#i am almost done w season four in my rewatch and i am full of fear

[onceandfutureheartache]

soft moment from the aithusa ep (rip to the quality, damn dark dungeons)

[feralnumberfive]

The Rewatch Academy: Episode 3 of Season 1

“Extra Ordinary”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it's funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

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1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 |

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☂ First off I’d like to say that this is one of my favorite episodes of this season. It’s just soooo good

☂ The second comic book in the window features the Televator from the actual comics, so that has to be canon in the show! Also at the time that that second comic came out, Five had already left since we don’t see him on the cover

☂ It’d be cool if they actually printed Vanya’s book for fans to read

☂ Well Diego isn’t wrong when he called Hazel and Cha Cha animals because of their masks

☂ Honestly I feel Vanya’s struggle with chair placement. I’ve fortunately had the luck of playing in all three clarinet chair placements, but 1st chair is challenging. I personally found each placement very fun to play, especially 3rd, and I hope Vanya does too! (why am I talking like she’s real)

☂ Hazel talks about people living ordinary lives, but didn’t he live like that too at one point? How does The Commission recruit people? If they get ordinary people, do they wipe their memories of their previous lives?

☂ “Let’s see’em get out from behind their desks, get their hands dirty for once.” Well Hazel, Five does indeed do this even though he only had a desk job for a day. Still, he got to experience both worlds

☂ My mind is blanking on this, but how did Five get that cut on his arm? Was it from a bullet wound at Gimbel’s? 

☂ Five must have a high pain tolerance to stitch his own wound but his bandaid probably wouldn’t stick due to the wet blood he slapped it over. Five sweetie you need a cotton pad and gauze for that one

☂ Wait, you’re telling me that The Umbrella Academy boys’ top uniform consists of a tank top, a white dress shirt, a tie, a sweater vest, and then the blazer? Someone asked Reginald what he wanted for the uniforms and he just said “Yes.”

☂ Five: *puts hands in pockets only to immediately take them out*

☂ Aidan almost sounds like he has an accent when he says “I'm done funding your drug habit.” 

☂ Five’s so soft talking to his wife

☂ No Leonard, your bread and butter is being a creep

☂ Also, he thinks wood carving is embarrassing? If someone came up to me and showed me something they carved out of wood I would be so jealous cause it’s such a neat form of art

☂ Leonard saying that he carved wood, and in that case wooden figures, when he was a kid is a slight foreshadow of all of his tampering with his Umbrella Academy figures. He can make wooden figures but he’s also destroyed a handful of the Hargreeves figures 

☂ “Never really did like The Beatles.” Well sir you’ve made me dislike you even more

☂ Vanya asking Allison if her siblings wanted her at the family meeting bugs me a bit. I absolutely get that she was literally left out of anything and everything that had to do with her siblings when she was younger, but Allison just asked her to come back home for a family meeting. Allison wouldn't have walked around looking for Vanya only to tell her that they were having a family meeting and that she wasn’t actually invited. Allison is including her in on a family meeting but Vanya is just in a bit of disbelief that she’s being included

☂ Ah yes, the only PTSD flashback for Five we see in the show! He looks so scared when he snaps out of it. I believe it was somehow triggered by the kids (I could be wrong) but do you think Five sometimes panics when he looks at himself in the mirror now since his body is the same age it was when he got stuck? Also it’s very subtle but when Luther opens the door, Five slightly jerks/flinches back. I wish we would see more of this in the show since it’s one of his major traumas

☂ “Does it matter? It’s Klaus.” Ouch! Well Five I hope you know that your siblings are somewhat thinking the same thing since they believe that you’ve lost your mind and are practically an old man crying “Apocalypse!” 

☂ Five does an ever so slight huff and smirk when Luther tells him that the meeting at the Academy is important. He finds it a little funny but so frustrating in his mind that Luther doesn’t know what’s truly important

☂ Also I love that Aidan has to turn to the side so that he can keep it together after Klaus talks about his chocolate pudding waxing. Either that or he’s portraying Five as being frustrated and in disbelief. Also this is the first time I’ve noticed that he says “Ay, ay ay...” 

☂ “We’re all you have. And you know it.” Oh Luther, you’re failing to see that that’s why he’s acting like this right now. He’s all frantic and crazed about trying to stop the apocalypse so that he can protect and save all that he has

☂ Five certainly is mad at Luther during his mini lecture. He’s clenching his jaw tightly and when he first speaks he hisses out the words through gritted teeth. He even called Luther by his number. He’s very impatient at this point and doesn’t care for Luther’s act of attempting to be a leader

☂ This is their first, and certainly not last, time watching Klaus go by in front of them doing something he shouldn’t be doing

☂ “You haven’t been home in a long time, Vanya.” Sir you were also just on the moon for four years. Yeah Vanya was away for a long time but Grace easily could have changed too during the four years you were gone

☂ How sweet, even though Five hasn’t really been home they want to include him in on the family vote :]

☂ I’ve noticed that in S1 that David really mumbles his lines. A lot

☂ I wish we got more flashbacks of the younger Umbrellas

☂ Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ It’s confusing as to which country TUA takes place in, but it’s really not supposed to be a specific one. It’s portrayed as being in North America, but you can see behind Cha Cha when she gets out of the car at the Academy the flag of the RAF, which Canada would have at a monument since it’s a Commonwealth country. At the same time though Delores came from Gimbels, which was a department store chain across the U.S

☂ The light above Five’s portrait is slightly crooked, which probably means no one has really been paying attention to it

☂ It makes me nervous that Klaus wipes bubbles onto his face. It looks like he got some in his eyes

☂ Ugh I love the whole scene of Hazel and Cha Cha walking around the Academy with “We’re Through” playing

☂ Diego: *has knives but instead chooses to punch and hit Hazel to try to make him let go of Allison”

☂ A rope-a-dope is a boxing tactic of pretending to be trapped against the ropes, goading an opponent to throw tiring ineffective punches. Diego sweetie Hazel wasn’t even trying to get you off of him all he was doing was choking Allison. The only person who got tired was probably you

☂ What’s the point in Diego yelling “Luther, go!” if he’s already going 💀

☂ Luther was there immediately when Hazel attacked Vanya. That means that Luther heard Vanya and was going to go get her to safety

☂ I will never stop signing my praise for the entirety of the “Sinnerman” fight scene(s). It gives me chills every single time. Easily one of the best scenes in all of the show

☂ Klaus must really have his music blasting if he can’t hear the gun shots right next to him

☂ I’ve always wondered if Allison actually registered in her mind that “The boy” is Five when Cha Cha says that’s who they’re looking for. Either she does realize that’s Five, is simply just angry that those two are looking for a boy, or registers in her mind that it’s Five through his superhero codename even though Cha Cha’s not referring to him in that way

☂ Diego is full on just standing in the background watching Allison get beat up by Cha Cha 🕴

☂ I love Diego’s little hand flap when he gets hit in the hand fighting Cha Cha

☂ Okay so I make everything about Five, but the whole Cha Cha fight scene with Allison and then Diego kind of scares me. Cha Cha and Hazel are both amazing assassins (they’re both probably right below Five) and neither Allison nor Diego could stop her by themselves. Could you imagine Five fighting one of his siblings? Especially with his spatial jumps? We already got a glimpse of his true combat skills when he fights Lila in S2. What a scary little old man

☂ “Vanya, get out of here!” Again, wanting to make sure that Vanya is safe and gets away. He even tried to go look for her

☂ Something I don’t really get about the Hazel and Luther fight is why doesn’t Luther just overpower him? Luther has super strength and on top of that he has giant muscles due to the gorilla DNA. Shouldn’t he be able to beat Hazel to a pulp? Maybe we have to consider that Hazel might have been altered by The Commission to be stronger and more durable, but they haven’t mentioned that in the show

☂ “Ah, you gotta cut down on that fast food, soldier.” What are you talking about Diego he literally just got off the moon two days ago aflksjfdk

☂ So Luther was too injured to jump out of the way of the chandelier but was able to push it up off of himself? 🤔

☂ I personally think that Luther’s body design adaptation for the show is really cool and that they gave him the perfect amount of bulk without making him look ridiculous

☂ This has been pointed out before, but cross-stitch foreshadowing, baby 

☂ Again, Diego my beloved mama’s boy ♥️

☂ Well at least Diego thought about Vanya dying before thinking about his siblings dying because of her. The latter is ironic!

☂ The clock above Luther’s mirror reads approximately 1:30 am. Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t want to wait until morning

☂ I wonder how different it would be if Five was present at the Academy when Hazel and Cha Cha attacked. He probably would have surrendered himself to them, but it's fun to entertain the idea that he would go apeshit if he knew that they were harming his family in order to find him

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Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

[rizahawkais]

I LOVED season 1 and 2 of the crown but found season 3 quite dull and difficult to get through. I'm enjoying season 4 (still havent finished bc I watch with my family and we're rarely all together) but I think that the earlier seasons were a lot better in my opinion

hi! i completely agree w you!

I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY! I replied to this the day you sent it but my laptop crashed and I lost everything I wrote so I put off till now!

All in all, the writing for the first two seasons were WAY better. My ranking is s2 > s1 > s4 >>>>> s3. In my opinion, season three was kind of terrible.

hahaha this is so so long.

In the first two seasons each episode’s mini story for the day was actually INTERESTING. Like, I loved where one episode was about the Mountbatten name and then the next was about the Great Smog! But, there was always an overarching plot and it always added up in the end. S1, S2 and S4 all had an overarching plot that worked! S1 was balancing family and the crown. S2 was balancing prime ministers and her husband. S4 was the downfall of Margaret Thatcher and Charles/Diana. S3 LITERALLY HAD NO PLOT! It was just a bunch of stories put together. The finale for season 3 was about the end of Margaret’s marriage! And although, it is an important event in the family’s history the fact that it was the finale episode????

Anyways, Season 3 genuinely just sucks. Season 4 is REALLY good. Yet, it still doesn’t leave as much of an affect on me like the earlier seasons. AND LIKE I KNOW BECAUSE I’VE REWATCHED THE FIRST THREE SEASONS SO MANY TIMES. I’ve only seen the fourth once because I’m too busy and it’s also too early for me to rewatch it. So, maybe my opinion of season 4 will change!

Now, because I am extra 😈😈 and crazy I will talk about every single episode IN ORDER. hehehehehehe. feel free to hate me

SEASON ONE

101 Wolferton Splash - 10/10 this episodes just sets everything up! we see how happy the marriage is and how loving king george is and we also see the FORSHADOWING!! we see lilibet and phillip making their life thinking they had time when we know they don’t and it’s just :( AN AMAZING PILOT EPISODE WITH AMAZING QUOTES!

102 Hyde Park Corner - 1000/10 this episode needs no explanation. the suspense and DRAMA right before lilibet finds out about her dad ALWAYS gets me!!

103 Windsor - 10/10 I hated this episode the first time I watched it! I didn’t understand the importance of her uncle and I didn’t understand the complexity behind the episode. I was 14 when I saw this episode for the first time! So, mind you I was quite ignorant. but, david basically represents the audience in the show for those who hate the monarchy and call them out on their hypocrisy. BUT DAVID IS A TERRIBLE PERSON! FUCK DAVID! i understand hating the monarchy and for him i know it was personal but the way he talks about his family in the letters UGHUGHGUHGUHGUHGUH this man is evil! there’s also the other story in the episode about the mountbatten name which is so brilliant!

104 Act of God - 15/10 this episode was boring on first watch but I WAS FOURTEEN! this episode took a break from the monarchy and concentrated on a british national horrific event THAT WAS IMPORTANT and i liked how it connected throughout the episode and all that and the CINEMATOGRAPHY OMGGGGG! anyways, something that pisses me off about this episode is that the crown kind of has the same kind of audience as euphoria! they only care about a hot actor or iconic character or the aesthetics AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY! bc those are the ppl who call this episode the boring fog episode and the latest episode of euphoria a waste of time! they don’t understand the importance of what their watching. an event that killed hundreds by something that could have been avoided bc of science and for euphoria an ongoing pandemic of an ugly world and its affect on ppl not wanting to go on! IM SORRY THIS TURNED INTO A RANT but this episode is important in reminding audiences that disasters can be avoided but also once they happen anything can happen THIS WAS A SAD EPISODE OKAY AND I LOVED VENETIA SCOTT!

105 Smoke and Mirrors - 100/10 THE CORONATION EPISODE! Phillip tries to bring it to the common public and all the fighting between them just makes the coronation even more impactful when we watch it!

106 Gelignite - 8/10 I DESPISED MARGARET IN THE FIRST SEASON i saw her as a spoiled brat who wanted to marry her dad’s assistant! AND ALSO HOW DID SHE NOT REALIZE THERE WAS DEFINITE GROOMING INVOLVED! this episode is generally very good but margaret just pisses me off a lot! however, her not being able to marry peter boresend shouldn’t have been because of his divorcee status but bc he simply was a predator in anyone’s clear eyes IM SORRY IF YOU DISAGREE BUT SHE MET HIM SO YOUNG NO WAY THERE WAS NO GROOMING good episode but pissed off at margaret’s lack of critical thinking besides but I WANT HIMMMMM LIKE I WANT EVERYTHING

107 Scientia Potentia Est - 11/10 hated this when i first watched it! but now one of my favorites! lilibet feels dumb and needs a tutor! prime minister and wannabe prime minister have health problems and keep it from her! lilibet finds out by accident and they all get yelled at! I LOVE WHEN SHE YELLS AT MEN!

108 Pride & Joy - 10/10 this episode is just adds on to the overarching plot of the season: balancing the crown and family. margaret says disrespectful things to ppl who don’t deserve it in place of lilibet while she’s on the commonwealth tour fighting with her husband! then lilibet scorns margaret and we see an ugly papa loved me more argument! absolutely brilliant!

109 Assassins - 1000/10 hated it the first time but now I LOVE THIS EPISODE! it’s the painting and porchey episode and churchill leaving episode. It’s so so so good! i honestly have no words to describe the brilliance of this episode besides the acting done by almost the entire main cast CLAIRE WOW! MATT WOW! STEPHEN (THE PAINTER) WOW! JOHN WOW! HARRIET WOW! when we see the painting getting burned coincided w the downing st dinner GETS ME EVERYTIME I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH!

110 Gloriana - 100/10 the climactic fight between the crown and family! which will lilibet choose?? and the foreshadowing to suez MWAH!

SEASON TWO

201 Misadventure - 100/10 LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS EPISODE the cutesy lilibet and phillip until it all goes down WOW! and the suez stuff i love it all

202 A Company of Men - 100/10 this is where i think mike’s wife starts snooping or it’s the next episode BUT THIS IS WHERE SOMETHING BEGINS FOR SURE first of all it foreshadows the episode later in the season about philip’s childhood AND MATT’S ACTING!! it’s too good for words!

203 Lisbon - 100/10 i like it when they fight lol that’s the only way i know how to describe why i love it LILIBET WAS EXCITED TO SEE HIM AND SO WAS HE but then mike ruined it by being a disgraceful and dishonest man RUINING EVERYTHING

204 Beryl - 10/10 i start to like margaret bc i feel bad for her! she’s suffering she’s sad that her lil predator boyfriend is no longer w her but look who it is MATTHEW GOODE! he not suspicious at all but the writers are like here take 20 minutes of perfect chemistry between the actors!

205 Marionettes - 100/10 I LOVE THIS EPISODE basically someone who loves the monarchy insults the monarchy and lilibet actually goes to listen to them! w resistance of course but she still took everything he said to fix the monarchy !

206 Vergangenheit - 1000/10 one of my favorites! i didn’t know about david’s nazi past so when i watched this episode for the first time i was completely baffled! another episode where she yells at a man!!!! i’m always annoyed in this episode tho by all the talk from the priest about forgiveness bc im like why would u want to forgive david for being a nazi?? but i think it was intentional by the writers to show the importance of understanding forgiveness and the grounds for it! THIS EPISODE IS JUST PERFECT IM ANNOYED BC I DON’T WANT TO FORGIVE HIM

207 Matrimonium - 9/10 this episode is amazing BEFORE you’ve seen season three bc you root for margaret and tony! but, also throughout the episode there’s all that tony and family and his gf and bf stuff that you think is going to lead somewhere but doesn’t??? like what was the point of introducing his mother and his relationships if it was going nowhere and not even mentioned in season 3??? LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT WHAT WAS THE REASON? but, also there’s lilibet and phillip fluff in this episode I LOVE

208 Dear Mrs. Kennedy - 10/10 this episode is fun as an american bc i think jackie kennedy and jfk are so idolized here in america it was so interesting to see this other pov! BUT I ALSO REALLY LOVED LILIBET DANCING W NKRUMAH! I THOUGHT IT WAS SO CUTE AND THE MARTIN CHARTERIS STUFF LEADING UP TO IT WAS SO FUNNY!

209 Paterfamilias - 100000/10 no words. IT WAS SO SMART TO PARALLEL PHILIP AND CHARLES this has a lower rating than the previous episode which makes no sense but only goes to prove the idolization of jackie and jfk

210 Mystery Man - 100/10 EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST EPISODE IS ADDRESSED IN THIS EPISODE THE SEASON COMES FULL CIRCLE JUST LIKE SEASON ONE DID AND SEASON THREE DID NOT DO THAT AND SEASON FOUR DID IT TOO BUT NO WHERE AS GREATLY

every single episode of seasons two has a 9+ rating from me!

SEASON THREE (worst season)

301 Olding - 5/10 weak starter but good for introducing olivia as lilibet and harold wilson and departing churchill BUT THAT’S IT! like the whole spy thing just went bleh LIKE IT HAD POTENTIAL but it needed early seasons writing not third season writing techniques TOBIAS DID A GREAT JOB THO IN THIS EPISODE HE WAS A GREAT RECAST FOR PHILIP

302 Margaretology - 6/10 okay. just okay. margaret kind of bratty but you actually feel bad for her then she gets bratty again and then you feel bad for her again and the scenarios in the episode just didn’t feel real like the whole lyndon b johnson was so jealous of jfk that he was rude to the queen so they sent margaret JUST DIDN’T MAKE SENSE like i know this show is fictional but the fiction tends to be believable until i research the episode afterwards BUT FOR THIS it just didn’t make sense

303 Aberfan - 1000/10 ONE OF THE GOOD EPISODES OF THE SEASON! those first fifteenish minutes??? TEARS! i never knew about aberfan until this episode and seeing this episode made me cry!

304 Bubbikins - 10000/10 THIS EPISODE IS TECHNICALLY NOT AS GOOD AS THE ABERFAN EPISODE BUT THIS IS A PERSONAL PREFERENCE we meet anne and alice in this episode AND I LOVE BOTH OF THEM (erinsdoherty is my current url!) this episode is so sad and sweet at the same time and loving bc i’m a sucker for philip’s back story!

305 Coup - 8/10 this had potential I FEEL LIKE IF THEY WROTE THIS EPISODE DIFFERENTLY LIKE HOW THEY WROTE ONE OF THE SUEZ EPISODE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER the fact that it all went to nothing and nothing basically happened WHAT WAS THE POINT

306 Tywysog Cymru - 1000/10 this episode made me like charles! what a horrendous statement! but, like i thought his relationship w his tutor was so heartwarming and he actually seemed to care and all that and it just all in all MADE ME HAPPY like this episode isn’t sad it’s a happy episode until the last scene w lilibet BUT YEA they gave us this one good episode until we hate him which i appreciate makes the story telling better

307 Moondust - -100/10 hate this episode LIKE GENUINELY HATE IT HATE HATE HATE and tbh im generally very very nice w my opinions ANYWAYS I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS EPISODE BUT IT WAS SO STUPID LIKE THE ASTRONAUTS BEING ASSHOLES WAS STUPID PHILIP BEING AN ASSHOLE TO THE PRIESTS WAS STUPID LIKE PHILIP IS AN ASSHOLE BUT IT’S BEHIND PEOPLE’S BACKS AND THEN THEY KILLED ALICE OFF SCREEN I HATE THIS EPISODE

308 Dangling Man - -1000/10 HATE THIS ONE TOO this episode convinced me that the writers for the first two seasons to this season has changed all of a sudden we forget that david was basically a nazi and the charles we met two episodes ago sees him as exactly like this uncle who he swore he would be nothing like to the people of wales??? LIKE WHO WROTE THIS THEY WERE DOING CRACK WHILE WRITING THIS EPISODE and i felt NOTHING during the lilibet and david goodbye WHACK EPISODE TERRIBLE JUST BAD TERRIBLE

309 Imbroglio - 5/10 episode started off good but then just went a lil too crazy by making it seem like a whole secret spy mission going behind lilibet’s back

310 Cri de Cour - 4/10 bad just bad HBC GOOD ACTRESS AMAZING ACTRESS given bad material like NONE OF THIS FEELS CONNECTED THIS STORY IS ALL RANDOM AND WE HAD A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT MARGARET AND TONY AND WE DON’T EVEN MENTION ANY OF THE CRAZY STUFF FROM THE LAST SEASON BUT WE CONCENTRATE ON MARGARET BEING A SUGAR MAMA MAKES SENSE YALL

once again i hate season three

SEASON FOUR

401 Gold Stick- 8/10 written weirdly but had GOOD SCENES such as meeting thatcher and diana! BUT THE SCENE STEALER WAS OBVIOUSLY MOUNTBATTEN’S DEATH AND PHILIP TELLING CHARLES THAT HE BECAME DICKIE’S SON INSTEAD OF HIM SAD STUFF so like the death was sad and dramatic and I FELT BAD but like i shouldn’t bc im south asian and mountbatten did bad stuff to us BUT IT DOESN’T CHANGE THE RIPPLE WE FELT

402 The Balmoral Test - 9/10 funny episode but needed early seasons’ writing

403 Fairytale - 9/10 good episode but needed early seasons’ writing BUT ALSO THAT SCENE BETWEEN CAMILA AND DIANA MWAH CHEF’S KISS THEY BOTH DESERVE ALL THE AWARDS but needed early seasons’ writing

404 Favourites - 7/10 this episode is good but frustrating bc u finally realize how terrible of a mother lilibet is BUT THE ANDREW STUFF WAS GOOD I AM GLAD THEY PUT THAT IN! i liked seeing thatcher’s non-existent relationship w her daughter NEEDED EARLY SEASONS’ WRITING

405 Fagan - 10/10 GOOD EPISODE I LIKE HOW WE WERE EMERSED IN FAGAN’S LIFE AND I LOVE THE ACTOR FOR FAGAN TOO AND I LIKE HOW IT WAS CONNECTED TO THATCHER AND FUELED THE OVERARCHING PLOT OF THE STORY!

406 Terra Nullius - 100/10 GOOD EPISODE CLOSEST TO EARLY SEASONS WRITING THAT’S WHAT MADE IT GOOD seeing them not get along and then get along and then not get along again through a series of montages made the episode brilliant!

407 The Hereditary Principle - 6/10 this episode. how do i explain? the material for this episode was absolutely perfect for the writers of the early seasons! POOR EXECUTION

408 48:1 - 100/10 i like the political episodes more than the family episodes SO THIS EPISODE IS SO BRILLIANT BC OF THE BACK AND FORTH AND I GOT TO SEE CLAIRE!!

409 Avalanche - 7/10 early season writers would have shown the arguing before the avalanche and diana’s reaction JUST SAYING

410 War - 9/10 THIS EPISODE HAD THE YELLING AT EACH OTHER SCENE THAT WAS SO GOOD BUT ANYWAYS THE PROBLEM W THIS EPISODE WAS THAT IT DRAGGED I FEEL LIKE THIS EPISODE AND THE ONE BEFORE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ONE EPISODE TOGETHER

ALAS, what i would like to say is that i feel that season 4 shouldn’t have been so diana centric! it was diana from the beginning of the season to the end! not, that i don’t love the whole diana story but it was dragged and i think she should have been introduced around the third/fourth episode of this season the same way tony was in season two! camilla should have arrived at the beginning of season 4 so that the intensity between camilla, charles and diana was more believable! if we season three wasn’t so spread out they could have had more brilliant episode.

OK HAHA I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS VERY LONG RANT ABOUT THE CROWN PLZ FORGIVE ME! AND IF U READ ALL THIS WOW! IDK WHAT TO SAY I THINK I TALK TOO MUCH HONESTLY :( anyways thank you for talking to me :)

[insomniac-arrest]

Matching Violets

Pairing: Diana/Akko

Words: 5k

Summary: Diakko Flowershop AU

Diana has one summer left before she takes over her families business empire, she spends it working first-hand at one of their chain flower shops

A girl comes in every day to buy a flower and telling her to match them, Diana is intrigued, annoyed, and falling

Ao3

She arrived out of a rainstorm, not raining hard, misting and dusting the damp streets along with her, the bell on the door jingled like christmas time around salvation army volunteers. A lot.

It was a loud rustle and a couple of pounding footsteps from the front, Diana paused in her spritzing of the fern she was tending.

“Hello?” A bright voice chirped from the front. “Anyone here?"

“I’ll be right with you,” Diana wiped her hands down, “sorry, we’re a little short-staffed.” It was also only 10 am, which was right when they opened and they only had one opener, droplets of water fell outside and Diana pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she walked out. She straightened her apron and put on a proper smile.

The cut flower room was their main attraction, full of apology bouquets and first date arrangements, plus displays for when prom season rolled around. The displays were empty at that moment.

Diana spotted a girl in a red poncho standing over a couple hand fulls of daisies. She had one short spiky ponytail, a pair of purple rain boots and a very short dark skirt under her dripping hood.

Diana cleared her throat, “how can I help you today miss?” The girl pushed her bangs back and turned toward Diana, “Oh,” she looked her up and down, she grinned, “you’re new.” Diana straightened up, a regular then, she smiles wider, “I just started. For the summer.” The girl spread her arms out, “how about that then, welcome.” Diana nods back, “just for the summer? We’ll try to make it a good one then,” She put out her hand, “I’m Akko.” Diana raised an eyebrow and shook hands, “Diana.” She said slowly, “Diana Newbrook.” It was best to keep a low profile as the heir to the company that who owned these shops. And half the town.

Akko nods enthusiastically, “well if you need an intro to flowers.” She sniffs, “I’m sort of an expert.” Diana raised both eyebrows now, “Oh?” Akko shrugs and stuck her chest out, “I like to keep informed. For instance,” she put a finger up, “roses mean ‘I love you.’” Diana covers her mouth to hide a wry smile, “I see.” “Yep.” She turns around, “And sometimes cactus.”

Diana snorts to herself, “Well, they can...if you want them to.” She tries to say evenly, lightly. Akko looks over her shoulder.

“I can also give you a tour of the city if you need one.” Diana blinks a couple times, “I’m mainly here to work.” She explains slowly, “but I’d be happy to help you find something in the store.” Diana tries to hint about being busy, she had carnations to fertilize after all.

Akko claps her hands together, “you can.” She points around them, “I need a flower, but one like ‘ah’.” Ah?

Diana furrows her brow, “come again?” Akko gestures around them, “you know, like ‘ah!’ or ‘wah’.” She makes a quick yelp, like she was surprised or in danger.

Diana coughs dryly into her hand, “what’s it for? I’m sure I can help you find something for the occasion.” Akko shifted from side to side, “just something for when you’re in a ‘uwah!’ mood, you know?” Diana makes a face, “well, um, these Daffodils are always popular for surprises. They smell lovely as a new batch and will make anyone happy for a quick gift.”

Akko was tapping her chin, “they’re more like ‘woosh,’ don’t you think?”

Diana purses her lips, her muscles tensing, ‘ah’ was not a flower type. “Is it for any particular event? I have many recommendations for special occasions.”

“Huh,” Akko walked around in a circle and Diana followed her with lackluster, Akko glances over at her.

“What’re they for?” Diana finally asks as politely as she can.

Akko holds up a finger to her lips and winks, “Well that’s a secret.” Diana opens her mouth, and then closes it.

“Well…” she shifts from side to side, “if there’s anything I can help you with…” Akko held up a lilly and nodded, “does this seem properly ‘wa-oo!’ to you?” Akko was making noises Diana hadn’t heard before.

She sets her jaw, “yes?” They spend the next ten minutes going over flowers and Diana has no idea what she was actually after. Was it a prank? It had stopped drizzling by the time Akko was done, the sliver of bright milky sun shining through and Akko paying in cash for a three cut dahlia. They were apparently appropriately ‘ah!’ enough.

Diana was practicing working in the businesses she owned, she told herself that over and over as she checked her out and Akko made up things about flowers and asked for an extra bag.

She paused at the door before she left and Diana couldn’t wait for Hannah to come give her her break that day, Akko paused and gave her a thumbs up at the door.

“Happy first day!” She cheered, “you’re doing great.”

Diana stands there dumbly and watches her leave.

--------

She came in the next day too.

It was a stark sunny day with the full breadth of summer weighing down on the city, Diana could see a horizon of ocean from her window and already feel the next sunburn setting in. This wasn’t her usual weather. The girl came in from the dappled sidewalk and bounced up and down when she saw Diana, “ah, Diana!” She said astutely, “my fresh new flower lady.” Diana sighs silently and then turns around, “what can I do for you today?” She’s surprised to see Akko in a pair of jean shorts and a white half-shirt with a ‘2011 Dog Walk Triathlon’ in faded blue print and a dog paw on it. Diana’s wondered over and her eyes landed on a large splotch of color on Akko’s skin, her head tilted.

“Is that a Chariot collectors card on your arm?”

Akko almost walked in a circle as she tried to follow what Diana was pointing at, “oh, my tattoo!” She comes to a stop and then flexes the intricate design on her bicep, “Yeah!” She turns to Diana with a smile, “did you collect them too?”

She had on a special golden Chariot tattoo on her arm with Chariot’s arms spread wide and a tree growing at her feet. Diana once had one of those. She presses her apron down, “I had.. some.”

Akko almost seems to vibrate, “nice! You know about Chariot, that’s a huge plus in my book, did you ever see her live or anything?” Diana shakes her head, “I...it was a phase.” Akko wilts a little, “well, one day I’m going to see her live.”

Diana raised both eyebrows in surprise, she studies Akko’s bright brown eyes, “good luck.” She clears her throat after a moment, “did you need something today though? We just got in a new array of succulents you might be interested in.”

“Ooh,” Akko bounces back, “I’m going for something that feels like how oranges smell, you know? Or maybe when you’re taking a walk and see something nice and have to ask the lady where she got it and tell her how good it looks, something like that.” Diana’s eyebrow twitched, “I’ll see what I can do.” She spends a better part of an hour with Akko trying to find flowers that were oranges and compliments all at once. Hannah gave her an even look as she showed Akko around and mouthed ‘get out of there’ at her as she passed.

Akko for her part described every Chariot card collection she had and then every Chariot grand venue performance. Diana isn’t sure how take this and shows her violets again.

Akko shrugs and then turn around, “I think Chrysanthemums will do today.”

Diana finally exhaled, “can I get anything else for you?” She wondered what kind of job Akko had that allowed her to spend this amount of time in the mornings at a flower shop.

Akko shrugs, “just four of these.” Diana checks Akko out as Hannah eyes them from the fern room and shakes her head. Akko chatters about concert venues and new TV shows, managing to only stop for breath once.

Diana bags Akko’s items and turns around to go take a nice long sit when she sees a red chrysanthemum jutted in her direction. She blinks.

“Here,” Akko shook the flower at her, “for you.” Diana paused and stared at blankly before Akko took her hands and wrapped them around the flower, “For all your hard work.” “Uh,” Diana tried to say she already got many free flowers. And could definitely buy her own.

Akko winks, “give it to someone you like.” Diana felt her stomach churn but Akko was already gone, she has some nerve. Diana puts the flower in her purse.

-----

Akko came in every day like that: asking for an abstract kind of flower and spending a good chunk of time looking for it. Diana was getting a twitch in her eye and crick in her neck from being asked what kind of flower went with the aging opera singers at their last show.

She spent the night before her late day rewatching Friends (her secret indulgence) and analyzing stock markets with a pad of paper on her knees.

In the morning the cat next day meows at her and spends an extra minute standing in a spot of sun with him. Her skin was prone to going red before it went any other direction, but the soft glow against her cheek was worth it, she needed to savor her time in Luna Nova.

She takes a different route to the shop that morning and gets in at her late shift at exactly 12 pm, she didn’t expect to see Akko coming into the shop at the same time.

“Ah,” Akko waved, “Good timing. The flower genius.” Akko chuckles, “or uh, like genius genius?” Diana falters and then fluffs her hair instinctively, “you’re here later.” Akko shrugs, “so are you.”

They stand in the doorway and Diana’s sets her face, she wasn’t technically on the clock yet. “I was wondering Akko...What do you do for work then?”

Akko raised both eyebrows and tilted her head like a small dog, “What do I do for work?”

“Do you work nights?” She finally asks, “You are here for long mornings.” Akko put her finger up to her lips, “well. That’s a secret,” She grins, “isn’t it?”

Diana felt jaw muscles tighten, she was still being played with. “Excuse me.” Why were some girls infuriating? With their high-waisted shorts and silly socks with frogs on them and shimmering tattoos on their biceps. And secrets.

Diana takes deep breaths and goes to put her apron on.

She lets Barbara help Akko with her flower that day.

Maybe she would never know anything about her.

-----------

Diana prepared for Akko, she prepared for her like a general at a war zone and who knew very very little about the enemy. Akko was nobody, but she a huge somebody, Diana had to know.

“I don’t understand,” Diana clenched her hands and Barbara leaned on the counter next to her, “she must do something , she buys fifty bucks worth of flowers a week.”

Barbara gives a dramatic sigh, “maybe she married rich. Who knows.” “I don’t see that being a huge option,” Diana says with her arms crossed, “She’s only got to be in her early 20s.” Like me. “Sure.” Barbara shifted in place and leaned her head back, “did you see Frank today though? I’d marry that at 20.” Diana blinked back toward Barbara, “Who?”

“He was looking pretty hot.” Barbara says with a far off look on her face. Diana knit her brow together, “I’m trying to figure out if my business is being scandalized by this mystery girl. Has uh, Frank been coming in?” Barbara rolled her eyes, “he’s literally Andrew’s best friend, remember that guy, the guy with a merger your family likes.” Diana stands up straight and remembers herself, “ah, right.” Her real future. And Andrew’s friend. “I’m sure...he’s looking fine.” “Really good,” Barbara stretched her back, “Diana you could do so well for yourself, our aprons are really cute and everything.”

Diana just looks away, “It’s all only for the summer…” Barbara takes Diana’s hand and squeezes it, “and then you never have to do junk like this again!” She cheers.

Diana just nods.

---------

Akko came in the next day and bought lily's of the valley. They were meant to depict a fighting spirit.

------

Akko got Colombine’s.

------

Akko bought Snapdragons.

--------- Diana didn’t see Akko the next day, Diana’s day off arrived. She planned to originally go buy a times magazine and curl up with market reports, but her feet were carrying her in another direction.

Her brain was murmuring lowly, last time , the sweat on her back draws her to the sliver of beach in the distance with waddling tourists on the surf. She goes by her apartment, pets ‘Milky’ the cat and picks up a towel and swimsuit.

Diana ends up on the beach, a real beach with sand and flowing waves and a discarded Times magazine in the bottom of her bag. She lays back and starts to read a book about a fairy falling in love with a princess.

Diana gets lost under her umbrella and curls her toes at every light breeze. She tries to imagines a gray desk after this and breathes in deeply through her nose.

“Diana!” Diana yanks her head up at the sound of her name, “Hey, it is Diana!”

She looks around curiously at the noise and then sees something unexpected, something she hadn’t planned for today running toward her.

Atsuko Kagari is in a one-piece striped swimsuit and a smear of sunscreen across her nose-  running over to her.

Diana sits up straight and tries to hide the cover of her swooning romance novel, “Good afternoon.”

Akko was breathing heavily, “Hello flower shop girl.” Diana flinches, “hello.” Akko tilts her head and tightens her ponytail, “I never see you outside that place, I’m glad you’re here!”

Diana wrinkled her brow and looked away, “yes.”

“Sooooo,” Akko reached forward, “I came over to ask if you want to play with us.” Diana looks back toward and then back to her swimsuit, “play what?” Akko gestures out toward a net, “volleyball.” She stands up straight, “we have an odd number and someone has to help us beat Amanda, she’s eating us alive out here!” She points at a red-headed girl in cut-off jean shorts and a sports bra.

Diana rearranges her legs and looks away, “I’m doing something right now.” Akko puts her hands on her hips, “well, what kind of something?” Diana sniffs and flashes her eyes up, “secret.” Akko snorts and laughs a little, “Oh gosh, walked into that one.” Diana chuckles to herself too, Akko bent down to offer her hand up, “come on, you don’t have to like me, but you could come and have fun!”

Diana’s eyes go a little wider, don’t like her?

“Volleyball isn’t always fun.” “I’ll make it fun,” she drags her to her feet, “and if we beat Amanda, ooh, well, that’ll be something else.” Diana sighs and lets her be dragged to the nets, now she would be playing on her off day with the impossible flower shop customer. They lose three games in a row and win the fourth, Diana gets sand in cracks she doesn’t want to think about and the fourth game makes her whoop.

Diana Cavendish was not known to cheer loudly or ‘whoop,’ but she might have whooped. They had actually won one and Amanda threw herself into the ocean dramatically.

Akko bought Diana a fruit smoothie and described to her what flowers meant. Roses meant love, and so did cacti some of the time, that seemed to be the extent of her knowledge.

Diana went home aching and sore, but it was a good burn. She dunked her head in ice water to cool down and tries not to see Akko in every brunette news anchor she watches on TV.

----------

It was raining again when she came in the next time.

Raining and wet and a warm violent summer thunder storm clinging to her, her clothes dripped on the green tiles, Diana knits her brow together.

“Do you need a towel?” She asks with concern as Akko steps into the shop.

Akko just shook her head, “It’s my own fault, forgot my umbrella.” She knocked herself in the head, “I was hoping I would see you though.”

“Oh?” “Wait, let me go pick him up. I was thinking of getting something like a Jeff today.” Akko went into the next room and picked out a little potted plant with a blush pink flower on top, Diana watched her steadily. She should find this weird, her eyes are drawn down to Akko’s hands, naming a plant was weird. She comes back in. Akko put a spiky green succulent on the counter, “I was thinking.” Akko started, “yesterday was fun.” Diana blinks back at her and rearranges ‘Jeff’ in front of them.

“It wasn’t bad,” she concedes after a long moment.

Akko bounced on her heels, “I was thinking, you could come over and play videogames with us or watch Sucy eat weird stuff we mix from the fridge or play scrabble. You look like you like scrabble.” Diana frowns a little, they hadn’t been friends before this exactly. “Why? I mean, it’s a very nice offer.”

Akko scratched the back of her head, “We had fun yesterday,” she pouts, “plus…” Diana stands up straight, “plus?” “I heard Barbara and Hannah saying this was your last summer?” Akko was looking at her steadily, firmly. Diana was going to have to flick Barbara and Hannah after this.

Diana exhales, “last summer here. I’m doing fine otherwise.” “Fine enough to come play Mario Smash with us?” She grins. “Uh,” Diana realized Akko was the type to be a very persistent person, “I have a lot of work.” She also had markets to keep up with and Daryl to keep on eye on so she didn’t run the company into the ground before Diana could take over.

Akko shrugs, “that’s sort of the point? F-U-N. For forgetting work.” Diana shakes her head, “Maybe.” She looks Akko up and down, “if you tell me what all the flowers you buy are for.”

Akko gives a lopsided grin, “if you come over.” Diana looks across the cut-flower room and then back to Akko, she nods.

-------

Akko’s place was on the corner of a cracked street and a little shop, basically sitting on top of the grocery store and popping out the side of the building. It wasn’t exactly like Diana’s downtown apartment in the sunshine neighborhoods, but it did have large windows and nice front steps.

Diana almost backs out, she also almost spends an hour picking out what to wear.

“I just need to know what she does,” she says to herself, “I just need to know.” She picks out a cream white sweater and light blue slacks and makes it to Akko’s front door.

She manages to knock after just a couple minutes in front of it. Akko opens the door right away, wearing in a slim pink skirt and big smile, “you made it.” Diana hums quietly and Akko grabs her wrist, “We already have a seat for you!” Diana grunts and is shoved onto the couch and told to watch for awhile before jumping in for Sucy or Akko.

Diana wonders if this was some sort of alpha ritual as the two other girls growl at each other over wii bowling. A with short brown hair and glasses shrugs at her from the other side of the couch, “this is just how they are.” Diana plays wii tennis and only throws the controller across the room once. Which was decent considering everyone else did it in the double digits.

They make her watch Clueless and two different romcoms and Akko doesn’t even hint at what she does with all those flowers she buys. There weren’t any in the apartment.

“Do you have plants here?” Diana finally asked after they ordered pizza, “I was thinking there would be… plants.” Lotte glances at her, “we make Sucy keep all her mushrooms inside her own room.” “For now!” The long-haired girl cackles.

“Yes, alright,” Diana tries not to touch anything on their messy table, “but don’t many young women have...flowers?” “Is this because Akko comes into your little shop each day?” Sucy says as the movie The Big Sick plays in the background.

“Shut up,” Akko kicks her friend Sucy, “Diana isn’t interested in that!”

“I am.” Diana protests, her curiosity, among other things, eating at her.

Sucy snickers, “let’s just say she’s been going there a lot more.”

“It’s kind of for Akko’s work.” Lotte contributes helpfully, “but I guess she has been going a lot more than she used to.” Akko throws their couch pillows at the girls and turns the volume all the way up, “we don’t talk about work from 6pm to 12pm, those are the rules!”

Diana rolls her eyes, “you are going to tell me.” Akko just leans over and tries to get Diana to eat more of her popcorn before it gets cold.

The night isn’t bad, Dian even finds her belly hurting from laughter after a couple sugary drinks and some more late night comedies. Akko is grinning at her too.

Sucy and Lotte leave around 11 pm, both actually had work tomorrow, Diana waves goodbye to them with a curt ‘happy to meet you.’ Akko leans on Diana’s shoulder as the last movie winds down.

Diana heaves a sigh and glances at her, “did you really just want me to come over to watch movies with you? That’s it?” Akko nods sleepily and then yawns, “of course.” Diana kicks her feet in the air, “Well...I’m sure it doesn’t matter what you do.” She concedes and let’s the fire die down in her gut. She glances at her, “But I was hoping to tell me, since, after all, we were ahem, becoming friends. ”

Akko seems to think for a moment, she wiggles back and forth before leaning down, “don’t laugh.” “At what?” Diana blinks her eyes open a little wider.

Akko was pouting, “I know snooty girls like you might laugh at this.” Diana folded her arms across her chest pointedly, “I’m not snooty.” Akko arches an eyebrow at her and coughs into her hand, Diana turns her face up, “not that snooty. I wouldn’t laugh.” Akko chuckles, “Look, I’m not embarrassed, usually.” She takes out a bright red nose, “you kinda made not want to say it.” Diana leans forward at the bright red ball, “what is it?”

Akko squishes it back into her face and puts her hands out, “ta-da.” Diana squints her eyes forward, “so you’re a...” She blinks at the bright red foam ball on her nose.

“I’m a clown,” She squeezes her nose and it honks weakly, “I do some parties and mainly the hospitals around here.” Hospitals , “is that...is that who the flowers are for? Hospitals?” She asks tentatively, softly, like her vocal chords might shatter.

Akko leans back onto the couch and Diana’s arm prickles as their skin brushes, “yeah.” Akko looks away, “I get to know some of the kids, and their parents and grandparents and nurses.” Diana’s mouth falls open, and then closes it again, she reaches for Akko’s hand. She can’t help it, “why didn’t you say so?” Akko glances at her, taking her hand lightly. “I dunno.” Diana’s mouth went dry, “‘I’m a clown’ wasn’t a great opener and…” Diana holds her breath, “your face was pretty priceless too.”

“Oh,” she pushes her, “oh come on.” Akko laughs, “when I said ‘secret’? I could make an HBO show out of that face you made!” Diana rolls her eyes, “I can’t believe you buy flowers every day for hospitals and didn’t just say that. Faces, honestly.” Akko traces her hands over Diana’s knuckles, “And I can’t believe a business heiress works in a flower shop.” Diana’s eyes go wide, “you knew?” “Uh,” Akko rubbed the back of her neck, “I may or may not have gone to find your facebook page and then Lotte pointed it out to me.” Diana lets her hand go and sighs, “so much for my discretion plan.”

She snickers, “Honestly? You have fancy written all over you.” Diana scowls, “but it works! It works. You obviously were spoiled sweet.” Diana looks away and tries not to let her face show anything, “I’ll be going back to it all soon…” Akko leans her head on Diana’s shoulder, “I’ve heard.” “It’s been a nice summer.” “I hope,” Akko says with a nod, “I can be a clown for you sometime. For free even, Chariot always did charity shows.” Diana snorts, “I can see the Chariot in you.” Akko’s brownish eyes flick up at Diana, her mouth is open, she licks her lips with a slight smile, “did you ever give that Chrysanthemum away?”

Diana furrows her brow and shifts her shoulder for Akko to rest her chin on more comfortably. “A Chrysanthemum?” She asks. “Yeah,” Akko traces her forearm now, “from the second day.” Diana racks her brain, trying to put it all together. A Chrysanthemum she gave her… Akko’s eyes were fluttering shut.

“It’s no big deal.” Akko put her head in the crook of Diana’s neck, seeming to yawn and nod off, Diana watches her face.

“No. I don’t think I did anything with it.” She finally says and Akko just hums.

“Good.” She breaths in, “you should find someone though. Be happy.” Diana rests her head down and just hums, they fall asleep on that couch like the low tide comes to shore, slowly and softly.

----------

Diana woke up on a foreign couch with a crook in her back and mouth tasting gray and like stale pizza. Akko was already up and Sucy was cooking some sort of omelettes with mushrooms and hot sauce. Lotte warns her not to eat any of it.

Diana drinks a cup of black tea and Akko yammers about the kids at her work and next Chariot tattoo she was going to get. It somehow feels normal, it feels terrilbly normal. Akko promises she's coming in tomorrow for another round of flowers.

------

Akko buys an iris.

-----

Akko buys a sunflower.

-----

Akko gets an entire bouquet of Azelia and comes in teary-eyed, nose red and chest heaving, Diana just hugs her and tells her she’s doing a great job. She’s just like Chariot.

-----

Akko buys another cactus toward the end of summer and explains it’s for an ‘icy but brilliant feeling.’

“Don’t you have the day off today?” Diana asked in a bored tone as she checks her plant out, Diana may or may not have gotten familiar with Akko’s work schedule.

Akko just glances at her, “Yeah, but this one’s a surprise.” Diana huffs, “I swear if it’s for me again….” Akko raises it up, “it is for you!” Akko had gotten into the habit of buying Diana small plants.

“Why?” She sighs, “I have five of these now.” “Because, you see, they are you,” Akko explains and touches one of its spikes, “prickly.”

Diana shakes her head, “so what does that make you?” Akko puts her hands out, “A beautiful pink rose.” Diana snorts, “I think you’re a dandelion.” Akko sticks her tongue out at her, “Dandelions are pretty, jokes on you.” “I know,” Diana looks away and tugs at her hair, “they are.”

She had four more weeks.

------

She had three more weeks.

Akko takes her out to the movies.

----- She has two more weeks, Akko takes her out to the low-budget theatre show in the arts district.

------

She has one more week, Diana takes Akko out to a restaurant with a view of the ocean and buys her ice cream at the end of the night.

------

She has two more days.

Diana is screwed.

Diana starts washing her hands two times in a row, she calls into work and says she’s sick, she takes Milky in from outside and cuddles him. “What am I going to do?” He mews back at her.

Her phone background is a stark picture of her and Akko smiling into a frame outside a bakery, Akko is holding an enormous baguette and showing it off while Diana grins into her hand.

She stares at the photo for a very long time. “I have to go back back to London.” She keeps staring at the picture.

She couldn’t stay in Luna Nova City forever.

Diana falls asleep that night with her mouth open, chips on the table and the TV blaring in the background. She has a vivid dream of running on a treadmill that wouldn’t stop.

She has one more day.

“And in today’s news, the Oklahoma fair celebrated its first gay couple participating in their yearly parade wedding! They were chosen out of a dozen other couples to married on top of one of the main floats.” “It seems very brave of them, people have been sending in angry letters from around the US for months now.” Rachel Maddow was talking on MSNBC in Diana’s living room.

“Well sometimes Bob,” Maddow said slowly, “you have to be brave.” Diana squinted at the screen, still barely awake, the Rachel Maddow seemed to turn to her and look directly into her being. “You have to be brave.” Diana only had one night left.

“Okay,” she whispers to herself and shifted on the couch, wiping her face and groping for the TV remote. “Okay.” Maybe she had finally watched too much news on TV, it still rang in her ears,  be brave.

One more day.

Diana slowly teeters to her feet and glances at the cat curled up next to her, “Brave.” Her neighbor's cat just blinks at her and she finds the heavy hoodie Akko left there and puts it on. There was an ocean mist haunting the streets this early in the morning and Diana pulled on heavy socks and her best running shoes, slipping her heavy keychain in her pocket.

“Be good Milky.” She whispers at the cat before turning.

She stills her beating heart and runs out the door, Maddow is still chittering on screen at the 6 am.

“Akko,” Diana tries to text but her fingers shake, she runs to her flower shop, ‘The Good Morning Springtime’ and uses her manager keys to break in. She grabs one Chrysanthemum from the back.

“Akko,” she runs, she feels the fluttering in her gut. She puts her phone to her ear. Akko answers on the fifth ring as she runs.

“It’s 6:38 Diana.” “Come out, please come out.”

“Is it-” Diana clutches the flower, “it’s urgent.” She hears a click on the other side of the phone and Diana makes it to the apartment complex in a giddy rush. She bites her lip furiously and listens to running feet from inside.

Akko came to the door in red sleep shorts and loose white shirt, her mouth was open, cheeks red, she glances down at Diana and her vibrating hands.

“For you,” her cheeks were burning, she puts the red Chrysanthemum out, “I, I, found them.” Akko tilts her head. “The flowers. For you.” She meets Akko’s gaze with her heart in her throat.

Akko’s face splits into a cheeky grin, “it’s about time.” Akko launches herself off the front steps and Diana opens her arms to catch her, Akko was technically taller but Diana lifted her up and spun her round. Their mouths meet. It tasted like the first bursts of light and her whole life spreading in front of her like a golden road.

Akko was soft against her, tasting like some mouthwash she might have just gargled. Diana smiles at the thought and kisses her like it was the first and last time. It’s a frantic fireworks moment, a rush of sugar and heights.

Akko pulls back and takes the flower from her hand.

“How long?” Diana asked with her cheeks flushed.

Akko peaked up over her bangs, “I always had a little hope after the second day.”

Diana laughs and picks her up again to give a twirl, “thank you.” She gets in another kiss to her cheek and nose and then mouth. “You’ve made my summer.”

Akko held her hand, “I just matched your flower for you.” Diana tucks the flower into her hair and pats it, "You got me." She grins, "This is the one." Akko runs her fingers through hers and leans in for one more kiss.

[maggiedoyle]

2018 in Review

I, along with the masses, feel the need to reflect on the year behind us as we move into a new one. All in all, it was a long and hard year for me, but looking back there were many, many good moments. I went through them today via photos on my iphone, to jog my memory of all the things I did, saw, and took in this year. While likely very boring for you, you can read my write-ups by month further down. I also wrote out the accomplishments I’m proudest of this year. What I most want to share, though, is that this exercise made me feel better and infinitely more grateful about the year that I had! It is OK to feel bad about the year, of course, but picking out the good stuff, the memories and accomplishments I will carry with me — that really helped me see 2018 for what it was and feel prepared for 2019.

This year I: walked a whole lot, with a daily average of 5.4 miles this December; started Couch-to-5K (lol) and can now run almost 2 miles without stopping; met my yearly savings goal; started a regular volunteer gig at Tenants Together and volunteered at the Women’s Building during tax season (hmu with ur housing/tax Qs, folks); fulfilled a years-old dream of traveling to Chile and Argentina (and somehow have now visited 5 continents!); spent my first full calendar year at a full-time job; completed my (albeit measly) reading goal of 12 books in 2018 (my favorite was The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes).  

My resolutions include: new savings goal to meet; run a 5k; cook more (lol); write more.

2018 was a long year for a me, a bit of a slog, really. In looking back at the highlights, I also want to be honest about the downsides and the ruts. I experienced a fair amount of depression this year, more than I ever have; I tried to make big life changes that ultimately fell through; and I cried a lot. If you know me well you know my whole life is an existential crisis, but turning 25 I entered a new phase of it and I’m still grappling with finding my place. But I do believe moving through the rough stuff is important and necessary (as Bright Eyes sings, “your eyes must do some raining if you’re ever going to grow.” A little trite, a lot true). I am so, so grateful for my friends and family who have supported me, listened to me, and reminded me of my strengths when I’ve had a hard time reminding myself.     

Onwards and upwards, 2019 <3

January

Rang in the new year with Leah and Sarah in DC and kissed some macaroni and cheese at midnight. Went from SF to DC and back again for family business (and saw all of my cousins together for the first time in years)— on a connecting flight, witnessed the magic of flying into LA at night. Saw so many DC/Maryland friends at a Mags-in-DC happy hour. Women’s marched.

February

Had a wonderful surprise visit from my dear friend Nacho from Chile; had a magical Dolores day that ended with free empanadas from our new friend Paula. Went back to Big Sur for the first time in 10 years (bless Nacho for supporting me in the most difficult driving I’ve ever done, in Matt’s car no less (thanks Matt!)). Went back to LA and visited the Figure 8 wall, the Museum of Death, and LACMA. Started happy hour tradition with Meredith at the Lake Chalet; sliders and lavender lemonades (lemony snickets). Got my first budget through the Port Commission.

March

Pisco party with Will. Celebrated Pi Day with Katie. Made an Irish soda bread for St. Patrick’s and celebrated with the Stones. Took a while to close out my tab because I was not the only Doyle in the bar that night (ha!). Watched the entirety of Six Feet Under, briefly considered career shift to funeral director.

April

Turned 25 and was overjoyed to be joined by my brothers for their first trip to visit me in California. We went to Land’s End and to Santa Cruz. Peter cooked a delicious salmon dinner for us before my party. Special out of town guests at my birthday included Jacob and Pablo (wow was I lucky!). Got the best haircut & highlights of my life (thanks Ms. Siobhan!). Walked to work on walk to work day. Easter morning mass with Gregory. 

May

This was the month I went to Olive Garden at the Stonestown Mall by myself and sat alone at the bar. They treated me like a queen. Discovered internal family systems with my therapist and reached a turning point in learning to value myself. Was featured on SFGOVTV while my boss presented to the Board of Supervisors and I looked beautiful that day. Biked to work on bike to work day. Started volunteering at Tenants Together. Ate a tacro, it was weird.

June

Baby’s first camping trip to Arroyo Seco with Maddy, Vinnie, Gabi, and Joey. We swam in a gorge and I got a sunburn. Then we went to In-N-Out and camped a second night in the Byrne’s living room because we didn’t get a campsite for the second night. Tradr Sam’s with Gregory (he has far too much video evidence of the debauchery of this occasion). Pride at Dolores Park, someone bought me a rainbow jello shot, I vigorously reapplied sunscreen but drunkenly missed the same spots every time.

July

Freezing SF summer. Enjoyed Mamma Mia 2 (here we go again!) with the biggest Cher fan in existence (love 2 Sabrina) and Molly and Filipa. Got some summertime weather in Sacramento with Leah, where we went to a country club to play in their pool and went to the state fair. Elotes and deep fried cookie dough.  

August

Attended the international dog surfing competition (!!!) in Pacifica. Had my first visit back to Ocean City in several years, ate crabs on my grandparents’ deck and Thrasher’s french fries on the boardwalk. Traveled to Chicago for a hot minute and then to Madison, Wisconsin to see two dear friends, Laura and Ryan, get married. Their song was “This Must Be The Place.” Deep fried cheese curds.

September

Another visit to LA, this time to see Maddy and Vinnie in their brand-new home. Ate so much delicious food (Little Ethiopia! Zankou! Tacos!), swam in the Pacific Ocean for the first time (really swam) with Vinnie, and almost got banned from Dodgers stadium. Runyon Canyon and Point Dume with Matt and Jacob. Met a dog who lives in a laundromat after one of Molly’s shows. Published my first budget book.

October

Hiked the Marin Headlands with Matt and walked across the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time (somehow). Dogsat Stella for the Byrnes. Bought cool new glasses for $15. Canvassed for Propositions C + 10. Saw Roma at the Castro Theatre with Sarah, and Alfonso Cuaron and Yalitza Aparicio were there. Fell three (3) times at a haunted house from being scared (Molly as my witness). Killed the Halloween costume game.

November

More canvassing and phone banking for Props C + 10 (C passed!). The seawall bond passed and I was proud to have given presentations to community groups about it. Beautiful, beautiful Dia de los Muertos in the Mission with Tyler. Incredible, incredible trip to Chile and Argentina — too much to write here — terrazando, carmenere and piscolas, la cordillera, empanadas and choripans, a million museums, amazing views, and incredible company in Nacho, Rodrigo, Santiago, Joaquin, Pipe and Paz and Pablo and more. Wow.

December

Clementime with Molly. Successfully recreated my favorite dish from Buenos Aires, pollo a la portuguesa (she cooked!). Visited Sabrina in Santa Cruz, hiked Buzzard’s Roost in Big Basin and attended the greatest Christmas/guitar factory store party ever. Macaroni Grill (!!!) w Mere. Parties and shows with Joe and Pete, the Building Museum with Maddy, drinks and dinners and lunches and brunches with old, old friends. Family festivities. Rewatched all 8 Harry Potter films in a four day span.