it does not seem true or accurate or important at the time but, what?, less than, what, 72 hours usually it's just like, nobody's talking about it anymore, nobody cares, nothing has changed. I just feel like it's a really great way to fill your life with a whole bunch of unnecessary anxiety and anger and animosity towards other people or other groups or whatever it is, it's just like a really awesome way for you to distract yourself from what actually should be at the front of your mind which is what you're doing on a day-to-day basis and the health and well-being of your family and close friends and, sorta how you can contribute to makin the world a little bit better and makin yourself a little healthier and happier and the people you love happier as well. Just don't have any time for it. Ben: Right. You don't have any time for, “Nancy Pelosi ate Mitch McConnell's ice cream out of the fridge” and uh... Lee: Haha, “She drank his milkshake!” No, I don't, I mean every once in a while I'll kinda click somethin, tune back in, just to remind myself how... how... just the word I keep using is how preposterous it all is and how much weight some people put on it and like I said it just becomes such an unnecessary energy suck and soul suck and just, yeah... No need! Ben: Yeah, yup... So what are your go-to apps? What apps on your phone do you find yourself using the most? Lee: That's actually interesting, I sort of am gonna contradict myself but there’s an app I use called Newsvoice which, I liked it a lot better when I started using it, now I feel it's not quite as cool, but it used to just be an app that would compile headlines, you know, local, international, national, whatever, and it would offer, say, for every story it would give you five or six different headlines from different, um, organizations with different political leanings, so you'd get like a HuffPo article and then you'd get a, you know, Wall Street Journal and you'd get the same story covered four or five, six different ways, which is kind of a cool way to avoid unnecessary bias. So that's one I've kinda been hittin up a little. I've really been enjoying everyone's hot takes on the Facebook app with this Coronavirus, just really gettin a sense of (starts laughing) how everybody's reacting. That's really enjoyable. Ben: Yup, yup. So Newsvoice and Facebook? Lee: Yup, I like those. And then you know, I do all my mobile banking and bill paying through apps, so I got apps for those. Ben: Useful... useful. Lee: Yup. What else? Oh, Golf Clash. That's a great one. I play a little Golf Clash when the time is right. Ben: Golf Clash, niiice. If you hit a good ball on that is it like do you feel it in your body still? Lee: Oh, it'll let you know. They'll yell great shot at you or perfect shot and it's like, my entire day has been validated. Ben: Haha, nice. All right, soo... going back to the music question, I know you said you're not listenin to too much music but what was the last concert you saw? Lee: Ooo. Wow... Ahh... Honestlyyy... unless I can remember something else, I think it was the Rancid and Mighty Mighty Bosstones New Year's Eve bash in Los Angeles. Ben: Nice. Where was that? What was the venue? Lee: That was aaat... oh god, if you rattle off a couple of the big ones around there I'll remember it. Ben: Ehhh, I'm blanking on those, there's the Hollywood Bowl of course but it was probably at a smaller club. Lee: No, it wasn't that, it was an indoor venue. Ben: The El Raaayy. Lee: No, it's recongizable but I can't remember what it was.   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrine_Auditorium  But that can't be right though because that would have been like... four years ago at least?    Ben: Yeah, and when did we go to that Weezer/Panic at the Dis... maybe I shouldn't even mention Panic at the Disco but when did we go to that Weezer show, was that four or five years ago? Lee: You mean when Weezer opened up for Panic at the Disco? Ben: Ohh god, no, no, Panic at the Disco opened up for Weezer. Lee: “STOP SMOKING!” Ben: Hahahah... oh gosh. We didn't really fit in with the Panic at the Disco fans. Lee: No, but was that after? Cuz honestly, man, my timeline is so blurry and like out of sorts that you could literally pick an event within ten years and another one within ten years and I couldn't tell you which came first, with like a four-year margin of error. It's pathetic. Yeah, I don't remember. I honestly don't remember. Ben: Yup, but that Rancid/Bosstones New Year's show was pretty good? Lee: Oh, it was awesome, man. I was like thirty rows or, it wasn't rows cuz everyone was standing up but I was probly about thirty heads deep, so great view of the stage and what I considered close but I was like, well this will be certainly out of the way of any aggressive moshpit that might break out. So I was just kinda sittin there waitin for the show to start, sippin my beer, Rancid comes out, and like the FIRST note they play, which is from “Maxwell Murder” cuz they played ... And Out Come the Wolves from start to finish, first bass note I just get a fucking forearm to the back of my head and my beer goes flying like six rows up. I was like, well this is on! Ben: Haha. Lee: I kind of fought my way out of it but basically just retreated another thirty rows and, enjoyed the rest of the show. Ben: Nice. Got another beer, I hope. Lee: Got another beer or two, although I did have to be, that was when I was doing the PI work so I had to be like downtown at like six in the morning for some surveillance thing, and the show basically didn't start until almost midnight, so I didn't get insanely intoxicated or anything cuz I was trying to be responsible cuz I had to be at work the next day. But it was a blast. Ben: I think the Rancid lead singer... Tim Armstrong? Lee: Yup. Ben: I think he lived in our neck of the woods. I think he lived in Highland Park. Lee: Yeah, he did, I think he lived in Highland Park and that bar that Heather used to work at, she said he used to go there quite a bit and just hang out. Ben: Yup, I love that place. Lee: Eedendale or Ed-endale? Ben: Edendale, yup. Tom Mix, Casey Mix's grandfather's old stopping grounds. Lee: Isn't it crazy how you can remember like these minute little details like that but you ask me like what year something took place and I'm like, I have no idea, I think it was some time in the 90s but I could be wrong about that. Ben: Haha. I think Zack de la Rocha from Rage Against the Machine also lived in Highland Park/Eagle Rock area. Lee: Yep... yep. Although I think he's about to move up because from what I hear, the crazy anarchist/socialists of Rage Against the Machine are reuniting to go on like a CitiBank tour or something (starts laughing). Ahh, that's so fucking depressing. Ben: Haha. They're finally taking the corporate money. Lee: Well everyone's gotta make a living, ya know? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Ben: Haha. So are you reading any books? Lee: Umm... actually no, I'm not. I've been sort of lookin around for a book around here that I haven't read but I feel like every book I have I've read at least once or twice. I kinda want something new but of course the libraries are shut down. Ben: Right. You want something fiction or nonfiction or? Lee: Yeah, I don't read fiction. I haven't read any fiction since I think R.L. Stine back in the day. Ben: Haha, gotcha. Lee: I just find nonfiction a lot more interesting. So yeah, I’m not reading anything and I'm ashamed to say it, because it's a great time to read.  Ben: Yes... indeed... uuumm... so what was the last alcoholic beverage you had? Do you like to have a drink some nights err? Lee: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Typically my go-to has always been whiskey. But I was talkin to a colleague at work and he was sayin that he just really enjoys drinking tequila and I was like well I’ve never really had a taste for tequila and he just started talking about how great it was and then I was like well shit, maybe I should give tequila another try, so last couple nights I’ve had a little bit a tequila, which is... somewhat enjoyable. Still not my thing but... Ben: Yeah. It gives you energy, I think it’s the only... upper? Lee: Yeah, the only upper, stimulant, whatever. That’s what he told me and I was like, well that doesn’t make sense cuz it’s alcohol and alcohol is a depressant all the time, it just depresses your nervous system. So then I looked it up, er, googled it, and it was like a super non-clear, vague answer and it was like, well while it technically is a stimulant it’s also ethanol which is also a depressant. And I’m like, well what the fuck does that mean? But I did notice that when I was drinkin it, we were sittin there playin Yahtzee and I was like fired up.  Ben: Right? Lee: I dunno. I dunno if it’s just fired up just cuz of the Yahtzee and I thought it was gonna be lame and I fuckin loved it. But I was super into it and I was kinda shakin my leg a little bit like, yeah, let’s do this, let’s play some more Yahtzee and I was like, is this the Tequila that’s doing that or is this the Yahtzee or am I just like in a really good mood. Ben: I think that’s what tequila does cuz I HATED tequila, never drank it, I remember sitting next to a girl at a party at Saint Mike’s and her breath, she was drinking out of a big bottle of tequila and her whole being just wreaked of cheap tequila. And I think I was like nineteen or twenty at the time so I was like, that is the worst smell I’ve ever smelled, I’m not going anywhere near that. Flash forward to Clapp’s 30th birthday, we went to the Clippers game at Staples Center and then afterwards we were at a bar downtown and someone ordered Patron shots for everyone and I was like, I dunno if I can do this. And then we do the shot and then like twenty minutes later, two or three more shots and people are like dancing on the tables. A little bit different than sippin on scotch, so... Lee: Yeah, well the other pointer that this guy gave me was, you know, most booze you can usually get away with drinking cheaper stuff out of a plastic bottle or somethin, if you wanted to buy some cheaper whiskey out of a plastic bottle you should be fine but he was like, just don’t ever do that with tequila. If you’re gonna do it just make sure it’s somewhat decent stuff and it’s in a glass bottle. I have no way to confirm whether what this guy’s saying is accurate or not. But tequila does seem to be...a bit of an enigma for me, so I might try to get to the bottom of it a little more. Ben: Nice. Let’s seee.... How’s the dog doing? Lee: Dog’s great, man! Dog is absolutely great. He’s settled in beautifully. For the first few months we had him he was a little bit, um... I dunno if neurotic’s the right word but he definitely was a little bit more on the nervous side and it takes a while to build up trust obviously, and we couldn’t take him off the leash, we live backed up against a pretty wide open area of land where we would love to walk him but we really couldn’t take him off the leash and it would suck because it’s such a great place for the dog to run around and we just never knew when he would come back and blah blah blah. Ben: Yep.  Lee: And he would not let you like sorta touch his collar, he wouldn’t bite but he would let you know, like a little fake snap or whatever if you touched his collar. He drooled a lot. But right around month 3? He just like totally settled in. And now every day twice a day we just kinda walk around, whether it’s backwoods or on the street, off leash, and he kinda just like trots up ahead, looks back at us, waits for us to catch up. And then if we yell, if we say “Here” he kinda turns around and comes runnin back towards us. If we say “Stay” or “Wait” he just sits there. He sleeps, he’s like the most cuddley dog of all time, you can’t be anywhere near him without him coming up and putting his face on your lap. I think he’s gotten better looking too, to be honest with you. When we first got him I didn’t think he was very cute, but I think he was just carrying a lot of stress in his face.  Ben: Right. Lee: And his face sorta always seemed a little bit tight or contorted as if he was unsure. But now he just kinda melts into everything he does. And he’s super cool. And he’s gained fifteen pounds since we got him, which is awesome, because he was really underweight. Ben: Nice. Yeah, was he a rescue? What’s his name, by the way? I’m forgetting his name. Lee: He is a rescue. His name when we got was Chance and we were like, well that name sucks and so we changed it to Bojo. B-O-J-O. Yeah, he was a rescue who apparently spent like the first year or two at some shelter down south in Colorado, this place had like no money, they kept him outside in like a coat year-round, which is rough here in Colorado, it gets cold in the winters. And then he was transferred up to another shelter up here and like no one would adopt him. We dunno why now cuz we look at him and we’re like, we have the perfect dog, we’ve got the best dog of all time. And I know everyone thinks that about their dog but... he really is cool... Ben: He’s a mix? Lee: Yeah, we were actually thinkin about doing one of those dog DNA tests because he’s soo like, he looks... we think he’s a boxer/lab mix, he kinda looks like that. But he also looks like he might have some Mastiff in him, and he’s got some tendencies of some other breeds, so I dunno, it would just be kind of a cool thing to know exactly what he is but... We just tell people boxer/lab.  Ben: Yeah. That sounds like a handsome dog. Lee: Yeah, he’s a real handsome fella. Ben: You’ve earned his trust and... nice. Lee: Yeah. And we trust him too now which is super cool, we can just kinda walk around the woods together and just have a good old time.  Ben: Nice. Yeah, you’ve always been a dog person. Lee: Yeah, I think they’re great. I just think they’re great. Ben: Haha. So what’s the weather like in Colorado? Lee: Uh, it’s pretty much beautiful. It’s kind of annoying because the winters are SUPER long and like by the end of it you’re just ready for it to be over and you think spring’s comin because it gets like sunny and mid-forties for a couple days. And then you’ll get like three days of snow and everything that melted’ll just come right back. Ben: Yeah. Lee: So that’s kinda where we’re at right now, where you can hear snow melting off roofs but there’s still basically snow covering, you know, ninety percent of the surfaces. But it’s like sunny and 45 or something today, so... yeah. Just kinda hopin it stays that way. I’m ready for spring now, I’m a summertime guy. Ben: Yup. Have you seen any signs of spring, any flowers er...? Lee: No flowers but there’s definitely some wild grasses showing, and the sagebrush you can actually see the tops of it now. It’s not like blooming or anything but it was just buried in snow for the last seven months so it’s kinda cool to see some open patches of grass and some sagebrush and... more birds. Stuff like that, so... definitely some signs. Ben: Nice. Will Bojo munch on any sagebrush or any grass? Lee: He does enjoy a... I mean this is our first real spring with him so we’ve never know him to react to how the snow is melting. He loves snow, he loves jumpin around in it but he does seem to be chewin on more grass now that it’s melting. And he did show up yesterday for the first time with a dead squirrel in his mouth. Ben: Mhm. I’m sure he was probably pretty proud of that. Lee: Oh yeah. And then we were like telling him to drop it and put it away and he was just like lookin at us like, what are you guys doing? Ben: Haha. Yeah, right. I brought you guys dinner! Lee: Yeah. And we were like ah, we’ll just put it in the trash bag that’s full of dog shit and then throw it in the dumpster, and he’s like, whatever.  Ben: Haha. Ah, that’s great. Are the people in Colorado much different than they are in MA? Lee: Umm... It’s been a while since I’ve lived in Massachusetts to be honest with you so, like, the sort of the quirks of everybody... I dunno, Colorado’s a very active outdoor community. But up here, like IN the mountains where it’s like ski resort country... there’s just a lot of um... the term “shitbag”’s probly not nice to use but like just a lot of people you can tell their reeeal concern in life is like bein able to shred some fresh gnar. Ben: Haha. Yes. Lee: And other than that you can like pretty much go fuck yourself. And they’ll be nice people and they won’t, you know, go out of their way to hurt anyone but like, you can’t like RELY on them for anything.  Ben: Right. They just wanna shred gnar. Lee: Yeah, they just wanna shred some fresh fresh buttercream and like I don’t blame them for that? But at the same time it’s like you need to be able to pull your weight a little bit.  Ben: Haha, yup. Lee: So that's one group of people, but then there's another group of people up here that's just like active, engaged, friendly, um, usually a little bit older, maybe people who are early retirees or just retired or whatever who seem like really topnotch people. Ben: Which proves our point that the older you get, maybe the cooler. Maybe the cooler. Lee: Yeah, the cooler, the wiser, I mean that's the way I feel about myself, for sure. Ben: Have you gotten on the mountain at all this year? Lee: Yeah. I mean it sucks now because they had to close... this whole county, I mean just like everywhere else really but this whole county, they had to shut down about a month before the official end of ski season so, we didn't realize the time of our last ski day was gonna be our last ski day, but... We try to get out, like, in my line of work obviously, bein a chef, the holiday season and that winter season up here I'm just getting slammed like nonstop for a couple months while everyone's up here on vacation and doing all their skiing. BUT once all those people go home and February and March rolls around and it really starts to slow down then that's my time where I'm like, cool, I'm gonna ski like at least once, maybe twice a week and just enjoy everything around here and not have to fight crowds cuz, you know, I'm obviously not off on weekends or anything. So late winter/early spring these last two years has been my time to get up there. That got cut short a little bit this season but, got to get out on the mountain on the skis. We do a lot of hiking and we've been snowshoing every day since we've been quarantined, like we just go out on either some hike or some snowshoe, we went sledding with the dog the other day and that was just insanely fun even though it was kinda dangerous. But yeah, there's no shortage of outdoor activities for me right now. Ben: Yeah. That all sounds great. Lee: It is great. Ben: And these are all things you can also do in New Hampshire, are you guys still thinking of moving to New Hampshire? Lee: Yeah, it's definitely, um, we've got a shortlist workin right now in terms of options or where we wanna go from here or what we wanna do and they're all sort of... what's the term?... I dunno... co-related, codependent, whatever, like one factor's obviously dependent on several others. But New Hampshire's definitely up towards the top of the list. So I was excited, she was excited. And then we had a couple other options sort of present themselves to us so we're kinda weighin those out now and, uh, we'll figure it out. Ben: Yup... Options like... out west or.. back east? Lee: Um... Just options, Ben, you know what I mean? I don't feel like I need to get into any more than that. Ben: Haha, all right, I don't wanna get into your business too much, okay. Lee: Haha, no, you'll be the first to know once we decide though. Ben: Good, good. And also I didn't want to get into politics too much because it can just be a drag like we both agree but... Lee: Sure. Ben: ... and this is kind of a tricky question in the post-#MeToo movement and now that you're engaged but, carrying it over from our last interview, do you still want to boink Hillary Clinton. Lee: (trying to suppress laughing) Ahh god, I have no recollection... Ben: Haha, just purely hypothetically! Purely hypothetically! Lee: I have no recollection of that conversation ever happening. Ben: Hahah. I mean it's on my Tumblr but... Lee: Oh yeah, well... I don't even know how to get on a Tumblr so... Ben: Haha. Lee: No, I don't actively want to, uumm... If the situation presented itself, like if I was a single man... yeah, it's obviously something you'd have to consider but... yeah, maybe the desire has lessened as compared to what it was the last time we did this. Ben: Still a lot of power in play there. Lee: Yeah, for sure, I mean that's... Ben: Part of the appeal? Lee: I could be theoretically a couple heartbeats away from the White House like if things worked out between Hill Dawg and I, which I would make sure everything was kosher on my end but... Yeah, that's funny that you mentioned politics and I thought about our last conversation and all that was goin on and all that we talked about and the question you had is do you still wanna blank Hillary Clinton. Topnotch journalism. Ben: Haha. I mean I spent hours honing these questions. Uumm, yeah, again I don't wanna ask annyy.... we're pretty much at the end here because I do have to transcribe all of this which will take me like thirty hours... but I enjoy it, just savoring, retyping every word that you've spoken but ahh... obviously having in mind what's going on in the world right now -- where do we go from here? Lee: Ahhh, gosh. That's a big question. Ben: Just... more tequila and Yahtzee err? Lee: I mean, you say that I think tongue in cheek but... Ben: Not really!... not really. Lee: Yeah, no, I mean my whole mentality from the day it sort of became clear that this was gonna be a serious thing was, um, it's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for me to put my energy anywhere I want and to focus it anywhere I want, and the way I've chosen to do that is like I've said focus on my family and the people around me who I care about and care about meee... you know, get out in nature every day, get exercise every day, try and learn something, we've been doin a ton of cooking at home, pickling pretty much every vegetable in sight... Ben: Nice, that's exciting. Lee: ... Yeah, and just gettin back to the good life and I feel like there's a lot of people who are embracing similar approaches. And then there are also the people whooo, ya know, take ahh... one of the first headlines I saw was like, “Pornhub offers free premium membership for everybody,” and it's like okay, you can spend the next two months just furiously whackin it with your pants around your ankles. You're not gonna come out of that in a good place and you are gonna be terrified the whole time and you're gonna come out in some fucking self-induced stupor and like you're not gonna know what to do or where to turn. So I feel like there's already sort of two mentalities developing and there's two approaches we can take and, I dunno what we're gonna do as a nation, because that's just insane, that many people all tryna choose a path, but at the same time when I said like I'm tryna cut off useless information and stupid politics, what it boils down to is people's individual decisions they make and paths they choose to take. I dunno where we go, but I know where I'm goin so... that's what I'm focused on. Ben: So... Pornhub in moderation? Lee: I would say no Pornhub, if you want my advice, I would say stop whacking yourself silly altogether and choose somethin else to do, find another focus. Ben: Haha. Okay, cool. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about or...? Lee: Uh, I want to let you know that I love you. Ben: Thanks! Lee: And I hope you're doin well. And I hope everyone else back home is doin well. And I've been meaning to send you something, and I finally figured out how I'm gonna do it. The vessel was sort of always the issue, I think I've got that solved. So keep an eye out for something in the mail. Ben: Ooo, a package from Lee. No offense to you but I will be sure to fully sanitize it upon receiving it. Lee: Haha, yeah, for sure. Sanitize everything. Ben: I talked to Shaun right before doing this and I asked him if he had any questions to ask you and he said, "Ask him where the fuck he has been and why we never hear from him." Lee: Haha. Ben: I assume it's cuz, you know you were saying, well, usually you're working and now you're able to enjoy yourself but life for a chef is just like, you're not even able to think, it's just like french fries, french fries, french fries! Right? Lee: Yeah, it's pretty much all about french fries all the time. Ben: Haha. Sometimes sweet potato fries. Lee: But I dunno, I could put that back at Shaun, like when was the last time... I mean... I dunno... look, man... I'm not tryna... Ben: Haha. Lee: Ohh, I miss you guys, I miss Shaun especially. I'll do my part to make sure that we reconnect sometime soon. Ben: Cool. I think that's the perfect... perfect way to end it.